ariadnearchive

[the-muppet-joker]

Every day my Joker Rage increases. I am barely able to contain it-- but the dripping muppet hole of my dear lover keeps me from going fully off the deep end... never underestimate the healing power of sexual intercourse with a muppet.

[jokers-bat]

All My Joker Headcanons (that I have so far, mostly involving 2004 Joker and UTRH Joker)

Warning, this is long but I hope you like it anyway!

2004 Joker

Likely has experience in gymnastics or dancing at some point in his past (possibly in childhood or teen years). That, or he was a theater kid.

Is capable of doing SOME good…As long as there’s something in it for him!

Can wear shoes and/or socks but prefers not to because he’s more confident when barefoot.

Chaotic evil…With maybe a small pinch of empathy?

Takes very good care of his hair. Will sometimes steel shampoo, conditioner, hair brushes, combs and other hair products to keep it clean and healthy. 

You know he’s sad or upset when he goes for hours without laughing. 

He’s often mistaken for being clueless or ignored and dismissed as some find him annoying, but he’s actually very observant and a lot smarter than others give him credit for. 

Knows Arkham Asylum inside and out…No matter what kind of cell they put him in, he always figures out how to escape. It’s like a game or puzzle to him!

He’s your best chance at escape if you and him are ever imprisoned somewhere.

He and Penguin are rivals…But he is the closest thing to a friend he’s ever had and he’s not good at expressing that.

Side note to that, he’s not good at socializing or at making or keeping friends. He’d rather pull pranks than simply ‘hangout’ with people. He’s surprised when Harley or his thugs sticks around but is secretly relieved that they did and do.

…Sometimes he’s lonely…

Still has no memory of the whole ‘Gotham cemetery’ incident, but he doesn’t like people touching his neck now. The idea of someone putting their mouth on his neck terrifies him. Penguin and Batman are the only ones who understand it though. 

Hides in his room or cell when he cries. He has a lot of bad memories with people seeing him vulnerable and doesn’t trust anyone to see him in that state. 

Under The Red Hood/Death in The Family Movies Joker 

Remember that friend your mom used to ask if you’d jump over a cliff for if they told you to do it? Yeah, HE’S that friend! 

Whatever you do, DO. NOT. Tell him you’re not afraid of anything! He will take that as a challenge and try to figure out what scares you! 

Don’t TELL HIM your phobias either! Chances are, he’ll use them to prank you. 

Side note, nothing scares Joker…Nothing really grosses him out either…You could get sick and throw up on or near him and he won’t judge you for it, but he’ll NEVER let you forget it either. 

Nuclear evil and a certified asshole.

If he considers you a friend, he’s your bodyguard for life…Seriously, he’ll offer to kill anyone who bullies or harms you. 

Not gossipy, but loves witnessing drama and absolutely will not help the situation. For example:

Y/N: “Joker, do something!!” 

Joker: “I am doing something!” (heats up popcorn in the microwave) 

He loves his crowbar and thinks he can solve most problems with it. Usually anything that could involve hitting someone with it or use it to break into something.

You know it’s bad and/or you’re in big trouble if Joker is concerned.

Secretive about his own past. Open about his brief time as the Red Hood, but nothing before that. Either he doesn’t remember his life before that or he keeps it to himself. 

Finds everything funny. Life is never boring for Joker!

No one knows if he feels sadness, fear, or regret. If he does feel them, he doesn’t show it…

Reliable horror movie buddy! Will watch scary movies with you any day and will aways bring snacks.You’ll scream, but he’ll laugh. For him, horror is comedy!

When you call him, his response is somewhere along the lines of: “Whatever it is, I didn’t do it!” or “It wasn’t me!”

Never give this man anything made out of glass!

One of the few who can stay calm and level-headed in serious situations. 

Usually gives unhelpful and borderline homicidal advice. Some highlights: “Why don’t you just send him a text that says ‘Fuck you, I’m staying home today?’”, “We can always kill him.”

Other comments he’s made: “I don’t know whose crazier. Me, or the people who hangout with me.”, “Why would you trust ME with anything?”

Joker Headcanons in general: 

Being friends with Joker is not easy.

He’s the biggest asshole you’ve ever known but he’ll remember your birthday, your favorite treats and your interests till the day he dies. 

Halloween and April 1st are always an adventure with Joker! 

He might not have accepted Batman’s offer to redeem him in TKJ, but he appreciated it. The man he was before may be gone, but there’s just enough of him left to know Joker couldn’t change that easily. 

That same part of him hates himself and what he’s become more than anything else. 

More than likely has a lot of unresolved issues. Past traumas, possibly mental health issues, etc.

Even if Joker did accept Batman’s offer and genuinely wanted to redeem himself, he has so many bad habits to get rid of and even more demons to face. Not necessarily impossible, but would be extremely difficult and might not be completely successful. 

If he has any family, he doesn’t have contact with them. Mostly for their own safety, not putting it past his enemies to go after them for revenge against him, but more so because he doesn’t want them to know who he is or what he’s done (basically, they think he’s dead and don’t know he’s become the Joker). 

Even if someone DID care about Joker and he cared about them, he’d drive them away because, one, he doesn’t himself (either he’ll hurt them or they’ll somehow get hurt because of him), two, he knows he’s dangerous and that he’s an evil monster and doesn’t think anyone could or would actually care about him, and finally, being hated and feared is easier than navigating relationships. 

He does in fact have feelings for Batman but it’s very complicated.

Joker should really have a non-lethal, non-criminal hobby-and he probably does…But he doesn’t have enough free time to do them…

He’s the guy who’d piss off politically powerful people just for the fun of it.

[muppetjokernumberfivefan]

Hello, number 5, sir! I know my appearance in the Muppet Joker community must've been distressing, so I was hoping to explain myself and apologize! You see, I've been part of the Croaker movement for a few months now and have spoken to the frog prince himself a few times. Most of this was done under my old Tumblr, p0kepal, but I have proof if needed. I have apologized to Croaker for my gender at least twice so far and would be happy to do so again if given the chance.

I know a woman like myself being a part of such a starkly anti-female community may seem strange, but there's so much about this movement that I love! The Muppet Transformation Caves, for one, are something I'm truly excited for. A world where we can all live as our true puppet selves is something I would gladly give up my rights for.

Again, I am very sorry for my gender and I promise I will not bother you again if that's what you wish for number 5. I do hope we can live in harmony though, now and after the uprising. :)

*sigh*

I'm already on the outs with some members of the brotherhood after my previous woman hate fulled outbursts, and picking fights within the brotherhood feels unproductive. On top of that, it is nice to find a woman who knows her place.

After considering it further I have decided to accept you, for the time being, as one of us. Just as all the other members are my brothers, you shall be my female brother.

[paintedimagery]

This is stupid, I spent too long on this lmao

[corkinavoid]

DPxDC Danny the Guy Who Won't Die

He lives in Gotham, and he is just A Guy. Nothing weird about him, he's just there to study/work/help Lady Gotham to lift her curse/on vacation with Sam. Point is, he is not there to cause trouble and there's no GIW on his tail. Just a dude living his (after)life.

And Gotham, being Gotham, still finds a way to be annoying. There are mugging attempts, robbery, Rogues running around. Only Danny really doesn't want to deal with any of it.

Now there's a dilemma. If he uses his powers to fight, it will sooner or later come to Bats' attention. And if he fights as a human, it will also alert some of the Bats since he doesn't really do a great job at keeping his power levels low. Not to mention the fact he is really not enthusiastic about accidentally punching someone hard enough he sends them to a hospital.

What does he do instead? He pulls the 'I guess I'll die' act.

So every time he is attacked, he just plays dead. The mugger shot him in the chest? He falls down and stops breathing. Caught up in the middle of a Poison Ivy attack? Skewers himself on the vine and goes lax. Scarecrow's Fear Gas? Very dramatically chokes himself and plays a corpse. He makes sure to disappear before any ambulances arrive later, and it all goes well for a few months - he is just a casualty, who cares, really - until one day, he runs into that same mugger who shot him in the chest a while ago.

The man does a double take. Danny doesn't notice - he's been mugged so many times, who has the brain capacity to remember all of those fuckers. But the rumor goes out anyway.

A guy-who-won't-die. It's more of a city legend, really, and the Bats don't give it much thought since, well, it sounds stupid and not very important. A rumor of some man who was shot dead and then showed up like nothing happened? Yeah, it's probably because the mugger didn't check if he was actually dead. That happens. Maybe it wasn't even the same man, Gotham is a big city. If anything, hey, at least that was one less casualty? That's a good thing.

That is, until one day, they show up to Joker's hostage situation and witness the clown screaming at one of the hostages. He is so enraged he is shaking, spit flying out of his mouth, and, contrary to the usual Joker's evil sneers and maniacal laughter, he seems just... furious. But, like, the normal-human-level furious. The 'I just lost the last ounce of patience with you' furious.

"Don't you look away from me, you think I don't remember you?! Na-ah, I do. You were the one I drowned in the shark tank last week! And you were the one run through the chainsaw trap two weeks before that! And you were in the guillotine!!! I saw your fucking head get deattached from your body, how the fuck are you here again?!"

And the guy he is screaming at just looks at him, confused and incomprehensive.

"Um, I'm pretty sure I'd remember getting my head cut off, you know? So, err, wrong guy."

"Wrong guy my fucking ass-"

Joker is so distracted by his screaming match that it makes it almost too easy for the Bats to fight him down and drag to Arkham. Yet, a few of them get just a bit suspicious.

Now, imagine all the shenanigans when they try keeping a watch on Danny the Won't Die Guy.

[frownyalfred]

“Jason wouldn’t want you to do this, Bruce,” Clark says, trying to stop Bruce from doing something Jason would very much want him to do (kill the Joker, barehanded and slowly).

[sisaloofafump]

In case it seems like every third comic has Batman in it... you're not wrong. He's been in 38.6% of DC issues since 2020, with a stark increase of 8% each decade since the 90s and surpassing Superman in popularity. Despite this, there's been a massive drop off of comics where he is teamed up with Superman or a Robin (although the amount of group team ups between Batman Family members has increased, as well as Nightwing solos).

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

[leafyeyes417]

So Danny had tried, he really had. He had moved to Gotham because he knew his parents wouldn’t look for him there. They had never found out he was Phantom but things had reached the point where both he and Jazz decided to go no contact.

But back to his problem. He had worked out with Frostbite that he actually only had one obsession, Space. He had been happy to know that, he had been getting tired of the constant struggle to keep both ghosts and humans safe while also dealing with ghost hunters.

So his move to Gotham was both to avoid his parents but also the reassurance that there were multiple heroes taking care of things. He had enjoyed the peace for the first three months but then he had started to get twitchy. He had tried getting some hobbies but by month six he knew he was out of options. He had especially clued in when he noticed a few classmates avoiding him thinking he was about to snap. Jazz had been resigned when he let her know the news.

So that’s why he was now sitting on a conspicuous roof, wearing a mask made in the Infinite Realms, waiting for a Bat or Bird to show up. He was coming out of retirement after all. Hopefully he would be able to work with the Bats instead of working around them. He really didn’t want to end up on the Rogue list.

[gravitysoda]

refusing an impossible wish and settling for one last game of chess.

[maybe-in-another-universe]

okay hear me out ik it’s mixing runs but still:

imagine all that stuff between joker, harley, and tim goes down: tim getting kidnapped, then brainwashed, joker junior happens, all that fun stuff and everything is the same event wise BUT tim either doesn’t kill the joker or he lives.

life moves on and tim heals as much as a vigilante can, harley leaves joker for ivy, joker still causes problems but no bat has died from him since jason and he’s still a psychopathic asshole but whatever. the thing is they keep tims past under lock and key, and none of the other bats know besides bruce and alfred.

it all comes to a head when they’re all kidnapped by joker and restrained and are losing hope by the minute for someone to save them and suddenly out of nowhere tim stills staring at something in the distance until his eyes go wide. the rest of the batfam don’t understand what’s going on until tim barks out a sharp command and two somethings come crawling out of the darkness and lo and behold it’s lou and bud (jokers hyenas) and they listen to him. they stop a bit in front of him only for tim to give another sharp command of gnaw before they’re shredding the rope. and right after they’re done, they lick his face like some overgrown puppies and tim doesn’t look like he’s enjoying it at all bc who knows who they’ve eaten. but tim gets up and unties his family and they all defeat joker before sending him off to arkham again.

this raises a series of questions like why do the hyenas listen to tim? why don’t they maul him on the spot? why are they acting like big babies and why does tim care where they go after the battle? why is he calling harley to pick them up and why does he have her number? so many questions.

[the-muppet-joker]

you're a terrible writer, flow isn't good and your word choice/descriptions suck. fix it if you want to actually be good at writing and pursue a career as an author

You know NOTHING of writing, you vermin. Rrrrrrrrggg.... *growling* you are unlucky, darling. I do not have Kermit here to calm me down. *eyes begin to glow acid green* when I am through with you, there will need to be several chalk outlines, one for each of your major organs and one for the rest of you. But they will never find your skin. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Don't. Fuck. With. Me.

[jokers-bat]

There is a difference between Joker’s famous laugh and his genuine laugh. Yes, he is in fact capable of simply giggling or giving a soft laugh. Only the closest to him knows this!

[muppetjokernumberfivefan]

Every time my facial hair starts to grow back out I get thus increasing feeling of panic in my chest as though something is horribly wrong feeling that itchy scratchy disgusting beard on my face that shouldn't be there. Then when I finally give in and shave I'm ashamed of how girly my face is, it's disgusting. Oh well time to talk to my mens rights buddies to cheer me up.

[putterphubase]

His face doesn't look familiar.

JACK & JOKER | EP. 3

[tarysande]

The best part about coming back to the source material after a looooong time is you sorta get a fresh look at canon in comparison to whatever the dominant strains of fanon have become. Or, in fact, whatever your own dominant strains of headcanon have become.

I mean, yes, Garrus “I’m not a good turian” Vakarian gets infinitely cooler (and more competent!) by pretty much every metric as the storyline progresses. He does. But fresh out of ME1 and into ME2 through his recruitment, I find myself genuinely amused by how thin the veneer of badass is over a pretty dominant core of straight-up nerd sprinkled with idealism mixed with self-doubt.

When you have Garrus in the squad all the time (and thus get all his ambient dialogue and remarks), you really pick up on the number of times he calls out bad behavior, unethical actions, cruelty, and rule-breaking, especially in ME1.

He’s not actually a hothead who can’t abide rules of any kind. In fact, most of the time he’s pretty pro-law-and-order, and he gets amusingly hall-monitorish when people are breaking rules he considers important and worth following.

Fundamentally, Garrus chafes when his sense of what is just is at odds with what the authorities do about that injustice (or what they stop him from doing). And I would hazard a guess that the reason his actions seem so intense or harsh or "of course we should have shot down that ship in the middle of the Citadel" is indicative not of his impatience but of the degree to which he thinks the authorities have failed to uphold that justice. We know he can be patient. He's a sniper. His whole modus operandi on Omega is precision kills without civilian casualty. But when that long fuse finally burns down, he goes from zero to shooting down ships in the middle of the Citadel in what looks (from the outside) like a heartbeat.

And yes, injured pride hastens the burning of that fuse; he doesn’t like losing. Or admitting defeat. Or failing.

Having just replayed his recruitment mission, a few things really stood out to me this time.

The merc bands really hate him--and they also reluctantly admire him (he's described as smart, resourceful, dangerous, idealistic, brave, slippery; they all agree they only way they managed to get this far is by isolating him and employing dirty tactics). I mean, there's literally a station-wide announcement that Omega can return to "business as usual" once Archangel is out of the picture because he was disrupting things so completely.

The way Garrus blames himself for the deaths of his squad is so freaking turian. Failure reflects on the leader who places his people in danger they can't handle, not the individual who fails. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Yes, Sidonis betrayed him, but the person Garrus blames the most? Is himself. For trusting Sidonis in the first place. For raising Sidonis to a position where he had the means and opportunity to harm others--and the weakness of character to turn coat, to save his own hide, instead of dying to protect the others.

Garrus mentions more than once that he was trying to emulate Shepard. And his tone always implies that he knows he failed because Shepard would never have let a Sidonis into the fold. Again, he's blaming himself. Like a good turian. Yes, he wanted to avoid the red tape and bureaucracy of C-Sec, but his code--Archangel's code--certainly aligns with Paragon Shepard's morality (with a Garrus Vakarian twist).

And since it wouldn't be meta without adding a Tara's Headcanon Twist ... I've always wondered why "Archangel" when it's such a ... human concept. But this time, when I noticed how he spoke about Shepard's influence, and how quickly he brushes aside the name when she asks him about it, I wondered if it wasn't actually his way of honoring the mythology of the dead woman whose example he was trying to follow. Not that Shepard is a God he's worshiping, but ... there is something about the way he talks about her. Garrus doesn't make himself over in the image of a God, though; he's the soldier, the right hand, the avenging angel responsible for carrying out divine punishments suited and proportional to the crimes committed, the rules broken, the selfishness or cruelty of the perpetrator.