#liberal pops

[tangledinourstrings]

uhhh...moo??

[hyperlexichypatia]

As I keep shouting into the void, pathologizers love shifting discussion about material conditions into discussion about emotional states.

I rant approximately once a week about how the brain maturity myth transmuted “Young adults are too poor to move out of their parents’ homes or have children of their own” into “Young adults are too emotionally and neurologically immature to move out of their parents’ homes or have children of their own.”

I’ve also talked about the misuse of “enabling” and “trauma” and “dopamine” .

And this is a pattern – people coin terms and concepts to describe material problems, and pathologization culture shifts them to be about problems in the brain or psyche of the person experiencing them. Now we’re talking about neurochemicals, frontal lobes, and self-esteem instead of talking about wages, wealth distribution, and civil rights. Now we can say that poor, oppressed, and exploited people are suffering from a neurological/emotional defect that makes them not know what’s best for themselves, so they don’t need or deserve rights or money.

Here are some terms that have been so horribly misused by mental health culture that we’ve almost entirely forgotten that they were originally materialist critiques.

Codependency What it originally referred to: A non-addicted person being overly “helpful” to an addicted partner or relative, often out of financial desperation. For example: Making sure your alcoholic husband gets to work in the morning (even though he’s an adult who should be responsible for himself) because if he loses his job, you’ll lose your home. https://www.nytimes.com/2022/07/08/opinion/codependency-addiction-recovery.html What it’s been distorted into: Being “clingy,” being “too emotionally needy,” wanting things like affection and quality time from a partner. A way of pathologizing people, especially young women, for wanting things like love and commitment in a romantic relationship.

Compulsory Heterosexuality What it originally referred to: In the 1980 in essay "Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence," https://www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi/abs/10.1086/493756 Adrienne Rich described compulsory heterosexuality as a set of social conditions that coerce women into heterosexual relationships and prioritize those relationships over relationships between women (both romantic and platonic). She also defines “lesbian” much more broadly than current discourse does, encompassing a wide variety of romantic and platonic relationships between women. While she does suggest that women who identify as heterosexual might be doing so out of unquestioned social norms, this is not the primary point she’s making. What it’s been distorted into: The patronizing, biphobic idea that lesbians somehow falsely believe themselves to be attracted to men. Part of the overall “Women don’t really know what they want or what’s good for them” theme of contemporary discourse.

Emotional Labor What it originally referred to: The implicit or explicit requirement that workers (especially women workers, especially workers in female-dominated “pink collar” jobs, especially tipped workers) perform emotional intimacy with customers, coworkers, and bosses above and beyond the actual job being done. Having to smile, be “friendly,” flirt, give the impression of genuine caring, politely accept harassment, etc. https://weld.la.psu.edu/what-is-emotional-labor/ What it’s been distorted into: Everything under the sun. Everything from housework (which we already had a term for), to tolerating the existence of disabled people, to just caring about friends the way friends do. The original intent of the concept was “It’s unreasonable to expect your waitress to care about your problems, because she’s not really your friend,” not “It’s unreasonable to expect your actual friends to care about your problems unless you pay them, because that’s emotional labor,” and certainly not “Disabled people shouldn’t be allowed to be visibly disabled in public, because witnessing a disabled person is emotional labor.” Anything that causes a person emotional distress, even if that emotional distress is rooted in the distress-haver’s bigotry (Many nominally progressive people who would rightfully reject the bigoted logic of “Seeing gay or interracial couples upsets me, which is emotional labor, so they shouldn’t be allowed to exist in public” fully accept the bigoted logic of “Seeing disabled or poor people upsets me, which is emotional labor, so they shouldn’t be allowed to exist in public”).

Battered Wife Syndrome What it originally referred to: The all-encompassing trauma and fear of escalating violence experienced by people suffering ongoing domestic abuse, sometimes resulting in the abuse victim using necessary violence in self-defense. Because domestic abuse often escalates, often to murder, this fear is entirely rational and justified. This is the reasonable, justified belief that someone who beats you, stalks you, and threatens to kill you may actually kill you.

What it’s been distorted into: Like so many of these other items, the idea that women (in this case, women who are victims of domestic violence) don’t know what’s best for themselves. I debated including this one, because “syndrome” was a wrongful framing from the beginning – a justified and rational fear of escalating violence in a situation in which escalating violence is occurring is not a “syndrome.” But the original meaning at least partially acknowledged the material conditions of escalating violence.

I’m not saying the original meanings of these terms are ones I necessarily agree with – as a cognitive liberty absolutist, I’m unsurprisingly not that enamored of either second-wave feminism or 1970s addiction discourse. And as much as I dislike what “emotional labor” has become, I accept that “Women are unfairly expected to care about other people’s feelings more than men are” is a true statement.

What I am saying is that all of these terms originally, at least partly, took material conditions into account in their usage. Subsequent usage has entirely stripped the materialist critique and fully replaced it with emotional pathologization, specifically of women. Acknowledgement that women have their choices constrained by poverty, violence, and oppression has been replaced with the idea that women don’t know what’s best for themselves and need to be coercively “helped” for their own good. Acknowledgement that working-class women experience a gender-and-class-specific form of economic exploitation has been rebranded as yet another variation of “Disabled people are burdensome for wanting to exist.”

Over and over, materialist critiques are reframed as emotional or cognitive defects of marginalized people. The next time you hear a superficially sympathetic (but actually pathologizing) argument for “Marginalized people make bad choices because…” consider stopping and asking: “Wait, who are we to assume that this person’s choices are ‘bad’? And if they are, is there something about their material conditions that constrains their options or makes the ‘bad’ choice the best available option?”

[averlym]

fairest of the fair

[sunbeamedskies]

I love Taylor Swift, but you all have got to stop falling for the media pitting women against each other.

Billie was most likely not shading Taylor- she was talking about how she personally does not want to do a 3 hour show, and she believes her fans don’t want her to do one either. She also emphasized releasing multiple versions of physical albums that aren’t eco friendly is a systemic industry issue.

I’m a huge Taylor fan, but not every comment another artist makes is specifically about Taylor.

The amount of people here who see anything that could vaguely be criticism of Taylor as a personal attack is not healthy. If you are prone to jumping to conclusions, you need to take a step back from the internet and chill. The media LOVES framing quotes from someone like Billie as being 100% about someone like Taylor because it gets them clicks.

Taylor is also not flawless. She is one of MANY musicians who release multiple versions of albums as part of cash grabs. She doesn’t need to do it- she’s the hugest musician on Earth- but there’s such a pressure to do so that she does. There’s nothing wrong with wanting her and all the other musicians who do it to do better

[decolonize-the-everything]

Had a tik tok in my Facebook memories that said something about how with anti-maskers it ultimately comes down to them perceiving doing things for others as weakness since they grew up in a hyper-individulistic society. It's them exerting autonomy and refusing to stop under peer pressure, largely just for the sake of fighting something since that's a strength. A value. "I don't let others tell me what to do because I can't be controlled"

Made me think that everyone else bought into the same type of individualistic rhetoric through pop psychology: having "good" boundaries means never needing others and always putting yourself before everyone else regardless of circumstance and especially if they make you feel any feeling you don't want to feel. ...Like guilty for not caring enough to keep wearing a mask in 2023. That's a strength. A value. "I don't let others tell me what to do because I love myself"

The conclusion here being: being needed/needing others is a threat to your autonomy which is a Value to protect.

And when you really think about it applies to more than masking; supporting BIPOC, watching the news, showing up to protests, etc.

"I'm already depressed, I can't handle it. I'm watching out for my own mental health by not participating"

"it's all woke which makes me feel like a bad person cuz Im a bigot so I only watch what validates my bias"

And personally I get a little suspicious when two sides defined by their opposite social values come to the same social conclusion.

You should too. This rhetoric is holding us back. Individualism is holding us back. People need people. It's not toxic or abusive or manipulative to admit that, no matter how much society has tried to make you believe otherwise.

Oppressed people needing allies and your friends who need help moving aren't violating your boundaries or "bad for your mental health" just because You don't want to show up AND not feel bad about it.

Can the generation that grew up screaming "I don't know how to teach you that you should care about other people" at boomers please stand up and take a heaping tablespoon of your own medicine.

And then show gen z how to swallow it because growing up in the social climate we millennials curated online hasn't exactly inspired feelings of confidence in others or the future.

Both of which we still care about right? We still care about other people and the future? Not just ourselves?

Just want to confirm that we haven't gone Full Boomer as a collective yet cuz at this rate I wouldn't be surprised if someone responded saying that being expected to care about their friends is akin communist dictatorship

And could this be a Red Scare Psyop meant to discourage you from finding community, collectivism, and mutual aid in a time where your hyper-individulistic behavior and beliefs are being exploited for record breaking profits in the name of capitalism?

[negiwave2000]

[jcalexandrewrites]

I don't care about Taylor Swift 💅

[fanofflames]

Working on a Skeptic Funko Pop!

Sir Nighteye makes a great base lol.

[dykeiism]

whenever i see people talking about the purpose of mental health diagnoses, three reasons usually come up:

to encourage self-understanding

to concisely describe treatment options to professionals

to gain access to resources and accomodations

but it's hard for me to agree with any of these. given the harm associated with diagnosis, especially diagnosis of a personality disorder, i'm finding it increasingly difficult to justify diagnosing any mental disorder at all. below the cut is a breakdown of each of these three reasons, and why i believe that none of them hold up to criticism.

(1) to encourage self-understanding.

diagnostic criteria are so rigid that they discourage self-understanding. they fragment the human experience, categorizing it into easily digestible groups of "symptoms" rather than understanding a person's struggles holistically. this is why we have a phenomenon of people thinking, "well, my anxiety tells me this, but my depression tells me that" and "i'm having an intrusive thought but can't tell if it's coming from my ocd, ptsd, or bpd." diagnosis misleads patients into believing that, much like one might cough due to either pollen in the lungs or a respiratory illness, one might feel anxious due to either their generalized anxiety disorder diagnosis or their post-traumatic stress disorder diagnosis. a more accurate understanding of the human mind would necessarily involve doing away with the pathology of gad versus ptsd, and instead being able to understand that the anxiety might simply result from a combination of previous negative experiences, a naturally sensitive personality, and underdeveloped emotion regulation skills. a diagnosis is a description of a pattern of thoughts and behaviours; nothing more. my mental health conditions don't cause me to think or behave a certain way. rather, my thoughts and behaviours are similar to the thoughts and behaviours of other people who have also been deemed mentally sick. this makes it possible for doctors to use a certain diagnosis as a shorthand to describe my personality and skills (i refuse to call such things "symptoms") to other doctors. it does not mean that i have a sickness that causes me to think and act in certain way.

why would i want to understand myself through the lens of a psychiatrist, anyways? psychiatry is a deeply individual solution to systemic problems. we're living in a world that evolution could not prepare us for, yet we are told that there's something wrong with our brains if we're unable to adapt to these unprecedented living conditions. i refuse to believe that my brain is sick unless somebody has looked at my brain and can tell me where the sickness is. we must not forget that we're dealing with the discipline that understood homosexuality and hysteria as mental illnesses, and that initially understood autism to be a form of schizophrenia.

(2) to concisely describe treatment options to professionals

imagine, if you will, someone with post-traumatic stress disorder. all you know about them is that they have ptsd. now, recommend a treatment method for them!

nobody can give a good treatment recommendation based on that diagnosis alone. more information is needed: is the patient dealing with persistent general anxiety, sudden panic attacks, or a phobia? does the patient have compulsions? is the patient aggressive, anxious, or depressive? depending on the answers, the ideal treatment plan will be quite different.

now let's consider borderline personality disorder. there are 4 types of bpd and there are 256 possible ways to combine the 5 symptoms required for diagnosis (there are 9 symptoms in total). the personalities, cognitive abilities, and struggles of people diagnosed with bpd are quite diverse, and they will all require varying types and degrees of professional intervention. that being said, bpd is almost always treated with dbt and a few medication options including antidepressants, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, and anticonvulsants. there are so many other disorders that are treated with dbt and the same drugs. so why make bpd, bipolar, ptsd, cptsd, and depression their own diagnoses? what reason is there, other than to fragment our struggles and generate stigma?

my wish for the future of psychiatry is that, instead of being diagnosed with a disorder that is simultaneously very specific yet inexplicably vague, patients will be told "your struggles are related to trauma and emotional dysregulation. i recommend that you take an antidepressant and attend dialectical behavioural therapy sessions," or "your struggles are related to catastrophization and unhelpful behaviours, i recommend that you engage in cognitive behavioural therapy."

(3) to gain access to resources and accommodations

there are better ways to do this. i don't think anyone should be turned away from the accommodations that they need. however, if resources are scarce and must be gatekept, then a simple interview or quotient test will be sufficient in determining the level of need.

[us-the-voices-and-more-voices-2]

sometimes I just get angry.

yeah whatever, but I just get SEETHINGLY angry.

because sometimes people talk about children with insecure body images, like they are the reason they are insecure.

sometimes people say they hate when curious little kids ask them questions.

sometimes people tell kids they are useless and stupid and they can’t know anything.

sometimes they act like all children are pure little angels who the moment they are exposed to something bad they are evil and impure.

sometimes I see people yell and scream at their kids for nothing, and hit them and pull them.

sometimes I hear parents call their kids disgusting disappointments to their faces and act like they can’t hear it.

sometimes I see meek scared anxious kids get so scared and wary around adults it makes me wanna cry.

I hate how people treat kids, I hate it so fucking much.

I know better than to listen to fuckers talk like they are devils spawn or only pure and innocent when they decide to.

I hate them so much, and I just want the kids to be okay.

to this day, I keep talking to suicidal 10yr olds.

to this day I talk with victims of child sexual abuse.

to this day I talk to neglected kids.

to this day I listen, and I comfort them.

To this day I feel only hatred and disappointment and disgust towards our world’s government. The people in these kids lives, the authorities, and the world.

because, I;ve heard this phrase once too many times

“Thank you for caring about me”

just, thank you. I’m not even there in real life, I’m not. I’m not anything, I’m just telling them it’s going to be okay.

and they thank me for listening, they THANK ME.

why, why do I need to be thanked?

why am I the only one who sees them suffering?

they go to school, they have friends. They have neighbors and local businesses, they have cops and social services.

and yet, none of them saw these kids.

none of them listened, none of them cared.

and I sit here fucking sobbing sometimes, just fucking crying.

because I know that I was the only one who cared.

the, only one in their miserable lives who looked and saw someone hurting and cared enough to ask what was wrong.

and I cry, and I cry.

because how else do I deal with that?

how else do I deal with the utter fucking disgusting disappointment.

that. I was the only one who cared.

how, how is that fair to them?

how is that fair to ANYONE!

how is this okay? How is this okay????

I’ve been through a lot, but these kids have gone through so much worse than me.

and they are suffering, and it makes me fucking cry.

how do people let this happen?

because I just cannot let it go, I fucking hate the FBI they have done nothing to help none of these kids.

I fucking hate the police who do NOTHING FOR THESE KIDS

I fucking hate the foster system who allows them to relive their fucking nightmares.

I fucking hate the social workers who don’t follow up, who don’t ask questions, who don’t do anything.

I fucking hate them all.

I live with the pain so many kids have bared to me, I will take their secrets to my grave, I will hold their memories with such kind hands.

but I do not believe in people who say they care about kids. Then say they think they are stupid, or don’t know anything, or are too young to experience or understand mature things.

fuck this shit, if I had a chance and I’d fucking rip some people’s faces of and grind their bones into bonemeal and make bread with it.

the utter HATRED IN MY SOUL, does not outweigh the love in my heart for these kids.

I will die for them, I would always die for the,. I’d always help them, I will never stop fighting for them.

I don’t think anyone fucking understands these kids.

(Not really I’m just being angry)

but every single day I want to bathe in their blood, god.

I want them to suffer like the kids they let get hurt.

but that’s not something I can do, or want to do.

I’m just disappointed and distraught.

I have done so much, and yet it’s not enough.

I won’t stop fighting, I won’t stop caring, I won’t stop anything,

these kids deserve better than anything, and I will die for them.

I will die, I want them to be okay and I hope they are.

I hope me caring about them helped.

I hope they have the strength to live, I hope they don’t feel evil for not being an innocent child anymore.

I hope they are safe now, I hope they are okay.

but. I’ll never know.

and that scares me, that makes me fucking wanna vomit.

I don’t know, I will never know.

and it hurts, I dedicate a small part of my soul for each of these kids and it aches with guilt and grief.

they only deserve love, and I hope they get it.

I’m sorry this rant is a mess, but it’s just something that’s always on my mind.

because, you have no idea how deeply people and society hates children.

because if they didn’t, I wouldn’t have so so so many stories of kids being tortured and abused, and burned, and strangled, and cut, and thrown, and killed and dead.

I love these kids more than life itself, but I can’t do anything.

my heart is broken and I am fucking guilty for how little I can help.

and I can’t do anything more than listen and care, I am not fucking soft. I am the strongest willed person, but these kids break my soul.

and I only want to give them something anything, and all I can give is hope.

I hope these kids are okay, I’m fucking sobbing.

I’m just so fucking frustrated for how much i’m brushed off.

how much I try, and how little no one cares.

and by fucking hell, is it just awful.

I am sent into a RAGE at people saying this shit, a blinding rage.

I want to fucking hurt them, it’s just not okay to say that about kids.

I want to HURT THEM, they tell them they can’t know they are abused.

I WANT TO FUCKING KILL THEM

I hate these people who act like children are some kind of mythological BEAST that is only good when it’s tame.

I want to fucking rip those people’s hearts out, I am so done.

this life is too tough for them, I will literally fucking punch them in the face and spit on them.

I do not believe in this shit, I cannot believe them.

I would break my heart and be punch and bitten by those kids before ever abusing or hating them.

I will try so hard, so so very hard to become someone that kids can be safe around.

because it breaks my fucking heart.

I want to fucking rip somebody’s throat out.

the next time I hear someone say

“oh the kids shouldn’t know what sex is”

“the kids don’t need to be taught internet safety”

”why teach kids about abuse”

”we shouldn’t tell kids about sexual abuse”

”we shouldn’t tell kids about what to do if they are in a abusive situation”

”kids shouldn’t know what rape is”

“Kids shouldn’t talk to adults”

”kids should only talk to other kids”

or any variation of that I hope people know.

you are the fucking problem, you ARE THE FUCKING PROBLEM!

I will literally never forgive you, I don’t care how against your morals it is.

you are hurting so many children with your ideas.

kids should know mature things, kids should know what to do when those things happen, kids should feel safe and not have to fear consequences for trying to get help.

I want kids to be safe, and that involves letting go of this idea that they are stupid, that they are dumb and horrible.

it’s embracing they are actual people with LIVES, not some prop, or nothing.

an person exactly like you, just younger.

they are just small people, they are just people.

they need love and care and community.

and they do not get it.

if you have listened to kids, or know kids.

you will know how heavily they rely on each other.

they have such strong bonds and dreams, and I’m so proud of them.

let go of this stupid idea that kids don’t know anything, they are smart creatives, and wonderful people.

and I’ll die for them

[see-arcane]

I saw a post and the notes saying "mature" women want Dracula, only girls would want Jonathan, some arguing it's because wanting Dracula is being confident in your sexuality while wanting Jonathan is wanting to be a submissive wife. Like, I'm sorry to tell y'all this but the movie lied to you.

Dracula. Dracula is the liberating love interest.

Dracula who keeps his conscripted girlfriends locked in a cellar and tosses them a baby to eat now and then.

Dracula who sought out a girl barely out of her teens, abused her medical condition to puppeteer her, drank her to undeath, then promptly abandoned her for the next pretty young thing in Piccadilly once he got what he wanted.

Dracula who assaulted the main heroine in her bed, next to her husband who he also went out of his way to psychologically torture for two months, forced himself on her in as close to a metaphorical rape as gothic horror can get, knowing she'd be doomed to either die or become his next undead side piece.

Dracula who wouldn't even risk fighting the husband who was willing to kill, die, and undie for his wife's sake, but ran away to avoid anything resembling a scuffle that would involve effort on his part, off to hide in his castle.

That Dracula.

...

Simply redolent with empowerment in here, amirite ladies??

[larsnicklas]

anyway i am a staunch ep40 believer and defender and i think it’s totally fair to expect more from him if only because we know what he’s capable of but i think it’s willfully obtuse to accuse him of not trying hard enough. i don’t think he’s ever a player who’s not trying hard enough; i think if anything the opposite is the case and when he’s in a slump he grips his stick too tight and tries to force plays instead of trusting his considerable skill and instinct. and obviously we don’t know for certain but i do think that wrist has been nagging him all season and i wouldn’t be surprised if he got that repaired this offseason now that his contract negotiations are over and settled. i guess the nature of being a sports fan on the internet IS to pick at guys’ seasons and complain and whatnot but with c.anucks twt i just know that the venn diagram of the people who are sewering pete this year and the people who spent the s.edins’ entire careers calling them soft is a perfect circle

[tautozhone]

can argue to death with me about how age restrictions on youtube are necessary but i will be DAMNED before i say Hinds Hall deserved to be age restricted. average american child on youtube can listen to H*rbu D*rbu (censoring in hopes to avoid algorithm engagement with the song) which is IOF praising genocidal propaganda, and- big fucking shocker- its not age restricted. i’m 100% sure the only reason Hind’s Hall was restricted was to deliberately suppress and avoid the spread of the song.

[anonymoushotsexyperson]

GROWING UP A FAT GIRL IN THE Y2K ERA

I know peoples attention spans suck so don't worry im adding sections. So you can scroll through and just read whatever intrigues you if you can't commit to the whole thing!!

this post will talk about my experiences growing up as a fat girl and just a little bit about how it effected my relationship to my body as I grew up as well as the struggles of fatness intersecting with racism and ableism as well as very briefly touching on the wojack giving fat girl backshots meme going around!

SECTION 1 THE BEGINNING OF MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY BODY AND HOW FAT PHOBIA EFFECTED IT.

My first experience with fat phobia I remember consciously is around the ages of 6 or 7. My mother and father had recently divorced and I was growing into myself more and more everyday getting stronger, smarter, limbs getting longer, body getting bigger. I was going through growth spurts. I would chub up a little then id grow a few inches, chub, grow, chub grow. Seems like a pretty normal concept or idea to manage right? Well not for the average y2k adult. Everyone would always make comments to my mother or out of fear of being judged for being a bad parent she would bring it up herself. I remember my mothers response to the comments about my body. "she is stress eating because of the divorce!" was always her reply... and giiiiirl no the fuck I wasn't. I was not really that effected by my mom and dads divorce till later on. At that age as long as I was surrounded by most of my family and I had YouTube much else didn't matter to me and kind of went over my head if i'm being real with you. Hey I'm a kid though who knows maybe I was stress eating and just had no idea what to call it at the time and then don't remember but honestly, if my memory is serving me correctly I used to be so confused when she said that! If I was eating a little more it was probably because I was GROWING INTO MY BODY MAYBE?? That was my first run in which followed up with many more, like when my dad made me step on a scale in the living room of his new home strangers -that later became family- walking around, free to stare at whatever the number said. "If you don't lose weight you are coming to live with me." Still echoes through my head, I was about 7. It doesn't stop there I was being called a cow at school, or by my older brothers at home during petty fights we'd have. Some how none of the insults really stuck like that (besides the situation with my dad). They definitely hit me, but if I denied that they did then that counts as dodging them right? Growing up I always thought I wasn't that heavily effected by the raging and rampant fat phobia permeating through the y2k, but in reality it caused me to start neglecting my body all together. Up until the summer between 7th and 8th grade I never looked at myself in the mirror. Maybe a quick glance but I would never fixate on my appearance. Now hyper fixating on your appearance can be unhealthy but so is pretending you don't have one at all which was the type of timing I was on. Fat phobia among other factors was the leading cause of what became a history of neglecting myself.

SECTION 2 DEVELOPING AN EATING DISORDER AS A FAT PERSON

scroll to the next section if you want to avoid triggers!

The effect fat phobia had on me didn't really start to show on the surface until 7th-8th grade. My girlfriend had an eating disorder and she was living with me at the time because her family was homeless (we were closeted as best friends). She didn't encourage my eating disorder but it was kind of a monkey see monkey do kind of thing, she made me start to consider it. At that age range I was looking for different ways to destroy myself as well as connect with my peers and some how those too things strongly intersected as the glamorization of self harm and mental illness was at an all time high. I'm not sure why twelve to thirteen yearly anon wanted to destroy themselves so bad but I think if anything it stemmed from a need for control over my surroundings. At this age my home life wasn't the best. I forgot how, but I think maybe through just looking up depressing quotes in general I found the infamous Ana and Mia. Oh and trust me Cassie Ainsworth from skins did not help AT ALL. CUE THE INFAMOUS GIF:

TW CASSIE AINSWSORTH GIF:

even LOOKING FOR THIS GIF BEGAN TO STIR SOMETHING INSIDE ME OH MY GOD??

The worst part about being a fat girl with an eating disorder is how proud of me everyone was. "Anon you're getting so slim!" "Anon look at you slimming out see I knew it was just baby fat!". My friends knew of my ed so they would never compliment me for it or really talk about my body in general, probably half because of my ed but also half because I was still fat and not considered desirable or something to be jealous of regardless of if I lost a few pounds. But my family complimented my figure a lot as I slimmed and I got less fat jokes and the doctor was happy and people did treat me a little different. JUST a little cuz I was still fat but a noticeable enough change in the way people treated me for me to want to keep going and indulge myself deeper in my unhealthy habits.

But yeah long story short I developed an ed and I thought I was so fat and gross and disgusting and dude I look back at myself and why was my body LICHRALLAY SO T??? I honestly wasn't even morbidly obese or anything (which I am now BECAUSE of my eating disorder but fuck it we ball and also I ENJOY BEING FAT I knowww plot twist right?) also you minors in the ed community YES YOU take NOTE at this next part: I was literally just growing into my body... but then I fucked up my metabolism really bad and completely skewed my relationship with health, dieting, and workout culture so i'm either doing too much or not enough. So not only did my metabolism get utterly destroyed but having to learn how to take care of myself from scratch ended up destroying all the progress made and here I am literally 60 pounds heavier than I was back then and i've dropped weight since i've developed a healthier relationship with my body so if we are keeping it a buck until about a year ago I had accumulated about 100 pounds of weight since my pre ed days because of the effects the eating disorder had on me ! (oh and I have heart problems now not from being fat but from attempting to become skinny the wrong way! if you fast and binge or fast and do cardio and feel your heart beating like that... if you know you know...yeah you're fucking up your heart and need to stop like right now girly!) SO yeah I am a recovering anorexic with some bulimic symptoms. Though even after developing my eating disorder my issues with body image didn't really really affect me until later on.

SECTION 3 THE SOCIALIZATION OF FATNESS/THE INTERSECTIONAL STRUGGLE BETWEEN MY BLACKNESS AND FATNESS/ BECOMING THE DUFF/ WOJACK MEME.

Along side subconsciously neglecting myself I would also publicly portray myself as very tough skinned and overly confident all throughout middle and high school as a defense mechanism when in reality I was pretty indifferent toward myself and extremely sensitive. I think that my tough exterior wasn't only due to me being fat but also being a black woman although I am biracial/light skinned in complexion I feel like I was still hyper masculinized due to my blackness especially growing up in an area where I was closer in proximity to blackness then a large majority of my counterparts. I feel like a lot of my aggression and flamboyancy came from constantly being in a state of self defense and also subconsciously feeling like I had to play the role that was written for me or else I wouldn't be loved or appreciated or wanted. By the role that was written for me i'm talking about Precious, Rasputia, Mercedes Jones, Ivy Wentz, the stereotype of being the fat black women, and for my non black fat baddies for you this would be The DUFF role. This is when you're known as the flamboyant friend with the attitude that everyones scared to make the butt of the joke because she is NOT afraid to snap you in two. The stereotype isn't entirely wrong i'm sure a lot of people fall into it for the same reason as me but then it becomes our main character trait, and that mixed into a juicy cocktail of dehumanization of fat bodies turns you into the friends the skinny girls bring to the club to scare off ugly dudes as if you're a bodyguard and are immune to sexual or physical assault because you're fat!

So I grew up neglecting my body because of fat phobia developed a life altering eating disorder because of how romanticized they were due to fat phobia, and spent my whole life being guys secret crush, or the "annoying dramatic fat girl" because of fat phobia but still even then it didn't seem it had the real detrimental effect on my body image everyone said it would until I was 20. When I was 20 I moved back to my hometown for a little bit where the beauty standard is very much "ambiguous white skinny girl" and I thought that maybe I would get play because hey we are like adults who are deprogramming all that bullshit anyway right? WELLL I did get play, crazy play of course! Just in secret, and I've had guys have secret crushes on me etc but never to the extent I began to face it in my 20's where they would so obviously be horny over me all the time while simultaneously being mad at me for making them horny because I'm fat and it confuses and embarrasses them ( men are genuinely socialized to be suchhhh fucking psychopaths. -if you're a guy and you're reading this don't say that not all men bullshit yes we know not you i'm not gonna specify every time to preserve your ego goddamn). I have some sad and weird stories about that, that involves men thinking they could be more aggressive with me or literally impose violence on me or be extremely weird and creepy because they're embarrassed they're attracted to a fat girl and on top of that a fat black girl that they hyper-masculinized and degraded in their head due to societal pressure/influence... but imma save that for another day or maybe never because I see nothing coming out of me posting that on here but relived trauma. Also the type of man I just described are the same ones reposting this new viral wojack meme by the way:

thats all im saying about that meme, the guys reposting it like fat bitches and are scared that they like us and can't think for themselves thats literally all I wanted to input into the conversation regarding THAT....

also I use the word bitch in an endearing aave way not in a deragotry way so please don't hit me with that "don't call women bitches" thing I don't be doing it a lot but im also not gonna stop using aave and also i'm LICHRALLY AFAB sooooo shut up...

ANYWAYS...The violence I faced at this point in my life really triggered something in me it made me realize that because of the stereotypes held up against me I will never be treated or respected or perceived authentically by the average Joe. The only person that would see me is those who have taken extensive time to deprogram parts of their brain that created these deep routed bias etc. ( also if you're wondering why these biases were created it all leads back to capitalism but THATS for another post..) After facing literal violence cause of my body it definitely caused a blow at my self esteem, but even then I shined on and persevered continuing to be my sexy self.

SECTION 4 FAT PHOBIA AND ABLEISM INTERTWINED.

It wasn't until I randomly got into an accident and became temporarily handicapped while also in the most toxic relationship of my life did I really start to fucking hate myself. For multiple months I couldn't walk, and not only was I physically handicapped but the trauma I was experiencing at that time of my life had left me mentally handicapped as well I simply didn't want to be alive and exist in this body or any body I just didn't want to exist. I had a foot I could hop on but I couldn't carry all my weight on that foot because of my previous issues with my health, (I had already been struggling with a chronic illness that effected my muscles) and i didn't have the strength in my arms for the crutches so I succumbed to my injuries, resulting in weight gain, eventually hip and back issues etc. Then, when my leg healed, the access weight made me feel like I couldn't walk without pain. I was having issues with my health unrelated to my weight since 2020 but I was homeless up until last year and it was also covid so I had no way to really see a doctor and also I was like 18-19 and had no fucking idea how any of that worked and am still figuring out how it works to this DAY. I actually just got my insurance card for the first time this year. YIPPE YIPPE EVERYBODY CLAP. These issues with my health effected my muscles and my bodies ability to absorb the nutrients from the food I ate so this injury was kind of like the icing on top of the cake because my chronic illness made the recovery almost in possible. I would cry a lot, stopped taking pictures of myself, and everything. But even then I knew I didn't really have any interest in being thin I actually really fuck with my warm fluffy voluptuous form, I just didn't want to be unhealthy.

I still haven't fully unpacked the shame I felt around being unhealthy, I was so ashamed despite me trying my best with what I had, and what I knew, and I also still haven't fully unpacked why I feel like I have to specify as I literally just did a few lines earlier that I was 'trying my best', why do visibly disabled folks only deserve care or sympathy when they're actively trying to fit into a world that isn't set up to support or aid them when it very well could be? The intersectional oppression of ableism and fat phobia is still something i'm actively developing my thoughts about.

A thought ive been thinking about a lot is how obesity is a health condition and it can be detrimental to some folks and that saying that it isn't is a reactionary trauma response to fat phobia BUT also a lot of things can be detrimental and the level of detriment different things give you differentiates based on the person. Some people are bigger than me and healthier. Some people are smaller than me and UNhealthier. The detriment fatness has on your health as all things doesn't exist on the linear scale we have created for it. SO although obesity is a disease and proposing that fat doesn't correlate with health in an important way is harmful it is also harmful and plain weird to hyper fixate on obesity. Im also thinking about how obesity is treated this way because it's one of the most visible health issues and how that bleeds into ableism. I'm still working on these thoughts i'm having and how to explain and dissect them in a proper digestible and understandable way. So I think this where I leave you to think on your own about this, what do you think? Please feel free to comment below!

[sylviii]

this is the 400th time I’ve said this but people who refuse to understand why sports are popular and demean sports fans as though we’re some kind of lesser species are just the worst.

Like, I get it sometimes. I’m a baseball fan. I know that the thing I love is hopelessly stuck in the weeds of capitalism, of patriarchy, of racism and homophobia.

But like. Are people just willing to disregard the basic human experience of playing games? of the joy and exaltation of one’s own body? of seeing the outer limits of what we are able to accomplish if we set our minds to it?

I know as a fact I would hate to be in the same room as most pro baseball players, but that doesn’t stop me from empathizing and feeling emotional about their struggles, their accomplishments, their hopes and dreams.

Even if you want to disengage from the System, there are people playing sports out there driven by nothing but their own desire. Queer folks, people of color, disabled folks, every kind of folks. You don’t have to like or even understand sports, but if you’re just taking the snobby and childish approach that Sports are Stupid, you’re missing out on so much of the human experience and I don’t feel sorry for you.

[pissmoon]

Pop feminism is so stupid and pathetic at this point they cant even form any good arguments against incels of all people and publish videoessays on why being a tradwife or a 'trophy wife' to a millionaire whose dick doesnt work and beats the shit out of you is valid