#life is still weird and mental health is still shit

[runninriot]

Hold On For All It's Worth

written for @steddiesongfics inspired by the song Empire Now by Hozier

wc: 1971 | rated: M | cw: mental health issues, thinking about death/wanting to be dead, depiction of injuries, blood | tags: post S4V2, Vecna is defeated, everybody lives, hurt/comfort, (implied) friends to lovers | ao3

Eddie should be used to it by now. Should be used to his life being a complete shit show. Always out to get him. Always finding ways to bring him down.

Life was never easy. Sure, it made a turn for the better when Wayne took him in, gave him a safe home and guidance, the kind of fatherly love he’d been missing before – Wayne made his life bearable, good. But even that wasn’t enough to rearrange his stars. Eddie, it seems, was always meant to be a fuck-up. An outsider. Struggling to find his place in this world.

He’s tired oft trying to get back up over and over again, knowing the next bump in the road bringing him down is waiting just around the corner.

Dustin keeps telling him everything will be fine. That he has to be patient, to wait for the wounds to fully heal. Says that the nightmares will eventually stop. That it’ll take some time but eventually, things will be good again.

And Eddie knows he’s not just saying that, that Dustin and his friends have been there multiple times. They’ve fought and lost and they’ve been hurt both physically and mentally and still, they keep going.

Keep taking a step at a time towards normalcy. Holding each other up, finding comfort in their shared experience because it helps to know that they’re not alone in the aftermath of an interdimensional war.

   “You’re no alone, Eddie. We’re always here for you. You’re one of us.”

He knows they mean it. Knows that, once you’ve been part of their suicide squad (like, come on. What else can you call a group of teenagers recklessly going to literal war with creatures that should only exist in fantasy games and books, not real life!?) you’re stuck with them.

It’s something Eddie still has a hard time getting through to his thick head. He’d obviously thought (hoped) that the little shitheads would stick around after everything. But never in a million years had he thought he’d gain more than one new friend. Real ones, like Red and Erica and Robin and... Steve.

They are such a weird group of individuals. Thrown together by accident, really. But they work, somehow. And they are doing their best to convince him that he, too, is part of it now. Part of this strange little family.

And he tries, really, to show appreciation for everything they do - always asking how he is, always looking out for him. Always there when he’s feeling especially down, ready to throw it all out the window because he’s just too fucking tired to deal with anything.

Like today.

He woke up with the worst headache, didn’t get any sleep because whenever he closed his eyes, he was back in that place that nearly cost him his life. Back where those winged demons nearly ate him alive.

Sometimes, he wished they’d finished their job.

Sometimes, he wished Dustin hadn’t come back to sit at his side while he succumbed to the darkness. Because if he hadn’t, Steve would never have found them, wouldn’t have felt the need to carry him out of hell – giving in to his hero complex or whatever it is that turned Steve into this knight in shining armor, summoning inhuman strength to pick up Eddie’s lifeless body while his own body had been weakened by bat bites and sore muscles.

If Steve hadn’t brought him back, Owens’ people wouldn’t have been able to save him. To restart his heart after it had already given up the fight. It should’ve been impossible to bring him back from the dead after being out for too long, after losing too much blood with his organs spilling out of his mangled body. But they refused to give up on him.

Dustin apparently threw a proper fit, fist-swinging and feet-kicking despite his broken leg, when they tried to get him out of the hospital, away from Eddie’s side.

Steve hadn’t let go of him even after heaving his blood-drenched, ripped-apart body onto the hospital bed. Dustin told him they had to physically remove Steve’s tight gripping hand from Eddie’s before they could take him to the ER. Probably frozen in shock because Eddie can only imagine how fucked-up and horrible he must’ve looked.

Nancy and Robin threatened to reveal the government’s secrets to the world if they didn’t at least try. They had enough proof, enough to show for. All it needed was one phone call, one newspaper article to get the ball rolling – Owens knew that.

They’re the reason he’s still alive. The reason he’s forced to go to physical therapy to get his body moving again. The reason for Eddie to wake up drenched in cold sweat almost every night. They’re the reason he’s forced to keep fighting, no matter how tired of it he is.

No matter how much he hates everything about being alive when his legs won’t move and his scars itch and his head pounds and all he wants to do is cry. Cry and scream and ask God or whoever why he can’t just let him have a goddamn moment of peace?

There’s a knock on his door, followed by Wayne’s face poking in through the gap when he opens it slowly.

   “Steve’s here. Can I send him in?”

Eddie wants to say no, doesn’t want Steve to see him like this – bound to the bed because his body refuses to work, with tears his eyes – but he knows it’s useless. Steve would just wait it out, come back in a few hours or maybe keep Wayne some company because the old man has apparently formed some kind of fatherly bond with him over the past weeks, to Eddie’s misfortune.

So, Eddie resigns, grumbles a displeased response before pulling his blanket over his head to hide.

He can hear Steve enter, can hear the door closing behind him and his quiet footsteps as he makes his way over to the bed. The mattress dips and Eddie can feel a hand coming to rest on his shoulder, can feel Steve’s warmth even through the blanket.

   “Hey, Eddie. How are you?”

Eddie wants to laugh, wants to spit out words of frustration, wants to scream at Steve for putting him in this misery. For saving him, for not just letting him rot in hell so he could finally rest in peace. But none of that makes its way out of his mouth because when he opens it, all the pain and frustration and anger bubble up from somewhere deep down, transforming into a pitiful sob.

He cries and cries and cries. His body trembles and it hurts, everything hurts and he can’t stop wishing, begging for it all to stop, for it all to be over.

   “I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to do this anymore. I wish I was dead!”

A hand comes up to grab the edge of his blanket, pulling it slowly down to reveal his scarred face, his messy hair, his swollen eyes. Broken and tired and so sick of his own existence.

   “Eddie?” Steve’s voice is delicate, soft, barely a whisper and Eddie hates himself for how concerned he sounds. Hates himself for putting this on Steve.

Steve shouldn’t have to deal with this mess.

   “Can I- is it okay if I touch you?”

Another desperate sob makes its way out when Eddie nods weakly, feels selfish and greedy for some sort of comfort – whatever Steve is willing to give.

What Eddie doesn’t expect is that Steve shuffles to squeeze himself into the small, empty space beside him, lying there face to face with him, his body so close that – if it weren’t for the blanket – they’d be touching from nose to toe.

Steve wraps one arm around him, the motion bringing him even closer to the other man’s body.

   “It’s okay to be frustrated” Steve whispers. “It’s okay to lose hope sometimes. I get it, Eddie. I know what it feels like to just want to give up. Believe me, I’ve been there more times than I can count.”

Eddie listens, still not able to stop the tears from falling but at least his breathing starts to slow while he focusses on Steve’s voice.

   “I’ve wanted to give up so many times but you know what I learned?”

Eddie shakes his head, his nose brushing Steve’s skin where his face is buried between his neck and shoulder.

   “I learned that, no matter how fucked-up things are, no matter how much you hate everything and everyone, if you’re really true to yourself, you’ll find there’s always, always something worth fighting for. You might not see it right now but it’s there. It’s there and it’s worth to get through the rough days because somewhere down the line, it’s waiting for you with open arms.”

Steve squeezes him, drawing him once again closer into his embrace.

   “But what if I never find it?” Eddie asks through a staggered exhale, hot and damp against Steve’s neck.

   “Maybe you just have to open your eyes and see it for what it’s worth.”

One hand finds his cheek, the one that’s unmarred, and when Steve leans away just enough to make space, he forces him to look up. To find Steve’s warm eyes looking down at him. Smiling, soft and loving in a way that makes Eddie’s heart stutter. Makes his stomach twist into knots when he realises just how close Steve is.

And then it hits him.

All the things he should be grateful for, all the things that are worth the struggle, worth the fight. All the things that he can hold onto on days like today, where the world feels like tumbling down.

The fact that Wayne didn’t have to hold a funeral for him, mourn over an empty coffin, an empty grave because his body had been left to decay in the Upside Down.

The fact that Dustin didn’t have to make true to his enforced promise to take over Eddie’s place at Hellfire, not yet at least.

The fact that Eddie got to see Gareth and Jeff and Zach again.

The fact that he’s breathing and walking and able to play his guitar – even if it’s still hard most days and it’ll take time to fully heal.

The fact that he’s got all these wonderful people in his life, people that care about him, that will always be there to catch him when he falls and help him back up on his feet if he can’t find the strength to do it himself.

People like Dustin and Robin and Steve.

Steve, who doesn’t care about Eddie staining his shirt with tears. Steve, who is holding him, one hand gently rubbing in soothing circles on his back. Steve, who had refused to leave him behind, who had clung to him even when he was technically dead. Steve, who keeps coming back, keeps showing up, keeps pestering Eddie with his annoying care and kindness.

Steve, who-

Who’s leaning in – tentatively, almost like he’s afraid of overstepping a line that was never there because ever since the moment Eddie had held that broken bottle against his throat, he knew there was an undeniable truth taking root in his heart – and kisses him.

Kisses him soft and slow and Eddie-

Eddie kisses him back. Sees, even through his closed eyes, that this right here is worth holding on for. Worth fighting for.

Worth being alive for.

No matter how many bumps are waiting for him on the road ahead – he’ll just take it one step at a time.

And if he stumbles or even falls, Steve will be there waiting with open arms, ready to catch him.

[heybaetae]

hi

[us-the-voices-and-more-voices-2]

a quick reminder to everyone

I have SEVERE LEARNING DISABILITIES

I am literally disabled because of my learning disabilities, I have faced literal descrimnation because of it.

everytime you call us retarded or a retard you are ACTIVLY upholding the systems in which I am trapped in.

I take more offence in being called a retard than anything due to the literal DECADES of systematic abuse and descrimnation from the medical system, every single government resource, and almost all school alternatives.

fuck you greatly if you use these words against us, I have to live in a country where they hate people like me and would rather us dead than to do literally anything to help people like us.

call us what you will, but I will never call anyone retarded because it’s a basic decency reserved for everyone.

I’m a very happy retard, fuck your ableism!

I will happily live and love and learn even if THE LITERAL GOVERNMENT doesn’t want me too.

(yeah being a mid supports autistic with other learning disabilities and disabilities in general that made me unable to attend a school just means I deserve to die. 100% legit I deal with this literally all the time always fuck the Australian government)

so again fuck you all greatly, for using a literal slur against me one that has been used against me since I was a baby.

fuck you all, genuinely.

did I forfeit my rights to be treated as a human being the moment I had a bit of trouble learning things? Because if I did I’d like to break someone’s teeth with a brick.

[cluescorner]

Randomized Robins AU - Ages + Worst Trait Exercise:

Steph (25):

Says her worst trait is her murderous rages (she is exaggerating for dramatic/comedic effect, she’s killed 3 people tops and for very good reason)

Thinks her worst trait is her spitefulness (one of the few traits she definitely got from her father + one that prevents her from fixing her relationships and living her best possible life. She’ll refuse to interact with someone she dearly loves after an argument (happens significantly less after Tim’s death) or will say things she knows are hurtful just for the sake of having the last word. This trait will worsen in some ways as the list of people who have wronged her and those she loves grows, but will also ease up as she matures and realizes the harm it’s doing to her relationships with those she loves most.)

Her worst trait really is her spitefulness

Cass (26)

Says her worst trait is her self-righteousness (she believes that her goals are righteous and, as a result, she is righteous. Cass becomes very defensive whenever someone questions the mission and often does not second-guess herself. This is a trait she only develops later in life as she grows closer to Bruce/learns to understand herself more/starts to love herself more. But she knows she isn’t perfect and when somebody she trusts criticizes something she is doing she is willing to listen. She just usually isn’t the one to START the introspection.) 

Thinks her worst trait is her self-righteousness. 

Her worst trait actually is her obsessiveness (she gets it from Bruce and, while not as bad as him, she will easily become preoccupied with her night-life and the mission if someone isn’t there to pull her back. She will do this to the point of self-destruction and it hurts her relationships with the people she loves, especially Steph.)

Tim (24)

Says his worst trait is his spitefulness (he actively rejects the idea of mending his relationships with the older members of the family and this causes him to also lack good relationships with the younger ones)

Thinks his worst trait is his obsessiveness (similar to Cass, if he gets fixated on a task or idea he will neglect everything else in his life in order to dedicate more time to it. Unlike Cass, he will almost never be dragged away from it unless Pierrot snatches control of the body and forces them to take care of themself.)

His worst trait actually is how manipulative he is (the KING of guilt-tripping and using people’s emotions against them. He’ll do whatever he needs to do to get what he wants, he’s not above crocodile tears. And he will do it to whoever he needs (or wants) to with little care for how his actions impact others.)

Pierrot (Insists: “Age doesn’t apply to me! And even if it did, I'd probably be the oldest. Or the youngest! I’d never be a middle child, though.” Mental assessments by the Bats have put him around 21, with a margin of error of 3 years. Pierrot has called this “blatant character assassination by my eternal rival!”)

Says his worst trait is that he is an irredeemable psychopath without any regard for the wellbeing of others (this is a lie and everyone who's important to him understands this). 

Thinks his worst trait is his parasitic nature (he literally would not exist had Tim not suffered the way he did. Plus he is a living reminder of one of the worst things that happened to many of his loved ones. He is a parasite injected into a functional person's body and contributes to his continued suffering. This is also a largely incorrect judgement of himself, caused by his actual worst trait.)

His worst trait actually is his limited sense of self (he doesn’t really know who he is outside of ‘inheritor to the legacy of the Joker (a man he despises yet also views as a father)’ and ‘chip in Tim’s brain that became sentient’. He slowly develops an identity over the course of his life and relationships with other people, but he lacks the foundations of identity that most people have. Pierrot will often almost become a caricature of himself and what others perceive him to be because it's the only person he knows how to be. This causes wild swings in how he behaves and relates to others, sometimes to the detriment of himself and others.)

Dick (17) 

Says his worst trait is his clinginess (he is a very extraverted person who likes to be around others, which mixed with his fear of abandonment after his parents died means that if he goes a few days without seeing/talking to a friend he will get very anxious.)

Thinks his worst trait is his anger issues (he gets ticked off very easily and will explode on people. He’s kind at his core and is usually very nice, but he has a temper that can escalate significantly. Spoiler (and later Twist) help him channel this anger into something positive.)

His worst trait actually is his anger issues.

Barbara (18)

Says her worst trait is her disability (internalized ableism, she thinks of herself as less valuable than the other Bats because she cannot be out there in the capes like they can. She will grow out of this as she matures and as she learns how invaluable her support for the team is.)  

Thinks her worst trait is her disability 

Her worst trait actually is her overly-independent nature (In an attempt to overcompensate for everything she can no longer do, she has resolved to do literally everything that she possibly can without any help from others. This results in many instances where she either takes on too much and winds up not being able to fully realize any of her tasks or where she makes her life and the lives of others significantly harder by refusing help when offered/not asking for it when she needs it.)

Damian (16)

Says his worst trait is his perfectionism (he is overly critical of both himself and others, taking any flaw or problem and amplifying it to an absurd degree. This is due in part to his life with the LoA (where even a brief misstep could lead to death), in part to how others treated him initially as Spoiler (any flaw was fixated on and used as a reason to either mistrust him or portray him as unworthy of the mantle), and in part due to the fact that he is Bruce’s son (the only person with worse perfectionism problems than Damian). Gradually, Damian has improved in this regard but it’s still a massive barrier to both his own happiness and his relationships with others.)

Thinks his worst trait is his perfectionism 

His worst trait actually is his perfectionism

Duke (16)

Says his worst trait is his definitely-real secret evil side (says this as a ‘my dad is a villain so who knows??’ joke)

Thinks his worst trait is his impulsivity in his words (Sometimes he will crack a joke or say a remark without thinking it through, leading to a LOT of hurt feelings and drama. He’ll say something without thinking it through and wind up seeming insensitive. This isn’t done because of malice, rather because Duke is someone who’s quick to act and speak. But while the mantle of Insight and his awakening powers have helped him with his actions, they do not always help with his loose tongue. As such, Duke gains an unfair reputation in the media as an instigator and will accidentally cause family drama through what he says.)

His worst trait actually is his impulsivity in his words

Jason (14)

Says his worst trait is his bad manners (he grew up on the streets and has no idea how rich-people society works, which he’s pretty insecure about considering he’s now the youngest kid of Bruce freaking Wayne). 

Thinks his worst trait is his reactiveness (Jason never got the privilege of planning ahead for various events in his life, so he instead needed to rely on being swift and harsh in how he could react to situations. It’s saved his life on multiple occasions and helps significantly in his role as Spoiler, but it can also lead to extreme overreactions (accidentally causing kidnapping scare after Jason ran away following a fight with Dick) and a struggle to plan things out ahead of time. As he grows more secure in his place in the family and in life, this trait will lessen but never fully dissipate.)

His worst trait actually is his reactiveness

[mainfaggot]

tw eating disorder talk, pt.2 to the last post in the tags (once again, no mention of numbers that could be triggering, just a heartfelt rant bc I've been so afraid of talking about these things on here, but i really just need to get everything out bc . I feel crazy)

[professionalnihilist]

[mrfoox]

Um. I told Oliver that I'm... Genuinely happy/content with my life

And cried bc i realize that's like the first time I've truly felt that way? Ever. The one by one big thing I want is an life partner otherwise... I think my life is good?

[trans-leek-cookie]

anyways shaming ppl about gachas or making fun of em doesn't work bc. You know ppl being scammed will sometimes defend the scams they fell for bc they don't want to be ashamed right. You guys know that right. It doesn't make the scam any less dangerous to add external shame right. Please tell me you recognize this. That shaming ppl who are into gachas tends to just make them justify harder right. If your gonna critique addictive behaviors you at least understand how they work, right.

[spikeyjo]

Imagine people being the same level of stupid about other things we self diagnose

“Oh do you have the flu or do you have what you think is the flu? You’re making real flu having people look bad”

Idk what point I’m trying to make here but I do think it’d be funny to do.

[dragonfyre-creations]

I don't think I've ever poured so many of my physical attributes and so much of my heart and soul into a character design before in such a personal way before so fuck it whenever I finish the final design for Faeng and whatever I come up with I'm making her into my sona (dragonsona? Persona? Idk how this works lmfao)

(long dump in the tags and under the cut)

The last time I was even remotely connected this much to a character was when I designed Jaxsu, but honestly never truly made her my sona/main character, she was just the one I used most often in art pieces. I never really actually liked her lore and backstory enough because she was what I wanted to be instead of what I am/was. Jax isnt perfect either, but her parents love her and otherwise has friends and is loved unconditionally. She has a healthy relationship with everyone and everything. This is where the disconnect happened and where I actually started to dislike her despite her being my otherwise favorite character for awhile. Both Faeng and Jaxsu have ADHD and Autism but Jaxsu was able to put that towards a job and becoming a ship captain and winning a colosseum tournament. She's done all of these great things so even if she didn't have a healthy relationship with her parents they'd still love her because she's done something impressive and useful.

Faeng on the other hand, has to fight for everything. Her parents are important and have important jobs, and place all of these unreachable and unrealistic expectations on her and expect her to reach them with minimal effort and be perfect, but she can't no matter how hard she tries. She needs someone to explain it and break it down for her in steps so she understands what do to and how to do it so she doesn't mess it up. She's both strong and smart but it's not in practical "normal" ways or subjects. It's convoluted, It's not in the ways everyone wants her to be, she has no teachers to help her understand how to channel that strength and intelligence into something "useful" so she puts it towards the things she likes and wants to do, and thus struggles in a world that would otherwise be easy to navigate and conquer if she were "normal". Those that do understand her and try to help her are alienated by other people in an attempt to either punish both of them or force her to adapt to be somewhat passing as normal, if not then at least listen to what she's told to do. She does eventually make acquaintances but find that her twisted speech and weird explanations aren't worth trying to decipher and understand so they leave, they don't put in the effort to meet her halfway even though she's struggling and doing her best to speak in a way they'll understand.

Her parents acknowledge her differences but in a way that frames it as flawed and wrong, something that needs to be corrected, and push her to figure out her problems by herself, tearing down any support network she tries to build. She tries her damned hardest but it's not enough, it never is and never will be for them because she's not the perfect child they wanted. She showed promise in her younger years being a "gifted child" so she knows what love and acceptance lies in wait and what could be if she could just be normal and perfect. Her achievements and promise come and show in waves. She burns and fizzles out in one of the most virulent, painful ways possible after getting hurt trying to prove her worth yet again. She holds nothing but criticism, vitriol and contempt for herself because she can't claw her way back to where she was before, this time something happened and something is terribly, horribly wrong this time but she doesn't know that it is and can't figure it out, nor will anyone tell her. Whatever it is, left a mental and several physical injuries and it does nothing but deepen her self hatred and her parent's waning belief in her. She listens to false promises and praise of other people who do nothing but wish to manipulate and harm her but she stays because any form of praise is deemed good, she hungers for more and does worsening things.

She ignores the people who tell her that what she's doing is dangerous and will only end in disaster, because she doesn't believe them. If the people who are saying they're her friends are telling her that the people she hurts deserve it and that what she's doing is good, then surely she needs to believe them over strangers, right? Everything comes to a breaking point and shatters around her leaving her with quite literally nothing but her own self hatred, newfound rage and overbearing mental issues she needs to navigate once again to find out what hell it is and what's wrong with her now. She's scared of everyone and everything with the added bonus of now being hyper-aware and perceptive of people's mannerisms and behaviors, especially those who want to manipulate or harm her again. She wraps every vulnerable part of herself in metaphorical thorns and teeth to bite and maim whoever pries and digs into what she truly is, even people who want to understand her. She suffers at more than her own hand, forcing herself to deal with everything alone, until she finally meets someone that could be considered a true friend. She slowly opens up and helps them as much as they help her before everything comes crashing back down once again upon the reveal that they've been lying to her the entire time about very serious issues, and she's been used as nothing more than an attack dog once again. She burns every bridge and everyone around her in one final breakdown of rage before shutting down completely. One of the groups of friends she's shoved stay comes back and asks if she's ok. She doesn't understand why they're being kind, why they're concerned it why they care and tries to shove them away again. Every single day they still ask, talking even if there's no response from her, until she finally relents and breaks.

She's finally loved and accepted despite every fault and every flaw she has, and every time she tries to pull away out of fear of being an inconvenience they pull back twice as hard and remind her that she's able to just exist, she doesn't need to constantly be useful and that they care. She finally, finally is comfortable enough to let herself be accepted and then becomes the most clingy little shit, just as they do with her. But yeah, my own life has been very much of the same, especially the last part. Every time I go on another self-hatred spiral and drop off the face of the earth my MonHun bros give me a metaphorical slap to the face and remind me that I don't need to constantly prove my worth to everyone and prove that I'm useful, and that existing every once in awhile is more than enough. If that doesn't work then it's "you need to get your ass back over here because we're failing the Safi siege without the absolutely ridiculous amount of DPS your build Switchaxe does". I was not intending for her to be so much like me but goddamnit she's wormed her way into being my favorite now and I guess Mirage is no longer my impromptu sona

[murphyslawyer]

I really just saw someone, on this website, tell a person who felt disturbed by a friend’s suicidal thoughts that maybe the friend shouldn’t have unloaded on them like that.

Are you fucking kidding me?? What are people supposed to do, then? Keep that shit shoved so deep inside them that they actually end up killing themselves??

I understand it can be really disturbing to hear that shit from someone who’s close to you, but bearing that discomfort is in fact necessary because maybe people need a friend’s support before seeking professional help. And that discomfort is nowhere nearly as bad as the pain of losing a friend. Get over yourselves.

[fandomfuntimem]

*walks in with more dp x dc because thats all i think about*

HEAR ME OUT!

A fic where Danny, still a teenager, saves Red Hood. He helps Hood out and returns him to the bat family. But before he can leave they're all thanking him, Hood is talking about how skilled and smart he is, Batman personally thanks him for saving his son, the other bat kids are asking about his powers and what he does, Robin/Damian nerds out with him over weapons, then Agent A/Alfred invites him to dinner as his own personal thank you, even asks him for his food preferences.

But Danny is just scared he accepts because non contaminated food and heros. But he's not used to this. He's not used to being treated with such pure kidness and appreciation. With humans everythings almost all around bad, the only people who dont treat him like shit are Jazz, Tucker, and Sam (maybe Valerie depending on how you personally write her. I ship him and Valerie.). With ghosts they do treat him a lot better, like a friend or an annoying little brother. But in human standards it doesn't exactly reach the mental health requirements for an adolescent brain. So its just new to him.

When he gets back him, the dam just fucking breaks. He was holding all his emotions in for so long because it was his normal. It was his normal to be the local weird kid, to be everyone's punching bag and scape goat, but now that he saw how he could be treated he's just shattered. Why can't he have that? How is it that a family of vigilantes who's entire thing is darkness, managed to treat him better in one night than his home town can in his entire life?

Maybe after this he ends up talking to the bats more and they start to realise somethings up, or he avoids the bats thinking all the emotions will go away if he just forgets it.

Give me a depression and struggling to heal because his world view wash shattered fic.

[possum-tooth]

turns out the "i love you" is a common occurrence but im gonna pretend its not <3

[tojipie]

Hello my love! I know you’ve been gone for a while but I wanted to stop by and ask if you have any realistic but unhinged toji headcannons? Hopefully this gets you into the spirit of writing again, I don’t mean to overstep. We miss you❤️.

hello sweet anon :( i’ve admittedly been struggling with my mental health a whole ton which is why i’ve been gone but this ask really did help me get back into the groove of writing just a bit <3 thank u for stopping by ! mwah

this is just me saying shit to say it pls don't take this srsly !

content: fluff, mentions of alc, smoking, suggestive talk but not smut, a little angst

was a victim of the xandemic in his late 20s so one of his pupils is a little bigger than the other

initially hated ambulances because of the absurd cost but grew to hate them even more because the attention makes him uncomfortable. oh you want to take his blood pressure? ew, don’t touch him. that’s weird. would rather patch himself up than sit under a gaggle of fluorescent lights for 6 hours in an ER waiting room.

shiu has been a co-signer on every apartment he’s ever rented because his credit score is in the single digits.

picked up vaping on accident after the corner store ran out of cigs when he needed them most. still prefers marlboros because he likes that searing feeling in the back of his throat. throws the cartons out his car window like a freak.

his drivers license is crumpled. like physically crumpled like paper. he has no idea how it happened but when he needs to use it at the liquor store he definitely gets stares.

will forever be devoted to his late wife. mentally at least. she’s the love of his life but in his mind sex with other women isn’t really cheating right? like he uses a condom sometimes so it’s fine probably? he's not gonna stay celibate for the rest of his life. the topic keeps him up at night.

has a scar from an appendectomy right above his v line that women go crazy for. he’s not entirely sure what they like about it but he’s been touched there so many times that it’s morphed into an erogenous zone.

slut for fast food. would rather get a vanilla shake and dip his fries in it till his stomach hurts than spend time at a sit-down restaurant. eats like shit but still maintains his physique, infuriatingly enough.

hates being in public more than you’d think. it’s a deeply uncomfortable feeling that stems from the risk that being discovered poses during jobs. he prefers to have groceries ordered, meals delivered, and shiu take his car down to the shop if needed. if hes out and about he’s either at the casino tables or the liquor store.

is down for whatever if the price is right. like truly. older women love what he has going on which works well in his favor because it puts a roof over his head. absolutely no shame once money is involved.

has tried to get help for his gambling addiction a few brief times. got close once and then decided to hit the blackjack tables to celebrate his progress. he jokes about how things ended up from time to time but deep down he knows it’s pretty serious.

shops at the goodwill bins mostly. made an effort to stop stealing as much because of how dirt cheap the thrift is but couldn't stick to it. likes to go down the jeans isle and look for change in the pockets. his biggest score was a 5 dollar bill that had been through the washer so many times it was practically blank.

there's a little voice in the back of his head telling him to have more kids and he's not opposed to listening.

[wilwheaton]

the scorpion doesn’t care who it stings

I posted this on my Facebook four days ago, and it seems to have taken on a life of its own for a minute.

I thought I’d repost it, here:

I can not fathom the emptiness, the insecurity, the insatiable need for attention and validation, the staggering arrogance, the malevolence and total void of human experience that is Elon Musk.

He's the richest man on the planet. You can't go anywhere or do anything without interacting with something he's part of in some way. There are literal millions of people who uncritically worship him, in spite of overwhelming evidence that he's a douchebag. Some number of them will come after me, as they come after anyone who points at their naked emperor. They'll spend entire days going after me and people like me, slavishly serving a man who does not even know they exist. They are his army of fools, uncritically serving his every whim. And it still isn't enough.

He can have any material thing he wants, and he will *never* be happy or satisfied. He has no real friends. Every single person around him is either a viper, a parasite, or both.

So what does he do? He bullies and threatens and harasses and trolls and behaves like the weak, scared, insecure child he has always been. That's a tragedy for him, but it's dangerous for us. He doesn't care what he destroys or who he hurts as he chases this existential thing he cannot ever have.

You know the saying "hurt people hurt people"? He's a hurt person who is hurting our society, making people I care about less safe. The consequences of this one man's midlife crisis are global, and that terrifies me.

In a comment, about an hour later, I added:

You know what's really interesting is the tiny number of people who are attacking and harassing me are either typical right wing idiots who all spew the same garbage from behind their wraparound sunglasses, or these weird nerds who are DESPERATE to justify how toxic and cruel and destructive Elon Musk is. Like, nerds, listen to Old Man Wheaton, please. 

Don't hitch your wagon to Elon Musk. There are countless people who are amazing and genuinely good, who do all the things we wish we could do. Stop defending this piece of shit who would push you into a volcano without even learning your name, if it would save him half a second on his way to his next shitpost on $8Chan (formerly known as Twitter).He doesn't stand up to anyone. He doesn't stand up FOR anyone. He is not your champion. He's angry and chaotic and destructive, and you have to understand that the scorpion doesn't care who it stings.

Finally, I want to add two things: 1) It’s interesting to me that a lot of the people who came to my post to be dicks used a lot of MAGA language. It reminds me of this thing my friend says about concerts: the audience looks like the band. Of course there’s substantial overlap between the angry, hateful, terrified, cowards who support Trump and the same who Stan Elon Musk, and it’s real interesting to see it in action.

2) I haven’t used Twitter for years. I quit before it was popular (lol) because it was better for my mental health. I logged in once when my book was published, and I deleted all my tweets when he announced he was buying Twitter. When he took over and immediately amplified a conspiracy theorist, I made my account private. In a perfect world, I would delete my account entirely. But I have to keep it for reasons I hope I don’t have to explain. After I posted this on Facebook, it made its way around Twitter (still is, four days later, which is ... a thing that is happening) and when people went to look at my account, they saw that it was closed. As much of a fucking manbaby Elon Musk clearly is, he didn’t do anything to my account. In fact, the only reason he even knows I exist (if he does) is through a vanity search of his name. I locked my account on my own, and so should you.

I am only on:

Tumblr

Facebook (itswilwheaton)

Instagram (itswilwheaton)

and my blog that I’ve been neglecting for too long at wilwheaton.net.

I’ve had a Reddit account since 2006, predating user-created subs! I’m u/wil there.

Okay that’s all. Thanks for listening. Please choose to be kind.

[nestasminiaturepegasus]

My harsh SJM opinions

-- I disappeared for a minute, but I'm back and ready to shit talk sjm books again. --

Rowan vs. Chaol: 

If you can forgive Rowan for punching Aelin and being vile towards her, you can forgive Chaol too.

Nesta's New Family: 

Hating Nesta for finding a family that understands her more than her biological family is weird. She hasn’t disowned her existing family; she’s added to it.

Valkyries and the Rite: 

Claiming the Valkyries shouldn't have won the Rite because it's unrealistic makes me laugh. THAT is where you draw the line? Really?

Character Behavior vs. Plot: 

SJM writes weird, shitty plots, but that doesn’t excuse the characters’ behavior. Rhys fingering Feyre in a place for SA victims was, yes, a weird plot written by SJM, and it still makes him WEIRD.

Rhys and Hypocrisy: 

If you claim Rhys couldn’t have sa’d Feyre because he was sa’d himself but then say Nesta’s abuse doesn’t excuse her ‘abuse’ towards Feyre, go sit in the corner and think about your hypocrisy.

Rhys in ACOSF: 

“Rhys only looked bad in ACOSF because it was in Nesta’s POV." Rhys looked better in Nesta’s POV than in Cassian’s. He is the problem.

Nesta and responsibility

Nesta did not neglect Feyre. You cannot neglect something that is not your responsibility.

Nesta antis

Nesta antis who bash her and bring her up in any circumstance are weird as hell (especially in vids talking about how ACOSF helped someone’s mental health).

Valkyrie Hate: 

Hating on the Valkyries is weird. Emerie and Gwyn are LITERALLY the least problematic characters in the entire SJM universe. 

If you don’t like Gwyn because you ship Elriel, try respecting women for more than their potential partners. And then going and fucking urself :)

Amren Sucks: 

Amren sucks as a character.

That’s it. That’s the opinion.

If I hear ‘girl’ one more time, I’m burning the book.

Feyre and SA: 

Saying Feyre wasn’t sa’d because it saved her life is WEIRD.

sa is sa regardless of the circumstance. Are we forgetting that Rhys admitted in ACOMAF that he kissed her because he was jealous, and in ACOTAR when he said the only reason he didn’t take advantage of her was so Tamlin wouldn’t kill him?

Minimizing SA so you can love on an attractive man is problematic and gross. Please don’t talk to me if you do that because, EW BRO UR GROSS.