#medical trauma mention tw

[lifeinpoetry]

Hi I'm so happy to see you on my dash again :) Your blog has always felt like a safe space to me. How are you doing? I hope you're well. Thanks for posting the free Palestine reading list.

Hi, thank you so much, lovely <3

Had been holding onto the links for a while and even posted to my then brand-new Bluesky account but kept thinking I should post the links I'd bookmarked here but wasn't sure I wanted to jump back into posting regularly anywhere. The ongoing genocide felt more and more urgent and keeping silent while I had a platform felt like being complicit even though the only place I was truly active on was Goodreads.

I am okay. I wasn't okay for a good long while, but I think I'm in a likely short-lived easing of the depression/anxiety/hallucinations that have made up the past year.

I don't know if I wrote about this but we had to make the decision to have Bear, our then-14/15-year-old poodle, put to sleep because his health had gotten so bad. We had taken him in from the streets when he was 1-2 year(s) old after his owners had their house foreclosed and left him behind. I miss him all the time.

Baby S had brain surgery to put in a shunt and is doing a whole lot better though she does have PTSD/medical trauma. Baby A is nearly two, boisterous and as clever as Houdini in freeing herself from anything with straps/play pens/etc. We became a family placement after she was taken at birth by social workers and nearly adopted out to non-family.

These two small humans have made the past year bearable even though I'm not a parent and have never wanted to be a parent. I love them with all my heart.

The rage is gone now that the verbal/emotional abuse is over, has been over for about three years (?), and it doesn't seem it will return. I thought rage was just part of my natural make up but it isn't, it was a response to being attacked daily with no true response, deflection, or attempt to end the conversation that was acceptable. People would tell me to walk away, to change the subject, to say to agree to disagree and I tried all these but it was hard when the majority of the time it would lead to them raging and let's be real, it's near impossible to walk away when you were in your room minding your business and the other person is looming at the door.

I know that's old news but I've been thinking about it a lot because of the babies. I'm glad I can be my best self, feel no desire to snap at them, and have tapped into a well of patience for both myself and them.

[bamsara]

You got drugged!!!??

Yeah it wasn't great lol

I spent most of that day in the medical tent (I went as soon as I felt *off*) and the health workers took great care of me and were super nice so it worked out in the end. First time going to a music festival was really an experience huh

[phleb0tomist]

the recent surge of articles on severe ME is shattering my heart. we’re looking at a live, ongoing portfolio of the NHS’s failure to protect young ME patients, the same failures that cast a shadow over both my childhood and my current life, and it’s so wild that things aren’t changing. there’s no repair, no apology for the highly preventable suffering or the deaths, which are mostly young women.

the improper care of ME patients isn’t because of a lack of funding, it’s because of ignorance & stubbornness. the bare minimum of appropriate care to prevent a severe ME patient from getting worse is to allow them to be somewhere dark, quiet, lying down, hydrated & fed, and somehow the NHS can’t even provide that. my main shred of hope is that this is finally being reported and i wonder if that will be the catalyst for a little bit of repair. i’m desperate to believe it will be

[truths33k3r4]

CHAPTER 4 - The Vibrancy of Hope

When Raph blinked, he was back in his bedroom, crouched down on the floor next to his twin.

Through the storms of his horrible memories, a single cloud parted by a small, shaking voice. It reached out to Raph like a lifeline, pulling him out of the raging waves of his past.

“I-I’m sorry..” 

Don groaned through his clenched teeth. “I-I didn’t know what else to do.” His hunched-over form shifted as he lifted his gaze to meet his brother’s. A mental message pricked at the corner of Raph’s mind from his twin. 

(They wouldn’t stop... I couldn’t control it.)

Understanding sparked in his green and hazel eyes, making them grow in empathy. 

Raph sighed as he reached his arms over his twin. Don’s body tensed at first, becoming rigid and tight at the sudden physical contact from his normally emotionally-inept brother. The shivers that rattled through Don’s arms slowly melted away as he hesitantly accepted Raph’s embrace, leaning further into his brother’s steady heartbeat pulsing through his plastron. The rhythm, warmth, and pressure proved to be just what the freckled brother needed to ground himself.

(I’m sorry, Don.)

The shuddering wheezes hitting Raph’s neck eventually evened out into shaky, but stable breaths. Don’s arms wrapped tight around Raph’s shell, reciprocating the welcomed grounding pressure to his twin. The brother’s hearts harmonized, making both their plastrons rise and fall in sync.

For the first time in days, the silence that spread through the room was welcomed. Instead of blanketing the brothers with anxiety or discomfort, it brought a sense of calm; peace. An ice-like void transformed into a warm haven, re-igniting the brothers with a soft, shimmering flame of safety in their hearts. 

(We are home, brother.)

(We…are h-home.)

Raph remained still as his twin took one last deep breath. Neither brother moved away from their embrace.

But despite the tender moment shared by the brothers, Raph couldn’t help being himself. 

“Do ya think you can make it to my bed, or are you gonna fall over like an old lady again?”

Despite his disheveled state, Don didn’t skip a beat as he scoffed and retorted back in a thin voice, “Oh yeah, that’s it- shame the guy who nearly passed out. Great bedside manner, brother. I would recommend your services as much as I’d encourage sleeping with a lit match in a building made of drywood.”

Raph shrugged, letting out a playful chuckle.

“Heheh- Aw come on, Interi. You know what Mikey always says. The whole ‘laughing is better than medicine thing’. I’m doin’ ya a favor.”

“Oh yeah, sure. Ha ha.” Don drawled, his words dripping with sass.

“HA! See? You’re feelin’ better already.”

Don let out his own snicker as he smirked antagonistically.

“Oh I wasn’t laughing at the joke you made, I was laughing at the joke that you are.”

Raph sputtered indignantly as an offended grin shined on his face.

“Dude- I just saved your stinkin’ life! You coulda hit the floor and then *poof!* NO MORE EGGHEAD.”

“Least then I wouldn’t be here listening to your pathetic excuses for jokes.”

A’ight. You asked for this, ya punk.

Before Don had the chance to protest, Raph leaned over and lifted his twin into his arms. He could’ve chosen to hold his brother in a more dignified manner, like the fireman-hold across his shoulders, but instead decided to carry his flailing twin in a princess-carry, making Don’s cheeks burn bright with embarrassment and anger.

“R-RAPHAEL!!! This is NOT necessary!!!” Don screeched as he flung his arms and legs with as much grace as a drunk hummingbird. “YOU BIG OAF! LET ME GO!!!!!” 

Raph just smiled in victory as he walked his squirming brother to his nook. The bed creaked extra loud when Raph unceremoniously dropped Don’s wriggling body onto the mattress. 

“-Oof! …Raphael… Kisho… Hamat- HEUGH!”

With an even louder groan of the mattress, and a squeezed groan from Don, Raph flopped his whole body on top of his twin, sprawling out all his limbs like a starfish. Don let out a frustrated growl, muffled by his brother’s shell pressing into his face. 

“OH F’R H’VN’S SAKE, R’PH.”

Don pushed and squirmed with all his might trying to buck off his brother, but to no avail.

“Can’t you just feel the healin’? I’m a total pro at this.”

“G’T OFF!!”

Don tried reaching to the edge of the bed to get leverage in pulling himself away from Raph, but he couldn’t reach.

Raph let out an exaggerated yawn, stretching out his limbs further. “Ya know…” He smacked his lips. “I think imma take a nap. This is way too cozy to pass up.”

“D’N’T YOU D’RE.”

With a smirk the size of the sun Raph went fully limp, adding to the growing pressure on top of Don. 

“Gnight.”

“R’PHAEL YOU L’TTLE TW’RP!!!!!”

.  .  .

Lotus watched in curious silence as Don kicked, clawed and screeched from underneath his brother. After he bit out a particular word that Lotus had never heard before, Raph tsked and flicked his freckled twin square in the nose. 

“Language, Don! Do I need to get Dad~?”

More muffled shouts reverberated from under Raph, each one getting more and more annoyed. Lotus couldn’t help but chuckle in amusement at the two brothers’ antics. 

She wasn’t quite sure what she should be doing right now... Should she try to intervene? Maybe egg Don on? Or should she be quiet? Just try to… become invisible? 

She doesn’t really have a place to say anything, so she decides to just watch with a smile. 

Over time, Don’s muffled shouts slurred into snoring.

Lotus let out a soft snicker at the sight of both brothers sound asleep on top of each other. Don’s face was completely smushed in between the mattress and Raph’s shell, while Raph’s limbs draped limply off the sides of his brother. A small thread of spit had slowly made its way from the edge of Raph’s gaping mouth.

What a lovely sight.

Lotus softly chuckled to herself as she laid her head back on her pillow, its soft fabric welcoming her into its embrace. However, the comfort was quickly pushed aside by the unsettling feeling of something still being wrapped around her. The blanket remained laid over her torso, its linen fibers soft and heavy. The sensation made her legs itch as she tried to slide them out from underneath it, her right leg moving slow but steadily, still weighed down by the exhaustion plaguing her muscles and bones. With a few weak kicks, the weight of the comforter disappeared over her right leg. The cold air of the room enveloped her skin, making her body tingle. 

After a crackling burn ending with a harsh yelp, she was reminded to not move her left leg. 

At all. 

EVER.

Using her right leg, she proceeded to slowly kick off the rest of the blanket. Her whole body immediately relaxed and sunk deeper into the mattress as she let out a thankful sigh. The cold surrounded her, sending a gentle wave of refreshment through her body. 

That’s better…

Somehow the loud snores of Donatello quickly became background static as Lotus was left to her thoughts. 

Images flashed through her unfocused irises as she revisited the past twenty four hours. Waking up in a random bedroom, meeting the brothers…and…

A deep burn ignited inside the wound in her left leg. She hissed as she slowly leaned over to reach the offending appendage. Her shoulders and neck ached in protest with each movement as she rubbed up and down to hopefully relieve some of the tenseness in her muscles. The pain of her wound sparked a wisp of bitterness in her soul, melding with and growing the shadows over her recovering heart. With a defensive scowl, she remembered who it was to blame for what had happened.

Her mind coursed with the images of Leo’s tear filled eyes. The fear echoed through his trembling hands. His words…

His promise.

A whimper escaped her lips as her wounded leg once again crackled with bolts of fire under her skin. She was then reminded of the pills that Raph had ordered her to take before he went to help Don. As she extended her arm to reach for the edge of the bed to pull herself up, another pang twisted in the muscles of her arms, making her let out a sharp hiss through her teeth. Nervous she might’ve woken the slumbering twins, she turned her head to them with her face in a squinting grimace. Her shoulders fell with relief when she saw that neither brother had moved an inch.

Phew. Okay- feel pain quieter please.

She tried again, this time successfully reaching and grasping the edge of the bed. Her feeble fingers tightened their grip as she slowly hunched her torso up. More scattered sparks twisted the muscles between her neck and shoulders, but she was determined to stay as silent as possible. 

At the record pace of a sleep-deprived sloth, she finally reached the two pills on the side table. Her brows cinched together when she saw there was no water or cup, so she guessed she had to take them dry. They were small enough, so it shouldn’t be a problem. 

Her fingers froze just as they were about to place the set of pills in her mouth.

...Will these do anything?

If the injection had barely made a dent in her pain, then why would these pills be any different? What if they had done something to her that would make her react badly to the medication?

Hesitation and fear cinched every muscle in her arm as she held the pills mere inches from her mouth.

I could be allergic to it.

It might make me sick.

It could hurt me.

She peered down at the deep bruises splotched over the crooks of her arms.

NO.

No- It's f-fine. Even if these don't do anything.. At least it won't cause me any pain like the needle did. It's fine.

I can do this.

I can DO THIS.

She shakily placed them in her mouth and forced herself to swallow.

The pills, however small, did not want to go down her throat. The bitter taste of the outside coating made her choke out a small gag, but she persisted. She dropped her head down to make the now melting pills fall to the back of her teeth. Then in one quick motion, she yanked her head up, craning her neck, and shooting the pills to the back of her throat. The bitter taste had now been thoroughly smeared all throughout her mouth, but the pills thankfully went down. 

Definitely using water next time…Yech.

She tried her best to ignore the chalky textures plastered on her tongue and between her teeth, as she carefully lowered herself back down onto the mattress. Apparently her fingers were officially out of commission, cause right before her head gracefully landed on her pillow, they released their grip, making her jerk back onto the mattress with a loud *FLOP*.

Her head rang with disorientation as she tried to distract herself from the bitter taste in her mouth and the swelling headache in her temples. She laid still, not daring to move in order to prevent any more discomfort.

Lotus looked back to the time she had spent with Leonardo. She recalled the kindness in his gentle tone, and the grace and care he gave her despite her stupid phobias. She had never seen such tenderness. 

But one specific image remained burned into her heart, flickering with the opaque shadows of distrust.

The moment she looked into his eyes. 

He lied to me.

He acted as though he knew what he was doing with the procedure. How he spoke with her in seasoned authority had begun to give her a sense of relief. But then things quickly started going wrong. Unlike them, who would just continue on as if nothing happened and finish no matter her discomfort, Leo froze. He panicked. His hands shook and his face pinched into a tense frown. He began mumbling incoherently to himself, and it made Lotus’ stomach twist with fear that she really wasn’t safe.

All the doctors or nurses she had been brought to didn’t look any older than thirty. So how old was he?? How much experience could this kid really have if he looked like he wasn’t even in his TWENTIES?

He probably had no idea what he was doing. He did say that he was new at it, though..

I guess all that confidence was just talk.

Distrust creeped its shadow further over Lotus’ questioning heart. Her stomach twisted.

Maybe I can’t trust him.

More of Leo’s words echoed back to her in thin wisps. They softly flowed through her mind, alighting the darker, frozen corners with a small glint of something warm.

“I’M SORRY LOTUS! I’M SO SORRY!!”

Her mind rang with the cries of Leo’s apology, and her eyes filled with the image of his tears and quivering lip. He never yelled at her to ‘toughen up’, or ‘hold still’ or…anything like that. He never once snapped at her or shamed her for being weak. 

He listened… and did whatever he could to help. 

More of Leo’s words echoed back, making the shadow over her heart retreat just a little bit more.

“That’s ok. I bet Don could figure it out! He’s really smart, and I’m sure he could help.”

She had owed him. And yet he was willing to help her more than he already had, guiding her to go to Don to find answers she never once believed would be given. And on top of that… he, and his whole family had welcomed her into their home with no strings attached. 

Or at least none that she’s spotted yet.

Shadow slowly crept back up the walls of her heart, fighting against the warmth and light. With each dig of its claw, another question of doubt began to infect her mind.

There has to be a catch…Why would they help me escape? I did nothing to earn it. I didn’t ask for help.

They must want something.

 Maybe they’ll have me clean in order to stay. Or cook. Or help with.. whatever they do all day. I bet I can learn to do those things. They’ll…they’ll have to train me, but I’m a fast learner. 

Being born and raised in a lab didn’t really help with her understanding of how to do chores. They never taught her how to care for herself, or keep a living space, so she was pretty clueless as to what to do. But she could learn. Didn’t seem all that hard. Sometimes she would watch as the janitor would do his rounds cleaning the hall outside of her cell. He’d swipe down the floor with a stick that had some weird looking hair attached to it, and he would spray an airy solution on the clear glass of her wall. She had to admit it was pretty satisfying to see the glass go from speckled and wet to clear and pristine. It was the closest thing to entertainment that she had, so she would keep tabs on whenever the janitor appeared on her floor. 

As long as they show me what to do, I’ll be able to help out as best I can. And when I’m strong enough, I can go find my own place. I’ll be out of their hair.

Her heart beat faster as realization blossomed inside of it. Her mind pulled to light a long forgotten memory, faded from time, but still slightly aglow with importance. 

Shimmering blurs of a kind face with soft hair filled her vision. The gentle voice told her stories of the world, filling her little imagination to overflowing. Sometimes the woman would sneak a children’s book into her cell, secretly teaching her how to read whenever there was time. Slender painted nails would point at the pages, explaining the names and colors of the items. The woman would have Lotus read out the words as best as she could, and then a gentle finger would tap her nose playfully, quietly announcing “That’s right, Lotus!!”

The beautiful memory continued to fade. But even in the darkness of her mind, it still emitted a faint, but thriving glow. 

The pictures in that children’s book of her past came to life before her, beckoning her to them. Calling out to her that this was her chance. She could go see skyscrapers, bridges, farms, and the countryside. She could experience the nature around her, meeting the various fauna, and gazing at the beautiful flora. 

She could finally see the majesty of a sunset.

Colors were drained from every room and surface back at the labs. Every wall was either an empty gray or a piercing white. The cabinets and doors were dull with no textures. The lights didn’t even vary, always glowing a pale, sickly yellow. Except for the surgical room light, that would always give her a horrible headache with how bright its white rays were set. She would always need to shut her eyes tight in order to not get dizzy.

She turned her head to look around the bedroom. The whole wall surrounding where Don and Raph were laying was splashed with all kinds of vibrant colors. Blues, yellows, reds, oranges… She caught sight of some small hand prints too, splattered randomly throughout the whole art piece. 

Her head turned further, surveying more of the bedroom.

More and more colors seemed to pop up all over the living space, from the teals and reds of the books stacked haphazardly in the bookshelf, to the dirty orange jackets piled in the corner, to the soft blue sheets covering the mattress she was laying on. Her eyes indulged themselves with the vibrancy scattered all throughout the room, inspiring a fragile smile to grace her face.

Her past’s hollow smears of gray vanished as her present alighted with vibrant hues of hope.

She was truly free.

That's it for this chapter! :)

FINALLY we get to see more perspective and thoughts from Lotus. This poor girl has been through a lot, but I wanted a lot of what happened to her to be in subtle small details. Things you have to catch in context rather than just being told it out front.

And then the twins~ Oh MAN was it FUN to just write these two bickering and making a scene together. I'll admit, a lot of their dialogue and actions are inspired by me and my older sisters past experiences. And even now. ;) They're such chaotic goobers and I love them dearly. <3

Anyways, hope you enjoyed! Please feel free to reblog and share this story if it touched your heart. :)

To God be the glory!

~ Melissa

MASTERPOST <- PRIOR CHAPTER NEXT CHAPTER ->

[anjukaji]

♠️🃏♥️ I imagine deep down I’m absolutely paralyzed with fear, but there again, I’m so good at deceiving everyone else, deceiving myself is child’s play.♥️🃏♠️

[bones-and-earth]

To ignorant fucking doctors/psychiatrist /therapist:

thanks for:

- Assuming/insinuating that I am semiverbal and slowly losing whatever ability to have to speak from pain ON PURPOSE.

-Assuming that I am over reacting by using a mobility aid- because I'm in so much pain. (I can barely fucking stand let alone walk at all. I am shaking so severely that it hurts to even use a Cane )

-Assuming after displaying obvious traits of autism, and being disabled mentally to the point it not only impedes my speech but my ability to socialize and work- that I was not only delusional from my BPD but also a hypochondriac and liar looking for attention. And seemingly thinking I am less likely to be autistic because I'm AFAB and got good grades.

-Assuming when I was literally sobbing from migraines since age 6 that I was a hypochondriac (later diagnosed with chronic tension migraines)

-THANK YOU for not realizing that ptsd and c-ptsd was a actual diagnosis and asked me to define the diagnosis and list its symptoms. (Literally asked me: "What is post traumatic stress disorder?" Apparently he never even heard of it despite being a psychiatrist)

-Assuming I've gone to inpatient so many times because he assumed I "refused to take any medications in the past 3 years." (Which is a actual blatant lie )

-saying I can not use my aac despite me having mentioned my speech loss episodes.

-dismissing all my experiences and thoughts on my own mental health as delusions because at the time I had a diagnosis of schizophrenia.

-telling me it was my fault I was being verbally and mentally abused because I was "ungrateful despite living under her [the abusive family member] roof."

This all actually happened!!

I understand doctors are human and not perfect but at bare minimum actually listen.

So to all the medical professionals: stop dismissing patients, assuming things about them and actually listen.

And to anyone who has experienced this or similar situations I'm sorry.

(Just to clarify for those who can not easily read tone - the thank you is heavily sarcastic in this post. I am quite frustrated.)

[us-the-voices-and-more-voices-2]

a quick reminder to everyone

I have SEVERE LEARNING DISABILITIES

I am literally disabled because of my learning disabilities, I have faced literal descrimnation because of it.

everytime you call us retarded or a retard you are ACTIVLY upholding the systems in which I am trapped in.

I take more offence in being called a retard than anything due to the literal DECADES of systematic abuse and descrimnation from the medical system, every single government resource, and almost all school alternatives.

fuck you greatly if you use these words against us, I have to live in a country where they hate people like me and would rather us dead than to do literally anything to help people like us.

call us what you will, but I will never call anyone retarded because it’s a basic decency reserved for everyone.

I’m a very happy retard, fuck your ableism!

I will happily live and love and learn even if THE LITERAL GOVERNMENT doesn’t want me too.

(yeah being a mid supports autistic with other learning disabilities and disabilities in general that made me unable to attend a school just means I deserve to die. 100% legit I deal with this literally all the time always fuck the Australian government)

so again fuck you all greatly, for using a literal slur against me one that has been used against me since I was a baby.

fuck you all, genuinely.

did I forfeit my rights to be treated as a human being the moment I had a bit of trouble learning things? Because if I did I’d like to break someone’s teeth with a brick.

Edit: the language and lines between what the fuck developmental disabilities and intellectual disability are is confusing as fuck.

I have gotten very confused between the 2 because they are grouped together half the time.

My apologies to everyone for being utterly confused where I fall because it is extremely confusing to figure out, and internationally it varies wildly according to my brief reading.

I did not mean to be mean or anything I just was genuinely going off what I’ve been told most my life lol.

Shout out to my developmentally disabled brethren you are loved

[wolfprincesszola]

Echoes of 50 Masterlist

Hello everyone! This is a work that's been in the making for a little over 5 months now! I really hope you guys enjoy this, as it is only one of the amazing fics of this year's Big Bang Event hosted at @tss-storytime! As with every big bang event, there's always an artist and I'm so lucky to have worked with @thebestworstidea. The art she did for my story is absolutely phenomenal, so go check her out! ------------ Summary: Logan Sanders had spent his entire life hearing thoughts from everyone around him: strangers, family, friends, and more. He had learned more about people than he ever wanted to hear, but it became very useful when it came to gaining useful information.

His one goal in life? Find out what the government filled to the brim with powerless people has in store for him and the rest of the population with powers and stop it from happening.

Which was why it was even weirder when he had run into the prettiest man he had ever seen who just so happened to have the answers he might have been searching for. Unfortunately for him and for some frustratingly unknown reason, Patton Morris was immune to his telepathy.

The worst part? This cute guy seemed to be completely opposed against the government just as much as he was. Now it was up to him to decide if Patton was telling the truth and if Logan was to trust him in his crazy plans to try and overthrow the government. ------------

Characters: Logan, Patton, Roman, Remus, Janus, Virgil, Thomas, Emilie, Remy, Unsympathetic!Joan, Unsympathetic!Talyn, Unsympathetic!Orange Side, Unsympathetic!Friends_of_Thomas

Pairings: Logan/Patton (Logicality), Background Roman/Virgil (Prinxiety), Background Remus/Janus (Dukeceit), Hidden Remy/Emilie (Remilie)

Word Count: 55,210

Trigger Warnings: Major Character Death, Medical Trauma, Experimentation, Panic Attacks, Emotional Trauma, Abuse, Manipulation, Neglect

Content Warnings: Food, Swearing, Fighting

Art by @thebestworstidea

Read it at archiveofourown (click the underlined)!

<Prologue>

<Chapter 1>

<Chapter 2>

<Chapter 3>

<Chapter 4>

<Chapter 5>

<Chapter 6>

<Chapter 7>

<Chapter 8>

<Chapter 9>

<Chapter 10>

<Chapter 11>

<Chapter 12>

<Epilogue>

[pr3ttyr0t]

I'm so scared of the doctors and medical stuff and hospitals (cuz trauma), and the doctor was so creepy and weird at the hospital today I legit don't think I'm ever going back it's too scary. No one ever believes I get abused or harrassed or triggered or mistreated or anything, and I don't want this doctor to end up assaulting me :( I just want to heal...

[anonymouspuzzler]

more cally o'pia stuff because it's my blog and i can do whatever i want forever. below the cut is a very rough broad written timeline of How Things Shake Out In Da AU. i hope you enjoy, very dry timeline notes

>20 years ago…

The Psychic 7 (namely Ford, Bob and Cassie) raid a hospital that is performing lobotomies on psychics. In the resulting scuffle, Cassie impulsively rescues-slash-kidnaps one of the patients, a 10-12 year old boy, Caligosto Loboto.

Ford and Otto eventually reach an arrangement with Cal’s birth parents, convincing them not to press charges and to release Cal into their custody. They’re secretly quite happy to be rid of their troublemaking psychic child and to not have to face the consequences of the botched lobotomy attempt.

Cal is raised collectively by the Psychic 7 (minus Lucrecia, who’s already left for Grulovia by the time he arrives), becoming a powerful psychic, voracious reader and writer, an amateur tinkerer, and very much a next-gen hippie weirdo. He’s particularly bonded with Cassie, who stepped into a maternal and teacher role for him early on, so she takes the role of his legal guardian on paper and he assumes her surname, becoming Caligosto “Cally” O’Pia.

20 years ago…

The Psychic 6 have their fateful battle with Maligula. Cal, by this point a teenager, remains behind to watch the Gulch and keep an eye on the then-ongoing construction of the modern Motherlobe. He ends up finding Ford, mind shattered, wandering through the woods one night. Cal is unaware of what happened to him but keeps watch over him until the rest of the Psychic 6 - minus Helmut, of course - return from Grulovia.

Helmut’s funeral is held. Cal is particularly affected, especially seeing Bob’s subsequent mourning and breakdown - Cal looked up to the two as a model relationship and they helped him realize his bisexuality, so the incident gives Cal significant hang-ups around emotional intimacy and relationships.

Cal becomes part of the first class of Psychonauts agent trainees after the Motherlobe’s opening, alongside Truman (who he sees as a sort of cousin-slash-honorary family member).

Between then and Psychonauts 1…

Cal graduates and becomes an official agent, though by this point he’s already started becoming disillusioned with the Psychonauts mission, due to the continued breakdown of his family in the Psychic 6. He deliberately puts on an ineffective, slacker persona to avoid being put on missions, despite being a powerful and capable psychic. By the time Cassie leaves the Motherlobe, his role is primarily head janitor and semi-official steward of the Gulch. He also writes for True Psychic Tales under a pseudonym.

As his disillusionment grows and he becomes less trusting of the other Psychonauts for help and answers, he adopts the Loboto persona to go undercover unofficially. He’s especially looking for more information on Grulovia and Maligula, since he suspects he hasn’t gotten the full story from his family or the official press.

Cal befriends Oleander after the latter becomes an agent, eventually progressing to a tumultuous on-off relationship, which becomes something of an open secret around the Motherlobe. Each of their unaddressed issues, combined with assuming the worst based on the other’s unaddressed issues, makes each successive breakup worse and sabotages their secretly-mutual hopes for a serious lasting relationship. The big breaking point occurs when Oleander is badly injured on a mission (losing his eye and gaining his facial scar), making Cal panic over the idea of losing him like Bob lost Helmut; he encourages Truman to reassign him to Whispering Rock, which Oleander finds out about and takes as a tacit rejection-slash-lack of belief in him due to his own issues.

Shortly before meeting Oleander, Cal also has an extended affair with a married woman that he breaks off when she objects to him also seeing other people on the side. He remains unaware that he fathered a child through this affair.

Just before Psychonauts 1…

Oleander’s father dies, which causes him to finally snap and start up the Brain Tanks Plot. Having learned about Cal’s moonlighting while they were dating, he blackmails “Loboto” into helping. Cal agrees so he can secretly sabotage the project from the inside and attempt to keep Oleander safe.

Around the same time, Cal also gets a lead about the Delugianaries and infiltrates them as "Loboto". He begins to learn more about Maligula’s history with the royal family and the movement to reinstate the lost prince.

Psychonauts 1…

"Loboto" interferes as best he can with the Brain Tanks Plot without revealing his true identity to the other inmates, nor making it obvious to Oleander what he’s doing. He leaves massive openings on the psychic radio communications in hopes someone at Whispering Rock will catch them, stations Sheegor and Crispin to intentionally create weak points for an intruder, leaves the kidnapped brains out in the open to be recovered, and intentionally stalls debraining Lilli (to whom he’s an honorary uncle as Cal).

When Raz finally gets to the tower, Cal secretly trails him to make sure Raz can get to the top safely and unopposed. Once he does, Cal bails to return to the Rhombus of Ruin and continue his undercover work. Unfortunately, his boss there has figured out his true identity as Cally O’Pia, and blackmails him into kidnapping Truman by threatening his family (namely Cassie, Oleander and Lilli).

Rhombus of Ruin…

“Loboto” kidnaps Truman, and much like with the brain tanks, does everything he can to sabotage the plot without getting caught. This mostly entails poorly packaging Gristol’s brainless body, failing to dispose of the brain case, and capturing the Psychonauts after they crash rather than leave them to drown. Recognizing Raz and realizing he can excuse not “knowing” to put him under high-security restrictions the same as the other agents, he deliberately leaves Raz the means to navigate the facility via clairvoyance.

Raz learns of “Loboto’s” true identity from Oleander after rescuing him, and ends up using Oleander’s PSI-Portal to enter Cal’s mind. There, he sees the projected "Loboto" persona and meets Cal himself, who plots with him how to fake capturing “Loboto” and escaping in order to rescue Truman without giving away his betrayal. He will not give Raz information on his employers, however, still fearing for the others’ safety.

The Rhombus’ self-destruct auto-engages when “Truman” is released, to Cal’s horror. However, Raz and the agents are able to escape with their “captive”, though he still refuses to talk about his employers.

Psychonauts 2…

Sasha attempts to use a psychic construct to get the information out of Cal. It goes very, very poorly. However, Raz does manage to learn more about Cal’s backstory and get a glimpse of his boss and Maligula.

Sasha continues to attempt to interrogate Cal through the first part of the story, to no avail. After the Lady Lucktopus heist, Sasha’s forced to release him, and he returns to monitoring the Forgetful Forest. He drives away the psychic bees when Raz disturbs them, and Raz can talk to him about the undercover work as “Loboto”, his upbringing with the Psychic 6, and his apparent complicated relationship with Oleander. (There’s an optional sidequest where Raz can go back and forth between Cal and Oleander uncovering and pointing out their misinterpretations of each other, eventually convincing them to talk things out post-game.)

Post-reconstructing Ford, Cal discovers the three in the Gulch and is looped in by Raz. Cal still can’t help directly out of fear of his family being targeted, but gives Raz some tips for trying to talk to Cassie and Bob, and moves to the entrance of the Gulch to keep watch and feign ignorance of Raz, Ford, and Lucy’s presence. Raz can go back to him after helping either Cassie and/or Bob, and Cal is grateful for their apparent steps towards recovery, and baffled yet amazed by Compton and “Nick’s” arrival (with a hint that he already knows what’s up with the brainless Nick).

While Raz and company are doing final preparations for the Astralathe, Cal is distracted by Augustus trying to make it through the Gulch (and experiencing distress due to his repressed familiarity with it), allowing Norma to sneak by and witness the Astralathe activating. She comes back with Truman, and Cal is forced to let them by, knowing Truman is actually Gristol. He also witnesses Lilli tailing them and, realizing everyone is at risk no matter what and he has nothing left to lose, Cal instructs Lilli to distract “Truman” as long as she can and get out of dodge with Raz if the worst happens.

Cal runs back to the Motherlobe to search for the brain case just as Sasha, Milla, Hollis and Oleander are about to leave in pursuit of the mole. Cal begs Oleander to help him and he reluctantly agrees. The two find the case hidden in the mailroom and rush out to deliver it just as Maligula’s storm is released; they end up finding and protecting Lilli during the storm, and turn up just after she reunites with Raz to help with re-braining Truman.

In the post-game, if Raz either already completed or completes the sidequest with Cal and Oleander, they will be found together in the Gulch cleaning up around the Heptadome, and will confirm they’re talking things out. Cal will thank Raz with a signed copy of True Psychic Tales, though Raz doesn’t quite make the connection between Cal and the author. Cal also reveals Truman’s punished him for the kidnapping and undercover work by putting Cal back on the active agent duty he’s worked to avoid, intending for “Loboto” to start doing officially-sanctioned undercover work to clean up the remaining Deluginaries.

[sickficideas]

idk how much you like the thought of like,.. tubes and ivs and stuff but i was thinking of dazai with whatever issue where he seriously cant eat anything without throwing it up, he starts to lose so much weight and become so malnourished and sick that yosano needs to insert a feeding tube and iv :( he doesn’t really like it cause he feels like weak and also medical trauma… anyways the second he can eat again kunikida is making the most elaborate meals and will get him literally whatever he wants even if it’s cookies for breakfast he’d usually scold him but he’s so relieved to see him able to again

anon i looooove tubes and IVs and hospital/medical settings and i really love this idea for Dazai....fighting against Yosano when he has no energy to. he's so exhausted from being so sick and he's mentally exhausted himself from the idea that he's going to need treatment because he's not getting better 💔💔 Kunikida and Atsushi trying to distract him while Yosano does what she needs to do....ughhhh and Kunikida cooking for him 😭😭😭💔

[d0ll-part-s]

codeine cradle

i.k.b

[truths33k3r4]

Day 11- Forced to Go to the Doctor/Medic/Hospital - SIW

Lotus stretched out her arms as she sat cross-legged on the couch, groaning and wincing from the tightness in her limbs left from another restless night. It was far past morning now, slowly creeping into the afternoon as the light of warm rays peeked their heads through the grates above the sewer tunnels. 

Leo had already come through the Living Room earlier, asking about how Lotus slept, to which she replied with a simple, “Fine”. As per usual, he didn’t let her curt answer slide, and pressed her for more details.

What, am I supposed to have a full essay on my levels of sleep ready? Is that a normality in this household? It’s flipping five AM. He’s lucky I’m cognitive enough to speak.

Following a pointlessly draining argument about “being honest” and “not letting her feelings go unchecked”, Leo finally walked back to his room in a huff.

Nice. Not even six in the morning, and I’ve already ticked someone off. This is going to be a great day.

Time drudged past as she remained on the couch, trying to daydream. It was always her go-to at the labs, so she might as well use it here. Daydreaming is like having normal dreams, just without the hassle of trying to sleep. It’s a one-way ticket to blissful unawareness.

“Good morning, Lo!!”

Lotus flinched and groaned as her cold, exhausted form was blinded by the blaring sun of Mikey’s voice. Slowly turning around in an unkempt lump, her eyes fell onto her way too chipper brother bounding into the room like Bambi. His infectious smile fought every muscle in her body to lift her stagnant frown. 

“G’morning, Mikey.” She groused, “Going by the fact that you’re bouncing like a caffeinated rabbit, I’m guessing you most likely slept well.”

Mikey’s smile faltered, and his eyes quickly swelled with something that Lotus couldn’t quite classify.

“...And going by the fact that you’re as sour as Sensei’s tea, I’m guessing you had nightmares… again… I’m sorry.” 

Lotus huffed a mirthless chuckle. It made Mikey’s frown fall deeper.

“Nah, can’t have nightmares if you didn’t-”

Lotus’ tongue tied itself in a knot as she watched the bright ray that was her little brother smother into a dulling flame. There were no tears yet, but there would be soon if she didn’t change the subject now.

“-Uh. I-I mean, I wasn’t sleeping on the floor, so yeah! Sleep was great! Five stars, would totally recommend spending a night on a mattress.” Lotus backpedaled, stammering and stuttering as she attempted to breathe comedic oxygen into the dying flame of Mikey’s smile.

Unfortunately, her kind of comedy didn’t always match her little brother’s.

“Why.. Why would you be sleeping on the floor??” Mikey asked carefully, his pupils growing in size, as his flame continued to shrink into a flickering spark. The compassion in his heart quickly shifted into protective anger. “What the shell did they do to y-”

“-OKAY, I’m gonna go now. It’s fine, I’m fine, I’m here, everything’s fine.” Lotus rapidly spoke, holding up her arms in defeat at her now battle-ready brother. “Just forget it.”

Lotus slinked off the couch, briskly attempting to make her exit from the awkwardness that she caused once again.

Shoulda just kept my mouth shut. Now I broke two brothers in the span of one morning. Fantastic.

Just before she reached the hallway, her conscience ruthlessly beat at her heart. Her swift movements froze as her hands clenched into fists. 

I can’t leave him like that. Just- just try to make him feel better. I have to at least try.

With a sigh, she released the tension digging into her sore muscles, allowing her shoulders to slouch and her fists to slide open. She turned her head around, just catching the disappearing form of her brother walking into the kitchen.

“Mikey?”

Her spotted brother’s head shot up in alert as he turned around to face her.

“Yeah?..” 

Lotus pushed back all the lies lined up to leave her lips, and settled for as bright a smile she could muster.

“I’m alright. I didn’t sleep great, but it’s getting better… I promise I’m okay.”

Mikey’s downcast and concern-filled expression regained some of its warmth by Lotus’ words, as he too mustered a simple but appreciative smile on his face. His small spark grew as it breathed in the air of Lotus’ somewhat good news.

“Okay. Thank you for telling me, Lo. I’m.. I’m glad it’s at least not getting worse.”

“N-no problem.” Lotus shakily spoke, as the foreign words of encouragement and optimism found their way on her tongue. She gave an unconvincing thumbs up with her crooked smile, resulting in Mikey chuckling with a confused look on his face.

“Dude, we need to work on your smile- You look like a teacher returning from summer break.”

EXCUSE ME????

Lotus’ smile quickly sharpened and contorted into a snarl.

“EXCUSE ME????” She bellowed, fully twisting her body around to face her brother, who was now stiff as a board, and slowly edging his way further into the kitchen.

Oh I’m SORRY~ Guess smiles don’t come so naturally to someone who’s been through hell and back. LEAST I’M TRYIN’ HERE!!!

As Lotus’ last frick was given, she launched herself into a sprint headed for her shrieking brother.

IT IS WAY TOO EARLY FOR THIS.

All of Lotus’ limbs ached and begged for rest, but her wounded pride remained at the helm. All throughout the lair she ran after Mikey, leaping and dodging over furniture and even nearly knocking over Raphael. Instead of rebuking her for her temper, Raph simply burst into a fit of laughter, and held his peppermint tea up in a “go, make me proud” motion. 

Not like I needed your permission, but m’kay.

Unfortunately, Mikey’s cleverness won out against Lotus’ brief distraction. Tailing her brother into an unknown sewer tunnel, she screeched to a halt to find he had vanished. 

DANG-FRIGGIN-SON OF A NINJA TURTLE.

Lotus dashed into the shadows looming throughout the tunnel, crouching and waiting for her prey. 

Mikey may be the greatest at hide n seek…

…But he’s the worst at patience.

She positioned herself at the tunnel that led to the kitchen. 

Not even five minutes later, she heard him approaching, humming to himself. The sound of his voice melded with something else… wheels?

She didn’t let the questions stop her. In one quick motion, she leapt out of the shadows, effectively blocking him. 

What she didn’t realize though, was the speed at which Mikey was skateboarding towards her. Before she could shout for him to stop, he collided into her in a screaming explosion of chaos. The air in her lungs shot out of her mouth as Mikey’s elbow slammed into her plastron full-force, leaving her gasping and panting. Her vision flashed white as her head slammed into the concrete. 

Everything went dark.

~ ~ ~

“--otus?!?! LOT-S?!?! -AKE UP!!!!!” 

The world spun as if her head was placed in a washing machine, coiling her stomach with waves of nausea. Her ears rang with pitches that made her wince.

“Ughhhhhh…” 

“LOTUS??? Are you okay!?”

The growing nausea snaking around her tongue forced her to mumble an affirmation rather than speak it. As she tried to move, a hiss squeezed through her clenched teeth by the stinging burns clawing at her knees and elbows.

It.. is way too early… for this.

“Whereee did that train come fromm?” Lotus slurred as she rubbed at the back of her aching skull. A headache had already begun forming, pulsing at the base of her cranium.

“ME? WHAT ABOUT YOU?? What’s with hidin’ in the dark? Are you okay!?” Mikey panicked, gesturing his hands at Lotus’ collapsed body. His shrunk pupils grew in concern as he took note of all the scrapes and bruises scattered over his big sister. Especially the bruise forming at the back of her head. Fortunately for him he remembered to wear his knee and elbow pads, with his gear mostly taking the brunt of the collision.

“MMMmmm f’ne.” Lotus mumbled as she tried to stand, resulting in another strained hiss. 

“EH-EH! NO. BAD. STOP MOVING.” Mikey commanded, kneeling down and gently pushing Lotus back to the ground with his hand on her shoulder. “You’re not speaking right, and you hit your head. Leo’s gonna freak if you just start movin’ around after you got a concussion!”

The thunderous migraine in Lotus’ head was pushed aside by the growing panic creeping from the shadows of her memories. 

~“Hold her still.”~

No.

~“Breathing appears to be normal.”~

No, please no…

~“HOLD HER DOWN!”~

I can’t…

~“This will sting.”~

“I’m gonna try to carry you-” Mikey whispered, squeezing Lotus’ shoulder, and then shifting to reach underneath her. “Leo will want to check you ou-”

“NO!” Lotus choked out in a shattered scream, flailing her arms and legs to deter Mikey from carrying her. The movement only inflamed the sting of her scrapes and bruises, but that didn’t matter. She was not going to do this. Not if she had a choice.

And now she does.

“NO. I’m FINE. Lay off, Mikey.” Lotus growled under her breath, riding out the swirling tides of nausea in the depths of her stomach. “I’m fine. I’ll walk it off.”

Mikey’s expression hardened into a pout of defiance. Concern still filled his soul to the brim, but there was just enough room for exasperation at the very top.

“Ah, no. Not gonna happen. I’ve been in enough wipeouts to know that’s not gonna fly, sister.” Mikey spoke as sternly as he could, shifting his voice so that it left no room for argument.

“I. SAID. NO.” Lotus ground out, barely finishing her sentence because of the creeping nausea making its way up her throat. 

The world was still spinning. Her legs and arms ached, and that pain was only intensified by the scrapes and bruises. The argument with her stubborn little brother wasn’t helping her migraine either.

“DUDE!! He’s just going to check to see if you’re broken- THAT’S IT! Last I checked, he’s not planning some nefarious scheme in the Medbay!” 

He didn’t mean that- he doesn’t.. know what he’s saying.

“Fine.” Mikey huffed, pulling back his arms and pushing himself off the ground. He began turning around. “ I’ll just go and get him, and he can carry your concussed butt to the Medb-”

“N-no..” Lotus whimpered, wrapping her arms around Mikey’s torso from behind him as she knelt on the ground. “Please, Mikey..”

The spite on Mikey’s face vanished as he felt Lotus’ body shake with frightened tremors, uncontrollable sobs escaping her in fragmented shards.

“P-please….I… I can’t..” She brokenly pleaded, nuzzling into Mikey’s carapace. “I just can’t..”

“...Why are you so scared of him?” Mikey whispered, gently gripping onto Lotus’ quivering arms around his waist. 

“I-It’s n-n-not hi-im…” Lotus hiccuped, now releasing her sobs freely despite her pride. “I-I-It’s what he’ll d-d-do.”

Mikey’s brow tightened as his eyes softened. He carefully pulled Lotus’ thin arms off him, followed by kneeling down and twisting into an embrace with his shivering older sister. He stayed silent as Lotus softly wept into his shoulder, speckling his jade green scales with her misty blue tears. When it seemed she had finally settled, he spoke.

“I go in there all the time. It kinda looks scary, and smells weird, but I promise Leo’s the best mutant turtle in the medical business. He’s always careful. And gentle.”

Lotus’ grip around him tightened.

“He’s not goin’ to do anything that will hurt you unless he has to. And if it comes down to that, he usually won’t do it until you’re ready.”

...And what happens when you're never ready?

Mikey pulled Lotus away from him just so she could see his face. His thumb delicately rubbed away her tears. He smiled.

“He’s not like them, Lo.”

More tears brimmed over Lotus’ eyes.

“Leo loves you. You’re not some science project to him.”

The panic and fear in her mind slowly began creeping back into the shadows of her past.

“He takes care of you cause he wants you to be okay.”

Lotus tried to rub the tears off her face, but they kept coming. She tried to forget the ghosts of her past but they kept flashing back. Despite the power the shadows held over her, Mikey’s soothing voice and words restrained them. They were still there, whispering and reminding her of what she’d been through, but their ghostly voices were drowned out by an overwhelming shine of warmth.

She took a breath.

“O-okay. I…I’ll g-g-go.” Her voice still shook in terror, but her words echoed of her bravery, newly blossomed by her little brother.

Mikey’s smile shone the brightest it had that morning, as he nodded. Before Mikey’s arms slid under her again, she whimpered one more plea.

“M-mike- Please move slow…s-so...nauseous…”

Mikey’s eyes widened as he gave an understanding nod, making sure to move carefully as he picked Lotus up. Thanks to his more gentle motions, Lotus’ head only mildly pounded inside her skull as he began walking to the Medbay.

The whispers of her past screamed with all their might, demanding her to run, to be afraid, to cower. But the love of her family far exceeded her past.

She knew she was safe.

She knew she was home.

THE END 

Thanks for reading! :)

~ Melissa

~ TMNTember Prompts List ~

[thecouncilofidiots]

Mm, love (/sarcasm) the fear of not knowing if you took the meds or not because you're dissociated as FUCK, but fortunately you and your headmates write down all your meals/things you've taken so you can check instead of accidentally ODing -Ace

[waywardtyrantpirate]

Tw; attempted murder, conspiracy, abuse, medical sabotage

So, in my previous post I mentioned that I am a strangulation victim. I've been thinking lately about my childhood an realized my mother may have tried to murder me earlier. In some recovered memories ì remember her talking to her bf about how I was "accidentally" overdosed when I was in the hospital when I was 4yrs old. She was it "was enough to kill a 200lb man" which I do remember being in the hospital when I was 4 but not the overdose. Idk what the medication she was talking about either.

I was sick a lot as a kid in an out of hospitals an I think she my have just gotten fed up w/ taking care of a disabled child. I think she decided to medically sabotage me an make it look like an accident.

I mean she's threatened to kill me multiple times (not in the usual way).

This w/ the whole her trying to strangle me kinda makes me think that she tried to kill me.

Anyways, does anyone have any advice on this? I mean getting help dealing w/ the mental toll of attempted being murdered 2x? By my own mother?

[ghostlyvisage]

You’re given the chance to relive any moment in your life you’d like (not change, just relive). But the catch is that you first have to relive the worst moment in your life. Would you go for it?

He's quiet for a very, very long moment, slowly curling up like that would save him from the question. Would he do that? Be able to relive holding his son just one more time? Carrying Outbreak back to his ship for the first time?

In exchange for having his insides torn open and pushed around? Choke on his own energon again while all they did was poke around and mutter amongst themselves? He didn't have one worst moment, there were several of them, each worst than the other.

"...I don't know. I don't know how much of it is worth it anymore." His voice is muted, quiet as he curls up further away, covering his middle like it would protect him from the memories.

He didn't know if it would be worth it.

But by the thirteen he wanted to hold his son just one more time...