#that’s how those stereotypes form in OUR communities

[starlooove]

Need to stay off tiktok why are white men going ‘white women be like’ and white women talking about their ‘white boy obsessions’ those are just ppl to you. The descriptor is unnecessary. Those aren’t ‘white women’ to you they’re women. Thats not a ‘white boy obsession’ that’s a boy obsession. This is the problem with y’all copying everything black ppl say online; we use those descriptions bc when we talk about black women/men we don’t NEED to specify amongst ourselves. We do when we talk about y’all. Like y’all just saying shit makes you sound so weird. Also the men are just being misogynistic and the women are tryna make regular ass shit sound quirky and cool like you hate ur mother and u have a crush. It’s ok. Be yourself.

[mars-ipan]

hot take transmascs do face a kind of oppression specific to them but it’s not transandrophobia or whatever ppl are calling it it’s just toxic masculinity and regular misogyny

[torimidori2-blog]

Can we please stop preventing ourselves from saying "not all men"? I honestly don't get people who are trying to stop targeted transphobia to transmasc people, yet still say that they're not trying to say "not all men". Trans men are men, right? Not all trans men are terrible right? We also have cis male feminists and allies, right? Are they helping us? So they aren't bad people? Hm.... Well if you said yes to all of these things, lemme tell you something that may surprise you... I know it's gonna be really absurd and you might just freak out about it, but uh... not. all. men.

There. I said it! Not all men! We can't generalize anything about all men, because if we do, trans men will be in that generalization! Then we'll get people posting shit like "omg men are trash especially trans men lmaooo" We shouldn't be blaming men for the way people perceive gendered norms. If we can have a cishet man waving a rainbow flag to support his friends at pride, we can also have women who say that women should stay in the kitchen and live life like a 1900s housewife. People are pretending that the moralities are associated with gender and is black and white, when that isn't the fucking case at all. How about we blame our main offenders: Misogynists? Misogyny can come in many different forms and can be spewed by many different people, even trans people! If we fight against those people instead of blaming one gender for all our problems, we could actually have a chance at making a change and making people have revelations about the reason why they think men are trash. It's like even people within the LGBTQ++ community have a "Girls rule boys drool" attitude towards gender. Damn...

And for the record, I understand why those generalizations are made, because masculine cishet men are the most accepted people in society and their social pressures aren't as bad as everyone else's because men are the ones who made those gendered standards in the first place which caused them to oppress those who were different from them, but times are different and men are being encouraged not to hide how they express or how they feel even if they're cis. Masculinity in society is always expected to be as thick as an eyelash, but men are starting to realize what masculinity means to them on their own without letting society dictate that. Please give those people a chance, and stop making generalizations about them, that way, those stereotypes against them being aggressive, degenerates, airheaded, and egotistical won't be translated into the trans community towards trans men.

[gettinontopic]

How am I racist? Other people are constantly trying to get through to you about transmisogyny and you instead choose to constantly try and hide behind being black, acting like that makes you immune from transmisogyny. You can still hurt transfems of any race with the way you talk about opression. You think men are an opressed class who's so so victimized by the mean women and fems of the world that you wont listen to those same actually opressed women.

Maybe if you were more willing to listen onstead of bloack a bunch of us every time we disagreed with you, you would u deratand how you're perpetuating more misogyny than any trans woman/fem whos using a few words not perfectly.

Btw, the standards you put on our words isn't fair and then you turn around and demand we be okay when your word litteraly implues we can opress you.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

How are you racist? How are you r a c i st?? You have to be kidding me! This must be a joke. Your laugh of the day. Your haha of the week.

I d not hide behind being black. Youre sick for implying that. Like many black people before me I beg my community to remember the nuances that come with my race when they talk and a bunch of them spit in my fucking face. They tell me they want the right to opress me (As if their whiteness doesn't already allow that) or they try and argue how another class of trans women is still below me in their sick opression math. They are not below me because this is not a ranking of who has it worse. Me and trans women are working together to rid the world of transphobia.

I have never on my ENTIRE blog said that men are so opressed by women. Words in my mouth moment!! I have said that the patriarcy, a system of opressions, opresses men and encourages the worst in human behavior to survive and be safe.

Those womens opression doesn't matter more than mine. All of our opression matters equal ly. We are all fighting for our rights and safet. There is no reason we need to form a line and force someone to wait a turn. I am not speaking over woman to call out the abuse to to trans men, trans masc, and other nonbinary people. Nor is it speaking over women to make sure intersex voices are included and heard when its said that negtive stereotypes and standards of men hurt them too.

Funny you claim I block all of you but you seem to have no clue how many have me blocked on the word of a racist discourse blog or who blocked me after I rightfully call out their racist remarks. It grossed me out that you assume I can't hold good faith discussion and not that maybe some of you blocked me first for talking at all. Also lmao guilt tripping me for using my block feature to keep my spaces safe and comfortable. Why, did I block your main and you've bee seething?

I'm not bothered by a few incorrect words. I'm litterally pissed at the racism, exorsexism, and blantant transphobia thats been thrown my way and the way of many other trans people at this point in an attempt to stop us from speaking about opression that affects us.

*Slow clap* What standard? The standard not to write transphobic ass shit about trans men/masc? Where you blantanly lie about our experiences ? To the point you're also lying about our nonbinary experiences? To the point where your lying about intersex and multigender and even sometimes other different trans womens experiences? I watch this happen in resl time and you have the audacity to ckme in my inbox and tell me I'm word policong you? Right before admitting you don't want us to have our word bc you still won't learn it's definition!! Fuck.

I am proud of myself. I am so proud of my beautiful nonbinary black fucking ass that you WISH you could have what I do.

[genderkoolaid]

I'm sorry, I don't understand how gender liberation and gender abolition are different. Isn't the goal of both to get rid of all gender stereotypes and masculinity/femininity and let everyone do what they want? /gen

So first off I wanna say these are my subjective understandings of these terms; some people agree with me but I've seen others who use both "liberation" and "abolition" interchangeably.

My definitions:

Gender abolition = getting rid of gender entirely, creating a completely genderless society Gender liberation = ending gender as a tool of control, allowing people to engage with it on their own terms

Gender abolitionists view gender as being inherently harmful, while gender liberationists view gender as being neutral and capable of being used in positive ways. An abolitionist standpoint may be that nothing should be considered masculine or feminine; everything should be gender neutral. A liberationist perspective may be that while nothing is inherently gendered, people can self-define "masculine" and "feminine" (or anything else) as long as they are not forcing others to live by those definitions. I started identifying with liberationism instead of abolitonism because I felt that abolitionism can easily end up as a form of cultural colonialism. I feel that when we understand gender as a social construct, we can take control over that construction and shape gender in more healthy and liberating ways. The beauty of being a sapient person is that we can reflect on our cultural creations and consciously construct and re-construct ideas like gender as we learn more about the harm of genderism and sexism.

I think both kind of have a "do what you want" mentality, but abolitionism looks more like "nothing is masc or fem, so you can do whatever and not think about gender" whle liberationism looks like "anything can be masc or fem or literally anything else, so you can decide how you want to engage with gender." Both would probably reject gender stereotypes like "men do x/feminine people do y" since both acknowledge that gender isn't an inherent trait (although inherent traits may lead people to identify with a certain gender).

Its hard for us, right now, to imagine a version of gender completely dissociated from the harms of genderism and sexism. But I believe that it is possible for gender roles to exist in a post-gender world, where someone engages in these roles not out of habit or expectation but because they have Seen The Truth (that its all made up) and decided to play with it anyways. Either way, a society based on gender abolition or gender liberation would have a fundamentally relationship with gender and sex than we do, so its hard to say exactly how these may look when put into practice- ultimately I think that it would depend on whether or not the people in a given community have the collective desire to continue constructing gender.

[end-otw-racism]

The OTW Board Elections are over, and with that wraps up our second End OTW Racism action! Thank you to everyone who has participated over the last few months, whether by voting, attending the July 2 OTW Board Meeting, submitting questions for the candidates, sharing our posts, writing to the OTW Board, providing us critique and feedback, and more. 

Now that we’ve completed two End OTW Racism actions, we wanted to take a breath and tell you a little about how we started. We began as a team of five people in May who felt spurred by renewed conversations we’d seen on twitter about racism within the OTW and wanted to do something about it. As we’ve shared in our FAQ, the core organizers are all fans and users of AO3, including both people of color and white folks, who have been in fandom for decades. We’ve added new core organizers since May, but also some organizers have rolled off, so we remain a small and diverse team.

Since the beginning, we’ve had four specific demands for the OTW:

Harassment policies that can be regularly updated to address both on-site harassment and off-site coordinated harassment of AO3 users, with updated protocols for the Policy & Abuse Committee to ensure consistent and informed resolutions of abuse claims

A content policy on abusive (extremely racist and extremely bigoted) content; by abusive, we are talking about fanworks that are intentionally used to spread hate and harassment, not those that accidentally invoke racist or other bigoted stereotypes

Hiring a Diversity Consultant within the next 3-6 months

Committing to a policy of transparency on this topic, with quarterly updates on the progress of these projects including challenges and their plan for overcoming those challenges. These quarterly updates should be published on OTW News page and newsletters, not solely discussed in Board meetings

This may be surprising, but we only began planning our first action in May five days before we announced it! And we’ve been working really hard since then on top of our other individual life obligations. We also rolled straight from our first action into our second because of the timing of the OTW Board Elections, which made things even busier.

We’re very proud of all we’ve accomplished and everything that has happened since then - not only the work we’ve done and the progress we’ve made on our specific goals, but also the way that a larger conversation has opened up publicly about many other forms of racism and dysfunction within the organization. These conversations have, of course, been going on for years, both inside and outside the OTW, and more recent efforts have built on the work of fans of color calling out racism in fandom for decades, particularly Black fans. The discussions that have happened since May included thousands of people in fandom and have become wide-ranging, and we’re thankful to everyone who has been part of them. Organizing and running this campaign has also been a learning process, and we've grown so much from the feedback we've received. We look forward to being even better as we continue on with our specific anti-racist lens.

We couldn’t have done any of this without all of you, the community that has fostered and spurred these conversations and put them into action. We’re also really excited to see that other campaigns are coming up to address aspects of racism in fandom that are outside our narrow scope. We hope our example of what you can do as a small team can be an inspiration to anyone else who wants to start their own parallel antiracist efforts too.

Since it’s been an exhausting (but thrilling!) few months, our core team is going to be taking a pause for a few months to reflect and regroup before planning another action focused on our specific goals. We also want to figure out how to engage more of the community in our planning for future actions, since we know there are lots of people who are excited about this work, and we weren’t able to do that in the quick turnaround between the first and second actions.

In the meantime, we’re excited to announce that two partner projects will be launching next month! These will not be led by our core organizers, but by other fans who have volunteered to take them on. 

Anti-Racist Fanlore Project: An effort to update Fanlore, the fandom history wiki run by the OTW, with articles that flesh out the history of racism and anti-racism in fandom. This will be a collaborative project run through a new Discord server, and we welcome people of all levels of experience with Fanlore editing, including people who have never done it before! We’ll need people for a wide range of tasks: project management, research, drafting, reviewing, and posting to Fanlore.

Anti-Harassment Street Team: A group aimed at supporting people who are harassed for talking about racism in fandom, including developing de-escalation practices, creating resources on curating your own space, correcting misinformation, and more. This project will also be collaborative and run through a new Discord server.

You can sign up for these projects on our Volunteer Sign-Up Form. If you already signed up for either of these projects at any time in the last few months, you will receive an email with more information when each project kicks off. 

Apart from those projects, we’ll see you again for our next action in a few months. If you need to get hold of us in the meantime, you can email us at endotwracism [at] gmail [dot] com, though we may take a little while to get back to you. Thank you again for your passion and support in fighting racism in the OTW!

- The Fandom Against Racism Team

[ultratradmalewife]

I fear I may have spoken too soon. I made a post thinking there would be a turn around in the attitude certain Buddie shippers have towards anyone who doesn’t validate their ship, but I just don’t think they quite understand what they’re doing. Some of them are downplaying their homophobia to only the cutting Lou out of the stills, but when I make claims about that it’s something serious, and not really about some stills. How they handle situations like this will and is affecting real life queer people who aren’t secure in their sexuality.

I’ve seen damaging words tossed around about not just a character but a real man, calling him predatory. I’ve seen real fans slinging the word fetish to other queer fans. These fans have almost always done nothing wrong, most of it only comes from one side (I would know I’m chronically online). And we have major accounts like that deranged Samantha girl (who only recently started celebrating Bucks bisexual journey, wonder why) on Twitter amplifying one single shipper who had a really bad take, and these fans know what they’re doing because they use that one take as a weapon to talk about a fictional relationship, a relationship that is currently in the spotlight with general audiences, and all that audience is seeing is that one rotten apple, that one rotten take, and they’ll form an opinion on not just the ship (I don’t care about the ship), but the community itself. That’s where the homophobia comes in.

Do you really think some still is what would cause us to finally be vocal about how our community is being dragged by these fans who can’t think beyond their ship??? We’re being tagged by these accusations and malice, and you expect us to be quiet about it? I defended my trans sisters all last year on Twitter because transphobes made the same accusations, and none once did I think I would have to see this repeated when entering the fandom.

If anyone is actually here for the right reasons I urge you please shut these people up. It’s getting more personal and more nasty now. Ryan’s racist past is re-emerging because Buddie fans are so hell bent on always calling a fictional man (Tommy) racist whenever they can. It’s not my place to forgive Ryan, but none of this would’ve happened if you gave a new character the same decency you gave an actor. Obviously the real human should always come first, but when it comes to race this is a situation that is too real. It wouldn’t surprise me if there’s Buddie shippers actively trying to find something of Lou’s past to smear him, and if they do that’s on him, but this back and forth will only grow more intense by the minute to the point this show will become unenjoyable to everyone. The show brought us together for a reason and I will like to keep it that way, and I urge those bloodthirsty shippers to find that reason again.

(And Buddies what is it with you calling anyone who doesn’t like your ship racist? I’m a Mexican who doesn’t like Buddie because of the stereotype of a catholic gay. Does that make me racist?)

[scholar-of-yemdresh]

Hot take but the aggressive hardline separation of asexual and aromantic is actually EXTREMELY harmful to a lot of ace/aro people.

Angry rant under the cut

It's one to thing to go: "okay yes sometimes they go together but it's important to remember that for some people they can be different things and you can be one and not the other"

And go: "These are TOTALLY DIFFERENT 100 always separate there is no intersection EVER and if you DARE to be both then you have to piecemeal your identity to not uwu invalidate others(we do not care that we are invalidating you though lol) Don't you DARE ever experience them together you are CONFLATING"

It's like yall just want asexual to = alloromantic only and aromantic to = allosexual only.

You don't give a shit about aroaces, aces who aren't alloromantic but don't ID as aromantic or aros who aren't allosexual but don't ID as asexual.

The aspec community despises us. We get talked down to demanded to split our identities apart for your comfort. We can't exist in certain spaces because our presence there is a personal affront to allo-aspecs. Shout out to the alloaros that bitch about those disgusting aroaces just clogging up the aromantic tag ☺. Shout out to the alloaces who can still love and aren't totally heartless monsters 🥺.

Don't talk about ace shit in the aro tags, Don't talk about aro shit in the ace tags...what's that you're both? And can't neatly separate them and it brings you comfort to be able to discuss your whole orientation? SHUT THE FVCK UP YOU CONFLATING IGNORANT SHIT HEAD.

If you want to be in the aromantic community you have to leave your ace-ness at the door same for asexual community and disregarding your aromantism.

A personal example was an Aspec discord server I was in that had two media recs channels one for sex repulsed people and the other for romance repulsed. Now the issue came is that they didn't acknowledge someone could be both i.e both sex & romance repulsed/just looking for media that had neither sexual nor romantic content, what this lead too is that the romance free media channel was filled with graphic hookup erotica or sexually explicit songs and the sex free channel was just fade to black romance books 🙃...wonderful.

Or when polls/forms will ask you to pick your orientation but only things listed are het,gay,bi/pan yes even the ones made by aspecs, and what they actually mean is use the one that correlates to your romantic/sexual attraction...so fvck aroaces and non sam aces & aros?

And don't get me started on how you treat non sam aces & aros. You at least tolerate the self IDing aroaces, because they have the "curtesy" of separating themselves from the real proper aces & aros.(let's not question how many aroaces would prefer to just ID as just asexual or just aromantic but are forced into aroace identity because that would be "conflating" and they don't want to deal with the harassment).

"UwU don't say asexual when you actually mean aromantic" Some bitches don't use to SAM fvck off with allo-splaining my own sexuality to me.

It would be so much easier and save a lot of pain if yall just went : "asexual for some means no sexual attraction and it says nothing of your romantic attraction AND some people use it to mean no attraction generally". And "aromantic for some means no romantic attraction and it says nothing of your sexual attraction AND some people use it to mean no attraction generally" and "for some they are separated but others not so much as there isn't always a strict separation. Just be chill about it don't accuse people of being ignorant or conflating they know their identities better than you". But no ya chose violent aphobia instead.

But ultimately nobody cares because this shit is only harming the undesirable aces/aros the ones who are harmful stereotypes the ones that make you "look bad".

I know deep in my heart there are a lot of alloaces & alloaros that who would be happy if aroaces & non sam aces/aros didn't exist, there I said it. How can I not come to that conclusion when at every turn they shit on us. They talk about how the worst thing in the world is to be mistaken for one of us. That our representation is actively harmful.

A last parting spicy take it's either "asexulity and aromantism are full identities on their own and aren't modifiers" OR "actually neither asexual nor aromantic can stand on their own they need to be paired with another orientation and they actually are just modifiers" you can't have it both ways. 🤭

[contemplatingoutlander]

America has legislated itself into competing red, blue versions of education

This is an excellent article in The Washington Post about how our school systems have begun to reflect the political divisions in our nation, with many red states legally banning discussions on racism, sexism, and gender issues, and many blue states legally requiring those kinds of discussions. This is a gift🎁link, so anyone can read the entire article, even if the don't subscribe to the Post. Below are some excerpts:

Three-fourths of the nation’s school-aged students are now educated under state-level measures that either require more teaching on issues like race, racism, history, sex and gender, or which sharply limit or fully forbid such lessons, according to a sweeping Post review of thousands of state laws, gubernatorial directives and state school board policies. The restrictive laws alone affect almost half of all Americans aged 5 to 19. [...] The divide is sharply partisan. The vast majority of restrictive laws and policies, close to 9o percent, were enacted in states that voted for Donald Trump in the 2020 presidential election, The Post found. Meanwhile, almost 80 percent of expansive laws and policies were enacted in states that voted for Joe Biden in 2020.

The explosion of laws regulating school curriculums is unprecedented in U.S. history for its volume and scope, said Jonathan Zimmerman, a University of Pennsylvania professor who studies education history and policy...states have never before stepped in so aggressively to set rules for local schools. [...] [A] nationally representative study from the Rand Corp. released this year found that 65 percent of K-12 teachers report they are limiting instruction on “political and social issues.” “What the laws show is that we have extremely significant differences over how we imagine America,” Zimmerman said. [...] In practice, these divisions mean that what a child learns about, say, the role slavery played in the nation’s founding — or the possibility of a person identifying as nonbinary — may come to depend on whether they live in a red or blue state. [...] Almost 40 percent of these laws work by granting parents greater control of the curriculum — stipulating that they must be able to review, object to or remove lesson material, as well as opt out of instruction. [...] Another almost 40 percent of the laws forbid schools from teaching a long list of often-vague concepts related to race, sex or gender.

[...] At the college level, among the measures passed in recent years is a 2021 Oklahoma law that prohibits institutions of higher education from holding “mandatory gender or sexual diversity training or counseling,” as well as any “orientation or requirement that presents any form of race or sex stereotyping.” By contrast, a 2023 California measure says state community college faculty must employ “teaching, learning and professional practices” that reflect “anti-racist principles.”

Some experts predicted the politically divergent instruction will lead to a more divided society. “When children are being taught very different stories of what America is, that will lead to adults who have a harder time talking to each other,” said Rachel Rosenberg, a Hartwick College assistant professor of education.

[aro-bird]

I do have to say, as someone on the camp of "you could probably ship someone else who isn't non-partnering but honestly I don't care as long as you don't harass people over this", I think it's lost on some people that the reason why so many non-partnering aroaces may become defensive over these characters even if "it's just fandom" is the fact that a lot of aroaces who do fit these stereotypes and who may fall into this camp genuinely had horrible experiences about their social circles and yes, especially this fandom site, harassing them and saying they don't exist or that they're mentally ill and should "get fixed" among other things.

As common it is to see aspecs here on Tumblr, the queer social media site, you need to understand that there's still a lot of contempt for aroaces outside and inside this place. Hell, I received an ask calling aros and aces delusional just last Christmas Day 2023 that came with a wave of increased arophobia around that time. As much as that time period was definitely discourse against aroallo men, aphobes did not cherry pick on who they're sending hate to.

Besides this, a lot of non-partnering aroaces often receive this kind of dismissal in real life too and as much as some people may think it's not a big deal, it definitely fucks up your brain when people say you and your experiences not only don't matter but you are doomed to live a lonely and miserable life if you don't find someone. Even my otherwise very supportive relatives expressed this concern and it's absolutely out of care but it's fucking damaging to constantly hear that I will die alone if I don't find a partner (romantic, platonic, or otherwise).

This is besides dismissals like this or even non-acceptance had literally barred me from mental health care when I was a teenager because my specialist said I had a "distressed sexuality" and had specialists focused on that aspect rather than all my other issues.

The shipping of a non-partnering (typically romance repulsed or uninterested) character feels like another form of dismissal for someone like me, like my sexuality is not good enough or serious enough to be respected. The shipping of these characters sometimes reinforce the narrative that non-partnering aroace people can't find happiness on their own and do need someone (romantic, platonic, or otherwise) to be happy or they will become happier if they do find this someone. People are having fun with their ships but there are still many people who don't want to spend the time actually extending grace and understanding towards me and my experiences. I'm just another discourse topic and someone who's inconvenient to some of them.

This doesn't even account for how these fan communities aren't just filled with aspec people and do extend to allos who may take some of the discourse and actively apply it in real life to other real life aspec people. People who go and interact with real human beings and may hurt them or harass them. It isn't even accounting for the fact that even online things affect real people too.

Of course, I do understand that a lot more complex aspec identities often don't get the spotlight so they may express themselves through shipping fandom characters but non-partnering people should deserve more than these people isn't really the point of this post.

The point here is that there's a reason why a lot of non-partnering (typically repulsed or uninterested) aroace people get defensive about these things even in fan communities and it's very likely that it's because aphobia and especially against the stereotypical aroace™ still very much exist outside of our little community and they can be informed by media and the fans that consume it and this shit could genuinely have negative consequences. This of course extends to those who do have complex aspec identities as society does not treat those who don't live up to what is expected as "normal" in terms of romantic relationships and sexual attraction kindly.

Distancing yourself from these aroaces who do have frustrations with how media and fandom treat their sexuality because they're being "prudes" or are just affected by "purity culture" is unhelpful to say the least and honestly veers eerily close to shit I hear aphobes say about us.

Absolutely do stop people and block them if they're instigating and participating in harassment over shipping of all things, even these aroaces, but trying to say that every person who do have issues with shipping aroace characters are the same way with this is extremely lacking nuance and absolutely dismissive of other members of the community and why they may have the opinion they hold.

[terulakimban]

The “cultural Christianity” stuff is making the rounds again. And what I think a lot of people who object are missing about that designation is that you have to actually leave a culture to not be part of it anymore, and even then, it will still shape a lot of how you first react to things.

I’m American. I have spent, collectively, a grand total of four months (rounded up) outside the US. My parents were born here. My grandparents were born here. I am pretty definitively culturally American, for all that literally no one in my family identifies as “American” before they identify as “Jewish.”

I can say American culture sucks. There’s a lot about it (yes, I know there’s more than one. Yes, they can be quite different. Yes, there can be a great deal of tension between them. No, that doesn’t necessarily make that much difference from the outside. Yes, that is quite relevant to the extended metaphor I’m going for here) that does. What I can’t do is say I’m not actually a part of it. I’m a citizen. I’m surrounded by other Americans at pretty much all times. I’m not emigrating, I’m not making a point of immersing myself in specific local expat communities as a cultural immersion thing. I’m certainly not “from no country.” I definitely don’t have a more objective sense of American culture than someone who isn’t American and is living here reluctantly. I may have a more in-depth sense of it, but there’s no way they don’t have the basics down, because it is fucking everywhere, and they are constantly running into people who are trying to make them assimilate into it (further) in some sort of attempt to help them be normal. And they, unlike me, have a sense of what it looks like in comparison to something else.

Now. Let’s say I decide I hate America and everything it stands for and I don’t want to live here. But my family’s here, and I’ve got positive memories. I don’t have the money to go somewhere else. So rather than actually leave, I develop a deep fixation on another country. Maybe it’s based on a shallow understanding from stereotypes, maybe it’s a genuine respectful interest. But surrounding myself with a bunch of other Americans while we go on about... I dunno, how much we love England and tea does not erase how we’ve spent our whole lives being American, and it certainly doesn’t erase how we’re still living in America. Let’s say I take it a step further. Let’s say I actually emigrate somewhere. There’s two extremes. Either I fully immerse myself in my new country. I learn the language, I participate in the culture, I genuinely try to immerse myself. Or, I feel uncomfortable because things are weird and different and not quite what I’m used to, so I surround myself with a bunch of other American expats, and we spend all of our time talking about America. Maybe we talk about how much we hated it and how awesome we are for leaving it and how much it sucks and how everyone who’s there is terrible. Maybe we talk about the good things. But we’re still centering our existence around America.

But even in the first of those options, where I genuinely try to acculturate, there’s still going to be things that pop up for the rest of my life where those initial few decades of life in the US will shape my expectations. Maybe they’ll be small things “oh right, sales tax is listed on prices here.” Maybe they’ll be big things “excuse me, what just happened in parliament?” But I will always have that American lens with me. Even if I hate it. Even if I found it traumatizing. That’s not a moral judgement on me, it’s just how formative life experiences work. I can become not-American. I can’t become never-American. 

Cultural existence in a religious framework -any religious framework -works the same way, because religion both has and shapes culture. When I bitch about the omnipresence of cultural Christianity, I’m not calling anyone who is culturally Christian bad. I’m complaining about the pervasiveness of Christian hegemony. When I complain about culturally Christian atheists (which I only ever do in the context of specific behaviors by specific people), I’m not saying “these people are terrible and unredeemable,” I’m saying “there is a very clear pattern of people taking the step of saying they dislike Christianity but then trying to enforce Christian hegemony by claiming the parts they like are secular, thereby effectively coming across from an outside perspective as a continuation of the general attempt at forced Christianization.”

If you hated the Christian family you grew up with and everything about them and Christianity but like Christmas and want to celebrate it, that’s fine. Genuinely happy for you you’ve got something you enjoy! Have fun! Nog your eggs! Deck your halls! Call it Festivus and put up a pole instead of a tree! Do an anti-Christmas where you decorate with Halloween decorations in Santa costumes and celebrate with spooky stuff! But that doesn’t make it secular. It makes it you finding the one bright spot you had in darkness and hanging onto it. I sincerely respect that -it’s difficult to do. The thing is, I’m not in that darkness, and you trying to insist everyone have that light of yours comes across as yet another person shining the interrogation light of “why can’t you just be normal like me” in my face.

I don’t want Christmas. I want freedom from it. “Everyone can have Christmas” in response to “I don’t want Christmas” doesn’t come across as a friendly offer to share. It comes across as an aggressive attempt to force assimilation specifically on people who say they’re actively fighting it.

[alluralater]

THIS IS A GENUINE QUESTION

I mean no disrespect when I say this, only curiosity. I see a lot of posts (including yours) talking about things that white women do and how they act and it’s completely normalized and not seen as racist. Say someone caucasian/white were to say something about a black person, they would be told that they are stereotyping them and that they are being racist. Is it not the same? Forgive me if I’m wrong, but isn’t equality supposed to go both ways?

Maybe I’m missing something but i’m not sure. Sending love and I hope this was okay for me to ask <3

alright this made me exhale a very long sigh but i will answer with the faith in mind that you are asking and genuinely trying to find understanding. for future reference, you can find information on this practically anywhere on your own. watch this silly but accurate thing first and then we'll talk serious.

firstly, no. racism is not a two way street between white people and those of color they systematically oppress. there is no reverse racism when the oppressed groups have no power other than the kind found and shared in their words. there is no equal footing. if a white person is standing on top of a roof and they throw rotten tomatoes down on me, it does quite a bit more damage than if i were to try and throw some UP to the rooftop. now imagine if the building they are on is a skyscraper and you'd pretty much have an understanding of why it does not work both ways.

secondly, by my posts i assume you're referring to those posted in the last day or so referencing white privilege and the lack of accountability when presented with the fact that they are perpetrating forms of harm against vulnerable groups and use their tears and victimhood as a way to get out of criticism. i would genuinely love to see a harmful white stereotype that has impacted white people enough that they walked around with people believing it to be constantly true on the basis of their whiteness. the only white stereotypes are those that have come in response to the pain white people have caused. the karen and ken, for example. white tears (specifically those shed by white people who identify with womanhood) are a weapon. you can read more on the topic in this paper. here are some relevant sections that i think are quite loud given our current conversation and discussion the last day or so.

these tears have caused great harm against people of color as well as silence people of color by essentially showcasing white people as defenseless and in need of help against terrifying forces. it sounds the alarm for sympathy and protection, usually against people of color and their criticisms. it is a learned response to avoid accountability, especially when confronted with the knowledge that they have done something to harm a vulnerable group or person. "everyone is against me" "they're all ganging up on me" etc, are things you will usually hear in this case.

minimizing the intensity of their harm is something likely to happen as well. to frame criticism as gossip or drama is a learned strategy to minimize a situation, even while crying about how hurt they are. simultaneously and falsely embellishing the magnitude of the situation to garner sympathy but minimizing any criticisms. there is no accountability or remorse, no apology. it is strategic and learned through how they navigate the world and systems which reward their victimhood, aggression, and lack of accountability. white people will often gather other people and incite a mob mentality. festering hatred within communities and pushing blame onto anyone aside from themselves. yes this is a white trait. to want all of the attention and none of the blame, to wish to be seen as delicate and powerless when criticized but not without power when it is a beneficial reminder and shield. alongside this, white people will often demand apologies from the parties they wield these tears against.

i hope you will be encouraged to do your own research on your own time and look out for things like this when you see it happen. unlearning your bias and understanding racism for what it is, is your own journey. there is a reason people of color know it when they see it, and white people often don’t.

[likealittleheartbeat]

One of my most reblogged posts says, “ ATLA asks whether you can actually be friends across these lines if society refuses to be equitable. Friendships and romance depend not on conflict to deepen them but an active peacefulness.” I think a lot of people relate to the post’s critique of the kyriarchy (all those damn interwoven -isms!) and the ways it limits the formation of relationships. It describes how violence shortens lifespans, squashes nuance, and forces people together into exploitative rather than mutual dynamics. It’s easy to read my post as condemning the possibility of real connection across lines of oppression. I think that’s what I believed when I wrote it even. I’ve always had a certain gifted grace when I reread my writing, however, to discover that I’ve left a window of opportunity open. In this case, the window is within a few words in those sentences: “ATLA asks whether you can,” and that word, “active.”

The show doesn’t merely ask, but it answers its questions with that concept of active peacefulness. Wtf does that mean, tho??? Our boi Aang is so notably avoidant as to be a stereotype of his culture within universe. If it were up to him alone at the start of the show, peace would be a completely passive state. But if that were the case, he’d still be in the big ol’ ice cube. It’s Katara and Sokka’s dynamic and conflicted communalism that frees the avatar unto the world again. Katara demonstrates how disagreement and rage need have nadda to do with assault or abandonment. They can be the features of closeness and trust within a healthy growing relationship, peaceful even as they exact major shifts in the world. Sokka’s misogyny isn’t anything to imitate, but its the first instance we see in the series of a relationship strong enough to accept critique, discourse, and change. Just in this first episode, Sokka illustrates receptivity, Katara models productive and honest emotion, and, soon enough, Aang is introduced to spur on the expansion of these healthy communal practices beyond imposed borders, with all of them learning and growing in relation to one another.

This has profound implications for what comes in the finale regarding Azula and Ozai. These two powerhouses depended on order to stabilize their relationships rather than the bitchy discursiveness that constitutes real friendships or the meaningful arguments and compromises that make for a healthy romance. Importantly, neither gets the comeuppance they’d prefer: domination. Instead, they’re forced into relational dynamics. Azula is frozen alongside Katara, while Ozai’s energy is melded with Aang’s. If they are bested, it’s not in the arena of power; it’s in mutuality. They’re forced to be closer to the people they’ve oppressed and abused, held together rather than apart, and they come out of that encounter cowed but uninjured, the way a friend’s censure pains a soul so much worse than an enemy’s assault that cripples or kills. And the show’s not idealistic about the consequences of these symbolic gestures. It imprisons the antagonists, who are still not friends or even allies--only horrific equals who have a long way to go before any kind of trust is possible.

One person knows that long road, though. Zuko. His relationship to the gaang, and most of all Aang, reveals best that friendships across the constructed lines of oppression are possible and, in fact, a model for the most transformative relational dynamics. I’ve gotta block quote Ramzi Fawaz’s shit on friendship in Queer Forms, cuz it’s game-changing in concepts of friendship, and subsequently, why we feel so delightfully charged by Zuko’s ‘redemption,’ as its been called. 

Friendships of the kind I am describing, then, ones that carry the spirit of inventiveness and experimentation described by [Audre] Lorde and [Michel] Foucault, are exceptionally capable of handling conflict, because a genuine equality between the parties (that is nothing like sameness but has to do with two people equally valuing one another) means that both are actively engaged in the construction of the bond. This is why friendship can never function as the application of a rule (you must care for me in this predetermined way as a condition of our speaking) but rather takes shape in the doing of it, as the mutual creation, and continual renegotiation, of shared criteria for dialogue (we will speak, again and again, in order to figure out what conditions best enable our mutual growth). This model of sociality leaves far less space for victims and perpetrators, accusers and accused, because of a sense of mutual involvement, a complicity of the best kind not unlike Lorde’s conception of ‘the erotic’ as a force that animates a shared creation or ‘invention’ of new social forms between two people. It is also a description of the kind of interaction that incites people to change, to relase destructive or oppressive logics like homophobia, sexism, transphobia, and racism, not under ideological duress, shame, or demand, but in the surprising encounter with others who shift the ground beneath one’s feet.

We can see these kind of steadfast and contentious dynamics with lots of pairings as they develop on the show : Toph and Katara, Suki and Sokka, Aang and Teo, Katara and Aang, Mai and Zuko. These relationships go beyond simple alliance. While the empire’s violence might force these people together or apart, its their own abilities to face their differences, stick it out, and build something mutually beneficial (rather than the easier option of antagonistic) that connotes these relationships, even as it forces them to vacate the ideologies they held at the beginning of each episode in order to create more expansive visions of understanding. Zuko’s arc, of course, is the clearest answer atla offers: he goes from a villanous relationship, to a stance of confusion, toward a final state of loyalty and dedicated friendship. 

Relationships are possible within the sphere of violence and across the hierarchical lines the violence has implemented and enforces. Those people in positions of power, upheld by the violence and neglect of others, are actually equals (in the existential sense) to the most marginalized individual, and are therefore capable of all those tenets of humanity--embarrassment, sensitivity, loneliness, evil, empathy, etc. It’s only that the domain of oppressive conflict makes the tensions, betrayals, and metamorphoses that are a necessary part of the best kinds of friendships terrifying because those experiences feel so similar to abuse. In abuse, though, only one person is forced to change. In a reciprocal relationship, everyone is surprised to find they’re not entirely offended that someone else finds them imperfect--and somehow that’s endearing and engenders changes that neither person necessarily even demands. This is active peace: joking, judging, hugging, arguing, confessing, bitching, breaking rules, trusting, dancing, loving within a deeply imperfect world with deeply imperfect people for whom you, nevertheless, still want the best and who seem to want the best for you (which is why you wanted the world to change for the better in the first place).

[scarlet--wiccan]

Do you think Billy and Tommy suffer from intergenerational trauma ? Also we never see Billy and Tommy interact with Max. If you could alter their origins what would you do ?

(You don’t have to answer all these questions sorry lol)

When we talk about intergenerational trauma, we are usually referring to trauma which persists in our cultural memories, or to trauma responses which become cyclical patterns in our families. One of the things that's really interesting about this family of characters is that none of them were raised by their birth parents or grew up with a complete knowledge of/relationship to their cultural heritage. This is slightly less true now for Wanda and Pietro, post-retcon, but my point is that the way these people have inherited intergenerational trauma is typically non-linear.

I tend to get in trouble for saying this, but I think that Billy and Tommy's reincarnation makes the most sense as a metaphor for interracial adoption. Specifically, their relationship to Wanda, their Romani heritage, and their family history maps fairly well to that experience. So, while the course of their lives has been impacted by the trauma of past generations in a very material way-- and there is something to be said for epigenetics-- they may not have internalized the Maximoff family's intergenerational trauma in the way that you're picturing. The nature of their existence and upbringing creates its own traumas and fractured identities, but a lot of what they've inherited is going manifest in the course of processing new information about their background as young adults-- not to mention the ramifications of being publicly known as Wanda's children in a post-Decimation world.

I am not an adoptee, so this is not my experience to speak on, and you can take what I'm saying with a grain of salt, but I am a person of mixed Romani heritage, and family separation and cultural disruption in the wake of WWII are big parts of my inherited trauma. That's part of why I find the Maximoffs-- Billy and Tommy included-- so relatable, because that's a specific form of cultural trauma that they have had to endure in every generation, and in ways that reflect multiple periods of Romani history. Part of why I like to really emphasize the fact that Billy and Tommy are Romani characters is because their positionality and way of arriving at Roma identity adds nuance and diversity to Romani representation. I think the spectrum of Romani cultural & ethnic identity is something that a lot of comic writers and fans just don't understand, but I think that digging in to how Billy, Tommy, and Luna relate to those identities would be a really good, organic way to have those conversations in the text and bring a more authentic understanding of the subject to readers. But you absolutely need a Romani writer to do it, and that's why they need to start hiring us!!!!!

I'd also like to point something out that I don't think anybody really talks about-- the current version of Wanda and Pietro's origin story and how they got their powers reflects the real history of human experimentation, reproductive rights violations, and child abductions that have plagued Romani communities for a long time, especially in mid-century Europe. Their "mutations" are a product of that violence, and the fact that Billy and Tommy inherited those mutations reflects the medical and genetic legacies of this racial trauma. This is presented in direct contrast and conversation with the Maximoffs' magical heritage as witches, which is is a racial stereotype that here is subverted as a positive, enduring legacy of cultural empowerment and survival.

Of course, the text itself does not fully commit to these ideas on paper, but my point is that when you have the knowledge and you're invested in how Romani people are imagined and portrayed in this world, it's a very rich text!!! I love comics and I love these characters! There's so much to talk about!

Since you did mention Magneto, I want to note that Wanda and Pietro's relationship to his & Magda's history and their inherited trauma is also non-linear, and has shifted several times based on retcons and varying character treatments. There's no doubt that they have a lot of baggage, but again, it's a situation where they didn't grow up as children of Holocaust survivors, so the way they process it might just be different. I certainly do think that the Holocaust and the war are part of their cultural memory, even if we don't know how much the Maximoffs were directly affected. Billy and Tommy are more removed from Magneto in this sense, but it should go without saying that one or both of them are Jewish and would already have a connection to that history through their foster/birth families.

[zztibranul]

sometimes it feels like i am not living properly as a queer individual. every day i see beautiful colorful people all over the media living the most intricate and incredible lives, while i’m doing quite the opposite. i want to experience the stereotypical west coast queer life that i see so often online. i want to go to pride and party with drag queens. i want to go clubbing at ungodly hours and meet interesting people who have lived the fullest lives. i want to experience the sense of family that can only come from my queer peers. it sucks feeling like i am wasted potential in such a big wide world.

i want to be the burlesque dancer with the “crazy” hair and rhinestone-lined bodysuit. i want to be the leather-clad festival goer in assless chaps with hand drawn pride stickers on the back of their hot pink mitsubishi. i want to be a decora rave doll with eyelashes that curl past my brow and homemade kandi bracelets lining both of my arms. i want to be the rainbow punk at the gay bar with brightly colored hair and a well-decorated crust jacket. i want to go to coachella and have the most stereotypically amazing queer time. i want to have a huge circle of friends who come from all different walks of life, yet still somehow managed to make their way to my city and live as they truly are. i want to experience the cool nighttime air as i walk, hand-in-hand with my lover, out of our favorite club. i want to feel the glow of the neon lights on my skin as i explore a large and seemingly never-ending city with new friends that i met mere hours beforehand.

i live such a quaint life compared to those i see online every day and it pains me, but these things will never be a reality for me. i live too far away from the lights and any form of acceptance. i’m a pastel goth who can’t even afford the aesthetic i love so dearly. i’m disabled, so my body would probably never be able to handle going clubbing or even just walking a pride parade, but god, wouldn’t it be so nice?

it must be such a breath of fresh air to be able to be unapologetically yourself. it truly hurts to open any social media app and see people whose reality is something that i daydream about being able to do, but at the same time it makes me so happy i could cry. we live in a time and age where queer people can exist so boldly and vibrantly, it is beautiful. it’s incredible how far our community has come in such a short amount of time. it warms my heart. i don’t ever want this to be taken from anyone, even if i’m not lucky enough to live that in-your-face queer life under those neon city lights.

[genderkoolaid]

Hey, I had read a post from you a while back where you mentioned that people can be queer solely because they're autistic, even if they're still cishet, and I was wondering if you could explain that a bit more? I've been frustrated for a long while with how I'm expected to look and act as a cis man, and that's lead me to blogs like yours.

So, its been pretty well established now that autistic people* are more likely to identify with queerness, in gender and sexuality and anattraction (aspec).

One factor in this is that autistics tend to not pick up (or want to follow) arbitrary, often unspoken social rules. So many autistics don't understand or want to follow rules about what defines men and women and how those groups Should behave and why only these groups can exist.

But there's also deeper issues in how gender roles themselves reject autistics. For example, autistic people tend to use and move our bodies differently. For me, I tend to be somewhat clumsy and generally "ungraceful," which goes against the expectation for women to be good at using the body in structured and pleasing ways. We may not speak in ways men and women are socialized too. Stimming can be a very visible sign of neurodivergency, which is often dehumanized and therefore de-gendered; our physical mannerisms aren't not stereotypically masculine or feminine, but simply inhuman. And sensory issues may influence the way people present themselves, like an autistic woman shaving her hair or an autistic man shaving his beard, or wearing certain clothes that aren't "properly" gendered. I've also seen discussions of kink that talk about how autistics tend to have different ideas of pleasure and pain, which shapes how we engage in sex.

And gender tends to be a highly communal identity- while autistics are often alienated from community. We don't pick up, or fit into, "man" or "woman" culture of allistics, which can often be very exclusionary for anyone who doesn't conform to that mold. (For me, I coped with this in middle school by having a friend group entirely composed of undiagnosed & likely queer NDs, so we didn't have to worry about being weird little freaks around each other. Highly recommend this). This alienation can also effect how we form romantic/sexual relationships, and how we engage with the expectations around what it means to be a "boyfriend" or a "girlfriend."

There's this quote from bell hooks on queerness that I really love: “'Queer' not as being about who you're having sex with (that can be a dimension of it); but 'queer' as being about the self that is at odds with everything around it and that has to invent and create and find a place to speak and to thrive and to live.” Autistic people are frequently at odds with everything around us, and have to create or find new places to speak, thrive, and live. I tend to center queerness on gender and desire (or lack thereof), and being autistic can have an effect on any or all of those categories.

Basically, if you feel like queer is good at expressing your relationship with your gender/sexuality, and/or that queer community/queer theory feels like a safe place to explore and engage with those things then I welcome you here for as long as you want to stay.

*this applies to all ND groups, but we're just focusing on autism in this post