#thomas mama

[baywatchberlin-archive]

#141 - Die Heufer-Umlauf-Notfallsätze

Link zur Folge auf Podigee.

Aufgezeichnet in Klaas’ Büro, Aufzeichnung am Montagmorgen, dem 26. September 2022. Veröffentlicht am 30. September 2022.

Thomas spricht zu Beginn der Aufnahme an, dass er “nix [zu Erzählen] hat”

Klaas erzählt, dass er am vorherigen Tag Zuhause aufgeräumt hat (darauf kommt er später nochmal zu sprechen); er hörte dabei Nachrichten-Podcasts, wie Apokalypse und Filterkaffee - kurioserweise erhielt er in diesem Moment eine Sprachnachricht von Micky Beisenherz selbst und berichtet von seiner Verwirrung

Thomas erzählt von seinem idealen “freien” Wochenende, an dem er nichts tun muss - die letzten zwei Monate hatte er nur Wochenenden mit Terminen, sodass seine soziale Batterie nun leer war

Klaas’ Aufruf wieder mehr ins Kino zu gehen und Empfehlung für den Florida Film “Mittagsstunde”

Thomas setzt noch einen drauf: Wenn die kleinen Kinos aufhören, versenkt er sich im See

Thomas’ Filme - Empf- und Entfehlungen:

Top Gun Maverick - gute Action, dummer Film

Jurassic World Dominion - ai ai ai, eine riesen Scheiße

The Black Phone - eher eine Empfehlung wenn man Horror mag

Gold (mit Zac Efron) - Top Empfehlung

Klaas erwähnt dass Zac Efron und Dwayne The Rock Johnson mal zur Promo von Baywatch bei Circus Halligalli waren (zum Video)

Klaas erzählt einen Schildkröten-Witz (hier zum Nachlesen)

Jakobs Kitchen Chronicles, Pt. I: 

er berichtet von seinem neuen Kochfeld-Abzug (Dampfabzug, der nach unten in die Herdplatte geht) und der Angst, darin würde all der Sauerstoff aus der Luft abgezogen werden und er könnte das nächste mal beim vegane Bolognese kochen (wie er es zum ersten Mal am Wochenende getan hat) ohnmächtig über dem Kochtopf werden und in seiner Bolognese sterben 

Daniel Rauleder (”Rauli”) wird erwähnt, der Jakob in Kenntnis gesetzt hat, dass man als Kaminbesitzer eine Dunstabzugshaube mit Fensterkontaktschalter zur eigenen Sicherheit besitzen muss - jedoch der Kochfeldabzug keine Gefahr darstellen wird

Thomas erhält Hassnachrichten gerichtet an Jakob, der bei seiner Kaffeezubereitung die Zeit, in der Espresso gezogen wird, nicht auf die Sekunde genau nimmt - Jakob klärt den genauen Prozess nochmal genau auf

es wird angezweifelt, ob man deshalb Jakob den Titel “Kaffeearschloch” nicht aberkennen wollte

“Die Heufer-Umlauf-Notfallsätze” - Klaas spult auswendiggelernte “Schlagfertigskeitssätze” ab, die er angeblich aus dem Internet hat

daraufhin soll Klaas auf Jakobs und Thomas’ Beleidigungen kontern, Beispiele: “dumme Sau” - “angenehm, Heufer-Umlauf” oder “du hast ein widerwärtiges F*ckmaul” - “können Sie das wirklich einschätzen?” oder “deine Hose spannt” - “ja, das kann sein, wie war Ihr Urlaub denn so? scheinbar war das Essen ja nicht so gut”

Werbung: Stepstone

Klaas’ spricht den Werbetext als “Manni Ludolf”-Nachahmung; dann erzählt er, dass Manni Ludolf Persönlich zu ihm und Joko bei der Wok-WM (2010) sagte: “ist egal ob ihr gewinnt oder den letzten Platz macht, hauptsache ihr fährt [!sic] gut”

Unterhaltung über Jokos Fußballspiel bei Pizarros Abschiedsspiel (Werder Bremen) im Weser Stadion

es wird sich ein wenig über Jokos Spielkunst lustig gemacht, was Klaas durch die Handyvideos von Jan Delay gesehen hat

Klaas ist anscheinend sehr verrückt danach, er hätte dreimal Thomas dieses Video geschickt

Thomas erwähnt Felix Kroos, den er auch auf der Premiere von Mittagsstunde gesehen hat (am 21.09.2022 in Berlin; dort anwesend waren aus der Florida: Thomas Schmitt, Klaas Heufer-Umlauf, Arne Kreutzfeldt und Maren Knieling und weitere)

Thomas und Jakob sind beeindruckt, dass Klaas mit Kaká (Weltfußballer, seine Hochzeit: 2008-2011) in derselben Sportgruppe trainiert - Klaas jedoch total teilnahmslos

Jakobs Kitchen Chronicles, Pt. II: er hat in seiner neuen Küche am falschen Ende gespart und “musste” am verkaufsoffenen Sonntag zu IKEA, um sich auf die Suche nach einem Besteckkasten zu begebe

er hat den Wunsch eine Fast Lane im IKEA zu eröffnen, damit man schnell an den Bummlern vorbei kommt

generell er schimpft sehr über diesen IKEA (Lichtenberg) und beschreibt seine brutalen Gewaltfantasien, die ihn hegten

Klaas ist an diesem Sonntag (25.9.) an der Landsberger Allee auch an dem IKEA vorbeigefahren - mehr über Klaas’ Ausflug am Sonntag später

Jakob wurde an diesem Montagmorgen von einem Zuhörer, der gerade in diesem Moment BWB hörte, am Boxhagener Platz bei seinem ersten Kaffee erkannt

laut Klaas ist Armin Laschet gerade als Mentalist unterwegs

Laschet stand an einer roten Ampel mit einem Handy an dem Ohr, ohne das Handy festzuhalten - das sei Laschets Mentalist-Trick

Jakob war Joggen ohne Kopfhörer (auch an das passierte an diesemm Wochenende) und vergleicht sich damit mit Jesus’ Taten, denn mit jedem Kilometer wurde es unerträglicher für ihn

Klaas erzählt von einer Studie, deren Ergebnis war dass allein der Gedanke an eine körperlichen Tätigkeit zu Muskelzuwachs führen kannv (stimmt wohl, Forscher der Ohio University konnten Ähnliches nachweisen, nicht vergessen: Korrelation ungleich Kausalität)

Werbung: O2

Thema: Aufbruchsstimmung - Jakob möchte braungebrannter Bademeister in Italien werden

Klaas erzählt nochmal, dass er beim Aufräumen informative Podcasts hört (konservative Nachrichtenpodcasts) wie The Pioneer Podcast oder den Coronavirus-Update Podcast

Thomas gibt seinen neusten Kink zu: rechts-konservative Podcasts (Peter Hahne, Eva Herman) beim Einschlafen zu hören - er findet deren Meinungen und Werteeinstellungen drollig - Klaas stimmt ihm dabei zu 

Berliner Marathon (25.09.22): 

Klaas war von den Absperrungen der Stadt betroffen und konnte mit seinem Auto nach Hause fahren - als Lösung entschied er sich sein Auto stehen zu lassen und einen E-Scooter zunehmen

Klaas traut sich derzeit keinen Marathon zu, nur einen Halbmarathon mit ganz viel Anstrengung - er möchte auch nicht unbedingt einen Marathon bestreiten, er hält so lange am Stück zu laufen für ungesund

Thomas erzählt von einem Zuhörer, der von seiner Oma einen echten Picasso geschenkt bekommen hat (Bezug auf einen Werbeblock von Baywatch Berlin), welcher damit sehr viel Ärger hatte

Rubrik - Lassen Sie das:  Von einer 23-jährigen Büroangestellte im Austausch mit ihren Ü40-Kollegen

Jakob macht den Witz, dass keine über 40-jährigen bei der Florida arbeiten würden

Thematik ist das Aussehen, das junge Alter und die Weiblichkeit, die von männlichen, älteren Kollegen diskreditierend kommentiert wird

Benni Harnisch wird erwähnt, der wohl bekannt dafür ist, nach dem Feiern über den Hof der Florida zu torkeln

auf Klaas’ Technikprobleme wird angespielt, der wohl auch noch einen vollgemüllten Desktop hat

Zitat Klaas: “wenn wir irgendwann mal [auf Live Tour gehen] - da muss man etwas bieten” - bezogen auf seine Schlagfertigkeits-Notfallsätze

Klaas war im Restaurant und wollte gerne eine Cola bestellen - die Cola, die dieses Restaurant hatten, war selbstgemacht, stand nicht auf der Karte und wurde den Gästen auch geschenkt statt verkauft - die hat komplett anders als Cola geschmeckt, aber nicht schlecht

Thomas lehnt ab, gesponserte nicht-Coca Cola-Cola anzunehmen, diese würden sie nie trinken

SMS von Thomas’ Mutter 

hat nachdem sie den Podcast gehört hat, in dem darüber  gesprochen wird, dass sie mit Klaas telefoniert hat, meldet sie sich bei Thomas, um sich rührend zu bedanken, dass sie  Klaas kennengelernt hat; aber sie kritisiert Thomas für seine Interesse am Sommerhaus 

Der Sommerhaus 2022-Talk:

Jakob bemerkt, dass verdeckt Alkohol getrunken wird, da die Produktion ihn diesem Format Alkoholkranken Personen zu viel Drinks gegeben hat; nun würden die Kandidaten im Sommerhaus Alkohol in Kaffeetassen geschüttet, woraus dann getrunken wird

Jakob startet nun nicht so euphorisch in die neue Woche, das letzte Mal hatte er Bock [auf Arbeiten] 2014

[swe3tte4rs]

Batifamily headcanons feeling jealous about their siblings spending more time with Batmom? Or something like that, however you like to write it 🙊

" Jealousy jealousy " - Batmom!Reader x Batkids

Author's note: MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR (late)!!! Love this 🫶. And I feel like this request is VERY my AU!!! Dah, who wouldn't compete for the love of their sweet and loving mother!? (The hatred between them began when Bruce had to set schedules for each one so they wouldn't fight for Batmom's attention... joke)

Also I am very sad, because when I was responding to this kind of request and I saved it as a draft, it was deleted 😭!!! CRYING 💔💔!!! On top of that, I loved the request, it was beautiful 😭! It was about Batmom as Bruce's couple and Bruce introduces Batmom to the batkids... And if it was you who sent it 🫵, let me tell you that I loved it and it will take me a while to upload it 💓!! Lov you all

And (I almost forgot to mention this), This AU of the batfamily is a mix of comics, series, headcanons (I LOVE headcanons of batfamily 💗), video games, movies and webtoon! + My main language is not English, so if you find any spelling mistakes, tell me in a comment!

Request opens 💗💗!!! BUT, before you request anything check my rules.

Dick Grayson / Nightwing

Honestly, I don't see him being jealous of his brothers at all! But since I haven't read all of his comics and in this AU he is a mix, I don't have an opinion. 👀

Let us begin.

I feel like Dick is a real mama's boy, he love his mom and he will prove it.

Dick is very used to having all of Batmom's attention to himself.

But he hides his jealousy very well, or so he thinks…

Jealousy began when Dick started having siblings. DON'T DENY ME GIRL 🤝🤝!!!

When he gets jealous that you spend more time with, I don't know, he'll go to sleep with you and Bruce, but leaving Bruce aside and enjoying your caresses in his hair while he listens to his siblings complain from outside the bedroom. (Bruce hate this, but I feel that at the same time he love it just a little bit. Very little.)

Possibly he will also rub things you did with him that you didn't do with your other children in his siblings' faces.

I think he is the only one (along with Jason) who has a complete album with photos of him as a child. So he'll show it off to others by saying that you loved him so much that you made an entire photo album of him.

He would do the same with Jason, telling him that his album has more photos and with more photos of you and Dick.

I feel like he would start a whole fight against one of his brothers just to carry all the shopping bags by himself so you don't do it. (This idea is similar to "Jason Todd is a total mama's boy" because I was inspired by it, so credit to its respective author 💓)

"Mommy, did you just call me Damian? Oh my god... my heart..." #atotaldramaqueenbaby💋💋👊👊

Jason Todd / Red Hood

Another drama queen...

A mama's boy from head to toe. (My poor baby just needed a fucking mother figure 😭💔)

He is first in everything. Do you need help opening a jar? He already opened it for you and said I love you and then left and returned to a mission.

But that's not what we're talking about right now... Nonono, we're talking about jealousy, guys...

I bet he's the most sensitive of all.

He makes sure you don't show favoritism to anyone, unless it's him, if so he lets it go.

Did you spend an extra minute with one of your other children because you didn't see the time? He is already burning in a pit of jealousy.

I feel like he would start fighting with his sibling and then he would apply the law of silence to you. But it doesn't last long because he can't resist your cute nicknames and your "you're my favorite" (you say that to each of your babies)

"Why do you call him "son"? He isn't even your son!" And he gives you a whole long speech when you were just trying to be nice to Roy.

He even gets jealous of Bruce.

He doesn't care if it's one of his sisters or a good friend of his, you can't call them cute nicknames! And even less if they are the ones you use with him!

He has good hearing, he makes sure that you call him by his nicknames and not by one of his siblings' nicknames.

"WHAT THE FUCK, MA?! Why are you washing Tim's hair with the shampoo you use with me!?!?" You broke him...

Tim Drake / Red Robin

( I haven't read almost anything by Tim, so forgive me if something doesn't add up, but I promise you that I already have more or less what his personality is like.)

Tim does not admit his jealousy, he is calmer compared to his brothers.

He might start scheduling his patrols to coincide with Batmom’s free time, ensuring that he gets to spend some time with her.

I feel like he would feel more insecurity than jealousy

But I also think he would try to take Batmom's attention away from his sibling by calling Batmom to help him do something he can easily do alone.

He wouldn't care if you treated his friends like your children. I think he would be happy.

Umh Well… I think there's not much to jealousy about this one...

Damian Wayne / Robin

Yes, I headcanon that Damian is one of the most jealous once he realizes that Batmom can give him the love that Talia didn't give him.

He is the same as Jason, he has the same percentage of jealousy.

The only thing is that he would start making arguments about why Batmom would have to spend the whole week with him and not with her brothers.

Oh, and he doesn't care what Bruce does with Batmom. Although he is disgusted by the slightest affection they have.

At galas, I feel like he would be glued to you, hugging your waist and making sure there is no threat.

If you're not patrolling, he'd be with you watching some movie. (I DON'T KNOW WHY I IMAGINED HIM WATCHING MEAN GIRLS)

"I say mom Is going to go with me first because I'm the best-" And then he was interrupted by his siblings.

There is a relationship of hate and equality between him and Jason…

"Don't you see that my mother has an engagement ring and I'm next to her, son of a- *you interrupt him*" I feel like he would say this to anyone who flirts with you.

He is not understanding why his siblings get to spend more time with her.

Mama's boy

I would continue writing, but I have no more inspiration and ideas, sorry...

Cassandra Cain / Orphan

WHY DID SHE PUT THAT NAME BRO???

Cassandra, being the quiet and observant one, might internalize her feelings of jealousy.

Cass is the last one to get jealous, honestly.

She understands that Batmom loves them all equally and there is no favoritism.

Although sometimes she doubts…

She would feel excluded every time she sees you spend more time with one of her siblings.

But putting that behind, she would know that you love them all equally and would let it go by speaking with you how she feels.

0,1% jealous.

Stephanie Brown / Spoiler

Depends…

I think she would feel jealous if Batmom shows favoritism towards others.

In itself, I don't think Steph is VERY jealous. Just... a little bit.

Duke Thomas / The Signal

I need to read more about this man 😭

He's the newest one in the batfam, but he was still able to connect with Batmom very well.

Duke is not one to be jealous, he just doesn't care what batmom does.

Although he is a similar case to Cass.

He would feel a little "insecure" seeing the ties Batmom has with his siblings.

But it always ends well with Batmom watching a movie with him.

[You can put more headcanons in a comment if you like!! And suggestions are always welcome <3]

[noxturnals-void]

✨ Afternoon nap for the hardworking man ✨

[99pm-e]

I'm so down bad for Thomas Hewitt these past days it's not funny anymore :)

his actor beings hunky as fuck?? him being HUNKY & CHUBBY??? DAD BOD???? mamma's boy??? im 7 feet underground rn

[maze-mind]

Ivy Trio (In)Correct quotes.

Yes. Part 3. It's too late for me *dies*

------------------------

Store Worker: Would a “Newt” please come to the front desk?

Newt, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?

Store Worker, pointing to Minho and Thomas: I believe they belong to you?

Minho and Thomas, simultaneously: We got lost.

Newt: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me...

---------------------

Newt: I have a bad feeling about this...

Thomas: What do you mean?

Newt: Don't you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if you're going to get into trouble?

Thomas: No.

Minho: That actually explains so much.

-----------------------

Newt: What’s up? I’m back.

Thomas: I literally saw you die. You died. You were dead.

Newt: Death is a social construct.

------------------------

Newt: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?

Minho: I'm a knife.

Thomas: He's the little spoon.

------------------------

*Scenario: Minho+Thomas in jail together*

Thomas: So, who should we call?

Minho: I'd call Newt, but I feel much safer in jail.

-------------------------

Thomas: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever, and you're both invited.

Newt: 'If?'

Minho, sarcastically: Great! The only party I've ever been invited to, and you might not even *die*!

--------------------------

*Scenario: Newt driving Minho+Thomas*

Newt: So, how was your guys' day?

Thomas: We almost got surprise adopted!

Newt: What?

Minho: We almost got kidnapped.

Newt: Oh, okay.

Newt:

Newt: WAIT, *WHAT*?

---------------------------

Minho: What do you think Thomas will do for a distraction?

Newt: He'll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That's what I would do.

*A building explodes, and several car alarms start beeping*

Minho:

Newt: ...Or, he could do that. Seems like Tommy.

--------------------------

Newt: Hey Minho, can I have some dating advice?

Minho: Hold it. Just because I'm dating Thomas does not mean I know how I did it.

---------------------------

Newt: ...Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Minho?

Minho: No.

Thomas: I do!

Newt: I know, Thomas.

Thomas: I'm sad!

Newt: I know, Thomas.

---------------------------

Minho: What if the 'g' in 'gif' is silent?

Newt: Go the shuck to sleep.

Minho: What gif I don't want to?

Newt: Shuck You

---------------------------

Someone: How many kids do you have?

Newt: Biologically, emotionally, or physically?

[vodrae]

Selina Kyle's shelf

Character design from WFA

[wondersinwaynemanor]

Duke's few weeks in the Manor

Damian: So, Thomas, how's the stay in the Manor? Staying with the rest of those juveniles - *sighs* with the rest of the family?

Duke, smiles brightly: It's been great. I like the training sessions and patrols, the movie nights -

Damian: So no regrets, nor second thoughts?

Duke: Of course not-

Tim passes by the room where Damian and Duke are talking.

Tim, furious: I swear to God, Jason!!! I'm burning all your books. Where the fu- where's my bo staff???

Jason: Aren't you supposed to be the smartest among us, Timbers? Find it yourself!!! And why the fuck do people keep blaming me in this house???

in a few seconds, Jason passes by also, one of his guns on his hand. he gives a peace sign to the direction of his youngest brothers, before disappearing from their sights.

Babs: No shouting in the house!!! And put that weapon away, Jason.

Babs passes by next, giving them a sweet smile, before she looks down on the tablet on her lap, loud sounds erupting from it.

Damian, raises his brow: You were saying, Thomas?

Duke: Oh yes. I said I'm not having any-

Steph enters the room with a bag of chips on her hand and some skincare cream on her face.

Steph: WHERE'S MY- Hey, kiddos! Don't mind me just *munches on a chip* 'inding for my lipstick- Oh, there it is!! And no, I'm not giving you any chips. Byeee!!

she leaves the room, loudly munching on her chips.

Damian, the corner of his mouth twitching to a smile: Yes, Thomas?

before Duke could respond, there was a light tap behind him.

Duke: What was that- OH MY GOSH! *touches his chest* Cass....

Cass, giggles, patting Duke's head lightly: Cute. Little brother.

before they know it, she's out the room.

Damian: As you can see-

Dick enters the room, smiling brightly when he sees his little brothers. he stands with his hands on the ground, landing infront of them.

Dick: Aww, what you youngsters up to huh? Up to no good, I bet?

Dick aims for Damian's cheeks. Damian lightly pushes his hands away, so Dick goes for Duke's cheeks, pinching them.

Dick, laughs: I guess I'll do it to the other Little D then.

before Duke can respond, there is a sound of breaking glass and Tim's more shouting.

Dick: Oops. Gotta check that out. You both stay out of trouble.

then Dick leaves them.

Damian, smiles lightly: What do you say Thomas, you want to visit the barn in the backyard?

Duke, grins: I would love that!

Damian: At least you have a normal sibling. I just saved you.

and Duke thinks that Damian is not quite normal, rather unique, with his pet dragon. they're all unique really.

but he wouldn't trade any of his sisters and brothers for anything or anybody in the world.

[littlefankingdom]

Have you ever read those stories about nd toddlers that didn't speak for months/years, so the parents started to think "they probably are non-verbal/mute", only to one day say a full sentence? That's Bruce Wayne.

Thomas and Martha had given up on Bruce ever speaking. With Alfred, they had started learning ASL and teaching some to Bruce to communicate with the young heir. However, one day, as Thomas is showing a new paleontology book he got for him (Bruce loves his dinosaures), he struggles on a dinosaur's name. And Bruce speaks: "Pachycephalosaurus, Father. That's a pachycephalosaurus."

[leonsliga]

🎥: a take-off vlog brought to you by Jamal Musiala and Thomas Müller

[punkeropercyjackson]

The 'afropunk teen boys who had their childhoods stolen from them by the dystopian world they live in but only let that make them optimistic,silly,professional insigators,anarchists and sweethearts with street cred and the biggest signals of hope to said world's and are on a mantle sharing team' duo

[batfambrainrotbeloved]

WERE BACKK BABYYY <333

Mama Bird (but its your big brother ready to fight god) has updated!!

Name: As above Rating: General Audiences (But should probably be teens, some graphic stuff- PLEASE check warnings) Chapter: 5/?? Word count: 10,914 Relationships: Batfam + Batbros Summary: Tim breaks into the cave for acsess to some bat tech and that sweet sweet bat coffee maker. But this time he doesnt manage to escape before the batmobile rolls in.

He decides to just wait them out, that is until he starts to put together the pieces to a very alarming puzzle.

Well- Batmans no kill rule didnt apply to himself right?

Because if he doesnt take his hands away from Damian Tim is going to make him a fucking exception

(Bad dad Bruce and Batfam uniting together in the aftermath of Tim going feral to protect their baby bat)

[the-idiot-next-door]

I’m at a sleepover rn with my friends and we are Maze Runner addicts so we took my marker and wrote subject numbers on our necks. I’m A5, my one of my bff’s is A2, and my third bff is A7.

We are the main trio.

[multifandomgirl2008]

Thomas: We have a problem. Newt: No, you have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.

[fandomtrash24]

OK, I am highly sleep deprived and on new medication, so I want to talk about my Gotham sentence theory, and how that kind of leaks into the bats.

I feel like Gotham was always somewhat sentient, after all of the magic and curses, but what truly caused her to stir was when she felt something new, I hope that she could not really understand until she realized it was from Bruce Wayne.

(sidenote: I have my own ideas about how Gotham is the soul of the first person to die in Gotham, or maybe even a soul who was sacrificed there, and now protects it. Anyway, she probably would wake up intermittently through history, and I am now picturing her looking over the at the boy, sobbing in front of his parents and feeling sense of sadness and guilt. bonus points she was a mother before she became Gotham and that she is picturing her own child.)

So she definitely helps from time to time. As the years go on, she make sure that no grays stay and Bruce’s hair. She uses what little of her magic that she can to make Alfred feel younger to keep their bodies from going too far ahead of what she needs them to be. Maybe she even blesses Alfred and Bruce slowly, not even realizing it until years afterwards until she can sense them, no matter where they go.

I feel like with Dick Grayson, she blessed him only a little. He was the light for her Batman, something that brought joy and hope and kindness so if she made sure that her boy wonder didn’t break himself as he bent, that as he can torted his bones, stay flexible, and he never felt aches or pains the way many do.

(it hurt her a bit when Dick Grayson left. She heard the arguments. She knew the anger and their bodies that was misplaced. She wish she could stay but understood he couldn’t. Her blessing will always be with him though. He would always be hers.)

Lady Gotham did not lead Jason to the car that night, but she did muffle Bruce’s feet as he approached. She saw some thing in Jason Todd, a boy uncannily like her own. She tried to help some of the street kids when she could, but it was slow going, so bogged down by curses that she could barely lead any of them to fires or food that have been thrown out without good reason. She knew her Batman light again, so she made sure she would find a new spitfire.

(she felt it when Jason Todd died. She had been gathering her strength to give him a blessing, but even distracted, she felt the impact of his death. She breathed life back into him, hoping that he would crawl out of his coffin and into her Batman’s arms. She was more disappointed when he was taken and swore to Talia safe passage again)

(the Joker was a curse unto himself, a parasitic being that she could not be rid of no matter how hard she tried. Was too deeply cursed for her to fix it so instead, she made sure that all of those who stood with the joker would face unimaginable suffering under his eyes and only experience her kindness once leaving him.)

Tim Drake had become her as much before he became a robin. She had had to use little bits of her magic to keep him from falling off of grooves and terraces as he jumped after her boys, and she tried for him. When she saw him start to bring her Batman, out of despair, her relief was so strong that she blessed him deeper than she had the others, she blessed his mind. It would never fail him, making sure he would never fall.

Damien Wayne was both of hers and none of hers. She was the daughter of the betrayer the woman who had taken Jason from her and made him so angry and pain and disbelieving. She had trouble giving her kindness to the boy trying so hard to keep the bats from seeing Jason and red hood, drenching her blessings into crime, Allie to keep things clean while her boy fix it up, all she could manage for Damien was little parts of him.

(she gave him a different blessing than the others, a blessing that allowed him to be seen. She saw the fear under all the bravado. He would not allow any affection from any human, she saw as he walked through her city, as if he was stranger and a king, so she said the little animals, his way. She marked him as a friend, and soaked up the softness of his smiles when she could.)

As they all grew, and more and more enjoying the family, she only had so much energy to give. Still, she gave her all.

Stephanie Brown was a girl who she led to Tim, a temporary Robin, who was not meant to be Robin, but was still meant to be hers. And if Stephanie never felt backfire of her own pranks, never fell as she flew? Well, she did not want her spitfire to become quiet.

She could not save Barbara Gordon, though she desperately tried. She could not make the legs move again, so tired from all of her blessings and unable to save that much energy. Instead she gave Barbara a similar blessing to that she gave Timothy. Her brain became sharper, her eyes always able to notice an enemy. And if she added a dose of good luck to the girl who had given her leg and her freedom to make sure that her stayed alive? Well, Barbara Gordon was never kidnapped and always missed, sometimes by milliseconds, being kidnapped.

Cassandra Cain was similar to her, silent, and seeing, unable to speak her mind. She did not need help in fighting, but she could tell that Cassandra became overwhelmed and uneasy how sometimes the body would betray people and her. So Cassandra never spoke of how body language became easier to read, of how when she needed to. She could travel through shadow much easier than she could travel on foot. Cassandra Kane never spoke of how when running through shadows, she often felt a woman’s hand run through her hair, a gentle caress that was shaky and so faint most would not notice it.

(Duke Thomas did not need her blessing. She’d given him a small one long ago back when he had started a group, guiding him towards good towards finding what he would need. Duke never said a word about the aura on the bat family being so different so much more saturated than around others. he never spoke of he could sometimes see a woman keeping one of them from falling. He never spoke. Sometimes he could tell the woman was helping him, saving him from falling as well.)

She could not save them, could not give them their due for what they did for her city for her people. Still, she gave them all she could, as they continued to repair her, saving her streets and her people every day. Slowly, the claims became more and more distinct until whenever one of them left. It was known to any spirit that dared cross them that Gotham, spirit known for struggling and still surviving, had blessed these humans so heavily that they were drenched in her magic.

(no one spoke with the blessings, instead word was spread through all supernatural creatures alike that the lady of Gotham, a woman who had been known to be almost a queen before curses bogged her down, had chosen her champions, her knights. She had given them so much power that it was a wonder they weren’t supernatural being themselves. It was soon taught that no one was to touch them. The knights of Gotham were not to be trifled with.)

[bruciemilf]

was just reading Captain_Rachel's fem Bruce/Clark fics and was curious. Because someone, the way she characterized Ra's made me think, oh no - this is giving me brainrot.

Which then had me wondering what your characterization of Ra's is like.

In Any AU (Where Bruce is still Bruce, or Bryce, or transgender, etc), what you'd think of Ra's / Bruce as a couple? It'd go down in a flaming spire of hell, by their opposing morals alone (Ra's being human genocide in hopes of better society, and Bruce decidedly not), but still.

Mostly because I like imaging Ra's getting his 600+ ass toasted by a very angry and protective Thomas Wayne, dead or alive.

Also, Talia vs Ra's. Clark vs Ra's. Everyone after Bruce's hand.

(110%, pretty sure Talia and Clark would win over Ra's.)

HIS FATHER IN LAW?

[martyrbat]

ghosts - batman: haunted knight

[ID: A multi panel sequence of Bruce Wayne as a child on Halloween. He's dressed up in a Mask of Zorro costume and is excitedly running down the stairs while holding two swords, calling out for his mother happily. He tells her that he's ready to go trick or treating. Martha Wayne has her hand on his shoulder and is smiling as she tells him, “your costume looks great!” Bruce replies, “Thanks, I made it myself. Alfred sorta helped. Is dad home yet?” Martha draws her hand back hesitantly and says his name. Bruce already knows that that means there's bad news. He tells her, “don't tell me,” before she continues and says his father called. Bruce has his head down, angrily finishing her sentence, “he's gotta work late!” He looks out the window as if his father will appear and says, “It's not fair! He promised he would take me trick or treating!” Martha soothes that she knows as Bruce repeats, “he promised,” to himself disappointedly. She tells him, “But there was an emergency,” which makes Bruce snap, “There's always some emergency!”

Bruce continues to stand in front of the window as Martha looks at him. Bruce announces, “I'm gonna wait for him. Even if it takes all night!” as he tensely clenches the handle of his sword. Martha reaches out for him sadly and suggests, “Bruce, I could take you out myself. Or, we can call some of the other children at school and go out with them.” Bruce, as an adult, somberly says off panel that, “she doesn't know...” as his kid self stares out the window still. His hat casting a small shadow on his face as he tells her, “There are no other kids to call. I have no friends at school.” Martha says his name again but doesn't know how to comfort him. Instead, she just silently places a hand on his shoulder. We see a silhouette from far away of her standing next to him as Bruce waits for his father to eventually come home. END ID]