ghosta16689

[ghosta16689]

Nomad cuddling his mama after a rough day. He would totally act all tough when he's in front of his peers and mom, but he would secretly love his mother's embrace.

@thenomadclan

[ghosta16689]

Guests at a gala notice that Brucie Wayne is surprisingly jacked. Like, a suspicious amount of muscle for a CEO who lives a life of luxury and doesn't do any physical labour. An amount of muscle that goes beyond "works out to stay fit and look good". And when he's asked about this by a gossip columnist guest he panicks (he's running on 2 hours sleep) and says "It's so I can pick up my kids!"

Now everyone is looking at his kids. Cass and Tim are tiny at 5’ 5 and 5' 7. Damian is still a kid and he's also small. Dick is bigger, but picking him up wouldn't require that much muscle. Maybe Duke, who is still growing but looks like he could be about Bruce's height when he's fully grown? Maybe him?

Then Jason officially returns from the dead. And everyone looks at the 6' 4, 260lbs walking double fridge and goes "Ahhh, ok then."

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Bruce showing Jason around after he first brings him home

Bruce: ...and don't worry all the chandeliers are reinforced so they won't break while you swing on them

Jason: Why would I do that?

Bruce: ...you don't want to swing on the chandeliers and parkour around the furniture?

Jason: No???

Bruce, tearing up: thank you

[ghosta16689]

Joker dies bcs during his big dramatic speech of the day he tries to be be all insane and funny by pretending to shoot himself in the head with his BANG! flag gun but he fucks up getting distracted by flirting with Batman and mixes up his guns and he shoots himself in the face in front of the bats. Jason, who was being bodily held back from shooting him himself by Bruce and Dick for the past 15 minutes, laughs so hard he fractures a rib and has to be carried back to the batmobile

[ghosta16689]

🏃‍♂️ Charity Race With Bonus Trauma (aka: How Jason Todd Raised $25,000 and Nearly Killed His Brothers)

[story collection] <-more stories here

The sun was shining over Gotham Central Park, now transformed into a festive loop of lemonade stands, balloons, banners, and one noble goal: raising money for the city’s underprivileged kids.

Bruce had organized the whole thing with his usual philanthropic flair.

But Jason Todd had a different plan. A more... efficient one.

“Alright, Tim,” said Jason, lounging in a folding chair, leather jacket open, sunglasses barely hiding his smug grin. “Each lap you run is a thousand bucks. I pay, you run. Easy.”

Tim eyed him warily. “And why aren’t you running?”

“Because I’m the sponsor. You’re the racehorse. It’s basic economics.” He smirked. “And after those croissants last night, you should be thanking me. Don’t even try to deny it — Alfred ratted you out.”

Tim groaned and pulled down his event T-shirt. No time to argue. At least it was for a good cause.

But Jason had a problem: Tim would run maybe five laps before tapping out or getting bored. And Jason wanted to donate a lot of money.

He needed… extra motivation.

Then he saw it: Damian Wayne, a few meters away, tightening his gloves like a demon child prepping for bloodsport. Jason’s brain lit up like a Christmas tree.

He leaned in close, voice low.

“Tim said you don’t have balls.”

Damian froze. One eyebrow twitched. Rage flushed his face like Jason had just insulted Talia, the League of Assassins, and every Wayne ancestor combined.

“What. Did. You. Say?”

“Not me,” Jason said, hands raised, stepping back innocently. “Tim. Said. You. Don’t. Have. Balls. that you are a eunuch. Google it later.”

Right then, the starter whistle blew.

Tim started jogging at a chill pace.

He didn’t know hell was on his heels.

“DRAKEEEEE!” Damian roared, launching after him like a heat-seeking missile.

“WHAT THE HELL DID I DO?!” Tim screamed, suddenly sprinting like his life depended on it. (It probably did.)

“GET BACK HERE YOU SLANDERING PIECE OF SHIT!”

The crowd watched in awe as two runners blazed ahead, lapping the others with near-superhuman intensity.

“Such commitment!” “What a strong brotherly bond!” “They look like they actually hate each other,” whispered the more observant ones.

Jason, still in his chair by the lap counter, casually held up a hand for each pass.

“Twenty-two… twenty-three… c’mon boys, just a couple more and that food bank in Crime Alley is paid for.”

Tim was soaked in sweat, legs shaking, but fear was giving him wings. Damian looked like he’d made a pact with an ancient speed god.

On lap twenty-five, Jason snapped his fingers.

A nearby refreshment booth creaked open — courtesy of Jason’s own upgrades. Damian, still seeing red, charged right in.

SLAM! The door locked shut.

“YOU TRAPPED ME, YOU BASTARD!” Damian yelled, banging on the metal bars.

“It’s for charity,” Jason replied, casually tossing him a water bottle through the grate. “And also for Tim, who looks like he’s about to throw up.”

Tim collapsed onto the grass, wheezing. “Jason… you’re insane…”

“And you just cost me twenty-five grand. Well done, mini Forrest Gump. Tonight, Gotham’s poor kids eat thanks to your trauma.”

Jason raised his arms in victory as the crowd cheered — mostly unaware of what had just happened.

But the money was in. The kids were gonna eat. And Jason?

Almost a hero.

Almost.

💥 If you laughed, screamed, or felt secondhand exhaustion for Tim, smash that like, reblog to bless your followers, and drop a comment — I read them all and they give me Damian-level rage joy.

☕ If you wanna support my chaotic writing habits (and help me bribe Alfred for more croissants), consider donating on [Ko-fi]!

🦇 Follow for more Batfam nonsense, emotional damage, and the occasional wholesome chaos™.

[ghosta16689]

Hehehe 😊😘

[ghosta16689]

Experience: Learning the right way to connect the dots.

[ghosta16689]

I need a situation where one of the younger batkids are in an argument with Jason, and bring up the fact that he "wasn't a good kid"

Damian: "Tch. Todd, you are just angry because you were too busy rebelling to get father's attention."

Jason:

Dick: "..What?"

Damian: "Your degenerative behavior as a child is the whole reason father does not respect you now."

Bruce: "Damian, Jason was a saint."

Damian: "What?"

Dick: "Jason had a self imposed bed time."

Bruce: "He had a weird obsession with homework.."

Dick: "Once, I tried to sneak him out, and he cried."

Bruce: "I once implied that he could sneak out, and he cried."

Damian:

Jason: "Dami, B and I don't get along because of our terrible morals."

Bruce: "Well, I wouldn't say that-"

Jason: "He hates me because we both have extremely fucked up versions of justice that we don't agree on-"

Bruce: "Now, I never said-"

Jason: "I was a child and he hated me. He hates children-"

Bruce: "God damnit, Jason-"

Damian:

Damian: "My whole perspective has been altered."

[ghosta16689]

Red Hood continuing to be a crime lord and borderline villain even after making up with the bats specifically to keep his ties with the Gotham rogues so that he can freeze out Tim from joining the criminal underworld every time he crashes out and decides to cause shit.

Tim, storming into Two-Face’s secret base after not sleeping for three days and being pissed off by Bruce one too many times: look alive Dent, i need to punish people and i’ve decided we should work together-

Harvey: no can do, Red. sorry.

Tim:

Tim: excuse me?

Harvey, shrugging: i’m an ally of the Red Hood. one of his rules is specifically ‘don’t give Red Robin the time of day’

Tim:

Tim: are you fucking serious right now?

Harvey, returning to his newspaper: dunno what to tell you kiddo, we’ve all been warned under penalty of beheading not to work with you.

Tim:

*across Gotham*

Jason, supervising a weapon shipment: and put those crates in that truck over there, yeah-

Tim, breaking in through the ceiling: HOOD. STOP TELLING VILLAINS NOT TO FUCKING WORK WITH ME, I’LL KILL YOU-

Jason, not looking away from his spreadsheet: and those ones in that locker, thanks- Red shut the fuck up im working here- that truck leaves in like ten minutes so we gotta be quick,

Tim: I HAVE A CROWBAR HOOD-

Jason, waving off his goons concern: it’s fine he just needs some valium-

Jason, reaching an arm out to catch the crowbar being swung at his head: -can you fucking chill? this is why i had to blacklist you from the criminal peanut gallery.

Tim: *incomprehensible screeches of rage*

Jason, pulling the crowbar out of his hands and tugging him against his chest: shhhh, shh baby bird, we’ll get you in a rage room for an hour or two and you’ll be back to normal by the morning- oh and those guns are to be sent off tomorrow not next week, we got moved up-

Goon: …are we supposed to ignore him?

Jason: yes.

Tim, limp in Jason’s arms: *muffled by his chest* B ate the fucking cinnamon roll i was saving.

Jason, humming: i know kiddo, i know.

[ghosta16689]

“Bruce doesn’t know how to cook” “Bruce doesn’t make his own bed” have you considered the possibility that Bruce knows how to do all of those things but lets Alfred do them anyway because if he doesn’t, the whole Manor falls apart?

Bruce lets Alfred make the bed because after the close call with Killer Croc last night it’s either crisp folded sheets pressed to perfection OR Alfred goes deep into the Gotham sewers with a rifle, a belt of flash-bangs, and 30 years of unresolved overprotectiveness.

let the man cook. literally, please let him cook something.

[ghosta16689]

05.10 - Morningstar

[ghosta16689]

Sometimes I like to imagine that the Batfam occasionally forget that Dick’s legal name is Richard.

Jason takes Dick to some appointment — It takes a hot minute for him to realise the nurse calling for ‘Richard’ and looking directly @ them means Dick.

Tim’s playing some of Dick’s video games — Has that ??? moment when the player character is named ‘Richard’ before he realises (bc you know a lot of the games wouldn’t accept Dick as a name)

Bruce spaces for a second when a reporter asks: ‘Is Richard going to take a more active role in Wayne Industries?’

Even Dick gets confused for a second when the barista calls out ‘Richard’ for his order, because they didn’t want to shout Dick across a crowded coffee shop

The only one who seems to switch seamlessly is Damian

[ghosta16689]

You know those posts about one of Bruce’s kids getting kidnapped and him having no idea which kid they have based on the vague descriptions he’s given? Well now I can’t only imagine Bruce getting the dreaded call and immediately pulling out a guess who board filled entirely with his kids. Like

kidnapper: we have one of your children

Bruce: I have so many of those you need to be more specific

kidnapper: the loud and annoying one

Bruce, flipping down Cass and Duke: that does not help as much as you think it does

kidnapper: well he has black hair?

Bruce, flips down Steph: keep going

kidnapper: uhhhh? He’s short?

Bruce, flips down Dick and Jason leaving Tim and Damian: more specific

kidnapper: he’s been condescending and judgmental since we got him

Bruce: yeah they both tend to do that

kidnapper: he keeps throwing around words I don’t understand

Bruce, realizing that Damian and Tim are significantly more similar than he thought: uhh more specific?

kidnapper: more?? look just wore us the mon— WHERE’D HE HIDE A KATANA???

Bruce: ah you have Damian

[ghosta16689]

Dick being an ass is my favourite thing

Commission Info / Kofi (Members get comics a week early)

[ghosta16689]

Oh my god. So similar to my other post where all the Wayne kids find out that Dick was never actually adopted by Bruce.

So imagine they’re all back at the manor, they’re interrogating Bruce on why he never adopted Dick, and Bruce insists he can still adopt Dick now even though he’s an adult, but Dick is getting nervous the more insistent he gets.

And it turns out it’s because he was already adopted by someone else. But it’s another Justice League member.

“What?”

Bruce is speechless. He’s bamboozled. He’s livid.

“HAL, I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!” he shouts as he zetas into the watchtower.

“Hal! Abort, abort! Code: Daddy Warbucks!” Dick screeches as he runs in behind Bruce.

Hal is scrambling to leave before Batman can actually beat him to a pulp.

“Dammit, kid, you were supposed to give me way more notice than this!” Hal screeches right back, and he’s already being chased by Bruce. He isn’t even in his Batman get-up, he’s still in his clothes from dinner. He has slippers on.

“You adopted my kid?? When did you adopt my kid?” Bruce is shouting at him.

“You’re the one who kicked him out!” Hal shouts back. “He wasn’t even 16 yet! He needed someone to sign the release forms for the Olympics!”

“HE WAS IN THE OLYMPICS?”

“HAL! THAT WASA SECRET!”

“YOU BATS HAVE TOO MANY SECRETS!”

Idk I just want chaos with Bruce finding out another league member adopted Dick. Hal is an easy target.

[ghosta16689]

I NEED Ursa and Naru to meet in the next movie. Ursa is gonna adopt that girl SO FAST

Like Naru is even younger than Torres (I think?), and while Ursa is used to having a son I think she’d see a lot of her younger self in Naru

PLUSS I think she’d be very impressed by her hunting/fighting

Please Mr. Dan Trachtenberg… give this to me

[ghosta16689]

True fan service