#.... ats my joker

[saewokhrisz]

smile for the camera!

[cobaltfluff]

so i started playing persona 4

where are the QoL features

[toluene-sister]

A scene from the 13th chapter of my Nolanverse Batjokes fic, Life is so much better when you're dead, you can read it here ✨️

[thisischaostalking]

Like bitch you thought-

[tricksheart]

It really is a gremlin day isn't it? He's loose and is going to be everyone's problem.

[dimensionalspades]

[all-seeing-ifer]

OH NO I THINK I MIGHT HATE THE PUPPET EPISODE ACTUALLY THIS SUCKS

[hallucinationelias]

I’m becoming utterly insane I am at my limit. Anyways here’s the autism creature

Yippee

[esta-elavaris]

love this bizarre obsession everybody has with coming to my house when they're sick

[deadsetobsessions]

“DIDJA SEE THAT, DANNY?!” Tim, a scrawny eleven year old now, excitedly smacked Danny’s arm.

“Ow. Yes, yes I did.”

“Oh, gosh, I have to tell Jazz about this!!” The kid waved his arms about wildly, grinning from ear to ear.

“Jaso- I mean, Robin, smiled at me! And said he liked my t-shirt!! Oh my god, he likes literature puns, he even laughed! And then he punched the bad guy in the face! Look! I even saved the tooth!”

“Okayyy, nope!” Danny plucked the tooth and tossed it, ignoring Tim’s betrayed face. “I’ll trade you that for this.”

Danny Held out a piece of paper with Robin’s and Batman’s sigil on it, from when he asked them to sign it after they “saved” the two brothers from the two-bit thugs trying to mug them.

“Oh. My. God. This is like the best day of my life!! I love you, Danny! You’re the best brother ever!! Oh my god! I have to get Nightwing’s signature!!!”

Danny felt a rush of warmth at Tim’s proclamation of affection. Ah, he should probably step in.

“Hey, wait, no, we’re not going to Blüdhaven for you to stalk another vigilante.”

“It’s not just any old vigilante-!” Tim ignored Danny’s dramatic clutching-pearls gesture of mock hurt. “It’s Nightwing. The original Robin! He gave me my first ever hug!”

Danny paused. God dammit.

“…Fine.”

“YESSSSSS!!!!”

——

Danny-

“I’m gonna be Robin whether you want me to or not!”

-is so damn tired.

“Tim. I’m literally a vigilante ghost. What makes you think I’d be stupid enough to argue with a kid who runs around Gotham at night to take pictures of other vigilantes?”

Tim deflated. “Oh. Honestly, I thought you’d put up more of a fight…”

Jazz laughed and ruffled Tim’s hair. “I definitely couldn’t stop Danny when he went out. He trusted me to support him and I trusted him to come to me if he was injured, though. Can you promise me that, Tim?”

“Yeah… okay, Jazz, I promise.” Tim promised, even if he was still pouty.

Danny chimed in.

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m totally worried and I’m gonna hover like a mother hen when you go out, but again, I know how stubborn and crazy we vigilante types have to be.” Danny paused. “Do you want me to put up a token protest?”

Tim nodded, sulking. “Yes, please. I had a speech planned out.”

Jazz and Danny exchanged amused glances.

“Oh, okay, my bad, kiddo. Here, let’s start from the top.”

“Okay. Ahem,” Tim straightened his back, settling into his previous mulish expression once more. “I’m gonna be Robin whether you want me to or not!”

Danny placed an appropriately disapproving frown on his face. “No, you can’t! It’s dangerous! You could get hurt! You’re just a child!”

Tim launched into his speech. “But I can’t stay still and do nothing when people are getting hurt! Even…!”

They were gonna be here for a while. There was definitely something about Batman going on a spiral because Jason wouldn’t be able to walk again after the Joker got to him. Danny wondered if ectoplasm could help. He might offer, if it actually had a change of getting Tim out of the vigilante business.

But that’s for later, because they had time. Jazz was on Spring Break… and they’re still staying here for free, after all of these years.

“So, how are you going to convince Robin to let you be Robin?” Jazz asked Tim.

Tim froze. “I… hadn’t thought of that yet.”

“Well, you could always remind him of the fact that we saved him from the Joker. He seemed pretty ready to leave the Robin mantle, the last time I saw him as Phantom.”

“I don’t want to blackmail him into it!” Tim whined.

“It’ll just be a suggestion, Tim.” Jazz smiled patiently.

“Besides,” Danny continued, smirking mischievously at his adopted little brother. “If you were actually blackmailing him, you’d pull out the photos where he ate dirt.”

“I guess that’s true…” Tim mumbled. “I know! I’ll have to follow them to see how I can best approach him!”

"I think that's called stalking," Jazz deadpanned.

"Well, it's not any worse than what he's already done." Danny shrugged at his older sister. "Sure, kid. Why not? Do whatever you want."

"I was planning to!" Tim bounced off to grab his photography gear. Jazz stared off after him.

"Should we be encouraging that?"

"More like can we actually stop him?" Danny leaned back, lazily completing his GED assignments. Jazz sighed.

"Guess not. Make sure he doesn't get in trouble."

"Do you even know how hard that is, Jazz?" Danny complained, dodging the whack Jazz sent at the back of his head. She smirked at him.

"Womp, womp, Danny. How does karma taste today?"

Danny flipped her off as he put the last punctuation on the paper. He heard a clatter and groaned.

“I’m gonna go watch Tim stalk Batman for the night. Want anything from the store?”

Jazz hummed. “Get me the specialty strawberry ice cream, from that one place?”

“The one that’s definitely a front for Falcone’s money laundering??”

“Yeah. They make good strawberry ice cream.”

“Sure.”

Danny went ghost and flew straight through the walls to catch Tim sneaking out by the scruff of his collar.

“No. Bad Tim.”

“Awww, come on Danny!”

[jasmines-library]

Would it be too much to request a batsis oneshot, about her knowing how to cook😆 like whenever Alfred is not available he leaves her in charge to help ensure the other family members are eating without buring down the house🤭 also a lil thing u could add is she often visits the manor just to cook cuz Alfred always keeps the kitchen fully stocked with ingredients which means she can cook pretty much anything she desires💜 I just thought it'd be cute to have Bruce be envious of his daughters cooking skills whereas he lacks them🤭

Kitchen Antics

Thanks for requesting! This was cute to write!

Word Count: 1k

⛤ BATFAM MASTERLIST ⛤

“I still don’t think this is very fair.” Bruce pouted as you slid the plate in front of him.

“Hm?”

“This.” He gestured to the plate that you had served to him, piled to the brim. It had taken you hours to prepare, especially without Alfred’s help, but it was well worth it. “How come Alfred lets you cook and not me. I’m a fully grown adult. I should be allowed to cook a meal for my family.”

“Maybe it’s because you can’t actually cook.” You threw over your shoulder with a smug grin. 

That earnt a snort from Damian which he hid poorly behind a hand. Bruce shot him an unamused look. 

“Can too.” Bruce said. This time you raised a brow as you slid into your seat.

“Oh yeah, because the last time you cooked it turned out great.” Jason rolled his eyes. 

You remember it distinctly. It was one of the first times Alfred was away and had reluctantly let Bruce use the kitchen. He had regretted it the moment he returned because his kitchen was hardly recognisable. And the food Bruce had cooked was less so. If you could even count it as food. It was the furthest thing from edible. Somehow undercooked and burnt to a crisp around the edges at the same time. Even Alfred wasn’t sure how he managed to do that, and he had seen almost everything when baking with the rest of your brothers. It was safe to say that Bruce was no longer allowed in the kitchen after that. So, the responsibility turned to you. 

Alfred had always said you had a natural talent for cooking, though you swore it was because you had the best teacher: You had spent countless hours helping him when you were younger and you were the only person he didn’t seem to physically wince at when you walked into the kitchen. So, naturally when he announced he was leaving this week he entrusted you to make sure the family were fed without the entire manor being burnt down, or being filled with takeout boxes.

Your brothers had tried countless times to worm their way into the kitchen, but you ushered them out every time. They were just as bad as Bruce when it came to cooking. There was one time Damian and Dick had tried to bake a cake to surprise Bruce on his birthday. And it did…when the fire they had started nearly set the whole kitchen alight. Luckily Alfred had smelt it before any real damage could happen, but the pair of adults were far from happy. Jason had never shown much interest in cooking. He would usually just grab himself a snack from one of the cupboards instead of actually cooking himself something, so he had never really been an issue to keep out. Though, often he would try to sabotage your work just to wind you up. As for Tim, he was the best out of the four boys. By no means a master at work, it was often slightly bland but he was the only one who hadn’t tried to kill everyone with his cooking so he got bonus points for that. 

“That was one time.” Bruce turned his head away, pouting like a small child.

“Tt. Father, I think you’ve tried to poison us every time you’ve gone near the kitchen.” Damian jested through a mouthful of food. “Perhaps you should ask Joker to try it. Might take a villain off of our hands.”

Tim stifled a laugh. “This is lovely, Y/N. Thank you.”

You smiled. “Thank you.”

The six of you fell into a comfortable silence as you ate, before Bruce finally spoke up again. Cutting through the sound of cutlery scraping against china plates.

“Is my cooking really that bad?”

He was answered with silence. And a lot of smirks.

“...Are you jealous of Y/N, Father?” Dick grinned.

“Psh…No.”

Bruce was a terrible liar. 

~

“Do you need any assistance, Miss Y/N?” Alfred poked his head around the kitchen door. He had returned from his trip not too long ago, glad to see that everyone had been well fed and that the house was still in one piece. 

Glancing up from the bowl of ingredients you were whisking, you met Alfred’s proud glance. “No thank you, Alfred. You already have everything I need.”

Alfred smiled up at you. It was nice for you to stop by once in a while to see them. He enjoyed seeing you cook. Better yet he enjoyed tasting your new creations each week so he kept everything stocked, even if he knew he wouldn’t need it himself. The shelves were lined with all sorts of spices, flours, sugars and ingredients for you to create something new so that if you ever decided to stop by (which you liked to do at least once a week) he would have everything  you could ever need.

Your brothers loved it when you would bring over food to them too. Most of it would be gone in minutes and they would turn to you asking for more. Bruce would do the same too, although he would still have that look of teasing jealousy on his face. But he was proud really. And glad that at least one of his children had enough common sense to not set the entire manor alight when baking a cake. 

BATFAM TAGLIST:

@aestheticdaisies

@hell-o-kittys

@xxrougefangxx

@mamapucket

@hearts4robs

@harleycao

[p0megranamanat]

okay so worst realistic s5 scenario i can think of-- something something it’s getting intense maybe el is in trouble (and we know how mike calls her el and eleven which is her old lab name) and mike caresses her face and softly says “jane...” like oH BOY HERE COMES ANOTHER GREAT EMOTIONAL MILKVAN SCENE I WONDER WHATS UP NOW

[phantoms-world-and-more]

Jazz in gothem

So danny was visiting jazz's new phyciatritrist business in gothem

From the sounds of it, its going great!!!

Most of the local rouges have been coming in , and from jazz's talks their getting better, she even said she'd introduce him to someone called mr.freeze who has ice powers and is a doctor danny wonders if he could help him with research, but there are 2 problems

Some furries keep trying to hack into her system, break into the building and attempting to get her to break doctors patient confidentiality, though tucker, reinforced walls from their parents and the anti-creep stick dealt with that problem

Though the option of sending danny after them is always on the table

Thats not the main problem though

No the problem is someone called the joker

Apparently he got word of a good phyciatritrist helping the rouges and according to jazz "tried to make them go back to his level" Apparently its a phyciatritrist term for when someone feels like others are getting better and they arent so they want to bring them back down so they dont have to change.

Anyway jazz is refusing to see him for a lot of reasons, the negativity and the refusal to get help being the main 2

So jazz called danny up to see if he could get this joker to leave her alone

.

.

.

Jazz, her clients, batman, red hood and the joker were all in front of her building

Jazz's clients were there because when they got word that the batman AND the joker were there they came running

Joker is there because he wants to distroy this goody-two-shoes fraud of a bitch

Red hood it there because he wanted to book an appointment

And batman is there to try and get information of what this jasmine fenton is up to

They've been talking for about half an hour trying to deflate the situation

After the joker pulled out his gun so did everyone else and this is what got jazz to snap

THATS ENOUGH, you can't barge in here are try to distroy other peoples chance for proper mental health, and you batman cant know whats going on eveywhere its not healthy and is disrespectful to other peoples privacy

The joker fired his gun at jazz and batman was about to try to save the girl when...something happened

A black and white blur got in the middle of joker and Dr.jazz

When the blur stopped ot showed a 16 year old boy with blue eyes, black hair bags under his eyes and he looked as calm as can be

???: you ok jazz

Jazz:yess I'm fine, danny could you please get joker and batman off my property, after i would love to introduce you to my clients

Jazz smiled at the boy and the boy ,now danny, smiled back

Then he turned to face the batfam and the joker

Danny:ok chuckles you have 3 seconds to leave befor i make you

The joker laughed, or he did until danny took 2 steps foreward and ATE him

Dislocated his gaw, opened his wouth wider than it should and ATE him

Danny swallowed the joker turned to the batman and with Lazarus green eyes that they all knew as the pit rage and said

Leave

[bluetooththereptile]

Father in law (part two)

(Yandere Bruce wayne x reader)

( English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes in the following text.)

This fic is continuation of this one.

Tw: mentions of death, and unsettling images

"Easy now, easy...just focus on taking another step..." Bruce's voice echoed in the silent room, you tried to hold onto the parallel bars, your knuckles hurting from the sheer pressure of gravity pulling on your body, your body trembled, the weak muscles hardly holding on, you didn't want to give in, no, you didn't want to give in and let his large hands grip onto your sides once more. "Easy kid..." you turned your head over your shoulder to look at him, giving him a side eye glare, his damn voice...that damned voice was the only thing that clouded your mind since you were pulled from the darkness you were in. His and Angel's presence didn't leave your side just once.

Speaking of Angel, "Love?" Their voice reached out to you, making you turn to look at them once more "Just a few steps more, see? You already have taken three more than yesterday!" You grimaced at their energetic tone, optimism oozing out of the words. God can't they just shut up? Your mind was irritated, but what was actually scaring you wasn't the fact that you were locked in this apartment complex that you didn't know its location, no, it was the way you were getting used to the parent and his child's presence.

Your legs gave out and your fragile body was once again, held still by Bruce's hands. "Take a deep breath..." he spoke gently, if you were your normal self you'd pull away from those hands, hating the way his thumbs rubbed your flesh to soothe the shaking, but now, you felt...sort of content, that scared you. You didn't know how many days had passed since the moment you pulled yourself out of that horrendous pool of green liquid and gasped for air, your lungs feeling strained, and burning as if you didn't have used them before. You didn't know why you were so putty in their hands, why your mind even though maintaining the memories of your life before your feast with that bottle of Xanax and your inevitable death, was so numb...it felt like you were experiencing things for the first time.

Each meal was a challenge, firstly, you had to convince Angel that you could hold the utensils even if your hand trembled violently, then you'd drop the said utensils and after that Angel would scold you gently for being stubborn and feed you, cooing as you ate your food. Your hunger had peaked, and you ate as if you were eating for the first time, experiencing different tastes like someone who hadn't tasted anything before. You didn't know, but your body's revival had made you very impressionable, every new sensation was new, and it etched into your subconscious as if it was a blank sheet of paper having something written on it for the first time. Hence Jason after his revival in the hands of Joker suffered greatly and its effects never left his soul, haunting him forever.

"Here, I'll let you go, try walking again, just a few steps more, alright, darling?" Why Bruce called you in that tone?! UGH! You put your feet onto the floor once more, your muscle mass was nearly gone and it felt like you hadn't walked before, even if you had the memories and experiences of walking. You didn't know it was because you were nearly decomposed in your casket before they had pulled it out of the dirt and your body was rebuilding itself. Letting out a sharp breath through your teeth, you tried to take another step, your leg gave out slightly making both of them gasp in worry but you surprisingly held yourself steady.

"Such a great learner you are..." Bruce chuckled softly, his chest vibrating behind you, his hands encouraging you to walk further into the open arms of Angel "Just two more steps my love...just a little more" Angel said, beaming. You avoided eye contact with them, those eyes held such a gravitation that you felt like if you looked long enough you'd lose your hold on yourself.

You were unaware of so many things, which was a huge blessing, you didn't know that outside the safe walls of the apartment was chaos unleashed in the media, Bruce had changed the document of your death so you'd be considered still alive, your family taken care of so they wouldn't say anything, and the media now were portraying you as someone that was victim of hackers and personal enemies, you were baptized and portrayed as a Saint, and the public was ashamed in accusing you of those things.

You were also unaware of the fact that Bruce was wrapping you in the bandages of his so-called love, sticking them to your body with the wax of his coaxing words and actions, and soon he'd mummify you in the casket of Angel's arms, gilding your union up with the name of the perfect couple. Bruce already could see the headlines of the paparazzi in his mind, oh it'd be marvelous!

Your death had made something in Bruce snap, the same feeling he had with Angel and the rest of his family, you were his family. Which already meant so much, you were already in the circle of his life, and when you entered that circle, you could never leave. At first, he had despised you for taking his Angel from him but he didn't know Angel's obsession had sipped into the waters of his mind and polluted them slowly. And well, with love, thorns would turn into flowers, wouldn't they?

You took in a sharp breath as you felt your legs getting tired with the weight of your body, and with a final step, you fell into the arms of Angel, letting out a sigh of relief as you escaped from the clutches of the pain as they held you with their surprisingly strong arms. "There there dear, you did well, you did so well..." Angel's perfume filled your nostrils as you buried your head in their shoulder, closing your eyes you were too tired to not melt into their arms, you knew you lied to yourself, you actually didn't want to leave their arms.

Angel helped you to sit down on a chair, and walked away to grab a glass of water for you, Bruce walked towards you and his hands gripped the back of your head firmly but gently, you ignored those hands on the back of your head as you looked towards Angel, humming happily as they walked around, how lucky you were to not see them three months ago, when they had heard the news of your death, how their eyes had lost their light and became lifeless, a dangerous shadow appearing in them as they stared into the oblivion, how they had nearly turned mad, and how hauntingly fast they had switched into normal the moment they held your fragile breathing form, fresh out of the Lazarus Pit.

Your eyes scanned the familiar room full of physiotherapy devices, only for them to settle on the large mirror on the wall, your hallucinations had subsided greatly with the help of the medicine you took but still, the images of what your subconscious perceived were the truth came to you here and there, death had sort of opened your eyes to the other side of creatures, but you only could see those images as the reflections of said creatures, a cat was a walking shadow with two golden eyes or a bird was a ghostly being with a red beak, you could see the familiar dark figure standing behind your chair, Bruce, looking at you in the mirror as his clawed hands affectionately caressed your face, why he looked so much like Batman? You had asked yourself so many times, you didn't know of Bruce's other occupation, and that was why you were so confused by the image of this Batman-like monster looming over you, no one but you saw him, and your mind couldn't comprehend the image of Bruce in his true form, why?

"I was thinking of having a spring wedding what do you say?" You stiffened as Angel spoke, looking at their reflection as they approached you, a fair creature with pale skin, yet their eyes were just like Bruce's, red, and their hand that soon reached out to you and caressed your cheeks had sharp black claws. "What do you say, darling?" Angel purred as you looked at them while they stared at your reflection in the mirror. You knew you had to be afraid yet...those monsters seemed...welcoming. "I'll choose the flowers" you spoke, closing your eyes to not see those sharp fangs in their mouth as they smiled affectionately, you knew you shouldn't give in but...most of you wanted to...and so your head rolled back in Bruce's hands as he chuckled, his deep voice echoing in your mind. With love thorns would turn into flowers...right?

[nouvellevqgue]

WHO'S FRED? ✷ ﹙ MAX VERSTAPPEN﹚

SUMMARY: other than being his cat lady, his girlfriend got her master in halloween dress-up too.

A SEQUEL TO: MISS CRAZY CAT LADY. . .

₊˚⊹౨ৎ ⋆｡✦

OCTOBER 29, 2022

yourusername

liked by maudeapatow, anadearmas, sabrinacarpenter, and 792,513 more

yourusername 🍃🌿

view comments...

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don't promise something you can't fulfill, you know.

₊˚⊹౨ৎ ⋆｡✦

OCTOBER 2023

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, dakotafanning, badgalriri, and 859,712 more

yourusername waiting on my mystery machine... 🚘👻

view comments...

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ˑ⭒ʚ ִtwitter ݁.٭

ˑ⭒ʚ ִinstagram ݁.٭

maxverstappen1

liked by yourusername, charles_leclerc, pierregasly, and 989,857 more

maxverstappen1 funny how it's supposed to be spooky today...

view comments...

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[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce finds his kids shit posting accounts. What are the highlights?

thatpurplething: How to make Jokerized fries at home

thatpurplething: Step 1: Don't

thatpurplething: You will never be as good as the teenager working a deep fryer for minimum wage because his mom told him to get out of the house

—————

pennyworthy: Last week my grandson wore an oversized yarn bodysuit with a loose thread and my other grandson grabbed onto it and followed him around the whole day as it slowly unraveled.

—————

notmysecretanimeaccount: Cats are intelligent, graceful, ethereal creatures who can do no wrong, change my mind.

[5 minutes later]

notmysecretanimeaccount: As it appears, I still have a baby tooth that just fell out.

[5 more minutes later]

notmysecretanimeaccount: Update: my cat ate my tooth.

—————

orphanized: life is like orange juice

your-tired-librarian: Explain?

orphanized: wet

—————

local-zombie: I ran out of things to stab people with. Any ideas?

bluebirdz: An icicle, the evidence will melt away

[1 hour later]

local-zombie: Completely unrelated to my last post, any new places I can hide a body?

lesbian-premium: launch it into your enemy's yard

i-am-darkness-i-am-the-light: Posts written by Genghis Khan

—————

kitty-central: Get yourself a man who crawls into the vent to investigate the ominous growling.

the-flower-doctor: Instructions unclear, wife stuck in the ceiling

—————

dickwings: legalize clownicide

redrobin: but you have so much to live for :(