#and of fucking course to make me feel better she tells me how skinny i look

[luveline]

could i request teacher!reader with hotch? like maybe she’s jacks teacher

thank you for your request! fem!reader, 1.2k

You're a teacher: you're always tired. Overworked, underpaid, everybody knows how it goes. And maybe you've let yourself go because you don't have any real material hopes for the future beyond getting Macy Danish to read at a first grade level, but how were you supposed to know that Jack Hotchner's father would be so overwhelmingly attractive? It's not fair. 

He's handsome though older than you'd been expecting, but that isn't the cut and dry of it. When he comes in, it's alone, in a well-fitted suit. He's tall and remarkably dark-eyed, shaking your hand without trying to impose any authority, as some of the fathers tend to do, and when you call him Mr. Hotchner, he says, "Aaron, please," but continues to call you Ms. L/N.

"Aaron," you say, pulling your skirt under your thighs as you sit down. You're dressed in nice clothes for the parent-teacher conferences, but you could've covered your sleeplessness better. "Jack is the nicest boy in class. He's actually my loveliest kid. Um…" You search through your notes for the preliminary assessment of Jack. "Sorry, two seconds." 

"Take your time. I know what it's like to dig through a mountain of paperwork every day." 

"Jack mentioned you work in the government, he calls you a special agent," you say, smiling. "You get the bad guys." 

"I am a special agent. Supervisory." Aaron is conscientious enough to pretend he doesn't notice your surprise. "I'm chief of the behavioural analysis unit." 

You can't even begin to guess what that entails. "Oh," you say breathlessly. 

"I understand that it sounds fantastical." 

"It sounds impressive," you say, floundering to correct yourself. Behavioural analysis? It must be obvious to him how nervous he's making you, then, and when you realise that, you get worse. "I'm so sorry about this. I should be more organised. I usually am." 

"That's alright. Take your time." 

Does he always speak that way? His voice is like fucking silk? Is he messing with you?

You yank the notes you made for Jack from the pile and flatten them across the desk. "Okay, sorry. Like I was saying, Jack is really the nicest kid, him and his friend Molly. They're both lovely, and teachers shouldn't have favourites, please don't tell the other parents, but they're my favourites." You smile at him quickly and return your eyes to the paper. The words swim in front of your eyes. "Jack can read better than you could ever hope for a first grader, he's immensely intelligent for his age group. He's patient. He'll explain anything to anyone if they ask him too, and he does it well." 

"I'm glad to hear that," he says, again so softly. 

You pick up one of your skinny biros to have something to fidget with. He's a very good looking man, but you're a good teacher. You can focus on what to say. Some parents need good things only. Some need reassurement that they're doing a good job. Aaron is harder to read, but you know what he needs, too. 

"He can be lonely," you say, looking him in the eye. "I don't think that that's down to any fault. I'm sure you know better than I do why he might feel that way." You know about his mom's passing over a year ago. You've seen grief in children too many times. "He… I understand if this isn't okay with you, but he eats lunch with me sometimes. I encourage him to sit with his peers, of course, but I think he runs out of energy pretty quickly." 

Aaron nods thoughtfully. His brows quirk into a furrow that you're afraid is directed at you. 

"I don't think he necessarily has trouble connecting with his friends." 

"What do you think?" 

"I think something awful happened to your family, and Jack will feel it for the rest of his life, but that it won't stop him from being great. It already isn't. And… he clearly has a father who loves him and who he admires. You're his second favourite topic." 

"What's his first?" he asks. 

"He's really into Fruity Fridays," you say with a laugh. "I bring in fruits you don't get often in America. Someone would've had to sign a form." 

"No, I remember signing it. He likes that?" His smile is golden. "I can't get him to try new things." 

"He had all the leftover gold kiwi last week." You rub your lips together. Time is ticking. You have nearly thirty parents to see tonight, but talking to Mr. Hotchner has been so normal. He's a regular person in a sea of inattentive helicopter narcissists. It's a relief and a half to meet him and know a kid as gentle as Jack is in good hands. "Mr. Hotchner, I have to tell you, I'm really relieved to meet you." 

"Aaron," he corrects.

Your tone drops too low. "Aaron." 

"I'm more than relieved," he says. "I knew that this year would be harder for him. I didn't know… I'm grateful to you, for being so kind with him." 

You look down at your notes, flushed from head to toe despite your airy skirt. Crossing your legs, you shake your head. "It's my job." 

"To let him take up the only break you get all day?" he asks. 

"It's not like that. Jack doesn't bother me." You fold your notes in half. "I can see his role model measures up." 

"I could say the same thing." 

The next time you see Jack, bright and early Monday mooring shepherded by his aunt Jessica, he's very happy to see you. You offer him a hug and pat his back when he wraps his arms around your hips. "Hello, Jack. Was your dad pleased with your drawings?"

Jack smiles at you. "I have a note for you." 

"You do? Can I see? Where is it, honey?" 

Jack takes off his backpack and pulls out the note and a tupperware container. "Oh, wow, did you make treats for the class? Jack, that's so nice!" 

"No. Dad said those are for you. He said you should have nice for nice, or something," Jack informs you. 

"You'll share with me, though? I can't eat them all by myself," you whisper. 

He nods with enthusiasm and runs off to put his backpack in his cubby and his coat on the hook. You look down at the cookies and note, which is actually an envelope. 

You open it with your thumbnail. The writing is Aaron's usual tight cursive.

Dear Miss L/N, 

I hoped to thank you again in person, but work makes that hard. I appreciate everything you do for Jack. There are teachers who work, and there are teachers who go above and beyond. I can feel confident anywhere in the country knowing Jack is being taught by the latter. 

Gratefully yours, 

Aaron Hotchner. 

P.S. Please don't feed Jack too many cookies. They're not for him. 

You keep the letter even if it's lame to do so. When is the next parent teacher conference, anyways?

[ggukiepie]

one of your girls (pt. 2) (jungkook x reader)

we go 'round again, we jump back in bed that's what you do when you love somebody these bad omens, i look right through them that's what you do when you love somebody bad omens by 5sos

pairing: jungkook x fem oc

tags: smut, angst, fluff, fuckboy!jk, fwb rel, oc is...she thinks with her heart <//3, college au, jungkook is sus and a bit mean but is oc any better ? hmmmm

warnings: kissing, fingering, protected sex, mirror kink, backshots wooo but make it romantic, light choking, multiple orgasms, a little bit of aftercare, cuddling :o

word count: 6k

a/n: weeeee part 2 is finally here !! sorry this took so long yall. i have two more parts to release for this series (flashback then part 3). anw happy reading !! uhhhhhh the ending..dont scream at me :D / part 1 / drabble i (flashback)

taglist: @yuwaimo @haileycannotcometothephonern @hoseokteardrop @hoodrejects @agrika @joonwater @moonchild1

..••°°°°••..°°••....••°°..••°°°°••..

It's sunny today which calls for hanging out at the quad. It's what you and your friends usually do to take advantage of the rare warm days. Jihyo's busy bickering with Mingyu, you don't know what they're really talking about because you're busy re-writing your notes. You haven't seen Jimin yet but he texted the group chat saying he's just buying food. And Jungkook...well you don't know if he's going to show up today. You haven't talked to him since that night. It's just been three days anyway.

You feel someone sit down beside you and you notice it's Jimin. He's wearing those skinny jeans he loves so much because he says it makes his ass look nice. You roll your eyes every time he mentions that.

"Cool guy alert," Mingyu suddenly calls out. You whip your head up to stare at Jimin who's wearing the biggest pair of sunglasses you've ever seen, it's covering half of his face already.

"Too sunny for you, Jiminie?" Jihyo teases this time.

You all watch Jimin silently as he removes the sunglasses. His left eye is bruised and it's ugly and purple and almost black.

"What the fuck," Jihyo says to break the silence. "What happened to you?"

Jimin doesn't say anything yet, just simply fixes his hair and shakes his head. You can tell he's trying not to get angry because his jaw is clenched.

"Jimin?" you whisper.

"It was Jungkook," he says gruffly. Your heart stops again at the mention of his name. Why would Jimin and Jungkook fight? Their friendship is pretty solid and they always get along well. You've never seen them annoyed at each other.

Your eyes flit to Mingyu and you think he knows what happened because he's silent, no hint of surprise on his face. He's looking down at the table while playing with his food.

"You guys never fight," Jihyo interjects. "What happened?"

Jimin turns to face you and you suddenly think you know why. You don't want to say it yourself but you think you've got an inkling why Jungkook punched him. You just hope you're wrong.

"You need to talk to him," Jimin tells you, completely ignoring Jihyo's question. You nod silently and check your phone to see if Jungkook has texted you at all. Of course he hasn't. Typical. But you'll find him today. You don't know exactly what went down but Jimin telling you to find him confirms your suspicions. It's enough to get you mad, your body heating and tensing up in simmering anger. You don't mind what Jungkook does to you, how he hurts your feelings without intending to, how he treats you like you're some disposable object, like you're just there always on the sidelines waiting for him. What you can't tolerate is Jungkook bringing both your friends into your situationship. What goes on between you and Jungkook should stay between you both and that's it. You can't handle him hurting Jimin as well.

There are a few places where you think Jungkook might be. You walk to the cafeteria first and search for him in the crowd. He's not there so you head to the library instead and your heart drops the moment you see him talking to some girl.

"Hey," you practically shout, suprising the people in the library and yourself as well, even. You're usually never this angry. Never address someone in such a venomous way. But you can't help but feel irked at what Jungkook's done.

He looks back and his eyes widen at your angry form. It only lasts for a second before he smirks and walks closer to you.

"Yeah?" he says, all smug and cocky.

"We need to talk."

Then you turn around and start walking out of the library, could hear Jungkook walking behind you already. Girl he was talking to all forgotten.

Surprisingly, you end up at his place.

You walk into his living room, ignoring him when he tells you to take a seat on the couch.

"Did you punch Jimin?" you ask right away, wanting to get this stupid issue over with.

You watch as his jaw clenches, tongue poking the inside of his cheek. He looks at you for a moment, eyes in slits at your hostility. "And what if I did?"

"What the fuck was that, Jungkook?" You look at him with stern eyes and could tell he's angry as well, chest rising up and down in quick breaths.

"Don't mess with my friends," he says.

"Jimin is my friend too!" you retort. "What happens between me and Jimin has nothing to do with you."

"Just—"

"Just what, Jungkook?" you cut him off. "You had no right to punch Jimin like that. Why'd you even do it in the first place?" You place your hands on your hips as you wait for him to answer you, puffing out a breath in frustration.

He looks a bit lost, eyes darting from side to side to look for an answer. The longer the silence goes, the shorter your patience gets.

"Well?" you prompt.

"Just don't, alright?" he says lamely. You roll your eyes. "You can sleep with anyone else except—"

"Who the fuck gave you the right to tell me who I can and can't sleep with?" You're almost screaming now but you don't care. This push and pull with Jungkook is making you so angry you want to punch him. You walk up to him and shove at his chest but he barely stumbles back. It just angers you even further. "I don't even give you shit when you sleep with other girls!" You continue pushing him back, practically punching his chest now. "It's not like you agreed to be exclusive. You said it yourself that you still wanted to fuck around. That was the agreement."

Jungkook grabs your wrists to stop you from pushing him. You watch him clench his jaw as he makes eye contact with you. "What if I want to take back what I said?"

"What?" you mumble dumbly, all the fight leaving your body.

He lets go of your wrists and takes a step back. You watch him pace back and forth in his room. "What if I want us to be exclusive?"

You say the first thing that comes to mind. "You're lying." He must be. He's just trying to lure you in, get him on your good side again.

He looks at you dead in the eyes and it seems like all the anger and frustration is leaving his body as well. He looks defeated and tired, and you're sure you look the same. "I'm not. I never lie to you."

"You do, Kook," you say quietly. But you're not saying it to make him feel bad. You're simply saying it because it's the truth and both of you know that.

He sits down beside you on his bed and buries his face in his hands. You watch him and try to keep your tears at bay.

"Kook, if this is some sick joke—"

"It's not," he says all of a sudden. "What if I want us to be exclusive?" he tries again.

You don't like it when he looks at you like that. Like you matter to him. Like he actually cares. Like he feels the same way as you. Looking into his eyes is too much so you turn your head away and stare at the wall instead.

"Why?" you whisper.

"Because..." he tries. "Because—"

"Because what, Kook? Suddenly you don't like the idea of me sleeping with other guys? But you can sleep with other girls? And if I say yes to you, what'll happen then?" you say harshly. "Huh? You're gonna forget about me? Just use me whenever you want?"

"It's not like that, sweetheart." He tries grabbing your hand but you shake him off. You stand up and walk to the other side of the room, suddenly wanting to be away from him. Being near Jungkook clouds your senses and makes you act irrationally.

"Don't call me that." You feel your lips trembling and you're pretty sure tears are streaming down your face. "I don't know what you want from me, Jungkook. You can't even explain why you want us to be exclusive."

He mirrors your expression, big doe eyes suddenly teary as well. "I'm sorry," he chokes out. It stays silent after that. You nod to yourself. Maybe this is the best explanation you'll get. You gather your things and mumble a goodbye. You exit his bedroom and Jungkook doesn't chase after you. At this point you don't expect him to anymore. You bump into Mingyu and Jihyo upon exiting Jungkook's apartment. They call out to you but you ignore them and speed walk out of the building.

Your heart hurts. Like, it physically hurts. You know you should feel happy with what Jungkook's just told you. It's what you wanted ever since you fell for him. But why are you pushing away? Why don't you want to believe him all of a sudden?

Because you used to. Believe him, that is. Used to look at him all starry eyed with whatever he said. Said yes to whatever he asked. Looked at him like he can achieve world peace. Something stupid of the sort. Wore your heart on your sleeve every time you were with him. Even when you weren't, now that you think about it.

You always showed your feelings through your actions. He just showed his feelings through his words.

It's different but it's the same. This time you don't believe him. Stopped believing his words some time ago. Always knew there was some lie beneath his words. Always doubted what he said. Or just brushed it over your shoulder. Never let it settle in the crevices of your heart, which is sadly just filled with him. Him, him, him.

Jungkook, Jungkook, Jungkook.

You should feel sorry for yourself for how much he's changed you without even trying to directly. You never thought you'd have to change yourself for a man. But here he is, making you doubt him and the world. You were never like this before.

You thought love was easy. That if it was the right person, everything would fall into place naturally. You didn't know love would be like this. That you'd always be cautious, always had your walls up, looking over your shoulder. That you had to fight for love, or that it hurt so much you found difficulty in breathing.

But is Jungkook the right person?

It's not something you want to answer yourself, because you'll get hurt either way. You just brush the thought aside like you do with your feelings.

You don't go back to your apartment because you know Jihyo thinks it'll be the first place you go to. Will barge in your room because she has a spare key. Is confrontational and protective of you like that, she'll ask questions right away.

But you don't want to think of what just transpired. You want to forget. Move on. Not sure if that means moving on from Jungkook entirely (you doubt you ever will) but you just want to forget about today.

So you keep walking. No destination in mind, you just let your feet walk you to wherever. Away from campus. Walking through some random park. Eventually, you end up at a Korean BBQ. Don't realize the meaning this place holds till you're seated. It's Jungkook's favorite restaurant. He brought you here twice.

Now you're here alone. You start feeling pathetic. Who the fuck goes to a restaurant like this alone? You scan the area—you see couples, friends, families eating together. But you're alone which means you have to grill the meat alone. Serve yourself. Eat by yourself.

You order two bottles of soju. Might as well be drunk while looking pathetic.

You think you've made a good decision. The food is good and you're doing everything yourself so you have no time to think about other things. Or people. Person.

You flip the meat only to see that you've flipped it too early. It's not properly cooked yet. Jungkook always knew when to flip it at the right time.

You sigh. That was what, twenty minutes of him being out of your head? At least it's progress. Somewhat.

After a while you decide you can't inhale anymore food. You'll probably explode. But a happy tummy is a happy heart. Or whatever people say. You're drunk, can't think straight. You're drunk but not stupid, so you ask Jihyo if she can pick you up.

She simply replies otw and is outside the restaurant ten minutes later. She comes in full force—which is really just Mingyu and Jimin with her in the car. It's Mingyu's car, anyway, so you expected to see him. You don't know why Jimin's with them, but you don't mind. Seeing your group of friends eases the ache in your heart even more. Even though one person's missing.

You don't mind. Well, just a little.

You smile at them as you walk to the car while Jihyo runs out of it to give you a big hug. She doesn't say anything as she rubs your back soothingly and you don't cry on her shoulder like you normally would. You're too tired of crying. Being sad.

You don't say anything as the both of you get back in the car. They don't ask about what happened and for that you're grateful. You don't want to process it yet, anyway. Don't think there's much to process. You love Jungkook and he doesn't love you back. Simple.

Your friends fill in the quiet pretty well. Jimin goes off on some tangent. You don't really know the topic. But Jihyo's interjecting from time to time. Mingyu makes a joke and it has all of you laughing. Eventually you get to Jimin's place. It's the usual hangout spot. A one bedroom apartment with a nice balcony. Not too big but not too small either. Just right for the four of you.

Usually five.

You don't know what transpired after you left Jungkook's place. How Mingyu and Jihyo saw you running out with tears down your cheeks. You don't know and you don't ask. You all watch a movie together. All fall asleep in Jimin's living room. Will complain about your backs hurting the next morning but you don't care. It's nice to be around them.

You leave Jimin's place the morning after. You, Mingyu and Jihyo leave because Jimin shoos all of you out. Says he has an exam to study for. He'll probably complain about it during lunch. Tuesdays are reserved for lunch with each other. Out on the quad, if it's sunny enough. In the cafeteria otherwise. You're not sure if Jungkook will show up. You doubt he will.

Mingyu and Jihyo walk you home. You shower and get ready for class. You move as if you're on autopilot. Shower. Get dressed. Get the right textbooks. Lock your door. Walk to class.

You put yourself in this bubble, in this false sense of security that things are ok. You'll be okay. You've been through a lot and you're still here standing, breathing, living. This? This is nothing.

You just have to give yourself time. Have to push your feelings away. Out of sight, out of mind. Don't think it works like that when it's about your feelings. Whatever. Your heart will mend itself back to place.

But what makes a heart whole? It's people, mostly. It's your friends. Your family.

Jungkook.

Always gonna be Jungkook.

And you're back at square one.

..••°°°°••..°°••....••°°..••°°°°••..

jk (sent two weeks ago): can we talk?

jk (sent one week ago): hi

jk (sent one week ago): can we talk pls?

jk (sent five days ago): y/n?

jk (sent three days ago): im so sorry, y/n. i just want to talk. please.

..••°°°°••..°°••....••°°..••°°°°••..

It's been two weeks since the incident and your group hasn't been complete ever since. Either Mingyu and Jihyo are with Jungkook, or with you. Things are starting to change for the worse, and it's making you sad.

At least Jimin and Jungkook have made up already. You don't know the details exactly (because you didn't ask), but you've heard that they've started hanging out again.

You and Jungkook?

You haven't replied to any of his texts. You haven't seen him for two weeks. It's weird. It feels like there's something wrong, something off. Like there's a small pebble in your shoe. Like there's a nagging voice in your head telling you to go back home because you forgot to unplug your straightener.

Like you're missing a piece of you. This hole in your chest that leaves you feeling empty.

You miss Jungkook. And not just the sex. You also miss the friendship. The intimate moments.

You don't have the courage to ask about him, to text him back or look for him. Frankly, you're still hurt from what transpired and you think you might just break if he hurts you again.

It's even raining today. The cold and gloomy weather dampens your mood even more. You baked cookies to try to cheer you up. You used to love baking but haven't done so in a while, you're not really sure why. But you needed an extra pick me up today.

You're holding the tupperware of cookies close to your chest when you walk in the cafeteria, looking for your friends. You always bake extra for them—love the looks on their faces when Jihyo counts all the cookies first and divides it accordingly, when Mingyu gets more than what he should have, when they all fight over the last piece.

When Jungkook would ask if you had extra cookies back at your place.

You don't think that'll happen anymore.

You spot your friends by a table in the corner of the cafeteria, next to a large window where the rain hits it outside in a steady patter.

You see Mingyu who's taking to Jimin, Jihyo typing something on her laptop.

And there's the missing piece, beanie-clad head hung low, tattooed hand busy writing on his notebook.

You feel your heart lurch in your chest. You stop walking, not minding that you're blocking the way.

You take deep breaths to calm your nerves. You have to see each other at some point. And also, you don't want your friends to feel awkward anymore.

You continue walking again and because the universe wants to torture you even further, the only available seat left is right across Jungkook.

"Hi," you chirp, trying to sound as cheery as you can as you sit down. Mingyu, Jihyo and Jimin all look at you in surprise, then Jimin starts talking about his day to fill in the awkward silence. The three of them try to make things go back to normal. You would've laughed at the looks of your friends' faces (sans Jungkook, because you refuse to look at him) if you didn't feel so nervous.

You join in the conversation as well, not an ounce of sadness shown on your face. You don't want your situation with Jungkook to affect the rest of your friends.

The both of you never address each other directly, but you do feel him looking at you from time to time.

You place the cookies in the middle of the table. Like old times, Jihyo counts all the cookies and tells everyone they can only have three pieces each. Mingyu eats more than three. The three of them fight over the last piece, Jimin proposing that they battle it out through rock paper scissors.

You're laughing at the scene in front of you. Good thing you saved some for yourself back at your apartment.

Amidst the chaos, you feel Jungkook lean over the table to whisper in your ear.

"You got more cookies back at yours?"

Your body stiffens at the proximity. Usually you'd say yes. He'd follow you home, make some small talk while you place cookies in a ziplock for him, then he'd hug you goodbye.

That was before the agreement. It was essentially the same routine when you started sleeping with each other, though of course he'd stay a little bit longer.

You turn your head and look at him for the first time. You will yourself not to cry, to steel your emotions.

He looks so soft, so comfy like he just rolled out of bed. He's wearing a beanie to tame his curls, and he's wearing one of his oversized shirts paired with gray sweatpants.

He smells good too. And you realize that you really, really miss him.

"Yeah," you say just as quietly. You feel your heart lighten, but your head's screaming at you to reject him.

Jungkook doesn't say anything else and neither do you. You wait for your friends to finish eating and once everyone stands up, Jungkook walks to your side. Jihyo looks at you quizzically but you just shake your head, silently telling her not to voice out anything out loud. You say your goodbyes and start walking towards your apartment, Jungkook right beside you.

It's silent. And a little bit awkward. You're thinking of what to tell him, whether he wants to talk about what happened, or he just wants your damn cookies.

You close the door behind the both of you and you immediately walk to your small kitchen, grabbing the container of extra cookies and putting some in a ziplock, like you usually do. You feel from the corner of your eyes that Jungkook's watching you, and you feel like your heart is about to burst at what he might say.

"About that night..." he starts.

You sigh and drop the cookies on the counter, turning to him to look at him directly. For the first time in a while, Jungkook looks nervous. Fingers fidgeting, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"You know I like you, right?" you suddenly say.

"Yeah," he answers right away without a beat of hesitation.

"Then I want to stop whatever it is we have between us."

You watch Jungkook's face for his reaction. How his eyes widen, how he clenches and unclenches his fists, how his chest rises up and down in quick beats.

"Why?" he simply asks.

You bite your lip in thought, thinking of the right words to say. "I can't let you treat me like shit anymore, Jungkook. It's not healthy for the both of us. I don't know how you feel or what you want but look," you sigh. "You punched Jimin because what? Because I slept with him?"

"What if I want us to try?"

Now it's your turn for your eyes to widen, for your heart to lurch in your chest, body seizing at the question. Acting the same way you did when he asked the first time.

"Try?"

Jungkook nods, lips pursed as he walks closer to you. "You and me. Let's try. No more fooling around with other people." He swears under his breath as he comes to stand in front of you, both arms caging you against the counter. He breathes out and rests his forehead against yours, eyes closed like he's tired.

You're tired as well. But you let him do what he wants. Like you always do.

"(Y/N)," he starts to say. "Look, I— The thought of you sleeping with someone else... It made me crazy," he laughs dryly.

You lean back and scrunch your eyebrows at him. "Jungkook, I'm not some object for you to be possessive over. You just can't—"

"I don't mean it like that," he says, looking at you directly now. Your knees would've buckled at the intensity of his gaze were it not for your body leaning on the kitchen counter. "I just mean..." He turns his head to look away. "I just mean I can't bear the thought of you being with someone else anymore. Doing the things we do."

You open your mouth in reply then close it again when you realize you don't know what to say. You've been waiting to hear this confession for so long, but now that you've heard it, you're suddenly not happy. You're unsure. Guarded. Hurt.

"Jungkook," you whisper unsurely.

He turns his head back to you, gaze right on your lips before he locks eyes with you again.

"We can try. Please," he whispers. It's weird seeing Jungkook this way, all vulnerable and desperate. Begging. Usually, you'd be in his position. Not the other way around. "I promise this time."

You feel your resolve slowly crumbling. All the walls you've built up from your last interaction with him come falling down. You should hate yourself, you really should. But you know where your heart lies. What it wants. That you'd take any inkling of love he'd give you. Even if he may not mean it. Even if it might not last forever.

"Okay," you say, and the moment you do, you see the most beautiful smile grace his face. It makes you smile as well, ignoring the little voice in the back of your head to say no. "But we start slowly, alright?"

He nods his head, smile still there, body slowly pressing against yours. He nuzzles his head in the crook of your neck and your arms automatically go around him.

"Kook," you sigh. "We should probably talk first—"

"In the morning, baby," he says in between the kisses he's placing on your shoulder. "I promise."

You play with his hair while Jungkook does what he wants. Kissing your shoulder, your collarbone, up to your jaw. It's playful at first, big smooches echoing in your apartment. Then it starts getting heated the moment you feel his tongue on your skin.

"J-Jungkook," you stutter.

He grips your waist and lifts you up so you're seated on the counter. "You drive me crazy, I hope you know that."

You smile at him and say nothing else as you grab his face towards yours, finally reconnecting your lips with his. It's soft and sensual, no sense of urgency like how you usually kiss. Like how Jungkook had somewhere to be after. Or that he wanted to get it over with.

He's taking his time now by the way his lips mold slowly against yours, like he wants to map out how you taste, how you feel, how your tongue feels like pressed against his.

You stay like that for a while, just kissing and basking in each other's presence. Jungkook holds your waist firmly like he doesn't want to let go. Frankly, you don't want him to either.

You start getting antsy so you grab the hem of his shirt and try to slip it over his head. He laughs at your impatience as you throw the shirt somewhere in your apartment, hands going to his back instantly. Scratching your nails lightly down his skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake. Then your hands go down to his pants and you start toying with his jeans.

"Sweetheart," he leans back and chuckles. He holds your face gently. "There's no need to rush, okay? We've got all the time in the world."

You lean back as well, exhaling the breath you didn't know you were holding. "Okay," you agree. "Yeah, sorry."

"Let me take my time with you," he murmurs as he leans in again to kiss you.

Jungkook does his take time. Practically kisses every inch of your skin. Takes off your clothing one by one. Fingers you slowly that you're seeing stars. Cleans you up with his mouth that you're left breathless and dizzy. Disoriented. You're both (finally) naked by the time you're in bed.

"Look at yourself, baby," he whispers right into your ear.

His words go in your ear and out the other, head too clouded with the mind blowing orgasm he just gave you. You don't understand what he's telling you to do until he gently grabs your chin and turns it to where he wants you to look. Your eyes spot your full length mirror. You see yourself, bare and sitting on the bed with your legs folded beneath you, thighs open and pussy on display. Jungkook's right behind you in a similar position, body so big and wide that you notice the stark difference of your bodies.

You see your chest heaving up and down, tits moving in sync with your breaths. Your hands are resting on his thighs. Jungkook slithers his arm to wrap around your waist. Finally, you lock eyes with him through the mirror.

"See?" he says, though you don't really know what he wants you to see. "You look so pretty. S'why I can't get enough of you."

"Oh," you breathe out.

"Yeah, oh," Jungkook chuckles lightly. "Gonna fuck you now, okay?"

You nod your head in reply and Jungkook lifts you up a bit to enter you from behind. You gasp when he fills you up right away, a perfect fit like always. He starts thrusting slowly but deeply, and you feel his tip kiss your cervix each time. You would've toppled forward were it not for his protective hold around your waist.

"Feels good," you finally moan out.

"I know, baby," he pants from behind you. "You take me so well. Like you were made for me. Like we were made for each other."

Your heart seizes at that, and all words get stuck in your throat when Jungkook picks up the pace of his thrusts, both hands going to your chest to cup your breasts.

Jungkook presses his chest to your back, practically molding himself around your body, you're starting to feel as one. He buries his face in the crook of your neck, lips on your sweaty skin.

"I might not last long," he grunts.

"Me too," you mewl. It stays silent for a while, just both your breaths filling the room. It's not like you need to say anything, to be vocal like you both usually are. It's different this time and you know Jungkook can feel it too. With the way his body is pressed to yours, to his tight hold on you like you might disappear into thin air if he lets go, how his mouth never seems to leave your skin, how your hand holds his. Like you're too overwhelmed with the events that happened today, the past few weeks—since this started. That it's all coming to an end, but an end with a new beautiful beginning. It feels overwhelming because you're entering new territory. You still have your doubts (you don't think those will ever leave), but at least now you're on the same page with Jungkook. Together. Jumping into the unknown. Even if you're not sure how this will turn out—being together with him, for real this time. If it'll end in greater heartbreak or will be your best decision yet. But you're here because you want to try. You've let him in because you want to try. Because your heart has been with his from the start, you realize.

You're brought back to reality when Jungkook brings his hand up to wrap around your throat—not tightly, a hold barely there but firm enough to know he has you in his hold. You stare at yourself again in the mirror, at Jungkook moving his hips from behind you. How you're so pressed into each other.

"Jungkook," you choke out, suddenly so overwhelmed and full of emotion. His gaze shifts from your body to your face, looking at you through the mirror so intently you feel like melting. You move your hips back to meet his thrusts, your body feeling like it's on fire and that you might snap soon. "Kook, I—"

"I know, baby," he murmured. "I know." Knows that you're close, that this moment feels different, electrifying. "I got you, okay?" he whispers so sweetly. You lean your head back against his shoulder. "Let go for me. Hm?"

"Okay," you whisper, eyes closing and focusing on doing just that. It doesn't take you much longer to reach your peak, to let go and let the pleasure take control of your body. It comes to you gradually, getting stronger and stronger, and Jungkook talks you through it all. Though you can't make out his words since everything sounds so muffled. Like you're under water and the wave's crashed.

"Gonna come too," he grunts. "You're so beautiful when you come, baby. I can't—"

Jungkook reaches his orgasm after and fills up the condom. Fucks you so slow and deep through his high it sets you off once more. Don't realize that his finger is rubbing your clit slowly. Like he wanted you to reach your high again.

"That's it," he whispers. "So good for me."

You almost fall face first on your bed, but Jungkook catches you with a hand around your waist. Moves you around the bed so that you're laying on your back with him right beside you. You curl into him instantly as his arm wraps around your shoulder. He brings his lips to the crown of your head and places a gentle kiss.

You close your eyes and listen to the beat of his heart slowing down, focusing on the rise and fall of his chest. "We need to clean up soon," you mumble after a while.

"I'll do it," he mumbles back. "Let me just— Let me catch my breath first."

You laugh lightly, your body slowly succumbing to sleep. You feel Jungkook stand up and for a second your heart seizes in your chest. You keep your eyes closed while you try to listen for any sounds of clothes being picked up, of him getting dressed.

All you hear is your bathroom door being open then closed, then you feel a damp washcloth between your legs, and only then does your heart start beating again. Jungkook's back beside you in bed a few moments later, and then you finally succumb to sleep.

..••°°°°••..°°••....••°°..••°°°°••..

An alarm wakes you up the next morning. You know it isn't yours since it's not the usual ringtone you use. You open your eyes slowly and smile sleepily at Jungkook's arm draped across your waist. You look back to see him sleeping peacefully, mouth slightly ajar. You reach your arm out to your beside table to look for the noisy phone, realizing it's Jungkook's when you bring it close to your face to turn off the alarm.

You notice he's gotten a few notifications since last night, are about to place it back on your table when a text stands out to you. Waking you up fully. Your tummy churning, your breath seizing.

You can't see the preview of the message, but the name is enough to leave you feeling dizzy.

It's from Iseul. You know her because she's one of Jungkook's regulars. And you know this because she texts him a lot, her name always popping up in his phone. Not that you secretly went through it before, but sometimes Jungkook likes showing his phone to you and your friends, either of a cool photo he took lately or some random meme.

You try to stop your thoughts from thinking of the worst, but you can't help it. You and Jungkook haven't talked much about your relationship, because there is a lot to talk about. You know it won't all be fixed in one sitting. So you don't know if they're still seeing each other. You don't know if he meant what he said last night.

You start feeling ill, your palms sweating and your head beginning to pound. You find yourself standing up, getting dressed and grabbing just your phone with you. Never mind the fact that you're leaving Jungkook yet you're in your place. That he might still be here when you're back, whenever that will be. For the first time since you started this thing with him, you leave without saying goodbye.

[bubuslutty]

Pirate!Captain Price au (nsfw ver)

word count: 1.2k

tags: nsfw, f receiving, p in v, making out, spitting, skinny dipping, mentions of public sex (nobody gets caught tho)

warnings: kidnapping

a/n: I tend to go on a tangent with the story telling n lore instead of sticking to John fucking. ANWAY. I love him and if you also love him and have silly thoughts abt him and his boys, send me an ask, or comment, or reblog, whatever you want 💙

pirate!captain Price fucks like he's trying to kill you, with determination and pure hunger for it. He's a man on a mission, and nobody can stop him from getting what he wants.

Captain Price has wicked hips and a filthy walk, he's hot and he knows it. He's so comfortable in his skin, scars, fat, muscles, freckles and all. His movements are confident yet relaxed. He appears to be so sure of himself without doing anything, just standing there and people hate him for it. How infuriating is a man with such charm and confidence decided to become an outlaw, a pirate of all things.

So he knows how to use those hips, pounding his sweetheart on the mattress and making her wail and scream for him with how good he's making her feel.

pirate!captain Price has ridiculous core strenght, he could fuck his sweetheart for hours, rolling his hips against hers like he was born to fuck her. And he's so fucking filthy with it as well, "Too much for you? Should I slow down, sweetheart? hm?"

And slow down he does, rolling his hips deep deep in her guts, forcing her to listen to the filthy squelch that resonats in his Captain's cabin everytime their hips meet. And he has a dumb smile on his lips, obsessively watching where they meet between her legs.

And you better believe he'll kiss his pretty lady like he wanted to drink her up, he's nasty and it would be embarrassing to call what he's doing to her kissing, not even making out can cover how sinful he's with his mouth and tongue.

Pirate!Captain Price, when he's in a mood he'll even spit in her open mouth, holding her pretty face in his bigger, rough and scarred hand, then spitting right in her tongue, and he watches how her eyes roll at the back of her head and she moans loudly, swallowing his little offering.

He's also big on eating her out, be in his cabin, outside on the deck in the middle of the night under the stars, where anyone can catch them, or in a dark alleyway behind a pub. And because he has a beard, he likes to get it absolutely drenched and leave his sweetheart's inner thighs all red from the friction.

And he doesn't mind when she whines how much her inner thighs are bothering her, he just has a smug smile on his lips and apologizes with a coo, placing a wet kiss to her forehead and cheeks, and deep down he's not really sorry, but for his sweetheart, he'll coo and coddle until she melts over and over again in his arms.

Pirate!Captain Price barley kidnaps rich folks in exchange for ransom money from their rich family. If he has an excuse to dress his sweetheart in the finest of clothes, he would take it without hesitation.

So she's the one who sneaks in a ball, so she can later open the gates for them so they can sneak in, rob the place while everyone is busy dancing and then kidnap the wealthiest person in there.

And of course she's dressed in blue, John's favourite colour, the colour of the sky and the sea. Her dress is shiny, made out of silk and fabrics only found in far, far away countries, that even rich folks struggle to get, but not pirates, pirates can get their hands on anything if they tried hard enough.

She's wearing a layered blue gown, the sleeves long, with her whole neck, collarbone and a generous chunk of her chest exposed, and she looks so so beautiful, her hair half up, decorated with pearls and gold. And she's quickly stealing everyone's attention, coyly tucking a stray strand of hair behind one of her ears with a gloved hand.

She's invited to dance by many people, and she makes up elaborate stories about being a foreign Duchesse, laughing and giggling at stories and anecdotes she's been told, forgetting for a moment she was an outlaw, a criminal, who stabbed her to-be-husband right through the heart on their wedding day.

When the job is done, she returns to their ship on horseback, laughing in delight with John's men.

When the kidnappee is tied and locked in the basement, they sail away and celebrate with music and drinks of their own.

Sometime in the same night, Price's sweetheart is running and giggling on the ship, chased by Price, who's trying to catch her, still dressed like a dream. And she gasps and swoons when he catches her in his arms.

She acts like she's trying to fight him, wiggling in his arms and telling him, "Let me go, you pirate! I'm a woman of honor and dignity!"

Price tickles her and she laughs, trying to slip away, and he has his arms securely wrapped around her waist, breathing the perfume she sprayed on her neck in, sighing in pure bliss.

"You're mine now." He speaks against her naked shoulder, placing a wet kiss on the skin.

"I'm not yours! Let me go or the Royal Navy shall have you hung!" She threatened, turning in his arms and pushing his chest away.

"Hm, no. Finders keepers." He hums and pulls a string that kept her corset securely tied around her body, and when she felt it getting loose she squealed and crossed her arms over her chest, "John!"

"What? You'll be naked by sunrise, I'm just speeding this up." John says, shrugging while wearing a small smirk, "You've got a problem with that?"

"If that's the case, let me help." John's sweetheart says, wearing a smirk of her own and starts undressing right there on the deck, while his men are still having a party not far off, the only privacy they've had was the shadow of the Captain's cabin and nothing else.

"What are you doing?" John asks, looking over his shoulder and panicking a bit because as much as he enjoyed fucking his love where they could get caught, he still made sure nobody was around, and if someone happened to pass by, he'd use his body to shield her away. But this, this was madness, any of his boys would just turn around and see her standing there naked, glowing under the moonlight like a siren.

The only things she still had on was her pearl earrings and a necklace John gifted her a while back. "Come swim with me." She offered, smiling and still fucking standing there naked with her clothes a puddle to her feet.

John gulped and decided to just get naked as fast as possible while she watched him, and when he was done, she tiptoed to where he was standing, cupped his cheek and placed a kiss to his lips.

And before his fingertips could graze her skin, she pulled away and dived into the open cold sea.

Fuck this.

John dived right behind her, controlling his breathing and taking a deep breath when he resurfaced, his body freezing due to the cold water, but he knew his body would soon get used to it. He then felt arms hugging his shoulders from behind, and he grinned when his sweetheart kissed his cheeks with her cold plush lips.

"Did I just see Cap'ain and his bonnie jump in the sea naked?" Johnny said with a frown, cheeks pink due to how much he's drunk.

"Hm?" Simon hummed with his eyes closed next to him, leaning his head on his shoulder.

"Never mind." Johnny said and yawned, scratching his chin and leaning his head on Simon's.

tag list (pls ask to be added or removed): @obiwankenobis-lap @goapgrim @smalldemonlover @silviafantin15 @reveluving @bobastayhigh @originalsimp @h-leigh @gxldyjess @msdrpreist @chaoticevilbakugo @Lacunaanonymoused @whore4dilfs @canadianmilkbag @ahoeformando

[writingoddess1125]

Soo I wanted to imput my own culture on this one!

COD Men + König Dating a Jamaican Women

König

• You and König had been together for quite a while. Spending most of your guys relationship in Europe and in his home country.

• But when you make to offer of having him meet your family he is more then happy to accept!

• He didn't expect to take a plane to the tropicals however- Ending up in such a touristy area at first. Till you lead him off the beaten bath to a much more rural area to introduce him to your family.

• They are a but surprised at first, seeing such a large man. However accept him with open arms- Your Mummy especially.

• You handed your mother her drink, watching her as she looked at the new member of the family who was seated playing cards with your cousin- The shorts She'd bought clearly being a size too small to fit him comforbly.

• It was like she got the son she wanted the most- Immediately having him change into more comforble clothes. Fed him, and forced you to walk him around the prettiest parts of town.

• "Why does it feel like my Mum likes you more then me!?"

• Konig could only laugh at this and shyly disagree.

• However after your Mum took him shopping since she felt like he didn't have the proper clothes he couldn't disagree further.

• He absolutely adores the beaches of your home and spends so much time swimming he gets a golden tan in a short amount of time.

• "Gonna need to order some better shorts" You mumbled- not wanting him to have a wardrobe malfunction while around your family. Your mother laughing at this and patting your hip- "Wen yuh climb tall trees yuh get langggg branches-"

• "MUMMY!"

Gaz

• You decided that it was time for Gaz to meet your family, wanting to take that extra step together.

• They are so excited to meet him they start chattering away immediately- However Gaz figures out very quickly...

• He is more then thrilled. Having wanted to take that next step with you for quite a while- So when the plan arrived at your home he was so happy to see your family there to meet you and him there.

• He doesn't know what the fuck they are saying-

• They had accidently assumed he knew Patwah and were corrected by you quickly. Since they assumed he was Jamaican like you-

• "Wait it's not just an accent?" Gaz asks softly to you, Which leads to you explaining that it's a Creole language called Patwah.

• Your Aunty however seemed to take the liking to Kyle the most. Seeing him as great husband potential for you- As well as dropping 'hints' about a wedding. Which was amusing since she had the thickest of accents out of your entire family.

• "Kyle lov, Wi wud waan (Y/N) married yah inna di yard. A nuh eh ah luk gud place tuh marry an av babies?" (Kyle Love, we would want married here at home. Isn't it a pretty place to marry and have babies? )

• Gaz didn't know what she said per say- But he did year the word Married and Babies.

• He does have a blast however, going out dancing with you, drinking with your family and having a grand time- But most was being fed near constantly.

• "Nyam up Maaga bwoy" (eat up skinny boy)

• Gaz was satted there in the kitchen of your family home, Staring as your Aunty adds another massive scoop of Rice and Peas to his growing plate. Filled delicious foods he could only dream of back home.

• It seemed like there was no escape from this pleasurable hell- and he couldn't be happier

• Gaz nodded obediently as he took up more rice on his fork and continued to eat. You trying to tell your aunty to not force feed your boyfriend.

Soap

• You bring up wanting Johnny to meet your family after officially meeting his- Seeing how it would be fair and should be a fun experience.

• Seems he found his people-

• Of course he is more then willing! Seeing it as a fun get away as well-

• When he arrives his naturally cheery personality wins over your family quickly. Ends up having a blast with them the first day and eats so much he almost gets suck.

• There is a mild language barrier- However it was overcome rather quickly.

• Your cousin seemed to absolutely ADORE Johnny. Taking the two of you out to clubs and different bars around the area.

• "We should buy a place out here- for times like this" He said, Leaning against you as the two of you walk back to your families house.

• Finds out quickly that it's relatively cheap in parts and having his nice military paychecks went a lloonnggg way here.

• Adsolutely loves the drinks. The Ginger beer, the Red Strike, Sorrel.

• Adores them honestly!

• This man has met other half it seems as bottles seem to rain around him.

• "Yu Drunk?" Your cousin calls out to Johnny who is dancing against you with a bright smile on his face.

• "A'm Blootert!" He shouts. His accent so strong its funny-

• Johnny ends up so drunk, he's locked arms with your cousin, seated under the romada singing some imaginary song they had made up together.

Ghost

• You take the opportunity to get your hair braided as well- seeing how for once you don't have to pay an arm and a leg for it.

• It takes a lot of convincing on your part to get Simon to come meet your family. You'd been dating more then long enough and he finally agrees one day-

• However he still wears some form of mask- in his case a skull face mask that is still breathable while keeping him covered.

• Your family was a bit apprehensive of Simon of first- surprised by such a brooding figure you'd dragged with you.

• That was till your father stepped forward and welcomed Simon with open arms. Which lead to the rest of the family also being warm and welcoming-

• Simon accepts this and goes along with the kind greetings from everyone.

• Simon tags along, which surprises you. Ends up asking the hair dresser questions constantly.

• "Wah mek yu deh ask suh much?" Your hairdresser staps a bit-

• "I want to learn how- do I can help her do her hair or our future children's" He says bluntly and truthfully.

• Wins over the whole Salon just like that.

• He has never met a group so God damn stubborn then your family- He can refuse all he wants but ends up being given or dragged some place.

• Getting a step by step on how to do different braids by the nice women at the Salon who baby him- even buying him lunch too.

• The soilder taking the day with your father. The two just enjoying the day together- Simon even smoking with him a little which made him relax more then he expected (You weren't there to tell him-)

• Didn't want a drink- Now has 4 he has finished. Refused an addional plate of food?- He had 3 more and some fruit.

• The only person who wasn't pushy was your father. Who was as stoic and laid back as Simon.

• Simon enjoyed the relaxing time with your Father- The two sitting on the front patio with their drinks sipping away as they occasionally chatted.

• This day being the same, When Simon got up prepared to be dragged to a other fun active place. But instead your father waving him over to sit with him.

• Looking to you as you just nod for him to go do as he pleased-

Price

• By the time you came back, Both men were actually chuckling at some sort of joke together. That night you looking to Simon who laid in bed with you shocked-

• "My Dad actually likes you-" You say in disbelief. Simon only nodding and smiling at your words.

• By the next morning he is as red as a Tomato and sunburned to high hell.

• John is willing to meet your family. Finding it would he a nice holiday and fun overall since he hadn't been to the Caribbeans since he was first in the military.

• When arriving he did notice some stares, since he was so clearly military and learned the distrust was real.

• But your family was open to him in extending that olive branch to him.

• Your uncle however- took some convincing. Which ended up getting John hazed of sorts.

• "Mek wi si wah yu gat Brit-" Your uncle Said with a grin. John of course accepting a challenge. From drinking, Dancing and more. Which ended up with the two shit talking each other-

• By the end of the night John and your Uncle were as thick as thieves.

• John even proud of the hand rolled cigarettes your uncle had given him.

• "Don't take his cigarettes-" You say calmly. Taking the homemade rolled cigarette from your boyfriend and handing him a packed one instead.

• While you were with some of your cousins catching up John sat out on a chair with your Uncles and cousins. The group smoking cigars and cigarettes and chatting away.

• Seemed time was lost on the both of you as John sat out in the sun far too long. Ignoring the reddening of his skin-

• Your poor Boyfriend tho-

• "Fuck-k" John mutters, wincing as he sits down with his arms held out. Your uncle laughing at him-

• You spend the evening rubbing Aloe in his skin and fanning his skin to help ease the burn.

• "Burned noice an criss Hm?" Your uncle said with a laugh making John give a fake glare at the old man.

• "Ah fuck ya you old geezer-" John winced out making the men around him laugh hard at his suffering.

[georgeweasleyslostearhq]

Could you do a oneshot where the reader gets chased by the Hyde through the woods (doesn't really see what it was). She runs into Xavier and he makes fun of her about the "moster in the woods" but when he sees how freaked out she is he gets her somewhere safe and comforts her? Maybe Rivals to lovers or friends to lovers? Thank youuu! I'm obsessed with your Xavier stories! He's so in character xx

thank you so much!

OH, YOU'RE SERIOUS?!

Pairings: Xavier Thorpe x Fem!reader Summary: ^^^ Warnings: none Notes: I'm sorry for not getting to Requests sooner, there are so many, also apparently some of them aren't appearing that people have submitted, so I am sorry for that!

you ran past the trees and jumping over the logs and rocks on the ground as you fled the forest, trying to escape the huge lanky monster.

you didn't have enough air in your lungs to scream for help as you ran as fast as you could.

you tripped on a rock and fell down as you got to a shed on the edge of the woods.

you quickly pulled yourself up from the dirt and hurried around the shed where you your head collided with a chest, you backed up startled in fear and sighed

"Xavier!" you yelled

"hey, what's wrong?" he asked, seeing your sweaty, tired and tense state

you heard a noise behind you and your head snapped in the direction. seeing a rabbit come out of the bushes, you looked around your surroundings and began tearing up, freaked out.

"hey, hey, hey, tell me what's wrong, why are you sweating?"

"big, tall- skinny, huge-" you stuttered

"me?" he joked

"monster, in there, chased me" you panted as you pointed to where you came from

"A monster? in the woods" he chuckled "did Ajax get you high?"

"I don't do drugs, there- it chased me, it was right in front of me!" you pleaded for him to believe you.

you two were pretty close friends, so you thought you could trust him with things

"are you sure it wasn't a deer or something?" he questioned

"Xavier there was a fucking monster chasing me in the woods, I know what a deer looks like. I want to leave this place right now, it's not safe here and I'm really scared" you begged

"oh, you're being serious?"" his face fell as he saw the tears in your eyes and the way your body was shaking

he looked around and wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close as you shuddered

"come on. we'll stay here for a bit, in case it comes back." he lead you into his shed

Xavier didn't fully believe you, yes, he believed in monsters, how could he not? but he assumed you just got startled by something and started running, but something about the way you trembled and sobbed made him question his thought process.

he sat you down to comfort you, telling you it will be ok and that you were safe, even though he didn't fully know that.

he wasn't scared as much as he was worried. but definitely feared for your safety.

"what if it comes back?" your voice wobbled

"I don't want to find out, but if it does, I'll protect you" he spoke softly

"no, no. you wouldn't be able to do anything, it's massive, Xavier. it would be able to kill both of us at the same time" you panicked, remembering how close it got to catching you

"I don't care, it could have me as you run away, I'll distract it, I don't care, as long as you're safe. I. will. protect. you" he argued.

"but-"

"-no buts, ok? I love you and I won't let anything happen to you" he cut you off

your eyes widened as you looked at him in the eyes "you love me?"

"of course I do, now, describe it to me" he sat on a stool beside you and took his sketchpad and a pencil to start sketching

"it's a feeling you have for someone or something you care deeply about" you started to answer him

"I meant the monster, Sweetheart" he looked up at you with a smile

"oh- right sorry" you apologised sheepishly

"it's alright, we can do this later" he placed the book aside, moving closer to you

"you feeling any better?" he rubbed your back

you shook your head as you stared at him

"why not?" he muttered

"because I'm already freaking it out and you telling me you love me is freaking me out more" you exclaimed

"ok, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you" he held your hand

"it's not upsetting me it's freaking me out, you told me you love me!" you rushed

"alright. well I've been more focused on making sure you feel safe" he reasoned

"I do feel safe, I'm with you" you admitted, making him smile down at you

"that's good to hear" he chuckled

he pulled you closer to him, pulling you onto his lap and cradling you in his arms

"I won't let anything happen to you" he cooed as he kissed your forehead

------------------------------------------------

I was gonna make them kiss but then realised you don't have to kiss, you have the right to wait.

[lina-lovebug]

Bleeding Hearts

Part 7

Taglist: @silverhowe @happycupcakeenthusiast @vampire-hunter @simpforavillain @dumb-fawkin-bitch @mushroomlover13 @kimqueenofhell @vane28282 @namor-is-the-way @daaiissyyyyy @anyzandy @pturnersblog @cherrychupachup

Miles pov

Years ago, on Earth. . .

The love of my life was dying.

At the age of ten, my love was diagnosed with lung cancer. It was unexpected, and it happened over the course of a week.

During class, she started to seize and she was taken away in an ambulance. Her lungs were filled with liquid and with hundreds of tests done, it was confirmed she has stage two lung cancer.

She was pulled out of school, but that didn't keep me from her. Every day, like clockwork, I took a bus to the hospital to visit room 23.

And over the course of a few years, she kept getting worse.

Her parents didn't want her to do chemo, but it was her only chance of living. Her eyes were sunken in, but the sparkle was still there. Her spirit was breaking but she was still smiling. Her curly hair was coming off in clumps but she insisted she looked better bald.

I wanted to see her get better.

I wanted to see her out of here.

"Nina," I said one day, catching her attention as the nurse finished taking her blood.

"Yes?"

"Once you're better, I'm gonna marry you," Her eyes widened.

"Wh-what the fuck? Miles, don't joke about stuff like that-"

"I'm not joking. I love you, and I've been in love with you since we were kids. I'll join the military and get us a house, and you'll never have to worry about anything ever again, I swear to you," She started to cry and at first, I thought my feelings weren't reciprocated.

But she kissed me and said yes.

I had asked her fathers permission beforehand. I wanted him to know that his daughter would be taken care of, and that I would always be by her side. Her mother was hesitant, but they both knew that if I waited any longer, I would regret never telling her.

Date nights were spent in her room. I would pick up her favorites and new things to try, just to see the reaction on her face when she found something else she liked.

One night, I had fallen asleep in the room. I was going to head home, since visiting hours were done, but she wanted me to stay.

I fell asleep with her hand in mine, my back getting used to the chair I would find myself taking naps in.

Suddenly, I heard a blaring alarm. My eyes snapped open and turned to Nina, who was seizing.

“Nina!” I tried running to her side but doctors were already forcing me out. Her eyes were on mine as I was being dragged out, and she tried speaking but no words would leave her lips.

“Please, help her!”

“You can’t be in here, Miles,” One of the nurses said, closing the door infront of me. I rushed to the side window, trying to see what was going on and luckily, they didn’t close the blinds. They turned her on her side, forcing out her IV and her body wouldn’t stop shaking.

You’ll be okay.

They’ll save you, just like they always do.

But her heart rate was going down. Rapidly.

“Hey!” I screamed, banging on the glass.

“Hey, don’t you give up on me! Nina, you need to fight!” Love can make you blind. I was so convinced that she would be out of there that I ignored how skinny she had gotten, and how pale she was. I wanted so badly to believe that she would get out so I could marry her that I didn’t even see it.

She wanted to die.

She was tired of fighting.

And it stopped.

The monitor that always beeps repeatedly, all day and everyday, had stopped.

That’s when the screaming started. I wanted it to be a nightmare. I wanted to wake up as my fists repeatedly hit the glass window, ignoring the pain and the blood. I couldn’t see reason because there couldn’t be any good one. What reason was there to take such a beautiful person away? What reason was there to take her away?

Why couldn’t I just see her smile one more time?

All those thoughts were racing through my mind as I stared at the DNA results infront of me.

Ninat’ia, a Na’vi, perfectly matched the DNA results of Nina Gonzales, who died in 2120.

This felt like a punch to the gut. Like the world was saying “fuck you”.

“Anything come up?” General Ardmore questioned from the doorway.

“Nah, just some bullshit,” I replied, trying to keep my composure as I clicked delete.

Just absolute bullshit.

[carmenized-onions]

review

chip is the biggest fourth wall breaker and i love it for her - time is definitely linear 100% we didn’t just read a tenet vibe flashback forward around and sideways episode that isn’t what happened?

her and carmy are so skinny not breaking the counter

any shoes left undropped? oh how i love your continued motifs

BEFORE YOU KNEW ME YOU CALLED ME CARMY???? completely and utterly feral. she found him charming!!! teehee. she is such a tumblr girl #parasocialrelationshipvibes

she found him charming teehee

chip is simultaneously the second most awkward and the least awkward and carmy is consistently the most awkward

okay the car incident was a month ago, good to know because the fever dreams are ongoing

promised to ask you out (when he’s mentally stable) LOL WHENS THAT HAPPENING

god you are so good at talking about throats i never knew that the feeling of someone’s throat could make me feel emotions

HE IS A MORON oh my god but he isn’t a bad guy (tumblr needs to see this after their comments on season 3 carmy)

carmy i beg do the fucking work i need you two to have sex now x

i love the way i can’t exactly tell who’s thoughts these are/ the respective it’s being written from - like some lines are so chip then some are so carmy and some are also giving me michael vibes (could be completely off parr with this and you didn’t intend for me to read into it this much).

for example

- [ ] “you squint like he’s a moron” is so chip, but then the “he is” is so mikey

- [ ] and then the “of course you want him to change” is so carmy and the “he sucks” is so mikey

stop thinking about food carmy oml wrap it up,

oh carmy you could definitely be better but

NO CHIP YOU COULD NOT BE BETTER NEVER ACCEPT DEFEAT “insert rodrick saying deny deny deny”

jk chip is a flawed character but also so likeable and that’s why we love her

the peoples princess did go hard to be fair this is so random but my ex boyfriend always said i was a fixer like chip but he never called me the peoples princess and the reason why is insane… HE DIDNT KNOW WHO PRINCESS DIANA WAS. bear in mind this boy was a fucking genius, going to one of the hardest degrees at a very good school and we are both british how in hell do you not know who princess diana is you fucking weirdo

i knew he was a making a dish in his head, and what does he do, go and prove me right and make a dish in his head

ITS EASIER TO MAKE THINGS WHEN THEY ARE FOR YOU,,,,, ABOUT YOU WTF

me with a chronic nail biting problem and a therapist 👁️👄👁️

you are both little morons i need richie (ideally mikey but that’s obvs no possible) to come and tell you this

finally they are back in sync

this proving yourself thing is kind of crazy but it’s also carmen so EVENTUALLY THANK GOD

it is definitely weird to have the same therapist

the cat analogy is so good i feel it in my bones

i would say i love you tbf, too soon but she was MIKEYS PICK

such a cat response

i’m glad we have reaffirmed that she will still work there because i need to see this happen

with you??? wtf do you mean you two need labels istg

he has receipts like idk what to tell you it’s fucking carmy and when it comes to chip he’s finna be in the pit (be prepared)

my reaction to carmy v fields…. oh yeah:

- THIS IS TOO GOOD WTAF

- i needed this. i needed this so fucking much

- WALK HIM LIKE A FUCKING DOG

- THIS WAS ON THE FUCKING ROADTRIP - GOD I WISH I WAS THERE RVEN FUCKING MORE WYG

-GOD YOU ARE SO FUCKING CHEKHOVS GUN

- i was chilling with dirty details and NOW ITS THIS YOU ARE AMAZING

- head of the head of the head IN THEIR HEADS

- PROZAC RIDDLED FUCKS LIKE ME… are you actually on prozac… no?

- WHY IS FAK BERE?? GO FUCKING HOME

- best friend FAK? we will talk about best friend fak later

- i love this website commentary- i had to make a website once and it was the worst experience of my life

- of course chip would learn web design

- GET HIM CARMEN FUCKINF GET HIS ASSSSSS

- WE DONT PLAY IN CHICAGO (this is so my city vs london in the uk)

- ROAD TRIP SQUAD OH MY FUCKING GOD

- i was wondering what he meant by dusty and dead… i get it now

- tip your servers and don’t ask for their numbers

- one thing richie believes is fuck the feds (even the paramedics)

*deep breath*,,, moving on

they need to kiss rn like they just do while he imagines food she imagines drinks. i would say i love you? so just fucking say it AND FUCKING KISS ALREADY

your writing, like it really is fucking amazing

oh my god

THEY KISSED TEEHEE TEHEE I AM LITERALLY KICKING MY FEET

i love the bear fandom all uniting on the fact that carmy likes having his hair pulled. like there is one consistency across all fanfictions and it is that carmy will whine when someone pulls on his hair

*chekovs gunshot* she gets headaches when she smokes, she likes the taste of his mouth, he wants to fly her to paris. these were all in one sentence YOU ARE TOO GOOD

“I want you to be permanent and carved in my tables and I want you to wear my jackets and I want you in my kitchen and in my menu and in every dumb fucking conversation I have at Christmas tellin’ family what the fuck I’m doing— I want you in every sentence.”

i’m going to do a full analysis on this… this is fucking literature i don’t know what else to say.

FAK GO AWAY I WANT THEM TO FUCK COME ON DUDE

another thing consistently in the best fanfic. carmen is a biter

the mood is not dead FUCK ALREADY

i was so worried the vibe ending would be the end of the chapter and i would have cried THANKYOU FOR WRITING SO MUCH I LOVE YOU AND YOUR RIDICULOUS WORD COUNTS

SYD IS HER OLD CAT, this is why her and carmy are so good as coworkers

you are genuinely unbelievable

“get your weird little hands off my chip you perv “they’re not weird little hands” “why is that what you dispute” they are children

i don’t feel that i can really say anything on how you wrote the scene of richie and chip after because it cannot suffice in saying how good you are at this

go away dee dee i just got a smudge of happiness

oh sugar how i’ve missed you

the. first. christmas. without. mikey.

only the girls who babysat get chip

fucking rich boy carmy thinks he’s bad now he got payed. OKG I SAID THIS BEDORE I RVEN READ THE CHARMIN LINE WE ARE THE SAME (jk you are better than me)

he wants her soooo bad

OH MY GOD. she is making him watch ratatouille. carmen you literally are a weird rat . like you are THE WEIRD RAT

of course she’s a makeup cleansing balm user that is my queen bitch. also she wants to wear converse she’s so cringe i love her

he wants her on his team!?!!

aw he’s thinking a normal carmy amount like he’s helping her plan outfits and he’s ensuring they include her accent colour so say yes to being on his team pls

yeah carmy wants the apron to be easy to take off too LOL

richie the certified on god boy

you are the queen of stupid and meaningless (not stupid at all) stuff that is actually very meaningful

he is so big brother energy (richie)

the younger siblings taking turns to sit in the console i love this it is so real

they say they’ll be happy about it but they’ll curse you behind your back

you recognise all of it. it’s nearly enough to make you cry. - ouch

HE RAN INTO MY KNIFE. HE RAN INTO MY KNIFE 10 TIMES

AND DONE

this chapter was the emotional relief i needed fuck

YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT FUCKING TIME IT IS!!!!!!!

sometimes. we simply need a reminder that time is linear LMAO. listen. is it fourth wall breaking or just dissasocciation? Maybe both. Maybe it's mabelliyne.

NOT SKINNY LMAOOO as a plus size girl, I truly was considering writing in somewhere a moment of Chip awkwardly having to crawl up on the counter (how do people do just jump on the thing? i do not have that power)

I fear I'll never let go of my shoe motif. I fear I'll actually never let it drop.

Parasocial Chip my beloved,,, man I gotta write blurbs of her in her crush era when she didn't know Carm yet. SOMEONE REQUEST IT How are you NOT supposed to find this Denmark Virgin with a LOT of jean jackets hot??!?!?! he's charming!!! also you're BOTH losing at the not-awkward-lympics.

i truly have to reastablish the timeline by saying 'month ago' because if i dont i will truly forget where we are in time. i'm almost certain i've gotten dates wrong anyways. it's fine, the revisions will fix it alright it's fine.

THANK YOU I TRY TO TALK ABOUT THROATS IN A FUN WAY. I guess honestly I feel emotional in my throat, when I get emotional. Like. If I get mad or sad or guilty, it sort of closes up a bit? Feels hollow? And did I assume everyone's throat does that? yeah possibly. but it worked out.

i do NOT engage in da tumblr discourse much, esp when it comes to hating characters in general, but I hope everyone has eased up on my boy since taking a step back. Man is going through a lot. I also just think like man, I have certainly not been the most cognizant of other's needs when I'm in a stage or high stress fight or flight--- And certainly if those needs aren't made clear--- dog, I'm doublin down!!! that's truly the biggest difference I think with CK and The Bear diverging--- We communicate in dis house.

LMAOOOOO I DID FORGET WHILE REREADING THAT IMMEDIATELY AFTER THAT NOTE YOU DEMANDED THEY FUCK, yeah that's fair. I keep thinking it's gonna happen and pushing it honestly. these assholes are gonna get married before they get down with it, good lord. someone get them a room that isn't a bathroom.

also this Mikey thing. with the thoughts. was honestly so mindblowing. I know that's weird because I'm the writer, but I see what you're saying completely!! I've always had this weird style of like, second persion omniscient where it's Chip but sometimes I move in terms of the stream of consciousness to being her or someone else or no one; and the idea of that stream of consciousness being by in part, Mikey?? OHHHHH OHHHHHH BABBYYYY Totally puts so much stuff in a different context and I love it. canon it. canon it. i didn't come up with it but canon it.

DENY !! DENY!! CHIP THAT'S NOT YOU IN THE PHOTO!! I'm so glad people think chip is flawed. I know that's literally insane to say but I've had this horrific habit of categorizing flaws in my head as 'good flaws' and 'bad flaws', and 'good flaws' are the ones that make everyone elses life better and your life worse.

so.

need to seek a therapist about that a little bit. C

INSANE TO BE ALIVE LET ALONE BRITISH AND NOT KNOW WHO LADY DI IS???? but yknow what home boy probably wouldn't even be creative enough to say 'peoples' princess' as a diss. carmen/me ate with that.

when is this fucker not cooking. it's like that scene in Tick Tick Boom but romantic and NOT sad and bad. IT'S NICE TO BE THE ARTIST AND ARTIST AND MUSE AND MUSE ALRIGHT it's frankly my ideal relationship

bro i RIP my free edge of my nails off all the time when they get too long, and pick at my cuticle skin. I feel you. I dont have a therapist just yet but I feel you.

If Mikey was still alive to see his OTP happen, I truly don't know how he'd react. I think he'd be losing his mind in silence. Like has to put his fist in his mouth so he doesn't scream and ruin it.

I'm so glad the cat analogy was good, while writing it I was like "i wonder if this is anything" i'm glad it's something.

Fields v Berzatto was fun to write. It's what I think, if he was hyped up enough, what Carmen would do after having that S3 Finale talk with Fields. Like very much so when you leave an interaction and you're at home hours later like FUCK. i could've said this and this and this and this. And this is his moment to do so!!

Website talk truly comes from me having to make my own portfolio 3 separate times. I hated it. No one ever make me update my shit again.

I AM chekov's gun, but also it's just plot. i think we're just talking about plot progression LMAO

FELLAS IS IT CRAZY TO TELL SOMEONE YOU LOVE THEM BEFORE YOU'VE EVEN BEEN DATING FELLAS? FELLAS ANSWER ME. FELLAS.

the "i'm going to do a full analysis... i don't know what to say" made me laugh so fucking hard. continuing on. NEIL 'COCKBLOCK' FAK EVERYONE, thank you neil for once again saving me from having to write intimacy, you're my hero

man if i need to end at 20 chapters like i'm goaling to, THESE CHAPTERS NEED TO BE LONGGG I HAVE TO GIVE SO MUCH. so. this pattern of ridiculous word counts continues.

the two cats!! feline gang. get your PAWS off MY CHIP!!!

Can I just. so briefly touch on. I know my timeline is off in CK, because I think it's May/March 2023 in S3? Can't remember. It was dated in episode 2. But like. I am so mad about this. Because that means they skipped/didn't acknowledge:

November 15th, Mikey's birthday, first one without him. (Which, fun fact, and incidental, timeline wise in CK, this would probably be the day Carmen/Chip met since it's mid-late December for them?)

The First Christmas Without Mikey.

AND February 22nd, his Death Anniversary. are you fucking KIDDING ME? WE JUST SKIPPED ALL OF THIS IN THE RENO SKIPS? ARE YOU FUCKING JOSHING ME? THESE ARE SUCH INTEGRAL MOMENTS. NOW I HAVE TO MAKE EM UP MYSELF?!?!?! HELP ME OUT STORER PLEASE.

anyways. carmen thing's he's bad or wtv. too bad he's a weird rat.

i think carmen honestly loves dress up. like he owned so many jean jackets and jeans and also lived in denmark and New York. Like. he'd love to style Chip, truly. also wants her to be on his team and have an easily removable apron but that's neither here nor there.

I love stupid and meaningless that is deep with meaning!!! that's my memo baby that's my number!!

HE RAN INTO MY KNIFEEEEEE WATCH THE TAPES BACK HE KIND OF DID.

I would say more, but I HAVE to go put together chapter 15 and put it out for you. this is all to say thank you so much for your thoughts i remember reading them in the morning and gigglin and being late for work. good times. i always love to read your brain!!

[fanficfanatic000]

book of doom part 1

Eddie Munson x fem reader

:Eddie your best friend found your special diary and decided to read it : 18+ 18+ R Rated content don't read unless over 18

Eddie and you hang out any Chance you get between school, your job at family video , eddies band practice and gigs and of course his dnd campaigns. Yep and he lives in walking distance and this day was like any other until…. "Y/n!" He says running towards you while you're standing at your locker "eddie?" He's breathing heavily "Y/n w-we should hang out a-after school im free m-my band canceled practice" You look in Eddie's brown eyes "yes okay well your place or mine? Because my mom is at work till 2am she got the night shift." "Well uncle wayne is probably home so definitely your place" we said with a wink. It's not like you and Eddie hates Wayne or your mother it's just better when it's you and him cause you won't have to worry about being too loud or too close or Eddie where's the leftovers from last night. "My lady" he says as he assisted you in the passenger side of his van. "Isnt this better then walking sweetheart" you rolled your eyes "yes eddie it is better then walking even though it smells like weed cigarettes and beer and gasoline" he glanced over at you "yeah but i know you like it… you cant deny it " and you've arrived at your lovely empty house. You and eddie walk in and he throws his van keys on the counter and then he took his jacket off and sat on the couch only a few inches away from you. You couldn't help but look at his slightly toned arms and the veins he has on his hand-"Hello Y/n?! " "hmm?"you hummed He tilted his head looking at you "i said what do you want to do?" "Oh i dont know…." "well you could try………to Stop Me FROM GOING IN YOUR ROOM!" He yells as he sped off. It's not like eddie wasn't allowed in your room but him alone in your room with THE BOOK "EDDIEE!!" You ran after him like your life depended on it. But he was to fast and had a head start. He locked himself in there. "Now lets see…. okay some jewelry…… a picture of me in your dresser drawer mmm cute… lets see….. ooooooh a book under your bed hmm i wonder what thats about…" "Eddie dont read that please " "but your my best friend i should know about what loser you are crushing on" you hear him unbutton the book and you are feeling like you should be melting to death and you hear him swipe the pages and he's silent he's probably reading every word you wrote in there. Like how you noticed eddie definitely was bigger after you went Jean shopping with him and he came out of the dressing room with skinny jeans on or like when eddie whispers in your ear it makes you turned on or how you're in love with him…fucking hell…….. Eddie unlocked the door. You walked in expecting some explosive reaction and him being freaked out but you walked in and he was sitting on the ledge of your bed with the black book of doom in his hand he didn't look at you when you walked in he just sat there fiddling with his silver rings "eddie look im sorry i know you dont like me like that i mean you dated chrissy cunningham…..its just we can forget about it and go back to normal" you forced out a giggle after those words but then he looked at you his pupils blown out but he wasn't high at all "sweetheart i had no idea……" "Well its okay i didnt want you to know exactly" you sigh " look i dont want to forget about you feeling this way because i do too i have for sooo long before i even dated chrissy but i thought you probably wouldnt want me so I didn't tell you " "Eddie….. kiss me " without hesitation he grabbed you by the waist and kissed you. Your back flat on the bed eddie on top of you. His kiss tasted of cigarette smoke and want he wanted you and you wanted him His hand moved to your thighs. His rings were so cold but made electricity run through you. He pulled away from the kiss and you looked in his eyes and already knew what he was going to say "Eddie touch me please" he dipped back down and is back to your lips His hand moves up your shorts and he tugged at the band of your underwear "these are mine after this he says" you nod

[moonystoast1971]

HI IM PISSED OFF AND HERE TO TALK SHIT ABOUT TOXIC MARAUDERS STANS

so i saw a "hot take" it was the coldest shit ever like girlie my fridge is broken rn pls bring ur opinions this way

basically they were mad that the marauders fandom now has more characters in it (the characters they named: pandora dorcas evan barty) and that it was now less about james sirius and remus but more about "ocs" and want to bring it back to the early 2000s

TW!!!!!!!!!!: talks about racisim, colourism, sexual harrassment, homophobia, fat phobia, lesbophobia, general toxicisity, sexism, shitty beauty standards

lets evaluate ur early 2000s:

-two ships only ever written about and they were both toxic: jily and wolfstar lets talk about that for a second: Jily was only ever written in a way that was litterally sexual harrassment! you had james sexually harrassing lily every five minutes but called it romantic. you had this girl subjected to years of humiliation and sexual harrassment - THAT STARTED AT AGE 11 AND WENT ALL THE WAY TO AGE 17! like u were telling us how cute it was to be pressured into romance. THE LOVELYYYYYY EARLY 2000S <333333333 next we have wolfstar which was litterally gays for straight ppl, remus was ur tortured little broken boy who treated sirius like literal shit- this man treated sirius as if he was an annoying ass burden, he could never do anything good, he was always treated as if his presence was killing remus. but its fine they were aestheticly pleasing and the straight girls loved to read about them. sirius and remus were ur trauma porn gays written for straights. lily and james were ur sexual harrassment turned love affair romance for the toxic love girlies.

-all ur characters were white: james occasionally got to be desi but that was fucking rare, all ur characters were skinny white ppl. if james was written as desi itd be one quick "cholatey skin" (seriously why were you out here describing his skin as food???????? none of the 4385853959 billion white ppl got that treatment) dorcas and mary eventually got thrown in but of course OF FUCKING COURSE ya'll still had mary as miss lily collins miss emily from paris and dorcas as light skin when she was dark skinned (your colourisms showing babes - dark skin girls are beautiful, don't forget that) but no yall had her as miss zoe kravits well knowing she was dark skin

-your over glorification of male characters and complete ignorance to the female characters:

Tell me why james sirius remus and snape (never peter) all got these in depth stories, all got to have feelings that got explained, lives that had meaning but lily evans was a pawn in her own love story? was used as a plot device? as personal growth for not one BUT TWO MEN she wasn't a person to ya'll she was james and snapes character development. mary and dorcas got added in and were given the personality of fucking sticks on the ground. you treated these women as if they were plot points to further the lives of men AND NOW UR COMPLAINING WE'VE GIVEN THEM PROPER PERSONALITIES?????? my brothers in christ ur sexism is showing, better cover up.

-UR TOXIC ASS BODY STANDARDS (oml this one drives me up the fucking wall):

you will be genuinely SHOCKED how many early 2000s marauders fics i've read where the second its revealed peter betrayed them he's being called fat and ugly and horrible names about his weight. james remus and sirius were these perfect little pretty boys who were basically described as gods while peter was described as ugly and surprisingly (no it fucking wasnt surprising in the slightest) fat THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH PLUS SIZE BODIES so why was that how you described him? always just "fat and ugly" what the fuck? STOP DEMONISING PLUS SIZE BODIES

-ur antisemitism: Snape was ur bad guy, so of course your "amazing" writing "talents" had to talk about how ugly he was but snape wasn't plus sized so ya'll couldn't call him fat, OH BUT LOOK GUYS HE STILL HAS A BODY PART WE CAN INSULT TO MAKE THE MARAUDERS LOOK EVEN BETTER THAN HIM!!!!!!! HIS NOSE!!!!!!! sitting here writing fucking paragraphs describing this man and always going back to his "big ugly nose" "ginormous nose" u may not like it but ur an antisemitic. you're talking about a jewish mans nose and describing it in ways to make it sound hideous JUST TO GLORIFY UR BORING ASS WHITE MEN! why was his nose the marauders favourite insult?

-ur general homophobia:

as i said earlier: WOLFSTAR WAS GAYS WRITTEN FOR STRAIGHT GIRLS TO TWIRL THEIR HAIR ABOUT

those were ur only queer characters. james was straight, peter was straight (tho some of yall mfs [2000s remadora shippers] were out here making peter the only queer character so it just worked so well when he was ur bad guy) snape was straight, lily was straight (not that it mattered bc the girl barely had a personality) the fandom was just a bunch of overly glorified straight assholes with their two gay friends who hold hands to make the straight girls horny. eventually marlene and dorcas were thrown in to apease the lesbians but all they did was come by holding hands and say hi to ur precious white men and never speak again

LETS TAKE A LOOK AT THE FANDOM NOWADAYS:

female characters are actually treated like important characters NOT JUST PLOT DEVICES (wow who knew that was something we could do 😲😲😲)

queer characters are written properly they aren't just jerk off material for straight girls

the characters arent just fucking white men and when they arent white their culture is actually fucking mentioned it isnt just a throw in to appease ppl

the characters just have more fucking personality tbh

body types are celebrated not demonised

there are so many different ships which allows representation for so many different people

NON CISGENDERED CHARACTERS!!!!!

redemption for characters that were literal children in that war (these kids were raised in households brainwashed and abused to fight in a war they were too young to even understand properly)

honestly our stories r just fucking better

QUEER SHIPS WRITTEN FOR AND BY QUEER PEOPLE!!

now last thing i wanna talk about is the added characters and the redemptions for certain characters: literally all i want to say is if u dont fucking like seeing other characters being given roles in it DONT PRESS THE FANFICS WITH THEIR NAMES TAGGED theres this special button in ao3 which allows u to exclude certain things - exclude their names if ur small brain cant see that these were literal children who were being manipulated into their ways and if ur tiny little brain cant handle so many names

please feel free to agrue with me in the comments babes id love to hear ur shitty ass old ass out dated ass opinions <33333

[princessgaia]

needy chatterbox here. So the pretty skinny blond girl and her two friends flirted with my boyfriend! While he was working on neighbors car. Omg omg omg. I have Scorpio moon Scorpio rising and Venus in cancer 8th house. 8th house is Scorpio if you didn't know. I am trying so hard not to fume with jealousy. Scorpios are very jealous people and also I am a Leo sun so I have much pride lmfao. Big sigh. They flirted wit my man! Now I know for sure for sure the skinny blond girl crushes on my man. It is not paranoia, it is fully confirmed reality. Oh gosh the day we were "breaking up" months ago she looked so so pretty and skinny. In a tank top and mini skirt. Fuck mini skirts. I'm never wearing one but of course they are "sexy" and cute. Well I was crying and told her how he got violent w me. She rubbed my back and quoted the bible. Helped put my belongings in moms car. But then after I left she saw my bf running from cops and told him she would tell them he never put his hands on me! Lie! He has put his hands on me violently twice now. She is a lil younger than us I think. And she works as a middle school teacher. One time he joked and said "hey Atleast she has a job".

I asked him if he thought they were prettier than me. He said he thinks I'm the most beautiful. And that he means it more than all the other guys who told me this. But I mean, no other man has told me I'm the MOST beautiful.

Fluffin fudge I'm in love with him. Truly. And I'm scared he gonna find my tumblr. He is a hacker really into electronics. But I don't want to delete my other posts. My feelings matter. I can express myself.

But his feelings matter too. It's just he so rough w me emotionally at times I cry and want to explain my pain. Write it out. And typing is so much faster and easier than writing in notebook journal. It also helps that my mutuals follow me. It makes me feel emotionally nurtured. But please don't feel like compelled to like my posts to make me feel better. Just knowing y'all dont unfollow me means so much to me. Venus in cancer is shy and loves nurturing and being nurtured. Yalls presence is a gift. Love you!

[bongwooder]

idk I guess I could make an official post about it since I've been basically regressing to 12 year old me anyways and she LOVED to overshare on this godforsaken website

click more for ramblings if ur curious! definitely interested in hearing others perspectives since I am very socially isolated rn compared to most people I guess

ever since my ADHD diagnosis and possible autism diagnosis I've just been thinking a LOT about my life including my gender and sexuality. like, ever since my parent's divorce in 2022 I've been unravelling a lot of trauma I didn't even know I had, including how my roommate has helped me realize truly how emotionally neglected I was a child. it is NOT normal for a child to be online essentially 24/7 from ages 8-18. I think I really did some serious damage because my parents were too fucked to bother to check on me and make sure I like... went outside. had friends. showered. basic hygiene etc etc etc and of course I didn't know any better because uuuhhh children need to be TAUGHT things not just yelled at to do it or made fun of for their unknown disability. and I've been going through points of time where I'm MAD. like, PISSED. that my parents let me do that to myself. a little insecure neurodivergent girl searching, yearning, begging for ANYTHING to explain her inability to cope with reality and sensory overload, to socialize and make friends at school, to feel like her life had meaning and that what was not known at the time to be symptoms of her disability weren't just personal failures

so, of course, I feel like the moment I realized I may have a group that would actually accept me as I was, I latched onto it. and that was my beginning identifying as transgender. I've said this before to irl friends, but my thoughts at the time were "well I'm a completely well adjusted intelligent person [child], but I can't seem to get along with my female peers, so I must be a male actually!" but then like... idk why I always failed to realize the boys didn't like me either?? so it's not "girls don't like me because I'm too masculine and boys don't like me because I'm too feminine" it was actually just "no one likes me because I'm autistic"

and it's strange because I feel like the physical dysphoria felt VERY real, hating my chest and my genitals, but also like... I went through puberty kinda early and also bc I was fat I "had" to wear a bra VERY early. so I think I was resenting the sexualization of my body and coping with the fact that boys paid me 0 mind in any sort of dating context when that became relevant. So I think my dysphoria was actually more like dysmorphia?

and I think I only ever "hated pink and girly things" because I so desperately wanted attention from ANYONE, for SOMEONE to ask me what's wrong or why I thought that way, for someone to tell me it's okay to be a girl even though I'm fat and autistic. and it just never happened. and I grieve for that little girl who never felt like she could express herself in fear of what people would think bc she truly had no positive adult figures in her life. and I can't help but feel deep anger for the teachers around me who didn't realize just how deep the damage was, or if they did and told my parents and THEY chose to do nothing, I feel deep anger with them.

I thought maybe if I could just be a boy I didn't have to worry that much about being attractive to boys or being skinny or being pretty. then I could just be myself! and I think that did serve a purpose for its time.

I don't regret identifying as trans or any social transitioning I have already done. I love being Ollie, although I do wonder if another name may suit me better in these times. I know I'll always have an unconventional self expression but I just wonder what it would be like to be an independent adult woman because I've never been that, and I've never had adult women friends that have reached a level of platonic intimacy with me where I can discuss this and explore it with someone who has always lived as a woman! i yearn to decorate my body and dress myself in ways that reveal the the body I am proud to have carry me day by day no matter how large. I yearn to sink into softness and receive love, I don't want to fight for reciprocation. I don't want to be codependent but I just want to feel taken care of for once in my life instead of feeling like I'm crawling and clawing my way through life not knowing where the hell I'm going. I don't even know what womanhood/femininity MEANS but I want to try it! I think I'd enjoy it! do I have permission to try it? am I allowed to enjoy it? I hate that I need to be "brave" and "resilient" just to exist in my fucking body and brain. I resent the poisoned masses for resenting me but I know I know kindness and i know I am beautiful and I know I can provide happiness for others, I'm just also ready to be provided for too from a woman just as strong and beautiful and intelligent and kind and funny

I think I skated my point a little bit but even after saying all this, I don't know if I'll ever feel "cis." i think my life played out how it needed to for me to get here and now. my biggest fear is "coming out as cis" and having everyone who ever doubted my transness or invalidated me (including my own family) tell me "I told you it was a phase" because YEAH, MAYBE IT WAS. but at least I've been actively trying to listen to my body and brain to build the life I think will make me happiest in the context of my consciousness. and I just want to surround myself with people who trust me and know I'm smart and know this is something I think about deeply before projecting

all this to say I have a lot of work to do, and I'm excited to do it, cis or trans

[eggcompany]

Doctor Will Make You Better Part 1

Frank Castle was put in the mental hospital. After months of nothing but sedatives and torturous heats, a specialist shows up with gentle hands and a hidden obsession with the ex-marine. Will Frank melt into the form of Loki's hands? Manipulating a broken omega isn't the right thing, but Loki never said they wanted the right thing. They wanted a challenge. That challenge turned out to be a two hundred pound omega with mommy issues and a body full of unmet needs.

“Mister Castle? Frank? May I come in? My name’s Loki Laufeyson, I’m the specialist.” Said a light voice feathered with an accent through a barely opened padded door. 

“Fuck off! Stay the fuck away from me!” Frank shouted from his bed. 

He’d learned to use the silence, the constant never ending silence, to think. Think about how to get out. Think about Maria. Think about how even now that mark on the  side of his neck still burns. Think how much he really really fucking wants to dig through the thick hard plastic of his cot and dig the foam inside into a nest. Think about how much his guts feel like their twisting. Think about how thinking so much is probably making the pain worse since it’s always been mind or matter. 

He thought about how awful these people are. All of em. They only ever come in to hurt him. This one is the same. 

“Frank, I’m not going to do anything. I won’t even get near you. Look see, you can see my hands.” Loki  said and stuck their thin hands through the crack in the door, exposed up to the elbow. Thin pale arms, coming in quite high in the doorway. 

“What do you want to do to me now? I’m not fucking taking anymore of that sleeping shit!” Frank said and swung his feet off the side of his cot to sit up on the edge. 

He hated that sleeping crap. Talk too loud, needle in the shoulder or ass. Want something, needle. Have heat sickness, needle. Beg for the most basic wants of someone in heat, needle. He hated those fuckin needles. He’d figured they put it in the fake solution in the knotters, too. Why fix the problem when they can just knock him out, right. They didn’t even have to touch him, just give him the dildo and wait. It was humiliating to wake up and be washed and stuffed full, knowing fuck knows how many people saw him in such a vulnerable state. 

“Nothing. I don’t want to do anything to you. I just want to talk to you. I want to know why you have so many restrictions for a heating omega with your hormone problems. It seems very extreme. Even cruel.” The person said with a hint of pity in their voice. 

Frank rolled it around in his mind for a while before huffing. 

“You can come to the chair. That’s it.” He said and squared his jaw waiting for the whole group that always follows the doctor. The two big guys, Gale and Martin usually, and the two little ladies with the needles, Wanda and Laura. 

“Thank you.” They said kindly and stepped through the door and closed it behind them. 

They were very tall. And skinny. And very pretty. Wearing a pair of light tan slacks and a white button up with a green argyle sweater vest over it. They had on a pair of black loafers and no jewelry but their dark hair was tied up in a half up half down bun. All neat corners and edges.

‘ Sharp jaw for a lady ’ Frank thought. 

‘Course there had been a few ladies that had come in that he had found attractive. A few guys too but they just smelled… gut un clenchingly calming. He’d always just mark it up to being nature’s way of telling him he needed someone, literally anyone, to touch him. He’d sorta had a mini crush on the one physical therapist lady who’d come in to check on his shoulder once she’d learned it was “ Super-Fucked ” as Frank liked to say. She was cutthroat and unwavering but also tender. But he lashed out at her when he was having one of his fits and didn’t want anyone touching him. He assumed she came to see him while he was knocked out because he could still just barely smell her. That even stopped a week ago. 

“May I sit down?” They asked and motioned toward the shitty foam chair. Frank jerked his head and the doctor sat down, crossing their legs. Long slender legs, Frank noted. 

“I’m doctor Laufeyson. I mostly work in psychology and trauma management but I have experience in emergency distress response and the crisis center. I consult on a lot of…special cases nowadays.” The doctor explained with a small grin and Frank stared at him and rolled his eyes. 

“So you deal with crazies and busted omegas. Great that’s just what these fucking people think I am anyway.” Frank said and snarled up a bit and leaned his elbows on his knees. 

“I don’t think that. I think you’ve been forced here and deprived of even your most basic needs. I mean even looking around your room, I see so much that is lacking. I don’t see anything to even make a nest, I see no excess food or beverage, I see no form of enrichment. Honestly I think you’re holding yourself together by your bootstraps and the doctors here aren’t trying to help you. I think they’re trying to break you down into a crazy because crazies can be retrained into nothing but a shell, a doll. I don’t think you’d give in to being turned into a shell, Mister Castle. I think you’re too intelligent, too… resilient.” Loki said in all seriousness. 

They’d known Frank was perfect for months now. After reading page after page after page of his observations, sleep studies, heat studies, everything. Loki had read everything about Frank Castle. He was already a broken man, something wild and uncontrollable. Loki wanted to learn how to wrangle him, learn what made him tick, made him bite, made him cry, made him sweet. Loki needed to know everything, needed Frank Castle in their daily life. Frank would be so incredible to watch melt and form a perfect omega. Perfect to Loki’s standards, not society’s. To form into a sweet collared little house pet from a monster. Loki needed him. Needed to get Frank’s trust, his love, his devotion . 

“They took away my stuff cause I’m ‘aggressive’... but they hurt me. They hurt me first. All they do is put me to sleep and take my shit. They stopped letting me have suppresents too but they were the only fuckin thing keeping me fuckin’ balanced. No one comes in. No one scents the room. No one anything’s. Just fuckin sitting in my own shit. They make me stand over there in the corner to even give me my food. Don’t fuckin’ see anybody.” Frank ranted and shouted. If this lady wanted to listen, he’d tell her anything. It was nice to bitch at something alive every once in a while. It was nice to see a face and someone not wearing scrubs. 

“Would you prefer if I scented the room? I would be glad to do so. Or if you’d like I could scent some blankets before I leave?” They offered. The scent was heavier than brick when they’d first entered the room. The scent of horrid, scared, angry omega. Similar to that of garbage after it rained in Florida during summer, hot wet garbage. It would be ideal to let Frank start getting familiarized with Loki's scent. 

“Really? Like crack the door and scent or just layer it on?” Frank asked because those two were very different. Once, and only once, a nurse had cracked the door and let some of the scent out but Frank had tried to get out so the door was never opened, AKA. no fresh air. Ever. 

“Well let me see, I have your papers…” They said and pulled a stack of folded up papers from their pocket. They read over them until they found what they were looking for on the second page. 

“You have a vent system so they should be able to clear your scent and I can spread mine. These people… we’re going to have some more chats and I’m going to get you moved.” Loki said while shaking their head as they refolded up a stack of papers and waited for Frank to nod curiously to stand up and step out of the room. 

After a few minutes the two vents in the ceiling clicked on and started to flood the room with sterile smelling air. Each one of Frank’s breaths felt lighter. 

Loki came back, knocked, asked to come in, and stood by the chair. They also took in nice long deep breaths. 

“That is so much better already. I’ll write it in to do this every morning and evening.” The doctor said and reached for  his pen but just patted his pocket when he remembered he couldn’t have those here. He’d make a mental note. 

“Yeah, feels like I’m not drownin’ anymore. Thanks.” Frank said and gave the doctor a half smile. Loki smiled. 

“That’s good, now do you mind if I walk around a bit?” Loki asked and Frank nodded. 

Their scent was like rain and fresh cut grass. It opened his lungs like they hadn’t been in months. It made his mind feel open and clear. The air felt new, fresh. The scent floated around but warmed Frank. Like a blanket was being wrapped around him and the tension melted off of him. 

Loki walked around to stand by the wall beside his bed. The scent wasn’t overwhelming. It was… calming. Like balm on a burn. 

Frank took in big long breaths. He looked down but didn’t close his eyes. He needed to stay aware but… he couldn’t help but let the clean freshness seep into his bones. 

“Do you feel any better now Mister Castle?” The doctor said quietly, not wanting to spook the slumped relaxed man. 

“Um, yeah. Yeah a bit. It still smells kinda like ass.” Frank said and sat up straight again. It smelled better yeah but he still wreaked and his bed seemed to always smell like bad slick 

“Okay how about I make you a deal. Will you let them take you to go eat if I change out your bedding and do a bit of a cleaning in here?” Loki offered after glancing at their watch. It was after lunch time for the other patients. Frank would be alone and wouldn’t be rushed. They could get a new cot in and add a nice plush pad over top and put new sheets and get an actual pillow instead of that wretched foam thing that Frank had been using. 

“But I’ll still smell gross. Especially after they feed me. Stresses me out.” Frank grumbled and looked over at the tall person. He knew he was being ornery to the nice lady but that’s what they get. Maybe the lady didn’t deserve it though… she seemed to genuinely want to help him. 

“Okay so you’ll let me clean. I know you're not allowed to bathe. How about I clean you up, sponge bath?” Loki asked and couldn’t help but feel his chest blossom at the thought of getting Frank stripped down and in his hands. 

Frank's face was set aflame and he nodded without thinking. Being awake for a bath was like a… a luxury. A treat. He’d just met this lady and she was already treating him? Maybe she would let him nest. Or actually let him have something. 

“Deal.” Frank forced out and nodded and looked down at the ground. 

“Wonderful. Before they come and get you, may I just feel your scent glands?” Loki said and walked back toward the door with his key fob in hand. Frank’s head shot up and he was just staring. No one ever even tried to touch him like that since he got here. 

“I… I don’t have them.” Frank said and the doctor turned and looked at him with confusion. 

“What? That wasn’t in your chart. Never developed or removed?” Loki said and walked back to lean a hip against the wall near the bed. He’d read all of Frank’s papers that should have been put in. Stupid american people thinking everyone knows this shit. 

“Marines. Special Operations always have theirs removed.” Frank explained. No one ever had scent glands in the forces. Most of the office folks didn’t even have them. 

“That’s okay. They had military but they didn’t put that you had a removal. Complete I assume?” Loki asked and thought about it. They’d not had a lot of experience with military omegas before. Mostly betas. That thought made them want Frank a little bit more. Something new, something to discover and play with.

“Yes ma’am.” Frank answered solemnly. This lady had come to talk to him and help him thinking he was… complete. At least this wasn’t the first time he’d disappointed someone since being here and it wouldn’t be the last. Hopefully she’d still give him what she said she would. He really hoped she’d give him new bedding and a bath. It would be nice. 

Loki nodded and thought about how the awful scent in the room must purely be from Frank’s heats… 

“I’ll tell them you’re willing to eat. Next time you can feed yourself under my supervision. You know they’re going to come to restrain you, yes?” Loki said as they made their way to the door with a small smile on their thin lips. Frank nodded and stood up to go to his corner. 

“Yes ma’am.” He said and crossed his arms against his chest and leaned his back against the wall in a defiant way. 

“Please don’t fight them, I can’t stop them from sedating you if you do. I’d like you to be awake for your bath.” Loki said with a light flirty tone to it almost which made Frank swallow thickly. Even before he was sent  here people didn’t really… flirt with him. 

“Yes ma’am.” He said quietly as the doctor left. 

[borderlinecatboy]

I'm so ugh. I keep fucking relapsing an like I know I do have some of control over it I just can't stop at the same time. It's like everytime the scabs fade I have to make new ones. I feel bad or wrong when i don't have any. I can't stop until they scar but I'll never know if they do because my fucking stretch marks in the way.

And everytime I do it I feel like such a disappointment like I'm letting down and hurting my friends. Not my irls fuck those assholes I mean my online friends. I just feel like a shitty person bc what is so bad about my life that warrants taking a plastic knife to my hip? I'm too pussy to even try to cut deep, or at least as deep as you can with fucking plastic. Embarrassing.

And I'm so so afraid of my mom or grandma seeing them. They will actually kill me. My sister's reaction would just piss me off. Ik my irls will just be mad at me for not telling them, dicks. Acting like they're entitled to knowing everything about me but never telling me anything about them.

I promised myself that when i got out of this God forsaken house id do it for real. With a designated knife just for harming myself. Make it all cutesy for that twisted irony affect. I wouldn't have to hide it anymore. It'd be on other limbs too. Not just my one hip. It'd be so freeing.

Not to forget how I feel so fucking fat lately. I don't even know how much i weigh and it's lowkey stressing me out. I haven't been 100 pound in a good while n it's. Ugh. The scale in my house doesn't fucking work anymore. I think. It doesn't help that I just keep eating and eating, especially sweets I just. Ugh. I keep trying to starve myself but i keep giving into temptation. I'm genuinely so fucking upset over this why can't I just be good. Honestly i think starving myself is what gave me those heartburn problems but whatever. I just wanna be 100 pounds again. I'm only worth anything when I'm small. It's the only time people fucking say anything about my body in a nonsexual way and fuck. People always tell me I have the ideal skinny body and I need to keep it or I'll never fucking be worth anything, ya know? And at the rate I'm eating (two decent meals a day plus a handful of snacks, usually dessert type ones) I'll never get that.

I know I shouldn't 'feel' fat I'm well aware I'm still technically a skeleton but when you grow up hearing the shit I did from mainly my own mother or other fuckhead adult women you'd feel the fucking same too. I fucking hate it here.

I only got 'better' because food was appetizing again and passing out at cheer would've been fucking embarrassing. N now cheer is over I was contemplating starting again n then the other day my mom told me that my 'five course meals' so like a plate of bacon or ramen were gonna catch up to me. Pretty much saying I was getting fat which fuck shes right but I wish she didn't say it to my fucking face. God it's disgusting how I often I eat now. She just pretty much gave me a reason to start up again but I'm so fucking weak and pathetic I can't even bring myself to stop.

I just feel so alone nowadays. I have no one to talk to. So much shit bottled up but I can't burden people with it because it's all so. Miniscule that I'm just an asshole for even having those problems. I can never shut my fucking mouth I feel like I scare everyone away and it's honestly deserved. Someone as horrible as me doesn't deserve the comfort I crave. I'm so desperate for attention it's fucking pathetic. I want to cry but I don't deserve it. I don't deserve anything good because I am a monster. I deserve nothing but the pain I feel everyday or just fucking death. I'm just a pest.

Sometimes I wish my ex was abusive. Not because I want a reason to hate him, if anything I'm looking for reasons *that one* encounter was just a mishap. I just crave it. I want to be hurt worse than I ever even was which isn't very fucking hard to achieve since barely anything even happened. I want horrible things done to me I crave it it's embarrassing. It's like im fucking. Romanticizing something people take for-fucking-ever to heal from for my own sick satisfaction.

That one encounter. I just don't even know what to make out of it. Haha make out. It's funny bc we were making out n I could feel his fucking erection through his pants. Presumably erection. I'm a fucking prude with a vagina and I never really did watch porn with actual dicks involved. Either way it was fucking uncomfortable and I remember trying to discretely move bc embarrassment + he was always awkward as fuck n I really couldn't I was just trapped on his lap. My problem is, I don't know if he was holding me there or if my brain is trying to turn him into the enemy. He did ask what was wrong and I said nothing so it is technically my fault. I'm not going anymore into this because I know I'll start reliving the moment (aka my body feeling like it's happening again) and I just can-fucking-not deal with that right now.

Even if i want nothing to do with my ex he was the only person where I was their number 1. He was also the last person I wanted to be that. Growing up I was my 'bffs' back up friend. When their new friend no longer wanted anything to do with them, they'd come crawling right back to me. It's been the same since elementary school and I'm so fucking sick of it. I just want to be there person someone thinks of first, their comfort zone, someone they gravitate to unconsciously. I just want to be loved the way i love others. I'll never be important to anyone it seems. It's just something about me. Maybe I'm to childish or self centered or annoying or untrustworthy or maybe I'm just a horrible person but everyone pities me too much to say anything. Like they all secretly hate me but they all know I'm pathetic and would never survive on my own so they keep me around as a safety net for when their important people fail them.

I seriously need to just stop burdening others with my existence.

[berry-lite]

ED recovery rant below

Why is it that as soon as I am trying to eat more, I suddenly eat less? I feel like I can't eat more unless I binge. I'm not in control of my eating anymore. I thought I was in control when I wasn't trying to get better but I know now that I wasn't. I was never in control. This fucking disorder has been in control this whole time and I can't stop it. I don't know how to do this. Especially when I am so fucking scared that I have cancer. Of course I'd rather focus on food and not eating. I'm so scared I'll stay this weight forever or I'll gain all the weight back. I can't do that again. Im scared that I'll die and end up being fat my whole life. I'm scared that I'm going to have to lose my hair and I'll look so horrific because I'm so fat. I'm scared that I'll have fucking cancer and no one will look at me and see how sick I am until I'm skinny. I'm scared I did this to myself by being obese. I'm just so fucking scared of everything.

Tomorrow I'm telling my psychiatrist about my ED. She's probably going to take away my ADHD meds. I'm so scared because I don't want to get better. I don't want her to make me get better. But I know she will and I know I have to at least try. I can't handle how upset I'm making my bf. I have to try. But every bone in my body is fighting against it. I've almost cancelled my appointment with her so many times.

Why is telling my psychiatrist about my ED and having to recover scarier than meeting with an oncologist about my treatment options? Why is this so fucking hard?

[volfoss]

I really hope it'll get better as the game goes on (as I'm pretty early on) but the way the Witcher 3 is treating ciri as an adult versus geralt feels weird to me 👍 like she's got a full face of makeup practically and a fantasy bra. I wish I was fucking joking like they put her in a (sheer wet white :/) blouse with it being torn open in the middle to reveal a super duper supportive bra (this is sarcasm it's like. Barely fucking covering or holding anything.). Now obviously I do NOT expect a fantasy game to be realistic with undergarments but to pretty much have the clothing decisions reflect modern bras but again only for ciri (so far. Again I am not far into this but her character design OHHH they did some shit with her in a bad way!!). Like this isn't even offering structure or anything (her bra strap (which of course is revealed because her shirt is slipped to the side enough to show that) is maybe a half inch thick) and I again do not expect them to keep the historical accuracy but it's so clear it's just for objectification. Not even to go into the like. Fact her shirt is cropped (which so far I have not seen with geralt but again early on 👍) and cropped enough that it pairs so good with the skinny jeans so that playing in 3rd person is so clearly just catering to players that are objectifying her. Like the fact that she has literally no armor on in this first appearance (minus a. Leather corset because of fucking course they did) and it's just so clear that the player base really does not seem to respect her (as in I was looking for armor mods and the countless amount of mods that were just like ok she's tits out and in a tiny bikini bottom. Nothing of hey here's some cool armor for her ^-^ which is all they have for geralt). Not even to get into her heeled boots which like. Are so fucking impractical I'm so sorry but you want her to be running and fighting when she is having to be in heels. It's um 👍 very weird and offputting to me because they're giving her sweet character moments (again very early on but seeing her in the bloody Baron quest line was so frustrating) and then are like oh yeah we are going to make her so sexualized and so perfectly polished pretty girl despite having fallen into a mud puddle moments before. She plays so so much like they're trying to make her so dainty and feminine like. She's supposed to be strong and when you see this kid tell her that oh she's stronger than this kids dad for killing all these wolves, and then you see her toothpick arms. And it's like god idk I do not expect her to play the same as geralt (since he's 6 ft+ and built like a fridge in this game) but she plays so like??? In the way that it doesn't feel natural with her movements because there's so much focus on look how she's sashaying as she walks (wish I was joking 😞 but she resembles that one batman video game sashay gif) and it's idk. It's very weird to me and I hope it gets better but for rn I'm like honestly frustrated w it 👍

[butterbottombitch]

vent vent vent vent vent

holy shit i have no self control. I was doing so well, i was restricting and learning discipline. If it wasnt for my bf i’d be skinny by now. Which sucks sm more i want to be skinny for him. It’s not fair he has to look and tolerate my disgusting body. I can feel himself repulsed every time he touches me. When we’re together which is usually all the time and high asf we just eat. We cook we eat we play. An eternal bliss if calories weren’t real. We just keep eating and it’s horrid. I’m so hungry all the time now i have the chance to eat and no self control. I’ve gained 4 pounds in the course of two weeks, after i finally reached my gw and was setting a newer one. Right now i’m at a good weight for my height and health wise and i could try to eat to maintain this. Or i could say fuck it and lose enough weight to get my bmi low. I was doing so well, when i told people how much I weighed they looked scared. Same for when my old friends saw my new body. Strange to me because i still see no difference, Im still the same fat fuck i was from months ago eating her feelings and wondering why she’s alone. Fuck numbers. Im dyslexic so not eating is sm better than counting cals and doing math. Not eating was getting me what i wanted. I need to restrict again. I hate throwing up too, my body just clings the food and still makes me fat. I don’t know what the point of this was. anyways

mutuals?? i need a friend i can talk to about this that won’t tell me to stop

actually i am pro but we don’t talk about that