#bruce wayne is a weirdo

[just-an-enby-lemon]

I was thinking and I got the conclusion that stalker!Tim works as an AU not because Tim is (while not a stalker) canonically a weirdo (he is) but because Bruce is canonically even more of a weirdo.

We know that just like his reaction to the fake uncle shit, after dealing with the shock that this kid figured out his identity and bonding more with his new Robin, Bruce would just compliment Tim stalker abilities and give him new ones.

And that's to say I need more of stalker Bruce creeping people up. We already have him knowing all JLA secret identities without them telling him. But we need more. I want him knowing Hal Jordan's favorite ice cream flavour or Diana's birthday or Dinah's food alergies without no one telling him. He figures Ollies favorite fucking arrow and Zatanna's favorite Barbie movie, he discovered Arthur favorite snack and how exactally Martha Kent made her fried chesse to give a perfect copy to Clark when he was missing Smallvile during a space mission. He discovered Barry's competitive pokemon team! Everyone on the JLA is freaked. They think he has a secret mind reading/guessing superpower he might not even know about but is just stalkish paranoia. The only person he can't figure things out (and it keeps he awake some nights) is Captain Marvel (he is still the first to discover Billy is a kid). Martian Manhunter is the only one that knows Bruce is just weird but he knows he has good intencions so he doesn't care.

And it isn't only with the League. He makes extensive background checks in all his kids friends. The Teen Titans (both Dick's and Damian's) are freaked out by it. The YJ is actually fine 'cause they are used to Tim and it makes sense Bruce would be like that. The Outsiders (both Jason's but also Cass and Duke's) make their personal quest to mislead him. Not to mention the civilian friends. He is less obvious about it but the kids know and it freaks them up. Steph has a serius discussion over bondaries the day Bruce asks about Crystal's dentist visit and Babs is annoyed af when he just knows things about Alysia. And not only the kids all the other batfam members! The Birds of Prey straight up told him to stop multiple times. Helena once asked Sage's help to trick Bruce, Kate just used Alfred to order him to stop. Barbara interceded in name of Montoya as if she wasn't even in the paranoid stalker game with Bruce and Tim (Babs is worse than Bruce actually). Jim Gordon thinks is cool actually. But Lucious Fox is just "kid, I love you, but Alfred needs to teach you bondaries" and "how did you know Tam's baby tooth was starting to fall before me??" (Yes Bruce does this stalker thing since he was a kid/teen)

He also does it with the Rogues. At first they don't notice it because it's normal that their oponent knows things about them but starts to get weird. Selina freaks out when Bruce tells her to say happy birthday for her cat n12 (Dollie, he called it by name) when she hadn't even introduced him to her cats yet. Riddler had a genuine breakdown when Bruce just gave him the exact perfect copy of his glasses prescrition and all to replace his broken ones during an interrogation (he needed Riddler's help against a copycat). Harley punched Bruce in the face after he correctly pointed out she had just started her period and offered heater packs for her cramps, a chocolate ice cream and some snacks while driving her to Arkham, Penguin stopped doing crime for a whole week after he had almost fainted (being a crime lord is hard) for not eating the whole day and having high blood pressure for stress reason and Bruce just gave him a snack, a bottle of water and his meds (except it wasn't his meds, Batman just had a pill of Penguin's prescription in hand and wtf), Scarecrow recomended him therapy when he somehow figure out Jon's favorite candy bar and tried to use it as a bargain for information, Joker felt very flaterred that Bruce not only knew that he made his own dye using two pre existing dye products and a mix of chemicals but had the formula including the recomended brands for everyhing.

The only person who had no reaction was Clark. Clark sees Bruce being a weird stalker as just a fact of life and no one knows how to deal with it. (It's better than Tim "I wanna be like that" and Babs "cool but I'm better " aproaches at least). Talia Al Ghul used to consider it impressive and have a flirty competition to see if Batman could figure details about her. After they stopped being an item they respected each other enough that he just stalks Talia if is related to Ra, crimes, Damian or the League.

[batboopp]

bruce wayne fans watching him be reduced to a shitty abusive emotionless father/mentor and retaining little to none of his personality traits and morals for the 6372737282 time in a row (they’re running out of ways to defend him)

[graham-cracker-guillotine]

listen i mathed my way thru this:

tim b/c he's a wacko, duke to "recharge his powers" (ie also a wacko)

babs and alfred are the only normal ones in the family

bruce has too many children he can sleep thru storms. steph is probably passed out somewhere in the manor (cass' room)

jay, my favorite, has to be a lil traumatized from *gestures at entire life* but especially when he dUG HIMSELF UP FROM HIS GRAVE IN A STORM so yeah

dick is comforting a begrudging jason b/c of said storm

tim is stuck outside after trying to get himself struck by lightning. cass is not stuck!! she is simply enjoying the storm outside with a raincoat and an umbrella

when tim finally gets back inside he learns the wifi is gone and promptly goes back outside to try and get struck by lightning. damian is mad bc his video call with jon got cut off

thank u im here all day

[frownyalfred]

Clark: “I can hear Bruce’s heart, and I think he—”

Hal Jordan, about to become superbat’s #1 hater: “WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT HIS FUCKING HEART ALREADY?”

[banghwa]

I DON'T CARE IF IT HURTS, I WANNA HAVE CONTROL

BRUCE WAYNE & SELINA KYLE x CREEP by RADIOHEAD

[aalghul]

do you guys ever think about how creepy jason’s gravestone is. I feel like bruce was almost asking for him to claw his way out like a zombie

[aingeal98]

Bruce: Dick lost his parents at the same age I did. I saw that he was like me and I had to help. Jason had so much spirit he made me laugh on the anniversary of my parent's death. Tim and Duke both think like detectives, it comes naturally to them and every time we work together I see more of myself in them, but lighter somehow. And Damian carries some of the best parts of both Talia and myself in every breath he takes.

Bruce: And Cassandra... well the first time we met Cassie tried to kill herself and then she went to fight Two Face alone, won, and dedicated herself completely body and soul to help protect every life in Gotham and every life in the world outside it even if it meant running headlong into bullets to stop two criminals from shooting themselves.

Bruce: I believe the kids these days call it "Matching each other's freak." The adoption papers would have been ready the next day if her father wasn't still alive at the time.

[junespriince]

Little Chickadee meet little Sparkle au

8yo Dick, picks up 3yo Wally: so this baby kid flash?

Barry: yeah, this is apparently him at three years old according to Iris.

Dick, looks at the tiny boy in his arms: and his dad hated him!? Adults are useless.

Bruce, sighed: can't wait for Constantine and zatanna to fix this... Alfred where's the leash? *Leaves*

Dick, gives Barry, Wally back: I will make sure nobody hurts him again.

Barry: aw, that's so sweet of you.

A few hours later

Bruce: I told you to watch him, how could you let him get away!?

Barry: he said he went to the bathroom, how was i supposed to know he would leave, the time I knew him he listened in Central!

Wally, fussy because people are yelling:

Bruce: where could he have gone to, all his usual hits are protected.

Barry: ... Oh my god, OH MY GOD HE'S AFTER RUDY!

Bruce: Rudy?

Barry, grabbing his things: Wally's shitty bio dad, he read Canary's file on Wally and asked me questions.

Bruce: AND YOU GAVE THEM TO HIM, FREELY!?

Barry: I'm sorry I forgot he was blood thirsty as a child, okay!

Jason, holding a now crying Wally: hush it dipshits, and he's like eight how far on foot could he have gone.

Tim: he knows about the zeta tubes.

Jason: oooo, yeah that mother fucker dead dead.

Cass: I also saw him grabbed Barry's phone and called up Iris.

Barry: SHIT MY WIFE GONNA GO TO PRISON! I GOTTA GO!

[violent138]

Love that the Batfam consistently ruins and is largely incompatible with any and all of Alfred's attempts to nuclearify the family.

[betterthanbatman1]

Teenage Bruce trying to form a relationship with Alfred: You’re not just Alfred… you’re my… my Alfriend.

Alfred who thought Bruce was going to call him his father figure: *Screeches*

[bungouchronicles]

I absolutely love it when people draw Batman like some kind of boneless shape with ears

[enobariasteeth]

Sobbing about this btw but why is Bruce arching his back like that??? Girl calm down???

[littlefankingdom]

The Fandom: Try to force traditional family roles and the nuclear family's format on the found family that is the Batfam. Cannot accept Barbara and Steph as Batfam's members because "they're not Bruce's daughters!". Cannot accept that characters that aren't Bruce's children wear bat symbols (pls have you ever consume any Batman media??? The bat is a symbol, it's not about Bruce!!!) See Damian and Dick having a deep relationship and it must be a father/son relationship!

The source material: Bruce LITERALLY telling Damian that the bats living in the Batcave (and Gotham as a whole?!) aren't his pets, they are his family. His nuclear family got killed in an alley, wild animals are family too now.

[daydreamerwonderkid]

Gonna be real, all I knew about The Batman 2004 series was 1) Dick and Barbara are apparently really great in the later seasons and 2) Everyone-at least the people that I knew-really hated the Joker from this series for some reason, Idk why.

Maybe it's a bit too early to make a judgement, but so far I'm having a lot of fun with this Joker. He's just such a fucking weirdo that likes to cling to walls, wants to make Arkham Asylum his lair, dresses himself like that, refuses to wear shoes, and just seems so fucking excited to debut as Gotham's newest cryptid.

Also, sue me if you want but I did let out a laugh at the joke he made when Bruce tried to grab his "face" without realizing that it was actually, you know, his face and not a mask like he expected.

This version of the Joker is truly having the BEST fucking time right now and I love seeing a younger/less experienced Bruce struggle to keep up with him XD

[if-i-hate-the-headline]

wayne family adventures moments i love dearly (pt. 2)

jason's such an icon for this

actually love this episode so so so much

damian is so cute bro. like he's worried about his family finding out he enjoys jane austen

I LOVE THEIR FRIENDSHIP SO MUCH

bruce's eyes i'm crying

he is a bond villain fight me (the cat and everything)

"he's been an edgelord since day 1" i'm wheezing you don't understand

[accidentallyadoptedbybatman]

"Batman pulled Catwoman" "Batman pulled Superman" "Batman pulled Wonder Woman" "Batman pulled-"

No Brucie Wayne can pull and flirt like he's on fire but you think Bruce, you think Batman, knows how to Emotion when he's got a crush.

I'm sorry but Batboy got rizzed up, folded like a wet paper towel, and carried over a shoulder. That little man cannot emotion for the life of him sometimes, he didn't pulled, he got pulled, he got collard and yoinked.