#depressed remus lupin

[that-bitch-kat3]

marauders era characters as shit my friends have said prt 19

james: moons… i think you might be depressed

remus: oh really? could a depressed person do this?

remus: (leaves the room and doesn’t come back)

james: i mean

james: yeah

[lyr-caelum]

Lily evans giving good advice

[whinlatter]

something tells me you don't really like tonks, just a hunch xD

For the relationship ask if you're still doing it: harry and remus, molly and remus, teddy and adromeda. I would love to see what do you think <3

noooo i love tonks! i had a ball writing her and think that @evesaintyves’ rendering of her is one of fandom’s greatest gifts 😭 i just find it very funny that harry thinks she should low key get a grip. and as a clumsy young woman who should myself get a grip, i say: get off her case, hjp.

ok the remus + tonks/black extended family universe... hyped for this one. delicious choices, thank you anon. (i have a few more in the inbox i'm going to take a stab at but am trying to avoid spoilery ones or ones where i risk boring you all again by repeating old talking points, so if i don't get to one pls forgive me...)

right — to business. we begin with everybody looking at remus lupin waiting for him to put his crippling self loathing aside to write (1) singular letter to his dead friend's son:

i jest (to an extent). but i do think the entirety of harry and remus' dynamic is best encapsulated in one singular scene in PoA:

“When they get near me — ” Harry stared at Lupin’s desk, his throat tight. “I can hear Voldemort murdering my mum.” Lupin made a sudden motion with his arm as though to grip Harry’s shoulder, but thought better of it.

i know there's a very understandable move in AUs to imagine what would have happened if remus had raised harry - or, more often, if remus had been 'allowed' to raise harry by dumbledore. but looking past the whole plot-requiring-harry-to-be-at-the-dursleys thing, the truth is, canon remus lupin would never have put himself forward to raise harry, because of his own (not unfounded!) concerns about the precarity of his existence and the dangerousness of his condition. remus' sense of self - more specifically his fear of himself, and his very low self worth - consistently lead him to hold harry at arm's length from the moment he's introduced in the series until its bitter end. i don't think remus at all approves of the way harry is treated at the dursleys. but i can very much imagine that remus thinks it would still be better than the life he could have given harry if he ever had been called upon to serve as his primary caregiver. one of the most interesting implicit dynamics in the series is that harry notices this and does, to some extent, resent it (obviously the fact that he only ever calls him 'lupin' in his narration, though uses remus to his face, and also: 'Harry had received no mail since the start of term; his only regular correspondent was now dead and although he had hoped that Lupin might write occasionally, he had so far been disappointed.') while the harry & remus fight in DH is about harry's view of what remus ought to do re tonks and the baby, it’s also harry coming as close as saying to remus: you're letting your own child down like you let me down. ('I’m pretty sure my father would have wanted to know why you aren’t sticking with your own kid, actually... He had it coming to him,” said Harry. Broken images were racing each other through his mind: Sirius falling through the veil; Dumbledore suspended, broken, in midair; a flash of green light and his mother’s voice, begging for mercy… ‘Parents,’ said Harry, 'shouldn’t leave their kids unless—unless they’ve got to.')

molly and remus: i think this is a very, very underrated relationship! i know there’s a lot of molly-bashing around these days, especially if you’re a marauders and/or sirius and/or wolfstar stan. but i think it is very very overlooked that the person who looks after adult remus the most from 1995 onwards, and who shows him some of the deepest trust and roots for his happiness, is molly. for a man who has plainly known a huge amount of financial/food/housing insecurity, and who is so villainised in wider wizarding society, it is no small gesture for molly to not only provide for remus materially but also to trust him in a house with all of her children and encourage him in a romantic relationship he struggles to feel entitled to and worthy of. (i love sirius, but he is in no fit state to ‘look after’ remus in the last year of his life, and fandom’s continued unwillingness to recognise the importance of domestic/caregiving labour as a vital contribution to the resistance will never not be problematic af). remus clearly values and admires molly in return - the only time he actually ever entertains a parent/guardianship role is when molly is weeping over her boggart, crying onto remus’ shoulder (‘what must you think of me?’) and he assures her that if anything were to happen to her and arthur, he would be a part of the team making sure her children are taken date of (‘what do you think we’d do, let them starve?’) remus’ relationship with molly is often the more mild-mannered translator of her viewpoint to others (especially others with hot tempers), and mediator trying to find middle ground between molly’s protective instincts and the battle/ready instincts of others. (more grist to my sirius & ginny parallels mill — in DH, when a fuming ginny is desperately trying to sneak off to fight in the battle, it’s remus who appeals to molly and ginny to find the compromise of ginny staying in the room of requirement to know what’s going on but not actively fight, a mirror image of his role mediating the dispute between sirius and molly over harry’s right to know what’s going on at grimmauld in ootp…) molly accepts this compromise, a sign that she trusts remus implicitly (she never frets that a werewolf is living among her children in ootp onwards, and invites him to christmas readily even after months undercover with the pack) and also feels able to call him out (‘i’ve always said you’re taking a ridiculous line on this, remus’.) this is too long but basically — justice for molly and remus, unlikely buds!

teddy and andromeda: i weirdly think a lot about teddy lupin these days. i tend to imagine teddy as a very mild-mannered, affable, calm child, like who remus might have been had he not been bitten, with tonks' heart and sociability but also with something of remus' more philosophical disposition. i think he'd slip very naturally into a big brother role because, in part, he does see himself as having a responsibility to take care of people, and i think this would shine through in his relationship with andromeda. we know teddy was raised by his gran, and i imagine she feels enormously protective of him, perhaps bordering on strict in her desire to keep him safe from the harm that came to all the rest of her family. but i like to imagine teddy didn't act out against this too much, in part because he understands where it comes from and in turn feels very protective of andromeda. growing up in the aftermath of the war would make teddy as a child particularly aware of the grief and pain and the silences among the adults around him, and i think teddy would take any compensatory protective strictness on andromeda's part with good grace, and humour her for it. i like to think teenage/young adult teddy serves as the translator for any of his gran's more prickly edges, and that they have a very close relationship that both of them really treasure.

[milleeeeeee]

Most teenagers start out with the Golden Trio

Then they decide to see if The Marauders has any kick

It does

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Marauders era characters as my self deprecating thoughts

cause I’m not doing well lol

James: Do people really like me ore do they just like the version of myself I decide to show them?

Sirius: If i will be dramatic enough when It’s not that bad people would normalize my real breakdowns

Remus: Keep a smile on, maybe this time “fake it till you make it “ will work. People don’t need to see when you struggle, it will make them sad and sorry for you

Peter: I don’t do enough for others, I’m not enough for others. Why can’t I be like the Others?

Mary : I worked SO hard not to be a people pleaser i think I became such a bitch people hate me

Regulus: God, I corrected them again I didn’t mean to be mean she is my friend she must hate me now, god that’s why nobody likes a know it all

Even: my friends told me they are a bit scared of me again, am I bad person for not completely hating it or am I just overprotective of myself after so long, I won’t hurt my friends, but maybe they wouldn’t hurt me again. I don’t want them to be scared of me, not really, I love them. How do I even have friends?

Barty: I got a good score on the test WHY DID I GET A GOOD SCORE ON THE TEST I didn’t study enough., it must be a mistake, just pure dumb luck I’m not smart enough everyone think i smart when i feel so fucking stupid

on a sirius note- if you need help, please get help. You matter and can rant to me any time 💕- edit written AFTER the breakdown lol

[severussnapemylove]

Y/N; (to Sev, Bella and Remus) "I have been the moral compas for you three for years, and all three of you are gonna have to hold me back on the day I finally snap."

[addsalwayssick]

And on the days when the air was particularly cold, and his hip aches a bit too much for comfort, Remus sat at his desk with a comforting lamp on, purposefully getting the entrance to the Marauders map wrong.

Mr. Prongs would like to know why Mr. Moony won’t just say the words to get it.

Mr. Moony would like to say that Peter probably gave him a potion that mixed up his memory.

Mr. Wormtail would like to add that he would never do such a thing.

Mr. Padfoot would like to tell Mr. Moony that Mr. Padfoot will love him even if he can’t remember simple things.

Mr. Prongs would like to request for Mr. Moony and Mr. Padfoot to get a room.

Mr. Padfoot would like to tell Mr. Prongs to shove off, and that he’s just mad because Lily won’t like him back.

Mr. Moony would like to tell Mr. Prongs that Lily will like him someday.

Mr. Wormtail would like to add that when they do, they’re going to grow old together.

[aficionadoenthusiast]

you're telling me that sirius black spent 13 years in azkaban with dementors and has no memory loss??? the man that half the fandom hcs as having adhd, depression, and/or anxiety?? that guy??? i don't think so

give me sirius who isn't immediately comfortable around remus because his strongest memories are of the end of the war when they each thought the other was the spy

give me sirius who is super weary about dumbledore because he can't remember his good deeds, only the manipulation

give me sirius who instantly, i mean, the very second he escapes, runs straight to the dursleys to take harry because he only knows the horrible stories lily told them and how they acted at james and lily's wedding, and thinking about harry is one of the only things he could do in azkaban

give me sirius who barely considers regulus a brother because he can only remember him as their parents' lackey

give me sirius who hates snape even more than he already did in series because only their worst fights come to mind when he thinks of the other man

give me sirius who fights with everyone in the order because, don't they remember all the horrible things dumbledore did??

give me sirius who has panic attacks and constant anxiety in ootp because grimmauld place is literally a house of horrors to him

give me sirius who can barely look his friends and harry in the eye because he only sees death and despair

give me sirius with fucking trauma

[nettedtangible]

My Grandmother called me in the middle of me reading choices

GM: are you okay sweetheart you sound dreadful

Me: *sniffle, dabs away my tears* yeah I just have a cold

[blog020209]

“They were only roommates” but then they pull out Neil and Todd or Sirus and Remus

[shootingthe-stars]

Nowhere Man update!

Chapter 33: A Mother’s Love

“Remus gets 30 days”

chapter 33 or from the beginning

[maraudersoncrack1981]

Head cannon that after Sirius found out Remus was a werewolf he realized why Remus doesn't like his silver jewelry and immediately used magic to change what all of his jewelry was made out of so he wouldn't hurt his moony, he later did the same thing to a pair of promise rings, his with moons and Remus' with stars

(They both died wearing these rings)

[lyr-caelum]

Send me your favorite Wolfstar head canons and i’ll draw the ones i agree with 😏🫠

[my-moony-and-padfoot]

Even like this?

Word count: 1 700

It's quite depressing but nothing graphic :)

Remus closed the door behind himself, kicked off his shoes, dropped his bag by the door, hung his jacket on the hook and stepped further into their small apartment. He didn't get far until he stopped, only to the doorway. He saw Sirius laying on the floor of their living room, on a hardwood floor curled up on his side, right next to the soft rug.

“Hi love.” He whispered, walking closer. Sirius opened his eyes, watching as Remus walked over to him, first getting down on his knees, then shifting so he was laying down beside him. “Why are we on the floor?”

“It's comfy.” He whispered, voice hoarse like it hadn't been used in days. “You shouldn't- back always gets worse.”

“It's okay.” He smiled, reaching to brush a curl behind his ear, looking Sirius in the eyes. The grey looked darker than usual, he could see all the pain and hurt in them, all the anxiety and discomfort. It looked like a storm, wind whistling loudly, dark grey clouds filling up the sky, just waiting for the water to fall. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, but dropped his gaze, though looked back at Remus when he cupped his cheek, gently caressing it. “I'm okay.”

“It's okay if you're not.” Remus whispered, watching as the storm calmed down slowly, eyes softening ever so slightly. It was a subtle change, something no one would notice, something so insignificant that it wasn't worth paying attention to. But for Remus, it was worth it, it was significant, it mattered. You could tell so much by just someone's eyes, and no one ever pays enough attention to it. He frowned slightly as a tear dripped down, it fell in the same way Sirius' guard did whenever he was with Remus, he could let it fall without shame.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don't be.” He said quietly, reaching for Sirius' hand, intertwining their fingers together once he gave it to him. He laid down on his back, smiling as Sirius took in the silent invitation to move closer and lay his head on Remus' chest, throwing one of his legs over Remus'. He closed his eyes when he felt himself be wrapped up in his arms, his safe place.

“I'm so tired.”

“I know, baby.” He whispered into his hair, rubbing his side over the worn out jumper. It was the kind of tiredness that sleep didn't help, no matter how much he slept or didn't, he'd still be tired. Even though he knew it didn't help, all he wanted to do was sleep, it was the only way he could get away from all the thoughts. Except when they followed him all the way to his dreams. Nowhere to run from them, nowhere to hide, he was left there laying on their bed, woken up from a nightmare, too tired and scared to sleep again. Sometimes he found the courage to wake Remus up like he had asked him to do countless times. Sometimes he didn't but just got closer to him, getting wrapped up in the warm embrace once again, hoping he could have better dreams when his eyes shut again without his permission.

It was quiet, he could only hear the clock ticking away quietly in the kitchen, it had bothered him for hours, but now it had blended into the background. He heard Remus’ slow, deep breathing and steady heartbeat right under his ear. It made Sirius feel even safer, just knowing he was there. Knowing he was with him and wouldn't go anywhere. It was just them in their own little bubble where nothing bad could ever happen.

His hip ached from however long he had already laid there, he wasn't sure how long it had been, an hour? Maybe two. He wasn't sure, but he didn't want to get up, no matter how much it hurt. Though, it didn't hurt that much anymore, that too had turned into a dull buzz that just was there, but didn't bother him that much anymore. His shoulder hurt too, but now that he wasn't lying on it anymore it wasn't as bad, the change in position had definitely helped.

“Should we go to bed?” Remus asked after a while, playing with his hair, slowly swirling it around his finger and combing his hand through. Sirius blinked his eyes open, slightly startled at the voice, before remembering it was only Remus. He shook his head after a moment of thinking, pressing himself closer as if to prevent him from getting up and leaving him alone. “Why not, baby?”

“I've been there the whole day.” He whispered, closing his eyes again. “And yesterday, and the day before.”

“How about we move to the sofa then, y'know it's much comfier than this floor.” Sirius shook his head again.

“Have to?”

“No, not if you don't want to.” He nodded. “We'll get up when you're ready, yeah? When you want, I've got nowhere to be, but here with you.” Sirius nodded again, feeling more at ease. “Do you wanna talk?”

“No.”

“You sure?”

“I don't know.”

“Okay.” He whispered, kissing his head. “I'm here if you wanna talk, anytime, love. Always here for you.”

Sirius hummed, getting lost into his thoughts again. He didn't remember why he had even laid down onto the floor in the first place, he remembered getting out of bed and maybe taking his meds, and then he was on the floor. It was like the past few hours had just disappeared, like time had only started running at normal speed when Remus came home. Before that, it had either gone way too slowly or too fast, anything but the normal speed.

He wanted to talk, it would probably help, but he didn't know what to talk about. He wasn't sure what was wrong. It felt like everything and nothing was wrong at the same time. He was tired and anxious, but he wasn't sure why, he just was. There just were these random anxiety inducing thoughts floating around, no way to let them out. They were just stuck, piling on each other, making it all worse. So, he thought it would be easier not to say anything, he didn't want to bother Remus with these lost random thoughts that barely made any sense.

But, whatever it was, it made him so incredibly sad, and he couldn't even tell why. The feeling was slowly suffocating him, it felt hard to breathe, and he could feel himself trying to catch his breath. It brought tears to his eyes, but he wouldn't let them fall. He could feel them burn in the corners of his eyes, but he just couldn't let them go. The task of holding the tears back felt almost impossible, it was so overwhelming, and it felt like the dam would break from the smallest poke at it. It would fall and crumble into pieces without-

“You can cry, Sirius. If you need to” Remus whispered quietly, gently caressing his cheek. That was it, that was all it needed for it to break. It felt impossible to hold the emotion back after that, the tears just fell without his permission. Sirius still shook his head, he didn't want to cry. “It's okay, baby. I'm here, right here with you.”

“Don't want to”

“I know, love. But sometimes we need to let it out, yeah? Doesn't do any good to bottle it all up, does it?” Sirius shook his head, more tears spilling out as he hid his face more into Remus' chest. “Shh, it's okay, there you go. Just let it out, sweetheart.”

“I-I’m sorry.”

“No, shh. Don't be. Nothing to say sorry for.” He whispered, playing with his hair slowly. “It’s all okay, baby.”

“Breathe love.” He whispered, running his hand down his side, then back up again, hoping to help him calm down his breathing. It took a while until he calmed down, the tears slowly dried away and his breathing wasn't as fast anymore. “Feeling better?”

Sirius shook his head, wiping away the tears with his sleeve, sniffling quietly. “Sorry.”

“It's okay, baby, don't say sorry. You don't have to feel better, it's okay if you don't.” Sirius nodded slightly. “Anything I can do to help?”

“Don't go.”

“Wasn't planning on it. Don't worry.” Remus whispered, kissing his head. “I'm here. Always here for you.” It was quiet again for a while, Sirius taking a bit more time to calm down before slowly sitting up, looking at Remus. “Wanna go to bed?”

“Yeah.”

Remus smiled, getting up from the floor and offering his hand for Sirius to help him up, he smiled, letting himself be pulled up and led to their bedroom. “Moony?” Remus hummed, turning to look at him. “Can I have your jumper?”

“If you want.” He smiled, handing Sirius' favourite jumper to him. He pressed it up to his face before pulling off his hoodie and changing into the jumper, then he climbed into bed, getting under the covers. He smiled slightly when Remus climbed in next to him, and he could cuddle up to him.

“I feel so bad.” Sirius whispered after a moment of silence. “I don't even know what it is- it just hurts. It's stupid. I don't like it. Make it go away, rem. Just make it go away.”

“You know I would. I'd take all the pain from you, if I just could.” He said quietly, brushing his hand through Sirius' hair. “I love you, baby. More than you know.”

“Even like this?”

“Especially like this, love.” Remus whispered, kissing his forehead when Sirius lifted his head to look at him. “Love you so much.”

“I love you too.” He said. “Don't go away.” Sirius whispered as he rested his head back down, hiding his face into Remus' neck. “Ever.”

“I'm here, baby. Won't go anywhere.” Sirius nodded, smiling slightly as Remus pulled the blanket better over them. “Try to sleep, yeah? I'll be here if you wake up. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, rem.”

A/N:

What did we think? Hopefully you liked it :)

See you around somewhere maybe, have a nice day/night

<3

[zuzanda]

if regulus black had twitter

[carrythispictureforluck]

It has been (rather rudely) brought to my attention recently that I collect Regulus kins.

So if you're a Regulus kin who's floating around the interwebs and needs collecting lemme know ig 🤷‍♀️