#even if he's a dick

[one-with-the-tree]

Still quite in awe of the writing of this character. Like I hate him, don't get me wrong, he's an A-hole. But he's also written in such a way that he's morally gray and is technically on the side of good even if his methods are...questionable. To say the least.

[abisalli]

Jason but he wears this helmet 😼

[fanaticalthings]

Bruce Wayne except he texts like an ominous boomer

wdym you can't tell if he's threatening them?

Based on this post by @mysterycitrus :)

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Bonus:

Happy birthday, Tim 🥰

[littlefankingdom]

Dick who climbed on anything as a child. Even in public, especially in public. The moment Bruce looks away, he is climbing something to get as high as possible. The first times, it gave Bruce an heart attack. Now, it's just a headache.

People pass by and ask if they should call the firefighters, and Bruce tiredly tell them "He is fine, he can get down on his own.", like people with cats.

Imagine, you're walking out of some building, only to see a 10 years old standing on top of a lamppost, having a discussion with his dad guardian at the bottom.

"Dick, get down."

"Make me."

"Get down or you're grounded."

[vasquez-rocks]

Ok to be clear, this whole time what Daniel Molloy thought happened was:

He hooked up with Louis in 1973

Then listened to him rant about his ex for 8 hours

After which Louis tried to kill him

He woke up in a second location and was like wow my craziest trip yet!

He didn't hear from Louis for 50 years

Until he gets an email like hey bb sorry about the murder attempt do u wanna come to Dubai? u can interview me again i probably won't kill you :)

And he's like yeah sure

And then he still spent the whole time bullying him

Self-preservation skills at a 0. That imaginary dick must have been something else

[unidentifiedgothamite]

duke: who do you guys think is bruce's favorite child?

jason: it's probably fingerstripes

dick: me?! it's obviously you, jay

tim: it's jason

steph: facts. b lets him get away with everything, including murder

cass: jason

damian: as much as i loathe to admit it, father does treat todd differently

jason: ya'll are trippin'

meanwhile...

clark: b, just curious, but, do you have a favorite child?

bruce: hn, what date is it?

clark: um, may 12th?

bruce: then it's batcow

clark: what

bruce: did i stutter?

[psychokatrixxxy]

Love when the Justice League thinks Batman is a cryptid. This believe is only further enhanced by the face his sidekick, Robin, is clearly a shapeshifter, what with changing their height, hair style, skin tone, and even gender.

Batman clearly thinks that by having Robin look different every couple of years, it will show that they aren't cryptids like it would if Robin didn't age.

But the Justice League is too smart for that. They figured it out! But they are good friends (colleagues) and won't spill Batman's secret, but they will drop hints to him that they know, to show that they are smarter than he gives them credit for (they aren't.)

-

When the batkids learn that the league thinks this, they start periodically going to the Watchtower with Bruce, taking turns dressed up as Robin.

The League is surprised as Robin seems to prefer taking the form of a child, perhaps to have villains underestimate them? But they just assume Robin is trying out something new.

The batkids definitely tell eachother about what was said/happened as to further sell the act of Robin being a shapeshifter, because clearly it has to be the same person, Robin knows what happened, so it couldn't of been someone else dressed as Robin.

[redsray]

I love the idea of the Wayne kids dropping extremely vague and disturbing comments during galas. Especially when in uncomfortable situations or if they're just bored. They pull out things from their nightlife too. Other times they just make shit up.

Socialite: Oh, dear, your cheeks look so sullen! Who sucked the life out of you?

Tim, dead serious: An old man with a goatee.

Socialite: Uh... what?

Dick: Once I broke my knee so badly that I swear I could see part of the bone sticking out.

Socialite: Good lord. How on earth did that happen?

Dick: Just clumsy gymnast things ^^

Socialite: The white streak is certainly a bold fashion choice.

Jason: I saw someone get decapitated once, so I could be doing worse in terms of what's on my head, yknow? At least I have one.

Socialite: What's your favourite colour, sweetie?

Damian: Red.

Socialite: Oh that's lovely!

Damian: Like the blood of my enemies.

Socialite: Oh.

Socialite: You must be new to these kind of events.

Duke: Uh, yeah, they're kind of scary. But I've had worse.

Socialite: Worse.

Duke: Well I've been left on top of a skyscraper before with no way down just to 'get over my fear of heights' so, yes.

Socialite: You don't talk very loud, do you? I can barely hear you.

Cass, with a straight face: If I spoke any louder every glass in the room would shatter.

Tim, behind her: I can vouch.

[mikeluciraphgabe]

Jason hitting the panic button in his sleep cuz he was still in his uniform and rolled over but because he’s in one of his safe houses the signal is all messed up and the Batfam is in chaos trying to find him but Jason is just “zzzz” the whole time

[inkpotsprite]

DAMIAN

[ditzybat]

Bruce in a stretched out Nightwing suit:

Tim: Bruce Thomas Wayne, take that shit off NOW! Your bones are CREAKING trying to replicate Dick’s flips

Bruce: Bludhaven needs Nightwing

Tim: The seams are ripping on that costume, get out and let me put the stupid suit on, you don’t have the ass to be Nightwing

Bruce: I’ll have you know I was named sexiest man alive for three years straight! My ass is perfectly fine!

[melmov]

I cast: curse of the eldest (can’t ask for help)

[fruitfloats]

Jason who as a robin did everything to be like Dick and can still fight in his style and often will switch to it if he gets into particularly tight situations.

Jason and Dick who are like Bruce's twin children despite their age gap.

Jason who copied Dick so much as a child that they have many of the same habits, you can hear Dick's accent affecting Jason's accent when they talk to each other.

Dick who organizes things the way Jason does because Jason would help him clean his room sometimes and it stuck.

[blueboybot]

Oh My God Another One

Danny: *laughing like a maniac after discovering a new power he could use to torment Vlad*

*Batfam arriving at the scene*

Danny, a bit high on chemicals: HI DAD! :D

Batman: ?!?!?

Red Hodd: God not another one.

Red Robin: Black hair and blue eyes combo number four, now with meta powers.

Robin: Father your knowledge of basic intamacy practices needs to be revisited.

Batman: !?!?!?!?!?

Nightwing: Jeez B, don't you have enough already?

Stephanie: Right! It's just getting ridiculous at this point old man, pack it up!

Duke: He just blew up that construction site.

Cass: New brother.

Batman: ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!?!

[everwalldigan]

Ok but Bruce’s “batglare” except it has specific stages that mean you’re in varying degrees of trouble. Allow me to elaborate:

Level 1: isn’t even really considered a glare in Bruce-speak, more of a suspicious squinting

Level 2: standard Disappointed Dad look, the most you’re gonna get is a reprimand

Level 3: resting Bitch face. Less of a glare and more of a sharp look that WILL follow you around and creep you out

Level 4: worried batglare, features aren’t as sharp as with the standard batglare. Usually smooths out when his kids/teammates stop being idiots and putting themselves in danger

Level 5: standard batglare, regular criminals are usually at the end of it, most of the kids have gotten pretty used to it

Level 6: You’ve Fucked Up. Expect a screaming match or a lecture of at least 30 minutes. Also you’re grounded

Level 7: full batglare on steroids, makes grown men piss their pants, usually reserved for the joker. Most of the kids have received it only once and that was MORE than enough for them to never want to receive it again

Level 8: Alfred.

[frownyalfred]

the best part about comics and fics where the batkids have to fight a mind controlled Bruce is the inevitable "oh shit" moment when they realize that every single spar with Bruce over the years -- even the ones where they were sparring at full force -- was against a Bruce who still held himself back in some way. because those are his kids.

a Bruce who doesn't care about them is terrifying.