#fear of loss

[seasofjupiterx]

I saw it coming but at the same time I didn't because I didn't believe the world could possibly be that fucking cruel.

[fucked-up-brain]

I have found people in my life that I never want to lose again. But so often it feels like I could lose them at any second. It tears me apart.

[dreams-incorporated]

I don't want this to happen again

[autumn-tide]

Would it be all right? Would it be all right to go ahead and feel? Go ahead and count on something?

Toni Morrison, Beloved

[bullshitpoetry]

Just because I can name the fear doesn't mean it will disappear.

[king-starscreams-fics]

Transformers - All Media Types - King-Starscream (EMS_Writer) - Aftermath [Archive of Our Own]

The story of what took place after the sparkeater was slain in Dark Nights and Green Eyes:

Optimus approached Megatron's side as they reached the barn from opposite directions. He stared down at the charred and still-smoking remains of the creature in front of the building. Then he turned his stare on its slayer.

"I thought these things were a myth."

Megatron shivered. "Any gladiator would tell you otherwise."

"You have seen more horrors than I had realised, old friend."

Language: English

Words: 3,072

Chapters: 1

[nancy1954]

Manchmal hat man Angst. Es ist die Art von Angst irgendwann alleine zu sein. Angst davor Freunde und Familie zu verlieren.

[moonlight-mindfulness]

Really pissed at how little resources are out there about the fear of loss and existential ocd. So many issues trace back to those two if you do a deep dive on anxiety.

[mar9iech]

And Period.

Just when you think I don't notice, I do Thus, count the silence, I do too

I know sometimes it's too painful to talk But as we listen to the clock In our heart, we know What we hide will learn to show

It's in our eyes and our small lies "I'm good," and period.

It's in how they refuse to meet each other's gaze It's in how we refuse to see;

It's in how we are short to stay and quick to leave It's in the fear of losing you and me

What we've had we try to protect Why insist on each other's neck?

©mar9iech (first posted: Feb 2018)

[emotionallychargedtowel]

I’m seeing various reactions to the “spinoff” bonus episode of Bokura no Shokutaku/Our Dining Table and it made me want to write about how I see the episode as a very logical continuation of the two leads’ character arcs.

I’ll talk about Yutaka first because his explanation is a bit simpler, although the feelings involved are intense as hell. Yutaka is so afraid that he’ll lose the people he loves most that the fear can become a defeatist belief: “I will lose the people I love most.” I wrote about this in some of my posts about The Eighth Sense. Human beings have a capacity to believe distorted things after trauma and loss. Especially negative beliefs about ourselves or pessimistic beliefs about our prospects in life.

Yutaka doesn’t fully believe this all of the time. But I would expect, based on his experiences and the fears he showed in the last episode of the main series, that a fear of this sort gets activated in Yutaka sometimes. Sometimes fears show up as highly negative, maladaptive beliefs that we try to test and hope to disprove but continue to find compelling (I have an unfinished novel-length Utsukare post that gets into this idea more). So, yeah. Yutaka has been primed for this fear of abandonment for a very long time.

What about Minoru? He’s never been jealous before. But what was his biggest stumbling block in getting together with Yutaka? Internalized homophobia. And it didn’t magically disappear when they got together (though over time and under the right circumstances their relationship could play a part in helping him to heal from it).

When Minoru first kisses Yutaka, he assumes immediately afterward that it was unwelcome. It seems like anything short of Yutaka grabbing him and kissing him back enthusiastically right away was going to be interpreted as a rejection. He doesn’t ask Yutaka how he feels about him or if he's interested in a relationship when they meet at the cafe. It would have helped if Yutaka could have been more forthcoming that night. But Minoru basically rejects himself on Yutaka’s behalf without checking with him at all. And though Yutaka isn't clear about returning Minoru's feelings, he does give some subtle signals. And he definitely never says he doesn't return them. It’s absolutely heartrending to watch. Worse, Minoru doesn’t just assume Yutaka doesn’t return his feelings. He assumes that the kiss was upsetting to him and that Yutaka will never want him to touch him again.

Why does he do this? It’s never stated directly, but I think it’s pretty obvious that it’s because of internalized homophobia. Similar things happen in other BLs. Take Togawa’s abject apology after kissing Nozue in Old Fashion Cupcake, for example, which makes the internalized homophobia piece more explicit through his various references to what’s “common sense” or “normal.” Plenty of LGBT+ folks also have personal experience with this, of course. Internalized homophobia makes it seem as if our feelings, overtures, etc. are bound to be unwelcome and even repulsive to the other person. And this isn't just, like, irrational insecurity. Often it's informed by actual experiences with rejection that have the added knife-twist of expressing stigma or disgust. But you don't have to have gone through that kind of rejection to have a vivid mental image of what it would be like and to convince yourself it's likely to happen to you.

When Minoru sees Ohata’s text on Yutaka’s phone, there's a reason that the idea that Yutaka would two-time him with his coworker and eventually dump him for her seems likely. It's not because Minoru distrusts Yutaka. It's not because of anything about Ohata (well, not unless you count her gender). There may be some garden-variety insecurity at play, like thinking he won't be able to hold on to Yutaka because he isn't good enough or something. But the biggest factor, I'm pretty certain, is that same type of internalized homophobia. After hearing from Yutaka that he likes him back, wants to date him, wants to be with him forever and be a part of his family, after kissing each other and cuddling all night and whatever else has happened between them in the interim, it still seems plausible to him that Yutaka might split the moment he gets a chance to be with a woman. I don't know what's sadder, the fact that he feels this way and a lot of viewers will be able to relate, or the fact that he's not entirely unjustified because there are people who totally behave that way.

Add to all this the fact that just when each of them is feeling insecure in their particular way, the other one starts acting tweaky, and the misunderstanding makes a good bit of sense. I think for a lot of folks this aspect of the episode is uncomfortable. And that's just part of seeing this couple we've been rooting for have this rocky interaction on what ought to be a special day. But I also wonder if some of the bigger sources of pain that these fears touch on--fear of loss (with unresolved mourning for past losses) and internalized homophobia (with all of the deep-down self-hatred that implies)--come through in one way or another and are really hard to sit with.

But I think the fact that they are able to work through it matters. It shows that while these problems didn't go away just because they got together (which wouldn't be satisfying anyway because it would be unrealistic), but there is good reason to hope that they will get better if they keep communicating and supporting each other. That's very consistent with the style the show has had from the beginning, and that so many of us love.

[starwarsgrl77]

I was always afraid to live without you. Now, I have to.

[starinthegalaxy34]

Anyone else afraid of getting close to people?

[cosmicwhoresimpingismyliving]

I don’t know how to live, my mind and my body are constantly in fight or flight. My mind delves into the deepest, darkest parts of the horrific realisation that we will become nothing as we came from nothing and we shall return to nothing. We will become food for the Earth, for the plants. In a way we unlimitedly in the end give back to nature with our own death, our own lifeless bodies. I find it difficult to distract myself from such thoughts. I always revert back to being in some kinda crisis about the fact that not only will I die but everyone I love and cherish will die to. That terrifies & shakes me to my very core. I do not wish to bare witness to the death of my parents or my siblings or even friends.

[hamuka]

喪失魔大好き！

[over-a-cup-of-coffee]

"I'm afraid of this kind of attachment. The one wherein you are already looking forward for a future with someone because the moment he leaves I'll be lost. But inspite of the risk, I am willing to risk despite the probability of being lost again for a chance of forever with him"

[eclec-tech]

Congratulations on 50 followers, pateesa! Yippeee! 🥳 HC question I guess? Wrecker is afraid of heights, Echo is afraid of medical droids, Hunter is afraid of losing Omega, and Crosshair is afraid of running out of toothpicks. What is Tech afraid of?

What is Tech afraid of?

Chut chut, ma pateesa! This is an easy one.

Tech is afraid of his remarkable intellect failing him when he needs it the most. His most intense fear is losing someone he loves because he cannot come up with a timely solution to save them. If the worst were to happen to one of his siblings while he was near enough to be able to help them it would destroy him.

But the odds of that happening are miniscule. Just ask him! He'll be happy to calculate them for you! The chances of someone he loves being in danger in a way he cannot mitigate through a rapidly thought-out plan or a quickly improvised device are incredibly small. His truly is an exceptional mind. It doesn't work the way everyone else's does, and that is probably why his squad is still alive. He'll continue to use every synapse at his disposal to keep them that way.

Thanks for the ask! Bargon yanah coto da eetha!