#health issues vent

[tommyssupercoolblog]

(edit: technically it's kinetic not active but u get it)

ok so turns out the "tummy hurts disease" is called "Hyperactive gallbladder" and the one (1) (only) solution is to remove our organs

....which i predicted months ago in SEPTEMBER when this started, telling our doctor "hey this seems gallbladder related"

but the doctor ignored me. and Seán (although we share a body so that's not a huge jump for him prolly). and our mom. and our grandmother, who is a retired doctor.

and we were forced to do like fifty unrelated tests and take medicine that didn't help. but now that we has like three relatives yell at him he tested our gallbladder and it's like 14 points pasts the "this is too high" mark. SIGH.

(more ranting under cut)

plus since under-active gallbladders are more common than overactive and were researched sooner, not all doctors know about them depending on when they finished school, so depending on his response we might have to email him all the studies n shit and yell at him AGAIN, so bigger sighhhh.

girl i can't eat more than 3 grams of fat without experiencing indescribable pain that renders me immobile for hours what the fuck why is this such an ordeal I just want us to be BETTERRRRRR

on top of all that, once we remove it we'll still have to eat under 3 g for a whille, and then slowly work our way up, and if we fuck up even a little bit and up the ammount too soon we risk ruining the entire healing process forever, so wether our body learns how to digest fat without this organ depends entirely on: 1- my patience and impulse control (NOTORIOUSLY HORRIBLE, Seán's is good but mine is dangerously low) *

2- our collective ability to understand when to know it's okay to eat more, considering we'll be given a rough schedule but everyone's body is different so there's no guarantee it'll be late enough if we just eat in the blocks given.

*- bonus- how often people tempt us or go "oh well maybe it's okay...you should really give it a shot haha,,, why not," which has already gotten us food related pain like three times because someone went "this can't have THAT much fat right?" and encouraged us to eat when we initially said no and then I gave in (because. no self control and also this was before we found out the exact gram ammount) and it hurt really bad

GIRL I'M SO FUCKING SCARED I'M LOSING IT

[honeypleasejustkillme]

suicidal people deserve a space to talk about their suicidal feelings without risking hospitalization/institutionalization or being accused of being manipulative or attention seeking

[dxndeli-n]

Abandonment issues go brrr

[bunniibpd]

12 years later, i'm still suppressing my emotions

[vixen-angel]

purposely putting yourself in danger, or being visibly sad so maybe someone might ask if youre doin alright.. but then nobody bats an eye.

[bigfatbreak]

"yea I was up late last night"

[mewguca]

POTS is acting up again so I project on my fave to cope once again

(it's my fault for not taking care of my health properly but hyperventilating because I decided to Stand Up And Walk is still rather annoying and unpleasant)

[clovelie]

i hate living with the constant push-and-pull of wanting love but yet pushing everyone away because i think everyone who tries to get close to me will abandon me.

[totallynotzzombiecat]

·· Commorragh moments ·· ♫: Jakob Ahlbom - Fracture

[dumbbitchdisaster]

Anyone else constantly switching between wanting to recover and wanting to get worse just to proof something??

[scarylarry376]

Kinda an add-on to that drawing I did a couple days ago about Mutant Mayhem Leo being overworked/burnt out, but make it angstier.

[tommyssupercoolblog]

Me: ugh god why am I getting so much worse?? I'm BACKSLIDING, I had been growing less sensitive to my triggers over time BUT NOW they're getting worse and worse and I keep having flashbacks and snapping at people!!! This is awful this makes no sense it is NOT POGGERS and my sensory issues are worse too!! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO MEEE

Our body, which has been steadily falling apart over the last few months (yes, months, plural) with even surgeries resulting in zero diagnosis, and symptoms worsening day by day: gee man that's so odd. Yeah crazy how that happens.

[bl0w-m3]

Imagine calling a man “Daddy” and then he leaves you like your dad did.

[rorah]

The mentally stable Dimitri Fire emblem 3 hopes.

It surprises me that there's still ppl claiming so, but then I remember we're talking about 3h interpretations and I have to make peace with it.

But that doesn't stop me from venting a little bit in this little space I have lol. Actually, it dries me and makes me feel bad to bring this up because I will have to talk bad about Dedue, and I don't want to talk Bad about Dedue. He's a genuinely good boy. But "Human" nonetheless, which means Flaws. I like Felix too but he's become some sort of a clown that doesn't make me feel too bad. I like Felix tho, In a different way.

Mostly talking about these two because the take that "Dimitri has better support system" baffles me because, technically, these two are his support system in HopesVerse. The persons who Dimitri relays on and seek solace/advice/support. The rest doesn't really tackle any of his personal struggles (aside from the Mage!Mitri frustrated dream, but that's out of the bad equation in our 'mentally unwell' set of pixels, and Shez only has a glimpse). Contrary, to Houses verse where the whole blue lions cast knew about his shit, didn't know what to do, but didn't leave either.

I tackled this topic with other person on Twitter who was (or still is) on board with this take and the phrase they used was They contained him better, which of course I agree and remarked that was exactly the problem. Contain him is gonna be contra productive. I used a water dam analogy, where the structure of such dam is damaged, and the pressure of water keeps accumulating. Causing a foreseeable damage for the dam itself and the surroundings. You don't need to be a genius to understand it, you need experience or knowledge for mental ill topics tho.

I really don't want to extend so much on here because it's mostly just, rant format more than a proper analysis so I just want to point out these two things in their support conversations.

First, Dedue. Encourage him to keep on the vengeful path. Which we know was the final goal of Azure Moon and if you payed attention to 3 houses message. The whole Vengeful argument was something Bad, to keep it simple. Despite Dimitri actively looking for answers/guidance for something that, in a rational state he can see clearly like vengeance will consume his life (also Shez and Felix called out this behavior). Dedue answer only encourage him to keep on that path, because he would do that 💔. Presenting 2 oposite views is a great formula for confusion and disorientation. Now, Dedue's role is primary SUPPORT, not guidance nor orientation. He will support his shit no matter what, and we are quite aware of that if played Houses.

Second, Felix. Felix is a special case. He is smart but also an idiot lacks A LOT of soft skills to actually be of help. He's the only one who knows in this verse about Dimitri having a mental issue. In their A support to say the least, so they don't close or solve anything. What makes it more worrisome is the fact that Felix conceals the issue as a secret.

"So try to keep that whole "removing their heads" thing in check, yeah? We can just call it our little secret."

this extract here makes me feel so unwell 😭help

The whole burden falls over him and his lack of skills and wisdom on the matter will be too much for him later on. He at least, will be able to recognize that the problem is beyond of his capabilities and will look for help. Felix himself has his own issues and journey where he needs to learn. He's forced to get pass beyond some of his angry teen behavior but hasn't completely get over it.

There is a lot more to tackle, but that requires more work and time. What are the topics some of you think is important to cover around understanding the Hopes verse resolution? Dimitri's route? something? Do you think the route without Byleth is better? With that being said, I would like to delve deeper into character analysis, and the role each played for the Lords too. That also requires to talk about the Byleth and needs a whole analysis on their own, which requires time (which i don't have much lol) To end this vent, I would like to encourage people to do a little research for the terminology they're using like "Support System". Who makes it up and how it operates successfully. The fact that ppl saying "he has better support system" only because he didn't go feral on the run alone is not entirely valid. A reminder that people can feel alone with or without people around them. And containing the issue within doesn't solve any problem. At best, it's presented later. At worse, it gets worse.

[deludedcrayon]

realizing it’s not normal to be in my room with my door closed and still not able to fully relax because i’m scared someone’s going to walk in on me even if im not doing anything wrong i’m just terrified

[the-gigi-amelie]

my eating rules starting now

-only eat infront of people

-never eat in private

-always skip breakfast

-never eat after 10pm

-never eat before 10am

-drink a glass of water before eating anything

-never get seconds

-don't eat snacks (if I'm gonna eat it may aswell be a meal)

I'll probably add too this later <33