#humor prompts

[prompts-in-a-barrel]

"You've been poisoning me?"

"Uh, yeah. And you're welcome, by the way. You'd have died in that last assassination attempt without the immunity you got from me."

[forestryprompts]

Character A: You know, for someone so clever, you have an uncanny ability to always get us into trouble.

Character B: Trouble finds us, my dear, and I simply offer it a seat.

Character A: Maybe next time, offer it a cup of tea and a polite exit strategy.

Character B: Ah, but where's the fun in that? Besides, trouble has terrible taste in tea.

Character A: I can't decide if your audacity is infuriating or endearing.

Character B: Why not both? Keeps things interesting.

[promptspa]

Random Prompt #90

"Did you just fucking bite me?" "...Yes, only a little. It's an affectionate thing, I promise."

[writtenonreceipts]

have some more prompts, feel free to reblog and use for your own stories, fics, etc :)

Disclaimer: please do not repost. Reblogs are welcome!

Humor, Fluff, Fun–Dialogue Prompts

In retrospect, this is not what I had in mind when I said surprise me.

I blame you for this.

Technically speaking, this is not my fault.

Please, I know exactly what I’m doing.

This is not what college prepared me for.

Ah yes, betrayal.  I am familiar with that.

I take it, that’s not a good thing?

You’re really good at dodging questions, aren’t you?

Well, that is highly unfortunate.

You are delightful.

We’re friends now, sorry, there’s no escaping it.

I made us friendship bracelets.

We might have a problem, ask me again in twenty minutes.

Manners? Never heard of them.

Why is there a dog on the couch?  We don’t have a dog.

Hm, this is a terrible idea // that’s not going to stop us right? // oh absolutely not

I/You/They’ve made some very interesting life choices.

I don’t think that’s supposed to be on fire.

Sorry, pumpkin. // Don’t call me that.

Don’t worry, with enough glitter no one should notice.

I’m off to commit murder or buy ice cream, I haven’t decided yet.

You ate the last slice of cake, you’re dead to me now.

Well, you’re just a ball of sunshine, huh?

You bring the bad decisions, I’ll bring the popcorn.

Tell me a secret?

All we have is time and all I have is you.

Hold my hand?

I like having you by my side.

 Please, you know you missed me.

You didn’t think you could buy me off with cake did you?

I might, might, have made a mistake.

All things considered, this could have been worse.

Nope. Nope.  Nope.  I don’t like this.

You’re cute when you make that face.

Welcome home, baby.

I missed you so much.

You always have my attention.

I’m hungry // You’re always hungry

Ask nicely // No, thank-you  // I tried.

See, there’s no problem.  I know exactly what I’m doing.

Make me.

Say that again.

Why do you have that?

Those words don’t mean what you think they do.

Hey, babe, I need a favor.

Do you love me?

You’re my best friend.

In my defense, I had no idea what I was doing.

Whose idea was it to start running?

This wouldn’t be illegal would it?

My tongue can be quite spontaneous // Really? // Not like that!

I’m sorry, but I can’t take you seriously like that.

Can I have a kiss for luck?

Did you miss me?

We’re going to hug now, no arguments.

You’re touch starved, get over here.

Am I irresponsible?  Maybe.

Making questionable decisions is my birthright.

Are you sure you know what you’re doing?

Let’s take a moment to recognize that I had nothing to do with this.

I love your smile.

You’ve got stars in your eyes.

You’re perfect in every way.

Dance with me?

We’re going to watch the sunrise.

I kissed you because I wanted to. Dumbass.

It’s impossible to say no to you.

“So happy it’s Thursday,” make an acronym out of that…

Are you eating ice cream for breakfast?

Here, I made this for you // It’s a flower crown // Yes, it is.

[creativewritingthings]

Prompt #2

“You’re a good kisser.”

“So guys/girls/people have told me.”

[paradoxical-scribbler]

11 POWER OUTAGE PROMPTS

Requested by @fantastictrashpolice

—» Please tag @paradoxical-scribbler or link this post in your work to let me know these helped you write :)

ONE

A: *on the phone* “Hey what's up! You never call so late at night.”

B: “Hey..yeah..so the power suddenly went out and its completely dark—”

A: “Don't worry. Turn on your phone's flashlight and try to find some candles. I'm heading over.”

TWO

A: *on a call* “OMG! THE LIGHTS SUDDENLY WENT OUT. IT'S SO DARK. WHAT DO I DO!?”

B: “Okay calm do—”

A: “BUT ITS ONLY MY APARTMENT! HOW CAN YOU ASK ME TO CALM DOWN!?”

B: *sighs* “Okay relax. Maybe its just a power trip due to the storm. First head to your electrical panel. It should probably be in the garage or by the entryway.”

A: “Okay, alright, I'm going there now.”

B: “Good. Now once you find it, try switching on all the MCBs one by one.”

THREE

A: *bumps into B* “Ohh sorry, its pitch black and I couldn't see you.”

B: “Its alright.”

FOUR

A: *bumps into B cuz its dark and screams like a maniac*

B: *screams back in equal terror*

A: Oh Thank heavens! It's just you.

B: Fuck you! I got scared to death.

FIVE

A: *bumps into B and snickers* “Sorry I didn't see you there.”

B: *frowns in distaste at the pun* “Shut up! And help me finding a flashlight!”

A: *starts cackling* “Right I'll look for them.”

B: *groans in annoyance*

SIX

A: *visibly sweating* “Ugh! The power has been out since last night and its so humid these days.”

B: *picks up a newspaper & starts waving it in front of A like an old, hand fan* “Better?”

A: “Yeah. A little.”

SEVEN

A: *knocks on B's apartment door*

B: *opens door, looking tired and sweaty due to the humid weather*

A: “They say power won't be back until 7. Wanna grab ice-cream and go to the pool.”

B: *suddenly perks up* “YES!”

EIGHT

A: “I swear if I see you any longer on that couch I'll kick you out of the house!”

B: “Well what do you want me to do!? The power's out and my phone's dead.”

NINE

A: *locks apartment and goes to the building's rooftop cause the power's out. Spots B standing by the railing* “Oh. I didn't think anyone would be here.”

B: *giggles at their awkwardness* “It's fine. I would prefer some company right now.”

TEN

A: *smirks evilly* “So the power's gone. Wanna go around and scare some neighbors?”

B: *smirks back* “I thought you'd never ask.”

ELEVEN

A: *lights a bunch of candles and settles down next to B*

B: *shares their blanket with A*

*both continue doing their own work in comfortable silence, waiting for the power outage to be fixed*

[thewritersline]

“I value your opinion highly, but I’m not listening to you.”

[madame-helen]

[ktkat99]

Angst/humor fic idea, if you need a prompt:

Bruce finds out the hard way which of his kids is okay with the 'unadoption' joke threats he makes when they annoy or stress him out. "Why did I adopt you?"..."I still have your adoption certificate. I wonder if the orphanage accepts returns?"..."I knew I should have left you on that street corner where I found you."

Dick fires back with twice as much sass, sometimes rolling his eyes and flipping off Bruce when he gets older.

Young!Jason looks so scared the first time he hears one, and Bruce never jokes about it again. Adult!Jason makes jokes about unadopting himself.

Tim is far too tired to register that it was a joke and gets quiet and avoids Bruce completely for the rest of the week until Bruce realizes what he did wrong and tracks his son down. They talk and Bruce never implies regretting to adopt Tim again.

Cass laughs along with him before pulling out her adoption certificate from her pocket and grinning, scaring him. His kids's adoption paperwork was all stored in a hidden, impenetrable, designed-by-Batman safe. Laughter fades and she just whispers "You'll never be rid of me."

Bruce- Maybe Talia wants you back.

Damian, not even phased- And maybe Alfred would have rather been working for a doctor than a clown-hating, nocturnal, combat furry, but I guess we're both out here disappointing our parents.

[prompts-in-a-barrel]

"You know, most people who discover they have superpowers take it as a sign to do something impactful with their life. Become a hero. Start a crime syndicate. Something."

"I'm sensing a tone."

"But not you. No, you figure out you can turn yourself invisible and you use it to engage in psychological warfare with your noisy upstairs neighbors. Inspiring."

[forestryprompts]

Character A: You’re always late. Do you own a watch?

Character B: Who needs a watch when time stops every time I see you?

[creativewritingthings]

Prompt #6

"Fuck you!"

"I'd fuck me too if I were you."

[demiesop]

necromancy of

[thewritersline]

In the future, humanity has learned to read the thoughts of the recently deceased. Once the technology was released to the public it became popular at funerals to play the last song the deceased was thinking of.

(Optional humor prompt continuation under the cut)

A group is gathered together, mourning the loss of a young classical musician who died suddenly and unexpectedly. At the appropriate time, the Final Song is played, and they wait to hear the musician’s last performance. Everyone is shocked when the lyrics burst from the sound system:

“Life! It never die! Women are my favorite guy! Sex! I’m wanting more! Tell the world: Stop The War!”