#incorrect marvel kids

[incorrectmarvelkids]

MJ's Dad: I don't want my only daughter dating a screw-up!

Peter: Yeah? Well, I don't want my only girlfriend daughtering a jerk-dad.

[ironstrange-is-the-endgame]

Tony: think about the possibilities, you could stab your enemies with this

Stephen: it isn’t efficient: the heat will immediately close the severed arteries.

Harley: I’m sorry Stephen, but it actually works just fine.

America: and you just witnessed a Gryffindor, a Ravenclaw and a Slytherin having a conversation.

Peter: why use it to cut people when you can have toasts?!

America: and here’s the Hufflepuff

[marvel-lous-guy]

*on a phone call*

Pepper: Tony,  you have a board meeting in 30 minutes. You better be there

Tony: I'm not going.

Pepper: Yes you are. I cleared your schedule and made FRIDAY lock you out of all rooms in the tower except this meeting room for the next 4 hours

Tony: I won't go. Happy is taking me far away from the tower as we speak

Pepper: Actually, I already spoke to him and he's taking you towards the tower

Tony: damnit! HAPPY! LET ME OUT OF THIS CAR!

Happy: Sorry boss! No can do!

Tony: *rolling down his window* I am not above crawling out of this car window to avoid the meeting!

Pepper: TONY NO!

[the-poor-miranha-quotes]

8 year old Morgan: When I was 4 I went out into the backyard and let a spider bite me so I could be like the spider man.

Morgan: then my parents took me to the doctor and he diagnosed me with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder

Morgan: I was terrified that the spider had done this

Peter: you… you what?!

[darkcrowprincess]

*Post Shazam 2: Fury of the gods* The justice league*angry*: what kind of idiots do you have working here?!

Shazam Freddy and Billy strike heroic pose*talking about the shazam family*: the finest in Philadelphia sir/ma'am.

[minimarvelh]

Me, when I will be 80 years old: *in my bed, taking my last breath* give me-give me the photo of my boys.

My wife: *gives photo of our sons*

Me: nO, I sAiD “give me the photo of my boys”

Everyone: *confused*

Me, annoyed: Oh, you can’t even do my last wish properly. sit, I will do it myself

* take out a photo of Peter and Tony from my wallet*

Me: oh there you are, my precious boys.

My kids:

My whole family:

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

I’ve returned from my sketchbook quest , and here’s a drawing for dauntless-daffodil , who came up with the idea for the spear baby au.

THEM HAS COOKIE!!! ;A; <3 <3 <3 <3 SMOL WITH COOKIE!!!

AWWWWWW~

oh gods looking at that cute little innocent face i can just FEEEEEEL baby spear watching as chaggie and the hotel all stand around them hotly debating What Food Is Even Healthy For A Baby Spear Spawn Child To Be Eating

Charlie: "A cookie??"

Angel Dust: "They don' need cookies, ya useless gays, they need milk!"

Charlie: "We had cookies in the hotel??"

Vaggie: "Why would they need milk? They've got teeth already! Fangs, even!"

Angel Dust: "That ain't how nutrition an' shit WORKS toots!"

Niffty: (shakes jar full of money) "SWEAR JAR!"

Angel Dust: "Fuck. Shit." (hands over three dollars)

Charlie: "Since when are there cookies in the hotel that I don't know know about???"

Cherri: "If they've got fangs and like chewing stuff, maybe they need meat or something?"

Niffty: "OR BLOOD!!!"

Vaggie: "We are NOT-"

Angel Dust: "Ain't no baby under my watch gettin' fed steaks and BLOOD!"

Charlie: "Where did the cookie even COME from?!"

Husk: (coughs)

Charlie: "Husk! You gave them-?"

Husk: "....bar's always got snacks. And they were just. Staring at me."

Angel Dust: "Husky noooooo....!"

Vaggie: "How? I did a double sweep for undeclared cookies just two days ago- you KNOW what Charlie does to your bar if she goes snack hunting in the middle of night and actually finds something. She's like an adorable cookie gremlin."

Charlie: "Heheh!"

Husk: "Yeah well, she's not the only one allowed to like f- fffffffudging cookies. And your kid seems to take after her, so whatever."

Angel Dust: "Baby cat, that's no reason ta- oh for cryin' out loud, now what Vaggot?"

Vaggie: "...what? I didn't say anything."

Charlie: "Vaggieee, you're smiling~"

Vaggie: "Huh?"

Husk: "Like a dumb... dumb."

Niffty: "Beaming! Grinning! AS WIDE AS A SLIT THROAT-"

Cherri: "-fuck fuck fuck, shit shit, damn crap hell- here, take my money and don't fucking talk like THAT in front of the kid either, what the fuck."

Angel Dust: "Sickening."

Niffty: "Thanks!"

Angel Dust: "I meant Darth Vaggie getting all googey eye'd over her an' Charlie chip having a kid."

Charlie: "Oh so you think they're my kid too, huh?"

Angel Dust: "Are ya gonna let Vaggie raise 'em without ya?"

Charlie: "No~pe~!!!"

Angel Dust: "Then congrats on parenthood ta both of ya, it's already going to hell."

Vaggie: "Okay, uh-"

Husk: "You're gonna fffffeathering cry again."

Vaggie: "-no I'm not, I'm just glad the... my kid isn't still crying. Our kid. They, really are pretty happy with the cookie aren't they?"

Charlie: "Of course they are! It's CHOCOLATE CHIP!!"

Angel Dust: "It's not. Baby food."

Charlie: "It is if it's my baby, and they get milk to go with the cookie!"

Angel Dust: "V-gal, stop her! Use ya dang mom veto!!"

Vaggie: "Eh. Charlie was a hellborn kid and she grew up fine. I trust her."

Charlie: "AWww!!!"

Angel Dust: "Unbelievable."

Husk: "Whipped."

Vaggie: "Yeah? My kid didn't even have to say anything to get a cookie out of you, fluff boy."

Cherri: "Uh, guys.... gays...?"

Husk: "What."

Charlie & Vaggie: "What?"

Angel Dust: "Both and speaking, baby."

Cherri: "Where did..... the baby go...?"

Hotel crew: "....."

Place where baby was: (empty except for crumbs)

Spear Baby: (gone)

Vaggie: (wings bristling) "The-"

Charlie: "OUR!"

Vaggie: "Our-"

Demon Charlie: "-BABY!?"

Niffty: "MOTHER OF FUCK." (throws down swear jar) (tries throwing herself onto the broken shards but angel dust and husk grab her)

-meanwhile, elsewhere in the hotel-

Alastor: (walking quickly)

Spear Baby: (crawling after him)

Alastor: "....shoo."

Spear Baby: "Guh!"

Alastor: (nervous sweating) (walks FASTER)

[incorrect-multiverse]

Simmons: It’s locked. You got a lock pick?

Fitz: Yeah-

Daisy *quakes down the door*

[incorrect-marvel-because-why-not]

Bucky: I fell— Steve: From heaven? Bucky: No, I literally fell— Steve: In love with me the moment you saw me? Bucky: MY ARM IS BROKEN GONE! Steve: Okay, but do you think I'm pretty? Be honest.

[mischievous-thunder]

[marvelflame2010]

Bucky talking to Kobik: And remember hun, if you ever feel dumb, know that your dad tried to choke out a robot once.

Steve: Still not proud of that decision

Kobik: *giggling from the thought*

[marvellover264]

Daisy *opens her apartment door to find Melinda standing there with a bag of snacks in her hand. *

Daisy: Why hello Mellie! What brings you here?

Melinda: I'm here to babysit you.

Daisy: Babysit?! I don't need a babysitter; I'm not a kid!

Melinda *Opens bag of snacks*

Daisy: Oooh, a juice box.

[incorrectquotesmcu]

Yelena: Today, we’re going to cook minute rice.

Kate: Really? How long will that take?

[the-poor-miranha-quotes]

Morgan crying: no matter what i do, no one school... wants to be friends with me!

Harley: yeah i literally cant relate to that problem at all, but you know what NO one like?!

Harley: HEY PETER!!

Peter: first of all fuck you

[crybabycunt]

(Yelena's taken over dropping the kids off at their respective schools)

Yelena: Have a great day at school. I hope it's not shitty. Give your sister a kiss goodbye. Derek: We don't do that. Yelena: Just do it.

(Derek kisses Alexandra on her forehead)

Yelena: See? Wasn't that nice? Now, if she dies tomorrow, you'll remember that. That you kissed her goodbye. Derek: (stares in 'my mother has lost her mind') Alexandra: мама. Yelena: Yes, munchkin. Alexandra: Why would I die? Yelena: I don't know. You never know what's gonna happen. Yelena: Think you're immortal?

(later)

Kate: Did you tell Alexandra she's going to die tomorrow? Yelena: IF! I said IF.

[punkinsammies]

Are we just gonna ignore Loki's obvious daddy issues and pretend that he wouldn't be deeply, madly attracted to the absolute vacation dad that is Mobius. M. Mobius, or-