#jersey gotham

[br-uwu-cewayne]

Okay you know what no more holding back I'm gonna say it straight and I'm gonna mean it -

Bruce Wayne Can Not Pump His Own Gas.

And i don't just mean it in a "Brucie Wayne persona choice since Gotham's in Jersey so it's what everyone expects" kinda way I mean the man has literally never pumped his own gas into a car a day in his life.

It's just. Never been relevant. You don't pump your own gas in Jersey, so he doesn't do it in his day to day.

"Partying" or on business trips out of state/country is in his Brucie mask so of COURSE he's not gonna do it himself are you KIDDING he's from JERSEY we don't do that there and also RICH that's what the CHAFFEUR is for.

Training or superheroing in other countries was/is mostly survival based in wilderness/rural areas, trekking and climbing on foot through various biomes, while grappling/parkouring/taking more inconspicuous public transportation across cities.

The Batmobile gets refueled nightly, by Alfred, once parked back in the cave.

The man can refuel a jet screaming along at Fuckimg Hell miles an hour, but he can not

physically can not

pump his own gas.

[frownyalfred]

I don’t know how to explain it but the Gotham accent I imagine in my head is a cross between a New Jersey and a Chicago accent. It’s not full Jersey, it’s got some flatter, midwestern vowels in there, but it’s still unmistakably East Coast.

[mossfrg]

Jersey Gotham

Okay as someone born and raised in Jersey, I feel like we as a fandom are missing out on truly Jersey-ified Gotham. Like, c’mon, Jersey Girl Brucie Wayne??? So here I am to present a list of things I need more of because god damn it make Batfam— mostly Bruce, Jason, Tim, Steph, and Duke— Jersey (all based on my own personal experiences/real things that have happened to me):

Bruce cannot pump his own gas. He just. Doesn’t know how to. It’s not like a rich person thing, he just never learned cause he’s from fucking Jersey and never leaves Gotham. Jason didn’t know how and Talía lost her shit “How??? You are child superhero??? Who died and spontaneously came back??? But you can’t pump gas??” Tim kinda knows cause of Titans but again, he never really had to. (There’s a Twitter threaded dedicated to the Wayne family titled “is this rich or Jersey”). Steph and Duke can but they both pretend not too.

There have been fist fights over whether it’s pork roll or taylor ham. Jason and Bruce are very adamantly pork roll like the good Southern Jersey boys they are— it’s the one thing they can agree in most days— but Tim is taylor ham. Steph and Duke, despite being South Jersey, like to cause chaos and flip sides constantly. Dick, Damian, and Cass couldn’t care less.

The Absolute Hatred of New York/NYC. Doesn’t matter which kid it is, Bruce (and Alfred) got them all on board with this. Don’t even get them started on the Statue of Liberty; it’s a Wayne family tradition to try and buy it from NY because technically it’s more in NJ than NY and it’s closer too. They’ve yet to be successful but Bruce has hope for when it’s Damian’s turn.

And bc of this hatred of NYC comes the support of Philly!! None of them are super big sport fans, but they do cheer for Eagles, 76ers, and Union. Bruce, thanks to Alfred, is a big fan of soccer (“it’s football, master Bruce, I didn’t raise you in a barn”), and is a member of the Sons of Ben. He can be found in the River End of the stadium with Jason cheering for Union at pretty much every home game. There are multiple videos of Brucie Wayne and Jason Wayne screaming at refs, launching fireworks off the roof, and cursing out opposing teams’ players. Duke and Tim can be found 76ers games, while Steph frequents Eagles games.

Accents. Pls for the love of god give those boys (and Steph) accents. They are from New Fucking Jersey. They say “cawfee” and “tawlk.” They pronounce 0% of their t’s in the middle of words— kitten is ki’en, Trenton is tren’in. Jason and Steph drop letters when they gets pissed, Bruce slurs words, Duke and Tim drop passive-aggressive “y’all’s” to piss people off.

Driving. Now it’s not that they’re shit drivers, it’s that everyone else is a shit driver, and it’s not helped that majority of them learned to drive in the Batmobile. Steph has a loudspeaker on her car and frequently yells “fucking Pennsylvania turn your goddamn blinker on!” while driving. Bruce has a room in the manor dedicated to his speeding tickets. Tim as gotten into multiple fists fights at lights because people were driving slow in the fast lane. Jason is infamous for doing the Jersey Slide.

Jason, Tim, and Steph have gotten mugged before. They talked their way out of it and gave tips to the mugger. Bruce has kicked a rabid raccoon while walking home before because what else was he supposed to do? Duke has ordered a “pork roll egg and cheese on an everything” before in Not-Jersey and cried because they don’t have it. Several foreign benefactors of WE have asked for translators at meetings with Brucie cause Brucie’s accent is so thick and exaggerated. IN CONCLUSION: making Batfam (and gotham) Jersey is funny as hell and presents so many good opportunities. Make Batfam Jersey! (again these are all just my personal experiences, big state yada yada, different experiences, blah blah idgaf I jsut need batfam fist fighting over pork roll)

[emo-batboy]

Trick or treat!

Hello :D Here's your treat

Battinson and Cars

He is a car guy. He loves his car. It is his baby. He can fill his car with gas, yes. That is a thing he can do on his own in his own garage with his own gas.

But he does not know how to operate a gas pump. (New Jerseyans are crying in solidarity.)

Bruce gets into so many car accidents.

Like yeah, he's Batman. But he's also that kind of driver who is perfectly okay when he's on autopilot, but the MOMENT he remembers he's driving a death machine on wheels next to other people driving death machines on wheels, and if you accidentally cut them off or forget to use your turn signal, they will rear end you?! He gets a little antsy :/

The second he overthinks it, he's making mistake after mistake. What are you gonna do? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But when he's in his tricked-out batmobile engaging in a high-speed chase while narrowly avoiding death at every turn? A vigilante with no regard for the rules of the road other than "Do Not Hit People?" He’s suddenly a professional stunt driver! Fuck it!

That’s one of the reasons no one could possibly believe he’s Batman

"Bruce Wayne Reverses into Bush at Local Wawa, Cries as He Calls the Cops on Himself"

Then four hours later...

"The Batman Performs INCREDIBLE STUNT on Garden State Parkway, Saves Lives and Kitten Stuck in Tree"

You think these are the same person? Please be serious.

Anyway-

He is the only person in the JL who can reliably parallel park.

He's also a fucking speed demon. (This is Jersey. The Norm is going 90 in a 55. And back to the "autopilot" point) if he's lost in thought, he's definitely breaking the law. And overtaking like five cars a minute.

Alfred taught him to drive (and is lowkey the one that gave him driving anxiety. He is a very strict teacher.) Because of this, his first car was manual :) Now, he prefers it because it feels cool and action-y when he changes gears on the highway.

Bruce got into his first car chase when he was 15. (Baby's First Car Chase <3) Don't ask me how.  Don't ask why. Just know he does. (I mean, I do have an answer but I'm not giving it to you.) This also means he did it without a license because he was too young to even have a permit at the time.

He has a hatred for literally anyone with Pennsylvania or New York plates. Why? Because they’re slow as fuck and try to turn left at the intersection when there is clearly a jughandle??

(Homework for everyone that doesn't live in NJ: Look up "jughandle" or "jersey left" and tell me your thoughts.)

He was so pissed at the amount of potholes in Gotham that he personally filled them as Batman in the middle of the night. (Wtf are his billions of tax dollars going to?)

Once Bruce was muttering curses at the idiot in front of him with NY plates only to see Clark fucking Kent exit the car. Superman could not understand why Batman kept glaring at him for a week.

I did not spell-check this. Happy Halloween :)

[rey-129-fan]

Well, it's been a while since I've posted any fanfic... Let's change that.

Good news! I'm not dead! My brain did try to get me to do things that could unalive myself for a bit, and then I lost nearly an entire side of my family over the span of 3 years, but I'm still here and still kicking! And I have two new puppies who are adorable and so loving.

Now for this story, this is inspired by a few posts I saw on @theglamorousferal, mostly the one about Amity Parkers going to college in Gotham and buying a hotel (I'm making it a co-op student house, but I've never lived in one, so if something's unacceptably wrong, tell me, if not, artistic license), but also the one where our main Trio buy a building to set up shop there, and wind up adopted my Jason (I swear, I saw that post after I wrote the first chapter, but it just fit so well).

***

Honestly, Amity Park was weird long before the Fentons moved there- the original settlers named the nearby lake Eerie, and it wasn’t after the Great Lake.  It’s just that before the Fentons’ machine punched a hole through reality and created a permanent doorway to the land of spirits and ghosts, the weirdness was not as blatant.

Prior to that, Amity Parkers were some of the few that could move to Gotham without suffering a breakdown that was common for new arrivals.  Now there was a slight dip in newcomers for about a decade or two after the Bat made his debut and then the crazies that followed him, but then Amity Parkers got used to the spirits of the dead wandering around following the aforementioned punching through reality.

All this to say that Gotham Universities were a rather common destination for young Amity Park adults seeking higher education.

Now because of this, there were always apartments advertising themselves for people from the small town.  They, after all, tended to not have a breakdown after their fifth rogue attack and just pack up and leave halfway through their lease.  But it got very annoying having to sift through all the advertisements when looking for a place to stay- something Danny Fenton saw his older sister go through when she got in to Gotham City University.  The boy then shared what he was witnessing with his two best friends- Tucker Foley and Sam Manson.  Tucker offered to help filter out the spam, which Danny’s sister Jazz thanked him for but turned down.  Sam… Sam instead got thinking.

Sam had been to Gotham a few times in her life.  She had an idea of the areas closest to the schools and how much those should cost.  And looking at the letters Jazz was getting, the offers were a little too high for a regular college student to afford.  Sam was also familiar with how many hotels were not being used in Gotham- people building them in hopes tourists would come to stay while visiting the East Coast, tourists that could not be convinced to visit due to the high crime rate and the lack of activities or places of interest in the city itself.

She quickly went to work, looking in to these empty hotels.  She was rather upset by their numbers and put together a spreadsheet of them, with details like number of rooms, any amenities they may have, and nearby landmarks.  She then grabbed her two dorks and marched to Casper High’s Community Outreach director.

Now Sam’s presentation raised a few eyebrows, mostly because it was in a completely different state, but Sam shot back that because of the efforts to incorporate the town’s new ghostly residents and provide them with helpful ways to feed their obsessions- efforts led by the Fenton family- Amity Park had very few homeless, and those that were had a huge community safety net to help them get back on their feet.  Additionally, with how many people moved between the city and the town, helping the city could be argued to also be helping the town.

The Outreach Director just sighed and gave Same the green light to at least draft and send out a proposal to the powers that be in Gotham, saying that there wasn’t much that could be done before they got backing and approval.  Sam thanked them before leaving, Danny and Tucker trailing behind.

She was back the next day with a draft of her proposal and a list of who to send it to.

***

Since returning from the dead in the eyes of the public, Jason Todd was often contacted by groups trying to use the Wayne fortune to fund their own personal projects.  They thought Jason would be the easiest to con- sorry, persuade- since he was a former street kid unlike the rest of his family.  Thus surely he would know just how much this new building with low income housing would help the people of Gotham- it even came with a pool and gym!

Yeah, he did know how much the people of Gotham needed housing, but $2K a month was not affordable when you’re barely making $30K a year!  Oh and the pool and gym were only available for those who could shell out an additional $2K a month.  Jason knows, he read the whole document carefully.

God, sometimes it was hard to tell who was worse, the psychos in Blackgate or real estate investors.  And sadly, he couldn’t just pop a bullet in their heads and be done with it because 1) it would raise too many questions and 2) it would make Bruce get all sad and mopey- again.  Jason just did not have the mental energy to put up with that on top of the rest of his life as a crimelord/vigilante/long-lost adoptive second son of a billionaire.

All this to say, he was not impressed when he first glanced over a proposal to convert the unused hotels around the city into housing units- especially since it was from someone that did not live in Gotham.

Manson?  Wasn’t there a family with that name that would attend some of Brucie’s galas?  Oh yeah, their family made its fortune off patenting the machine that wrapped toothpicks in plastic, as well as a couple others.  And they had a daughter around Repla- Tim’s age.  Hopefully this wasn’t her trying to be a kiss-ass like her parents.

Jason finished reading and sat back.  The proposal wasn’t too bad.  Converting hotels into apartment buildings would be easier than office buildings, and the suggestion to use ex-convicts that wanted to turn over a new leaf as building managers certainly wasn’t the worst.  Also creating a fund for those that couldn’t afford rent, as well as community kitchens and gardens were certain plusses, though would need to have the right people in charge to make sure they actually worked as planned, and to keep the Court of Owls from messing with it.

Overall, it was something Jason would consider, after some research and maybe talking with the rest of the Bats and Birds.  And if this was from the Manson kid, maybe get Dickie or one of the others to talk to her next time there was a gala in town.  Or talk to her himself, if the Pit wasn’t too loud.

…Dick was probably the better option to talk with her if it came down to it.

***

There's the first chapter. I'm going to go write the next one. When I have a good log of them, I'll then go and edit them and put them on AO3.

This has no title yet because I suck at naming. Feel free to comment with suggestions for a name, both for the fic/au and for the eventual hotel/co op. As well as any shinanegans and majors/colleges/universities for our liminal young adults.

Part 1/? Next >

[puppetmaster13u]

JL: What do You Got There?

Superman: A Friend :>

Clark has a shadow friend, the rest of the league are concerned and more than a little afraid. They don't know where this thing came from and Clark's answer of Gotham explains nothing. What is Gotham, where is Gotham? They've tried to research it and have come up with nothing. Clark claims it's a city in New Jersey, and is the sister city to Bludhaven??? What sort of fae-bullshit-

[wellensittich01]

That one time Freshly Lazarused!Jason Todd apparently got put in charge of New Jersey

[thebat-musicman]

Im making Gotham a national anthem. This is how far im going for this royalty AU

[jbsforever]

Summary:

It starts the night Batman tries to break one of the most cardinal laws in all of New Jersey: no pumping your own gas.

- - -

Or: as a teenager working at a little gas station in Gotham, Liam has dealt with the craziest of crazies. He thinks he's prepared for anything – until the Batmobile pulls up.

[kittykatninja321]

[evasbatmanblog]

I was trying to explain this to my spouse but then I found this video that made the joke I was trying to tell way better

[dottie-mcveigh]

Do people outside Gotham not threaten to become supervillains over minor inconveniences?

You’re telling me a kid in Metropolis isn’t dropping their coffee and darkly saying “this is my villain origin story”?

[frownyalfred]

"Gotham may be a hole in the ground guarded by a weird furry. But it's OUR hole in the ground and it's OUR weird furry" is peak gothamite behavior, to me

You get them 🙏

[mossfrg]

Jersey Gotham pt 2

Small one for this part but I Could Not get this out of my head because it’s the funniest shit ever:

Fellow Gothamites/jersey people are like… 85% positive Batman is the Jersey Devil or some offshoot of that. There’s three “camps”— Batman is the Jersey Devil, Batman and Jersey Devil are same species, Batman and Jersey Devil were/are dating. For the first camp, people just think the JD moonlight as a vigilante cause the Pine Barrens get lonely and he wants to help people.

For the second group, it’s widely accepted that Jersey Devil is rural cryptid and Batman is urban cryptid and they stay out of each other’s ways. Tim, Duke, and Babs in paticukar love this theory and fuel the flames when in costume. (“oh Jersey Devil? No no they’re so chill, Bats has them over for dinner sometimes.”)

Jason, Dick, Cass and Steph fucking love the third group. They tease Bruce about it all the time. Dick has gotten him Jersey Devil sweatshirts so he can “flaunt his mans” (Bruce debated un-adopting after Steph joked that the kids should get to meet their stepfather). Jason goes as far as to implying that Batman and JD have ~history~ and the real reason Superman can never come to Gotham is because JD is jealous (“no fr B and JD were a thing for decades and then they got into a fight and B broke up and moved away and that’s how he met Superman, and then they started dating but JD still loves B so Supes can’t visit but B can’t go to Metro cause it’s too bright and he’d melt”). Cass just smiles sweetly and says Bruce has a type for murder-inclined criminal badasses. Damian doesn’t quite get the joke for a while and is horrified that Bruce is courting “that thing” and not Talía who “may murder but is at least human!” I just really want Bruce debating whether Batman/Jersey Devil or Batman/Bruce Wayne is worse.

Clark makes a comment about the whole Jersey Devil-Batman thing and it pisses Bruce off, and while still angry he’s at a party and gets a bit tipsy; he starts flirting with the official Jersey Devil Twitter account as Brucie Wayne. Fanart is made. “Brucie has two hands” trends for weeks. Alfred, completely straight faced at dinner, gives Bruce his blessing to be with JD, or Batman, “I fought in the war I won’t judge your lovers Master Bruce”

[were-wolverine]

another one because i have no self control

alt batfam shifter au (but its animals that are actually native to new jersey cuz why not yk)

alfred: white-tailed deer

bruce: black bear

dick: american mink

jason: raccoon

cass: big brown bat

tim: long-tailed weasel

duke: eastern cottontail

damian: black bear cub

bonus

steph: eastern chipmunk

babs: red squirrel

[nothesunisadeadlylazer]

Hear me out, everything is the same except Jason, Tim, Barbara, Steph, and Duke all have New Jersey accents.

That is all