#just a random thing two gays thought were funny

[mio-axolotl]

By peer review, four Dangaronpa fans have agreed these are the same people.

[mqonlighting]

real talk in the tags for a second because i have a crush on a girl and i. a hehe. ahehehe.

will be burying this in reblogs and never touching on it again

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

pt IV good omens but all i know is i watched three episodes on a stream with you all

Three hours being in a server with good omens fans in the wild *insert random emojis to sound like optimum clickbait youtuber except this ain't clickbait*

Okay I woke up. Before everything just WASHES out of my brain, I'm gonna describe whatever happened last night best as I can, because that's what I do.

Some of you were unable to attend the stream, and were sad. But don't worry I got you guys here's the rundown:

people joined the server. people were confused. i was afraid. i was assured that i should be, which was meant to comfort me.

people introduced themselves. someone said they had worked in a brothel as a bartender, which was cool, they said they had many stories. they did not elaborate for fear of scaring the newcomers. The newcomers, aka, me, were already scared, and it was not of the brothel stories.

I brought an emotional support orange with me. It looked uncomfortable. I thought it would be rotten. It was not, but we would not know that until later.

@thescholarlystrumpet entered fabulously, and started the stream.

i didn't realise the show had started for a good two minutes because there was a random voice over that was telling us about Earth's star sign (Libra) and somehow that didn't compute in my brain as being part of the episode. I thought we were checking audio.

It turned out, the episode had begun, and everyone was acting like this is a completely normal way for a show to start.

We time-jumped from the fall of man to modern day society so fast that I got whiplash.

There were a lot of orgasmic noises. I asked why. I was told in no uncertain terms that those were screams of labour. I'm sorry to everyone who has given birth ever.

There were three babies. I tried to keep track, it was hard. I thought the Antichrist won prizes for tropical fish. I was wrong.

I fell in love with Crowley and his hips and was very gay on the chat. This was heartily applauded.

I didn't realise an hour had passed when the episode ended, which it seemed was to be a common theme. I said nothing happened which everyone found funny for some reason.

I was very concerned about Armageddon. Everyone assured me that it would take place over the course of the season. I asked why we'd speedrun through millennia in five minutes but eight days took several episodes. I was a naive fool. Time is a social construct and this show cares not for social constructs.

They fucked up the mission. This was also to be a common theme.

I begged for a break and had to shake my head to try and get the brain rot out. I did not succeed.

The second episode commenced. The intro concerned me, because the cartoon Aziraphale looked pregnant or like a chicken. I asked if Crowley had impregnated him. He had not.

The pornography scene had to be replayed because I was so lost and had not relished it properly.

There was a lot of crying on the chat. Every few minutes someone would say a normal sentence in English and everyone would respond with crying emojis. Needless to say, I was concerned. This was also to be a common theme.

I asked why we were talking about random children. I was told it was The Them and they were the Antichrist's friends. I liked the hellhound.

I wanted to adopt the Antichrist, and grew more thirsty for Crowley every time he was a casual accessory to murder. I'm relying on this fandom not to use this as evidence with the cops. The chat was not reassuring, they said maybe.

I thirsted for Crowley more. This was also to be a common theme.

Aziraphale was very cute, I realised. That was nice. It was not nice when he had gay panic and said mean things to Crowley and they broke up. This was also to be a common theme.

I got so gay for Crowley that I ate the emotional support orange. It was gaseous. The chat was concerned, and everyone got excited every time oranges were mentioned after.

The third episode was a fucking roller coaster. Crowley and Aziraphale were your average high school couple but biblical for 6000 years.

Both were casual accessories to murder, and sometimes the cause of the murders, before going out for a date. Crowley got horny and he stopped listening every time Aziraphale ate. This was also to be a common theme.

The chat was keeping count of the husband breakups. This was not nice.

The Bentley was silver in many scenes, and people were forced to concede that they saw it. I was smug.

Crowley was sexy. She served gender, or as some people in the chat said, she served cunt. Her hairstyles got better and better. No one liked the 60s one. I did. I like everything she does. I love him.

Things happened. The fandom infected me. Someone mentioned how the book said Crowley felt lonely. I was near tears.

Crowley walked down the aisle for Aziraphale. We all were happy.

The book case, the thermos, the bandstand. I was broken.

Everyone said very emotional goodbyes.

I made a post on tumblr that was absolutely incomprehensible but accurately conveyed my love for Crowley. I fell asleep.

Same time next week, I believe.

I hope this was an adequate summary of the livestream for everyone, I am broken irreparably and if anyone mentions the bandstand I will have to start drinking and not stop till I get a happy ending. I cannot afford alcohol. I will ferment grapes myself if I have to.

[starnana7]

every time I remember that the hit show supernatural made God, the literal God from the Bible, canonically bisexual but couldn’t do the same with a random guy who hunts monsters it actually makes me feel physically ill.. like blasphemy is okay but we draw the line at making the main character a little bit queer because it would “upset the heterosexuals men”? okay ig… and it’s so funny to me that they tried SO bad to make dean like really really straight and macho and a manly womanizer (I mean dude has literal porn brain and is obsessed with cars and is a film nerd) And still is the number 1 bissexual boy.. I mean no one that into cowboys is 100% straight 🙄 and if they actually wanted him to be that much of a cishet guy WHY would they make him have a codependent homosexual friendship with his best friend for more than a decade ?? and we have so much subtext to corroborates it that it’s actually insane.

and it’s also rlly funny to me that sam would be the most obvious choice for a queer storyline. like i’m not sure this is true but i heard somewhere that he actually was supposed to like be lgbt and that it’s implied in the show he’s pan bc he basically have sex w/ everyone and doesn’t care (like monsters and stuff). i wholeheartedly disagree bc sure he hited a demon and a werewolf and a kitsune and God knows what more But it still were just women and for me he’s still just straight 💀 we do have gabriel however and i would say that’s a valid argument but i don’t actually like them together because of the whole torturing-sam-every-tuesday-over-and-over-again but it’s still a good take ig. again this is just my opinion But anyways doesn’t matter my point Is that sam always felt like a freak and wanted to be normal and like was more open minded and “less-macho-toxic-behavior” than dean. he was a theater kid and talked about his feelings and all. STILL THO dean went and become The bissexual icon (Not Sam, Dean!!). and the fact that he was more manly actually only emphasized to his sexuality (and him being closeted) and sam being the straight one, and bare with me here. as sam winchester once wisely said “well you are kind of butch they probably think you're compinsating.” (to dean asking why people always assumed they were gay) and like this is so true, sam always felt comfortable in himself and like his nerdier and less cool strong man personality. But dean, oh, dean, no, no, no. and it could all be linked to john. we know how much dean wanted to gain his father approval and respect, all he ever wanted was for john to be proud of him. so he’d listen to the same music as john, same clothes… and so on. but when we really see a glance of him, we realize he’s actually much more “““girly””” (sorry for the term i lacked a better one) than he shows, Especially when compared to sam—who’s supposed to be the more girly one (again sorry for the term lol) or whatever. dean canonically likes taylor swift, chick flick films, actually liked when a woman made him wear underwear, the bailarinas shoe were “speaking to him” in that one ep of cursed objects, and so on. and every time he makes fun of sam for doing something not-manly-enough (like drinking lemon water or drinking from tiny coups) he eventually goes and do the same thing 😭 and i’m 100% sure that the writers just thought “haha funny scene this really straight deadly man does something not so convencional/more feminine(?) haha comedy relief time!!” but it actually just made him have a whole perfect queer background developed in the series. specially with the fact that He Does Overcompensate. why is he always flirting with women, why is he so butch and scary, always talking about straight sex and so on? because he’s really just deep in the closet. and it makes so much sense with john being his father, with him having to hunt two lesbians nuns in his 17 bday, always having to be strong and macho and cool and perfect—and therefore straight. even without cas, dean really does immaculate the bissexual experience and i’m so sorry but this is just true.

and now pointing to the subtext that i mentioned in the first paragraph (lol i can’t believe i’m making a whole rant as to why dean winchester is a confirmed bisexual), that whole confession to that priest where he says he wants experience new feelings, new people, FOR THE FIRST TIME. that always that the show mentioned a gay couple it ALWAYS focused on dean—not sam, DEAN. the gay hunters, the gay couple on the bar that the cupid “made”, the two cosplayers partners… the fact that every time that dean liked something it was borderline fangirl (gay) obsessive (the dr. sexy episode, that wrestler fighter). he Had a gay thing—and was all flustered about it. he flirted with a guy throughout charlie. THE MALE SIREN. the male siren like after that ep i was 100% convinced that man was not straight. he had a hot demon sumer with crowley?!!! and it’s so funny to me that not one of these things involves castiel, so if they really wanted to make dean be that straight why would they do that?? and only to dean, not even once to sam. Like. and not to mention all the homoeretic tension with benny??? sam never had a male best friend like that.. all of that and i didn’t even entered on destiel. Because this then really just confirms that he is Not straight. even if he wasn’t In Love with cas, they had something going on and the fact that if cas was a girl it would 100% be canon and filmed and Everyone would ship—and I really mean everyone—it just makes me go fucking insane. they could’ve had it all. the fanfic episodes, the parallels between dean and cas and “real couples”, ruby and cas duality and the fact that sam indeed had a relationship w/ her. Anyway i’m a # bi dean truth believer and i know this bc same boy # happy pride month to my fav bissexual boy in the whole world

also to anyone that says that “destiel” was unrequited love yes it kinda of was but only bc dean was so deep in the closet, he did love cas. he was indeed a bissexual man. i’ll die on that hill.

[dadsbongos]

Oh my gosh the I GUESS part was so funny cfdjkfd It will always make me so sad that we'll likely never see the later seasons, it would have been SO funny omg How are you btw?? Anything fun you've done/have coming up? Also any random headcanon thoughts about possibly dating both laios and kabru would be as lovely as you <3 -Artemis

i giggle thinking about his snooty fucking "i GUESS" that and calling mika gay for being attracted to him, a man

i was in a bit of a rut the past week or so but i've been getting better, drawing a lot and working on personal writing projects. plan on going out with a fwend on Wednesday :3 and i'm trying to con a hot person into liking me

labru poly hcs below!!

ok to get together with these two is a nightmare though it is worth it!

i can see it being you and kabru chasing laios, being romantic rivals with laios not paying attention to either of you LOL

kabru gets charmed by you after viciously studying you for months on end to try getting a leg up on you and you're just like every other hot-blooded mammal and can agree that kabru's hot

i can see you confessing to laios (because god forbid kabru actually voice his feelings to someone) so kabru is just silently devastated until eventually being absorbed into the relationship

domestic chores were a bit of a battle at first because kabru doesn't maintain his own space and laios can't maintain common spaces bc he doesn't know what everyone else is okay with him tossing out and dishes are a NO for him

but kabru is great at delegating/managing tasks plus he can care for others. so he managed to think out a way for everyone to be happy: kabru does most of the basic chores (dishes, sweeping, dusting), laios does most of the yard work and shopping, and you the laundry/cooking ft. laios as a lil helper while picking up minor tidying (but obvi you guys can share and help as with all relationships yk)

non-negotiable tho you and laios and kabru are all legally obligated to indulging each other's niche interests. you and laios are ears OPEN to kabru's novelizations of world history and current gossip, and you n kabru listen to laios ramble about useless mythos and cryptids factoids

and ofc they listen to you prattle on about your own interests cuz that's love bby <3

when walking outside, laios likes to intentionally try finding cool bugs or dogs and kabru has to wrangle him by the collar of his shirt while you're just there like :) aw bfs

kabru looooves planning dates and doesn't usually like feeling out of the loop or surprised unless its something you three agreed wouldn't be orchestrated by him

blowout arguments are not common in any manner, since kabru's an ace at recognizing/dismantling how you feel and is flexible in asking how to better put your mind at ease

meanwhile laios just HATES fighting and arguments and is not the type to enforce his way of thinking/doing certain things unless it'll actually drive him insane (which is pretty uncommon)

kabru is probably in charge of finances cuz its just less stress for him

laios likes decorating the space but you and kabru have to nyx some of his stranger ideas (a fully functional bigfoot puppet hanging from the ceiling, fresno night crawler figures on the tv stand, etc.)

nautical themed bathroom is a for sure though i'm sorry i'm sorry, laios is white and kabru was raised by milsiril they're just going to have a nautical themed bathroom no matter how you feel about it

i have an idea i want to make a fic but can't find the time: basically the same thing where you n kabru hate each other but get along for laios' sake cuz you're both dating him. until you fuck nasty and bond for realsies <3

[skylarsblue]

✦Incorrect C.o.D Quotes, Again✦

Guess who's back...back again-

Ghost @ DILF!Y/N: Stop making me have gay thoughts, General. I look at men and I feel weird. I feel strange. It makes me wanna do things. I don’t like that.

(This also works with Soap, of course)

-- (Based on that one Avatar moment that set the fucking bar for me. Also, bonus random name of an NPC) Ghost: Oliver is the best sniper. DILF!Y/N, real softly over Ghost’s shoulder: …well I don’t want Oliver. Ghost, a man with daddy issues: Ghost, internally: HOLD IT THE FUCK TOGETHER SOLDIER, WE’LL GET THROUGH THIS

-- Y/N: I was gonna say that if in ten years time, the two of us aren’t married, let’s agree… Gaz: Yeah? Y/N: To hunt each other for sport. Gaz: T-To hunt each other for sport?- Y/N: Yeah! D-did you just agree?! Gaz: I thought you were gonna say like, y’a know, let’s get married! Let’s- Y/N: Oh! Oh. Gaz: I’ll be your Gilligan! Y/N: I didn’t mean- the signals-

-- Gaz: Sorry! I thought I saw a wasp. Y/N: Do you love me too? Gaz, breaking his neck: Excuse me?

-- (NSFW warning) Y/N: Like- no I know it’s bad but bro I- he makes me such a whore. Soap: Okay like, on a scale of one to ten- Y/N: I’d let him cum on my glasses Soap: ON YOUR GLASSES?! Oh it’s serious. Y/N: I KNOW

-- 141: *looking at knocked out Graves* Y/N: I’m gonna check his pockets. Alejandro: For weapons? Y/N: No, to see where he keeps the fucking audacity. Soap: *wheeze* No no, bad timing, don’t be funny this is serious.

-- Y/N: You wanna go toe-to-toe with me, pretty boy? Alejandro: Go for it.~ I’ll give you the first shot. Y/N: Better make it count, casanova. Alejandro: I never half-ass anything, mi girasol. Ghost: Oi, keep your pants on and focus, would ya?

-- Soap: Missed me missed me now you gotta kiiii…. Simon: Now I gotta what? Soap: Nothin’ forget it- Simon: No no, now I gotta what?

-- Y/N, surrounded by attractive men: Am I…a whore? Y/N: *looks at them* Y/N: I don’t really give a fuck, HEY TEAM-

-- Gaz: Why are you just…laying on the couch? Usually you’re up and doing something. Y/N: Can’t move. Soap: Why?? Y/N: *sits up on their elbows and allows their neck to be seen* Gaz: *gasp* Nooooo… Y/N: Mhm. Soap: Nuh uh. Y/N: König carried me here. >:) Gaz: YOU WHORED! Y/N: I DID!!

-- Someone: Please PLEASE don’t tell anyone. Y/N: I won’t! I won’t, promise. Someone: *sigh* Thank you. … Price: *doing paperwork* Y/N, busting in: CAPTAIN!! Price: BLOODY FU-What in the world?! Y/N: *shuts his door and smoothly sits on his desk* Captain you will not believe what I have heard.

-- Soap: I’m gonna stop listening to drama. I’m gonna focus on my training, be a better person- Gaz: Right, right. Y/N, popping in: Guess who got caught sucking dick in the bathroom. Soap & Gaz: WHO?! Soap: *falls out of chair*

-- Price: Be nice. Y/N: I’m always nice! Price: Really nice, not bitchy nice. Y/N: …you tied my hands but fine.

-- (With a random backstory I have in my brain for König) Y/N: How do you uh, deal with all this trauma? König: I call my mutter. Y/N: That’s beautiful, K- König: Call my mutter a bitch.

-- Gaz: GIRLFRIEND STOP, GET BACK IN THE CAR Soap with zero self preservation instincts: *sprinting with a pipe bomb* YOU GET BACK HERE!

-- Y/N: This entire team is full of babygirls. Gaz: Oh not that fucking meme- Soap: Full of huh? Ghost: Call me that and I will snap your spine. Y/N: Bring it! An honor sir! Price: Jesus Christ-

[thatneoncrisis]

oh captain my captain, do you think that modern!harrow would have any issues with being a lesbian considering that she’s a supercatholic?

im sure theres a really long and thoughtful response about this kind of thing but i am of two minds

1. in canon, harrow has little to no reluctance about "sinning." giving her houses structure and her position within it, very few things were off limits to her besides, obviously, the tomb. apropos of fucking nothing, just sheer goddamn self hatred, she decided to try and open it, saying if she couldn't shed just leave drearburh and walk in a random direction (i did this i college once it sure was something). ten she found she dint immediately die upon opening The Locked Door and her suicidal inclination was replaced immediately by feverish curiosity. it was only after a year of dismantling all the traps and getting stumped by the blood ward and the fight with gideon did she actually get inside.

this tells us that she Is willing to commit a sin if she deems it worthy enough, like to subdue her overwhelming guilt about being alive. on top of that once her parents were gone she Immediately went to her nasty book of forbidden necro shit to go puppet them for the next seven years. its mentioned beguiled corpses are taboo but not like, illegal. i think if she was in a position to stop giving a shit shed lez out. in canon she (and the rest of the empire besides the 8th frankly) cared more about pleasing god than any real concept of sin. probably bc lyctorhood in of itself is a sin. so perhaps the answer here is harrow isn't catholic specifically and doesnt care. niche bullshit denomination that never made up rules about gay people because its an apocalypse cult with other shit going on

2. gay and homophobic harrow is really Really funny

[juniperjellyfish]

ALRIGHT NOBODY PANIC

BUT IT CAME OUT IN ENGLISH

I absolutely loved it. Here are my thoughts:

They should’ve renamed it “Fan Service” instead of Dream Team

I DID NOT REALIZE HOW MUCH I MISSED SEEING THE NINJA BACK TOGETHER

Izzy going on a tangent about Ninjago WilFilm and the other one that I forgot is amazing

That random girl talking about the ninja and their powers, and how Lloyd, “Despite being a fan favorite, the writers haven’t really-“ was so funny to me

OMG THEY MENTIONED THE HANDS OF TIME I was about out of hope for my boys Krux and Acronix

Seeing Nya’s new samurai suit was so good. It didn’t get enough love in Crystallized

Cole’s right! They don’t say Ninjaaaa Gooooo enough.

Zane being a little pissed about the cavalry was amazing

ELEMENTAL MASTERS OF SAND AHAHAH YES!!! I want more elemental masters

Speaking of which, the ninjas’ first reaction to time power stuff being those two is just so cool to me

Same with the little nightmare gremlin things. Lloyd thought they were Oni which is just- so cool.

Jay having a crisis is so on point

Kai and Logan bickering is everything to me. Especially Logan telling Kai he has a dumb voice

Jay making fun of Kai for losing is power is so funny. So plasmacoded

Poor Kai can’t catch a break. He just wants his powers, but NOPE!

Cole hanging out with the emo chick? Gays and lesbians unite!

PIXAL I MISS YOU! I LOVE YOU!! COME BACK!!!

As soon as Pixal showed up, my little sister started freaking out. I’m so proud

A little disappointed that she didn’t have any voice lines, but at least we saw her.

“But the Bounty always crashes!” CACKLING! YOU THINK THE NINJA WOULD THINK OF SOMETHING DIFFERENT BY NOW

Izzie freaking out over the fact that the ninja are there, and going up to Nya first just made me so happy. Because Nya, both in universe and out, gets the short end of the stick, so seeing Izzie go to her first was really sweet.

Seeing Kai and Cole on screen together reignited my passion for Lava Shipping

And seeing Jay and Nya together just made me so happy

Lloyd had a dragon!!!!! Hehehehehe

Omg I was so happy to see the og golden weapons again

I miss the bounty… the one Lloyd made just isn’t the same, it needs a dragon head and the tendency to die.

Kai taking to the kid at the end and fixing his crown was adorable

Now THIS is how you do a crossover!

So are the ninja just stuck there forever now? Are they like copies of their real selves? What’s the deal? Will Kai get his fire back?

[haunted-headset]

ASK TIME ASK TIME!! i am officially raiding your asks now, take this as a threat /j

mkay sooooo, thoughts on lovejoy member!reader x wilbur?? 🤭 you could write about their sweet loveydovey moments and the way they blow kisses to each other on stage, or maybe their relationship is secret so focus on all the little things they do to show affection without the fans (and maybe friends too) knowing they’re together? like holding hands under tables, the lil glances they give each other, aaaah!!

apologies if you’ve written smth similar already, my memory is failing me rn, but if u have then do not worry because ill be back asking for other random shit too LMAO <3

🎸 Lovejoymember!reader x Wilbur HCs🎸

a/n: yoooo this is a really cool idea :D

tags: @vibestillaxxx@joviepog@ax-y10@themonsterunderurmom @wilburstan@smolsleepykitten@funnyreally2009@crows-death@dykepunz@aresriiots@0miamor0@defonotval@chipch0p@mazzistar16@unmellowyellowfellow@justalittlebitofchaos@thosecolorfulsheets@vopix@taylors-version-from-the-vault@aine-lasagna@merianakross@veeislost@urfav-sapphic-siren@shazbaz58-blog @wifiatthetrainstation@mcr-pr-fob@shd454@rqvii@idioticion@m0thza @zuuriell @somebody-v @goosebeing@ogelizasoot @lexx-the-gay-rubber-ducky @r0ckstardr3amgal

contains: loads of fluff, petnames, a single ass slap, & cheesiness

This man is CONSTANTLY flirting with you on stage. We're talking ass pats, blowing kisses, quick pecks between lyrics, etc. He finds it funny whenever the crowd screams & cheers when you two flirt.

When you two first started dating, you both didn't want to tell anyone, so you couldn't be affectionate around each other. Or so you thought. He'd hold your hand under tables, make sure you two were sharing a hotel room &/or bed, kiss the back of your hand when nobody's looking, give you hugs, tickle you (we all know he would tickle you. he did it to Mark, why not you?), etc.

If you were a drum player, he'd randomly rest his chin on your head if you were sitting down to play

During studio time, he's hugging you from behind & being suuuuuper cuddly (while grossing out the other members in the process)

During concerts, he's randomly making suggestive, cheesy, or flirty jokes to you to make the crowd laugh.

^^ "Hey, Y/N?" Wilbur said to you into the mic, looking in your direction. "Yeah?" you replied, trying to catch your breath from the last song. "What's up?" "I have a really important question for you," he said. "The crowd would really love to hear this from you." "What is it?" you replied. "Everybody's been wondering what you do for a living besides being sexy," he grins. This causes you to turn beet red & the crowd, the rest of the band, & Wilbur begin to laugh.

If you were a good singer, he'd beg on his hands & knees ask you to do duets or backing solos in new songs

If you were artsy, he'd also beg on his hands & knees ask you to help design the merch

If the band had to get on a plane or train to get to the next concert location, he'd be SO CUDDLY!!! He'd lay his head in your lap or vice versa, he'd hold your hand, he'd share an earbud with you, he'd let you watch him play The Sims on his laptop, he'd lean his head on your shoulder or vice versa, etc.

When the band goes out to eat or just goes out in general, he's paying for & doing EVERYTHING for you. You got something to eat? Don't even lay a finger on your wallet. You're in a store & you mention being hungry? He's grabbing every single snack & drink that you like. You shiver slightly? He's taking off his jumper or hoodie & giving it to you, no questions asked. You mention your legs hurting? You're being carried, either piggyback, on his shoulders, or bridal style.

[sculkshrieking]

Hoffstrahmdon?? Oh my god?? Thinking so much about them?? Any more art or just thoughts for them in general would be so cool,,,

my hoffstrahmdon thoughts tend to be various canon divergence type AUs for hoffdon and hoffstrahm mixed together.

i like to think Hoffman had to take care of Lawrence when he was still very injured and delirious while John and Mandy were away in X. i also like to think Hoffman did wonders for Lawrence's gay awakening, since Lawrence is the most closeted gay man to ever live. to me. Hoffman, experienced in all things homo, is also definitely aware Lawrence is into him before Lawrence is even aware of it. Which is knowledge he uses to fuck with Lawrence as much as possible.

(if they had a fling or two in one of those warehouses then that's between them and whatever cameras John had set up in there.)

ultimately, i think they're two very fucked up guys wrecked with grief who grow to understand each other just a little bit, which leads to them also getting the slightest bit attached, despite their best efforts not to. a lot of very mixed feelings about each other all around.

as for the Strahm part, i think it'd be incredibly funny to mix Lawrence into the classic "Strahm swallows his morals and runs away with Hoffman to play house" type situation. hoffstrahm are like 8 months into living together peacefully in some random little town after Hoffman got his face ripped open and Lawrence shows up unannounced while Hoffman's home alone. Strahm comes back and walks in on them mid argument. immediately connects the dots as to why That One Guy from That One Jigsaw Trap is suddenly in his living room:

and then he promptly has a mental breakdown.

[screams-of-laughter]

Stu x Billy & B.F Reader ~ (bdsm/spicy tickle hcs) 🔪

Warning: THESE ARE N$FW & 18+ ONLY ❤️‍🔥 Mentions of bondage, knife play, tickle torture & mask kinks ❤️‍🔥

Author’s Note: These are headcanons that depict the reader as a platonic best friend to Stu and Billy. The three of you share a close friendship as well as a bdsm/spicy tickle relationship. Also these two aren’t murderers in this AU and rather just horror movie obsessed. Hope you enjoy these! 🔪

🔪 ~ You met them in college while studying film.

🔪 ~ You all had the same analysis of horror genre class as well as a couple other basic film classes.

🔪 ~ You and Stu immediately clicked. Your personalities bouncing off of each other and both loving physical affection. Stu always giving you hugs whenever he saw you and vise versa.

🔪 ~ Billy isn’t as physically affectionate as his boyfriend, but he’ll occasionally give you a hair ruffle or slight shove to the shoulder to be playful.

🔪 ~ Soon, the three of you became a little trio. Hanging out everyday, watching movies, even having sleepovers at Stu’s house since his parents are literally never home.

🔪 ~ Lots of people thought the three of you were dating considering how close you were with the both of them, or at least maybe dating Stu while he was dating Billy. But, you like women and are just really good friends with the two of them.

🔪 ~ You all find it funny tho and make jokes out of it. Billy mostly making jokes about how Stu may be your best friend but he’s all his 💖

🔪 ~ A little trio of horror loving gays ✨

🔪 ~ You don’t really remember how tickling became incorporated in your everyday life with the two of them.

🔪 ~ Again, Stu is a very physically affectionate person. So when he found out you were ticklish, he exploited that whenever he could. It soon became a daily thing to get a poke or scribble to the side.

🔪 ~ Soon Billy caught on and found himself wanting to use this weakness against you as well.

🔪 ~ Movie nights, hangouts, and sleepovers were guaranteed to have some element of tickles. A tickle fight could break out, a random scribble to your foot if you put them in Stu’s lap, even getting full on wrecked by the two of them.

🔪 ~ The two noticed how you never said stop or tried too hard to get away. Of course there was some playful struggling, but they never had to use their full strength.

🔪 ~ The three of you were hanging out when they asked you about it. You could barely speak through your hands covering your red face, but soon you relaxed when they revealed they enjoyed it too.

🔪 ~ Stu enjoying both ends of it whereas Billy is more on the ler side. You’re a switch just like Stu, but you’re definitely more on the lee end when it comes to these two.

🔪 ~ Over time, you all realized you enjoyed a lot more aspects of tickling than just tickle fights.

🔪 ~ You explored the more kinky side of it with them. All three of you suggesting ideas or fantasies they have and trying them out.

🔪 ~ Billy learned that he really loves tickle interrogation and tickle torture scenarios. As well as ropes and being a rigger.

🔪 ~ Stu loves pinning you down with his hands or having you squirm freely. He also loves those types of bondage situations where one hand and one leg is free or you have the ability to squirm around a little but you’re still unable to fully get away.

🔪 ~ Billy and Stu both have knife and mask kinks.

🔪 ~ They would understand and respect if you didn’t and would then indulge in those things on their own, but oh my gosh if you’re into that too~

🔪 ~ They love wearing their ghost face masks and using you as their tickle toy ✨

🔪 ~ They have regular sharp knives and dull knives to use during your sessions. The sharp ones usually for cutting rope if need be and/or cutting your clothes off. While the more dull ones are used to trace along every inch of your skin.

🔪 ~ The knives are a great tickle tool as you all learned. They love how it tickles and turns you on because of the adrenaline.

🔪 ~ Along with the ghost face masks, you’ve found the scenario of being kidnapped and tickled by them so exhilarating ❤️‍🔥

🔪 ~ Stu doesn’t use gags a lot, but it’s fun when it fits into the scenario. Billy doesn’t mind when you’re gagged, but he definitely prefers to hear you scream.

🔪 ~ Billy will use his own hand to cover your mouth if he doesn’t want to go grab a gag. He does this to Stu too and Stu loves it ❤️‍🔥

🔪 ~ Speaking of lee Stu, you and Billy adore teaming up on him. As much as he loves tickling you, he’s such a lee.

🔪 ~ He loves being pinned down and tied up just as much as he loves squirming around freely. He loves the feeling of almost escaping then being pulled right back in and getting wrecked.

🔪 ~ Stu also loves a good chase whether he’s the lee or the ler in the situation.

🔪 ~ Anticipation gets him so bad. It’s one of Billy’s favorite things about tickling both of you.

🔪 ~ Billy has for sure tickled both of you at the same time. It’s so fun to him to see what spots make you go crazy versus Stu and what tools or teases affect who the most.

🔪 ~ Billy has been a willing lee only a couple times. He’s not the biggest fan and much prefers to be on the ler side, but he can’t deny he didn’t have a little fun.

🔪 ~ Sometimes you send them both pictures of you in rope/bondage or a part of your body exposed to get them into ler moods ✨

🔪 ~ If you do this while they’re in class they either internally freak the fuck out or get excited and text back the most flustering message- 🦋

🔪 ~ They do the same to you, but with teasey ler messages that make you have to hide your face in class. Even making you have to go to the bathroom just to let out a squeal or make sure your face isn’t red as hell.

🔪 ~ Stu loves to attack your inner thighs. He finds it so adorable and hot that that spot makes you lose yourself in mixed laughter and moans.

🔪 ~ Stu loves tickles games and all the classic playful teases. He’ll make you hold your arms above your head or keep your feet in his lap. He adores counting your ribs to “make sure you didn’t lose any.”

🔪 ~ Billy is much more merciless. Going straight for spots that make you scream. He likes making you ask to be tickled and to beg for it to stop.

🔪 ~ He’s a bit of a tickle sadist what can I say~

🔪 ~ Billy and Stu getting into playful arguments about who’s a better tickler or who can make you laugh the loudest while wrecking you.

🔪 ~ Let’s just say it usually ends in a draw. God forbid you actually pick one of them and face the wrath of whoever you didn’t pick.

🔪 ~ Double the raspberries and tickle bites ✨

🔪 ~ Billy’s favorite position to tickle you is face down spread out in an X formation.

🔪 ~ Him knowing you can’t see what’s coming is much more fun to him. He knows you love it and will tease you about it. Billy will also break out a blindfold if consented to.

🔪 ~ Stu doesn’t really have a favorite, but he thinks having your hands tied behind his back while you sit in front of him is so fun.

🔪 ~ He likes feeling you struggle against him and seeing how the anticipation gets to you.

🔪 ~ Billy prefers using his hands, but finds it interesting and fun to see how different tools affect you. Stu, on the other hand, loooves using tickle tools.

🔪 ~ Feathers, brushes of all kinds, vibrators, metal nails, you name it they probably own it.

🔪 ~ Definitely own a pair of stocks as well.

🔪 ~ Stu and Billy love sharing tickle secrets they find out about you one on one to each other while they tickle you.

🔪 ~ Overall, you three all love each other very much. Both as friends and as kinky buddies ❤️‍🔥

[withacapitalp]

Countdown Pt 3

Part One Part Two

Tw: Slight suicidal ideation and general grieving

--------------------------------------

They only carry a couple things with them on the run. 

Surviving the apocalypse isn’t pretty, and it’s easier to make a quick escape if they’re always traveling light. Essentials only, with a few sentimental items so they don’t completely lose their minds. 

Nancy had her journals, Max had her skateboard (even if she couldn’t use it right now), Will brought a pack of colored pencils, and Steve was pretty sure Hopper had somehow saved a half a pack of smokes. 

And Steve….Steve has a shoebox. 

It’s an old thing, held together with duct tape and decorated with sharpie doodles. Wayne had given it to him right before he left town, along with the necklace that Steve kept around his neck every moment of every day. 

He’s never let any of them look in it. They think he’s insane, but they’re not the ones with zeroed out timers.

This shoebox is all he has left of his soulmate. 

What’s inside would seem like junk to most people. A handful of rocks of varying size, shapes, and colors. A leather cuff with spikes that Steve had immediately put around his timer wrist to hide it from view. A matchbook from a gay bar in Indianapolis, a Spalding bouncy ball. Some hand-sewn patches with logos he didn’t recognize, three different mini figures, a dozen faded beautiful photographs, and a single mixtape. 

Only Robin knew about the mixtape. He had only told her in case they needed a song for him. That mixtape was the only thing in the world that had the song that could save his life. 

But the most important thing in that box was the letters. 

He read one every night. He had promised himself he wouldn’t read more than one. It was routine. When it was his turn to be on watch and the rest of their family was sound asleep, Steve would open his shoebox, pull out a letter, and read it. 

The first one is probably his favorite. It was written in dark red marker on yellow construction paper, the edges ripped and torn with age. The marker bled through the back of the paper where the child who wrote the letter had pressed down too hard, and Steve could imagine the way his fingers must have stained from the ink. Blood red. The same way his fingers were stained when he died. 

7/4/1971 

TWO SULMAYT,

HI.

I AM EDDIE MUNSON. I AM FIVE YEARS OLD. I LIKE TRUKS. YU SHUD LIKE THEM TO. WE CAN WATCH THE BIG TRUKS! 

WHAT IS YUR NAMY? 

BIE

LUV EDDIE

P. S. I HAD A NANA FOR BRIKFEST. YUM. 

There was a picture of two giant monster trucks under the words, and a tiny thing Steve assumed was a banana under the postscript. Steve keeps that one tucked in his jacket pocket, just in case he ever loses his bag or his precious shoebox. 

He keeps the first in his side pocket, and keeps the last one in the breast pocket right above his heart

6/13/1986

Hi Love,

The first one says ‘Two Sulmayt’ but every one after that starts with ‘Hi Love’. 

Steve can’t help wondering if Eddie would have eventually called him ‘Love’ if they had gotten more time. 

Well, if you’re reading this, then I guess my plan to be the one that lived really didn’t work out. Damn, that sucks. Probably a little bit more for you than for me. 

I don't know how you dealt with knowing we only had five days, but I thought it was kinda fucked. Like damn, really? Five? The universe sure has a funny sense of humor, doesn’t it, Love? Or maybe it just hates me. That is also a very real possibility. 

Maybe. But if the universe hated Eddie, then it must hate Steve more for making him continue to live. For giving him other people to love, people to care about, people to force him to not give up. 

Anyways this is how I dealt with it. If you only get five days to have me, I’m going to make sure you know me. Or know who I was at least. One letter a month for the last 12 years, and a bunch of random one off ones from when I was little. Before I lived with Wayne it was kind of catch as catch can with paper and stuff, and I was also like seven, so how many letters do you really want from a seven year old who still can’t spell ‘Difficulty’?

I know how to now, by the way. Mrs. D, Mrs. I, yada yada. Do you ever wonder why all those women are married? I think that’s stupid. Forced conformity, even in our nursery rhymes. 

That joke always made Steve laugh. He’s read this letter so many times it’s starting to come apart at the creases, but it still made him pause and chuckle. 

Anyways. This is yours. Eleven letters a year for twelve years is one hundred and thirty two. Adding in the ones from before, it’s probably around a hundred and fifty. It’s not the same as having me around, but if you spread them out, you might get thirteen years or so before you have to start rereading them. 

Or read them all in one sitting. Do whatever you want. 

Steve had counted. It was one hundred and forty one. He read one new one a night, because every single day they survived seemed like a miracle right now. 

He only had seventy three more left. 

Not like I can stop you, haha. 

That’s probably not as funny to you as I want it to be. Sorry, Love. 

It wasn’t funny. Not in the slightest. Steve wanted Eddie here, wanted him to tell him to wait. He wanted Eddie to write him more letters. 

Oh, I also included a bunch of stuff I thought was too cool to lose, and a mixtape with songs that I wrote for my band. I thought you might want to get to hear my voice. It’s probably stupid, but you don’t have to listen to them if you don’t want to. 

Steve listened to it. They had been forced to scrounge up new batteries for his walkman three times because it kept dying. 

Everything in this box is yours, Wayne has strict instructions to give it to you. And, anything of mine Wayne doesn’t want is for you too.

Wow. A whole trust fund of trailer park trash. Some people leave their soulmates huge inheritances. I left you rocks and pictures and a shit ton of letters. Aren’t you lucky, Love? 

He was lucky. He had seventy three more letters. Seventy three more reasons to survive another day. 

After that…Steve wasn’t sure if he would be lucky anymore. 

Now if you’re good at math- which I hope you are, because I’m terrible at it- then you might be saying to yourself ‘Is my soulmate an idiot? Does he not know there’s twelve months in a year?’ 

No. I’m actually incredibly smart, even though my grades don’t really show it. I rewrite this top of the box letter every year on my birthday, and then I burn the last one. It’s a fun, extremely morbid, tradition. 

I’m 20 today, Love. I wonder how old you are a lot. I hope you’re close to my age at least. Maybe you’re like fifty years older than me, and I meet you when you’re on your deathbed, and that’s why we only have five days. 

They had only gotten five days because Steve hadn’t just taken Eddie and run. He should have just told Eddie to go as far from Hawkins as possible the second he realized. Fuck the rest of the world, fuck stopping the apocalypse. The best part of Steve was already dead. 

Two whole decades, but somehow I’m still in high school. I failed. Again. I wrote a lot about it in my letter last month, so I’m not going to talk about it again. Suffice to say I’m pretty bummed. I mean, c’mon, even Steve Harrington managed to graduate last year, and that guy barely even went to class during senior year. 

That part of the letter always made his stomach turn. He hated the reminder of all the wasted time, the little nudge that always told him it was his fault they barely had any time. 

If he had only looked up. 

Oh, well. This one is it. ‘86 baby! I’d say I want this to be the year I meet you, but I really want to graduate, so maybe hold off for just one more year? Stay wherever you are for just twelve more months, Love, just to be safe. Then I can put a picture of me flipping off my principal in this box for you. I’ll add my diploma in too, just to prove to you I did it. 

Eddie wasn’t going to get a diploma. 

If you wait a year, I’ll give you twelve more letters. So just wait one more year. By then, I think I’ll know what to say to make this better. I’ll know what to do to fill the gap I know you’re going to have. I’ll have something to say that will fix all this. I say that every year, and I never do, but hey, ‘86. 

Nothing anyone said would fix this. Nothing Eddie could write would fill the hole left in Steve’s soul. Nothing. 

I’m sorry. 

I say that every year too. 

Steve didn’t want apologies. He didn’t want letters. He didn’t want a hard to hear voice on a single mixtape. 

He wanted Eddie. 

Well. Happy birthday to me. One more year without meeting you. Eleven more letters. You better be doing something just as nice for me in case it's you that bites it, or I’m bringing your ass back just to kill you again. 

Steve didn’t care if Eddie killed him. Eddie could reappear right now and immediately shoot Steve and he would die happy. He just wanted one more minute. Just a little more time. 

…Wait just a little bit longer. I’ll have better words next year. 

Can you do that for me, Love?

P.S. You should read the first letter I wrote to you, just to appreciate how eloquent and charming I am in this one. 

Eddie called him ‘Love’. Eddie asked him to wait. Eddie wanted to have the right words. He wanted to live long enough to save Steve from his own broken heart.

Steve wishes he had waited.  

[wystericwoes]

Jjk headcanons but I’m right.

Ft. Inumaki, Gojo, and Itadori.

Most SFW I’ll mark NSFW with ⭐️

Asstoru:

-Something that’s obvious is that he’s the biggest tease EVA.

Little quips like “I don’t know do I?”

When you’re just trying to get his feelings about something. Loves to see you frustrated.

-Didn’t lose his V-card until College, and he was 100% not sober. He didn’t even really like who he was with they were just hot and he was tired of being the only virgin. it sounds like a surprise but he’s actually very picky with who he’s with. He may accept numbers and make out with random people at the club but he’s actually very selective with who he brings to bed. his body count isn’t in the hundreds like everyone thinks. (It’s definitely not low either though 😭)

-He would either settle down with someone that challenges him and is just as smart, hardheaded and driven. Or, a total bim/him/thembo. A pretty lil thing he can come home to.

-Love language is gifts and maybe touch.

He loves seeing you get all embarrassed over the bare minimum like flowers on your birthday or expensive chocolate. Nothing makes him happier than seeing a piece of glam they he got you strewn over your neck.

-he’s a raging bisexual but overcompensates for that gay part of him which “how much he likes women.” And made himself a womanizer to avoid dealing with those feelings

⭐️ He’s an annoyingly quick learner. This applies to everything- but especially sex. You can try and hide your reactions and pretend like he’s not doing a good job to try and win this little game you two play, but he’ll just (unfairly) dissect you with six eyes and use his powers to monitor your heartbeat, follow the muscle convulsions of your walls, listen to every little stifled breath and whimper. You can’t hide anything from him! You just masturbated? He knows. You just had a wet dream with him in it? He knows. You just zoned out for .02 seconds because his shirt fits him so well??? He fucking knows! It’s seriously annoying.

⭐️ He uses you as a power trip. Play fights where he pretends you’re winning, or hickeys that you think will last. But the second you look away he heals it and loves how flustered and upset you get. (He’s really just doing it so you’ll mark him up again) repeat ad infinitum until he’s done receiving them.

Inumaki Toe gay:

-His inability to speak was something that he had grown used to. Until he met you, and he found himself wanting desperately to talk to you like everyone else does.

Write. Him. Letters.

No one has ever made an effort to actually get close to him like you do. Sticky notes, texts, hand symbols, the works.

He’s been totally happy sitting idly as people spoke to him or around him, but you don’t settle for that. You insist that he deserves to be heard- and he falls in love almost immediately.

-Love with him is so fucking sweet and funny- it’s the shit you see in books and movies.

-he’s sassy. He’ll just start furrowing his brows you know under his mask he’s pouting because you didn’t want to hold his hand.

“Don’t do that.”

“Okaka.”

He just huffs and turns around.

Sassy man apocalypse survivor.

-He’s so funny and I will DIE on this hill. Sometimes he’s not even trying, he’s just that awesome.

He’ll slip you notes of cheesy pickup lines and flirting that makes you flustered.

-You two are the last to realize that you both like eachother, you both thought it was one sided- but literally anyone who looks at the way you two act with eachother knows.

-Leaves you trinkets/gifts that he thinks you would like.

-Love language is 100% touch

⭐️He whimpers. AHHHGHHG I’m literally going crazy thinking about this but it’s another hill I’ll fucking die on. He can’t tell you or affirm to you what he likes verbally but he is vocal- it’s almost pornographic the way he whines and grips onto the sheets.

⭐️A switch through and through, a bit more vanilla overall but will try anything you like. He probably wouldn’t use his cursed speech on you unless you practically begged him for it, and even then he makes you establish 10 layers of safety precautions. It has to be something you reallllyyy want, he wouldn’t suggest it. And he’d only do the commands you told him you want.

Boobji Itadori:

-Has never felt the touch of a woman in his life 😭

That’s not exactly a secret but yk.

-He says he has a type but he really doesn’t, he’s a total sweetheart. He may check women out with his “ideal type” but he would date anyone who asked him out and make you his world.

-He’s confident in school and friendships but he gets red and flustered easily if you make the first moves, He goes along with it and adapts well though.

-He’s just so fiery and passionate it’s hard to keep up with him sometimes, but his motivation to help others is one of his best qualities, everyone is equal in his eyes.

-He’s a struggling ally. And this applies to everything- not because he doesn’t want to be, but because he’s just stupid 💀.

He’s the type to look at two lesbians walking down the road and start blasting girl in red in solidarity and making a whole scene, or look at stretch marks and say “who did this to you 😡/why did you do this to yourself?🥺”

But he’s trying.

-love language is words of affirmation and acts of service.

Acts of service as in he would rip a tree out for you to prove that he could.

He’s an excellent communicator, Without even trying too, he just does somehow. He’s good at sympathizing with people and is very emotionally intelligent, especially considering all the shit he’s been through.

And don’t you dare try that “it’s nothing” or “I’m fine” shit because he WILL annoy you until you tell him.

-Overall, 10/10. He’s a little stupid but hey isn’t everyone?

@96jnie @noodlejutsu-blog

[beetlewine-art]

Hey guys, do you remember this post i made about an AU were Thomas is Batman and his sides are Batman villain: https://www.tumblr.com/beetlewine-art/710102337156530176/okay-listen-ive-been-thinking-a-lot-about-a?source=share

Well, i mentioned that i also wanted to make a post about the sides as Spiderman villains, so here is what i have so far:

Those are my takes, i want to clarify that i'm putting Virgil as Spiderman, mostly because i think it fits him too well. Also, i wasn't happy with making him any of the villains, i thought of making him Electro but i decided it didn't match well outside of the electric aesthetic. So far i think they all match pretty well, specialy Remus as Mysterio, i thought of switching Remus with Janus, but i am not sure. I feel like Remus could be an amazing villain if he had Mysterio's powers and the outfit just fits so nicely.

Roman is not in the post because, if i am honest, i have no idea of what villain he could be. I just can't make my mind about him, the only one that i can think about is Mysterio, but I already made Remus Mysterio and i don't want to repeat it. So, i am taking suggestion about wich villain would fit Roman the best, because at this point, my shipper side and my funny side is thinking about Roman being either one of this two:

Neither of them fit, but i'm a prinxiety shipper so in my mind it makes sense the Black Cat one. And for Carnage... Well, they both red, to be honest, it would be more about Roman having a Symbiote more than him being Carnage. So if anyone has more suggestions, i'm listening. (Might as well just make him MJ)

Also, about the Batman AU: I think i'm going to change some things, don't worry, Bane!Patton and Scarecrow!Virgil are staying, Remus is also staying the same most likely. I thought of changing him and instead of making him the Joker, i could make him "The Creeper" but aparently Creeper is not actualy a Batman Villain (i need to investigate more about him) and every Batman needs a Joker, so i think Remus is staying as the Joker. Logan and Janus are going to change, Logan is most likely going to replace Janus as Riddler and Janus is either going to be Two-Face or Pinguin, mixed a little with Killer Croc.

I'm, again, not sure about Roman. I want to keep i'm as The Music Meister but i also got some very cool suggestion from @donttellthemangosiwashere about making him Clayface or Babydoll and now i can't unsee it (Calendar Girl is good option too). I'll see what i do with him.

Tag list: @maze-arts @roman-can-gay @dorkyduckling16 @emomightmareace @full-of-roman-angst-trash @pyros-random-thoughts @skeleton-obsessed-idiot

[oisins-stuff]

Little Person

-ˋˏ *.·:·.⟐.·:·.* ˎˊ-

lo'ak sully x metkayina (slightly autistic coded) male reader

warnings; nothing severe- mention of insecurity/not fitting in, sorta mental health mentions but in a gay way

summary; "One person in a sea // Of many little people"

no use of y/n

lyric inspired (Little Person by Matt Maltese), color thingy used?? {please tell me if the color idea is good or not}

I'm just a little person

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦

Lo'ak sat on the shore as the village settled down for the night. Him and his family had been there for a little while, so he found out that the ocean looked beautiful at night. The boy that soon walked past, however, made the ocean seem like another plain thing. You were beautiful, even if you didn't look all that unique. Lo'ak watched as you sat on one of the bouncy, netted pathways and dipped your feet in the water. As much as he wanted to say hello, to try to make a friend, he didn't think he should. He was already seen as a freak- demon blood- what would happen if he humiliated himself?

One person in a sea

Of many little people

꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷

He thought about it for a few moments; even if he did somehow embarrass himself, it's not like he'd see you that often. There are a ton of Metkayina in the clan, what would it hurt? Lo'ak slowly approached you, trying his hardest to not seem like a nervous mess, because he had no reason to be. "Hey." he finally forced the words out as he stood in front of you. You looked down at the stranger just as the eclipse started and the ocean began to glow. "Hi." you stopped kicking your feet in the water and scooted over, silently inviting him to sit beside you. There was a long silence as you two look at one another, staring as if the other is a rare specimen. After a while you broke the silence, "You're Lo'ak, right? From the forest?" He nodded.

I do my little job

Live my little life

Eat my little meals

Miss my little kid and wife

꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷

You and Lo'ak continued to talk for a few days, becoming decent friends. It was nothing exciting, life went on as usual, but it wasn't boring either. He was a nice addition, he made things fun. You never planned on making any more friends; your social group was already enough for your standards. You weren't very out going, but you couldn't really remember if you were born like that or if that's how you ended up as you grew older. Either way, you were okay with it. Your simple life was alright, it was better than being miserable, so that meant it was good, right?

And somewhere, maybe someday

Maybe somewhere far away

꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷

Lo'ak had been deeply upset by the sudden uprooting of his life, literally moving continents one random day. He knew it was what needed to be done, but that didn't mean it wasn't painful. It was more than just moving away from everything he'd ever known; it was the fact that he had to because of what happened before he was born. He felt like he was born into this fate- like he'd always be a part of his parents past war - and it was true. He faced the consequences of the things before him, but you made it better. You made almost everything okay, and you didn't even try. You were funny, you made him laugh, you knew what to do to help. You were one of the few people who understood what it felt like to not want to acknowledge an issue, to distract yourself instead, and you helped him do that. Even though he had to travel far, far away from his home, you made it worth it. In a way, he left home to find a better one with you. You made any place feel like home.

I'll find a second little person

꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷

That pathway by the ocean had become your spot. Whenever you two needed something, you'd go there at night. It was a safe spot, it was where you had your deepest conversations. It was where you'd met, where you'd gone from strangers to friends. Lo'ak decided that this would also be the place you went from friends to something more. He accepted how he felt, because there was no way a friend would make him feel like this. He sat patiently waiting for you, ears perking when he finally heard you. You sat gently beside him, letting him start the conversation. "I think... I think we need to talk." he muttered after a while, looking down at the glowing ocean. "What's up?" you sounded calm, but really, you were terrified. Losing him would be the worst thing to happen, especially with all the war. You two needed each other, and that need was so strong that not having him would genuinely be unhealthy for you.

Who will look at me and say

"I know you

You're the one I've waited for

Let's have some fun."

꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷

Lo'ak took a deep breath, held it, and let it out. His voice was almost shaky as he spoke, "I think there's something more than a friendship between us." Although his words were literally meant to be a confession, your heart dropped. You'd never really opened up like you were about to, but the words almost spilled out. "Lo'ak, I think there's something wrong with me. I don't think I'm the way I should be." you didn't look at him as you spoke, instead you watched the stars. Lo'ak didn't speak for a minute, so you continued. "I'm not like the others. I don't mean that in a fun way, I mean I really don't fit in, and I can't. I'm weird, I'm quiet, I don't talk to people, I don't get them, and they don't get me." maybe this was your way of confessing. Maybe your fear of being different was so deep, that it would be a part of your biggest confession. "Maybe that's why I feel the way I do. Because you get me, Lo'ak. Maybe... maybe I like you the way I'm supposed to like a girl." the familiar silence settled between the two of you again, but this time it was different. Lo'ak finally spoke up, his eyes fixed on the shimmering water ahead. "I'd rather not fit in than pretend I don't feel the way I do. I... I don't think I care what the others think, I like you like I should like a girl." It was almost impulsive, but you hugged him. You hated hugs, they were always so forced, but it wasn't like that. He hugged you back, and there seemed to be some level of relief shared between you two. Such a relief, a calming effect, that you fell asleep right there in your favorite place.

We'll take a road trip way out west

You're the one I like the best

I'm glad I found you

I like hanging around you

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Things didn't change much for you two, besides the occasional kiss and label as boyfriend instead of friend. You weren't bothered, though. The fact that you didn't act differently was actually comforting, it meant your connection was so deep that it didn't matter what you labeled it as, it didn't need a label. The idea was cute, though. As much as you didn't want to admit it, the dates Lo'ak would drag you to were cute. If anything; Lo'ak calling you his boyfriend made you want to become his husband. Even if you couldn't have children, it didn't matter. You loved one another so deeply that it was impossible to convince yourselves otherwise, and that made everything you had to go through better.

(I'm sorry for not writing for literal months; I've been so busy with moving and school and my surgery and school and moving and and and)

[sockpuppethistorian]

Sex and the City, S1E1 Review from the PoV of an AroAce

Welcome to the show! I've done it. I watched Sex and the City's pilot episode, and I have put my thoughts below. ENJOY.

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Okay, so it’s starting with this little vignette about… a woman coming to New York from London and immediately meeting a guy to hook up with and getting very invested while they date for (checks notes)(this is a very meta phrase since these are my notes right now) TWO WEEKS. Why do people go on vacation and just decide that they have to hook up with people? When I go on vacation I want to see the sights and do fun things! It seems exhausting to not even be able to take a break from trying to find The One.

Oh, she MOVED from London to New York.

My point still stands.

So for 2 weeks they were having sex and doing all these romantic dates and planned to MEET PARENTS? I just. This English woman hasn’t even joined a gym or met the neighbors yet.

Alright. Now Carrie is talking and using the phrases “The End of Love in Manhattan” and “The Age of Un-Innocence” to describe New York City and the romance scene in the 90s. Okay, besides being dramatic, these are both hilarious. Clearly it’s not the end of love in Manhattan if this entire show is obsessing about love. But age of un-innocence? Yeah I’ll buy that.

This show being about a sex column is so funny. Because like, being aroace obviously sex makes no sense to me. But clearly it also doesn’t make sense to allos. And that’s beautiful.

Now Voiceover Carrie is explaining how love works and random people around New York are complaining about how essentially their entire lives revolve around dating and how everyone’s standards are too high. Let these people rock climb and eat their salads in peace without involving romance, I tell ya!

We’ve moved to the 4 friends (Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, Miranda) having a birthday dinner for one of them, and they’re just complaining the whole time about all being single). These people are putting way too much emphasis on needing relationships and men. I have such a hard time understanding why they can’t just live their lives and wait to see when a partner comes more naturally as opposed to obsessing over it like this. Maybe I’m not giving them credit, though, because this level of obsession is like me constantly needing good shows to watch on Netflix. Like, calm down and eat your birthday cake and have fun.

The extremely random drag queens that present the birthday cake is a… confusing touch.

They seem to feel so much embarrassment that they're four women in their 30s who aren’t married. Literally my dream would be an entire friend group of unmarried and uninterested-in-marriage people.

Now I’m confused. Do these people just want sex or do they want relationships and marriage? Even in this conversation between the four of them I’m so confused. They don’t want to be single, but they’re like “boo hoo the sex great but then he wanted to read me his poetry.” ????

Carrie is now having lunch with her friend, and he spots “the loathe of your life.” Real. (This was a description that Carrie’s canonical “gay best friend” used to point out someone she used to hook up with— or are Carrie refers to him, “A mistake I made when I was 26. And 29. And 31.”)

So, this is not a judgment on anybody, especially not real people, but I feel so confused and perplexed by the way logic and rationale goes out the door when it comes to people that one is sexually attracted to. Not that it doesn’t happen in other settings but it just seems like a very scary thing to me. Carrie has decided for some reason that to get back at him for the three times she had sex with him and it didn’t turn into a relationship, she is going to make it a fourth time and also not make it a relationship that way this time she’s the one in charge of… whatever the 90s version of ghosting would be??? I just don’t get it.

And I’m sorry, they scheduled a 3 o’clock sex date?? Why?? I could not possibly be bothered. Carrie and her Mistake simply must have something better to do at 3 o’clock, like getting a snack from a vending machine. Or taking a stroll.

Carrie is now having sex with this man, to prove that women can have sex just to have sex without feelings. And does to this guy what he did to her all the other times before that by leaving without any emotional intimacy. Why????

“I left feeling powerful, potent, and incredibly alive.” (Carrie after she abruptly leaves after having sex at 3pm on a workday) Why?? Like I KNOW that I lack the understanding of this because of the asexuality and whatnot but truly what feels good about that?!?!?

Oh my gosh. Guys. I am meeting the famous Mr. Big. And he’s…

Not… attractive…?????

Also who bumps into someone and immediately starts listing off that they notice that they don’t have a ring and that they’re attractive?? And that for some reason Carrie had an entire pack of condoms loose enough to all spill out when this man very lightly bumped into her. I can’t this feels like if humans were not humans with sex drives but just sex drives that were a little bit human.

I did not expect to have this many thoughts at THIRTEEN MINUTES INTO THE EPISODE.

Carrie is now meeting with her friend who looks like he works in IT in 2024, and said he has to tell her a “shocking secret.” Who wants to guess it’s related to sex?

… … … Guys the shocking secret was that he hasn’t had sex in a year. (Carrie’s response: “I don’t understand that, you’re such a nice guy.”) (Skipper’s response back: “I’m too nice. I’m a romantic. I just have so much feeling.”)

I… I’m actually impressed they’re finding this many different ways to talk about the exact same thing. Is this how allo conversations go??

Skipper says he’s sensitive because he doesn’t objectify women.

Skipper: Most guys, when they meet a girl, the first thing that they see is… you know… Carrie: (confidently as if she is proving some sort of weird point) P*ssy? Skipper: (chuckling like a school girl) Oh God! Hehehehe I hate that word. (Pause for a beat) Don’t you have any friends that you can hook me up with?

?? Y’all, can you name one time the first thing a boy sees in a girl is her genitals, unless he has accidentally logged into PornHub and forgotten that’s what he’s watching and thinks it’s Every Woman He Knows?

And then… HM. Man, this guy moves fast. Embarrassed by the word p*ssy and immediately turns around asking for a hook up. ???

So for some context, the immediate next thing that happens after this guy (SKIPPER) says he hasn’t had sex in a year and then is embarrassed by the word p*ssy, is to tell Carrie that he likes older women (literally this is what he says), and then Carrie decides to set him up with her friend Miranda.

Skipper after she says she’ll set him up with Miranda: “Don’t tell her I’m nice.”

Okay, so the goal here is really just unemotional sex.

WHAT. The. HEEECK.

Voiceover Carrie: “Miranda was gonna hate Skipper. She’d think he was mocking her with his sweet nature and decided he was an a**hole.”

?? Why waste everyone’s time?? Like is the point here for Carrie to get no one any sex or relationships? Like maybe it’s the End of Love in Manhattan because you’re setting up two people on a date that you know will fizzle out.

So now she’s on the phone with her friend Charlotte who has a date with someone that Voiceover Carrie describes as an “un-gettable bachelor.” What does it mean to be an “un-gettable bachelor”? Does this mean he has sex but doesn’t date? Does this mean he dates but won’t have sex? Does this mean he doesn’t usually do any second dates? I can’t even tell what these people want.

Carrie said she had an “afternoon of cheap and easy sex.” I want to psychologically explore this with her. Like did she just like the manipulation part? Did she just need to have an orgasm? What is going on here.

Okee doke, so now they’re in a club, where Carrie says it’s like the bar Cheers where everyone knows your name, except “here they forget it five minutes later.” I can’t tell if this is supposed to entice me or show how sinful everyone is being.

And we have Carrie’s friend Miranda, being very mean to Skipper who in the last scene was annoying me but now I feel bad for him because Miranda is literally interrogating him and trying to prove he’s a pig.

Voiceover Carrie says “I was about to rescue Skipper from an increasingly hopeless situation, when suddenly—“ stop right there, Voiceover Carrie. YOU PUT HIM IN THIS SITUATION. She is playing games. My opinion as of right now is her sex column was too boring so she is stirring the pot, which doesn’t seem to be too difficult since literally nobody knows what they want.

So now Carrie has run into the Mistake from when she was 26, 29, and 31 (and 3pm that afternoon). And he’s like “omg hello! I was pissed at you at 3pm but now I’m relieved that you want the exact same kind of relationship that I want!” Which is… 3pm sex??? And nothing else??

Y’all PLZ.

“Now we can have sex without commitment!” -Mistake (26,29,31,3pm). And now Carrie is disappointed. WHAT DID SHE THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN? Allos be playing mind games, for real.

Mistake: “I like this new you, call me.” Carrie: Depression, regret, anger, pretty much all the 5 stages of grief while she mourns her confidence from 3pm.

Dude, maybe this was not a good idea?? Like did you WANT the unattached sex or no??? Because it seems like it was only good sex as long as he was upset afterwards and now that he wasn’t she’s sad too? Did you retroactively decide you didn’t enjoy the 3pm sex which you said earlier made you feel “powerful, potent, and alive”?? Carrie, WHICH IS IT?

Voiceover Carrie: “Did all men secretly want their women promiscuous and emotionally detached?” Probably not, but if you purposely go for Mistake 26,29,31 with the intention of having promiscuous and emotionally detached sex because that’s what he’s given you in the past, that’s what you’re going to get???? Like??? You’re picking the wrong people to try to do things with?? (I was going to say the wrong people to have sex with but I feel like anyone willing to immediately have 3pm sex is in the same category anyway).

HUIRDFJKNIURGJFNDK Her friend Samantha just spotted Mr. Big and called him “The Next Donald Trump.” Oh my goodness. Laughing.

Next Donald Trump just did the cringiest little wave. He also waved when he saw Carrie on the street. Big ick.

And Carrie pretends she hasn’t met him. Why <3

Samantha says Next Donald Trump usually dates models. How do people know so much about these random people.

Now we’re back to Charlotte having some sort of date, and the guy asks her to come “back to” his “place.” Voiceover Carrie tells us she had wanted to play hard to get but doesn’t want the evening to end. Why are the only two options Sex on the First Date or Abruptly End the Date??

Charlotte’s date (Capote Duncan, hilarious name) starts kissing her neck and she asks to go home so he gets her a cab….. but then he GETS INTO THE CAB AND ASKS THE CAB DRIVER TO GO TO THE CLUB THE REST ARE AT AFTER HE DROPS OFF CHARLOTTE AT HOME.

WHAAAT.

Charlotte is like “Why are you going to the club?” And Mr. Capote Duncan with no sense of social etiquette for some reason responds “I understand where you’re coming from, and I totally respect it, but I really need to have sex tonight.”

??? HOW DARE HE?? What is this deal. How are these the eligible bachelors. All of these men are as horny as 12 year old boys who just discovered Playboy. None of them can keep it in their pants for 4 minutes and I don’t get anyones motives here. Clearly this dude Capote does not care about a second date with Charlotte after he just pulled that nonsense.

Back to Samantha, who seems to be the very sensual friend. She is propositioning Mr. Big to have a “private tour” of the downstairs of the club they’re in and Mr. Big turns her down.

And instead of being like, “okay he’s not interested,” Samantha takes this as a massive slight.

AAAAAaaand we’re back to Miranda and Skipper, who Miranda is politely(?) turning down, and then they start making out against a building. I do not get this.

AND NOW SAMANTHA IS IN CAPOTE DUNCANS APARTMENT MAKING OUT WITH HIM. Unbelievable. And he says she can’t stay over so the plan is literally thrust and bust.

Is this how normal sex lives work or is everyone in this show particularly amoral.

Ijdfknigfjkgijkthrgf

Carrie is wandering around outside, and Mr. Big drives up and says “well get in for Christ sakes” and she smiles like that’s a very sweet normal thing to say to someone you haven’t had an actual conversation with.

Carrie says she’s a “sexual anthropologist” to Mr. Big, who asked about her job. He gives me the creeps. I assume his long stares and slow deep voice are supposed to be sexy but it’s just bizarre and unnerving.

Mr. Big tells Carrie she’s “never been in love.” Voiceover Carrie then responds “suddenly I felt the wind knocked out of me.” Literally for what, Carrie.

She gets out of the cab, stops, then does a dramatic turn around to ask, “have you ever been in love?” It’s very film noir music and vibes right now. Mr. Big responds “Abso-f*cking-lutely” and then the window goes up and he pulls away in the literal most dramatic way and we freeze frame on Carrie.

Okay. That’s in. That’s the episode.

Most “ALLO SAY/DO WHAT?” Moments, in no particular order:

3pm sex with Mistake from 26, 29, and 31

Getting into the cab with your date so that you can go to the club to find someone else to have sex with

Carrie no longer liking the 3pm sex because Mistake liked it too

Skipper liking older women and being upset he hasn’t had sex in a year but giggling at the word p*ssy

Carrie getting into the cab with a strange man she literally barely knows because she thinks he’s “hot”

2.75/5 I think is my ranking. Too much sex.