#(does anyone care about spoilers for this show? Likely not)

[onlymurphy]

Too Much

SPOILERS: Through Kyoto School Event Arc

Surprise, surprise. Another depressed blond with a flamboyant personality that I love.

It’s been a few months since you returned to Japan to help teach at Jujutsu High School, and although you’re starting to get back into the swing of life as a sorcerer, something is eating at you. You don’t feel the same about your best friend, Satoru Gojo, as you did when you left. Everything he does has been enchanting to you lately, and after a night of drinking and dancing, you find yourself caring for a migraine-stricken Gojo at your home. Though Gojo is the one receiving your care, you find that being close to your best friend again is healing for you both.

Gojo Satoru x Reader (no gender-specified) (no y/n)

Angst | Fluff | Friends to Lovers | Sickfic

PG-13

TW: Migraines, alcohol, sickness

Cross-posted on A03

Request here

Your dad can dance.

He showed you a few times growing up, spinning you about the kitchen when you were just a child, or teaching you little steps before your very first date. It was something that was oddly normal in your house. He’d always dance about when he was just doing the dishes or fiddling with his cursed dolls.  

No on would expect it from Yaga Masamichi, but it always just was. 

You do what you can to try and teach it to Shoko now. In the heat of the bar, your best friend clings to your hand, laughing a true belly laugh as you spin her clumsily on the little dance floor. 

“Ieiri!” You tease as she stomps down on your foot. “Left foot back!”

It’s nothing like dancing in the living room with your dad, but it damn sure is more fun. The smell of cigarette smoke and margaritas rolls off Shoko in waves, the clamor of the bar goers around you urging you on to spin her about. She laughs and laughs, pulling herself closer to you by your hips to keep herself from toppling over. 

You look over to Nanami and Gojo sitting at the bar, drinks in hand. Gojo is going on and on about something you can’t quite hear, but by the look of exhaustion on Nanami’s face, it has to be something ridiculous. The familiarity of it all makes a warmth settle in your chest.

“Either of you boys coming out here to show Ieiri how it’s done?” You call to the men.

Satoru snorts over the music, sipping at the sickly sweet drink in his glass. “Ieiri’s doing just fine” he chides, avoiding the question. 

The woman tangled in your arms bows her whole body back, forcing you to wrap your arms fully around her waist to keep her from falling. She laughs and points to the boys, not seeming to notice how you strain to keep her from slamming her head on the floor. 

“Don’t wanna dance with us, Toru?” She chirps, fanning her arms out and letting her hips sway against yours. “Scared? Can’t dance, huh?”

Satoru shrugs, a poisonous smile plastered to his lips. “I could dance circles around you.” 

Shoko, still in her upside down position, waggles her fingers at Nanami. The blond knowingly hands her the half drank margarita she left on the bar.

She tips herself back up to you, leaning close enough to your face that you can smell the tequila emanating from the glass. 

“Hear that?” She whispers to you, her drunken smile nearly making you giggle. “Gojo wants to dance circles on you.” 

Your cheeks flush, a heat creeping up your chest and neck as you let out a quiet laugh. “That’s just not what he said.” 

Shoko gyrates her hips in your grasp and sips at her drink. The woman is the wild side of you, the fun person in your life who somehow manages to always get you out of your shell. You’re grateful for it. With her pulling you along on her adventures and bar crawls, you get to spend more time with Gojo and the others. It’s the only way you get the guts to hang out with really anyone outside of Jujutsu High.

The bar has really begun to fill up as Shoko shakes her butt against you, but it doesn’t shock you for a Friday night. You and your friends have made a habit of going out lately. There’s been a bit of a lightness surrounding the four of you, a lightness you can’t remember the last time you felt.

Since Yuuji’s return to the first-year class, the students have been content in the evenings just lounging about and bickering amongst themselves. They smile when they’re together now. They laugh and tease, even Megumi who’s always been a quiet kid. The change has simply made it easier for you and the other teachers to leave them for a night, easier to know that everyone will still be in one piece when you return. 

As more bodies begin to join Shoko and yourself on the dance floor, Nanami rises as if to shield the two of you from any grabbing hands or prying eyes. Shoko takes the opportunity to pounce. 

“Kento!” She cheers, releasing you and leaning on his broad chest. “Kento! First-grade babe, Kento Nanami!”

Not even Nanami can resist the charms of Shoko. You’ve never met someone who can.

He cracks a smile, allowing her to snake her arm around his waist and raise her glass to him. 

“First-grade babe” she repeats, her voice booming over the music. “I like that. First-grade babes over here!” 

Nanami gestures to you as you make your way back to where Satoru is perched at the bar. 

“Special-grade babes?” He prompts his drunk friend, trying to urge more of a reaction out of her.

Ieiri’s eyes go so wide you swear they’re going to pop right out of her head. “Special. Grade. Motherfucking. Babes.” 

Immediately, Gojo’s grin grows to the length of his carved face. He lowers his sunglasses down on his eyes and lays his gaze on Shoko. His overblown ego eats her words up like candy. 

“Hear that?” He chirps, throwing his muscled arms around your shoulders. “Special-grade babes, baby.” 

The sudden contact makes your head go light. You quietly thank the stars that the bar has grown dark and warm with the heat of dancing party goers. Your blush from before is back, now taking hold of your cheeks and forehead.

Shit. You’ve never been good at hiding your emotions.

“I’m not your baby” you tease as you try to keep your nerves from appearing in your voice. “I am a Special-Grade babe, though. You on the other hand…” 

He rests his chin on his shoulder, reaching up to pull his sunglasses down even further so that you can see all of his eyes reflecting the low bar light back at you. “What? You think this smolder is fourth-grade?” 

You feel weak under his gaze, and it sends an odd heat through your chest. There’s not a thing you like about the fact that Gojo knows just how to push your buttons. It’s exhilarating, but you’d do damn near anything to make the feelings stop.

You raise an eyebrow in spite of yourself. “Smolder?” 

“Smolder.” 

His confidence in his idiocy makes you sick. It’s almost charming.

Nanami rejoins the two of you at the bar then, taking care to keep one arm wrapped around Shoko as he gestures to the bartender. 

“Nanami” Gojo begins, turning to the other man. “Look into my eyes and tell me if there’s magic.” 

Nanami stares at his companion without a single ounce of emotion showing on his face. After a moment of gazing into Gojo’s eyes, he simply blinks. 

“You nauseate me.” 

“With overwhelming attraction?” 

“With something akin to food poisoning.” 

Gojo’s jaw is on the floor while you’re trying to suppress a laugh. If there’s one person in the world that can throw Gojo ‘The Strongest’ Satoru off his game, it’s Nanami.

The barkeep returns, handing Nanami what looks like a whiskey drink of some sort. The man pays no more mind to Satoru’s antics as he returns to the dance floor with Shoko on his arm. 

Gojo turns his attention back to you. 

“Gonna get back out there?” He wonders, pointing to where Shoko is now delighting Nanami with her off-beat ass wiggling. “I remember you saying something about being a dancing fiend before we left the school.” 

Your eyes drift between the patrons of the bar on the dance floor. Couples sway close together, lips grazing and hands searching bodies. Groups of woman spin and laugh together. Men lurk at the edges and watch with wicked grins. Shoko, now completely lost in her tequila and Nanami’s hips, has somehow managed to get her partner swinging and spinning her in the center of the crowd. 

“I don’t want to leave you alone” you tell him, honesty beginning to show through with the help of the liquor. “You haven’t gotten up from that stool at all. That isn’t like you.”

He downs the last of the drink in his hand. “I didn’t want to risk missing it if Shoko fell on top of you.” 

There’s something in his voice that just doesn’t sound quite right to you. You noticed it earlier at the school, but you figured work had just exhausted him. Play and mischief always cheers Gojo up, but he still doesn’t seem right.

“Want to dance now?” You offer. “Come on. We never go out and dance. We’re always just sitting at the bar or stuffing our faces.” 

Satoru doesn’t need to be asked to party twice. He steps down from the bar stool, grabbing you by the wrist and pulling you along with him. 

It boils your blood that even this simple touch from him sends electricity straight to your head. Something has just been different about him lately, about the way he makes you feel. 

Sure, you’re like everyone else that has ever met Satoru Gojo. He’s gorgeous. He’s charming. He’s silly and sexy and soft all at once, but never has it felt like a beating when he’s near before. Ever since you returned to Japan form your stint in the United States, you’ve wanted to latch onto your best friend and never let him go. When he’s with you, your heart rate blasts so high that it feels like you’ve had a full workout. It’s damn near painful, the way having his long fingers wrapped about your wrist makes your chest feel.

It terrifies you, but all that fear is forgotten the moment he lays his hands on your hips. 

He yanks you close, spinning you in strange, fast circles that make your stomach turn a bit. There’s a goofy, stupid looking smile on his face as he sloshes the alcohol in your stomach around, nearly making you sick on his shirt.

He doesn’t seem to take notice of the discomfort on your face. Those lanky arms wrap fully around your body, lifting your feet from the floor and swaying with you in his embrace. 

“Toru” you say through a laugh. “Trying to dance or make me throw up my drinks?” 

His glasses come down to the tip of his nose when he sets you on the floor. You almost don’t notice the way you falter as you stare up at him. 

Gojo is fast to catch you despite your lack of focus. 

“I hate the way you’re supposed to dance” he informs you, trading his insane spins in for a gentle sway. “Boring. It’s all” -he grabs your hands in his then, quickly tapping his feet around yours- “Tap tap tap, step step step.” 

His glasses fully leave his face then, falling between the two of you and getting caught on your chests. You take it upon yourself to grab them, folding them shut and sliding them into the breast pocket of his dress shirt. You try not to make it obvious that you can feel the tightness of his chest muscles under the material, so you trade staring at his chest for looking up at his face.

God, those eyes. It reminds you of lying on your back as a child, the two of you splayed out in the school courtyard as you pointed up at cloud formations drifting by in the sky. It’s like the galaxies bursting open in broad daylight when you catch a glimpse of those irises. It’s bewitching.

The view doesn’t last. Satoru reaches for his sunglasses, placing them back on his face and pushing them into place. 

“Music is loud enough” he grunts. “I’ll get a headache if I even think about leaving these off.”

His disgruntled tone breaks you from your trance. 

“Why didn’t you bring your blindfold?” You wonder, the pace of your not-quite-dancing dance slowing to a step. 

He shrugs as his hands find a comfortable, chaste spot on the dip of your abdomen. “I’d rather get drunk and lose sunglasses than drunk and lose that.” 

“You’re not drinking” you remind him, cocking an eyebrow.

“Changed my mind. Headache.” 

Headache.

When the two of you were growing up, it wasn’t rare for Satoru to come down with nasty, debilitating headaches. Six Eyes might be a blessing in the Jujutsu world, but in Toru’s world, it can also be a curse. You remember nights where you’d hear him groaning away in his room only to find him lying in a ball on the floor with a pillow over his head. It always broke you. All you could ever do was hold him until the pain subsided and the sun came up.

He seemed to get a good handle on it as he aged, learning when to cover his eyes to prevent the pain. Lately, though, he’s been dropping the word more often. 

Headache.

It seems so small to many, but to you, it’s a bothersome new pattern. You remember the days when his mother would scoop his tiny, weeping form up from the couch, shielding him with anything she had on hand before cradling her son to her chest. He’d scream. He’d cry. 

It unsettles you to know that he may still be experiencing such brutal pain, only now with no one to hold him close. 

“Toru?” You wonder, your joy going soft. “Do you wanna go outside for a minute? You seem off.” 

He glances past you, looking to where Nanami and Shoko are giggling and spinning on the dance floor. 

“Eh” he squawks, clearly trying to keep his voice light. “I don’t wanna make them think they’re having more fun than I am.” 

You roll your eyes at him. Typical Satoru. He hides everything and anything behind a wall of attitude and sassy remarks. His ego acts like a shield between his emotions and himself. 

It may come off as rude or selfish to others, but you’ve learned to decode him over the years. He hides his concern for others behind faux concern for his own interests. Satoru loves hard, but he loves quietly in case he has to slip away from it to protect his own soul.

You gesture toward the door of the bar. “Come on. I want to get some air anyway.” 

He shrugs. “Alright. Don’t need you getting abducted if I leave you alone out there.”

You take his slender hand, guiding him through the sweaty crowd until the the two of you can push through the door into the cool evening. 

Satoru takes a deep breath the instant he’s out of the stuffy bar. You watch in awe as his chest rises and falls, the early October wind blowing through those white locks. You can see the rosiness of his cheeks now that you’re standing in the blinding lights of the square. His shoulders are more slumped than usual, and there’s no color anywhere on his skin except for the raging redness in his cheeks. 

You approach your friend then, reaching up slowly and removing his sunglasses from his face. He finally allows himself to wince at the touch now that he’s out of sight of others. When his glasses are gone, your heart sinks at the sight of dark bags adorning his cheek. His normally shining eyes are rimmed with red. The sensitive areas of his skin -the corners of his eyes, his lips- are dry and patchy. 

The sight makes you want to be sick. 

“How long have you had this headache?” You wonder, not even giving him the chance to hide his agony from you. 

He leans against your hand, letting his cheek rest in your palm as his eyes drift shut. He feels as though he’s burning up, like he’s one degree away from turning to ash.

“A few days” he tells you, finally being honest without the energy to keep up the lie. “It’s not that bad.” 

You allow him to nuzzle into your hand a second more before running your fingers through his hair. It’s a little greasy, not its usual soft and nicely-scented fluff.

“Come on” you prod him. “Let’s go back to my apartment. The drinks here are overpriced anyway, and I have snacks.” 

He sighs as you gently reposition his glasses over his eyes. With every second that passes out of sight of your other friends, the pain becomes more evident on his face. 

“Alright, I guess we can go back to your place if you want.” 

You can tell he wants to make a snarky comment about going home with you, so you file it away in you mind to remind him to make the joke when he’s feeling well again.

You smile, taking his hand in yours once again as you begin the short walk to the train. Satoru says nothing, and it isn’t lost on you that he reaches up to rub at his forehead more than a few times. The cold breeze and dry air can’t possibly be helping him. If you could, you’d take his pain for yourself and turn the cold night sky to summer sun. 

On the train, he lays his head on your shoulder. It’s an uncomfortable position because of his extreme height, but he doesn’t seem to care. He’s asleep in an instant, but you content yourself with holding him close and stroking the back of his hand with your thumb. He’s rarely this peaceful. For such a giant pain in your ass with such a giant sweet tooth and lack of respect for authority, he has his moments where he’s incredibly soft. He’s been known to coddle his friends when they ache, hold you a second too long in a hug when you have a bad day.

Yes, Satoru Gojo has his moments of care. You savor them when they come around. 

You have to shake him awake when the train reaches your stop, much to your dismay. He groans when he wakes, and you’re barely able to haul him up to his feet and down the street to the school apartments. His pain has virtually rendered him dead weight. By the time you’re able to pull him through your apartment door, he’s moaning near constantly from his discomfort. 

Your apartment is dark, a little too cold. Though it’s been years since you moved out of your dad’s home, you haven’t quite gotten used to living alone. You sometimes question if you ever will.

Satoru always seems to bring that light you’re missing back into the apartment. He’s always spreading out wherever he is, laughing as loudly as he likes and lumbering about as if he owns the place. You only ever feel truly at home when Satoru is with you. 

Tonight, however, he flops down onto your sofa the instant the two of you enter the house. A low groan leaves his lips. 

“God, my head is fucked up” he says in a strange tone, almost like a sickly laugh. “A lobotomy would feel so good right now.”

You kick off your shoes and take a seat on the couch where his long legs are hanging from the side. 

“Does anything help?” You wonder, already knowing the answer to your question but hating the helpless feeling you get when you look at his pain.

He shakes his head into the cushions of your couch. “Maybe removing my eyes and putting them in ice water.” 

You giggle, placing a hand on his leg and rubbing gently at his muscled calf. “I’m gonna grab you a water and some painkiller and pretend I’m helping.” 

He doesn’t reply as you go about your tasks. You ensure the water isn’t too hot or cold and grab a bottle of painkiller from the cabinet, returning to find Satoru now laid out on his back, hands in his hair. 

“It hurts” he mumbles when you enter the room. 

Your stomach instantly goes nauseas. You can see that he’s sweating under the light of your living room, hands shaking a bit as he grips his hair with white knuckles. All of the play and joy is now gone from his voice. He’s suffering, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. 

You set the bottle and glass down on the counter. “Toru, take your pants and shirt off.” 

He peaks between his fingers, eyes locked on you like a missile.

“Yeah?” He purrs, his old self bubbling to the surface with breakneck speed. “You first, baby.” 

If he wasn’t covering his eyes with his fingers, he’d surely be able to see the hot blush taking over your entire neck and face. You swear that your skin is a fiery red down to the tips of your toes.

God, he’s a pig. 

God, you want to jump his bones. 

“Shut up” you demand, maybe a little too harsh to overcompensate for the fact that he’s flustering you. “I’m gonna let you sleep in my bed tonight, you’re not going home alone to your disaster apartment.” 

He presses his hands a bit harder over his eyes. “My house is perfectly tidy.” 

“I saw a pair of your boxers hanging on your mantel this morning.” 

“Decor.” 

This is the Satoru you’ve missed tonight - goofy, a little unhinged. It pulls a laugh from you as you grab his medicine and pass it his way. 

“Maybe you should talk to Shoko about this” you suggest as he slowly sits up, swallowing down the pills and entire glass of water in one swig. 

He shakes his head. 

“My dad maybe?” 

He shakes his head harder which elicits a loud groan. “I don’t need your dad thinking I’m losing it.”

“Losing it?” You begin. “Satoru, something’s going on with you. I don’t know if it’s your technique or what, but you haven’t been yourself since the special grade incident with your first years.” 

He leans back on the couch, but you stop him before he’s able to settle in. 

“Come on” you urge. “You need sleep. You’re sleeping in bed.” 

He shakes his head. “The couch is fine.” 

“Bed.”

“But-“

“Now, Honored One, or you’re really getting that lobotomy you asked for.”

He smiles, the usually soft and supple skin of his lips opening into cracked valleys. 

“You’re a pain in my ass” he informs you, seeming like he’s the one becoming flustered now.

“And so are you. Go crawl into my bed. I’ll get you something cold for your eyes that’ll cover them better than the sunglasses.”

He does as he’s told, and you feel relief flood over you. You feel like you must watch over him like a hawk in a moment where he isn’t well, and knowing that he’ll soon be safe under the covers of your bed is a comfort you won’t soon go ungrateful for.

You send him off to your room and head to the sink, filling a bowl with ice and water and leaving a cloth in it to chill. You know that he prefers cold when he has headaches. There was even a time as children when you discovered him face down in the snow outside his home, groaning into the ice and shaking so hard he’d gone blue.

When you’re content that the cloth is cold, you return to him, finding his lanky legs sticking out from under your covers, clothes drenched in sweat strewn across your floor. 

You know he’s in pain, but something about him being undressed in your bed is making your skin hot. He’s simply lying on his back, arms over his chest, and still your heart is slamming away with no mercy. There’s no way his Six Eyes haven’t picked up on your nerves, but you’re partially hoping that he’s too irritated to care. 

“Satoru?” You breathe, settling yourself on the edge of the bed. “Awake?”

He nods. 

You gently place the cold cloth over his closed eyes. 

“How’s that?” 

He doesn’t speak, but he does release a sigh, his body seeming to sink back into the sheets. 

You want to reach for him. You want to hold him against you and stroke his hair until he’s able to drift off into sleep without fear. Your heart is begging you, seeming to beat out of your chest and reach for it’s favorite person with every pulse.

You have to make yourself okay with laying your hand over his. His bare skin is boiling, so much so that a new concern floods over you. 

“Toru?” You wonder. “Are you like, cold? Do you have chills or anything?” 

He flips his hand around to take yours. You want to wail into the night. 

“Yeah” he admits, his resolve to pretend he’s okay washed away. “I have for a few days, but it’s October ya know?” 

He’s gonna be the death of you, and at the rate he’s completely ignored being sick, probably himself as well. 

“Satoru, you’re sick” you inform him. “Didn’t Yuuji and Megumi just have the flu like, a few days ago?” 

If his eyes were visible to you, you know he’d be batting them away to avoid your gaze. It’s so on brand for him, ignoring the obvious. 

“Yes” he tells you. “But I don’t get sick anymore. I’m twenty-eight.”

“Newsflash: the flu doesn’t know your birthday.” 

You get a laugh from him. It’s a symphony, the only thing to bring you any sort of comfort in the dark and stuffy room. 

“What grown man gets the flu?” He wonders, settling back into your pillows.

It dawns on you then that in a few days, you’re probably going to get hit with the same virus from being so close to Gojo day in and day out. The damage is already done, so you kick your legs up onto the bed and tangle your fingers into his hair. 

“If I take care of you, will you take care of me when I get sick from touching all up on you earlier?” You question, feeling the soft strands of his hair dance between your fingertips. 

“Absolutely the fuck not.” 

“Thanks, Toru. Love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

Not ‘love you too’. 

I love you too. 

You could die. It would be less painful. 

There’s a long stint of silence then. Gojo’s breathing settles as the cold from the cloth seems to penetrate his pain. 

After a while, he reaches up to his face and pulls the cloth away, gazing up at you. 

You smile down at him. “Hi.” 

He returns the smile. It’s soft, genuine. His cheeks go chubby and the dimple beside his mouth makes a rare appearance. 

“Hi.”

“How’s the headache?” You wonder, pushing a small drop of water off his cheek.

He tosses the cloth onto the nightstand, rolling over in your lap until he’s curled up on his side. “Better.” 

“Really?” 

He shrugs, burying his face into your thigh. “I’m really fine. I just need to sleep it off.” 

He’s truly darling in moments like this. It’s his softness, that bit of quiet in him that’s been making you ache for him lately. It’s been so, so long since you’ve had a gentle and playful Satoru by your side. Even before the special grade incident with his students, he simply hasn’t been as happy. You try to pretend you don’t really know why, but the truth creeps up on you at times like these. 

You left him in the most painful moment of his life. It haunted you every night when you were abroad, the look on his face when you told him you were going overseas just days after Suguru Geto’s death. 

He didn’t fight you. He knew you couldn’t bear the pain, so he let you go. 

The only problem was that you never let him go. 

You don’t know how long you stay there, Satoru curled up in your lap while you stroke his hair, but it’s long enough that he begins to snore. It’s a soft sound, light and breathy, but it makes you heart ache. 

He’s finally getting some rest. Thank God.

“Satoru?” You whisper, stopping your hands in his hair. “Toru? You asleep?”

The only response you get is more snoring. 

You do what you can to make yourself comfortable in the awkward position you’re in. You’re still in your outfit from the evening, uncomfortable clothes scratching a bit at your skin. The thought of waking Satoru to change, however, feels like a sin. He sleeps away peacefully, that tortured look finally removed from his face.

“I’m doing some odd shit for you” you mumble to the man in your lap. “You make me do stupid shit.” 

The room remains silent around you. You’re used to the noises of your bedroom - the insects chirping and the wind blowing through the trees. Satoru being there, though, makes it feel like a home. For a moment, you let yourself drift into the thought of him being there with you every night. He’d tease you before bed. He’d make love to you every night, all while making you laugh. He’d keep you safe in his arms through the night, and then it would all begin again in the morning. 

It’s everything you crave. It’s everything you just can’t fucking have. 

“I’m in love with you” you blurt out all the sudden, your lips seeming like they’ve lost control. “I’m so fucking in love with you.”

Despite the unbearable weight of your statement, Satoru doesn’t move an inch. 

There’s nothing you can do to stop the tears from streaming down your cheeks. It’s taken everything in you for months to not admit your love for Satoru. You haven’t even admitted it to yourself until this moment. 

“I’m in love with you” you repeat, not truly believing the statement despite the sound of it rolling off your lips. 

It feels like the weight of the world is sliding off of your shoulders each time you say it. 

“I love you. I’m in love with you, and I think I always have been.” 

You have to stop, or else your chest will begin to shake with the sobs that are beginning to build up. You’d hate to wake Satoru, even if it is because you love him. 

There’s nothing left to do but lay your head back on your headboard -tears still springing to your eyes- and try to get some sleep.

~

The morning is cool, breezy. Your bedroom windows have been cracked, and the morning air is flowing in and bringing the crisp smell of the fall in with it. A bit of sun glows in from behind the parted curtains. It feels like a poem, like your bedroom has never felt before. 

Only when you begin to squirm beneath your sheets do you realize you’re still in your clubbing clothes from the night before. Your legs are screaming being contained in your jeans. The tags on your shirt are itching. The necklace around your neck is pinching at the sensitive skin.

“Morning.” 

Satoru’s voice rips your attention away from the discomfort of your clothes. You look up to find your best friend standing in your doorway, shirtless, face free of any glasses or blindfolds, with a cup of coffee steaming in his hand. 

Your heart jumps into your throat so quickly that you fear you’ll choke on it.  This is it, your dream. A beautiful morning decorated with Satoru’s flawless body. The smell of coffee coming toward you is the perfect cherry on top to such a dream, but you don’t let yourself get lost in it. You know it isn’t your real dream, that Toru is just being a good friend. 

Toru doesn’t seem to notice how nervous you’ve become. “I made coffee. Figured you’d need it.” 

He approaches you and sets the cup down on your nightstand. The smell hits you immediately, filling your nose and head with the delightful comfort it carries with it. 

“Morning” you reply finally. “How are you feeling?” 

The color has returned to his cheeks since his ordeal last night. His eyes -beautiful and big- are no longer ringed with red. He smiles. It’s his true smile, the one you’ve been missing the last few weeks. 

“Sweaty, but better” he tells you. “No headache. Back to do everything you love about Satoru Gojo.” 

He hasn’t the slightest idea how right he is. 

You take your coffee into your hands and sip, not caring that it’s a little too hot. Satoru prepared it perfectly, deliciously just for you.

“You can shower if you want” you tell him. “I probably should, too.” 

He cocks his head toward your bathroom door. “You go” he says, a yawn cutting through his words. “I’ll get my stuff and go home.” 

It feels like someone has broken their fist through your ribs and taken your heart into their grip. 

“I forget you live right across the street” you say, gagging on the fake giggle that claws its way up your throat. “I guess, uh, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow at work.” 

He snags his shirt off your headboard, yanking it over his head as he speaks. You feel a little odd in doing so, but you stare at the way his muscles twist and bend at the mundane motion. It’s nearly Godlike. 

“Maybe” he tells you. “Yuuji texted. Nobara and Toge are sick now.” 

You snort. “Jesus. I’m sure it’ll be me in a few days.”

Satoru shakes his hair out and grabs his sunglasses from where he’s set them on your dresser. “I’m sure you’ll be fine. If you start getting sick, remember that I promised I would take care of you.” 

You shake your head, unable to hold in your laugh. “I believe your actual words when I asked if you’d take care of me were ‘absolutely the fuck not’.”

He grins, but this time it’s sly and almost flirtatious. “I would never! I’m a man of the people. I’m an upstanding citizen and volunteer.” 

“Sure Toru. I’m sure that’s true.”

When he’s redressed, he gives you a wink and dashes to your bedroom door. “I’m smelly! I’m going to shower! Call me if you need me.” 

“Please rest!” You demand. “Drink water for God’s sake.” 

He sticks his tongue out. “Yes dear.” 

You’d give just about anything for the bravery to leap forward and kiss him. You’d die just to have him crawl back into your bed so you could have him.

He gives one last wave before he’s gone, leaving you sitting in your bed still in the clothes you danced with him in. They smell like him. Everything in the room smells like him. It’s like your own senses are trying to torture your true feelings out of you. 

It takes more effort to haul yourself out of bed and make it into the shower than any fight with a curse has ever taken. You smell Satoru on your clothes when you pull them over your head. There’s a small indentation on your hip where his fingers had laid all night. 

You ache. Your heart aches. You want more of him than just the ghost of his hands on you. 

You always wonder what would have happened to your life if you’d never moved to the United States after Suguru died. You simply couldn’t handle everything that had happened, and with your dad hyper-focused on rebuilding the trust of the school, you felt alone. You needed something more. You just had no idea what leaving was going to do to your relationship with Satoru. 

Would you have realized your feelings for him earlier if you hadn’t left? Would you have the guts to tell him?

Would you be together? 

Would it have even made a difference?

“Hey, you in there?” 

Your skin peels off when the knock comes on your bathroom door. Satoru’s voice echoes through the once silent room, bouncing off the walls and enveloping you in its playful tone. 

“You okay?” 

“Uh” -you stumble over your words, clamoring to find something to say- “Yes? What the fuck?” 

“Are you naked?” 

“Yes?”

“Can I come in?” 

There’s a lump so large in your throat that you may stop breathing.

“No?” 

“Please?” 

You grab your towel off the rack and wrap your body in it. Goosebumps have exploded across you skin, your body seeming to buzz with the thought of being naked in Satoru’s presence. “Fine. Come in.” 

The door slides open, revealing a put-back-together Gojo Satoru. It enrages you how he manages to go from morning grunge to clean and cozy in just ten minutes. 

“Hi!” 

You narrow your eyes. “Why are you in my bathroom?” 

“I showered, but then got bored” he states simply. “Wanna do lunch today?” 

Per usual, you’re flabbergasted by this man. “Satoru, I’m naked under this towel, and I want to take a shower. How on God’s green earth did you shower that fast?” 

“Limitless.” 

“Limitless-ed the dirt off?”

“No, just naked and into the shower.” 

You wave him off, pointing to the bathroom door. “Please leave so I can shower. This is weird.” 

He looks down then at his socks, fiddling the hem of his shirt in his hands as he looks back toward the door. 

“Toru” you begin, your stomach tying into knots. “What happened? What’s wrong?” 

He pops his lips. “Uh, so something is bothering me and I can’t get it out my head. I wasn’t gonna bring this up…” 

Your heart begins to slam hard in your chest then. For him to barge in like this must warrant an emergency. 

“Satoru, tell me now. You’re really freaking me out.”

He reaches up, pulling his blindfold from his eyes. There’s something in them you’ve never seen before, something that makes you want to vomit. They’re usually crystal clear like a gem. Today, they’re almost stormy. 

“So uh, last night, before I fell asleep, I kinda heard you say some…some things.” 

Some things? What the hell things did you-

Oh fuck. 

Oh fuck no.

“I love you. I’m in love with you and I think I always have been.”

“Oh shit” you mumble. 

The world is absolutely spinning. You’re on the verge of vomiting, all the words you said last night when you thought Satoru couldn’t hear you echoing in your head.

“Satoru…I was really tired, and I thought you were asleep and I am so fucking-“

“It’s about fucking time” he says with a small laugh, cutting you off. “I thought I was losing my mind, being obsessed with someone that didn’t feel that way about me.” 

What? 

Your brain just doesn’t seem to be processing everything that’s coming at you in the moment. 

What did he just say?

“Of course” he continues when you remain silent. “That couldn’t have possibly been the case. I am me. Of course you’d fall in love with me eventually.” 

You blink. “Say this information slower.” 

“Hm?”

“Slower” you demand. “Very slow for me.” 

He points one of his lanky fingers at himself. “I” -he forms a heart with his fingers- “Am in love” -the finger is then aimed at you- “with you.” 

Your ears are ringing. His voice is echoing off the bathroom walls, hitting your mind so fast that you fear you’re going to pass out. 

All the nights you spent frustrated over your tangled feelings for Satoru, he was off somewhere doing the same. When you dreamed of kissing him and woke in a rage that you couldn’t, he was dreaming of kissing you. 

Last night when your heart ached from holding him so close but not being able to love him, he was feeling the same. 

He blinks. “You okay?” 

You shake your head. “No, I’m naked and you just told me you’re in love with me.” 

He frowns so deeply his teeth show. “Ooo, right. Forgot about the naked.” 

“Get out of my bathroom, Satoru.” 

God, idiot! Why are you being so harsh? Satoru is standing here before you, telling you he’s in love, and you’re being rude?

Idiot!

“Should we kiss?” He wonders bluntly, pursing his lips and making tiny smooching noises at you. 

You swear that the blush rises through your entire body. You don’t even try to hide it. He’s too damn charming, and there’s no doubt that he knows it.

“No Satoru, we should not kiss.” 

His lips pull into a deep frown. “Not even one? We are in love, ya know.”

You’ve dreamed of kissing Satoru Gojo for most of your life. You think about it all the time when he talks to you and you watch those lips form sentences. You’re ashamed to admit that you’ve zoned out one too many times thinking about it. 

You just never thought it would happen in your bathroom.

You sigh, taking a step toward the towering man in front of you. It’s strange, standing naked beside him while he’s fully clothed. 

He perks his eyebrow. “Is this a yes?” 

You don’t answer him. Instead, you take his face in the hand that isn’t holding up your towel and bring his lips to meet yours. 

Now, by the way Gojo always talks about dating and how much women and men alike love him, you expect him to be a good and sly kisser. You expect greed when his lips meet yours, hunger. You’re fully prepared to be met with an appetite you can barely satiate. 

That isn’t the case. He hesitates a bit when you press your mouth on his. He recoils, taking a sharp breath in before reconnecting your lips. 

Every movement of his is slow, almost shy. The kiss is all soft lips and featherlight hands. He’s careful not to touch you anywhere the towel doesn’t, but appears eager to accept the feeling of your hand on his cheek. 

You laugh a bit against his lips. 

He smiles. “What?” 

“The great Satoru Gojo is a nervous kisser” you tease, keeping your lips just a breath away from his. 

He lets out a tiny chuckle. “Yeah” he mumbles. “I may have over-exaggerated the amount of dates I’ve been on.” 

You return the smile. “By how much?” 

His cheeks have flushed a deep shade of red. It’s enchanting. You want to kiss them all over. 

“A good bit. I’m uh, a little out of practice.” 

Though your heart is nearly thudding out of your  chest, you let your hands act how they want. The hand that’s holding your towel up releases, the fabric falling to the floor and revealing your nude body to the man before you. 

His eyes go wide, his breath hitching a little in the back of his throat. 

“Okay” he breathes. “Maybe a lot out of practice.” 

“Too fast?” You wonder. 

He places an exploratory hand on your hip and pulls you into him a bit. “No. No, not at all.” 

You pull his lips back down onto yours and takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss. He leans into it, letting his tongue slide past your lips. It’s still tentative and a bit nervous, but it doesn’t feel awkward to you. It’s Satoru kissing you, holding your body, not some stranger you met in a bar. The hands creeping down to caress your behind are hands that have saved your life on more than one occasion, hands that have held you as you cried. There’s no uncomfortable wall to break through to get into the good parts of your relationship. 

It’s just Toru. 

You pull off his lips, but he looks confused to find a laugh on your lips. 

He frowns. “What? Too much?” 

The grin on your face is so wide that it’s almost painful. 

“No” you tell him, reaching to unbutton the buttons on his shirt. “You’ve never been too much.”

[helenkordart]

Recently the 4th volume of the english Thousand Autumns came out and when I saw Mimo′s design of beloved old fart Guang Lingsan, all I could say was "awooga humina humina humina", so like

[mandareeboo]

Velma Review, Episode 1: "Pilot"

Frustrated by a lack of proper, unbiased review, I thought I'd give it a whirl. I want to start this off with my mission statement with this show: Velma isn't a good show. I'd say it's rather mid. But I want to treat this as its own beast- I'm tired of people who would rather compare this show to other Scooby Doo shows and movies. Each is unique, and each should be judged individually.

As such, I wanna give this the proper review status, with things like a Synopsis, Character Introduction, Fun Tidbits, and a final review out of ten points. Basically, this bitch is gonna be long, so get ready.

SYNOPSIS

We open on a monologue by Velma (voiced by Mindy Kaling) explaining that this series is telling the story of how she recruited the mystery solving gang while getting ready for school. It's implied that she wants to tell said tale because she's tired of people assuming it was Fred who began the group.

"Yeah, it was me! Not Fred and his weird sex van. This is my story, told my way. And it starts with a murder, bitch."

Cutting to the school locker room, we see Daphne (voiced by Constance Wu) and some other girls getting ready to shower. The team casually discuss how pilot episodes tend to have more nudity and sex than the rest of the series and how they don't like it. One of the girls, Krista, disagrees and causes an argument with Daphne, claiming that Daphne's favorite part of the Riverdale pilot was Betty and Veronica kissing. Daphne claims that it was "because it was immediately called out as tired in the scene!"

Velma enters with a hoodie and a cane, knocking Daphne out of the showers. She demands to know her opinions on race-point casting in a creepy, distorted voice (callout to Mystery Incorporated?). Daphne gives a very complicated but overall positive response that seems to impress Velma, who pulls off her mask.

"Velma! What the hell, you almost killed me!" "Guess I didn't try hard enough." "See? Now, if this was a show, it'd be super hot if you two kissed." "Krista, if this was a show, you'd be killed off for being horny."

Velma opens her locker to reveal Brenda, the first victim of the serial killer. Though at first assumed to be a prank, Brenda falls out of the locker. Her head opens up to reveal her brain has been removed.

It being her locker, and Velma being pretty damn suspect as it is, she's quickly carted off to questioning. Velma begins to hallucinate as a withered hand digs into her shoulder, demanding to know who killed Brenda. She's shocked out of it by Donna and Linda (voiced by Jane Lynch and Wanda Sykes, respectively) who are the town's local police officers as well as Daphne's mothers.

We soon find out two things. 1.) Donna and Linda, while nice people, are shit detectives, and 2.) Velma's mother, Diya, has been missing for two years.

Donna and Linda lament that they miss seeing Velma around their home, despite Velma's bitter attitude and rudeness. Velma blames Daphne for their friendship falling apart, stating that, "Daphne got hot and ditched me."

The detectives ask Velma for help, stating that they're fully aware that they aren't the best at this. Velma refuses. Donna and Linda tell her that she's likely to go to prison if she doesn't, then leave after telling her they miss having her around and to say hi to her father and mother- who, again, is missing.

"I could kill them all!... Okay, I see how this looks bad."

Velma runs into Fred (voiced by Glenn Howerton) and Daphne outside of the police station. Daphne is breaking the news of Brenda's death to him, and very clearly states she believes Velma committed the murder.

Velma tries to argue her innocence, but falls into another hallucination.

Returning home, Velma complains about her predicament to her father, Aman (voiced by Russell Peters), who is quick to point out that her suspicious behavior at school is likely why she's to blame.

Aman is a lawyer, and has recently started up a relationship with Sophie, the owner of a local malt shop. He's done this despite still technically being married to Diya, which has caused a lot of contention in the family. It doesn't help matters that Sophie is pregnant.

"Well, I have to go prepare myself for prison. Not that you care."

Sophie's gotten Velma a job at her malt shop, seemingly out of the kindness of her heart, as she shows no upset when Velma is visibly repulsed and storms out.

Brenda's friends hold a sort of eulogy at the malt shop. While it's unclear what Brenda was like outside of school, we're given the vibe that she was a kind person who was well-liked among her peers. "My Pony" by Ginuwine is sung in her honor.

Daphne once again blames Velma for the murder, waving around the evidence folder Donna and Linda had brought to the interrogation. Velma leaves in a huff.

Starting to hallucinate once again, Velma bangs on the door, only to be interrupted by Fred. Fred explains that he's trying to "man up" to gain the respect of his abusive father, and he'd fled his home to cry alone. Velma, emboldened by his honesty, begins to tell the tale of her own mother.

Diya Dinkley, according to Velma, was a mystery writer. She would give Velma little mysteries to solve in order to keep her out of her hair. We soon begin to realize that Diya was likely not as wholesome as Velma seems to recall, as her "mysteries" were things like Velma finding her smoking or bringing her more whiskey.

After finding her Christmas presents early, Diya supposedly went to the store to grab her something fresh to unwrap. She never returned. Her car was later found with her glasses and a gift inside. Velma blames herself for her mother's disappearance, and has begun having hallucinations out of what she has diagnosed as guilt rather than unchecked mental illness. (Yes, I know, we'll get to that later)

Shaggy (voiced by Sam Richardson) appears, causing Fred to flee out of social pressure. He claims to know who the killer is. Then, once they're together, he admits he doesn't, but he knows how they can figure it out.

Norville runs the school paper. He explains that he'd been running a little investigation into the malt shop Sophie owns, as he felt it might be a drug front. He assigned Brenda to the job. Brenda stated she caught something strange on camera, but never extrapolated as to what. Now she's dead, and the camera- an expensive piece of equipment, as Norville keeps insisting- has gone missing. Velma suddenly recalls that Sophie just got a new camera.

"If I find your camera on Sophie, I'd solve Brenda's murder and send Sophie to jail. It's a win-win!"

"Or, maybe we could find the camera... together?"

The camera, of course, is a dud. Aman admits that Sophie takes pictures of other peoples' babies for extra cash, hence the new camera. It's a work item.

As Velma tries to ask deeper into things, the hallucinations start up again, worse than ever before. She ends up convulsing on the ground and is implied to have almost died. Aman is more worried about the camera. Sophie, recognizing her distress, pounds on her chest and manages to bring her out of it.

Aman apologizes, implying that he'd never believed her about said hallucinations before- an ongoing problem for two years now, completely unchecked. He also tries to remind Velma that Diya didn't disappear. She left them.

We then see the same flashbacks, but from a wildly different perspective. She found Diya smoking and accidentally sent the cigarette into her eye. She brought the whiskey but, curious, had some, leading her to break the laptop and the bottle. Her drawings were across important pages of her newest book. Velma throws out her unwrapped present and goes inside.

This tells us exactly one thing: Velma's perceptions of the past cannot be trusted in any circumstance, even now.

Velma tries to push away lingering suspicion by coming into school the next day looking "free of any guilt". It goes well at first, but she's eventually called out and pelted with various foods and insults.

Fred, inspired by her backstory, steps forward and commands the popular kids to chill the fuck out. He makes a piss-poor speech about how, even though Velma is a bit odd, she's not someone capable of murder. Everyone eventually agrees, bolstered by Fred.

Daphne corners Velma in the bathroom, accusing her of trying to steal Fred's attention. Velma denies this, though admits she wouldn't pass on a nude of him.

"Fred? Naked? Hilarious. We've been dating for a year and he still won't take his pants off."

"A year?... Is he gay?"

"I've haven't heard that rumor."

After being told Fred kicks everyone out of the bathroom at the malt shop to pee, Velma drags Shaggy off to visit his house. Shaggy questions the validity of Fred murdering Brenda for something as small as an accidental dick pic, but Velma shrugs it off.

Velma breaks into Fred's house and starts to hallucinate, something she assumed would stop now that her guilt about Diya's vanishing has gone down. Shaggy is on the phone with her as she struggles not to have a heart attack.

Shaggy reveals he has romantic feelings towards Velma after she claims no one likes her. Velma assumes this is a joke.

"What? No you don't. You're like a brother to me. That's hilarious."

The humor keeps her mind off things long enough to have the hallucinations die down a little, and she gets to work. She quickly locates Brenda's camera but finds nothing but various teens hooking up.

Fred appears from the shower, explaining that Brenda also photographed his legs.

Fred explains that he has yet to go through puberty. It's a deep embarrassment to his family, and they've gone to great lengths to hide such a thing. Brenda having a photo showing said lack of growth could very well have made him the laughingstock.

"It's okay! I'm just gonna do to you what I did to Brenda."

Fred reaches into his robe, but before he can finish his thought he's shot in both legs by Donna and Linda. They'd popped by when they saw Norville's car parked outside and heard everything.

They arrest Fred, who seems to be baffled. He seems genuinely hurt that Velma assumed he was going to kill her. He'd been pulling out a pocket book- to pay her off.

Shaggy and Velma talk on the walk home. Norville asks why she's still hallucinating if she no longer feels any guilt, and Velma replies that she does, deep down. She doesn't believe Diya would just leave her, no matter how frustrating she was a child.

Spotting roaches crawling on a recycling bin, Norville opens the lid to find Krista's corpse. She's also lacking a brain. The episode ends.

CHARACTER INTRODUCTIONS

We meet a whole slew of characters this episode. As such, it feels important to make a little blurb on each of them. This will be long, but it shouldn't ever be this long again. Swings and Roundabouts.

Velma Dinkley is around 14-18. It's not been made clear exactly how old she is. She's moody, judgmental, and suffering from unchecked mental illness.

Velma's mental illness is both an important context to the show, but also a strangely gaping problem. No one believed Velma about her hallucinations until recently (except for Norville and Sophie). Her own father dismissed them for two years and shows no signs of trying to get her help when he finally does believe her.

They almost kill her twice in one episode and yet no one around her seems to think it wise to call a doctor or see about avoidance strategies. Her lack of assistance has led to an inflated lone wolf complex, where she honestly thinks she has to do this herself and no one can help her.

Velma has psychosis. She's at the right age to start seeing mental issues crop up in her life, and this is around the time when people start noticing signs of this issue. Yet no one has even considered getting her mental help, or a therapist, or- I dunno, at least looking up ways to help her through the delusions? She's been left to rot with hands crawling under her skin.

Daphne Blake, same age as Velma. Intelligent, meticulous, and a bit petty. Her spite with Velma runs deep, and it causes her to lash out at the girl quite often. That said, it seems she misses Velma more than she lets on- her constant badgering of Velma never seems to cross the line, and their back and forth is honestly the best joke in the episode.

Shaggy Rodgers. Going by his birth name in this show, Norville is a reporter, an anti-drug activist, and potential long-time friend of Velma with a crush. Though a bit clingy, it comes across more as just general ditziness than anything malicious. Their friendship is mostly one-sided, with Velma using him for rides or math homework, and Norville seems to realize that, though he never sticks up for himself.

Fred Jones. Rich, entitled, and a literal man-child, Fred is both surprisingly kind and EXTREMELY rude mixed into one package. It's clear that his family's abuse has run deep in him, and they've allowed him to basically be a giant baby. No one's ever given him a slap on the face to wake him up. But once he gets to know Velma, he goes out of his way to defend her, and seems more surprised than angry when Velma assumes him guilty of the murder.

I do see some form of arc coming with Fred. It's clear he wants to be better, be "the man" his father wants, and I think eventually it will culminate into... something. I'm not saying the arc will be well-written, but I am expecting something from the hints they've dropped.

Aman and Sophie. Sophie feels younger than Aman to me? Not by, like, a lot, but her mishandled hashtags and wine shirts give me "out of touch 30s-40s" vibes, and Aman reads as like. Late 40s, early 50s?

Regardless, it's clear that Sophie (though a bit ditzy and sometimes even insulting to Velma) is the one doing the heavy lifting in the parenting department. She tries to get Velma a job but doesn't have a fit when she quits. She recognizes her hallucinations and is quick to act. She's not upset when Velma coughs on her while regaining her breath. It feels less like her trying to be a mom and more like a weird, somewhat supportive older sister dynamic.

Aman, meanwhile, is focused on his work. As a lawyer, he has long hours and a lot of shit on his plate. He's basically ignored Velma entirely, giving her no assistance when the cops threaten her with jail time. When Diya left that night to get gifts, he "reminds" her to get him something too.

Donna and Linda seem like cool wine aunts to Velma, and though they're terrible police officers it's clear they're good mothers. Not much to say on them, really, besides the fact they shoot Fred in his legs which was some level of brutality when Fred was weak enough for a tackle or taser.

Diya is both a character in this episode and not, but she's important to the plot. Velma's memories of her are clearly skewed- at the beginning it's glorification, then it's demonization, then it wraps around into some form of both.

I want to be clear that the show itself is clearly implying that Diya DID vanish. If she was leaving Aman than why the found car? Why leave her glasses behind? It wouldn't be difficult to crash on a friend's couch and start the divorce paperwork. For all of Aman's iffy traits, there's nothing implying abusive tendencies that would make her feel the need to flee. Something did happen to Diya.

But, while I agree with Velma's perspective on the case, I want to remind that Velma's perceptions are clearly VERY flawed. We really don't know Diya Dinkley. Psychosis has a habit of affecting memory and the process of new information, and it's very likely that those two combined has altered her ability to explain her mother's character to us, the audience.

Here's what we actually know about Diya: she was a mystery novelist. She drank and smoked. She left an unopened gift box and her glasses in the car. The car was stashed in some bushes.

Something did happen to Diya, but her character, her reasons, and her nature are completely null and void to us as an audience. We can't trust Diya as a person. We can't trust much of anything told to us about her from Velma or Aman, as he clearly is living in denial. It's hard to say where that will lead us from here.

FUN TIDBITS

We have no active proof that the popular girls have ever bullied Velma. The only photos we saw are of Velma spilling ice cream and people laughing about it. They said nothing during the bathroom scene, and none of them mock Velma when she gives her input.

One of the books on Velma's shelf is "SCUBA: Do's and Don't's"- maybe she dives on weekends?

Crystal Cove is the name of the town, originally from Scooby Doo Mystery Incorporated.

Velma was labelled "Most Revengey" in the school yearbook.

Also, since the glasses were originally Diya's, has she been wearing a prescription she doesn't need for two years?

That damn gift still hasn't been opened and it feels like it should've been taken as evidence by now

FINAL REVIEW

Velma's pilot is... bumpy. Rough. Kind of a dumpster fire, honestly. But if you can ignore the self-referential humor, it's actually not as bad as other stuff I've watched. The animation is solid- especially the hallucinations- so shoutout to the team for doing good work with an iffy script. The voice acting is really good minus a few hiccups, but usually only on phrases that I can't imagine saying with a straight face either. The plot isn't exactly inspired, but I am curious to see where they're going to take it, and who will be unmasked as the serial killer. Also, to find out what the fuck they're doing with those brains. Trophies? Gross.

Score: 4/10, not the best but could be WAAAAAAYYY worse.

[musclesandhammering]

Does Loki/Brad have a ship name? Asking for a friend 👀

[irregularbillcipher]

going over old fic notes and outlines and character talks with friends and it's always really funny when i get to the stuff i was developing early-mid 2019 where bill just literally kept kryptos around to rag on, and he genuinely just. did not like the man. like was just completely annoyed with his general existence. boy have things changed

[lonelyrat15]

merlin spoilers so look away if for some reason you haven’t watched it yet but

I had never seen it until this november and i know i’m literally the last person in the world to hop on this long-departed train but i finally finished it today and I’m Sorry why did no one tell me the finale is literally fucking brokeback mountain why did they make this what were they thinking i don’t understand any of this what was the reason why did they ignore arthurian legend in order to make merlin a twink WHY DID THEY DO THAT???? what was their goal? why is the literal plot of this show that merlin was so sickeningly devoted to arthur that he’d rather save him than EVERY SINGLE MAGICAL PERSON IN CAMELOT??? AND WHY WAS HIS DESTINY TO PROTECT ARTHUR SO THAT HE’LL MAKE MAGIC LEGAL BUT THEN HE ENDS UP DYING BEFORE HE CAN EVEN DO THAT??? SO WAS MERLIN’S DESTINY PURELY TO BE IN GAY LOVE WITH ARTHUR????????? WHY DID THEY MAKE THIS

AND ANOTHER THING is this secret neoliberal propaganda because if the point is that they have to wait for LITERAL CENTURIES for arthur to return, then that means that morgana was fully right to have a revolution awpeofijawefpoawiejfwaepfoiawef also why on earth didn’t gwen make magic legal??????? idk maybe it’s incredible satire that just went over my head

why did they make this????1111!???

loved it tho i’ll probs rewatch

[veevee-volley]

[thebibliosphere]

Whenever I talk about the medical neglect and ableism I've encountered as a victim of the healthcare system, there's always some cockwaffle who feels entitled to come into my inbox and make the argument of "not all doctors" while talking about how "people like them" (because it's always someone in a field of medicine who does this) are doing their best and it's really hard because so many people fake being ill to get on welfare (Yikes), but like, yeah, obviously #not all doctors, because if all doctors were negligent, bullying scum bags, I'd be dead.

But here's the thing: while I truly believe that the majority of doctors are doing their best in a system stacked against them and their patients, their presence does not negate the mass harm caused by the bad ones. And there are far more bad ones than you realize.

Fuck, John Oliver literally did a segment on this last week:

Yes, the truly bad, malicious doctors are in the minority. Most are just horrifically burned out and fighting a losing battle against a system, killing both them and their patients through a lack of funding and resources and profound overwork.

But the malicious ones do exist, and they will go out of their way to harm patients who don't kowtow to them.

I almost lost my life because when I was in my early twenties, I told a doctor I didn't think she was listening to me, and I disagreed with her assessment of my mental health (she was not a mental health doctor, and I was there for heart palpitations and chronic pain). She retaliated by putting "non-compliant" in my file.

There was also a fun little "doesn't show respect" note too that lives rent-free in my head because I know I wasn't rude. I was polite. I just didn't agree with her, and my refusal to accept her off-handed comment that "you probably have bipolar or BPD" (again, I was there for heart palpitations and chronic pain) meant I was "refusing care."

I wasn't. I just refused to be slapped with a mood/personality disorder when I was there because I kept fucking fainting when I stood up.

(Spoiler alert: it was dysautonomia)

That "non-compliant" marker followed me around for years. It followed me across an ocean and effectively ensured that any doctor I saw was going to treat me like absolute dogshit because no one wants to help Difficult Patients. It wasn't until I was so undeniably ill, literally on the brink of death, that anyone helped me.

I'm alive because of a good doctor. And all the good ones that came after him because of him.

So, I know they exist. You don't have to tell me that.

But I really fucking need you to acknowledge the bad ones and that you're part of a system with a long, long history of abusing minorities and vulnerable people. I need you to acknowledge that because it's the only way we're going to survive this godforsaken nightmare and make things better.

So yeah, #notalldoctors, but if you feel the need to say that because someone talking about being literally left to die by the medical system hurts your feelings, I'm going to have to ask you to take a step back and ask yourself if you're going into medicine for the right reasons.

Namely: do you want to help people, even the "difficult" ones?

Even the ones who might disagree with you?

Even if they're on welfare?

Even if they'll never get "better" in a way that means "cured"?

Just a thought. But hey, what do I know. I'm just someone who experienced hemolytic anemia because doctors kept telling me I was anxious and needed to exercise more 🤷‍♀️.

[impishjesters]

Pomni, Kinger, Caine & Jax's reaction to their s/o abstracting

warning(s): angst, hurt no comfort, self-blame, "death" of the reader, implied "death"/abstraction of another character (spoiler: Kinger), hopeful outcome note(s): There's nothing incredibly heavy or detailed, just tread carefully if "death" is something you are sensitive to, please. The "hopeful outcome" implies that Caine will at some point in time be able to fix those who've abstracted. A/N: I was feeling particularly cruel and wanted to write some angst, this came to mind and I'll be honest. I made myself a little sad.

Pomni

She never saw it coming, of course, you were acting different lately but she didn’t think it would… lead to you abstracting…

It took forever for things to get some semblance of normalcy, and you being with her was a major part of it.

Sure the relationship in a place like this was a bit, weird, but you cared about her, and she cared about you.

You kept her sane and grounded, so when you were found abstracted? It felt like she failed you.

Ragatha tries to assure her that you aren’t completely gone. Like Kaufmo you’re being kept in the cellar. Caine claims the abstracted are being kept there until he can find a way to “fix” them. (Whether he’s genuine or not though, none of them know.)

It’s all empty promises though, she still feels like she failed you.

Kinger

Not again…

Kinger silently promised himself not again, he was fine being friendly with everyone else that fell into the circus, but he had no intentions of being more than that.

But then you happened, and while he was still in shambles from the time and the insanity spent here, you were there beside him. Like a knight in shining armor.

He hadn’t been around when you abstracted, in fact, he didn’t know you abstracted until there was yelling, and boom an abstraction was causing chaos.

Kinger didn’t know who it was until it was sent off to the cellar, actually, he didn’t know who it was until he realized everyone was present except you.

There’s a high probability that losing someone again, losing you, is what ends up being his own downfall. The other’s (not including Jax) try their all to get him to calm down but it’s not enough, it’s too late…

Caine

Of all the humans to be pulled in he never once got attached.

This was never supposed to happen, he’s incapable of love.

Caine does his best to keep the humans from abstracting, and as many eyes as he has over the place, there are always ones that slip through his grasp.

Of course, he’s not around when you abstract, it takes a bunch of hooting and hollering from everyone before he shows up and oh hey an abstraction.

At an immediate glance, he knows it’s you, abstractions never remotely look like the person they were before but he knows it’s you. You don’t recognize him as you lash out, of course you don’t, you can’t.

He’s unsure about tossing you with the others in the cellar, there’s nowhere else he can truthfully keep you without causing problems. So into the cellar, you go.

Caine visits you though, not for long but he does check in on you. Not that anything changes, but out of all the abstractions down there, he knows exactly which one is you.

You’ll be the first human he fixes as soon as he’s able to.

Jax

His s/o abstracted? Nice joke, though it’s in poor taste. You’re completely fine, he just saw you earlier.

Jax doesn’t believe it until he sees it, and seeing it absolutely ruins him. He’s seen countless others get abstracted and thrown into the cellar, but why, why does it have to be you?

Why couldn’t it have been literally anyone else? He didn’t give a shit about anyone else, the one person he cared for, and you…

Similarly to Pomni, he feels it’s his fault like he could’ve, no should’ve done more. Was he so wrapped up in everything else that he didn’t notice the signs? Why didn’t you talk to him? You didn’t, didn’t do that on purpose, did you?

For the first time ever, the others are genuinely worried about Jax, they all saw/know how much you meant to him. The two of you even spoke fondly about what the two of you would do if you got out of the circus.

For a while Jax becomes even more irrational and unhinged, they try not to hold it against him too badly, even when he oversteps. He’s grieving and none of them know just how long that’ll go on.

Jax isn’t quite the same afterward, but he makes sure that nobody else tries to worm their way into his heart.

If it’s possible, he’ll make sure Caine fixes you the second he’s able to. Even if Caine can fix only one person, it’s going to be you.

[gotham-daydreams]

i just had a thought

you know what would really fuck up the batfam in the "not tonight" series imagine the reader instead of leaving gets kidnnaped and when the batfam saves them reader breaks down into crying in relief because they genuenly believed the batfam would not bother to save them

Imagine the absolute horror the batman would feel

I know its a little farfetched but i live for the angst

No, no! I love that idea!!! And it isn't all that farfetched seeing as the reader is a well known musician on some level, and even if that wasn't the case- they're still the kid of Bruce Wayne. Which, honestly, is enough motivation for someone to kidnap them, I'd say. Especially if the reasoning is for money, revenge/jealousy, or both honestly.

Besides all that, though- oh my god that would be awful! I love it!

Because imagine things from the reader's perspective (which, there is implied violence inflicted on the reader, mentions a blood, and a gun is pointed towards them. So, if it isn't your cup of tea then that's fine!):

Your 'family' that barely acknowledges you enough as it is, and the only guy who ever seems to notice that you're around is the single butler that basically takes care of everyone and everything in the manor. Now, you're kidnapped because of your relation/connection to the family, and have no hope to do anything besides just pray.

Maybe you have tried to escape before a few times at this point, but the punishment for such attempts have now gotten to the point where if you try again and fail, you'd surely die. Maybe you've also been trying so hard to escape yourself because you're just that certain and sure that the Batfam won't save you. Since, up until this point, anything dealing with or connecting back to you in some way has been ignored or dismissed one way or another. Why would something like a kidnapping be any different? Especially when they also haven't noticed other events where you have gotten hurt before.

Right from the gate, you're already thinking that the Batfam won't save you. Not that they can't, but just like with everything else- something will come up and steal away their attention, and you'll be left by yourself, and to defend yourself as always. That's what always seems to happen, and so why would now be different? In your mind, it wouldn't. So that's why when your attempts to escape fail, and the punishments not only get worse, but begin to pile up and reach a point where you think you're going to die- the situation quickly becomes much scarier.

You don't hope that Batman will suddenly show up, and instead pray that your best friend will notice your missing somehow. You don't think that Nightwing, Red Robin, Spoiler, or Orphan will suddenly swoop in and save the day, but instead try and hope that your producer/boss notices that you haven't replied to his calls or texts and contacts someone. You don't even consider that Red Hood or Robin will come barreling in and quickly deal with your kidnappers before rescuing you — instead all of your thoughts are filled with silent whispers and desperate pleas that someone- anyone you know will notice that you're gone, or that something is wrong, and will contact somebody. With that 'somebody' being the police or anyone of help, but not the Batfam.

Maybe a small thought does slip by, but you can only internally laugh at yourself because you either think that you've already lost enough blood to actually try and believe that lie, or your just growing that desperate to have a little hope. To have something to cling onto in this moment, that you chose the one thing that you're so convinced will never be given to you. A thought that only further cements itself in your mind the more time passes. With hours turning into days, and days to weeks.

Perhaps that's why you try to escape again. Deciding that you had better odds of succeeding despite your injuries, than the Batfam ever coming to save you. Let alone even thinking about it, or even realizing that you were gone in the first place. Taking that risk of getting caught again, and potentially getting killed this time, because no matter how hopeless or unlikely it seems for you to escape and make it out- those chances will always be higher than any single person from the Batfam showing up, and even attempting to save you. Even on accident, or on a whim- that possibility is so unlikely in your mind, that it's basically nothing more than a made up scenario or daydream to you. It's not an 'if' or 'when', but a flat out 'won't'.

Maybe that's why when you fail you get so scared, but can't help but feel like this was inevitable somehow. Of course, you don't want to die- but you had tried your best. You fought until the very end, and it almost feels a little too fitting that things ended up this way. With your efforts ending in vain, and you having nothing to show for it. With your attempts futile, and almost seeming idiotic from an outsider's point of view, and maybe it was.

You never stood a chance. You were doomed for failure. Not even all the training and experience you had could save you- and only now could you see how truly worthless all your efforts had been. With a gun pointed to your head, and your own blood providing the only warmth you've felt in days.

There's an odd sense of comfort and familiarity in the chill that shoots down your spine, and the cold gaze that one of your kidnappers give you. They're carelessness and disregard for your health reminding you of something, with their rough attacks and harsh punches bringing back times where you really did need the Batfam, only for no one to show up. Your call dying down as fast as it had risen that day, and one you never even bothered to make again.

So maybe that was why you were so surprised when help arrived, and even more so when you saw who exactly it was.

Before you could even fully register anything, you began to cry. A wide smile full of disbelief grows on your face, and more tears begin to fall as the smallest of laughs escape you. 'Unbelievable' is the first word that comes to mind when describing what you felt, and thought when you saw Batman drop down from the ceiling and deal with the guy who was about to kill you, and heard some commotion just down the hall.

At first, your convinced it's all some silly dream, and that maybe during your final moments- your mind decided to give you something nice to send you off. Almost like a warm parting gift to distract you from the hopelessness, and reality of the situation. Though it's only when pain shoots through your entire body when you move a certain way, that the thought of all of this being some made up hallucination or delusion vanishes, and you can't help but cry harder.

You don't know if it's a good or bad thing that after all this time- the one time they actually notice that you're gone, is when you not only get kidnapped, but can't escape by yourself. That the one time they acknowledge you, you're almost dead, bleeding out, and the most messy and vulnerable you've ever been.

Maybe life really did have some grudge against you to go to such lengths to fuck you over, but right now you're too relieved to be saved to care at the moment.

Yet, to say the Batfam feels awful on a totally new level, is an understatement. They understand feeling relieved, but to this extent? It's like you never expected them to come and save you at all... and that little thought seems to be true when one of them tries to help you out, and you're still laughing weakly as you continue to cry. Asking through a broken, wavering voice if all of this is real, and isn't some fucked up hallucination your having to make passing on easier. That they really showed up, and as a last ditch effort to not make your death anymore painful then it has to be- this isn't just some... dream, to make you feel like you were actually cared for in your final moments.

It breaks their hearts, a lot.

Especially when you repeat questions, as if trying to really make sure that they're there, that they're real, and aren't just some figment of your imagination. That they actually came to save you, and weren't off saving Gotham or the world itself instead. Constantly trying to be sure, as if the moment you weren't- then you'd be convinced that you were slowly dying all alone, with no hope of help coming — not even thinking that the Batfam would come — and just have to sit with that fact as you take your final breaths.

The pain you feel is almost equal to their's, and what really worries and scares most of them is how sure and certain you are that they wouldn't show up. That either the thought would never cross their minds, or that something else would come up and they'd leave you for dead, or that they just wouldn't notice that you were kidnapped at all.

Which, said fright and worry is only amplified when you have to keep asking "Are you really here? Are you sure?" And the like, and they have to keep finding ways to prove to you that yes, they are here. They're helping you, and they're not leaving- they actually managed to save you, and that you're going be okay now. That they aren't going away, and are very, very real.

Each little, broken laugh chips away at the pieces of their hearts, and your own disbelief that they can't seem to get rid of no matter what they do or say, is just a punch to the gut. You didn't just think that they wouldn't show up, but were fully convinced that they wouldn't even bother with it. That own realization just... hurts more than anything.

Had they really been that awful to you? Had they really caused you so much pain and hurt that you'd not only think of such a thing, but fully believe it? They didn't remember doing anything in particular that would cause you to think that way... but maybe that wasn't the problem. It wasn't what they did to you, but rather what they didn't do, and that's when the pieces finally begin to click.

Of course some don't want to believe it, similar to how some of them in "Not Here" express a brief moment of denial and disbelief themself, but they don't get to experience such a luxury anymore. Not with you here- bleeding, hurt, and crying from both relief and disbelief, because you couldn't believe that they actually showed up.

Even when they do quickly take you to a hospital and get you treated, that image of you is still ingrained into their minds. They can't forget it- how you looked at them and spoke, and just how you treated the whole situation because of how convinced you were.

From here they'll try to rebuild what they can, and all definitely be 100% more protective then they've ever been. The moment you're able to come home (which, you ARE coming home. No if's or but's. You don't get a chance this time.), they're doing everything in their power to not only 'fix' everything, but make sure that you are safe at all possible moments of the day.

It's safe to say that the whole experience traumatized the whole family to a certain degree. Not only with you being kidnapped- but you trying to escape multiple times and almost dying, because you were so convinced that no one would show up to help. (Which, while it was also because you can genuinely handle yourself and did believe you could escape on your own, the Batfam doesn't entirely believe that (and you almost dying doesn't help with that) so they chalk it up to you being desperate, because you 'knew' that no one was coming to save you. Which also may or may not make certain people worse in the process.) So they're already leaning pretty heavy on the yandere tendencies. Which most likely develop over the time you're in the hospital, and into your first week or so staying in the Manor.

Which does lead us to your little addition:

Which, you are very correct!!!

Our boy Jason, put in very simple terms, doesn't take the situation well. At all.

Seeing you bloodied, bruised, abused, malnourished, and on the brink of death no less- definitely doesn't help with his reaction at all.

Don't get me wrong! All of them react pretty negatively to the situation, and many of them have very strong reactions- Jason in particular just has the worst and strongest one. :]

The moment he sees you, he's immediately reminded of his death. The urge to comfort you is strong, but he just doesn't know what to do- and so he ends up not doing anything until you're in the hospital. Which, leading up to that point, he's checking your pulse as often as he can.

He knows what it's like to be hopeless, and feel that helpless- but to know that you experienced that? To know that you almost died like he did? It ruins him. It fucks him up more than anything else.

From the way you looked at the Batfam- the way you looked at him, and just how utterly relieved you were, despite drowning in your own disbelief- it haunts him. The state they found you in messed him up enough, but all of your questions, and just how you were even trying to reassure yourself that them showing up and saving you was real, fucked him up big time.

Before he knows it, he's hunting down the people who kidnapped you, and wiping out whatever is left of their bloodlines. Not sparing a single person, as they didn't spare you- with their generations leading to your kidnappers being born.

He's making their final moments just as painful as yours would've been. Their agony almost matching his, as he couldn't forget the night they saved you. He refused to. That moment forever engraved into his mind, reminding him of what also was if they were a second too late, and how it made him realize just how much he's fucked up along with everyone else.

While Jason can't exactly just waltz into the Hospital to visit you, since he is still considered dead and everything, he sneaks into your room instead. Trying to give what comfort he can in his own silent, but close way. Holding your hand with a gentleness even foreign to himself, and saying how he's sorry and that he'll make it up to you. Promising every night that he'll make those that made you suffer pay with their lives, and then some. Saying how he won't leave your side ever again, only to be gone by the morning.

He brings what he can as well. Even if it isn't as showy or extravagant as any of the things that Bruce, Damian, Dick and so on are getting you, or as pretty and lively as the flowers that are placed by your bedside. It's just his own little way of trying to make it up to you.

The small, little gifts he gives you are indeed little, and he doesn't give much since he doesn't think that your forgiveness or love can be bought. But he still tries to give something. So he'll give things that can be as little as hair ties or bracelets, to earrings (that totally aren't matching) and a little music box that reminded him of the melodies you've made thus far. It's all just another way of saying that he cares about you, and not only wants to build your relationship but be connected to you somehow.

The earrings, even if you don't wear them but just have them, make him feel closer to you then he can. He hopes that in some little way, that whenever you wind and let that music box play its tune, that you are reminded of him or think of him in some way. That when you wear or even look at the few ties and bracelets he's given you, he comes to mind in some small way, and manages to bring the smallest of smiles on your face.

Jason doesn't yearn to be remembered or seen fondly, but he would like to and deeply appreciate it. Since when he looks at his earnings, he's reminded of you, and the pair he managed to give you. Leaving him unable to fight back the smile that grows on his face.

For the most part, he just generally tries to be more present, hardly leaving you alone unless he has to, and spending every moment he can by your side. Moments that begin to last longer once he finishes his buisness with your kidnappers, and their families. He doesn't push too hard or is super in your face and constantly invading your personal space. He just exists in your presence, and as long as you're around he's got no complaints.

Though he does get extremely protective and possessive. Especially if your sleeping or something, and someone walks in. God have mercy if they need to wake you up, and dare to try without saying anything to Jason first.

Which- all of this boils down to you getting scary dog privileges every night, which turns into an almost 24/7 type of deal when you get discharged from the hospital.

---

Sorry if this is a little all over the place. I wrote it all in one go for the most part and haven't really looked it over, so there's probably some mistakes I didn't catch and missed 😅

Still, I hope that's alright, and as you can see- i really enjoy this idea :]

[incorrectbatfam]

Tim and stpeh’s top ten patrol fails

——— (10) ———

Tim and Steph: *chained together*

Two-Face: *monologues*

Tim: *picks the lock*

Steph, whispering: Free me first.

Tim: Why?

Steph: Just do it.

Tim: *frees her*

Steph: *sprints past Two-Face to the bathroom*

——— (9) ———

Steph: I'm closing in on the museum. Where are you?

Tim: ETA one minute.

Steph: Alright, I'm doing a quick perimeter check. Doesn't seem like there's much happening here.

Tim: Where are you? I don't see you. And this entire gallery looks deserted.

Steph: I've never heard anyone call a science museum a gallery.

Tim: Science? I'm at the modern art museum.

Steph: Red?

Tim: Yeah?

Steph: We're both at the wrong place, aren't we?

——— (8) ———

Tim and Steph: *tied to chairs*

Ivy: I gave the city ONE REASONABLE DEMAND and they—

Steph: *scoots her chair*

Ivy: —but all they cared about was—

Steph: *scoots her chair*

Ivy: So now I'm going to make them pay for—what are you doing?

Steph, biting an apple: ...

Tim: She gets snacky.

——— (7) ———

[on a stakeout]

Tim, stifling a yawn: What time is it?

Steph: Half past one. Still nothing on the drop site. If you need some shut eye you can tell me.

Tim: Nah, I'll just use my phone.

Steph: *peers over his shoulder*

Steph: You're reading an adopted by Batman AU?

Tim: ...I was hacked. Just right now.

——— (6) ———

Steph: I could use a little backup.

Tim, shooting his grapple: I'm on my way. How many are there?

Steph: Four, though I bet more are hiding.

Tim: In that case, we better get you out of there instead of wasting time.

Tim: *swings by*

Tim: Grab on.

Steph: *grabs his legs and pulls his pants down*

——— (5) ———

Tim: What should I call my next contingency plan?

Steph: Fuck if I know.

[later]

Barbara: Alright, Tim, let's review your plan for...

Barbara: *squints*

Barbara: Everybody leave. I want to talk to Tim alone.

——— (4) ———

Tim: I'm not so sure about my disguise.

Steph, dressed like the 1980s: It's an 80s-themed roller derby. No way you can mess that up.

Tim: *shows up dressed like the 1880s*

Steph: I stand corrected.

——— (3) ———

Steph: You need to put that computer down. Have a Batburger.

Tim: No. I've almost got it. And don't try to distract me 'cause I've seen everything.

Steph, whispering under her breath: You haven't seen Superboy.

Kon: You called?

Tim: Oh for crying out loud.

——— (2) ———

Tim: *driving the Batmobile*

Steph: Hey, what does this button do?

Tim: NO DON'T THAT—

Steph: *hits the button*

Tim: *gets ejected*

——— (1) ———

Steph: Another successful patrol, if I say so myself.

Tim: All in a night's work.

Bruce: Where's Damian?

Tim: Huh?

Bruce: You were supposed to watch him.

Steph: Pfft, we knew that. He's right... uh...

Tim: We're just gonna—

Tim and Steph: *hop in the car and speed away*

——— (Honorable mention) ———

Steph: No sign of Robin at the dog shelter either. Did you locate his tracker?

Tim: It's offline. Best case scenario he just disabled it, but...

Steph: Oh God, we are in so much trouble.

Tim: Any other ideas?

Steph: Nope. I'm gonna get a drink of water real quick.

Steph: *goes into a store*

Steph: *comes back out with Damian*

Steph: Guess who I found trying to buy a butterfly knife?

Tim: I'll update Batman.

Tim, on the phone: Hey B, guess what?

Damian: *snatches the phone*

Damian: They abandoned me in Crime Alley!

Bruce: Red Robin, Spoiler, you're cleaning the lockers when you get back.

Tim: No wait—

Damian: *hangs up*

[candyskiez]

so, you've heard shows be recommended because they had gay characters. you don't really know what they're actually about though, and don't know if they'd be something you'd be into and are worried about spoilers. here's spoiler free plot summaries of em!

The Owl House

The Owl House starts out as a typical teenage girl goes into a fantasy realm story, but with a twist. Actions have consequences. The protagonist is a girl named Luz Noceda, who was being sent to a camp to make her behave normally by her mother after causing too much trouble at school. She ends up finding a place she's always dreamed of: a fantasy world. A world where everyone's so much weirder than she is. And she thinks, maybe if I don't belong out there, maybe people will like me here. Maybe I can be special here.

It's a story about found family, propaganda, erased history, living with disability, religious trauma, and neurodivergence. It's fundamentally a show about people who's brains work differently finding each other and making a family that treats them right. Definitely my favorite of the ones on this list. It's about people who've been oppressed being pissed about it and about finding yourself again after giving up on everyone around you for so long. It's basically a show about being a minority and trying to be understood and to understand yourself in the process. It's about growing up neurodivergent and how isolating it feels and figuring yourself out. It's about repairing broken relationships and parents who fuck up. And it's just. Such a love letter to anyone who was the weird kid in school. It's sad and heartbreaking and also so hopeful, and it's wonderful.

Content warnings: Abuse, Death, Grief, Animal Death, Suicidal thoughts, Vague suicide attempts, Depression, blink and you'll miss it s/h, body horror, religious trauma

She Ra and the Princesses Of Power

Adora was raised in the Horde since she was a baby, being fed propaganda about how cruel the princesses were. After learning how the horde actually was, though, she defects. But there's one problem. Her best friend, Catra, stays behind. Adora finds a sword that can transform her into She Ra, and might be the key to figuring out who she really is, while Catra takes her place as force captain.

It's a story about abuse, at the end of the day. Adora and Catra were stuck in a golden child and scapegoat dynamic, despite how much they care about each other. This leads to them knowing everything about each other but not understanding it. There's a fundamental disconnect between them, because both of their traumas are completely different. They have complete misconceptions about each other. Even in their initial split, they both have completely different perceptions of what's going on and why the other is upset. It's not a story about magic princesses, it's about the cycle of abuse and what makes it so complicated. Does it have flaws? Yeah. But ultimately I really really enjoy it, and when it does something right it does something RIGHT. Get through season one, it starts kids show-y but it gets very good during later s1.

Content warnings: Abuse (obviously), body horror, gaslighting (and I mean actual gaslighting, not what the Internet thinks gaslighting is), suicide, depression, flashing lights and eyestrain during the finale

Steven Universe

Steven Universe is a sins of the father story. Steven is the son of the leader of the rebel group The Crystal Gems, who's name was Rose Quartz. He navigates the confusion of being half gem and half human, as well as trying to figure out the mess of the rebellion and what his mother left behind. He's constantly in her shadow, for better or for worse.

It's a story about grief. How it impacts relationships, how it taints history, how it impacts family. It has some definite flaws, but ultimately it's about very flawed people who have lost so many people in their life trying to cope with it. Trying to handle what they lost and trying to adjust to life without them. It's about how expectations fuck a kid up and about agency and just a show about complicated relationships in general, at the end of the day. Also, it has some FANTASTIC music.

Content warnings: Grief, Abuse, body horror, very creepy people I don't know how to tag, heavy allegories for homophobia

Nimona

Nimona is a story about a guy who gets framed for murder. His name is Ballister Boldheart, a commoner who hoped to become a knight. It seemed everyone was waiting to watch him fail, so it was no surprise when he was the immediate target. Heavily injured and away from the man he loves, he's left alone trying to figure out a way to prove his innocence- until a strange kid comes into his life. This kids name is Nimona, and while he is intent on proving his innocence, she gave up on being anything but a villain a long time ago.

It's about deconstructing the model minority myth, trans rage, propaganda, and with a healthy dose of "FUCK the police".

Content warnings: Heavy injury, on screen suicide attempt, flashing lights

feel free to add more shows! just remember to keep the summaries as spoiler free as you can and add content warnings!

[nagichi-boop]

SHADOW IS WRITTEN SO WELL IN THE MURDER OF SONIC THE HEDGEHOG!!

First of all, just him showing up to Amy’s party is a step up from his recent “I will do everything myself, I hate everyone, imma fight you” attitude that we have seen. Secondly, and idk if it was intentional, but him attending shows he cares about Amy. He’s always had a special place for her after the events of SA2, so it’s nice to see him showing up for something that maybe isn’t his style for her sake. (Parties aren’t really his thing, after all.)

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

It’s also really sweet of him to go through so many lengths to try and get Amy’s present. I definitely don’t think he forgot to get her a present, he genuinely just didn’t seem to know that it was a social norm to bring presents to a birthday. If he really didn’t care, he either wouldn’t have gotten her anything or he would’ve given her a rushed gift. But no, he went through a lot of effort, basically foregoing the game, just to stall Amy so he could get her a present she would enjoy.

And not just any present - he remembered her mentioning a specific band she liked and that she hadn’t seen them live. This not only suggests he listens to her and remembers what she tells him, but also implies that he has had multiple conversations with her. Clearly he must have also done some research too since he knew that the tickets were going live soon. He thought this through, even if it was a bit last minute, and did his best to get the tickets (even though he admits to not being the best with computers, which is also nice because usually Shadow just insists he’s the best at everything). I also think it was sweet that he didn’t heavily protest Amy’s suggestion to see the band together. He hesitated, but then yielded. This…for a character who recently has been written to be quite selfish.

He seemed upset that he couldn’t keep this a surprise, but he also didn’t become enraged or lash out at Tails and MC/Barry. In fact, he didn’t really lash out at anyone at any point which is refreshing, since in most Sonic media that’s his go-to emotion.

Most of his expressions throughout the game are fairly gentle in fact. Sure, he doesn’t smile, but he also isn’t actively angry. And the one expression where he does seem a bit negative just seems like his resting expression, or at absolute worse just a little annoyed. He’s very mellow throughout the game and it’s refreshing.

Even after he has finished talking to Amy, Tails and MC/Barry, he offers to stay with them and help them with the investigation. Normally in Sonic media, Shadow has no interest in helping others and only really cooperates if there’s a mutual goal/interest. And even then, he tends try to do things on his own. But in this game? He actually cooperates, and what’s more, he goes out of his way to offer his help.

So far I’ve mostly talked about his attitude towards Amy. But what’s his attitude towards Sonic? People debate back and forth on whether Shadow hates Sonic and the recent games and media have made it seem like he does hate Sonic. But in this game? I wouldn’t say so. I mean, he’s literally hanging out with him and his friends and instead of having beef with Sonic, he just focused on making Amy happy. And even when the situation gets more dire and Sonic is found to be knocked out, he doesn’t make any snarky comments or anything. In fact, he actually helps to tend to Sonic’s condition, even if it was just checking his pulse. If he rly didn’t care, he would’ve left it to everyone else.

Man, I could talk for hours about Shadow in this game. I can’t believe this April Fools prank game is actually the best characterisation for Shadow we’ve had recently. He’s not overly aggressive, he isn’t selfish, he isn’t super edgy. He is still sorta cold, but he’s not rude or mean. He’s actually really kind (in his own way), putting his needs and desires on hold to make Amy’s birthday fun and to help everyone out. I seriously hope that Shadow is written more like this in the future and not like he has been. Maybe Sega wasn’t joking about taking on board the complaints of the fandom.

[rick-rayson]

LUCY MACLEAN┊ DATING HCS

A/N: I'm back to feed my own obsessions hi hello beenaminit

NOTES: POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR THE FALLOUT SHOW!! Though I tried to keep it very ambiguous

┊BEFORE DATING:

Let's be honest Lucy probably fell first, whether you're a Vault Dweller or Wastelander it doesn't matter. Despite the privileges of the vaults, Vault 33 has hardwired Lucy's brain to freely feel and act on emotions with vigor.

Having been raised in a meritocracy, Lucy believes the best way to win your affections is through active illustrations of her skills, knowledge, and attentiveness. Very much an acts of service person.

And very, very bad flirting.

"You're really well learned in enacting violence!"

"You're so good at- um- shooting. People."

"How's it going?" She asks as she leans on a rusted mailbox.

It breaks and she falls over.

Just. Really bad.

You're likely aware that she fancies you before she even realizes. She's not good at hiding her expressions at all.

Not so subtly checking you out or admiring you whenever you just, exist, tbh

Despite it all, she won't make the first move to save her life. Tiptoeing on the line of what ifs and what isn't. You're going to have to take one for the team.

┊DATING:

She's actually a huge loser

Absolute girl failure

She's trying so hard though

Proximity is a must. If you're dating Lucy, you quickly become fundamental to her sense of peace.

At first it's a bit much, being in the wasteland kind of messes up her sense of boundaries a bit in a desperation to have you as much as possible.

You have to remind her flat out that it is not, in fact, the norm to follow your partner as they try to find a private place to pee.

She's a bit of a freak honestly.

SOMETHING is up with her but she's so much nicer and kinder than anyone on the surface that you don't mind much.

Uses terms of endearment but sparingly, mostly in private.

You could wake up and look like a feral ghoul and she'd still look at you with a big smile like, "Hey Doll/Hun. Sleep well?"

Craves softness and physical affection but feels as though she cannot have it. Everyone is quick to tell her what kind of person she needs to be on the surface so she's hesitant to express her affections sometimes.

But the more you show her that your touch is not meant to harm, but to love, she'll reciprocate.

Pretty touchy, subtle mostly, a hand on your back, a hand rubbing your arm, tracing your palm with her thumb.

When you two first started dating she very shyly asked if she could place her sleeping bag near yours, you could only laugh.

Whenever she scavenges food (or anything even slightly digestible) she's always offering it to you first.

Sometimes she just craves a really good make-out. She's good at repressing whatever bullshit the wasteland throws at her but she's not about to say no to a make-out session.

Whenever she finds cool knick-knacks she gifts them to you. Pins, random comic books

"I found another Grognak book-! Oh, oh wait, no, no we've already read this one :/"

hats. Lots of hats. Neat hats.

"Well don't you look dapper?" She grins as she places a sun hat on your head.

Honestly depends on you a bit. Though she's aware of the fact the surface is dangerous, it's a different thing to have to experience it.

Tells you all about Vault 33 and what her childhood was like over campfire. You learn very quickly why she is the way she is.

She can be an easy person to sway so she honestly needs you as her rock, her bad cop if you will.

Most nights she'll only sleep if you sleep first, watching over you for a bit before indulging in rest.

Kinda just stares at you a whole lot, but she means well.

Will always be the first to elect to take care of you, and gets a bit possessive in that respect.

Almost completely tackled Maximus to the floor when you got hurt and raced to use whatever she had on hand. She does not care if it's the last Stimpak they have, she WILL do anything to make sure you're okay.

She cares for you so deeply, as you're likely her first ever love.

She falls first, and she falls hard.

Always fixes up your clothes before heading out or patting down your garments, It's a post-apocalyptic wasteland, no one cares about appearances, but you know that Lucy does it to retain a sense of normalcy for herself.

A little thing that she's good at is being persuasive, it's a subtle thing, but Lucy is acutely aware that sometimes batting her eyelashes or giving a pretty please can get her to where she needs or what she wants.

She most definitely uses it on you.

And uh.. NSFW headcanons?

SHE'S A FREAK!

AN ABSOLUTE FREAKZOID!!

That is all. c:

[deadtired-highkeyenergetic]

hey! i just had a request (if you like it!) - cazador taking astarion’s partner (reader/tav) when all the siblings try to kidnap astarion, and turning them, intending for them to take astarion’s place - ofc astarion and crew arrive in time and scene progresses as normal, but now reader/tav is a vampire spawn. just fluff and hurt/comfort

Oh wow this became far darker than intended, I hope you don't mind. I do feel a little bad for reader in this one, honestly. Part 2 can be found here!

Spoilers for act 3!! If anyone still needs this.

Astarion’s shout stirs you from your peaceful slumber and you sit up with a start, eyes wide. Your hand automatically shoots to your weapon, fingers curling around it when you see two figures slowly approaching your lover who back away, hackles raised.

“Peace, brother. We’re here to take you home.” One says and you frown, ready to step in if needed. The other one urges Astarion to return with them, to ‘be reborn’ and you quickly make your way to Astarion’s side, ready to fight if need be. You didn’t care that those two were vampire spawn, you would defend Astarion with everything you had. You weren’t going to lose him now, not after coming all this way.

Astarion’s hand gently brushes against yours, a silent thank you for your show of support as you size your potential opponents up. With a gentle squeeze of your hand, Astarion moves to step slightly in front of you and begins to tell his siblings of his plan to take Cazador’s place in the ritual, to ascend and his siblings are none the wiser about the lies he’s weaving.

You know how desperately he wants the ritual, how he yearns for the power it will give him and yet you’re torn between convincing him otherwise and letting him take it. You don’t want to see him drown in the pursuit of this power but you know how much it means to him, the idea of being able to walk in the sun again, the idea of no longer being under someone else’s control, so you keep silent, your mind in turmoil.

Either way, the encounter ends with Cazador taking control of the spawns and it delves into a fight as Astarion does all he can to protect himself and you do all you can to ensure neither spawn manage to lay a hand on him. By the end of it, you’re panting from exhaustion, scratches lacing your skin but the two spawns have been backed into a corner and you have emerged victorious alongside Astarion.

Or so you think.

Suddenly, a chill runs down your spine and mist turns into a humanoid figure with glowing red eyes. Astarion’s eyes widen and he takes an instinctive step back. The two spawn cower as a sneer forms on the humanoid’s face, a clawed hand reaching out towards you.

“Y/N I presume? I have heard much about you, it is an honour to finally meet you.”

Cazador.

You swallow hard, refusing to show the vampire lord a hint of fear and meet his burning gaze that stares into your very soul.

“Cazador,” you say, tone measured. “If only I could say the same.”

Why was he here? Was he going to forcefully take Astarion away? If he was, you were pretty much powerless to stop him by yourself and he would be able to start the ritual. You keep your eyes fixed on the vampire lord who is smiling unnervingly, standing your ground as he takes a step towards you.

“Thank you for taking care of my precious lost son,” he places a hand on your shoulder which you brush off, glowering at him. He remains unfazed despite your rude gesture, the smile still fixed on his face.

“You’re very welcome,” you say stiffly, still uncertain about what Cazador was here for. He hadn’t spared a glance at Astarion at all, which was odd and the other two spawn hadn’t made a single move to kidnap Astarion, even though now was the best time to do so.

“In return, I would like him back so that he may return home.”

“No.” You immediately growl without a second thought. “I will not let you lay a hand on Astarion again.”

“How courageous of you,” the vampire lord chuckles. “To think that my son has found someone like you…to guide him back. I really am extremely grateful to you.”

Astarion makes a noise, ignoring the shaking in his hands and moves to stand next to you. He can’t leave you to face Cazador alone, not after he’s promised to always be by your side and so despite the nauseating fear that is rising in his throat, he forces himself to face his tormentor.

“Now then, my boy” Cazador continues, gaze finally turning towards him. “I will give you a choice. You, or your precious Y/N.”

“What?” Astarion narrows his eyes.

“Choose. You, or Y/N.” Cazador repeats.

“What do you intend to do?” Astarion snarls. Cazador doesn’t answer his question and simply raises three fingers, slowly counting down. Confused, Astarion opens and closes his mouth, unsure of the consequence each choice will spell and a wide grin forms on the vampire lord’s face once the last finger is down.

“Time’s up, my boy. I suppose, I will have to make the choice for you since you cannot make up your mind.” Cazador places a hand on your shoulder. “Say goodbye to your precious Y/N.”

Astarion takes a step towards you, your name on the tip of his tongue but he is too late, slowed by the tadpole and Cazador whisks you away along with the other two spawns, back to his palace.

“No, no, no!” Astarion roars, hand grasping thin air. “Cazador!”

The others come running over at the commotion, confused when they see Astarion on his knees, sobbing and cursing.

“What happened?” Halsin asks, kneeling next to the wailing vampire.

“Cazador!” Astarion snarls through the tears. “He took Y/N!”

“He took Y/N? Aren’t you the one he’s after? Why did he take them?” Wyll asks.

“Didn’t you say you’d protect them? Why didn’t you?” Lae’zel snaps. Astarion whirls around, ready to tear Lae’zel apart but Halsin holds him back, the vampire thrashing in his grip.

“Calm down, Astarion. We won’t get anywhere fighting amongst ourselves. Do you have an idea of where Cazador might have taken Y/N?” Halsin’s low voice gently rumbles.

“His damned palace, probably,” Astarion mutters, guilt tearing away at him. He should have given Cazador an answer, he should have been stronger and pressed Cazador for answers, he should have pulled you away from Cazador the moment the vampire lord had placed his hand on your shoulder.

“Then we will head there immediately,” Jaheria smoothly takes command and the other nod in agreement. The longer you were with Cazador, the dimmer your prospects, for who knew what Cazador wanted with you? Time was of the essence.

“We will get Y/N back,” Gale said firmly. “We will rescue them.”

At Cazador’s palace, you were held in place by blood red glyphs as Cazador circled you, ruby eyes glowing in the darkness.

“You are a fascinating creature, Y/N. Time and time again, I’ve taught my imperfect son not to form a relationship, that such bonds are a weakness he cannot afford, and yet he still chooses to form a bond with you. He knew of the consequences that would follow, and still decided to proceed. I wonder what about you makes him decide to risk it all.”

You remain silent, glaring as hard as you can at him. He leans in closer, a cold finger traces along your jawline and stop at your chin.

“Is it because of how much you make him think you care for him?”

“I genuinely care for him, unlike you!” You spit, jerking away from his touch.

“Or maybe your looks.” He pretends to contemplate before tightly grabbing you by the chin and pulling you towards him.

“No…that can’t be it.” He smirks. “Oh, I know. It’s the delectable taste of your blood, isn’t it? I can see the bite marks, he clearly loves drinking from you.”

“Piss off!” You snarl despite the fear creeping into your chest. “Whatever goes on between Astarion and I is none of your concern!”

“Oh, but it is. He is, after all, my son.” Cazador leans even closer, pressing his lips against the bite marks on your neck. “And you too, will become my child.”

His fangs sink into the soft supple flesh of your neck, painful and harsh unlike Astarion’s bite and you hiss, struggling to get away but the glyphs hold you tight. Your heart thunders, blood rushing in your ears as you snarl, spit and thrash as hard as you can but his fangs remain firmly lodged in your neck, your precious lifeblood gushing down his throat. Spots start to form in your vision and you feel yourself weakening, life fading away.

“Oh, don’t worry.,” you barely hear him as the world starts to turn black. “I don’t kill my own children.”

When you wake, everything is dark, but something feels different. Your sense of smell is sharper, you can see the lines of wood in the dark and…

“Welcome back, my child.” The sound of wood scraping rakes your ears and you quickly cover them, hissing.

“How are you feeling?” Cazador smiles, setting something down before turning to you, holding out a hand.

“Get lost!” You slap his hand away, trying to take in your surroundings. You’re in some sort of underground area, judging from the leaking ceiling and the musty smell in the air. The tiny squeaks of rats fill your ears and you notice chains hanging from the wall in front of you, covered in dried blood.

“How rude. It seems the first thing I must teach you is manners,” Cazador tuts. “Repeat after me, ‘I am fine, thank you for asking, master.’”

“Go —” A presence dominates your mind, sending your tadpole squirming as it tries to take back your mind. You scream, the tadpole’s fight tearing your mind apart and you hear Cazador snarl in frustration.

“That blasted thing!”

He looks back up at you, a smile slowly reforming itself upon his face. “Still, it doesn’t matter. I don’t need to have complete control over you for my plan to work. All I need is you.”

“What do you intend to do?” You pant, head throbbing.

“Why, have you take that boy’s place in the ritual of course. He chose to sacrifice you instead of himself. Now come along, I would rather not have to drag you out in front of your new siblings.”

You quietly follow him, mind still struggling to wrap around recent events. One moment you were trying to find Gortash and Orin to prevent The Absolute from taking over Baldur’s Gate, and then next you were Cazador’s latest vampire spawn, a sacrifice for his ascension. Cazador didn’t seem to mind your silence, tightly holding onto your hand to ensure you couldn’t just run away, not that he would have much of a problem catching you anyways.

He leads you to a grand hall where a pentagram has already been drawn with blood in the center of the floor and seven pedestals surround it. His other vampire spawn each stand on one, waiting for further instructions and you glance around nervously. Would the others be able to find this place before it was too late?

Cazador unsheathes a dagger, snapping his fingers and glyphs appear around your wrists and ankles once more, forcing you to kneel on the ground in front of him. He slices your clothes open, tossing them away until you’re half naked and bends down next to you.

“I believe you know what comes next.”

Bile rises in your throat, your clawed fingertips digging into your palm as you prepare yourself.

“Go rot in the hells.”

He laughs, knowing that all you can do is spit words at him and raises the dagger with a sadistic grin.

Then plunges it straight into your back.

The pain tears you apart from the inside, gnawing at every fibre of your being as you keenly feel each and every sinew being split open by the dagger, warm blood coating your back. You can hear screaming, was it coming from you? You couldn’t tell, your mind was far too hazy to make anything out.

Everything hurts, everything hurts, everything hurts.

You scream until your voice turns hoarse, but Cazador doesn’t stop. He continues with his work of art, twisting the dagger whilst its blade is embedded in your flesh whenever you collapse, shocking you back into reality. Over and over again he marks your flesh with Infernal script and you wonder how Astarion pulled through this.

Suddenly, the dagger stops. Cazador shouts something but your ringing ears can’t make out anything. Something red slams into the vampire lord and sends him crashing into the floor with a war cry, followed by an axe.

The glyphs holding you up disappear and you feel yourself falling, but not an inch of your body obeys your command to break your fall. Before the floor can meet you, a pair of warm arms wraps around you, holding you steady.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you.”

You stare blankly at the floor beneath, wishing it had ended your suffering but then you remember that you’re a vampire spawn now and simply smacking into the floor wouldn’t kill you.

“Y/N? Talk to me,” the voice speaks again. Your swimming vision barely manages to scrape together an image and through the haze your mind recalls a name. Wyll.

A small noise escapes your lips and the Blade of Frontiers lets out a sigh of relief.

“You’re alive, that’s good.”

“No,” you whisper. “Not. Alive.”

“Not in that sense,” someone else speaks. Halsin.

Something new warms your back, blue light shimmering around you, “don’t you dare fall asleep.” Shadowheart.

“As…”

An angry cry pierces through the air. More shouting. Then. Silence. A figure rushes to your side, silvery curls stained with blood.

“Y/N!” There’s panic in the voice. “Darling?”

“As…ta…rion.”

“You’re safe now,” he pulls you into a hug. “You’re safe now.”

“Hurt…”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Astarion chokes. “I’m sorry I let that monster take you, I’m sorry I let you get hurt, I’m sorry I was late.”

His apologies are met with silence, your body limp in his arms as you struggle to stay awake. You want to reassure him, you want to say something but your body refuses to cooperate.

“I’m sorry,” he sobs. “It’s my fault that you were taken, I promised to protect you and yet, and yet I —”

“It…s…ok.”

“It’s not!” He snaps. “It’s not ok! Nothing is! I let Cazador take you! I let him turn you! Now…now you can’t walk in the sun anymore! Not once that damned tadpole is removed! You’ll constantly feel the hunger! Others will call you a monster!”

Astarion stops when he sees the fresh tear streaks on your face, biting his lip hard. You come first, you need him right now. He pushes his self-hatred away and focuses on you, wrapping his arms around you and hugging you tightly, ignoring the blood that seeps between his fingers. He presses his lips against the top of your head as your shoulders shake.

“I’m right here, my love. I’m right here. I promise, you’re never alone. You will never be alone. I will be right here, by your side to help you shoulder your burdens as you’ve helped me. I promise.”

[lightfeltmemories]

episode one: phantom troupe and romance; headcanons from least toxic, to most toxic

characters include: chrollo, machi, pakunoda, shizuku, uvogin, shalnark, feitan, phinks, bonolenov, kortopi, hisoka, illumi, nobunaga, franklin. (not in order)

tw's: nsfw but nothing explicit, mentions of non-con, spoilers for the deaths of pakunoda, shalnark, kortopi and uvogin, toxic relationships, lovebombing, mentions of torture (not on reader), mentions of cheating, mentions of reader's death,

notes: a completely self indulgent post, you can probably tell who im biased towards by how long certain sections are.

because this contains mentions of nsfw, do not interact if you are under 18, you will be blocked if you do !! also, do not leave negative comments please, they will be deleted :)

pakunoda

out of everyone, guaranteed, she'll be the best partner out of everyone else, you might even end up shocked that she's apart of the troupe if it ever comes to you finding out.

she's a darling, spoils and cares for you like anyone else, a great listener and partakes in your interests in hobbies, its (almost) like a fairytale by how the relationship is, the troupe knows you but you don't know them! and she wants to keep it that way, of course still she's a murderer, so it would break her if you were to have found out about everything, she vowed to never let you know or even have you close to knowing about what she does, but you just can't help but wonder what she's doing when she's away for long periods of time.

until it comes to her death.

now, you eventually find out that she died from a close friend of hers, but he knows paku doesn't want you to know about the troupe, so, he's a bit vague, and a bit creepy.

--

nobunaga

personally out of everyone else, i feel like nobunaga would be other most normal when it comes to relationships, but then again, he's an enigma, he doesn't strike me as the type to be the best boyfriend literally ever or very very toxic, i feel like out of everyone else, if you're looking for someone to be in a semi normal relationship with, nobunaga is your best shot, but of course, he's a part of the phantom troupe, and any member apart of it isn't exactly the best partner by default.

he's still a murder and thief, like all members i believe that he would definitely steal things that remind him of you, he'd most definitely kill for you.

unlike someone like feitan or machi, he doesn't exactly have a problem with being vulnerable when you get to know him, he'll tell you about himself, and of course, because he's a criminal he can't exactly tell you what he does for a living, but can't bring himself to lie about it either, he's just hoping that one day, if you know, you won't leave or judge him for it, his childhood isn't exactly all sunshines and lolipops, y'know?

he'll love you from the ends of the earth, but he definitely won't let you walk all over him, quick to put your in your place and won't allow you to manipulate him, he won't lie to you (about trivial things, at least) so why should you? (who knows, maybe you're apart of a criminal organization and is pretty much a wanted criminal yourself :P)

--

bonolenov

similar to nobunaga i think if you want something that's somewhat normal, bonolenov is also a nice choice! (100% not putting him up so high because we don't really know that much about him it's totally because he would be a decent partner! honest!)

for one, you would definitely be introduced to usual romantic gestures and advances that come from his tribe, he'll tell you all about how things work with him, he'll do dances he learned when they were still here for you to show how much he adores you, and dresses you in garments that resemble such from his tribe, it's pretty cute, honestly!

now, what concerns him a bit is.. how you'll react without his bandages, he's not exactly sexy like chrollo but (to me, TO MEEEEEE) he's not the ugliest thing in the world! he just hopes that eventually if you see him in his true form, you don't scream and run away at the sight of him, its okay if you do! ..... kind of.

and if you don't, oh you'll mean so much to him!

--

kortopi

now, here's another one we don't know much about! but i'll try my best either way (i just want to contribute to the lack of attention him and bono get in these spaces.) he's another somewhat normal one, he also doesn't strike me as the type to be the absolute worst, but still is apart of a troupe of murderers and thieves.

similar to everyone else, he'll steal and kill for you (idk if this guy even has a body count but lets pretend he does.) and is a lot more open to being vulnerable than some other members.

now, nine times out of ten you'll be taller than him because this guy is even shorter than feitan, so, he'll definitely be wearing your t-shirts and hoodies, and he ain't complaining about it!

and eventually, he dies, now, honestly, something told you that kortopi seemed... like the odd one out when it came to the troupe, he doesn't seem like the type to be apart of... that! you better hope that hisoka doesn't care about you, or things are gonna turn ugly faster than you can blink.

--

uvogin

he's big (as hell), but he's sweeter (you know why they're in bold italics) than the others twice his size.

physically the strongest, you're rather lucky to have him has your partner, if someone won't stop messing with you, they're dead within a millisecond, or at least scared off since you know.. he isn't exactly built like the average guy and having someone that's eight foot fucking two walking up on you not really excited to see you is quite terrifying, depending on his mood they'll sometimes get away.... sometimes.

enough of that, how is it like when it's just the two of you? sitting on the couch or laying in bed watching movies together, his arm around you, it's basically a pillow! a hard ass pillow at that.

not the most vulnerable, he's not some weird incel who see's women as sex toys or anything, he's decently capable of being in a normal relationship, you won't see each other often sadly, but when you do, he'll pay 95% of his attention towards you, he'll even let you know straight up that he won't know when he'll get back, but he will! ... until he doesn't..

ah yes, his death at the hands of kurapika, how will you react? hell, how would kurapika react to your existence? something tells me that kurapika might kill you too, send you right off with him, or, in a rather strange twist of events, he might try to fuck you and take you to the other side, not in the way of barging into your house and straight up non con, nah, more like a get to know you then get in your pants type of way, uvo won't be there to protect you now would he? of course the latter is highly unlikely, but to be honest it's kind of fun to think about.

and now that you think of it... you don't even know what uvo was doing or where he was going, you choose how you want to react to how you found out about his troupe business.

--

shizuku

another woman! she's similar to another person right below her! she looks cute, but she's anything but!...... sort of.

she's not the best or worst partner, she's pretty normal, a bit distant but it's not something you can't manage, maybe she just needs some space and you're overwhelming her, but something that really gets to you is her forgetfulness.

at first, she'll forget things such as your birthday or your anniversary, but going further into the relationship, she becomes less and less forgetful (she might even remember things that you don't even remember.)

what exactly do you guys do together? well, she does try to partake in your interests, and does try to get things you like!

--

franklin

he's similar to uvo, he's big, he's actually nicer than he appears.

what makes him so low is.. well to be honest i don't know, i don't feel like he could be high up but not so low, so, this is the perfect spot for him.

for one he does have a bit of an anger problem, not as bad as phinks, but he doesn't mind a slight argument, good thing he wont assault you, and is quick to make up for the argument.

i don't know how to write him, so, please forgive me for how small this passage is. :(

--

shalnark

we're starting to get into uh... strange territory, he looks kind, and seems normal, but he's anything but that, he's not the most toxic but he also isn't the most caring and understanding either, similar to nobunaga he's kind of an enigma.

he's a love bomber and very good at manipulating, definitely takes advantage of his rather cute looks, he'll figure out what you're insecure about and compliment those things specifically, i do think he is capable of loving someone genuinely, but he sometimes does things without realizing that they aren't really normal, maybe he's getting his troupe personality mixed up with the one he has with you.

he does come off as sweet at first, brings you flowers and takes you on some rather expensive dates (an uncanny feeling creeps up on you about how the waiters act, but you don't pay much attention to it.) and sometimes he's more distant and a little bit aloof, you take this as him needing his space.

he's not abusive, but he isn't the absolute best partner, there's definitely better out there.

his death doesn't hit you as hard as the others but it was still devastating, you best hope hisoka doesn't come for you, and if he does, you hope he swiftly kills you, because you really don't want this murder clown to take an interest to you.

--

phinks

phinks is another one 'that's kind of odd to me, i don't want to judge a book by its cover and say "yeah he's a piece of shit!!" but again, he's a lot better in comparison to anyone below.

he's similar to shalnark in quite a few ways, one, he does things that kind of makes you think he's a bit of an odd ball, he's intimidating to look at and is the second strongest physically in the troupe, so you're lucky to have someone like him if you're looking for protection.

i don't see him as the type to take you out to fancy restaurants and bring you flowers, stuff like that is a bit too sappy for him, he shows other ways like giving you thinks you like or taking you to like carnivals or other fun events.

his main problem is his anger issues, he won't physically harm you especially if you don't use nen, but he's not above arguing with or yelling at you, he doesn't do it often, but he might call you an idiot or a bitch if you take him to that point.

the relationship is somewhat normal besides that.

--

chrollo

chrollo is weird, some say he's loving, caring, blah blah blah while some might say he's the exact opposite.

for one he is charming, he's a relatively good looking man, he's intelligent, and is looking for someone who's also intelligent.

i feel like chrollo definitely has a type, he likes people who are elegant, he wants someone that'll make him look good while he's in public, he doesn't care much for how people view the relationship outside of that, he also looks for someone with a personality he doesn't want someone who looks good yes, but is boring to be around, someone he can have a deep conversation with and talk about his interests with.

for one, you will not know about the troupe's existence, until he is 100% ready to tell you, which will definitely take a while, but he's confident that the troupe and himself will protect you from anyone who tries to avenge.

now, what makes him so low on this list? well, he's quite manipulative, a gaslighter, too, what do you mean you saw me with another woman? it's all for business, i'm just trying to steal her nen ability.

he does want to be a good partner, but this relationship is kind of a "too good to be true" type, something is happening behind closed doors and the thought is too persistent to ignore.

--

illumi

this guy is... strange, for one, his beady ass eyes make him look like a bug (affectionately), and section.. his very warped perception of what love even is.

i agree with the fandom that he has a breeding kink no doubt, his intention on dating is marriage, and you will bear his children, no ifs, ands or buts.

you'll meet his family but you'll never meet the troupe, he doesn't want you getting involved in fighting (he might have someone teach you some basic self protection) because he doesn't want you to die, that'll fuck with him... kind of, you're basically trapped in the mansion.

his overprotection is toxic on its own, you don't have that much freedom, you can't go shopping unless he's with you (or if he can't be there, one of his servants will accompany you), you're never truly alone unless he's away, and when he's here, things are no better, he's distant and cold, there's not much to talk about with him, sure, he loves you, but doesn't know how to express it much.

--

machi

one out of three toxic ass individuals, one of them consists of machi.

lets start off with the fact that she's cold hearted, as hell, if you cry in front of her she'll look at you like you're crazy, if she's really in that mood she'll tell you that you look stupid and you need to suck it up.

not good with physical touch or romance, who knows how the two of you managed to continue the relationship, she does leave flowers for you but won't tell you that they're from her, won't admit that she's the one who got them for you.

i feel like similar to a certain clown, she won't care much for you if you aren't either powerful or capable of protecting yourself in some way.

but all she's really doing is putting up barriers, she's actually caring in her own weird way, she'll still be there for you, patch up your wounds if you managed to get cut or stabbed and would probably mourn your death.

--

hisoka

were getting lower, and a certain sadist who loves torture is worse, but somehow, hisoka is slightly better than him in some way or another.

for one, hisoka probably won't be that interested in you if you aren't powerful, it would be worse if you were a regular civilian, he'll take that as an opportunity to take advantage of you sexually, physically, psychologically and mentally, and the relationship will be literal hell..

but, lets say you are pretty powerful, dare i say a troupe member yourself, he won't be as interested in fighting you as much as he would chrollo, but he would be interested in... other ways.

how you managed to get into a relationship with this freak is unclear, but you two one day just.. hooked up, and it all goes downhill from here.

he has no problem killing you if he gets tired of you, he already killed two and plans on killing the rest of the spiders, why not kill another? especially you? or, in an alternate scenario where he does manage to kill off all the spider, you're the only one who's left, this can go two ways, one, he can fuck you one last time then kill you, or, he takes you with him! if you managed to have a lasting impression on him, that is.

outside of sex, he just isn't a good partner, he's probably the only one on this list that's probably willing to cheat on you (don't you dare get back at him, both you and your lover will die) he's manipulative as hell, he doesn't necessarily care about how you feel and he'll provoke you just to get a reaction out of you.

--

feitan

and last but not least, feitan, oh boy, good luck to you for managing to have this man attracted to you. (im a feitan girlie, so this one might be a big longer than the rest)

for one, he'll hate your rotten guts for making him feel this way, for making him feel so weak, so emotional... he might even contemplate on killing you, but when that time comes he can't bring himself to do it.

i don't want to say yandere is his default since he doesn't really know how to properly love, because i do think he has some potential, but it does make sense for him, because there has to be something about you that makes you interested in him, maybe you're his polar opposite? maybe you're also a sadist?

he's not the most romantic partner, he doesn't want to come off as vulnerable, or sappy, so, what considers as a date to him? he's the type to probably take you to a cemetery at night as a form of a date.

he will not allow the troupe to know you or you to know them, for one he's going to be teased from hell and back for finally managing to pull someone and second while it appears that he doesn't care for you much, him protecting you from them is his way of showing you that he cares.

he can't find himself being vulnerable, he might teach you his language if you're up for it, and he might bring you some things he knows you like, but thats kind of it, also he won't force you to see him torture people.. unless you betray him in a way.