#Bruce probably hates magic a lot cause of this

[tanglepelt]

Dc x dp idea 8

What if Danny was actually Bruce’s son

Bruce is full aware he had a kid. Dick and Bruce actively knew Danny when he was a baby.

The kicker is that a natural portal opened up under him and stole him. Like they were at a park or something and with a green glow poof he is gone.

I’d blame clockwork for it. He want pariah sealed away and without Danny no one fixed vlads screw up

So danny as a baby is now in a different dimension. Fentons adopt (kidnap) the baby they find in the woods. Jazz wanted a baby brother and this baby came from a portal from the ghost zone.

They discover Danny is phantom. He didn’t know he was stolen from the woods. Jazz is panicking cause that’s her baby brother and there parents are insane. Cue parents wanting to poke and prod not nicely

Danny goes and gets Ellie cause he cares about his clone and they flee. They get in the ghost zone and clockwork does his messing around with time lines. Now Dani and Ellie are in the dc universe.

On the dc side. The same glowing green portal that stole Bruce’s son just opened and spit out Danny and Dani.

[starwalker03]

Young justice question. Do you think the team went to each other’s high school graduations?

Man. I never thought of that.

I honestly feel like Conner didn't graduate. Because like... Why. I feel like someone mentions something to him along the way about high school dropouts and he's like "wait I don't actually have to be here?" And proceeds to immediately start the paperwork to get outta there before he even considered maybe he should tell black canary or red tornado or, hell, M'Gaan about it. Man has no interest in high school, or university, and has most of Wikipedia in his brain.

Everyone else, though, I feel they graduated.

Dick practically had to be dragged kicking and screaming because by the time he's getting to senior year he's just done with it all and has no intention of going to study business or whatever the fuck all the Gotham socialites think he'll do. Inherit WE? Disgusting. Never. He doesn't even want the trust fund Bruce has for him lmao.

Artemis mostly sticks around because Dick is there, and so is Babs, and Wally is set on college. Like she's neither here or there on college, but Wally is set on it, and she doesn't hate the idea of living and studying together in Keystone City (as they are in season two). So she sticks around, does the work, graduates. I honestly think Dick probably graduated early because he wants to get this shit done, so he and Artemis would be graduating together. Wally is definitely there for that. M'Gaan would definitely be there as well, and Zatanna as well. Idk when M'Gaan and Conner canonically break up, but if they were still together at that point in time she'd get Conner to come along.

Artemis and Dick definitely go for Wally's grad. I think M'Gaan would want to go but Wally would say he'd prefer she didn't. He's gonna have his family there, and his school buddies, and he's gonna be so busy already he knows he won't get time to hang out with M'Gaan and Conner and Zatanna and Raquel. He tells them they'll all hang out or smth afterward, or on the weekend, but not to bother day of.

M'Gaan would invite everyone to her graduation. Conner would definitely go, planning to do so before she even asks, because he knows the other people graduating with her and has kept up with them, so it's a package deal scenario. I think everyone would go because like. it's M'Gaan. you can't not.

I think Kaldur goes to everyone's graduation, except M'Gaan cause she's like 'maybe don't'. it's weird for him cause he's not a student, and as much as Atlantians do have schooling and everything, surface peeps probably have different customs to what he's used to.

I feel like Zatanna also doesn't bother to graduate. she's going through a lot, having lost her father to Doctor Fate, and like. the girl isn't interested in going to college, not really. she's a magic user, and that tends to chew up all your time. but she definitely goes to graduations and cheers people on.

I'm honestly not sure what Raquel's vibe is. I don't even know if she's in school. cause like, Icon isn't an alien I don't think but he's usually off world? I think? like I feel like Raquel is kinda always busy and often leaving the planet. she's also one of the members of the team who actually joined the league as soon as possible, so I wouldn't be surprised if that was because she took the time to dedicate herself to hero work and didn't have a huge interest in typical high school. But she'd go along for graduations if she wasn't busy.

[rose-tea-and-strawberries]

So I see a lot of Yuus that are anime/book/movie characters so I’m going to give my own take on it.

How about a Yuu that’s Roald Dahl’s Matilda Wormwood? She gets transported after the events of the book/movie/musical so she’s just been adopted by Miss Honey after defeating Miss Trunchbull. Like this little primary school girl just appears out of nowhere.

(I haven’t seen the Netflix musical but I my class took a trip to see the musical at the West End back when I was in Year 5)

I know that she loses her powers at the end of the book and musical but in the Danny Devito film she keeps them so I’m going to say she still has her telekinesis but is still unable to do actual ‘Disney’ magic.

She’d probably not like Riddle that much in the beginning since she hates people that use rules and authority to control others and cause them suffering. Maybe Ace’s punishment after stealing the tart would remind her of how Bruce Bogtrotter got punished after he stole and ate the headmistress’ chocolate cake. 

Azul might also remind her of how her sleazy car salesman father would cheat clients to get profit. 

(In the stage musical, she does meet and befriend the mafia so she might know how to deal with them)

Since she’s a child genius, she’s really good at keeping up with the other first years who are like more than double her age. 

Since she grew up with neglectful parents, Crowley’s attitude doesn’t really bother her.

If someone ever wrongs her, you bet that she’s going to use her powers to pull pranks to get back at them.

[chennnington]

Summer Reading/Writing/Arting Tag

I was tagged by the wonderful and talented @dirty-bosmer to answer these super fun questions, thanks a lot!

Tagging: @thefiresofathousandsuns, @beck-nightengale, @tamiisnthere, @nerevar-deactivated202003211520, @glasstown-resident, @coping-via-clint-eastwood, @echoanddust and everyone else who has something creative going on :3

1) Describe one creative WIP project you’re planning to work on over the summer.

I doubt I’ll get a lot done before NaNoWriMo in November, but I started writing book 4 of my fantasy series Assassins of Catria (in German, sorry). Jaheel learns that some people have very unexpected secrets and Andreine learns that sometimes people get mad if you kill their siblings. Everyone will handle the consequences in a totally mature way and everyone will have a good time :) and there are lesbians.

2) Rec a book!

Dreams of the Dying by Nicolas Lietzau. Bisexual disaster mercenary with a ton of baggage has to save important dude who’s in a coma by finding a dreamwalker who can enter important dude’s dream to figure out what’s wrong with them. Feat. bisexual disastrous love triangle, civil war, tropical setting, psychological horror, fucked up nightmares, brain bugs, great worldbuilding, magic and a protagonist who just needs a fucking break. There’s an audiobook too that’s really good.

3) Rec a fic! (outside your character tag)

If you like The Elder Scrolls and relationships that are …not ideal and if LotR is just too short for you, you should read The Illusionist. As a Lucien Lachance enjoyer I especially like part two and nobody is having a good time :3

4) Rec music!

Don Broco. They’re a fun band from the UK, I think you’d consider them alternative rock? Idk. But they’re amazing live, their merch designers know that colors exist, their videos include cowboys, dinosaurs, lasers, robots and a lot of blood and the singer has long curly hair and a questionable sense of fashion. So basically he’s perfect. If you enjoy quieter/slower songs, try Anaheim or Nerve, if you wanna go wild I recommend Action, Half Man Half God or Bruce Willis.

5) Share one piece of advice!

I guess we’re talking about writing? My advice: be selective about the advice you follow. It’ll probably happen naturally, cause something that works great for someone else might not work at all for you. And that can be frustrating. If your favorite writer tells you they do X and you try to do X as well cause it’ll obviously help you to write as great as them, but you hate every second of the process and the result sucks, that’s not a great feeling. So: advice isn’t a one-fits-all. Maybe you find some that helps you a lot, but don’t expect that from every piece of advice you get. You’ll have to figure out for yourself what works for you.

[the-martyrfication-of-the-matron]

Heyy, sooo, ummm, are you gonna talk about your mcu rewrite? Cuz I would love to hear about it

Ahhhh

Yes

Okay,

So.

There’s a lot I won’t be able to talk about because of the sheer vastness of the mcu atm but like if you’ve got any characters/films you want to know about in more detail, I’m here for you.

First off, Wanda things because I’m brainrotting on her specifically atm:

Wanda is an actual young ‘child’ (19), and is a Jewish Roma girl from Transia (a fictional country from the comics, which was both her place of birth and the location of Wundagore). Her powers are a little more specific as of what I’ve brainrotted on, and unlike what MOM did with it, she can’t just do anything from the get go. It’s mostly those magical blast pew pew things she does, as she has increased control over them due to simply having to choose how much energy to put into it and where it’s getting tossed, but she also sometimes dabbles in magnetic manipulation (a nod to who remains as her father in my rewrite), telekinesis (though she isn’t fond of seeing inside of people’s heads), the weird walking thing she does that I love, and she accidentally does some probability and reality manipulation whenever something is really stressing her or she’s not paying full attention to something. She’s really into things like protecting the environment and pacifism, which often leads to her almost starting arguments with Tony, the embodiment of the kind of people that environmental protection and pacifism hate. She also keeps her emo look, and dark hair, she just gets red or ginger highlights occasionally.

Also, Vision, because they’re a pair, he chooses how he looks, which can be very useful for the avengers occasionally. Only issue is that he can’t change his eyes, which are permanently all robot-y. He was tasked with keeping Wanda company when she first moved to the compound because Bruce worried she would isolate herself and that would make her worse. They chose Vision because he couldn’t be manipulated and he could answer pretty much any question she had, and adapt to make her comfortable. But he seemed to be the one to get comfortable, and soon found himself enjoying her company significantly more than the others, mostly because she showed interest in the philosophical questions and such that he found himself unable to answer due to his lack of true human experience, and she would try and held despite not having a true human experience herself. As a quote I used in my Wanda drawing said, they’re both just trying to be people together at the same time, despite their lack of real humanity. Oh also Wanda pierces his face a whole bunch, which of course isn’t permanent, but he tends to keep the bridge and eyebrow piercing, because she likes them on him, and he likes to make her happy. He’s also got some thunder thighs on him which makes him a prime cuddle companion.

Uhh

Now

Uh

Captain Marvel, Carol Danvers, Universe’s biggest lesbian (put that on a t-shirt and she’d wear it). The physical embodiment of a millennial woman but she’s not a millennial woman. I don’t have much to say except she’s gay and that she picks on Fury for aging. Also, Mar-Vell, her mentor, a dude and it’s ‘ambiguous’ whether or not he died (he lived), because I need my gays and he’s gotta be a dude and living for me to get more gays. I can’t explain now. But it’s needed.

Bucky keeps his long hair. Also, gay, and dating Sam. Because I need me some homosexuals. He doesn’t know he’s dating Sam, Sam doesn’t know he’s dating Bucky, but they’re dating. Work husbands at the least. He’s also Jewish, and whilst he lost a little bit of faith (not in the not believing in god way, in the ‘done so much bad god doesn’t care for me anymore’ way) he made sure to celebrate Chanukkah and still follow his religion whenever Wanda was around because he didn’t want to accidentally cause her to lose faith too.

Tony doesn’t make those weird misogynistic and transphobic comments that he does, or any of the other dodgy ones. Because ew.

Bruce’s DID is acknowledged, and that the hulk was not caused by the radiation but the radiation simply caused the hulk to take a physical form. Because that’s just… what it is in canon they just don’t talk about it in the mcu. Therapy sessions are common for him because he struggles a lot with his trauma growing up/continuing on and his general mental health. Smart hulk doesn’t happen because I don’t like it. Also his romance with Nat isn’t really a thing. They’re close friends, he lends her hoodies and such, she helps him out when he’s all green, but they’re only friends.

On the subject of Nat, the whole ‘a monster because she doesn’t have the ability to reproduce’ thing is dumb as shit. She thinks she’s a monster because she killed people and even now has a hard time feeling bad about it because of her conditioning, but Bruce is there to comfort her because he’s on the opposite end of the spectrum. He himself has never killed but he feels the weight of everyone the Hulk has and it’s a huge issue. She would also foster young girls if she wasn’t too busy saving the world all the time because it would make her feel better to know she’s potentially keeping girls out of the red room.

Thor is always fat Thor. The man drinks and eats obscene amounts, because as a god that is his right, and so it shows. And it’s not a joke about anything, because the mcu rewriters in my brain arent insensitive pricks. Also because I’m kinda into that but.. shhh. He keeps his mismatched eyes for TLAT, which has a completely different vibe in my mind. He’s also still a major player in the later phases and remains around for long enough to do one real cool scene from Empyre (The sword and the hammer scene I call it, because it shows off the magical capabilities of Excelsior by using it to hold up Mjölnir)

And there’s more but I’m tired so I’m gonna stop here. Lmk if there’s anyone/anything you want to know more about.

[therealityhelix]

Alright @cardwrecks I saw those eyes.

U.S.

So Unswag is the parts of Swag that he hated about himself, and he still expresses traits Swag tries to suppress. He’s introverted, aggressive, gets angry. He only gave up under extreme coercion, and is still dangerous, but he is not the Riddler reborn. Like Swag, he is looking at trying out new possibilities. He is not becoming like Swag, he expresses himself differently, relates to people differently, feels and processes emotions differently.

Unswag can still see. He’s one of only three Riddlers capable of touching magic (Himself, Detective, Narci) It’s very clear when he is doing it, as his eyes glow, and he usually uses it to measure the possible outcomes of an action, but  he can also see unnatural beings like ghosts or fae.

He’s slowly getting over the germ fear, but still feels most comfortable with his gloves on, even in situations where nothing else is.

There is still plenty of tension and friction between them, but he and Swag actually work very well together. Neither feels any remorse about leveraging this to their mutual benefit. These occasions are some of the rare times Unswag feels a real sort of self acceptance.

The two of them refer to each other as twins, but never as brothers.

He has the potential to be a good dancer, but not the experience.

His relationship with Helix is a complex and slightly twisted thing. It’s based on old, possibly false memories, having the same tastes as Swag, the fact that she bested him, and bone deep terror. He is very afraid of Helix, but expresses it as attraction due to the aforementioned things. Like Swag, he has a very hard time denying her anything. (No seriously, go back and look, Swag literally never tells her no, and she never calls him by his nickname to his face. They’ve been like this since the beginning, and I have written it into their dynamic.)

He’s the only one in the entire Family who knows what she’s actually capable of. Arkham thinks he knows, and Narci thinks xie knows, but they do not. But Unswag saw in those thousand worlds, what happens when a less soft Helix decides you’re too much of a threat, and it was gruesome, creative, and very, very persuasive. He does not step out of line with her, and rarely initiates anything without Swag nearby. If only so that he’s sure there will be a witness.

Still really likes apple pie though.

Good cuddler, almost clingy, but he’s not as, uh, friendly as Swag, so very few people know it.

Secretly likes K-pop.

What Actually Happened

While there is no such thing as fate, there is such thing as probability. In the context of worlds, there are certain occurrences that have an impact, decisions made that lead the timeline in a certain direction. But for every decision, there was another that could have been made, and if the result is important enough, a new world can develop from that. For example, Bruce Wayne's parents NOT being murdered is an occurrence significant enough to cause a reality mitosis, a whole new universe coming into being like cellular mitosis.

This can also lead to mutant universes, where things that would be completely impossible in mainline universes can occur. Things like the Justice League being actual dinosaurs, or the Scarecrow being inexplicably gigantic and cannibalistic. Mutant worlds tend to have a lot of extra ambient magic upholding their aberrant realities.

Swags world is one of these mutants. His world is not a cell, it's a blastocyst, a myriad possible worlds that never fully separate, but cluster together in ever greater numbers, the metaphysical membranes remaining thin and permeable. Occasionally, they bleed into each other, showing glimpses of worlds where Swag is converted into a computer program that has to build its own android body, where he's a traveling rock star, a magical girl.

When Helix created her circle, she didn't mess up. The circle did exactly what it was supposed to do: trap Unswag by placing him slightly out of sync with the world. In a normal universe, this would have had no other effect. In this mutant universe of worlds within worlds, it exposed him to all of those possible worlds and all their underlying magic, all at once and for a prolonged time.

He couldn't interact with those worlds in anyway, but he could see what happened in them, and still can, if he tries. The power doesn't work and magic is inaccessible to him when he is not in his own universe. So, if he was visiting YJ, say, he wouldn't be able to do it. Even in his own world, he can only look into the other parts of his own universe.

The color never comes back. Some mechanism in the process of creating it was destroyed. He remains that pale forever. With magic, anything permanent comes at a price.

Narci

Our baby would be about twenty-eight now, all grown up, healthy and strong. Xir clone body ages more slowly than xir natural body would have.

Narci is kind, thoughtful, gentle, loving, and absolutely obliterates people on occasion. Like Helix, xie is no vigilante, but xie is compelled to help if xie sees people in trouble. Unlike Helix, xie sometimes opts for more permanent solutions.

Xie has a lovely singing voice, a useful thing in casting spells, or team building exercises with ones mentor.

Xie is engaged in some mild gender fuckery

Narci has settled into a specialty in conjuration and energy manipulation. Yes, that means xie can cast magic missile.

Narci doesn't metabolize the magic very efficiently, causing light to leak from xir eyes and mouth when casting, and permanent black staining on xir fingers. Visually, Narci's magic appears as a ghostly, pale green glow.

This is Narci's third body, the second lost in a reckless attempt to help someone else.

Narci can't fly, but xie can double jump. Also, xie can control xir own local gravity-slow falls, run up a wall-and glide from heights like skating on air. These skills, combined with xir gymnastic and parkour skills make it so that, in a city, it doesn't matter that xie can't fly.

Xie is very gay.

Narci occasionally goes berserk, and the magic gets a bit fucky. People familiar with xir know to get out of the way, but the targets rarely get the chance to learn.

Xie does eventually learn how to walk the worlds unassisted, like Helix can, and regularly patrols for outside threats, earning a reputation as a cryptid on some worlds.

Narci never returns to Xir homeworld. The Riddler remains dead there, as far as anyone is concerned.

Narci's relationship with Helix is much closer and more intimate than friendship, but not at all sexual in nature. Xie would consider it a form of soulmate.

Some updates:

Nash can access magic, but only when Lust is with him, and only that which falls under Lust’s domain (enchantment, illusion), because it’s actually Lust doing it.

Unswag still can’t use his predictive capabilities on other worlds, but he can see unnatural or invisible things.

The magical staining on Narci’s hands comes from overuse of magic, is now dark red, and fades over time.

[marvelslut16]

The one with two Pietro’s

Pairing: Pietro x reader, Wandavision!Pietro (Peter Maximoff) x reader FORCED 

Synopsis: you find yourself in Westview living with Wanda, Vision, the boys, and your boyfriend Pietro. But happens when you start to remember your Pietro and figure out what Wanda’s doing to you and everyone else? 

Word count: 1.4k+

Warnings: Swearing I think. Angst. Fluff if you squint. Mind control. Forced relationship. Briefly mentions the idea of a forced magical pregnancy. Bullet wounds. Death. Grief I suppose. Mentions pmsing. The over use of italics. Kinda feel like I make Wanda a psychotic asshole. SPOILERS FOR WANDAVISION!

A/N: This was so much fun to write! Probably the darkest thing I’ve ever written, if you can really call it dark. Writing for Wandavision was a fun little challenge. Takes place in the 90′s so my title is a reference to friends, and so is a tv show character I use in the one shot. Pretend Evan Peters’ hair isn’t that blonde cause I will always see him with the silver he has in xmen and wrote him as such. 

"Vision, that's not my Pietro," you mutter in horror to your friend as the two of you stand in the kitchen. 

You’re not quite sure what makes you say it, but you’re glad you do when you glance at the new Pietro in the living room, he's been playing video games with Tommy and Billy for close to an hour now. He's sweet and funny, but he's just not your Pietro.

"I'm afraid not, (Y/N)," Vision's voice is sullen, but he's glad you're not in on Wanda's mind games. Unless you are, and this is just another way for Wanda to mess with him. He’s not quite sure what’s happening, but he knows from what you’ve reminisced in passing to him about Pietro on nights when Wanda isn’t in the room, that that’s not the Pietro you know and love. 

"Oh my god," you murmur, hand coming to your mouth as little bits and pieces of memories race through your head. The genuine pain, horror, and sadness that cross your face make it obvious to Vision you're being manipulated like everyone else, even if you are Wanda's oldest friend. "My Pietro, he had an accent."

Your knees buckle when you hear his native accent saying his catchphrase in your head, 'you didn't see that coming.' Vision rushes to your side to help you stand more firmly.

"His face was longer, hair a white blonde not silver, his body more toned, and he had gorgeous blue eyes- bluest eyes I've ever seen," you grip onto Vision's arms as you imagine moments with your Pietro.

You grew up in the cell beside his and Wanda's, immediately forming a sisterly connection with her at a young age while Pietro hated you. He would tease you, pull on your pigtails, and steal some of your food on the off chance you three were eating outside of your cells. Over the years the teasing turned to flirting, and your dislike for him turned into a huge crush.

One night-a night you can normally remember with full clarity- after Hydra fell and before Ultron, the two of you were out on a walk, much to Pietro's chagrin. You were telling him about this new book that you were reading and how the characters annoyed you so because they were obviously in love but wouldn't admit it. Pietro zoomed in front of you, causing you to smack into his chest and almost fall to the ground, you would have if not for Pietro's arms wrapping around your waist and bringing you close to his toned chest.

The wind was blowing his hair into his eyes ever so slightly, so without thinking you reached up to move it out of his face and away from his eye. The small act of tenderness that you had displayed caused Pietro to give into his desires, he leaned in and his wind chapped lips descended onto yours. You melted into the kiss, clinging tightly to his biceps to ground you. One of his hands slipped down from your waist to squeeze your ass, the other wrapped more tightly around your waist and kept you anchored to him.

"I love you, Printesa, I have since we were kids," he admits when you pull apart for air, leaning his forehead on yours.

"I love you too, Quicksilver," you use the superhero nickname he gave himself when you were twelve. He grins before attaching his lips to yours once more, it was an unforgettable kiss that filled you with warmth and hope for your future.

"(Y/N), are you okay?" Vision's voice brings you back to reality, or whatever this is.

"No," your voice cracks as you remember the last kiss Pietro planted on your lips, right before he protected Clint. The memory that still haunts your dreams, seeing him with all those bullet holes and knowing there was nothing you could do to save him. "What kind of person forgets the love of their life? I'm a terrible person Vis!"

"No you aren't (Y/N)," the sincerity in Vision's voice makes you really believe him. "Wanda's doing this, she didn't want you to remember."

You gasp as another memory floods your mind. You had agreed to go on a road trip with Wanda after being resurrected from Bruce's snap and defeating Thanos. You both wanted a break, or so you thought.

Wanda had stopped right when you had passed the entrance into Westview, she claimed to be checking her directions when you asked why she had stopped in the middle of nowhere. And no matter how weird it was that she chose to stop at the border to the town and not at a gas station, you believed your best friend and sister in law because she had no reason to lie to you.

A moment later her eyes and hands were glowing red as she touched your temple. She pushed all your memories behind a wall in your brain, then filled your head with memories of a happy life with her and Vision in Westview.

She did it again when 'Pietro' showed up on your guy’s doorstep, this time filling your head with memories of him. Memories of a different first kiss, but an eerily similar first date to the one you and your Pietro had. It makes sense to you now, you and Pietro had never told Wanda the real story of your first kiss, instead telling her you had it weeks later on your first date. You had tried to keep your relationship a secret for a little because you didn't want to make it awkward for Wanda if it didn't work out.

Another thing she didn't add was your engagement and subsequent marriage to her brother. In this reality you and 'Pietro' are just dating. You have to assume that it's because it happened weeks before the battle against Ultron and she doesn't want to remember anything that close to her brother's death.

The thing about the new Pietro is that he seems to rub Wanda the wrong way, something your Pietro never did. He makes comments that you know yours would never, and Wanda always tenses up near him. This Pietro likes to show you off more than yours did, which is saying a lot because your’s used to cling to your side, praise you, and show you off in town when girls would flirt with him. Every time this Pietro kisses you it doesn’t feel right, it’s nowhere near the earth shattering kisses that you had somehow managed to remember from the deep parts of your brain. 

"My ring," you shudder in horror when you realize the diamond ring that your Pietro stole from the jeweler in Sokovia is no longer sitting delicately on your left ring finger like it was before entering Westview. You hastily search your body for your most prized possession, sighing in relief when you find it hanging from a simple silver chain around your neck.

"(Y/N)," Vision says gently, resting a hand on your shoulder, it’s one of the few times he doesn’t know what to say. 

"He's dead," you cry, knees buckling under your weight again. This time you catch yourself on the kitchen table, before sinking in the seat to your right.

"Who's dead?" Wanda appears in the doorway out of nowhere. She has an innocent, concerned expression on her face, but the tilt of her head tells you she'll come take your memories away again if you slip up in the slightest.

"Dr. Drake Ramoray on Days Of Our Lives, the soap opera I was watching this afternoon when you and the boys were out. He fell down the elevator shaft, and I'm apparently taking it harder than I thought I would. I must be pmsing or something."

"Or maybe you're pregnant," there's a red glint in her eyes that scares you to no end.

"Oh," you swallow the lump in your throat, and hold back the bile rising up your throat from anxiety. "I don't think so, I'm not ready to be a mother yet."

"It would be so fun though," 'Pietro' zooms behind your seat, leaning down to place a kiss on your cheek. "Little mini me's and you's running around the house with Billy and Tommy."

"I think two super human children are enough for the house right now," you let out an uncomfortable giggle. You and Vision side eye each other, both very aware that you'll probably be as pregnant as Wanda was a few days ago within the week.

[soulmate-game]

Curiosity Killed the Exorcist

“And then, see here? You have to be on the lookout for subtle signs like these. This indicates that he’s…” Marinette nodded as Tim continued explaining, pointing out various body language and other clues out on the Batcomputer. It had only been about six months since the Batfam collectively adopted the little ladybug into their menagerie of heroes, and started teaching her deductive habits and skills. She would not allow them anywhere near Paris on pain of death (some of them had already tried, and Bruce was still recovering from the bruise to his ego. The bruise on his ass from being teleported out of the city and onto the stone of the Batcave was gone, though) but she welcomed any help they could give from within Gotham’s city limits.

Usually, at least in the beginning, they did their mentorship at a distance over video call. But then Tim found out her identity, and Marinette made the excuse of wanting to meet with them in person to gauge their trustworthiness for herself and erase their memories of her identity if they failed her test— and, well, it all snowballed from there until she was teleporting to the Batcave every few days for detective lessons. She was practically a Bat herself, if not for her out of theme codename. And she found herself surprisingly comfortable with the thought of them being a… very eccentric extended family.

Tim was flipping to another saved video in the Batcomputer archives to show another example of his current lesson, when Tikki flew up to Marinette in a hurry. She was holding Kaalki’s glasses. The little kwami whispered something in Marinette’s ear, instantly making the teen blanch and force on the glasses.

“Sorry Timmy, gotta cut this short! I’ll come back tomorrow to make up for it! Okay? Okay! Awesome, you’re the best, bye!” She ignored all of Tim’s protests and rapid fire questions, instead opening up a portal and jumping through it as fast as humanly possible. The portal has barely disappeared before an all-too-familiar voice rose up from behind Tim.

“Maybe I’m still drunk, ‘cause I could’a sworn I just saw a portal closing in the damned Batcave, of all places,” the British-accented drawl was accompanied by the flick of a lighter and accompanying fizzle of a flame. Tim groaned, mentally making a note to ask how in the world Marinette had known that John “Annoying asshole” Constantine was showing up soon, and if he could be in on the warning next time. Bruce, cowl still off, walked over from where he had been sparring with Damian and crossed his arms. He had also heard Marinette’s hasty exit, and made a few mental notes of his own before focusing on the exorcist in front of him.

“What do you want, Constantine?” he grumbled. Any time the blond brit showed up, things only got far more complicated than he ever enjoyed. And he always gave Bruce a migraine, to boot.

“Two things actually, Batsy,” John held up to fingers as his free hand tucked his lighter away in his pocket. His unlit cigarette stayed in his mouth though, probably just for the familiar feel of it. “One; I’m gonna need you to tell me why there was a portal closing when I walked in, because I’ll be honest. The implications there are way more interesting than what I came here for in the first place.”

“None of your business. What’s the second thing?” Bruce immediately shot him down, but John was not one to be deterred. He never fucking was.

“But you hate magic! You make sure I know that all too bloody well every time I pay you a visit, so why the sudden change in heart? Huh?”

“Drop it, Constantine. What. Do you. Want?”

“Fine, fine. I need your help with…”

— * — * — * — * — *

A week later, Marinette was sitting with Jason and Damian in one of the manor’s sitting rooms, the three of them just minding their own business and silently enjoying one another’s presence. Even if two of them would never admit it. Jason was reading Jane Eyre for the millionth time, Damian was leaning against Titus on the ground as he sketched, and Marinette was embroidering a sunhat. Unfortunately for her, Alfred the Cat was currently asleep on her lap and thus holding her hostage.

Even as Tikki flew up to her ear in a panic and whispered, making Marinette prick herself with her needle. She hissed for a second but shrugged off the familiar pain, much more concerned with whatever news Tikki had given her. Damian and Jason were already on high alert from the second that a whispered curse had left her lips, and were staring straight at her and her kwami and Marinette frantically tried to find a way to get up without awakening the cat sleeping on her.

“Uh, what’s wrong?” Jason asked, feeling thoroughly confused and left out. On one hand, he knew that if they were in physical danger she would have moved Alfred the Cat without hesitation. On the other, he did not like the sheer amount of anxiety he could see her experiencing. Marinette’s frantic eyes shot over to him, pupils mere pinpricks and hands mouth agape as she tried to form some sort of plan.

“Uh— “

“Ah! You must be the fair maiden that the Bats are comfortable with using magic around them,” John goddamned Constantine threw the door to the sitting room open wide, making it bounce off of the wall and lightly smack back against his shoulder. He ignored it as he grinned at the three younger people in the room, waltzing in casual as anything. He wagged a finger at her playfully. “I’ve been awfully curious about you, ya know? Brucie boy knows a shit ton of magic users, but he never likes seein’ any of us do our thing. And to not only allow you to teleport without any apparent discomfort but to actively protect your identity from me? Now that’s a damn accomplishment and I really gotta applaud you for it,” he mockingly clapped his hands a few times. “So what’s your secret, huh? I won’t tattle.”

“No thanks. Kaalki, a little help?” Marinette carefully pushed Alfred the Cat off of her lap before diving into the portal that Kaalki whipped up for her, the entire process happening so fast that Constantine couldn’t even get out a proper “hey!” before she was gone and the portal closed. He just nodded, hooking his thumbs in his pockets.

“Ya know what? Fair. That’s fair.”

“Goddamn it, Constantine!” Jason threw up his hands in frustration. “Why the fuck do you have to scare away one of the only sane people in this family?”

“Part of my charm, little red riding hood.”

— * — * — * — * — *

“You know, I’ve been pretty damn nice not teleporting right over to you whenever you disappear. So why don’t you just tell me why you’re avoiding me now that we happen to be in the same room by complete accident, huh?” John asked from where he sat in one of Bruce’s lounge chairs sipping on a beer. Marinette mimed choking him, clearly fed up. He had been trying to have a conversation with her for the past three months, ever since that one time he caught the tail end of her portal closing in the Batcave. Three. Long. Months. And he hadn’t given up, because something about this little Parisian teenager intrigued him. She was sixteen, that much he had gathered from the Bats. But to be sixteen and not only in possession of the Horse miraculous but also clearly the Ladybugs, since he had seen Tikki more than once as well, now that was interesting.

Anybody being in the possession of more than one Miraculous was already cause enough to be keeping an eye on them, which was why he had been keeping an eye on the Paris situation and had pieced together on his own that the presence of Tikki meant that this little parisian teenager was none other than Ladybug herself. Now, that? That was a whole new level of concerning, especially since he knew firsthand that the old Grand Guardian was gone and passed his title down to— yeah, Ladybug.

After that deduction, his interest in Marinette had swiftly switched from curiosity to fuck-I-need-to-know-what’s-going-on-here. Because no kid should have to deal with that kind of weight, and Constantine always looked out for kids when he could.

But right then, Marinette was glaring at him. She had been just coming over for a normal “family” dinner with the Waynes, which she attended from time to time. And apparently they had decided to have Constantine already over so that they could chaperone a meeting between them that would hopefully appease the stupid british magic user enough that he left them all alone again until the next time he needed help.

“Believe me when I say, you’d rather not know,” she replied sharply, glaring Dick. He was the one who had convinced her to come despite her recent close calls with Constantine in the past few days. He studiously avoided her gaze. “I just would rather not cross your path, and there’s no reason for us to interact. Why do you care, anyway?”

“You see, now that is an excellent question!” he chugged the last of his beer and gestured to her with the empty bottle. “Normally, I wouldn’t give a flying rat’s ass. But I’ve put two and two together, since I know who Tikki is,” he nodded to the red and black Kwami. “And maybe I just wanna keep an eye on the new Grand Guardian to make sure she’s doin’ alright. That’s an awful lot of magic and responsibility that you don’t deserve, but I’m not about to try to take it away. Keepin’ an eye on you is the next best thing.”

“Try again,” Marinette shot back, crossing her arms. “You were interested in me before you learned about me being Ladybug.”

“I’m nosy, what do you want me to say? I saw a portal in Batman’s man-cave, I get curious. Sue me.”

“Well. I have Bruce and everyone else already watching out for me, so you can leave me alone now. If I need your help, I’ll make sure to ask every other magic user first before contacting you.”

“Woah, now what’s all this venom for?”

“Uh, maybe we should go and actually eat dinner?” Dick tried to step in, hands up. Constantine had stood up from the chair he was in, which was usually a cue to change the subject as fast as possible. “Before Alfred has to come get us?”

“Maybe I’ll be less venomous if you let the subject drop and leave me alone!”

“Context would be nice, though.”

“Seriously guys, let’s go! Food!” Dick was once again ignored.

“Context is the last thing you need in this situation,” Marinette’s voice was suddenly soft, her arms dropping to her sides. “We’ve had this conversation so many times in so many now-deleted timelines. Just drop it this time.”

“If those timelines are now-deleted, then I obviously don’t remember what’s so bad about telling me why you’re acting like I’m some hated family member you’re avoiding!”

Silence.

Pure. Fucking. Silence. As they all watch with front row seats as Marinette flinches at the word ‘family’.

Pure silence as Constantine’s shoulders drop at the sight of her flinch, realization slapping itself on his face.

“No.”

“See? I fucking knew you would— that this would happen. This always happens, you always hate finding it out, but you’re so— so stubborn!” Marinette was blinking away tears, digging in her pockets and bringing out Kaalki’s glasses. “You’ll drop it now, at least. You always do.”

“Now what is that supposed to mean?” Constantine rubbed his forehead, still trying to sort through his amalgam of emotions. Marinette just shook her head, turning to Kaalki.

“Do you mind showing Monsieur Constantine the way out, Kaalki? I’ll grab you a load of sugar cubes afterward.”

“No, wait, hang on a second!”

A portal opened up under him, making John “Stubborn Idiot” Constantine drop ten feet down onto the hardwood, polished floor of his house. His bruised tailbone would take a while to heal, but his frazzled mind was by far the more concerning development. He staggered to his feet, reaching for the nearest bottle of tequila.

“Ugh, fuck my damn life.”

— * — * — * — * — *

“Marinette..?” Damian nudged the girl with his shoulder, frowning. It was after dinner that same day, and as much as he hated to admit it he had grown to actually like having her around. She was a good friend to have. And seeing her slumped back on one of their sofas, sketchbook covering her face and not a single rambling conversation to be had or heard? It was very concerning. She just made a groaning sound to answer him, prompting his frown to deepen. “Are you alright?”

“I just can’t believe that such a sweet, adorable thing like you is half made up of Constantine’s genes,” Jason mused bluntly from the opposite couch, where he tossed a rubber ball up and down out of boredom. “But now I see where you get all of your Disaster Bi-ness from.”

“Shut uuuuup,” She groaned, chucking her sketchbook at him. He caught it in midair, replacing his rubber ball with it and tossing it up and down in the air. “I’m just frustrated. This timeline is still perfectly stable, so I can’t erase it. And I can’t exactly ask ‘hey, can someone commit a horrid atrocity that makes this timeline split from the main one so that I can erase it and we can start over from four months ago?’ because that would be horribly irresponsible of me. But seriously, Jason. If you’re gonna ever commit, like, city-wise arson? I’d probably condone it right now if only so I have an excuse to use time travel to get out of this situation.”

“Not committing arson unless you give me a better reason for it, Pigtails.”

“Damn.”

“But are you okay?” Damian asked again, seeing as she had completely ignored him.

“I’m fine, Damian,” she finally sighed. “And I know how this is gonna go. He’s going to totally ignore me now, until we meet during some magical crisis and he only interacts with me when necessary. Then he pretends we never met, we have a private little one-sided whisper-argument about how he will never make a good father figure and I would be better off leaving him alone, blah blah blah. Avoidance is a coping mechanism I guess I inherited from him.”

“Guess it’s a good thing I’m trying to bite that in the bud then, eh?” Marinette startled out of her sitting position, seeing John stumble into the room…

Drunk off his ass. But apparently still at least mildly coherent.

“I agree with deleted-me’s, I’m not gonna be a dad. Not me,” he tripped, landing on his still-bruised ass and hissing in pain before continuing from the floor; “So if you’re looking for another Daddy dearest, that ain’t me.”

“See, I knew this is how you’d—”

“Let me finish,” he interrupted. “I don’t know how long the booze is gonna last and I need it’s courage here. ‘Kay? ‘Kay. Where was I? Right. But I know magic, ya know. The kind that doesn’t rely on little bobblehead gods to do. I got— like, a million books. Shit ton of books. At my place. Ya can read ‘em. My books. At my place. But I ain’t gonna parent, but I can lend ya books. Maybe give magic advice. Teach a little. Little bit. Didn’t think I’d have a child, but apparently I do and she’s the fuckin’ grand guardian and a damn hero, and I don’t know how the fuck I was able to help make someone like that. But whatever, it’s not like the world’s ever fuckin’ been easy on me,” He pulled out a sample-sized bottle of whiskey from one of the pockets on the inside of his trench coat and chugged it. After a brief wince and hiss at the burn, he kept rambling. “My door’s open, is what I’m tryin’ to say. No guarantee I’ll be in any state to talk to when you walk through it, but it’s open.”

Deciding to steadfastly ignore the tears streaming down her face, Marinette just swallowed thickly and nodded.

“I, uh. I think I can work with that.”

John barely made it to the nearby bin in time to vomit into it.

— * — * — * — * — *

I hate my imagination sometimes, guys. I started imagining a convo between Mari and Constantine at like 4am and it wouldn't leave me alone until I got it down. but by the time I wrote it, I kinda forgot like 60% of the original convo and just winged it. And this was born. I 100% blame @multifandomscribette because their Bio!dad John Constantine headcannons are amazing and even though this isn't in that universe, those headcannons are exactly what inspired this. So blame them, lol.

[bowiebond]

All superheroes are neurodivergent, and I refuse to believe otherwises. In fact, I will list some of the Marvel heroes I headcanon as ND

Scott Lang: ADHD. He jumps from fixation to fixation, his reoccurring hyperfixation being magic, he speaks out of turn and usually off topic to whatever is currently going on, has poor time management and is impulsive. He also had a strong moral code and will do what he feels is best, ie stealing from the rich. Luis and him get along so well because they’re brains are wired similarly, I’m just saying 👀

Tony Stark: ADHD/AUSTISM. This one is just as obvious as Scott. His special interest is science, he has poor social skills outside of what he’s adopted from others (masking in the form of sunglasses and a celebrity attitude), he doesn’t get social cues, is abrupt and interrupts others when hyperfocused and is know to be very impulsive. He has emotional outbursts when overwhelmed/overstimulated (though he deals with understimulation a lot too IMO), not good with empathising but is shown he can sympathise with others and even show them compassion if he’s close to them. Again, strong sense of justice that fits his own definition (deciding that he should be held responsible for his mistakes in making weapons, Ultron and Sokovia, etc).

Steve Rogers: AUTISM. Strong sense of justice, emotional outbursts, stretchy fabric/layers to avoid oversensitivity 👀, special interests were art and maybe even war/fighting, hard time making friends growing up, relates to others with his own stories when comforting people because that’s the only way he knows how, when he’s not interested in a task he will just leave without justifying it (ie the science exbo) which makes him appear arrogant (and Bucky seems used to Steve just randomly wandering off, probably cause Steve’s done it all throughout their friendship).

Bucky Barnes: ADHD. Poor time management, oversharing, bad with tones (his own and others), always seems confused because he’s almost never paying attention to a situation but instead is instead three topics ahead in his own mind, his hyperfixation in the 40’s in fantasy novels and science (specially mechanics) and he regains those fixations post-HYDRA but catching up on modern day fantasy media & boat mechanics. Makes notes of everything so he doesn’t forget anything, makes impulsive decisions all the time (freeing Zemo, asking Wakanda for new wings, moving in with Sam, etc) and has a (un)healthy dose of rejection sensitivity dysphoria.

Sam Wilson: AUTISM. Sam is the ultimate masker but this man has ASD and no one can tell me otherwise. He hates changes to his routine without his consent (ie unable to get rid of the boat, jogs every morning, etc), his special interest is technical engineering (his wings & Redwing), he often jokes at inappropriate times & refuses to apologise unless he feels he was in the wrong. Strong sense of justice, emotionally shuts down when stressed, has many casual friends but very few close friends because he finds it hard to connect with people (he connects with Nat, Steve & Bucky cause they’re all ND, duh).

Natasha Romanoff: AUTISM. Growing up in the red room forced her to be an expert at masking, but whenever she doesn’t seem to be acting ‘appropriately’, she’s shown to be uncaring of social cues, burns out easily, and thrives off routine. Her special interest was probably ballet for a long time before it was ruined for her. She wears tight clothes because she doesn’t like baggy outfits that will brush against her when she’s not expecting it and keeps her hair red because it’s her one constant that makes her feel comfortable and gives her something to focus on when she’s overwhelmed.

Peter Parker: ADHD/AUTISM. Do I really need to explain this one? I feel it’s overly on the nose. Hyperactive, special interest is spiderman, hyperfixation is science and pop culture, socially awkward and talks a little too fast for everyone else to catch up with. He’s the ADHD/ASD combo that slots right in under the wing of Tony.

James Rhodes: AUTISM. Come on. Come on. I just,,, he’s best friends with Tony Stark. He’s wanted to be in the Air Force since he was a kid, he went to MIT and has a Masters in the science of Aerospace Engineering. He’s the voice of reason and always thinks of the obvious conclusions without thought to the moral implications (ie killing baby Thanos) or the emotional process of others (ie Steve crashing into the ocean instead of jumping out of the plane). He’s stubborn and rarely yields to others opinions, even if it puts him under social scrutiny. He spends months looking for Tony when most would assume he was dead (and Rhodey has been shown to be very rational and level headed in everything else) because, honestly, I think Tony is his favourite person.

Bruce Banner: AUTISM. Bad with socialising, off in his own world half the time, ahead of conversations, heavy dose of RSD, jumps to conclusions because he interrupts others, emotional outbursts, special interest in physics (though he does have six other PHDs), etc. I’m also pretty sure he had DID as a kid (Hulk was his alter).

Thor: ADHD. Impulsive, doesn’t like change, poor time management, bouts of depression & anxiety, Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, interrupts others, seems dumber than he is due to having no filter from brain to mouth, comfort item is his hammer, personally I think he hyperfixates on Jane Foster because she’s the first human he’s really met which is why the eventual break up isn’t as painful as say Tony’s break with Pepper.

Peter Quill: ADHD. Look I could explain this one, but it’s just his whole vibe. The obsession with old school music and film, the impulsive behaviour, the way he interacts with others, he just gives the vibe.

DC BONUS

BATMAN: AUTISM. Special interest is bats, self isolates, doesn’t get along with others because he’s socially awkward, his mask is Bruce Wayne, lives by a strict moral code, blah blah blah HES OBVIOUSLY AUTISTIC (and so are all the robins send tweet)

Reblog with your own superhero ND headcanons!!

[ragingbookdragon]

It's All Practical Magic...And Some Bats PT. 1

Jason Todd x Constantine!Reader Story!

Word Count: 1K Warnings: Explicit Language

Author's Note: I'm just gonna watch a bunch of British Soap Operas to learn about English behavior. That and bug my only English friend. Enjoy! -Thorne

**********************************************************************

“You packed extra knickers, didn’t you, darling?”

She rolled her eyes for what seemed like the millionth time, turning to him as she griped, “Yes dad, I’ve packed extra. And the extra you asked about five minutes ago.”

His own scowl came across his lips, and he cocked his arms over his chest. “Well sorry for checking to make sure you packed ‘em. God forbid you get to Gotham and realize you don’t have any.”

“Oh, for the love of—dad, I’ve packed knickers.”

“Trousers?”

“Yes.”

“Jumpers?”

“Uh huh.”

“Trainers?”

“Two pairs.”

“Mackintosh?”

She turned on him again. “Yes, yes, yes, and yes. Anything else you’d like to check for? Maybe my nametag I’ll show to supernatural creatures? Hi, I’m (Y/N) Constantine, daughter of the guy you probably hate the most!” her expression turned bored. “I’m fine. Seriously.”

John scowled at her again, yanking her around the neck, the other hand ribbing the top of her head; he cackled when she started yelping. “Mock me at your own peril, daughter!”

(Y/N) shoved at his side. “Oh, get off you big git! That hurts!” she cocked her knuckle out and frogged him in the side, grinning when he gasped and let her go.

“Ah shite!” he complained. “That fucking hurt.”

“Good!” she shot back, smoothing her hair and clothes. “I meant for it.”

He gazed at her for a moment, watching as she zipped the last suitcase. “You’ve gotten older, darling.”

“Yeah dad,” she agreed. “Typically happens to people when they age.” (Y/N) met his eyes, sensing the emotion. “You alright, dad?”

John frowned, raising a calloused hand to her face; he cupped her cheek. “I don’t like sending you where I can’t see or feel you. Especially Gotham.”

(Y/N) touched his hand. “I’m going to be fine. I’ve got the cards and all the magic you’ve taught me.” When he opened his mouth to retort, she smiled. “Dad, Mister Wayne is going to be looking after me. It’ll be alright.”

“See! That’s worse!” he griped. “That costumed freak can’t even keep his own children alive!”

“Dad!” she admonished. “That’s too far!” she stuck her finger in his chest. “You’ve got a lot of nerve judging his parenting techniques when yours aren’t exactly perfection either!”

“Excuse me!”

“You’re excused!” she shot back, then shut her eyes and took a deep breath. “Look, we can yell at each other later. How ‘bout we just send me off, yeah?”

John sighed and pulled her around the neck, though this time he pressed his lips to the top of her head. “I’m gonna call you every night, darling.”

“I know, dad,” she smiled, inhaling the overwhelming scent of cigarettes, hand fumbling for the handle of her suitcase. She grabbed it and pulled away, looking to him. “Ready?”

He nodded, raising his hands and a glowing circle appeared around them; John scowled, muttering, “Keep yourself in the circle, yeah? Don’t need any injuries.”

“Don’t need any injuries,” she mocked, half-glaring at him and as he cast the spell, the living room around them began to shift and turn. She turned, pressing her face into his arm as a wave of nausea rolled over her.

“Novice,” he chuckled, and she groaned.

“I can’t help it. Warping makes my head spin like a top.”

“You never could handle it.” He snapped his fingers, wiggling his arm. “We’re here.”

(Y/N) pulled away and blinked, gaping at the big manor before her. “Wow…this place is huge.”

“House of Mystery is bigger.”

“Well, yeah, it’s a never not changing mansion.” (Y/N) turned. “You gonna say hello to Batman?”

John sneered. “No.” he leaned over and kissed her forehead, hugging her tightly. “I’ll call you tomorrow through the mirrors.”

“Okay.” She held on for a moment longer.

“You alright?”

“Yeah…just…it’s the first time I’ve ever been away from you,” she shrugged. “Just…worried.”

“Well, it’s like you said. You’ve got your cards and you’ve got all the magic I’ve taught you.” John pulled back and held her face in his hands. “Remember that it’s all merely an extension of yourself. You’re never without protection.” He lowered one hand and pulled something out of her pocket, placing it in her hands. “Here. Wear this.”

(Y/N) slipped the ring on her finger. “What is it?”

“A ring.”

“No shit,” she griped. “Couldn’t figure that one out myself.”

John grinned. “Smart-ass.” He nodded to the black band. “It’s called the Shadow Band. It’ll allow you to conjure weapons out of phantom sorcery.”

“Just weapons?”

“Anything you can think of,” he corrected. “It’ll also help you feel out negative energy nearby. Given that you’re my daughter…there’s going to be things out there that don’t want you around.” His expression turned solemn. “You need to be prepared to protect yourself. With any means necessary.”

“I understand,” (Y/N) agreed. “Thank you, dad.”

John nodded, pulling his hands way. “Then you’re on your own from here.” He watched as she took a step out of the circle, holding tight to her suitcase. “Know that I’ll be waiting if you need me. At any moment, darling.”

She smiled. “I love you, dad.”

“I love you, darling,” he said, offering her a rare smile before his image distorted before her and disappeared in a flash.

(Y/N) turned and walked up the steps; she reached for the knocker when the door suddenly swung open and a young man about her age stood before her, one dark brow cocked, staring at her cautiously.

“Who are you?” he questioned, and she blinked.

“Uh…(Y/N) Constantine?” she reached into her pocket. “I was accepted to Gotham University and my dad asked Bruce if I could stay here.” She held out the acceptance letter. “You can ask Bruce.” He took the letter and held it up in the moonlight, causing her to scowl. “It’s not a forgery, you cock.”

He barked a laugh, handing it back to her. “Yeah, you’re Constantine’s daughter alright.” Opening the door wider, he added, “Come on in. I’m Jason.”

“(Y/N),” she returned, walking inside. “Good to meet you.”

“You might change that stance after a week or two.”

“Don’t think so,” she laughed. “I’m the daughter of the biggest bastard in all of England and probably the world.”

“You hungry?”

“Starved. You have chips?”

“You mean French fries, right?”

“What else does chips mean?”

“I don’t know, us peasant American’s call chips ‘French fries’ and actual crisps ‘chips’.”

“You’re so weird.”

Jason laughed, leading her into the kitchen. “You’ve got no idea.”

[unpretty]

astielle ch 28 spoiler ask dump~~

anonymous asked:

Tauril-form is puberty, because that's when his voice changes. Abysscale-form is college-age because that's when he goes to his first orgy.

anonymous asked:

You called Abysscale-form college-age (which does not preclude teenage sexscapades given the ages that go to college) and that tracks with how I think of Tauril-form as going through puberty (because of the voice-change). But if Tauril is the horny teenager that's kind of sad. Because as Minnow has pointed out many times That Dick Will Kill.

not each other, it won't!! although i imagine taurils sleeping with each other would have the bro-iest vibe. very bill and ted. taurils also have Options with people who aren't giant bull centaurs, it's just awkward is all. fortunately for everyone taurils are actually adults and are not full of hormones, they just have zero impulse control and when they like someone they want to impress them and spend time with them and it doesn't necessarily occur to them to get their dicks involved in the situation (karzarul's mind was elsewhere the first time he was a tauril)

anonymous asked:

When Violet said monsters make the best mercenaries and throw the best parties I didn't think about it, but the fact that all the impyrs came into being with swordsmanship skills equal to Lynette probably had something to do with the former. Even if ten isn't that many, THEY COME BACK. (Eventually. In, like, a month.) And the others probably learned from Lynette, even if they died. Lynette's unintentional teaching, back again.

they learned from the best murdering them repeatedly

anonymous asked:

When Ari is repopulating, and he skips Black Drakonis, he says "Makes sense." But he's surprised when Violet points out that Black Drakonis is missing, so it sounds like he at least had a theory/assumption at the time for why she was skipped, but it doesn't match with the new information.

he initially just assumed that black drakonis had managed to avoid being killed the whole time, which made sense because she's a big dragon and she can just fly away if someone is trying to murder her. but generally if a bigass monster is alive someone is going to see it, especially her, because she likes finding population centers to try to guard.

anonymous asked:

"It also occurred to him that trying to get Minnow to act like she lived in a society since they were young may have negatively impacted his sense of what constituted an acceptable thing to say to a person while his dick was out." Is just HILARIOUS.

anonymous asked:

Honestly I can relate to Leonas cause just last week I was like 'I keep falling asleep in class maybe I should develop a caffeine addiction' and one of my friends was like 'pls eat more food' so I started to actually have breakfast and an after work snack and I magically stopped falling asleep in class

anonymous asked:

Minnow's hips don't lie, but castle ruins are strangely deceptive.

everyone who wasn't following along when astielleblogging intersected with kink taxonomy hell is going to be so confused if/when minnow finally gets stuck somewhere

@9ofspades asked:

Ari is my favorite again and I want him to have actual eternity to be happy with his poly soulmate throuple together. And also his big monster family. Also I think he's wrong about what the core of the Heir and Hero are - both of them have, deep in the core of their souls, the fact that they are Monsterfuckers.

for the record i have a post in my drafts with all of your readalong asks and i still haven't decided what to do with them but i enjoyed them IMMENSELY

anonymous asked:

>looking for food >ask the cook if their food is earthy or wet >she doesn't understand >pull out illustrated diagram explaining what is earthy and what is wet >she laughs and says "it's good food sir" >buy some food >its wet

@ivylaughed asked:

I love the tumblr meme references in Astielle. The guards bringing their own knives; there being an infinite variety of brassica oleracea; the fucking chocolate guy. I'm half-waiting for a children's hospital/color theory reference. Thank you for the easter eggs.

i'm glad someone read 'chocolate birdhouse' and immediately thought THAT FUCKING CHOCOLATE GUY AGAIN ashjasd

anonymous asked:

I just wanted to say that as a plant nerd and forager I deeply appreciated Minnow's surprisingly accurate botany lesson.

unfortunately all the books that leonas gave minnow are still at her house and so she cannot cite sources for the existence of hemlock, queen anne's lace, and giant hogweed

anonymous asked:

“I think you overestimate people’s willingness to admit when things don’t make sense to them," lmao Minnow has a point

will the two men she is with learn from this and start admitting when they don't know things they think they should and are confused? absolutely not.

anonymous asked:

XD Ari hears "Kavid" and immediately attempts a strategic retreat.

anonymous asked:

“‘you should get dressed’ is a complete sentence.” Is making me laugh.

it's probably for the best because if he actually had known all three of them were out there it would have taken him like an hour to get ready and he would have had at least one breakdown about how none of his outfits were good enough and it was all nari's fault

anonymous asked:

Kavid: I will be happy to HAVE YOU ALL *lascivious eyebrow wiggle* at my earliest convenience.

anonymous asked:

"he gets smaller" "in this weather who doesn't?" KITTY PLZZZ

anonymous asked:

I can't decide whether I love or hate Kavid - I have a very Specific idea in mind for his voice, though I admittedly can't figure out where I'm pulling it from. He is an Excellent character though. Lovely chapter as always :D

anonymous asked:

Before, I was entertained by Kavid. Now I love him.

anonymous asked:

Kitty, Kraven and Kavid have similar speech patterns on purpose, right??? Right?????

i was honestly imagining some kind of nonsense faux-european what-country-is-this-even-from hollywood accent but imagining that he has sounded extremely russian this whole time is extremely funny

@rose-and-bones asked:

SHE HAS A TYPE aghfgstjs

minnow having a thing for obnoxiously pretty men who think they're great aka self-recognition through the other (horny)

@speakingintothevoid asked:

“You are,” Leonas said, “an egotistical, self-important fop.” “Ye-e-es,” Kavid said without shame. “She has a type, does Starlight.” I! LOVE!! IT!!! Makes me almost think of Violet and Karzarul - our point of view character being faced with a version of themselves who are more comfortable in their own skin and our boys not knowing why that annoys them

@keleviel asked:

I rescind my earlier mild disdain, Kavid is great. Is he actually The Greatest Of Bards, or is that just more showmanship?

he rocks about as hard as you can rock on a lyre, which is probably harder than you'd think (especially if you brought a lot of drummers) (which he does)

anonymous asked:

Jakshahshsh every time a new astielle chapter comes out i read it at least twice. Kavid i love you. Leonas i love you also you fucked up lil man. And karzarul the seat. And minnow the mischievous. and just. poor nari. existing in the same world as minnow and her all-powerful boyfriends and also kavid. nari needs a raise

she really does

anonymous asked:

Bruce in Office Meeting and Leonas grabbing the wine when Kavid starts talking about Imperials solidarity.

anonymous asked:

"You would like to compare notes?""Always." Brilliant. Leonas to a t. Loving this interlude with kavid. Snuggly tipsy leonas is a treat. kavids talk of how the weather makes all of us smaller had me cackling. Also this batshit imperial conspiracy is gr8

anonymous asked:

I am suddenly much less comfortable about Leonas performing medical experiments on Minnow, though no fault of his own. :(

@mooseman13579 asked:

Leonas finding out about the weird sun empire truther stuff: haha I'm in danger

the real unanswered question is how much of this is news and how much of it is stuff he already knew and assumed was normal

@thegayknee asked:

Holy shit this is it, isnt it. This is how they fix karzarul's reputation and expose Leland. With the power of Kavid

anonymous asked:

Karzarul's Questlog: "Work on our Image" updated, The Tale of Hollow Monsters delivered to bard.

anonymous asked:

just how many of her lovers is minnow going to recruit into her questing party

she should probably be swapping people out to keep their levels consistent but instead she just keeps karzarul and leonas as her companions for every single quest

@flying-butter asked:

"Details! I need details!" "The king sucks." This is every conversation with any of the trio. Minnow likely knows how to complete half of Ari's quests and Leonas the other half, but no one talks about anything without prompting.

minnow just assumes that everyone knows what she knows because she can't possibly be the brains of the operation and meanwhile karzarul and leonas are both busy having shame

anonymous asked:

i was so excited for the lore drop but the moment Leonas sat in Karzarul's lap my brain just shut off

@themaidenisdeath asked:

oh yes, as we all know, "all business" and "taciturn" are the first words that come to mind when we think of Minnow. It reminded me of when she met Karzarul and he told her she was particularly chatty for hero. Sorry Kavid, you're just neither a Sweet, Considerate Monster with a Dick of Steel And Tentacles To Match™ nor a Twink Prince With Silky Hair, Dom Tendencies And Weird Dietary Beliefs™

@halfdeadfriedrice asked:

"what Hero business?" / "I'm the Hero. All my business is Hero business." You tell em Minnow! And then it turns out to be Quest relevant after all; all business is Hero business Also kavid's last night's makeup and messy convertible couch covered in laundry with half-empty wine bottles on the floor is THEE most visually resonant, I feel like I am visiting a college friend

leonas got very lucky that there weren't any cigarette butts floating in that wine because in his mood he might have just drank it anyway

[robinofgothamcity]

♡ prompt: "you accidentally get sent into the future and see how you both turn out.”

♡ pairing: dick grayson (anyverse / nightwing) x fem reader

♡ lyric inspiration: “I said that’s life and as funny as it may seem, some people get their kicks stomping on a dream but I don’t let it get me down cause this fine old world keeps spinning around.” 

♡ note: not checked for grammar or spelling mistakes / again like what I said with my Jason fic, you don’t necessarily use the TITANS universe to imagine this fic. i just used this version of dick for no reason. 

“god, this is the last time I do any kind of work with ANY OF YOU!” you yelled at Dick as he bit on his inner cheek. all of you had been fighting off a bunch of crooks and at first, you thought it was okay.....that was until one of the crooks pulled out his hidden magical abilities, “at the very least, we could’ve called Klarion for help!” 

Damian gave you a look as if what you were saying was stupid, “I’M JUST SAYING! WE’RE ALL FUCKING HUMAN AND ZATANNA ISN’T EVEN IN THE COUNTRY TO HELP!” you yelled back. 

Dick was trying to remain calm as he hadn’t seen one of the criminals approaching him. he was too busy charging one that was heading towards you. you; however, had saw them out of the corner of you eye and practically sped to Dick which is what the criminal wanted. 

he wanted you and Dick out of the way in order to get Damian trapped. as you and Dick had passed each other with the notion to save each other, the crook pulled out a gadget that opened up a portal. 

“NIGHTWING!” “( YOUR HERO NAME )!” 

+

the two of you went to grab each other but it was too late. you and Dick had gotten sucked into the portal as you let out a piercing yell. Dick tried grabbing you, hoping that wherever the two of you landed, he would get the hardest impact. 

soon enough, both you and Nightwing collided with the ground. you instantly shot up, preparing to fight whoever was around. Dick had took in the surrounding and whispered that the two of you were safe. 

“where the hell are we?” you asked, trying not to panic, “we need to find another portal back. Damian is on his own!” you fidgeted with your fingers as Dick waved you off. 

“if anything, Damian might be more in his element,” he whispered, “you forget how Damian grew up. I think he’ll be fine. he probably already called Bruce or one of the boys.” you tried to figure out how the hell Dick was so calm about the situation. 

Dick took off his mask as you followed along, “I think are biggest issue might be trying to figure out what year he took us too. I can’t imagine he took us in the past so we might just be in the future,” Dick explained. 

both of you walked down the hill that you had landed on and saw you were in Bludhaven, “I think we’re in your home territory,” you murmured. Dick sighed in relief. he was more relieved that both of you landed in his hometown because had you landed in Gotham, he felt like that would’ve landed you in more trouble with the Bat, “I didn’t think Bludhaven was this ran down,” you told Dick. 

“hey!” he exclaimed, “it isn’t as bad as it looks!” you giggled trying not to catch attention from anyone. the two of you made it down the hill when the realization hit you. Bludhaven had snow falling all over the town and you nor Dick were even mildly dressed in clothes to handle the cold. 

“do you have clothes in your apartment? it’s freezing out here!” you exclaimed. Dick gave you the side eye, “I do but if we landed in the future, my future self might be there. we can run into a store and get clothes there.” 

“and do you have cash? bc if you’re carrying a debit card, that would be really weird to see a transaction from the future,” you replied. Dick took out his wallet and pulled out a crisp 100, “I stand defeated,” you murmured. Dick rolled his eyes as the two of you saw a department store at the corner of the street. 

before you could pull in, you heard someone scream you hero name, “hey! those are sick cosplays!” they said running up to you. you gave him a confused look before realizing, you had to pretend that you weren’t actually yourself, “thanks! it took a lot of work,” you tried to say. 

“I bet. it looks super realistic too! ever since she stopped fighting, it’s been super weird not seeing ( your hero name ) around.” you stood confused, wondering what he meant by that, “oh! you’re supposed to be Nightwing! that’s awesome! do you think I can get a picture!” he asked. 

you looked to Dick who just shrugged and agreed. the two of you smiled for the photo as he scanned it, “thanks! I swear, you look exactly like her too! but clearly that can’t be right since the actual ( your hero name ) is pregnant allegedly!” he said as he turned around to leave. 

“pregnant?” you yelled, holding onto Dick who was laughing hysterically, “it’s not fucking funny! I’m pregnant in whatever year this is!” you yelled. Dick could see the panic in your eyes, “he never said it was actually true. he said it was alleged that you were,” Dick tried to emphasize. 

you walked into the department store, which ended up being a Target, and ran to the women’s section, wanting to get out of your hero costume as soon as possible. once you and Dick grabbed the clothes, he quickly paid for it before the two of you darted to the bathrooms to get dressed. 

you managed to come out faster than Dick as you held onto your costume by hand. with curiosity plaguing your mind, you saw a magazine and looked at the date. 

December 22, 2024.

you sighed in relief. the two of you had only gone three years into the future which was a good thing....right?

“we’re three years into the future,” you told Dick. he nodded as you walked outside, “we can check if future you is actually home and if he’s not, you making some portal to get us back home!” you threatened. 

“at this rate, I would’ve preferred if Damian would’ve been the one to come along,” Dick retorted. you pushed him to street, making him stumble over his feet, “say some snark shit again and see where that gets you,” you told him, “plus, you think I want to get stuck in the future with you? I would have preferred Jason if we’re going to be honest. at least he would’ve been more entertaining to be around.” 

Dick remained quiet, not knowing how to respond. 

the two of you had a weird relationship with each other. at times, the two of you got along, to the point where some thought the two of you were together while other times, you practically hated his guts. no one knew why the relationship was this way but his heart felt a pang as you confessed that you would have rather been here with Jason than him. 

“way to kill a mood,” Dick said. you rolled your eyes, “you literally just said you’d rather be with Damian! don’t blame me for this shit. plus, if it wasn’t Damian, I’m sure you would wanted Starfire next,” you added on. 

Dick looked at you stunned, “what makes you say that?” he asked. you rolled your eyes, “please, it’s not hard to tell that you and Star have a thing for each other,” you said, this time more quietly than before. Dick didn’t know how to respond but quickly for him, he didn’t have to. the two of you had arrived to where lived or at least hope he still lived there. 

the house wasn’t big, not in the slightest; however, it was big enough for him on his own. the two of you looked inside of the window and saw that someone was facing their back towards it. 

“whose that?” you asked Dick. he shrugged, half of him annoyed at you and the other half not knowing who it actually was. the two of you remained looking at the person, hoping they turned around so you could get a look, “it looks like you if I’m going to be honest,” Dick replied. 

you sighed, “I don’t think it is but sure,” your statement was quickly taken back as the person finally turned around. it was in fact you...fully pregnant and opening up the window. you let out a piercing scream as Dick quickly covered your mouth, trying not to get caught. 

“can you shut the hell up?” he whisper screamed, “you’re going to get us caught!” he continued. you took his hand off your mouth, “do that shit again and you’ll be dead before you can even see your future self,” you threatened, “plus! that’s me! pregnant as fuck!” 

Dick tried not to laugh at your last statement but couldn’t, “if you’re pregnant, I wonder whose kid it is and why the hell you’re even at my place,” he wondered, “it’s probably yours,” you joked, making the both of you laugh quietly. 

you remained looking through the window, watching as you stood up and got different things from a box. you were whispered things you couldn’t exactly heart but one thing you did notice was the huge ring on your left finger. 

you whipped your head to look at Dick as his eyes widened. his future self had walked into the living room, giving you a peck on the cheek before bending down and kissing your stomach, “hey bubba! treating your creator well?” he asked. 

both you and Dick looked at each other speechless as you put two and two together. you were pregnant....with Dick’s child, “you better because your mom might kill me if you’re giving her a hard time,” he joked before placing a kiss on your lips, “we should eat before John gets hungry and your dad thinks we ditched out on the plans,” you mentioned. 

“John?” you whispered to yourself, wondering why the hell you named your future kid John, “John was my fathers name, you know, before he passed,” Dick confessed. your eyes widened, “oh, is it?” you murmured back, not knowing what to say. 

the two of you walked closer the door as you noticed your belly again. it was bigger than you realized as Dick had to help you down the stairs. you watched yourself get into Dick’s are as you were struggling to put the belt around you. eventually, Dick drove away and left the two of you alone again. 

the air was thick with silence as you had no idea what to say, “parents huh?” Dick asked with a chuckle of nervousness, “yup....and you’re the dad,” you added on. Dick nodded as you sat on the curb with your hands on your knees, “and you’re the mom,” he replied. 

you let out a laugh of disbelief as you couldn’t make up anything to say, “crazy right? I think we’re married too,” you finally looked at Dick as he stared at you, almost lovingly, “is there an issue with that?” he asked as seriously as possible. you shook your head no, “nope. just weird that we were the ones that ended up married and having kids together,” you said. 

Dick slowly grabbed your hand and held it softly. 

“I mean it could be weirder...it could have been Jason or Tim,” he said out loud. you shrugged, “I mean, that would have weird too,” you played with Dick’s fingers and bit your lip, “I guess we should try and find our way back? we wouldn’t want to change the future,” you gave Dick a hopeful look. 

he nodded as he helped you up but without hesitation, he pulled you in for a searing kiss, “I’ve been meaning to do that for a while now,” he whispered as he put his hand on your cheek and caressed it softly with his thumb. 

a few seconds later, both of you saw a portal opening with Damian screeching from the other side of it, “COME ON YOU BUNCH OF IDIOTS!” he yelled dramatically. you laughed, looking to Dick, “you heard the boy, let’s get the future started,” Dick nodded grabbing your hand and stepping into the portal. 

[rowansparrow]

By Any Other Name: Playlist

Hello darlings. I had lots of people send me songs that reminded them of BAON, And I think I mentioned every now and then I had certain songs in mind when writing chapters, so I thought I’d compile everything into a playlist for those of you who might be interested. :) If there are lyrics underneath a song, then that means it’s one I was actively listening to/daydreaming to when writing that scene so take that however you wish, lol. 

(My personal favorite picks have stars by them, so if you listen to nothing else I’m BEGGING you to listen to those but it’ll hurt you probably)

Enjoy, and I hope you get some cool new tunes out of this lol. 

Chapter One

***(Flashback) Reader Meets Rose: Human - The Killers “Wave goodbye, wish me well, you’ve got to let me go”

Chapter Two

Opening Night at the Rose Lounge: Yeah! - Usher (Ft. Lil John & Ludacris) ***Fives Takes the Stage: oops! - Yung Gravy Fives, Hardcase, and Jesse dance: Good Girls Bad Guys - Falling in Reverse The Captain Arrives / (Flashback) Rex tells the reader: Turn to Hate - Orville Peck “Dumb enough to take the bait, don’t let my sorrow turn to hate” 

Chapter Three:

(Flashback) Playing Sabacc: Everybody Lost Somebody - Bleachers “There’s a reason I see myself in a million faces, I reason I can’t stop it all from changing, so come on motherfucker, you survived, you gotta give yourself a break.”  Rex Calms Reader Down: Don’t Let Me Cave In - The Wonder Years

Chapter Four: 

(Flashback) Depression and Loss: The Chain - Ingrid Michaelson “Promise not to promise anymore, and if you come around again, then I will take, then I will take, the chain from off the door.” 

Chapter Five: 

***Fives and Reader in the Office: Fire Meet Gasoline - Sia “It’s a bad bet, certain death, but I want what I want and I got to get it.”  (Flashback) Rose and Reader on the Roof: Love and War in your Twenties - Jordy Searcy

Chapter Six: 

(Flashback) Rose and Reader on the Roof: Photograph - Ed Sheeran “You won’t ever be alone, wait for me to come home” Forgiving Captain Rex: Before You Go - Lewis Capaldi “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, but I was just kidding myself.” 

Chapter Seven: 

***(Flashback) Reader meets Captain Rex: Line Without a Hook - Ricky Montgomery “She’s a lady, and I am just a boy. I am just a line without a hook.”  ***Rex and Reader on the Roof: If the World Was Ending - JP Saxe (Ft. Julia Michaels) “Would you love me for the hell of it? All our fears would be irrelevant.” 

Chapter Eight: 

Fives/Reader/Echo Together: Easy - The Commodores The Helmet: Unshaken - Christian Larsson

Chapter Nine: 

(Flashback) Broken Glass, Bandaged Hands: Falling - Harry Styles “What am I now? What am I now? What if you’re someone I just want around?” ***Fives’ Confrontation on the Roof: Insomnia - IAMX “You could see the madness in my eyes. I’ve lost control, please save me from myself.” 

Chapter Ten:

***(Flashback) Rose and Reader’s First Time: Dustland - The Killers Ft. Bruce Springsteen “Is there still magic in that midnight sun, or did you leave it back in ‘61? In the cadence of a young man’s eyes, out where the dreams all hide.”  ***Rex and Reader with Fives: A Letter to Georgia - The Airborne Toxic Event “Afraid of this truth that love could cause you so much pain, darling I wish it wasn’t true.” 

Chapter Eleven: 

Fives and Rex Fight: Toxic - Britney Spears (Flashback) Rose and the Children: Father and Son - Cat Stevens “From the moment I could talk, I was ordered to listen. Now, there’s a way, and I know, that I have to go away. I know I have to go.”  ***Rex Tells the Truth: The Night We Met - Lord Huron “I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you. Take me back to the night we met.” 

Chapter Twelve:

The 501st at War: Vode An (Epic Version) - Samuel Kim The Garbaks: Once Upon a Memory - Kan Gao (instrumental) Defending the Garbak Village: Bang Bang - Green Day ”Give me death or give me head. I’m daddy’s little psycho and mommy’s little soldier.”  ***Rose Sees the Missiles: A Conversation with Death - Khemmis ”As long as God in heaven dwell, your soul, your soul shall scream in hell.”  ***Rose’s Final Moments: Deadman’s Gun - Ashtar Command “You’ve given them all you can give, and luck won’t save them tonight.”

Chapter Thirteen:

(Flashback) Marry Me: Wildest Dreams - Taylor Swift “Say you’ll see me again, even if it’s just in your wildest dreams.”  ***The Ring: Runaway Horses - The Killers (Ft. Phoebe Bridgers) “Head first into the unknown, like runaway horses, in a fever till the end.” 

Chapter Fourteen:

Rex After Umbara: Everything I Love is Broken - The Airborne Toxic Event ***The Mountains and the Sea: Transatlanticism - Death Cab for Cutie “I need you so much closer.” 

Chapter Fifteen: 

***Fives Knows: Achilles Come Down - Gang of Youths “Throw yourself into the unknown with a pace and a fury defiant.”  The Outlander: Boba Fett’s Theme (The Book of Boba Fett) - Samuel Kim (Besties I am begging you to listen to this one)

Chapter Sixteen:

Out of the Fire: ONCE AGAIN, Boba Fett’s Theme (The Book of Boba Fett) - Samuel Kim. See above link. Just let the scenes segue together with this playing in the background it’ll change your life I promise. “They Called Me Rose”: Open the Door - The Mandalorian Season 2 Soundtrack.

TAG LIST:  @fat-zygerrian @ladydiomede @pro-fangirls-unsocial-life @threevie @cheesemachine44 @bubblyacey @fivedicksinatrenchcoat @loverofclones @starwarsgarbage @hockeyjedi13 @crazygirlwithasword @dar-manda-rjct @gotomarvelgal @baba-fett @whore4rex @bubblegumcat229 @generalcannoli @hellothere501stlover @in-the-crosshairs @vaderthepotater @for-the-love-of-clones @babyhowzer @imrealatedtothe501st @chewychewyque @bobafettuccini @baba-fett-writes @chromia7567 @coffeeandtodd @thedomesticatednerd @kirinpl @djarrex @a-c-lee @embarrassedauthornerd @kaorikoizumi @the-girl-of-rain-and-shadows @sammi9498 @theroguesully​ @paige6768

[wolfish-trickster]

Liar

final part (I like number 7, let's end it at number 7)

Loki x female!reader

Word count: 2,9K

Warnings: angst, typos (not when drunk gods are talking, those are intentional), drunk god bros™, hangover

Tag list:@gaitwae @lucywrites02 @hard-to-be-the-bard @birdgirl90 @laramoonworld @belovedadam @mascaracoffee @serebrum @myworldgoesboomz @lokis-leah @nickkie1129 @getyoutmoon @forevernthensome

A/N: thank you so much for reading this unexpected mini series❤️

Loki swayed from one side to another. His question still hanging in the air. Thor was struggling to get back up on his feet. When it looked like he's making progress, he fell down on his knees again and had to start over.

"Has any of you ever seen them like that?" Steve whispered.

Everyone shook their heads. Your eyes remained glued to Loki. He never drank. Well, if he had to he drank fine wine or some other 'fancy' alcohol from Tony's stash, but he never drank to the point of being drunk. Only slightly tipsy.

You remember the first time you saw him drink. It was a long time ago. Tony made him. He said it will make him 'turn that frown upside down'. You saw him drain the whole bottle that day and it did nothing to him. Only tainted his pale cheeks with slight pink. You've seen him drink more than a bottle since then, but it was never enough to make him stumble through his words, or sway around like Jack Sparrow. How much did he had?

Anxiety gnawed on you again. 'He drank because of you. Because of what you told him. Your words pushed a literal god to drink his sadness away.'

"Weeeell?" Loki asked again. When Thor fell down with a thud on the floor again Loki rolled his eyes and was at least pretending to help him stand up. You swear you heard him whisper something along the lines of 'get up you outgrown lightning mouse, don't embarass me in front of her', but that could've been just your imagination.

"For god's sake, how much did you guys have?" Sam asked and Bucky stole Rex from his lap while he was distracted.

Thor while leaning on the back of the couch was counting his fingers. After a while he gave up. "A lot. We made our anescesterors proud," he bared his teeth in a proud grin.

"You mean ancestors, right?"

Thor's head turned to Nat. "Yes! We had a whoooole barrel. One for me," he hugged his brooding brother around shoulders (more like leaned on him with his entire weight) "and one for Kiki," the childish nickname earned Thor a massive shove to the side. "Do not call me dat!"

Bruce facepalmed. "Guys, what are we gonna do with them?"

Clint pulled out his phone, recording everything. "Enjoy while it lasts."

You smacked his phone away, a sudden need to protect your (hopefully still) friend's dignity roused inside of you. "You can't!" you said louder than you wanted.

Clint just shook his head. "You're no fun Y/N," and put his phone away.

You frowned at them. "I know. I know I'm no fun, and I am annoying sometimes, and weak and dumb compared to all of you. I know all of that! I don't care!"

Bucky stared up at you. "What has gotten into you doll?"

"I'll tell you what. I was a bitch, okay? I was overthinking everything ever since I had that argument with Loki. His words started something inside of my head. I started to think they were true, that when my best friend thought those things what must all of you think. And even when I knew they were lies those thoughts stayed up here," you pointed at your head, "and I hate myself for still keeping them there. And just when I thought I'll finally make up with Loki and everything will be good again I fuck up!" you wiped an escaped tear, took a breath and continued.

"It's my fault he's like this. He was drinking because of what I said. All of this is because of me," you hugged your arms to comfort yourself a little. Everyone stared at you, including the drunk brothers.

What you were letting out of your mouth probably didn't make sense as a whole. They were just your anxious thoughts getting free, they didn't care in which order. All of that stress, everything that has been rotting inside of your chest is out now. You feel a little better.

"Daaaarlin', 's not your fault," Loki interrupted your train of thoughts, reminding you that just because you talked your heart out, it didn't fix your mistake of hurting him.

"Yeah, and whose then?" you said calmly.

Loki stood up straighter while still swaying a little. "The univers! She won't let us be toge'er, thas why I haf to make up with 'er," his british accent got deeper.

You slowly walked towards him. "No Loki, this is my fault. And I'll fix it too," you took him by his arm and slowly lead him away. To his bedroom. However, he protested.

"Wait! We have to give 'er flowerz," he leaned down to Thor and yanked some of the flowers along with his golden hair from Thor's head. "Y'kno, to makup."

You shook your head and walked with him a little faster. "You don't have to. All you have to do is go to sleep now."

When the Avengers finally came to their senses Bruce shouted after you. "Hey what about Thor?"

"He's all yours," you shouted back from the elevators and pressed button leading to Loki's floor.

*

'He's heavier than he looks,' you think as you get closer to his bedroom door.

He's been leaning on you for support the whole silent (mildly uncomfortably silent) way to his bedroom. He groaned and mumbled something undecipherable here and there. You wished to be already in his room, put him in his bed and dissappear for few hours. You felt so awkward helping your friend who can barely stand after he drank because of you.

"Can you lean on the wall please?" you asked him when you both stood infront of his locked door. He unhooked his arm from around your shoulders and practically threw himself onto the nearest wall.

"Lean, not fall!"

He chuckled. "Sorrey, is the gravity," he mumbled.

You rolled your eyes and fished out a key from his bedroom door from your sweatpant pocket. When the thin metal slid into keayhole Loki threw his arms around you and gently squeezed you. "Are ya real?"

"Eeeh, yes? Why are you asking?"

"Because," he squished your cheeks together, "you're nice to me. And you're cute," he giggled.

You chuckled and removed his hands from your cheeks. "Thanks, but this isn't you. You need to sleep."

"Not me?" he asked, confusion all over his face. He ran his hand across his torso and settled on his face. "But this is my body and my face! It has to be me!"

"Yes, it is, but the acting isn't. Now come," you took his hand and gently lead him through his open door.

You pushed him to sit on his bed and wanted to walk out, but he won't let go of your hands. He studied them like a little child, turning them, looking at them from every angle. You blushed. He hasn't been this tender for a long time.

You cleared your throat. "You need to sleep. You're gonna have a massive hangover tomorrow."

His eyes left your hands resting in his and bore into yours. But they weren't as clear as usual, they were clouded and lost. "Why?"

"Eeeh, because you're drunk?"

"Why?"

"Because you drank?"

"Why?"

"Because-" no, you can't tell him. "It doesn't matter. Just sleep now," you tried to push him to his bed, but even in this state he was strong and unmovable.

"I don't wanna sleep. I need to find Univers!"

"Well, you can find your universe after you sober up."

"Noooo," he shook his head dramatically, his hair whiping around him. "I can't find my universe. YOU are MY universe," he held your hands close to his chest.

"But I need to find THE Universe! With the T'n'H'n'E infront of it," he started to ramble about Universe conspiring against him and you, but you didn't listen.

You stopped listening after he said 'you are my universe'. Did he mean it?

" 'Your' universe?" you asked and finally pushed him to lie down on his bed.

"Yea," he yawned, his eyelids became too heavy for him to keep open. "I know you hate me, but I.... I...," and he was gone. Off to the dreamland.

You stayed there for few more minutes in case he woke up and finished what he wanted to say, but no such thing happened. You could play on drumms next to him and he wouldn't move.

You softly brushed his hair from his face and covered him with his soft black blanket. "I don't hate you Loki. I never did. I just hope you'll be just as nice and calm when you sober up as you were right now," you caressed his cheek for the last time and walked to his door.

Before you closed, you looked back at him and softly whispered. "You are my universe too Loki."

*

Loki's head pulsed with pain. That's what woke him up, actually. Blindly, he felt around him with his hands, trying to find out where he was. Warm blanket, soft bed, his Asgardian armour still on. It was dirty from clay and smelled weird. Almost like.... alcohol?

'Oh,' he thought, 'that happened.'

He groaned and opened his eyes, only to instantly cover them with his palm. Light from the nearby window was stabbing his eyeballs causing him even bigger headache. All he wanted to do was get a big- no, giant cup of cold water and down it just as fast as he was doing with the alcohol yesterday.

But whenever he tried to use his magic only green and gold sparkles flew from his fingers and when he tried to stand up he got dizy and the whole room started to spin. He fell down onto his bed again. He felt as if his brother hit him with Mjolnir, his famous hammer.

If he wanted a cup of water, he will have to suffer through those few steps to his bathroom.

He reluctantly and slowly stood up and walking very close to wall he made his way for a drink. Or three, just in case.

After a long and unpleasant journey he fell onto his bed again, but not before he pulled blinds over the horribly bright window and rid himself of any dirty and uncomfortable clothes, leaving him only in his underwear.

With his head underneath his blanket, to block out any more light, he tried to remember as much of his actions from yesterday as he could.

From your room he went to gym to punch his frustration out. That's where Thor found him, interrogated him and then dragged him to Asgard to have a drink. Or a whole pub apparently. The rest is a blur. Something about garden, flowers and him and his brother crashing down to Midgard to look for someone. Who? He doesn't remember. Maybe you, since he remembered something about flowers. Maybe his drunk self thought it would be best to make up with you.

But that didn't make any sense, he had nothing to apologize for anymore. You were the one who told him those word. Where even were you anyways?

Just as he finished that thought he heard his doorknob move and his door creaked open.he slowly peaked out from underneath the blanket and in the dimness saw a familiar silhouette. You.

Carefully you put one foot infront of the other and walked straight towards him. You must think he's still asleep, that's why you're so careful. Oh, how he longed to pretend to be asleep and then jump at you and scare you. But he can't. He can't let his mischievious nature do that yet. Not when things between you two aren't like they used to be.

Instead he kept his eyes open and when you got close enough, he slightly moved. "Well look who showed up," he said.

You flinched a little. "Thank god you're finally awake. How are you feeling?"

"Horrible, to be honest," he rubbed his temples. "Why did you say 'finally awake'?"

You completely ignored his question. "Do you need anything? Water? Painkillers?"

"How about you give me an answer?"

You sighed. "You were out for two days Loki. I was starting to think you had alcohol poisoning and died in your sleep. I was checking up on you every few hours to make sure you're still with us," you confessed.

"Oh, alright. Thank you. And I don't need anything. I already obtained it," he pointed at his bedside table with three glasses of water.

"Still, your head must be torturing you. I'll bring you some painkillers," you ran outside before he could stop you.

You returned after few minutes with a small box of pills on one hand and a jar of water in the other. "So you don't have to stand up and go to the bathroom after you drink those three cups," you said and put the jar on his bedside table.

"Thank you. You are oddly kind to me," Loki pointed out.

You hummed and awkwardly stood infront of his bed, trying not to look at his naked torso. You fidgeted with the box for a while. "Just take one when you want," you said finally and put it next to the jar.

"Hey, can you tell me what happened yester- I mean two days ago? Was I and Thor a big disaster?" he asked, wanting you to stay with him.

"Well," you chuckled and scratched the back of your head. "It was a bit awkward and confusing. You and Thor appeared on the balcony and you were looking for universe for some reason."

Loki facepalmed. The pain from embarrassment was bigger than the pain his head was causing. "And let me guess, The Earth's Mightiest Heroes recorded everything, didn't they?"

You shook your head. "No, I didn't let them."

"Thank you," he smiled kindly.

You returned the smile. "Hey, can I sit here?" you pointed at the corner of his bed.

"Sure," he moved a little to give you more space. The bed dipped under your weight a little.

"I want to tell you few things," you said, your eyes watched how you fidgeted with your fingers.

"I'm listening."

"First I want to apologize for what I said. I was tetchy and I know it doesn't excuse what I said," you raised your eyes to his. "I just want you to know I didn't mean them. And I'm sorry. I would like to be your friend again. Please."

Loki bit his tongue from teasingly telling you 'no' and took a deep breath. "I would like to be your friend as well. I don't want us to argue anymore. So," he extended his arm towards you, "friends?"

You beamed at him. To him your smile shone brighter than the sun outside. You took his hand and shook it. "Friends."

"I'm glad," he squeezed your hand gently. He didn't want to let go yet. "And what about the rest of what you wanted to tell me?"

"Oh, right," you looked to the side. "You said something yesterday."

"Something offensive? If so, I apologize-"

"No! Not at all! It just..." you bit your lower lip and tilted your head, something you subconsciously did when you blushed. "Y-you said that... I am your universe," you said carefully.

Loki froze. Did he really say that? You didn't look like you were lying. Why did he tell you that? Why were you bringing that up? Did you possibly feel the same and want to be sure he wasn't kidding when he said it?

Loki must've took too long to respond, because you were trying to pull your hand from his and leave. This time Loki was fast to stop you. "I really said that?"

You gulped. "Yes, ehm did you mean it? Wait, you don't remember. Sorry," you chuckled awkwardly.

"If I said that while drunk, I meant it."

"Really?"

"Yes. I once heard 'alcohol reveals, who a person truly is', in that case I am a romantic," he winked and you giggled. He liked the fact you still giggle at his stupid jokes.

"For real now. You are my universe. My best friend. My partner in crime. And if you allow then I would like to add another title: my paramour. If you feel the same way, that is."

You smiled softly and intertwined your fingers with his. "You are my universe as well, Loki."

"Great," he lifted your joined hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to the back of your hand. "When I sober up and feel better I'm officially asking you out on a date."

"How long does it usually take for you to sober up?"

"A day or two," Loki shrugged and fell back onto his bed. His head started spinning again.

"That's too long," you said and layed next to him. "Can I watch over you while you sleep?"

"Sure thing love," he hugged you to him and kissed the crown of your head.

Bonus

"Darling, it's 2pm."

"Yes, so?"

"Aren't you supposed to take Rex out?"

"Bucky is training him."

"Oh, okay."

"You're so sweet to think of him."

"Hmmm."

*meanwhile*

Steve: hey, aren't you supposed to train him?

Bucky: *lying on the floor, Rex napping on his chest*

Bucky: uuuh, I gave him a break.

Steve: *raises one eyebrow*

Bucky: please don't tell her

Steve: only if I can join in

A/N: I was this close to write the angstiest ending, but I have a good mood today

[batarangsoundsdumb]

yet another ask dump yeehaw!

do you ever think that jay's mother was one of those bitch who believes in horoscope and tarots and things like that and so he believes in these things too, or it is just me projecting?

sheila haywood took one look at jason's birthchart said 'nah this won't do' and left.

Wait, but what happens when the justice league does find out that Bruce and John fucked? Lmao it sounds like it would be hilarious, really, I don’t want a justice league that doesn’t make fun of Bruce for like his entire life.

barry runs out of the meeting immediately and comes back with an entire sti testing kit. diana fully seriously wants bruce to get tested while bruce is sitting there like 'come on guys, you're being ridiculous, i already checked twice'

john is standing in the corner clearly offended while bruce is just like 'don't even say anything, constantine, you fucked a shark'

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

on the one hand, good for him, on the other hand, bro, how do you still have a secret identity when your superhero name is just your last name,,,,

Your fic on ao3 was GOLD PLEASE CONTINUE I loved Dinah's cameo btw ( @purple-vixen

thanks so much! i already continued but this ask is like 10 years old because i'm a notorious procrastinator (also yes! i love dinah so much aahhhhhhhhhhhh)

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

bruce internally: holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit bruce externally: get out of my city, alien

AHHH ur multimedia fic is the only thing that brings me happiness anymore continue it forever pls

uhh thanks, but can't continue it forever because my attention span is that of a toddler on crack on a good day and i can't function without at least 10 things going on at the same time and music in the background

Oi, so I'm getting into dc and watching batman the animated series, and they use fruitcake a lot. Which I thought was very funny and wanted to share w you - Denilla

wait like fruitcake (food) or fruitcake (derogatory) ?

young justice 🤝 teen titans slut shaming batman

tim drake and dick grayson to their respective teams 'you guys stop it, that's my dad'

Happyhoganon: If an eighty year old Batman had fought crime in Gotham City for decades and the only threats to him and the city lately are a wheel chair bounded Penguin, your usual purse snatchers and a few con artists popping up every now and then, how well could the Dark Knight do in maintaining the peace in Gotham despite him being just somewhat fit to do that as an elderly man (which says A LOT given how old he is)

uhh he'll probably do what my grandpa does and that is ruthlessly prank them until they die of shame.

in the death in the family interactive movie there's an ending where Jason is tasked with raising Damian and he decides he's gonna raise Damian to take down the waynes and al ghuls which uh maybe isn't great BUT the idea of Jason raising Damian... PRICELESS. CHAOTIC. I just need more people to know about this :)

yes i saw that wow holy shit but jason would accidentally drop damian on his head one (1) hour in and jason just yeets him into the lazarus pit.

Headcanon: The Penguin has a really hard time fighting any of the Robins because of his avian obsession means there's always a small part of his mind that's like "Birb. Child. Protect" ( @subspacecadet )

as soon as dick becomes nightwing the penguin is like 'you know what, fuck this dude' and shoots at him.

Y'all talking about King Shark dating Constantine, let's not forget about John literally hooking up with Satan

listen there's a clear difference between monsterfucker and satanfucker in that king shark is literally a shark and satan still looks like a normal dude

Does everyone in Gotham think Batman is a teen dad?

everyone in gotham thinks batman has been around since gotham was founded, but they do think that bruce wayne is actually a teen father and dick grayson's biological dad.

why. why would you do that fancast when you know it will only hurt people

what? i loved my fancast it was really well done. i did it with good representation in mind and i really managed that with alfred pennyworth being ✨italian✨

Seeing james charles a jason gave me psychic damage how dare you i need to wash my eyes

well that's a you problem isn't it?

do you think dick grayson thirst tweets about nightwing just to annoy his family/cause problems on purpose in general?

he thinks nightwing is hot, next question.

holy jiminy cricket batman, its as cold as the good lords ass crack in here!!

i- what? this is why i don't fuck with english expressions it's way too goddamn weird

Brooooooo, your teen dad!Bruce au is soooo good. I've got brainrot.

Honestly if you ever write anymore, I'd read that shit twice. Sign me the fuck up. Good stuff, Good Stuff.

uh yeah i'm thinking about writing a fic, but i have exams coming up and i don't wanna fail because that would suck. but after i'll certainly be writing more tho

your teen dad AU is so great! bruce acting like a big brother for all of like a week before he's telling everyone about his son. what if in the AU dick meets the JL because they need to rescue him? maybe he's in trouble/kidnapped at a gala and bruce starts calling for JL. clark finds him and has to fly with dick to bring him home - that's how dick and clark meet and superman becomes dick's fave hero. he goes around the manor thinking he can fly with a red blanket draped around him like a cape.

actually- if you want a young dad! bruce fic with like that kinda stuff(just with damian) go check uhh- in for a penny by cdelphiki. it's really good and bruce is like 24/25-ish. (and dick's there!!!)

This account has solely convinced me that Tim is a trash goblin ( @hamilcat-and-magic-turtle )

because he is. that boy has slept in dumpsters on multiple occasions even if he is the son of a billionaire.

Okay but when you said victory dance I did think of the whole justice league defeating the big bad and then they all start flossing

well that's exactly what hal jordan does and that's why batman uses a gun now. no but the victory dance in my opinion is like the 'we're all in this together' dance from high school musical.

The horrors in Invincible s1 was nothing compared to the comics, I cant wait for s2

oh well okay, i mean i personally react to horror and violence by laughing awkwardly so i can't wait to be called a monster for accidentally laughing at a mass murder.

I'm currently watching Batman: The Brave and The Bold and- Bruce is just talking about Oliver like he's an old love (@nightwings-kid)

okay im going to watch that lmao that's totally and completely in character for him tho.

The invincible comic is like super gratuitous with its violence so much so I'm shocked the show was able to adapt it in a faithful way! Anyway had the show been live action it absolutely wouldn't have the same impact as it does as an animated show and I'm so glad so many people agree with me on that

also because a live action casting would've been like uhh amanda stenberg for amber, the dude- the guy from the supernatural but with a mustache for omni-man, and scarlet johanssen for debbie grayson

Debbie grayson is a milf, yes. You're welcome for the invincible propoganda, now you can questions your life. Bruce def seems like the perfect father next to Omni-man. Like they really took a rip off justice league and I was like well, now I'm attached even tho I was like hah I know who they're supposed to be. And then bam- death gore death gore gore gore sad Mark grayson just had to have daddy issues. Why does every character have daddy issues. I'm sick of the attacks

because daddy issues make a person arguably funnier, that's why i'm not even remotely funny (haha good dad flex). i liked that it was dark contextually, but not in the colouring, bc i hate when it's like 'uh yeah graphic murder and now a shot so dark you have to sit in a dark room and squint at the screen to faintly see the characters. (like dcau ugh)

About the Wayne insurance, for a moment I thought you would put the video with moans over the waves.

i mean- i could've done that, but rick rolling seemed more family friendly.

Its the first time in forever that im surpise rickrolled, i usually expect it. Congratulations (i really should know better this is tumblr)

i get rickrolled so often but i actually like the song so i dont really give a fuck

Actually, my information about Damian and John's kids is outdated because it was revealed that the old men telling the kids stories about the Supersons were actually Jon and Damian the whole time. I was blinded by my thirst for Grandpa!Bruce Wayne but I was wrong... I liked my version better, tbh (@artemisa97)

fair enough. but i'd honestly like to see damian and jon getting together, just because it's a really fun dynamic and their friendship was really cute when they were kids. (also idk maybe it would be nice to have one (1) main batfam/superfam character that's not cishet)

How am i JUST finding your blog skdskfkd you're so fucking funny and ur takes are hot

i thought u were calling me hot :( but youre not :( crime detected (but lmao thanks)

So I have depression and I swear that your memes are one of the few things that have made me laugh so thank you 💛🥺 (@katekanebadass)

aw you're welcome, and i hope you're doing okay!

The metropolis memes are so funny, I love them 💀😌

i think metropolis is also so fucking funny it deserves more attention imagine having your entire police force being upstaged by an alien from kansas and his kids

as an american i feel your complete lack of knowledge of us geography is just so sexy (platonic) ❤️

thanks so much (i also don't know any other geography, i'm not kidding, like you can tell me you're from hungary and it will just blank, there will be nothing that comes to mind)

In the DC universe they don't say "Can't have shit in Detroit" they say "Can't have shit in Gotham"

this just reminds me of that guy whose porch got stolen like the steps to his door, and i'm thinking of people living in gotham and waking up without a front door and going "can't have shit in gotham"

honestly all i know about chicago is the bean, so. what would gotham's famous sculpture be?

gigantic gargoyle statue in front of one of the police precincts because a villain thought it was a smart way to keep the police inside, but it's too heavy to move.

why tf do people go on about how batman "works alone" or how he's the "lone wolf" when he like 38290202 members in his family

bc people think it's cool that a grown man in his 30s has no friends or family instead of calling it what it is (sad)

Bruce is gotham's sugar daddy

why would say something so controversial yet so brave.

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

dick: gerard way are you in position, gerard way are you in position

tim: for the last fucking time, my codename is 'totally not count olaf' this week, abbafan 3000

dick: shut up my codename isn't 'abbafan 3000'

dick: it's 'abbafan number 1' and you know it

I have a feeling Tim drake is ur favourite batfamily member but okay u don't have favs if u say so ok

i mean he is, i won't deny it. but i love each and every one of the batfam just the same, i just have a weak spot for short dumbass nerds, because i'm a short dumbass nerd.

Omg i fuckin love boy meets world too fam shsjkfk

bro boy meets world was the shit!!! it was just fire and awesome and so fucking great like bro. it was so good im not even going to be accepting criticism

you know I find the whole "joker completes batman" thing a bit disgusting considering the horrendous stuff the batfamily went through because of the joker and let's not get started on the "joker has a point" thing like yeah he's this cool complex villain but he's absolutely batshit crazy

like yes! i get what you mean the joker just fucking sucks man he doesn't do shit for batman's character or the batfam he's literally just annoying as fuck. like the joker has a point' shit is so stupid. i will accept 'magneto was right' because he fucking was and i think he didn't do anything wrong, but joker? he's just like that. he's not even cool and complex he's just a weirdo with a bleach kink at this point.

ALSO YOUR RACISM POST- SO TRUE BESTIE

thanks bestie, i'm glad you agree.

in today's essay of why I think cass should become batman- I was thinking Tim would probably be the most efficient batman in many ways but I also think he wouldn't want to be batman tbh none of the batfamily members would want to be batman because they're trying to outgrow him but cass is the one who wants to represent the symbol that is batman

absofuckinglutely i will say it again and again that cass represents the batsymbol more than anyone in the batfam, in batgirl (2000) she literally didn't care about anything else than bruce's oath to not kill, she thought the batsymbol was more important than anything in gotham. she's just an excellent character because her motivation to not kill is not 'i'm scared i can't come back from it' or 'well my dad says no murder so i'll go along with it' but that she's killed somebody as a young child and she never wants to kill a human ever again and that's so fucking beautiful for a new batman like yes.

need more cass, duke and tim inclusion in gothamite memes

yes yes, a tall order of cass, duke and tim coming up in 1-14 business days

oldest to youngest batfam members cus I'm confused as shit

okay order of being taken in: dick, jason, tim, cass, damian, duke order of age: alfred, bruce, dick, cass, jason, tim, duke, damian (though cass and jason are around the same age general consensus is that cass is a little older)

I'm so confused Steph is a redhead?? like how was it that hard to get this right? the source material is literally right there and free

cw is jared, 19

do you receive anon hate? if so, how do you deal with it

uh no, i'm not remotely popular enough to get anon hate and i also don't say a lot of things that would attract anon hate, but i do send anon hate to @the-real-peter-parker because he forgot about the specialists from winx club

Wait how many languages do you speak??

uhh- 5 if you include latin, but that's a dead language and i'm really bad at it. but english, my native language, german, and french also, tho german and french not fluently.

You can mix aguaepanela with aguardiente 😈 and is tasty

okay but now i'm curious if the liquor deserves the 😈 emoji or if that's a you problem. but i googled it and it looks like something you'd take one sip of and then not remember the rest of your evening.

[tonystarktogo]

Could I pretty pretty please get some more on the time travel crack au? Maybe when it gets out that Steve, Bruce, andThor are technically from the future?

As much as I’d love to jump to that part, I think it’s funnier necessary to cover a few other tidbits first. For example:

Tony misses whatever discussion follows Thor’s -- hah, got it right in one, he hasn’t lost his touch completely yet -- arrival before the god carries his brother off towards a containment cell with the sort of cheer that causes Tony to carefully keep at least two people between himself and Thor, lest the asshole tries to hug him again.

Not that it can be that big a loss considering they all -- sans Loki -- end up back in the command center of the helicarrier, where Fury glares balefully at the most recent invader of his precious aircraft that clearly isn’t meant to stand in the way of gods.

A glare Thor aggressively doesn’t notice. Likely because he’s too busy partaking in the on-going discussion on what to do next.

And by ‘what to do next’ Tony doesn’t mean the expected we-were-invaded-by-a-mindcontrolled-alien-nutbag-and-there’s-probably-more-out-there-seems-like-the-kind-of-oh-shit-situation-we-should-plan-for. No. That would be reasonable and expected and Tony’s spent all of three hours in the company of the esteemed Captain America and already he can tell you that Rogers is none of that.

[Which, not cool, Capsicle. Dazzling and befuddling people with crazily brilliant ideas is his job.]

[continues under the cut]

So far, Tony’s been paying attention for ten minutes. In that time, Rogers and Thor have gotten into an argument over how to handle Loki -- which holy shit, that went from a calm, rational discussion to a battle to the death between two superhumans on a sugar high in zero point four seconds -- that Tony is so not gonna touch. [Nope. Let some other fool [i.e. Rogers] throw himself head-first into norse god family drama, Tony’s own feelings concerning his family are complicated enough.] That conversation devolved into a not-openly-fighting-while-totally-fighting stand-off between Rogers and Banner over a way too bitter comment from the latter [something about ‘you’d know all about choosing one brother over the other, wouldn’t you’ which what?], which in turn gets derailed by Banner needling Thor about the merits of beheading over stabbing.

Romanoff had the good sense to disappear -- probably to interrogate Loki while his apparently protective big brother is distracted, now that Tony thinks about it. 

Unfortunately that still leaves Tony stuck here, having to play the role of the mature adult because no one else fucking will. Tony hates being responsible. It’s like being back in high school and being left to do all the work on your own in group project.

[Tony failed that project. Got a straight up zero on purpose because spite is a wonderful motivator. Which, now that Tony thinks about it, doesn’t say anything promising about the current situation.]

Tony leans even further back in his seat, only balancing on the backlegs of the chair, to give Fury a very sharp, very judgemental look.

These are the people you’re betting Earth’s survival on, that look says.

Fury’s already pissed off expression darkens further, which brightens Tony mood substantially. That one of the suit’s sensors flashes green twice in quick succession less than a minute later really just makes for a delicious cherry on the top. Or more precisely a good excuse to ditch this trainwreck of a match-making attempt.

“Whoops,” Tony says, clearly audible but not too loud to draw real attention from the three [still arguing-while-pretending-not-to] stooges on the other end of the room. “Looks like I gotta take this call.”

He jiggles his fingers at Fury. The guy rolls his eyes -- probably jealous that he doesn’t have an excuse himself, that bitch face doesn’t fool Tony -- but no one tries to stop him.

“Alright, J, what do you have for me?”

*

Tony pretends not to notice the shuffling footsteps. Glances at the disturbingly normal clock on the wall that is so not up-to-date with the rest of the technology in the room, it must be an inside joke. Tony would love to meet the SHIELD agent behind it -- it can’t be easy, being the only person with a sense of humor in an entire agency.

30 minutes.

Well. That’s longer than Tony thought he’d get. JARVIS still hasn’t cracked the last layer on SHIELD’s really fucked up dirt -- and given what he’s already found, that says a lot -- but it’s only a matter of time now. Besides, Tony’s got a job to do.

“To- Stark.”

“Rogers.”

Tony doesn’t turn. Neither does he stop typing.

“What are you doing?”

Tony scoffs. He’s not in the mood to pander to inferior minds -- not when they’re so fucking frustrating, don’t make any sense and worst of all make him do all the work. 

“He’s tracking the Tesseract, using the scepter as a point of reference,” Banner says after taking one look at the screen over Tony’s shoulder.

Tony raises his eyebrows, impressed despite himself. Banner’s credentials clearly don’t do him justice -- and they were pretty damn good to begin with.

“Huh,” says Rogers.

Thanks for playing. Now buckle down and make yourself useful or fuck off, Tony wants to snipe but doesn’t get the chance to because the gods -- this god at least -- just aren’t on his side.

“Even without my brother’s help, a weapon of the tesseract’s might should not be underestimated,” Thor speaks up. “Should we not make haste and collect it?”

"Great idea.” Tony’s voice is dryer than the sand dune he crash-landed in back during his fun little trip to Afghanistan. “If only I’d thought of that instead of inventing fifteen new algorithms to try and get a read on SHIELD’s precious magic eight ball while you were busy defending your brother’s honor. Speaking of, I’m pretty sure Romanoff is a greater danger to his virtue than Captain Shockfreeze over there, so why are you still here?”

Okay, maybe poking the hornet nest that is godly family isn’t his smartest move [didn’t he just say he wasn’t gonna touch that?!] but damn if Tony isn’t curious. And also too annoyed to care about unimportant, subjective things like good manners and tact.

He sort of regrets his cavalier attitute a little when Thor sobers. At least there are no tears in sight. Tony is the last person on Earth who should be left unsupervised around crying people. It just never ends well.

“Ah.” Thor sighs heavily, stems his body against an unfortunate table that creaks dangerously. "I’m afraid I can’t afford to see my brother right now.”

It’s the way he says those words, the weight they carry more than anything that tells Tony he needs to drop this issue right now. Talk about one huge trigger button.

Must be inconvenient to have siblings. Tony totally can’t relate.

“Well, in that case, unless you have a magic trick with which you can pull the Tesseract’s position out of your sleeve, how about you sit as far away from these delicate instruments as possible and don’t touch anything while I work my magic, hm?”

Tony doesn’t let his gaze linger on the crushed edge of the table. Thor hasn’t even seemed to notice. He’s too busy lighting up at Tony’s snappish response. Which is surprising. Tony’s aware he’s a bit of an asshole right now. In his defence, he’s an asshole most of the time.

Rogers leaps across the room -- almost crashing into the previously mentioned delicate sensors as he does so -- to slap his palm over Thor’s mouth.

Tony stares. [How quickly can you develop a new habit again? Because this starts to feel like a new habit.]

“That sounds like a great plan!” Rogers beams at him, so wide and fake it must be physically painful for the epitome of all that is good and holy. At least Tony hopes it is. The supersoldier his father worshipped is still clinging to their resident god of thunder’s face.

It’s.

Tony resolutely turns his back on both of them because their madness doesn’t seem to come with a refund-ticket and if Tony doesn’t finish this program, no one will.

Not even Banner -- whom Tony had been kind of hoping for. Speaking of, the man’s been awfully quiet for a while now.

“You alright there, Brucie-Bear?” Tony turns around -- a little because it’s polite to face people when you talk with them and mostly to have an excuse not to watch the ongoing doomed wrestle-match between Blonde 1 and Blonde 2. His awesome nicknaming skill doesn’t get so much as a twitch.

To be fair, Banner is so busy staring straight ahead with the most epic rendition of the World’s Most Thoughtful Expression™ Tony has seen in a while that it doesn’t seem like the man heard him. At all.

Until he suddenly speaks up.

“I think we’ve forgotten something.” Behind Tony the impromptu wrestling comes to a sudden halt.

Probably something negligible like how to focus on a mission, the sarcastic voice in the back of Tony’s mind drawls. Though it should be noted that Tony’s consciousness only comes in sarcastic or not at all. Sorry, everyone, all the other flavors are out.

Banner’s frown deepens. “Something- Something important.”

Right on cue an explosion rocks the aircraft.

*

There’s a bit more tension in this part than the previous ones. On Tony’s side it’s because he’s smart enough to pick up on Something Is Seriously Wrong, both consciously and subconsciously and also because he feels the pressure what with everyone else apparently not taking this whole thing very seriously.

[Excluding Natasha who, believe me, takes Clint’s fate very serious indeed.]

On our time travellers’ side, they experience the frustration of being unable to talk openly, surrounded by people they don’t trust, trying to play along to the script of a movie they watched like 12 years ago and never revisited. Needless to say they’re failing horrenduously.