#I love her she's such a dork and a child

[autisticlancemcclain]

The first bout of whispering, Shiro can ignore. He’s a teacher by trade, after all. Astronaut, sure. Paladin, even. But he always expected to be a teacher, trained for it, and he knows when you put a group of teenagers in a room and expect them to start learning by lecture, there’s going to be some whispering. He’d be concerned if there wasn’t, frankly.

But as it keeps happening, again and again, to the point where it’s almost constant, Shiro begins to lose his patience.

“Lance, Hunk,” he says, catching himself long before then. He tries to smile, gentle but firm. “Everything okay?”

The two boys clam up immediately. Lance even begins to lean slightly away from Hunk, although Shiro’s not sure he notices.

Shiro frowns, puzzled at the reaction. That’s — uncommon. He’s seen embarrassed, seen sheepish, seen unbothered, even seen downright rude, but Lance looks almost… afraid. And Hunk looks at him with a lot more anxiety than the situation calls for, but Shiro is beginning to notice that that’s just Hunk.

The both mutter some semblance of apology, and Shiro moves on quickly, unwilling to dwell on the incident too long.

For the rest of the briefing, he keeps an eye on them. He’s still focused, of course, as their break-in and recon on a nearby Empire warship is not only hugely dangerous, but will also be hugely beneficial, but he lets his notes do a lot of the talking for him. He flits his eyes to the pair every so often, and while Hunk meets his eyes on occasion, smiling slightly, Lance keeps his head down, hunched over his tablet.

Shiro notices that the tablet is powered off. He doesn’t write a single note.

His shoulders are hunched up to his ears.

———

“Alright, kiddo, good job.”

Keith grins, stepping backwards and bowing to finish the fight. Shiro bows back, matching his smile.

“You did great.”

“I know,” Keith says cheekily. “You’re getting easier and easier to beat. Probably because you’re elderly.”

Shiro raises an eyebrow. “Am I.”

His annoying little brother hums, completely unconcerned. He steps off to the side and starts swinging around his training stick, very clearly showing off. “Mhm. It was super easy to fight you. I just went whoosh, smack, bam! —” he punctuates every sound with a swing and slash of the stick — “and every hit just landed. Honestly, I think a punching bag would have been more of a challenge. Adam is a way better spar partner than you. I wish I was shot into space with him.”

Shiro’s eye twitches. It’s a clear goad, he knows it is. Keith isn’t even trying to hide it. He’s a twerp with too much energy and too much experience pressing all of Shiro’s buttons — a favourite button of his, of course, being the bit of…healthy competition Shiro has always had with his boyfriend.

(He’s well aware of the irony. He hears Adam pointing and laughing in his head every time he endures Keith’s complaining about Lance pulling his mullet, so to speak. In fact keeping his mouth shut about the parallels is the only thing keeping him from throwing Keith down the laundry chute. He’s waiting for a moment when the reveal can be well and truly devastating.)

Shiro manages, with herculean strength, to step away from his turd of a brother, putting his training stick away.

“I am leaving,” he says loudly, pointedly turning away. “I said I’d train one hour with you and not a second more.”

He feels Keith’s pout more than sees it. “Coward.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Shiro snorts, waving his hand dismissively. He hears swishing sounds, and the clicks of buttons — Keith is starting up his own training. Again. “Don’t be late for dinner or I’ll send Lance after you.”

“Can’t promise I won’t maim him,” Keith mutters. “Sometimes I just want to wring his neck.”

Shiro is very familiar with that feeling. Or at least the raving about it. He used to feel great pleasure in driving Adam to that point, just because he was hot when he was mad. But Shiro values his limbs — or at least what’s left of them — where they are, so he keeps the comments to himself as he makes his way out of the training room, meandering back to his own quarters.

He takes his time showering and redressing, knowing he’s got some time before dinner. He thinks Hunk even managed to wrestle Coran out of the kitchen, which means no food goo. It also means that he’s banned from even breathing near the kitchen until the food is fully cooked and completed — which is a bullshit ban and one based in false accusations — but he’s sure he can help set the table, or something. Stir a pot. He’s good at that.

He towels off his hair, not bothering to style it, and takes his time walking over to the kitchens. The castle floors are cold under his bare feet, he finds himself wishing he had the lion slippers Lance made him. They’re very warm. He never wears them because he’s terrified of ruining them, but it’s so icy in here that he might start having to, or else he’ll freeze.

As he approaches the kitchen, he hears voices. He freezes, quieting his steps and pausing behind the wall to listen. Hopefully no one else walks by, or that will be humiliating.

“— all you have to do is ask, Lance, just casually, it’s not even —”

“— it is even, Hunk, it’s the worst and I’m not doing it, why would I inconvenience —”

“— it isn’t! Not even a little! It’s the smallest tiniest thing!”

“Hunk —”

Hunk throws his hands up in exasperation, spoon going flying and splattering some kind of blue sauce all over the cabinets. Neither of them even blinks at it.

“I am tired of watching you struggle, Leandro! Heaven forbid you ask for help!”

Shiro frowns. That’s not good. That sounds serious.

“I asked for help,” Lance huffs, arms crossed over his chest. “I asked you, didn’t I?”

“I don’t count and you know it,” Hunk says sharply, mirroring him. “I already knew.”

Lance looks away, clenching his jaw. His fingers are tangled in his jacket’s sleeve, tense.

“You don’t have to help anymore if it’s too hard,” he mumbles. “I can handle it myself.”

Hunk softens. “It’s not that, Lance.” He wipes his hands in his apron and pulls Lance to his chest. Lance goes, although he doesn’t move his arms, burying his face in Hunk’s shoulder. “You know it’s not that. If that’s all we have then I’ll keep doing it, damn the consequences.” He pulls back slightly, nudging Lance back so he can look him in the face. “You can just do better, dude. All you gotta do is tell Shiro about your —”

A hand claps over Hunk’s mouth, cutting him off, and Lance squeaks, “Hey, Shiro, hello, hi!”

Shiro startles. He scrambles upright before Hunk turns all the way, so at least he’s only seen crouching by the door like a weirdo by one person.

He clears his throat. “Uh, hi.”

“You’re banned from the kitchen,” Hunk says, muffled. How he looks so mighty and dignified with Lance’s hands still very much pressed to his face is well and truly beyond him. Shiro is frankly awed.

“I just came to help set the table,” he assures, hands held up in surrender. “Promise I’ll stay away from the actual food.”

Hunk narrows his eyes, but must decide he could use the help, because he nods, stepping backwards so Lance’s hands fall back down.

“Alright,” he sighs. “I’m making stew. You can set out utensils if you must but know I’ll judge you heavily for it. Lance, come help me finish up.”

Lance scrambles after him, avoiding Shiro’s gaze like he’s sure he’s going to get yelled at. Shiro watches him go, perplexed.

———

The next few days are, for the most part, manageable. Their mission goes well, Keith is surprisingly mellow — Shiro suspects the little nerd has discovered a library of some kind — and distress calls are minimal. All in all, Shiro should be taking the time as the blessing it is and catching up on some much needed R&R.

Instead, he’s worrying about the Blue Paladin.

Shiro can’t say he knows him well. They’ve hardly been in space a couple of months, after all, and while Shiro must have taught him a couple times — he was in the piloting program so it’s almost impossible that they didn’t cross paths — the Garrison is huge, and Shiro largely teachers younger students. Shiro can’t recall teaching a Lance, anyway.

But he can tell something’s off.

Besides the fact that Hunk keeps looking at Lance with concern, the Cuban seems…withdrawn, almost. He still works hard in training and smokes them in any kind of long distance, but there doesn’t seem to be any joy in it. Even his arguments with Keith seem halfhearted, which Keith will never admit leave him agitated as much as it has Shiro’s eyebrows raising. Shiro is sure, basically, that something is the matter, and surer still that he has to be the one to fix it.

How exactly he should go about it…well, that’s the part he’s struggling with. He knows Lance is kind of star-eyed around him, even though they’re on the same playing field, so Shiro’s not sure just regular talking to him about it is going to do something. And he seemed pretty resistant when Hunk pressed, in the conversation Shiro overheard. He’s just not sure what to do.

Luckily, the situation starts to resolve itself.

“Hey, Shiro, can I talk to you?” Lance mumbles into his breakfast, as everyone else is distracted by Pidge and Keith’s loud argument about cryptids (Shiro has heard it too many times at this point. He’s tuned it out).

Shiro blinks. “Sure,” he says, trying to keep the shock out of his voice. “Now?”

“Uh, after we eat, maybe.”

Shiro tries very hard not to seem over enthusiastic. He sucks at that, so it doesn’t work, and it seems to make Lance more stressed, which only stresses Shiro out more. By the time everyone has finished up and people are starting to file out to various tasks, the tension between them is so thick Shiro feels as if he might suffocate.

Suddenly, as if he propelled himself, Lance springs to his feet, snatching his bowl and Shiro’s and powerwalking towards the kitchen sink. Shiro, startled, follows him.

“You okay?” Shiro asks softly, noticing the whiteness of Lance’s knuckles, clenched around a sponge, and the robotic way he scrubs it across a dirty spoon.

Lance says nothing. He keeps his eyes trained resolutely on the soapy water, spine ramrod straight, nerves bleeding from him in waves.

Hesitantly, Shiro rolls up his sleeves, standing beside him and beginning to dry what he rinses. As Shiro gets close he gets tenser, shoulders hiked up to his ears, but as the minutes drag on, empty kitchen echoing the sound of swishing water and clanking cutlery, he begins to calm down. Shiro watches his face relax, easing its worries twist, and terror fade from his brown eyes.

He hands Shiro the last clean dish to dry, then pulls the plug on the sink, darting over to grab a hand towel and starting to dry.

“Can you write mission plans in pink?”

The words rush out of him, like he’d been holding them between his teeth for God knows how long and they’d finally spilled out. He looks almost nauseous after he says them.

Shiro blinks. That was…not what he’d expected.

“…Why?”

“It’s perfectly okay if you can’t,” Lance continues, as if Shiro had not spoken. “I mean, whatever. I’ll figure it out. I’ve gone without this long, after all, and it’s totally doable. Of course there’s the migraines and the agony but that’s all light work. It’s war, after all. Ha.” He chuckles nervously.

He’s shrunk in on himself, looking almost small. Shiro stares at him with a dropped jaw and wide eyes. Lance doesn’t even notice, eyes focused intensely on the hand towel, breathing worryingly erratic.

“I just swore to Hunk that I’d ask, you know. He said it wouldn’t hurt. And of course it wouldn’t but I don’t need it. It’s just. You know.”

Shiro cannot stress enough how much he doesn’t know. He hasn’t felt this lost in a while.

“Pink makes the letters stick to the page. And I know that sounds stupid as shit and that’s because it is stupid as shit, unfortunately. Dyslexia is the dumbest thing in the world, actually. And who named it that? You know how hard that word is to spell? It’s hard. They should have called it — I dunno, I just mean, it’s whatever. It’s fine. I’ve handled it this long. Uh.” He looks up, finally, and maybe he doesn’t know how to make sense of Shiro’s expression, because he winces, shame overtaking his face. He sets down the towel and gestures vaguely behind him, stepping towards the door. “I’m just gonna — go. Sorry. See you later. Sorry.”

He all but flees out of the room. Shiro barely manages to snag the back of his hoodie, holding him in place.

“Lance. Chill a second. Give me time to respond.”

Lance looks deploringly at the door, then back at Shiro. He looks like he’s accepting his death. Shiro can’t help but feel the teensiest bit offended.

“I’m not going to bite you,” he says, aghast. “Jesus, kid. You’re going to give me a complex.”

To Shiro’s great relief, the remark makes Lance grin. Some of the tension eases from his face.

“You sound like my mother.”

“From what I’ve heard, that’s a compliment,” Shiro says lightly. He pulls out two chairs, orienting them so they’re facing each other. He deliberately takes the one farthest from the door, so Lance doesn’t feel trapped. He gestures to the other one. “Sit.”

Lance does.

“Now. From the beginning and with a little less fear, hopefully. Tell me what’s up, kiddo.”

Lance looks down at his hands, where he’s picking at a scar on his wrist.

“Um. So. I have dyslexia. I can’t read too well.”

Lance cringes as he says it. Shiro wonders who he has to kill for putting the idea that this is something to be ashamed about in his head.

“Cool,” Shiro says, as encouragingly as he can manage. “The main character of my favourite book series as a kid had dyslexia. I was jealous of everyone who had it. I used to pray for it.”

The revelation startles a laugh out of Lance, like Shiro hoped it would. The tension melts right off of him.

“You prayed?”

“Every night,” Shiro affirms, grinning. “I even crossed my eyes and pretended when it didn’t work. My mother didn’t believe me for a second.”

“You’re a dweeb,” Lance says, sounding kind of awed. Like he’s shocked that Shiro, too, is a nerd loser on this castle full of other nerd losers. “Dyslexia sucks.”

Letting his face settle into something more serious, Shiro nods. “I imagine it does.” He reaches over and squeezes Lance’s hand, subtly stopping him from picking at the skin. Keith has the same bad habit. “Writing in pink helps?”

Lance shrugs. “Sorta. Dunno why. But things are less squiggly when they’re written in pink or red. Not perfect, but it’s something. I can hardly read at all when they’re in black; it’s like my eyes are spinning out of my head trying to focus on ‘em. Gives me migraines like you would not imagine.”

“And thus Hunk whispering the plans to you so you don’t have to read them,” Shiro surmises, the whispering during briefings suddenly making sense. Guilt twinges in his belly.

“Yeah. Sorry about that, by the way. Didn’t mean to be rude.”

“Of course not,” Shiro says gently. “I get it now. Sorry for not understanding.” He frowns, remembering something. “I should’ve asked beforehand. Or suspected something, or known better, really. I had a kid a few years back in one of my astronomy courses. Li-something. I marked all his stuff in red for the same reasons.”

Lance makes a very particular face. Warning bells go off in Shiro’s head.

“I appreciated that very much,” Lance says politely.

It takes a moment for it to click.

Shiro considers banging his head against the table.

“Please tell me no,” he begs, ears reddening.

“It was a great honour to be renamed by the Takashi Shirogane,” Lance insists.

“I had you in my class for three years!” Shiro says, aghast. “I — I called you Li all the time! In front of people!”

“I didn’t want to correct you! That’s — embarrassing!”

Shiro cradles his head in his hands. Dear God. He knows he’s not great with names, but — Jesus. To rename a kid. Blatantly. Other teachers must have thought he was some cruel jackass.

“I think there was a Li McKinney ahead of me in roll call,” Lance offers, patting Shiro’s back delicately. “So. Pretty easy to mess up.”

“Did you write your name as Li on tests? And assignments?”

“After the first couple times, yeah. Hunk laughed at me. At a certain point I’d just dug myself too deep, I think.”

Shiro sighs, dragging his hand down his face. It’s still quite hot. He looks up at Lance, who’s mouth is twitching.

“You were short as shit back then,” he observes, trying to picture the kid in his class. “Like, shorter than Pidge.”

Lance scowls. “I was — saving up on growth spurts. Yeah. So. Purge that from your memory.” He smirks. “Like my name.”

Shiro groans. “I’m never hearing the end of that, am I.”

Lance smiles. “Probably not. I didn’t know you were uncool. It’s interesting. I’m seeing you in a whole new light.”

Shiro rolls his eyes, but reaches over to mess with Lance’s hair, like he would Keith. Unlike Keith, Lance freaks out way harder, screeching something about hard work and artistic expression.

He smiles. “Glad you came to talk to me, kid.”

Lance sticks out his tongue, but he looks pleased, too. “Yeah, yeah.”

[honoviadakai]

Badly summarizing Hazbin Hotel songs: season 1

Happy Day In Hell:

Local nepo baby is very optimistic for someone who was born and raised in hell but damn it if you don’t find it a little endearing.

Hell Is Forever:

Your gut feeling about the pastor’s son was correct and he is indeed an annoying prick who likes to act God’s always got his back.

Stayed Gone:

Demon Jeff Bezos finds out his Ex is in town, isn’t happy about it and tries to slander the man only for his ex to immediately clap back and serve everyone some piping hot tea.

It Starts With Sorry:

Some of ya’ll are way too forgiving and it really shows…you’re lucky you dorks are adorable.

Respectless:

A 4’11 Millennial bitch serves absolute ✨CUNT✨ at a meeting she didn’t want to attend, local MILF is not amused.

Whatever It Takes:

A MILF and a lesbian sing about how they’d willingly die for the ones they love. It’s sweet but deeply concerning.

Poison:

Local twink took “conceal, don’t feel” way too seriously and now you’ll never be ok again. Have fun in therapy.

Loser Baby:

A DILF and a twink sing about how they’re the biggest losers in hell and it’s the sweetest fucking thing you’ll ever see in your god damn life.

Hell’s Greatest Dad:

2 grown ass men fight for custody over a grown ass woman.

More Than Anything:

The literal king of hell loves his child more than your father will ever love you and you just gotta live with that.

Welcome To Heaven:

The polite Christians are trying to convert you, but they’re really good at show tunes so I ain’t even mad.

You Didn’t Know:

Vindication for everyone who’s the black sheep of their family and now have religious trauma.

Out For Love:

Local MILF hypes up her newly adopted lesbian daughter by telling her love is the ultimate murder weapon.

Ready For This:

Local nepo baby discovers that the fastest way to get cannibals to fight for you is through show tunes and the promise of flesh.

More Than Anything (Reprise):

No, the two leading females are not “just really close friends.” You were told well before this moment.

Finale:

While the main cast is having a Bob the builder moment, 3 local bastards are promising to fuck shit up next season and the person you least expected is having a mental breakdown in the break room.

[totalswag]

pairs love - DREW STARKEY

authors not since drew is in pairs at the fashion shows i thought why not write something cute and adorable. like can we talk about how freaking good he looked walking around ugh. the poll is officially over and the rafe series won! ima start working on the master list and have it up.

summary you come out to visit your boyfriend in pairs during fashion week.

warnings kissing in front of the Eiffel Tower

Drew was invited to two fashion shows in Paris: menswear for Prada and Loewe menswear. He left three days ago, while you stayed at home to put the finishing touches on your flower garden.

You couldn't be more proud of your boyfriend with all the success he's gained over the past couple years. He truly deserves this. Getting the recognition he deserves.

Last night, you landed in Pairs, drained from hours on the plane and eager to shower and sleep on a bed. It felt good seeing Drew and being in his arms. Although it was three days without each other, you always miss his presence.

Drew had the day off, so he planned to take you out to dinner, walk around, shopping, and visit the Eiffel Tower. He advised you to get enough rest early so you have enough rest to explore the Pairs at night.

During dinner, Drew spoke about what the shows were like and meeting celebs he's seen in movies or other people for the first time. It was really cool hearing what he had to say.

You were quite excited to visit the Eiffel Tower. You've always wanted to see it in person someday. Your inner child was jumping up and down inside.

"That restaurant was so delicious; I can see why you enjoy it so much," you tell Drew, tucking your hands into your coat to keep them warm from the cold.

"I'm glad to hear that you liked it baby," He smiles, tilts his head to the side, and blushes.

You chuckle as you playfully nudge his arm. He pretends to fall on his side, with a dramatic expression on his face.

"You are such a dork," you laugh.

"Your favorite dork, dork," he responds in a playful tone, wrapping his arm around your shoulder as you continue walking down the sidewalk.

Drew and you went inside a few stores that caught your eye; you might've bought a few things. Drew watched you in awe as you showed him different clothing throughout the store.

"What do you think about this one?" You inquired Drew, holding two clothes that piqued your interest.

Drew hurriedly glances aside from the apparel rack he was browsing. His brows furrow as he casts a stern stare with his pointer finger on his chin.

"I think both will look great on you, but I'd go with this one because it draws your eyes out," he says casually, sweeping his arm toward the shirt you first showed him.

"You are too sweet, you know that" you reply as you turn around, putting back the other clothing item.

He loves seeing you happy. He knew how much you've always wanted to visit Pairs and thought this was the best time to go.

"Thank you for the stuff, baby," you grin, gripping his hand and lifting the bag with your other hand.

When you went out of the last store, you heard people heading in your direction, fans. They walked forward with grins on their faces, carrying items for him to sign and their phones for photos.

When one fan spotted you were with him, she screamed your name out in delight, and the rest followed after. You put your free hand over your heart with a pout before beaming at the little fans.

We love you Drew

This is the best day of my life

I can't believe he's in front of me

He's so beautiful in person

Drew started taking pictures with the fans; giving them hugs, making videos for fans that couldn't make it, signed a few things, and had conversations.

Fans also came up to as well. They were all so sweet and caring. One fan came up to you with tears forming in her eyes, you opened your arms to welcome her.

You are so sweet, Y/N

You are so gorgeous

Can't believe you are here too

I love your relationship with Drew

When word spread that Drew was in a relationship, all of the fans went crazy, searching for who this mystery girl was. You were apprehensive about how the fans might react.

You eventually posted a TikTok video with your best friend, Madelyn Cline, and Drew happened to be in the background; people then connected the dots. In the end, they loved and admired you.

Being in a relationship with someone in the public spotlight offers advantages and disadvantages, but you wouldn't alter it for anything, especially if you love them.

"Don't cry now love," you tell her softly, "what's your name?" She tells you her name and goes on to explain how much she loves you and your content you post.

"That's so sweet of you, thank you."

You spent ten minutes with the girls until it was ready to go look at the Eiffel Tower.

The Eiffel Tower was everything you've dreamed of. Seeing it in person was one of the best feelings in the world. So many emotions were going through your body.

You got out your phone to capture some photos and videos to share later tomorrow. Drew snapped a photo of you with his digital camera, capturing the tower, and he couldn't help but smile.

He carefully put his arms around your waist, drawing you into his front, chin on top of your head, rocking you side to side slowly and silently while savoring the moment.

"This has been one of the greatest days of my entire life. Being here with you in your arms in Pairs. I just want to say thank your for bringing me out here and experiencing this."

You feel your body relax in his touch, allowing a sigh to escape your lips, your head to strike his chest, and giving him the opportunity to kiss you.

You two don't give a damn whether anyone witnesses you kissing at this point. Right now, just the two of you matter because you are in love. And you are in Pairs.

"I had to bring you out here with me, of course, sweetheart. You keep me warm, too, and I love holding you in my arms. However, when you consider it, this is our first trip to Europe as a couple” he says.

You move your body around so that your chests are against one another. In return, you up on your small toes and wrap your arms around his neck, kissing him all over his face.

I love you.

I love you more.

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[yabakuboi]

Robin has a love-hate relationship with Steve-and-Eddie. Love, because those are her best friends and her best friends are in love with each other and they never leave her out of anything. Hate, because sometimes she wishes they would because she keeps accidentally third-wheeling herself.

She doesn't hate it that much though, if she's honest. It's just fun to complain, especially because it riles the both of them up.

But right now, she's being quiet so she can witness one of her secretly-favorite Steve-and-Eddie rituals—of which there are many, but this one is silly and endearing.

It starts like this:

The waitress sets down their drinks, lemonade for Robin, coca-cola for Steve, and a cherry soda for Eddie.

"Don't you dare," Eddie says, even as Steve reaches for Eddie's drink, slipping his straw in next to Eddie's and slurping obnoxiously. Eddie doesn't even pretend to stop him anymore. "Unbelievable."

"I just want to taste it!"

"You could just get a whole glass of it! All for yourself!!"

"It's too sweet, I don't want a whole glass."

"What, so you think you can just help yourself to mine?"

Steve's grin is far too smug, even for Robin, even when Steve slides it to her so she can take a sip. Steve is right, it is really too sweet and she wrinkles her nose, but it's worth it for the offended gasp Eddie makes when she slides it back to him.

The diner is their favorite, because everyone who works there has given up on understanding their weird dynamic: Robin and Steve squished into on side of the booth while Eddie's spread out on the other, Robin making gagging noises whenever Steve brushes against her, even though they never sit in any other configuration. The staff has long since stopped asking which of them was her boyfriend, and that's perfect for her.

Besides, she knows that under the table, Steve and Eddie have their ankles locked together like the disgusting love-sick dorks that they are.

The Steve-and-Eddie show continues when their meals come out. Chicken fingers and fries for Steve because he's an actual child, and breakfast for dinner for Eddie because he likes to be contrary. And then the real performance begins.

They "fight" over the ketchup bottle, which really means that Eddie picks it up and Steve snatches it out of his hands—only for Steve to spread it over Eddie's scrambled eggs (gross) for him before he adds a disgusting amount to his own basket.

Eddie makes a game of stealing Steve's fries when he thinks he isn't looking (Steve is, he's tallying each one up in his head, Robin knows this because she's doing it too), and when he finally "catches" Eddie in the act, he steals Eddie's last piece of bacon—the one that's sat untouched for the last five minutes for this very reason.

Then, Eddie's "forcing" Steve to try his grits, like he does every time, and game eats a spoonful of it, every time, and then complains at length how much he hates it (and he actually does hate it, the texture is just not for him, Robin knows because it's the same for her too).

And then they do the worst, most disgusting thing ever: they split the pancake in half. Without fail. Without argument. Every time.

Robin, slurping on her strawberry milk shake that she will NEVER share with anyone ever, thinks that stupid pancake is like the symbol of their love or something. Sh's sure if they weren't in public, they'd be feeding it to each other.

"What?" They say it in unison, and Robin hates when they do that to her.

(Eddie complains about it right back at her, because she and Steve do the same thing to him all the time. They should blame Steve, since he's the common denominator, but he just looks so pleased about them both that they can't rag on him for it, so Eddie remains Robin's sworn enemy and vice versa.)

"What what?" she sneers at them, voice quiet. "You two are disgusting, it's like you're making out right in front of me right now."

"What are you, homophobic?" Eddie hisses back, just as quiet. "I'm in love with your best friend, Buckley. I'm making out with him in front of you for the rest of your life."

"Ugh! I hate you so much."

"Right back at you."

And then they start kicking at each other beneath the table, no doubt catching Steve's ankles in the crossfire. He doesn't tell them to stop though, and Robin can see that pleased, sappy smile on his stupid face out of the corner of her eye, so she lands an exceptionally harsh blow to Eddie's shin in retaliation for making her best friend so happy. He digs his heel into her toes in return.

[bruciemilf]

No Capes! AU where Bruce and everyone else is an actor.

Famous Hollywood moguls Thomas and Martha would've rather died in real life than make Bruce a child actor so he didn't start till he was 24

It's an ongoing gag that Thomas always tweets "On my way to die again! As if you didn't know" with every Gray Ghost remake

The Waynes are always just. So chaotic

Bruce and Selina constantly bring stray cats on set; Bruce just hides them under his black shirt famously known as a void with no end.

Behind the Scenes cuts have images of this man pulling 10 cats from under there and the director is convinced he has a cryptid on set

They have to edit so much footage because Bruce always says "sorry" after "punching" someone. "Bruce, they have padding, they're fine!" "And no health Insurance. Do something about that."

Sometimes he forgets to take off the costume after filming. The record set for how many Subways he sent into a panic is infinite

That being said, Bruce's kids aren't afraid of him at all, and WILL run up to him everytime they visit to chant "dork! Dork! Dork!" While flocking around him. He cries from happiness

But he cries all the time, so it's hard to tell for what

The movie's soundtrack is just Bruce's middle school playlist, " They said they needed something rotten and terrible, like, -- poison for the ears. If you listen to it you get sick."

Bruce's biggest "diva moment" was refusing to give up the eyeliner and he still sends apology cards to the cast and crew for his " horrible behavior"

"He just kinda said no a bit loud and ran out of the studio while sobbing quietly."

Literally every villain on set is a sweetheart. Selina does her own make-up as well as Bruce's and Oz's and you can see Carmine lurking like a little gobling behind them just to scare her

There's this joke that none of Selina's streams ever go well because the crew is her curse. She's trying to talk about how to steal on set, meanwhile, Bruce next to her, "Did you know cats have no collarbone. Also, the electric chair was invented by a dentist."

You'd think everyone's favorite duo would be Bruce and Selina, and you wouldn't be wrong, but the public can't wait for Bruce and Carmine to have a press conference or interview together

Mostly because Carmine obviously dealt some shady cards in his past and Bruce is so clueless . " Have I ever tried coke...No, I like Pepsi." While Carmine is trying not to laugh behind him

Edward is just as bad. He's trying to tell the director that's not how bombs are made, and someone's head exploding wouldn't look like that, and Bruce is like :O Eddie, I didn't know you were a gamer

Edward is a menace on set and Bruce stays blind to it because he like him. There's rows of videos of Bruce stopping mid scene, going " Eddie," before jumping on the guy like the kitten he's NOT

Alfred still brings Bruce lunch and snacks and he throws down with Oz for no reason. He always brings the kids (read; they sneak in) and it's very clear they're not getting any shooting done that day

Dick, age 10, impatiently asks why Gray Ghost can't have a sidekick. In the last moments of the movie Dick runs in, improvises a scene with Bruce, and the fans love him too much not to include him after

You just leave Bruce alone when his babies are on set; Damian is strapped to his chest cause he's so small that everyone almost steps on him, Jason is giving the writers tip, Tim is taking pics of everyone, and Bruce smothers them with kisses constantly

[tightjeansjavi]

The Rite of Movement | drabble

“blooper reels with my baby love”

A/N: the wife @strang3lov3 demanded (endearingly) for Joel and baby love to have silly fun sex, and silly fun sex they shall have! If you ain’t gigglin’ and tootin’ in the bedroom, then tf are you doin’, baby love? 🤭

~word count: 1.8k~ (don’t ask…just smile and nod)

Summary: sex isn’t always sexy and blooper free, baby love.

Pairing | pornstar!joel x pornstar!female reader

Warnings: none, fluff, smut, domestic intimacy, real sex, amateur porn video, normal bodily functions, bloopers, established relationship, unprotected piv, flirting, teasing, intimacy, creampie, cock warming, mommy kink??, Joel is in his 40’s and reader is in her 30’s, reader has no physical descriptions (mentions of readers breasts being big) readers nickname is baby love, +18 minors dni!

series masterlist

Everything that could have possibly gone amiss during yours and Joel’s filming session for the day went wrong. It started with the UPS delivery driver giving Joel a funny look when he had to sign for a box that was clearly from Pornhub due to the painfully obvious black and orange packing tape.

What made the situation even more awkward is that the driver looked at Joel’s face for a hard minute, trying to decipher if he had seen his face somewhere…and then Joel watched the driver grow flustered at the realization that he did in fact see Joel’s face somewhere before.

But before Joel could even tell the poor guy to have a nice day, he was scurrying back to his truck and speeding off down the street.

“Amateur.” Joel mumbled to himself, chuckling under his breath and closed the door before locking it. He set the box down on the nearest available surface and headed upstairs.

He found you naked, and sprawled out on the comforter with Artemis curled up on your chest, using your breasts as her own little personal pillow while you gently stroked her fur.

“I think the UPS delivery driver has watched our stuff before, baby love.” Joel announced from the opening of the bedroom door, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed over his bare chest.

You glanced over at him, grin playing on your lips as you listened to Artemis’s happy little purrs. “Oh? What gave the poor guy away?”

He pushed himself off the side of the doorframe, making his way over to the bed and plopped down beside you, making himself comfortable on his stomach and propped himself up on his elbow, “Well, I think it had to do with the non discreet packaging that Pornhub decided to use, and the way he was lookin’ at me?” He reached across you with his freehand and gave Artemis a few scritches behind her ears.

You giggled softly, picturing the poor delivery driver's face when he realized that he had seen your boyfriend on the hub before. “Was the packaging discreet at all? Did you open it?”

“Nah. They had the Pornhub orange and black tape plastered all over the damn box. And no, I didn’t open it. Didn’t wanna waste another second when I knew that my baby was waitin’ for me. M’shocked I didn’t get a hard on jus’ thinkin’ of ya down there, baby love.”

You laughed again, reaching over and gently swatted at his bare shoulder. “You’re a dork, Joel. And an insatiably horny one at that.”

He snorted under his breath, shaking his head with a grin. “Well, can ya blame a guy? Got the most gorgeous woman laid out in my sheets. You best believe that my cock is always ready for you.”

“Joel!” You scolded him, covering Artemis’s ears with one hand, “Not in front of our child!”

He laughed, the skin around his eyes crinkling in the corners as he threw his head back, giggling like the buffoon he was. “Baby love, that ain’t even the worst she’s ever heard from us! She’ll be fine.” He reassured you.

“She’s still a child, Joel.” You said with a huff, kissing the top of her furry head.

“Yes, she is, and unfortunately our child is gonna have to leave the premises now unless she wants to be scarred for life.” He said playfully.

“Well, I’m not gonna move her. You see how comfy she is right now? She’s in heaven.”

He snickered, “yeah, well no shit sherlock. She’s using your tits as her own personal pillow. Don’t worry, baby love. I ain’t jealous or anything.”

“Uh-huh. Sure you’re not feeling jealous right now Joel.”

“I ain’t!” He reiterated in a non convincing tone, and as soon as he reached for Artemis to gently lift her from where she was laying on your chest, she hissed and swatted at his hand with her paw.

“Hey!” He softly yelled, “I know her tits are like two fluffy clouds for ya, but there’s no swatting at me, young lady!” He scolded her as if she truly was able to understand what he was saying.

She hissed and swatted at him once more before she dashed out of his reach, ducking right under the bed before he could grab ahold of her.

You were in a fit of giggles over the whole thing until he looked over at you with a narrowed glare, lips pouted and looking extra kissable. “Think that’s funny, do ya?” He scoffed, “I’ll show you funny, baby love.”

When you and Joel finally got to business after messing around with one another for nearly an hour, he was having camera issues and of course the damn ring light stopped working halfway through!

This resulted in Joel fiddling with the switch, checking the wall outlet and adapter while you kept yourself stimulated. He looked rather silly being hunched over, balls hanging heavy between his thighs, muttering under his breath when the ring light still wasn’t working.

“Damn, baby. If only you could see my view from here!” You said teasingly with your hand between your spread thighs. He looked over his shoulder at you, narrowing his eyes and shook his head. “When I fix this damn thing, you are toast, baby love.” His threat was playful, but you knew he was dead serious.

“…If you ever fix it, that is.” You added.

“Hush up over there. I’m gonna fix it, dontcha worry your pretty little mind or pussy about it.” He gruffed out, giving the side of the ring light a firm smack! (As if that was going to fix it)

By some miracle, Joel smacking the shit out of it actually did work and he wasn’t going to waste another second before he practically launched himself back on the bed like a big cat pouncing on its prey. You’re both a mess of tangled lips, tongues and moans when he slips back inside of your messy cunt with ease.

The obscene squelching sounds your pussy made around his cock, and each heavy, deep thrust of his hips, spurred him on further as he withdrew his cock halfway. The thick, veiny girth of his cock was coated in a thick ring of your milky arousal gleaming under the soft glow of the ring light. He took a lungful of air, gearing up to give you his all: the grand finale as he slammed his hips forward, punching his cock into your cunt with a force that nearly knocked the own air from your lungs, eyes rolling back slightly when the head of his cock kissed your cervix, keening your hips to meet his deep thrust. And then you hear it. The sound is unmistakable, and the sudden growing redness on Joel’s already flushed cheeks confirms that you’re not having an auditory hallucination.

“Did you just…?” Your question hangs heavy in the heady, sex stained air.

His brows are furrowed together, sweat beading along the ridges on his forehead. He lets out a huff of air, cheeks turning an even brighter red. His head hangs between his shoulders in shame, and it’s hard for you to suppress the giggles from slipping past your lips.

“‘Scuse me, baby love.” He wheezes out an apology just as Artemis lets out the faintest gagging sound from the smell and darts out from under the bed and immediately runs to the door, slipping past the small opening in a successful escape.

You thread your fingers through the back of his hair, pulling him down so your faces are close together, “better out than in, ain’t that right?” You said with a giggle, rubbing your noses together.

He goes all bashful, cheeks still flushed red as you pepper his face with adorning kisses, “you fucked it outta me, baby love. My bad. ‘Scuse me again.” He grumbled.

“Baby, I don’t care that you farted. It’s natural, and it’s nothing to be embarrassed about, but you need to make me come, otherwise I’m gonna have to do it myself.”

“Oh, heavens! I can’t! Not after that! I’m so embarrassed right now, baby love. You’re just gonna have to continue without me.” He said dramatically, burying his face into your neck.

“Oh, baby. There, there. How about you roll over, and I’ll ride you the rest of the time? You can just lay there and look extra pretty for me.” You suggested.

You could feel his lips curve up into a grin against your glistening skin where he began to press light open mouthed kisses. “Okay. That’ll work, baby love.” He said in agreement.

What kinda man would he be if he turned down getting to see your pretty tits bounce while you rode his cock? Only fools would turn down that opportunity! Joel may have been a little embarrassed from passing a bit of gas, but he was no fool.

So, that’s how you ended up seated on his cock, giving him the perfect view that men dreamed of experiencing with you, but would never have the chance to. But of course your boyfriend was still feeling bashful over the whole incident and refused to look you in the eyes as you rode him. He brought his arms crossed over his face, hiding his eyes from your view until you had enough and grabbed his wrists in your palms, pinning them on either side of his head.

“Hey, you’re gonna look me in the eyes right now, or you don’t get to come.” You warned him. And between your stern tone, and his wrists clasped in your hands, he was in absolute sub heaven.

“Okay, mommy.” He said in his best sub voice.

You both burst into a mess of giggles, unable to take the moment seriously as you gently fell on top of his chest, tears welling in the corner of your eyes from how hard you were laughing. “Oh my god! Of course Tommy is the one with the daddy kink, and you’re the one with the mommy kink!”

Joel was mortified as he buried his face between your tits, hoping they would suffocate him and put him out of his misery.

“Shuddup. I didn’t say that! I never—okay, so it slipped. Big deal!” He scoffed between your breasts, blowing a light raspberry against your soft skin. “For the record, we are not uploading this.”

“Oh, fuck off! We absolutely have to upload this, Joel. We’ll title it, ‘blooper reels with my baby love’. And people will eat that shit up!”

He let out a strained groan, burying his face further into your breasts. “Fine.” He gave in, wrapping his strong arms around you, hugging you tightly to him before he thrusted upwards into your spent cunt with no given warning. “Only after you come all over my fuckin’ cock, baby love.”

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[gucciwins]

ok but now i’m curious about when and how jo call end yn mama for the first time

Golden Sparks Josie is ten. It's been fun revisiting this family 1.3k enjoy!

+

“Do you think Mom or Mumma is better?” Josie asked Harry as he finished braiding her hair. Josie didn’t like Harry doing her hair, but Y/N had an early morning. She didn’t want to wake Jo up early and instead had Harry promise to do his best. 

“Think Mom is normal and common here,” Harry answers, his ten-year-old daughter. 

She furrowed her eyebrows, “don’t think she likes normal.” 

“I’m normal,” Harry defends. 

Josie shrugs in the mirror, “not in my eyes.” 

Harry deflated because he is a dork at heart, but his daughter didn’t need to be so blunt. “You need to be nicer to your old man.” 

Josie laughs loudly in her bathroom. “You’re not old, Dad.” 

He pats her shoulders, gesturing he’s done, and follows her to the kitchen, where he will make her breakfast before her game. Y/N promised to meet her there and was sorry she couldn’t drive her there. Jo assured her it was okay. Y/N hadn’t missed a game and wouldn’t be starting now. 

“Do you think she’ll like that I call her Mum?” Josie asks Harry, returning to their earlier conversation. 

Harry nods, “she’s been in your life for two years. I’d say she fits the role.” 

“Just because she’s with you doesn’t make her my mother.” 

He sighs because he knows where Josie is coming from. After everything she experienced with her mother, he knows why she’s hesitant to call Y/N a name with so much meaning. After all, she had a mom once, and it wasn’t so good. Maybe calling Y/N Mum or Mumma would be another way of Josie to reclaim the word and give them all a new meaning.

“Y/N loves you, Josephine. She’s loved you since you opened up to her when you joined the team. Sometimes, I feel like Y/N knows you better than I do. And you’re my kid,” Harry shares. “She’s engaged to me, but it unites us all as a family when we marry. Even if we don’t share the same last name, the three of us will become one family.” 

“We can take hers,” Josie suggests. 

Harry kisses her head. “We’d have to talk with her about that too.” 

“Do you think she considers me hers–like her child?” 

Harry wishes he had all the answers for Josie, but he doesn’t, though this answer is one he’s confident in. Y/N talks about all of Josie’s accomplishments, sharing them with her family. “I can’t speak to her. I do know that every I love you she’s ever told you is real. She’s lived with us for over a year.” Y/N had been right by Harry’s side for every parent meeting open house and picked up Josie from school most of the time. She was a mother in all ways but one. 

“Didn’t we move in?” Josie corrects him.

“Alright, you smarty pants,” Harry shakes his head. “You can start walking to your game.” 

“Dad,” Josie drags out his name. 

He swings her bag over his shoulder, thankful he had already set the cooler in the car. “Kidding, now off we go. You’re mum,” he teases, is big on punctuality. 

Arriving at the field, Y/N is already there and has the first drill for warm-up set up. There is already a dad talking to her, and Harry’s sure it’s Dana’s dad who’s been chatting her up, even with the engagement ring on her finger. After last week's practice, Harry may have gone a little overboard with the PDA, but the guy can’t take a hint. Thankfully, Josie quickly runs over to her, and the man excuses himself. 

His heart warms seeing his two favorite people, Y/N quick to kiss her cheek and commenting on Josie’s lopsided braids. He tried, but there is no one better than Y/N, that’s for sure. Harry sets his chair close to the girls' bench because while Y/N is focused during the game, he manages to steal a kiss or two during a throw-in or a corner if he’s lucky.

Y/N is now crouched down, tying Josie’s shoes. They’re whispering to each other about something, but Harry doesn’t dare interrupt. Y/N pats Josie’s knees and tells her she’s all good to go. One last hug and his little girl is running onto the field, where the assistant coach stands with a few other girls. The girls always liked terrorizing Kate, wanting to know about her three cats.

“Darling,” Harry sings. “Missed you.” 

Y/N steps into his open arms, laying her head on his chest. “Love you, sorry I had to leave so early.” 

“All forgiven now.” Y/N grins. “Only if I get to pick where we eat?” Harry knows she loves choosing, but he wants today to be special. 

“Mexican?” 

Harry kisses her lips. “You read my mind.” 

“Did Jo seem a bit jittery to you?” Y/N changes the subject. “She’s usually calm before a game.” 

Harry frowns, “did she say anything new to you?”

Y/N shakes her head. 

“Then no, I have no idea.”  

Weird answer Y/N thought, but decided to brush it off. “Alright, love. I’m off.” 

“Hate to see you leave, but love to watch you go,” he whispered. 

“Dork!” Y/N shouted. 

+

The game went well, with Golden Sparks winning 3-1 with Josie giving two assists. Y/N was waving goodbye to her players when he spotted Josie lingering away. Juliet followed Y/N’s every move, still as in awe of her aunt as when Harry first met her. Juliet got called away by Xavier, who was dealing with two toddlers. Y/N kissed her niece goodbye, promising to see her tomorrow for the pool party Y/N was hosting to celebrate the start of summer. 

“Job well done, Jo.” Y/N swings Josie’s bag over her shoulder while Harry takes Y/N’s. She playfully tugs it back but lets it slip when Harry looks sternly at her.

“Are we eating at home?” Jo asks them.

Y/N smiles down at Josie. “Your dad wants Mexican. You alright with that?”

“Perfect. Can I have the keys?” Y/N offers her own, knowing Josie prefers to ride with Y/N after a game. 

Josie hugs her waist tight. “I’m riding with Mum, Dad.” 

Y/N freezes in place as she processes what Josie called her. Harry is right by her side, failing to hold back his grin. 

Josie called her Mom. She heard it clear as day. Josie said it so confidently it was as if she’d been calling her that all her life. 

“Did-did she call me?” She stutters. 

Harry laughs, “you heard her, baby.” 

Y/N’s eyes welled up with tears. She tries to hold them back but lets them fall as Harry embraces her. 

She drops the bag on her shoulder, knowing Harry would pick it up, and tells him to make their food order to go. Y/N kisses Harry, muttering against his lips how much she loves him, and then takes off running to her car, eager to see her little girl and see if she’d call her Mom once more. 

Y/N swings open the door on the right side where Josie always sits. She’s singing along to the radio, the AC on blast, and Y/N hugs her. 

“Mumma, what’s going on?” 

“I love you so much, baby. So much. You’re the best thing to have ever happened to me and your dad. Don’t know what I did to deserve someone as amazing as you to choose me as their Mom.” Y/N cries, not able to hide her emotions. 

Jo hugs her tiger, “I love you too, Mum.” 

Y/N wants to live in this moment forever but knows they should get home. “Let’s go home, Jo.”

“Stevie Nicks, Mum?” 

“Perfect choice.”

[a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual]

short but chaotic Nimona headcanons

One time the boys were going through their baby pictures and laughing

And Nimona let it slip that she doesn’t have any baby pictures cause she was never a baby 

The boys being dramatic sappy dorks plan a whole day where they take stupid family photos 

And Bal being the most dramatic sentimental dork of all even goes as far as photoshopping Nimona into some of their old photos 

These photos were just supposed to be a cute little inside joke that they framed in their living room they never expected anyone to see them

But as time goes on and they make more friends people see those photos and draw their own conclusions 

And maybe Bal is incredible with Photoshop or maybe no one in the kingdom has critical thinking skills because people start to believe Bal and Ambrosius raised Nimona

There is a tw*tter thread of them commending Bal and Ambrosius for training to be knights and saving the day all while raising a child

Someone was talking to Nimona and congratulated her on being so brave

And Nimona was like “Oh you mean the battle with the director?” the person goes "Well yeah that too but I was also talking about your parent's split divorce can be so messy"

Most people know this is just a long drawn out joke that the trio doesn’t have the willpower to debunk

And some people are out here defending this story posting shit like “No a friend of a friend was at the institute at the same time and saw them with Nimona” 

The trio thinks it's fucking hilarious so they never bother to comment on it

In fact they didn't correct anyone until Nimona told the real story of Gloreth’s “Monster”

And they were really dragging their feet on telling people not because they were afraid of the backlash but because they knew the teen parent stories would stop 

Everyone is fully convinced that Ambrosius is the best secret keeper of all time 

He’s fucking not 

He’s a gossipy little bitch but the people who he gossips with are the real vaults 

Whenever he wants to gossip he'll talk to Nimona

And Nimona always drops his gossip onto Bal because he knows Bal will tell Ambrosius  

Bal usually doesn’t gossip but if Ambrosius asks him “What’s on your mind love?” more than once he’s an open book 

But the gossip never leaves their little trio no matter what 

Whenever the trio gets bored like on errand days or long car rides they’ll play a little game 

Basically they compare people they know to random objects or animals 

And they win depending on how accurate the object is or if it makes the other two laugh

Some of the accurate wins were Ambrosius pointing at a wet cat and commenting that it reminded him of Bal, Bal pointing at dog shit and saying “Look it’s Todd”, and Nimona asking “When did the director come back to life?” while pointing at flaming garbage 

And then there are the other answers like when Bal pointed at the air and said “Mom” Ambrosius just turns to him and goes “Bal you didn’t know your mom” and he just goes “Yeah that’s what she looks like in my mind” 

Or Ambrosius pointed at a cemetery and exclaimed “Mom!” And Bal goes “Love your Moms alive” and all he says is “Shh Bal let me manifest” 

[superiorsturgeon]

Are You Sure About Her?

Pyrrha: *meeting Arc family for the first time, happily chatting away*

Mama Arc: Jaune, dear, can you come help me with something please?

Jaune: Hm? Sure, mom!

Jaune: *follows his mother to the kitchen* What do you need?

Mama Arc: …

Mama Arc: …Jaune, dear, are you really sure about this girl?

Jaune: …what? Of course I am! Pyrrha’s awesome! Why would you even ask?

Mama Arc: She seems nice, but…well…she’s a celebrity.

Jaune: Uh…yeah? Basically everyone but me already knew her when we started at school.

Mama Arc: *folds her arms* You don’t understand, sweetie. A few years back, a star athlete and a boy at her school hooked up, and because of her celebrity status they kept their relationship secret to protect him.

Mama Arc: Things went on like that until she unexpectedly got pregnant. They kept the child secret too, again, to protect them.

Mama Arc: But as time went on and the press celebrated her return to sports, she spent less and less time visiting that boy and her child. She was always out drinking, competing, and socializing, and eventually, things completely fell apart. That poor boy gave up his dreams for someone who left when she got tired of him.

Mama Arc: …And I don’t want to see that happen to my son!

Jaune: …

Jaune: …mom, I’m sorry you’re worried, but you’re wrong about Pyrrha.

Mama Arc: But how can you be sure? You’re both so young!

Jaune: Well…For one thing, everyone already knows that me and Pyrrha are dating! When she came to Beacon she told me she wanted to make real friends, and now we’ve both got lots of awesome people who know us both. We even go on double dates with our teammates!

Jaune: And…I guess the most important thing is that it’s Pyrrha, and I trust her.

Mama Arc: 🤨

Jaune: *quailing under the “Mom Stare.”* I-I mean it! When I first went to Beacon, nobody believed in me! Even you and dad talked like you expected me to fail and come back home any day and become a farmer!

Jaune: But not Pyrrha!

Jaune: *awkwardly rubs the back of his neck, trying to form the words* She…she came and pulled my sorry butt out of a tree during the initiation, when she could’ve left me behind and done the actual test! A-and then when trained fighters were teaming up all around us, she came and picked ME to be her partner!

Mama Arc: Well, that’s-

Jaune: *interrupting, Defend Partner™️ mode engaged* And after I made it through by the skin of my teeth and started acting like a cringy tough-guy jerk, she stuck by me! And once I realized what an idiot I was being, she offered to train me.

Jaune: Do you understand? Pyrrha Nikos, Mistral’s invincible gladiator, after everything I did wrong and how crappy I acted, believed I could be better! She believed in me when nobody else did!

Jaune: Pyrrha’s an absolute angel, mom. She’s the strongest and smartest person in the whole school! I watched her take on an entire team by herself and win without breaking a sweat!

Jaune: She could’ve done anything she wanted. She still CAN do anything she wants! And she-she believes in ME!

Jaune: And I believe in her! She’s the most caring, kind, and wonderful person I’ve ever met, mom. I know she would NEVER hurt me, and I trust her with my whole heart!

Mama Arc: …

Jaune: *leans against the counter, panting a bit*

Mama Arc: …it sounds like you really love this girl, Jaune.

Jaune: *drained from his passionate speech* I think so, mom. I know it sounds kinda dumb, but everything I do is more awesome when she’s around!

Mama Arc:

Mama Arc: *smiles and ruffles Jaune’s hair* My little boy has sure grown up a lot since he ran off to become a hero.

Jaune: *squirms* I guess, but it’s all because of the friends I made…but mostly Pyrrha!

Mama Arc: *smiles over Jaune’s shoulder*

Jaune: …what? *turns around*

Pyrrha: *standing in the doorway, sniffling and covering her mouth* 🥹

Arc Family: *crowded in behind Pyrrha* 😁

Jaune: …

Jaune: …how long-?

Youngest Arc Sister: Since the first word you big sappy dork!

[topguncortez]

Baby On Board- B.Floyd 

pairing: Robert "Bob" Floyd x wife!reader word count: 6k (its a long one) type: angst warnings: top gun shit, child birth, near death experiences, cursing. synopsis: being placed on a top secret mission weeks before his wife's due date was not what Lt. Floyd had imagined married life would be like.

note: thank you so much for 600! it's crazy how much this blog has grown in such little time! keep sending in requests!

She was his highschool sweetheart. From the moment Bob laid eyes on Y/N their freshman year of highschool, even with braces and acne and a ridiculous haircut, he knew that she was going to be his wife. She was perfect, smart, popular, kind to everyone and he was. . . well he was just Bob. A dork, a nerd, sweet and kind and too pure for this world. He could remember how badly he was sweating and shaking as he approached her lunch table, some cheesy valentine’s day card in his hand and asked her to the school dance. He thought he would get laughed at, but his heart filled with even more love as she pulled out a valentine of her own to give to him. 

Bob had shocked everyone when he decided to go into the navy, including Y/N. They had talked about their futures, and Bob had briefly mentioned going into the navy, but he wasn't certain. So when he came home and told her he enlisted, she was shocked but proud of him. Her heart broke when he left for boot camp, and would wait by the phone or mailbox for a call or letter from him. When he came home with a buzzed cut, a bouquet of flowers and a ring, they both knew they didn’t want to be apart from each other. They got married in a small ceremony in his parents backyard, it was like a fairytale for both of them. 

Both Bob and Y/N had agreed that they wanted kids. They weren’t ever too keen on actively trying for kids, but they weren’t doing anything to actively prevent it either. At first, they were going to let nature do its thing, agreeing that it’ll happen when it happens. But after two years of nothing, they knew that it was time for some intervention. It broke Bob’s heart when the doctor told them it was going to be nearly impossible for them to have a baby of their own. He watched as the light in her eyes diminished. She told him that she was okay, that it would be fine, but Bob could hear her crying in the bathroom when she thought he was asleep. 

Bob stood by her side though, never leaving her. He held her hand in doctors appointments, when they had decided on doing hormonal treatments, Bob was always on track with timing, and keeping track of everything. When he noticed that her body had started to change, and her mood was different and her period was late, he went out and bought every kind of pregnancy test there was to get. He sat by her side on the bed as they waited for the timer to go off, and was the first to look at the results. 

Seven months later, Bob and Y/N were glaring at each other from across the kitchen. Her belly had popped some weeks ago, and she was now supporting a nice round bump. She looked on the verge of tears as Bob had explained the document that was sitting in between the two of them. He was being called back to TOPGUN, something that he never thought would happen. The first time around, they had been married for only about a year, and Bob was excited to be chosen to go. He got permission to take his wife with him, and that was all he needed. Now, things have changed.

Y/N was not thrilled at all about Bob being called back. There was no other information on the document other than time and place to be. They had arranged on base housing for the both of them, but they both knew that Y/N couldn’t leave Lemoore. It wasn’t a good idea for her to be far away from her doctor, not when time was ticking away closer to her due date. 

“Why can’t they send someone else?” Y/N asked, running a hand through her hair, “Can you tell them I’m pregnant?” 

“Did,” Bob sighed, “Technically the baby isn’t born yet so I don’t get any sort of paternity leave. I would still only get 21 days anyway.” 

Y/N rolled her eyes, of course he didn't, “There’s nothing you can do?” 

“It’s non negotiable. You can come with-” 

“Come with!?  Bob, look at me, I’m the size of a water buffalo-“ 

“No you’re not-“ 

“Shut up,” Y/N said, getting angry. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes and turned on her heel and left the kitchen in tears. Bob sighed, knowing the majority of this was caused by pregnancy hormones but it still didn’t make it any easier. He knew that there was a possibility of him getting a last minute deployment or special detachment, like this one, that could take him away from Y/N and his unborn child. He just didn’t think it would ever come true. Bob grabbed the sheet of paper and read it over again. Doing the math in his head, he should be back in time before Y/N has their baby, but it still didn’t bring him any comfort.

He pushed himself from his spot, walking to the freezer to get an orange crush popsicle for Y/N, and then walked down the hall. He found her sitting on their shared bed, looking out the window. Bob sat down next to her and offered her the popsicle. 

“Thanks,” She murmured. 

“I know it’s not ideal-” 

“No, it’s not,” Y/N sniffled as she opened up her popsicle. 

“You could come with. . .” 

“Bob, I’m seven months pregnant. I don’t think it would be a good idea.” 

“It’s also not a good idea to have you here alone either,” Bob said and Y/N sighed, “At least, if you’re in Miramar with me, I’d be there in a matter of minutes if something happened,” He grabbed her free hand and intertwined their fingers, “Up here, yeah we are alone, but you’ll be even more alone if something happened and I’m seven hours away. It would bring peace of mind to me, if you came with me.” 

“Well,” Y/N sighed, “Looks like we’re both going back to TOPGUN.” 

Bob smiled and leaned in to kiss her cheek, and then slid off the bed to kneel in front of her, both hands going to her growing belly. It always made her giggle at how Bob’s large hands could cover her whole bump, but it also brought her a sense of security. 

“You, my little one, can’t make any surprise appearances while we are there, you hear me? You stay right in here for the next six weeks and we won’t have an issue,” Bob said to her belly, and got a small kick in return, “I think they understood me,” He said looking up at you with his lopsided grin. 

“I’m sure they did.” 

— — —

It was almost too hot to do anything, even by the ocean in Miramar. Y/N had told herself when she got pregnant, she didn’t want to be pregnant during the hot months, but living in California, it was always hot. The drive down had been awful, having to stop almost every hour so she could pee, or being constantly uncomfortable. Bob felt bad, knowing that she was only doing this for him, but he let her complain as much as she wanted to. Bob had heard that everyone was gathering at the Hard Deck, a local bar that he and Y/N had frequented the first time around at TOPGUN. Y/N had opted not to go with him, as she wanted to just stay in the air conditioning of their tiny on base house. 

Y/N had done what she could to make herself comfortable while being in Miramar. She went grocery shopping, to the beach a couple times, met with one of the OB’s on base (which Bob had gotten out of training early to do), but for the most part she kept a low profile, trying to stay as cool as she possibly could in the southern california heat. Her favorite part of the day was when Bob would come home, and lay his head in her lap and tell their child all about his day. His eyes always lit up as he talked about the simulations and the dogfighting. He would get so animated about it, it was adorable. 

Y/N knew bits and pieces about the mission. She knew it was dangerous, that there was a lot at stake. Bob didn’t want to worry her too much at this stage in her pregnancy, but she had kind of gathered that them all being called back meant that it was serious. She tried not to think of a world where Bob Floyd wasn’t alive and she hated it. But Bob reassured her as much as he possibly could that he would make it back to her. 

The team didn’t know much about Robert Floyd, other than he was a WSO and Phoenix’s back seater. He was quiet, kept to himself, and would speed off after showering at the end of the day. Phoenix had tried to pry some information out of him, but got nothing more than his full name, where he was from, and where he was currently stationed. Bob didn’t talk much about himself, and Phoenix kind of liked that. He was different from the usual cocky, arrogant (hangman) pilots she was used to working with. 

“So Bob, what do you plan on doing when you get out of here?” Phoenix had asked him, as they were headed to the trial run zone. It was day four of doing the trial course, and no one had successfully completed it. 

“I bet he is going to have himself a cold glass of ice water,” Coyote joked and Bob rolled his eyes. 

“Oh shut it,” Phoenix laughed, “I bet he’ll go home and watch the office or something.” 

“I prefer ‘friends’ over the office,” Bob said, thinking of his wife’s favorite show. 

“Alright, dagger 1 easing in, time starting in 3, 2, 1,” Phoenix said as she started into the simulation. 

Bob looked down at his radar, watching as Phoenix and Coyote made the twists and turns of the simulation, feeling his body jostle from side to side. It never got easier, the more that they ran the course, it seemed to somehow get worse. His body felt heavier, his lungs felt like they would explode. He would find bruises on his sides from hitting the side of the cockpit at such forces. Bob eyed their time, seeing that they were keeping up a good speed, until he caught another plane on the radar. 

“Oh no, it’s Maverick!” Bob said. 

“What?! Where is he!?” Phoenix called out, and Bob looked around the clear canopy into the sky, trying to see if he could spot Maverick. 

“Lost him in the sun!” Bob called out, “Coyote, you see him!?” 

“Man, he’s on my tail,” Coyote said, “Line it up, Bob.” 

“Roger!” Bob said, controlling his laser to line up the shot, except he couldn’t get control of it. He swore under his breath as he tried but it was no use, “Dead eye! I can’t get it to lock!” 

“Dropping in blind then,” Coyote said, and tried to line up the laser the best he could. 

Bob could feel when Phoenix shifted the trajectory of the jet, sending them into a steep incline upward. Bob fought against the Gs being pushed on his body as he tried to keep his eyes open and himself conscious. Maverick had somehow shown back up, and stimulated a dogfight with them, until they realized they had lost comms with Coyote. He had gone into g-loc, and Maverick moved quickly to line up a shot, sending a loud buzzing sound into his cockpit. Bob took a sigh in relief as they got Coyote back, but the relief was short-lived when Maverick called out the bird strike. 

“We’re on fire!” Bob called out, looking to see the left engine ablaze. 

“Extinguishing!” Phoenix said, flipping a switch, “Lost hydraulics, losing altitude, I-I can’t control it!” 

“Right engine on fire! We’re gonna burn in!” Bob’s voice was filled with panic, as he felt their jet start to drop from the sky. 

“You have to eject!” Maverick called, “Phoenix, Bob! Eject, eject, eject!” 

“Fuck! Eject, eject, eject!” Phoenix yelled out, as she hit the button to eject both of them. Bob covered his head as the canopy shot off, and he felt himself get pushed out of the cockpit. The next thing he felt was his feet hitting the ground. 

— — — 

The last thing any military wife ever wants is a call from the hospital saying that their husband had been injured. When Y/N arrived at the hospital, frantic with tears in her eyes, a nurse had guided her down to the room her husband was in. She felt the confused looks and stares of the aviators in the hallway as she passed by them on the way to Bob’s room. She had even heard one of them ask who she was and another say they didn’t know. Bob was busy flipping through the tv channels when she got to his room, he looked over at her and smiled weakly. 

“Hey baby,” Bob said and Y/N rushed to his side, as Bob engulfed her in a hug, “Shh, I’m okay, I’m okay.” He soothed her, while rubbing her back as she cried as she sat on his bed. 

“Jesus Christ Robert, don’t ever scare me like that again,” Y/N said, pulling away from him, and wiping her tears, “What the hell happened?” 

“Bird Strike, lost control of the jet, had to eject. Nothing but a couple bruises and a sore tailbone,” Bob smiled, and Y/N shook her head, “Are you okay?” 

“You’re asking me that?” 

“You’re the pregnant one.” 

“You’re the one who just ejected from a plane at 500 feet in the air.” 

“Touche,” Bob said, as there was a knock on the door. Y/N turned her head to see a brunette woman peeking her head in with a shy smile on her face. 

“The guys said you had company, I hope you don’t mind me coming to check on you?” The woman said, looking between the two of her. 

Bob looked at you and you smiled, “No, not at all,” He said, “This is Phoenix, the main driver,” Bob said introducing the two of them, “Phoenix this is my wife, Y/N.” 

“Oh- wow, Bob never-” 

“Stealth pilot,” Y/N smiled and held her hand out to greet Phoenix, “It’s nice to meet you. He’s told me all about you. You’re pretty cool from what it sounds like.” 

“You flatter me,” Phoenix said with a slight blush, “How far along?” 

“Eight months. Not exactly my ideal location to be in, but,” Y/N shrugged and Bob smiled, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her to sit back down on the bed, “How are you doing? I can’t imagine what it was like.” 

“I’m okay, a little shaken up. I’m more concerned that Bob has hidden you away from us and made me suffer with the rest of the testosterone freaks out there.” Phoenix said and sat down in a chair by the bed. 

Bob knew it was no use hiding Y/N from Phoenix, so he had told his pilot all about his wife, how they met, how he proposed, their wedding, their house, and even about their baby. Phoenix was surprised at how talkative Bob could be when he was talking about something he loved. She knew he could rattle off information about an F-18 and missiles and flight trajectory, but when it came to talking about his life, Phoenix was surprised. He had hardly let Y/N get a word in and Phoenix would laugh at how Y/N just looked at him. 

Y/N would’ve liked it if Bob would’ve been able to stay home after having to eject from his plane, but the mission was still a go. It was only three days after the bird strike that he was packing his bags and headed to get on the carrier. Y/N had driven him to base, much to his dismay since he didn’t want her driving with her belly in the way. She tried to hide her tears as she put the car in park and looked at the daunting aircraft carrier. 

“It’s only three days,” Bob said, looking at his hands, “Three days and-and I come home to you and our baby.” He placed his hand on her bump, feeling their little one move around. 

“I know,” Y/N said, “Swear to God, if you don’t-”

“I will,” Bob said, cutting her off. He leaned over the console, holding her face in his hands and kissed her. It took her breath away, the type of kiss that is supposed to be a constant reminder. It left her lips tingling as he pulled back, “I’ll see you in three days.” Y/N nodded as Bob got out of the car. She saw Phoenix waiting next to her car and sent her a small smile and wave. Phoenix gave her a nod in response and hugged Bob. 

Y/N let out a shaky breath as she watched the two of them walk towards the ship, “Three days little one, no sudden movement for three days.” 

— — — 

Y/N tried to keep herself distracted but she couldn’t help but stare at the clock, knowing that any second her husband’s plane would be taking off from the middle of the pacific ocean and would be flying towards a certain death. She knows that he promised to come home, but nothing is ever promised in this life. Y/N looked down at the hot mug of tea in front of her and felt a stray tear run down her cheek. She had gotten to the point in her pregnancy where she didn’t even know she was crying until the tear hit her shirt. She sniffled and placed her hand on her belly, just as she felt a cramping sensation. 

“No. . .” She mumbled to herself and let out a shaky breath, “Please stop, don’t do this.” Y/N had been feeling contractions since Bob left. She knew that braxton hicks were common and had been feeling those since month seven, but now, these felt different. These felt stronger and she could feel her stomach dropping. 

Y/N pushed herself away from the counter and slowly started making her way towards her bedroom. Laying down usually helped subside the contractions and the pelvic pain. Y/N paused as she felt the warmth of a liquid rushing down her legs as she stood in the hallway. She closed her eyes and clutched her stomach, hoping that maybe, just maybe this was all a dream and she had just peed herself in the hallway, rather than her water breaking. But when she opened her eyes at the feeling of a contraction, she knew it was very much real. 

“No, no, no,” She felt tears in her eyes as she moved down the hallway towards the kitchen where she had left her phone. Her first instinct was to dial Bob’s number, which she did, but when it went straight to voicemail, she panicked even more. She gripped the counter as another contraction ripped through her body. This wasn’t supposed to be like this. This was not how this was supposed to happen. The next number she dialed was Penny’s, which the older woman had given to her after getting to know her at Iceman’s funeral. 

“Hello?” Penny’s voice sounded through the receiver. 

“Penny, I-I need your help,” Y/N’s voice cracked, “My water broke.” 

“Oh my god,” Penny said, and Y/N could hear her get up and grab her keys, “Stay where you are, I am on my way. If you need to push, do it, don’t try and fight it.” 

“I can’t have this baby alone!” Y/N cried. 

“I know, I know, I’m on my way, just breathe okay,” Penny said and Y/N nodded. 

Penny arrived after a short time, and helped Y/N get to the on base hospital. They had admitted her right away, and Y/N was thankful that Penny had decided to stay by her side. Penny had once been in Y/N’s shoes. Her now ex-husband had been on deployment when Amelia was born, and Penny was by herself in the delivery room, no family, no friends, just her and the nurses and doctor. Penny wasn’t going to leave Y/N alone, knowing very well she would’ve wanted someone to stay with her. 

“Breathe through it, there ya go,” Penny said as she dabbed at the sweat collecting on Y/N’s forehead, “I left a message for Maverick and Hondo. I called in a favor from an old friend to hopefully contact the ship and get a message to Admiral Simpson.” 

“I can’t have this baby without him,” Y/N cried, out of pure exhaustion. Even though her water broke, she was still going on hour eight of labor, waiting for her cervix to dilate and the baby to drop down even more. The nurses all shared a look, and Penny could read their faces. She had heard them say something to the doctor about being worried about maternal exhaustion. 

“I know you don’t, but you might have to,” Penny said, and Y/N shook her head as another contraction hit. Y/N groaned in pain as she gripped the side rail, her knuckles turning white. Penny grabbed the white bucket next to her and placed it in front of her incase Y/N was sick again. 

When Y/N felt her body relax, she let out a small cry and leaned back against the bed. Penny had hoped that the call she put in with her father would somehow reach the ship. She wished that Iceman was still alive, knowing he’d stop at nothing to get Bob from the ship and straight to the hospital. But all Penny could do was hold Y/N’s hand and wipe the sweat from her forehead. Y/N’s mind was wandering as she thought of the mission Bob was on, and prayed that he was alive and not dead somewhere in a European mountain range. 

— — — 

Life or death, Bob had seen the flash of death right in front of his eyes as Phoenix had navigated them through Coffin Corner. He felt his heart sink when he watched Maverick’s plane get shot down, and he felt like his heart stopped hearing Rooster go down too. Bob did what he could to comfort Phoenix as they flew back to the ship, placing a hand on her shoulder, which she shrugged off. They hadn’t been on the carrier long, when they heard that Rooster’s beacon had been turned back on, and Hangman had been instructed to go on the flight mission to bring them back.  

The second Maverick buzzed by the tower, the tarmac broke out in cheer, as he landed and both of them had a large smile on their faces. Bob and Phoenix rushed over to Rooster, hugging him tightly. Bob had a bright smile on his face as he celebrated with his team. 

“Lt Floyd!?” A voice called out for him. Bob turned around to see Admiral Simpson running towards him. 

“Yes sir?” Bob asked, his heart racing slightly. 

“You need to come with us right away, it’s a family emergency.” 

Bob felt light headed as the Admiral’s words hit his ears. Bob had just escaped death with his team and now he felt a sudden rush of doom. Fanboy and Payback shared a look, confused on what the admiral had just said. As far as anyone knew, Bob didn’t have any family, Bob was a lone ranger. But the look on Phoenix’s face said otherwise. 

“Go!” Phoenix said, pushing him towards the admiral. Bob stumbled on his feet but took off sprinting, trying not to let his mind go to the worse case scenario. Phoenix looked over her shoulder and noticed her fellow aviators looking at her confused, and sighed, “He’s married, and has a wife, who’s very pregnant.” 

Hondo was waiting for Bob when he entered the tower, and relayed the information he had gathered from Admiral Bates. Bob couldn’t digest most of it, but what he gathered was that his wife was in labor and he was stuck on an aircraft carrier in the middle of nowhere after almost dying. Hondo directed him to the admiral’s office where they gave Bob some privacy to call his wife. Bob sat down in the chair, his hands shaking as he picked up the phone and dialed her number, something he memorized.

“Bob, thank god,” Penny answered. 

“H-hey Penny, how is she?” Bob asked, trying to bite back tears. 

“She’s getting checked by the nurses right now, I stepped out when I saw you call. She’s,” Penny sighed and looked down at her shoes, “They are worried about maternal exhaustion. She’s in hour 12 of labor, eight centimeters dilated and trying to fight it. She says she won’t do this without you.” 

“She has too,” Bob said, feeling a tear run down his cheek, “She has to do this. And I swear to god, she will never have to do this alone again. I need to talk to her.” 

“I know, sweetheart,” Penny said, and walked back into the room. Her heart broke seeing Y/N in such pain as she laid on her side. The nurse gave Penny a look, and she nodded, “Y/N, it’s Bob. I’m putting him on speaker.” 

“Oh my god, Bob?” Y/N asked, her voice wavering in pain. Bob felt his heart break as he bit back a sob. He buried his face into his flight suit before speaking up. 

“Hi babe,” Bob said, “This wasn’t how this was supposed to go.” 

“No, not at all,” She sniffed, “God, why can’t you be here. Why now? They’ve been stubborn this whole time, but now?” 

“I know,” He laughed, “But love, you have to stop trying to fight it, okay, you need to let them help you. It’ll only make things harder for you, for the baby.” 

“Bob, I can’t do it,” Y/N protested and closed her eyes, feeling a contraction. Bob heard her suck in a breath and let out a whimper in pain. Penny grabbed her hand and helped her breathe through it. Bob wished so badly he could be there with her, all he ever wanted to do was be a father and he is completely missing it. 

“She’s at ten,” A nurse said, “She keeps putting it off, she won’t be able to push.” 

“Baby, you need to listen to them,” Bob said, sitting up straighter in his seat, “You need to do this okay. I’m right here, Penny is there. You need to bring our baby into the world.” 

“No!” Y/N sobbed and Penny felt tears in her own eyes, “No! I won’t! I want to go home, let me go home!” 

“You’re elevating your heart rate, Y/N,” Her nurse said, walking over to the bed and looking at the EEG reading, “If this continues we’ll have to do a c-section. Y/N, it’s time to push.” 

Bob felt his heart stop. That was the absolutely last thing he wanted her to have to do. It was bad enough she was in labor by herself, he didn’t want to have her go under the knife alone. The nurses and the midwife started to move around, getting everything set up for delivery. Penny helped Y/N get to her back and sit up in the bed. The midwife put Y/N’s feet in the stirrups. 

“Y/N, listen to me,” Bob said sternly, “You have to listen to them, you have to push, okay. I’m right here, I’m doing the best I possibly can.” 

“This isn’t fucking fair,” Y/N cried, and gripped Penny and the nurse’s hand as she felt a contraction and what felt like the baby’s head dropping lower in her birth canal. 

“I know,” Bob answered, “But you can do it okay, listen to the doctors.” Y/N nodded and Penny wiped her forehead. 

The midwife looked up at Y/N and gave her a sad smile, “Alright, Y/N on the next contraction, I need you to push okay. You know your body better than any of us.” 

Y/N nodded and let out a shaky breath. She felt the cramping of a contraction and sucked in a deep breath. When the contraction hit, she pushed, closing her eyes and letting out a groan. Bob closed his eyes, not being able to imagine the pain she was in. With every push that the midwife would count out, Y/N’s groans and cries got louder. He could tell as the time went on that she was getting more and more exhausted. 

“Jesus Chrsit, I can’t do this,” Y/N said breathlessly as she leaned against the back of the bed. 

“You’re so close, Y/N, I can see the baby’s head,” The midwife said, “Next one push as hard as you can.” 

“You got this babe, come on,” Bob said. He heard the midwife tell her to push, “Come on sweetheart, push hard, you got this, come on love.” 

“Crowning!” The midwife called out and Y/N let out a loud cry, “This is the hardest part, you are right here, you can do this. Give me a big push and bring this baby into the world.” 

Y/N moved slightly, and beared down as she pushed hard, feeling a burning sensation as the baby’s head was pushed out of her birthing canal. She closed her eyes tightly, gripping on to Penny and the nurse’s hands for dear life. Bob was saying encouraging words but it was all drawn out as the pain subsided and Y/N felt her body relax. 

“One more, give me one more,” The midwife said, “The hardest part is over, you can do it.” 

“Bob,” Y/N’s voice shook. 

“This is it, you can do it, bring our baby into the world.” Bob said. 

She clenched her jaw tightly, she was surprised that she didn’t break her teeth as she pushed with all her might. It was like white hot pain, almost like breaking a bone, as she felt the baby being pulled from her womb. She let out a broken cry as she felt a weight being placed on her chest, a loud cry filling the room. Y/N’s hands went straight to the squirming newborn on her chest and looked down to see their big brown eyes. Her mind was so overclouded with stimulation that she couldn’t think of anything to say. 

“It’s a girl!” She heard the midwife say and Y/N cried even harder. 

Bob wasn’t fighting back tears anymore as he held his head in his hands and sobbed, hearing the cry of his daughter over the phone. This wasn’t how he expected the delivery of his rainbow baby to go. He always expected him to be right by his wife’s side, holding her hand, sitting behind her as she pushed, encouraging her, seeing his daughter the second she was brought into this world, being able to cut the cord. Instead, he was hearing her loud cries from the middle of the ocean. 

“We’re going to weigh her and clean her up, then we’ll give her right back, okay,” The nurse said to Y/N. She was still so exhausted all she could do was nod, “Congrats momma, and you too, dad!” 

Bob nodded, and wiped his tears, “I love you so much,” He cried out, his voice breaking. 

“I love you too,” Y/N said. 

“I’m going to let you go, okay, I promise, I will be there as soon as I get docked in Miramar. You need to sleep, you did so good, so good, I am so proud of you,” Bob said, knowing he was probably talking to her sleepy self. 

“I love you, Bob,” Y/N said, “I’ll see you when you get here.” 

They said their goodbyes and Bob hung up. He sat there with his head in hands for a bit longer, looking down at the ground. The events of the day started to hit him all at once, and the tears fell down his face uncontrollably. He couldn’t stop his body from shaking as he cried. He didn’t even notice Phoenix walked into the office. Phoenix’s mind went to the worst possible thing as she walked over to him, and placed her hand on his shoulder. Bob looked up at her, his brown eyes wet with tears. 

“Bob-” 

“I’m a dad,” He said, “I’m a fucking dad!” 

“Oh my god!” Phoenix said, pulling Bob from his seat and hugged him. She pulled back from the hug and looked at him, “Is everything okay? Y/N? The baby?” 

“A healthy little girl,” Bob smiled, “Y/N’s okay, the best she can be for having a baby on her own. But . . I’m a girl dad.” 

— — — 

She knew she had slept too long, even though she had been a mom for less than a day, she knew she still slept too long. Y/N groaned as she opened her eyes, squinting at the harsh light above her head. Her body was still sore, especially her lower region. Penny had been a godsend helping her through the night when she had to get up and pee or wanted to walk around. Y/N rubbed her eyes as she looked towards the small basnet that was placed by her bed, to find it empty. Her heart skipped a beat as she looked around the room frantically to hear the sweet voice she had been waiting to hear. 

“Looks like Mom is up,” Bob said, walking over to his wife. Y/N’s heart settled back down as she saw the small bundle of blankets in his arms. He hadn’t even change18d bbout of his flight suit and it looked like he hadn’t slept in hours, but Bob still looked amazing, “You were sleeping and I didn’t want to wake you but the second I saw her I knew that I-” 

“It’s okay,” She said, her voice still gravely from screaming during labor, “You’re here.” 

“I’m here,” Bob said and sat down on her bed, “And you will never have to do that alone again, I promise.” 

“Bob, I can’t ask you to give up what you love.” 

“But I love this more,” Bob said, looking between his wife and his daughter. 

“She looks like you,” Y/N said, “Those eyes are exactly like yours.” Bob smiled as his daughter opened her tired eyes, “She doesn’t have a name yet. I was waiting for you so we can name her.” 

Bob studied his daughter. Names were something that the two of them had spent some time going back and forth on. Neither one was quite set on a certain name, agreeing that once they saw their child they would be able to know what their name should be. Bob ran his finger gently down her face as she yawned. 

“Eleanor,” Bob said and looked at his wife, “Eleanor May Floyd.”

--- --- ---

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[ashwhowrites]

Hey there, pretty girl. I got an idea that I think you'll like.

So Eddie decides for their anniversary, he's gonna get a tattoo right? He gets it on his hip, where only she's gonna see it, and doesn't tell her. Then they're getting all hot and heavy *bow chicka wow wow* (god I'm a dork) and she sees it. You can decide how long he's had it before she sees, but I want her to be super excited and give him like the best sex ever 🥰🥰

I love you 💋💋💋💋

I love you !💋💋💋💋💋

I hope this was what you were hoping for :)

⚠️Smut

Eddie's tattoo

Eddie knew he made dumb decisions and knew getting his girlfriend's initial was considered one of the dumbest things a guy could do. But he knew this girl was going to be his forever. The artist gave Eddie a disapproving look, but he shrugged it off.

He wasn't going to regret this.

He smiled proudly as he lifted his shirt to look in the mirror. Her initial was written in black ink on his left hip. He was in awe, just staring at it. His body was warm as he felt marked by her. A part of her would always be with him.

He practically skipped through the front door, bouncing as he walked into the bedroom. She was under the covers, watching tv, turning her head to see him walk through.

"And what's got you in a good mood?" She giggled. Eddie could randomly have a burst of energy and act like a child, so this wasn't new to her.

"Nothing," he giggled, sneaking off to the bathroom to change into his pajamas. He came out with a tank top, making her look at him confused.

"Are you okay? You generally sleep in just boxers." She asked, looking at him closely.

"Perfect, baby." He smiled, sliding into the bed next to her.

He wanted it to be a surprise when she least expected it.

~~~

Eddie didn't think that he would have to keep his hip covered. It wouldn't be a surprise for long since Eddie barely wore shirts around her.

She was growing suspicious, eyeing him as he sat in shirts, didn't shower with her, and wasn't pouncing on her. Whenever she questioned it, he shrugged it off.

It's been going on for almost two weeks without sex, which was concerning.

But she wasn't going to accept that. She waited outside the bathroom door, pouncing on him the second he opened the door.

Attacking his lips with hers, diving her hands into his wet curls, and inhaling his aftershave. She's never felt like she needed him more than now.

Eddie melted into her instantly, scooping under her thighs and picking her up. Their lips locked as he walked them to the bed.

Getting lost in her touch, he didn't notice when her hands slipped underneath his shirt. She pulled away to turn her attention to his neck. She kissed him softly as she began to lift up his shirt. He got the hint and leaned back, yanking his shirt over his head.

She took in his naked skin, feeling herself clench from not getting to touch him lately. She reached forward, using her nails to scratch around his chest. Eddie moaned from her touch, palming himself over his shorts. Her eyes caught his movement, moving to watch his hand, but something black caught her attention.

"Eds, what is that?" Her fingers moved to his hip, moving to kneel on her knees.

A tiny letter was inked on his hip, her initial.

"A surprise for you." He smiled, proudly showing her his inked hip.

"Oh, thank god, I thought you were going to break up with me." She laughed in relief. Scooting closer to look at his tattoo.

"Wait, what?" Eddie questioned, a hurt look on his face.

"You kept hiding from me, and I thought you wanted to break up. But it was the opposite. " She explained she was in awe of his commitment.

"The opposite," he smiled, "claimed by you." He whispered against her lips as he leaned closer. She could feel her eyes rolling into the back of her head at his words.

"I can claim you in many other ways." She whispered back, smirking as she shoved him underneath her. Straddling his thighs as she leaned down to trace his tattoo with her tongue.

Eddie melted underneath her control, moaning softly as her hands pulled down his shorts. Resting naked underneath her as she was fully dressed.

"Too much." He whined, tugging on her loose tank top. She laughed at his pout and stood up. Stripping herself bare and moving back to his lap. His hard cock throbbing between them, his tip leaking pre cum as he pawed for her touch.

"So pretty being marked by me." She complimented, her hand slowly jerking his cock as she kissed his lips. He felt his skin turning red from her words. His heart raced as he got lost in the feeling of her hands on his cock.

"Taste me." He growled, needing to feel her warm mouth on him.

"Gonna ask? Or just demand?" She teased, twisting her grip at the tip of his cock. Watching his precum spill over her hand.

"Gonna act like you don't want to gag on my fat cock?" He teased back, sitting up as he was nose to nose with her. He smirked as she squeaked. Dropping her head as she tried to hide away from his mocking stare.

But he wrapped his hand around her throat, forcing her to look at him as she whimpered against his lap. Her hand still pumping up and down on his cock.

"Oh baby, I just got you tattooed on me. Don't you want to show me how much you like it?" He pouted, enjoying the way she nodded immediately.

He let go of her throat, laying back down as she took his cock in her mouth. His hands dug into her hair, helping her bob on his cock.

"Such pretty sounds, baby." He praised, loving that he could hear her gagging and slurping on his cock. Eddie loved the way she gave sloppy head.

She loved the way he controlled the pace and how he bucked his hips up to make her take even more of him.

She popped off his cock, jerking him off as she caught her breath. He looked at her through his hooded eyes. Watched her gasp for air, her lips covered in spit and dripping down her chin. Her eyes were watery as she blinked through her tears.

"Look how gorgeous you are." He praised, bucking up his hips and fucking into her hand.

"Want to ride you." She whimpered, removing her hand from his cock. Her stomach felt warm as she watched the smirk cover his face.

"Yeah? My pretty girl wants to ride me?" He teased, he adored as she shyly nodded.

Eddie rested against the head of the bed, watching as she crawled up to his lap. She straddled his thighs, moaning loudly when Eddie slipped two fingers inside of her.

"Fucking soaked." He growled, stretching out her cunt with his two fingers. Using his thumb to rub small circles on her clit.

He kept his pace, enjoying the way she shook. Loving how her hips were rolling, trying to dig his fingers deeper inside of her.

"Ride me, baby." He instructed, pulling his fingers out of her and sucking them clean. He loved the taste of her on his tongue.

He held his cock, helping her slide on him. He moaned into her skin when he bottomed out inside of her. Never tired of how perfectly she sucked him in.

"Fuck Eddie." She whined, placing her hands on his chest to balance herself as she bounced on him.

He held her hips, helping her bounce on his cock. He sat up to attach his lips to her left nipple. He licked around the bud and then sucked slightly. Her hands traveled up his chest and into his hair. Yanking his head closer to her chest as she rode him faster.

Their moans bounced off the walls, and the sound of their skin smacking echoed. Eddie's dirty words and his mouth on her chest was driving her crazy.

He moved one hand down to her clit, rubbing fast circles. Smirking against her skin when she clenched his cock.

His stomach tightened, and his grip on her hip got tighter.

He rubbed her clit faster, needing her to cum first.

"I need to cum." She moaned, yanking his hair as she slowly moved on him.

"I got you." He whispered, holding her back as he switched her to her back. Using the new position to pound into her.

Her mouth dropped open in silent screams. Clenching her eyes shut as he hooked her legs around his waist and drilled her into the mattress.

"Be a good girl and cum."

"Yes...fuck right...there...yesss." She moaned, feeling the buildup in her stomach snap. Trashing as she covered his cock in her cum. Her thighs shook, and she clawed at his back.

"Good girl, such a good girl." He praised, thrusting into her as he chased his own orgasm. Loving how her used cunt was trying to push him out.

"Pretty cunt keeps pushing me out. Not done fucking you until I fill you full." He growled against her lips, his forehead resting against hers.

Her head kept spinning from the overstimulation, leaving her body for him to finish.

He smashed his lips against hers, feeling his balls tighten as he came inside of her. Pumping in and out of her as he released every bit of cum he had.

"Look at you, such a good girl taking all my cum." She whined at his words, dropping her legs from his waist. Her tired body collapsed against the bed.

Eddie slid out of her as softly as he could. Kissing down her stomach, then using his fingers to push the cum that was leaking out of her back in her cunt.

She tried to yank his hand away, but he slapped it away. "Nah, uh, you are taking all of it." He warned

She whined as he fingered her cunt, trying to keep her body still.

"Think I need to get a tattoo more often."

tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @manyfandomsfanvergent @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93

[astralnymphh]

Ellie trying to teach kiddo how to play guitar for the first time..♡♡

YES YES YES ok so obviously, context preluding, we're (voices in my head) thinking older kid. seven maybe? around there. ♡

"kay' so, press here.. and your middle here— andd.." the delicacy of her long digits shrouded over a pair of stubby ones, pinching and plucking them to particular spots along a column, "there— go ahead n' strum."

ellie was dead set determined on teaching the mastered art of acoustic guitar to your kid. like— earthbent on it. a promise spoken to soil and vicariously explored through you, and now your sweet baby. your little–more–than–a–babbler, little–less–than–a–tween now sat atop you and ellie's shared bed, just between the hurl and crease of blankets bedraggled, and with a bay oaken apparatus as big as them sloped in their lap— the one joel bestowed. and you always idled as a bystander, watching, leaning on that jutted doorframe.

their blunt fingertips pecked the chords in a row, the lovely resonance lighting something in the white of your child's eyes, "woahh, that sounded like how you play it.." they awed, their jupiter-like eyes darting up to hers for a token of validation— 'did i do it right mom?'

a token she gave, pearl teeth revealing under the fat stretch of her coral lips, "yeah buddy, cus' you're a natural." oh my goddess, the enthusiasm cracking in her voice. ahh, swoon.

"yes.." they exclaim quietly, their forearm perched on the guitars waist pulling back and jubilating with a backwards fist pump. just like mom.

'picturesque, beyond camaraderie', you deemed the whole diorama before you; streaky mix of light and gray–blue shade over their features, faces that proclaim content, the narrow sliver separating their knees, matching criss–cross apple sauce positions, the oval crater both their weights burdened in the mattress, the macro view. 'heartwarming, entangling endearment', if you cherry–pick the easily neglected traits; synchronized cocks of their heads whenever a strum rings, fiddly tapping of her fingers on their tucked shin and how it lowers into a full grasp when she expresses avidly how proud she is, thumbprint–sized dimples mirrored on both margins of their mouth, and funnily— the mismatched socks on hers and their feet. one a pattern of dinosaurs, one a spangle of stars. in gospel truth, they are a likeness of the same flesh and bone, indistinguishable. undeterred by the genetics, the same person.

"keep it up n' maybe we can start a band together." ellie proposes, clear as spring bloom to be an fun promise, nothing sworn, but the idea swirls their young mind a kernel of imagined prospect. she and they upon a stage, grandpa in the crowd, his smile tender in wrinkles boosting morale among the many elated face.

"really?" and he sounds so filled of that idea, eyes popping from their hold.

"mhm," she untucks her own feet and sprawls them, stooping her torso straight and lightly booping them on the nose, a golden orb so happy left under that gesture, "only if you pick a cool name." and weighing her elbow into her thigh, head laying and perched.

"oh, i'll pick a better name than you can."

and suddenly her head is perking back up, "what's that spose' t'mean?" 'offended.

"you tried to name mr. snuggles 'bootyhole bandit'!"

"ey' you can't say that word!" she grimaces fakely atop a curling lip and squints her thick auburn worms, positioning balled fists on her hips like a distressed mother. so esentially just mimicry of you. oh, how ellie cackled buffoonish along with your kid on any occasion you held a scold to their faces, pointer at their noses.

"pbbhhhh." their tongue peeks out and a known all-too-well blowing sound grates the air, only to be tackled by your lanky-limbed girl, guitar discarded to the sloven pillows far opposite of you.

this shall be an anecdote, unforgettable. "hmph, dorks."

have I worsened your domestic!ellie fever yet?

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Sword gays showdown, final round of bracket three

Propaganda:

For Gideon:

she's incredibly good w/ her two hander and less good with her rapier but she's still pretty good!! she is a horny lesbian who's taste in women seems to exclusively be "girls who have tried or are going to try to kill her". she's a redhead. i love her

Gideon’s a HUGE Butch lesbian and literally always wanted to use a broad sword. Specifically a broad sword. She said fuck rapiers. Uhhh literally dies to save the girl she cares for and the sword she uses then becomes like an altar for said girl. Gideon Nav Supremacy <3

oh she is the most badass swordswoman lesbian in media. she’s her gf’s cavalier, defends her in battle, she’s incredibly butch and buff

C'mon shes THE sword lesbian like... canonically 

Loves her broadsword more than anything on her home planet and practices whenever she can. Spoiler it’s possessed by her mom. Gave everything so her best enemy could eat her soul and become the new saint. The character of all time child of two separate threesomes, child of the god emperor, she’s dead, she’s butch, she’s a dork, she’s doomed by the narrative. She’s my favorite.

girlie is literally the swordswoman supreme. she’s the cavalier primary to her necromancer. she has a fuckoff huge longsword. she gets absorbed into another person SPECIFICALLY to swordfight for them. in a gay way too.

While everyone else was developing common sense, she studied the blade. This dyke's main weapon and true love is the long sword, but she's also passable with a rapier. The sword is, in her own estimation, pretty much all she's good for. That and her smoking hot bod and terribly charming sense of humor. 

"While we were developing common sense, she studied the blade." (Direct quote from the book). She's the most useless lesbian to ever exist, and she's obsessed with an absolute wet cat of a woman. Learned longsword mostly on her own and is such a genius with the sword she learned rapier in a few months (by personal experience, it's really really hard)

Most badass broadsword wielding lesbian easily slaying bone monsters and evil space wasps

The cavalier to her necromancer. very gay. in a complicated codependant lovehate relationship with the only other person her age she knew growing up.

For Adora:

Finding the sword kicks off the whole show. She transforms into a giant magic lady and is now in charge of saving everyone from the  big bag guys (which she used to be a part of). A bunch of stuff happens, but eventually her identity is now tied to having the sword. She is fully convinced that w/o the sword (and therefore She-Ra) she’s worthless. This culminates in having to destroy the sword or the world ends. She’s super depressed bc her whole self worth was tied to the sword and being she-ra. On the way to save her gf, she turns into way cooler she-ra (her own version of it that is not controlled by the sword which was made by her colonialist ancestors). Her sword is now part of her identity instead of her identity revolving around the sword. 

lesbian chosen one who was given a sword that activated her powers and made her into a living weapon, but she destroyed the sword to save her planet - and then made her own sword with her magic and saved the entire universe

[sunnybunnyy2]

Morning pick-me-up

Rosita Espinosa x fem!reader

Warnings: Smut, fingering, oral(Rosita receiving), girl x girl, kissing, might be swearing, mentions of kidnapping, mentions of Abe’s death, Subish Rosita

Word count: 2.3k

Setting: Season 9 time-skip

AN: this is my first smut and obviously my first girlxgirl fanfic. I decided to try it out because I am making a fanfic on Wattpad and Rosita is one of the love interests so I wanted to get into the vibe of her, and also the lack of fanfics in this fandom is criminal. I have never done this in real life if you couldn’t tell by the writing :/

Your eyes were glued to the bowl in front of you as you used a metal fork to whisk the eggs into scrabbled form.

Eggs that were being laid by the many chickens at Hiltop were beginning to get fewer and fewer in the crates the communities had been trading.

Ever since Rick's demise Michonne had been closing herself off from the other communities which meant they weren’t just losing touch with friends but with resources that could help make Alexandria a better place.

You could sympathize with her. You really could. She had lost the man she loved when she was pregnant, leaving her to not only raise Judith by herself but her unborn child.

That child, RJ, had been a part of Alexandria for nearly a year and a half. But Michonne’s wounds were still sore after an old friend of hers kidnapped Judith and half a dozen other children from the place they thought were safest.

Your fear of another threat outweighed your desire to hang out with your other friends. You could not deal with another saviour's war. Not after what it had done to your girlfriend.

Rosita was left broken after the death of her ex-boyfriend, Abraham. She had confided in you that it wasn’t over the fact that she still loved him, she knew their love wasn’t true; it was because of convenience. She had just been drowning in guilt after the way their last conversation had gone, but with the war long over peace filled the air of Alexandria once again.

They would never forget the lives that were lost but they could begin to live for themselves.

You were so lost in your thoughts that you hadn’t even heard your girlfriends' quiet footsteps.

“Jesus, what did those eggs do to you?” She asked with a snort as she wrapped her arms around your waist, her head resting on your shoulder after she felt you jump at her sudden presence.

“Holy, shit. You scared me.” You replied as you pulled the wet fork out of the batch of over-mixed eggs, sighing in contentment as you poured them into the low-heat pan.

“Hey. baby.” She muttered softly as she pulled her head to the side to lay light kisses on your skin. A smile tugged harshly at her lips as result.

“Hey, yourself.” Your smile turned into a grin as you felt her smile on your neck. Her arms left your waist to rub your sides lightly, causing a laugh to leave your lips at how ticklish it felt.

“I missed you in bed.”

“Sorry, I couldn’t sleep.” You spoke with a faint shrug, feeling guilty about leaving the bed when you knew that she didn’t sleep well alone.

“Don’t say sorry, Baby. Not to me.” Rosita said in a soft but firm voice as her hands clasped tighter around the handles of your waist before slowly turning your body to face her, causing you to stop your stirring of the eggs.

“I- I just know you don’t sleep the best-” You started as you wrapped your arms around her neck, it looked almost like you were about to slow dance.

“I sleep the best when you sleep the best. If you’re not sleeping good neither am I, okay? Don’t be scared to get out of bed, Y/N.” She said firmly and roughly but her words were genuine. They always were. If you ever wanted an honest opinion, Rosita was your girl. She was your girl.

“I love you.” You said as you looked into her eyes, seemingly entranced.

She let out what people would call a giggle before a wide smile pulled on her full lips as she replied, “I love you too, you dork.”

She leaned her pink, pillowy lips towards yours. They rested there for a second before you leaned in the rest of the distance.

Just as any other time your lips became one, you felt a light shock and it felt as though someone was turning your insides into a trampoline. As weird as it sounds, you craved it. You wanted nothing more than to constantly feel what you were feeling. To be constantly lost in her lips.

After a moment Rosita’s hands slid down your hips towards your bottom before squeezing the plush flesh harshly, ripping a moan from your interlocked lips giving Rosita the perfect opportunity to slip her tongue into her parted lips.

Her tongue explored every inch of your mouth like it was the first time all over again. It ran over your gums, your teeth and the roof of your mouth.

No part of your mouth was untouched by Rosita’s skilled tongue, it dove into every nook and cranny making sure to not leave a piece of it untouched.

You pulled one of your hands away from her dark and knotty strands to shove your dominant one under her nightgown to rub on her, now-exposed, stomach.

The cold air nibbled at her skin as the front part of her was exposed to the chilling morning air that blew in from the open kitchen window. Your thumb ran over the smooth skin before you placed that hand on the skin of her back, exposing it even more.

Her nightgown was now only covering one side of her, the other hiked up so far you were beginning to see the outline of her breast. Your hands tugged at the dip of her back as you roughly yanked her closer to you, her unclothed core rubbing against your clothed one with every jerk of her hips.

When air finally became a necessity, Rosita pulled away with a gasp, her hips began to rub harsher as her need for release grew stronger. With one of her more rough thrusts you let out a whimper as her lips rubbed against your clit causing goose bumps to rise against your body, and your breasts tighten into sharp points.

Rosita’s wetness began to drip down her thighs, catching your attention as you pulled back slightly only to see a soaked-through spot on your panties.

Rosita let out a huff at the fact that her movements were interrupted so she dipped her finger in between her legs in an attempt to get herself off but before she could get any closer to her lower lips you slapped her hand away gently causing her to scowl at you in response.

“The hell is your problem?” She sassed as she threw her head backwards with a loud and annoyed huff.

“Why’re you being such a brat?” You asked as you leaned over to plant your lips on her exposed neck, certainly not missing the way her hands immediately clutched to the back of your head.

She moaned as you began to such harshly on her skin. Wanting everyone to see just how needy she was.

“I- just- fuck I need you... please.” She whimpered as she finally used her words.

You pulled your lips away from her wet skin as well as your body. You took hold of the end of her nightgown which had fallen back down to its normal place when you had pulled away from her body. She raised her arms above your head to assist you in taking the garment off of her sticky skin.

Once you had dropped the clothing on the floor she had turned her body away, preparing to make her way up the stairs to head to the bedroom, but you stopped her before she could make it any further.

“No, I’m not waiting any longer.” You spoke as you grabbed her arm to drag her towards the medium-abandoned couch.

You pulled your hand out of hers as you neared the piece of furniture, your hands pulling away your oversized nightshirt before you were plopping down on the couch landing on your back while you did so.

She stood beside you, eyes trained on your perked-up breasts as she rubbed her thighs together.

Rosita worshiped everything about you. There wasn’t a thing that she didn’t like. Not. A. Thing. She didn’t really have a favourite part of you, but if she had to say your eyes. She felt as though staring into them would be the sunniest she would ever be.

She wouldn’t really call herself a boob girl, or an ass girl or even a thigh girl. She loved those things about you equally but right now, she would have to say your boobs were her favourite.

She smiled to herself as she swung herself over your clothed pussy hoping that she would be able to get the friction that she was craving. The friction only you could give her.

But she stopped her movements when she felt your hands softly running over her tanned legs.

Her eyes locked onto your face after you pulled one hand away from her legs to gesture towards your mouth.

“Are you sure? You’re soaked.” Rosita pointed out as she furrowed her eyebrows.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want your mouth on her, it was just the fact that she felt like she had been neglecting you slightly with the amount of work she had been assigned to do around Alexandria, plus she had been one of the Alexandrian’s to have to travel to the other communities, which not only took an immense amount of energy but so much time that she could be spending with you.

“I wanna taste you, Ro. I miss you.” You all but begged as you began to pull her body towards your face while doing so you felt wetness follow in her tracks.

“You sure?” Rosita asked as she pressed her knees to

outline around your neck, her centre hovering so close you could feel the heat.

“Yeah, can I?” You asked for consent which earned you a desperate nod in response. You took a deep breath before you pulled Rosita's hips down roughly against your hot tongue, causing it to flicker her engorged clitoris softly. Her brown clitoris pulsated quickly as she let out a gasp at the sudden contact.

After playing with her for a few minutes longer you moved your hands from her hips to use your thumbs to pull apart her lips, opening up her beauty to your eyes and without delaying what you both needed any longer you stuck your tongue into her soppy hole.

Her taste over welcomed you as you gripped her ass tightly to hold her still against her needy lips.

Rosita’s head was thrown back in pure ecstasy as the pleasure of your skilled tongue overwhelmed her. Her hips jerked without her consent as she tightly clasped your hair and for a second she was scared she might rip it out of your scalp but when she received a moan in response she knew she was in the clear.

No one had ever made her feel like you did. Sure she had slept with a fair amount of people in her days on earth. Before the apocalypse and after, but she had never felt so cared for and respected when she offered herself so openly to someone. She had never felt so loved.

With you it was easy to be herself, at first she had put walls up in an attempt to keep herself safe from the bad luck she had felt was always hovering over her shoulder, waiting for her to finally be happy before it took away the ones she loved. But soon she realized that you didn’t like the person she tried to be. You loved the sass that filled her tone when she was fed up with someone’s BS or the fact that she would get excited and giddy for no reason at all.

She loved you as much as she knew you loved her. She knew thought she loved you more. You were all she thought about, day and night. She wasn’t lying when she said that she could only sleep if she knew you were happy and sleeping. It was like something was restraining her from doing anything until she knew that you were safe.

A loud moan tore through the air as you began to use your fingers to toy with her sensitive nub, pleasure erupted from her hole as her toes began to cramp up, and sweat began to roll down her face as she began to ride yours. Your nose constantly bumped against her hole when your tongue slipped from inside of her. Her walls contracted against nothing until you replaced your nose with a finger and, then after a few seconds, another.

Heavy pants left your mouth as the minutes without oxygen were beginning to catch up with you so to bring your girlfriend the release she was desperately; craving you brought your lips towards her nub before you closed your lips around it, softly sucking the muscle as you curled your fingers as far as they could go in her tight walls and after a second the grip on your fingers began to be painful as Rosita reached her end.

Loud moans poured out of her mouth and her hips jerked with so much force that she nearly fell over, her nails dug into your thighs as she leaned back. Cum gushed out of her hole as you angled your mouth to catch it all.

“Yes! Yes! Don’t stop- so s-so good!” She panted loudly as he continued your motions to help her ride out this intense high for as long as humanly possible.

After a few minutes of heavy breathing and shy giggles, you were both naked on the couch as they ate the slightly burnt, over-scrambled eggs, but you guys weren't complaining.

It was totally worth it. It was a much-needed morning pick-me-up.

[bruciemilf]

,,,, russian bruce wayne

Russian Bruce Wayne

RUSSIAN BRUCE WAYNE -

Listen. Listen. Not fully compacted into something coherent, but I'll do my best, because this idea has been haunting me, -

SO he's russian on his mother's side!! Martha Wayne immigrated in America when she was a teenager, nothing to her name but hope in her chest and her mother's pearl necklace in her pocket

She always got ugly looks for speaking in her native language and her accent. Slowly, it melted into something perfectly English, but she still spoke Russian at home and especially to Bruce

Little Bruce loved Baba Yaga as a kid and dressed like her for Halloween every single year; Nobody really understood it, but a glare from Alfred was enough to fill a bag full of candy

Martha and Bruce would talk shit in front of Thomas' faux philanthropist friends, but they were on wildly different spectrums

Martha, whispering: You see that man, Brucie? He sold his soul to greed. He's a worm of a human and his morals are rotten. That's why his eyes are dead

Bruce: haha, he's balding at 25

Martha, Alfred, and Bruce cooking beef stroganoff, syriniki, borscht, and Bruce's absolute favorite- pirozhki.

Martha also played the piano and LOVED Swan Lake so, so much. It was the one song that calmed Bruce during night terrors.

When he reaches eight, it all stops.

He eventually reconnects with his Russian roots in his 20s, when he's in college and his literature teacher shares a DISRESPECTFULLY incorrect opinion about one of Dostoevsky's works.

His teacher scoffed, " Well. Didn't know we had a Russian citizen here. "

" Not a citizen, but I AM a Russian descendent. My mother was an immigrant. That's kind of how America was formed. It's a pretty significant thing that happened."

Imagine you're a Gotham criminal and Batman starts muttering things about you in Russian. Somehow that's even more intimidating than anything he does.

" I can't believe they're more afraid of someone who doesn't speak English than a guy who beats up people dressed as a bat."

Alfred hums, sloooowly pulling away the vodka cereal Bruce made. " I can't imagine why. You're the poster child for mental health, sir."

" Not funny, papachka"

" For you."

When Dick is brought into the nest, Bruce struggles a bit with showing his affections; He only has money to offer, but Dick is happily uninterested in that, and seeks Bruce out instead.

BRUCE ABSOLUTELY SPENDS AN ENTIRE NIGHT TRYING TO PERFECT HIS MOTHER'S BAKLAVA FOR DICK!!

yes he's supposed to be on patrol. No, he doesn't care, Jim. It's all worth it when Dick takes a single bite and he has stars in his eyes and vines his little but strong arms around him, " this is PERFECT! Thank you so much, dad"

Air freezes in his blood, " ... Of course, ptichka."

He absolutely uses russian proverbs all the time (mostly when his children need to be reprimanded and reminded that making jokes is illegal when they're on duty)

JASON AND BRUCE FIGHTING OVER TRANSLATIONS AND CONTEXT IN ENGLISH ADAPTATIONS OF SLAVIC LITERATURE!

" PAPI, THAT'S NOT WHAT THEY MEANT TO SAY!"

" MISKHA I'M SO GRATEFUL YOUR GRANDMA ISN'T HERE, BECAUSE SHE'D DIE AGAIN IF SHE HEARD YOU SAY THAT!"

Damian 100000% prides himself on knowing russian and communicating with Bruce the smoothest.

It becomes a competition soon enough. Bruce is SO tired but the way they butcher words is funny, so he just pretends they're right.

The League finds out when Bruce snaps and calls Hal Cyka in a low, angry mutter while stomping away from his stupidity. " ... Bless you? What did he call me?"

Diana, struggling so hard not to laugh. " He said you were a genius."

" Huh. Had no idea he was French."

Meanwhile Clark is losing HIS shit because wow, Bruce's russian might be the hottest thing he ever heard. Please, this dork would absolutely try to learn Russian and talk to Bruce more.

He's absolutely horrible with it but Bruce is just very excited. He definetly chuckles (which. Wow. Clark couldn't even make him GRIN 3 weeks ago) " You just asked me if I sleep with my dentist."

" ...Oh. I...Was trying to ask you for drinks. You can kill me right now. Please?"

" Maybe another time, solnyshko. Take me for a drink first."

Clark inhales. " oKaY thank yoU."

[randomperson3736]

Crush- Batman: wayne family adventures

Paring(s): batfam x child! Reader, Bruce wayne x daughter! reader, Duke Thomas x sister! Reader, damian wayne x sister! Reader, Dick Grayson x sister! Reader

Genre: fluff, funny, heartbreak

Warning(s): none

Word bank: Y/N- your name

Duke leaned against the wall of school building, staring at an attractive young girl reading on the stairs. Dick leaned in close behind him, scaring the infatuated young man. "Who you staring at?"

"GAH!" Duke held his arms close, blushing. "I'm not staring" Dick placed his hands in his pockets. "You like her, just ask her out"

"I'm not- that isn't- I mean, HYPOTHETICALLY, if I wanted to do that, how would I...?" He asked awkwardly. Dick smiled and wrapped his arm around his shoulder. " just ask her out for coffee or to see a movie or something. Worst thing she can say is no. Its really not that bad"

"Yes it is!" Duke stated terrified. The two walked to Dick's car as he gave advice. "Try and work in a pun. Ladies love puns" Duke lowed his head and sulked. "Jason's right. You do give the worst advice"

~timeskip~

His crush waved at him and smiled. "Hey Duke!"

"...hi..." he whispered before putting his hands ro his head in embarrassment.

~timeskip~

The two should to be lovebirds were partnered in science class. Duke was holding onto a blue beaker and Ana was writing down notes. "Ana? Um, I've been wondering..." Duke asked not paying attention to the chemicals he was holding. "Yes?" She responded, not looking up from her book. "I, um, I've been thinking about it and-" he started to pour the blue liquid into the beaker on the counter containing a green liquid.

"Don't do that" She stated worriedly. "Oh" Duke looked down disappointedly, thinking she was rejected him. "No, I mean don't do THAT!" In actuality, the blue liquid caused a chemical reaction with the green liquid, turning it into purple and it started bubbling.

"OH!"

BOOM! It exploded in their faces.

~timeskip~

"Hey!" Duke turned around to see Ana standing behind him. "I tried catching you after class, but you practically sprinted out of there. I wanted to give you something" She sat next to him and handed Duke a small piece of paper. "What is this?"

"It's my number. In case you ever wanted to study together. Or... to see a movie or something, that'd be cool too" She stood up awkwardly, thinking he might reject her. "Or not, I guess. Don't worry about it"

"Wait! I'd love to see a movie with you" Duke stood up and smiled. "Or study. Whatever you want"

"Then I guess it's a date!" She smiled and waved goodbye to him. Duke looked at the paper one more time and cheered. "YES!"

~timeskip~

Down in the batcave, Duke was smiling like a dork at his phone. Stephanie noticed this and leaned in closely ro take a peek. "Who are you texting? You've been smiling like a dork this whole time"

Duke turned his head and smiled awkwardly. "No one. It's nothing"

Stephanie snatched the phone out of his hands and immediately started to look at the chats. "Oh my God! Do you have a girlfriend? How long have you guys been dating? From these texts, I'm guessing the last couple of weeks!"

"Give it back!" Duke stretched his arm out to get his phone back.

Stephanie held his phone up high and told the others. "Look! Duke got a girlfriend!"

"Nice! Way to go!" Tim gave Duke a tumbs up while he picked up Y/N. "Ew. Gross" damian looked away with disgust. Duke's phone buzzed with a text from Ana. Stephanie held the phone with both hands, eyes twinkling at the screen. "You have date tonight???" Duke snatched his phone out of her hands. "None of your business. I'm going back up stairs"

As soon as he were out of sight, Stephanie leaned inor the two boys and little girl. "Tim, Damian, Y/N you thinking what I'm thinking?"

~timeskip~

Y/N tilted her head in confusion. "Why do you need costumes for steak?"

Damian sighed. "No, Y/N. A steak out of where you watch over someone in secret"

"But... do you get steak?"

Tim started putting on a large trench coat and hat. "While... we did get steak that one time..."

~timeskip~

Duke was waiting in front of the restaurant staring down at his watch, worrying why Ana wasn't there yet. "Duke! Over here!" He turned his head and smiled when he saw her. "Sorry I'm late"

"Your here, that's all that matters"

The two were sat outside with a small vase of pink roses in the middle. "This place is really nice!" Ana said as she admired her surroundings. "My brother Dick, recommended it..." he looked around and paused at a table holding his four disguised siblings. He frowned angrily. Stephanie quickly hid behind the menu. "Oh no. Do you think he saw us?" Tim peaked up from his menu to look at the couple. "He may have noticed"

"I told you these disguises were idiotic. Also the top head makes it easier to see Y/N"

"Leave her alone Damian. It makes her look fancy" Tim scolded his younger brother before turning his attention to the young couple. "Don't mind us!"

"Yea, Dami I look fancy" Y/N took a sip of her paper cup. While damian just rolled his eyes playfully. Stephanie waved at the couple and cheered. "You got this sweetie!" Duke hid his face in his hands in embarrassment. Ana smiled. "Is that your family?"

"Not after I murder them all" She held Duke's hand, making his cheeks git bright red. "I think it's kinda funny"

"So dates not ruined?" Duke asked smiling.

"No. And I'm not going anywhere"

"Awwww, look at them!" Stephanie cheered from the other table. "Bleh" Damain stuck he tongue out in disgust.

~timeskip~

Duke was on the rooftop with his knees to his chest. He reminisced on the memories with his time with Ana. Duke heard the tap of a shoe and turned his head to see cass climbing through the window. "Hey"

"Hey"

She sat down next to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. "Sorry" Duck crawled in through the window on the opposite side to Duke. "Got room for one more?" He sat beside Duke on the other side. "So everyone knows?"

"Yeah. Detective training and all that. You get used to it" Dick laughed. "Great" Duke said sarcastically. "I've got Damian and Y/N gurading your door. They'll hold off Bruce until your ready for the break up talk"

"Wanna talk about it?" Cass asked.

"No"

"Ok" She leaned her head on his shoulder.

Duke looked up at the sky with tears threatening to fall. "She wants to be friends. How am I supposed to go back to that after everything?"

"It's okay to need space. You've allowed to give yourself time to heal"

"It doesn't feel like It'll ever get better" Dule held his knees ro his chest and started ro cry.

"It will. I promise"

"We've got you Duke. We're all here"

Dick hugged Duke and cass leaned on his shoulder, comforting the poor heartbroken boy.

Damian and Y/N sat outside Duke's room guarding him from their father. Damian held his katana and Y/N held a childerns book. "Dami, why is Duke crying?"

"The girl Duke feel head over heels for broke up with him. He is facing what they call a heartbreak"

Y/N put her knees to her chest. "But aren't they suppose to live happily ever after?"

"Life isn't a fairy tale Y/N. Feelings always come to an end"

"Why don't they ever talk about break ups in the stories? They make love look so easy"

"Because people want to believe that they can have a happily ever after with rainbows and unicorns. They believe they can prevent them from getting hurt. It's foolish really, that's why I do not condone in such acts. It is better to just accept reality than prolong the impossible" Y/N looked at Damian in confusion, but she kinda got it. She looked down at her knees and opened her mouth before closing it. Unfortunately for her, Damain noticed. "Yes? Do u have any question?"

"Umm... what if they have kids?" She mumbled.

"What?"

Y/N had tears prickling in her eyes. "What if they had a kid, and fall out of love? What happens to the kid?" Damian mentally cursed himself for making her cry. "Usually it ends up in divorce and one of the parents takes the child"

"No... I mean... I..." she rubbed the tears from her eyes. "We were made out of love right Dami?" Damian dropped his katana and faced Y/N. "Y/N, where is this coming from?"

"I...I don't know. I mean, we have daddy but... but mommy... she... she..." Damian gripped her hand tightly making her fouce of him. "Y/N whatever that women told you was a lie"

"But she said she never wanted me and that she didn't love me..."

"Father made us with love. That's all that matters"

"So..." Y/N sniffed. "We were made out of love?"

"Of course we were" He hugged her tightly.

~timeskip~

Duke was staring at his phone at photos of him and Ana. While his siblings helped a little with the pain, he was still feeling upset. He saw little Y/N in the door frame holding some children's books. "Y/N? What are you doing? Shouldn't you be in bed?"

"Um... well when Dickie told me what happened to you, I wanted to help" She showed her collection of books in her arms. "Whenever I feel sad, daddy or Dami read me bedtime stories and I thought maybe it could help you" Duke gave a small smile, "Alright. Let's try it out" He laid down awkwardly om his bed as Y/N tried to tuck him in. Y/N sat down on the side of the his bed and opened on of her books. "Once upon a time..."

It took a couple minutes before Y/N passed out. She did try to stay up but it was past her bedtime. Duke laid in his bed facing upwards at the ceiling. He was still awake and the stories didn't help, but he turned to the sleeping Y/N and smiled. "Thanks Y/N" Duke was still upset. His mind still racing from the question he kept asking himself 'what did he do wrong?' But the question started to become quieter. Maybe the stories did help. He yawned and tucked them both in and said "Goodnight" before difting off to a peacefull sleep.

~Bonus~

Y/N was in her car seat on her way to pick up Duke, Tim and Damian from school with Dick. Dick was humming to the music on the radio until he was interrupted by his youngest sister. "Dickie, what's a crush?"

"Hmm?" He looked her through the review mirror. "Well, a crush is someone who has romantic feelings for another person"

"...I don't get it"

"Well, it's understandable since your still young"

She looked down and played with her fingers. "I always thought crush was a drink though?"

"That's another type of crush"

"Can I have a crush?" She asked innocently.

Dick started sweating. "Uh... not right now, baby bird. If Bruce and Damian found out you liked someone and that I said it was fine, I'll be killed"

"....Dickie I meant the drink"

"Oh, then of course you can! Just don't tell Aflred, he'd definitely kill me"