#because tim is obviously my guy. my little dude. i WANT to think about him and his stories but i CANT its just not. working

[ectonurites]

man im still just thinking about how fucking cruel timing is in this world for me specifically sometimes

[ducks-and-stuff]

Wings

Trigger warning for blood

Grian no last name provided opens the door to the sheriff’s bedroom at 8:25pm with a slack jaw and something unreadable darting around his eyes.

He’s not supposed to be there- obviously, because no one invited him and there’s no big teasing Jimmy get together but the Hermits are visiting and he opens the door and-

Jimmy Solidarity is stood in the middle of the room, mid-anxious pace, with two ugly feathered things that should definitely not be there according to the established lore protruding from his back.

Grian’s hand is still wrapped around the brass doorknob.

The window is still open.

Grian does not have mixed feelings about the snow.

“Jimmy you’ve-“

He begins because someone has to and, finally- finally looks up to meet his eyes

“Got wings”

“No”

Jimmy says on instinct, and because that is most obviously a lie even for his standards,

“Maybe”

Grian inches forward rather than responding. Softly padding across the floor while gently flapping his own multicolored apendeges in intrigue and Jimmy backs away.

It’s understandable, he reasons, because Grian is being weird and nice and a multitude of other out of place things that they should chuck in the garbage along with the bandages. It’s understandable, except Grian pauses and trills softly, something Jimmy recognizes it as something along the lines of ‘you are totally cool and alright and safe with me my dude’ and Jimmy doesn’t say anything back because he isn’t and doesn’t speak bird.

He doesn’t back away this time either, when he gets closer, when he runs his fingers along the not-feathers completely transfixed and mumbles,

“They’re beautiful”

Which is only a little weird because Grian is usually known for his good taste when it comes to things like builds and details and color pallets. “oh Jimmy these are beautiful!”

and Jimmy doesn’t say much, because he doesn’t know which exactly of the million of things he should say in response to that:

‘They might be evil’

Is to confusing

‘stop touching them’

Is not the type of thing best friends say to each other.

‘they aren’t wings idiot- I know that they have feathers and all but- don’t look at me like that I don’t- I don’t know what they are, and it scares me, and I think they might’ve been a gift or a curse or something in-between but you weren’t around to ask and sometimes when you look at me like that it scares me’

Is maybe a little bit too honest, so Jimmy doesn’t say anything, and Grian asks about a washcloth.

I- what?”

He responds, Grian slowly pushes him down onto the mattress in the middle of his room. The mattress is connected to a bed by the way and everything it’s just-

“a towel”

Grian repeats, studying him carefully, like he’s the one doing something wrong here instead of the guy who goes around breaking into other’s houses.

“you- the blood Timmy, and the pain you- you just grew wings.”

“What?”

The only sane person in a hundred meter radius repeats, and before he has the chance to explain that, ‘oh no don’t worry the blood he’s currently drenched in isn’t actually his’ Grian takes the time to incorrectly figure what has happened is that his best friend has gone into some sort of wing related shock.

“Hey Tim, Tim look at me, it’s going to be alright, okay? I know this might be a lot right now but trust me, we’re gonna get you all taken care of, want me to call Joel or someone for you?”

Except Joel would laugh because he doesn’t know Martyn’s stupid canary joke had been rooted in some sort of truth this entire time. So, ‘no’ would be the answer there, probably, because Jimmy is the guy who smiles and can take a joke and deals with his very concerning problems all alone.

“I’m going to call Joel”

Grian decides after he is given no answer which is a fair thing to do, even if it really doesn’t feel like it.

“I’m going to call Joel, and then we’re going to get you a towel okay? Just- sit tight, alright, I don’t- you- you just grew wings Jimmy!”

and it’s all a bit frantic when he first says it, except then he pauses, and smiles, and repeats:

“you grew wings!”

Like this is something they’re all excited about. Like Jimmy hadn’t been twenty and almost gone and completely and entirely alone when it happened, and the window isn’t open, and Joel isn’t coming over to laugh at him.

Grian never notices the binding in the garbage. Jimmy doesn’t point it out.

Nobody is supposed to have mixed feelings about the snow.

Hiii, so this is like, an au of an au I guess? Like everything I’ve written so far on this site is snippets of the whole Jimmy and the Importance of Saying Goodbye story (I don’t know how to put things into like a section based on hashtags) and the backstory Jimmy slides to is definitely part of what happened but I don’t suppose this version of the present would be possible in that universe. I don’t know, Tumblr is a weird place. Also Joel would not laugh actually he would totally immediately panic and try to help.

[amaesama]

Request from @taboo-delusion

How do you think each of the pastas would react to seeing a new dude (Autistic) Stimming for the first time? (Something along the lines of spastic flapping or rapidly punching their own hands.)

Characters included: Jeff the Killer, Eyeless Jack, Ticci Toby, BEN Drowned, Sally, Bloody Painter, Homicidal Liu, Sully, Masky, Hoodie, Jane the Killer, Clockwork, The Puppeteer, Nurse Ann, Judge Angels, Slenderman

AN: writing for this many characters was both tiring and really fun 😭 also sorry for the delay, I’ve been busy :(

Slenderman:

The Slenderman had been observing you for years before you were recruited so he was aware of your stimming, thus was desensitised to it.

When he first saw you stim (before you joined him) he found it curious, chances were he knew Toby before he knew you so at first he thought it was a similar scenario, however as he continued to watch you he realised that wasn’t the case.

He was totally thinking of a way to use your stimming to his advantage, he’s an asshole so he totally wanted to manipulate you in some way

When you officially joined him he was somewhat curious as to how the others would react, perhaps some people wouldn’t understand and it would cause a dispute again he’s an asshole so he takes any chance to manipulate people, if someone takes issue with you he’ll totally see it as a good thing

Though personally he has to issue with it, as long as it doesn’t affect your work he doesn’t care

Masky|Tim Wright:

Oh god not another Toby

First time you stim in front of him he cringes and gets a sinking feeling in his stomach; he had seen similar actions with Toby and although he has no actual issue with it he has seen how disruptive Toby’s tics are and how they hurt him and others around him.

When he notices that your stims aren’t tics (because he can actually tell the difference) he’ll straight up ask you about it, and he’ll listen as you explain it.

Then when you finish he’ll be like ‘oh.. is there anything I can do to help when you do that?’ Obviously he doesn’t mean that in a bad way, he just wants to help you out but is very awkward when asking about it.

Gonna be honest Tim is a pretty alright guy (Marble Hornets Tim) so he’s not going to judge you for it.

Hoodie|Brian Thomas:

There’s honestly not much to say about him.

He’s just really indifferent, he’s around Toby all the time so he doesn’t care.

Like it’s almost off putting how unbothered he is? You’ll think that he somehow hasn’t noticed until he turns around one day and flat out asks you why you do that.

Then you tell him and he just says ‘ok’ before leaving and you’re just there like

??

He never comments on it or reacts to your stimming.

Ticci Toby:

‘Omg you’re like me.’

You then have to explain that you are, in fact, NOT exactly like him, and he’s a little disappointed for some reason but he’s still happy that there’s someone he knows that somewhat understands.

He’ll also ask if punching your hands together hurts, because of his CIPA he’s naturally curious about pain and due to your specific scenario he’ll totally ask questions.

Unfortunately you learn the hard way that your stims and his tics aren’t that compatible.

You stim one day and that sets off his tics and he has to leave :(

He’s upset because he probably won’t be able to be around you now.

Clockwork:

She’s around Toby a lot so as soon as you stim around her she’ll straight up ask you if you have Tourette’s.

She’s lowkey excited because she think she figured it out

Then when you tell her you stim because of your autism and they’re not tics she deflates a bit, disappointed that she was wrong.

And then whenever you stim around her from then on and it’s a stim she hasn’t seen she’ll be like ‘is that an autism thing?? Ah, ok.’

So she’s not bothered at all, she just likes to be aware of things.

Jeff the Killer:

‘Dude tf are you doing?’

Jeff is kind of an asshole, an uneducated asshole.

My blog is a Jeff hate page, /hj

He’ll be one of those dickheads who thinks you’re possessed and/or thinks you’re weird. Please explain to him and try to make him understand.

Eventually he’ll get it but he won’t be one of those who just doesn’t care, he’ll likely just look at your weird whenever you stim, but he will learn to not comment.

Can you tell I have a love hate relationship with Jeff

Jane the Killer:

She’s a bit surprised when she first sees you stim and is taken back a bit, not because she’s scared or anything but just because she didn’t expect it.

If there are people around then she won’t ask you about it, instead she’ll either wait until everyone has left or until she passes you in a corridor or something and say that she noticed you flapping your hands/punching them together and wanted to know if you’re ok.

When you explain it to her she’s like ‘oh!’ And will say she’s glad you’re ok, but she also wants you to make sure you don’t hurt yourself when you stim.

Homicidal Liu:

Unlike his brother, Liu is very understanding.

I think he’ll figure it out by himself, he will notice how your stims aren’t tics so by process of elimination he’ll come to the conclusion that you’re autistic.

He will ask you to make sure at some point, though, just to make sure.

Because Liu is an absolute sweetheart sorry I’m a simp he might try and stop you from hurting yourself when you go to punch your fists together.

‘Do you want to punch me instead?’ :)

Bless him, he’s got the right idea.

Did I mention that I’m a simp

He might flinch at times though, he’ll make sure you don’t take it to heart.

Sully:

Ok so here’s something I didn’t really mention, Liu absolutely had PTSD.

And when he first say you stim he panicked a little bit, which alerted Sully since he’s Lius protector.

Liu didn’t let him front and they had a bit of a conversation about it later, and they both came to the conclusion that you’re autistic and what you’re doing is stimming, so you’re not actually endangering Liu in any way.

You don’t really see Sully that often, but he has the same perspective of your stims as Liu, except he’s a bit more alert.

Eyeless Jack:

Another one who knows pretty much instantly.

He’s a former med student so he knows a fair bit about things like this, and he’ll actually explain the biological explanation behind it.

Sometimes he may over explain but that only because he’s passionate about his field of expertise and he likes to talk about what he knows, he means no ill-will and although he’ll understand if you tell him you know he’ll also appreciate if you just listen to him.

He’s the closest thing to a doctor they have so if you have any questions about your autism he’ll be very happy to talk to you.

He’ll also ask you questions about your own subjective experience for future reference.

BEN Drowned:

‘AH’

This kid straight up jumps out of his skin, bless.

He’s a bit spooked because although he’s around Toby a lot and is used to sudden movements when it comes to him, he doesn’t expect it with you.

You have to explain that you have autism and he be like ‘ah.’

He’ll try his best but he will still jump when you stim, he doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable so he’ll go up to you and apologise.

Sally:

When you first stim around her she’ll just stare at you like O.O

Then when you finish she’ll point at your hands and ask ‘why did you do that?’ And then when you explain she’ll ask you if you need a plaster (band aid or whatever you wanna call them, idk I’m British).

Bless her heart, she’s such a good kid

From then on when you stim around her she’ll go and bring you an ice pack.

Bloody Painter|Helen Otis:

When you first stim around Helen he’ll just kind of watch you but he won’t comment - it’s not his business and it’s not bothering him so he won’t press for details.

He’ll know that there’s a reason but he won’t ask since he doesn’t think it concerns him.

However, if you stim around him when he’s drawing or painting he’ll have a different reaction.

The first time he won’t react, just pause and look at you for a second before continuing with his work. But the SECOND time he’ll ask you to leave; his art is very important and he likes it to be quiet when he’s working.

Helen is very blunt and he can come across as cold and rude, he won’t go out of his way to apologise but it isn’t his intention to offend you or make you uncomfortable.

The Puppeteer:

Ok so I don’t know much about him but I’ll try my best.

I think Johnathan falls into the ‘figures it out by themselves’ category.

You don’t get the opportunity to meet him for a while so you’ll probably have met everyone else before you meet him, and you’ll also not see him much at all to be honest.

When he first sees you stim he’ll probably just study you for a bit, and then just ask you if you have autism.

He’s not bothered and will keep it in mind for the next time he see’s you.

Nurse Ann:

Ann is a doctor, so like Jack she also will be fairly knowledgeable.

When she first see’s you stim she will ask you if you’re autistic or have a movement disorder, and when you answer she’ll nod and go write it down as she keeps notes on everyone’s medical history.

Unlike Jack she won’t over explain your own autism to you, though to be honest she probably won’t have the chance to since she’s always busy.

Judge Angels:

Because of their upbringing, Dina doesn’t really know much about autism. Or anything really.

Bless

When you first stim around them they’ll probably just sit there awkwardly for a bit since they don’t want to upset you or come off as too forward, and then ask why you did that with you’re hands.

When you tell them you’re autistic they will honestly be really interested and will ask you more about it since they enjoy learning things to compensate for their closed off childhood.

At times they’ll ask a tad too many questions and if you’re comfortable enough to tell them to stop then they’ll probably panic as they think they made you uncomfortable.

Did I mention that I love Dina

[purrpleducttape]

I'm bored so here's a olderish story I made with slenderverse characters (it's not good because I can't write) also Midnight is Alex Kralies alter in this

Zalgos Request

"Hurry it up guys, Slender is going to be pissed if we don't finish this mission on time."

The Masked man growled "oh c'mon Tim it's fine if we're a little late." The Hooded one said "Yea Tim~." Midnight purred jokingly "shut up Kralie, you know only Hoodie can call me that." "Can we please just hurry, I need to get home quickly" "Oh Skully it's fine dude, we'll get this done quickly!" Hoodie said in a comforting voice as he patted Skullys back. "We're almost there guys." Masky said bluntly. The One with the Black and white mask started to frantically started waving her hands around. "Kate? What's wrong" Kate muffled something "Kate calm down we're about to be done." Masky turned to Kate, his back now facing the woods. "Kate, are you okay?" Everyone froze "guys? What's wrong" masky turned around as Hoodie yelled "TIM WATCH OUT-"

Tim blinked awake and sat up as all he saw was a black room with Hoodie, Kate, Midnight and Skully in the room as well "Hey guys what happened?" Tim asked "We went too far into the One Who Shall Not Be Named side of the woods." Hoodie said with fear in his voice "Oh c'mon you know my name, Brian." A dark figure came out of the darkness. "What the fuck do you want?" Tim growled "Oh it's nothing really but before I ask who are these new faces with you today?" Skully, Kate and Midnight backed up they have never met Zalgo before "that doesn't matter why are we here?" Brian stood behind Tim "Oh well I have a… request" Zalgos voice deepened "Well no matter what this 'request' is we're not accepting it!" Tim yelled ".. What's the request?" Midnight asked as he stood up "ALEX NO!" Brian yelled pure fear in his voice. "Oh see, that one Alex did you say is the smart one." Zalgo walked up to Midnight.

"Get away from us!" Skully hissed "let me just tell Alex my request then I will give you all time to choose what to do." Zalgo goes down on one knee and whispered something to Midnight "Wait-" before He could get anything else out Zalgo teleported them back to the forest they were in before

When they finally got back to the Manor Midnight had a very worried look "So you Lot how did it go?" Slender asked. "It went fine." Midnight hissed "Well you guys better get ready for tomorrow I have another mission for you in those woods again." The Slender man got up and walked away "So Alex what did… he want?" Skully wondered "Well it's… A lot I'll tell you guys at the next mission." Tim growled "Just tell us now Kralie." "I can't. Slender might hear, It's safer if I do it at our next mission." "Fine.." Tim glared at Midnight "c'mon Brian we need sleep I think our next mission is going to be a long one.." "Okay yea.." Brian stared down "guess that means we should to Alex.." Skully said worried "..Yea I guess, c'mon" Midnight motioned for Skully to follow him

They all left to go back to the woods "Hey Alex can you tell us what he wanted?" Brian ran up to catch up to Alex "Oh yea well Basically Zalgo wants us to start working for him, but on one condition that we try and destroy Slender from the inside.." Alex muttered "Well obviously we're not doing that.." Masky said boldly before looking at everyone "we're not doing that… right??" "Well no obviously.." Brian said quietly "it wouldn't be a good idea right? Wouldn't Slender just kill us??" "Hey Jaybird, calm down." Alex said as he wrapped an arm around Skully. Kate looked around and motioned for the boys to follow her into Zalgos side of the woods.

As they walked into the dead, sad and dark area of the woods Zalgo was in front of them seemingly out of nowhere "So I see you guys made up your mind now c'mon" Zalgo started walking deeper into the forest before stopping after hearing Tim say something "Well… sir.. we have not fully made up our minds, someone made said decisions for us and we didn't get to discuss anything. May you please give us a few minutes to talk about it sir?" "...fine 5 minutes tops hurry" Zalgo hissed and disappeared "so..? What are we gonna do??" Brian asked frantically "well first we need to to the pros and cons-" Tim was cut off "Oh Blah blah blah c'mon guys Slender was treated us like shit for so long we should go with Zalgo and finally get out revenge on that long lanky bastard" Alex stood proudly and took off his mask "It would be a good idea to go with Zalgo besides who knows, anyone in any of the manors could also be apart of it!" "Yea Alex does have a point, Slender does treat us badly but what if he hurts us or worse!" Skully said worryingly "Well we can discuss that while we talk to Zalgo-" Brian was stopped by Zalgo appearing in front of them again "I heard my name have you made your minds?" "Well sir we have a few questions.." Tim went in front of Brian "Oh really? I guess I'll allow it, now follow, you can ask while we go to my.. humble home." "Fine c'mon guys.." Tim growled

"So what are your questions?" Zalgo asked looking down at them "Well sir we'd like to know are there any catches?" Tim made sure everyone was behind him. "Well no not exactly, once and if you even do this right I will have as many proxies as I want and you guys would be my top proxies and we'd get that manor all to ourselves." "Ooo~ top proxy Timm~!" Tim glared at Alex "shut it Kralie." "I see you and Alex do not get along, may I ask why?" "..We have history.. he killed half the people here right now-" "HEY I DIDN'T KILL BRIAN NOW DID I?!" Alex hissed "....it was an accident." Tim growled clutching onto Brian's hand "Hey hey I can't have my possible top proxies killing each other now." "Hey speaking of killing… what if Slender kills us while doing this??" Skully asked frantically "Oh! Well that's the best part! If you get injured or killed just like Slender, I have the power to bring you back, but since I rarely use it, it's built up for centuries so I can bring you back but better and stronger." "See Jaybird, I told you not to worry about it." Alex placed his hand on Skullys head "Oh! We're here!" Zalgo showed the group a small shed ".. this is where an eldritch god stays?" Brian said confused "Well not really- just c'mon." Zalgo opened the door and revealed a large home with a office and multiple bedrooms "How the shit-" Tim got out

Zalgo sat the group down at his desk "So have you guys made up your mind?" Zalgo asked. Tim looked around at the group "Well… I'm still not fully ready to make up my mind, how about you guys?" "Well I know for sure I'm in." Alex said "I guess I am too as long as I'm not gonna die." Skully mumbled. Kate nodded. "Well.. I don't know I think I'll be fine if Tim does it too.." Brian faintly smiled at Tim. Tim sat there for a moment thinking it over. "Hurry it up Timothy I don't have another century for your answer!" Zalgo groaned "fine.. I'm in too I guess" the group cheered "Finally took you long enough so I guess I could tell you the plan…" Zalgo started telling them the plan to take down Slender

As they walked back to the Manor they knew to try their best to keep it a secret and if they gave anything away it would put them all in great danger.

[ihassheepquake]

DC's Stargirl 3.04 "Chapter Four: The Evidence" Has Aired on the CW, and I'm Here to Talk About it

Can we talk about how Stargirl is such a good fucking show? I swear, if it doesn't survive whatever the hell is going on with DC shows thanks to the new Warner bitch, I'm gonna lose my mind.

Show, I really need you to stop making me feel for Cameron, thanks. Like, why does he have a snow globe of a girl that is clearly supposed to be Courtney?! That's so fucking weird dude! But also like, poor kid. He's being basically groomed into being a supervillain.

The weirdest consistent small detail in this show is that Courtney always sleeps with her door cracked. Who does that? Does it matter? No. Does it make me very upset? Yes. But the Staff literally just yanking Courtney away is hilarious.

I like getting to see Pat and Courtney bond with Beth's mom a little and teach her a bit about this whole thing. It's sweet. And speaking of parents, I still hate Yolanda's.

Dr. McNider!!!

Sylvester now has a healing factor that it seems he didn't before. Sure, it could be the thing McNider says about having absorbed energy from the cosmic staff and can use it to heal himself now. Or, it could be because he's an imposter who just happens to have a healing factor.

Random thought, the outside of the Mahkent mansion really reminds me of Doom Manor, specifically from their episode of Titans. Looking up that actual shot I know it's not actually the same house, but very reminiscent. Just thought that was fun.

Yes "Sylvester", quit! I don't think you and you're a shitty guy to be a hero!

Oh, of course, it's somehow Dragon King. Can we not just let Cindy try to move on? You know this is just going to make everything worse between her and the others. I was wondering if what Cindy was trying to do with her experiments was curing herself, but now I wonder if she's just falling apart. Maybe that's why she wanted to turn over a new leaf too. She figured it'd be easier to find some way to save herself as one of the JSA, either because one of them/their allies will find something or it'll bring her closer to getting the kinda shit she'd need. Which sure, could be an actual cure for everything that was done to her. Or could just be a way to stabilize her body.

Jakeem trying to refuse to go explore the sewers with Mike is really just him going "fuck this white people horror movie shit" and I respect that.

Somehow, Tim is even more of a creepy asshole now that he's trying to be nice to her.

Paula taxidermied a raccoon for Barbara, I love her!!!

Is this the first time Courtney's seen Cameron use his powers? I can't remember if she knew before or not. But damn, they look good! The visual effects of this show just keep hitting. "To help people." Sir, your dad was a villain. I know you've been shown otherwise, but like, objectively, not a good dude. Sure, he had (I'll say) decent goals back in season one, but when your plan includes brainwashing the entire adult population of a country, knowing full well that it's going to leave nearly a third of them dead, you don't get to say you're the good guy. Obviously, someone needs to tell him the truth, but I'm worried about it being Courtney. Specifically, I worry that he's going to take it as her trying to trick and manipulate him and attack her.

As much as I don't want to see Sylvester back as Starman, they could've at least given him a new costume instead of just remaking the old one. I'm actually really surprised nobodies gotten a new costume yet.

I'm really excited to see Cameron's arc this season. We really lost him last season and I think there's a lot of potential. Like, multi-season arc potential. He learns to use his powers because of his relationship with Courtney this season and in the end, he learns that Mike was the one who killed his Dad while Courtney and the others were trying to stop him. We see him as one of the main villains in season 4 but he gets the classic "just before the end, the actual bbeg does something that crosses my personal line, so I turn on them and do the right thing in the end" trope. And he could choose to hero up in season 5, but I think the more interesting thing would be for him to quit the game entirely (except for the big series finale moment where every character who can show up to help the titular character stop whatever their ultimate challenge is) and instead fully use his powers for his art, just as this final scene with them is setting up. That would be cool and I think a really unique choice for a character in one of these modern hero shows.

Courtney and Cameron finally had a moment and kissed, and it was sweet or whatever, moving on.

Cindy has scales and shit too! Holy shit, she's really mutating into her dad.

We're taking a little break next week! Episode five will be premiering not next Wednesday, but the following, October 5th. According to the Stargirl fandom wiki page, this should be the only mini-hiatus this season, so we shouldn't have to worry about the crazy hiatus a lot of the other CW shows have. Looks like next time, we'll be seeing more of the darker side of Starman, which will be fun to explore! I wouldn't be surprised if they also stumbled upon wherever Cindy is hiding out. I also a new photo of Jenni earlier today, and I do believe she was confirmed to return for at least one episode this season. I'm not sure if it's next episode, but it just might be, so keep your eye out!

We'll return to our regularly scheduled programming on October 5th for DC's Stargirl 3.05 "Chapter Five: The Thief"

[flashflashhundredyarddash]

batkids and their relationships with their siblings headcanons. under read more because this got fucking LONGGG

dick

dick is the eldest so he doesnt want to bog down his younger siblings with his problems, but if he DOES, he tends to talk to jason about it

dick and cass start to really begin to bond when Cass shows up to dicks gymnastics class for 3rd-6th graders and then cass shows up all the sixth graders and they get frozen yogurt after lmao

dick and tim are Very much thick as thieves. tim is very much like bruce on the Emotional Suppression scale, so dick just really wants to make sure his little brother is safe and happy ALL the time

Duke and Damian are the only two really permanently at the manor anymore, so when dick drops by he tries to do something with both of them. duke frantically zoom calls dick every other week to help him with his his trig homework. dick shows up to dukes high school graduation with literally the BIGGEST SIGN

everyone insists damian is dicks favorite but he does actually genuinely love all his siblings equally, his relationship with damian is just Very different from the others because of the age gap and being dami's primary caretaker for a year. dick babies dami every chance he gets

jason

would sell Dick to satan for One corn chip

him and cass don't have the greatest start to their relationship because cass is very much Against Killing so it takes a while for jason to warm up to her and earn her trust. now, though, jason is competing with steph by showing cass all the classic American Teenager things she missed out on. steph is currently winning but jason is like 98% positive a crunch wrap from taco bell is going to push him over the edge

tim and jason are currently competing over who can solve the most cases in a month. tim is winning. that won't last long.

jason Loves to Big Brother duke its so embarrassing. duke will get out of school and go to his car and jason is SITTING IN THE FRONT SEAT FRANTICALLY WAVING TO GET DUKES ATTENTION. JASON THAT IS MY CAR. signal has one (1) mission with arsenal and arsenal goes hey did you ask that girl to homecoming yet and duke is like I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU.

Damian is proof that Actually, Little Brothers are Pests. Jason fully believes that he was brought back from the dead PURELY to torment damian and he will fulfill this mission at any cost

cassandra

it actually really upset her when Dick didn't accept her at first. she knows her other siblings really adore dick so his lack of trust was really disheartening. it takes dick a while but once he Actually Accepts that cass is going to be a permanent part of their life and oh, wow, dick you really hurt her feelings he really hyperfocuses on bonding with cass for a couple of months which definitely improves their relationship

she really likes jason!! their relationship doesn't start well but because he's close with steph and tim who are cass's top two favorite people to exist ever, cass is like well i GUESS ill hang out with him more. jason is fun to talk to because he always tries his best to explain jokes and give context to what people are talking about (also tim took her to taco bell already but she didn't tell jason she just wanted to hang out)

cass LOVES tim. they just click okay. tim always seems to know when to give her space and when to push and come closer. Tim's "guest room" is just her room lets be real. tim and cass occasionally get mistaken for twins and Cass Loves it.

duke makes cass listen to metal once and cass loses. her. damn. mind. they bond over music a lot because they both Love Music to a degree the others in their family don't.

damian!! damian is her little brother!!! dami isn't As Hostile to cass at first because he is 100% aware cass has the edge in fighting and respects her. cass likes all of his instagram posts and they have a snapchat streak going

tim

tim Loves dick, dick was his first sibling!! he had Very strong hero worship when he first met dick but it mellowed out when tim got older because wow 17 is really not that cool and mature lol. tim has an open invitation to dick's apartment which he does occasionally take advantage of. tim has more than once scared the shit out of wally when wally comes over and wally is convinced they're being robbed (HA) for half a second. i mean. he's not wrong.

listen. tim understands that forgiving the guy who tried to kill you would be a Struggle for some people and it was! definitely! but also at least he can trust jason to, uh, be open about if he doesn't like tim. which is not an assurance he has with other people. so if the guy who tried to kill him tells him tim is cool now then like. maybe tim isn't that bad or annoying a person? also jason arrested a whole gang and won the cases competition but then it created a power vacuum that the whole batfam had to clean up the rest of the month. thanks, jason.

tim LOVES cass. you know how most of the time theres this empty feeling inside you and you just kind of ignore it because you don't know what will fix it or if you do, you know you can't fix it? cass makes that empty feeling feel a little less empty. they just click. tim always tries to travel with cass whenever she leaves gotham.

tim and duke. Tim is actually the sibling who duke goes to whenever he has questions he doesn't want to ask bruce or alfred about, like, life or vigilante-ing or school or college or whatever and Tim is always like yes!! i love Giving Advice and Solving Problems!! tim and duke and jason fill out their college applications together.

tim and damian. LMAO. ROUGH START THAT'S ALL ILL SAY. at some point alfred goes like fuck it. family therapy. and tim and dami are PISSED. tim and damian get along best when they have a common enemy to work against. their relationship gets much better when damian is older and they actually talk about their feelings like emotionally stunted bats. despite how bad their relationship was, tim will ALWAYS protect damian

duke

very much intimidated by dick at first. dick is so much older and has his own job and friends and life and is very much AN ADULT. dick likes to take duke out to do lots of cool stuff (paintball, lasertag, tech exhibitions, concerts, etc). also, dick PERSONALLY introduced duke to superman and is dating THE FLASH. 10/10 awesome big brother.

was intimidated by jason for 0.5 seconds before jason actually opened his mouth and started speaking. jason is literally. So Embarrassing. which is weird because nobody else really seems to feel that way about jason but duke knows he's 100% in the right here. like yeah jason is also An Adult and does Adult Stuff but he's also at the manor like every other weekend???? and he always complains about bruce but always seems to be in the same room bruce is in????? like okay jason. they bond over literature!! jason and duke and alfred will spend literal hours talking about books and duke loves it. duke is the only one who doesn't think jason is funny and jason gets so upset about it lmao.

cass has this one week where she gets really into photography and by virtue of being nearby (and also not nocturnal), duke becomes her victim subject. duke prints out all the pictures and hangs them up in his room (his favorite is one he took when he stole the camera and took a really bad selfie of them together).

tim is closest in age to duke so duke tends to hang around with him a lot. tim introduced duke to his young justice friends and duke is like yes!!! meta-friends!!!! tim really helps duke out with his powers because tim is always like wow i wonder if your powers would work if we did This? can you see farther than other people? is your visible spectrum of light different than other humans? Bruce does the same thing but bruce is boring about it lol.

damian and duke live in the same house and will be in the same room and just send each other social media posts back and forth. they follow each other on instagram and will, OCCASIONALLY, make tik toks together because they're tik tok fiends. each of his siblings have visited his parents once or twice but damian routinely comes with him.

damian

damian gets a special bullet point to say that it took him. forever to come around to the idea of having siblings. he very much believed that he was Bruce's Blood Son and everyone else were just tagalongs or allies. it took him ages to acknowledge that dick, jason, tim, and cass were his siblings, so when duke came and like a week later damian was like Ah, Yes, this is my brother Thomas everyone else was like dude wtf

listen. LISTEN. Obviously. Richard is very highly skilled. and also Father values him highly. and also Richard will listen to Damian complain about his schoolmates. and also Richard is much more patient with Damian than other members of his family. listen....,,, (all this to say damian kind of fucking adores dick lmaooooo this kid).

Todd is kind of unbearable but damian has been informed this is both a normal feeling when it comes to Todd and also big brothers. damian was an only child for ten years so yes, Father, if Todd attempts to tickle me I WILL break his fucking nose. yes i WILL put money in the swear jar but I want you to know i don't regret it. they always try to sneak up on each other but mostly fail.

DRAKE!!! but no lol once damian grows up and is like I Apologize for attempting to murder you it was wrong and you are just as much a son to Father as I am tim is like UGH i guess its cool since ur being so emotionally mature and all. also im 2 for 5 on siblings trying to murder me so im definitely going to win trauma bingo and damian is like i take it back you are insufferable. When Will My Older Siblings Stop Joking About Their Trauma.

CASS!!! listen. cass is cool. Cass Gets It. They have a special Bond. also damian really likes it whenever cass is home because 1) he gets to hang out and do something cool with cass and 2) he feels significantly safer with cass in the house because Nobody will be able to hurt any of their family if Cass is there. ALSO he tries to call her cain but everyone is like DONT DO THAT and he doesn't want to call her wayne bcus theyre ALL wayne (dick adds it on as a middle name but also Richard John Wayne West-Grayson is just. the lamest name ever so dick needs to reconsider it before his upcoming nuptials)((dick will not reconsider it except maybe whether grayson-west would work better)) and so he tries cassandra but cass is like :) call me cass and damian is like cassandra is more formal and respectful and cass is like :) and finally damian just has to give in.

Duke! him and duke actually live together so they get the Most Bonding Time and have a bunch of inside jokes as a result. (is it bad i wanted to laugh because inside jokes... joker... i'll see myself out). they're eating breakfast together (and also alfred sits with them IM NOT A MONSTER ALFIE'S LIKE 70 NOW OKAY) and duke laughs and bruce is like what are you laughing at, son? and duke is like oh damian just showed me this funny meme and then he shows the phone to bruce and bruce grabs it (both the boys groan) and after WAY TOO LONG is like "i don't get it" and so now duke and damian have to try and explain the comedic intricacy of bob's burgers

[stxleslyds]

you know how dc keeps forcing this sudden "we're a family" narrative out of nowhere? I'd love batfam content but years of hurt among them make the recent content seem unearned.

bc you know more about dick and jason than the others, how do you think they would realistically become family to each other, or would it even be in character for them to be the "bros" they're written as now?

Oh anon, this question is amazing, I love it! I saw it when I woke up and since then my brain has been brewing this answer, I was thinking about it as I brushed my teeth and as I was making breakfast, and now I am ready to give you the answer, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed thinking/writing about it!

DC keeps forcing the wrong relationships, and they keep forcing the wrong centre of this supposed family, they make it out to be the Bat-Family when in reality the Bat (Bruce) should have never been invited to this party.

This is why I give you the… Dick-Family!

Oh yeah baby, I am going there. Dick is the centre of this “family”, he is the guy who is actually connected with everyone, he has been around for so long and he has been present when almost all of the remaining characters were introduced! Bruce might have come first but that guy has nothing on Dick Grayson.

Dick has cared and loved for everyone in this family in a true and beautiful way, no matter how much fanon and DC try to tell us otherwise. This man was an amazing son to Bruce and Alfred (my love for Alfred and Dick is brought to you by @hood-ex), a fantastic brother to Jason, Tim and Cass as well as a phenomenal father/older brother to Damian.

Dick Grayson is the centre of this whole thing, and thanks to DC now being an Omniverse I will be able to explain my line of thoughts. But first let me clear some ideas up.

The way I see it Jason would only get along good enough with Dick. I am not here for Jason and Tim having brunch together (honestly, Lobdell, what were you thinking), Jason never cared for Tim, and then writers that didn’t know how the Red Hood worked made him try to kill Tim so, to me, that relationship is non-existent, Jason doesn’t really perceive Tim (yet).

Jason and Damian, listen, I know that there is this fanon theory that Jason knew and cared for Damian while he was in the League, but that is just fanon talk and it doesn’t really fit in canon either. Jason wasn’t really capable of doing much other than fight, and after he was put in the Lazarus Pit he either had to leave because Ra’s wanted to kill him or Talia took him to the All-Castle. So, Jason’s only real interactions with Damian would be when Jason was written as a crazy, blood thirsty dude that actually tried to harm a child. So, him and Damian wouldn’t really have a good relationship (yet).

Jason and Cass… that’s just a no. Jason and Barbara, I mean Barbara was older than Dick when she first met Jason, so they wouldn’t have much of a relationship.

Now, lets move on to how I will make the Dick-Family work.

Dick (bless him) actually talks and listens to people, unlike Bruce, so the change would start there. Let’s set the timeline, I will stand right after the events of Under the Red Hood. Bruce just chose saving Joker over letting Jason kill the Joker and the building they were in exploded.

Batman keeps on being himself (trash) and Jason, having survived the explosion, moves on to keep on building his empire. He really wants to control the drug trade in Gotham, so he works on that, he slowly but surely takes his place as a drug lord again and is a constant pain in Black Mask’s ass.

While Jason is doing that, Dick is trying to put together his life after Bludhaven was attacked with Chemo. Let’s say that Bludhaven isn’t completely erased from the map but he does have to leave so the city can be re-built. He goes to Gotham, where the Red Hood works.

Let’s say that Alfred told Dick who was under the Red Hood, so Dick being a good brother goes looking for Jason. Their first interaction out of the mask wouldn’t be nice, Jason barely remembers his life before the pit and he really is convinced that Dick is the absolute worst.

But then Jason being a nosy man would make an appearance, for some reason, let’s say that he hacks into the Batcave and when he does that he finds some footage… The footage in question would be the one which shows Bruce punching Dick and sort of blaming him for Jason’s death. (Oh yeah, I am going there). The footage will make a memory come to mind, Dick taking Jason on a skying trip.

So, the next time that Dick and Jason see each other is because Jason went looking for Dick and here is where these two actually talk. The way I see it, Dick is more flexible with the no killing rule, he has worked many times with people that are villains or that just have different ways of doing things. So, I think that he would understand where Jason’s coming from with his ideas. As they begin to understand one another Jason begins to recover more and more memories from before the Pit.

They get together once a week and they chat about life as well as vigilante stuff. They become friends.

At the same time Dick is also very good friends with Tim and also acts like the amazing big brother he is with him. They chat, they sometimes work together and one day they come across a very complicated situation involving a new drug being introduced in Gotham.

Dick would call Jason and now both of them and Tim are reunited in a safe house working together so this new drug doesn’t fall in the wrong hands. Jason and Tim wouldn’t really like each other. Both of them are there for Dick and because they have to get the job done.

That’s how I see Dick forming the Dick-Family unconsciously. Hell, I will introduce Barbara now. Do you guys remember that in UtRH Barbara was mad with Bruce and didn’t want to work with him but she was still in contact with Dick? Well, I am using that so it can fit my narrative.

Dick, Jason and Tim need more intel so Dick calls Oracle (real Oracle) and because Barbara trusts Dick she works with them.

Here is where it gets interesting, through Barbara, Dick meets Cass, through Tim he meets Stephanie. You see that Dick’s connections are leading him to form a group of people. Cass and Stephanie are trained by Babs and Dick and they become the new Batgirls.

As all of that keeps developing Jason and Dick become “partners in crime” they help each other, they start building a brotherly relationship again. Although Jason refuses to say that out loud.

Then comes in Damian, a difficult child if there has ever been one but he has Bruce so Dick doesn’t have to jump in that fast… right?

Oh brother! Bruce is dead (omg what would we do? Battle for the cowl maybe? No!). with Bruce gone there is only one person who can take his place and everyone knows it has to be Dick.

Dick would feel a lot of things as he is taking Bruce’s place as Batman but he has a group of people ready to back him up (Alfred, Jason, Tim, Babs, Cass, Steph), and he also has to take care of Damian, he is a child and with his father gone then maybe his mother would want to take him back to the League of Assassins, Dick obviously doesn’t want that so he talks to Tim and tells him that he sees him as his equal and that he has a plan to make Damian stay and it involves making Damian his new Robin.

Tim would obviously be sad and a little hurt, but he understands Dick’s decision because they talked about it and Dick actually took the time to explain why he was doing what he was doing (really DC half of the problems you guys come up could be fixed in seconds if people would only take some time to just TALK!).

Dick and Damian work as Batman and Robin and Dick starts assuming the position of his father. They would live with Alfred in the penthouse and maybe Tim will join them from time to time (when he wasn’t busy with Young Justice/Teen Titans stuff). Slowly Dick and Damian will become the Dynamic Duo that we love today.

So, Dick would have his own Robin, Oracle (who is also managing her own team with Black Canary and (why not) the Batgirls), Red Robin and Red Hood working with him if he needs them. They are always a call away. Jason is the most difficult to reach and he will only involve himself in that kind of drama if its about controlling the drug trade or scaring the living shit out of some very shady people.

So, Red Hood wouldn’t be working with the new (and improved) Batman but Jason would hang out with Dick sometimes.

From there they build up. Dick renovates Arkham Asylum and makes it work they way that it is supposed to work. He might also recruit Catwoman when he needs someone really sneaky, they have known each other for so long, I bet Selina loves Dick, she would certainly help him out.

But as all things do, this happy and well-connected Dick-Family is disrupted when Bruce comes back, he inserts himself slowly back into his role as Batman and as he does that Dick starts to move away from it.

But Dick’s connections are strong and well cared for, so, even when he goes back to Bludhaven and starts fresh (again) as Nightwing those connections remain. Oracle still gives him intel, Robin and Red Robin come over to Bludhaven to patrol, maybe they even have their own rooms at Dick’s place.

With Bludhaven functioning again, all of the terrible people that were working there also come back, maybe some of them never left and they have been corrupting the city from its very core. So, when Jason tells Dick that he would like to expand his operations to Bludhaven, Dick says yes, as long as Jason keeps him updated on his work and also lets him know what is going on.

I think it works! What do you guys think so far?

From then on with the whole Dick-Family being connected and strong I think they can actually act and solve their problems as a family. All those arcs that didn’t work very well because Bruce was in the middle of it being a jerk, I think they will work if Dick is at the centre of it. Let’s say that Bruce hid the fact that Joker knows their identities and all that, with such a strong family the second that the Joker tries to manipulate Jason into believing that he created him, Dick will come out of the shadows and shut that bullshit down. If Joker tries to do something to the Circus, then the Birds of Prey and the Robins will be there in seconds helping Dick.

The Court of Owls, those little shits wouldn’t stand a chance against this team, this force of nature! Jason would be the one working from afar because you know my boy wouldn’t be subjected to the “no-killing” rule but if he does it, he has to do it away from the children (Damian) and away from Cass, if he doesn’t want to know real trouble. (He probably arranged those things with Dick a long time ago and he is happy with it).

Now, please forgive me but for angst reasons I will actually let the events of, Batman Incorporated #8, Forever Evil, Nightwing #30 and Spyral run its course.

Let me explain, after Damian’s death Dick holds the Dick-Family together, as well as Bruce because he is amazing like that, but then after Dick supposedly dies, things change just a little bit. Jason would retreat back to his own corner because the only thing attaching him to the Dick-Family was Dick but he would also keep his eyes open and he might also have a direct line with Oracle if things go south.

Aside from Jason, I do see the others working on keeping their connections intact. When Damian eventually returns the land of the living, I can see all of them coming together even more because that’s what Dick would have wanted.

And then Dick will come back from Spyral and here is where the Dick-Family will show the “Bat-Family” why its superior to it in every aspect possible.

The Dick-Family will notice that something must have happened, Dick would never play dead and leave them like that, but Dick loves Bruce and he doesn’t want to tell them the truth, Bruce has no memories now and his family doesn’t deserve that kind of drama BUT Jason and Tim are suspicious, they know Dick at this point and they trust him so they firmly believe that he is hiding something to protect someone. And here is where life repeats itself. Let’s review the Batcave’s footage, yes, I did it again, I just love the fact that Bruce has footage of himself being the absolute worst to his kids, how does DC not use it! Anyway, Tim and Jason find the footage from the events of Nightwing #30 and suddenly the Dick-Family have their “Dick defence squad” jackets on and they are ready to party.

After all that Bruce eventually gets his memories back and he is held accountable for his actions. Also, around this time the events of Robin War would have already happened so Duke is also introduced. Dick lets him join and all that, and then Duke and Cass become besties and they work together.

And yeah, as Rebirth comes closer the Dick-Family would be more united than ever.

The end.

That is how I would have done it. But this way is slow, and DC wouldn’t be able to monetize it as much as they would want.

Jason wouldn’t be giving hugs and calling everyone their brother or sister, he will only get along with Dick and he would be professional with everyone else.

Tim and Damian would get along but they wouldn’t go for ice cream together on a sunny day. Steph and Damian would and so would Cass and Tim or Cass and Duke.

Oracle would work with Dick and the others as a side thing because her main thing would be the Birds of Prey, this time with Helena too.

Alfred would spend his time with Bruce but he would also be very aware of Dick and his influence on everyone around them. Bruce eventually would be integrated to the Dick-Family because Dick is a sweetheart but Dick would also make Bruce follow his rules, Dick is a little bean but he is also the most badass person in the room (whichever room) so you better listen to what he has to say.

The Dick-Family would be something that grows silently and doesn’t need a “Joker War” in order for them to be there for each other, they would try their best each step of the way and they will talk things out when mistakes are made.

This is the way that I see this family dynamic working.

I would even go as far as to say that Talia can be part of the Dick-Family because she is connected to three people, Dick, Damian and Jason.

Dick is the person with most connections in the DC Universe, the Titans, the Justice League, Deathstroke, they all have connections to this treasure of a man. If he needs help in Gotham or Bludhaven then he can call people from the “first circle”, if things are beyond a “street level” threat them he can call the Titans and if shit really hits the fan, Clark and the others are a call away.

Anyway, this was unnecessarily long, I am sorry about it but I am also not because I really don’t know how to answer your question without going on a long rant.

In conclusion the Bat-Family doesn’t work and sadly it wouldn’t work no matter how much they force it. These people don’t have connections, Bruce is not able to make connections between people. And DC has erased entire relationships that Dick used to have. I mean, they got rid of Dick and Tim being close brothers just so they could give us a shitty brunch between Tim and Jason? Only yesterday we saw a true and beautiful interaction between Dick and Damian.

DC is handling the “Bat-Family” in all the worst possible ways. It just doesn’t work.

They should have used Dick all those years ago and they shouldn’t have destroyed Jason’s characterization with Lobdell’s ideas.

So, sadly, my dear anon, I don’t see the Bat-Family as a in character thing for any of these people as they are written currently, but I hope that you enjoyed my version of it. May the Dick-Family bring everyone who reads about it a little joy!

[ectonurites]

but do u rlly think flaws that make a character interesting include like...being insensitive? everyone has their own taste ig but tim's flaws dont rlly make him more interesting to me. hes just some guy plus he can be thoughtless towards others

I mean I guess it's a difference in how we read the character because while I can kinda understand where you're getting 'insensitive' and 'thoughtless towards others' from, that's not how I think about what are essentially the same traits.

Like I think Tim can be overly blunt & has chronic foot-in-mouth disease because he's not always good at reading/navigating situations (talking about this more in terms of inter-personal things, and the intersection of personal things & hero-ing. he's better with it in terms of just the hero business imo) but he typically has good intent that's made pretty clear (when we're reading from his perspective, since we get to ya know hear whats in his head).

Having good intent with your actions and doing good as a hero but conversely being pretty bad at expressing things in more day-to-day situations is absolutely a character flaw/a contrast i find interesting for a teenage superhero.

For me though the main flaws with Tim that are what I think make him interesting are like:

his mindset where he lets the weight of the world fall on his own shoulders, and acts like everything has to be his own responsibility. like even as early as YJ #7 during the camping trip his whole reasoning for why he wouldn't give up being Robin is that he needs to be doing whatever he, as an individual, can to fix the world. Like my dude my guy you are 14. This ties into his strong sense of duty which is a pretty commonly talked about Tim trait/motivation, but seeing it as a flaw is only when it goes too far.

his problems with honesty and communication because like... those are pretty common traits like, in life in general, but obviously they go to new lengths with any character with a secret identity. Tim within the Batfam was in that unique position of 'lived with a parent who for a very long time didn't know about hero stuff' so the level of having a double life not just publicly but in your own home... that fucks a kid up! and so seeing how even after that situation passed and his father was murdered, so much of that secretive tendency stuck around with him... there's so much to explore with that.

his tendency to care about people so much that it destroys him or makes him destructive. obviously caring about people isn't a bad thing LMAO but I'm talking about how he has multiple times pushed himself into darker places than are healthy because of wanting back/wanting to protect/wanting to avenge the people he loves (which also like, i think this being something so prominent with Tim how I see him is why when you said he's 'thoughtless towards others' it took me a minute to even get what u meant asgdfs) some examples being his extreme reaction to being tortured with Cassie & Kon's deaths on Apokolips, nearly killing Johnny Warlock because he hurt Steph, the Conner cloning attempts, nearly taking the Lazarus Pit water for Steph Kon & Jack during Resurrection of Ra's Al Ghul, etc

his GUILT!!!! GOD the self-blame and the guilt. this is kinda related to the 'everything in the world on his shoulders' mentality but I think it exists as it's own sub category too. he takes every loss so incredibly personally in a way that, for someone who's a superhero and will have to encounter losses, is sooooo not good for him but is really fascinating to see. Like, this ties especially into the whole thing where everything has been Tim's choice. I've talked about this before, but Tim is one of the only batfam members to set down the path of becoming a hero without experiencing a major firsthand trauma in their own life/immediate family (the closest is how he witnessed Dick's parents' death but that was still not a death in his own circle of people, if tht makes sense). He made the decision to join in all of this purely because of his sense of duty and his admiration for Dick & Bruce. Which means that Tim as a person will then hold himself responsible for all the bad that happened in his life related to the Robin role down the line, because nothing external pushed him into this life aside from his own want to help Batman.

Okay yeah I probably answered this with FAR MORE THINGS TO SAY than you had in mind, but I just think he's a neat little guy, because also even despite all that darker stuff I just talked about he also manages to be a cute dork with a lot of friends who's fun to read about.

[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 1 “FartsApp” [Episode List] Since he’s a gassy nerd, Dave teases his friend Tim via WhatsApp by sending him a series of short videos of him farting.

FartsApp

Being gay with a fart fetish is really hard sometimes.

For me at least.

While the world is definitely getting more open-minded about homosexuality, I can’t really force it to accept this weird fetish (to be honest, all fetishes are kinda treated like taboos, regardless of the sexuality involved). I had to settle for YouTube videos or websites devoted to this whole fart-sniffing thing; not that I’m complaining: it was good to discover that so many people actually had this fetish.

Cue Dave. Well, sort of, actually. He doesn’t have a fart fetish and he’s not even gay. Dave has been my best friend since forever. Unlike me, however, he’s straight and is currently dating some (lucky) girl.

Around my age, he’s like a brother to me, and we’re actually well-known because of how much time we always spend with each other.

Dave is a great guy, a great friend, very open-minded and, dare to say it, actually quite hot.

Not surprisingly, being the brother I never had, he’s the first friend I came out to, the only one who knows about my homosexuality. Actually, it’s not like I told him… he found out on his own, in the worst possible way (for me).

During one of our nerdy game-nights, being “that one gassy friend”, Dave started to rip -as usual- tons of farts, fueled by some junk food, until he ripped one directly in my face (and boy it was amazing…). Everything went downhill from there… kinda. For some reason or another… he just accepted all at once not only my homosexuality, but also the fact that I found face-farting… hot. He just laughed about it and honestly gave me some encouraging words about my peculiar situation, proving that he’s indeed the best friend ever. Oh… and he also literally farted for me after that, in my face, letting me sniff and enjoy his amazing rips; he can also fart on command apparently: got a taste of his talent that same night.

That one, surreal night.

I still can’t believe it happened.

Felt like a confused dream. Like one of those nights where you drink too much so you don’t clearly remember what happened. But it was all true.

Dave, my best friend, was perfectly fine with me, my fetish, and all this weird stuff.

Yes: I know how lucky I am.

It’s been 4 months since he found out.

And, believe it or not, I’m getting face-farted so often that I’m almost forgetting how beautiful it feels.

Seriously: Dave simply accepted it like I’m living in someone’s crazy fetish dream and, when we’re alone, he just casually farts in my face (without me asking for it). Not always, but very often.

Surprisingly enough, despite the fact that my nose spends a lot of time brushing against his denim-covered butt, our friendship didn’t change at all though: we still hang out with the rest of our friends and generally spend a lot of time together.

Sometimes I’m so in disbelief about how easy-going he’s been with me, that I randomly ask him “You sure you’re OK with… this?” (I say, gesturing all of me), but he just smiles or rolls his eyes annoyed, tired of hearing the same question over and over again. What can I say? He’s perfectly comfortable with his own sexuality I guess, so he doesn’t have any problem with my fetish.

Sometimes though -sorry I say this- I kinda wish he did…

No, I’m definitely not complaining. That’s the best possible scenario for me, but sometimes he can get a bit too… inopportune. Dave is not really a prankster, but he loves teasing his friends, just for fun, including me.

I was in the middle of an important exam once, one of these pop-quiz thingies that make zero sense, and I felt my phone vibrate. I checked my FB private messages and all I saw was this YouTube link sent by Dave. Since I’m a fool apparently, I clicked on it, and one of those popular YouTube fart videos popped up and played, one with really loud farts. The first fart actually echoed in the room and other students glared at me: never felt so embarrassed (not including the night Dave found out about my fetish).

“Dude! Stop sending me this stuff!” I texted him. “I’m in the middle of an exam here!”

I scolded him for this, but the truth is that I couldn’t ask for a friend more open-minded than him.

The fact that he teases him with fart videos like he teases our heterosexual friends with those “shock” porn pics made me feel more… accepted.

But still… I was in the middle of an important exam so he had to stop.

And he obviously didn’t.

He sent me like 10 other links, just to annoy the sh%t out of me.

I mocked him by texting something like “Those videos are quite hard to find. Guess you’re gay too then!” but he would reply with “I had a great teacher!” and send me one of my awkward photos from Facebook.

Other times, since our friendship didn’t change a bit, he even made random references to my homosexuality or even my fart fetish when messaging me to make plans for the night (especially during the weekend). This mostly happens on WhatsApp:

Dave: “Dude, you have to come with us. Stop being a whiny little bi*ch and get up from that couch!”

Tim: “Sorry, man. I don’t think I’ll be joining you tonight…”

Dave: “You know what? If you don’t come with us… you’re gay!”

Dave: “Sorry, I mean… if you don’t come with us, you’re a fuc*ing heterosexual!

Dave: "U ride pussy, don’t you? Fuc*ing straight people!”

He was obviously being sarcastic, but I just loved how he adapted his… uhm… “humor” to my situation.

One time, however, things got a bit… hotter for me…

Dave: “Dude, come over. We have a lot to study…”

Tim: “Sorry, really can’t today. Aren’t you with Dana right now anyway?”

Dave: “I need somebody to focus with, not focus on. You know me and Dana always end up in bed after like 20 minutes.”

Dave: “It’s awesome but this stuff ain’t gonna study itself…”

Yep. Dave and his girlfriend Dana apparently had a very active sex life.

Glad he was getting laid. And Dana was pretty cool to be honest.

Tim: “Dave, sorry. Maybe tomorrow, k?”

Dave: “Dude! Come on! I’m farting like crazy today!”

Did… did he just try to “bribe” me using his farting abilities?

Dave: “Seriously. I just ripped one that was like 10 seconds long. What a waste of farts!”

Tim: “Dave… are you crazy?”

Took a couple of minutes to reply to that one, and then I got two messages at once.

Dave: “Oh yessss, Tim, crazy for youuuuuu!” he wrote, with a heart emoticon at the end (again, he’s a sassy bi*ch as usual).

I then saw that WhatsApp was loading a video sent by him, an actual video, not a link.

It was Dave, a smirk drawn on his face while staring at the camera. He was wearing a simple black shirt. The view soon moved and I saw his slightly sagging-butt in jeans sitting on a wooden chair, and then heard this big fart echoing in his living room (he was alone), rumbling loudly and hard on the wooden surface. He even turned the camera to his face while he was forcing the “classic”-sounding fart out, making funny facial expressions; indeed, the fart lasted almost 10 seconds, and I obviously loved that: biggest farts I’ve ever heard from him in awhile! It was like watching those funny fartvines on… well… Vine, but having my best friend as the funny/hot farter this time.

Dave: “Hope that convinced you…” he then texted.

I was kinda… “offended” by that last message.

I mean, yeah, I seriously wanted to be there, but I always love spending time with Dave, farts or not (that’s why we’ve been friends since… forever).

Tim: “Are you seriously using farts to buy my friendship? It’s not like I don’t want to study with you. I just can’t today!”

Was that too harsh? Should I have added a smiley face at the end?

Only thing I was sure of, is that I never thought that a sentence like that would even make sense someday.

And I was still bewildered by how Dave was so comfortable with the fact that I loved farts.

Tim: “You don’t need farts to convince me, Dave. More like… you’re making me suffer!” I joked, finally breaking the ice myself with a reference to my embarrassing fetish, proving that I indeed wanted to be there with him, enjoying those farts.

Another couple of minutes passed.

Was he making another…?

Dave: “I know you’re suffering, Tim. Don’t worry. That’s why I’m sending you this.”

Oh boy, another video. Should I play it? Was he aware that I was getting a boner from all of this?

I literally pitched a tent in my pants.

There… it’s Dave again, this time sitting on the couch. The video started with his face winking at the camera with a sly smile; the camera then moved between his legs and slowly panned towards his butt in loose jeans (he probably put his legs on the small table in front of his couch, to make his butt more visible). Now I had a rather unique (and hot -for me) view of both his butt (and part of his crotch) in jeans and his face. He grinned wildly and the fart began, ripped right in front of the phone. The sound and the views were perfect; Dave moved the camera towards his butt as the fart kept going strong, sounding like a deep trumpet; I could see the detailed blue fabric of his jeans as the funny sounds continued. What a lucky phone!

It lasted around 8 seconds and it was simply the hotness.

The video ended with Dave laughing at the camera and all went pitch black.

Tim: “You’re insane, Dave!” I joked again, enjoying how crazy he was about this. And for me I guess.

But I had to tell him.

Tim: “Dave, you do know that all of this gave me a… well…”

But as I was halfheartedly writing the second part of the message, Dave wrote more stuff.

Dave: “Then go beat your meat! I can’t do everything for you, Tim.”

Dave: “And please don’t act like this is some kind of big deal…

Dave: "Wow, Tim got a boner! How impressive!”

Dave: “Let’s all bow to Tim, the mighty guy whose penis can turn bigger!”

Dave: “Behold, the Great Tim! The guy who once had a boner and had to tell everyone!”

Further proof that Dave was being the best friend ever.

He was clearly being sarcastic; he was joking. That was his way of telling me “Nah bro, it’s all good”. And I was kinda surprised that he was so… chill about this stuff. I literally had a boner because of him and he just… didn’t care. As I said, he’s very open minded and perfectly comfortable with his own sexuality, so he didn’t have the irrational fear of “turning gay” when doing this stuff with and for me. I also appreciated that he trusted me with those funny, but otherwise embarrassing videos.

After one or two minutes, I’ve received one big audio file and I just knew what I was going to get when I clicked the triangular-shaped button to play them.

I heard Dave singing my name like he was some kind of serial killer trying to find me.

Dave: “Tim… come here…”

I then heard a series of muffled noises, as if the camera was being put under something, and it was clear what: I in fact then heard the loud, audio-glitching sound of one big fart that lasted around four seconds.

Dave: “He’s waiting for you…” he sung again in that creepy tone of voice.

Another fart, just as big as the first one.

He was on fire that day!

Now I was both laughing like an idiot and having the biggest boner.

Tim: “Dude, you’re on fire! But… to be honest, that was kinda gay…” I chuckled.

Dave: “Says the guy who gets a boner when he hears a fart. You fuc*ing hypocrite.”

He then sent yet another audio file, with him singing that meme-song “I’m gay, gay, gay, I love long big c*cks”, but slightly changing the lyrics. He even put a karaoke version of it on his computer while recording the audio file.

Dave: “You are gay, gay gay, you love long big farts. ‘cuz you’re supah-super gay, and you love big…”

Fittingly enough, a huge fart from my best friend took over the last part of the song. Loud as usual, sounding like a deep chainsaw. I could just imagine how beautiful that was. But the best part was probably the fact that he was definitely farting for me. I know, not your usual “hot sexy” scenario… more like a “sweet” one, in a very twisted way of course.

I wasn’t obviously offended by that “gay song”, since I knew that Dave was just being silly as usual and his mocking words were definitely not mean-spirited.

Tim: “Aren’t you supposed to be studying right now?” I asked.

Dave: “I don’t know, aren’t you supposed to be here right now?”

Tim: “Dude, seriously. Thank you! But I’m serious… I really can’t today.”

Dave: “Alright… alright… cya tonight faggot…” he wrote, with a heart-shaped emoticon at the end.

I just rolled my eyes and chuckled a bit, then drove my attention to my own books.

This was going to be a long afternoon. But after only one minute of silence, my phone vibrated wildly: it was Dave and he was calling me. Very unusual in that moment.

“Uhm… Dave? Hello?” I picked up.

I was greeted by a series of “Dude, sorry!” and I was really confused.

“Dave… what?”

It was just Dave being adorkable I guess.

“Dude, sorry about that 'faggot'… that was bit too much, sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

I laughed in disbelief. “Bro, it’s OK. I’m not offended. I know you didn’t want to insult me or anything…”

“No, Tim. That one word is not a joke and I shouldn’t have used it, sorry.”

I was just… wow. Dave went from “dominant friendly farter” to “adorable/awkward confused puppy” in mere seconds. Further proof that I was the luckiest guy alive (fetish or not): Dave cared so much for me that he even apologized for the “f-word”, which admittedly is a very bad word for a guy like me. But this time it was coming from Dave, my best friend, a guy who cares so much about me that he would even “censor” his language just to avoid unfortunate implications.

Ironically enough, the roles were switched, and he was the one saying a rapid-fire series of “sorry!” this time.

“Dave, quit with the apologizing. You’re the best.” I chuckled. “We’re bros, that’s what we do: we insult each other!”

“Alright… you sure? Not going to use that word ever again though.”

“Dave… it’s OK. You’re the best.”

“OK… OK. See you tonight. Take care.”

And he hang up.

He just wanted to make sure that he didn’t accidentally offend me by calling me a “fag”.

I would have been, if it wasn’t coming from Dave.

But then again, he also said that he was going to kick in the face whoever dared to insult me.

And he said that before he found out the truth about me: he’s always been quite protective.

“Oh come on!” I shouted, almost annoyed, merely five minutes later, when I heard the phone vibrate one more time.

It was Dave. Again.

He sent another video.

I tried to scoff at it but I was obviously loving all of this instead.

He was lying on the couch, the camera focusing on his butt in jeans. I could see both his face and butt, at the same time. It was like he filmed the video imagining my POV when he farted in my face, and I absolutely enjoyed that.

“Alright, Tim… Sorry for calling you a faggot.” he spoke in a “comically” serious voice. He truly was “sorry”, but it was clear that he was trying not to laugh. “I’m really, really sorry, believe me.”

Keeping a straight face, he ripped an incredibly loud, deep fart at the camera. He didn’t bat an eye, blink or smile. He eventually lost it towards the end of that 6-seconds long blast. He chuckled a bit and then turned “serious” again.

“That was a sad fart… we’re both sorry.”

He then closed his eyes and made a funny face, signing in relief as he ripped another long fart, the lucky camera slowly panning towards the seams and textures of the blue denim covering his powerful sagging butt. It lasted almost 10 seconds: truly a fart master. And those weren’t even on command!

“Oh my…” I whispered, staring in awe at the amazing video.

“This one was on the house…” he chuckled, right before turning the phone to his butt one last time and ripping a short series of toots, grinning wildly, clearly forcing those smaller farts out just for me. And that was it.

My boner was definitely wet now as bits of that well-known white substance poured from the tip of of my “standing” dick, slightly dampening my boxers and pants. It was like a volcano going to explode. A volcano that, just like me, couldn’t take it anymore. I rushed to the bathroom and furiously beat my meat, almost strangling my rock-hard penis with a firm grip. I didn’t last much: I literally peed sperm, thinking of Dave’s farts. The best part is that I didn’t need to imagine anything: it was all real. I laughed in relief just as I felt my penis deflating like a balloon, after it vomited its white substance. It felt good, not “masturbation good”, like “life is good”. And it was.

My best friend, Dave, was this fantastic guy who, in his own, twisted way, was taking care of me, accepting me, making me comfortable with my fart fetish. A gassy, open-minded, mildly disgusting “bro” who only wanted to preserve our friendship.

And I couldn’t be happier.

End of Episode 1

[woodchoc-magnum]

L*ne St*r Hate Watch 3x18

Disclaimer: as usual, don't read if you love the show, have a great day

Eddie Diaz! To sustain us:

LAST EPISODE HERE WE GO

Also I'm spoiled for the thing at the end but pretty much nothing else

Let's see how they turn Judd's storyline into Owen's storyline

Okay so Judd isn't in the elevator when the building collapses, he's talking to the absolute douchebag CEO guy

I was momentarily horrified thinking that we were cutting to a shot of Owen in bed with Amy Acker's character, but it turns out it's Lisa Edelstein in a flashback

Ohhh it was a 9/11 flashback – for a second I thought they were actually going to do a CGI shot of the plane going into the building but thankfully they didn't

Also to age Rob Lowe down they had to smear Vaseline on the lens of the camera and make the shot as soft as possible

There's another mass in Owen's lung, hopefully he dies

TK is upset that Carlos was updating his will, proving once again that TK is a fucking moron

And then they got into a fight about it

TK thinks the only reason he survived both his near death experiences is because he doesn't have a will, proving twice in less than five minutes that TK is a fucking moron

Grace knows that Judd is in the building

But we instantly cut to Judd and he's OKAY

10 bucks says the CEO dude gets crushed/smushed at some point in this episode

I will say that ain't no one do building collapses like the OG

Okay I might be wrong about the CEO guy, he's now actually showing signs of humanity by helping Judd

Here I thought he was a soulless monster

All right so… it's like 8.21 in the morning and I am still waking up, and I decided to do this now because I wanted to get this damn show over and done with, so I'm pretty sluggish right now but… my brain literally just went, "oh that's why they did the 9/11 reference at the start, because of the building collapse, and now Owen's lung cancer is back and he's going to almost die in this building collapse and it's like a full circle thing"

So sometimes my brain just takes a little while to catch up, but after 16 minutes of the episode it just clicked in, so we should be good now

Owen just said there's probably some pockets of gas left in the building which is almost definitely foreshadowing

Like I know he's not going to die, obviously, but it'd be fun if he did

Owen's going in ALONE

Marjan and Paul are literally just stuck up a ladder together doing nothing

Judd's OUT

Look this is the only thing we fucking care about right

Owen is still inside

Come on building, COLLAPSE

DO US ALL A FAVOUR AND COLLAPSE

Where's Billy when you need him, you know he could make that shit happen

OH MY GOD THE GAS POCKET THING AND THERE WAS AN EXPLOSION RIGHT IN OWEN'S FACE AND THERE WAS ANOTHER COLLAPSE

TK is registering absolutely no emotion

Owen is unfortunately still alive, everyone booed

Getting "Owen trapped in a mine" vibes

Imagine if zombie Tim turned up, that would be amazing

Is it bad if I fast forward this

No I won't

So he's been rescuing this dude – and I don't know what's happened because I wasn't watching, but I think Owen's either hallucinating or unconscious, because he's having a flashback to 9/11 and a guy he couldn't save

He's now talking to this 9/11 ghost about his cancer

Look I know this is a heavy fucking topic but we've been here for over ten minutes and it's so boring

Now he's waking up in a hospital bed?

But I saw in the preview that they were carrying him out – no this is a dream, Lisa Edelstein's back

I mean granted they kill her off but damn do they still give her stuff to do

Oh my god you guys I cannot begin to tell you how fucking BORING THIS FUCKING EPISODE IS

I genuinely want to fast forward

Oh there's the flashback and Vaseline filter again

Okay they found him in the rubble and he's unfortunately still alive

Disappointing.

Oh my god there's a fucking CHOIR SINGING

GIVE ME A BREAK

Way to turn an episode that could've been about them rescuing Judd into thirty minutes of Owen's fucking trauma

I mean this could've been tense and so much better but instead we got Owen man pain AGAIN

EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKING. EPISODE. IS. OWEN. FUCKING. MAN. PAIN

Ugh TK's here kill me now

Ok so Owen didn't tell TK about the new spot on his lungs and TK is upset/worried, I guess? It's hard to tell, everything is in a monotone

Oh I think this is the big TK and Carlos scene

TK's ready to make his will omg!

TK just asked Carlos to marry him

Carlos instantly tries to talk him out of it

If I roll my eyes any harder I might do so some serious damage

He said yes omg wow amazing this is so beautiful wow you guys everything we've always hoped and dreamed of right?

I maintain that Carlos can do better

Judd's got screws in his leg – lawsuit 2.0? LS edition? Let's go!

Owen's going to make Judd the captain of the 126 when he finally retires/dies, whatever comes first (hopefully death)

Oh there's some kind of engagement party ugggh

How is there still five minutes to go

Wow Marjan has lines in this episode

Owen and Tommy are having a little meeting

Owen has a fungal infection in his lung, damn it

THIS HAS BEEN THE WORST EPISODE EVER, what an incredibly disappointing ending to an incredibly disappointing season of mediocre television

I hate Rob Lowe and everyone and everything

Hopefully they take another huge hiatus, I need a break

In conclusion, a total wasted possibility in a season of boring bullshit, Judd and Grace continue to be the only reason I'm still watching this show, I hate Owen more than anything and I don't give a shit about TK and Carlos

See you for Season 4

EDDIE DIAZ OUT:

[joskippy]

!!! ARCHIVIST MARTIN HEADCANONS PLS !!!

OHOHOH FELLA YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH HCS I HAVE FOR THIS AU

Literally all of this is going under a read more because I have this entire au mapped out in detail but basically I find the idea of Archivist!Martin very interesting because it's just changing one detail of the entire podcast and it completely alters the story.

(Under the read more is basically my entire idea for this au from season one to season four)

What happens in this au is that Elias hires and appoints Martin as head archivist because of the fact he was already deeply alligned with the lonely and was a interests of the webs. He lacked any real connection outside of the archives and was already of interest of two entities, he's basically a perfect candidate to become archivist. Tim, Sasha, and especially Jon are hesitant to be working under someone who they don't know and hold a slight grudge against Martin at the start for being obviously unqualifed for his job. Tim and Sasha, of course, immediately become more understanding when finding out about Martin's cv and just assuming he got unlucky and winded up with the role as the head archivist. Jon, on the other hand, still doesn't know about Martin's cv and continues holding the grudge against Martin.

Which leads us to season 1

In season one, Jon's opinion on Martin is "Oh lord this man I don't know is obviously unqualifed for his job and the role of archivist should've gone to my friend Sasha. I don't like this man but he is my boss so I will keep my mouth shut." Jon though, is still very passive agressive to Martin but is less of an ass to him in this au. Martin is very open about his opinion on statements and believes alot of them but similar to jon, will only record the ones that he knows have to be real. I still think Martin get's trapped in his flat by prentiss in this au, wanting to get more info for the case but not wanting to inconvenience any of his co-workers. While trapped in his flat, Jon takes over for him and records statements for Martin (Not in a "I want to impress my boss" matter but more of an "I'll show this twerp how it's really done") and realizes how much of toll it takes on him and how difficult the job is. When Martin comes back from his little worm adventure, Jon is much more nicer and understanding of him. Martin records what happened with him and prentiss and Jon offers him to stay in the little room he made for when he overstays at work. (Martin of course, is not happy with the fact Jon stays past work hours finishing up stuff but that doesnt matter). Y'know how the rest of s1 goes with the prentiss attack (Jon and Martin still share the heart to heart, Jon loses him and Tim in the tunnels) Jon finds Gertrude's body and it sparks his paranoia finding out she was shot to death and then we get to

Season 2

Jon's immediate assumption is that Martin killed Gertrude to get his job because like, he still doesn't know Martin well and then finds out this dude's predecessor got murdered so of course mr jon sims is going to go "oh so Martin for SURE murdered this lady." For the first half of the season, Jon pretends to be buddy buddy with Martin to see if anything's off with him and somewhere along the line Jon finds the noted Martin was writing to his mom in the trash and immediately assumes its about the murder. He catches Martin in his office and immediately corners Martin like "HEY I KNOW YOU KILLED GERTRUDE AND I GOT THE PROOF" and Martin just sighs and tells him about his cv and mother and Jon's opinion of Martin goes from "incompetent murderer who killed his predecessor to get his job and might kill me." to "highschool drop out whos just trying to make a living might end up being murdered too". With the not-sasha stuff it's sorta the same but Martin let's Jon in on some details of his suspicions on her. Martin get's framed for Jurgen's death and NOW WE ARE AT

Season 3

So since Martin obviously doesn't have a place to hide it at the start of season 3 so Jon offers him to stay at his place. Jon knows that Martin didn't kill Jurgen and is willing to take the risk of giving Martin a  place to stay. Martin, of course, is hesitant but takes the offer because he's been crushing on Jon for the past forever and definitely will take his chances in staying in hot guy's flat. You know the shenanigans of s3 (Martin get's burned by Jude, kidnapped by Daisy, kipdnapped by Nikola) and FINALLY get's back into the archives to apologize to Jon for being gone from the flat for so long and apologizes again cause he's about to go off to america. Martin get's kidnapped again, comes back to london, and now it's time to stop an apocalypse! ( Before the unknowing happens, Jon and Martin share a heart to heart and confess that they both share feelings for another and get together the day before 118 happens then shit goes DOWN ). Martin of course, goes off to the unknowing and Jon stays behind at the archives to distract Elias. Elias tries and fails to use Jon's feelings for Martin against him, then switches to what happened with Georgie and the dead women walking incidents against him, pinning it on him because of his connection with the web. Martin stops the unknowing, Jon comes home to the empty apartment and gets the news that Martin is in a coma. (He immediately blames it on himself) and now it's time for

Season 4

Jon losing Martin right after realizing that they both love each other absolutely tears him apart. He moves flats and he begins to separate himself from the rest of the archives and works with peter. Martin wakes up from his coma without anyone by his side and is told the news to him about his mom right the day after. S4 basically goes the same with Martin seeing Jon again finally after the coma and goes to hug him and tell him how much he missed him but Jon just stares at him like he saw a ghost and leaves without saying a word to him. Alot of their interactions are sparse, usually with Martin trying to spark a convo with Jon resulting in usually no response or just a head shake as he scutters off.  Then Martin finally is able to actually talk to Jon and tells him that he misses him and that maybe they could catch up sometime but Jon just laughs and tells him that hes busy. Martin later on finds out about how to cut off the connection with the eye and goes to tell Jon that they could leave the archives but Jon tells him that he can't and tells Martin he doesn't want to see him anymore and kicks Martin out his office. You know what happens in 158 and 159, it's basically the same and Jon and Martin settle down at the safehouse.

I don't have much for season 5 but I really like the idea that Martin is still optimistic even after the change and that he reassures Jon that he's gonna find a way to fix it when it reality he has no clue and it terrified to think about what is going to happpen to them. They don't stay in the cabin that long soon after since Martin is very eager to go to the pannopticon and ya! Yknow how it goes.

Im so sorry I wrote a whole essay worth of shit but this au means alot to me and i get very excited when people ask me about it!!

[hellyeahheroes]

Robin(2021) #1 Review

Opening this comic with an assessment of a character that I have no choice but to agree with is a cheap way to score points with me.

Anyways, we caught heat for being unfair to this story since it was announced because all of us wanted it to be a Cass story since forever. And it became yet another thing Damian absorbs. I mostly ignored it because I’ve always been open about my disdain for the character and his fandom for nearly a decade. I never liked Damian because put these characteristics on a non-white passing character, they’d be dead inside of year. Then again I hate almost all of Grant Morrison monstrosities.

Regardless, new story who dis is in full effect here. We open this bad boy up with Damian gone missing and the Batfamily searching for him. Nightwing tried asking Damian’s old Teen Titans team and they obviously don’t know and probably hope Damian is dead. Tim checked Arkham Ruins(???) and Damian wasn’t there. I honestly don’t think Tim was trying to find Damian. Steph and Cass checked Damian’s farm and Steph concluded Damian has been there at least because while Damian may be a little shit, he loves his dog and pet bat dragon. Barbara checked facial recognition pings and his transactions and dude is an IRS nightmare.

Damian is missing. Bruce is worried that maybe making a violent murderous preteen Robin raised in a cabal of killers to be chief murderer was a bad idea and is worried. Barbara ensures him that they will find his son and we cut to Damian fighting Snake guy in some musty ass fight put somewhere. Because of course it’s a musty ass fight pit because while the story is well drawn, it never claimed to be not cliche.

Damian hands the scrub his ass and it turns out Damian is trying to earn a marker to participate in some tournament. I liked this panel.

Not because of the artist flex of changing the art style, but it establishes Damian with a relatable hobby, reading manga. And not just a Shounen as you expect him to read but a slice of life manga which kind of puts his life in perspective. Also the lesson in the manga is reflective of what happens in the comic. Damian’s mastery is reflective of how he sees Hana. Hana decides to go beyond what her masters taught her. She decides to innovate and make her art her own. And that’s indicative of another flaw of Damian: Damian leans of the prestige of his teachers. He is the student that replicates the style 1:1. He wants to inherit Batman’s mantle, but doesn’t want to shed his teachings that he is proud of. And it comes down to this idea that Damian refuses to innovate and adapt because he is hiding behind his masters.

This panel saved the story so good job.

And after a talk with dead Alfred, it’s revealed that Damian is on this journey as a way to mirror Bruce’s journey into becoming Batman. It’s his way to iron his resolve without a catalyst to find a need to. It highlights his naïveté. He thinks that he can just simply copy the steps and get the same results.

Regardless what happens next simultaneously undermines the story or the impact of it.

Okay, when you think of Martial artists in DC, you immediately think Batman, Shiva, Deathstroke, Black Canary, Bronze Tiger, Richard Dragon, and Shiva. Why I said Shiva twice? Because Shiva is the pinnacle.

So to reveal that three premier martial artists in the universe are not only not participating but they were paid off to not participate, cheated out, or were subbed in as an entry replacement, it undermines the promotion. It’s like going to a Beyonce Concert only to find out that between the words in small print Beyonce and Concert was ‘s Sister’s and now you are watching Grammy award winning Solange. Sure, it’s an unique experience but it ain’t Beyonce.

And also, there is no amount in the world that would keep Shiva away from this tournament if it’s as prestigious as it’s led to be. Let’s be real. If anything, it’s far more likely that she saw the roster of scrubs and decided to make some scratch.

There are two characters that I recognize: Connor Hawke and Rose Wilson. I am not familiar with Connor so I am not sure if he is out of place. Rose is fine but y’know, scrub. I’m sorry Rose Wilson got her ass handed to her by Cass in the previous universe. There is no universe where I take her seriously in a fighting tournament to crown greatest fighter because the ass stomp was so thorough that Cass was beating Slade’s ego by proxy.

Back to the comic, Damian interrupts the host and basically is the fighting tournament trope of overly confident disrespectful guy with too many accolades which he will proudly tell you about them. What I like about this is the nice nod to the previous manga panel. Damian is not a great fighter. There I said it. Damian’s ability hinges on the idea that he was trained by the greatest killers and Batman but the issue is that name prestige doesn’t make great fighters. Too many times, comic books overly rely on this idea of fighting being a what you know and not being a game of not getting hit and getting hits in. It does not matter if Damian is trained by the League and Batman and it’s questionable as to how much Batman taught him in the first place. Hence why we see Damian with a sword or staff to compliment his lack of range. Damian can’t read muscle twitches like a Cass or Shiva so he has a normal reactive response and comics never highlighted his ability. The most impressive thing I’ve seen Damian do is catch a Batarang which is something I’ve seen Tim do. Damian overly relies on the idea that his teachers taught him to be the best when they simply taught him to survive in a fight.

“But why does Cass get away with it?,” you ask. Cass has this broken hax that is reading muscle twitch and immediately knowing the instant of what you are going to do before you do it or decide to do. Cass doesn’t need range because to her, you are screaming your intentions. She doesn’t need to block an attack when she can just parry. She doesn’t need to step back when she can just step forward while slipping all attacks. She is an autistic savant at fighting with an absolute defense. Damian is just another badass teen in a world of badass adults.

And the humbling of Damian begins...again.

Pros:

-Damian’s new costume. I like that he is branching out and starting to own his own colors. It’s nice.

-Using a character flaw to make it a theme. I like Chekhov’s gun via teachable moment. In tournament arcs, what separates the good ones and the bad ones is the idea that the hero simply must overcome their opponents and not their own self. This is why Yuyu Hakusho is awesome.

- Great art and nice continuity. It’s nice that Damian’s past wasn’t ignored for once and they didn’t just throw his Teen Titans characterization down the tubes. Say what you want, but it was arguably Damian’s longest run in spite of his fans hating it. And contrary to what they believe, it was very much in character for him. My fear going into this that Damian would not face any fallout and lo and behold he ran away.

- it’s a good start for a Damian story. Say what you want, but it’s unique in that the little shit gets his comeuppance immediately. And not that just by losing, but by dying. Damian has killed before and readily justifies it because he never realizes the weight of taking someone’s life. He’s been killed before but those were painted in a way that he is valiant. Here, this is death caused by his own arrogance. He mocks a fighter for talking shit and gets murked while talking shit. He spouts names of his own teachers and expects people to care or be weary as if Rose Wilson and Connor aren’t there. It’s a tournament sponsored by the League of Assassins, Damian. They have been taught by the league too.

Cons:

-Look I get promotion. No promoter is going to undermine their product but the fact that this tournament reeks like ABA is killing my interest to give a shit. It’s a convenient caveat to say that, “Well, a character won this so they can have the title but the title doesn’t mean anything.” I know of regardless of whom wins this, they aren’t the best. Go ham or don’t at all.

-not enough emphasis of the importance of this arc. Why even have this tournament? What’s the prize? What’s even the point?

-While the art is nice, the action is framed poorly. I like physical action like this to be nearly choreographed in a way I can see and piece movement in my head. The two fight scenes we get are somewhat disjointed in that it’s just poses. For example, Flatline’s first kick makes no sense at all and I don’t get her follow up. Trying to picture the movement hurts my head and in an action concept like this, it’s best to frame action scenes as more than doing poses. Here is a good example:

This only emphasizes the action and gets the reader to acknowledge that this a tournament of great fighters or at least a great fighting story.

All in all, do I think this story is off to a good start? Yes. Is it going to change my opinion on Damian? Hell no. My reaction to Damian getting his ass handed to him was this.

The issue is that it never sticks. Damian can learn and be a better person but the development never sticks. It becomes a cyclical series of events because whoever writes him next will just keep writing him as this shitty entitled murder rich kid who never learns anything and gets validated somehow. It’s been over a decade and I’m tired of the same excuses of his shitty behavior. I am tired of writers validating it or excusing it.

Damian losing isn’t an outcome I care for because it’s wasted on him. Honestly I am more interested in Connor and Rose being there. I have no faith that it will stick nor does it undo the shitty idea of the character. I have never wanted to see Damian fight. It’s never been fun to read about nor has the impetus of his character emphasized the ability or style. Placing Damian in an Enter the Dragon style tournament lacks the pizzazz of Cass doing the same thing. For example, let’s try Marvel.

Let’s say someone pitches an idea of a tournament arc styled after Game of Death. Immediately you think Martial Artists non-powered. Danny Rand, Daredevil, Elektra, Shang-Chi, Pei and Colleen Wing. Okay, instead of giving those characters the honor, you give the story to Black Cat. Honestly, I’d read it because Felicia could sell me a documentary on grass and I’d buy it but the point stands, why does Damian have this Bruce Lee inspired Martial Arts story versus the actual Chinese or East Asian Martial Arts focused member of the Batfamily, Cassandra Cain?

But this has nothing to do with what could have been. It’s a fun beginning of a possibly fun arc. In that regard, it delivers but what’s the point?

Like I said, fun story.

@ubernegro

[imonthinice]

The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 13/?

Word Count: 3.2k

Author’s Note: Part 13? The unlucky part??? I’m evil

Y/N - Your name, A/N - Any name ( your best friend’s name).

I don’t know when this will be posted because time is dumb! But I do think I’ll have something prepared for Jason’s birthday<3

Hope you’re all well!

Warnings: Swearing, Eludes to sex, Mentions of injuries, Mentions of underage drug use (Do Not Condone), Mentions of sexual assault, Eludes to trauma, no beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

The next morning, Jason and Y/N would wake up in the same bed. Y/N would get up and stumble her way into his ensuite, trying not to wake him as he was still injured. It had been 4 days since his injury, and he was hoping that the next day he’d get his stitches removed. She would grab the clothes she wore the day before and walk into the ensuite.

She would fumble with her makeup a bit, realizing it had run slightly from the night before. Before just realizing it would be a lot easier if she took it all off. She wasn’t wearing heavy makeup, but it was just enough to hide what she thought were imperfections.

She wasn’t wearing anything, so she just threw on all of her other clothes and threw her hair up.

When she exited the ensuite, he was still sleeping in the bed, but his clothes were strewn across the room. She paused her thoughts to clean up his clothes and put them in his laundry basket.

She touched her nose to test if it was still warm and painful, which brought all the pain to the forefront, and it was still warm to the touch, she knew it was inflamed from the head-butting incident and looking in the mirror.

She didn’t think it would hurt this much, and she winced at the pain.

Jason would start groaning in his sleep, she assumed it was because they didn’t close the blackout curtains before they had their fun the night before. So she went to go close them when he went and grabbed her thigh, she laughed quietly.

“Good morning, Jason,” she said as she closed the curtains before  leaning down to see his face, and what was obvious bedhead.

“Hi,” he whispered before pulling her back into his bed.

She laughed, “Sorry, baby. I had to get up and get dressed.”

“Lame,” he whispered and curled into her.

“Jay, you’re naked,” she said.

“Thank you Sherlock Holmes.”

“Oh shut it, you should get dressed,” she suggested.

“Yeah, I should,” he said as he left the bed, crawling over her and going to his dresser, thank God he didn’t have any IVs and blood bags anymore, so he could walk without having to drag those around anymore.

She didn’t stare at him, because he nose started pounding and she whimpered.

“You alright, Y/N?” Jason asked her.

“Yeah sorry, my nose is killing me.”

“Well that’s what happens when you head-butt someone.”

She laughed, “I’m sorry okay, I panicked.”

“That part’s obvious.”

“You could pretend to care that I’m hurt, Jay,” she joked.

He laughed as he put on his boxers and his pants, “I could, but I also think you were being reckless, I worry,” he searched for a shirt, “I worry that us being together is putting you in danger,” he said as he found a shirt.

“Well, I like the danger, if there is any.”

“I’m pretty sure there’s a danger,” he put on his shirt and fumbled with his hair, “It’s obviously because you’re attached to Bruce, you heard that man ‘I wonder what Bruce will give me for you’ he knew we had money. You need your car back.”

“I can’t afford the fees,” she sighed.

“Bruce can pay them, you know.”

“God no, I would feel so bad, I’ll just take the subway or something.”

He sighed and went back to her, cupping her face, “Please let my dad pay the fees, it’s dangerous out there,” he leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, “I can’t stand that you got hurt linked to your shenanigans with me,” he kissed her.

“I guess it’s me being protective,” he said, “But I think it’s a reasonable thing to be concerned about, Y/N.”

“I’ll figure it out, I swear.”

“You figuring this out involved you head-butting your attacker, I get it was quick thinking, but my god woman, that was dangerous,” he said.

“You literally got stabbed protecting your best friend,” she argued.

“Okay, good point, but I’m prettier than you so I win,” he joked.

“What kind of fucking logic is that you bastard!” she joked.

“The kind of star-crossed lovers or something, I don’t know, I don’t write, you do.”

“I’ll sell our story to Warner Brothers, we’ll make millions off of us.”

“Two lovers, harassed by the press in the media, spend most of their time hiding and protecting themselves from the disgusting eyes of the media and the man who attacked one of them,” he said in a news broadcaster voice, “Amazing, isn’t it?” he joked.

“The kind of story Artemis said Dick would eat up.”

“Oh, he would. Man’s a sucker for a romantic story.”

“Well, maybe he can sell his and Barbara’s romantic story to the Warner Brothers, he’d probably make millions too, if it’s worth anything.”

“Well, they’ve known each other for years, and when they finally started dating, myself, Steph, Cass, Tim and Damien all celebrated to an extent, we all saw it coming from all those years of them knowing each other,” he paused, “They actually fought a lot when they were younger before they dated, it would be normal to hear Dick and Barbs going at it about how they hated each other.”

“That’s such a meet-cute stone-cold-woman meets goofy guy story that I hate it.”

He laughed, “They’re so gooey, it’s so cute that I want to vomit.”

“That’s valid. We should be cuter so that they want to vomit.”

“I like your thinking, Y/N.”

“You always do, I have good ideas, Jason.”

“Only sometimes.”

She laughed. It was true, someone with always good ideas wouldn’t have head-butted her attacker, but it’s not like she carried knives or guns around to defend herself. She was considering getting a conceal-carry permit, just because she truly was shaken up by the event.

But a little trauma makes for good stories, and her story with Jason was just starting.

--------------------------------------

Dick decided he’d drive her to her class that day, she didn’t think it mattered that much, her attack, but she realized that a lot of them didn’t want to see her hurt, even if they barely knew her.

She figured it was a kindness that they all possessed. She heard stories of the Waynes paying off waitress’/waiters’ student debts. She heard stories of the Waynes being polite to their ‘lower’ counterparts of the world. She knew they wer kind people, so she wasn’t shocked when Dick insisted he drive her to her class.

“So, Y/N, what are your intentions with my brother?” Dick joked.

“Oh no, not this, I haven’t prepared my answerers for this exam,” she retorted.

“No, its a pop quiz, you have no chance to prepare.”

“Fuck. Can I drop out of this class?”

“How would you even accomplish that?”

“Tuck and roll out of the car, probably,” she joked.

“You ever done that before?”

“Nope, you?”

“Did it on a dare, Jase dared me.”

“And he calls me reckless,” she laughed.

“Well, we were still in high school at the time, we’re supposed to be reckless,” Dick said.

“You ever met a college kid? We’re supposed to be reckless too.”

“He’ll get over it in time, Y/N. I promise. He just needs time to accept that you’re going to be as reckless and opinionated as he is, no one really refuses each other like you two do, and I’m sure you don’t mean it to be like that.”

“I think you’re reading too far into it, Dick, we make compromises.”

“Then why is your car still an issue? Bruce can cover the cost no questions asked.”

“I don’t know,” she admitted.

“Maybe it’s something to think about.”

“Are you always this brotherly? I need to know what I’m getting into here.”

He laughed, “You really do keep out of the press, don’t you?”

She took that as a yes, he is that brotherly and would continue to be. She didn’t mind, she never had a brother growing up so this would take some time to get used to, but she did not mind at all. She just figured she’d have to keep her partying ways even further down in the depths of her secrets.

They didn’t need to know what she did and what was done to her, she even ignored those problems herself. If they came out, then so be it, but if she could keep them hidden, she would.

“What were you like back in high school?” Dick asked, trying to fill the silence.

“Probably not the type of person that your dad would want Jason to be with,” she admitted.

“Care to elaborate?”

“Honestly? I don’t want to talk about it. You’d probably have to get me hammered to talk to you about it.”

“Well, maybe one day you’ll go to a gala. And after you’re wasted, I’ll ask you about it.”

“I’ll hold you to it.”

“I’m sure you will, Dick. I’m sure you will.”

“Well, we’re here,” he said, “You have my number right?” 

“I do, I do.”

“Good, call me if you need me to come get you and take you home, or to the Manor. Either or, no questions asked,” he laughed, “I expect the same when you have your car back, to be fair.”

“Consider it a deal, thanks Dick.”

“Anytime, really.”

She closed the door and waved him off, but when he pulled out of the lot, the press was at Y/N’s ass. She ran though, she ran far to get out of there.

Class was the usual. She wrote her normal psychology notes, sitting in her class, concentrating as she scribbled down the notes that she struggled to read.

When she was done and getting read to call Dick to come get her, her old friends from Metropolis showed up at her school.

“Hey! Y/N!” Christopher yelled when he saw her leave her class.

“Oh my god?” she said before running to hug him, “What the fuck are you doing here, dude?” she questioned, before looking at the rest of the car and seeing Justine, Kaitlin and Thomas, “What the fuck are all  of you doing here?”

“C’mon party girl, we’re taking you to your pale, you get dressed, and we’re going out,” Justine urged Y/N to join them, “Just like old times, man.”

“Yeah! We haven’t partied in weeks since you got your scholarship! We know you’re busy and trying to discipline yourself, but we can go party every once in a while, girl!” Kaitlin added.

“You know we miss you too,” Thomas finished.

“Alright, I need no more convincing, let’s get going,” she said as she hopped into the car and they went going to her house. She thought on the drive there, What if I fall back into old habits, and I’m doing so well, what if I fall off?

She couldn’t have more thoughts because before she knew it, she was in her house sending Jason a quick text,

Hey baby, I can’t come over tonight. Old friends came by.

Oh. I hope you have fun, I’ll probably be with my brothers. how did you even get home?

They drove me. I promise I’ll be over tomorrow and you’ll have me all day and night long, though.

That. That is exciting.

It should be.

She got dressed.

And she sent Jason a photo of what she was wearing (like the picture above) just to get him going. Before running out of her place and hopping back into the car.

“You always dress to impress, don’t you?” Thomas asked.

“I dress like I know what I’m doing,” Y/N joked.

“Never change, Y/N, never change,” Justine joked back.

------------------------ 

She walked into the club she frequented back when she was in high school, but the Gotham one. She had a fake ID, and she used it well and was in the club before the rest of her group knew it.

Justine would grab her hand and take her to the bar, Fuck, she thought, Here we go. And they ordered drinks. 

The rest of the night was a blur of people, drinks and her friends.

She knew she overdid it from the minute she woke up, in her bed, feeling around for her phone in her messed up and torn up sheets. Het body was covered in bruises, she noticed between harsh blinks from the pouding headache she was nursing. She remembered why she didn’t party as hard anymore. She didn’t even know how she got home that night. She found her phone and turned it on, 8:00am it read. She checked her messages, adn there was Jason, at 7:00am he said;

Are you awake yet? 

To which, she replied: I am, why?

How drunk were you last night?

I think blackout. I don’t remember much. 

I can tell.

Tell me I didn’t do anything stupid.

You did something stupid.

What did I do?

You called me at 3am and told me you loved me, followed by saying you threw up at one of your friends. I don’t even know how you got home.

Well that’s not that bad.

You told me about your past.

Oh.

When were you going to tell me you’re a recovering alcoholic?

I don’t know.

Come here. Come over. We need to discuss this.

Alright, alright. I’ll be there soon.

Dick will come get you in an hour, actually. Don’t leave the house without him.

I won’t.

She got up and looked at the mirror at herself. She was covered in bruises, her makeup was smudged, her eyes looked sunken in and her hair was a mess. She sighed, knowing she fucked up, and wiped off her makeup and got in the shower. She quickly showered and put on a turtleneck and a pair of jeans.

It was to hide the bruises from Jason. She assumed someone had physically assaulted her, possibly sexually. She only had that thought once before she pushed it very far down and swallowed it. She went to go make coffee, but her head was racing at the ideas of last night and what she said.

She was fucked up and she did fuck up. She knew she shouldn’t have drank. but she did. And she knew Jason was either really pissed or really sympathetic. She was scared at how much she might have discussed when Dick honked his horn and she left the house.

In the car, Dick tried to break the silence, “You should have told someone, anyone. We’re all really good at listening, Y/N.”

She wiped away a few tears that were pooling.

“You didn’t need to hide from us, Y/N.”

“I do.”

“No, Y/N, you don’t. Jason’s probably more mad that you didn’t tell him over you actually being a recovering alcoholic. You called him last night and let it all spill out. Everyone knows, you don't need to hide anymore.”

“Of course I did,” she said, swallowing more tears and her voice breaking.

She wanted her past as an alcoholic to die when she moved out of the city, because she didn’t want everyone to know how broken she was, fighting with addiction. A lot of her anxieties and treatments of people make sense with her past addictions, but that doesn’t mean she liked them.

She hated that girl, the wild party child who almost drank herself to death, her body was just recovering fully from her escapades when she went out clubbing. She knew this was going to be an issue, but she didn’t know how to fix it.

He looked over at her and caught eye at one of her bruises that was peaking over her turtleneck. He tried to not stare, but she noticed.

“Don’t ask about it, Dick. I don’t know what happened.”

“I think you two will get through this.”

“I hope we do, but realistically,” she paused.

“Don’t think like that.”

They pulled into the driveway and the minute Dick unlocked her door, she was out of there, speed walking to the door and then to Jason’s room.

She opened the door to find him reading a book, she would have smiled at this, had she not been certain that they were about to fight.

“Jason?”

“Oh. You’re here.”

“Yeah, I just-” 

He cut her off and got up from his bed, looking ever-so disappointed in her as he walked to the door of his room. She expected the fight to take place in the hall, so she tried to step back when he grabbed her forearm with one of his hands and yanked her into his room. She assumed maybe, just maybe his room was soundproof so his family wouldn't have to hear the yelling. He closed the door once she was in and stared at her.

She gulped, expecting him to let loose on the argument now about her drinking and her confessing she was a recovering alcoholic, but instead, he pulled her into a hug, which she yelped at.

“Jason?” she said, shocked.

“Shh,” he broke from the hug and cupped her face, “It’s okay, really.”

“But I hid it from you...”

“You know, we’ve only known each other two weeks or something, right? I get you hiding it, I just wish it didn’t come out like that,” he laughed and kissed her quickly, “Besides-” he noticed the bruise on her neck, “What’s that?” he asked, grabbing her hand and clutching it.

“There’s...”

“There’s more?” he asked.

“What, I mean, uh... uh... no?” she stuttered.

“Take your shirt off.”

“Jason...”

“Or tell me the truth.”

“Baby-”

“So there’s more, who hurt you? Did you fall?” he asked, getting a little bit heated, really squeezing her hand.

“I don’t know.”

He cupped her face, “That’s okay,” he leant his forehead against hers, “It’s okay, I promise, I do. I just really don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I don’t try to,” she said.

“Seems like trouble likes to follow you,” he said.

“Well, you found your way to me so I’d have to agree,” she joked.

“Ha ha. How’s your nose?” he said as he broke contact with her to go sit on his bed, she followed.

“It still hurts, but I can’t tell if that’s from last night or from my shenanigans with the attacker.”

“It could honestly be a combination of both, depending on what happened to you, have you asked your friends for the full story yet?”

“No. I’ve been scared to.”

“I don’t blame you.”

“I’m going to. Right now.”

“I support your decision on that,” he said as he turned on the TV in his room, but then Y/N paused.

“Y/N?”

“Reports are in of a group of friends, who all got arrested last night, for bodily harm of a man who attempted to rape their friend, Police say., the suspects in the attack are Christopher Green, Justine Wong, Kaitlin Benoit and Thomas Harthrew. More to be coming soon.”

“Thank god that girl had those friends.”

She turned to Jason, “So,” she paused, “I’m glad you think that, because, those are my friends.”

[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ���

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

[farty-city]

inside bo burnham review no one asked for

i enjoy other peoples commentary and i was writing down my first thoughts anyway so here it is

inside

first song/intro song

i like the phone screen on him, very reflective of how we have had phone screens on us

“roberts been a little depressed” osnskjdnfs

they were right “daddys made you some content so open wide” hjbfafn

intro

oh my god he looks awful

but like in a cute way

maybe

healing the world with comedy (second song)

the canned and queued laugher no exactly… is it a symbol or is it just funny.. who's to say. 

it think its a good first song, establishing he knows what he is doing is kind of useless 

“the indescribable power of your comedy”

he looks like marc maron rn

i like the synthed voice and synthesizer

the jesus allusion … yeah

“i'm a special kind of white guy”

this feels like he knows how he is perceived by fans.. Make happy was too much

his fucking dancing fksjdnfksj

i think he did a good job looking manic

the lasers lmao

Side 1

Bo made a huge gamble releasing this like,,, what if you just stumbled upon it and this was ur first introduction to him..

I bet its like when i comment dumb things on instagram comments and get that rush of hehehehe

NO NOT BO DEVELOPING BILLIE EILLISH VOWELS

Also this is exactly what he wanted like,, he just wanted to make his things and not deal with the crowds so..

To think i was like finding scraps of him performing at largo and stuff and now,, so much content

life imitates art

the way he's literally what he wrote hgbkdf

there is no authenticity with cameras

suicide ?

 facetime with my mom tonight

the blue light.. Yeah

o hblue like sad

i don't know how i feel about the electric music but i guess its no different than whatever else i listen to

this is sad wow

still catchy etc

side 2

i wonder if here will be any fart jokes

that is how the world works (songs)

the huge mess and then him in a sweater

this is reminiscent of that walmart muppets

he became tim minchin with a sock puppet

the “yes… yes sir” stoppp 

jkgdsnfijwkensfosnf

qbejfnjne

nerjgnoejns

bo making a political statement and a metaphor for activism and then making it weirdly kinky

brand consultant (bit)

man bun

i have to believe he filmed it with the beard because quarantine vibes and also bc he was tired of being seen as a child

white womans instagram (song)

i did not like that intro

BO AND GLASSES THANK GOD

the daisies wow just wow

underwear

“white womans instagram” or “bo burnham becomes a girlboss”

i like that he didn't lose his cadence like the way the rhymes are you can still tell its him

i don't get the mom part sorry

is it like how people are very superficial but also very personal on their instagrams

this part was legit sad

side 3

i wonder how he felt with cameras constantly on him

Although this is the point hes trying to make

lol seinfeld moment (bit)

unpaid intern (bit and song)

“barely people somehow legal” was so smooth woW

omg he was scatting

he was a man who would scat

oh my god what great news

the react clip omg

i cant believe he did that oh my god

observation/critisism and response to the “can anyone shut the fuck up” 

and as i realized what he was doing he was like “i have this need for everything i make to have a deeper meaning” oh my god

now the question is how long will this go on?

jeffrey bezos (song)

idk its catchy

and then theres him like sleeping and talking which kind of is part of the jeff bezos song

bug eyes salamanders hehe

sexting (song)

i do believe this is just a silly song 

the earrings tho omg

sounds like post malone hbkjdsnfskj

idk its still about like intimacy in quarantine and that stuff..

the knife (bit)

i know hes copying like other youtubers but like,,, what

stuck in a room (song)

the intro is very funny and relatable

classic bo i love it 

i will say this special has been more reflective but i suppose it has to be

“look whos inside again”

i like the end too, this is all a fabrication

this is the clip where hes staring at the projection of himself from his old youtube videos which is sort of more like an ending to the “stuck in my room” song

 sorry (song)

i love the 80’s style music and its like zumba

oh this is like an apology song

“father please forgive me for i did not realise what i did, or that id live to regret it” what a catchy line

i would say this is another more “classic” bo song where its self aware and funny

“my closet it chalk full of stuff that is vaguely shitty” 

camera falling

this deserves its own bullet because its silly

i'm turning 30 (bit and song)

i remember him talking about this on a podcast and like,, damn i didn't know this also happened LOL

i really like how he did the lighting 

“stupid fucking ugly boring children”

suicide talk (1)

this is interesting i like the use of the projection

this is something that could never have happened onstage

just like with the it being projected on him

i guess it could but it would have to be done differently and probably hed have to make it funnier to make it more engaging

intermission

i just checked this is about the halfway point.. Mh

i don't wanna know (song)

“i thought it’d be over by now”

i wish this was longer but i kind of like how its just a little snippet and then the cut

video game (bit)

“i guess i’ll cry again”

“is the dude big or is the room small” lol

hm depression

 feelin like shit (song)

ohh the lighting is fun again

this is the tone shift i suppose

the feels like supalonely and the new kind of music

atl

:(

panic attack 

everything all of the time (song)

feels like brandon rogers 

i enjoy this

this feels like “welcome to youtube” grew up

“a little bit of everything all of the time”

“apathys a tragedy and boredoms a crime”

ok olivia rodrigo

finishing the special (bit)

these feel like diary entries but as standup

interesting choice

jeffery bezos (2)

Why the seaweed suit

Where did he get that

the digital space (bit)

suit up, gather what is needed, and return to the surface

damn

pirate map anfdkjfnskjd

this was so stupid (affectonate)

that funny feeling (song)

the campfire vibes 

kenny loggins

i don't get it..

is it about childhood, is it about the present?

i think its talking about the end of content? 

“the end of culture”, to quote make happy

change and not liking it 

“we were overdue, but it will be over soon”

if the second half of the special is like a panic attack this song is like a momentary pause before it gets worse

“so ive been working on this special”/breakdown 

this was .. uncomfortable and genuine which i'm sure is why he kept it

all eyes on me (song/rant)

another sad thing to watch.. damn

me trying to tell if the audio was from make happy

i think he was trying to make it as if the audio was from make happy 

this feels.. familiar

and obviously that is the point

“come on in the waters fine”

the use of autotune during the talking part... yeah

sad that he was gonna make another special… and it would have been totally different than this

i’ve decided i like the homage to make happy

It feels like hes made peace with it

the montage of him waking up and the “i think i'm done”

and then of course the ending where he's watching it over to remind us that its all fabricated

possible ending song/ “i promise to never go outside again”

ngl he looks good in the shirt with the haircut hehe

which i feel like is what he wants up to notice

and then like not think after we saw all his breakdowns

“i want to hear you tell a joke when no ones laughing in the background”

i really like the medley

Final thoughts

I want a blooper reel, but this doesn't seem like the kind of special

I also wonder if the songs will be on like apple music, but again, doesn't seem like the kind of special

I'm happy for him, he got to be honest and open and show us the sort of panicky stuff

this self aware comedy is exactly the stuff that i think will be making a comeback in the next decade.  John better be pulling up with more deconstructed comedy. 

I hope this has given him peace

[iamprincessx]

I just wanted to post my rough draft to this site before I complete it and upload it to AO3

You can’t really tell who’s talking , just assume it’s someone from the new titans or young justice, this fits is not complete.

“It’s movie night! And I get to pick this time.”

“What are we watching?”

“The first episode of euphoria.”

“That's not a movie, and what is euphoria?”

“Every teenager knows what it is.”

“Well obviously we dont.”

“You're right that was rude. I forgot yall lived under a rock.”

“It's about teenage struggles-”

“Ahem normal teenage struggles.”

“Yeah, just teenagers doing drugs being depressed and sexuality.”

“Geez is that girl doing crack?”, tim asked

“Yep.”

“I bet she’s gonna die.”

“I bet she;s not because she’s the main character.”

“If it makes her so sad she should stop.”

“It's not that easy, you can get dependent on drugs quickly.”

“And how do you know this?”

“Because I watch this show.” no one bought that for a second but they left it alone.

“So you know about rehab because of this show too?”

“I know that was supposed to be a joke but no, I have a coin that has that saying on it though.”

“Hey that sailor moon girl sounds like estella.”

“Lol did she just buy drugs from a kid?” He's laughing.

“I know this is just a show but I think we should call the police.”

“Don’t tell Batman we’re watching this.”

“These kids are so dumb drugs just rot your brain and make you dumb.”

“Woah don’t say that in front of estella”

“Now that girl has to be estella.”

“So is Nate damian?”

“Has to be they say he’s a dick.”

“Maybe the little sister is estella?”

“Why are you guys trying to figure out who I am, figure out your character types?”

“But that's not as fun.”

“She really just ran to get a cup of piss.”

‘“How was rehab?’”

“Not effective.” estekka thanked God they started commenting on the movie and not her.”

“It's hard for me to believe that you don’t have the habits of not one of these characters.”

After a sex scene “Yeah don’t tell batman.

“Hey dames, you and estella do that together?”

“No we don’t”

“He’s saying he gets zero play.”

“But we already knew that though.”

“What's play?”

“Estella tell your boyfriend about the birds and the bees.”

“Don’t” and that was the end of that?”

“Y'know this seems like it would be more of a movie than a tv show,”

“Is this show even worth it? Have you watched it already?”

“Yeah, the show gets more suspenseful as you watch it.”

“A show about drugs and sex I doubt it.”

“That's like every show ever now.”

“Uh oh she’s at a motel.”

“Ew is she a prostitute.”

“This doesn’t look like it's going well.” Nate scene.

“Welp we’ll never see her again.”

“Look Damians back on the screen.”

“Why are they all shirtless?”

“And sexist.”

“Okay the girl they’re talking about has to be estella.”

“Watch your mouths.”

“Nudes are not the currency of love.”

“So this is about child porn?”

“Child abuse.”

“It has elements of it.”

‘“Back to this bullshit.”’

“Bullshit it is.”

‘“Fuck her like the whore she is”’

“Eww i hate him already.”’

“Do you all still think I'm him?”

“That's to be determined, we’re not the ones dating you.”

“Oh my god they’re having sex.”

“What is this ESTELLA!”

“Why are we watching porn right?”

‘“I couldn’t breathe.”’

‘“I thought you liked that?”’

“At least she put a stp to it.”

“They’re not wrong about the porn thing though.'' Everyone looked at the beast boy.

“What? It's not like you guys haven’t done it before.” he huffed.

“Beast boys right, that stuff is everywhere.” Now the attention is on her.

“I meant boy guys.”

“That exists.” damians looked at her.

“Welp, they're having a conversation tonight.”

“I wonder what it will lead to?..”

‘“Why the fuck would i like that?’”

The bike scene.

“Okay so that's time.”

“After to many blows to the head”

“Ew.”

“Okay now I'm calling the police.”

“That is so creepy.”

‘“You’re so clean.”’

“Hello police?” he actually called someone.

‘“Dude, what's the issue?”

“Estella’s making us watch porn.”

“I’m on my way.”

“Who did you call?”

“Night wing.”

‘“And then the night got weird.”’

“Yeah, our night is too Rue.”

“You’re already attached to her character?”

“She’s the narrator, we’re like the same person right now. Just observing.”

“They’re the it couple. That’s soo estella and damian,” estella did about other people's relationships a lot especially the titans.”

‘What if i told you i wanted you to fuck me right here right now.’

‘Jewels ditched her hook up and was on her way over to mckay’s’

“Good for her.”

‘Bitch this isn’t the 80s you need to catch a dick.’

‘She wanted to have questionable morals.’

“I hope she doesn’t lose her virginity to those jerkers.”

“She is literally surrounded by peer pressure.”

‘Fat girls give the best head.’

“Are they Damian?” Estella just looks at Damian waiting to be defended.

“I will spill your guts on this floor if you speak of my beloved again.”

“Yeah you’ve been kind of a jerk to her all night.”

“Let her be a second man.”

“She’s the one who picked the movie.”

“Tv show whatever.”

‘Your whole drug shit got be feeling uneasy got me scared as fuck.’

“Same dude.”

“I swear she’s gonna die .”

“We need to put money on that.”

“I bet they judge our relationships behind our backs.”

‘Still gone be my dealer fez.’

‘Please say no.’

‘I'm too high to have this conversation.’

“He doesn’t care about her at all”

“Nim don;t wanna offend estella or anything.”

“Ugh”

“But that's exactly how Damian would react.”

‘Anybody knows who Jules is?’

“I wouldn’t let my anger out on some random girl.”

“Why is he on her like that?”

“I thought you watched this before?”

“Not in like a year.”

‘You wanna fucking hurt me?’

“Now that’s estella.”

“WHen she doesn’t have Damian to defend her.” Damian looks at Estella and he looks ready to pounce. She shrugs.

“It's true.”

“Woah, that girl has a dick.”

“She's trans.”

“Alright captain obvious.”

“You’re taking a lot throughout this movie younow”

“Tv show, and yeah we're all talking it's pretty interesting”

“Good choice estella.”

‘And then things got weird.’

“...”

“That makes complete sense.”

“So his dad is Batman and that's damian.”

“Not even close.”

‘He found his dads porn, it was an alabrate code to make sure no one fucked with his shit.’

“Sounds like batman.” Tim had to agree.

“Yeah the compulsive paranoid art is, but Batman woulda kept it more secure.”

“From one of the robins? Fat chance.”

“You’re right about that too.”

“so.. Does batman.”

“Stop, I never looked to find out.” everyone turns their head to damina next.

“..., I woke up to father having sex on the couch across from me once.”

“Oof.”

“You need to process that.”

“There’s nothing to process.”

‘At twelve he developed a rigid diet.’

“Yep Damian.”

“Maybe that one factor applies to me.”

“And the sexual trauma.”

‘How casual they were about being naked , he would accidentally catch a glimpse of one someone else's penis.’

‘He though he didn’t have guts or a fucking clue, hemade a list of things he like nd disliked.’

“Domain you lost this battle.”

“..”

“Damian, you're gonna respond to that?”

‘He knew there were men who wanted to hurt her.’

‘The things he;s do to protect her.’

“Aww Damian”

‘That no guy had put his penis in her.’

“Okay now I have to know.”

“Close your mouth.”

“I know guts on the floor, but this is about you-”

“I dont care.”

“Are you a virginity freak?”

“What does that mean?”

“Like, do you care about that?”

“It's complicated.”

“How?” Estella was interested.

“I don’t understand how you like this show estella.”

“He’s dodging the question.”

“Of course he is it fucking personal.”

‘Stuntin like my daddy.’

“Daddy issues right?”

“It's not only Damian that can relate to that though.”

‘I know you’re not supposed to say it, but drugs are freaking cool.’

“They look so dumb,”

“But drugs are cool.”

“You’ve tried them before?”

“Everyone has to do it at least once.”

“Weren’t you two judging estella for it too?”

“I wasn't judging it was just a joke.”

“So how was it?”

“It was pretty fun, not something I would do all the time though.”

‘Anything that would have an impact on you this summer?’

‘This-this summer?’

‘Yes’

“Wasn’t the teacher informed about her stay at rehab?”

“Jeez even I would struggle with that question.”

“I Think i would have a panic attack.”

“It is well known that teachers are rarely concerned about their students' well being.”

“Wow Damian where have you been?”

“Watching the show, just like you.”

‘I can’t think of anything so.’

‘Honestly I bet it's brain damage.’

“I hate highschool.”

“I hate people.”

“And here she goes, dog snorting in the bathroom.”

‘I just flsuhed everything down the fucking toilet.’

“Jeez she's truly an addict.”

“Yep she’s dying at the end.”

“$50 dollars says she won't.”

“Deal”

“What is that asshole doing?”

“Oh no”

“I forgto she lied about being raped.”

“That's disgusting.”

“Damian’s gonna kill that guy.”

“Take my name out of your mouth.”

“I just mean your so badass you would tota-”

“Stop,” Estella knew he wasn’t gonna make it any better.”

‘What if i suc your dick?.’

“Not her either.”

‘Like in my car?’

‘I'm saving teen you creep now, sign the slip.’

“That's time has to be.”

“Looks like jules found a new dude.”

“Ugh more porn.”

“I told her not to do it.”

“She can;t hear you moron.” Damina speaks again.

‘Not everyone knew it was her.’

‘To kat it felt like we ll knew’

“Those dudes need to die.”

“I wanna bet money on that.”

“The 50 was already stretching no.”

‘Youll get arrested for child pornography’

‘I thought you said that was kat.’

‘I did but i mixed that bitch up’

‘By the end of the week’

‘I heard a disturbing rumor.’

“And the principle is gonna make it ten times worse.”

‘Is it because I'm a fat girl?’

“Guilt tripping-”

“That’s totally me.”

“Dont own it now, it's not fun.”

“Though you weren’t making fun of her.”

“Bruh, I think cheerleaders are too hot for high school.”

“Those uniforms would never be allowed in a real school.”

“I wish they were.”

“Don’t drool boy.”

“Hey look, Rue's doing something other than drugs.” Night wing bust through the theater room's door.

“Rue watches anime nice.”

“What's this about Estella showing porn? I’ve let your jokes slide but this is a little too far even for me.”

“He was exaggerating, it's just a tv show.”

“Abuot teenagers donng drugs and having sex.” nightwing face palms.

“You called me for this?”

“I think we need a chaperone.”

“That's why you're here.”

“I'm not doing a very good job at it.”

“I actually like this couple.”

“Cassie and mckay?”

“Duh.”

“Let’s wait till the drama starts before you decide that.”

“Don’t soil it please.”

“Don't worry, I kinda forgot what happened in it.”

``I don't have an attention span for real life anymore.”

“Now that sounds like me.”

‘Thats not my fucking prmblem you ned to get putta my houe before these muthafuckers comme here.”

“ Told you she was gonna die.”

Damian says,”I wanna join and raise the best to $100.”

“Death or no death.”

“She can’t die she’s too dumb, makes too much rama.”

He bit his tongue and held in a chuckle.

“Silence idiot.”

“I’m trying my best.”

“Just let him make his stupid jok”nah im good now.

“Don’t they do that to like all the freshmen?”

“Do you wanna kill them?”

“Lets fucking kil them.’

‘This is a serious comon

mkay that takes time.’

‘Why you gotta make everything so sexual’

‘Damina tenses.’

“Hit a soft spot there. He doesn’t miss a beat.

“No.”

‘So this you little bitch?”

‘No ts like my little sister.’

‘I wouldn’t expect it to be this dude.”

‘Who did she think it was his family coming over for dinner?’

‘She is too dumb to die.’

‘Yeah dumb people are interesting’

“I want in on the bet?”

‘Nah too many OD’s’

‘You ever try finale?’

‘You know that feeling when you cum so hard you can’t fall for hear shit.’

“Estella spoiled it. Is this gonna be sexuall assault cause if so I wanna leave.”

‘Dear God-”

“Should've been praying to stay clean”

“If she was actually trying it wouldn’t e euphoria”

“So we can;t expect any smart decisions from these characters.”

“Nope.” She popped the ‘P’ with her lips.

‘What are y\doing in my apartment?’

“That amount of times I had to say that to abbatt.”

“You don't have enough finger to count”

‘Not only did you rape her but you raped a minor.’

“Yeah Daina would not care if she lied or not.”

“If I lie about being raped beat me, not stranger.”

“I’d rather stab myself.”

‘Jeez he almost criples him.”

“Yeah, that's batman.”

“Are we not gonna talk about Damians emo moment?”

“I almost had daddy dick was here.”

“Never call me that again.”

“Daddy dick has a cool ring to it.”

“No, it 's gross.”

“Hey daddy dick-”

“Ugh”

“Do you think Damian is more of a nare or a mckay?”

“A who?”

“Give him a minute to get into the show.”

“The show doesn’t seem like a bad time.”

“Just wait.”

‘Where are my pants’

“Oh not. Estella what's happening”

“It's alright no trigger warning here.”

“I'll tell you if or when.”

``Did he just cripple that guy then freshen up at his house?”

“Nate is highly disrespectful, like damian.”

“Oh not you too.”

“Yeah, that's Damian all right.” dick says.

“Dick you want in on the bet?”

“$100’s says rue dies by the end of the season.”

“She should just report it to the police.”

“They rarely do anything about that type of stuff.”

“How do you know?”

“It happened to my best friend. Everytime one got taken down another one popped up and they treated it like a trend.”

“Damian promis me you’ll make a sex tape.”

“I don't, have to.”

“Yeah cause they’re not having sex.”

“Is it true Damian?”

“Just tell them.”

“It's not that simple.”

“So you guys haven’t gone all the way.”

“We’ll talk about it later.”

“With estela ?”

“Without.” he checked with estella for permission.

“It's Your business.”

“It's yours too.”

“‘Daniel’

“That's adorable.”

‘72 virgin pina coladas.’

“Child obesity is a real issue.”

‘Daniel didn’t make a big deal out of it.’

‘Until 4th period , it wasn’t even daniels handwriting’

‘She didn;t like real men.’

‘The summer before highschool she started writing fanfiction.’

“Now that's you, my love.”

“Can iread yourfanfiction.?”

“No” they have the same etandem.

‘She don't have asthma she’s just fat.’

‘72000 followers, she was extremely popular online.”

“She told to surround the school and wage war, the scary thing is they’d actually do it.”

‘Importer’

“My followers would never turn their back on me.

‘Not onyl did they lovthey wanted to fukc her.’

“I hope this isn;t giving you guys any ideas…”

“What?”a chorus of sarcasm echoed in the room.

“Of course not dick we’re way too immature for that. Andi”

“And innocent.” he puts his hands under his chin and bats his lashes all pretty like..

‘I don't wanna be around you if you don’t stop using drugs.’

“ hope jules sticks around.”

‘I Decided to stay clean,’

“Yep she needs to stay.”

‘Jules was falling in love’

“Fuck that guy?”

“Does she know?”

“No she doesn't,” Estella responds.”

“He doesn’t like seeing dudes naked, but he likes jules.”

“Jules is a she.”

“But she has theparts.”

“Yeah he’s prolly gay.”

“You think he has a thing for his dad because of the videos.”

“I wouldn’t doubt it with how weird this show is.”

‘I'm not jealous’

“Lies”

“Yeah sure.”

“Okay that bowling scene reminds me of you two.”

“Yeah, treating her like a princess after beating up her phony rapist is so cute.”

“Tss, sure.”

‘That guy you fucked i the pool?’

‘Was it good?’

‘You wanna know if yuo rduck was bigger?’

“He knew?”

“What a douche.”

‘You wanna see his dick?’

Twerking venues.

“Okay I'm calling it, turn this off.”

“Noooo not yet.”

“We've seen worse.”

“And I don't wanna encourage that.”

‘Step on me.’

“That has to be Damina.”

‘Hygiene or a life or death situation’

“The smartest thing this show has ever said.”

‘A medieval sword. Run for your fucking life.’ laughter fills the room.

“I accept that”

“So you've sent one before.”

“I never said that.”

“Well why haven’t you”

“I'm not an animal, its indecent.”

“Don’t

‘Do you know what bitcoin is?’

‘I have no idea?’

‘Unless It's human trafficking’

‘Is it a good way to get money online’

‘That’s literally what it's made for.’

“Not to spoil anything but its anything if Domain is anybody he’s ashtray.”

“Too young to be doin the things he does? Of course that's him.”

“His name is Ashtray, I'm sorry but that's freaking hilarious.”

‘Im a really strange cookie’

“Okay this aint it”

“Trigger warning”

“Yeah we know.”

‘Ever seen one this small?’

“Oh my.”

“Cover your eye kids.”

“I’m not a kid.” Damian didn't have to be told twice. Surprisingly Damian didn’t notice Estella not covering her eyes. But everyone else did, they stared at her instead of the screen, some judging others planning revenge.

‘ don't you dare get her pregnant’

“Friends are like you all.”

“Are those?-”

“Yep they are”

“I should have put money all that.”

“Missed opportunity.”

‘Did her mom really give her permission to go to a college party.”

“Poor parenting at its finest”

“This type of thing makes me glad Batman stalks us.”

“You know you can call him bruce we know who he is.”

“Bruce and Batman are too different people.”

“No they are not.”

“Damian there’s a lot we need to talk about after this.”

“Why is all the attenitoncontantly on me and my girlfriend.”

“When we’re not watching tv you two are the entertainment.”

“Damians just mad he got caught”

“Ooo.”

“Stop it, we weren’ doing anything.”

“Of course not, and that’s why you get defensive everytime we bring it up.”

“Stop your sarcasm, there was nothing going on.”

“I thought you two were-”

“Stop airing y business ou grayson”

‘Auhgh hah AH hah’ The crew got distracted.

“Yeah Estellas are not allowed to pick any more shows from us to wrath.”

“ Did she just build a whole personality off of porn?”

“Is this how all normal girls act.?”

‘I changed’

“Yes , when they don’t have principles.”

“Why are you always asking Estella about being a normal girl like shes the only girl in the room.”

“Cause she acts more like a normal girl than any of you. No offense”

“I don’t take offense, we keep in our circe we don’t get out much.”Everyone was spooked, Raven was like a forgotten shadow in the room.”