#gnome writing

[thegnomelord]

Ya'll wanna know my kink? Of course you do :D I blame @rodolfoparras for getting me into this brainrot. MDNI

I love to see a man's pretty little hole gape.

Not to the point of total ruin or prolapsing, but so it's loose enough for you to just sliiide right in without a snag until you're balls deep and he swears he can feel it in his throat; loose enough for you to fuck into him in long smooth strokes that has him shaking and whimpering into the sheets; so loose yet it still tries to suck you in deeper, uselessly trying to clench to keep you inside every time you pull back to thrust into him again.

I like the type of gape that his hole stays open when you pull out, the type of gape that no matter how much the poor man whines and tries to clench he can't keep your cum from slowly trickling out down his taint and balls. But the silly thing doesn't need to worry his pretty little head, it's not his fault his hole is so sloppy and loose. You're there to trail your fingers along the small rivulet of cum, gathering it on the pads of your fingers so you can stuff it back into his hole. And he's so content now that he's not empty, his puffy rim fluttering around your knuckles as you spread his already stretched hole with your fingers until you can see your cum pooled in his soft body.

I also love getting to that point.

I'd love to lay him down on the bed and oil him up, make sure he's so relaxed and pliant he's almost asleep by the time you even near his intimate parts. All he could do is turn his head to catch your gaze, skin flushing with goosebumps as you fondle and massage his ass, your thumbs circling his virgin tight hole before going down, caressing his balls and lazily stroking his cock just as it's starting to twitch with interest. And I'd keep my hands moving slowly, up and down, up and down, until he's sighing and panting against the pillow, thighs trembling with how he tries to keep them open for you, cock hard and his rim twitching whenever you press your thumb against it without trying to penetrate.

Only then would I lean in to lick around his hole, your teeth gently nibbling and sucking on his rim. A full body shiver trails up his spine and the prettiest sounds leave his breathless lips when you breach him with your tongue. And he's so tight it takes you ages of slowly eating him out to stretch him out enough for him to be able to take one of your fingers. It's heaven for you but hell for him, the movement of your tongue against his fluttering slow and lazy sensation keeping him teetering on the edge of that pleasure without it being enough.

And stretching him open slowly is the fun part, taking all the time in the world to get him used to the sensation of your finger wiggling inside him, stretching him open bit by bit so your tongue can lap at his sensitive walls as he moans and groans into the pillow, desperately trying to rut his ass into your face and his cock into the sheets. But he can cum as much as he wants, doesn't mean I'll stop until I can fit three fingers inside and his hole is begging for a fourth.

And damn the sight of his hole when you finally pull your fingers out is priceless; the small gape of his hole, the way his puffy rim continues to flutter and try to clench around nothing is as adorable as the small wiggle of his hips that he does and the soft spoken pleas to just "put it in" that has you finally giving him some relief.

And I don't know what I love more, watching inch after inch of your hard cock disappear into him until your pelvis is flush with his ass, or the long and drawn out moan that leaves his lips when you drape your body over his, catching his lips in a lazy kiss as you set a loving pace that leaves him breathless.

[saturdaysky]

a little divine appreciation

-

God Gale is endgame for Mayhew, and Mayhew couldn't be more pleased 😌

their mutual wizard disease brought them to some pretty low lows, but hey, ignore the tragedy, they're gods now! first order of business is a little worshiping at the altar 😏

Here's the sketch, which I also like:

Got majorly inspired by these lovely photos, one of which I used as a pose reference.

[angel-derangement]

[write-it-motherfuckers]

Person A: “Did you steal one of the neighbour’s garden gnomes again? They’ve been standing out there glaring at them suspiciously for the past half hour.”

Person B: “Nah, I got bored of that months ago. I’ve actually been adding new ones to their collection every few days for a couple of weeks now. I was wondering how long it would take them to figure it out.”

Person A: “....You’re a menace to society.”

Person B: “Thank you, I try.”

[the-gnomish-bastard]

So, you wanna write a likable and honorable warrior/knight/whatever character? No worries, Gnomus has got you covered. Disregard chivalry. It’s boring, overdone, and just stupid. Here’s a list of what you need for them:

Have them respect their foe for having the courage to lay down their life for what they believe in. (Though they don’t necessarily have to respect what they believe in.)

Have them respect and acknowledge the strengths of their foe, let them offer a compliment or two.

Give them a core set of traits they respect in a warrior. For example, strength, intelligence, experience, ingenuity, preparation, discipline, commitment, and mercy are all good traits.

Give your warrior a main trait. One they respect above all others. Like strength or any other battle trait.

Give them values, true beliefs that they swear by. For example: Never strike a defenseless man (unarmed and defenseless are two very different things), never strike a child, never strike the innocent, always put your allies before yourself, always protect what you hold dear, a wise warrior knows that retreat is an option, a wise warrior also knows that if a retreat cannot be made without sacrifice then it is the duty of the warrior to lay down their life for their comrades, a wise warrior knows when retreat is futile but also if surrender may save their comrades, and a strong warrior faces their death with dignity and honor.

Don’t have them use dirty tricks, but have them respect the employment of some of those tricks in battle.

Take inspiration from Godfrey, First Elden Lord.

There. This should help.

[f-aha-efolk]

I play DnD in school and I just got my DM to get a knocked out character to say "No mommy, I don't want the mashed potatoes..." MY DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE

[not-equippedforthis]

a collection of sherlock gnomes being the silliest soppiest wet cat

and, my roman empire, the fucking crack in his leg in the finale:

[gnomewithalaptop]

The Stanley Pines Memorial Library goes on Yelp. Reviews are mixed.

--

The spiritual successor to my TAU Dashboard Simulator post.

[auspicioustidings]

And today on AUs nobody has asked for but I need on a carnal level, Reader in Wonderland!

Gaz the white rabbit is such an awful thing, leading you into all sorts of trouble and teasing you about it everytime

The Ghost Mad Hatter and Soap March Hare tea party certainly gets you into a boatload of trouble

Caterpillar Graves gets you high and then is so mean about how needy it makes you

Even meaner is Cheshire Cat Keegan, always witness to every debauchery that you go through and oh so willing to use it against you

When you are put on trial, you learn that King of Hearts Price and Queen of Hearts Laswell very much build their partnership on ruining girls together the moment they declare them guilty

Good thing Gnave of Hearts Valeria is more than willing to testify that the crimes she had committed are actually yours

Alejandro and Rudy dum and dee are no help at all in the trial actually, they mostly just back her account up

Sure, have Bandersnatch König while we're at it and his White Knight Horangi keeper who actually does not a thing to keep the monster from you

[tassodelmiele]

Noisy little mess

Hi sweetie ⁓

I swear to god i'm dreaming about the future plot lately, and I chukle in my sleep since it's so funny dealing with (stalking) the Task Force even if i shouldn't laugh about the things i'm thinking about and i'm so happy to see you've got the same problem as me.

Send hugs to wherever you are ⁓

DISCLAIMERS: clean from smut, but a lot of ignoring feelings and responsabilities; GhostxReader and his will to pretend she doesn't exist (spoiler, he fails); how-to-not-doing-a-mission-safely; a sprinkle of paternal chat; Task Force being misterious about their Lt.; ghosts scared of gnomes.

..................................................

Third part here:

..................................................

You don't know how you've managed to come back safely to your room.

What you do know is that, since yesterday, your Lt is nowhere to be found.

Oh, and you've finally got menstruations. Soap is the first one who gets aware of this, welcoming you at the breakfast table with the sweetest:

«Ye're finally bleeding, aren't ye?»

Gaz throws him a bunch of towels before Price manages to save the few left, hiding them under his plate.

You sit next to Johnny. It is so rare to have the Captain at breakfast, and it is even…suspicious. You swallow your oatmeal silently, gazing at Price till he murmurs: «What is it?» that smells like coffee and late night work.

«Mmmnothin'» 

He sighs, finally raising his sight at you.

«Spit it out. What's wrong?» 

«Mmmh…»

He sips his black coffee while exchanging a sight war with you, who're looking at him through the spoonful of chocolate oatmeal, eyes sharpened as a knife. Price leans toward you, willing to win the challenge, when Gaz suddenly asks:

«Have someone seen the Lt? I need to give him a-»

«Speaking of him-» you suddenly burst, breaking the eye contact with Price just to make him sighs for the second times in five minutes. He raises an hand toward your face.

«If you're seeking revenge for your injury-»

«I'm not» you reply almost immediately. «Even if he was a dick»

Price scolds you immediately with a threatening: «language, rookie»

You scroll your shoulders, knowing well you can push yourself so far just 'cause they don't really care about discipline towards each other. At least not at breakfast. 

«He's disappeared. So: either he really is a ghost, and he vanished; or he's hiding from me»

Gaz was about to make a joke on your words, but he suddenly stops, with his fork still stuck on the omelet.

«…what? Why from you?»

«Ye'r not that scary»

«I bet i am»

«Hold on, hold on» 

Price makes his way through the speech, raising his hands to gain silence. Then he looks at you like he's watching a child trying to convince an ice cream he's not about to eat it.

«So that's what it's going on» and murmurs to himself: «that bloody liar…»

You gasp in surprise, just to make some drama, and Johnny follows your move like a Victorian damoiselle. You slam your hands on the table before Price could speak again, or try to run away from his own words, and you suddenly remember about your elbow. Painful moans are choked in your guts as you spit out a too loud:

«Explain»

And Price answer with an abrupt:

«No»

And Johnny puts out his best puppy eyes, leaning on the table toward his Captain:

«Please! We need to know!»

«We?» John looks at him like he's surrounded by chatty widows. «Why in the bloody hell would you like to know somethin' you're not even involved in?»

«At this point 's a matter of principle»

«A what?»

«We're a team, secrets can't tear us apart»

«That's not a secret»

«Than speak»

«Is it about the fact that Ghost is either tryna kill or getting acquainted with her?»

Three pairs of eyes suddenly glare toward Gaz, who once again freezes with his fork balanced toward his mouth. He smiles nervously.

«…am I allowed to feel in danger?»

Johnny answer with a too sudden: «yes»

Price takes out a cigar with nonchalance, pointing it at Garryk « So you've noticed. At least one brain in my team is not totally burnt»

«Waitwaitwait» you bring back to you the attention, raising an hand to take the floor. «Is he really scared of me? That's why I haven't seen him around in 24 hours?»

«He told me he needed to figure something out 'cause of a problem you've made». Price gives you a look. «I've thought of talking to you about it, but… I'm not blind, rookie. And now that you've speak about him fearing you…i kinda understand what it's passing through his mind»

Gaz nods in agreement. Johnny takes his time to think about it, and after ten seconds of the other two staring at him he eventually realizes something.

Something that you're not getting.

Your eyes jump on their faces with the urge of the only gamer in the team who doesn't know how to cheat. Your fingers dig deeper in the cuticles as you see the three men stand up and make their way out of the dining hall.

«Hey! You can't leave with the secret all to yourself!»

«Sorry kid»

Price pat your head before waving at you, leaving you with what's left of your oatmeal and a few, terse words:

«If he'll feels like it, he'll tell you»

He stops. He suddenly turns serious.

«Do you think you're ready to show us how reliable you are?»

You falter, mumbling: «…yeah…?»

«Good. I've got a work for you, rookie»

Documents are on his desk. Not just any pile of paper: the pile of paper, the intel they were waiting for, the information they've searched for for almost three months.

Ghost is reading the sheets again and again. Yeah, there's no doubt: it's what they've needed, and it is there, on his desk, spawned out of nowhere when he was away for a…mission. Let's call it a mission.

He should be pleased. Happy to say the least, since this kinda intel's like food from heaven for the task force.

But he's…kinda lost in his thoughts. Almost annoyed. 

«Who in the bloody hell…» he murmurs as he takes a look at the sheets, not even realizing that someone else has entered the room. 

«your fav rookie» 

Price's voice makes him fall from his thought's tree. Ghost glares at him through the mask, inspecting his Cap who's clinging on the door frame with a lot of nonchalance, arms crossed and an amused smile on his face. 

«…ya'r not meaning-»

«I am»

«Mh»

«surprised? She did an hell of a job, in a good way» he comes in, shutting the door. «She's a good one»

«yeah…»

«That's all you've got?»

Ghost almost stops to breath; his gaze at Price's like laser beam, and he has to collect enough air to blow out a stern:

«Do ya need something else? 'Ve got work to do»

And Price waste no time to smile back a:

«Old demons eat your tongue?»

To what Ghost' s answer's a growl: «mh»

Price shakes his shoulders, approaching the door to go out. «Just an impression of mine»

Ghost's voice stops him at the door knob: 

«Ya'r wrong»

«Mmm, yeah? About what?»

«Stop thinking about it, i know you are»

«Tell me what to think then»

«She's not like that»

«Oh, so there is a "she" in your brain»

«Don't read into it»

«You know what's fun?» the Captain comes back, taking a seat in front of Ghost, pointing at him with his judgmental finger «You're dealing with her like she's blackmailing you, or something. Nervous smiles, stupid revenges…»

«Bullshits»

«'S that so? And how do ya call the little problem during training session?»

«A problem. That's all»

«Ghost-»

«No»

He stands, turning his back at the Captain. And that, for him, was the end of the chat. 

But not for Price.

«Is not a shame falling for someone»

And the Lt. gives him the coldest glare, jerking his sight at his Cap.

«I'm not» he spit with a harsh voice.

Price doesn't move. He checks his pocket, taking his first cigar of the day just to put it through his lips and chewing the tip lightly, eyes glued to Ghost's. The Cap. nods.

«Good to know» he murmurs. 

That was the end of the story. Or at least Ghost has hoped so.

Three days later, he can't help but walk through the base with his eyes fixed on every rookie who stands in his way. He had searched the dining room every morning, checked the training field, the goddamn gym in the evening, even waited for a few minutes every time he passed by her room.

Nothing.

None.

No sign of aggressive gnomes around. 

Ghost sips his black coffee in complete silence, glaring at everyone for no apparent reason. He needed to end that odd feeling, those annoying jumps of adrenaline, the bad sensation that something hostile was growing within his stern, cold behavior, breaking it from the inside, scratching away the metal wrap he had built to better control every inch of himself.

And he needed to have her in front of him, speaking out loud the reasons why she was eating his insides like a virus, and asking her, gently or not, to try her best and pretend the two of them do not know each other. 

Feeling things for others, either bad or good…it wasn't for him. 

«Bloody little idiot…»

«Hope ye'r not talking 'bout me»

Ghost's gaze raises as Johnny joins his solitary coffee-sipping ritual. He put his mug on the table, spreading around chocolate aroma.

The Lt. recognizes it immediately: «That's her goddamn pudding»

«I'm addicted»

Breakfast brings back silent eating and mumbling on caffeine. Soap devours his oatmeal, waiting. 

'Cause he knows he just has to wait.

It takes Ghost just one minute and a half to burst out a pretended unselfish:

«Maybe she has eaten that much chocolate that she's become one bar»

«Mh?»

«She's nowhere to be found in person, it seems»

«Are ye searching for her?»

«'Cause of the intel she'd collected» he rushes a justification that Soap doesn't really buy. Johnny almost absorbs his last spoonful, chewing out words mixed with chocolate:

«Price's sent her on a mission. Confidential» he adds. «Dunno 'bout details»

Oh.

That was unexpected; so unexpected that Ghost bites his tongue after rushing out a too fast:

«When?»

The spoon falls in the mug with a metal tingle; Soap's side eyes reach Ghost.

«…are ye worried?»

«No» he bursts. 

«Well, we are. Me and Gaz»

That doesn't sound like a lie, and Simon has to lower his shield made of pretending-not-to-think-about-her stuff. Soap keeps on, his eyes wandering around the crowded room:

«Maybe Price's overestimated her skills, dunno…or maybe she's just not ready. 'S strange not having news after three days»

«You two do like her»

Soap sighs, shaking away from his shoulders the morning stiffness.

«She's a good one. She's fun. But she's not so skilled on the field»

«You don't get worried about every rookie's first time. Sooner or later they'll have to be kicked out of the nest»

«If the one that's been kicked out 's ma fav sparrow chick, at least i hope that it'll fall on something soft»

«She's no chick, and not my fav» he rushes again, eagerly to end the conversation and get the fuck out of there. He stands, with a chuckling Soap next to him, who knows his Lt. too well and knows he just has to wait a little more, to give him time to elaborate his thoughts in a more sensible way.

Ghost's first impulse is always imposing himself as a threatening and leading figure. It's an habit. 

But this time he doesn't have time to retry his answer.

A worried Gaz appears in the dining room, rushing toward them in some sort of urgency. 

«You two» he breathes out, clinging on the table while regaining some air in his lungs «Do you want the good news, or the it-could-be-better news?»

«Were ye runnin' a bloody marathon at the fucking six in the morning?» 

«Good new» Ghost answer, still holding his empty coffee mug. «Always good news first»

Gaz gazes at them, elaborating his words as best as he could: «…do ya remember the no-one's-going-to-do-that-mission topic in our last meeting?»

«That sort of suicidal duty 'bout sneaking alone in a mafia boss dirty party?»

Gaz nods. «That one»

«With none to cover your arse?»

«Yeah»

«That one Laswell was tryna to figure out so bad 'cause the goddamn boss had valuable infos 'bout big weapons traffic?»

«Aha»

«But none was that stupid to try it?»

«Soap». Ghost stops his Sergeant's stream of thoughts with a glare through the balaclava. «Cut it. What's the bloody good news 'bout it Garryk?»

«Mission's been accomplished» he spits, with neither a smile nor optimism, and a strange, worried look. Soap's eyes get wider.

«Are ye fucking kidding? Who's the idiot who tried it in the first place?»

Gaz sighs.

«'S our idiot»

It takes a bunch of seconds to link the description with a face, but your silly little smile rushes through their brain almost immediately. Soap stands up so fast the chair almost falls.

«WHAT-»

«The other news » Ghost's harsh voice talks over him, with a hint of hurriness, an almost audible tip of concern that he swallows.

And Gaz wastes no time:

«Now she can drain pasta with her arm»

..................................................

[thegnomelord]

Ahh I love the food thing that you got asked <3 food can have such a special place in our lives it's so precious

Ya think Hound develop concerning eating habits due to Makarov? Due to the whole stressful situation

I just want someone in the 141 to cook him a meal, filled with love and care, maybe Hound is in the kitchen watching them cook it for his own security.

I just want him to have a nice meal 😔

-🐙

I do feel like Hound would have some food hoarding habits or just distrust about eating something he didn't make himself. It wouldn't be the first time he'd gotten drugged through food...

But the 141 making food communally would be a fun idea lol so here's a quick brain fart :D :

You feel out of place. Well, you're always out of place, but you feel especially out of place sitting at the table while Soap and and Gaz busy themselves by the stove, Price humming to himself to the side as he gets the mugs to make tea. Ghost sits next to you grumbling under his breath, both of you in 'time-out' — you hadn't done anything (save for not being trusted around anything sharp), it's Ghost that had gone and microwaved beans in the can. Now Johnny swears up and down the microwave is possessed.

Your eyes flicker between Soap and Gaz, watching them cook you don't even know what. The only British 'cuisine' you know of is the cremated steaks Price would sometimes make you before. . . that. But nothing the two are making smells nearly as bad as the charred hockey pucks Price would feed you and Simon.

"Hey!" Your brought out of your thoughts in time to see Kyle swat away Price's hand with his spatula. "Don't you dare cap! I'm not about to get rained on because of your bad cooking." You hadn't considered Gaz could take charge, too soft in your eyes, but you're surprised by how tight of a ship he runs when he's by the stove.

"Alright, alright." Price huffs while Ghost lets out an amused huff. He's not quite laughing, but you can see the subtle tremor of his shoulders in silent laughter.

That gets Soap to point a spoon in Ghost's direction. "Oh yer one te fockin' giggle. Mr. 'ah cursed the damn microwave with me beans'."

"Sod off." Simon grunts, but there's no edge to his words. Soap tuts, but soon enough starts off rambling about something you're not quite able to follow along to when your eyes once again focus on where their arms are, how they move, paying especially close attention any time they rest them by their sides (even though realistically you doubt they'd try to drug the same food they'd eat).

You still tense when you feel Price's hand on your back, only now noticing that you'd started hunching your back, your shoulders raised closer to your ears. "You're alright, straighten your spine, sweetheart." His voice is calm, his hand warm as he applies gentle pressure on your back until you straighten back out. "There you go, good man." He rumbles, hand going up to ruffle your hair before he pulls away before his touch can turn into stinging pain to your skin.

You blink as a plate full of food is placed in front of you. The food smells good and doesn't look like it had been cremated, made with care you don't deserve. "I. . ." You don't know why but your throat feels clogged, like someone had poured hot tar into your mouth and forced you to swallow, the collar around your throat constricting your breathing even more.

Simon's shoulder bumps into yours, "If you don't eat that I will." The childish threat makes you breathe out a small laugh.

"Aye, the bastard's like Henry the hoover, he'll eat anything." Soap supplies as he sits down opposite of you with his own plate. Though you get the impression he's talking about himself when he stabs a sausage with a fork and almost inhales the entire thing.

"Mhm," You grunt, taking the fork. "I don't doubt it." You stab a piece of black pudding. It tastes earthy, but the small coppery tang of blood sizzles down your nerves, but fuck it tastes good.

"Look at that, is it good?" Kyle chuckles as he watches your facial features shift as you swallow the food, his own face that of pride like he already knows your answer, but you nod your head all the same.

[fatale-distraction]

You seem like the best person to ask, Apologies if it's inappropriate. How does Barcus fair eating Tav out?

Barcus Down Under

Oh anon, we’re getting as deep into some personal Headcanons as Barcus is in Tav’s respective genitalia.

Also I did my best to keep trans and non-binary Tavs in mind while I wrote this. Everyone deserves a little Barcus in their lives.

Under the cut because ~vulgarity~

Barcus has spent most of his life being jerked around by Wulbren. The way I see it, IF he has experience with other people, he’s most likely been with other male gnomes, maybe a female gnome here or there, but he’s not going to have a whole lot of experience with women.

Wulbren is also a fucking prick, and if he engaged in any sexual activity with Barcus, it was most likely non-reciprocal head from Barcus.

Barcus is not the kind of guy who does anything half-assed. He sucks a cock like no one’s fucking business. He’ll get all the way down to the base and make it look easy. He knows how to use his lips, his tongue, his hands, he’ll even get his teeth involved if they’re into it. He’s creative, too, this isn’t going to be a standard blow-and-go. He’ll draw it out, play with the head, the balls, the shaft separately and in tandem. A Barcus BJ is an Experience.

If Tav has a vag, he’s probably a little nervous about going down on them, but he’s never let nerves stop him before. He’ll throw himself in there right up to his ears. He’ll suck their clit like he sucks cock, and he’ll do a damn good job of it. His fine-motor skills are second to none, being an expert alchemist and tinkerer. He’s got quick, clever fingers and intuition on his side, so it doesn’t take him long to figure out the spots Tav likes touched and exactly how they like them touched.

Barcus might seem like a nervous little fellow, and he absolutely is. But he’s also creative, passionate, and highly skilled at what he does, and in spite of Wulbren diminishing him at every opportunity, when he’s good at something, he fucking knows it.

And boy is he good at head.

[nrvcntr]

obliterated my durge run by aggroing the fists in wyrm’s crossing making everyone including the coronation aggro’d

i have managed to kill gortash and now have like six steel watchers to deal with

sorry gondians sorry wyll sorry wyll’s dad sorry durgetash dialogue

[elavoria]

WIP Wednesday

Tagged by @sheirukitriesfandom, thank you! I tag @nostalgic-breton-girl and @dirty-bosmer. : )

A very short snippet to-day as I don’t want to subject you all to a variation of a conversation I’ve already posted, but this part amuses me—Isanna about to tell Regill about the contingency plan she stored in the secret cache, that transfers command to him in the event she loses herself to demonic influence:

“So,” he said, clasping his hands on the table in front of him. “What did you wish to speak with me about?” Upon realizing that she didn’t know how to lead into the conversation, she simply stared at him instead of answering. I want you to kill me wouldn’t do, not without context.

Isanna, my dear, perhaps you should have thought about that before he showed up. This relegates the previous “I’ll kill you” exchange to a reassurance in a desperate moment, which I think works better, anyway.

[ansburg]

cannot imagine getting mad about gnome racism when the main gnome cast is just like. white people who are purple

im very sorry barcus tucci but you are distracting from a serious conversation about racism in western fantasy when the slave-keeping race of dwarves overwhelmingly look like this

[brainrotdotorg]

This is the best tag anyone has added to my gnome post. I never dreamed that i would ever get a “babe are you okay” type tag on one of my posts. Id like to thank the academy, god, and the gnomes