#he makes sure some dudes’ hands will ‘never work again’ in batman & robin 20

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

Family Methods

[ Suicide Squad: Get Joker! #3 ]

As much as I rag on this story for implying Jason’s trauma-induced spidey-senses activate when the joker walks into the room, there was some rare mockery of Bruce’s side of the ever-so-tiresome morality debate.

Like, ah yes,

the pinnacle of morality

[tumbling-darkling]

Midnight Hang-Outs

This is a small crossover between Danny Phantom and DC! (Specifically Danny and Harley Quinn!) Following the prompts from Day 11 and 12 - Midnight and Scars (more of mentioned than revolving around it) Harley might be slightly ooc because I don’t read a lot of DC comics but maybe consider it more of like AU Harley Quinn. Mother hen. She feeds the vigilantes of Gotham on slow nights.

Harley glanced over to the boy sitting next to her on the rooftop of the Gotham Bank, she had been planning to break into it to draw out some fun with any nearby vigilantes but instead she had spotted the scrawniest looking glowing teen she’d ever seen. Well he was the only glowing teen she’d ever seen, but the poor kid was struggling against some freak in a white suit.

He had already devoured about 10 of the breakfast sandwiches she bought from a nearby 24 hour fast food joint, she couldn’t remember the name but her pal, Jeremy, always worked late shifts and gave her most of the grease filled wraps for free. Which she got a total of 20 and was beginning to worry that it wasn’t enough for this endless void. She thought she could calculate this kind of thing better based on Batsy’s kids, then again none of them had powers. That must be the factor throwing her off.

She glanced over him again, taking in his features for probably the hundredth time since she spotted him. White hair that gently wisped around his face like he was constantly underwater, pale blue-green skin with neon green freckles that sparkled like stars in the night, toxic green eyes that matched the freckles, flecks of blue hidden within the irises that shone in the right light. He hand pointed ears and little baby fangs, and his suit itself reminded her of the superheroes she’s faced before, but the material seemed all wrong when she got a closer look. It wasn’t spandex, or that thick armour like fibre that Batsy likes to use. She didn’t know what it was made out of. That flaming looking D was enough to hint at a superhero gig, like Superman and that ‘S’ on his chest. She didn’t care that it was supposed to be a symbol for hope, his name was Superman and that thing was an S, end of conversation.

The kid had taken off those gloves in order to eat, she didn’t blame him though, eating with gloves on was weird, and those white gloves would stain like a motherfucker. What caught her attention about it was the scars. Little one littered this kid's hands, and then there was a ligament scar coating his left hand. It was the brightest of all the scars, glowing slightly a wicked green as if he was still being electrocuted.

She turned her gaze back to the streets below, “So, what are you doing out this late?” She asked, avoiding sensitive topics like the scar. “It has to be way past midnight at this point.”

The kid glanced over to her, then shrugged, “had to chase Boxy all the way out here, the dude flies fast for a ghost obsessed in boxes.”

Harley glanced back over, noticing the kid now had finished the last of the sandwiches as he looked in the bag for more, shoving the garbage into it once he confirmed there was nothing left, “Boxy? Was that the freak in white?”

The kid shook his head, “nah, that was a government agent. G.I.W, or the Guys in White. Must’ve followed me, cornered me after I was already exhausted from chasing Boxy all over town. Boxy is the Box Ghost, blue ghost dude in overalls, fairly harmless but he can be a pain in the ass when he wants to be.”

“Want me to blow the rest of those agents up for you?” Harley asked, leaning closer while flashing a sinister grin.

The kid jerked back, “no! No it’s fine, just caught me off guard! I can handle them just fine, you don’t need to blow anyone up!” He squeaked out quickly, wildly waving his hands around. Harley couldn’t help but grin at the display, he reminded her a lot of Batsy’s kids. Energetic, good hearts (most of the time), think they can handle the world.

“So are you one of Batsy’s kids? Harley voiced her thoughts.

The kid blinked owlishly at her, “Batsy’s… you mean Batman? The Batman?”

Harley shrugged, “yeah, Batsy. He has quite a lot of them so I like to try and stay updated when he gets a new kid. You almost fit the bill, young teen, dark past, though the powers would be new.”

“How do you know I have a dark past?”

“Well, you said you were a ghost, right? Meaning you died and judging by your age, died before you even finished high school. I’d call that a dark past,” she kept out the lingering question of how he died, that wasn’t something you exactly ask someone when you first meet them. “So you aren’t one of Batsy’s kids?”

The kid shook his head, “nope,” he popped the p, “never even met the dark knight before. I barely visit Gotham, well anywhere if I can help it, I try to keep my problems in my home turf.”

“I see, you know what, I should’ve known better. Batsy would never let his kids run around this late anyway,” she hummed. “I did once see him chew a Robin out for fighting crime past his curfew, it got me arrested for sticking around to watch but boy was it worth it!” She laughed. She was surprised that Batman hadn’t gotten to this kid yet, anyhow. He didn’t always stick around Gotham ever since he joined that hero club, but that just meant that this dude had even more of a chance to find this kid. Must be dumb luck or something.

“Batman puts curfews on his sidekicks?” The kid asked, mouth agape.

“Well duh, the guy is all about the well-being of his kids. He has a no killing rule but he gets close to breaking it when one of his kids gets almost killed. He keeps them well fed, makes sure they sleep, I know because I can hear him from across rooftops at times and I fight enough of his kids to notice they aren’t skin and bones like you.”

The kid looked down at his ungloved hands, and she noticed him tracing the pattern of the ligament scar lightly with his other hand. His expression changed as he seemed to run through a series of thoughts before he spoke again, “why did you help me?” He asked, not looking up to meet her eyes, “you are a villain, right? You fight Batman and Robin, and other superheroes too if they face you. You know I’m not a villain, you said so yourself. So why help me? Wouldn’t it be better to just let a vigilante kid get knocked off so you don’t have to deal with him in future crimes?”

Harley felt her heart shatter, who the fuck hurt this kid like this? “I’m not some heartless bitch,” she said in a matter of fact tone, “you and all the teen sidekicks or vigilantes out there are still fucking kids. I have morals, and some villains don’t have the same morals as me, but seeing you getting kicked around by some freak in an alley where no one could see you? That kind of shit rubs me the wrong way. I fight teen heroes from time to time because I know they can handle it, they can fight back and I myself won’t stoop so low as to kill them if I manage to get in a few lucky hits.” She lightly nudged his shoulder, “and it’s not like you’ve personally wronged me or anything. I felt like being nice, helping out. You seem like a good kid, so why not help you out? Maybe one day I can call a favour and you can distract Bats while I kidnap the president?” She joked.

The kid looked up suddenly, sending his hair in rippling waves as he was giving her a wide eyed and the most worried look imaginable. She couldn’t help but let out another laugh, “I’m joking!” She clarified. “But I think we could have some pretty interesting game nights with Ivy. Not illegal game night, more like Uno or something. Maybe just a little gambling.”

The kid relaxed again, “well… uh… thanks. For helping me. And the food. And talking,” he rubbed the back of his neck, looking up at the sky.

“No problem, be sure to come visit again. Hey, maybe I can even introduce you to Bats at some point! Make a big show and pretend you are a villain and then BAM! Just kidding he’s just a glowing vigilante I helped out once!” She stood up, stretching her arms a little, “be sure to take it easy on your way to your home by the way, maybe take a nap or something on the way there.”

The kid nodded with a smile and stood up with her, then paused as shock filled his eyes and he spun quickly towards Harley, “Wait- how do you know I sleep-?”

Harley laughed, “well, I don’t think ghosts normally eat, so I’m assuming you sleep too,” she offered a soft smile, “just take it easy, and hey, if you ever find yourself in trouble.” Harley then pulled out a business card she usually kept for shits and giggles, handing over the poorly designed card to the kid, “know that you have a friend in Gotham who’s ready to help. And who knows how to get Batsy’s attention the fastest.” She winked.

The kid took the card, a confused grin tugging at his lips, “thanks. Hey, uh. I go by Phantom. Since I never really introduced myself.”

“Well Phantom, nice to meet you,” Harley grinned back.

[batfam-rewrites]

Batfam During Quarantine: Retirement

Dick pulls up in front of the apartment that Barbara and her family lives in. He takes out his boom box and sets in a cassette tape. He sets the volume to the maximum setting. He holds the boom box over his head as Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” starts playing.

Dick: BABS!!!!

He waits out there for a few minutes until she opens up the window and leans out of it.

Barbara: You Dick!

The song ends and starts playing “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” from Aerosmith.

Dick: BABS! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! PLEASE TALK TO ME!

Neighbor 1: GO HOME!

Dick: I’M DOING THIS FOR LOVE!

Neighbor 2: LOVE IS DEAD YOU SCHMUCK!

Dick: YOU’RE HEART IS DEAD!

Neighbor 3: SHUT THE FUCK UP KID!

Jim Gordon: DICK, IT IS 5 AM! GO THE FUCK HOME!

Dick: FINE!

The next night

Dick walks up to the door to the Gordon family’s apartment. He knocks on the door and Jim opens the door.

Dick: Hey Jim, I was sorta expecting Babs to open the door.

Jim: *looks at the cards in Dick’s hands* Just take a hint kid. You’re making this harder than it needs to be.

Dick: I’m persistent, it’s part of my charm.

Jim: Whatever. *shuts the door*

A minute late Barbara opens the door.

Dick: *holding the cards*

Barbara: They’re facing you.

Dick: *looks down and flips the cards around* “Babs, I know I messed things up by *flips the card* not telling you Helena was staying at the *flips the card* mansion. I want you to know that you are *flips the card*

Barbara: *shuts the door on Dick*

Dick: I still have twenty-something cards left. At least finish reading them.

Two days later at the grocery store

Barbara is walking down the aisle looking for food. The music playing over the speakers as a voice replaces the music.

Dick: You’re just to good to be true. Can’t take my eyes off of you. You'd be like Heaven to touch. I wanna hold you so much. 

Barbara starts looking around the store for Dick and sees him leaning against a wall with one of the phones.

Dick: *notices Barbara and points to hear and then makes a heart with his hands* At long last, love has arrived. And I thank God I'm alive. You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you. *plays the instrumental part on his phone*

A store employee now spots Dick and heads towards him.

Dick: I love you, baby. And if it's quite alright. *struggles to keep possession of the phone* Get away, you’ll sing next. I need you baby *still fighting for the phone* To warm the lonely night. *starts climbing between the wall and the refrigerated section* I love you, baby. Trust in me when I say.

Barbara starts walking away embarrassed.

Dick: Oh, pretty baby, wait Babs, where you going? Babs? Babs? BAAABBS! LET ME ME LOVE YOUUUUU!

Daily Briefing

Dick: Okay, while things are a bit peaceful now, they’re not going to stay that way forever. Let’s try to plan ahead now and see if we can recruit any former members of Batman Inc. Tim, Steph, and Duke, you guys need to try and convince Luke to come out of retirement. Kate and Babs you go try and convince Bette to join us in Gotham.

Jason: What are the rest of us doing?

Dick: Selina, Jason, Harper, Cass, and Damian will patrol and hand out mask later today....

Harper: Cool, glad I can finally do something!

Jason: Got it!

Dick: And I will be sulking in my room!

Damian: Try again, Grayson.

Dick: I will be on patrol and handing out mask as Nightwing! Julia will be on monitor duty and Helena, tonight you’ll be on sanitation duty.

Helena: *sexually* Whatever you say.

Selina: Oh god!

Duke: Please stop!

Tim: There is a child present!

Jason: *Laughs hysterically* Am I the only one who still thinks this is funny?

Stephanie: Apparently so!

Dick: Alright, let’s get moving.

Tim, Duke, Stephanie, and Luke

Tim: Damn, it’s nice to finally be out of the mansion!

Duke: We were on patrol almost every night.

Tim: Yeah, but as Red Robin, not Tim Drake.

Stephanie: I mean, I guess that’s true.

Tim: *knocks on the door* 

Luke: *opens the door* Hey guys, it’s been a while!

Tim: Hey Luke, how have you been!

Luke: Not bad, Tim! What about you guys?

Tim: Could be better!

Stephanie: Not bad!

Duke: Send help!

Luke: Their dysfunction has gotten to you I’m assuming?

Duke: Maybe.

Tim and Stephanie: We’re not dysfunctional!!!

Luke: Relax! I’m talking about the others.

Tim: Kay, coolcoolcool.

Stephanie: Yeah, the others are pretty dysfunctional.

Luke: Anyways, come on in guys. Take a seat in the living room.

All three walk in and sit in the living room.

Tim: Okay I’m going to cut straight to the point, things aren’t going to be so peaceful for so long. It’s only a matter of time until the Joker pops up with a futuristic Batsuit or some dude comes in with a plan to destroy Batman in multiple ways.

Luke: I’m not coming out of retirement, Tim.

Stephanie: Why not?

Luke: Because I can’t stand to go back being some vigilante trying to save the city. I mean don’t you guys get tired of feeling like the weight of this city is pressing down on you every time you put on that mask.

Tim: Yeah, but I mean it’s not that bad.

Luke: When was the last time you slept.

Tim: Like 6 hours. Plus 2 days.

Luke: That’s my point! This is a thankless job that you guys work your ass off for.

Duke: Yeah coming here may have been a mistake. Let’s go guys, Luke’s not coming back.

Stephanie: Why not stay here Duke. I mean, Luke is right. We risk our lives to save some fucks who don’t give two shits whether we live or die. Sure they’d be sad if we did, but they would only be sad because that would mean they’d have to actually defend themselves!

Tim: Yeah, that is a great point!

Stephanie: Woooo let’s get hammered, this is my retirement party fuckers!

Luke: You’re not drinking alcohol! You’re under age!

Stephanie: Whatever! *stands up and walks out the door*

Duke: Tim, let’s go!

Tim: Yeah, I mean it’s probably about time I retired too!

Duke: Damn it!

Damian and Jon

Damian sets up a zoom call with Jon

Damian: Hey, Kent.

Jon: Hey, Wayne.

Damian: Why must you mock me?

Jon: Why must you mock me?

Damian: Goodbye!

Jon: No, wait, I want attention!!!!

Damian: Works like a charm. How’s it going over there?

Jon: Not bad, it’s super boring. I wish I had 50 people staying at my place.

Damian: No you don’t! It is awful. I want to punch Drake constantly, Grayson is always trying to hand out hugs, Todd tried to kill me!

Jon: The hugs don’t sound....

Damian: Row turned my knife into an electric razor...

Jon: How...

Damian: Kyle keeps trying to bond with me, Cain tried to stab me because I stole a waffle from her, Bertinelli and her lust for Grayson is annoying! Honestly, Pennyworth and Thomas are the only ones who haven’t managed to piss me off.

Jon: You know what, I take back what I said earlier.

Damian: Wise choice.

Jon: Hey, remember the time your dad almost adopted me?

Jason: *talking in the hallway*

Damian: That was funny. Hey I got to go, I’m about to go on patrol.

Jon: During the day, I thought you guys were nocturnal.

Damian: No, we are not. We’ll talk later.

Jon: See ya!

Damian: Bye. *rushes to the door to see if he could hear Jason*

Jason: I’ll see you there. *walks off*

Damian: *walks out of his room and sees Selina* 

Selina: Hey Dami, you ready to go on patrol?

Damian: Actually, we have a change in plans.

Nightwing

Nightwing: *sees a kid walking by without a mask, he squats down and waves* Hey what’s up little dude!

Little kid: *runs away from parents and hugs Nightwing*

Parent: Hey! Sorry, we’re still trying to get him to understand what social distancing is.

Nightwing: It’s okay, he’s young, he’ll eventually get the idea. I see that someone lost their mask though! Do you like super heroes kiddo!

Little kid: *nods excitedly* Batgirl is my favorite!

Nightwing: Really! Batgirl is my favorite, too! Hey, let’s get you another mask buddy! *reaches into the box of mask he has and hands a Batgirl mask to the parent to put on the kid’s face*

Parent: Thank you so much! *puts the mask on the little kids face*

Nightwing: No problem! Stay safe! *waits a bit longer and puts in an earbud*

Nightwing: *sees another guy not wearing a mask* Hey, how about we wear a mask buddy!

Guy: Piss off!

Nightwing: Come on. Let’s try to think about everyone else.

Guy: Who cares! If I get the virus I won’t die! It’s only the old people who are dying! 

Nightwing: Okay, please tell me your joking.

Guy: I mean, you don’t really see much other people dying.

Nightwing: If you pay attention to the statistics you would see that there are other people who are 20, 30, 40 years old and dying from this virus! Can you just put the mask on?

Guy: Hell no, it’s uncomfortable for me!

Nightwing: UNCOMFORTABLE FOR YOU! I HAVE TO WEAR ONE FOR LEGIT MOST OF THE DAY. OUR CITIES FIRST RESPONDERS MUST WEAR ONE TO DO THEIR DAMN JOBS. NO ONE, ESPECIALLY ME OR ANY NURSE, FIREMAN, POLICE OFFICER, ET CETERA, CARES IF IT BOTHERS YOU! PUT ON THE DAMN MASK!!!

Guy: Damn. *starts walking away*

Nightwing: *grabs cologne* Sir, don’t make me do this.

Guy: Do what? Bit......

Nightwing: *sprays cologne all over the guys face*

Guy: pffft. pfffffftt. 

Nightwing: I bet you’d like a mask now!

Guy: YOU FUCKING SON OF A

Nightwing: *spays the cologne at his face again* Hey! *throws a mask at the guy* No profanity! There’s kids around. Put on the mask, too. 

Guy: *puts the mask on reluctantly and walks away* Stupid vigilante in this stupid damn city. Hate this damn place.

Nightwing: *watches him walk away for a bit* Never thought I’d take a page out of Jay’s book.

Julia: Nightwing, need you over in Gotham Heights. There’s a.... *clears throat*..... situation over there. I’m sending you the coordinates now.

Nightwing: On my way! *takes off firing the grappling hook into the side of a building as he takes off*

Jason

Jason walks towards the house, checking his surroundings to see if any of his “family” members followed him. Fortunate for him, Dick is preoccupied with his thoughts and Damian and Selina left after he did.

He opens the door and walks inside of his safe house. He then sits down, takes off his helmet, sets it down on the table, and turns on the tv to watch Supernatural. Not long after Roy walks downstairs.

Roy: What’s up Jaybird?

Jason: Not much Roy.

Roy then sits down on the couch next to him to watch with him.

Roy: Is it just me or would Jensen Ackles be the perfect person to play you if there was to ever be a movie about you?

Jason: I KNOW, RIGHT!!!! Hey do you want to order some pizza?

Roy: Sure!

Roy begins to pull out his phone when they hear a knock at the door.

Jason: Hide! 

Roy: Hey it’s my safe house, too!

Jason: It’s my city! Hide!

Roy begins to hide as Jason looks outside the door to see Damian and Selina outside the door. 

Jason: *opens the door* Hey Catwoman, Robin! What are you guys doing here?

Damian: More importantly, what are you doing here?

Jason: Following up on a lead. I saw a very shady guy leave here so I’m looking for some evidence.

Selina: Are those your guns on the counter? And your helmet and phone on the table?

Jason: No.

Damian: Then where’s your guns?

Jason: Okay, I hate to admit it, but I came across a dog and decided to pet it, then it bit the barrel of both guns and ran off.

Selina: Mmmmhhhmmmm and why don’t I believe you?

Jason: Because everyone but Duke has trust issues.

Damian: Give it up, Todd.

Jason: Give what up?

Damian: *walks over to the closet and opens the door*

Roy: Woah, how the hell did I get here!

Jason: *shakes his head*

Tim, Duke, Stephanie, and Luke

Duke: Dude, you broke Tim and Steph.

Luke: No I didn’t!

Duke: Really because we came here to try and convince you to be Batwing again and yet you somehow got them both to decide to retire!

Luke: So, they should! They deserve it. No kid should have to deal with that kind of stress!

Duke: Dude, we live in Gotham freaking City. Stress is literally stuff we learn in 6th grade because our parents need us to get jobs!

Luke: You had to get a job in 6th grade?

Duke: Oh right, sorry I forgot you all are rich! Hey, where’s Steph and Tim?

Luke: Outside somewhere.

Duke: DUDE!!!! WE HAVE TO FIND THEM!!!!!!

Luke: They’ll be fine!

Duke: Whatever. *walks towards the door* If you change your mind, you know where to call. *he walks out the door*

____

Tim: *grabs a helium tank* Hey Steph!

Stephanie: *turns around*

Tim: *pulls down the mask and inhales the helium* I am vengeance, I am the night, I am BATMAN!

Stephanie: O-M-G!!! That is amazing!

Jason, Roy, Damian, and Selina

Selina: So again, Jason, what are you doing here?

Jason: Trying to get away from you people! Do you know how often I want to shoot Dick alone from all of the stupid stuff he does! 

Damian: Yes!

Jason: You’re no better. You can not adopt stray animals every week!

Damian: They can catch the virus, too! They need a home!

Jason: They have one! In the wild somewhere!

Selina: What’s your point?

Jason: I needed a place to escape you idiots at the mansion. There’s only so much I can take before I break B’s no killing rule.

Damian: Then why is Harper here?

Roy: Jaybird has been my emotional support person since Kori left Earth for Tamaran.

Selina: I can see that.

Damian: Is this where you’ve been every single patrol?

Jason: Not every one. Only when I get sick of you all. 

Selina: Everyday!!!!

Roy: *laughs uncontrollably*

Jason: Not everyday!!! Look, this is why I need this place, because I can’t stand you fuckers!!! Get out of my house!

Damian: How did you even pay for this place?

Jason: I USED TO KILL PEOPLE FOR A LIVING!!!!

Selina: Jason, your not supposed to even be here. We need to leave now.

Jason: Yes you fucking should!

Selina: I meant all of us!

Jason: Good luck with that! You’ll have to drag me out.

Damian: Just watch us do it!

Roy: This is getting a bit personal, I’m gunna grab my bow and leave.

Jason: Stay Roy!

Roy: Okay, I’ll stay!

Selina: How are we so awful? What is it that we do that bothers you so much?

Jason: I don’t want to talk about it!

Selina: What is it?

Jason: You guys make me want to actually be a part of the family! You guys care for me, and make fun of me *starts crying* and make me laugh, and it’s not fucking fair!

Selina: Jason..... I’m.... I’m sorry. Why are you crying?

Jason: Because this shit has always been unfamiliar to me! Family has always been fucked up for me before Bruce. When he took me in I didn’t know how to feel because at that point my life was filled with rage, sadness, and confusion. *sits down on the couch* Then came in Dick, who at first made me feel at home with how much he hated the fact that I replaced him, until a few months go by for him to accept me as a brother he never had. Then I fuckin’ died!

Selina: *sits down next to Jason* It’s okay if you want some time away from us, I understand now that this is new. We won’t ever stop loving you Jason. If you ever need a break from us then I’ll cover for you, just don’t be out for too long.

Jason: Thanks Selina.

Roy: *starts humming Love Is A Battlefield*

Selina: Are you humming Love Is A Battlefield?

Jason: He is so humming Pat Benatar right now.

Roy: No, you’re all just hearing things.

Damian: Who’s Pat Benatar?

Jason: Okay, GET OUT!!!!

Selina: *rushes themselves out the door* Let’s go Dami, we’ve overstayed our welcome!

Damian: But my phone!

Roy and Jason: GET OUT!

Tim and Stephanie

Stephanie: *dancing in a strangers house* Woooo!!!

Tim: *break dancing to “Dirrty” in the middle of a dance circle*

Stephanie: *nudges the person next to her* I’m friends with that guy!

Stranger: Nice!

Stephanie: I know right!

Tim: *steps out of the dance circle* Hey!

Stephanie: How many Red Bulls did you have?

Tim: How many legs does a wolf-tigark have.

Stephanie: What!

Tim: I’m super fucked up!

Stephanie: Same! Wanna have sex?

Tim: Sure!

Duke, Cassandra, and Harper

Duke: Hey, Harper! Do you remember that time you were totally surrounded by the Riddler’s henchmen and I swooped in and saved you, and you were like “Thanks dude! You’re the best! I totally owe you one!”

Harper: Yes, I remember part of that being true!

Duke: Well, I need you to return that favor and you can not tell any of the others. I lost Tim and Stephanie and need help finding them.

Harper: What the hell Duke! How did this happen?

Duke: Well, Luke broke Tim and Steph, causing them to decide to retire, then they disappeared.

Harper: Okay, Orphan and I will be right there after we take down these two drug dealing pimps!

Duke: Thank you!

Harper: *hangs up the phone* Okay, let’s take care of this Orphan!

They both jump down landing a kick to their chest. Harper then grabbed her dudes arm and broke his wrist, finally stomping on his face, knocking the dude out. Cass walked towards her guy reaching down and throwing him against a wall, then kicking his back.

Nightwing

Nightwing: *arrives at the apartment door*

Boyfriend: YOU STUPID BITCH! WHY CAN’T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT! 

Girlfriend: *through tears* I’m sorry!

Boyfriend: *slaps the girlfriend* SHUT UP BITCH!

Nightwing: *knocks on the door*

Boyfriend: *opens door* Can I help you?

Nightwing: Yes hi. I was walking around the neighborhood and wanted to know if you wanted to donate to the charity of whoop-ass?

Boyfriend: Not interested. *tries to close the door*

Nightwing: *pushes the door open* Hold on, you need to hear the rest of my pitch! *kicks the boyfriend in the chest* 

Girlfriend: *still crying* NO! PLEASE STOP!

Nightwing: Wha-

Boyfriend: *tries to throws a few punch at Nightwing’s face*

Nightwing: *drops to the floor and goes for a flare, sweeping the boyfriend off his feet*

The sound of sirens is heard out side.

Nightwing: *temporarily distracted by the sirens*

Boyfriend: *gets up* YOU CALLED THE COPS! YOU UNGRATEFUL GOOD FOR NOTHING BITCH! *tries to punch his girlfriend*

Nightwing: *catches his fist* Not gunna happen. *tosses the boyfriend against the wall and has him put his hands over his head*

Police Officer: G-C-P-D! GET YOUR..... Oh, Nightwing? How random seeing one of you guys here. Like always. *goes in to arrest the boyfriend*

Nightwing: *kneels down to where the girlfriend is sitting and takes note of the cuts and marks on her arms* Are you okay?

Girlfriend: I-*sob* I don’t *sob* know what *sob* I did *sob* wrong?

Nightwing: You did nothing wrong. Everything will be okay. Did he hit you?

Girlfriend: *nods her head yes*

Nightwing: Where did he hit you?

Girlfriend: *looks up to reveal a black eye and cuts on her face* My *sob* face, arms *sob*, stomach. *buries her head in her arms and starts to cry even harder*

Nightwing: Hey, it’s going to be okay. It’s all going to be okay. 

Nightwing tries the best he can to comfort the girl before the EMT arrived. After that he stuck around for a bit to give a statement of what happened when he arrived and to make sure everything was fine before he left.

Duke, Stephanie, Tim, Harper, and Cassandra

Stephanie: *wakes up* Ugh. My head! *she looks over at Tim and smiles as she gets out of the bed*

Tim: *starts to wake* Ow! *sees Stephanie* Hey!

Stephanie: Hey! 

Tim: *sits up on the bed*

Stephanie: Look about what happened, can we agree it was a drunk mistake.

Tim: Yeah! *rubs the back of his head and stands up close to Stephanie* I’m sorry, I can’t pretend! *he pulls her in and kisses her* I really like you!

Stephanie: I like you, too.

Tim: Wanna crawl back under the covers again for a bit?

Stephanie: Absolutely!

____

Desk Clerk: Thank you, hope you enjoyed your stay!

Tim: We certainly did, thank you! *both Stephanie and Tim walk out the door and see Duke, Cassandra, and Harper* 

Stephanie: Hey, you found us!

Duke: Get in the car!

Harper: Spent most of the night looking for you suckers until we saw that Tim used his credit card to purchase a hotel room there! 

Tim: We’re sorry you had to go searching for us!

Duke: Also, if you are even still thinking about retiring, you’re going to have to tell Bruce yourself.

Stephanie: We’re not retiring. We probably just thought it was a good idea because we were both sleep deprived.

Duke: Good, because I didn’t want to see Bruce lose his shit!

Dick and Julia/Dick and Jason

Back at the Batcave

Julia: How did it go?

Dick: Rough. That building was well into Harper’s sector though, why did you have me take care of it?

Julia: I think you know why.

Dick: *thinks for a moment* Because of the way I’ve been reacting to my breakup with Bab’s.

Julia: If you stopped thinking of how to win her back for one second, you would see that she is most likely suffering as much as you are. 

Dick: I understand. I’m going to head upstairs. Don’t stay down here much longer, that’s an order.

Julia: Are you still entitled to give orders?

Dick: I still get to wear the cowl, don’t I?

Julia: Fair enough.

Dick quickly showers and heads upstairs.

Jason: Hey, Dickwad. Over here.

Dick: Sup, Jay?

Jason: Follow me.

Jason leads Dick to the parking garage and into one of Bruce’s cars and drives to the safe house.

Jason: Welcome, to the safe house. I heard you had a rough day so I thought it would be worth it to take you here. Wayne house free zone so feel free to cry, let out your feeling, whatever you need to do to process this. I’ll wait in the car.

Dick: *crying* Jay.

Jason: Yeah.

Dick: *hugs Jason* Thank you!

Jason: No problem. If you tell Bruce, I will end you though.

Dick: Got it!

While I try to make these stories for the most part humorous and entertaining, domestic violence is a very serious topic. Since quarantine, domestic violence rates have gone up. If you or some one you know is in an abusive relationship or has found themselves in one since quarantine began, don’t hesitate to call the Domestic Violence Support hotline at 1 (800) 799 7233. You can also go to thehotline.org to contact them.

If someone you know has just left an abusive relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, parent/child) remember to be there for them. Allow them to talk but don’t force them too if they don’t want to. Make sure not to bash the guilty party and respond about them neutrally. Most of all, make sure to let them know that they are still loved, and that they are still the same person, even if they feel that they are not.

I will be reblogging this message on my blog. I ask you to please share and reblog as much as you can.

[the-quiet-carrotcake]

Evil Author Day! 2020

I decided to contribute some wips to this beautiful day! 

Reminder that they may never be finished :)

Here are my humble offerings:

Batman fandom

Warnings for dark themes, swearing, creepiness, inapropriate humor, sarcasm

1.Au "With This Ring"

Nightwing is closest when Babs issues the notice. 20 minutes after they lost contact with Red Robin, he arrives at the scene. Dresses thrown around like confetti, suspicious tears and stains on them. He carefully makes his way inside, noting the signs of forced entry. Inside the shop, a chaos of mannequins parts and broken furnitures greet Nightwing but what makes his heart drop is a single mannequin on the pedestal in front of the mirrors, Red Robin's cape messily draped over it. It is visibly damaged and worst, dripping in fresh paint of familiar garish colors with a piece of paper pinned with a knife through the neck. N doesn't register himself moving until he has the paper in his hands. A message written in a too familiar and hated script. Joker. Joker has his baby brother and he is going… He's gonna…

"-twing! Respond! Nightwing answer me!"

Footsteps coming from the back.

"Oracle, I'm at the location. Whoever was here, they escaped through the sewers. There's footprints leading to the basement. Found one of Red's gloves. Access the plans and possible- I have visual on Nightwing."

2. Animal transformation au

A not so abandoned part of a factory on the edge of an old industrial zone. Creepy, a health and safety hazard, there's even a couple of traps! How lovely! Reminds me of my childhood home… oopsy there Ader! Shoulda watch where you walk! Hehe… Oh, somebody shut him up! We're on a schedule here! If the Doc's here, he knows we coming now. Bah! One surprise ruined, lots more to come! 

"You! Take a camera and film around the place! Such opportunities!! The angles. Don't forget the angles! Dolly Sisters, go with him. And be discreet. We don't want bats in our belfry too soon, do we? Hehehe"

"The brat's still out? Good. Okie doo. Let's meet the maker!"

"Good evening Doc! We rang."

"I heard. Interesting doorbell… Like a dying man..."

"Why! Thank you! Now. We don't have an appointment, tight schedule and all. But I'm sure you can squeeze us in."

The doc look at the group, spotting what appears to be the Robin bound and unconscious in one of the thugs arms.

"You brought your own subject for my studies?"

"Of course we came with presents! What kind of maniac do you take me for?"

Going to a file cabinet, taking out a binder with the list of choices available and putting it on a rickety table with a flickering old lamp, the man motion them to come take a look.

"Hmm. Do you have a preference?"

Joker make a show of looking at the pages, fussing here, cooing there, until, grin widening, he puts his finger on a line.

"You know what Doc? The brat's a bore, worse than his babysitter! Never heard him laugh! It's heartbreaking."

"Oh yes yes. I have something you might like. Please, follow me this way."

They follow the doc into another crumbly room, repurposed into a makeshift lab with a refrigerated cabinet full of vials, a sturdy table with straps and a reinforced large animal carrier in close to it. Further, through door shaped hole in the far wall, glimpses of cages shining dully in the dim light. It looks like veterinarian kennels, mostly large ones, some were even on wheels.  They could see fingers and what looks like claws peeking through the wiring.

"Got lots of guinea pigs there Doc?"

"The change cause less stress and has more survival chances if the subject is young. Of course it depends of the size and animal wanted." Eyeing one of the bulkier thugs. "I haven't try the… bigger ones yet. Cow, rhino...maybe walrus."

3. Semi immortal Jason au "The Lives Of Jay"

Hood walk back to his safe house, because his motorbike ain't where he stashed it, after a rough night in the Narrows. No hood or mask on his face, but with the amount of ashes he's covered in, there's almost no risk of exposures. Clothes singed, burn to a crisp in certain places, he mourns the lost of his weapons, his boots and his favorite jacket. Finally arrived at his safe house, making a beeline for the bathroom. Shower time! Sweet hot water washing away the grime. 

It's after his shower, with a towel around his waist, that Jason realize the state of the safe house, there's dust on certain places and a couple dirty take outs boxes on the kitchen counter, with the coffee machine almost shining out of the mess.

Fuck, did it happened again? How long has it been? Maybe he can play it off, say he had an urgence with the Outlaws?

A beep/alarm from his laptop on the coffee table (that he did not left there) caught his attention.

"Hood?" Even with the electronic filter, Jason could pick up that Babs was shaken and hesitant? Shit. He must have triggered a sensor they put there. Okay, play it cool.

"O. What's up?" Now that sounds just like an idiot.

"Heard rumors there was a big building fire in your neck of the woods. With you in it."

Shit

"Just some trigger happy idiots in a room with explosives. Big company with no scrupules likely. Families were in the building. Hey, I must have been knocked out by a beam or something, are the families ok?"

"Yeah, Hood, the Wayne foundations took care of them, they're ok." 

There's at least that. 

"Jason?"

That's not good.

"Spill, what's going on?"

"The fire had been really bad. We looked for you. All B found was blood, lots of blood and  your helmet, melted. And before you lie to me, your friends haven't seen you in months. Care to explain what happened?" 

Oh shit-fuck. Oh this was bad. He had to get out of Gotham, right now.

Quick before- How long has he been talking to Babs? Crap. He doesn't want to, but Jason will run with just the damn towel on him if he has to.

"Jay?" Oh not Babybird, but better than the Bat, or Grayson.

Turning to the window with the fire escape outside, he sees Red Robin climbing in.

"Uhm. Hey Red."

The glare he received gives him an idea of how much shit he's in.

"First off, go put some clothes on. And please don't try to run away. The others have been notified, I was closest."

"Ok ok, while I change, can you explain to me why my place looks like a dumpster?"

"Yeah, I'm working a case, or half a dozen, trying to cover your territory. It's been a rough couple of months, you know?"

That has Jason freeze. "Months? Really?"

"Yeah man. So, as much as you don't want to, we are going to the Manor."

"Whoa wait a min-"

"No, Jason. We're going. And if you try to run, remember, we all have supers and speedsters on call. Come on man, there's something going on with you and we need to know what."

"Dude I just got home after climbing out of burned ruins and walking in disintegrated boots. I'm tired, hungry and not in the mood to see B or Dick right now."

"That's good then, because Bruce is out with the JL and Dick's in 'haven, Damian with him, O made sure the alarm didn't reach them."

"You're welcome" The computer chirps. 

"Come on Jay. Alfred needs to see you."

Cheater, taking him by the sentiment.

"Low blow. But alright. How we go?"

"My bike's not far, yours at the Cave."

"What?!"

"Bruce has trouble letting go, you know?"

"I'd prefer it if had been stolen instead."

4."The Distraction"

Assassins surrounding Tim, being less and less subtle, encircling their prey as the bird is making his way through less populated areas.

"The Master is demanding your presence."

"How can he be so interested in an american?" 

"One as bothersome as him?"

"Hey! I'm not happy by the situation either, ok?"

"You know better than question the will of The Demon."

"Didn't I kicked your asses before?"

"The Cradle."

"So mixing business and pleasure then."

The Master orders are to bring you to him. He did not specified the condition he wants you in. 

"Wow. This is getting a bit serious. And my communications are blocked, of course." 

Of course. You understand how we operate. Now, will you accompany us without resistance or will you have us dragging your broken corpse to the Master?

5. "Magic gives Batman a headache"

"B. We have a situation"

"What happened?"

"Well, Im hoping for an hallucination but I got evidences of it actually happening."

"Nightwing"

"Okay, here goes: Hood and Red have been kidnapped by a magic user in a Disney princess costume."

"..."

"B"

"Red Hood and Red Robin have been kidnapped? By a magic user?... Dressed in a princess costume?"

"Yup. Come to think of it, I think the guy was dress as Snow White."

"A man in a Snow White costume has kidnapped your brothers?"

"Yup. I got video footage"

"Come back to the Cave, I'll contact Zatanna. Alfred? I'm gonna need something stronger than coffee"

[heylookafanfic]

AUTHOR’S NOTE: The reader is college aged, so about 19-26 years old :). I’m also going to try my best with making all my imagines gender neutral! I might accidentally forget in the future so, please don’t hesitate to remind me via inbox! Enjoy!

Pairing: Jim Hopper x Reader,  Robin x Reader

brief summary: You and Hopper are dating but after a conversation with Robin at work, you start to feel a bit insecure bc of the slight age gap in your relationship.

word count: 1,911 words requested: no, this one came to mind warnings: age gap, mention of abuse, mention of anxiety, mention of depression (drinking and smoking as a coping mechanism), but mainly fluff!

You worked at Scoops Ahoy with Steve and Robin as a summer gig. College is expensive and textbooks aren’t going to pay for themselves. You actually enjoyed working in there because it was in the mall which meant after you got off for the night, you got to grab a large piece of gooey pizza from the food court. The absolute highlight of your day.

12:45pm - Lunch time.

Steve offered to stay out front and sell ice cream while you and Robin ate lunch in the food court. You sat down and began eating a bagged lunch that Hop packed you.

“What’s that say? Robin asked

There was a Post-It note taped to the side of your lunch

She pulled it off and mockingly read: "Have a great day pumpkin!”

“Pumpkin???” she chuckled

“What? Your mom doesn’t call you little pet names?” you defensively joked

The note was obviously from Hop but you  quickly played it off like your mom wrote it.

“My mom and I are on a first name basis - the only thing she calls me is Robin” she chuckled

“You should call her Batman so you guys will be Batman and Robin” you laughed

“Yeah, never happen– woah”

Robin looked past you which made you turn around

“What?” you asked

“Tammy Thompson. Floral romper. Next to Taco Bell”

“I see her but, what about her?”

“ ‘Grade school crush’ Tammy Thompson”

“OH” you said as you caught on

“Dude, she got hot! Like, she was always cute in grade school but she’s gorgeous”

“Is she still your type?

"I don’t know. I don’t really have a type Y/N”

“I find that hard to believe. You think Phoebe Cates is– and I quote, ’outrageously hot’ ” you joke

“SHE IS!” Robin laughs

“What about you Y/N? You got a type?”

“Not really. If the right person comes along, then whatever happens, happens” you shrugged

“You liar, I see you hangin’ around that sheriff dude all the time. You can’t tell me you don’t have the hots for him”

“What?! No! Never in a million years. Hopper’s a family friend and only a family friend”

“Are you sure about that because, every time he stops by the shop, I see the way you make googly eyes at him” she said

“Googly eyes? Maybe that’s you making googly eyes at him Robin!” you laughed

“I like girls, remember?” she laughed

“Well, that’s good news because I was about to say, he looks quite a bit older than you” she continued

You continued eating your lunch but still listened to what Robin was saying

“Like, imagine dating some dude old enough to be your dad. Like, he’d hold your hand while you cross the street and he’d read a bedtime story before bed and you gotta get permission to leave the house and think about what it be like having– christ, I’m gonna vomit!” she laughed

You were secretly hurt by what Robin said because little did she know, she was right about you and Hopper except it’s not a crush– you and Jim are going on 8 months in a serious relationship. It all started after fighting off the demidogs with the kids, Jonathan, Nancy, Steve, and Hopper. Jim offered you to stay with him and El until things died down but you declined because you still had college courses to take care of. Although lab experiments are pretty much running rampid through Hawkins, school wasn’t going to close down for a snow day, let alone Demidogs. College was 2 hours away from Hawkins but that never stopped Hop from driving the distance to “check in” on you. Flat tire? Hop was on the way. Need a space heater for your dorm? Hop wouldn’t let you spend a dime on buying one, he’d be on his way with one in the back of the truck and maybe a little homemade meal prepped by yours truly. Basically, he found any excuse to come and see you. After a heart-to-heart one day after ranting about being a bit homesick, he asked you to move in with him and El.

*Flashback*

“You’ll be in Hawkins and even if it means waking up at the crack of dawn to drive you to class, it’ll be worth it.” he said

“Hop, I don’t want to inconvenience you at all. I mean, it’s a 2 hour drive there and back, that’s a lot of gas, you still have to go to work and is El really going to be okay by herself for a few hours?” you questioned

“Gas isn’t a problem, the truck uses it regardless of where I’m going, and yes, El will be perfectly fine. The kid survived this whole time without me and did you forget she has–”

“telekinesis” you both said

After saying your good byes to your dorm mate and packing your things, you were officially a resident of casa de Hopper. He was thrilled that he’d get to see you everyday. Nothing was official yet but he had a hunch that maybe things would move a long a bit. He apologized for not having a room for you but you didn’t mind the little area of the cabin he prepared for you. You had feelings for him from the jump but after seeing him out of uniform and being an amazing dad to El, you were absolutely sold. Being able to see Hop put this whole 'tough guy’ persona away behind closed doors and being vulnerable at times, had you wishing he’d actually ask you out.

One night, you were sitting on the porch, letting the sounds of the surrounding woods serenade you, when he sat beside you. He brought you a coffee and just sat in silence. The way you looked as you admired the stars– you literally had a twinkle in your eye. Taking a deep breath, he went for it. The man just full on let his heart out to you before quickly regretting it. You looked at him and chuckled. In that moment, he was sure he ruined your friendship, you’d want to move out and never speak to him again. You told him that you have the same feelings for him but never had the courage to say anything. He let out a sigh of relief and cracked the biggest smile. Things went quiet again  until he asked if he could kiss you (consent first!). You nodded and you two lovebirds did a passionate but sweet kiss.That smile quickly went away. He pulled back and took a breath. You asked him what was wrong and he simply said

“It’s not right”

“What?”

“Us”

“Huh?”

“Me and you Y/N. I feel like I took advantage of you”

“What?! No, of course not. In what way?” you asked

“You’re in your 20’s, I’m in my 40’s. There’s an age gap”

“Okay– I don’t see how that’s a problem though”

“When everyone sees us, they’re going to think I’m only using you for sex. Come on, you know if a guy my age is with someone your age, there’s obviously something going on there. The younger person is never the 'secretary’ or 'assistant’.” he said

“Hop, are we or are we not 2 consenting adults?”

“Yeah”

“Do we both have honest mutual feelings for each other?”

He nodded his head

“So, what does it matter what everyone else thinks? We’re both happy. I haven’t been truly happy in a while but when you’re around, the world isn’t so bad” you said

He cracked a smile again.

“Listen, if it makes you feel better we don’t have to tell anyone about us. We can tell them when we’re ready. Deal?” you continued

He put his pinky finger out.

“Oh, so we’re pinky promising now?” you chuckled

“I guess you can say we’re getting pretty serious” he laughed

*End of flashback*

7:00pm– Closing Time

Hop pulled up to the front of the mall and waited for you.

7:00 was his favorite time of the day because that meant he got to see his whole world walk out of the doors of the Starcourt Mall every day. He was blasting “You Make My Dreams” by Hall & Oats with the windows rolled up. It was the song to your realationship but, he’d rather be caught dead than be caught listening to Hall & Oats.

You walked through the doors, yanking off your “AHOY” hat when you hear

“Y/N!”

Getting in the car, you plop down in the passenger side and put your seatbelt on.

Usually “You Make My Dreams” would have you dancing in your seat but you were offaly quiet.

“You okay?” he asked as he turn the music down

“Yeah”

“Now, when you say 'yeah’ ,you’re obviously lying. Seriously, is everything okay?”

You sighed

“Remember when we 1st got together, and we talked about our age?”

“Mhm”

“Robin and I were talking and she mentioned how dating a 'guy old enough to be your dad’ is gross.”

“Did you tell her about us?!” he panicked

“No, of course not. She brought age gaps up when we were talking about crushes and I have anxiety over it now. Are we–”

Hop put his finger up to his lip and shh’d you. He knew you overthink too much and that lead to your anxiety triggering. He took your hand in his, rubbing his thumb over yours.

“Y/N, the minute I laid my eyes on you–”

He paused before choking up a bit

“–I felt the same feeling I felt when I first met Diane. After Sarah passed, we divorced and I never thought I’d be happy again. I turned to cigs and alcohol for help but I dug myself deeper in this hole. Meeting Joyce gave me hope, but I saw how happy she was with Bob and– I wanted what she had. Coming home to someone who gives a damn about you every day. All the stress from fighting the demagorgon and being a dad again, I was ready to throw in the towel. Then, I met you. You were so laidback and carefree and had this aura I can’t describe. You always knew how to light up a room. When I got to know you better and you told me about the hell your dad put you and your mom through, I saw how strong you were and I needed that in my life. I needed someone who can keep me grounded when life becomes too much. That was you. You went back to college and I felt my life falling apart again. That’s why I came to see you so much. When you said you wanted to move in, I drove home that night on top of the world. I told El and we drank hot chocolate the whole night as a celebration. You wanna know the best part, that night we started dating was the absolute best night I had in years. I felt like kid again. Like, my playground crush just said yes to swinging together. Y/N, you are the best thing to happen to me in a long time. Like you said, 'what does it matter what everyone else thinks? We’re both happy’. ”

He kissed you and that kiss had to be at least a minute long.

“You feel better?” he chuckled

“No” you said

“Seriously?”

“I’m kidding, yes I feel better” you chuckled

“Good, now let’s go home” he said with a side smile

[talesfromthesnogbox]

Big (Trash) Mouth

Summary: Richie Tozier is an already overall awkward human being, the absolute last thing he needed was an untimely visit from Maury, his hormone monster.The Big Mouth x It (2017) crossover I apparently needed but couldn't find.

Word Count: 4164

Notes: Soooooo yeah, I posted something on tumblr a little while ago about how I needed this crossover and nobody took the bait so I took it myself. I've never written for It or for Big Mouth, so I'm sure this is all wildly out of character, but whatever, it sparked joy. It was... interesting attempting to write this and not say a lot of the things I knew Richie would say, but I didn't want to go there being in my mid 20's and writing 15 year olds. So yeah. Enjoy? 

P.S. I totally headcanon Maggie and Went Tozier to be EXACTLY like Mr and Mrs Birch if you’ve seen Big Mouth, so I wrote them that way.

ao3 link

~~~*~~~

Big Trash Mouth

“Late bloomer”. It’s something Richie had heard his whole life.

Late to start talking, walking, late to potty train, and now…

“Bill, when the hell did you decide to grow a mustache?”

Richie rolled his eyes as his friends fawned over how masculine it made him look. Their voices all deeper, bodies filling out the way they should be. He was fourteen and still gangly as ever, the only thing that had changed with Richie was his height. He now towered over his friends, but still had the awkward squeaky voice. His cheeks were still filled with baby fat, and he walked like a newborn giraffe.

All he wished for was to grow up, like his friends were. He talked the big talk, but in reality, Richie was a scared little boy. His heart thudded in his chest when he thought about what his first kiss would be like. Sure, Bill and Bev were really the only two losers who swapped spit on the regular, but Stan had kissed a girl from camp, and Mike had been actively pursuing one of the girls in their year at school after they’d kissed at a birthday party in a round of truth or dare. Eddie always blushed and told them to fuck off whenever he was asked, which left Richie and Ben as the last two losers.

Ben was a romantic, he wanted it to be special, which Richie always fake gagged at before running his mouth about the love of his life, Mrs. K. It was easier to make a joke about it than face up to what he was really thinking about…

It wasn’t that Richie couldn’t see himself settling down one day, or having a crazy whirlwind romance. He was just young, he wasn’t thinking about it. All he wanted was to be with Eddie.

He’d deny it to anyone who asked if he had a crush on Eddie (even to himself). It wasn’t a crush, Eddie was his best friend of all the losers. He knew what they had was special, and he wanted to grow old with him… and be like, best friends forever, ya know?

Nevertheless, Richie would shake off the feeling. He’d shaken it off at twelve, and he was still shaking it off at fifteen… for a little while at least.

It was hot that night, he’d been reading one of his dad’s old Batman comics, and he realized Batman and Robin were a little close for just friends.

“Ha, totally gay.” He’d muttered, trying to ignore the feeling of his heart beating wildly at the thought. Unlike most of his friends, he didn’t see the appeal to characters like Catwoman. She was sexy, sure, but he didn’t feel the attraction to her. But Batman…

A shiver ran through Richie, and suddenly, a rumble came from his closet. He jumped, terrified that the fucking clown might be back again.

“H-hello?” Richie whispered, praying there wouldn’t be an answer. After a moment of silence, he turned back to Batman. The story became lost on Richie, he stopped focusing on what was happening, and continued to zone in on Batman’s well-sculpted body; and then the rattling started again. “Fuck, hello? Eds, did you follow me home again?”

The closet door opened and a dark figure walked out; a big ugly monster, covered in hair revealed himself in the light. “Who the fuck is Eds?”

Richie shouted as the thing came closer. He slapped himself across the face, attempting to wake himself from whatever nightmare he was in, but he wasn’t waking up.

“What’re you doing kid? With the whole… slapping thing?”

“What the fuck are you?” Richie shouted again, adjusting his glasses and scrambling further up his bed.

“Oh, me? I’m Maury! I’m your hormone monster!”

“My what?”

“Your hormone monster! Congrats kid, you’re a man now.” Richie looked at him, confused and a little horrified of the physical monster that had manifested in front of him. “Look Rich, you’re reading a dirty magazine or some shit, your mind wandered for a bit, badda bing badda boom, here I am. So why don’t you… how did you put it… tickle your pickle and call it an evening?”

“What the fuck.”

“What, are you not looking at your dad’s Playboys?” Richie stared at the thing… Maury… in horror for a moment. “No, I’m reading a Batman comic.”

“Odd flex, but okay, I can work with that. Chicks dig a man in a spandex suit, I bet he gets so much pussy.”

 ~~~*~~~

Richie had barely slept that night. Maury kept him awake, flooding his mind with confusing thoughts and images.

“Wow Rich, you look horrible.”

“Thanks asshole, not looking too shabby yourself.” He snapped back at Stan as they reached the quarry together. He was not in the mood today.

Hanging out at the quarry today instead of the clubhouse turned out to be a blessing and a curse. The cold water woke him up instantly, and soon enough, Richie was back to being the trashmouth they all knew and loved. But shortly after jumping in, Eddie arrived.

Richie’s heart thudded, and a weak smile broke across his face as Eddie dropped his bike, waving to his friends. Then… his clothes started coming off.

“Ohhhh, shit man, I see how it is, that’s Eds.”

He jumped. “Fuck’s sake, you scared the shit outta me.” Maury had appeared out of nowhere, and it put Richie right back into his bad mood.

“Yeah man, who knew short, angry and hypochondriac would be the one to get your motor running. I thought for sure it’d be the tall, leggy redhead.”

“Shut up, Eds does not get my motor running. He’s my best friend.”

“Oh yeah? Tell that to your dick.”

“What? FUCK.” Sure enough, Richie felt the same unfamiliar stirring he’d started feeling the night before low in his belly. He sunk lower in the water, covering his shoulders, moving as far away from his friends as he could.

“Hey Richie!” Eddie yelled. “Get over here, I need a partner for chicken.”

“Oh yeah, chicken is a fave. Think about it Richie, Eddie sitting on your shoulders, it would be so easy to just turn him around and bury your face—”

“FUCK OFF MAURY. I GET IT.”

“Well you obviously don’t. That problem in your pants wasn’t a problem until he showed up.”

“Oh my god, OKAY. I’m attracted to dudes.” Richie hung his head low, his face burning.

“And…”

“And what? I said what I said.”

“Come on man, it goes deeper than that. You’ve had four other dudes in their tighty-whities feet away from you literally all afternoon and you waited till Spaghetti man showed up to pop a boner.”

Richie frowned. “Um, you’re the hormone monster, none of that was my decision apparently.”

“No, but the gay thoughts you’ve been having about Eddie were all yours.”

Before that day, Richie would have denied it until his face turned blue, but finally, he had to come clean with himself.

“Fine, fine. I’m attracted to Eddie; I have gay thoughts about my best friend. I… I l—I like Eddie.”

“Atta boy! Now go tackle him and pretend your hand slipped when you touch his butt.”

 ~~~*~~~

“Hey Richie, why were you being so weird earlier today?”

Richie spluttered. Bev had always been forward, calling him out on his bullshit, but he didn’t expect that she’d call him out on it today. The two of them had become close. Richie’s mom adored Bev, she was always welcome at the Tozier house for dinner, a sleepover, whatever she needed. He never questioned why his mom let him have a girl sleep over all the time, but now he supposed she had an inkling that he might not think about girls that way.

He leaned back against his headboard and looked straight ahead.

“I… um…”

“I thought it might be the boner you popped when you saw Eddie strip down, but you were quiet all afternoon.”

Richie felt his face pale. “You… what?”

She laughed. “Stan pointed it out, Mike begged us not to say anything after the sleepover incident.”

“Fuck, well that’s embarrassing. I feel like I’ve lost control, my hormones are like a fucking monster, always there, just waiting to attack.” Richie sounds crazy in his own ears.

“Is it weird that I understand?” Richie looks at her curiously. “Sometimes I just… I just feel so angry, I want to scream and cry, but then…” she shakes her head, “Bill comes in and just… he makes it all better. But then it’s hard to control myself there too.”

“Oooh, Bevvie, you gonna spill all the dirty deets about Big Bill?”

She giggles. “Shut up, asshole. You gonna spill the beans on why you popped a boner at the quarry?”

“I think I have a crush on Eddie.” Richie’s surprised to hear it come out of his own mouth, let alone with another person in the room.

“Yeah dipshit, tell me something I don’t know.”

“Wait, what?” Maury popped up in the corner of Richie’s eye as they spoke it together. “Dude, what the fuck, how’d she find out before you did?”

“You two aren’t exactly subtle you know. We’ve been placing bets on when it would finally come out forever.”

“But… but Bev, neither of us… I didn’t even tell you I was gay. I didn’t even really admit it until very recently.” He paused. “Oh yeah, I’m gay by the way, you’re… you’re the first of the losers to know.”

She looks down at her feet, embarrassed by her own outburst. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have… thank you for telling me Rich, I’m proud of you for coming out.”

“Thanks Bevvie.” He opened up as she leaned into him.

“It’s just… you and Eddie have something different, something special between you two.”

“Yeah, but… just because he likes guys too, doesn’t mean he’s into me.” Richie pouted.

Bev turns to look at him. “Richard.” She deadpans.

“What?”

“Eddie’s been flirting with you since we were fucking thirteen.”

“Um, he’s been bitching at me since we were fucking thirteen is I think what you meant to say.”

“No, flirting. He’s been pulling your metaphorical pigtails. And the shorts, he literally only wears them when you’re around because you always comment on them.”

“What? Richard, you never told me there were shorts involved.” Maury popped up. “I demand to see the shorts, take me to the shorts!”

Richie rolled his eyes, his heart thudding in his chest. Could Eddie like him back? “That still doesn’t mean anything, Bev.”

“That means everything, Rich.”

“Yeah Rich, that means everything! I think Eddie likes you man. Maybe try sticking your tongue down his throat, it’ll be like a fun little experiment to see for sure.”

He ignored Maury, still turning red at the thought.

Beverly smirked. “You’re imagining sticking your tongue down his throat, aren’t you?”

Maury raised his eyebrows. “Wow, she’s good.”

He shoved her, a smile cracking on his face. “Shut up.”

“Never.” Bev composed herself and leaned back into Richie. “I think you should tell him.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

Richie shook his head. “I-I can’t. He’d never—”

“I literally just told you he’s been flirting with you for years. Spit it out Richie, it’ll feel good once you do. Plus, boyfriend.”

“No, but he’s my best friend. What if I fuck it all up and he never wants to see me again? Or worse, what if we do end up dating, and I hurt him? I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt him. I just want him to be happy.”

“He’d be a lot happier if he were with you Richie.” Beverly reached up and stroked the hair away from his forehead.

“Okay, maybe so. But maybe I’m just not ready to come all the way out yet.”

She smiled. “That’s okay too.”

~~~*~~~

Months went by, and Maury continued to torture Richie to no end. He somehow sprouted up even taller, his voice got even lower, and suddenly he was just… hairy.

Richie had grown up a lot, but not just physically.

He was still Richie Trashmouth Tozier, but in much smaller doses than he had been before. He almost stopped relying on dirty jokes and made genuinely funny remarks, he stopped trying to take the spotlight, and opened up to, and listened to his friends in return. Richie had become almost civilized.

He’d come out to his parents; they were every bit as loving and supportive as they’d always been, sometimes overly supportive.

“You know sweetheart, my friend from work has a nephew in the next town over who’s gay, maybe we should set you two up.” His mom would say.

“Richie, you should really think about cleaning up the hair on your face, at least until you can grow a proper beard. Your mother has told me scratchy kisses are unpleasant, and you don’t want some nice boy to think you give scratchy kisses.” His dad would lament.

Richie’s parents were a lot, but he was grateful that they cared.

“For god’s sake man, why did your dad cry teaching you how to shave your face?” Maury said, rolling his eyes.

“Because he doesn’t know how to deal with the fact that I’m growing up and I won’t be his baby anymore.”

“Geez, that’s bleak.”

Richie and Maury’s attention was drawn to the window as he heard a gentle clink. They approached carefully, only to find Eddie at the base of his house looking up.

“Well well well, would you look at that. Just saw him this afternoon, but little Eds came back for some of that sweet Trashmouth lovin I see.” Maury waggled his eyebrows. “OH! And he wore the shorts. The SHORTS Richie!”

“Shut the fuck up.” Richie opened his window. “Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?” He called down to Eddie.

“Really not in the fucking mood right now, Trashmouth.” He sounded broken, small. There was anger and hurt layered under his displeasure to Richie’s usual antics. “I—I don’t think I’ll be able to climb up. But…”

“Say no more Spaghetti. Come around to the front, my parents are in the kitchen, I’ll sneak you in.”

Richie raced to the front door as quickly and quietly as he could. When he saw Eddie’s broken expression, he immediately brought him in for a hug.

“I’m okay.” Eddie repeated, but he didn’t look okay.

“Come upstairs, we just have to get past Maggie and Went.”

They tiptoed into the house, but Maggie Tozier was like a bloodhound. “Richie, is that Bev with you? Oh, hi Eddie, what a nice surprise.” She smiled as she turned the corner and spotted the two boys.

Eddie smiled. “Hi Mrs. Tozier. Sorry to interrupt your evening, I won’t stay long.”

“Nonsense, stay as long as you’d like. Can I get you boys anything, a snack? Something to drink?” Maggie smiled, sensing something was wrong. “Eddie, is everything okay?”

Eddie smiled but shook his head. “It’s complicated.” He shrugged, but Maggie’s eyes were kind, encouraging him to share. “I… it’s my mom… she’s been even more overbearing since I came out to her and we got in a fight. I just needed some air. I think I should have just kept it to myself and not told her I’m gay.”

Maggie rushed over, and Went popped his head into view. “Oh honey thank you for telling me. Never feel ashamed to be who you are.” She pulled him into a hug, Went rushing over to join them. “Well if you ever need some extended time away, there’s more than enough room for you here.”

“Thanks Mrs. T.”

“Wow man, this is all pretty gay.” Maury snuck in. “Ha, get it, gay? Cause we’re like totally gay and sharing feelings ‘n shit? Yeah, that’s some good shit.”

Richie rolled his eyes at the hormone monster, and touched Eddie’s shoulder lightly. “Love the whole Full House heart to heart thing that’s going on, but I think Eddie came over to take his mind off it all. Wanna go upstairs and play on the Super Nintendo?”

Eddie smiled and nodded, following the other boy into his room.

“Went, did you know Eddie was gay?” Maggie asked her husband quietly.

“I had an inkling. I think something very beautiful is happening with our son and his best friend right under our noses.”

Maggie frowned. “Just because they’re both gay—”

He shook his head. “No, no. They’ve had something special from the beginning, my sweet. I think it’s just the natural progression of their relationship.” Went kissed his wife’s cheek, and went back to their cleaning.

~~~*~~~

In the hours that had passed, Richie successfully took Eddie’s mind off his mother. The two teens laughed as they played Street Fighter, shoveling popcorn that Maggie had brought up into their smiling mouths.

It was Friday, so Eddie didn’t feel bad about drifting off in Richie’s bed shortly after they’d both collapsed in it, comic books sprawled at their feet.

Richie looked on as Eddie peacefully slept beside him. His features were soft, boyish still, but a hint of developing masculinity lay beneath the baby fat that remained. He removed his glasses and flipped off his lamp, settling into his normal sleeping position when Eddie snuggled in against his side.

Fuck.

“Oh shit, Richie, I don’t think Eddie’s asleep.” Maury once again made an appearance.

“What the fuck are you talking about, he’s totally asleep. Maury, what do I do?”

“Um… um… do you think he’d mind if you—”

“YES. Yes he would absolutely mind if I just whipped my dick out in the middle of our sleepover Maury.”

“Richie…” His head turned to the boy in his arms who was obviously very much not asleep. “I can hear you thinking. Shut the fuck up and hold me.”

“You heard the man Richard, he wants to be held, hold him!”

Richie moved hesitantly, gaining confidence as Eddie snuggled in closer to him. He could feel his friend’s breath lightly hitting his neck, getting closer and closer as he searched for that perfectly comfortable sweet spot in Richie’s arms. Eddie’s lips lightly grazed his neck, and suddenly Richie bolted upright, feeling the familiar tension stir in his gut.

“Richie?” Eddie sat up sleepily, eyes boring into the side of Richie’s face.

“Why the fuck would you move! If you would have waited a few more minutes, sweet, sweet magic could have happened!” Maury whined, dragging a hairy hand down his face.

“I—I’m sorry Eddie, I just… gotta save some lovin for your mom, am I right?”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “I-is it weird, being like this together now, because I’m gay?” They had indeed had sleepovers before where Richie had woken up with Eddie curled around him, but it had never bothered him until Maury showed up.

“N-no, no, that’s not it. I’m gay too, asshole.”

Eddie got up, walking towards Richie hesitantly. “Then why…” and then in the moonlight, he caught a glimpse of why. “Oh my god, classic Trashmouth. It’s like the quarry all over again. You really can’t control that thing can you?” He joked.

Richie had no witty response for him. He was silent for a moment, letting his own embarrassment wash over him. “I’m sorry Eddie.”

Eddie frowned. “For what? We’re teenage boys, that shit happens like all the time in our sleep.”

“Eddie, I… I wasn’t sleeping.”

Maury’s eyes shot open. “Richie why the fuck would you do that, he’s gonna think you’re some sort of pervert! Not that I wouldn’t love you any less if you were some sort of pervert, believe me, I could tell you stories about some of the other kids I’ve been assigned to.”

“Maury, just… just shut up, please.”

“What do you mean you weren’t sleeping? Richie, we’ve been asleep for—”

Richie shook his head. “You’ve been asleep for hours, I… I couldn’t sleep. Too many thoughts of Mrs. K running through—”

“Richie please, you literally just said you were gay.” The two were silent for a moment. Eddie looked at him hesitantly and nodded. “Okay. Does this happen with—”

“No.” Richie closed his eyes and collapsed back on his bed, willing the horribly timed problem to go away. “No, Eddie, just you.” He let out a groan of frustration.

Maury stood behind Eddie, unable to read his expression. “Shit man, I think you have to tell him how you feel now.”

“I’m sorry Eds, I never meant for you to find out like this… I never meant for you to find out at all.”

“What the fuck are you going on about Richie?”

Richie sat up and looked Eddie in the eye. “Eds… Eds you don’t get it?”

Eddie spluttered. “N-not really! I have no fucking clue what you’re trying to say right now. All I can tell from this conversation is that you’re gay and still apparently fucking my mother, and you popped a boner from lying beside me. I’m not a fucking mind-reader man, I’ve got no idea what—”

Richie’s lips gently touching Eddie’s cut off his rant. The kiss only lasted a second, but it left the two teens breathless.

“O-oh.” Eddie’s eyebrows were in his hairline, and Richie couldn’t believe what he’d just done.

“Holy fucking shit kid, you fucking did it.”

The tension in the room could be cut with a knife. Neither boy wanted to speak first, neither wanted to look into the other’s eyes. Richie was beyond embarrassed, and he couldn’t help but feel like he’d maybe lost a friend.

“Fucking hell Eddie, even your mother is more talkative in bed.” He laughed nervously, adjusting his glasses.

“Shit man, he’s not saying anything. Whip it out, whip your dick out! Stun the motherfucker into saying something!” Maury yelled and jumped about.

“Richie… we were having a moment, why the fuck would you bring my mother into this again?”

Richie’s eyes went wide. “We… we were? I kinda thought you were going to jump out my window to be honest.”

“No, no! That… that was… good! I mean, I liked it.”

“You did?”

Eddie shoved Richie lightly. “Yes, dumbass, I did. I just don’t really know how to do this whole…” He pointed between the two of them.

“This whole what?”

“You know… um… crush… thing.”

“Crush!” Maury looked between the two boys and collapsed.

“Wait, you have a crush on me?” Richie pushed his hand through his hair.

“Yes asshole, why do you think I always try to partner with you in chicken? And sit beside you whenever we’re with the rest of the losers? I’ve had a crush on you for like… I dunno… like a really long time. And I kind of thought you did too. But now I’m wondering if maybe you just wanted another gay boy to I dunno, experiment with. Fuck, I’m an idiot.”

“No! No, Eds, me too, I feel that way too. The crush I mean.” Richie smiled and took the smaller boy’s hand in his. “I’m sorry I’ve been an asshole, and I’m sorry about…” he waved his free hand over his crotch. “I just… it’s like… uncontrollable. And like… your butt just looks really good in those shorts.”

“Beep beep trashmouth.” Eddie giggled. “I get it. I mean, I don’t, my dick isn’t trying to sabotage me, but it did at one point, and that sucked.”

Richie looked over to Maury accusingly. “Yeah, it does suck.” He shook his head and looked at Eddie. “So what do we do now?”

“Well I like you, and you like me, we could always… um I mean… you could be my boyfriend?”

Richie fake gasped. “Mamma dear!” He said in a southern belle accent. “This here boy wants to be my boyfriend!”

Maury shook his head. “Yeah man, maybe don’t do that.” But Eddie was giggling like a schoolgirl, eating Richie’s performance up. “Okay, wait, maybe you’re onto something. He likes it, keep doing it.”

Eddie shoved Richie again, knocking him down onto the bed, but tumbling after him. “Shut up asshole.”

“That’s asshole boyfriend to you, boyfriend.”

He blushed adorably. “Okay, asshole boyfriend.” Richie noticed Eddie’s gaze travelling between his eyes and his lips. Before he could stop himself, he leaned forwards, and kissed him again, this time longer, with more pressure.

Eddie’s breath hitched; it was perfect. Perfect until…

“Boys? Shouldn’t you be—oh!”

Richie pulled away from Eddie, and jolted back up again. “Mom!” He shouted. “This is why you need to knock!”

“Sorry sweetie, I’ll just… I’m gonna leave the door open a bit for you. We’re talking about this tomorrow. Goodnight boys, sleep tight! Make good choices!”

Maggie wandered back into her room, giggling as she crawled back into bed beside her husband.

“You may have been onto something with those two Wentworth.”

“See Mags, I told you. Something beautiful is happening.”

[sebeth]

Young Justice: Welcome To Happy Harbor, Drop-Zone, What’s The Story

Warning, Spoilers Ahead…

 Episode 3: “Welcome To Happy Harbor”

The episode begins with Speedy interrupting one of Brick’s shipments.  Robin, Kid Flash, and Aqualad soon join the party.

Brick gets cocky and pays for it.  I’d completely forgotten about Brick’s appearance in this episode.  We see Brick in the trailer for the third season.  I bet he appears in Arrowette’s origin/recruitment episode.  It would be a nice callback to the first season.

The boys attempt to recruit Speedy to the team but he’s a manly man who doesn’t need to be part of a team.

“Recognized Robin B-01, Kid Flash B-03”

You know Batman programmed the codes and was all “Robin will be the first”.  It’s also a nice nod to Robin’s status as the first sidekick.

“Mission assignments are the Batman’s responsibility.” – Yep, poor Red is the one who has to reign in their shenanigans.  This Red doesn’t know how easy he has it – there should be a crossover between the Red of the cartoon universe and the Red of the comic book universe.  Comic book-Red can terrify Cartoon-Red with tales of his Conner and Bart.

“This team is not a social club.” – Kaldur would be the one most adamant about assignments and not wasting time on socializing.  He entered the Atlantean military at 12 years old.  He’s had structure and duty drilled into him at a young age.

“I cannot read his mind.” – Ooh, foreshadowing of M’gann’s later abuse of her powers?  That is a pretty clear violation of privacy for no other reason than convenience.  On the one hand, I cut M’gann some slack because even at 45 years old she is still a teenager by her race’s standards.  Teenagers don’t always make the best decisions and she’s obviously attempting to impress her teammates.  On the other hand, J’onn is a very ethical telepath and I’m positive he would have coached M’gann on the proper uses of telepathy.

“We all know what you’re thinking right now.” – Wally the horn dog is taken straight out of his solo comic in the late 1980s.

Wally and Dick competing over M’gann’s attention is hilarious.  I don’t think Dick event wants M’gann’s attention as much as he wants to annoy Wally.  Meanwhile, Superboy is not amused by their shenanigans.  At all.

Kaldur continues to be the only “adult” in the room.

“Granny Jones’ recipe from episode 17” – Subtle foreshadowing of an element that wouldn’t become prominent until much later in the season.

Wally needs to learn subtleness in his flirtations.

“Here, your powers are an extreme invasion of privacy.” – Wouldn’t that have been one of the first things J’onn would have gone over with her?”  

Superboy would be highly sensitive to telepathic intrusions due to his experiences in Cadmus.  If your entire upbringing revolved around telepathic manipulation, you are sure not going to want anyone randomly popping into your head.

“Helo, Megan.” – What we thought was a catchphrase is more foreshadowing.

The Martian bio-ship is cool.

“Fast with his feet. Not so much with his mouth.”

“Dude!”

Yep, Dick is having too much fun giving Wally a bad time.

Kaldur takes the lead and reaches out to Superboy.  Even before it was made official, the writers did a great job laying the foundation for Aqualad to become the leader of the team.

“Mimicking boys is a lot harder.” – Would it be?  Do Martians even have gender?  Their natural forms – green or white – are basically androgynous.

“Are tornadoes common in New England?” – A pretty sensible question.  Kaldur lives underwater, Conner’s a newborn, Megan’s an alien, and Wally’s from the Midwest.  Dick is the only one who lives in New England area.

The team battles Mr. Twister and comes out on the losing end.  I’ve always felt Red Tornado was one of the most formidable heroes around. How do you fight a tornado?

“That was quite turbing.” – Dick’s mangling of the English language is thrown back into his face.

Megan deduces (wrongly) that Mr. Twister is the Red Tornado.  To be fair, it was an obvious guess.

“Stay out of our way.” – Is this Conner’s catchphrase?  This is the second time in three episodes he’s stated a variation of it.

The rematch with Mr. Twister is going as well as the first round.

“First thing Batman taught me.” – Yeah, I can see Bruce believing “never be without a weapon” is a valuable life lesson.  

Where did Dick hide the utility belt? It’s rather bulky.

Megan devises a plan and the team makes short work of Mr. Twister.

“Cool.  Souvenir.” – Wally begins his collection of trophies.

The scientist at the end is Dr. T.O. Morrow – his search for Red Tornado sets up a future episode.

“Sorry.  I’ll strive to be more accurate.”

“And more respectful.”

Yep, Dick and Conner could both use lessons in manners and tact.

Conner mutters an awkward “Sorry” to Megan.  Judging from his expression, it pained him in his soul to do so.

Episode 4: “Drop-Zone”

For those curious, the first three episodes of the cartoon, along with the first five issues of the comic, took place from July 4th through the 12th.

“Drop-Zone” begins on June 19th – Kobra has forcibly taken control of Bane’s Venom-production facilities on Santa Prisca.  Bane is not happy.

Bane battles Mammoth for control of the island and loses.

I like Kobra and his minions visual design.  Very nice. I’m not sold on Shimmer or Mammoth (pre-transformation.”

We flip ahead to June 22nd.  Two possibilities for why we are now in June – which is before July, not after.  One – the creators messed up and put June in the captions instead of July.  Two – we skipped a year between episodes 3 and 4.  I’m going with the first option as the team still hasn’t elected a leader. Pretty sure you can’t have a year’s worth of adventures without an established leader.

That said, I’m pausing “Drop-Zone” and switching to the comic as the fifth issue takes place on July 20th. I’m trying to keep this in chronological order.

Issue 5: “What’s The Story?”

Wally is at the HQ – bored and flirthing with Megan.  Wally suggest a camp fire.  Megan enthusiastically agrees but dashes Wally’s hopes by inviting the rest of the team.

Tents are set, fires lit, and smores made.

Dick tells Wally to tone down his flirting as it’s “kinda bordering on the creepy.” Yeah, Wally isnt’ exactly smooth.

Conner’s not impressed with camping: “Sleep in these flimsy things called tents and sit around the fire?”

Dick scolds Wally again: “You’re about as subtle as a train wreck.”

Megan wants to learn more about her teammates.

Aqualad begins.  Here are the highlights:

·         Grew up in Shayeris, a city of Atlantis

·         Atlantis has many people, many cultures

·         Completed his education at 12 and began mandatory service in the Atlantean military

·         At 14 years old - Transferred to the prestigious Conservatory of Science in Poseidonis

·         Queen Mera is the headmistress of the Conservatory

·         Met Garth and Tula at the Conservatory

·         Garth Kaldur saved Aquaman’s life during an attack by the Ocean Master

·         Aquaman offered the boys a chance to become his protégé and later carry on his “suface duties” while he focused on running the Kingdom

·         Kaldur leapt at the chance while Garth continued his magical studies

Nice origin recap for Kaldur.  I love the inclusion of Garth and Tula as it is a nice nod to Arthur’s original sidekicks.

Wally goes next. Highlights:

·         Jay Garrick is still the original Flash!  Yes!  I love the nods to the depth of the DC Universe. Modern creators don’t seem to care about characters and continuity but Greg Weisman and company flawlessly incorporate all aspects and elements of DC’s history.

·         Barry’s next.

·         Wally desperately wants to be Kid Flash but Barry is “No! No partners! I don’t want the responsibility!”

·         Wally’s all “Screw that.  I do what I want.” and recreates the chemical combination that caused Barry to turn into the Flash.

·         Wally as a science nerd is unique to the Young Justice universe but it’s a nice addition to the character.

·         After a few weeks, Wally gains super-speed.  He campaigns to be Barry’s new partner.  Barry’s not thrilled but agrees as long as Wally does “exactly as I say, when I say it.”

The writers did an excellent job of establishing exactly why the heroes allowed the teenagers to run around in costumes:

·         Aquaman is training a protégé to assume his role as surface world ambassador/protector.

·         Batman doesn’t want Dick to turn out like him.  Bruce doesn’t want Dick’s “inner light” to face out.

·         Barry had no choice as Wally was hell-bent on being a hero.  Better to have Wally by his side than face the danger alone.

Roy is too busy being a manly loner to discover Ollie’s reasons.  Traditionally, Ollie doesn’t make the best life choices so it could have been the more typical “well, letting a kid run around in a mask and punch criminals seemed like a good idea at the time.”

Robin passes on story-telling time.  At first, Wally ribs Dick about Batman not letting him say anything but realizes he’s rubbing salt in the wound and passes the story-telling baton to Conner.

Conner doesn’t say much. He mentions the G-Gnomes and the containment pod.  Conner states he never thought for himself until his rescue.

Conner states the one thing that’s always on his mind is “Destroying Superman.

And with that bombshell, I’m off to work.

Up next, we continue story time and resume “Drop-Zone”.

[theheavymetalmama]

Soooo...Jason Momoa told a little kid that Superman wasn't in Justice League because he was dead, DC is making a Superman Year One comic with Frank Miller as the author, they're making a two-part animated movie based on "the Death and Return of Superman," and rumors are flying around that Supergirl is going to be in Justice League. Oh, and the Justice League trailer dropped. Your thoughts?

That’s a lot to take it. Let’s start with the big one. New Justice League trailer!

Sorry guys, still don’t like it. Granted, it doesn’t look as bad as the previous trailer made it look, but it still looks massively underwhelming. Hell, the only character presented I even like is Wonder Woman, because she’s the only one who’s been established.

Well, established in a good movie, at least.

The rest consist of a Batman who belongs behind bars just as much as any of his villains and three other characters we’re meeting for the first time fighting a villain that nobody gives a shit about, which could be forgiven if the characters were interesting but again Batman’s an asshole and we don’t know anything about Aquaman, Flash, or Cyborg yet. And am I the only one who cringed at Cyborg’s line? Not the line itself, but the flat, robotic delivery. Good god, they took one of the most expressive and emotional live-wires in comic book history and turned him into Arnold from Terminator 2, but without the charm and charisma.

I’m also not looking forward the role the Amazons play, which appears to be them being in the movie for the sole purpose of Steppenwolf to kill/mop the floor with them. Yeah, take the place and characters everybody who watched Wonder Woman fell in love with and just wipe them off the face of the Earth in their second appearance. No way there’s going to be any backlash from that!

Honestly, I could write an essay’s worth of things in the trailer that irked me, but topping that list are these lines from Batman.

“Superman was a beacon for the world. He didn’t just save people, he made them see the best parts of themselves.”

Let’s forget for a moment that Superman has only been in two DCEU movies and you can count on one hand how many times he was shown in a heroic light. Let’s forget for a moment that Man of Steel and especially Batman v Superman spent more time hammering into audiences skulls that more people in this world are afraid of Superman than there are people who see him as a hero. And let’s forget for a moment that this Superman has spent more time feeling sorry for himself than he ever did being the symbol of hope the movies tried and failed miserably building him up to be.

Let’s instead take into account that these lines are coming from Batman. Oh yeah, Superman totally brought out the best in people. That’s why after the disaster in Metropolis, you took a deep breath, composed yourself, and reached out to him to see what he was really about before jumping to conclusions and-oh wait, no you didn’t, you obsessed over him for over a year and decided to straight-up murder his ass, you fucking hypocrite!

Seriously, what the fuck, WB? You spend two whole movies shitting on Superman, the people who love him, and his legacy, and now you’re trying to save face by saying that he brought out the best in people when you’ve only shown the BAD things that happened because he exists? Fuck off. No, seriously, fuck right off. You have to EARN that shit, which you fucking didn’t because you killed Superman before anybody could connect with him and threw the entirety of “The Death and Return of Superman” right under the bus in the last 20 minutes of a Batman movie! I honestly don’t know what’s worse. That Batman is being portrayed as a stupid and hypocritical murderous asshole, or that said stupid and hypocritical murderous asshole is leading the team that Superman is supposed to be the leader to!

Ugh, FUCK everything! But let’s move on, shall we? Frank Miller is writing Superman: Year One.

The very idea of Frank Miller writing any solo-Superman story makes my skin crawl. The fact that the same guy who turned Superman into Ronald Reagan’s personal attack dog who can’t read and raped Wonder Woman is retelling Superman’s origin story? Ugh. Just thinking about that makes me feel like I need to jump into a swimming pool filled with bleach and then get buried up to my neck in rock salt!

Let’s all just put aside that Frank Miller is a racist and misogynist scumbag who hasn’t written anything good since Robocop vs the Terminator. Let’s instead take into account that the man has been writing comic books for 40 years now and has written Superman several times, and every time he’s portrayed him as stupid, boorish, and incompetent while going out of his way to have Batman humiliate him in some way, shape, or form. Yes, I know, Miller has said that he actually likes Superman and only wrote him that way because the story was from Batman’s perspective and that he actually regrets writing him as a government tool, yeah, I don’t fucking believe him. He’s had dozens if not hundreds of opportunities to show Superman in a positive light and he’s never done it. He’s never done it before, so why would he now? The only time Superman has ever been portrayed with any semblance of who he actually is in a Frank Miller work was in Dark Knight III: the Master Race…you know, the one book in the series that Frank Miller didn’t write! Oh, but he wants to write part IV, so great, he’ll get to shit on Superman one more time before he either retires or his diseased liver and STD-ridden body do him in. “Oh, but Katie, he has cancer!” So? He’s still an asshole!

Well, that was grim. Let’s talk a little bit about Jason Mamoa telling a little kid that Superman was dead.

Okay, in the interest of fairness, I don’t think Mamoa had any malicious intent. I’m sure he was just caught up in the moment and wasn’t thinking straight, especially when he apologized to the same kid during an autograph signing that followed the panel. It was still a dick move on his part, but whether or not he gave it some thought, his fellow cast members told him “dude, that’s a little kid,” or his PR guy said “Look Mamoa, Warner has done a fine job of alienating Superman fans all on their own, they don’t need you helping. Now if you want to shrug off being typecast as an uncouth barbarian you’d better stop acting like one and say you’re sorry!” I’m glad he realized it was a dick move and took it back. I’m sure the fact that WB still wants to convince us that Superman is really dead wasn’t helping either. Speaking of which…

The Death of Superman and Reign of the Supermen are getting animated adaptations.

I have very mixed feelings about this one. On one hand, this was one of the stories I said deserved a faithful animated adaptation. Yes, some aspects don’t hold up anymore, but they can be worked around. This is also not the first time the story was adapted, as “Superman: Doomsday” was what kicked off the string of animated DC movies. But it was also very watered down and may as well have been called “Superman: the Clone Saga.” So the fact that they’re making a two-part animated adaptation should be good news…

Having said that, let’s get real. If they genuinely wanted to make a faithful adaptation of ‘The Death of Superman,’ they would have already. I can’t shake the feeling that the only reason it’s even being made is because Warner and DC realize that shoe-horning Doomsday into the end of BvS only succeeded in alienating Superman fans and they need to save face, not helped by the fact that the last animated solo-Superman movie they made, Superman Unbound, came out in 2013. Everything else since then has been either a Justice League movie or a Batman movie. Oh sure, Superman was in some of them, but the only one where he had anything resembling a leading role was in Justice League: Gods and Monsters…the alternate universe story where Wonder Woman is from space, Batman is a vampire, and Superman is the son of General Zod and his capsule lands on the US/Mexico border right as some refugees are crossing because apparently the writers felt that Superman being an alien just wasn’t quite on the nose enough.

Now I know what you might be thinking. “Okay, so maybe they didn’t make it as soon as you would have liked, but they’re making it anyway so what’s the problem?” The problem is the possibility that they’re making this not because they want to or feel that it’s a story worth adapting, but again just so they can save face for those of us Superman fans who felt alienated at the conclusion of Batman v Superman where the entirety of the story was boiled down to “Lex Zuckerburg creates Nuclear Man 2.0 and Superman gets stabbed to death at the end.” And a movie that nobody wants to make tends to be a movie that nobody wants to see.

That’s to say nothing of the fact that DC animated movies…well, they just haven’t been very good lately. Ever since their Flashpoint film, the movies have ranged from okay to outright bad. Justice League: War sucked, Son of Batman was obnoxious, Assault on Arkham was good but not great, Throne of Atlantis was a snooze-fest, Batman vs Robin sucked, Gods and Monsters was okay, Batman: Bad Blood had a good movie in it that was bogged down by the writers putting Batwoman’s story on the back-burner and insisting Dick and Damian arguing had to be on the forefront, Justice League vs Teen Titans could have been good if they didn’t put the least-interesting character Damian Wayne center-stage for no goddamn reason, Justice League Dark was hot garbage, Judas Contract was lame, and the less said about The Killing Joke the better.

In short…I hope it’s good, but given previous movies and the circumstance, I’m not holding my breath.

EDIT: Forgot about Supergirl apparently appearing in Justice League. I hope she kicks Batman’s ass. It’s long overdue somebody took Batman down a peg and I can think of worse motivations than “You got my cousin and only other member of my race killed,” as well as providing catharsis for Superman fans given he landed a grand total of two fucking punches in the title fight of Batman v Superman. Other than that, I don’t really care. Her inclusion can’t make the movie anymore troubled than it already is.