#nut story

[redwindowpane]

During my high school production of Romeo and Juliet our costume coordinator wanted me to wear wear a ring and they decided to make it out of. A Nut??? Like for a car??? And the nut had to be filed down to fit my big finger. So as the nut was being filed down I would try it to see if it would fit.

It had been like three consecutive hours of grinding and I decided to just shove the nut on there. And it fit! Kind of. It got about half way down the knuckle and it felt like it COULD fit. So I extended my finger and shoved it directly into my gullet. Raw Dogged it. And once I had it good and slobbered I slipped that nut on and it fit like a glove. Well. Like a really tight glove made of metal.

The thing about shoving a nut onto your finger is that if it doesn’t fit well it’s really hard to get off. It constricts the blood flow to the rest of your finger and makes it swell up like a sort of flesh balloon. I tried a couple of methods of getting it off. Brute force did not work. Soap and water were ineffective. No lubricant was strong enough. Holding my hand above my head to reduce the swelling also does not work, but I will continue to do it for the rest of the night. After about half an hour of trying to remove the nut I decided to ask for help from an adult.

My theater teacher looked at me. And she looked at my nut. And I saw in her eyes an emotion I’ve only ever seen in my mother. It’s like this profound disappointment but also a complete lack of surprise. She is not able to do very much to help. She decides to take me to the urgent care. It is a very long car ride.

On the way to the urgent care my teacher calls my mother to tell her about my predicament. I do not hear her reaction. Once we get to the urgent care, they take one look at my bloated finger and tell me to go to the ER. My teacher and I wait for my mommy to pick me up at the urgent the urgent care. We speak very little. When my mother arrives, she and my teacher share what would be a beautiful moment of connection if it was not based in my dumbassery.

My mother and I also do not speak much. She drives me to the ER. I explain my situation to the women at the front desk of the ER. My mother judges me silently. Because my emergency isn’t that urgent, we’re told to wait in the lobby. It’s this little room that’s separated from the rest ER by a large wall of glass. Because I have to constantly hold my arm above my head, and because the walls are made of glass, every time I try to lean back in my chair my nut clunks against the glass and everyone in the lobby looks up at me and the nut fastened to my finger. My face is red with shame. I do my best not to meet my mothers eyes.

When I’m called into the ER, the doctors aren’t sure what to do with me. Apparently, Nut-On-Finger is not a condition they have to deal with very often. Because our local hospital is a teaching hospital, the doctor invites several students to spectate. He tries several methods to remove the nut, including: ice bath (to reduce swelling), pulling real hard (hurts), pulling real hard + lube (still hurts), and threading a piece of string under the nut to… help? Somehow? This also is not very helpful. After about an hour, we’re left with three options: cut nut off with hacksaw (bad), sedate me and break the finger (also bad), and inject my finger with lidocaine and pull real hard again. I choose option 3.

In the end, it take two doctors, three hundred milligrams of lidocaine, and several minutes of twisting, willing, and yanking to extricate my digit from its nut prison. The nut is removed with a wet pop and cheers from the medical students. My finger has become pallid and gray from several hours without blood flow, and the threads from the nut have left deep gouges is my finger. I am elated. My mother is less than enthused.

Over the coming days, I will (deservedly) be made fun of relentlessly. I am left with a large scar below the knuckle of my left ring finger. I have gained very little from the experience, except for this story, which I now give to you.

[rotten-sarcophagus]

November has ended

December has begun

It is time to tell

My Nut Story

[rainpunk07]

hear me out, danny speaking russian (dc x dp hc)

so i was just watching a video about space, right? allegedly, turns out if you (an american) wanna board the international space station you must speak russian fluently since the only way to get there is by a russian shuttle and pilot (nasa apparently ended their own shuttle program way back when??) (don’t quote me on this)

so picture danny learning russian at a relatively young age for the sole hope of going to space and such, and it coming out every once in a while when he’s mumbling or something like that (it’s basically second nature to him)

so danny ends up at gotham for whatever reason (demon twins, reveal gone wrong, idc, they’re all cool) and he wants to start anew, so he pretends to only speak russian?? ig?? it’d make for some funny/interesting BatFam interactions i suppose

i don’t know where i was going with this but i want to read prompts of danny speaking russian

[hyuckonia]

deuce fucking dies dot jpg

bonus:

old man breaks back laughing at lame joke too hard 😂😂😂😔

[setaflow]

People in the comments of the Assassin's Creed: Shadows trailer becoming armchair historians trying to explain why Yasuke shouldn't be a protagonist actually are hilarious. Like besties this is a franchise where people can control eagles with their minds and a good 5% of the population are descended from evil psychic aliens. I THINK we can expand on a story of Japan's only-recorded African koshō without it jumping the shark.

[bbonbonss]

✶✥ handsome duo ✥✶

[cnl0400]

Why Solomon doesn't like the ocean?

(Honestly, surprised that the answer Is behind an event Devilgram. Feels like something you would put in the Main Story, or at least on a card in a permanent gacha)

... He was prisioner in the ocean :( It makes me sad that everyone considers him so dangerous that they feel the need to trap him... Reminds me of the story about Solomon & Nightbringer in S2... Solomon Magic Is really destructive...

[graysnetwork]

LISTENNN, Keegan during nnn???

Ooo😏🤭

NNN

Keegan’s sex drive isn’t crazy, at least he likes to say that, but really it’s just 3 times a week; at least, he doesn’t like being too needy but he’s a man, and he has wants.

Hesh decided it’s be a good idea to mention ‘No Nut November’ to Keegan, and had the even better idea to challenge him to it.

And Keegan didn’t take challenges lightly, and hesh knew that well, so when he decided to tell him “I bet you couldn’t do it” he knew Keegan would get all riled up and he’d commit. So since Keegan has come home with you he’d text Hesh everyday and say “another day bitch” or something to that degree, you get it.

Soon though, it was getting hard, watching you through the steamed up glass shower door, in his shirt and panties (rarely) when you slept, you bending over and looking around the closet for an outfit while your body was wrapped in a towel, you looking for things under the couch making you go in downward dog position, or when you were relaxing on the couch (again) in his shirt and panties.

It was torture just having to stare at you.

And you’re obliviously doing these things and he knows it, he knows you can do these things purposely but half of the time he gets turned on by you it’s by subtle things that you do without thinking. He thought it was so much cuter.. hotter when you had not one thought behind those pretty eyes.

Keegan sat at the couch staring at the Tv in boredom, nothing seemed to make him interested at the moment. He felt like something was missing, like there was something else he had to do today. And that could be the dishes he said he’d do, or the laundry he said he’d help you with, or it could be the raging boner he had.

The tent in his pants were noticeable, how could you not notice them? You thought as you walked downstairs and sat next to him, he wrapped his arm around you and threw the remote into your lap as he stared at you. You were also bored, you simply put a Netflix movie on and turned to look at Keegan.

“are you su-”

“Yes” he interrupted you, he knew what you were gonna say— ‘are you sure you don’t want me to help you with that?’ —And no he wasn’t sure, because he wanted you so badly, but his pride had taken over already, he wasn’t going to lose against hesh.

“Okay” you said and turned the volume up. That was that, the end of the conversation and you rested your head on his shoulder.

At some point, you can’t really remember, but you had gotten up to go make some food, coincidentally Keegan got a message— ‘you win’ — from Hesh. It was a brief message, with no context it would have confused anyone. But Keegan smiled and texted back ‘I knew you couldn’t do it’

He chuckled and finally got up from the couch and walked to the kitchen. He saw you cutting some vegetables. He came up behind you and kissed you on the neck. Both hands were gently placed on your waist. One hand traveling down and toying with your cunt. You could hear his pants drop and he swiftly pulled your bottoms down too.

“m’baby.. i missed you” I groaned as he entered your tight pussy.

———

Anyways🤨

[shirozora-draws]

I really, really, really wanted a winter vibes doodle, and also I needed to warm up for the next round of fic illustrations. I see this as a win-win scenario.

And then I kept letting the brain talk me into an entire scenario around the doodle. Whoops.

In conclusion, happy holidays, have a human kid!Grogu riding a long-tailed reindeer.

[almondcroissantsandink]

one year hence

[onenicebugperday]

a few days ago my friend pointed out a bug on the ground so i crouched down to look at it and it was an acorn weevil!!!! i got so excited and i let it crawl on my hands for a little bit and i was just so fascinated and captivated by this little guy cause i don’t remember ever seeing a weevil in real life before and i love them so much!!! its little walk and its long snout and its round little body and its sweet round eyes were all just so delightful and i hope it lives a nice happy life just doing its thing cause it made me so happy to see it!

Nut weevils make me absolutely insane with joy so I understand your feelings! Let's admire one

Get a load of that snoot!

(Large chestnut weevil by edporopat)

[jarvesque]

I think you can clearly tell which fantasy high fans have never actually played a session of any TTRPG from the reaction to the Junior Year final battle alone

[1495-gauge]

there's that fucked up three-eyed thing that lives in the woods. whose turn is it to chase it off again??

[thefandomexpert]

ok. i see u complaining about how long it takes to get to shb, how are you supposed to get your friends into the fucking WONDER that is shb when they have to get through all of The Other Stuff First

I used to have this problem with Homestuck, people who wanted to skip to the trolls, or pass on the intermissions. I will repeat what I said then now:

The later stuff is mind-blowingly good BECAUSE of the setup slog. which is also fun btw, you’re having trouble selling it because you keep saying it’s a slog. it’s good storytelling! yes even arr and sb (i didn’t say it was the best storytelling!! but i’ve seen way fuckin worse!!!). You need to spend 300 hours with the characters and to watch them grow gradually for a LOT of the little character moments to even register later on, and i’m not even talking about the ascian reveals. estinien is a completely different character. thancred’s deep-seated issues have been brewing subtly since 1.0. the socio-economic political climate of the universe is SO important and SO well set up by the arr random task/fetch quests (BABY INCONSEQUENTIAL QUESTS. YEAH THE STUPID ONES IN THE INTRO PRE-SASTASHA SEQUENCES WITH THE NPCS YOU DONT REMEMBER. THOSE.) and that info is integral to character decisions made in every expansion afterwords, and is built upon consistently. the consistent build-up of the lore is, in my opinion, almost entirely the reason ffxiv’s writing stands out against other games of the genre. and it’s BOLSTERED by the fact that it’s a live service game with a shit ton of expansions you HAVE to play through single file when you start fresh. narrative games are usually 15-20 hours. ffxiv is giving you 500+ in msq alone (won’t get into how much the optional and side quests support the storytelling as well).

It’s like one of those long-running book series. you can’t ask someone to read Just the last book of animorphs and expect them to understand the narrative implications of what’s happening, or to get attached to the characters enough to care. that attachment and understanding is built by spending time and reading the other 1500 books prior. shb should not be treated as a stand-alone. in fact it’d be a bad standalone. it’s good BECAUSE there’s 500+ hours of playtime required to get there.

[shima-draws]

Watched the MLB movie and I just. I WANT to gush about it but the fact that Marinette’s regular voice actor and her singing voice actor sound SO different just took me out of it every time and left me feeling very disengaged;; At least Adrien’s singing voice kind of sounds like his speaking voice (and Gabriel’s is 👌 bc my king Keith Silverstein can actually sing and he can sing REALLY fucking well) but Marinette’s. The voices are COMPLETELY different and it threw me off every single time. Like obviously her singing voice is really good and I understand why they picked that person to do her songs but bro you could have at least TRIED to get someone that sounds similar to Cristina Vee. It drove me nuts every time she sang bc I was like “That is CLEARLY a different person entirely!!”

I’m realizing this might have been a dubbing issue but still 😭 I feel like I would have enjoyed the movie way more if it didn’t look like Marinette was lip syncing the entire time bc there was such a huge disconnect between her speaking and singing voice

[picklepie888]

So word got out that Nickelodeon has decided to cease production on a new animated show called Phoebe and Her Unicorn because, according to an executive, "female lead cartoons don't sell well." To show just how backwards and idiotic this statement is, here is a compilation of beloved animated series which were both created by women, and have a female protagonist.