#peaceful parenting

[connieaaa]

I certainly utter the phrase "see if I care" for someone who does indeed care, often too much and too often.

[sapphirewisdom]

Deschooling Yourself

Wrote this in a radical unschooling forum. For context, deschooling is the process where a kid who has previously been raised under an authoritarian paradigm gets used to being able to follow their own impulses around how to spend their time. It's often a process where they indulge in extremes of those things they were previously not allowed to do, though this is temporary. (The older the kid the longer this process takes; so as I started my inner process as an adult, it has been a difficult one).

--

My development with self-deschooling continues...

I feel like I've made deep progress in the last couple months, something that I feel is connected to my participation in this community (perhaps not just that the community has helped, though it has, perhaps also I've gravitated here because of the shift in me).

Let's go back fifteen years. I'm about 20, still full of rage, and I've heard of unschooling and deschooling. I decide to deschool myself. And because I'm now expected to transition from enslavement in school to enslavement in a "normal" job, I decide to call this unjobbing.

I quite successfully manage to avoid having a job with a boss for all but 5 months of these fifteen years, which is -- coincidentally or not (not) -- the amount of time I needed a job to qualify for German state benefits. It's been exactly what I needed, relatively speaking, but it hasn't been *objectively* healthy. My life has been EXTREMELY avoidant. If I am one day to teach people how to deschool / dejob themselves, I don't think I'll be exactly a role model like this, at least not for anyone but the most radical.

Deschooling myself has been a thread in my personal development ever since the concept came up for me, but sometimes it's been more in the foreground and sometimes more in the background. I've always been terrified of what I saw as a vicious cycle of getting a "normal" job and letting the obedience conditioning get stronger in me. 

Two things seem relevant now: my study of Nonviolent Communication, which I've mentioned here before, in many ways the antidote to authoritarianism; and my practice of Alchemy (following Catherine Maccoun's writings). Alchemy I would sum up as a deep trust in the processes of a human soul, and a dedication to working with, and not against those processes. 

If I had wanted to have a very functional life, I might have overridden my desire to avoid any trace of social obedience training. It'd have felt like I was killing myself, though, so I did the alchemy approach; I surrendered to this impulse, and trusted. The soul is wise, often wiser than we think when we look at something and label it "lazy" or even "insane".

A year and a half ago I was rewarded with an awakening experience, of a sort -- not like full on enlightenment or whatever, but enough spiritual energy injected into my life that I now feel I could argue with Eckhart Tolle from a place of authority... and anyway, I transformed a LOT, grew a LOT in my manifesting ability, intuition, spiritual attunement, etc. I identify this moment as the moment I became, in general, happy, as opposed to living a story of strife and suffering.

A lot of the time since then has been a process of integration and embodiment of what I've learnt. This year I've been noticing the spring in nature like never before; and inwardly, I feel like I'm in the spring of my life. Or, if I'm in the morning of my life, to use another metaphor, let's say I'm stretching and getting my morning coffee. I'm slowly, slowly getting in gear. (Whoops, yet another metaphor. Hope you can keep up).

In this process, deschooling is becoming an important thread again. I will never live a life of harsh "discipline" -- that much is clear. So how to live a life of inspired action, gentle action, action that does not come from inner "shoulds", inner threats of punishment?

It seems really important to take the perspective of reparenting my inner child, or inner children. Let's take the example of food. I am trying hard to lose weight (30 kilos/60ish pounds down, ten kilos to go) and I'm not satisfied with the approach of completely letting go and eating *whatever*.

But what I've been realising recently, which seems to have been a big "aha" moment for me, is that completely letting go isn't really parenting myself -- peacefully or otherwise. In terms of what I'm doing with my inner child, it looks more like neglect.

And that's the big mistake people keep making with peaceful parenting, right? They assume that if they are to skip authoritarianism, they need to just kind of check out from parenting altogether, right? (How could I be making this basic mistake, I ask myself? In my defense, I have the thought that it's essentially the *only* mistake, the one deeply rooted mistake all others come from). 

So with the topic of eating, I'm tentatively seeing it this way. My inner child who loves to eat (or who is scared of being controlled around eating, and so eats fast and wild) needs my PRESENCE. 

Sometimes, I might see a certain action as dangerous (for example eating so much I get sick), and will use a certain amount of force to restrain myself -- not punish, without any thoughts of punishment, only gentle loving restraint. 

If my inner parent is panicking about how I eat, I'd like to take a moment to consider when such restraint is healthy and necessary, and then once I have a clear idea of that, I can step back with my inner helicopter parenting. 

Then I need to give my inner child PRESENCE. Be lovingly with the part of me that is scared of not getting the food that feels nourishing. Or with the part of me that eats to feel emotionally safe. Or that just wants to enjoy things with abandon and feel alive. 

Be present while I eat. Even if I'm eating like a pig (so long as I've decided that the situation doesn't call for actual restraining). *Especially* then. My inner child needs love all the time, and doesn't need to be judged with words like "eating like a pig" (whoops -- I did it to myself. Sorry, beloved me). 

I believe that with enough love and presence, my tense, defensive inner child parts can gradually relax. In that relaxation will come the opening to genuinely, enthusiastically consider things like... like salad, for instance :) 

Then it won't feel like self discipline.

Then it will feel like joy and self love.

Then I'll be the role model of freedom and healthy self-relationship I dream of being.

This is worth it.

I'll keep you updated. :)

[writing-winters]

why are we constantly forcing children to eat vegetables?

look, I get it, veggies are good for you, sure. offering veggies? great. making them a normative part of meals? excellent

but many vegetables are unbearably bitter even to my adult palate, and children are wildly more attuned to bitter - aka, poisonous - flavors, because poison will kill a kid way faster than an adult. children are evolutionarily programmed to hate vegetables!

also, fruit exists? like, we're not a big veggie family, I will admit that. 3 neurodivergents, one of them a supertaster - it's not a good setup for, like, kale to be celebrated, sorry

so we eat more palatable veg, like sweet peas and bell peppers and mild lettuces and carrots, and then we lean heavily on fruits! nothing wrong with a nice pork chop, some chewy delicious brown rice, and a quick apple compote!

making food a battleground, making meals an endless fight about foods kids think (often correctly, given how they're cooked) are gross, is just a great way to never have a peaceful meal, and to make kids fearful and resistant to new foods

stop that shit

[elblogdecleo]

Gentle Parenting: What It Is and How the Concept Was Born

[lishoyte]

The decision to leave a relationship characterised by Coercive Control involves profound difficulty and fear, particularly when children are involved. The strong desire to protect children and create a peaceful life for them can make it exceptionally challenging to break free from abusive situation.

[restorationwellnessinc]

Parenting Unleashed: A Journey into the World of NLP Principles

Hello, fellow parents, navigators of the chaotic and joyous ship that is parenthood! Today, let's dive deep into the realm of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and how applying its principles can transform the way we connect with our little ones. Picture this as a guidebook to decoding the language of love, understanding, and effective communication with your pint-sized co-pilots.

The Power of Positive Language: In the enchanting world of NLP, words aren't just sounds; they're potent spells that shape our reality. So, dear parents, let's cast a magical spell of positivity upon our interactions. Instead of saying, "Don't run," try the enchanting alternative, "Let's walk together." Positive commands not only steer behavior in the right direction but also create a nurturing atmosphere where your child feels empowered and understood.

Mirroring and Rapport Building: Ever notice how your little one mimics your expressions or tone? That's the magic of mirroring, a fundamental NLP principle. By consciously mirroring your child's gestures or expressions, you're not just playing a game of copycat—you're forging a connection on a deeper, subconscious level. It's like a secret handshake that says, "I see you, I understand you, and we're in this together."

The Art of Calibration: Parenting is a dynamic dance, and NLP equips us with the superpower of calibration. Pay attention to your child's non-verbal cues—the furrowed brow, the twinkle in their eyes, the excited bounce. These are the subtle whispers of their emotions. By tuning into these cues, you become a master at understanding their needs, fears, and joys. It's like having a decoder ring for the mysterious language of childhood.

Reframing Challenges as Opportunities: In the NLP universe, challenges aren't roadblocks; they're invitations for growth. When faced with a parenting puzzle, consider reframing the situation. Instead of seeing a tantrum as a meltdown, view it as an opportunity to teach emotional intelligence. Shift your perspective from "problem" to "potential lesson," and watch the transformation unfold. It's like turning parenting into a daily adventure of discovery.

The Magic of Anchoring: Ever wish you could bottle up a moment of joy or calm and uncork it when needed? That's the essence of anchoring in NLP. Create anchors for positive experiences by pairing them with a specific gesture or word. Over time, you can evoke that same sense of calm or happiness with a simple touch or phrase. It's like having a pocket-sized mood booster for both you and your child.

Conclusion: As we venture into the uncharted territories of parenting, let's harness the transformative power of NLP principles. Positive language, mirroring, calibration, reframing, and anchoring—they're the compass, map, and magic wand guiding us through the beautiful chaos of raising little humans. Embrace the journey, fellow parents, and may your parenting adventure be filled with connection, understanding, and a sprinkle of NLP magic. Happy parenting!

[aviolettrose]

I saw a tiktok where the first spoiled cat, that lives there since it was a kitten, is a menace to society vs. The ex stray cat, that appreciates literally everything, is a ray of sunshine, and I had to think about Dick Grayson as a child vs. Jason todd as a child.

In this essay, I will-

[talisidekick]

If a transgender person asks you to deadname and misgender them in front of certain people. Misgender them and deadname them in front of those people. It doesn't matter how icky or gross it may feel, it doesn't matter you'd rather be honest. It doesn't matter if there's more of you there. Certain people aren't safe, and honesty IS NOT the best policy when honesty could put them at serious risk. It doesn't matter if there's a crowd, because when there isn't shit goes down.

Be an ally, do what they ask. Understand that the trans person knows more about their situation than you do, and this includes who's safe and who's not. Some one can be "trans friendly" to other people, but not to people they know or specific people. Do as the trans person asks, yes it's uncomfortable, but it's 10 times worse if the person we don't trust finds out. 100 times worse if they have access to us when you're not around.

Respect trans peoples safety. Misgender and deadname when asked.

[r3ynah]

NU UH

Jack Fenton, dialed his younger sister's phone number as he gazed apologetically at the family of bats, that was hanging around in his living room. he impatiently waited for the other party to pick up.

The Bat family remained stoic as they observed the man, they had or Batman had ordered to put the call on speaker, if ever the phone was answered, Robin had stared at the doorway leading to the kitchen there stood Jack's supposed oldest daughter Jazz. who only stared amused at her father's antics much to Robin's confusion.

finally after a grueling 10 seconds wait, the call was finally answered.

Robin held his breath awaiting for the voice he was expecting for.

"Yes, Ahki?" Talia's voice resonated, from the phone. making everyone's eyes except the Fenton family widen.

'what? mother never told me she had a brother.' Damian thought as he took a peek at his father's face who was scrunched up in confusion. same for the rest of his family.

"Talia, my dear ukht, I've heard from a few birds and bats that you have taken my son. on his fieldtrip." Jack said, his nervous and outgoing personality vanishing and what took place was a serious and angry tone of a father as soon as heard the caller's voice, making everyone in the room shudder at the sudden cold atmosphere while the oldest daughter remained composed and unbothered as she watched.

Silence came from the other side of the phone, before answering "It seems i have." Talia answered back, you can here the voice of a boy in the background asking if it was his dad.

"Stop with this false innocence of yours, bring my son back immediately, partly alive and safe." Jack stated, much to the Bats and birds confusion.

Silence once again, as the phone remained quiet seemingly put down on a table with a few whispers and shuffling. before it was picked up once again.

"Nu uh." was the only thing Talia said as she hang up.

everyone paused.

"The fuck you mean 'Nu uh'?!" Jack yelled, at his phone. While his wife walked their daughter's side who was laughing her ass off, confused she looked at the bats then at her husband and then just sighed.

"Dinner's Ready." she only said as she retreated back at to the kitchen.

[ecomomdiaries]

3 Ways to Discipline the Emotional Teenager

A Peaceful Parenting Approach To Teen Discipline By Guest Author & Blogger Sarah R. Moore Pinterest Facebook Instagram Twitter This post contains affiliate links which may earn Eco Mom Diaries a commission. The teenage years are right up there with the toddler years in the (imaginary) Parenting Handbook of Most Fearsome Stages. Add in our innate anxiety about the teen years to all the…

[connieaaa]

Kids' are still learning impulse control but they are rarely selfish. Kids' haven't learned tact, but they are rarely rude. Kids' lack adequate vocabulary, but they speak with intent. Kids' sense of justice can be caustic to adults, but they are rarely mean. Kids seem chaotic, but their logic is as rock solid as the moon that pulls the ocean.

Kids learn, kids grow, kids mature.

And, yes, I have met a few kids that are liars, rude, selfish, and cruel. They live in an upside down world, the adults that should love and care for them have modeled selfishness, rudeness, and cruelty. They lie to survive, they have adapted to stay alive. But the adults are responsible, not the child.

If you were raised in cruelty and broken as child, and decided to grow, to heal, and to stop your family's curses. I applaud you, I love you, and you are changing the world.

[dead-girl-tells-stories]

DP x DC prompt:

Daniel was seething. It's been a year since he left the league and they've already found him. Well, it was his mother who found him. Not that that was any better but at least it wasn't Grandfather.

It also shouldn't have taken him so long to dispose of those soldiers. They weren't even that capable. Far below his level and yet he struggled. He needed to resume his training soon or else he would become rusty.

He cursed himself for getting too comfortable with civilian life. Not that his life was comfortable, far from actually.

He had been adopted by a pair of mad scientist with no concept of lab safety; and for all the intelligence they had, they couldn't fathom how to properly take care of a child, leaving their daughter to take care of herself and now her newly adopted sibling!

He sighed. He was starting to get angry. He couldn't afford to get angry. Especially not at Jazz. She was only two years older than him and was doing her best. She's also the only good thing in his life right now meaning that he had to cherish her, not break her. (He wouldn't be like his brother)

His mind stayed on Jazz for a while before immediately increasing his speed. He really needed to resume his training. How could he be so slack to forget such a possibility! Daniel desperately hoped that his sister Jazz was okay and that they wouldn't dare.

Entering through his bedroom window he rushed straight to Jazz's bedroom. It was open. She wasn't there.

Daniel started to panic when he heard a muffed scream coming from downstairs. Adrenaline coursed through his veins as he rushed down the stairs and into the kitchen.

In all honesty Daniel expected the worse. To see his sister Jazz dead on the floor, thick red gushing from her neck, the scent of blood in the air. And there was blood, it just wasn't her's.

Daniel always prided himself on having a vivid imagination. It was a great way to escape after an especially hard training session with his brother. But he would have never imagined this.

In the small, laughably suburban kitchen of the Fenton household was a sight to behold. In the air were two mangled bodies, unidentifiable if not for the league's emblem still visible on one of them. And on the wall was a splatter, a rather big one. It wasn't blood. It was too dark to be. But whatever it was was very unlucky.

In the center of the kitchen was Jazz. Her arms were outstretched, burning sigils rotating at the end of each palm. Her eyes glowed a bright icy blue.

Upon noticing him everything stopped. She looked fearful. Tears threatening to come forth.

"Wait I can explain, just don't tell mom or dad! Please!"

Daniel, still a bit shocked but not as much, simply walked into the kitchen towards the cupboard. Taking out a clean towel he unsheathed he sword and began to clean it.

He looked over his shoulder towards Jazz. She didn't look as scared but her eyes still held some fear. So he spoke, making sure the still bloody sword was in veiw.

"I won't tell if you don't." He flashed a grin his tiny fangs peaking out.

Jazz sighed as in the weight of the world was lifted off of her. She looked at him and smiled.

"Mom and Dad aren't going to be back for a while. Wanna help me clean up?"

[elation-station]

the town bisexuals are at your door it is time for you to pick a bride

[ohitslen]

Twitter doodles!

(close ups for the first one below and a small extra as well :D)

[ponury-grajek]

merry christmas to all the criminals from the yagamis

[missjashin]

Okay we all know that Eddie was (is) a Garfield kid, based on the multiple Garfield mugs that we’ve seen hanging in the trailer.

But I am absolutely making Steve a Winnie the Pooh kid. Because just look at Christopher Robin and tell me that the little lonely polo shirt wearing boy is not the core of Steve Harrington.

Just look!

That is little Steve Harrington no question about it.