#void vent

[scarletrosii]

Sunday was a full work day for me, I worked in the morning and night, both jobs, which happens occasionally on Sundays, not often but occasionally. But last Sunday, the 8th, I came home to find things moved in the living room. Mainly, my bookshelves. The ones I drove like 6 hours to the nearest ikea in a downpour for.

I was annoyed, but I had told roomate she could move things in shared area bc she had a better sense of decor than I did. So I looked to the only place she'd put them, which was around the corner.

There were shelves up.

Now you might be thinking, Scarlet, bookshelves are supposed to have shelves lol. You're not far off, but the thing is, I made it very very clear nobody is to go in my room. Ever. Unless death is actively happening. EVER. Very clear. What does this have to do with my shelves?

The pegs are in my room. In a cup, on a dresser I have almost immediately inside the room. I never took them out bc I wanted to fix one of the shelves first, it got damaged during the move.

Again, why does this matter.

What matters is HOW she put the shelves up. She put screws. In my bookshelves. The ones I spent over 100 dollars on. The ones I had been dreaming of for over two years before finally getting. The ones that the trip almost cost my van.

This was over two days ago. I thought I had given myself enough time, to calm down, so I'd be able to have a discussion rationally.

Another full day today, I get home and take another look at my shelves and nope. I'm hardly calm. Rage tastes like raw blood, and my teeth are dripping with it.

[cr1mezone]

VENT !!!

no one’s gonna see this and i kinda hope that no one does but i have really bad money spending anxiety, i also have a limit on how much minimum money i’m supposed to have. right now i am far far below that minimum, because my parents pressured me to make a very large purchase a few months ago. while i am happy about the fact that i have that thing now, the fact that i spent almost everything i have is absolutely freaking me out. i have a job but it is taking me a very very long time to recover back to my minimum amount

i asked my mom for money to go to the mall and she said no, since i never help my parents financially then why should she give me money for something non essential if i can absolutely buy it on my own ? apparently my brothers have been helping my parents every now and then, and my mom is very upset that i am not doing the same

she lectured me about it for a while and i feel very very guilty now, i don’t think that her reaction was irrational at all and i think that it’s a very valid thing to be upset over. and i feel really bad, and she said that i disappointed her, and of course i want to help. of course i’d love to help my parents out. but god i keep getting asked to do super large purchases on the spot without having the time to prepare myself and it is stressing me out so bad and all i really want is to go back to my minimum amount and i’ll feel calm and comfortable again. but i don’t know how to explain that, and my mom won’t take what i’ve been trying to tell her so far

so yeah, i do feel bad, and i want to help. i’m just so stressed and panicky about it. i feel like shit. god

[abusedpixie]

𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐚𝐬𝐤 𝐦𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐠𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈'𝐦 𝐞𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐫 ��𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐮𝐩 𝐬𝐡𝐫𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠

“𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰“

[kaysdenofchaos]

~~~~

Battle Scars AU Masterpost

[pain-is-my-game]

Parents really do traumatize you and then force you to reparent yourself instead of being a capable human being who can contribute to society like a normal person. Sorry I can't get a well paying job right now I'm trying to learn coping mechanisms.

[adustoflove]

Being bored almost feels like being burned alive when you have bpd

[cloud-ya]

just me and my pet against the world

[abstractski3s]

[hurtwave]

Like i never existed...

[chubbyybunnie]

My body makes me want to cry.

[scarletrosii]

Idk what's up but I am, exhausted, almost sick with exhaustion, I had to have a break on my walk home today and I haven't had to do that since I started walking to and from the bus stop, and which I do on average of 3-4 days a week since the shop people said my van's days were numbered.

Mostly this complaining is to say, my tummy hurts and my legs are super tired :'(

[affixjoy]

Thinking today about how fucking BORING chronic pain is. In the last few months my endometriosis pain has been ramping up again, and I’ve been having more days with pain than without. Most of the time, like today, it’s just enough to be annoying, sap my energy, and distract me from whatever I want to actually be doing.

And yeah, it sucks to be in pain and be tired all the time. But it’s also so so boring. It’s boring for me and it’s boring for everyone around me. It makes me feel bored and it makes me a boring person to be around.

[mxtxfanatic]

The curse of being in the fandom of a popular media and watching as “serious” metas that you know are based off fanon memes go viral is to know pain.

[maepersonal]

oh my fucking god

I need my mom to stop talking about me like she expects me to have/want to have relationships in the future!!!!

please???

pretty please????????

“I’m glad you haven’t started exploring relationships yet”

BITCH

this is not a fucking temporary thing!!!!!

this is not me being a late bloomer!!!!!

this is me not experiencing any romantic or sexual attraction because I’m fucking aroace!!!!! that’s what I am!!!!!!!

fucking accept that already!!!!

[family-oddity]

[pain-is-my-game]

It's terrible knowing that if I ever show sadness or show anything emotion that's not positive towards anything whether it's my fault or not I'll either get blamed for it or told that my emotions are irrational.