#LOOK AT DAMI!!! HE’S SO SMOL

[evasive-anon]

Jason was having a pretty OK time with the league of assassins, sure getting dunked in a lazarus pit sucked and Bruce turned out to be a scumbag who didn't care about him, but at least he isn't dead. He even liked most of the new skills he was learning there so on the whole being with the league seemed like a pretty good deal to him until Talia woke him up in the middle of the night and left him alone with two child assassins.

Or, a demon twins AU where when Talia realizes her father intends to have her boys fight to the death takes action first by deciding to take all her kids and leave the league. Talia either dies or is separated from them in the initial escape and now Jason just has a bag of supplies and a letter from Talia explaining the plan to get to Gotham. Jason has to get himself and two 7 year olds out of the Himalayas, across a desert, and over 12k miles to Gotham. Only now the league members hunting them down want them dead or worse and Jason isn't too confident that B will accept them given their kill counts.

Featuring:

Good Mom Talia. she loves her kids. Did she teach them to kill? Sure, but that's an important life skill.

Single Teen Mom Jason. He's the oldest and in charge but he also will not answer any questions about The Plan™ given he isn't committed to Talia's but also doesn't have a set alternative. Oscillates between looking forward to just dumping his new little brothers with Bruce so they'll be his problem and thinking of just moving somewhere random in the US and keeping them based entirely on how cute vs annoying they are at that time. Didn't realize how much he relied on Talia to help him with things until she is gone. He's really trying his best but he wasn't all that emotionally stable before this so hang in there.

Angry Smol Dami. He's still drinking the LoS punch and really dislikes that he is now considered a traitor. Can't stand that Jason won't answer any of his very relevant questions. Is actually very scared but will not show it. Misses his mom. Didn't even know he had siblings until his mom yoinked him out of bed that night and brought him to Jason and Danny and started all this. Physically the stronger twin. Thinks Danny is dragging them down in fights and also may blame him a bit because clearly his mother only did all this to spare him.

Danny, reincarnated with limited access to his memories and powers. Has been trying to keep his powers a secret. Talia knew about them but never told anyone but she may have hinted at it in her letter to Jason. Not the strongest physically but very good at stealth and social interactions. Didn't know he had and older brother or twin before Jason woke him up at Talia's instruction that night. Thinks Damian is mean and has faith Jason knows what he's doing even if that is very much untrue.

[florisa6s]

A idea- Batfamily

I feel like when Dick changed his costume he didn't tell Damian which confused him a lot since he's a smol guy he could only see up to their chests so when he saw the red and black he assumes it's Jason.

------

Damian: hello Todd

Dick: hey Dami!

Damian:....Todd you sound weird today do you have a cold?

Dick: nope

Damian:....are you sure?...alright then I'll just head off I was looking for Grayson

*1 minutes later*

Jason: where are you going brat?

Damian: What the- Todd how did you get Infront of me I just saw you at the cave!

[jonathan-samuel-smith]

Do you like that webtoon? I really enjoyed reading that, I know it's not canon but this is so funny and it's the only place where they get damian's color right

Also Damian is a cute smol baby there

It's not the only place! Teen Titans #1, most of Robin son of batman, Superman #...twenty something? (I have dyscalculia I wanna say #28 but that could be wildly off) when Jon meets up with Damian for the first time after his age-up, and Superman #21

Those are off the top of my head!

I do appreciate how cute and small and baby 8yo Damian is and I appreciate that he's friends with Jon so soon after joining the family. I appreciate Talia being proud of Damian for being happy at the manor.

I didn't like the etiquette lesson panel or the gassing pets mention panel but I loved the Goliath panels he's truly the best!

I haven't read it all yet, I really hope Damian and Steph get to interact more, they're THE BEST!

I also am a bit unsure about their take on Dick taking care of Dami. Yes it's parentification but Dick is an adult and in the comics was going to adopt Damian before Bruce talked him out of it by saying he wasn't ready, so acting like it's forced on him is unfair to Damian imo, even though Dick never adopted him here. They still have an adorable relationship though! (I just think if my sister was like "rain check I have to take my son to the museum for his science project" I wouldn't be like "ugh you never spend time one on one with me anymore" and expect her to apologize and drop everything in the future. I would simply also go to the museum. Kids are kind of supposed to be your priority.) I mean for sure put on your airbag before helping another passenger metaphor for emotions but also sometimes being a parent takes a mental toll on you and you do have to accept that. To me Dick is more of a father than a sibling to Damian and it's hard to erase that textually without completely altering their dynamic.

Basically they are father and son coded lmao. Also legally Bruce never adopted Dick! So Dick is not Damian's legal sibling, just one of his legal guardians, probably still to this very day since Bruce was legally alive when he took custody of him.

I think the art is super cute and I love how everyone is drawn and colored it's great!! I love the line thickness chefs kiss I love thick line art. They look like themselves and they look consistent. I'd love to see an animated show in this style.

The writing seems like they have a passable knowledge of every batfam character but it's a bit of a fanon take which is fine, it's not always what I would choose and that's also fine too!

I'm pretty happy with it, I'm happy it exists. Is it perfect? No and Thank God, they cannot please everyone and if it were perfect in my eyes I would have less to critique and learn from.

[depressedhatakekakashi]

I know that Kakashi probably created Sukea when he was already a bit older, but for some reason I imagined a smol Kakashi putting on a disguise for the first time and the other kids actually approaching him for once (since Kakashi is not friendly, but this "new" kid looks interesting and almost shy and embarassed by the attention) and deciding to use it whenever he just feels like being a kid, telling himself that "Sukea" is different from "Kakashi" and thus even if "Sukea" does something silly or stupid is fine because he doesn't have to keep up the Hatake name and the prodigy label like "Kakashi" has to do

Kakashi does play with the other kids. I mean, ya he’s a but of a jerkwad kid, but we see glimpses of him playing ying with the other kids.

So at least before he went into the Academy damy, but more likely before he became a genin, Kakashi did play with the kids his own age

And then he became ane a genin and i assume that just sort of stopped because he had to fend for himself. He no longer had an adult supporting him and he had to support himself, so he worked

And that ultimately affected his ‘just be a kid’ time.

So i could see Genin or even Chunin Kakashi deciding he just wants a break from having to be himself, and wants to be a normal kid. But that’s not really possible for him because he has cenented his personality at this point. He has acted like a jerk to the other kids and they’re understandably upset about it (minus gai and Team Minato. I think Team Minato would have a bit of wiggle room for him and Gai is… gai)

So i could see six year old Sukea walking into this place and shyly telling people his parents brought him for a visit on their travels, and that being the start of travelling Sukea

A kid who shows up once in a while unannounced and just sort of has fun with the other kids. Acts like an actual kid.

He laughs, plays, gets upset but is almost always smiling. He’s just such a sweetie and the other kids love him.

And Kakashi is ok with that. He’s ok with literally seperatating play and work into two personalities because it’s better than giving up on play completely but he also knows ‘Hatake Kakashi’ isn’t going to be your average kid who can just play

Even if he wanted to be, the expectations are on him now that he act like an adult, even if he is just a kid still

[murderrobins]

Surprise?

I decided to try writing a small notefic for the au prompt I posted the other day! I may end up writing the actual fic later, but here we go!

A secret relationship au where Talia kidnaps Damian and Mari to get them married to merge the order and the league, but they’re just like “we’re already married though?” And Mari just really wants to punch his mom and finally has the chance

·         Marinette is the guardian in training under her grandpa Fu

·         Her parents think that she visits him often to help him around the house and do tai chi together

·         Marinette meets Damian when he is injured on a mission

·         Marinette heals him

·         Damian is shocked by her kindness

·         The two bond over their mutual stresses as heirs to ancient organizations

·         The two meet whenever he has a mission in Paris

·         The League falls and Damian is sent to Gotham

·         Damian immediately contacts Marinette, but hides her from his family

·         Marinette helps him transition to living outside of the League

·         When they turn 13 Hawkmoth strikes

·         Marinette is a true ladybug and knows Damian is her soulmate and black cat

·         She uses Kaalki to give him the ring while Master Fu chooses other wielders to help her in battle

·         Bee!Chloe! is Golden Stinger

·         She and Marinette are friends because she saw the same scared kid as Damian in Chloe as kids and knew how to reach out

·         They have been inseparable ever since

·         Fox!Adrien is Swiper, because he’s going to swipe Hawkmoth’s miraculous!

·         This name is promptly vetoed by the rest of the team

·         Adrien then goes with Kitsune because he is our smol weeb boy

·         They all immediately know who each other is because they are true wielders, making them platonic soulmates

·         The team is brutal and efficient with Shadow monitoring the battle and running their coms from Gotham

·         Lila still happens, but is more effective in icing Marinette out because she is friends with Chloe

·         Marinette doesn’t care as much as she does in the show because she’s not as close with them

·         Adrien doesn’t bother with trying to appease Lila, he will not abandon Mari or Chloe

·         Lila doesn’t like this and turns her parents against her, so they begin neglecting her

·         Marinette is disappointed, but not surprised since they didn’t spend a lot of time with her anyways

·         Miracle Queen happens, but with Alya instead of Chloe

·         Marinette starts to crack when she is handed guardianship

·         She moves in with Chloe at Le Grand Paris

·         They start building a fashion brand together, Mari as designer and Chloe on the business side

·         Honey Blossom Designs quickly gains traction internationally due to the one and only Jagged Stone promoting “his rockin’ nieces!” every chance he can get

·         Chloe and Adrien are also main models, but wear masks to remain anonymous and to keep off of Gabriel’s radar

·         Hawkmoth is defeated when they are 16

·         Damian and Marinette officially start dating

·         He’s gotten this far without his family finding out about Marinette

·         He finally feels comfortable enough with them to trust them, but at the same time he wants to see how long he can keep the secrecy up

·         There was a close call when the trio portaled over to the manor for a movie night and got a bit too rambunctious

·         Damian proposes during one of their date nights in Paris when they are 17

·         She says yes!

·         The class wins the Wayne Enterprises trip and comes to Gotham during their senior year

·         The miraculous squad are all 18

·         The class tends to ignore them, so it was easy enough for them to slip away for an evening

·         Damian and Mari elope with Adrien and Chloe as their witnesses and the blessing of the kwamis

·         A week passes

·         Somehow with only three rogue attacks, which is truly shocking considering Lila is on the trip

·         Mari and Damian feel something is off and are both on high alert

·         Suddenly they feel a sting on their necks and then nothing

·         They wake up in a League of Assassins base in wedding robes

·         Damian looks around scowling until he notices their clothes

·         Marinette immediately notices their outfits and looks up at him confused

·         “Well it looks like mother approves of us”

·         Marinette just laughs upon realizing what is happening

·         She is unsure whether to be more incredulous or amused

·         Damian just raises his eyebrows, he has decided to be amused

·         Talia comes in with a speech prepared about how they must marry for the good of both of their organizations, she will kill their families if they don’t comply, etc.

·         She is surprised at what she sees when she actually looks at them

·         “Do you two know each other?”

·         “We got married last week.”

·         Now Talia is incredulous

·         Marinette sees her opening and takes it

·         She breaks Talia’s nose

·         “That’s for everything you did to him as a child!”

·         Talia is shocked and angry and is about to lunge until Damian steps between them

·         “So can we go now that we’ve cleared up the fact that we are already married?”

·         Talia just glares at them and leaves them there for the Bats to find later

·         A few hours later

·         The bats burst into the room and are relieved to find both Damian and the missing girl from the Paris class

·         Jason just stares at them until blurting out “Why the fuck are you dressed for a wedding?!”

·         “We will explain later, can we go now?”

·         The bats reluctantly agree to wait until they’re on the batplane to ask about what happened

·         The plane is filled with tense silence until Batman takes a deep breath

·         Lord give him the strength to deal with whatever bullshit Talia just pulled

·         “Talk.”

·         ”Father, meet my wife, Marinette Wayne. Marinette, this is my father Bruce Wayne, and these are my… brothers, Grayson, Todd, and Drake.”

·         “It’s so wonderful to finally meet you all! Dami has told me so much about you!”

·         The entire family just bluescreens

·         Jason is the first one to snap out of it

·         “TALIA MADE YOU GET MARRIED?”

·         “Tt. She tried, but we’ve already been married for a whole week.”

·         “Surprise?”

·         Jason, Dick and Tim are now yelling over each other and rapidly asking questions

·         Bruce may be broken

·         Damian and Marinette just enjoy the chaos

[stayinurlaneboi]

Fic Recs

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last updated: April 14, 2022

Misc. (Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 4)

batman justice league au lmfao

where child heros aren’t allowed unless they have a mentor…

everybody can cook but alfred tho

gothams TRUE clown

birds of prey au i guess

where the rogues of gotham grew up with that bat fucker over there

where bruce intros dick to the jl

siblings are weird man

the superfriends are cuddling lol  

after bruce and alfred are gone

hes not real 1 2 3

zatanna is also a stage magician

clark v bruce: their gaggle of heathens

clark learns slang

*long suffering sigh* bats

children are a t r a p

oliver you heathen that is your protege

clark gets tricked by baby dick lol

the league finds out about batmans hoard

most of the time clarks search history is normal but...  part 2

dick and clark bonding over bruces bullshit

batboys as wayne ent employees during quarentine

bruce is not capable of not supporting children featuring shazam  part 2

damian grows up to be a beautiful bitch   the sequel

imagine if dami travelled back in time to his 9 y/o body

gothams villains are all terrified of this smol child with bloodlust

batman being creepy to make people do the thing

jay likes to seduce his way out of tickets

dick as robin and the revelation that was slade wilson

conner and jon relationship hc

batman and robin but make it spooky

love languages for the bat affiliates 1 2 3

the new member of the JL mistakenly thinks the batcave is quiet

batterror vaccine

bruces family is his light

rumor has it that dick is batmans lover

how to prank a damian

the comedy potential that is all of the superheros knowing eachothers ids

cluemaster and riddlers rivalry ft steph as robin

bruce wayne should be the youngest justice leaguer and heres why

let jason be his own person

in the beginnings of the JL

dicks apt is free real estate for the batkids

you physically cannnot hold a meeting in B’s house

bruces intervention

batfam traditions

jasons a fuckking dumbass and puts a hole into the walls of the manor

wonder woman and aquamans buddy cop movie

batman uses his Tired Dad Voice on rogues

con an jon are what people think siblings are like

batfam royal au on visiting royalty feast days

damian his family and affection

robin musings as per starfire

the ONLY reason why B puts himself through the shit he does is hc he has hope

gotham meets nihilistic millennials

batmans rogues call bruce wayne off limits

the batkids are off causing chaos while the JL looks on in horror

batclan vs batfam

what being a fan in gotham is like

tim is like all those tumblr cat memes

the real reason why batman is necessary

imagine being a robin bc you forced bats to make you one

bats is being audited and they cant spend money on bat stuff

and his would be a legacy of love

harley really wants to be robin for a day

eddie we’re eating human eddIE EDDIE THATS HUMAN ON YOUR PLATE

hal is so disconnected from earth bc he has to work as a lantern

instead of trying to kill tim jason kidnaps him to stop him from being robin

damians always wanted a cat but never was allowed until now

tim hates his life until he met bats

why do people still do crimes in gotham

rob pattisosns version of batman is the one who deserves 8000 kids

a criminal has kidnapped one of bruces kids and he tells them not to kill’em

theres a daycare in the wayne enterprise building

every graduating senior that has heard bats speak has that as their quote

harley is such a big fan of mr wayne doncha know?

everyone likes riddler more than joker

batmans villains are just the funniest when compared

dicks been kidnapped

terry is simply the funniest batman

birdbrains are sick

dami pranks everyone at once

dami going from only child to babie should be discussed more

family traditions

bruce waynes first grey hair ft clowning

bruce is the best ceo no cap

dead robin jokes

talia and dick are coparenting the same child

the only time bruce doesnt care about others is when he plays monopoly

jay and roys rent a bat service

that moment when everyone remembers that dick n jason were real brothers

batman is a childs idea of what the world needs

the batcape is the superior cape minific

the passing of the mantle of robin must give people whiplash

joker v a bunch of frighteningly competent but normal clowns

the bedrooms at the manor are all connected to a bathroom and its chaos

harley and ivy hijacked a radio station to give out advice

jay is infact the most cultured bitch in wayne manor sans alfie

theyre hypercompetent af

reverse robin au

hide n seek

damian is a disney princess specifically for dangerous animals

gotham u graduates have the most insane resumes

“wait batman has kids??” is the best trope

the wayne family has a secret evil legacy just doesnt work

bruce wayne as a father is infinitely better

superman is the most whack hero and thats the tea

jason knowing and having magic is the funniest

bats dading shazam

[winterwolf0916]

Batboys with a Short S/O

Dick:

Such a cheeky bastard when it comes to your height

“Dick help me with this!” And you’re just bouncing to get the object from the top of the fridge.

“Nah I prefer to enjoy the view.”

He’s not the only one who enjoys the view. 

Before the two of you were dating, you would sometimes stare at his bubble butt which he’ll feel like someone was staring, turn around, and then you would just avert your eyes.

You never get caught.

He’s punny too

When people mention your height he just gasps and...

“She’s not short! She’s just fun-sized.” 

Don’t get me started with stores.

If he’s paying for the groceries and you’re next to him, he’ll just look down into his wallet and be like-

“I believe we’re $3 short.”

Oh how much you wanted to smack him for embarrassing you like that

Forehead Kisses

He also loves to pick you up.

Throws you over his shoulder, places you on his shoulders in crowds, and places you on his lap at home.

At the end of the day, unlike his brothers, he’ll help you up the shelf.

But on patrol, he would check up on you to see if you’re safe on your nightly trip to the store.

If someone is going to try something, he tends to handle the situation by snatching the offender in silence so you don’t have to worry about anything.

Jason:

Type level 1 asshole

When you’re struggling for something on the shelf

-remember Jason is the tallest out of his brothers-

He would take that object...

“Aw thanks Jay-”

And place it a shelf higher.

“-Oh Screw you!”

He likes to see you mad

Oh I’m sorry

He likes to see you...

FIESTY

Like Dick, he throws you over his shoulder

Cuddling and fitting in one bed is never a problem

Hehe

You and Jason winning against his brothers in the game Chicken Fight

Make fun of him when he’s hitting his head against the door frame when he’s entering a room.

Him adoring you when you’re in his jackets or hoodies.

His clothes + your tiny physique = absolute perfection to him.

Best ways to mess around with you is by smacking your ass then run off as you chase after him with your short legs. 

Like Dick, he checks on you during his patrol.

But if he isn’t there, he knows you can handle the situation.

I mean, he trained you so hard that you could actually flip him and catch him off guard when he’s not going easy on you.

But if something bad happens, like a villain decides to kidnap you and you can’t take them, then you click an alert on your phone that’ll not only notify Jason but also the Batfamily that you’re in deep doo doo.

Let’s just say, you’re in for a show. 

You being more worried about the villain’s well being than your own because knowing your boyfriend…it’s not going to end pretty.

Jason will get very, I mean very angry and he won’t hold back to the smartass who decides to take his loved ones. 

He might as well leave a message for the other villains....

Tim:

Aw you’re so adorable

but he’s SUCH

A 

TEASE

Like when you both were ordering some food

“And what would the lady like?” The cashier asked.

“A small fry.” You facepalmed.

“Ok what about dessert-”

“-Strawberry shortcake.”

“TIM.”

When you’re helping Alfred cook meals, Timbo just pops in, takes a cookie, and stare at you.

“Do you want a stool hon?”

You throwing your wooden stick at the laughing boy

EVEN when you’re giving him a kiss he had the AUDACITY to even- 

“Do you need a ladder?”

You pushing him and walking away all angry while he rushes to your side to apologize while chuckling.

He sometimes leans on you and make you an arm rest but you just elbow his dumbass to stop.

Gives you piggyback rides

Stays close to you in crowds. 

When he loses you, he’ll always find you since he’s one hell of a detective.

But if you’re ever kidnapped, he’ll get a slight panic attack but always find you.

The funny thing is that he doesn’t give a shit when cornering the crook that decides to lay a finger on your hair.

He also trains you and gives you amazing spy gadgets for self defense. 

You used to have peppers pray but now you got a penny in your pocket that you take out, click, and ta-dah! A bo-staff that comes with optional electricity currents.

Damian: 

When you both were younger, you were taller than him by a mere 3 inches.

But believe me when I say this

When he is at the age of when his growth spurt ignites

He starts to make fun of your height.

“Oh I didn’t see you there L/n.”

“I was right in front of you, you troll.”

“Oh is this the last Caprisun you were trying to get from the self?”

“Yeah, can you give it to me, ple-”

“Finder’s keepers.” 

But once he becomes 19 or so...he’s huge.

Taller than Jason and his dad.

Someone help your poor soul that you only grew a couple more inches while your significant other is tall as a mf mountain. 

For arguments, even when you're right, you would shiver a little from him hoovering over you. 

But don’t worry, he backs down when you’re right...sometimes...

Does he still make fun of your height? 

Ofc!

It runs in the family, he’ll say something about your height here and there. but not as often as he did in the past. 

Observe:

“Beloved.”

“Hm?”

“I didn’t know you could stoop so low for pickpocketing that dwarf back there.”

“What? I didn’t pickpocket-Ooooh...You think you’re so funny.”

He really loves you but he doesn’t like to do PDA.

The sole reason why doesn’t do it often is because you pull him down to your level. 

If that ever happens he would glare at everyone around the perimeter to mind their own business.

When you hug him you can hear his heartbeat.

People are so confused of how you, a bright smol bean, is dating a tall, cold-hearted, and stoic man.

But if they are very curious for the answer, they prefer to ask you.

When you and Dami are both are outside on a sunny day, his shadow is your shade. You would tease him about that and he just walks faster so that you would suffer with him.

Like his brothers, he trained you to self defend and gave you emergency devices that you can activate if ever in tough situation. 

But he still worries about you, he checks up on you from time to time.

If anyone dares to bring harm to you, he’s going to pull a Batman move. 

Like if you’re walking back to your car and someone decides to hurt you or make a wrong move then Damian will legit dive down, grab the person in silence, and pull them back up to the roof for a “friendly” interrogation or leave them to hang upside down while the police finds them. 

You getting kidnapped is pretty rare. 

Considering the fact that he scares the hell out of Gotham(more than his dad),he hides any tracks of you interacting with him as batman, and most of the time you’re in the Manor.

[lowin]

You know what would be an amazing idea?

A Lost Days cartoon series, like Harley Quinn's, where we see smol Jason going from one murder teacher to another, always with the idea of the main goal being going back to Gotham and make Bruce kill the Joker and then killing Bruce himself, but always straying from his goal in order to stop his teachers from his criminal activities, of course eventually killing them as well.

He'd also get calls from Talia in the middle of trainings or his own missions asking him if he's taking his vitamins, if he's sticking to his strick diet, if he's comfortable at the home she choose for him or if he just need anything in general, like more weapons, venom antidotes or anything. Then Dami would interrupt her, take the phone and talk for hours to his big brother about how he chopped his teacher's hand off at training or how real his newest drawing of a cat looks.

And just like in Lost Days he starts very small, and it's even a running joke that makes him mad, but instead of lashing out and threating them to a painful death, he actually attempts to kill the people that mocks at his height, or at least, tries to hurt them physichally.

There would also be the times when Jason remembers a time with Bruce, maybe a situation brings back a memory, and he starts to retell angrilly only for the flashback to end up being a fluffy moment between father and son.

Of course there'd also be a lot of death jokes, Joker jokes, book quotes, Jason acting on Alfred's teachings on manners and mixing them with Talia's, Jason being a master chef and always criticizing others' cooking, Jason hating his combat stlye being compared to Batman's or worse, Nightwing's. Maybe even Jason running into some League of Justice member and accidentally hearing about how dark Batman's become since losing his Robin, thus making Jay cry like a baby for hours.

Anyway, we all know DC sucks most of the time, so it's unlikely that they ever do something like this, but it'd be cool if they ever did.

[sunnydotflower]

Fem! Harry Potter AU Headcanon no.3!!!!!

Jason Todd and Fem! HP

So, RH is out investigating these new reps from a company that W.E. is considering partnering with (the Batfam is happy and healthy and I will ignore anything else). The rep, a ‘Dursley’, had brought his wife and son along and after a week of schmoozing, has taken them for a week to Disneyworld. Weirdly, they kept the apartment they rented in Gotham tho. Suspicious. So RH is tasked with seeing what’s going on at the apartment.

At first, everything seems normal. A few things left and while certainly sleazy, RH cannot find anything more incriminating than (maybe) Dursley skimming from his own company. Until he goes to pass through the living room and is confronted by a tiny baby Fem! HP who has been left behind to sleep on the sofa while Dursley takes his family to Disneyworld. RH kinda bluescreens. Fem! HP is no older than eight, looks younger and has only ben left with a frozen loaf of bread and six eggs to survive on for the week. 

She asks RH if he’s one of the bad people and there is this whole thing where she goes on how her Aunt and Uncle (!!!!!) say she is one of the bad kind. Obviously, RH is not comfortable leaving her alone and she does not want to leave. He ends up staying over night to keep an eye on her and when she finally falls asleep, he slips out of the house to change and pick up some groceries before returning. 

Essentially, Jason kinda burrows himself into the apartment and takes care of this tiny baby. Fem! HP calls him Jayjay, and he buys her clothes (maybe season appropriate???) and takes her to the park, the zoo etc. 

After a few days of this, the Batfamily notices that RH has not been seen on the streets and wonder what is going on. Batman (and maybe Nightwing as well???) track him down and get into the apartment. Except it’s not Jason who they run into, but Fem! HP who immediately sees a tall, dark moving shadow and starts screaming. Cue a lot of yelling and crying. After telling them off, Jason ends up calming down a crying Fem! HP who is wary but does not protest when these two new people join them for movie night. (Maybe she uses this to sneakily get Jason to order pizza for dinner.)

She falls asleep sprawled across Jason on the sofa and Bruce and Dick (Jason insisted they had to take the masks off at least) are just watching in shock/awe. It is as this point that Jason explains about her family. Bruce obvs immediately starts talking about lawyers and the foster system and Jason just shuts that down. He’s already decided. He’s gonna adopt her. 

With the Wayne name and money, it takes a couple days to arrest the Dursley’s and have the adoption sorted. Fem! HP still calls him Jayjay (they’re not quite there yet) and she adores him and vice versa. They are always at least holding hands if Jason is not carrying this precious smol baby. The Batfamily kinda lose their collective minds because - tiny baby - must protect - buy all the toys. Weirdly, her favourite uncle is Damian who is ‘Uncle Dami’ and she follows him around like a duckling when they visit the manor.

Somehow, no one quite predicted how much Bruce would do a one-eighty. Bye-bye Brucie, hello doting grandpa who likes to carry his grandbaby around on his hip in the pretty tutu skirts her Aunt Cass buys her (her favourite outfit to wear are the tutu skirts, the handknitted jumpers from Great-Grandpa Alfred, and her warmest pair of leggings). He cries a lot in the first few weeks. Claims its allergies. No one believes him.

After a few months, everyone is settled quite happily into their new routine. Jason only part-times as RH now (she always has a babysitter - usually Babs or Dick - when he’s out) and works at the Wayne Foundation during the day. Bruce (along with Tim) picks up Damian and Fem! HP three times a week after school to take them for ice cream. Sunday dinners at the manor are mandatory.

One particular Sunday, Fem! HP is playing outside alone when two strangers (Dumbledore and Snape) turn up out of nowhere. She is wary (stranger danger!!) and when Dumbledore says she has to go with him, Fem! HP just turns around and screams “DADDY”.

Its the first time she has called Jason that and he drops a plate from where he was helping clean up. The whole family runs outside in fight mode because she is still screaming. Jason just picks her up and refuses to let go. He takes her inside and lets Bruce deal with this (Bruce who is halfway to calling Kal-El because no one touches his grandbaby). Dumbledore tries to convince them to give Fem! HP back to her aunt and uncle who have ‘mysteriously’ been cleared of charges. Magic is revealed and the so-called protection. Snape inevitably puts his foot in it and they are both ousted.

Bruce eventually calls in John Constantine and the whole Girl-Who-Lived spiel comes out. But it does not matter, because Fem! HP has her dad, her grandpa, great-grandpa, and army of aunts and uncles who would unravel the universe for her and certainly do not raise a child only to tell them they have to die when it best suits the cause. Instead she is loved and supported and obvs when everything goes down at Hogwarts (each year) they bring the wrath of the Bats and the Wayne’s to make it as safe as possible (after second year Lucius Malfoy is thrown off the board of governors and Babs takes his spot - she enjoys putting them all in their place).

[randomcactaceae]

I saw the poster of Shadowland with Amelia and I just... Damie cop fic? Maybe Jamie as a cop and Dani as a waitress?

YES ABSOLUTELY.

Here it is! I hope you like it :)

Smol note as usual: feel free to make comments/give feedback/send asks or more prompts

******************************************

Jamie Taylor was one of the most efficient cops in the precinct. She always thought she had the perfect life, full of adrenalin, having fun, solving cases; and most importantly, not depending on anyone. For most people, it was important to have someone to come home to, but she never thought about it being an option. In fact, she preferred being single. That way she didn´t have to worry about anything or anyone. She did spent time with her friends, though. Owen was her best friend, and she sometimes went to hang out with him and his wife, Olivia.

-”So, what you´re doing tonight, James?”- Owen said as they headed back to the precinct.

-”Why, you got any plans?”-

-”Sadly, no. Olivia´s away for the weekend. Wanna go chilling at the bar?”-

-”Hell yeah”-

They headed to the bar that was a few blocks away. It was their all-time favorite place to hang out after a long shift at work.

They came in and sat on their regular table, the one in the back left corner. Jamie waved at Marcus, a waiter who knew them well since they´ve gone there for years. Marcus waved back and minutes later, he came out with a girl. She looked like she was a new waitress.

-”Hey guys, how are you? Long shift today?”-

-”Hello there Marcus. Well, it was a common day, to be honest”- Owen said as he started talking to him.

-”Hey Marcus, who is she? You haven´t presented her to us”- Jamie interrupted, giving the waitress a quick smile.

-”Oh, sorry. This is Dani Clayton. She´ll be working with us”- he said, as Dani shyly shook Owen and Jamie´s hands.

-”First day, huh?”- Jamie said. Dani smiled at her.

-”She started on Wednesday, but there´s a lot to learn , you know?”- Marcus said.

-”Well it´s a pleasure Dani”- Owen respectfully said. 

-”Thanks. Oh, may I take your order now?”- she asked.

-”We´ll have two beers and a pizza, I guess”- Jamie said. That was their routine dinner. They never changed it.

-”Okay, it´ll be here in a moment”-

-”Thanks honey”-

Dani quickly turned away. That girl was so pretty. 

-”Do you think she´ll make it?”- Owen asked.

-”Sure do. She looks smart. And she´s cute”-

-”Are you, officer Jamie Taylor, calling someone cute? That´s big news for me”-

-”Shut up, Owen”-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-”Here you go. Two beers and a large pizza.”-

-”Thanks Dani”- Jamie said with a smirk. Dani´s cheeks immediately turned red, and she just hoped they didn´t notice.

-”If you need anything else, I´ll be here”- Dani said and kept on working. As she served other tables, she just couldn´t keep that Jamie girl off her mind. She was so...nice to her? And damn she did look great in her work clothes. Dani Clayton you´re delusional, she thought. She didn´t knew anything about her. Maybe she was just being nice.

Almost an hour had passed and Jamie and Owen were still there. They loved hanging out in the bar because they could be away from responsibilities for a while. Plus, they got discounts for showing their licences. They finished eating and proceeded to go to the drinks bar. They kept talking and laughing as usual, until Owen´s phone started ringing.

-”It´s Olivia. Just a sec”-

-”No worries, man”-

Owen went out of the bar to talk, and Jamie stayed on the drinks bar. She was enjoying her drink, when suddenly she spotted Dani. Jamie winked at her, and she smiled back. She was heading to another table and after a while, she came back to the drinks bar to leave some empty glasses.  When she was facing the other way, Jamie walked towards her and tapped her shoulder, making her turn around.

-”Hey”-

-”How was your first week?”-

-”It was fine, I guess”- Dani said nervously.

-”Cool. It´s fun to be here, I believe. My brother worked here when I was in high school. He told me that you witness all kind of events while working on a bar”-

-”Oh, well, I believe you witness many things as well”-

-”Well that´s true though”-

Suddenly Jamie´s phone started ringing

-”Just a sec”- Jamie said, so Dani won´t leave. She awkwardly stood behind her while she talked.

-”I´m afraid to say I gotta go miss, Owen´s heading home and I need a ride”-

-”Clayton. Dani Clayton”-

-”Well, it was a pleasure to see you ´round here, miss Clayton.”- Jamie said sarcastically and kissed the back of Dani´s hand, as if mimicking a Gatsby-style man. Dani couldn´t help but smile.

-”Will you be here tomorrow?”-

-”Yeah, since 5:00″- Dani said nervously, her cheeks turning red again.

-”Well, see you tomorrow, then. Oh, and take, for when you need something, y´know?”- Jamie said as she handed her a piece of paper with her number written on it.

-”Sure. Thanks.”-

Jamie headed home with Owen. Olivia, Owen´s wife, was heading back home because she wasn´t feeling well. They arrived to Jamie´s apartment.

-”I hope Olivia feels better. Goodnight Owen, see you tomorrow”-

-”Thanks, James. Oh, and sorry for leaving you alone.”-

-”No worries. Goodnight”-

-”Night!”-

Jamie went up the stairs and opened her apartment door. She turned on the lights, changed into her pyjamas and got ready for bed. She took out her phone, and there was a message from an unknown number.

-”Hey, it´s Dani Clayton from the bar. It was nice to meet you. Have a good night.”-

Jamie smiled to herself. Tomorrow was going to be an interesting day.

********************************************************

Well, I hope you liked it anon! I wasn´t sure what were you looking for in a cop fic lol.

By the way, if you want me to make this a longer, well-written fic, just let me know! :)

(also if you think this is pure trash please also let me know)

[imaginethatalena]

#213: Damian Wayne & Batmom!Reader

I discovered the beautiful lullaby “Bayu Bayushki Bayu” (the link is to my favorite version of the song) a few months ago. Those who know me know I came to America at a young age through adoption, so I never got to hear it when I was a child, but I hope to sing it to my kids. I thought this was a cute imagine idea for Damian. I feel like he’d love it. Russian lullabies are lovely but terrifying, just like Dami ❤ God I love my smol boi. 

P.S. I’m still struggling with Damian’s name. I think Damianka is the best I can do for a diminutive and I think it sounds sweet, but if anyone knows a better way to make Damian a diminutive, let me know.  

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PART 1

You had become a light sleeper in your time knowing Bruce, so you woke up the moment he got into bed. You turned and groggily gathered your husband into your arms, feeling the tension in his body leave him as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. 

“How did patrol go?” you asked, raising your head to see what time it was. 3:00 am, a later night for the Batfamily, but Bruce always made it home eventually. 

“It went pretty well, actually. Damian did well against the Joker,” Bruce told you, but he could tell you’d tensed up. “What’s wrong Y/N?” 

“Nothing. Go to bed before you become an insomniac like Tim,” you mumbled. “Lord knows I try to help that boy but he always sneaks an energy drink past me.” Your attempt at humor didn’t deter your husband. Bruce could tell when something was worrying you, and he knew you weren’t getting back to sleep until you told him what it was. 

“When I was with Alfred in the Batcave I heard you radio in that the Joker was back again,” you told him. “I don’t know why, but I kept thinking about what Jason went through, and I knew I didn’t want Damian anywhere near that maniac.”

“I’m sorry.” Now it was Bruce’s turn to hold you, easily wrapping you in his strong arms. 

“You can’t control when that clown will rear his head,” you said. “I just wish I could stop worrying.”

“You’re the boys’ mother. It’s okay to worry.”

“That doesn’t mean I like it.” 

Bruce didn’t push you to talk anymore, instead allowing sleep to take him. He certainly needed it after a night with the Joker and a full day of work at Wayne Enterprises in a few hours. You, however, couldn’t fall back asleep. You carefully got out of bed once you were sure Bruce was fast asleep and headed down to the kitchen. While you were in the privacy of the kitchen you took a few minutes to call Jason and see if he was okay. You felt a little better after talking with him, and you let him get off the phone so he could get some rest. Once you’d hung up, you saw a small figure in a yellow cape walk past the kitchen. 

“Damianka?” you called out quietly as you followed him out to the stairwell. Your youngest son turned to face you with a guilty look. He had been heading up the stairs, clearly trying to sneak past you without you seeing him, but you knew what was up. Damian could be a ghost in this house, disappearing as he snuck around with no one knowing he was there. He had wanted you to see him. 

“Why haven’t you gone to bed yet?” you asked him as you came to meet him on the stairs. 

“I was just working in the Batcave for a bit before I went to bed,” he told you, never one to admit how he was really feeling. You got the sense that he was pretty shaken up, and you couldn’t hide your frustration. The Joker was a figure who scared everyone, even Batman sometimes. Of course Damian would be having a hard time after his first experience with him. 

“Let me tuck you in.” He was about to protest, but you shushed him. “It will make me feel better, Damianka. Come on.”

You both went up to his room. While he changed out of his Robin uniform and into some pajamas, you made sure he had extra blankets and a glass of water on his nightstand. When he was ready, he allowed you to tuck him under the covers. You gave him a kiss on the forehead and went to the light switch, about to leave and go back to your room, but Damian’s next words stopped you.

“Can you stay for a little while, Y/N?” Damian looked ashamed at having asked such a thing of you, but you gave him a smile and nodded. He allowed you to lay down next to him, hugging him to you and gently running your fingers through his hair. 

“Do you want to talk about what happened tonight or just sleep?”

“Sleep.” Of course he wanted to sleep, but you weren’t sure he would be able to. 

“Did anyone ever sing to help you sleep when you were younger, Damian?” When he shook his head, you asked, “Would you like me to?”

“If it’s some nonsense like Rock-a-bye Baby, I will have to say no.” His words made you laugh. He was always the direct one when it came to “childish nonsense”. 

“No. It’s a Russian lullaby my Babushka sang to me when I was younger,” you told him. “If you think it would help, I can sing for you.”

“If you think it would help,” he relented. You made sure he was comfortable and warm before you started, and once you did, his expression changed from one of doubt to one of rapture.

“Bayu bayushki bayu,

Ne lozhisya na krayu.

Pridyot serenkiy volchok,

On ukhvatit za bochok

I utashchit vo lesok

Pod rakitovy kustok.”

((I have the lyrics in English so it’s easier for you guys to look it up if you want to))

As you continued singing, Damian’s eyes started to droop. You continued to the very end of the lullaby as he drifted further into sleep, and when you finished, you were relieved to see he was fast asleep. That lullaby had worked on Dick when he was younger, and Jason and Tim as well. You were glad you got to share it with Damian, too, and you were happy that you were able to give him enough of a distraction from tonight’s events that he could sleep peacefully. 

You didn’t get up, afraid to wake Damian, instead choosing to sleep next to your son for the rest of the night. You had a feeling Damian would feel better knowing you had stayed by his side without him needing to summon the courage to ask you himself. One day the Joker wouldn’t be around anymore to wreak havoc on your lives, but until then, you would be there for your family to help them through it.

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A/N: To anyone who’s wondering, the song is basically a warning for small children to sleep in the center of the bed so they don’t fall off. Nice right? NOPE. This is Russian so it has to be, “Don’t sleep on the edge of the bed or a fUCKIN WOLF WILL GET YOU AND DRAG YOU INTO THE WOODS.” I imagined Batmom being worried about him while he’s on patrol, so kind of indirectly warning him to be careful and not stray too far after her experience losing Jason. I hope this makes sense. 

[femcel404]

Batfam headcannons

These are random, enjoy.

Tim cannot sing for shit, he sounds like a dying pig. Unless he's singing in a Florence Whelch-type voice, because then he sounds absolutely amazing. Not even he understands it.

Stephanie loves heavy rock music and recent pop music equally, and likes to play it loud.

Damian once called Harper "practically useless" while she could hear him, to which she replied "Choke on it" almost instantly. Earned instant respect from Jason, Tim and Steph.

Babs has turned off Tim's computer remotely more times than she can count, and each time is equally hilarious.

Jason starts his facts with "it is a truth universally acknowledged" in a British accent. Every time. He loves Jane Austen.

Tim gets along REALLY well with John Constantine, because disaster bi TM, and Tim just thinks John is super cool (John called Tim "son" once but ssshhhh).

When Dick first brought Wally to the manor, Damian didn't like him one bit. When Dami caught them kissing on the couch though, he was frustrated because West makes Grayson happy so I can't eliminate him, but I still don't trust him!

Bruce gets annoyed when Dick Brings Wally on patrol with him, only because they flirt over the coms and it's REALLY cheesy. He has cringed one too many times.

Cassandra absolutely adores vintage dresses, and has over 40 of them.

Helena and Damian get along. They put salt in Tim's coffee together and it makes Jason laugh.

Steph can speak in a variety of different accents, including German, Irish, British, Australian, Indian, London, and more. When she and Tim first met John Constantine, she greeted him in an accent the same as his own, and he burst out laughing. She calls it her great victory.

Babs puts whoopie cushions under the seats of the bat-mobile. Hysterically hilarious every single time.

Harper and Duke can say "what the fuck you trickass bitch" is absolute PERFECT unison, and they use is regularly.

Tim can walk in heels. No one knows why or how.

Dick can also walk in heels, because even though he is now fully grown, Wally is still a good 10 inches taller than him. So Dick adapted.

Jason, Cassandra and Donna Troy have a book club. They meet on Sundays. Only 4 people know, and that 4th person is Rita Farr/Elasti-girl, who joins them when they read books from the 1930s.

Jason and Rita Farr have a friendship built on their mutual love for old books. They actually recognised each other from league database photos at a secluded book shop.

Damian get anxiety if he leaves something behind, like his mobile phone on the coffee table, or something as simple as his drawing in another room. This annoys him on patrol, because he gets twitchy and anxious if he doesn't retrieve a batarang.

Alfred doesn't swear when Bruce is around. When Bruce is not around, the occasional "shit" can be heard. Occasionally. No one says anything about it.

Wally once pranked Jason by vibrating at such a frequency that he was able to walk through Jason without hurting him. It scared Jason so much he squealed.

Tim is asexual and proud. He takes approximately zero shit.

Tim doesn't actually talk much unless he is spoken to. He's kind of a happy loner.

Cass communicates through morse code when she can't be bothered signing or forming words.

Dick tried joining the JL for all of one week, but Wally kept slipping their inside jokes into conversation and Dick essentially got kicked off for laughing.

Tim and Steph are strangely close friends for people who used to date. They say they look past that though. They believe they are healthier as best friends.

Steph loves being single because she enjoys not having the pressure of a relationship with this lifestyle. Although, she would like a small family one day.

Tim, the disaster bi TM that he is, has yet to find himself a partner. (Though there is this guy in his physics lecture at university, Jesse, who Tim thinks is a literal angel.)

Kate , Tim, Dick, Wally, Harper and maybe sometimes even the disaster bi magic duo (Constantine and Zatanna) go to the Gotham pride parade. Tim hacks the speakers and plays lady Gaga.

Kate also teaches Tim how to fight without needing to use much physical strength, bc we all know Tim is Smol TM.

Tim can mimic the joker's laugh perfectly, and for that, the joker has expressed respect for Tim. Though it was pretty funny when the joker started laughing only to be joined by Tim who then proceeded to beat him up. Even Bruce laughed a bit.

Jason and Cass have "emotion sessions" in one of Jason's safehouses once a month, where they share their frustrations and sorrows, and smash cheap mugs of the walls.

Steph makes waffles out of chocolate mud cake mix. Not even Alfred can master the art of it.

Damian sometimes wishes the role of Robin wasn't as important to him as it is. He never acts upon those wishes.

Tim has a Tumblr and posts fanfic, headcannons, gif sets, and legendary shitposts. (One of us, One of us, One of us!!)

Stephanie and Barbra both donate at least 12 inches of their hair to charity every 3-4 years.

Both Stephanie and Barbra totally rock neck-length super-choppy hair for the first 2 months after the donation. They also seem to somehow pull off the awkward length where their hair falls in their face, but it's still not long enough to fit into a pony tail. (Also the both DEFENANTLY rock swishy between ears and shoulders, then between shoulders and back lengths. These girls look stunning in anything!)

Dick still owns his discowing suit, and he wears it to Halloween parties. Wally likes it.

Duke once had to get Bruce's help as batman during the day, and joined the villain they were fighting in laughing at how stupid the batman costume looks during the day.

Jason sounds like darth Vader cross iron man when he has his helmet on, and Dick, Wally and Roy all tease him about it.

Tim stands in corners at charity balls and galas. Partly because he doesn't like talking to strangers, but mostly because no one will catch him drinking coffee and champagne mixed together like a madman.

[bigskydreaming]

The Ric Grayson AND Talon storylines both end at the same time, and in the same way:

Great Grandpa Creeper Cobb successfully manipulates Ric into position to be brainwashed and become the Talon that Willie the Weenie has always wanted him to be.....this happens for like, two issues.

Then Grandpa Get Ye To A Graveyard Already fucks up....he accidentally brings Talon Ric within sighting distance of the Court’s latest crop of prospective Talon recruits, including a wee baby ten year old orphan being trained to be a future Talon.

And the essential corn kernel of Dick Grayson’s essence, deep down in his psyche, just fucking POPS like its Orville Redenbacher and someone just nuked it in the microwave.

And the real Dick Grayson comes SHRIEKING to the forefront of Talon!Ric’s brain, nothing subtle about it, and the next thing his Rancid Relative knows, he’s being fucking impaled by his great grandson’s blades as said great grandson, who is SUPPOSED to be docilely brainwashed, wtf, is already halfway across the room, diving into the mass of other Talons like they’re a collection of bowling pins and he’s a wrecking ball straight out of a Miley Cyrus music video, but instead of the caterwauling lyrics “I never hit so haaaaaaaard in love,” Dick’s accompanied by a soundtrack of him screaming:

“I WILL PROTECT YOU SMOL CHILD!!!”

As said smol child is just standing there, staring, like....dude, wut?

And then Dick finishes absolutely DESTROYING everything undead and nefarious in sight like he’s the Tasmanian Devil on meth, and he turns to said smol child and begins the process of Smothering, as his hands flutter all up and down checking for injuries but not touching, like: 

“Did they hurt you are you alright you’re safe now cough once for I’m all good or punch me in the no-no’s if I’m making you feel unsafe, I will make sure you are totally safe from here on out, you are my baby now, I have decided, but like, only if you want to be.”

And smol child is decidedly overwhelmed but Man-Who-Speaks-Like-He-Has-Pixie-Sticks-In-Place-Of-Blood-Vessels seems harmless, if weird, and is definitely preferable to the weird Bird Men who kidnapped him off the streets and tried to teach him how to kill people and make death threats out of nursery rhymes. And he doesn’t have a lot of experience in OTHER subterranean lairs to compare this one too, but he’s decidedly not a fan, so when Dick asks if he would like him to take him to see Batman and Batgirl and Robin and other superheroes who can also reassure him there will be no more homework on How To Torture People Good, he’s like....”yeah I guess. If you want.”

And so Dick scoops him up with glee and takes off through the tunnels, yelling back over his shoulder: “Bye Greatly-Gross-Grandpa, hate you lots, don’t call, don’t write, you’re officially off my Christmas card list, hasta la neeeeeeeeeever.”

Thereupon swiftly grappling across the Bludhaven rooftops, yelling PARKOUR! just because he can and its fun, and its weirdly relaxing for his wee passenger, because look, this dude may be weird as fuck, but he’s clearly got the moves to protect him from the Undead Legions of Ornithologists and he seems too....fun to be evil, like not in the Joker kinda way like he’s seen on TV in previous foster homes where its like, jeez dude, try hard much, but more like an adult who just quit a soul-crushing cubicle-dwelling corporate-craphole job and has suddenly been reminded that the sky is blue, flowers smell good, and there IS a Santa Claus, Virginia.

Thus by the time they arrive at Wayne Manor, with no attempt made to hide where they’re going from his wee passenger’s eyes - Dick has already decided he’s keeping the kid, pending said kid’s approval but look, kids like him and he’s determined to bring his A game to the pitch meeting, so he likes his chances - said wee passenger disembarks in the Batcave but stays close by, clinging to Dick’s side in an ever so slight way that allows for plausible deniability later, once he gets his bearings and also his bravado back.

“Dick?!” Comes the chorus of voices from the rest of the family, who are all there already, by great coincidence and in great defiance of the crapfests in their own individual titles, but also who the fuck cares. And Dick puffs out his chest, cuz he’s putting on a good show for his new kiddo, first impressions are important...

“Tis I, fam! The one true Dick Grayson has returned! Huzzah!”

Look, being completely oblivious to his Greatest Dork Energy coinciding with his Times He Most Attempts To Be Impressive, is like, Peak Dick Grayson characterization, you can trust me, I’m a doctor. 

And Tim’s like, “Why are you dressed like a Talon?”

And Dick’s like, “Isn’t the better question why AREN’T you dressed like a Talon?”

Which makes no sense but shhh, I’m running out of steam here, don’t question the atmosphere, just let it be.

And Bruce is like, “Who’s your friend?”

With like...designs and agendas already in mind, because said wee Talon-to-be is cute and adorable and bravely trying to act like he is not at all intimidated by his surroundings and is in total control of what’s going on like, he meant to be here, this is all according to plan, yes, excellent, everything is progressing nicely....

Which as everyone knows, are the three key essential traits Bruce looks for in prospective adoptees....

So Dick snarls and later blames it on residual Talon-ness, they’re very territorial bird...assassin....people....anyway, the adrenaline is still high and also he has swiftly become attached because whether kiddo knows it or not, Dick 100% credits him with the brainwash-breaking and thus when factored in with the cuteness quotient, what we have here is an instant recipe for Protectiveness slash Possessiveness that would be creepy and inappropriate if this wasn’t pure crack. 

But crack it is, and thus Dick curls a protective arm around the kiddo like the lap-bar on a particularly turbulent roller coaster and applies G-Force sufficient to keep even Superman from prying him out of his hands - but in a gentle, non- ’crushing kinda way that might hurt the kiddo,’ even though physics doesn’t work like that, except look, these are CRACK PHYSICS, they can and they do work like that. 

And he’s all, “I already adopted him, so back off, Bruce, I’ll cut you. But also hi dad, I missed you. In spirit I mean, like I had amnesia and then I was brainwashed so technically its probably a reach to say I missed anyone but just roll with it. Also I can haz hugs now, please?”

And then Damian apparates in front of Dick amid a cloud of Disapproval that’s really just a cover for OMG-I-Was-Without-You-And-It-Was-Terrible-And-I’m-So-Glad-You’re-Back-But-Also-Who-Is-This-Interloper-And-Why-Is-He-Stealing-My-Hug.

“Tt. Grayson. Your absence was...less than desirable. See to it that this doesn’t happen again. Also what is that and why is it here.”

“Aww, Dami, I’m sorry. I promise to install a “please have the nearest available psychic reboot my brain in case of future brain damage slash amnesia” clause in my living will, and soon as I get a free second, I’ll break the fourth wall and blackmail the DC editorial staff into declaring me off-limits for all death, brainwashing and/or kidnapping plots for at least the next four major crossover events. I have naughty pictures. They’ll cave.”

“Hmph,” Dami says. He resumes staring pointedly at the kiddo, who juts his chin defiantly and stares back while clinging more tightly to Dick, because he may have very little clue what’s going on, but he’s a quick one and has at least picked up on the fact that Dick wants him and this other kid wants Dick. Which combined with the rescuing and the kicking of bad guy ass means Dick is probably Quality and In Demand and Of Value, and thus he might as well stake a claim now and worry about whether or not to act on that or skedaddle later, once he’s got more intel. He’s a natural Bat, this one, but then, that’s probably why he was in Toddler Talon Boot Camp, he scored high on whatever weird aptitude tests they used to scope out talent, and by talent we mean murder-skills.

“Dami,” Dick admonishes then, “This isn’t an it, he’s a person, and he was recently traumatized so promise me you’ll be on your best behavior or at least your ‘engaging in shenanigans with Jon’ behavior. And he’s not competition, you’re my Dames and my little bro, and he’s potentially your nephew, which is a whole separate category and no threat to you and your baby bro status at all, so retract the claws. If anything, the real danger is Pops adopting him and thus supplanting you as the official Baby Bird of our generation, so make like an ally and help me get that dangerous “I’m gonna adopt this kid so hard” gleam out of Bruce’s eye before it gets any gleamier. We’re still only halfway through my tearful reunion and having to cut Dad before we even get to cake would be a major mood-killer, but I’ll do it, I swear. Also, get your Baby Bird behind over here and hug me already, I have two arms.”

Damian rolled his eyes but obediently disappeared and reappeared nestled against Dick’s other side in the blink of an eye. The proper application of ninja skills has always been the pursuance of hugs and cuddles. Thus sayeth the crack.

“Hey, I do get cake, right?” Dick asked suddenly, looking around dangerously. “I was amnesiac and also brainwashed, I deserve cake, TELL me there’s gonna be cake.”

“Well that answers whether or not we should be worried about this being an attempted infiltration or not,” Jason says, strolling over casually. “No impostor or brainwashing script-writer could ever duplicate the Essence de Dick so perfectly. Hey squirt. Welcome to the madhouse. I’m Jason, what’s your name?”

“Oh right,” Dick realized, cocking his head. “Hey, what is your name?”

“Really, Dick?” Tim sighed, fondly exasperated. “I realize you like to jump from A straight to Z whenever possible, but steps B through Y aren’t usually just mere suggestions.”

“It hadn’t come up yet,” Dick defended himself.

“Yes, why would it have,” Duke mused from where he was leaning over and snapping his fingers in front of Bruce’s eyes, in a futile attempt at tearing his gaze away from the viable adoption candidate within 20 meters from him. It was probably best that they get this adoption thing inked out and signed off on as soon as possible - it was the only thing that was definitively going to get that “Argh, I’ve spotted treasure ahoy” look out of Bruce’s eyes. And Alfred had been very clear :Bruce was forbidden to adopt any more kids himself until he got a better handle on juggling the six he already had. Which. The past year had...probably not met Alfred’s standards on, so it didn’t seem likely he’d be waiving that requirement any time soon. 

(And nobody wanted to get in between the Unstoppable Force that was Bruce’s ‘must adopt all the orphans’ and the Immovable Object that was Alfred’s ‘must maintain at least a reasonable fascimile of order in this household, even if it is a total sham, appearances matter.’)

“Hey!” Dick protested. “I’ve been busy, okay? There was fighting and then there was parkouring and now we’re reunifying, and it wasn’t like I was just calling him ‘that kid’ in my head, I was calling him ‘my kiddo’ which is a perfectly reasonable identifier and thus more specific detail just....hadn’t been relevant yet!”

“So uh, bee tee dubs, what is your name, buddy?” Dick asked, looking down. His kiddo looked back up at him for a long, measuring moment, and then he shrugged.

“I’ll tell you in exchange for some cake. You said something about there being cake, but I don’t see any.”

Dick got misty-eyed at that. “See? He already prioritizes like me. This was destiny! Also, you heard my kiddo, do we not deserve cake? It has been a very long day, there was murder and mayhem and more. Also, my creeper great grandpa was there being icksome, and you know how much that weirds me out.”

“Come along, Master Dick,” Alfred said then, appearing out of nowhere thanks to his Bat-Butler Magic. “And your young charge as well. I already have your favorite baking in the oven and it should be done shortly. Lemon meringue with raspberry layers.”

“That’s disgusting and I will not participate in any ceremony that treats that as part of a celebration instead of just a weird kind of laxative,” Jason said loftily, though it escaped no one’s notice that he was the first to the stairs.

“Shut your facehole, its delicious and amazing and you will like it or I will kick your ass,” Dick said, equally loftily.

“Boys,” Bruce said with a long-suffering sigh, as the threat of brotherly bloodshed was enough to finally shake him out of his orphan-induced stupor.

“At MARIO KART. I will kick his ass at MARIO KART, ugh, jeez, B, why do you always assume the worst of us?”

“Precedent,” Tim said dryly.

“Who the hell asked the Oompa Loompa Brigade to weigh in with all ninety of his pounds?” Jason called back from the top of the stairs. 

Cass came up on Dick’s left, where the kiddo was one half of the sandwich made by him and Damian on Dick’s other side. She smiled down at him when he directed his still very wide-eyed gaze at her, landing on her after his latest sweep of the cavern and all its contained chaos, as if trying to take it all in - most likely in the hopes that if he could manage that, somehow the last 72 hours of his life might suddenly make sense. He really was adorable.

“Don’t worry,” she beamed at him, reaching out to pat him comfortingly on his shoulder, right above where Dick’s arm was still curled around it like a warm blanket - albeit one with the tensile hold of a python. “They’re all crazy, but only in the good ways.”

Duke scoffed as he slipped ahead of them and started taking the stairs two at a time. “It’s funny how you say that like you’re some kind of exception to the rule.”

“Bold words, little brother,” Cass called after him. He only shouted back from the top in a booming voice, his words echoing down the narrow stone stairway dramatically.

“Am I not Batclan?”

“Oooh, is that a new thing we’re doing?” Dick asked excitedly. “Somebody catch me up, I demand context. I smell a story there.”

“It was Jason’s fault,” Tim said automatically. Dick nodded.

“Sure, that tracks. Continue.”

Bruce trailed after his brood of batlings and birdlets, sidling over to where Barbara was waiting for the elevator. The latter having hung back to watch the commotion with the air of one taking notes for repurposing in the form of future blackmail material. Her ever extending network of spies and informants made so much more sense, suddenly.

He cleared his throat while they listened to the hum of the elevator’s machinery as it descended to their level.

“I wasn’t really thinking of adopting the boy,” he said. Not at all sullenly, nor with a trace of defensiveness to be found.

“Of course you weren’t, Bruce,” Barbara said. She patted his arm fondly, with all the conviction of a kindergarten teacher whose student was attempting to claim innocence on the matter of a paint disaster perfectly matching the paint stains on his hands.

“I wasn’t,” Bruce muttered as she preceded him into the elevator. 

Why did nobody ever believe him?

[i-have-a-dc-problem]

I need help

Like in general but also there's this batman AU I've been working on where a few things are different.

1. Jason didn't die, but still severely injured.

2. Jason was revived in the Lazarus Pit w/ Bruce present. The cost for the use of the Lazarus pit was that Bruce must give Talia an heir, so there's Dami

3. Lazarus Pit heals him, and turns the smol 15 year old boi into a 6'0" smokeshow. (Bruce tells paparazzi that he hit a growth spurt)

4. Bruce grooms Jason to eventually replace him.

5. Batman and Joker have a Ultimate Showdown©, but someone actually dies this time.

6. It's Bruce.

7. No, really for good.

8. Joker throws a hellish Mardi Gras in Gotham and busts open Arkham Asylum, so Jason has to deal with a burning city, an entire Rogues Gallery unaccounted for, the untimely death of his father and mentor, and the worry of succeeding him and living up to his reputation.

9. Jason as the New Batman© tries his best to clean up the city, but still can't find Joker. He roughs up criminals looking for clues but he wasn't the world's greatest detective.

10. Finds Joker

11. *spoiler*

12. Jason realizes there's this kid following him.

13. Jason hasn't left the manor in weeks except on patrol. Paparazzi watch the front gates of Wayne Manor. Lucius Fox scrambes at the announcement of Bruce Wayne's death, who died in the Great Riot.

14. Jason notices a teenager has been taking pictures of him while he's out on patrol.

15. "I know you're there," said Jason, his back turned to the boy. "I know you're not the Batman. Not the first anyway," the kid says.

16. Tim Drake.

17. Wayne Enterprises needs a leader. Jason knows nothing of WE and being a Chairman of the Board. Tim knows things about how companies are run.

18. Since Jason knows that Tim knows his secret, he pleads Lucius to train this kid to take over for him. "Just, say he's a public image consultant for me, and toss him an internship or something."

19. Jason is illiterate when it comes to social media, so he actually has Tim help him connect to Gotham with the occassional fuckery. (Drunk at a Knights game, falling off yachts, dating insta models, etc)

20. Tim and Jason bond and grow closer. Tim sees Jason come home injured. Tim wants to become Robin.

21. At first Jason protests but trains him over the course of a year. Jason is the reckless impatient one where Tim is patient precise and methodical

22. (Subplot: Barbara Gordon slowly learns to walk again and joins the GCPD, rising through the ranks. Dick Grayson is a bit cold and distant since Alfred had to call him about Bruce. Jason's defense: 'i had a lot going, man', Tim trying to be a normal kid, run a billion dollar company, and avoid getting shot.)

23. Cassandra Cain shows up after Bruce's death and says that she has earned the cowl, and will become Batman. Jason objects, but after discussion, she can stay in the manor. Barbara bestows her the mantle of Batgirl.

24. Jason gets arrested for not paying taxes, because he never learned how, not because he wouldn't pay them, and is held without bail. Barbara laughs her ass off seeing Jason in jail for tax evasion.

25. Either Dick or Cassandra (both?) fill in as Batman while Jason sits in jail until trial.

26. Jason is found not Guilty, and he learns a valuable lesson.

27. Dick and Jason patch things up and act like brothers again. Dick returns to wherever.

28. Tim meets Duke at school, meets Stephanie as she's dressed as Spoiler.

29. Damian returns in the future but with the title Ra's Al Ghul.

30. Jason, Donna, Wally, Kyle, Dick, Roy, Garth are all sworn into the Justice League together.

[singledadkuroo]

Luke Fox, Damian Wayne! (Obvi u can ignore the shipping stuff for Dami if u want cuz he’s smol)

Yesssssssss

Ok Luke!!!

Fave thing about him: sexy genius. Tony Stank wants what he has!! I also like that he’s portrayed as a bit of a playboy but is also relatively (comparing him to the rest of the batfam, mind u) down to earth. Relatively.

Least fave thing about him: I guess he does an ok job w him but most of the shit I’ve read w Luke as batwing is by James Tynion 4. Can someone else give him a go please??

Fave line: this was....a scene

Brotp: KATE KATE what a dynamic

Otp: Jean Paul ✌️🤧

Notp: ummm??? I really don’t know. I can’t even say I was super not down with him and Babs, like....girl I get it

Random hc: Distinguished Gay. Has never been dirty in his life. Sees a speck on his suit and is like what is that WHAT IS THAT WHAT IS TH

Unpopular opinion: ummm??? Idk

Song I associate with them: can’t think of one I’ll get back to you!!!

Fave pic: he’s handsome and his suit is sexy as hell so like that’s unfair to ask. I will say I’ve spent like 20 minutes trying to find the panel where he’s flying while holding Jean Paul’s hand but I can’t find it 😞

EDIT AHHHHHH

Ok Damian lets go!!

Fave thing about them: he doesn’t deserve the burden of guilt placed on his tiny shoulders but I will say witnessing his redemption arc in the new 52, for lack of a better term I guess, was extremely emotionally satisfying. Watching him grow to love his family and friends more openly and dare I say innocently made me weep fat tears. HE GOT TO BE A REAL FUCKING KID...They just don’t write him like they used to and I’m looking at you Benjamin Percy!!! Damian is a child!!! Kory should be leading that team goodbye!!!

Least fave thing about them: can we just. Can we. Can we color him brown please. I only trust the colorist from R: SoB that’s the ONLY bitch I trust

Favorite line: “I’d rather STARVE.” Two seconds later: “Gimme that.” I really shouldn’t laugh at this but the scene I think from Gotham city sirens where Dick is talking to Selina and Damian barges in like “ARE YOU DONE WITH THIS HARLOT YET LETS GO ON PATROL” cbdkckfkf also “I’m sorry, MISTER potato head.” That entire letter he wrote to Bruce that one time that ripped my spine out I can’t find an image now. “We are still the greatest” about him and dick ✌️

Brotp: well obviously his siblings. Colin Wilkes (where is he???), Maya Ducard, Suren Darga, Jon, Kory, ROSE WILSON THAT ONE TIME, Steph

Otp: he’s 13

Notp: pretty much everyone since he’s 13 but ESPECIALLY ANYONE IN HIS FAMILY INCLUDING MAYA. Also that shit with Emiko better chill the hell out

Random hc: ‘fuck Tim drake club’. Also to bypass the lightly enforced ‘chill it with the animals’ rule he gets several more cats that all look exactly the same. When people try to accuse him of there being more than one he just says it’s a speedster cat

Song I associate w them: I’m bat at this sorry he’s too young for me to have a Spotify playlist for him

Fave pics:

[starlight-parkers]

Being a Wayne and Dating Peter Paker Would Include:

*gif belongs to spiderling-parker*

Author’s Notes(s): hey cuties! Someone requested this a while ago and I completely forgot that it was in my drafts. Just a side note requests are closed! See my latest post for more info xx

Summary: You just so happen to be dating Peter Parker, but what happens when your freakily overprotective brother’s find out?

Warning(s): swearing and fluff

Being a Wayne and Dating Peter Parker would include:

so like

we all know that the Wayne’s have been through some tough shit

So y’all are really closely knit

That being said, you have four really overprotective brothers who would do anything to stop you from dating.

PsSh

That never stopped you honey ️

So let’s say, you’ve been dating Peter for around a year.

He’s never been to your house or even met your family bc you know™️ he wouldn’t last a second around your brothers

“(Y/N)? Why haven’t I met your family? Don’t you think it’s kinda weird?”

“Peter honey, if you value your life, you won’t ask questions.”

One day his curiosity gets the best of him and he ends up at your address.

Big mistake™️

Curiosity killed the cat bro

Unfortunately for him, you’re not the one who opens the door.

So smol bby boy peter’s quaking in his boots when short stack Damian appears at the door with a scowl on his face.

“Who the fuck are you?”

*in the distance* “Damian don’t fucking swear”

“JASON GOD DAMMIT, DAMI WHOS AT THE DOOR??”

So then Jason, Dick and Dami are all at the door and poor bby Peter kinda stutters out a response.

“Uh hi, I’m peter. (Y/N)’s boyfriend”

LOLOL

Before anyone knew what was happening Damian’s launching himself at Peter who kinda does his spidey thing and backflips into a tree or some shit

And Jay + Dick who are holding Dami back are kinda like wtf

They accidentally let go of their younger brother who’s basically barking up a tree at your almost sobbing boyfriend

And Tim kinda just walks up to the front door with a coffee in hand

Takes one look at the situation

Sips his coffee

And goes back inside bc a bitch ain’t involved

So that’s how Peter met your family.

Dick Grayson:

the nice brother™️

would probably try to suppress his other protective brother mode

would lowkey be the biggest shipper ever

When dick meets peter it’s probably like:

       - “oh (Y/N) he’s so cute!!”

       - “LoOK at hIM heS adorABle”

Peter doesn’t know whether he should be scared or he should be relieved

Dick totally supervises your dates

Or tries to

He’ll probably be sitting at the back of the cafe you’re in and Peter points him out like

“Uh... M-mr Grayson we can see you”

*face palm*

Probably holds hands with you both after that.

Finds you and peter’s relationship very cute

Sometimes you wonder if he’s the one dating Peter

They’re always on ‘friend dates’

Probably been on more dates with Peter than you have

“Dick buddy, I’m gonna need my boyfriend back”

“You can’t separate us sis, this is true love”

Jason Todd:

the cool brother™️

probably gives the “if you hurt her, I’ll find you talk”

He’ll like, take Peter to his weapons room or something and be like “see this baby here, she’s my favourite. First time I shot right through some guy’s skull”

And you’re just there with rolling eyes like “oh my god Jason”

And poor Peter would be so shook™️

But you’d be all cute holding hands and brushing your fingers over his knuckles to calm him

Jay would gag

You’d get to a particular weapon and Petey would point to it “Natasha has that”

“Natasha as in, the, blackwidow?”

And Peter would look at you with a confused gaze and you’d shrug as he nodded to Jason

Jason would scream™️

Blackwidow fanboy at your service fam

He’d go on regular trips to see the  avengers  with Peter just to meet Natasha

Would probably cry

He’s really chill after that tbh

Would probably regularly take you and Peter for ice cream

Does not enjoy watching you guys suck face

Pretends to throw up most of the time

“If you guys kiss in front of me one more time I’ll probably die for the second time”

Tim Drake:

The fanboy brother™️

I feel like Tim probably knew you were dating someone he just didn’t know that it was the sPidErMaN

Probably did a whole background check on Peter before he even got to the front door.

He’d be the only brother who’s actually nervous to meet your boyfriend

So before pete even opens his mouth, Tim’s just spewing information about him like

“Peter Benjamin Parker. Age 16”

“Born July 1st, favourite colour blue and -“

“Tim... Tim you’re scaring him”

“Right sorry”

You’d leave for like a brief second to grab a drink and when you come back they’re both nerding out over tech

It’s actually adorable seeing both of your boys getting excited over Peter’s webshooters and stuff

You totally don’t take pictures

On the nights you’d have dates Peter would show up like two hours early just to sit with Tim and talk about Wayne and Tony’s tech

Call it a gossip circle if you will

“Oh hi Petey! I wasn’t expecting you for a little while-“

“Yeah, I’m here to see Tim?”

-_-

Like Jay, I don’t think he’d appreciate you guys’ PDA

he’d probably be fine with it after a few shots of espresso

Damian Wayne:

The intimidating brother™️

First of all, let’s get this straight.

He won’t admit it, but Dami adores you. He loves you more than anything.

As his older sister, you’ve always been there to protect him. You made him feel at home.

So in his mind, Damian basically lives to protect you. He views you as the only pure thing in this world and would do anything to preserve that.

You’ve had your heart broken before and Dami hated to see you go through such a heartbreak

So forgive him for being a little overprotective

Hahaha

Did I say little? I meant a lot

When he first meets Peter, shit hits the fan.

He just doesn’t like the way Peter holds your hand so confidently and tbh he really wants to rip it off.

He does everything he can to deter Peter from dating you but for some reason it’s not working

But he can tell he’s wearing away at Peter

Then one day your boyfriend asks to spar with dami

And you, Tim, Dick and Jay all share a look

So both boys start getting ready to spar and Dami takes it a little more seriously

Peter’s reflexes are much quicker though, since he’s spidey and all so that pisses your younger brother off

so he starts getting angry

Suddenly, it’s not sparing anymore and instead it’s literally peter fending for his life as Damian tries to kill him.

So you scream.

And everyone drops everything and you kinda run off with Peter hot on your heels.

You completely shut down on both of them bc two ppl you really cared about almost hurt each other

Peter shows up at the Manor one day, looking for Dami who almost slams the door shut when he sees your boyfriend

And he’s like “look, I don’t know why you hate me but you mean so much to (Y/N) and I know how much it would mean to her if we got a long, she speaks so highly of you and I just- I want to get to know you.”

And Damian’s like shit, because he doesn’t hate Peter, he never did. He was just scared of losing you to heartbreak again.

“I didn’t hate you, in fact I find you quite um” *struggles to say the word likeable*

“Likeable?”

“No that’s too strong a word”

And Peter just smiled bc even though he won’t admit it, he knows that Damian doesn’t mind him.

Extras:

Never being allowed to go up to your room alone

one of your brothers are always watching.

Always.

The boys will literally freak out if Peter has even onE tiny bruise. They always think it’s a hicky.

“wHaTs wRonG witH yoU (Y/N)??”

“What did I do?”

“I can’t believe you, tainting Peter’s innocence like that”

“OH MY GOD JAY THE BRUISE IS ON HIS LEG HE FELL DOWN THE STAIRS”

At least one of your brothers third wheeling on dates

It’s mostly Dick

They’ll literally hold hands with you guys and sit at the table at restaurants

When you go to the cinema they all wanna sit next to Peter bc apparently you talk too much during movies

The boys waiting outside of school for flash when they find out he’s been bothering Peter

Everyone hanging out in the bat cave to talk about “manly things” when really they’re just gossiping about girls

You totally don’t try and spy on these

It totally doesn’t work rIP

Your brothers have a mental break down when you and Peter get into a fight

They act like you guys are divorced parents

Will do anything in their power to get you back together again

You probably already have tbh

You just like watching them freak out over you guys

Overall you all have a really good relationship

Peter is the first boy you’ve ever loved

And you’re really happy that your brothers like him. It means a lot.