The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.
David Foster Wallace
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nobody talks about the fact that you can have all this crazy shit in your head, and want to open up and talk about your feelings but no matter what, you just can't make out the right words and properly put your thoughts and emotions into words
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"i swear on my life" bitch you're suicidal swear on something else
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Source: Lesbians On The Loose (April 1995 • Issue 64 • Vol 6 No 4)
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life isn’t about evading hell.
life is about living beautifully despite it.
sulē cerdan
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Cody: *pinching the bridge of his nose* General, I /know/ you know how to use a blaster-
Obi-Wan: *guiltily* yes.
Cody: I have even seen you use them in practice with the men-
Obi-Wan: correct.
Cody: And yet. You threw it.
Obi-Wan: …yes.
Cody: …why did you throw it?
Obi-Wan: Well. You see-
Cody: oh god-
Obi-Wan: Palpatine was a Sith. He expected a lot of things from that fight. Maybe he expected to turn my sweet baby Anakin-
Cody: Ew-
Obi-Wan: -on us and use him, maybe he expected me to come at him with a saber, maybe he expected me to shoot him.
Cody: So you didn’t think he’d expect you to throw a blaster. You couldn’t have even chosen a granade?
Obi-Wan: Listen. He could have thrown one back at us. The force said throw the blaster and grab my sweet baby Padawan out of dodge and let Fox knife him. It worked!
Cody: Force give me patience so I don’t strangle my ven’riduur-
Obi-Wan: *perks up* So we’re still engaged?
Cody: You aren’t getting rid of me that fast, dikut.
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ghost : why don't emo kids like high fives?
soap : why?
ghost : 'cause they're always left hanging.
soap : nice.
soap : I made a website for orphans. it doesn't have a home page.
ghost : haha.
ghost : why'd my dad go to jail?
soap : why?
ghost : beats me.
soap : simon --
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I don’t know how to do this anymore. I don’t know how to get better. My head is a dark place and it only gets worse, day by day. and I have no idea how to stop the darkness from coming in. I have no idea how to save myself anymore.
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