#emotional abuse help

[selfhealingmoments]

[buggachat]

(random s5 finale musings) tbh I don't think Marinette chose to keep The Secrets™ from Adrien because Gabriel asked her to. I feel like Marinette keeping secrets like that is so consistent with her character; she hates giving people bad news, she hates rocking the boat, she hates upsetting people, she always chooses to keep any 'controversial' information to herself for as long as she can get away with (examples: bubbler scarf, telling Queen Bee she was benched, confessing to Adrien, warning Chat Noir about Scarabella or Rena Furtive, never told Chat Noir about Chat Blanc, etc) that I just totally believe she would've done it either way. She was even already having nightmares about Adrien hating her for finding out she defeated his father, so I feel like Gabriel's request was moreso giving her a go-ahead than it was a primary deciding factor, yknow?

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Nobody is “too young” to be cynical or jaded or hate their life. There is no appropriate age for that. If someone is experiencing that at any age, their mental health is at risk. Doesn’t matter how young they are, or how easy their life seems. Just because existential dread didn’t hit you until later in life, doesn’t mean everyone else gets to be so lucky.

“You think life sucks now? Just wait until you’re grown” okay grandpa what if they don’t make it to adulthood? What if it gets worse until they only see one way out and they take it? Stop being dismissive. Stop forcing your problems onto young people and start taking them seriously about things. Period.

(Inspired by this post)

[proudfreakmetarusonniku]

but also like. guys you don’t need to leave the minecraft youtube community bc one person is bad to clarify. like. shelby is a minecraft youtuber. a lot of her friends are minecraft youtubers. those friends are supportive and as far as we know all believe her. the vast majority of minecraft youtubers are like. fine. this shit is something that Happens because Abusers are Manipulative, going to another hobby will Not shield you from anything and you’re not immoral for liking something bad people also liked. which is. one of the biggest video games ever. like in this situation no one was knowingly harbouring an abuser and it seems everyone was supportive. this is just a case of some people being shit, not anything to do with mcyt. hell, the guy hasn’t been on minecraft in like a year lmao.

i fully understand why the content might be uncomfortable to you guys now but like, please don’t self flagellate and cut yourself off from an entire genre of media because of one guy again. i saw that happen after the dream stuff and a lot of people ended up losing important things because they made rash decisions and felt like they Had to leave. but please. take one deep fucking breath. this has happened before. this has happened so much before, and in ways far worse than this. because abusers, unfortunately, exist. you should not feel guilty for being manipulated by a manipulative abuser, don’t blame yourself. do what you have to, but please, please keep in mind that the majority of minecraft youtube is fine. it is fine to continue engaging with it. it’s fine to be manipulated by an abuser and it’s not your fault. please don’t make rash decisions and end up losing things you care deeply about and being unable to get them back. distance yourself all you want, but please be careful to not do so out of emotional self harm from the guilt. that’s something this fandom encourages far too much- even outside of this- and it’s unhealthy and anyone expecting it of you is cruel.

[family-trauma]

Sadly I can check off alot of items from this list. Time and self education are the only things that will help reclaim life back once you lose yourself with emotional abuse.

[loveyourlovelysoul]

It may be that if you had always been rejected by those you liked or you got to do things you really didn't feel like in order to not being left out (but still ended up alone), you may now fear being yourself and being seen for real. You may have learned from that experience that no matter what, there's something wrong in you and you may have (even unconsciously) tried to hide from others in any way you could. Maybe you also started to unconsciously either search for more people that would possibly reject you for various reasons (so that if one day you found one and they didn't reject you, you could feel enough) or you started to like people secretly, or people that are "unreachable" to you and you don't have to deal with in your everyday life, so that they could not reject you.

But there's nothing wrong in you. It's just that we cannot be appreciated and accepted by everyone (or by all the people we'd like to), and that some relationships are not the ones for us. Plus, there may also be a problem of having different outlooks and ideas coming in between, or issues that are not compatible among each others. Whatever may be the reason, it won't always be like that. Don't be afraid of being yourself, of sticking to your values, of being seen for who you are and of receiving a no. It will hurt ofc, but it doesn't mean that you're not worthy or lovable in your entirety or by the whole world: you just didn't click with that person/people and that's okay. There are hundreds of others willing and waiting to click with you. Give yourself and them a chance.

[furiousgoldfish]

Asking for help when you're being abused, doesn't come naturally. It, in fact, feels counter-productive, dangerous, wrong, bad, shameful, mortifying, scary, burdensome (for the person you're asking), and sometimes the abused person can feel like they would rather keep to themselves forever, than reach out and say what is going on.

This is not accidental; abusers make it so on purpose. They spend a lot of effort convincing you that you're a burden on the entire world, that you're attention hungry and making things up to stir up drama, that you lie and remember things wrong, that you should be ashamed of what was done to you and how you made the abuser do it. Even if not spoken out loud, it is very clear that if you said anything to anyone, you would be punished, shamed, and put trough even worse abuse than what you're experiencing right now. That things would turn around to make you seem like you're the worse one in the situation and everyone would side with the abuser.

So reaching out for help, after a certain point, feels useless. Like you'd be only inconveniencing people around you, showing them how incapable you are, how helpless and pathetic and ashamed you feel, and nobody would be able to help you anyway. Abusers make it seem like they're above law and authority, the idea that just another person could do anything to stop them feels ridiculous. And there's a possibility outsiders will side with the abuser, making the situation infinitely worse for you, because they will tell the abuser and get you into worse trouble.

Not asking for help, and instead just surviving or maybe independently trying to get away, is not a sign of a fault, or a person not trying hard enough and not wanting help. It means the situation is so bad that involving another person might mean extra danger, and doesn't lead to resolving the situation.

When you think about it, what does your average person do to help someone in abuse? There's no easy steps to secure somebody's safety. A person might report it, which might end up just pissing the abuser off. The victim often has no other place to go, so now they're threatened with homelessness. Someone offering you a place to stay might work short-term, while also being dangerous, but victims need more than short-term solutions. They need permanent, foolproof and secure life plan to stay away from the abuser. They need resources that help them access safe places to indefinitely stay in, they need consistent income, and a community to keep them safe. This is not something that anyone can just offer, and even programs that offer some of this help, are temporary.

Sometimes we don't ask for help because we can tell that help is impossible, and sometimes, we're conditioned not to, we have gone trough torture for just thinking of telling someone what's going on. We still want the abuse to stop. We still need to get away. We're still doing our best to survive and escape, while also trying to not inconvenience anyone around us.

[that-ineffable-devil]

I think what I need most in season 2 of Dead Boy Detectives (because we stay optimistic in this house) is for somebody, just one person, to tell Charles that it's okay to be angry.

Tell him that anger itself is not a "bad" emotion. That feeling angry does not make him a "bad" person.

Tell him that anger is sometimes a necessary emotion. An emotion that motivates you to take action--to protect, to support, to right wrongs.

Because, of course he's angry. He has every right to be. He was dealt an absolute shit hand in life and an unjust and untimely death. I'm angry for him.

Tell him that it's what you do with that anger that makes the difference.

[didderd]

lil doodle dump of Nimh, my sona as a dust. (the bottom two doodles are before and after he's allowed comfort.)

they have some lore. not just your typical dust. long lore ramble under cut. (tw: murder. death. manipulation. abuse.)

i figured Gooper would take a lot to become like dust sans, and so they needed a more fucked up backstory.

so normal Gooper. who is from a Fell au. lost their parents at a young age. their parents were taken by the au's Gaster. as shapeshifters, they have a unique set of abilities, and Gaster found interest in that. and as the mad scientist that he is, took them to conduct experiments, hoping to use them for something. but they didn't survive the experiments.

in this timeline/au, some time after, Gooper was found and taken too. they survived the initial experiments, and after Gaster figured he couldn't do what he wanted/he already got that, he decided to continue to make use of them and make them a weapon, making them a royal guard's person.

Gaster made him keep a skeleton form for his neutral form. his excuse being that it's easier to explain to others that he's a relative. but really he just wanted that control over his shifting, and for his 'work' to resemble him. and even now that Nimh's not controlled by him, he has a hard time trying to shift to a different neutral form, out of fear of punishment.

instead of being scattered to the void/code, this Gaster became a fell G!Sans. i'm not sure how, since i don't know the lore behind G!Sans.. but. yeah. things only got worse for Nimh after that. and it might'v even been when G decided to turn him into a weapon.

they still have the glowing crystal necklace that Gooper wears, which i decided was infused with their parents' magic. but. G broke it. and it lost the magic. it doesn't glow anymore, and they don't wear it. but they keep it close. they also have a scrap of paper with their parents' names on it. ripped carefully from paper records of their parents' experiments. in case they forget.

so when the human came around, Nimh was put on the task of dealing with them. their memory of each reset slowly got better, from deja vu, to remembering everything. and as they started to remember every failure at killing them, and every painful death by the hands of the homicidal child, they started to lose it... more than they already had. G would'v already been feeding him LV, handing him monsters he has to kill to get stronger, and they started taking more outside of that till they were killing everyone. including G. once they realized that's an option and how to do it. which they found great satisfaction in every time. for all the things he put them through.

eventually, like dust sans, the human gives up, and Nimh is left in an empty underground.

but dw. he is eventually picked up by a goopy demigod and allowed a chance to heal. :3

[selfhealingmoments]

[whumpypepsigal]

Silent Night (2023): “Help me.”

[magicaldragons]

a PSA

"they still only see me as Anton, the ten year old boy who'll do anything for them"

you will never outgrow an oppressor/abusive person for as long as you are with them; it is impossible to be enough for them, because they will never care for you in any capacity other than how well you benefit them.

[family-trauma]

Do you think you do this to yourself?

I think I tend to do this occasionally when my family members gaslight or manipulate me into thinking I'm a horrible person for living normally. When individualism isn't recognized, codependency, enmeshment and close mindedness causes toxic behaviours from others (imo).

[loveyourlovelysoul]

Maybe you're used to renounce and accept crumbs, or to diminish/hide yourself so to not be seen in fear of judgement or causing overreactions, but it doesn't have to be like this forever.

You probably learned to do this in order to survive in your childhood, maybe cause you were (even unconsciously) taught you were too needy, too much, and probably you feared being abandoned or yelled at if you stood up for yourself and asked for a bit more, for what you really deserved. You couldn't receive it from the people you were asking to, as they weren't taught how to deal with emotions in an healthy way, and so you learned to get away with any little crumb you could get, and learned that that was the only thing you could aspire to receive in your whole life. But it's not so. You totally deserve much more. So please, try to give yourself the chance to ask for and receive a little bit more than that. Go slow, but do not stop yourself even if it looks really scary. Only people that aren't for you and that you don't deserve anymore in your life will leave.

Don't worry about asking for too much, you'll know when you reach that point. Just keep trying to reach a new healthier balance between giving and receiving in the meantime. Talk about your fears with friends or people you trust, let them help you and guide you through this too if you can. Listen to that little voice inside that tells you you deserve much more than what you've got and what you're still getting at this time. You can love and be loved in a different, better for you, way.

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is:

“You’ll get a crush someday!”

Five years later, seventeen years old, no crush and forced into a toxic relationship because your mom is toxic

I'm sorry that that has happened to you. To you, and anyone else in these situations:

You know yourself. Even if your current aromanticism is a phase, that doesn't mean people should be invalidating your current feelings and intentions. You deserve to be listened to and respected.

As much as is possible, establish boundaries in your relationships. I will always advocate that a boundary is not "Do not do this", a healthy boundary looks more like "If you do this, I will respond like this." For example, in toxic relationships, there is often an expectation that you will drop everything for the other. It may be useful to say "If I tell you I cannot hang out right now and you insist I should regardless, I will silence notifications from you for an hour." If they disrespect your boundary, enforce your reaction. If they tell you this is extreme, unreasonable, anything of that nature - remind yourself: I am respecting my time. Even if I would like to be hanging out, I cannot, and being pressured to find excuses or being shamed for circumstances I cannot change in this moment is unreasonable and harming me.

Things will get better, and that is a promise. I know at 17 I wanted to reach through the screen and strangle anyone that told me that - but seriously. My life at 23 isn't perfect at all - but I am in control of it. You will get there.

[justamessedupdisneyprincess]

I need help, my life is now a living hell. (TW suicide attempt mention)

I know this is gonna annoy a lot of you for bitching and whining again but as of late my life has been really hard. I had to sell my soul and my life to a demon against my will. There is a toxic parasite I want to cut ties with but can’t. I am talking about a toxic family member who has no respect for boundaries and loves to judge and be rude to everyone around her.

I just really need some help rn guys because at this rate it really feels like I can either endure and sacrifice my sanity for as long as she lives or I could only ever end it via suicide. I have tried to do it twice while she was down and my mother has to hide away medication so I don’t overdose and sharp things such as knives and scissors when her new favourite person ever, her karen on steroids sister is here.

To paint a picture there is a story about when I was a baby with my cousin and toxic aunt. My toxic aunt would use grandma ( her mother) as a slave whenever she came to visit her grandson. “Now that you’re here I want you to do EVERYTHING for him while I go and bitch and whine about coffee and ask to see managers (I’m not joking. She literally does that. Saw it multiple times when she stays with us.). Whilst my Mom would offer to do fun activities with her and us, like go to the beach, etc. Because of this she enjoyed our company more than my toxic aunt who threw a tantrum over it. “You love my sister’s daughters more than my son!”. She got so pissed that she moved out of our place during a vacation. Mother offered to have my cousin and grandma to play in the pool with me and my sister whilst she helped my toxic aunt pack. She EXPLODED over that! Why? Idk. She then stormed into the house screaming and it woke baby me up and I was sobbing. Dad got mad and told her to get out and we had nothing to do with her until grandma died.

She hasn’t changed at all. Very toxic, always complaining and saying horrible things behind our backs. I had multiple extreme meltdowns when she came. She stayed for four whole months last year. One summer, one spring, one for every season. She has this rule too where only she is allowed to talk, all she does to complain and she gets weirdly excited when someone else is struggling…she loves to happily talk about others misfortunes and then she finds no joy in going to the beach and going out for lunch. Instead she complains constantly and it ruins the whole day. Mother told me she says the most horrible things about me behind my back too…which gets her upset but she puts up with it because she is going through a divorce. We put up with her rude behaviour out of pity. I understand how hard getting divorced is but it shouldn’t excuse…whatever the fuck she is doing to us. Mother and I got into extreme arguments because of her as well and we rarely fight. My toxic aunt turns my parents against me. I’m freaking out because she is going to come down again.

Last time she claimed to be more respectful of our boundaries. “We don’t have to do something every day, I’m ok to hang out by myself every now and then.” Then she guilt trips us by saying “I don’t know why I bother coming down here if I’m going to be alone.” Over me wanting to spend ONE fucking weekend alone with my mom out of an ENTIRE month of her hovering around us and never shutting up. She also loves to interrupt. I would be in the middle of saying something and she cuts in as if I’m worth nothing! Then I can’t even say anything because she never shuts up ever! Then when I am blessed with a moment of talking (usually because mother says Izzy has something to say) I get nervous about saying something she will judge me for!

She belittles every trigger of mine too. Once I used to like this cafe and she has this huge obsession with their muffins. I don’t go there anymore though because some mean teenage girls work there now and they have been openly rude to me two times when I visited. So rude I ended up crying once. I didn’t want to go back (keep in mind I have been bullied a lot as well, I have a huge fear of mean girls) My aunt gave me this huge lecture about it and tried to force me to go in just so she can get her muffins. I felt completely shattered as she gave me a hard time over it. In the end mother figured out her angle and just dropped her off there whilst I waited in the car…for her to do that though about my own experiences and my triggers and not wanting to return to a cafe with rude service…it was just so insensitive.

She used to say rude things to me because of me displaying typical autistic traits like my weird eating habits and my special obsessions. Mother made her stop saying things to my face but she told me she just says judgemental things behind my back now and she gives me this god awful judgemental stare when we go out to eat…She also shows no respect for mental illnesses such as anxiety, saying it’s not real. She also once made fun of someone who committed suicide…which shows how she isn’t really a good person. She picks at Mom and gives her a hard time and openly judges her and says rude things to her and mother always bottles it and takes it out on me in the end because the one who HAD been rude to her is going through a divorce.

I never want to have to endure her abusive behaviour again but I’m completely powerless. I feel so hopeless. Idk what to do..