#i hate everything and want to die

[lizrd-breath]

Lady at the apartment leasing office has been dicking me around and making me jump through hoops for the last month, only to just now tell me im not eligible for the low income housing bc they dont actually base it off of my actual year-end income, they predict what my next year's income might be based on my current wage. I would apparently make $300 too much next year to qualify.

Great! Im glad the raise i just got a few months ago has been so helpful to my quality of life!

[pinkgelpen444]

[todostoast]

you ever just want to cut even if you don't really have a reason just because you miss the feeling of the cuts or am i losing it

[heart-bones]

crazy how I can pay for 1/3 of my passport, buy lunch 3 times, 50$ of groceries twice, it's been five days and I already don't have enough money to cover both the remainder of my passport for my friday appointment and the rest of the groceries I need, I can only choose one.

[cup-o-stars]

Originally I was gonna draw her in my favorite outfits she's worn, but with barely any digging I realized she consistently has the best looks- as well as the most- and it will take way too long to pick through them. So I just drew her.

[justfeelme]

I just want kill myself but i’m scared. I guess i’m just coward…

[cerealmonster15]

i want jamiazu + idikei to go on a double date so badly i think the vibes would be So Very Turbulent

[miquella-everywhere]

Genuine question but why don’t you like Radahn?

Radahn was one of my least favorite Demigods to begin with, second only to Godrick, but I didn't hate him per se; I was just highly indifferent. I mean his lore is super cool and all, stopping the stars and being a horse guy is neat, but he was never a thought in my mind. My disinterest in him is also partially thanks to his fans, mainly the weird dudebros if you know what I mean, along with the weird community vitriol surrounding the Malenia vs. Radahn fight. And the fact that I love Miquella thusly made me a member of team Malenia by default lol

So yeah, I could have cared less about Radahn.

But now with his inclusion in the DLC my apathy towards him evolved into annoyance and anger. He has no place in Miquella's story. There was nothing about him and Miquella in the base game. I dedicated the last two years of my life cataloguing the locations of every single Lily and Butterfly, every single item description, trace or hint of Miquella in the base game to sleuth together his story and what he could have been trying to achieve going to the Realm of Shadow, and there was absolutely nothing indicating something as ridiculous as a "romantic connection🤮" to Radahn, whereas the obvious Base Game connection for Miquella sending Malenia to kill him was the fact that Radahn held the fate of the stars and needed to die to set them free.

Miquella's base game lore heavily indicated that he was trying to revive Godwyns soul with the eclipse and, naturally, the eclipse is tied to the moon. And since the "moon" is responsible for the death of Godwyn that immediately puts a connection between Miquella and Ranni. And the fact that Ranni was entrusted the spirit summoning bell by Torrents former master, ie Miquella, and that she blatantly states that she is pleased to see that Torrent is doing well, means that there was potentially no bad blood between Miquella and Ranni despite Godwyns murder.

With this knowledge and the fact that they are both Empyreans, Ranni and Miquella had a stronger claim to a relationship with each other than Radahn ever did with Miquella. Same thing regarding Miquella and Godwyns relationship thanks to Golden Epitaph, the Eclipse, and the statue of them embracing in the Haligtree.

Radahn was never even a thought because there was no relationship between him and Miquella.

So with this, logically, I and many many people theorized that Miquella was going to the Realm of Shadow to revive Godwyn and since the stars were finally freed with Radahns death, Miquella's eclipse could finally come to fruition.

But no.

The real reason behind Miquella's motives is because he wanted to marry his brother.

The stupid bottom line is, forcefully having your favorite character shoved into a "relationship" with your least favorite character at the price of their lore, story, and characterization is a sure fire way to piss anyone off.

[rystiel]

he wanted to grow old with jack 😐😐😐😐 even if jack couldn’t grow old with him 😐😐😐😐😐😐

[shanastoryteller]

Happy Pride!!!! Living Blood or Lady Mo please!

a continuation of 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43

Xuanyu disrobes unashamedly, hesitating only at the last second with the sleeve covering her left arm.

Jiang Yanli laughs. “Bit late to be modest, I think.”

“Modesty is overrated,” she returns, which is something that Zixuan would say and A-Yao would think. She slips the rest of the robes off and steps into the steaming bath, letting out a deep sigh of satisfaction.

The changes her body has undergone are even more obvious without the thick layers of the robes obscuring her form. The extra weight seems to have settled in ideal places, not only thickening her waist and limbs but settling heavily along her hips and breasts, which hadn’t exactly been small to begin with.

She sits behind Xuanyu, filling a bowl with water and then pouring it over her hair to rinse it of blood and dirt that had been hidden by her dark hair. Acting as a bathing assistant is far below her station, but Xuanyu had sent all the servants away and she doesn’t mind, really. Xuanyu is her sister, likely the only one she’ll ever have considering A-Cheng’s track record with matchmakers, and she’s been worried about her. This gives them time to speak alone. “How has your marriage with Lan Wangji been? Has he been kind?”

Xuanyu pulls a face, which isn’t encouraging. “I guess. He mostly left me alone, and then we had a couple fights and he was a jerk, and now I think he’s trying to make up for being a jerk, but it’s a little – well, it’s nice that he’s making an effort. I suppose.”

Not as good as she’d hoped, but not as bad as she’d feared. “Sect Leader Lan seems fond of you.”

“Oh, Lan Xichen is great,” she says easily. Better than reaction to Lan Wangji, but still not what Jiang Yanli had been hoping for. Then her eyes light up. “Sizhui is wonderful! I’ll give Wangji one thing, he’s raised a good kid. He’s so sweet, and a great cultivator, and he’s always trying to help out everyone around him. I’m glad Jingyi’s always hanging around – without him, I think everyone would just take advantage of Sizhui’s good nature.”

Well, that’s something. Surely Lan Wangji can’t resist Xuanyu’s charms for long, not when she dotes on his son and gets along with his brother.

“What trouble did you get into on the road?” she asks, running her hand over the wound on Xuanyu’s shoulder. It looks nearly fully healed already and there’s another mostly healed wound on her hip, a thin slice on her left arm, and the shadow of various bruises that were likely much worse a couple hours ago. It’s of course a good thing that Xuanyu has a strong golden core, but Jiang Yanli can’t help a moment of wistfulness.

Her own core never lived up to her mother’s expectations, or her own. If she’d had a stronger core, she could have given A-Ling siblings. A child should have siblings. She would have had a calmer childhood without two little brothers underfoot, but a lonelier one too.

Xuanyu shrugs, lazily scrubbing herself down. “Looks like Xiao Xingchen picked up the girl, A-Qing, while he and Song Lan were separated and was trapped in this place that was basically a ghost town.” How could he be trapped by a place that had no people? “And I’d heard some rumors so when we ran into Song Lan I helped him find Xiao Xingchen, but there was a bit of a fight with someone who didn’t want him to leave. I just happened to get caught in the crossfire, so to speak.”

She’s stretching the truth to outright lying. Before Jiang Yanli can call her on it, her stomach growls.

“Didn’t get a chance to eat on the road?” she teases.

Xuanyu flushes, ducking briefly beneath the water to hide her flaming cheeks before resurfacing. “Things were a little hectic. It may have slipped my mind.”

How has she managed to put on weight while also forgetting to eat? Perhaps Lan Wangji deserves more credit.

“I think I have some candies in my room, if you want something before the banquet,” she offers. “I know the speeches take forever.”

Her eyes light up before dimming and she slumps in the bath. “Thanks, Yanli-jie, but I better not. Sizhui gave me some on the road and I usually love them but just putting it in my mouth almost made me sick. It was awful. And weird! They’re my favorite.”

Jiang Yanli blinks then gives Xuanyu’s significantly larger chest a considering look. It could be nothing. It’s probably nothing. She hasn’t even been married a year and it doesn’t sound as if she and Lan Wangji have been seeing eye to eye.

Then again, the same could have been said about her and Zixuan.

“Can I ask you something personal, Meimei?”

Xuanyu nods. “You can ask me anything, Yanli-jie.”

“Are you and Lan Wangji having sex?”

She turns bright red and ducks beneath the water for so long that Jiang Yanli is starting to get concerned before she resurfaces, still red faced. “Um. We did once. Well – I guess, technically, it was three times, but it was only one night.”

Well. Apparently Lan Wangji has stamina on and off the battlefield.

“One moment,” she says, briefly squeezing Xuanyu’s shoulder. “I’ll be right back.”

It takes one whispered conversation with the servant outside the hall and approximately ninety seconds before her personal healer is standing in front of her. Jiang Yanli ducks back inside to see Xuanyu out of the bath, in a thin bathing robe that’s clinging to her as she wrings her hair out. “I’d like my healer to take a look at you, Meimei.”

Xuanyu freezes, slowly standing straight with a wary look on her face. “That’s really not necessary. The wounds were just superficial and they’re basically healed already.”

“It’ll be quick,” she says, because if she’s right then she can’t let Xuanyu go down to the banquet without letting her know. “She’s very discreet – she’s been my personal healer since I was a child.”

“Jiang Xingyi?” Xuanyu asks, some of her tension draining away.

Jiang Yanli nods, trying to think of some reason that Xuanyu would know her healer’s name, or her reputation, but all the servants are terrible gossips and her health is a frequent topic of derision. “Just your wrist, okay? Your golden core has changed a lot. I just want her to take a look.”

She feels bad about lying, but Xuanyu had lied to her first.

Xuanyu relaxes even further. “Okay, Yanli-jie. If it’ll make you feel better.”

“Thank you,” she smiles, then opens the door to usher Jiang Xingyi in.

The old woman doesn’t smile, but Xuanyu grins back undeterred, and says, “Hi, Granny,” before paling and adding, “uh, um. Sorry.”

Jiang Yanli feels a familiar pang of grief go through her. A-Xian had referred to Jiang Xingyi as Granny, the only disciple both bold and beloved enough to get away with it.

Jiang Xingyi ignores her, instead reaching for her wrist and pressing her fingers against it. Xuanyu fidgets, shifting from one foot to the other, but says nothing as the moments stack on top of one another.

Finally, Jiang Xingyi drops her wrist and steps back. Her stern visage breaks, a smile stretching her mouth across her face. “Congratulations, Madame Lan.”

She knew it!

“Thanks,” Xuanyu answers before wrinkling her nose. “Um. For what?”

“You are expecting,” she answers. “At least a couple months along, I believe, although I’d have to do a more thorough examination to be sure.”

Jiang Yanli moves to embrace her, but Xuanyu’s face drops and she turns dangerously pale. “What? No. That’s not possible. I can’t be.”

“Three times,” Jiang Yanli reminds her, trying to goad Xuanyu into laughter.

But instead she just shakes her head. “No, no I can’t, I – this can’t be happening,” she whispers to herself, grabbing her own arms in a white knuckled grip. “It’s not. It’s impossible. I can’t be.”

She’s young, and this wasn’t a marriage of her own choosing, and it’s so new. Of course she’s surprised and nervous. Jiang Yanli touches her elbow, intending to say something soothing, but Xuanyu collapses into her arms, gripping her waist and hiding her tears in her shoulder.

“Xuanyu!” she says, hugging her back just as fiercely, her heart breaking for the younger girl’s anguish. “Meimei, it’s okay, I know this is scary, but it’s going to be fine.”

“It’s not,” she says, voice thick with tears, “A-jie, this is awful, this is – it can’t happen! It can’t, Wangji is going to be so mad, he’s going to hate me, and everything is ruined and awful, I can’t be – I can’t! I’m going to die!”

Jiang Yanli’s whole body goes cold and she grips Xuanyu even tighter against her. “You’re going to be fine,” she says, pushing her conviction into every syllable.

No matter what Jiang Yanli has to do, Xuanyu is going to be fine.

[todostoast]

when your life is falling apart but all you have the energy to do is slit your wrists and it makes you feel so weak

[haunted-xander]

Song of Oblivion

[casscainmainly]

The Feelings About Tim Drake Alignment Chart

Cass and Dick versions. Yes I do subscribe to oifaaa's Jason doesn't know Tim's name headcanon. Also, as usual, open to change!

[lunarharp]

scribbles... pre-relationship onsen trip

[lilaccatholic]

I am once again thinking about the reluctant ruler whose arc justly and correctly includes assuming the throne and taking responsibility for the people set before them

[mcsiggy]

if im honest, im trying very hard to not publicly be upset about how the internet censorship has ruined so much for me and every other adult creator's income out there where i feel like the moment i cant post nsfw on patreon, i feel like that's it for me. i don't have anything else outside of what i do now and i'm just, tired.