#incorrect quotes thor

[mesmerize-the-mayhem]

Kid Loki: MOM! There's a monster under my bed!

Kid Thor: Why do you hate me so much, brother!

[everwalldigan]

(Dick coming to collect Jason after he’s been “wrongfully” captured by the justice league while Batman is off world:)

Dick: Listen, Hood might be a criminal, but he’s one of Gotham’s. And he’s my brother.

JL: he killed 80 people in two days.

Dick: …he’s adopted?

Jason, glaring while bound to a chair: SO ARE YOU???

[hurtspideyparker]

If Civil War didn't end in divorce and everyone lived together Part 2

Read Part 1 here

Tony: Why is Underoos mopping the ceiling?

Sam: Told him since he's sticky that's his chore

Bucky: It's only fair he helps out around the house

Tony: Hm. Makes sense

-

Vision cooked dinner:

Peter: *pushing around food to make it look eaten*

Natasha: *surreptitiously spitting into napkin*

Steve: *taking small bites with tons of water*

Bucky: *just stares at full plate*

Tony: Well this is disgusting, I'm ordering pizza

-

Sam: C'mon man stop moping around, you gotta get yourself a girl

Bucky: Ok.

Sam: Ok? Okayyyyy! I know-

Bucky: Give me your phone

Sam: Oh you got a number in mind already hotshot? *hands phone over*

Bucky: *ring* Hi Sarah ;)

Sam: BOY-

-

Peter: Ned thought you would seperate your colours from your lights but he also thought you'd be homophobic so I don't pay him much mind cuz clearly I'm more of a superhero expert than him but he does have a 2% better average than me in history so like maybe you do hand wash your clothes and that's why I asked what underwear you wear because-

Steve: *listening intently with apprehension and alarm*

Natasha: I can't believe you found the one person on Earth who talks more nonsense than you

Tony: I know right, it's incredibly unnerving. I'm planning on adopting him

-

Peter: Mr. Stark I have to tell you something. I think Vision is a... *whispers* pervert

Tony: Um, why?

Peter: He keeps floating through my room without knocking! He saw me changing, he saw my nipples !

Tony: Well if anyone's a predator here it would be you. I mean showing your nipples to a 2 year old? Deplorable.

Peter:

Peter: Oh god, I'm the pervert...

-

Bucky: Y'know animosity isn't good between teammates. I think we should spend more time together

Sam: Am I being punked right now? Where's the camera

Bucky: I'm serious. I think it would be healthy for us to bond

Sam: Okay fine I'll bite... what did you have in mind

Bucky: Wanna go for a run?

Sam: *slams door in Bucky's face*

-

*staring at Bucky's sparkly clean metal arm*

Bucky: Dishwasher?

Peter: Dishwasher :)

(later that day)

Bucky: I've decided to let the child live

Peter: YoU wHaT?!

-

Thwip

Tony: Who took my coffee cup, It was right here

Thwip

Bruce: Um, has someone seen my book? I just had it

Thwip

Steve: I could've sworn I was holding a pen a moment ago

*giggling from the ceiling*

Tony: Young man I will take those webshooters away if you use them for shenanigans and rascality

Peter, muffled: Mr. Hawkeye told me to!

Clint: Oh so you're just gonna rat me out like that?

Peter: Sor- OOF

*falls out of ceiling vent*

-

Sam: You're in my spot

Bucky: There are no spots, it's a common area

Sam: Well that's my spot

Bucky: Did you buy the chair??

Sam: No, but everyone knows that's where I sit. Right Steve?

Steve: Oops I forgot something in my car, be right back *leaves*

Sam: Still my spot

Bucky: Still not

Sam: *sits on him*

Bucky: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL THE COUCHES ARE FREE-

Sam: IT'S MY SPOT YOU CAN'T TAKE A MAN'S FAVOURITE CHAIR-

BUCKY: YOU HAVE ISSUES GET OFF ME-

(one hour later)

Steve: Hey so turns out I don't have a car! Isn't that funn...

Sam & Bucky: *Squeezed awkwardly on the chair together*

Steve: I think I left something in my car

-

Steve: Leave the bedroom door open when you have Vision in there

Wanda: UGH you're so protective

Tony: Teenagers, am I right? Caught Pete reassembling my particle accelerator at midnight because he needed to neutralize a miniature nuclear bomb he nabbed off some guy he neglected to tell me was trying to kill him

Steve:

Steve: Wanda y'know what do whatever you want

Wanda: Really?

Steve: Yes just keep being normal. At least I can read about our issues in a parenting book

-

Thor: Ah, new warriors I see! Good to make all your acquaintance. But why are you so grumpy my friend?

Bucky: *glaring*

Peter: He's always like that. It's um, P- P- PMS? Wait -

Natasha: Yes it's PMS

Wanda: He's got it bad

Steve: *genuinely concerned* Bucky you didn't tell me something was wrong. What can I do to help?

Bucky:

Bucky: I like chocolate

-

Wanda: Welcome to the first annual girls night! This place reeks of men, so I thought we needed some women time

Pepper: Why is Vision here?

Wanda: I get sad when he's gone

Natasha: Why is Pietro here?

Pietro: Slay queens

Wanda: Moral support I think

Maria: Why is Peter here?

Wanda: He looked really upset when I said he wasn't included and I felt bad

Wanda: Anyways... yay girls! Who wants me to paint their nails?

Peter: ME ME ME

-

Steve: Pancakes or waffles?

Natasha: Pancakes

Steve: Good because I don't have a waffle maker

Natasha: Then why would you ask-

Steve: It's important for your voice to be heard, as team leader I value your opinion

*2 minutes later*

Steve: Good morning Clint, pancakes or waffles?

Clint: Waffles

Steve: Oh no.

-

Some of these were based on requests (ex. more Sam & Bucky, dad Steve w/ Wanda) so if you have certain dynamics you enjoy let me know !

[incorrectquotesmcu]

Steve, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe?

Thor: Yeah, sure.

[A few minutes later]

Thor: Here you go.

Steve:

Thor:

Tony: Why am I here?

[chaxan08]

Steve: I truly believe that water can solve all your problems.

Bruce: Weight loss? Drink water.

Tony: Clear skin? Drink water.

Natasha: Want to get rid of someone? Drown them.

Everyone:

[ironspidersblog]

Steve using 40s slang. that’s it that’s the post

Steve talking to natasha at a gala, while watching Tony walk around and dance with people: wow Tony really is a ducky shincracker while he talks to all the glitteratis

Natasha: A WHO TO THE WHAT?????????

Bruce , minding his business after making dinner:

Steve: what’s buzzin cousin? Holy mackerel This spaghetti is killer diller

Bruce, confused and maybe in tears:???????

Steve, making breakfast for everyone: hey Thor would you like a cup of joe? We also have some hen fruits in here if you’d like some, Clint

Thor: fruit of the hen??

Clint, wheezing:

[natashasdetka]

avengers groupchat

steve: *posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*

natasha: if i had a dollar for every pixel in this image, id have 15 cents

steve: if i had a dollar for every ounce of rage i felt in my body after i read this text, i would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you

tony, FRIDAY's auto-message: Actually, I did the math, Agent Romanoff. You would have $225, not $0.15.

wanda: what is going on?

clint: if I had a dollar i would buy a can of soda :)

thor: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice, clint?

clint: sorry, i only have a dollar

thor: oh, it's okay :(

tony, FRIDAY's auto-message: I just finished computing and Agent Romanoff would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent.

clint: if i had $22,500, i would buy a can of soda and an apply juice

thor: you can indeed buy most of the things you want with $22,500

tony: yeah and both of you want soda and apply juice

thor: apply juice to what?

clint: directly to your forehead, thor. you said you wanted an apply juice

natasha: great chat everyone

steve: i am out of this groupchat.

[super-marvel-dc]

Bucky, holding a rock: Y/N just gave this to me and said "I feel like you deserve the moon but all I can give you is a rock."

Thor: If you don't marry them, I will.

[romanoffshouse]

Y/N: I accidentally ate Thor's poptarts… How long do you think I have to live?

Natasha: Ten

Y/N: Ten what?

Natasha: Nine

[mcu-said-this]

tony: could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective?

bruce: *leans down*

steve: *kneels down*

thor: *sits on the floor*

tony: ...

tony: i hate all of you.

[saraakpotter]

avengers incorrect quote: flirting

avengers imprisoned Loki and are standing in front of him

Nat {to the others}: we have to wait till y\n gets here

Loki {overhearing}: y\n?

Clint: yes, obviously!

Steve: she is an avenger!

Loki: i know who she is

Bruce: she wanted to get some files from s.h.i.e.l.d she will be here any minuet

Loki: {nod}

Nat: oh by the way Loki.....dont flirt with her

Tony: yeah reindeer games, its kinda obvious you know? you being the enemy and stuff......

Loki: shut up, besides im not going to fli......

{y\n walks in}

Loki: im a god you mortals cant tell me what to do!

[tattycoram]

Fives: *being arrested* Echo: I've never met this man in my life, officer Fives: He's my brother Echo: Adopted Fox:

[makeyourstorygreat]

thor: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE! thor: aggressively throws water bottles steve: Uh… what's up with him? natasha: He's trying to yell mental health and wellbeing into us. thor: I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU! reader, crying: It's working.

[jiyascepter]

Y/n: *singing* 'Cause karma is my boyfriend...karma is a god...

Thor: *whispers to Loki* Why are you sharpening your dagger, brother?

Loki: I have to meet this new God Karma Y/n speaks of...*continues sharpening his dagger*

┈➤ MASTERLIST

[incorrectquotesmcu]

Steve, coming out of the closet: I don’t like… women.

Tony, mouth agape:

Thor: yoU ARE A MISOGYNIST?!

[chaxan08]

Tony: THE FLOOR IS LAVA!

T'Challa: *helps Shuri onto the counter*

Natasha and Yelena: *they help each other up onto the table*

Loki: *pushes Thor off the sofa*

Tony, to Steve: As you can see, there are three types of siblings.

Actually, I think Natasha and Yelena could perfectly be any of the three.