#the ace community is pretty bad at making ace people who have sex feel bad

[keekeenuggets]

People act like shipping Alastor with anyone is a crime when like. There are literally aroace people who date/have relationships/have sex/etc. It may not be the majority, but there's nothing wrong with it. So like, people can ship what they want, just chill lmfao

[martian-astro]

Solar return observations- Part 3

(the artist is @eb_hua on twitter)

Saturn in 10th is a frustrating placement (my mom had it last year and basically with this you feel financially helpless, you keep on trying and trying but nothing works, but the good thing is that 2-3 months before your next birthday, you're gonna hit the jackpot, so don't worry too much) (my sister also has it this year)

I have noticed that in every solar return chart that I've looked at, the chiron was in conjunction with the north node and it has happened way too many times for me to call it a coincidence. (do you have it as well, let me know) (according to my observations, the house that it's in represents the area where you'll experience pain but also by the end of the year, you're gonna be able to deal with the themes of that house in a better way, am I making sense??) just let me know if you have any questions about this placement, I think it's very common

The year in which you have a gemini AC, you will focus a lot on building your professional network, a lot of communication, short distance travel and improving your relationship with your siblings, if you have any. (my sister has it this year and her master's will end on 29th April, she has applied to many places for a job and she's also coming to visit me, I'M GOING TO MEET HER AFTER 5 FUCKING YEARS😁😁)

Mars in 12th indicates a low libido, a very exhausting year in general, if you also have sun in 1st then... It can be pretty bad (it's like you KNOW that you need to stop procrastinating, but you really can't help it, so you look calm on the outside but your brain is like AKDHSGHSKGSKJDJK)

Jupiter in 10th in aries is a REALLY GOOD placement. (you get the courage to go after what you want, especially in terms of career) and if Jupiter is Trine/sextile with saturn, then it's even better

Uranus in 5th can mean having flings with people that are not your usual type. (one of my friends came to Italy this year, and the first thing she did was hook up with an Italian guy 😭😭, she's Indian)

Aries in 2nd is an impulsive shopping placement (if you have it and you think you need something, you don't) (one of my friends had this last year and he bought a hat for €150...... Yeah. He has saturn in 2nd this year and he's finally facing the consequences of his actions)

I know that saturn in 8th is associated with difficulties in sex and intimacy but there's another side to it (a lot of my friends have had this, and they became really mature about sexual matters, like if they were previously very into the hook up culture then that year they were more cautious and had this "I'm going to have sex with the person who I genuinely like or love" mentality)

This is very shocking but I looked at the solar returns of all the married couples I know and the year in which they got married, NONE OF THEM had a 7th house stellium 💀💀. For men, I didn't notice a pattern, but for women, 90% of them had Venus positively aspecting saturn (mostly, Trine and sextile but 2 had a conjunction)

My favorite solar return placement has to be mercury conjunct Jupiter, if its happening in capricorn or virgo, then you're really precise and direct with your words, a very leader type aura for that year. If it's in libra, then good for flirting and talking to your crush, there's a high chance they'll fall for your charms. If it's in pisces, then it's your sign to start a cult.

(all pictures are taken from Pinterest)

© martian-astro All rights reserved, 2024

[the-batcomputer-project]

Batfamily (and other) Headcanons that will be canon in my DC timeline:

-Dick is Pansexual. Show me this man in romantic relationships with more than just woman. I also feel like he has potential to be a sex positive icon which I feel is important. Sex portrayed as something that can be fun and casual, not explicitly reserved for romantic partners and situations.

(edited to rephrase and remove offensive language towards the pan community)

-Jason is Asexual. Get some ace representation but also give him some healthy romantic relationships where sex is not the center or a necessity. (I’m partial to Jason/Roy but to each their own)

-Jon Kent is dyslexic. Insert Percy Jackson reference about his brain being wired for kryptonian, but no, the dyslexia comes from Lois.

-Jason was absolutely theater kid before his death who managed to get the lead role almost every time, and somehow maintained a healthy schedule of theater rehearsals, good grades, and patrols.

-building off of the last one, Jason is Bruce’s favorite allowing him to get away with pretty much anything, but no one notices this because Jason is convinced Bruce hates him, and everyone else (understandably) believes Cass is the favorite.

-Cass took up gardening after watching Alfred tend to the rose bushes out front, and is now responsible for the very impressive garden on the Wayne Estate. She loves being to create and nurture life instead of kill, like the was born and raised to. Jason also taught her the language of flowers and she has little flowerbeds for each member of the family. Only Jason knows what they mean (also Alfred but he knows everything)

-Tim isn’t a caffeine addict, but he does have severe insomnia and ADHD. Because of that, caffeine typically has the opposite effect on him, hence why he always seems to be drinking a cup. Either for the placebo effect to stay up and finish a case, or to make him tired enough to fall asleep.

-Damian struggles to connect with people and express gratitude, appreciation, and love. He asked Cass about her garden one day and very intently sat and listened while she taught him about the language of flowers. Each family member woke up the next morning to a drawing of a bouquet of flowers pinned to the door with a knife (Jason has his framed in a safehouse he is fairly sure none of his family knows about)

-The batcave has a secret vault of “bad ideas” which was started by Dick as a child with the original Robin suit Bruce designed (it had pants) along with videos of Dick wearing said costume and falling off of gymnastics bars. (Think of the video explaining why strippers don’t wear clothes with the person falling off the pole over and over)

-Bruce is autistic. He gives off tism vibes (you’re trying to tell me that a man who dresses up as a bat and fights crime as a trauma response to watching his parents be murdered in front of him is neurotypical?) and I also want to see more a positive autism representation in main characters in media.

-Dick’s use of made up words such as “aster” and “whelmed” come from the fact that he spoke very little English when he was first adopted by Bruce, and decided that using obviously made up words made his slip ups less noticeable, or people would assume he did it on purpose. Even after he mastered English, he continued using his made up words because they just made sense (the batcomputer and jl database have a hidden file called the “DICKtionary” unlinking all his words and their meanings)

-Jason can’t drive. He died when he was 15 (you have to be 16 in Jersey to get your permit), was revived in Nanda Parbat so there was no need to drive, and was too embarrassed to mention it by the time he returned to Gotham and the Batfamily. This is his deepest, darkest, secret.

-As a child, Dick was convinced Batman was a vampire (and still isn’t entirely convinced otherwise)

-Tim collects little trinkets. Dick noticed this early on, and made sure to get a little souvenir trinket for Tim every time he went on a trip. Bruce noticed and started doing the same thing, and so did his friends after a while. Tim proudly displays his collection, because to him, each trinket is a reminder that people are thinking about him and care about him. (Most of his possessions in Drake Manor were necessities like clothes, or things he had bought for himself. Barely anything was a gift)

-Jason has OCPD, and needs things to be an exact certain way, and struggles when they aren’t. It’s one of the biggest reasons why he is often so frustrated with Bruce, who tends to do things in a different, certain way.

-Cass is actually the most neurotypical in the family, though because she has learned how to be a person through observing, she has picked up on many neurodivergent traits, specifically stimming.

-Steph’s aesthetic is retro pastel pop, mixed with maximalism. She loves bright colors and loud designs (though purple is still her favorite by far)

-Alfred keeps guns stashed all over the house in case of emergencies. Bruce hates this and has tried to remove them, but has given up as he can never seem to find them all. Alfred also brought up the good point of “I am not a vigilante like you, Master Bruce, and I am not quite as young as I used to be. If there is ever an invasion of the manor, I would quite enjoy the security of being able to protect myself.”

-There is a list of who is banned from the kitchen. Bruce is at the top of the list, Tim isn’t allowed to make anything more complex than instant food, Cass and Damian aren’t very good, but at least make an effort to learn so are therefore allowed with supervision. Dick has a partial ban. He is an absolute disaster in the kitchen, except for soups, and sarma (his mother’s recipe was one of the few things he brought with him from the circus and was obsessed with perfecting it as a kid, leading it to be one of the only things he can actually make) Steph isn’t allowed to cook, but she is a proficient baker. Duke isn’t a horrible cook, but mainly avoids the kitchen, preferring to stay out of Alfred’s way. Jason is the only batfamily member who is not banned from the kitchen under any circumstances. He has a tendency to stress cook, and likes trying new fancy recipes, because on the streets he only ate what he could find. This gives him a sense of control.

-Superman wasn’t a great dad to Connor at first, opting to send him to the farm to stay with Ma and Pa, but after a stern talking to from Bruce, came around started making an effort. Connor is an excellent big brother to Jon.

[inksword]

One thing I wish all communities of Worm (reddit, tumblr, the forum who must not be named, etc.) would do a bit more frequently is acknowledge Lisa's asexuality. Like, okay you can still ship her with all your favorite ladies but she could be ace about it ya know? This isn't even WoG aceness it's in the actual text of Ward from her own mouth. It's not totally unexpected just sort of a bummer that an extremely rare asexual character in a piece of media that I like gets almost uniformly cast as a lesbian without a nod to her canon sexuality.

She could still date girls! I personally think she's aro not just ace but since that wasn't explicitly mentioned she could still date girls within her canon characterization!

And before anyone throws a "Wildbow totally wrote her bi/lesbian he just doesn't know it, disregard canon statements of sexuality" like they do with Taylor:

Asexual people can have incredibly close friendships

Asexuals can make sex jokes or observations, sometimes certain jokes seem even more absurd or silly to us because we're asexual!

Asexuals can be hyper aware of how they are perceived in terms of affection

You know if Wildbow had confirmed her canon lesbianism in Ward people would cite that shit and not brush it off "because it's Ward and bad and I haven't read it" (okay some straight-dude spacebattles fanfic writers would ignore it but I don't think that's who I'm talking to here.)

IDK if I can remember every argument that people use to justify headcanoning her as lesbian but please please please just believe her own words and her own reflections on her life and feelings. Yes it's a Watsonian argument but I don't think there's a good Doylist reason to doubt her about it either.

I am not here to take away your ships just... venting a little I guess haha. Yes yes I know that technically every shippy drawing of her could technically be her being ace but when that's every shippy drawing with no acknowledgement it doesn't hit ya know? Like getting bi representation and seeing a character 99% shipped with one gender. I seriously don't want to dampen anyone's enjoyment of Tattletale or say you can't relate to her if you're not ace however!

Ughhh I totally feel like a wet blanket complaining considering I pretty much only contribute a drawing every four years to the fandom. I'll admit I don't voraciously read worm-fic so I may be totally off base and she gets acknowledged all the time in places I don't see. I guess anyone got any good explicitly ace Tattletale fics haha?

[kittycathat]

LGBTQIABCDEFJ is not real just stop. It's made up acronym that is rarely used outside of tumblr. Queer is not an identity its just an adjective. most intersex people explicitly state they do not consider themselves lgbt. Most lgbt people do not want to associate with aro and aces. And most lgbt in the real world living normal lives and not chronically online have little to no contact or knowledge of asexuals we literally dont care. Ur existence is so insignificant offline and if we ever met a self proclaimed aroace het cis man we would probably make sure we never had to associate with him again. Ur not gay just give it up and go live a normal life. Ur a single cis person. U either dont have the emotional capacity to love someone or u are sex repulsed and dont want to have a relationship with someone either way thats just normal and there are plenty of people like that we dont really care if u want to be alone all ur life just leave actual struggling gay people alone and shutup about ur stupid discourse no one cares except urselves.

That is true, the acronym is actually LGBTQIA (with variations,) not LGBTQIABCDEFJ. /sarc

but anyways hi anon! Theres a lot to unpack here

about "lgbtqia is rarely used outside of tumblr": that's the problem, bc we want it to be

about "its not an identity just an adjective": not quite sure what you're on, bc it literally is

about intersex people: this goes against what you just said, and supports that "queer" is an identity even more?? because these intersex people are choosing whether they identify as queer or not

about lgbtqia people not wanting to associate aro or ace people: bro if these are people you actually know irl, please find new friends. Find friends who actually support normal who are living their lives, just without romantic and/or sexual attraction.

about me being chronically online: anon.... i dont think you can talk after you typed out this whole thing as an attempt to make me feel bad... but ok. (also not very related but anonymous hate is a very very pathetic thing to do)

about asexuality being not well known: Also not sure what rock you live under but asexuality is pretty well known??? like the average person (at least where i live) will most likely know what it is.

about cishet aroace men: .. ok but why would i not want to associate with him? plus everyone lgbtqia is "self proclaimed" so idk bro

about not having "emotional capacity": bro what the hell do you want me to do,, i've literally never felt romantic attraction in my life

about "there are plenty of people like that": People might not want to be in romantic relationships for a number of reasons, but if it's because they don't feel romantic attraction... then they're aro-spec. Thank you for supporting the aro community by saying it's normal <333

about "we dont really care if u want to be alone all ur life": bro its the internet if you don't like what i'm talking about just SCROLL

about leaving "actual struggling gay people" alone: .. when did i do anything against gay people? Plus if you're trying to stop hate... why did you anonymously send a literal hate essay to me

about "ur not gay just live a normal life": omg you got something right!! i'm actually not gay!! (so proud of you <3) Also i do live a normal life, i am so basic you can't even imagine

about no one caring: well you see.. thats the problem. that's part of why i post about aromanticism, because i want people to be actually supportive

anyways! tysm for reading all that. please be civil in comments, and be kind to everyone guys <3

[killshopdeluxe]

purity culture thoughts (some gripes) (light cw for mentions of sexual assault)

Once again prefacing with the “these are just my own personal thoughts I wanted to share on my personal blog; I’m not arguing with anyone or trying to drop a hot take” disclaimer LOL

But purity culture discourse has reached such unhinged levels where I keep seeing people fail to realise that “censorship and punishment of expression, even sexual or transgressive expression, can toe the line into fascism” and “exposing nonconsenting parties to overt sex acts in public is rude” are statements that can and should coexist 😭  Like there should be proper times and places for things, the problem is some people want those times and places to cease to exist…

I saw this post earlier and agree with OP and the QRT like.  Making a joke about feeling personally uncomfortable seeing people heavy petting on a public train is not a ‘slippery slope’ to wanting to criminalise having sex?!  And there was that one batshit post on this site going around where OP was asking why public sex was wrong and genuinely thought “exposing unconsenting parties, who could even be children, to sex, is violating” was a bad argument…  Like guys, willfully exposing children to sexual material can constitute CSA…

IDK I have strong feelings about this cuz of my own experiences growing up—adults/seniors showed me things I shouldn’t have seen and then convinced me it was normal and aspirational and I should ‘explore’ my sexuality more and if I wasn’t I was a prude/enforcing gatekeeping (a mentality that lead me to getting raped + forcing myself to engage with harmful situations + being too open about personal info online as a teen =__=).  

By all means, sex and sexual expression/exploration should be normalised, but I feel like some people have a mindset that this means like…  Making every space a sexual one, insisting that people who are uncomfortable or don’t want to engage with sex are repressed prudes who are part of the problem…  When in reality it just means education should be readily available, people should have spaces where they can explore and be themselves, and sex/sexuality shouldn’t be punished for merely existing.

And that last point I feel like should include everyone’s various relationships with sex and sexuality?  The focus should be on preventing harm, so as long as no one is harming others, they should be able to explore how they’d like—and BOTH policing who people love or what they wear or what they like to create or where they like to spend their time AND exposing unconsenting parties to lewd acts or insisting their discomfort (a feeling, not an action) is wrong are harmful.  These things can coexist!

Sometimes I feel like the prude-shaming mentality can be harmful to people who are on the ace spectrum, sex-repulsed, have sex trauma, or just like.  Have more reserved/modest proclivities (could be inherent or could be cultural, and in the latter case, criticism can be racist).  A disinterest or discomfort with sex and desire to personally steer clear of exposure is not inherently a desire to police anyone.  Actions > Feelings.

I feel like this much be such a terminally online people problem though since I know IRL—at least where I live aha—in the RACK/BDSM community for example, there’s knowledge on kink ≠ sex, but consent and clear boundaries are paramount in both.  It’s pretty understood that doing any sort of play in a public setting where onlookers haven’t consented to be in the scene is not good…  (Though, thinking about it, there is starting to be overlap…  Which I’ve seen firsthand cause problems cuz terminally online people will try and police members of the community, often older and more educated ones OTL)

Anyway this got long and winding and rambly, but just as someone who is actually into kink/BDSM in real life (and exploring transgressive/taboo erotic works in fiction), BUT is also aspec and traumagenic sex-repulsed, the discourse often makes me like

THINGS HAVE NUANCE AND NOT EVERYTHING IS BLACK AND WHITE

(Closing disclaimer I’m just sharing my personal thoughts and not trying to argue with anyone or drop a hot take, but I’d be curious to hear other people’s POVs if they want to share!)

[asexual-society]

Hii hope you have a wonderful day today! -I wanted to ask something to make sure im not being mean but- is it possible for an Ace person to be Aphobic? Im in a fandom where there used to be a Ace character- he said he was- thing is, the show never said he was SexRepulsed- but fans took his lack of interest as such. believed he was in fact SexRepulsed. -that character is gone- now, there is yet another character (think, a reboot of the old one) believed to be Ace but this time, he seems to be ok with touch an even seems very friendly ~ with only one character. my ask is, if some people view this second version, as still Ace. but sex favorable, is that aphobic? is maybe having another view on this chracter that is questioning himself, a bad thing? because this is said a lot, that ppl is being aphobic for "refusing to accept he is sex repulsed" or "using the fact he is questioning himself to ship him" (mind you-most shipart is literally hand holding and being buddies) hope Im making sense- im so lost and I trust your blog to help me (because im also scared to be harrased for asking this inside that fandom)

Hey! (We got your other ask, I got half way through answering it and then forgot, so I will get to that soon I promise) Good to hear from you again :) I ended up going a little off topic here, but I hope I managed to fully answer this (if not, just send another one). Also get ready for some parentheses.

In answer to the first part of your question, yes ace people can be aphobic (many ace people can be arophobic, but also acephobic, both to people who share their own identity and others who have a different identity under the ace umbrella).

This is a pretty interesting question actually, because there is acephobia at play in the situation you're describing, but not necessarily in the way those people mean. It is NOT acephobic to have a sex favourable ace character, that's fine, because there are sex favourable aces out there and they're just as much a part of our community as those who are indifferent, averse, repulsed, or some sort of mixture. Sex favourable aces have just a much right to see themselves represented as sex averse aces, but unfortunately, there is so little asexual representation that it can feel like if one flavour of ace people are represented, that that representation has been taken away from aces of other flavours.

It's totally understandable to feel that way, but that doesn't mean those feelings are actually justified? And people get pretty negative reactions for complaining about any lack of rep, which can lead to bad feelings all round and just creates even more of a divide between us. We have to understand that our individual experiences not being represented is NOT the fault of other ace people. It's not fair to want one group to miss out on representation, just so another can get theirs. Additionally, it can be important for people who are questioning or struggling with their identity to work through that in their art, and explorations of things like touch aversion and touch starvation can be very nuanced because one person can experience both to very high degrees, and they each can even compound the other. And, a sex favourable asexual person will not feel the same way about sex as an allosexual person, and that is an equally nuanced and interesting (and fun) thing to be able to explore.

I don't know what media this ask is about, so I can't comment on specifics, but I can admit, I've been frustrated by this sort of thing in the past; it can be really hard to shake an instinct to push back when you feel like you're being treated unfairly, but sometimes we do have to step back and understand that everyone in our community feels the same way, we just want to see ourselves and to feel seen by others. As a person who is both aro and ace, and doesn't want to have sex or be in a romantic relationship, I don't feel represented by characters who are alloace in the way an alloace person does, or sex/romance favourable aroace characters in the way sex favourable aroace people do, but they probably feel that same way when they see aro characters or sex averse characters. It does really suck when people outside of the community ignore and erase the identities of aspec characters because they don't feel our experiences are interesting or valuable enough to represent and explore, but that isn't what's happening on an intracommunity level (as in, within the ace community).

The recent discourse about shipping aroace characters has sort of been getting me down, because it's a complex topic and rather than being a black-or-white, two sides thing, there are people with good and bad takes (mostly bad, let's be real) coming from so many different directions, there is so much nuance it would take me much more than one little answer to cover (and let me tell you, if I were to try, it would not be on this blog!). I might have said this before, but I tend to avoid fandoms of media with canon aroace characters for the most part for this exact reason, and within the community we are SO far ahead of where the rest of the world (and even the rest of the queer community) sees aspec people, I genuinely believe (call it cynical if you like) that this will continue to be a problem for several more years. And like, you can just block people and move on with your life, your fandom experience will be so much more enjoyable if you block people who say shit you think sucks, aphobic or not. Everyone should do this.

I think this is probably long enough now, and I've definitely missed something important, but I hope it helped.

~ mod key

[wherefore-whinnies]

tl;dr if you say things like "there's no heterosexual/platonic explanation for this" or "historians will say they were roommates" or think a character not wanting romance/friendship is a thing to be fixed or think that actions are inherently romantic without considering the intent behind them or insist that ace attorney is ~the gay lawyer game~ or a whole variety of other aphobic behaviour that's been normalized in fandom please either unfollow me or commit to learning about aspec people and amatonormativity and changing your behaviour.

I've had people tell me stuff like "I'm sure most people in your fandoms are nice, decent people! if you just tell them about the things they do that are harmful I'm sure they will listen and try to change!" and "if you just sit there and feel bad about it nothing will ever change! not with that attitude!" about amatonormativity in fandom and like okay would you like to take on that responsibility then? would you like to try to educate people on how the basic way they engage with fandom is blatantly erasing a whole group of queer people? would you like to be the person telling a bunch of people who think the way they engage with fandom is so progressive and good that actually it's really not? would you like to bring up the word aphobia in regards to the things they post and bring to mind completely relevant parallels with things like homophobia and transphobia that they think they're above?

aro people get dogpiled and subjected to hate and mistreatment online just for saying they'd like to see more platonic friendships in media. ace people get dogpiled and subjected to hate and mistreatment online just for saying they don't like how unnecessary sex scenes have become a thing to be shoved so commonly into media. people will start screaming "homophobia!" and "purity culture!" and making up all these strawmen to argue against so that they can feel superior to and condescend to and make fun of aspecs. any mention of kink at pride invariably devolves into rampant and blatant acephobia from a website that insists acephobia is a thing of its past and they're so much better now. and it's not just random internet strangers. it gets put on my dash by people who are supposed to be my friends. so again. would you like to be the one to so nicely and politely explain to people and ask that aspecs pretty please be recognized as a portion of the queer community that matters and is worthy of respect?

at this point people know that aspec people exist and they continue to do this anyway. they'll claim to care about aspec people and insist that this is true until it comes to them actually having to change their behaviour. people don't want to accept that things they are doing are wrong and harmful. that's just how people are. allo (and even some aro, somehow) queers think they are engaging with fandom in such a progressive and morally pure way and do you really want to be the one to tell them that they're not?

I have had friends who have known perfectly well that I hate romance, have seen this on numerous, numerous occassions, and have still expected me to be thrilled about a particular romance because it was gay. (somehow people do not seem to realize that they are literally saying gay romance is not real romance when they do this. and yet I'm the homophobe.) it's really not a simple matter of just "explaining to people". not to mention that having to try to educate people on all this is fucking exhausting. aside from the actual figuring out what to say and how to say it and writing it all down you have to worry about the person not understanding anyway, or just brushing it all aside with cries of "homophobia!".

so you know, maybe consider taking some of that on instead of piling it all on my shoulders when I'm the one who will be most harmed by the outcome!

and please don't take this to mean that I want all of fandom to be all about friendships either. I may be alloplatonic but I am shaking hands with all my aplatonic comrades who are even more neglected in this sense than aros are. and in general, I would like to do what I can to speak out for you knowing that I am somewhat shielded from the outcome by virtue of being alloplatonic.

I've lost the thread of what I was ranting about at this point but no one's read this far anyway so 😇 anyway, if you do any of the stuff I wrote in the tl;dr and haven't unfollowed me yet and read this far instead (thank you!), please please please consider educating yourself on amatonormativity and how those kinds of comments are actually erasing an entire class of relationships had especially by, but not exclusively by, aspec people. please don't just dismiss this with the kneejerk reaction of "homophobia!!!". aspec people are queer people too and don't deserve to be erased for the purpose of propping other queer communities up. there are respectful ways to engage with fandom and shipping without doing this.

anyway i got a bunch of new followers and wanted to make sure to scare the aphobic ones away sooner rather than later :)

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi sex witch, i realise that this is not an actual sex ed related question and I hope this isn't overstepping any bounds.

I'm sort of in a weird spot right now a la my sexuality and am trying to figure out if I actually want a relationship and if what I feel is romantic attraction or Friendship levelled up. I've known for a long time that I'm Demisexual or Ace, and I thought I knew that I still felt romantic attraction but now I'm less sure.

How did you come to realise that you were aromantic? In that discovery did you ever wonder if it was a sort of 'mental block' or something similar that would be better off working through? (I ask because I'm sort of stuck in that state of mind right now, and I'm just curious to see if it's a common experience or not)

I realise that this is a fairly sensitive topic, and I really don't mean offense by asking.

I also realise that no two people's experiences will be the same but I was interested in hearing about it from another person's perspective.

I hope you have a great day whether or not you give this ask the time of day.

I've asked you other things in the past and it's always been brilliantly helpful. Thanks a lot for everything you do.

hi anon,

no worries about overstepping boundaries :) this is a pretty reasonable thing to ask of someone, and I'm happy to talk about it!

there's a funny story that I tell about the moment I probably should have known, but didn't yet have the language. in sixth grade my class had an assignment that involved making a collage timeline of the rest of our lives (a proto-vision board of sorts) and I think I was the only kid in the class who didn't put getting married on my timeline. everyone else did, as far as I can remember, and most of them also included having kids. being a pedantic little fuck I pointed out to several of my friends that it was really unreasonable to assume they would find someone they liked enough to marry who liked them back, to which everyone told me (paraphrasing) to shut the fuck up and stop being a little bastard.

but it still seemed very strange to me, because even when I was very young - back when I barely had the language to conceptualize being gay, let alone aromantic - I never imagined my life with a romantic partner. romantic pairings were interesting in stories, sure, I ate that shit up from a very young age! the star-crossed lovers shit going on in American Dragon: Jake Long did a number on my developing brain, and my Barbies and Littlest Pet Shops got up to INSANE relationship drama, but for myself it never really felt, like, relevant? not unpleasant, just uninteresting.

but I still had crushes on people as I grew up, and more importantly I had crushes on people of various genders, so during my teen years I was WAY more preoccupied with repressing my burgeoning bisexuality than drawing any conclusions about my romantic orientation

spoilers: the bisexuality won.

in college I had a friend who identified as asexual at the time, who spent maybe a year trying to convince me that I was aromantic. and I didn't want to hear it! I don't know why, honestly; maybe some part of me, despite loving the community I had found coming into my queerness, was still subconsciously afraid of being too different and grappling with the consequences.

so instead I did this uuuuh real dirtbag thing where instead of just acknowledging to myself that I was pretty fundamentally uninterested in romantic relationships and that that's fine, I spent the first half of college leaning hard on self-deprecation to explain my single status. oh, me? why aren't I dating? well, I'd probably be a really bad partner. yeah, I suck. I mean, I'm so busy all the time! and I'm weird.

(at the time I know I definitely had friends who assumed I was Like That because my parents were divorced, which is hilarious old-fashioned and also categorically untrue. I was Like This way before my parents got divorced!)

it actually took a relationship ending pretty badly to make peace with the idea that maybe I didn't want a relationship at all. I won't get into the details on that, because it involves another person and we were both very young and accidentally hurt each other a lot in ways we didn't mean and I don't think anyone was the villain, but I don't want it to come across like I had one bad breakup and then swore off romance, a thing I'd previously been interested in, forever. it was more like I found myself in a really heightened situation - they really desperately needed a good and attentive romantic partner after getting out of a bad relationship, I wanted our friendship to stay exactly the same but with a sexual component - that made very, very obvious what I was actually looking for in non-platonic relationships. which was, I guess, actually pretty platonic relationships, but with genitals involved.

haha just kidding, I actually didn't get that part through my skull until I spent an entire summer crying constantly, dissociating frequently, and spending way too much time on BAD dates having even worse sex that made me feel gross! but we got there eventually.

that part probably isn't super relatable to you if you're somewhere in the ace realm, sorry about that.

anyway, once the dust settled and I felt halfway human again I was feeling vulnerable and open to change - finally willing to see myself in a new way and reckon with parts of myself that I hadn't been before. I remembered what my buddy had always said about me seeming Really Aromantic, and I let it settle on me. how would I feel, if I actually was aromantic? how would it change my life, how I thought about myself?

and if I can use a cliche with you? it felt like a weight rolling off my shoulders. I suddenly had a whole sturdy base to build a better understanding of myself on, an easy way to justify the way I lived that didn't require throwing myself under a bus.

thinking of myself through the lens of aromanticism felt like a huge, HUGE relief, and frankly I think that, more than anything, is the best way for anyone to decide if they should be applying any identity label to themselves. which brings us back to you! I actually don't believe in the model of sexuality and gender that posits a secret innate Right Answer buried in each person that they'll discover if the just find the right terminology. all of the words we use are the result of our time and place, right? people like us existed all through history with different words for themselves, and they'll exist way after us calling themselves things we can't imagine.

so basically: I came to realize I was aromantic because calling myself aromantic felt like loving myself, and if that's the case for you than I strongly recommend you do it, too.

happy pride xoxo

[inevitably-johnlocked]

I can't see why people have to be aphobic. I just can't stand the aphobia that I come across on the internet. I've faced it IRL too and it sucks so bad. Let people just exist and know that not everything is about you and you don't fucking get to tell anyone how they feel? People are so ignorant and try to ruin everything with their pea-sized brains and their need to be self-righteous all the damn time I just hate it so much!

To these type of people: aces and/or aros exist! Let them live! They're not being snowflakes, you are, with your assholish attitude.

Everything sucks so much. Aphobia is the most frustrating shit ever.

Hey Nonny *HUGS*

Ooof, if this ain't the truth... I told a more-an-aquaintance friend once that I was ace – and I don't tell many people I am, just people that I trust – and it just was just not clicking with her, "how could someone not want sex??". This is also the same friend who went through boyfriends like toilet paper so *shrugs* I just threw it back on her and asked her how anyone gets anything done if all they're thinking about is sex, LOL. Honestly, rudeness begets rudeness, and if someone is being a dick to me about it, then I am one right back.

Fortunately though, I don't experience it much these days anymore, probably more-so before I figured out I was ace. And honestly, I RARELY see aphobia online because I follow a lot of ace-positive bloggers and such, my YT algorithm is PERFECT that I never see shit like that, I stay off of Tik Tok 100% (I refuse to download it), and the online community we have built here is pretty awesome. And in my real life, no one needs to know, so I only tell people I trust with it.

I mean, I don't make it a secret either, I think I'm just honestly too old to care these days.

That's why Asexuality Awareness Week is so important. We should take the opportunity to educate people who are kind in asking for more info.

I recommend you check out Ace Dad Advice, he's on both YouTube and TikTok and is an older asexual man in a polyamorous relationship! He has lots of Ace/Aro-positive education and resources that I think everyone can benefit from <3

I'm sorry you're having a rough go, and I hope you feel better soon, Lovely.

[fun-k-boards]

? I dont think that being asexual is comparable to an eating disorder, but the portrayal of sex and food being as something most people enjoy but about 1% of the population doesn't is comparable. It's just the first comparison that came to mind. You could also make the same comparison with idk, going into nature being portrayed as nearly universally good even though there's probably like 1% of people who strongly dislike/fear being outside. But it's more difficult to find stats on that, so I used food. Also food is the go to metaphor for sex in the ace community..

Sex is a positive in the vast majority of peoples lives, so that's what it's portrayed as. I don't think I've ever seen a show say "everyone in the audience needs sex to feel good", they usually say "this character needs sex to feel good" which is pretty normal for allose characters/people. It's also p normal for sex to help you with some issues if you enjoy it (like body issues being dimished by finding that someone finds you super attractive is soo common ime).

Sometimes feel like sex repulsed aces hate us aroallos sometimes.. just saying..

When did I ever say I hated aroallos or even mention aroallo people in this conversation? You brought aroallo people into this conversation, you're making an assumption just because you disagree with a post I made completely unrelated to aroallo people.

Sex isn't inherently positive and sex neutral / repulsed people deserve to have representation and be given a voice, because sex is not an inherently morally positive action, it's just sex, it's just an act. It's not inherently anything. That's the point I'm making. That's the point I've repeated. Over. And over. Again. For Christ's sake, just listen to a single word I say instead of just ignoring me to make shit up to get angry about.

Like, this goes for romance too! Romantic relationships aren't inherently positive, they're not inherently anything! They're just romantic relationships.

Also, you literally did compare not having or liking sex to having an eating disorder. You don't get to backpedal from that. It's not fucking comparable because having an eating disorder is bad for you, you literally should eat food because you need it to survive. You don't need sex to survive. Being asexual, specifically sex repulsed, is not in any way comparable to an eating disorder.

Just because you don't see shit happening, doesn't mean it should continue and that people who do see it are automatically wrong.

Once again, just block me.

[chairteeth]

have u ever explained ur aro-ace hcs for tounemu

Hmm, I don't think I have. They're partially based off of my own experiences as an aroace lesbian as well as those of my partner and other members of the community, which I felt vibed with the characters. The headcanons vary depending on the fic/AU, but there's some general stuff I can easily share, I think. A lot of this is just gonna be vibes and what I believe fits the characters/is most interesting to play around with. Since this is a sexuality rant, fully expect me to talk about the characters beyond the scope of their ages in canon. In case it gets really long, have a readmore.

First, assume a lesbian layer under the aspec layer of the characters. So, let me try Touka first, because she's probably easier to talk about. I like to headcanon her as demiromantic specifically, because I just cannot see her getting crushes or falling for anyone she doesn't already have a significant emotional connection to, but she does seem like she would feel romantic attraction. Only in a very demi way, though. Very "over the course of years of having a close bond" type. She doesn't feel to me like she'd be interested in traditional romance in any way, shape, or form. Sexually, I'm... I'm so tempted to say demi sapiosexual you have no idea. That's because I feel like both Touka and Nemu (especially Touka) are attracted to high intellect, mind you. If I had to say, though, for Touka I'd classify her as a gray-ace. It feels right. I believe that she has this base, very mild relatively "constant" level of it, ssssorta like the allo way, but when she does feel strong sexual attraction, it hits her like a powerful and relatively sudden slap in the face and is only triggered by highly specific things. And also you have to know exactly how to work her, etc. I really, really think it's more about the mind games and stuff for her, that's what she's into. Same for Nemu, but I like doing something a tad different with Nemu, give me a second to rant.

I have many gripes about what people do with characters like Nemu, especially when it comes from people who are clearly ignorant or insufficiently educated on the aroace spectrum. See, Nemu has a very specific set of traits that often make people go "oh I see her as asexual" but attaching that headcanon to these specific traits when you don't even have a solid basis of what that even means grinds my gears pretty bad. Some of these traits are: quiet, glasses, bookworm/nerd, wheelchair user/physically disabled. Fandom culture around these kinds of characters is rancid. And whenever I've seen people write ace characters, it's one of two things: exotic allo or completely celibate. Which is just so far off from reality. The aspec is a lot more varied than people may think, and while being asexual does not equate to being celibate, that also doesn't mean that sexual experiences are the same for an ace person as they are for an allo person. You cannot simply say "oh they're ace but they enjoy sex" and then depict them acting exactly like an allo person, the approach is completely different. And then there is the camp that thinks ace = celibate. Some aces are celibate, some aren't. Don't even pretend libido isn't a completely separate thing too. So most of the time, it feels like internalized ableism, ignorance, the general assumption of "nerds don't fuck" (while this is the case for some, a majority of nerds are freaks) etc., and since it especially applies to female characters, also some level of internalized purity standards or something. Which absolutely maddens me.

Anyway, I see Nemu as grayromantic asexual. To elaborate a little, I feel like through her passion for literature and just how much poetry and how many books she must've read, Nemu feels some level of curiosity towards romance and approaches it from a pretty writerly perspective that would likely only ever work on another weirdo. It feels like she's more of an observer, but although rarely, she does feel romantic attraction, and in a relationship it's like a permanent little warmth in her chest. Not overwhelming, not loud, but like the tiniest ever-present flame of pure fondness. My ace interpretation of her, however, differs from others I have talked to. For example, my partner does understand my interpretation but sees her as gray-ace instead. Now, I see Nemu as completely asexual, but much like Touka, academically interested in the whole... everything surrounding sex and kink. My personal explanation for that one "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, Touka" scene in Miyuri's MGS is actually just that, simply put, the girls probably have conversations about sex and kink/fetishes. Not in a sexual way, but in a curious, intellectually-driven way, and that curiosity is what may lead them into experimenting when they get older.

The most fun thing about my interpretation of ace Nemu, in my honest opinion, is how it combines with other traits, like her high libido (headcanon we derived from canon, there are words in the background of Nemu's henshin and they're all philosophical concepts or other relevant stuff except for the word libido, that's where that headcanon comes from and it's interesting, so we're keeping it), her being a Buddhist, or her sadism, or the funny kink we suspect her of having (if you know you know). This is something I tend to touch upon more in AUs by honing her trauma to specifically highlight the issues she already has. Ace + high libido is already a potentially fascinating combination of traits, but when you add the religion thing and the kink aspects born from trauma, not to mention the rest of the trauma? It's so incredibly crunchy to rotate in your brain and analyze and play around with.

I think both of them would enjoy planning outings and the like just because they like planning things and they love quality time. They'd probably be trying to one-up each other often, Touka would delight in finding ways to fluster Nemu I think, and same in reverse, but Nemu does tend to be more dramatic, so she might enjoy the occasional theatrics as part of their little ludus thing. Who am I kidding, Touka "let's explode in a cool pose!" Satomi is also dramatic. I mentioned in my love styles essay that I feel like physical touch is vitally important to them, because of sensory craving and having been touch/affection starved as kids (yk, in a hospital, particularly Nemu), so that is one part of why I think they'd enjoy physical affection, from handholding to sex. The intellectual aspect of the kink experience also feels important. You can explore so much fascinating stuff about a character through their sexuality (general usage of the word, not specifically referring to identities here), and it bugs me a little that most nsfw works I've seen (not necessarily TouNemu), particularly Eastern ones, are just... character assassination galore. From my point of view, I don't understand why you'd ever want to do that, but I can at least comprehend the concept of "this is meant to be fapping material and that's why it's like that". It's not what personally interests me about nsfw, so I tend to stay away from any that isn't produced by myself or recommended to me specifically by someone in the aspec who I trust.

To summarize:

Touka demiromantic gray-ace

Nemu grayromantic ace

Both dramatic enough to pull off romantic stunts for funsies

Both hungry enough for enrichment and/or horny enough to indulge at some point (probably their teens, maybe their 20s if they're stupid enough, I could easily see them sharing a house and possibly a bed for like ten years and acting every bit like a married couple without realizing- this includes sharing a bed because as per new canon info, Nemu requires a body pillow, and Touka is probably the perfect size to be hugged while sleeping), but not the way an allo person/couple would. Being the freaks they are though, you probably couldn't even tell they're aspec as an external observer

[leonardalphachurch]

Hey, found your recent ace donut post and wanted to share my thoughts on it. First as an ace person, it comes off acephobic, I know that was definitely not the intent but it still comes across that way. Especially in your remark about “ace tumblr user”.

Secondly I think my only real issue with the post was how seriously you took donut being gay as canon. Perhaps it’s just my perspective, but Donut to me has always been a big gay joke by the writers. So much so that it took me awhile to start to like him as a character because a lot of the time it felt like he was just there to be a cruel caricature of a gay person. A lot of the jokes felt hurtful, as some who has seen people irl say similar jokes about gay people, and the way other characters treated him upset me a lot. Overtime I learned to like Donut a lot but I really kept in mind how the writers saw him and treated him. He never seemed like an earnest representation, he felt like the punchline of a bigoted joke. Finally asexuality is a spectrum and many ace people make alot of sex/innuendos so it’s not completely out of left field to assume maybe that’s just how he expresses being ace. While I know that was not and never was the writers intent it does seem possible to assume that he could just be a flirty ace.

tldr: the writers are both ace and homophobic, I think the “gotcha” of making him ace was bad but he wasn’t great representation before. And if this is too much feel free to delete it, from your bio you’ve been in this community much longer than I have, and o like a lot of your posts !

1) i think you are a little bit reading me in bad faith here. when i say “ace tumblr user” i mean an asexual person who uses tumblr. nothing more, nothing less. i’m talking about how some random fandom member who makes a post about donut being ace isn’t really causing any material harm and therefore i don’t really care very much about it. when i say “ace tumblr user” i am making it clear that i’m critiquing the showrunners (and the fandom’s response to the showrunners) rather than any individual member of the fandom headcanoning donut as ace.

2) i think you are misunderstanding my point about donut being canonically gay (which is fair enough, that post doesn’t really go into it). i do not consider donut to be good representation (or really representation at all?). i think he is a pretty offensive homophobic caricature. i ALSO think, however, that taking your offensive homophobic caricature and having the culmination of 20 years of jokes about his sexuality be this:

is. homophobic. the joke here is “what, you thought the character that we constantly made gay jokes about was actually gay? you thought the guy who consistently expressed interest in sexual acts with men was gay for real? well he’s not, and actually if you thought that he was you’re just perpetuating stereotypes” and that’s. that sucks. i think taking a character that’s offensive representation and trying to cover it up by saying he was never what he was representing in the first place is NOT the way to handle this. and. to be clear. as a bisexual man i would be making these exact same posts if the punchline here was that he was bi. the joke of “you thought the gay stereotype was gay but he really wasn’t!” is a common homophobic joke and the punchline being another queer identity doesn’t make it any less homophobic.

3) i know asexuality is a spectrum. i talked in the post about how it’s possible to write donut as ace without erasing his sexual and romantic interest in men. i don’t mean to sound rude here but i genuinely don’t know how to make it clearer than me literally saying “it’s not the act of making him ace that’s homophobic” and “if you maintain [his interest in men] while making him ace […] that’s not homophobic.” my favorite interpretation of donut literally has him as aroace. i’m not talking about the way people want to interpret the writing. i’m critiquing the writing itself.

and like. man. i just feel like asexual people deserve better than to have their identity be the punchline of a 20 year long gay joke?? like i am overstepping my boundaries here but. like. i don’t know! i think you deserve more than this! i think you deserve rep that’s more caring than “wouldn’t it be funny if the guy who talked a lot about sex… DIDN’T LIKE SEX???”

also please don’t feel like me being in the fandom for a long time means that you can’t critique me. like, i disagree with your analysis of what i’m saying here but i have absolutely no authority and if i say something you disagree with you are always welcome to discuss it with me

[aroaceconfessions]

I’m aphobic. I’m sorry. Consider that your cw. Here’s why. I thought I was ace for several years and turned out not to be. I’m still angry at myself for it, especially as I carry on a parasocial fantasy relationship in my head to assuage my own loneliness. Every now and then I wonder if I’m actually grey-ace after all considering how few people I’ve been attracted to. The last label I tried was grey-aroace, again due to minimal actual attraction to people. I still feel a pull towards part of this community, even if it just makes me feel bad about myself. It honestly does leave me feeling broken - I’m older and absolutely should be in a relationship, the problem is 1) meeting people and 2) being attracted enough. I’ve thought about just finding someone to lose my virginity to and on a really good day, it sounds tolerable. Most days, it’s nauseating to the point of sex-aversion. Hell even with relationships, the idea of being so emotionally, spiritually close with someone, so trusting, able to completely be yourself around them and emotionally merge, it just sounds like a dream being something I’ve never really experienced. It just looks so beautiful, I want that but really doubt my capacity for it. When I brought it up to a therapist she asked if I could be aro to explain my lack of attraction - the very concept is actually kind of offensive to me (And I know that’s wrong. I know all the “it doesn’t affect you” explanations and I still feel like it does, actually, if people are going to tell me or just imply that people like me are brainwashed and codependent for wanting a partner). I love love. I’m a complete sucker for romance, beeline for shipping in every fandom I’m in, and a strong believer in love as a powerful thing in people’s lives. I’ve been on a trashy-romance-novel binge and I wish they could stop having the main couple bonk every other chapter and focus on the sweet, emotional stuff because that’s just aaaaa to me. And yes, the cold, “loveless” person getting a crush and their pride taken down a notch by their own romantic vulnerability is one of my favorite tropes. Those common arguments about not needing a relationship or even love to be content and fulfilled almost feel like a personal attack as someone who does. Or at least who has been pretty lonely and unhappy and finds it easy to spin out into shame and self-loathing for being “inferior” or “wrong”. Or those arguments about sex and love being fundamentally human, we need those to justify them. Otherwise you should argue that allos are actually the inferior, broken people because they feel attraction and desire and can’t just choose not to (that was always my biggest pet peeve in aspec spaces - people talking like their identity is a choice). On the other hand, I’ve been scrolling this blog and honestly quite relating to the people who don’t like being aspec and want to experience romance/sexuality. That’s basically how I feel, or used to. The exact content changed. There was one post talking about doing exactly what I’ve thought about doing, hitching up a relationship with anyone because “I’m old and it’s normal and I have no excuses”. Except ruling out aspec labels, I actually don’t have an excuse. All that ranting is the addled, angry thoughts of a 29yo virgin who’s mostly crushed on a handful of fictional characters (which only recently changed) and doesn’t really care about sex but has a very hormonal libido and would like to try it with a romantic partner they trust and love.

[fairymint]

🖼 dash events👀 dash commentary

This'll count as a technically unpopular opinion, but I actually find that most dash events are just kinda stressful. Mostly in a very personal. 'not for me' kind of way. It's not a moral judgement, I just personally have difficulty with it.

time constraints depend, but in a general sense, most vague stretches of time don't guarantee creativity from me; I'm chronically ill, am a bit overworked (whether it's my employer or simply myself chugging the workohol), and sometimes the mood just doesn't hit right.

Exact schedule depends too; I already kinda work 2nd shift, and so am awake for a 3rd shift/graveyard deal; you might miss when the mun/blog organizing the thing is on. So, even if you participate in general day long things, you can fomo for the high stakes/starring/determining events. But also, it is possible for an event to be very specific and catered around the host+friends' schedule/whims; sometimes it just doesn't work out for me.

complexity, tbh. depends on the event itself, but things often have to be some level of serious, fair, balanced, etc., and they might have their own idea of that, which needs to be respected. sometimes I'm not in the mood for that (wanna write easy, specific, or nonsensical things), or I don't feel like doing the actual 'work' especially with competitions; some days I couldn't give less a shit what I 'place' or what a judge likes. Some time periods I'm just too anarchic/chaotic/cooperative for that.

That being said, events are immensely fun and bonding if you can do them, so I suggest that you try them if you can! It can at the very least give you a feel for things, and how you want to interact with any one community!

As for dash commentary, I find it infectiously fun if you can get over the nerves about it; obviously that stuff is generally meant to be casual, but at the same time isn't required to stay that way... i think it helps to treat it like a toy, the way a toddler does it;

pick it up if you like it. (you don't have to justify why you like it.)

chew on it the way you want. (dash full of sex comments but your muse is ace? in a real life conversation, my buddy will just dunk us. make everything about bees if that's your hyperfixation. you don't have to stay scripted IC if you're being polite ooc.)

skim if you need to, drop it if you still can't. plenty of dash commentaries have me going 'what the fuck are you two talking about?' you can find out. if you can't, oh well. you can make a new post if you want.

be as specific or vague as you wish. don't be afraid to mention names/urls, or expand/tweak the topic. you don't have to argue w/ inspiration.

however, try not to metagame unless it's crack; there are people who don't wanna share certain lore casually, but it should be pretty clear when they do so (public/private knowledge memes, bio sections, etc.)

however i am bad with names/urls so bear with me when it comes to casual asks/etc. confusing 2 muses wouldn't be the end of the world, but lmfao-

it's tempting to stay on topic. you don't gotta. late commentary is better than never.

[gimmethatagustd]

Just read Sunday Smut Bookclub! I loved it so much!! As someone who is still a virgin at almost 30 and is trying to parse out whether that’s due to being asexual or demisexual or something like that or if it’s the body insecurity and anxiety, I literally cried. Like if I could trust someone to treat me like Namjoon treats Yoongi to help me figure that all out ????? Or if I felt confident enough to just ask for what I want and need straight out like Yoongi did in this???

The line “Yoongi loves fics like those. They feel how Namjoon’s hands feel when he holds the small of Yoongi’s back and cradles the side of his face when he pulls him into a kiss” took me all the way out!!! Really the whole paragraph before about the way reading fic can make you feel comforted in general I related to and then that transfer of that comfort to this sexual situation!!!! Yo, like… 🥹🥹🥹🥹

But this fic definitely made me laugh too! Literally laughed out loud reading “Can I eat you out” “Oh, uh, ya.”

And the meta-ness was really fun! I didn’t read the authors note going in so I was surprised at BTS showing up and vocal line being members. I also write fic (though I haven’t published anything yet, I might sometime, but right now it’s just getting my thoughts and ideas out and most of my stories don’t have endings lol), and also (like Yoongj described) kind if stop at that moment before smut happens or gloss over it. Like I have one really great Namjoon reader insert scene that I love but that’s the only one I’ve been able to do with any sort of satisfaction and idk how I got in the mindspace to do it lol. So I related so hard in so many ways!!!

Bc I didn’t read the author’s note I dove into it thinking it’d be a nice lunch break smut reading sesh but was pleasantly surprised with how else it impacted me! Thanks so much for writing and sharing this!!!!

hi friend, sorry it has taken me a while to respond to your ask. i read it and immediately gushed to my partner about it (i talked to them about that fic cuz it holds a lot of my personal feelings about physical intimacy in it), and i wanted to kind of sit with it until i felt like i could give you a proper response and not just the unhinged shit i normally respond to feedback with

i'm so happy that it left an impact on you! normally i write fics just cuz i love writing silly little stories (i'm sure you understand since you said you write too!) BUT with this fic i genuinely thought as i was writing, "i really hope people appreciate this" - not because i wanted praise or anything, but an appreciation for being able to either 1) relate to the content or 2) open their eyes to a new way of looking at smut in fanfic and also just simply a sexual orientation that we honestly ignore in the fanfic community imo. i rarely see asexual representation, and so much of fanfic is about smut

like no shade !! most of my fics include smut, and pretty graphic smut, but it's exhausting to write as someone on the ace spectrum, and i think a lot of readers don't realize that. it genuinely takes a lot of effort, and not just cuz we want to write it well, but just... the whole thing is not what we're used to (and also as a virgin i'm sure it's an even more complicated thing to work through). add in some good ole gender dysphoria and YIKES what an experience

like, i haven't had sex with a cis man since 2019 kshdfkjs and yet here i am, dick-in-pussy'ing all over tumblr.com

ANYWAY thank you for sharing this. i hope you're able to work through how you feel with your sexuality. it's def a journey. and also it's important to know that 1) sexuality is a spectrum and 2) if you never have sex or have sex but are never truly into it like most people are, that's ok too! i wrote namjoon as this soft, accepting guy cuz i didn't want yoongi to suddenly like sex just cuz he hooked up with a hot guy. he walked away still unwilling to have sex in the future, and namjoon is cool with that. no one should ever make you feel bad for not wanting to have sex

but also, i would do anything kim taehyung asked me to do, so, sometimes there can be exceptions jdhfkjs 🤪

if you ever post your fic, i'd love to read it! and if you ever need help writing smut, i'm happy to talk to you about it 💜