#tw narcissistic sibling

[damneddualities]

I’m just gonna vent because when I get this frustrated and stressed I go pretty much nonverbal but keeping it in doesn’t help either. Also I can’t afford therapy so Tumblr it is.

I recently adopted a cat to be my ESA as petting and cuddling with a cat has always helped calm me down and is almost stim like. I had to leave my elderly cat back home partially due to his age but also because my sister would have thrown a fit if I took MY cat with me down south while I was in school. Mind you she adopted a kitten a couple months ago. Part of the reason I did t fight it was because she also needs animals for emotional support. Yknow she has her dog but whatever I’ve mostly moved past that.

Last year I lost the last kitten I had adopted to the FVIP which is basically kitty COVID and has a 10% of becoming a neurological issue that is almost immediately fatal. My partner is living with me in our apartment while I finish up my last year of college. Before coming down my mom made them promise to not let me get a cat. Mind you she didn’t communicate this with me, my partner did. They have recognized however that our cat greatly improved my mental health and my stress based compolusions. However I have not told my mom yet about our cat.

This is for a few reasons. One being the aforementioned “promise”. Another is that I recently lost my job because I was apparently hired on as seasonal despite being hired before seasonal started. I still don’t have a job and it’s been almost a month. So my mom who is a co-signer on our lease has been helping with rent and groceries because inflation is a bitch on top of being without a job.

Mind you I only adopted this cat because I had gotten hired somewhere. Only to be immediately ghosted on when I would start (then never even sent me the onboarding information). So now I have no savings, no job income for at least another three weeks (working on getting hired somewhere else) and suddenly my cat is shitting blood.

Took her to the closest vet I could because I didn’t have money for a carrier yet. The internet and reviews said they were good and adorable. The first visit is even free! I get there and the tech that comes in immediately starts talking about money and cost. They barely even looked at my cat.

Anyway I explain what caused me to come in (part of it being trauma from suddenly losing my last cat) and they advise me that they’ll probably have to do blood work and give her meds and the price tag just keeps upping. I tell them the most I could possibly pay that day (as they didn’t have any payment plan options and my deductible on the pet insurance hadn’t been paid yet anyway) was $200

So the tech takes my baby back and I sit alone in that room for upwards of twenty minutes. When the tech comes back the vet is with him. She has a type of tapeworm-adjacent intestinal parasite. They tell me they’re putting her in three medications: a probiotic to help with the diarrhea, an antibiotic for the inflamed anus cussed by the excessive shitting (which was where the blood was coming from) and the meds for the parasite itself. Only the Rx for the parasite isn’t on hand and I have to order it through chewy. (So another $20-40. That prescription isn’t even expected to arrive before the 1st so it will have been a week since the appointment that the meds arrive. )The vet leaves and I pay the $147 (an extra $12 for the cardboard carrier they used) and go home.

The next day she is shitting everywhere with seemingly no control. Luckily we had quarantined her to the bathroom so our dog wouldn’t get infected from eating her poop. Now she has rectal incontinence from the parasites. And on top of that she’s bloated from it as well. None of these symptoms/side effects were things the vet told me to expect. So I’m panicking and thankfully was able to get in touch with a vet through online chat for free as I’d gone completely nonverbal in my panic and stress.

All this leads up to me having an emotional breakdown in bed the other night because one of the things I struggle the most with is feeling like a burden, especially a financial one. And I feel like an awful pet owner because our cat loves cuddles and being around the rest of us and now she’s quarantined in the bathroom and I can hear her meowing for attention that I can’t give her for longer than like five minutes.

My partner comforted me and helped me get out of my head and I finally felt like I was doing a bit better. Then my mom calls and because I was taking a depresso nap I didn’t answer so she texts the both of us. To my partner she texts her questions and to me I get the anxiety inducing “call your mother now” text.

I call her. Immediately I’m being berated for using DoorDash to buy McDonald’s the other day. Sorry my depression is chronic and makes it hard to find motivation to cook lunch let alone eat. Then she moves on to my use of Cashapp. A use which I’ve told her in the past it to get money into my own account through another bank which doesn’t have branches near where I’m currently living. Money which needs to be in there for my bills such as my medications and reoccurring subscriptions to be paid. Also it was how I was paying for the vet visit without her finding out I have a cat.

Yes I know I should tell her but I know that when I do it will be an endless barrage of how I don’t know how to save money or so finances and how I shouldn’t get an animal if I can’t afford it and basically implying that I am a financial burden. A concern I have shared with her in the past and she has assured me I’m not. She may say it but her actions and the way she talks to me say otherwise. And if I tell her I got it becuase I had been hired but then was unexpectedly ghosted she’ll give me shit about not confronting the people who “hired” me, knowing that I don’t do well with confrontations with authority and that I don’t communicate well when I’m upset or stressed.

She also started in on why the hell was I needing to take a nap. And rather than have to explain my mental disabilities ((adhd, chronic depression, anxiety (and undiagnosed autism)) tax on me physically I just told her I had a headache (another thing I deal with chronically). She immediately goes into well, and I quote, “prepare for the headache to get worse” and that’s when she starts laying in about the expenses on my account that she has access to. I’m fucking 25 I don’t want to be treated like a child who doesn’t realize how the world works.

Mind you this woman spent at least 2/3 of her teaching career working with disabled kids as a special needs teacher. But would she ever admit her own daughter is autistic and has periods of being nonverbal? No. And I learned not to rely on others because my older siblings always seemed to be of a higher priority growing up than I did. My middle sister is medically diagnosed as “mentally retarded” (yahoo /s for the medical industry 30+ years ago not knowing what the term developmentally delayed is -_-) so she was mentally younger than I was by the type I was ten. My oldest sister is practically a narcissist who I was constantly compared to and I saw how she took advantage of my mom financially (she’s 35+ and has a well laying career but my mom is still the one paying her student loans).

This has probably made no sense and is all over the place but I’m too tired to edit it to be more cohesive and I warned y’all it was a rant. I’m just tired of being treated like an idiot and a burden. Not to even mention the fact that I’m supposed to have access to the money my grandfather set aside for me in a trust (RIP Popop) but my mom won’t confront her younger sister about why she hasn’t handled it yet. Which brings up my partners concern that if the trust wasn’t set up before my grandfather death and is only stipulated in the will then my aunt as the executor can just say fuck you to all of us and keep everything for herself. With her being the most well off out of all of us.

My Popop vaguely told me about this money before he passed because he saw how the world was going financially. He knew I would struggle as the youngest. My middle sister will likely always live with my parents. My eldest sister is married with kids and has a well paying career and owns a home. I’m relying on grants and scholarships and federal loans to pay for college and worked (including my schooling, and my internship) over 75 hours a week last semester just to get by. Plus I know that when my parents go I will be responsible for my middle sister. We do not get along. She resents me for not having the same difficulties as her and for having thing she doesn’t as her younger sister. But my narcissistic eldest sister is a fucking cunt who would probably just blatantly refuse to help out. So I get to be implied to be a burden who is incapable of managing their own money while also being blasted with the pressure of knowing that should anything happen to my parents I will become responsible for my middle sister.

TLDR: moms are fucking nosy and incredibly ableist despite being a former special needs teacher who’s students still remember and send her gifts and I’m out of a job with a shit ton of sudden expenses

If you’d like to help out my Cashapp and Venmo are both lexmars42 and you could even buy something from my redbubble (same as my tumblr handle). Literally a fucking dollar or two would be appreciated.

[rorynn]

If I was a famous singer. My first famous song would be called: off youself, my dear narcissistic slut of a sister.

[connieaaa]

My brother confirmed that:

Childhood tastes like dry oatmeal.

[thegaiyaa]

I genuinely don’t understand why or even how some people think they have the authority to dictate how others should live their lives. It’s baffling when people who contribute nothing of value to society feel entitled to impose their will on others, especially those who are already in vulnerable situations and positions. Why is it that some can clearly see and witness the pain, trauma and abuse someone is going through, yet still have the nerve to stand by or worse, add fuel to the fire by encouraging or enabling the abuser?!?!?! What kind of demonic creature are you to be this way?!?!?

These people literally have no regard for the humanity in front of them, no empathy for the suffering they are complicit in and they’ll mask themselves as some kind of martyr or God to those who have more power than them. It’s truly so so disgusting and makes living amongst these people on earth truly unbearable. Soul crushing to be honest. Truly soul crushing.

[the-fire-bubble]

On the wrong side of Bermuda Triangle

I wrote you a poem

I wrote you a poem and almost had custody of you

But you don't know that.

I sent you gifts

I sent you gifts because I knew you deserved to be recognized as you are

Not how your parents wish/wished you were...

We may share Mother's genetics,

But you, baby brother,

Weren't able to see a world before your father,

Before 2014, Before I graduated high school,

Before Mother threatened to replace me as I had her

Before Your father threw mother down the stairs while you were in utero

Before mother ran away from all of her children, abandoning them, again....

You can't know this. You couldn't possibly know this.

You're 11.

You know mother isn't always right and

Your father's temper isn't your fault but

You don't know why I love you.

I love you, because I have been you.

Lost, confused, abandoned, abused.

I love you without strings

Of expectations or judgments

I love you and everything you want to become

and are growing into

Every day.

But you won't know that. Can't know that.

Because you're 11

And because Mother's biggest regret in life?

(Though she may never tell you this:)

Was letting me live.

It hurts her to see how I live without her.

How I live.

That I lived.

I'm not going to do her job for her

For I am done cleaning up her messes.

But when you're old enough and ready

We can talk about the truth

And sort it from mother's lies

Together.

One day.

I hope and pray.

You'll see I'm not a monster.

[bunny-ears-and-bearpaws]

When you scroll through your mom's Facebook two years after going no contact to check and see if your sister's are okay, and instead you find out through her posts the she dead ass supports eugenics now. So glad I left now is only cps could get back to me sooner about my sisters

[samuel-is-an-idiot]

Apparently joking about your mom being in a cult and kicking you out of her house isn't funny for neurotypical folks my age???? I thought I was doing great socially that was FALSE- welp back to the cave wence I came *digs a hole in the ground and continues writing my book on trauma definitely not inspired by my own and disappears with Narcissist cookbook playing as the camera shift to my sibling acting like a gothic scarecrow with her hyperflexible fingers and weird... face.*

[delphiecafe]

welcome to delphiecafe, a cafe themed side blog of @delphientropy thats for system graphics stuff!

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[thewolveswolf]

here’s a quick recap of the last few days, bc idk whether to laugh or cry

cw & tw for mentions of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse & mental health

took my cat to the vet bc her anxiety & overgrooming is still out of control

got home from the vet and she suddenly won’t put weight on her front right leg

take cat back to the vet, no obvious injury but painkillers are prescribed

4 days later mikasa has not improved, most likely a third vet trip tomorrow (also meaning i will have spent over $400 in less than a week on vet appts. worth it 1000% obviously. still a massive financial ouch tho)

while all that is happening, i find out the parent i have no contact with has:

started badmouthing me & my mum to parents of my high school friends (???? narcissists truly know no boundaries sksks)

HANDWRITTEN a letter to my nana (in ENGLAND!!! we live in AUSTRALIA!!!) stating he finds it “very odd” my mum no longer has any contact with him and he “doesn’t understand why” (uhhh maybe cos u threatened to kill her when she left u bro? and also every bit of abuse u levelled at us for the 30+ years before that? just a thought homeslice)

allegedly removed me from his will (inheriting some of ur genetics is enough for me dude, no sweat no sweat)

at the SAME TIME (bc god knows the universe has zero chill) my mother announces her boyf of 6 months is moving in (tbf he is lovely but jfc can everyone just slow down???)

both my siblings mental health are (understandably) collapsing

my anhedonia is now so bad i need to either increase my meds or come off them. pray 4 me either way

i ordered pizza last night and it was TERRIBLE. i’ve never had terrible pizza before, didn’t even know it was possible. fuck u dominos

this is five days worth of happenings. FIVE. DAYS.

anyway if anyone needs me, please look for the person-shaped lump hiding under some sort of blanket

[novashelby]

Little Evie things that probably won't make it to the fanfic~(or will, but just elaborated)

Part I

TW: There are mentions of abuse(all) and a tough childhood.

Evie doesn't know who her biological father is, but there was a man when she was little that would go to her mother and give her money. He'd look at Evie, but would never say anything. Just hand over money and leave. She believes this man is her biological father, but her biological mother refuses to tell her.

Evie has a minor allergy to different types of fruit; strawberries, nectarines, peaches. She will break out on her cheeks in a red, itchy rash.

Because of her mother, she doesn't warm up to mother like figures very easily.

The first time Tommy left her with Polly, she hid in the closet. Polly sat on the floor on the other side and told her about Cinderella.

Tommy is the only person she 100% trusts. Even when she is married or with another man, she will always love her father 10x more(not in a weird way). She is genuinely scared for when he dies and she no longer has him.

Though they bicker like siblings, Evie tells Finn everything. When Evie's first boyfriend broke up with her, he was the one to comfort her and hold her. Though he betrayed the family, Evie still loves Finn very much. She secretly checks up on him from time to time.

She loves Uncle Arthur and Uncle very much, but for two different reasons. Uncle Arthur covers for her when Tommy doesn't want to let her out. Uncle John picks her up from parties shes not suppose to be at.

John and Esme are her godparents. Despite being Catholic her whole life and Tommy being an Atheist, she had to go through the whole Baptism and communion process again. Tommy wanted to forget about it, but Polly wouldn't let him. Evie is actually very religious in the sense she prays a lot.

Though, Polly is next in line if anything were to happen to Tommy. If not Polly, Ada.

When she was with her biological mother, she would ask God every day to give her a set of wings like an angel so she could fly wherever she wanted. When she was five, she made some from paper, but her mother used them for the fire.

If Cindy(her biomom) was born today, she would be diagnosed with bipolar 1 and BPD and narcissistic personality disorder.

Her maternal grandparents actually have money. They were a well off family in Boston, but Cindy kept running from home for no reason. She is of Irish descent. It is speculated that Evie is half Irish-half Italian.

Unknown to Evie, there was a man who did come forth to Tommy about Evie. But Tommy said the adoption was closed and that Evie didn't need anymore confusion in her life. They did cross paths once when Evie went to the Garrison after school to give Tommy a school paper. She asked who that man was, but Tommy said it a work friend.

Her maternal grandparents attempted to reach out, but Tommy denied them as well. They came to England, and only Polly was home at the time. Unknown to Tommy, Polly gave them a photo of Evie. It was a copy of her school portrait from when she was 11. At the time, Evie was 16.

Some time before Grace was shot, Evie went to the shops for sweets. She was a pence short. There was a man behind her in line and he gave her the pence. It was Luca Changretta

Despite being bubbly and happy, Evie struggles a lot of the inside and has chronic panic attacks. Only two people can calm her down; Tommy and Finn.

Evie is the 'biggest' girl in her class, weight wise. She struggles a lot inward with her confidence. When she was 14, the brother class(boys in the same grade at the boys school) at St. Michael's ranked all 8 girls by prettiness. Evie was number 8. That hurt Tommy more than anything and unknown to anyone, he cried in his office at his daughter's pain.

If born today, Evie would be diagnosed with ADHD and dyscalculia.

Peter Novak, Evie's first long-term boyfriend, asked Tommy 3x before he agreed to let him take Evie out. Tommy liked Peter the first time he walked into his office. Just wanted to see how serious the boy was.

Actually, the whole Shelby family really loved Peter. Even after they broke up, he'd be invited to family functions.

When Grace died, she cuddled Charlie to sleep every night for months. When Ruby died, she held Lizzie to sleep.

She would braid Ruby's hair every day.

Every single morning before school, she would hug and kiss Tommy on the cheek and say, "I love you, Daddy". The day she didn't and just said, "Bye, dad, I have to go to school..." He paused, feeling his heart sink. He quickly got up and ran to the door, calling her back in the house. "Oi, what the fuck was that?!" After that, she never called him dad. It was always daddy.

She hit Finn three times with a car. Once, when she was 10 and fooling around behind the wheel. The car rolled forward and bumped him. Once, Uncle Arthur was trying to teach her how to drive and he was telling her back up, but she rushed forward and hit him. Arthur simply got up and said, "Eh, you're fine, Finn...get up!" The time she backed up into him.

She's also whacked everyone's car at least once. Every time Evie drives to a family function, they give her a designated spot away from everyone's car. They either make sure to leave before her or wait 30 minutes after she leaves to avoid being on the same road.

The only reason she got her license is because the instructor fell asleep. No one was happy that day.

When Tommy was afraid of his tumor diagnosis, he wanted to marry Evie off. There was Gypsy boy named Elias, but Isaiah stepped forward instead.

When Evie learned that Martha's(her best friend) first boy was hitting her, she told her Uncle John and together, they drove to the boy's house and smashed the family car.

Evie is a sore loser when it comes to games.

John's wedding was Evie's first family function.

Esme taught Evie how to take care of her curly hair and do her make up.

She has lived in 3 countries; US(Boston), England(London, Liverpool, Birmingham), and France(Paris).

It was a French whore that taught Evie how to dance when she was six.

Tommy first saw Evie when she was in his stable trying to pet his horses. He fell in love with her right there. When she saw where she lived, he took her home-no questions asked. Her adoption was easy. He paid Cindy ten pounds and gave her a ferry ticket to Amsterdam. She signed the papers and Evie was his.

Tommy teaches her one word in Romani every day.

Tommy's favorite photo of her is her first school portrait when she was 8 years old. She has a wide smile. That morning the photo was taken, she lost her second front tooth.

Evie doesn't know her actual birthday, but it's estimated early-mid October.

Evie's gotcha day is September 3rd, 1918.

Evie always looked young for her age. She never reached above 5ft. and her face stayed babyish until middle-aged. However, she was always developed which made her very self-conscious. When she was 14, there was an older man who made a comment to Tommy(not aware that he was her father) in regards to Evie's body. Tommy silently looked at him before punching him.

Mother Superior(Catholic school headmistress) called Tommy once when Evie was 13 to talk about her school blouses. They fit fine and covered her, but she just had more breasts than the other girls. She told Tommy it would be wise and more comfortable if Evie wore a sweater vest over her blouse. "It would be more comfortable for the male teachers." Tommy responded, "if you are worried about an adult male being distracted by my 13 year old daughter's breasts, I advise you to hire new teachers."

She was sexually assaulted by a group of older boys when she was fifteen. She never told Tommy, but she told Finn and Isaiah. Isaiah the next day went into their class while the teacher was teaching and beat the shit out of one.

[goodluckclove]

Storytime: Holy Shit Going No Contact Was A Really Good Idea, Actually

TW: offhanded mentions for abuse and neglect, general parental bullshit

Okay so people were saying they're down for this so here I go.

A little context for those who don't know: I'm an adult child of pretty severe emotional and psychological abuse, as well as like comical degrees of neglect that I've been making up for over the course of the past year for so. I say "comical" not because it's funny, but because if it was depicted in like a YA novel critics would pan it for being unrealistic. My mom convinced me that doctors don't actually like it when you get checkups and get mad at you for "wasting their time", so I didn't see a doctor for like eight or so years. That's on the low end of how fucked these people are. My parents are both alcoholics and my mom is a diagnosed narcissist (she doesn't know this, but I do because my long-time psychologist was her psychologist first before she decided she was "done with therapy". He told me this after like four years as a part of his attempt to get me to realize I was in a deeply fucked situation, ultimately saving my life in a very literal sense - but that's another story). I'm not saying you can't be both of those things and not be a good person, but I am saying she did not choose to go down that particular path.

I went no contact shortly after I got married to a person who was able to see that my parents were both pretty mean to me most of the time in ways I forced myself to process as humor. They sent like one weird card before we moved and now they don't have my new address or phone number.

Unfortunately I'll still occasionally hear random updates about them - mainly from my older sister, who was the object of my mom's obsessive, manipulative, parent-ifying "love" before she left home at 18 and I became the new Golden Goose. I don't like this. I wish she would stop doing this. I asked her before, but I guess she forgot. Or maybe part of the shell shock from the damage of our childhood is that she just needs to tell someone who would understand in a more primal way than her fiancee. I don't know. She pretty much raised me when I was younger so I guess this is what I'm giving her in return.

A couple of days ago she called me and casually mentioned the latest scrambling my parents are doing. They're moving in with my grandma so she can keep living in the home she raised her family in. They're not kicking out my autistic brother anymore, they're actually bringing him with them. I don't think he has a choice. They're also bringing the family dog they've neglected even worse than they did me, despite how my grandma absolutely insisted she would never want a pet. They're going to turn my kind of run-down childhood home into a rental for extra income. My parents are landlords to be. Cool cool cool.

A lot of this is about money. I have never been comfortable talking about money - probably more so than other people. I never had it explained to me. It wasn't displayed or handled in a way that made sense in my mind. My mom complained and lamented about bills to me all the time but she also had maybe four Prada purses. It didn't make sense.

Something she told me a lot about were the details of my grandmother's will - like, from as young as maybe 16. My grandma is indeterminately wealthy in a way I don't really understand and can barely even guesstimate. She owns her own house, remodeled it, bought my uncle a house, bought my childhood home when my parents almost got kicked out and they paid her the mortgage ever since. She paid for all my siblings (except for me since I dropped out) to go to college. She has an amount of money. I have no idea how much since she's pretty buttoned up - loving, but reserved - which I was told is just a generational thing for some Japanese people. I mean she has the right. She spent like a year or two in a concentration camp as a little girl, she has the fucking right.

But yeah I was told more than a few times that I have a big inheritance for after grandma dies. My mom never told me how much but stressed that it was a lot. I didn't really know why she was telling me this. I actually felt like she shouldn't be telling me this. It made me feel sad and dirty to hear her describe it as something I should be excited for. She also mentioned a lot that I was the only grandchild in the will, and not my three step-siblings that I've known since birth.

Once again - this was NOT something I wanted to know. I had no idea what to do with that information. I tried not to think about it.

Fast forward a couple of years and I'm married and we just bought a house. So before you officially buy a house there's a point where an inspector looks everything over and gives you the details - you know, so you can make an informed decision. The inspection we got for the first house we almost bought informed us that the whole thing was hand-renovated and pretty much fucked to the point where if we bought it we'd have to replace the walls. We didn't buy that house.

The inspector for the second house we loved confirmed it was old. Most of the houses in Portland are old. But it seemed pretty much fine. The only issue was some moss on the roof and a few loose shingles, he said. So we bought it.

Turns out the roof is not good. It's very not good. And we have to replace it before October or else we'll lose our home insurance, and ultimately the home itself. Stressful! I found a pretty knowledgeable roofer and he quotes 14k for the treatment. Add that to the 10k we were already planning on spending on refinancing - a separate financial obstacle course for home owners that Riley was pursuing, since the fiances are their domain - and we were both at a loss as to what to do.

Ultimately I reluctantly decide to see if my grandma would give me part of my inheritance early. Or all of it? I debate how to phrase it for a night. I didnt want to assume how much she was planning on leaving me. I didn't really like to think about how she left specifically me anything in terms of money.

But that didn't end up being an issue! Because when I called my grandma and explained the situation, how we were hit with like three major financial blows back to back and were just hoping to get some aid until things stabilized in a few months, she casually mentioned that I'm actually not in her will. None of the grandkids are!

I immediately stammered out a series of no no nevermind then, but she stopped me and explained how she has a "small emergency fund" for situations like this and asks how much I needed. I say I'm not comfortable with that, but she won't drop the subject. She says the roof is 14k so she'll just give me that. She says 14k won't be a dent in her "small emergency fund". I have absolutely no idea what my grandma's financial situation is.

Did you know if you're given only Goodwill clothes for all of your formative years you're likely to be unable to buy new clothes at even a Target without feeling lost and sick to your stomach? Did you know that if you take Lithium they won't let you sell your blood? Do you know the easiest ways to shoplift food?

I don't think my grandma knows any of that and at this point I don't want to tell her.

I accept the check. I thank her. Riley thanks her. We both cry a lot for a lot of the morning because this is just a lot and it's very confusing. Riley says they've never accepted that amount of money before and would never imagine it coming from a family member. I say my grandma has been doing shit like this for my whole life.

But in the back of my head I'm reeling. I don't consider myself a materialistic person, but I can't help but ask why did my mom lie to me? Why did she lie, and continue to push the lie even when she saw it made me uncomfortable? Why did she bring it up when I'd get mad at my siblings as a way to force me to put aside my feelings?

It's just such a random thing to make up and double down on. Triple down, even. And I understand this whole mess comes from a pretty lucky position - we were able to buy a house and get financial aid to keep the house at a crucial time. That's lucky. We're really lucky. But why the fuck was she keeping up this bit for so long?

She could've never mentioned it and I wouldn't be upset about not being in the will. Frankly I probably wouldn't notice. But holy shit I carried so much stress for years over being the one grandchildren in the will that I had no clue how to navigate. I debated telling my siblings but after all of us were told that we should consider ourselves blood-related, hearing that our own grandmother drew a distinction sounded devastating.

I can't think of a reason why my mom would push a lie this random but so big for so long. It wasn't for me, clearly. I'm not upset that I'm not going to get a fucking jackpot when my grandma dies. I was never really able to wrap my mind around that being a thing. I'm just fucking baffled that my mom was so completely delusional for my whole life and I just followed along for so long.

So long! I was so unbelievably loyal to her despite every attempt she made to drag me into the void. The day before I got married I was telling her over video call that I didn't have a right to be unhappy not working while I recovered from my first major medication shift in years. She said, even though I am the only child of four to pay rent in their own apartment, that I should be grateful for my soon-to-be wife because "without them I'd be homeless".

Fuck that. Fuck that and fuck her. With the stories I have I could ruin my parents in my extended family's eyes forever. The only thing that keeps me from doing that is knowing that it would hurt my Grandma more to know that she wasn't able to step in while it was actually happening. And she's done so much for me and our family that I don't want her to carry that in the end of her life.

It was one lie that really made me realize some things, though. The best thing I ever did for myself was cut contact with my parents. If I didn't cut contact - if I didn't move states - I would almost guaranteed be dead. This is not an exaggeration. It was fucking messy.

But I got out. I have a wife and a few close friends, a roof over my head and some cats darting around my feet. Before we moved I was terrified of my parents showing up at our old apartment. I used to spiral imagining mom screaming outside the door. I tried to plan with Riley what we'd do if that happened. One night I claimed I wanted to take a boxing class "so I can know what it feels like to get really hit and I won't be afraid of it anymore".

I'm not scared now. These are sick people and I've spent more than enough time lamenting how awful my life would be if I continued not noticing that. I was thinking my mom was unable to perceive me as my own person, and now I'm convinced she never saw me or my sister as people at all. We were just little dollies she could whisper all her traumas to.

I hope my sister cuts contact too. I told her about the will thing and said that I'm pretty sure my parents would use that as a way to keep relationships with their remaining children. I said she should probably consider that if she decides to cut ties.

Honestly, I won't blame her if she does that and decides to stay in contact. It's a hard world out there. But I hope she does anyway. She just bought a house too and is about to get married to a man with a family infinitely more loving than ours ever was. I tell her to consider them her family. After the shit she's seen that's the least she deserves.

[mahoushojo-chan]

headcanons on the Cazador spawn family

because i had to write the family into my fanfiction, i spent a good hour in the szarr manor just scrounging for details.

additional credits to this redditor who helped get me started. i won't be going over the details that they already succinctly summarized, i'll only go over my extrapolations

tw: mentions of SA, ptsd, and all the gory details you'd expect from astarion's personal quest. and spoilers, of course.

Cazador Szarr:

in many ways, i want to write cazador as astarion's foil, and someone who has very similar views to an ascended astarion, even if he has a relatively different personality. i saw him as someone more introverted and calculated than our hedonistic, in-the-moment ally, but they are joined in the sense that both of them are intentionally cruel to others and possessive over what is theirs. i also wrote him as a necromancer wizard. just seemed to fit.

one thing that seemed to stump many is why there were only seven spawn that cazador kept, but seven thousand he could have chosen from. my theory is this: cazador was truly trying to build some semblance of family, as fcked up as it became. i also don't think that he ended up seeing them as family, and that his viewpoint constantly changed between seeing them as family, lovers, and slaves/tools for his own pleasure. astarion truly loved you before he ascended, and in the same vein, i imagine cazador had an innocent wish as a spawn, or even as a human: he wanted to be a father or a lover, apparently to a large family. this frames how i view the 'siblings'.

Leon Onufrio:

the only spawn with a last name, oddly enough. astarion says that he was 'one of (Cazador's) firsts', which led me to believe there must have been at least one before. i wrote leon to be his first. this makes sense for cazador's first spawn, since cazador seemingly has an affinity towards pretty men. it made sense to me that he could lure in a human with the false promise of eternity, and that he would choose one who seemed responsible and kind for his first 'son'. he is the only one with a daughter, and the only one with limited access to magic. he also seems to understand cazador well, being the first to realize that astarion is right to believe in cazador's cruelty over their false promise of freedom. i imagine cazador would have wanted him to play the role of a 'responsible older brother', and allow him the most independence. the first to have a child, the top hunter, the role model. amongst the spawn, he is the golden child, aka just had the most time to adapt to cazador's ways and go towards people pleasing. and due to his role, cazador allows him to play this.

i wrote him as a shadow magic sorcerer, because we know he is canonically a sorcerer and that he managed to place a necrotic curse on his daughter's blood, in case anyone would go after her. shadow magic seemed fitting for a vampire. it seemed like the type that would attract cazador.

I know that canonically there's a likelihood that he was the last spawn that cazador took in, and he had to take victoria with him and had to be in a position to actually mpregnate someone, but i just wrote it such that he managed to do so while he was a spawn... which is possible, astarion fans... it is possible...

Astarion Ancunin:

canonically astarion's one of cazador's firsts, and i chose to make him the second. i figured if i were an evil, narcissistic asshole playing 'house' with a son, artistically, a cain-and-abel dynamic with an 'ideal' older son and a resentful, evil younger brother. it is also known that astarion was rebellious, and cazador took specific glee in punishing him. that's right, according to this theory: astarion was always built to fail. he was always made to be punished in his role, regardless of what he did. he was meant to be broken over and over again, but not broken enough to stop rebelling entirely, because this would mean that he didn't fit his role well enough. he would be punished according to his role, because you could not be too rebellious, but then he could also be punished if he did not rebel enough, because then he wouldn't suit cazador's cruel playacting. he is the 'rebellious second-born'.

using the bg3 canon, astarion is an arcane trickster. i write him as a thief, never quite having enough time or wanting to put enough effort on honing his magical ability, moreso focusing on surviving.

Dalyria:

the rest of the spawn get a little more difficult, as less and less of them are known. we know dalyria was a physician, she cares about astarion, and she killed leon's daughter to try and discover a 'cure' to their vampirism. i just wanted to write her in relation to the others as a "mature and elegant older sister". one who genuinely has other people's best interests at heart. i also wanted to keep in mind the doctor's hippocratic oath and how that may have degraded and suffered from cognitive dissonance under years of abject torture, especially with what she ended up doing to victoria.

as it stands, there actually is a 'physician's touch' feat in dungeons and dragons, under the monk: way of mercy subclass.

Aurelia:

personally, i thought aurelia was really cute. she's also the only tiefling in cazador's coterie. continuing with the pattern, i thought perhaps cazador could also think so: she plays the role of the 'cute, anxious younger sister' that needs to be coddled a bit. she allows the hope of freedom to be dangled in her face.

in my hypothetical, she was innocent and it was probably easy for cazador to lure her in. perhaps she was already treated poorly by the world as a tiefling, and cazador pretended to be a kind, caring, gentle figure. whether as a father, or a lover. she seems to be the most aware of cazador's schemes and easy to control.

because she was captured while she was still innocent, and i made it so that after capture, none of cazador's spawn could really 'grow' as people while under his control (hence why astarion is level 1 when we meet him), i don't have a class for her yet, other than the charisma-based inclination based off her tiefling nature. i do have two little plot hooks for her though, so i'll see which direction she decides to go in.

Petras:

what we mainly know is that petras is a bit of an idiot, according to astarion. while this would normally hold very little juice, since astarion thinks all acts of good are idiotic, we also see that petras is regarded this way in general, such as looking for a meal when he finally is allowed his freedom. his role was "dumb younger brother".

i imagined him as a bit of a jock. not exactly ill-intentioned, but definitely ignorant. he also looked shorter and stouter than astarion--even though i know they most likely use the same model, i wanted to incorporate this. i wanted to make him a idiot-good paladin at first, and keep him as someone resilient and protective, but none of the oaths really seemed to suit him. i knew none of them could be a religious class, mainly for the reasons astarion brought up, and the oaths themselves didn't really serve him well. i settled on barbarian and flavour him with dhampir. yes, even though all of them are technically vampires and petras specifically was a human in life, i just used character sheets to make things easier.

Violet:

Violet was at least a little interesting--mostly because of her diary. she constantly writes about playing pranks on other people and overall being a menace. she's also the only other person to be in the 'favoured spawn' room in recent history. while leon constantly tried to shoehorn his way in there for his daughter, she had no such attachment. i figured she just was a little cruel, and enjoyed the suffering of others so much that she may have actually enjoyed the killing a vampire would do.

i also had cazador enforce this behaviour, because in this hierarchy, she is the 'bratty younger sister'. the favoured youngest spawn. i made her a gloom stalker ranger. i wanted her to be ruthless in the way that she got her kills, attacking others while she had the advantage, and still having some skill. i also wanted an overlap where she and astarion could reconnect so that she wouldn't be completely lost and evil, what with both of them being sneaky and such. plus helps with the pranks role, and gives her some capacity for wisdom

Yousen:

the final sibling. the only thing i think we ever find out about this guy is that violet played a prank on him once. i imagine that cazador saw him as a joke. his stature doesn't fit his team, he's not particularly their type, and he doesn't seem to be treated very well. i think of him as the 'black sheep' of the family. the 'runt of the litter'. this is the role he is meant to play.

however, even though this is the role he plays, i didn't make him this way at all. i headcanon this is the 'character' cazador cared least about. i don't think he took much time carefully picking it out, since yousen would also be the last spawn chosen for the ritual, and at this point, cazador figures they're all going to die anyways--he just needs to complete the family. there was a lot i could do here, with so little known about him. i made him reclusive and resentful, which makes him seem to fit the role, but deep down it's mostly because he's hardened and jaded. i made his backstory as a soldier--perhaps one that cazador found drunk at a bar one day and figured he would make a good joke, a runt, and effectively the most misunderstood.

he is a battle master fighter. or, well, formerly was. i had him lose a significant amount of skill during the years that he became a spawn. also during cazador's ritual, if you examine everyone, he and leon are the only ones with blood on their mouths. i felt that this meant they were the only two who attempted to fight cazador before becoming sacrifical lambs. (note: they also have it at the camp when they attack astarion, but this could still be valid and also i don't trust the texture mapping they did with the spawn, what with their red bodies) i thought a sorcerer and fighter could make a badass combo. also, there are a lot of people who sleep on the halfling fighter builds.

[ichorstained]

˗ˏˋ 𓂃 (  sienna  miller.  cis  woman.  she/her ).  meet  winter  sutton,  a  44  year  old,  who  has  been  in  cloyne  for  32  years.  they  are  a  physiotherapist,  known  for  being  adaptable  and  blunt.  they  are  often  heard  humming  along  to  ego  by  halsey.  residents  have  labeled  them  the  black widow. 

tw for poverty, mental illness, absent parents, teen pregnancy, heart condition, death, narcissistic mothers

winter  was  born  to  an  absent  father  and  a  narcissistic  mother  in  toronto,  ontario.  growing  up,  winter’s  relationship  with  her  mom  was  quite  strained.  winter’s  mom  could  never  hold  down  a  job  or  relationship  and  was  constantly  moving.  winter  was  the  result  of  a  teen  pregnancy  and  her  mother  often  blamed  her  for  her  father  leaving  and  for  her  life  ending  up  shitty.

when  winter  was  12  her  mother  remarried.  the  man  she  married  was  rich  and  a  prominent  member  of  society  in  cloyne.  of  course,  that  meant  winter  and  her  mother  would  be  moving  there.  the  first  few  weeks  in  cloyne  were  tough  for  winter.  it’s  a  small  town  and  most  people  had  been  friends  since  diapers.  eventually,  winter  started  to  make  friends  and  cloyne  would  become  the  first  place  that  felt  like  home.  unsurprisingly,  her  mother  had  to  go  and  ruin  it.

her  mother  got  pregnant  and  had  a  beautiful  baby  that  she  adored  in  a  way  she  never  did  winter.  winter  herself  was  often  ignored  and  ended  up  spending  less  and  less  time  at  home.

her  mother  and  step-father  had  a  second  child,  winter  became  a  teenager  and  more  independent  than  ever.  she  didn’t  bond  with  her  siblings,  with  was  hard  with  a  12-14  year  age  gap.  she  sometimes  babysat  them  if  her  parents  offered  to  pay  but  winter  would  soon  leave  for  college  and  not  return  to  see  them  grow  up.

winter  went  to  school  in  ottawa  for  physiotherapy.  it  was  there  she  met  her  first  husband  and  the  father  of  her  children,  holden  sutton.  she  got  pregnant  at  twenty  and  dropped  out  of  college  to  care  for  her  child.  the  three  of  them  lived  in  ottawa  until  holden  finished  his  studies.  at  that  point,  they  moved  to  cloyne  for  good  and  had  two  more  children.

they  had  ten  great  years  together  before  holden  passed  away.  his  cause  of  death  was  determined  to  be  due  to  an  heart  condition  they  didn’t  end  up  catching  until  it  was  too  late.

seven  years  later  winter  remarried  to  a  new  face  in  town,  a  casper  mayfair.  she  wanted  to  give  her  children  a  father  and  he  was  the  man  willing  to  do  it.  their  relationship  had  it’s  ups  and  downs,  with  rumours  of  casper  cheating  of  her.  at  the  same  time  winter  was  traveling  an  hour  and  a  half  every  day  to  ottawa,  finishing  her  physiotherapy  degree.

she  finished  her  degree  and  decided  to  open  her  own  physiotherapy  practice.  this  was  rumored  to  cause  an  argument  between  casper  and  winter,  him  allegedly  disapproving  of  her  going  back  to  work.

one  night  two  years  ago  when  winter  and  her  kids  were  away  from  the  house,  there  was  a  carbon  monoxide  leak.  the  only  causality  was  casper.  with  two  dead  husbands,  winter  became  the  town’s  black  widow.  she  was,  however,  investigated  and  proven  innocent.

[astrophel-gaygore-obsessed]

Hey!

Astrophel, He/Him.

Thanks for visiting my account!

Here I will publish various kinds of art based on your requests, in particular fan fiction (although maybe I will publish drawings too).

For now, requests are open, so don’t be afraid to give me ideas for different types of art!

But I want to warn you that I will not accept anything with fem readers. I want to make this blog aimed only at gn and male readers, so with your idea (which is great, I'm sure!) with a fem reader, you should go to another creator.

MY YES!

Smut stuff, NSFW in particular(Don’t worry, I will mark it with a special tag if you are uncomfortable with this genre of reading.)

(Ero)Guro, a detailed and non-detailed description of cruelty. I’ll warn you right away that I’m new to describing this kind of stuff, so if you have more experience or just want to correct me, my DMs are always open!

Headcanons. From the sweetest fluff "How [OC name/character name] and [OC name/character name] spend their mornings/etc" to the most horrific descriptions of violence of one character (or even characters) towards others.

Incest, big age difference, etc. I absolutely don’t care who’s sibling and what age your characters are, but I understand that this is very triggering for many, so I will also publish similar posts with a separate hashtag and TW/CW (And also please don’t try to somehow reproach me for this or somehow condemn me, cancel me, etc., etc. My job is to create art, fiction.)

Trans guy/s, non-binary characters, etc. You guys are in a safe place.

Abuse, Self-harm, etc. Again, such fics will be published under a special hashtag so that you guys still feel comfortable being here.

As you understand, I publish and write whatever your perverted brain wants, and I promise you 100% anonymity and respect. But, of course, I have my limits.

MY NO!

There is no separate list of things that make me uncomfortable, but I can refuse your request if it seems uncomfortable/strange/unpleasant/etc.

I don’t have a DNI either, but for disrespectful attitude towards others (homo/transphobia and queerphobia in general, propaganda and approval of such behavior, neurophobia, psychophobia, belief in “narcissistic/borderline/antisocial/histrionic” abuse (fuck you. I have cluster B disorder, and I certainly won’t approve such crap on my account), and simply being aggressive towards others will lead you to a permanent ban.)

Btw, selfships and self-inserts are also okay! Love you guys.

BYF!

My level of English is quite low, and I also created this account in order to develop my level and just to ✨️have fun✨️, so if you see mistakes, please point them out politely. I can also often be late with fanfiction and requests, but I will try to publish them faster. Please be patient, thank you.

FANDOMS YOU CAN REQUEST ✎

Poppy Playtime(Current hyperfixation)

Danganronpa(Fanganronpas too! Sdra2, DRDT, P:EG)

Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Scream

Madoka Magica

Yandere Simulator

Omori

Hotel Hazbin

MASTERLIST ★

None, for now.

[dsm--v]

tw: vent, mental health discussion, bad parents, written in second person for some reason

hi.

let me set the scene for you. you, a 14 year old boy, have always struggled with people. they’re so complex and confusing and you hate most of them. you have two sisters, an older sister, the scapegoat and a younger sister, the naive one. and you. the golden child.

two mentally ill parents in the process of getting a divorce. you find yourself on your mother’s ‘side’. your father…is bad? he wasn’t involved in your life much, or so your mother tells you. you don’t remember your young childhood very well, honestly.

your mother….hm. your mother is a terribly insecure person, and was subject to some form of emotional abuser from your father, as she very frequently reminds you. she relies on you heavily. **heavily**. not just for helping with your siblings, but for…emotional support, often in the form of venting to you about your father. you have a tumultuous relationship, somewhat, at least. often very close, but it can turn harsh very quickly. your mother has few friends, and rarely leaves the house, making you one of her main forms of interaction and connection.

your father. your..father. you don’t know where to start with him, really. not like it’s a dramatic thing, you just….dont have much to say about him. apparently, he is an abusive person and a narcissist (to be clear, i am not a person who thinks ‘narc abuse’ should be a term that’s used). that’s what your mother says. and maybe he is. he probably is. but, as previously mentioned, not much of your childhood can be recalled, so you can’t be sure for yourself. he clearly favors your younger sister, and makes your mother and older sister out to be terrible people. where does that leave you? it’s subject to change. everyone always stays in those positions, but you. you fluctuate in his mind. sometimes he tries to keep you ‘on his side’ and sometimes he sees you as siding with your mother. you haven’t figured out why you were singled out. you may never.

so what is there to do? you are a mentally unhealthy teen who daydreams about violence and spends far too much of his life online and withdrawn. you want to change this, but you can’t. you just have to wait until you can leave your family, or at least distance yourself.

[blingblong55]

Tolerate it- 141+vaqueros

This is based on a request

I know a thing or two about abusing/narcissistic/ manipulative parents, so if you know the backstory will hit close to home, skip. this was all said and done to me, and I know how hard living with parent(s) like this can be and how much their words affect us.

GN!reader, tw, mentions of abuse, platonic! relationship. daddy issues

Backstory:

It wasn't a lie when you explained to the 141 and los vaqueros men of how you were treated by your father, leading to you developing daddy issues. Your father was a cruel man. He abused you, emotionally and physically. He was in your life, that was no doubt, but he wasn't a dad. Anytime you tried to be open about you feelings, he would shut you down. If you cried, he would hit you until the tears stopped. His words hurt more than any bullet. All you ever wanted was his love and respect. The times you confronted him as the years went by about the abuse he put you through, he would deny it all.

"when did I ever do that? r/n, this is what the internet made you believe, I have always been good to you. Not once did you ever miss school, I work hard to put a roof over you, food over the table. I wish I could die so I could see your pathetic face full of tears."

"but-"

"no, i worked day and night so you could have all this. And this is how you say thank you? by accusing me of all that shit? I am your dad and there is nothing you can do about it!"

tears ran down your face. He hated how you were started to become more independent. He made you stay back a year just so you'd be close. Just so he can keep hurting you.

I know my love should be celebrated,

But you tolerate it,

I greet you with a battle hero's welcome,

I take your indiscretions all in good fun,

I sit and listen

"If this is how you treat your dad I don't want to know how you would treat strangers. Aren't you ashamed? I am the man of the house and you treat me this way? You are a disgrace to my family. I told your mother that I never wanted you, and yet here we are. I pay for all this! I am your dad and you will respect me."

You looked down, just like when you were a child he gave you the same speech. At times he would take his belt off place it on the table and threaten you with it. Since then, you learned to recognize whether he was mad, annoyed or any other emotion. You also memorized the way his steps sounded like, just in case he came near your room. At times when your mum and your father would argue, you'd hide in your closet and cry.

Over the years, you moved away. You packed your things one night and never looked back. You moved on, it was hard to just leave, but it had to be done. At times he hunted you down and would try and be 'a better parent', you always declined and moved to a far place.

-----

Now, you stood in front of your team mates. You looked down like you did when you were a child. Afraid that if they say you cry, they might hit you until the tears stop. You fought them back and looked up. A small weak smile appears on your fragile lips. "so, thats why I have...daddy issues." you laughed a little, a small way of coping and your therapist named it.

"I love all of you, because in you I seek what I couldn't find in the arms of my father." your smile was still on. If only words could describe the pain they all felt. You had become their little sibling, the one they swore to always protect, and now here you stood. Telling a story most will never live through and the one most won't make out of.

These were their personal reactions/thoughts/actions.

Price:

He hated to see you like this, you were a daughter to him, His' mini me'

As you told them your past, he wiped a few tears away, biting his inner lip and shaking his head.

He wanted to ask Laswell for your fathers whereabouts, just for a little chat.

He was the one who hugged you first. As his hands rubbed you back he said "there there now, let it out r/n. I'm here, no one will ever hurt you like that." (giving beautiful boy vibes)

So much pain and yet you are still here, my toughest little soldier

He soon walked away, he didn't want you to see him angry.

On his browser stood the question(s): what is daddy issues? how do you help someone with daddy issues?

He called experts on this, he wanted to help you form a healthy relationship with him.

After that day, he was always more cautious, always trying to not trigger any memory.

Instead he built better memories with and for you.

It all made sense, there was always a reason why you waited by the door for him, how you would draw him, just like a child would, how your hands would always be placed on the table, waiting for some sort of punishment.

Ghost:

fuck was he upset, it reminded him of his own father, but your story? it made him cry.

He was the last one to hug you, but his hug was the longest and also the most vulnerable he'd been with anyone

Please, don't ever suffer with that alone

He cried when the tears of your eyes fell down onto his shirt. He didn't let go for an hour.

You were his little sibling, the one thing that motivated him to always come back to base.

He knew something was missing to your story, but he never asked, just accepted what was told.

After the whole conversation with them, he was around more often, always telling you how proud he was of you. Even if it was something small, he was there, cheering you on.

Admiration, that is what he felt towards you. You could've been another fucked up story about a kid who did worse than how they were raised, but no. You were here now, the most skilled solider. His favorite friend.

It would've been stupid if he treated you different after you told them all, but he knew it has to be done, it was the only way he knew how to show you he would never be like that man.

"y'are tougher than me kid, y'know that?" "oh stop it man, y'are feeding me ego." you responded, he shook his head, a small chuckle left his lips. He nudged your shoulder "oi" you both laughed, and as he looked down his heart ached.

You made things for him, small and stupid little things and even though he acted all bothered and threw some shade at ya, he kept them all. They became the trophies he placed on a shelf.

Gaz:

You and him had a close bond, always joking around anything, but that day it made him realize a lot of fucked up things you mentioned before. Back then he thought they were jokes.

He was the second to give you a hug, and even though you cried as he whispered some sweet stuff, his jokes made your heart ease a little.

You are truly a box of chocolates r/n

When everyone else was asleep, he knocked on your door. In his hands he had some snacks and his pillow and blanket. "sleep over?" he asked, and awkward yet sweet smile fell upon his lips.

When you fell asleep he cuddled you. The entire night and almost all of the morning he kept himself awake, thinking of everything that was said and done to you.

He silently cried. How can someone be so..cruel? He knew there were things you excluded and like price, he wanted to search how he could help you.

But mind you, this man will tell jokes about you having daddy issues with soap. So be aware of that.

"you did great out there kiddo, proud of you for that last move." Price patted your back and walked back to the rookies, you teared up a little. "psst, your daddy issues are showing." Gaz said and laughed as your face went from lost puppy to baffled by his comment.

He apologizes later in the day, but he knows you too well and he knows you're more than fine with his banter.

At times he feels bad for the moments he talked to you about what he and his dad would do on his time off, he remembered how your eyes would sparkle with joy and sadness when you'd hear how his dad treated him. He promised that next time you two are on leave he'll take his dad and you on a trip, "he can be your dad too!" he hugged you excited to share good memories with you both.

He secretly made a promise to you. Never will I ever let you leave my side, r/n, you are too good for this world and I'd like to see all the good, life will give ya

Rudy:

Although he is perceived as someone kind, I'd like to believe that out of everyone he was the first who wanted to hunt your father down. Make him pay for whatever he put you through.

He and Ghost were the last two to give you hugs. Mainly because he had to make himself strong for both of you.

I like to think he is a few years older than you, so he sees you more as a child to him, (you're like 8 years apart) so of course he and price became very important father figures to you, Price was more of a tough yet sweet dad, Rudy was sweet, kind and compassionate kind of dad. Both men equally protective yet he was more easy going, always willing to see the bigger picture.

When he heard you speak about you having daddy issues and the reason why you had them, he held back tears as he saw how you broke down with every memory and every word that you spoke, his heart broke.

For moments after he went to bed, he tried to sleep. But after much fail, he called a friend of his. After hours he found a way to help with your trauma and how he can be a good figure of you.

This man is such a dad because by accident he went to Spotify and looked up : daddy issues. Best believe he was confused when he saw the pictures and titles of those playlists. He listed to some of the songs though, and he cried while imaging you as a child and even now.

el/la más joven de todos nosotros y, sin embargo, has experimentado cosas peores

For months after, he brought a cup of tea and biscuits and listened to everything you needed to say, he even bought two pillows. One was for hugging, the other was for punching.

Soap:

Yes he is a funny and cool guy around base, but gosh did it fuck him up when his laughing buddy all of the sudden let a wall come down.

He stayed quiet, his mind looking and calling out every emotion that you might be feeling. He hoped it was a stupid prank.

Out of everyone his hugged felt more like home. You had become part of the Mactavish clan after all. His mum and him had a long talk about ways he can make you feel comfortable after that talk, and she suggested to just let you know you were apart of his family.

"scotland forever- I mean mactavish foreva!" you chanted while laughing . He laughed and pulled you by his side, "oh you bastard." he messed with your already fucked up hair.

Like gaz he said many jokes. Some Price actually got him in trouble for others you laughed at. "knock knock" he walked up to you, "who is it?" you answered, annoyed because this was the 3rd time today. "not yer dad!" then gaz stepped in and poorly sang with soap, "don't cry just because ya don't have a dad!" you walk away and they soon tackled you.

There were moments where he was serious about the situation, but he loved messing with you so much. "do you love me because im your bestfriend or is it because I'm older and yer daddy issues are attracting ya to me?" you looked at him and gave him a "deadass?" look. "bet the reason why you worked for Shepard last year was because he was old,,,,by the way, I saw on the Internet that people like you date older people, soooo..." "gosh what?" "how old did ya say yer last date was?" you playfully rolled your eyes and nudged his arm.

You can't convince me other wise he didn't try to host a search party for your mental sanity and the cure to daddy issues.

Him and Rudy asked Laswell for any information about your father, and boy did they have a fun time once Price gave you all a week off.

At times he looked at you and his eyes would gets teary.

I wish I can go back in time and kidnap ya, just so yer life had a better past.

Alejandro:

This man waited until soap gave you a hug, and then he pushed everyone away and hugged you. His heart was beating fast, a knot formed at his throat.

"I'm fine now Ale, it's all better now hermano." you tried to reassure him, but all this man did was keep your head on his chest, and he tried to rock your back and forth just so he can comfort you. Something his partner did with his children.

He was more of the bully but still loves you type of friend. Yes he did push you off your chair during meetings but he'd push your father off a cliff if he could only find him.

Him and Ghost planned something while the others smothered you with affection. It was an alliance that had become dangerous to even themselves.

While he saw you and gaz have sleepovers and your weekly talks with Rudy, he planed and planed, until one day you stopped him. "S'no good, what's done is done. Now c'mere, we have to train."

He got really frustrated in Spanish, this man said so many curse words and they all came out so fast you swore he would soon start to float.

no es justo que lo dejes salirse con la suya con todo esto

It really was unfair how he and the other man grew up with good parents (except ghost, we know what I mean).

But like I said this man was a pain in the ass, like soap he made fun of your daddy issues, always asking if you ever found his dad or himself attractive "I don't know but something tells me you are my friend because of your daddy issues." Rudy definitely made him apologize for that one

He did comfort you at times, but those were rare, instead he told you that whenever you gave him the call he and his men would play a little hunting games with your father.

"what does that mean?'" "nothing, bye now!"

A/n: I know I said this one would be out in a day(at the time of my commitment), but like I said before this is based on a much more personal experience and it was hard not to put all my feelings on this one, sorry for the wait. I hope this is what you had in mind!<3

Tags: @bugboysnumberonefan