#Emotionally Abusive

[mrsvoldemort]

I am so incredibly jealous when I see kids who grew up in happy and safe households, I grew up cowering in small spaces because I was scared my Father would hit me. Became a feminist because I could never imagine hating women like my mother. Made me realise how all your pick me behaviour would still never make them see you as their equal, so it would be better to never try. I would rather live my life alone than try to live it with a man like my father and surrounded by women like my mother. I don’t have it in me to be abused more than this. It’s not like the trauma of being called an ‘idiot’ or ‘shit’ or ‘characterless’ ever goes away. Neither does the fact that you grew up with so little love, and that too conditional, that you’ve never seen yourself as worthy. Of anything. You’ve never been hugged when you’ve made a mistake. You have never been calmed down after a traumatic event. You have never been seen as an individual with autonomy. You have never been hugged or kissed.

[rdzyvth]

You were not always this person. I used to be a whole person, the ideal synthesis of my greatest and worst qualities. Not like you, I soared above all limitations and boundaries—until, to use one word, I was split apart.

I turned into a person who was desperate for closeness, loyal and passionately committed to a writer—the muse that etched my spirit. She did what I had hoped innumerable others would do—she saw past the overarching concept of my flimsy societal relevance and acknowledged the inside of my brain and humor and philosophies and talent and acute mind and my unyielding stance against fools. I questioned whether most people's experiences were like this: a clear road from desire to fulfillment, with desires constantly emerging and being satisfied in an orderly sequence. This had never been my reality before; it had always been fraught. The tormenting fraught of pondering and questioning, "If I just looked a little different, would I be drowning in love?" Now, I get to drown without having to alter a single cell. Literally. Drowning. I left, carrying her image with me: moved to the city, worked in publishing, yearned for her, listened to her scream over the phone, hated her, loved her, lusted over her, now her father hates me more than anything. I told her to go to therapy because I can’t handle her anger alone, she told me sure as long as I fuck myself, so I loathed her again and again and drove seven hours each week to see her, only to have her look at me as if I were the most scrutinized person in the world. Every moment in her presence felt like a gun was poised on the mantelpiece. A figurative gun, naturally. If it were an actual gun, I would likely be dead.

But you. You are one job, two lovers, three cities away from her. Four years on and you still dream about it. You took a job to fill the void. You’d rather have an orgasm than do most things. You wrote for people who can’t read poetries. You cried in front of people. You missed hang outs, parties, the solar eclipse, and high school reunions. You tried to bare your soul to those who can't comprehend art. You despise it when people say foolish things. You came to realize too late that your life had been compromised by a lack of ambition. You made a fool of yourself in more ways than one. YOU WISH SHE WAS A MAN BECAUSE THEN AT LEAST IT WOULD REINFORCE YOUR IDEAS ABOUT PEOPLE AND HOW SHE LIKELY WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND. You seek an explanation that absolves her of responsibility, allowing your relationship to continue uninterrupted.

I thought you were gone, but as I write this, I'm uncertain if you truly are. And now, four years later, I still fear that if I wake myself up forcefully, she will emerge from the dream and enter the world, where I feel secure but distant.

[turtwig387]

I asked my mom 3 times yesterday (nicely) to put my laundry in the dryer yesterday and she said she would

She didn't wash it until today (annoying bc one of the things is my wrist brace and I wanted it back way before now because I'm in a lot of pain) and then hung everything on the line outside

And I said to her it's on the line but I asked you to put it in the dryer (thinking she forgot)

And she's like well there's no need to run the dryer because we have the lord's light

WHY DO WE HAVE A DRYER WE AREN'T ALLOWED TO USE

AND WHY DID SHE ALREADY TELL ME SHE WOULD THEN

And this seems petty I know, and I'm wondering myself why I'm so upset, like I literally want to break down in tears because she put my laundry on the line

(Side note, I'm disabled and the washer and dryer are downstairs so it's harder though not impossible for me to have done the laundry myself)

But. Yesterday she was a bitch for a good part of the day and she even went out of her way to say rude stuff about me several times (and she even called me a bitch yesterday lol)

And today my dad started on me this morning which ruined my mood for a WHILE

So sometimes it's not about the laundry

Sometimes it's just everything and the laundry was just too much

[spokenmind93]

Hey #rickandmorty fandom, you should know what you have in your midst. The person I'm mentioning in these tweets has been chased out of multiple fandoms for VERY good reasons.  - Har*ssment - Stealing - Fraudulency - Driving people to kys - Danger to minors

On tumblr he goes by @daintylop 

[minecraft-fanfiction-house]

I have grabbed 3 random blocks to introduce myself with.

(TW Burn Wound, Cannibalism and Disease, Emotionally Abusive)

Ocs Based of Prompts and daydreams i already had in my head, that ended up fitting the generated blocks (Podzel was one where i just added the ideas that were in my saved pintrest box and instagrammed favirites. Like their parents and sweater dirtied by moss.)

You probably arnt able to read my handwriting. Yeah i couldve typed... and i shouldve, i really shouldve.

My rambling of information i will give is uneven as sand!

BeeKeeperer 'As much as merchant jobs are looked down upon, honey endeavours of illagers who want to keep bees and keep flowers are the exception... ' This profession among illager units is a lot more diverse when it comes to bees. As an example with BeeKeeperer housing Vulture bees to make honey jerky with cow blood. But never pigs blood! as cannibls use it as a substitute, seeing it as a bad omen and a path to unrighteousness. {Country unnamed but they live in an active political fued only personal to the council.} Their was an incident that happend during a winter storm, far less worse but destructive in flinging a whole tree- so yeah, less worse. Shattered glass and the rose dyed snow. Attracting a villager nearby, whos from the path of fox traps, {Whoever put those their}... They were pretty terrafied, and were so scared of being seen by the eyes of a cannibal from noted interviews of another more cooperative cannibalism of Pirana Village 'They love the nickname so much they kept it?' Which hat Illager, dragging a drunken BeeKeeperer. Turns out Ravager's blood has a lot more of a kick once they ingust alchol, or duchess can make alchol in her system like their Raveger {Illager Caretaker}

Plaguetor 'Their is a plauge in parts of villages and patrol unit's along with wild patrols. One may worry its of cannibles disease for it to have spread this long. It is slow, and theirs a pityful end to the animals' Their Faith is that of Elements and health. The sacredness of the elements of fire, air, water and earth. They help with burial practice and did research on the scavanger animals given to them from their diety's blessing on a marking on one of the vulture eggs. With omens of a sickness spreading among deer witn odd behaviours of canniblsm. The Silent Tower is... silent(Ill expand more on this another day)

… Jobless Teen {Vigliger} "Oh your parents are an illager and villager," "Yup" "Aww forbidden love"... "...Sure" 'An Arranged marriage that both of their parents agreed to instead of them.' Considering how cats can see our stripes and how podzel is grazingly burnt. i meshed those two into the skin. They do look a lot like their father, and their skinn shows their moms invisible stripe color pattern. I found this to be a cool idea when podzel was generated to me. Along with the metaphors ^^ I love the idea of wearing their dads trench coat, it made them blend in, if only for their clothing. They might be a more, grazed by presence if they werent good at being quite when they can. Others wouldnt notice that, they all assume Podzel show up into the room. They make their presence know with one sentance and they can immiditly leave, "You haven't stayed their for very long" Their mothers speach starts soft, and thats when they knew a crabs pincer would be better. As long as they dont have to get picnhed on sand, the smooth rocks that touchs the waters foam, is always so much better.

"Go, you arnt ruining the danm party planned by that scrubbed womens daughter. Just- Have Fun, or sit quitly in the corner without disturbing anyone." their mother wanted them to show face. Cant reason its because they dont want them here, it would be an annoying lie if id they proclaimed they did. (Chatgpt told me she isnt using coarse langouge lol, but it shows what i had in mind. I guess not so publicly near a party, she wouldnt want to be to loud.)

Now to explain what these show about me! { Psychologically complicated, like all brains are. Consider I am a fixation-ate internet user and by that I mean I’m ADHD and I love calling my brain Dave. }

My love of learning history, about other cultures and religions like the Zoroastrianism faith and their funeral practice. Taking inspiration and interest in a lot of things. Learning things from diffrent sites, interviews and connecting t with other ideas like with vultures. From tumblr facts post and idea prompts on vultures being holy. I know, i know I have named the vultures but i haven't drawn them. But soon. They are bearded vultures ^^

My writing abilities for creating my characters, with care and understanding. Since I did just create them I haven't really had a chance to hurt them more than whatever job they already have to imply that.. Like death, or wearing a mask due to a traumatic incident along with letting bees sleep on you like cats and getting poisoned. I did this all in 4 days, i would've written it all up but i noticed i might get burn out so i risked another day where i might lose my hyper fixation, and all my ideas... You can i had a lot of fun rambling. But I wont put myself to a high expectations. Loved naming conventions, might rename or have to give my ocs names. Whiiich, i made my beekeeper name jerky and like illusinor jasper in the codes, both seemed uniqe proffesions of beast taming and the other of illusionist arts that its named after them! I like that idea a lot, And maybe it meets the way they handled their profession is uniqe, Blood and a Rock... Lol you i'm making this up as I go <3

I do hope to have a sona soon, but it’s fanfic, ie been writing Minecraft fanfic(also my splatoon tag). Never completed a story, I’m just writing it, even my oneshots taking to long.

Also box of unnecesary rambles that would fit into intos post... If i had the time to draw it [Attacking wolfs and zombie's unnatruly, seeming to only decay continuelly they come down to two seperate definitions. 'Zombie deer' from a zombie priest who helps them be docile and 'Chronic wasting Diseased Deer' CWDD. "Chemical Warefare Directinal Detecter?" Confusion scrunchs up the Vultures leatherd face, looking beside them to a sign into a facility, "...No, But i can decree why youd assume. I am formally of the mind of researching the the 'Chronic Wasting Disease Deer' odd behavours that dont quickly decompose their mouths to stop biting so aggresivly. Gladly they do tend to lack cordanation."]

[greykolla-art]

Unstoppable villain, meet immovable agent of friendship!

I was wondering in what circumstances Charlie would just OFFER her soul to Al.

And he would short circuit as all his manipulation plans become unnecessary.

Cause Charlie cares about her friends and if they need help she won’t hesitate.

[amu-says-hav-says]

I can’t believe I went through all of Season 2 assuming Nina was the stand-in for Crowley when you actually pay attention it’s so CLEAR that she’s Aziraphale. I was tricked by her spiky, sarcastic, cynical outer shell and lulled into a false sense of security by Maggie’s bubbly optimism and wholesome goodness, because on the surface they reflect the ineffable husbands perfectly, in their personalities, their aesthetics, even many of their actions and morals. but not, and this is the real key, when it comes to their “relationship”. but those first impressions really had me damn fooled. 

I missed the blatantness of Nina’s “we’re just friends. actually we’re not friends. we barely know each other.” the same thing Aziraphale said in season 1.  the way he still struggles to quantify their friendship when Nina asks. Nina’s sarcasm when Crowley asks about rain and awnings because it worked for him (we all know it LMAO). hell, that whole convo the girls have in the rain is so AziraCrow (“I know. I’m not your type” “...You have no idea” hits so much harder the second time, help meeeee.) “Lindsay” maybe being symbolic of Heaven and Aziraphale’s toxic relationship with them and their abuse? (the handwritten text messages in red pen make me think of angry notes on paperwork, anyone else?) because Crowley has never actually cared about what Hell thinks of him, just not getting into trouble (or him or Aziraphale getting hurt). Maggie is always chasing Nina. NINA NEVER GOES IN THE RECORD STORE. Just like Crowley always goes to the bookstore, to Aziraphale, Zira NEVER WENT TO THE FLAT (apart from The Swap but that doesn’t count imo). Crowley has always chased Zira, not the other way around. Always there to rescue him, always going to him for company, always relying on their shared connection, always US. OUR SIDE. All through season one, he comes to Zira every time to work together, never trying to work alongside Hell in any way that isn’t to save their skins or Earth, while Zira hides things from Crowley because he STILL thinks Heaven is ultimately good and will do the right thing if he can just show them. fix it from the inside. 

Maggie working up the courage to finally say something, to put herself out there, while Nina is utterly oblivious and then when she does realise Maggie has feelings, becoming standoffish, putting up that barrier, fighting it, denying it, ITS SO CROWLEY AND AZIRAPHALE IN THAT ORDER. the way I was fooled into thinking Nina’s trust issues are Crowley because he does have trust issues ofc he does BUT Crowley has ALWAYS TRUSTED AZIRAPHALE. has always relied on him. has always been hurt when Aziraphale doesn’t immediately reciprocate the way he expects (the holy water request, the bandstand, the “off in the stars” etc). he’s always the one putting himself forward. Aziraphale has always been the one to second guess everything, to fight their connection, their similarities, their friendship. the girls really made me think it was going to be okay when they sat Crowley down, even as my inner sirens were going haywire about Metatron interfering, they were telling Crowley he just needs to open up and it’ll all work out BUT HE’S ALREADY AT THAT POINT. he may not say it, and by gosh is that part of their damn problem, but he’s always SHOWN IT. he’s not Nina who needs time to heal and recover from her broken trust, he’s always been Maggie believing it doesn’t matter, they’ll end up together in the end anyway AND I WALKED RIGHT INTO THE TRAP THAT THIS MEANT THEY WERE GOING TO BE OKAYYYYYYYYYYY

[spyroz]

if anyone needs help identifying things that can become moral scrupulosity OCD obsessions/compulsions, heres a list of some i've experienced:

rereading your posts/texts over and over

checking your notes and/or followers list frequently to "make sure" bad actors aren't interacting with you

checking OP's blog before interacting with posts

compulsively opening a social media tab to look at your notifs and then closing it, over and over

fearing ways that things you say/do (or don't do) could be taken in bad faith. being anxious that your words/actions will be misconstrued as morally wrong, bigoted, rude, or aggressive

feeling guilty or obsessing over whether you should or shouldn't have reblogged a post

feeling like you aren't "allowed" to disengage from online discourse or unfollow people who post it

fearing you're being stalked, talked about, or called out behind your back. fearing you'll never be forgiven and that people might even celebrate your disappearance or death, even though you havent done anything wrong

searching your own name/username to see if anyone is actually talking about you

imagining defenses you would make against nonexistent heinous accusations or arguments against you, to prove that you didnt do it

feeling like you have to roll over and become a doormat when others are cruel to you, because it could cause strife if you do anything other than grovel or apologize

having trouble enforcing your own boundaries out of fear that they are somehow "wrong" or unethical

ending up surrounded by people who have all the "right opinions" but are super mean and unpleasant, and make you feel like you have to walk on eggshells

fearing that just HAVING moral ocd makes you a bad person somehow (for example, i often fear that having moral ocd is somehow pushing a 'stranger danger' or misanthropist agenda, even though i actually have a lot of faith in my fellow humans)

some of these bullet points are not inherently bad on their own, but if you find yourself having this kind of anxiety very often, that's not normal, and it's time to get offline or even seek professional help if it's impacting your life

this list is catered to how online culture influences moral scrupulosity, it is not indicative of how everybody's moral scrupulosity functions, and it is not exhaustive

[sparrow-the-tired-lesbian]

here’s a friendly reminder for survivors of any sort of abuse that

It wasnt your fault

You are strong

You didnt ask for it

No one gets to invalidate your experience

If someone invalidates your experience, you get to dump their ass

[mrsvoldemort]

Having a sibling be verbally and emotionally abusive towards you when you're depressed is like being shot at when you're already dead and in a coffin ready to be buried

[witchyykitten]

'you're so sensitive'

THANKS

i was never fully allowed to express my emotions as a child because when i did i would get yelled or made fun of

[turtwig387]

I find myself wanting to pour water on the floor just to make a mess, or wanting to throw her crackers away

I want to cause minor havoc

And I'm afraid that this feeling will escalate

That it's a pipeline to becoming destructive

That it'll lead me eventually wanting to be violent

I'm just so tired of the emotional abuse

I start to feel good about her feeling bad because I feel like she deserves it

I'm afraid I'll become an awful person, or that I may already have become an awful person

I want her to be sorry

I want them all to be sorry

[nothing0fnothing]

Most parents decide they're going to use their child's innate naivety and trusting nature to instill a sense of wonder. Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, mermaids are real, Disneyland. All that.

My parents used it to create an invisible panopticon that only existed in my mind so they could easily deny its existence if I reported it to anybody.

Basically, was told at a very young age, that there were tiny hidden cameras I couldn't see everywhere in my home, and in my clothes, and in my school. They gave my stepdad 24/7 round the clock acsess to view me whenever he wanted to. He said these cameras could not only record my face, voice and actions, but that they had special technology that could read and translate my very thoughts.

I was at the "mermaids and unicorns are real" age, so not only did all of this seem totally plausible, it terrified me. I was changing under the covers of my bed, worried he could see me on the toilet or in the shower, and worst of all I started monitoring and censoring my own thoughts, convinced he could hear every one of them.

My mum noticed I had started taking longer to get dressed and ready than I used to, and asked why I was wasting time trying to get dressed in bed. When I told her about the cameras she tried to convince me they weren't there, and even did a sweep of my room to prove it to me, but I didn't believe her. I thought my step dad had so much power he could even hide these mind reading micro cameras from other adults. She just kind of brushed it off, assuming this was some silly thing I'd be over in a week.

I wasn't.

He kept reminding me of them, so I continued to be scared of them.

The second time my mother heard of these invisible cameras were when another parent, concerned, told her about it.

See I'd been playing at her daughters house, and I was asking her to call my step dad to ask permission for every minor thing I did.

"Can you call my dad and ask if I'm allowed to play in the garden?" "Can you call my dad and ask if I'm allowed to watch TV?" "Can you call my dad and ask if I'm allowed ketchup on my chips?"

She would assure me she'd asked my mum and my mum said it was fine, but I was adamant it be my step father she call. Eventually, she asked me why I was so concerned about his permission to do these things I'd been doing fine every other time I'd been at her house.

"Because he's the one with the cameras."

I said it so naturally. Like every family had a parent who had the cameras and another who was under surveillance by them. I was worried that if I conveyed the frozen still fear I felt over these hidden cameras, it would seem that I had something to hide.

"There's no cameras in our house so you don't have to worry about it." She tried to convince me.

"Oh no, they're in my clothes" I said. "They're so tiny they could be in a zip or a button or on my shoe laces and nobody would know."

She was, understandably, freaked out by this.

I'm not sure if she beleived my step dad had just sent me bugged into her home like a pervert or something, but I think when I started talking about how it can hear my thoughts like a regular camera can record voices, she realised that this was something else.

My mum pretended that I'd made it up and was lying for attention, even though she knew I wasn't. She knew that her husband had been terrorising me with these fake omnipotent cameras for weeks to the point I was losing sleep and dreaming about them. It was just easier for her to paint me as some kind of freakishly and manipulative child. It was really messed up, this woman's daughter was my only friend, I'd be friendless and alone if she decided she didn't want her daughter learning this behaviour from me.

The last time it was brought up to her was by my aunt. I'd had a bonding day out with her that ended in me crying on her couch after dinner. I vented about the cameras and how much pressure they were putting on me. I said I felt scared to be out with anyone, because if my daddy was watching and he heard their thoughts and he didn't like them, he could stop them from ever seeing me again. I knew she didn't like him, and he didn't like her. All he needed was video proof that she thought bad things about him and he'd have the perfect excuse to cut her out of my life. I didn't want that, I loved my aunt dearly.

My mum tried to pull the same "oh she's just making it up for attention" bit, but my aunt knew my step dad, and she knew he was exactly crazy and twisted enough to torture me like that. She believed me over my mother, and after that I never heard about the cameras again.

Over the weeks I wasn't threatened with them, I slowly started to think about them less and less. And by the time I stopped thinking about them entirely, I'd stopped believing in tooth fairies and unicorns and high tech invisible cameras that could hear my thoughts.

I never forgot about them though.

[flowersintheimpala69]

Idk how sam keeps it together cuz personally id kms if my brotherhusband was always telling me im too violent too gentle too cold too sensitive too too much of a pansy a freak an abomination and that he loves me so much and all he wants is for me to be happy yet he hits me more often than not but it’s my fault because i fucked up and I let myself get manipulated again and it’s my fault for getting violated and that he can barely look at me I disgust him sm but if I die he’ll kill himself to be with me like how does sam handle all that

[spookietrex]

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

but also like. guys you don’t need to leave the minecraft youtube community bc one person is bad to clarify. like. shelby is a minecraft youtuber. a lot of her friends are minecraft youtubers. those friends are supportive and as far as we know all believe her. the vast majority of minecraft youtubers are like. fine. this shit is something that Happens because Abusers are Manipulative, going to another hobby will Not shield you from anything and you’re not immoral for liking something bad people also liked. which is. one of the biggest video games ever. like in this situation no one was knowingly harbouring an abuser and it seems everyone was supportive. this is just a case of some people being shit, not anything to do with mcyt. hell, the guy hasn’t been on minecraft in like a year lmao.

i fully understand why the content might be uncomfortable to you guys now but like, please don’t self flagellate and cut yourself off from an entire genre of media because of one guy again. i saw that happen after the dream stuff and a lot of people ended up losing important things because they made rash decisions and felt like they Had to leave. but please. take one deep fucking breath. this has happened before. this has happened so much before, and in ways far worse than this. because abusers, unfortunately, exist. you should not feel guilty for being manipulated by a manipulative abuser, don’t blame yourself. do what you have to, but please, please keep in mind that the majority of minecraft youtube is fine. it is fine to continue engaging with it. it’s fine to be manipulated by an abuser and it’s not your fault. please don’t make rash decisions and end up losing things you care deeply about and being unable to get them back. distance yourself all you want, but please be careful to not do so out of emotional self harm from the guilt. that’s something this fandom encourages far too much- even outside of this- and it’s unhealthy and anyone expecting it of you is cruel.