#Gordon has a Batman selfie

[silentangel00]

The Batman

(Reader Insert)

Chapter 3: Losing Face

Chapter 2: https://www.tumblr.com/silentangel00/731701435395358721/the-batman

You had gotten home around 11 PM obviously exhausted, but your nerves were too on edge after almost being shot tonight to sleep. A couple of hours later you realized you never did get your chocolate cake and you were very hungry. You turn on your TV for background noise and went to the kitchen to grab a snack, settling on sweet and salty popcorn you sat back down on the couch and started scrolling through your phone while you ate. You weren't paying attention to the TV until something ripped your attention away from your phone as you look up and turn up the volume in shock.

"... the city has been rocked by a second high-profile murder in as many nights. And this time the killer has come forward to claim credit online. His victim, longtime head of the Gotham City PD, Commissioner Pete Savage, was found dead earlier tonight inside the Police Athletic League facilities in the Tricorner area. The killer posted the followingmessage on social media. We have to warn you, the video is disturbing" The screen cuts to a hand-held video with a selfie view of the Olive Green Hooded Killer, a symbol on his chest that looks like a scrawled question mark within crosshairs.

"Hello, people of Gotham ... This ...is the Riddler speaking. OnHalloween night, I killed yourmayor, because he was not who hepretended to be. But I am notdone. Here ... is another ..." He swings the camera around to a bound man with a Cage-like box over his head. As the killer presses the camera further into the man's face you see for sure that is Commissioner Savage inside. His mouth was covered in duct tape with the words: "NO MORE LIES". You notice with horror the feral rats that circle his face. "... who will soon ... be losingface ... I will kill again andagain, until our Day ofJudgement ... when the Truth aboutour city will finally be Unmasked." The killer quickly leans into view "Good Byeee"

The video abruptly ends after we start to hear muffled shrieks. Almost immediately your phone starts to ring and you answer it without even looking at the caller ID, eyes still glued to the screen as the Newscasters continue.

"Y/N?" You hear Gordon as you bring the phone up to your ear.

"Yeah..."

"Have you heard yet... about Pete?"

"Yeah..."

"They're transporting his body to the morgue right now... I'll meet you there in an hour or so if you wanna go ahead and get a head start to look him over..."

"Yeah..."

"Ok see you then."

You hang up without a word and just sit there for a minute feeling absolutely numb. Another long night...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You had a couple of hours to properly examine the body before Gordon arrived, with Batman as well. You pull Savage's body out and pull down the cover to reveal the grotesque damage done. Gordon has to look away while Batman coldly assesses alongside you.

"He waited for him. At the gym.Pete liked to work out late at night when nobody was around." Gordon says catching us all up.

"There's a needle mark on his neck..." Batman states as you nod.

"Injected him with arsenic," You say grimly. Batman looks up at you, silent for just a second.

"Rat poison." He says still looking at you.

"Yeah, that seems to be his theme here." You say looking back at him. Gordon angrily steps away and you follow him as you show him the cage-like headbox on the evidence table that you had to detach from Savage's head. Inside is an elaborate network of channels.

"Look at this thing, It's a maze..." You say as Batman soon follows joining you and Gordon. He takes a UV flashlight and shines it on the creepy hinged box.

"What kinda demented SOB does this to a person?" Gordon says as he gazes inside the bloody maze. You follow Batman's flashlight as it shows a crudely painted cipher that runs through the floor of the maze, ending on a question mark in crosshairs.

"It's another cipher." You state.

"He blasted these out after his message went viral. This guy murders you and your reputation." Gordon says as he finds a stack of surveillance photos, in one of the photos the commissioner is shown emerging from the Iceberg Lounge, shaking hands with a shady-looking guy.

"That guy pushes drops. On the East End." Batman says causing you to quickly look at him hearing the mention of the drug. You made a mental note of what he said planning to look into that when you get back to the labs. Gordon continues looking on, pained, as Batman stares at another photo of Savage peeking into a cash-stuffed envelope.

"I don't get it. Why would Pete get involved in this?" Gordon asks in denial.

"Looks like he got greedy," Batman replies.

"You kidding me? After everything we did to take down the Maronis? We busted their entire operation, then he caves to some lowlife dealer?"

"Maybe he's not who you thought."

Gordon looks up at Batman "You make it sound like he had it coming..." You could feel the tension. You wondered if you should start de-escalating or not. Batman stands in silence for a moment.

"He was a cop...Crossed a line." He states. Gordon just sighs and places the pictures down on the evidence table. Batman seems to notice something. A button with the question mark in the crosshairs symbol on it. He presses it causing a hidden drawer underneath the box to pop open. Inside another envelope addressed: "TO THE BATMAN". Batman opens the envelope to reveal yet another greeting card. A cartoon scientist mixes beakers: "I'm MAD About You! Wantto Know My Name? Just Look Inside and See ... " Inside is a cartoon explosion; over it, it says: " But, Wait, I Cannot Tell You. It Might Spoil the Chemistry!"

Batman continues to read the scribbled handwriting at the bottom "Follow the maze till you find the rat -- bring him into the light,and you'll find where I'm at."

"The hell is that?" Gordon states in confusion.

"Bring him into the light? Find the rat?" You repeat also confused. Unnerved Batman stares at his name on the envelope.

"I don't know..." He says. You let out an exasperated sigh as you turn to cover Savage's body and push him back into the morgue cooler. Gordon looks on at you and slowly walks up noticing how tired you look.

"How you doin? I heard about what happened to you earlier tonight."

Batman immediately looks up curiously eyeing Gordon before staring directly at you.

"I'm...fine," You say half-heartedly "Just a little Gotham initiation never hurt anyone." You try to joke feeling suddenly very nervous and fidgety under not only Gordon's but also Batman's concerned stare. Gordon looks down and nods.

"Yeah... Well, let me drive you home tonight... And just so you know, if you need anything you got my number."

You give him a small smile and nod genuinely appreciating the offer, feeling a bit of a weight lifted off your chest. A cop appears on the stairs calling for Gordon's attention. "Lieutenant, they're coming back." he then immediately turns and heads back up the stairs.

"We gotta get outta here," Gordon says and heads towards the stairs. You follow him but stop as Batman turns to you, looking like he wants to say something. You look up at him as he seems almost unsure whether he should speak or not.

"What happened?" He finally asks.

"Um... nothing, just an attempted robbery..." You don't know why but you're having trouble talking about it, deeply wishing you didn't have to acknowledge it happening. Gordon turns around and huffs.

"You had a gun put to your head and almost got shot if you didn't get pushed out the way in time." You stare down at the floor in guilty silence. Batman stares at you seemingly struck.

"I'm sorry..." He says, you look up at him. Wait is this the first time he's ever talked directly to me?

"Thanks... I'll be fine." You say giving him a small genuine smile as well. It looked for just a second his usual cold hard looks almost softened just then. Immediately you shake off that thought.

I need some sleep.

Chapter4: https://www.tumblr.com/silentangel00/732845264415719424/the-batman

[rainycat2]

Though I Could Not Stop For Death

Chapter Five: Throw Away the Plan

Damian was having a no-good, very bad day.

First, the nonsense with Gordon running into a clone, the clone acting oddly.

Second, the clone apparently operating Twitter to post a picture of himself with coffee, rapidly rising to viral fame. Father had already been receiving requests for interviews about the apparent doppelgänger of his youngest son, and if there was another adoption case in the works. 

The clone’s actions were smart, all things considered. By showing up in the public eye, its disappearance would cause some concern— unless they were somehow able to pass it off as Damian or a fluke. The cleanup from this particular strategy would take a while for the public to forget. 

Not to mention, Jon was being frankly insufferable about it. He’d “popped over for a visit”, planting himself firmly in Damian’s room (which he was not sulking in, thank you) until Damian talked to him. 

“He’s not a clone, is he?” Jon asked, thinking out loud as he inspected the selfie, zooming in on the features. “Dude, he has constellation freckles. Look close, here.”

Damian resolutely did not look at the phone. “Just another point that this is a failed clone,” he insisted. “My mother is getting desperate if she is resorting to this.”

“Damian, come on.” Jon tucked his legs up under himself on the bed, kicking off his boots at Damian’s halfhearted scowl. “What’s going on? You’re, like, super upset about this.”

Damian looked away, looked out the window as he padded over to the sitting bay, climbing into it smoothly. “It’s a long story, but I shall attempt to summarize— so long as you swear not to tell my father or yours. Or any of my siblings.”

“Cross my heart,” Jon agreed, going through the motions. “Total secrecy. Well, as much secrecy as you can get here.”

Damian hummed, waiting for Jon to climb up into the window seat with him, looking out over the gardens below. “My father’s adopted children are not… the only siblings I have ever had,” he started reluctantly. “I had an elder brother, albeit only older by a short amount of time.”

“Had?” Jon asked, tilting his head. Damian reached over to poke him between the eyes. 

“Quit that, you look like a sad puppy. Yes, had is the key word here. We trained to take on our separate roles, myself training to become Batman, and he… he would have been the Heir to the Demon,” Damian explained, his voice going soft. Jon noticed his eyes shift, lost in memories. “I am reluctant to admit it, but he was… superior to me in everything. It came naturally to him, whether the it in question was languages, stealth, deception, fighting. He was a true protege, a true heir to Ra’s al Ghul.”

“So… what happened?”

“I was not. I was… a disappointment to the al Ghul name,” Damian gritted out, his face hardening. “I was clumsy, and soft. I could not bring myself to kill.”

Jon stared for a moment. “You?”

“Yes, me,” he drawled, raising an eyebrow. “A surprise, I understand.”

“It’s just…. You?”

“Yes, yes,” Damian waved off. “We can return to this later. To summarize, we were given the directive. Ra’s only needed one heir, after all— Batman was not a necessary component of his empire, after all, and the League had recently… acquired Todd.” 

Snow blowing through his hair, his hands shaking as he held the katana pressed into his hands. It’s too big for him, unwieldy in his eight-year-old grip. Not strong enough, not willful enough. 

He was going to die, and it would have been all his fault. Not strong enough, fast enough, good enough.

Damian shook off the memory with a twitch of his shoulders. “He sacrificed himself for me, intentionally taking a mortal wound so that I could survive. I… I never truly understood why.”

Jon watched, concern flicking across his face. “Damian, we don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to,” he said, his voice soft, weary. 

Damian pressed on, his teeth ground together. “My mother must have… kept some of his DNA. Enough for this tactic, but not enough to be perfect,” he theorized. “Thus the imperfections in the clone. Even if it is imperfect… it stands to reason it would have all of his talent and skill, and could pose a threat. For all that I am trained in the art of killing… it came easier than breathing to him.”

“So… potential clone is super dangerous, got it,” Jon hummed thoughtfully. “Peak assassin.”

“In a sense.” 

“What’s his name?”

Damian hesitated. For a long moment, nothing was said, Jon and Damian looking out the window in a slightly tense silence. 

“You don’t have to-“

“Danyal,” Damian interrupted. “His name is- was- Danyal.”

===

Nobody ever called Danny Fenton smart. 

If you asked his peers, they’d say he was reckless, having failed most of freshman year and had to take remedial courses. Some would call him a dork, others would call him names. 

Most would call him impulsive, though. Including his older sister.

“I. Cannot. Believe you,” she said exasperatedly. “I let you explore for an hour. An hour. What happened to “stay under the radar”, Danny?”

“If I intentionally draw attention to myself as Danny Fenton,” he explained, “I’ll have Batman’s attention on my human self. He, hypothetically, will be too distracted on… me to notice Phantom doing his job.”

Jazz paused, her mouth which was previously open to lecture clicking shut. “That’s… either the most ridiculous plan I’ve ever heard, or one of the most devious. You’re intentionally directing his attention into something emotional to get him off his game?”

“Ding ding,” Danny grinned. “Besides, the minute we get back into Amity, we’ll drop off the radar. After enough time, people will think it was just a weird hoax or photoshop. Pretty much as soon as we got here, someone clocked me.”

“What- who?”

“Redhead on the wheelchair I knocked into,” Danny explained, spinning a pen lazily in his hand. “I look exactly like a young Bruce Wayne, Jazz. I don’t want anything to do with that… mess, I’m happy in Amity, you know that. I have responsibility there.”

Jazz sighed. “He’s still your dad, Danny.”

“Blood only. I don’t call Talia my mom.”

“Okay, Little Brother. Just… be careful, please? The Waynes are one of the richest families in Gotham. If you’re going to keep playing this game, you’re putting a big target on your back.”

“And I’m really, really good at dodging,” he said with a reassuring smile, moving over to sit on the bed and lean against Jazz. “The plan’s going just fine. I’m going to do recon tonight on the city barriers, see if I can’t find the limits of Red Hood’s haunt.”

“Just don’t get knocked into a building, please.”

“You wound me, Jazz. I even upgraded my suit and everything with extra armor and a mask. I’m taking precautions to keep myself from being linked with Phantom and everything.”

“Like?”

Danny transformed swiftly, leaning against the wall as he let his sister examine him. The only things that truly remained of his original jumpsuit, even after the upgrades he’d added over the last year, was the color scheme, the boots, and the emblem. Everything else was dramatically different. 

For one, his armor had added neon green accents, tracing along his shoulder guards, accenting his cape and knee pads. His torso, hips, and legs were deep black, with segmented armor providing better protection. Each piece was comparable in strength to high-caliber Kevlar, but magically enhanced to knit back together upon damage. Fabric draped across his hips called back to his armor from the League, and Danny took a moment to trace the familiar pattern with his fingertips. 

Instead of the long white gloves of his heroic persona, he’d swapped in white wrist bracers with black fingerless gloves, extra armor on the knuckles. His boots were the same, long and white with a rubber sole, but with added protection at his knees. 

The one true callback to his heroic persona was the emblem at his chest, pinning the cape together, the white insignia on a black pin. Above, only his eyes, hair, and ears were visible, from nose-down hidden by a sleek black respirator. His piercings had even changed from silver to matte black. 

Jazz whistled as she looked him up and down. “Yeah, I guess that’s as good a disguise as any, but why aren’t you using your regular set?” She asked, tilting her head. 

Danny shrugged. “It calls back to League armor. Any Bats seeing me would likely assume I’m an assassin on a mission, and won’t connect it back to me. And before they can get close enough, I’ll just drop from visibility.”

“Alright, Danny,” she hummed, ruffling his hair and deftly ignoring his protests. “Be safe, and stay on comms, okay?”

“I will,” he said, tucking the small green earbud into his ear. His had to be specially shaped due to the relatively recent taper of his ears, but hey, at least it made sure nobody else could use them. He reached into his duffel bag, tossing some emergency supplies into the bag at his lower back. Thermos, some ecto-shots in reinforced containers, bandages & antiseptic wipes, just in case. 

After a moment’s hesitation, he picked up the hilt of his sword, pinning it to his side by tucking it into his belt. It would absolutely not work with anyone else, but due to Magic Ghost Powers, he can just… ignore gravity. 

It would never be the one from Before, but it was a good replacement. Well-balanced, and created of his own unbreakable ice. 

He tapped his earbud, the improved Fenton Fones crackling to life. “Testing, one-two,” he hummed as he turned invisible and intangible, floating up through the floors of the hotel to the roof. As it was daytime, he stayed invisible, looking over the city. “Can you hear me?”

“Coming in clear,” Jazz said. “How’s it looking?”

“Busy. I’m going to start mapping out the city, find those borders. Hood’s usually active at night, so with any luck, he’ll be asleep and I won’t get my shit rocked.”

“Please refrain from getting your shit rocked.”

“Doin my best!” Danny laughed, doing a loop-de-loop as he sped up, wind flowing through his hair and snapping his cape behind him. He circled the city, mapping the borders in his mind as he worked his way in. 

As he got to the eastern side of Somerset, Danny stopped sharp in his tracks. Okay, the vibes here?

Rancid. Holy shit. 

His parents, as protected from ectoplasmic radiation and liminality as their protective gear could provide, mentioned that ectoplasm smelled like battery acid mixed with a particularly sharp green apple. Sam, Tucker, and Jazz, at varying levels of liminality, described it as a more sour apple smell. 

But to Danny? Pure ectoplasm, the ectoplasm of the Zone, smelled like a sweet Granny Smith apple, with a hint of an indescribable kick. 

This? 

The ectoplasm surrounding Park Row tasted fucking awful. Danny nearly gagged as he approached slowly. God, it tasted rotten, worse than a Lazarus Pit. And THAT was a high bar to cross. 

The emotions tangled in that hellhole of a district were just as complex. Anger, rage, protection, fear, anguish, to name a few. 

Danny sank to a nearby rooftop, leaning against a brick wall as he wrinkled his nose, thankful for the respirator that took the worst of the edge off the smell. “Okay, alright. Damn, I understand the issue now,” he muttered, seemingly to himself. “Can you stop enhancing it now?”

Lady Gotham hummed as she approached. “Of course, my dear. I simply wanted to gain your attention.” Danny nearly sighed in relief as the smell receded, only faintly smelling of rotten apples mixed with way, way too many chemicals. “Though you now understand the problem, don’t you?”

“Oh, yep.” Danny chanced a glance at her, blinking slightly at her changed appearance. The Victorian visage was gone, replaced with a more modern floor-length black evening gown, a fur coat, and a black mourning hat with a veil. White pearls decorated her neck, with the same broach from before. Long black hair coiled over her shoulder in a braid, glowing violet eyes looking back at him from under the veil. “You look different, ma’am.”

“I have taken many appearances,” she giggled softly. “Different impactful events on my city’s history can affect them.”

“Ah, of course.” Danny knew better than to press. Asking a regular ghost how they died was a good way to get your teeth knocked in. Asking a city ghost which of their deaths influenced their appearance? You’d be lucky if you ever got within 100 miles of the place with all your limbs in place. “It fits you, my Lady.”

Gotham laughed, shaking her head. “Your politics lessons have treated you well, I see. Now, on to the matter at hand. My dear Hood has been… struggling. I believe you may remember him from your own childhood, the project your mother took on?”

Danny thought for a moment, then nodded. “I think so. The Revenant that was then dipped in the Pits? Yeesh, no wonder the poor guy’s like this.”

“Mm. As for his predicament, I’d like you to at least see what you can do. If you are able to get into proximity with Hood, you should be able to cycle out his ectoplasm for fresh using the ‘ecto-shots’ you keep on your person.”

“I can do my best, but…” Danny gave her a side glance. “You do know he’s, like, a mob boss, right?”

“And you are a former assassin,” she pointed out. “Your point?”

“Fair,” he acquiesced. “Alright. Come nighttime, I’ll scope the place out, get him a gift and all that. I’m not gonna trespass on someone’s haunt without bringing a “please don’t maim me” gift.”

“Such good manners,” Gotham praised, patting his hair. Danny gave in almost immediately, honestly. Gotham was still an unknown, and he wasn’t going to flinch away from these… almost grandmotherly tendencies. “If you have need of me, call; I can act as a mediator for Red Hood’s more murderous Rage.”

“Thanks,” Danny muttered, feeling more than hearing her disappear. “Go catch up with the murdering mob boss, Danny. Gee, I’d be happy to, Ms. City Ghost, boy howdy, I hope I don’t get stabbed again!”

He rubbed at his face, leaning against the wall as he shifted back into visibility for a moment. He was still working out some of the kinks in his powers, and long-term invisibility was one of them. Shadow manipulation (thank you, Johnny) was useful, but in the early morning facing east, he wasn’t likely to find any he could actually use. 

Regardless, he kept out of view of the street, his ears twitching as he surveyed the sounds and noises of the city. Man, Gotham was huge. Amity felt like a village compared to this, car horns, conversations, people moving and breathing and living constantly hitting him. If it weren’t for his practice at shutting things out, he would’ve had an overstimulation meltdown forever ago.

Danny sighed a little, pulling out his phone. The plan was working like a charm so far, with people comparing him to other members of the Wayne family. He flipped through a few of the tweets idly, then switched to his messaging app.

Halfalive: so it’s going well i think

Halfalive: gotham is scary but also weirdly wholesome

Halfalive: no progress on White tho, which sucks

Plantlady: youve also been there a total of 15 hrs

Plantlady: you have time

Techmaster: you don’t have to rush it yknow

Plantlady: we can handle ourselves

Halfalive: i know i know 

Halfalive: i just get weird vibes here yknow

Halfalive: i do NOT need the bats on my ass much less the League

Halfalive: either one of them tbfh

Plantlady: i still am so surprised about that whole Deal ™ 

Techmaster: you didnt meet him when we were kids

Techmaster: i thought he had rabies :( 

Halfalive: bitch please

Techmaster: YOU BIT ME!

Halfalive: YOU BIT ME BACK????

Plantlady: sweet ancients ok we get it youre both feral now moving on

Plantlady: if you see Dr. Ivy pls let her know that she is my favorite person

Techmaster: shes an ecoterrorist

Plantlady: and??

Techmaster: she’s a VILLAIN

Halfalive: hey, reformed villain

Halfalive: also i think they’re called rogues here

Plantlady: AND????

Halfalive: a n y w a y 

Halfalive: on one hand gotham is very pretty 

Halfalive: [image]

Halfalive: on the other hand holy shit there is so much smog here

Halfalive: i understand the ecoterroism thing tbh

Plantlady: i can be an ectoecoterrorist

Halfalive: sam no

===

Later, Danny would muse to himself that he really should have known better. No plan, regardless of how perfect, survives first contact with the enemy.

In his phantom assassin form (as Jazz was calling it, he really needed to stop letting her name things), he leapt from building to building, sticking to the shadows and intentionally dulling his inherent ghostly glow. On occasion, he’d simply disappear, throwing off any who may or may not be following him.

And, well. Maybe following the sounds of gunshots wasn’t his best plan to find a crime lord turned vigilante, but hey. Where else are you gonna find a crime lord?

And if he left a few people conveniently knocked out and tied up with sticky notes and the cops on their way, well. That’s nobody’s business but his own. 

Danny hesitated as he approached Park Row, evidently known as Crime Alley, what the fuck, honestly. That’s just asking for trouble, even he knew that. The smell of rancid ectoplasm tugged at his senses, and he… paused, near the border of the Revenant’s haunt. It was across the street, but Danny stopped, sitting down on the ledge of the building idly.

Maybe he could avoid pissing off the resident if he just…

He pulled out a piece of paper from his to-go notepad, scribbling something on it before folding it into a paper airplane, then sent it fluttering down across the street. A bit of power snaked around the airplane, keeping it from being too terribly affected by gravity as Danny guided it across, letting it fall on the building opposite him. Just enough ghostly power to get the Revenant’s attention, while being polite and cautious to show he doesn’t pose a threat.

Yes, he was posing a risk to his own plan by going out of his way to get Hood’s attention, but for one, it was a stipulation of his agreement with Lady Gotham herself to help him, and two, Danny wasn’t just going to let the guy suffer.

Pit Madness fucking sucked.

He sighed, tapping his earbud to turn the mic on. “Communication initiated,” he murmured. “Now we wait to see if the attempt was enough.” Idly, he scanned the area ahead of him, leaning against the wall lazily.

Footsteps behind him though, landing almost silently but with the crunch of gravel betraying their arrival, got his attention, even though he didn’t move. “You know, I never understood why people sit on ledges,” a voice said, cheer in their- his? - voice as they approached cautiously. 

Danny stifled a snort. “It’s got a decent view,” he hummed, not turning around. “Would be nicer if there wasn’t quite so much pollution, but hey, I guess that’s what happens when you keep locking up the plant lady so she can’t fix it.”

“There’s more ways to fix pollution than blowing up oil rigs and refineries.”

He tilted his head to the side. “Fair point. So, which one are you?” He shifted, turning to make eye contact with the probable-vigilante. 

For a moment, he thought it was Robin. Apparently Batman had picked up another one, causing a whole Deal with the third Robin. The fourth apparently wielded a sword, though, so this guy was out. Red and gold and black, with a golden bandolier criss-crossing his chest. Danny’d heard rumors that he wore a black cowl, but that was foregone tonight, evidently, a domino mask used instead as black, spiky hair was ruffled by the wind. 

Danny heard his breathing hitch as he made eye contact, tilting his head slightly to the side. “Ah. Red Robin, got it. So, what brings you to this corner of Gotham, Mr. Red Robin Sir?”

“Saw a weird cold spot on the map,” Red Robin said, his voice slightly more tense than before. “Decided to investigate, but I didn’t expect a teenager to be sitting on a ledge. You mind getting up away from that for me, by the way?”

“No need to stress.” Danny pushed himself up, stretching lazily as he turned. That, however, was apparently a bad decision, as Red tensed even further. “What, do I have something on my face?”

“You’re awfully chatty for an assassin.”

“Would be, wouldn’t I?” He laughed a little, shaking his head. “Too bad I’m retired.”

“And yet, you wear the armor of the League,” Red pointed out. “Sitting across the street from Park Row, and I saw you throw something over the street. Are we going to do this the easy way, or the fun way?”

“Calm down, traffic light,” Danny snickered, showing his open, empty palms. “I’m not here to cause trouble -- in fact, I’m here to help you out. Well, not you specifically, but one of you Bats. I guess this is better than brute-forcing my way into Hood’s territory and getting my shit rocked.”

Red visibly jolted. “Wh- you’re a kid. No adult uses that kind of lingo.”

“Uh, duh, dude,” Danny said, stretching his arms lazily above his head. “Now, can you get Red Hood here or not? I wanna talk to him.”

“Why?”

“Cause he has fuckin rabies, and your City asked me to do her a solid.”

“That… is not an explanation,” Red ground out.

“It is, you just don’t like it,” Danny retorted, a grin tugging at his lips under the respirator. “Now come on, man. Can you get him here or not?”

“Considering he’s a slightly genocidal maniac, I don’t think that’s a super great idea,” Red muttered. “Why do you want him here-- and don’t say rabies, I swear.”

“...Ghost rabies.”

“Jesus fucking hell,” Red groaned. “You’re worse than Nightwing, I swear to God.”

Danny just laughed as Red took a few cautious steps toward him, intentionally relaxing his posture and showing his lack of weapons, lack of intent. “Seriously, man. I just want to help him with his problem, get him some food, kickstart his immune system, and get the hell out of here. I don’t need all y’all fucking in my shit, you know?”

“And what shit is there to fuck in?”

“Shit you’re better off leaving to me.” His face turned serious. “Deadass. You do not want to get wrapped up in this, none of you do. Not the Bats and Birds, not your League, and definitely not John Constantine. Fuck that guy, honestly.”

“I-” Red just stared. “I am so confused right now. Aren’t we supposed to be fighting?”

“Yeah, we would be, but I have this, like, thing… anyway. I’m not out to cause any harm, mischief, or otherwise Bad Stuff. Scout’s honor, I promise.” He went through the motion of the Boy Scouts salute, failing halfway through. “Eh, I wasn’t a boy scout, give me some slack. Anyway. Can you get me Red Hood here, or not?”

Footsteps behind him, again, damnit he’s distracted, announced the arrival of yet more people. “I’m afraid not,” came the growl of the man he’s been so completely dreading. Shit, he should’ve booked it when he saw Red Robin in the first place. This is going terribly.

Oblivious to Danny’s internal panic, Batman loomed over the teenager, the shadows clinging to him and really hyping up the intimidation factor. “Why are you looking for the Red Hood?”

Danny took a slight step back, his boot scuffing the ledge. “Just wanna help the guy, honest to God,” he said. “I’m gonna reach back into my bag, is that okay? I don’t have a weapon.”

“What’s on your belt, then?” Batman challenged, gesturing to the hilt tucked into Danny’s belt. 

“Something I’m not gonna go for. I’ll even use my left hand to get the stuff from my bag, not my right, if that makes you feel better,” Danny offered. “Look, seriously. I just want to get this guy feeling better, then dip.”

A scoff caught his attention. “And we are supposed to believe that? You wear the armor of the League of Assassins, and are hunting the Red Hood, going so far as to seek out Red Robin and cause enough attention that we are brought in for backup. And yet, you insist you mean no harm?”

No.

Shit. Fuck. That’s not possible.

It couldn’t be possible. That’s not fair, that’s not right. 

Slowly, glowing green eyes tracked from Batman to the figure at his side, taking him in. Lean muscle, strong in the arms and legs, extra armor at his wrists and knees. A sword, a painfully familiar sword strapped to his hip. Red and green and yellow and black--

“...No fucking way,” Danny breathed. “You have got to be shitting me.”

“Excuse me?” Robin-- fucking Robin-- said, voice reflecting his disbelief. 

“You have got to be fucking with me!” Danny insisted, turning sharply to gesture at the sky. “Clocky, I am going to have your ass for this!” 

He whipped back around, his eyebrows furrowed. “You are supposed to be safe and not galavanting around on goddamn buildings, oh my God, I am going to skin Talia alive for this.”

Okay, maybe not the best thing to say, as everyone on the rooftop except Danny tensed. “Not- not literally! Jeez!”

“Who are you?” Batman intoned, his voice leaning against ‘threatening’ territory. 

“Just-- sht-tt-tt,” he tisked at Batman, staring down Robin whose hand was hovering near his sword hilt. “I am going to fucking-- oh my God, you’re not supposed to be doing this, how did you even get here, what?! I’m having a fucking crisis.” Danny groaned, stepping back and running his hands through his hair as he paced the ledge of the rooftop. “What the fuck are you doing as Robin, Damian?” TAGLIST: @mynameisnotlaura @fisticuffsatapplebees @screamingtofillthevoid @lizisipancardo @digitizedworld @dahliasandrosemary NEXT CHAPTER: ==>

[theknightofivanhoe]

Wishing everyone a happy last day of Pride with a look into Batgirl (Barbara Gordon) and Supergirl’s (Kara Danvers) time spent together as lovers and fighters, that is, crime-fighters. Ideas of dating for these two costumed lovebirds include rooftop kisses, visits to nice restaurants, duffing up villains, grooving at discos and sending kiss selfies to their adoring fans. Of course Batgirl and Supergirl are just playing some beach volleyball with Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy, when their match is interrupted by space warriors who fight under an enemy of Superman’s, Emperor Mongul of War World. Still, it gives the two girls some more butts to kick. The bad guys in green are henchmen of the Riddler who wear masks and jackets inspired by the Riddler played by Paul Dano in the Batman film with Robert Pattinson. Once again Batgirl and Supergirl hope everyone has had a happy Pride month while they continue to, quoting Batgirl, be gay, fight crime!

[scaryscarecrows]

If the Alley kids begged, would Red Hood participate in internet challenges/dances with them? If he doesn't know about them, would he let them teach him?

You. Want me. To stick a bunch’a vulnerable kids ON THE INTERNET like some sort of eBay for Creepers? Really? NO ONE WILL NOTICE IF THEY GO MISSING WHAT IS WRONG WITH--

...

I have just been informed you probably didn’t mean that as threatening as it sounded. You’d better hope you didn’t. I’M WATCHING YOU.

Ahem.

In some happy, nothing-bad-will-ever-come-of-this world, hell yeah! (And yes, I know what they are, #superheroselfie has been trending since way before I was Robin. Dick is the all-time champion of that one.) -Jason

[professionalbookhoarder]

I think that Bruce should dress up as Mothman for Halloween and go around doing his normal Batman patrol that night. Imagine the fear and confusion. Gothamites have gotten sorta used to Batman being around. So, a bunch of people might go out on a crime spree or terrorize others as some shitty people like to do on Halloween, expecting and prepared for Batman to maybe show up. Except that when they do hear flapping in the wind and look up, instead of seeing their local bat cryptid, they see giant moth wings and glowing red eyes coming down on them. Cue screaming and the one hardcore cryptid believer going into shock as they grapple with the fact that fricking Mothman is kicking their asses.

Kids and teenagers, however, are thrilled by Batman’s Halloween costume, and he allows them to take selfies with him. 

Gordon, who has no idea what Mothman is, is super confused by the costume and thinks at first that Batman is dressed up as a scary version of Killer Moth. This insults Bruce greatly and causes both Dick and Barbara to crack up as they explain it to Gordon.

[just-an-aussie-fandom-hermit]

The BatFam at Gotham Pride 2020.

(Running under the assumption that they’re not affected by the virus).

- Kate “How Dare You Assume I’m Straight” Kane, rocking up to pride parades as the local lesbian wine aunt, donating generously to youth groups and LGBT+ activist campaigns. Later, checking in as a Batwoman (because no cops at pride, except Jim Gordon because he’s the mvp and Renee Montoya, a lesbian and also The Question). I imagine she waves around a lesbian pride flag or has one attached to her cape.

- All the Robins/Bats either appear directly for a little while (saying hi, de-escalating arguments, helping people make signs and banners) or swinging overhead waving their respective pride flags.

Jason attends as Red Hood (sans the guns, because they’re probably very triggering for plenty of people, and the whole point is to feel safe), with a bi pride flag and a trans pride flag.

Steph also rocks a bi pride flag, popping in as Batgirl as well as Stephanie Brown.

Dick appears as his civilian self and Nightwing, boasting a pansexual flag as a cape.

Tim hangs up a bi pride flag in his room, his office at WE, and attends several festivities as Red Robin (or Drake).

Bruce comes out as bi during a speech beforehand, makes absolutely insane amounts of monetary donations (perks of being a billionaire), signal boosts LGBT activist groups and celebrities. He then attends several events a suit, sipping colourful mocktails while chilling on a float. Being very on-brand and extra.

Cullen is loud and proud, painting tiny gay pride flags onto his cheeks. Harper joins him as both her civilian self and as Bluebird.

Damian posts a selfie of him and his pets, with an ace pride flag in the background. He looks only slightly murderous.

- Various other straight, Gotham-bound vigilantes (or whatever the Outlaws qualify as) attend wearing shirts and/or banners/signs showing their support. (ie. “I’m straight but I don’t hate!” or “I support my LGBT bestie!”)

- Roy tags over a bunch of homophobic slurs/graffiti and paints a bunch of pride flags over them. He’s over there with his gay pride flag as a cape, living his best life.

- Duke and Harper hears about what he’s doing while they’re patrolling the Narrows, goes to the nearby hardware store, buys heaps of spray paints, and then they both go to town erasing slurs and dodgy graffiti and replacing them with pride flags and positive messages.

—> Bonus: They get Instagram famous!

- Alfred volunteers as a vendor for the parade, because he wants to make sure everyone has access to food. He also wears one of those “free grandpa hugs” shirts.

- Bruce, as Batman, is uncomfortable with conversing with civilians for long periods of time (especially in the daylight) but he approaches a group of distressed kids (obviously at their first parade) who have been separated from their friends and helps them rejoin their group. He holds up one of those tiny pride flags (the ones connected to toothpicks, or something) to show his solidarity, and then disappears in classic Batman fashion. The kids lose their minds.

- Bruce, as Batman, travels to Arkham Asylum to spend an afternoon with Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy, resident bisexuals and currently in a relationship. He checks in to make sure they’re not bring mistreated or discriminated against for their sexualities. He negotiates to have little pride flags placed in their cells.

- The Rogues enter a kind of unspoken truce, to not do anything too drastic during the parades (because they know the retaliation from the Bats and other Rogues will be especially vicious.)

(Please add more to this I would love to read some headcanons!)

[darknght]

it’s 2020. 

There are conspiracy blogs about who Batman is. Harvey Dent, before he became two-face was a strong contender ( not in my canon Bc MY Harvey Dent is portrayed by John David Washington REEVES YOU BETTER ) and Bruce Wayne soon rises in the list afterwards.

There’s ship blogs for Batman and Catwoman, which Bruce often scrolls for the laugh. He has his own account, trying to divert the list away from himself. There’s ship blogs for Bruce and his significant others. Ship wars ensue. fans go crazy over new photos that the media releases of Bruce and his significant others. 

Bruce does an AMA on Reddit on a throwaway as Batman. He’s often answering them during business meetings at work, having a privacy screen on his phone so no one can see it. his technology all has Wayne Tech and Wayne security. 

He’s a Millennial and he votes, always posting on his Instagram who he’s voting for. Attending rallies. He attends protests against the presidents he dislikes. The only time a selfie is posted is when he supports a candidate. For example, he goes to Dents mayoral run and always takes goofy selfies with him because they’re friends and why not. He labels it with the hashtag #putadentincrime and #votefordentin2020

He cares so much about the environment and protests at least twice a month in parks. He once sat in a tree for 48 hours to prevent it from being cut down. It worked and he bought the entire park, naming it the Dent Park, in honor of who his friend used to be. Wayne Industries is 100% ecofriendly, using ecofriendly equipment and properly disposing of hazardous materials so it wont hurt the environment. 

He recognizes the privilege he has as a white cisgender wealthy male. He is the first person in a protest and in the front of the crowds to use his privilege. He hates cops bc fuck cops and the only cop he can actually tolerate and be close with ( as batman ) is Commissioner Gordon as he has never done anything to indicate bad intentions / Bruce has read him as Bruce Wayne ( taking his glove off ) and saw no ill intentions and Gordon is the only cop that actually WANTS to make the department better. 

He gives his employees great healthcare, accepts requests to cover medicine ( especially when the out of pocket is astronomical and not feasible)  and pays for operations ( necessary ones ) that are not covered. He gives them all a livable wage and always refuses a bonus, splitting it up with all his employees. Sure, Wayne Industries is not as profitable as other companies, but employee morale is great and he has a very high retention rate. Mental health checks are a required part of working at Wayne industries. A yearly one. Insurance covers them fully. 

Bruce is a feminist. he is always fighting for equality and often attends protests with his significant others, holding up signs and marching. Wayne Industries has a zero tolerance policy for sexual harassment. No one strike rule, just gone. This applies for all genders equally. No harassment, no discrimination. No exception. You’re gone. He is a pansexual man and he takes these issues very seriously. 

[iraniq]

Get Well #Soon

planned part one: https://iraniq.tumblr.com/post/167766473412/united

unplanned part two: https://iraniq.tumblr.com/post/182277422122/avalanche

definetly haven’t even thought abut it part tree: https://iraniq.tumblr.com/post/185298597332/just-kids-stuff

cought me by surprise part four: * read below *

*

It has been all over the news:

BATMAN GOT HIT

BAT TOOK ONE FOR THE TEAM

WILL THE BAT FLY AGAIN

IS BATMAN ALIVE?

WHO WILL BE THE NEW BATMAN

It was last week or so. He stood between the blast and some people. Got hit bad. The police got him in his car, commissioner Gordon’s orders. No one saw him after.

No one had heard of anything at all, and frankly the King was getting impatient. Even his pretty wife didn’t managed to cheer him, and after his irritated attitude got the best of her, considering a teenager, 4 kids and a baby, he got a slap and was kicked out.

Next morning he sneaked in the cave. Had to take the SUV, since the Lamborghini wasn’t gonna make it. And was already taken by his sexy bitch feisty wify … anyway.

He got in. The computer screamed “intruder”, J got his code in and the whole whaling stopped. Alfred appeared, visibly annoyed.

-       Alfie… man… bats is being rough at you.

-       No …

-       No? I look better with 6 kids. – the Clown laughed.

-       Well, maybe because you don’t care for anybody and don’t know how it feels … - Alfred debated for a second and decided not to continue.

-       Well… I am here to cheer him up, the kids made some “get well soon” cards.

-       I bet!

-       I love sarcasm, but it hurts when you say it with this British accent … yeah I know – he waved his hand while walking towards the lazaretta – that’s how English was supposed to sound, before we all ruined it … don’t waste your breath.

He saw the glass room. Knocked and opened the door.

-       Honey … I am home. – he laughed – Oh wait, I forgot I live alone! … ah, classis Selena. Anyway. Came to see how dead are you. I have been feeling the need to come in the black spandex, no leather … no that’s how my wife appears … damn… she is so hot – he scratched his nose – maybe that’s why we have 6 kids, although Brandon is your fault, you were supposed to come earlier … anyway. The kids made you some cards. I will read them to you.

He got a small pink backpack from under his purple coat.

-       It’s Ava’s, but don’t tell her. Twins are hitting 3, and you know how dramatic toddlers are … - he rolled his eyes – Just … just don’t have kids, ok!

He got a bunch of papers and cards.

-       Ok here we go. Niq is 1st. She made a music one. It’s pop up card with sound. She played “in the hall of the mountain king” from sleeping slow, to breaking fingers fast. She is getting better at this, one day might really hit famous and rich, but you must come to all her shows.

He opened the card and put it on the night stand next to him. While beating the boss level on his phone game. When over, he closed the cared and left it there.

-       Next is Em. She made a comic book one with all the activities you can do with a broken leg. I was surprised they are so much. Look, here she drew your wheel chair on a  skateboard ramp, she figured, since you are so good at flying and shit, you’d be able to skate as well. Look! – he held the 7 pages comic book, slowly opening every page to the Dark Knight, who was in fact in coma. – We have cooking, piano, dress up. It was my idea, I knew you’d look good in drag. I do! El was impressed when she 1st saw me. Neeext! – he left the little comic book next to the pop up card.

He got a big The Flintstones vibe ham looking like card. Obviously it was from Brandon, the one named after him.

-       That one took me by surprise. I won’t lie. When you open it … - he laughed, masking it as coughing – there is a ham … a pack of his favorite ham. … ok I must confess, the kid is not ok, he is nuts like me but he has his mom’s crazy obsession with food… hell, she eats like the end of the world, but she is still hot as it … - Joker laughed. – You have to make your game or you’ll die alone. Alfred is already tired of changing your diapers, find yourself a woman, feisty must be, otherwise you’d get bored and shoot her … no wait, that’s me. – he laughed again.

He got silent and thought about it for a while.

-       She thinks she is hot now … but damn, if she gets 5-7 kg more, I’d shag her anytime … but I don’t tell her that, because then I listen about my fat fetish … but … - the machine beeped. – Yeah .. you don’t want to listen to this. Neither does she, but curvy is hot, you two are just blind, and plain stupid. Neeext. – the ham got it’s spot next to the other 2.

-       The  twins … they had a fight who to make the card. El said they will both participate in it … then they cried, and when she said they’d make 2 separate … then they cried again … if … kid’s can skip the toddler phase, I’d have that much more … oh! Pray for Daniel … The twins! Rose made one as a rose, obviously, she wrote “no” with big letters in green, blue and brown… I guess that’s the new trendy now. It’s philosophical approach, that’s what El said, like studying that in university made her an expert, or something; “no” as no to death or some crap like that, they suck at cards. Ava made a simple one with a lipstick kiss and burned the edges … and the table cloth as well … I have an odd feeling she’ll end up as arsonist… another one of El’s dreams I ruined with my dick making babies … but hey, I am good at that. And we have a future cannibal and arsonist, I think we go good for now!

He laughed … for like 15 min. Then put the other 2 cards on the night stand. Rearranging them so all can be easily visible.

-       Ok, bats, we are at the final round. Daniel is too young to write, so El gave me one of his socks. A little batman socks, you have one of hers too, with the laughing fish. They all get the crazy sock obsession form her.

He coughed.

-       I have a royal gift too. The 1st time we met, you were kind of learning how to be Bats, I threw Gordon in the river and you shot me with his gun. – he made a loud thud noise – that’s the bullet. Unfortunately you can’t use it again. But I think it’s a sexy scar. I seduced El with it once … or twice … Ugh, who counts that anymore …

He got up and positioned the cards on him, with the socks and the bullet, took a pic, took a selfie. Then positioned them on the night stand. Gave Al the fruit pie El made for him and some recipe thing these 2 were exchanging and left.

Several days later when Clark, Diana and Barry went there, they got rather uncomfortably happy with the gifts.

At the end of the month The Clown Prince of Crime got a picture message. Bruce with fake bat ears, that were from Barry, taking a selfie with the “get well soon” gifts. El insisted printing it and framing it in the library where Joker’s trophies were. From war treasures to stuff like that. Bruce too, put them in his office, where, the sonogram pic were, including “we are saving the world” selfie of theirs with the Joker was. Bruce in a way treasured his friendship with the Laughing man. Although they have been rivals, no one wanted to really kill the other.

_____________________

@diyunho @rhina988 @nikkitasevoli @sougie @lovermrjokerr @marsmad @elliegrace139 @lylabell2013 @pandaliciouz @gemma60 @darthjokerisyourfather @brightlightsfanfiction @thatoriginalhipstaninja @batsnspiderz @lg1130 

[ziezie13]

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After spending years gaining control of the prison, Victor has gotten bored with his life. Nothing exciting happens when you're on top.

But one day, a new face comes into the prison and changes Victor's life completely. A pretty face like his couldn't possibly belong in there...

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“Hey,” Yuuri dares to say, voice low, “Maybe we should write this down…?”

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Yuuri stares back, uncomprehending, “Yeah, you have a cool name.”

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Or Kageyama and Iwaizimu react to Hinata and Oikawa selfie.

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A Bittersweet Reunion by Sarcastic_Metaphor

A Good Omens AU with Archangel!Toshinori who happens to encounter a very familiar demon from his past.

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Characters: Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Yagi Toshinori | All Might

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Study Session by byesweetheart (ConstantComment)

They’re going to fail their test tomorrow.

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Characters: Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou

Additional Tags: Underage, Roughhousing, Wrestling, First Years, First Time, Coming In Pants, Frottage

[redhoodieone]

BatFamBook

A/N: This is supposed to be a funny one-shot fic! I needed to get this idea out while I’m currently busy with my horror novel, and my series, “Don’t Tell Me.” Hope you enjoy it, if not…I don’t blame you. Y/S/N – Your superhero name.

  Pairings: Jason Todd x Y/N, Bruce Wayne x Selina Kyle, Dick Grayson x Barbara Gordon.

  Warnings: Language, some talks of sex, inappropriate discussions, and etc.

  BatFamBook 

 It has been a secret project for over six months. Tim manages to put the finishing touches on a private website he created for the Bat Family, and even some of the Justice League members. If it succeeds, he’s positive that the rest of the Justice League, Teen Titans, and other heroic teams would use it.

Facebook is still a popular social media website, and while Tim longed to belong to a social media outlet as Red Robin, he was more than determined to create a private social media outlet for all heroes.

Tim Drake texts a link in a group text to everyone in the Bat Family: Bruce, Dick, Jason, Damian, and Y/N.

Tim: Clink this link now.

Damian: Do I even want to, Drake?

Jason: Is it a porn site?

Y/N: That’s gross Jason!

Jason: He’s done it before, so how’s this time any different?

Tim: It’s not a porn site!

Damian: I seriously doubt he’s learned from last time.

Dick: Seriously, why Tim?

Bruce: I swear to God Tim, if it’s porn or another video of newscasts comparing me and Clark, I’m going to remove all computers and coffee products in this goddamn house.

Tim: What??? No! This is the secret project I’ve been working on for six months! Just click on the link now!

Damian: You finally completed your female android for sexual pleasure, did you Drake? Well, I can say I admire you for finally confessing you’ll never be good enough for human females. Hopefully this project gives you another reason to stay alive instead of drowning in your computer work and coffee.

Tim: I swear…

The Bat family clicks on the link, and their cell phones connect to a website called, BatFamBook, a website eerily similar to Facebook. Each person sees their developed profiles, with a picture of each of them as their individual profile picture.

Tim is the first to post a status on his page.

Red Robin: Okay, so here’s my first post! I’ve been wanting to create a special, private social media website for the Bat Family, League, and any other heroic team who comes along. Isn’t this cool?

Robin comments quickly.

Robin: The female android would have been an improved creation than this. Are you that desperate for attention, Red Robin?

Red Hood shares the fast food, Red Robin, restaurant picture on Tim’s page.

Red Hood: I hope the restaurant gets a peek at this and sues your ass for taking their name.

Red Robin: Can you guys stop and enjoy what I’ve done? This is so cool! No one else has created this! I’m the sole creator! I’m the new Mark Zuckerberg!

Y/S/N: Don’t you think this is a little dangerous though? What if someone is able to hack in here and see our private information and stuff?

Red Robin: I highly doubt that, Y/S/N. I built this system with my bare hands. Only I can hack in and see what we’re doing.

Robin: And that is why we totally trust you…Not!

Nightwing posts a selfie in his costume. Holding up two fingers for the peace sign, he smiles at the camera. His charming, sexy self is all on display.

Nightwing: Ladies, ladies, ladies…there’s plenty of me to go around…

Red Hood: Too bad there’s only my girlfriend on here, Dickhead.

Y/S/N: Wow Dick…you’re just oozing with sex appeal on here!

Red Hood: BABE! BABY GIRL! DOLL! STOP LOOKING AT HIS PICTURE! I SWEAR I’M GONNA BLOW HIS BRAINS OUT IF YOU DON’T STOP!

Nightwing: I’m flattered, Y/S/N. But be careful, Batgirl might see your comment!

Robin: Or Starfire.

Robin: Or Dove.

Robin: Or Zatanna.

Red Hood: Man-whore, much?

Nightwing: Jealous?

Y/S/N: He better not be jealous!

Red Hood: I’m not! He’s jealous of us, doll!

Robin: Should I keep going, Nightwing?

Red Robin: Look who’s fucking annoying now?

Batman: Language, Red Robin!

Nightwing: Lmfao at you, Robin!

Robin: Perhaps I’ll kill you too, Grayson.

Red Robin: Great…I really enjoy you admitting to your future crimes, Robin.

Robin: If no one were to anger me, I wouldn’t be making all these deadly promises, Drake.

Red Hood: Y/S/N, just don’t leave me and go for that damn acrobat.

Y/S/N: You’re overreacting! It’s not my fault you’re all so handsome and cute in your own ways.

Red Hood: Do I need to remind you that you’re mine, Y/S/N?!

Y/S/N: I’m sorry, Hoodie!

Red Hood posts a selfie of himself in his costume but holds his helmet at his side and grins in the mirror. He’s sexy as fuck.

Y/S/N: Oh shit…you’re WAY better, Hoodie! You’re mine!

Red Hood: Fuck yeah, doll! I’m all yours…

Nightwing: No comment…

Red Hood: Yeah, keep your mouth closed, Dickface!

Nightwing: Ooohhh…what a burn.

Red Hood: Be offended circus boy…you’re only as sexy as Mister Rogers.

Y/S/N: Can we all just get along?

Red Robin: Maybe we should limit sexy selfies on here.

Robin: As long as you don’t post one, Drake. You’ll blind everyone on here and be responsible for the superhero shortage.

Batman: Robin…

Red Robin: Women find me attractive, believe it or not.

Robin: Your mother is still alive???

Batman: Both of you need to knock it off now or you’re both benched.

Y/S/N: Did you send the link to anyone else, Red Robin?

Red Robin: I just sent the links to Superman and Wonder Woman to check out my precious!

Red Hood: Okay, Gollum.

Nightwing: Cool! More friends on here!

Robin posts a selfie with Alfred, his cat.

Red Hood: Is that your new boyfriend???

Robin: What the hell, Todd?!

Red Hood: If Timbo fucks female androids, then I assume you fuck animals, too.

Red Robin: Thanks, Red Hood!

Red Hood: Only I can insult you and get away with it, Timbers!

Robin: I’ll cut your head off in your sleep, Todd.

Red Hood: I’ll just send Batcow to the slaughterhouse.

Batman: Do not post any threats on here, Red Hood.

Red Hood: So, he could, but I can’t??? How is this justice that you preach so much?!

Y/S/N: Guys come on…just enjoy this website!

You post a selfie of yourself in your sexy, tight costume. With a finger touching your lips, your eyes say “fuck me” into the camera.

Red Hood: That’s my girl! So…fucking sexy!!!

Nightwing: Damn…

Red Robin:

Y/S/N: Thanks guys…

Robin: At least you have the decency to not show off any female body parts, Y/S/N. As for you Todd, I hope you enjoy your last days with, Y/N.

Red Robin: Only our superhero names, demon spawn!

Batman: I swear…I need a vacation from you guys.

Y/S/N: Don’t forget Catwoman, Batman!

Batman: Of course, she’s going with me! You’re all acting like savages, and my headaches are getting worse!

Nightwing: Batman just used an emoji!

Red Hood:  Holy shit! Has hell frozen over??

Red Robin: I can’t believe it! I believe hell did! Mr. Freeze is ice skating there as we speak!

Robin: Red Hood would know. Hell’s his biological home.

Red Hood: Go fuck yourself!

Y/S/N: Guys stop it!!!!

Red Robin: Robin started it!!!

Nightwing: It doesn’t matter who started it, just stop!!!

Robin: Bite me assholes!

Red Hood: Why would we?! You might have rabies and shit!!

Batman: That’s it! That’s fucking it!!!! I’ve had it!!!!!

Batman goes offline.

Red Hood: Finally, he’s offline!

Robin: Good! I was beginning to think our plan wouldn’t work!

Nightwing: Alright Red Robin, where’s the picture?

Red Robin posts a selfie of Batman, lifting his top part of his costume up, showing off his abs, muscles, bruises, and cuts.

Y/S/N: Everyone’s going to love it and laugh their asses off!

Red Hood: I gotta hand it to you, little bro. This project is perfect!

Nightwing: Yeah! I love this place already!

Robin: Even I enjoy this place as well.

Red Robin: Well, I’m glad you all love it. From now on, this place is ours!

Superman gets online.

Superman: Oh wow! This website looks like a lot of fun! We can all get to know each other better!

Nightwing, Red Hood, Y/S/N, Red Robin, and Robin go offline.

Superman: Oh, my goodness! Batman, you posted a selfie!

Batman’s selfie is saved on most electronic devices and has been reblogged over a hundred times.

[thecomicsnexus]

Batman’s longest case

DETECTIVE COMICS #1000 MAY 2019 BY SCOTT SNYDER, GREG CAPULLO, JONATHAN GLAPION, FCO PLASCENCIA, KEVIN SMITH, JIM LEE, SCOTT WILLIAMS, ALEX SINCLAIR, PAUL DINI, DUSTIN NGUYEN, DEREK FRIDOLFS, JOHN KALISZ, WARREN ELLIS, BECKY CLOONAN, JORDIE BELLAIRE, DENNY O’NEIL, STEVE EPTING, ELIZABETH BREITWEISER, CRISTOPHER PRIEST, NEAL ADAMS, DAVE STEWART, BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS, ALEX MALEEV, GEOFF JOHNS, KELLEY JONES, MICHELLE MADSEN, JAMES TYNION IV, ALVARO MARTINEZ-BUENO, RAUL FERNANDEZ, BRAD ANDERSON, TOM KING, TONY S. DANIEL, JOËLLE JONES, TOMEU MOREY, MIKEL JANÍN, JASON FABOK, AMANDA CONNER, PAUL MONTS, PETER J. TOMASI, DOUG MAHNKE, JAIME MENDOZA AND DAVID BARON

REVIEW

Detective Comics got to the issue one thousand, and eighty years of delivering Batman stories. In the same way DC celebrated the 80 years of Superman last year, with Action Comics #1000, this year is Batman’s turn. An anthology book (96 pages) with multiple covers. Just like with Action Comics, most of these stories are non-canon.

The first story (by Snyder), gives as another aspect of Batman. We know he is a great detective, but it always seems to be on a second level compared to his never-ending quest of fighting crime. Most often than not, we see him fighting. In this story we get to see another aspect of it, that while Batman has a mission until he dies, he will enjoy investigating cases. He is a detective.

The second story is perhaps the heart of the book (by Kevin Smith), Batman tracks the gun that killed his parents and decides to put it to a good use. I think the book is worth buying just for this one.

The third story is by Paul Dini, and it’s hilarious. There is a documentary on TV about this henchman that all the villains hate. We get several interviews from different villains describing how their plans went to hell because of that stupid henchman. The story has a very clever punchline.

The fourth story is perhaps the most forgettable of the book, by Warren Ellis, and it’s about how Batman, despite not having super-powers, gets the job done by inspiring fear in the heart of his opponents.

The fifth story is a revisiting of an old bronze age story (where we meet Leslie Thompkins). Written by Dennis O’Neil, we get pretty much the same version of Leslie, but she knows he is Batman (so it’s a mix of that bronze age story with post-crisis). She is very disappointed at Bruce, because instead of fighting kids in the streets, he should be using his influences to make their lives better. Feeling sorry for his never ending cycle of violence.

The sixth story, by Priest and Neal Adams... mmm let’s say I don’t like when Adams inks himself, or at least not lately. He is still good, but the results are not as clean as they used to (or perhaps is a mix of things, like the coloring in the seventies was a bit simpler and enhanced his pencils). Despite this, I think it’s a good looking story with a very distinctive style. This being Neal Adams, the story of course is centered around the League of Assassins.

The seventh story by Bendis, is about an aged Penguin, facing an aged and crippled Bruce Wayne, to explain to him why he didn’t kill him when he found out he was Batman. I found the idea interesting, but the ending is a bit unsatisfactory. Alex Maleev does a great job in pencils, inks and colors (although the penguin goes from looking normal to looking like Danny DeVito, back and forth). The main inspiration is obviously that version.

The eighth story by Geoff Johns (and artist Kelley Jones), puts the bat-family solving Batman’s last case. Apparently they did such a good job, Gotham is finally a peaceful place on Earth. This story introduces Echo as Batman’s daughter.

The ninth story (by Tynion IV) is about Dick Grayson marking a precedent for more wards to come. Bruce knows that there is no way that they cannot try to save other traumatized children's’ lives. This story is right on point. This was the main purpose of at least two Robins, and at least one of them was able to have a better life thanks to Bruce.

The tenth story by Tom King is a bit of an excuse for Tony Daniel to put all the characters together in a double splash page. Bruce decides to take a selfie of the bat-family to take to his parents the next day. It’s not bad, but I was not convinced by the characterization of Barbara Gordon.

The last story in this book is just a sequence of splash pages, ending with the introduction of Arkham Knight.

I found this book quite good. It relies on nostalgia for the most part, but that’s the point. At least Tynion IV, O’Neil, Ellis, Smith and Snyder tried to picture a side of Batman’s psyche in their stories. The rest are more about villains or allies. If you don’t enjoy the story in some of these, you’ll most likely enjoy the art.

Happy hunting with those alternate covers!

I give this book a score of 9

[dibs4ever]

Come Back (Pt. 2 of 3)

They found him.

Batgirl and Red Hood we’re taking on the West side of Bludhaven when they found him in an old storage shed. Spade had left him there, whether it was out of mercy or to leave him there to die slowly and painfully they didn’t know. But they found him unconscious but alive. His pulse was slow and his breathing was rapid, he was beaten pretty up pretty bad, lying in a pool of his own blood. They had to phone in Red Robin and Spoiler who were searching the East and south side of Bludhaven. Robin and Batman were searching the east and west sides of Gotham and Cass was on the South side of Gotham with Wally. Even Catwoman had been keeping an eye out.

Barbara radioed the family to tell them they had found him while Jason loaded him onto the sidecar of his bike. They reached Leslie’s office before the rest of the family. “Barb” Jason grunted as he slung Dick over his back “He’s gon be fine” he assured

Barbara nodded, quickly going underneath Jason’s other side to help him with her husband.

Leslie was ready for them and quickly brought them into her office. Once Dick was in the bed Leslie turned, taking notice of Barbara in her Batgirl suit for the first time. “You went out in your condition?”

Jason furrowed his eyebrows “Condition?”

Barbara shook her head “Lee, I was not going to just sit back and let everyone else look for him”

“I still don’t recommend it” Leslie shook her head and stepped forward to the supply cabinet

“Leslie, I’m fine, I’m hardly along at all,” Barbara said as she ran her hunters through Dick’s hair. She couldn’t do it too much given it was matted together with dried blood.

Jason looked between them “Wait, are you PG?”

Barbara sighed “Jay not now”

“You and Dickie made another rugrat?” Jason persisted

Leslie has stepped forward to evaluate Dick, waving Barbara out of the way she stepped beside Jason “Don’t make me say it outloud. I just found out and Dick doesn’t know yet.”

Jason smiled “So I know before Dickie? Where y’all trying or was this one a whoops like Nathan?”

She rolled her eyes “I wouldn’t trade Nathan for anything.”

Jason shrugged “I wouldn’t either, I love my nephew but he wasn’t on purpose. So give me details about the new kid”

Barbara shrugged “Not much to say. Dick and I weren’t trying but we weren’t not trying”

Jason nodded “Meaning?”

“Meaning, we weren’t tracking my ovulation or only having Sex when an app told us to. We were just not using any source of protection and if it happened it happened. We Nathan to have a sibling.”

Jason nodded “Well congrats honey I’m sure Dick will be over the moon when he wakes up. But hey” he put his arm around her shoulder “No more batgirl stuff, can’t risk something happening to my niece”

Barbara laughed lightly “It’s probably not a girl, Dick says there hasn’t been a Grayson born female since his great great grandfathers sister and she died before producing any children”

Jason shrugged “Well that doesn’t mean-“ he was cut off when Leslie stepped forward.

“He has a collapsed lung, bruised chest, Broken ribs, a concussion and several wounds that will need stitching. I’ve already administered some. I’ll finish up now. I’m going to keep him asleep for a while.”

Barbara nodded

“Barb” Leslie spoke “Get your kid and go home for a few hours. I’m sure Alfred is ready for a break and you want to see your baby. Dick will just be sleeping for at least another 10 hours. He’s going to be fine”

Barbara shook her head “I’m not leaving him.”

“Barbie, she said he’ll be fine come on. I’m sure the mini Grayson is missing you like crazy” Jason attempted to lighten the mood

Barbara shook her head “No, Nathan is fine. Alfred takes great care of him. Nathan loves being at the Manor”

Jason held his hands up and looked at Leslie “I’m not making her do anything” with that he walked out of the office, his bike could be heard starting up as he sped off.

Barbara did end up going back to the Manor in the morning to spend time with Nathan, but she went back as soon as he went down for his nap. Jason drove her, saying it was because Barbara hadn’t had enough sleep and didn’t need to drive. But everyone knew he wanted to see his brother.

“Where is he!” Barbara said as soon as she entered the room.

“I moved him to a more comfortable bed, but Barb, just a warning he’s....on some pretty strong painkillers” she followed after Barbara who was rushing down the hall. Jason following close behind.

She entered the room, Dick sitting with the bed inclined. She quickly rushed over hugging him “Don’t ever scare me like that again” she whispered

Dick chuckled “Are you my nurse, your beautiful. “

“Dick that’s Barbara,” Leslie told him

Dick tilted his head “Barbara? Oh my best friends my Babsie” he laughed

“And your wife,” Jason said

Dick’s eyes widened “My Wife! Wow I’m married to Barbara Gordon....or I suppose it’s Grayson now. I’m the luckiest man alive”

Barbara chuckled “Yeah? Well ready for some more news Boy Wonder. Not only am I your wife I’m pregnant.”

“Pregnant!! I got you pregnant. Wow, that’s amazing.” A goofy grin played on Dick’s face

Jason covered his mouth trying not to laugh “Ready for some more news Dickie? Not only did you get her pregnant once you did it twice. You have a two-year-old son.” Jason pulled a photo of Nathan up in his phone.

Dick smiled at the picture “Oh that’s right!! Nathan my little mini-me, except he has a birthmark on his butt just like Babs and cute little freckles on his nose “ he reached over booping Barbara’s nose.

Jason looked over at Barbara “You have a birthmark on your butt?” He cocked an eyebrow.

“And you have a selfie on your phone of you holding my toddler while the two of you are making a fish face?” Barbara smirked

“Touché, “ Jason said as he slid his phone back into his pocket. “This is a silent agreement that we don’t speak of either of these realizations.”

Dick began to groggily sing “Havin my baby, what a wonderful way of saying how much you love me” he pointed at Barbara “The seed inside you,baby do you feel it growin? Are you happy in knowin that you're havin my baby!”

Barbara looked over at Leslie “Exactly how much pain killers is he on? He’s singing cheesy 70′s songs”

Leslie shook her head “Don’t worry I’m lowering it way down tomorrow and by day 3 when I hope for him to go home, he’ll be on almost nothing.” she looked around Barbara at Jason “Are you recording this?:”

Jason held his phone out and chuckled “You really think I’d miss out on this blackmail? Of course, I’m recording.”

[hysterialevi]

Reunion (Cobblebats)

Requested by @delightfulsepsis

(Takes place during Season 2, Episode 2. Bruce goes to meet John at The Stacked Deck.)

From Bruce’s POV

Pushing the bar’s doors open, I casually strolled in and searched for my friend, trying to hide the fact that I was still hurting from that fight with Bane as I limped around. He was definitely one of the tougher opponents I’d faced, and to be honest, I wasn’t sure how well Batman was going to fare against him in the future. I knew I told Alfred that I’d be fine, but reality disagreed -- and with good reason. Oh, well. That was a worry for another time. Right now, all I cared about was finding John, and getting a move on with this mission.

Taking a good look around the lazy bar, I found myself stumped when John was nowhere to be seen. Usually, the man was always so prompt and, most of the time, he actually arrived before me. For him to be late was...out of character. Or Maybe I was just early. I double-checked my phone in case he had sent me any texts.

Bruce: John, I’d like to take you up on your offer.

John: Excellent news! :D

Bruce: Can we meet?

John: Know just the place. The Stacked Deck.

Hmm, nothing new. It was possible he was being held up for some reason. I decided to find us a spot in the bar while I waited. Locking my phone again, I went to slip it back into my pocket when, suddenly, a new message popped up on the screen, stealing my attention.

John: Behind you, handsome.

Confused at how I could possibly miss that head of bright green hair, I whipped around in curiosity, only to spot a man relaxing in one of the back booths waving his phone at me. The stranger certainly wasn’t John, and I didn’t recognize him from a distance, but he was holding John’s phone. How did he get it? And who was he? Perhaps he was with the Agency. Was Waller seriously having people follow me around? I approached him to have a better look.

The closer I got however, the more familiar he started to become. The smug manner in which he grinned at me, his pair of stormy-blue eyes, the scruff lining his jaw, the shaved haircut...it all rang this bell that I just couldn’t quite pinpoint... 

Wait a minute.

Holy shit.

I stopped in my tracks, frozen like a deer in headlights as I practically bore my eyes into the man.

“...Oz?”

He took a sip from his beer bottle. 

“Sorry to disappoint you, mate,” Oz gave me a wink, “but John ain’t coming. I’ll be your host for this evening.”

Observing Oz for a moment, I noticed that he looked...slightly different from when I last saw him. There were no drastic changes, despite his nose being a little crooked and him wearing something other than the Penguin suit, but he still appeared somewhat older. Rougher. Like he hadn’t slept in a long time. I guessed his stay in prison hadn’t been the friendliest. I hesitantly took a seat across from him.

“...Where’s John?” I asked, growing concerned. “What did you do? How are you even here? I thought you were in jail.”

He rolled his eyes. “Relax, Bruce. John’s fine. All I did was swipe his phone. You and the clown have been appearin’ on the news together a lot lately. I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist an invitation from him. The two of you seem close.”

Turning John’s phone back on, Oz showed me the lock screen -- which happened to be the very distasteful, but somehow innocent selfie John took back at Lucius’ funeral. I gave him a sheepish smile.

Oz leaned forward. “As for being in jail, let’s just say I was never one to stay put. So keep your voice down. But c’mon -- you had to know Blackgate couldn’t lock me up forever...even if you did help Gordon throw me in there.”

I crossed my arms, glowering. “What else did you expect me to do? Allow you to continue terrorizing Gotham? I know we were friends once, Oz, but the things you did last year...”

The other man scoffed, narrowing his eyes. “Funny. No one seemed to give a damn when my parents were shot outta the picture -- and wrongfully so. But lay a single finger on the pretty boy, and suddenly, it’s a whole other thing, isn’t it?”

Oz took another swig. “But I didn’t come here to argue with you. Frankly, I’ve had enough of that. No, there’s something else I wanted to talk to you about. And, if you’re willing, I’d rather discuss it somewhere more private. Like outside.”

“You mean in the alleyway? Because I trust you enough to follow you into a secluded area.”

Oz almost seemed...hurt at that comment, and I suddenly felt a small grip of guilt holding onto me. He gazed downwards at his bottle that he was now cupping with both hands.

He let out a sigh. “Listen, Bruce. I...I know I didn’t treat you right, and to be honest, I’m surprised you haven’t walked out the door yet, but I’m hoping you’ll at least hear me out. I’ve had a lot to think ‘bout ever since being locked up in prison -- not all of it good -- and you happen to be the subject of most of ‘em.”

I decided to bite...for now. 

“Okay, Oz. I’m listening.”

He turned away from me, his nose crinkling out of annoyance. “...Dammit,” he muttered, “why couldn’t you just have said ‘no?’ All right, all right. Look, I’m not...exactly sure how to get this out in the open, so just bear with me.”

Taking a gentler approach, I sat patiently while Oz put his words together, somewhat incapacitated by the alcohol.

“Take your time,” I reassured. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Oz chuckled, shaking his head. “...and there you go again, being so bloody understanding and compassionate and...stuff.”

I quirked a brow. “That’s...a bad thing?”

“No!” He pounded a fist on the table, causing a few heads to turn at his outburst. “That’s the point! You’re just so damn...kind, and charming, and upstanding...even when people don’t deserve it. People like me. Hell, the way you arrested me was merciful. Most others would’ve just let the GCPD gun me down in that park, but you went through the trouble of obtaining me alive. You’ve shown me a...a love that I’ve not seen in decades...and I can’t stop thinking about it.”

Well, Oz certainly had a lot on his mind. Part of me was kind of glad that the beer was there to loosen him up. How hard would it have been to get this out of him sober?

“What do you mean you can’t stop thinking about it?” I asked. Oz calmed down a bit.

“...every night I spent in Blackgate, I’d just lie awake, wondering if I did the right thing. Wonderin’ if my dear, departed mum would be proud...or if she’d be horrified that her son’s turned into...” he gestured to himself in disgust, “...this.”

Oz let out a breath, gazing at me. “I also wondered what you and I could’ve possibly become if I didn’t follow Lady Arkham. If something...else...might’ve happened between us.”

I had to take a moment to process what Oz just said. Was he implying what I thought he was?

“Wait,” I held a hand up, “are you saying that you...have feelings for me?”

Oz blinked a few times, almost as if he was bringing himself back to reality.

“Shit, did I actually say that?” He blurted out. “Well, forget it. It don’t matter. Ain’t like you’ll ever return the affection anyways.”

I gave him an enticing smirk. “Oh, really? And how do you know that?”

He stumbled over his words for a second, unsure of how to react.

“W-well, I mean...why would you? In case you haven’t noticed, Bruce, I’m rotten like the rest of Gotham, and I don’t really have a pretty mug to hide behind anymore. Thanks to someone. Besides, you seem perfectly happy with that giggling jester of yours.”

I paused. “Hold on, you think John and I are together?”

“I know romance when I see it, Bruce. It may not be the lovey-dovey type of relationship you see in the films, but John’s got an eye for you. Or at least your face.”

“John’s already taken,” I corrected. “He has a girlfriend.”

Oz scoffed. “So? People cheat.”

“John wouldn’t cheat. Not on her. He loves her too much. And even if he did leave her for me,” I threw an alluring glance his way, “my attention’s on someone else.”

The other man beamed back at me with a flirtatious grin, clearly starting to catch on.

“Oh? I’d love to hear ‘bout them.”

“...Well,” I thought for a second, “he’s charming, handsome, and he has one of the most irresistible accents I’ve ever heard. I’ve known him for quite some time, actually. Ever since I was a little kid. He was the first true friend I had growing up...but we drifted apart after a while.”

Oz frowned in a nostalgic manner, picking up his beer bottle as he listened. “...And...? Did you miss him?”

I nodded. “More than he may think. I made other friends as I got older, sure, but none of them could ever replace him. He was always special to me...and I regret not telling him this sooner.”

Scooting closer to me, Oz attentively looked in my eyes, his brow furrowing. “And if you had one more chance to speak with him again, what would you say?”

Returning Oz’s gaze and taking a deep breath, I recalled all the things I wish I would’ve said to him ever since I was only ten, a flood of confessions pouring out of me from nowhere.

“I would say how sorry I am for what my father did to him and his parents. That I truly had no idea about my father’s crimes, and how much I wish I could’ve stopped him sooner...before he took my closest friend away from me. I would say how even though Gotham left him behind, I never forgot him once for over twenty years, and constantly wondered if he still remembered me -- or if he was even still alive.”

Oz’s head sank a little. “Is that all?”

“No. I would tell him that when I reunited with him in that park one year ago, I was concerned when I learned my best friend had become a terrorist, and for a moment, I was actually afraid of him.”

He retreated slightly, evidently reluctant to hear more. “And what about now? Are you still afraid of...‘him?” 

“I’m not afraid,” I denied, “but I am worried. I’m worried that our friendship is close to nonexistent now, and that he might never forgive me for what my father did to him. Or for what I’ve done. If things go well, maybe someday, he’ll prove me wrong. Until then though, I just hope we don’t have to be enemies anymore. What do you think? ...Would he agree?”

Oz was silent for a while, taking in everything I just told him. He pushed the beer bottle lightly, sliding it away from him.

“...I won’t lie. He’s still struggling to get over the murder of his parents, and truth be told, he might never fully recover. But if there’s a chance he and his friend can live like the kings they were born to be,” Oz smirked, bringing back that mischievous vibe that was all-too-familiar, “he would take it in a heartbeat.”

I smiled at him. “So...does this mean we can stop being at each other’s throats?”

“We can be even more than that, if you want. If you’re ready to move on from your clown boyfriend, that is.”

I rolled my eyes in a sarcastic manner, standing up. “You, sir, are ridiculous. C’mon. Let’s get out of here.”

Happily following me, Oz sprung up from his seat and walked beside me as we headed outside, ignoring all the curious glances we received from the other patrons, their stares nailed onto us whilst we took our leave.

Stepping out of the bar, Oz and I were greeted with a light shower of rain -- cars driving by as their tires gently splashed random puddles, and sprayed the edge of the sidewalks. For a second, I simply stood there, breathing in the fresh, earthy air until Oz took hold of my hand, rubbing it affectionately. I looked at him.

“...Oz?”

He hesitated. “I, err -- I’m kinda new to this.”

I chuckled. “You? New? To romance? Really.”

“There’s a difference between thinking someone’s got a nice arse, and wanting a serious relationship with them,” Oz explained. “I know we’ve only just got back together, but...I want this, Bruce. I want this to work for real.”

I turned to face him, moving closer. “So do I. But there’s no need to rush into this, Oz. We can take it however fast or slow you’re comfortable with.”

Oz shot a puzzled look. “That’s the thing -- I dunno what’s considered fast or slow. Normally, I just sleep around and that’s it. No dates or courting or...whatever it is you do.”

I grabbed Oz’s other hand. “There’s no guideline you need to follow when you’re with someone. I know I may be a billionaire, but that doesn’t mean we have to fly in a helicopter for a date, or drink wine on a yacht. A date can be anything you want it to be.”

He playfully punched me in the arm. “Mate, you better damn well take me on a helicopter. So, when’s it picking us up?”

“Right after this.”

Barely giving Oz any time to react, I pulled his face towards mine and brought our lips together, leaving him frozen in place as the rain continued to sprinkle down on us and patter onto our clothes. For a moment, I could feel Oz staring at me out of shock, but eventually, the tension in his body slowly began to release, and before I knew it, he was melting into my embrace, eagerly returning the kiss.

Wrapping my arms completely around him, I let my hands wander all over Oz’s back and hugged him tighter, trapping the man in my grasp as his fingers traveled up to the back of my head, tangling with the hair. 

Out of nowhere though, I suddenly heard the shutter of a camera click. 

“Now, that is beautiful...hehe!”

Jolting my head to the side, I felt my jaw slightly drop when I suddenly noticed that John was standing right beside us, his phone now back in his hands as he let out a sniffle, wiping away nonexistent tears.

“It’s so heartwarming to see that love can still blossom in times like these.”

“Oh,” I awkwardly said, still holding Oz, “hi, John. Wh-when did you get there?”

The clown laughed. “Just now, actually. I was tracking down my phone, you see. Snatched it when your boyfriend here wasn’t looking. I didn’t know you had a significant other, Bruce. Why didn’t you tell me?”

I regained composure. “Oh, this? This happened just recently. Very recently.”

John snickered. “Maybe we can go on a...ah, what’s it called? A double-date? I hear those are really fun! I could talk Harley into it!”

“Yeah...maybe.”

“Great! Well,” he started to walk off, waving goodbye. “I’ll leave you two sweethearts alone. Let me know when you’re ready to meet my friends, Bruce. I’ll call Harley here right away.”

“Sure thing, John.”

Once the clown was completely out of sight, I turned back to Oz, giving him an apologetic smile.

“Heh, sorry about that. John can be a bit...eccentric.”

“No worries. You’ve got interesting friends.”

I placed another kiss on Oz’s forehead. “And an even more interesting partner.”

“So...we’re official then?” He clarified. 

I softly pushed Oz up against a nearby wall, putting an arm on both sides of his body as I locked him in, longingly staring into his eyes.. I leaned in for a second time, touching noses with him.

“You’re damn right we are.”

[dcwomenkickingass]

DC Women Kicking ...the Flu?

A chance to hear about a bunch of the ladies of DC Comics coming together was what it took for me to return to posting after a few months. Today DC Comics released Batgirl and the Birds #15 which starts a new arc “Manslaughter” which sees the DC women coming together after an outbreak of flu downs the men. I spoke with the writers, sisters Shawna and Julie Benson about what readers can expect, the return of Oracle (!) and which Bird is has a big take out bill!

I'm so excited to see DC women coming together and kicking ass in the Manslaughter arc. How did you come up with the idea of a flu that hits only the men?

We wanted a story that would allow us to bring together a lot of women in the DCU. It seemed like the best way to bring both heroes and villains together was to give them common cause. Taking out ALL of the men of Gotham felt like a way to do that. Once we landed on that idea, the rest of it clicked into place. A story like this hasn't really been done before in DC. Sure, there are a few BoP/Sirens team-up's and individual cross-overs, but this felt unprecedented and well overdue. To their credit, DC JUMPED on the opportunity when we pitched them the idea. We weren't sure how they would take, "So... all the men in Gotham are sick and out of commission." But they were down from the start.

I was super excited to see Lois Lane in this because she's always fun when she hangs out with the Birds once every decade. Which lady or ladies were you most excited to get to write and include?

We love writing all of the characters! But we were very excited to try our hand at Gotham Girl, Batwoman, Orphan, Harley Quinn, and Wonder Woman. Coming up with a way to bring Lois Lane to Gotham was a huge victory for us. We knew there weren't many non-Gotham women we'd be able to include due to canon and availability, so getting her felt like a big win.

Anyone you wanted to include that you couldn't?

There were so many -- when you think of writing a story like this, the "ultimate female team-up" you want to have everybody -- but we knew we'd have a tough job balancing the 13 or 14 we were already jamming into the issue. Supergirl would have been a lot of fun. We talked about others like Hawkgirl, Power Girl, and Barda... But again, their availability was limited to  us, so we took who we could and ran with it!

One of things I'm looking forward to are the alliances between characters who don't often get together. Are there two characters you were excited to put together.What's the most interesting team-up that you think we'll see?

We've had such fun with unlikely pairings, like Poison Ivy and Huntress. Bouncing these other women against our core Birds of Prey team was such a fun idea, so we couldn't wait to mix them up a bit. Batwoman going toe to toe with Catwoman felt fun -- especially since there's another level of relationship there that can't be discussed (see Tom King's "Batman" to understand that!) Harley with everyone was exciting as was getting to play with Gotham Girl, who Tom King created and we felt was a really good fit here.

The men of Gotham seem to be handling their illness in different ways. Who were you most excited to send to their sickbed? Who is the biggest baby? (Say Bruce, it's Bruce isn't it?)

We definitely felt that Jim Gordon would be the worst patient ever. But Bruce probably comes a close second. He'd be the guy too stubborn to realize he's really sick. We included Grayson because if someone was going to be a big drama queen about it, it would have to be him!

So I noticed that Barbara was back at the keyboards in this issue, with Gus gone will she start doing double duty as Oracle and Batgirl?

Yes! That's been a slow story burn for us through the series. We wanted to get Barbara back to being Oracle, but without losing her Batgirl side. It's an issue that causes a lot of conflict for Barbara, which for us means, great stories to tell.

You've been writing the Birds for 15 issues. Do you feel you have a good feel for the characters? Care to answer a few questions?

These ladies live rent-free in our heads now. We love them as if they were real people -- they ARE real people, to us. They are living, breathing, heroines and we are SO LUCKY to get to hang with them every month. We have enjoyed writing every issue of this book and are excited for people to see where we are taking them. As for questions, ask away!

Which Bird spends the most on delivery food?

Dinah. We estimate she burns like 3000 calories a day, more if she's busting out the Canary Cry. She needs to stay fueled. Tacos, pizza, kale salads, she's open to it all.

Which Bird spends the most time on SnapChat?

Now that she knows all about those kinds of apps, Dinah, for sure.

Which Bird takes the most selfies?

Dinah. (Sensing a pattern?) Helena wouldn't want her face too be out there on too many facial recognition apps and Barbara is probably too busy to care.

Which Bird has the most unwashed laundry?

Once again, Dinah. She kinda got used to living out of suitcases when she was on the road. Helena probably has the most drycleaning, what with her professional day job.

Thanks Julie and Shawna!

issue #15 is out today and it is a fun read; pick it up.

[differentjokes4differentfolks]

WTFIT Chap 12

A.N. AND FINALLY WE GET TO THE NIGHT IT’S BEEN LEADING UP TO!!! As always, you guys, enjoy!! ^-^

AO3

A tuxedo is hardly suitable armor for tonight, but it’s the most inconspicuous one when Bruce Wayne is to appear at the Gotham City Gala instead of Batman. Alfred plans on driving him and Tim to the observatory, Bruce knowing he needs to be ready for cameras, Tim able to just slip away in the distraction. It sounds easy. In theory.

When they arrive at the observatory they’re swarmed by cameras, Alfred opening the door to the car and Bruce blinking at the flash, still not used to the blinding lights even after years of this. Maybe I should wear sunglasses when I get out of the car next time. Tim doesn’t seem to care, flashing smiles this way and that, posing just slightly so that it looks casual. Bruce almost has to pull him along after himself.

“You think they got my good side?” he jokes, nudging Bruce.

“I think they got all your sides,” Bruce says dryly, glancing around. “We’re not here for photo ops.”

Tim pouts. “Fine.” He pulls out his phone, taking a selfie. Bruce can’t help but roll his eyes, Tim noticing. “It’s for my insta.”

“Does anyone even follow you?” Bruce asks, striding over to the center of the building and leaning over the railing. He knows he should be mingling, but his mind is too alert for mindless commentary. If someone comes over he’ll chat, but what he’s really waiting for is the okay from Dick that they’re in the building.

Tim follows him, clicking away at his phone screen. “A couple thousand. They like my hair, I think.” Bruce laughs. Tim looks affronted, but it doesn’t take long before he gives in and laughs along with him.

The scene around them is brightly lit, but still almost ethereal in the naturally dark observatory. People in all different color clothes decorate the room, suits and dresses galore. People flaunting what they have, conversing and swaying to the soft music in the background and holding crystal glasses in their hands, perfectly poised. There’s an auction later on tonight, where most of the money with be raised.

Tim slips away, ready to investigate while still looking like just another visitor, leaving Bruce alone to try to distract if he needs to. Bruce figures whenever Dent’s plan is supposed to be revealed, it’ll be around or during the auction. So he just needs to kill time. Shouldn’t be too hard.

He sees Gordon out the corner of his eye. None of the party-goers look too concerned, Bruce figures living in Gotham has desensitized them to danger, at least a little. An evacuation would lead to uproar, but he’ll make sure it doesn’t come to that.

*

“Jason, could you drive this car any slower?” Dick feels like he’s part of his seat now, the speed pulling him back. Jason just smirks.

“Too fast for you, Grayson?” He pushes on the pedal a bit more, the car jolting faster. “I love this car, it doesn’t even roar if you stomp on the pedal. No wonder Bruce can sneak around everywhere. it’s so freaking quiet.” He swerves onto a side road, Dick grabbing onto the door handle.

“Jesus Christ, slow down!” He’s got nothing against going fast, but Jason is being absolutely criminal with his speeds. It’s a wonder he can even see anything that blurs past them. Cars beep as they see the Batmobile, whether in anger or appreciation he can’t tell. He can’t even see the expressions on people’s faces. Holy hell, if Jason doesn’t end up killing them both he’s going to strangle him.

At least Jason has the foresight not to park next to the observatory and instead hide it in a nearby grove. Dick’s legs wobble just the slightest bit as he exits the car, leaning on the vehicle. He waits for his heart-rate to return to normal, for his sight to slow down with the rest of the world. Jason jumps out laughing.

“Like a rollercoaster. If Bruce ever doesn’t want this baby, I’m taking it.” He taps the Batmobile, smoothing his hand over the shiny paint job. He glances over at Dick. “You okay?” His voice almost sounds concerned.

Dick holds his hand up to his mouth, keeping his nausea at bay. “‘M fine.” He squeezes his eyes shut. “We should go.”

“You sure you can walk?” Jason asks with a snort. Dick shakes his head to clear it, standing up straight.

“Yeah.”

The observatory glows from here, a few hundred feet away. He’d love to take Barb to a ball sometime soon, she’d look great in a dress. Maybe when they don't have work to do.

Tonight is unusually warm, Dick barely feeling the cold winds through his suit. And Jason, well, he’s comfortable as can be in his leather coat. They run over to the building, Jason deciding to make a little conversation.

“How long has Tim been Robin?”

“I think he started a few months after you...left.” To be honest, the actual events that happened while Jason and Bruce were in the Middle East are hazy to Dick. First he’d heard that Jason had died, then that he was in the hospital, then that he was fine but wouldn’t be coming home. He still hasn’t figured out what the truth is.

“And he’s good?” Jason says, voice neutral.

Dick nods, an awkward move since he’s running. “Yeah. Bruce doesn’t really trust him for anything too big, ever since the incident. I guess he wants Tim to have more experience before tackling a big challenge.”

Jason slows a bit. “Makes sense, but how does Tim take it?”

“He doesn’t complain too much, but I know he’s itching for some adventures of his own. Why?”

Jason shrugs. “Just wondering. He seems nice. You know, from what I’ve seen.”

“You should hang around more,” Dick says. He hasn’t seen Jason in at least a year, no wonder he’s missed out on the new member of the Wayne family.

“Maybe,” Jason doesn’t sound all that convinced, upping his pace again so that he’s ahead of Dick. The conversation is apparently over, leaving Dick to realise the younger man has basically turned into Bruce. Broody, stubborn, and ‘independent’. To be fair, he has a better sense of humor, but the fact of the matter is he and Bruce are more alike than not. He should just come home.

The duo nears the back door to the observatory, opening it quietly to look at what waits for them inside. Jason slips in, Dick following and activating his comm.

“Batman? We’re in.”

*

There’s the go ahead.

“I need you to scope out the area,” Bruce utters quietly. His eyes flicker as he takes in the whole room, making sure no one is in hearing range. He can’t see Tim anymore, and he wants nothing more than to sneak off, don his batsuit and get into the action. This job might wear him out, but he’d rather do that than go to glittery balls. Apparently star themes mean deck out the decorations with sparkles. It’s a little blinding, actually. Too garish.

As it stands, for now he’ll be protecting the wealthy in his three-piece. He’s made a little conversation, friendly banter, rumours of what’s supposed to be at the auction, what the fundraising goal is. The better the items the more money raised, but nobody really knows what’s up for grabs. Strange.

“Bruce Wayne.” He turns to see Gordon nearing him. He inclines his head in greeting.

“How goes the surveillance, commissioner?”

Gordon gives a one-shoulder shrug, his body language tense. “Nothing’s happened so far.” He stands out from the rest of the crowd, dressed in his usual uniform. A hand rests on his hip, lighting on the gun he always wears. He’d be crazy not to, but the sight of it always rubs Bruce the wrong way. “How’s the party?”

“Nothing’s happened so far,” Bruce says with a smile. Gordon spares a one syllable laugh, likely the only time he’ll laugh tonight. “How’s Barbara?”

“Busy. Lots of schoolwork, you know.” Gordon cards his fingers through his hair. “It’s funny, she almost seems to work more than I do.”

Bruce laughs, though he wonders when, if ever, Barbara plans on telling her father just what she does. He has to be getting suspicious at this point. But he won’t be the one to say anything. It’d be one more thing on Gordon’s list of worries, his daughter helping fight some of Gotham’s deadliest criminals. And judging by the dark circles under his eyes, Bruce figures he should let Gordon focus on this tonight.

He says goodbye and moves on, picking up a glass of champagne as he goes. The moment he does he realises he probably shouldn’t drink anything that could slow him down, offering it to someone he passes. The more he glances at his watch the slower time seems to pass him by, so he decides to walk out onto the balcony for some fresh air.

The stars peek out from behind passing clouds, threatening rain or snow later tonight. The wind rushes past Bruce as he leans over the banister, a telescope to his right. A couple stands there, peering through the eyepiece, shivering in their formal attire. The woman’s wrap does nothing to keep her warm, a thin silk that threatens to blow away. It’s almost scenic.

He closes his eyes and just listens to the people around him, hoping time passes faster. He’d do anything to be with the others, actively doing something instead of just watching for danger on the sidelines, making sure nothing happens up on the main floor. He knows they’re capable, but he hates relying on others regardless.

“Bruce Wayne?” He purses his lips slightly before turning around, a fake smile on his face.

“Yes?” Oh. It’s a solicitor.

The man goes into his spiel of what he’s advertising, Bruce looking at him quizzically and tuning him out best he can while still maintaining an air of politeness. Dick updates him occasionally, Bruce humming and trying to look like he’s agreeing with the man in front of him. His hands clench just a little, a couple of times he’s tried interrupting, he even tries to cut him rudely off at times, but it’s futile. He’s trapped by a salesman on steroids.

His saviour comes in a crisp white suit, a purple flower on his lapel. Bruce flashes Joker a grateful smile, thinking he’ll steer the man away, provide a means of escaping with a clever joke.

No such luck.

Instead the clown decides to drape himself over Bruce, nipping at his ear. “Did you miss me?” he asks, his voice saccharine. The annoying solicitor steps back, eyes wide. Bruce has no choice but to hold Joker, no way he’s just going to drop him, even if he is being a nuisance at the moment. He’s going to cause a scene.

“Of course,” he says. “But I’m in the middle of something.” He gestures to the solicitor, who frowns.

“Who the hell are you?”

Joker steps forward, holding his hand out to shake. “John Doe.”

“Right. Isn’t that a name they give unidentified dead people?” The man says skeptically, arms crossed. Joker pulls back with a pout.

“It’s my name.” He looks back at Bruce as if to say Can you believe this guy? He narrows his eyes at the salesman. “Now unless you were selling ways to avoid annoying conversations, I’d leave. My boyfriend and I are busy.” He keeps his arms around Bruce, waiting. Bruce knows if they weren’t at a social gathering in normal clothes the solicitor would be on the floor. As it is, if looks could kill...

The solicitor hems and haws at the situation, Bruce not wanting to comfort him but knowing how intimidating Joker can be, even when he isn’t out terrorising the city. Finally he mumbles an excuse and walks away, shooting a glance at Joker. Bruce breathes out a sigh of relief. He also shoots Joker a look, a mix of curiosity and annoyance, verging more on the side of the former.

“Your boyfriend?” He asks the man, who relaxes his grip.

“It was the first thing that came to mind,” Joker says flippantly. “Don’t like it?”

Bruce shakes his head. “No, I just didn’t expect it. I like it.”

Joker smiles smugly. “I thought you would.”

“How did you get in?” Bruce asks. This Gala was basically by invitation only, as far as he knows.

Joker’s less than amused by the question. “You don’t honestly think I wouldn’t be able to sneak in, do you? It was easy-peasy.” Bruce focuses on him, his hand lifting up one of Joker’s lapels. “Like the suit?” He places his hand over Bruce’s and flattens it over his chest, where a steady heartbeat pulses under Bruce’s fingers.

Bruce nods appreciatively, noting how it hangs on the clown’s frame perfectly. He doesn’t bother asking where the suit’s from, he doesn’t want to know. “It’s nice. Suits you.”

Joker snickers, keeping his voice quiet so that it isn’t his trademark laugh. “Your puns are awful.” He leans back on the banister, breathing in the cool air. “So, tonight’s the night. You ready?”

“I have to be,” Bruce says, looking out at the crowd. “Anything could happen at this point.”

A half hour to the auction and it feels like the calm before the storm. He’s going to have to just wait at this point, Joker sitting on the narrow railing casually.

A glint catches his eye, a person flipping a coin next to him. He looks up to see the person already looking at him with a grin.

“Nice night, isn’t it? For fireworks?” He says. Any other person would have shrugged it off, maybe commented yes, or how they didn’t know there’d be fireworks tonight. Bruce shrugs, though he’s on immediately put on guard and wants to punch the man in the mouth. The coin gives it away, of course it does. It’s a sign of Harvey’s plans.

“I guess, but I didn’t know there’d be fireworks,” he says, voice air-light. Joker smirks. The man smiles.

“They’re supposed to be explosive, you know what I mean? The main event.”

Bruce maintains his calm demeanor, nodding. “I had a friend who used to do that,” he points out, gesturing to the flipping coin. “Harvey Dent. He’s in Arkham though, right?”

“Didn’t you hear the news? Crazy son-of-a-bitch got out. No one knows where he is.”  The man is terrible at lying, Bruce can hear the joke in his voice.

“I hope Gotham’s safe.”

Joker coughs, trying not to turn it into a laugh. “Batman’ll save us. Always does, right? From those evil, nasty villains.” Bruce elbows him slightly, hoping he’ll knock it off.

“Hm.” The man smiles cryptically. Bruce narrows his eyes slightly, taking a glass of champagne off a passing tray. For appearances, again. He takes the tiniest sip, feigning indifference to the man but feeling every bit on edge.

“Anyways, I should get going, this party’s a drag.”

“Aw, what a shame,” Joker says, and Bruce knows he’s fighting not to roll his eyes. “Leaving before fireworks?”

“Never been a fan,” the man says as he walks away. Bruce decides not to follow him, Joker’s grip on his arm tightening.

“I’ve never liked that guy,” he murmurs, taking the glass from Bruce and swirling it. “Too cocky. Harv won’t let me take him out. You’re gonna let him go?”

“Of course not.” He comms Tim, who tells him he’ll make quick work of the man. He’s probably still in his suit, but so long as he isn’t seen he should be fine, Bruce is sure.

A crackling noise comes through the earpiece then, Bruce wincing at the sharpness of it.

“Oracle-”

“Hello, Bruce.”

A chill runs down Bruce’s back. “Harvey.” He edges further away from the crowd, making sure he’s out of earshot.

“Enjoying the gala?”

“Disappointed you’re not here,” Bruce deadpans. Harvey laughs. “How did you escape again?”

“Again? Sorry, Batman, I think you’re confused. Or maybe I pulled a fast one on you.” Bruce can almost see the smirk on the villain’s face, and has never wanted to reach through a phone and throttle someone more. “Anyways, how’s Alfred? A little lonely, I think.”

Bruce’s jaw clenches, his grip on the balcony tight. He doesn’t look at Joker, who he knows is listening intently to what Bruce is saying. “Leave him alone.”

“How about a race?” Dent asks smugly. “You getting here by the time I find the man. Shouldn’t be too hard for the Batman.” There’s a click, and his voice is gone, Oracle’s flooding through.

“He’s not at the manor yet. If you leave now you might be able to beat him there. I’ll warn Alfred.”

Bruce gnaws at his bottom lip anxiously.

“Can’t you let your kids deal with this?” Joker asks, noticing Bruce’s mood. His eyes are clouded over, the way they tend to get on long nights. He’s tense, ready to fight at moments notice. But Bruce shakes his head.

“I don’t want them to deal with everything happening here, not until the worst is over.”

Joker rolls his eyes, dragging Bruce further away from the crowd and into one of the darker halls, where they can’t see the main area. “Bats, they’re old enough to fix this, don’t you think? Let them take care of it.” Bruce listens, and the clown continues, “What about Robin?”

Bruce thinks about it. He could have Tim up on the main floor, nothing to worry about too much...

“Come on, you can’t always be the main hero. Go save your butler, he’s more important. Be selfish, just this once.” Joker’s eyes glimmer in the dark, reflecting like a cats. They focus on Bruce, who knows he’s right. He could trust Tim to do this, he’s been practicing for this for ages. But if something goes wrong… “You’re always taking care of the city, take care of yourself just this time.”

Bruce makes up his mind, albeit with more than a fair share of reluctance. “Alright, fine. Robin could handle this. Let me just check up on how everything else is going.”

*

Jason and Dick sneak past most of the thugs, rushing into the next room, where they find a whole machine rigged to the walls.

“Holy shit,” Jason breathes out. “They weren’t kidding when they said they wanted all of them dead. Bombs and...did we not get all of Crane’s toxin?”

A moderately large beaker of green liquid rests on top of a crate, a pump siphoning out the liquid into what Dick guesses leads to the emergency sprinklers.

“I guess not. It was probably just a diversion, when it comes down to it.” Dick kneels down next to the timer, glancing at the time. 00:45. “This gives us quite a bit of time, actually.” Right up until a few minutes into the auction, if the clock’s right.

“Don’t jinx us, Dick,” Jason warns. He stands near the door, making sure he doesn’t hear anyone stepping too close to where they are. “Here, I’ll disarm it, you stand watch.” He goes over and nudges Dick away from the timer, the latter standing and taking his place at the door. The walls are cold, the lights flickering. The perfect basement atmosphere, Dick thinks.

“I’ve never seen this kind of timer,” Jason mutters. “Sionis must’ve worked overtime to make it.” He pulls out his tablet, plugging it into the dangerous box. “It’s like the world’s deadliest relay. Everyone puts in their part and Dent finishes the race.”

“Not today he won’t,” Dick says. Steps come closer to the door, and he waves Jason away so that nothing seems out of the ordinary. He steps away from the door, and the thug walks in, the door shutting behind him.

“There’s no way I’m staying here while the bomb goes off. It’s a death sentence,” the thug mumbles. He carries his gun lazily, swinging it around like a baseball bat. Dick rolls his eyes, these people aren’t very loyal. But maybe that’s why they’re expendable in the long run. In any case, it’s time for the man to take a little nap. He steps out from behind, covering the thug’s face with his hand until he goes limp in his arms. Dragging him away so that he slumps against a wall, he returns to his spot at the door.

“Babs? I need you to turn off the mechanism for the emergency sprinklers.”

“Sure, but what about the explosives?”

“They’re on timer, Jason’s figuring it out, don’t worry.”

“I’ll send you what I have, Barb,” Jason says through his comm.

“Right. Is everything else alright?”

“So far so good, I’ll update you.” Dick hears a knock on the door.

“Hey buddy, you okay? You been in that room for a while.” Dick leans on the door, preparing his best thug impression.

He meets eyes with Jason, who watches him expectantly, ready to leap if need be. Lowering his voice, he answers. “Yeah, man, sorry. Just taking a break before the Bat shows up, making sure the bomb’s okay.”

There’s a pause. “You sound sick, you sure you’re okay?” Jason muffles a laugh, Dick faking a cough.

“I’m fine, honest. Just got a little cold, I’ll be right out.” He hears receding footsteps and breathes out a sigh of relief. Jason lets out his laugh, shaking his head.

“Nightwing the sick henchman. Amazing.”

“I’d like to see you try,” Dick retorts. “I’m an amazing voice actor.” A glance at his watch. Twenty-five minutes to the auction. So long as the bomb is disarmed in time they’ll be fine.

*

Tim looks back over his shoulder as he traverses the main room of the observatory, weaving around people and sneaking glances at the items behind the makeshift stage at the things being auctioned. A couple times he’s been looked at warningly, so he makes sure not to overstep. Or to overstep when he’s sure no one’s looking. Though he isn’t quite sure what he’s looking for. Anything could happen at this point. It’s a pile of fancy vases, jewelry, diamonds... nothing he’s particularly interesting, and nothing he’d count as being out of place. And yet he has a sneaking suspicion.

He makes the mistake of getting caught snooping, a heavy hand landing on his shoulder.

“You’re not supposed to be here,” the man says gruffly. He scowls at Tim, who shifts back so the hand falls.

“Sorry,” he tries. “I’m just super curious.” He laughs it off, quieting when the man doesn’t reciprocate. He sure doesn’t look like the usual upper-class type. His coat doesn’t fit him right, he’s not clean shaven, his hair is pushed back messily. Dick steps back away from the items, out of the man’s line of sight and away from anyone’s hearing.

“Bruce, some of these people aren’t the usual kind of millionaires. Just saying.” He states it casually, hand in his pocket as though he were just chatting to a friend though a bluetooth earpiece.

“Got it. No sign of Mr. Dent?” Bruce’s voice is just as relaxed, if Tim didn’t know him better he never would have noticed the slight tension in his tone.

“Not yet. Five more minutes and the auction starts, what do you want to do?”

“Well-”

“Haha! We finally disarmed it! Boy, imagine if it had gone off,” Jason pipes up. “Oh hell, I think they heard us. Dick, why didn’t you stop me?” He goes off his comm. Tim doesn’t know whether to laugh or worry about them now.

“Should I go help? I wore my suit under my clothes…”

Bruce sighs, and Tim can tell something isn’t right with him. “Yes. I’ll take care of things up here for now. But be careful, and hurry back. There’s something I need to take care of.” Tim enters the men’s bathroom, slipping off his coat. He doesn’t bother being too careful with his shirt, he can always get a new one later, but he makes sure to takes his mask out of his pocket. He exits the stall, and shoves his clothes into a bag he’d hidden in the small closet just in case. In hindsight, he hadn’t realised just how prepared he was.

Just as he prepares to sneak out someone walks through the door, blinking at him in astonishment.

“You’re Robin, right?” The man’s eyes are wide, not sure if he should move or stay and talk. Tim stops, fidgeting. He puts his hands on the man’s shoulders, switching places with him with an apologetic smile.

“Yeah, but I gotta go, you know, protect you guys, so I can’t really talk.” He rushes out, still grabbing onto his bag, feeling the man’s gaze still on him. Well that was awkward. Wonder if it’s ever happened to Bruce…

The basement is empty save the men crowding around the door, where he assumes Dick and Jason are defending themselves best they can. Tim purses his lips, they won’t get anything done with the barricade of thugs. He sneaks up to the distracted men, pulling one away easily and knocking him out quickly. It’s not the best move and he knows they’ll realise they aren’t alone anymore. But he figures after the second man he takes out he can hide and cause a distraction away from Jason and Dick. Which is basically what happens.

He slides behind a divider, shifting away silently to avoid getting caught. He does not want to get riddled with bullets tonight. Or any night, come to think of it. Footsteps thud past him, and he glances back to where the door is, seeing Jason slip into the room quietly, staying in the shadows. Tim assumes Dick is taking care of any thugs that might have gotten into the room.

There’s a solitary thug stepping a little too close to him, he decides to kick his feet out from under him, knocking his head back hard against the floor and choosing a different spot to hide. He sees Jason taking care of two, though he notices there are less than before. Maybe they were smart and ran before the bomb exploded. Self-preservation is a good quality in a person, it makes them reliable that way. It also leaves less people to waste energy on, at the moment. He meets eyes with Jason, who drops silently to knock a man to the floor. Dick’s finally left the room to take care of the last two men who’d been frantically waving around their guns, looking a little too trigger-happy for Tim’s liking.

When the coast is clear he walks out, Dick passing out high-fives. Jason complies with a weak hand, Tim returning it with more energy. Now all that’s left is Dent, who Bruce can probably take care of, but not in his fancy suit. He’s probably feeling super antsy just thinking about it.

Tim opens his mouth to talk, but he freezes when he hears a click.

“Don’t move, any of you.” Tim fights the urge to turn and face the thug, Dick watching him. Jason growls. “Put the gun down. Your hands are shaking, you probably can’t even use it.”

A round of bullets goes off, flying right past Tim’s ear, who at this point is barely even breathing.

“You think I can’t? Turn around slowly.”

Tim pivots to face the man, trying to stay expressionless.

“There’s three of us,” Dick states. “Think about it. Take down one of us and two more will pin you down.”

The man’s expression is steely, eyes on Dick. Tim nods just the slightest bit at Jason, who brings a hand up to his ear slowly.

“Imagine if we had a blackout right about now,” he says casually. The man turns to him angrily, but Jason just holds his hands up innocently. Barbara’s voice comes through all of their headsets, Tim smiling just the slightest bit.

“Heads up.”

And then the lights go out.

[pridesofblack]

The Batman’s Zoe Kravitz Cut Her Hair, And DC Fans Are Freaking

Matt Reeves' The Batman is preparing to begin moving cameras in the following barely any months, yet there are a couple of arrangements the entertainers are doing to prepare to enter Gotham City. Robert Pattinson is preparing in jiu-jitsu and Colin Farrell is getting the seal of endorsement from previous Penguin, Danny DeVito. What's more, presently The Batman's Catwoman, Zoë Kravitz, has cleaved off her long bolts for a pixie hair style in front of possessing the job. Investigate: https://www.instagram.com/p/B5WbGQSJrB4/?utm_source=ig_embed That looks murmur fect, Catwoman! The Instagram post may simply be a blameless selfie, yet fans bounced right to what they're eager to see next from Zoë Kravitz on the big screen – her Selina Kyle! The remarks are swarmed with fans cracking about her new haircut! "Howl," "Catwoman" and "Ms. Kyle" are among words in response to the photograph. It's a colossal change for the 30-year-old entertainer from previously. She's been wearing long hair (once in a while fears) for a long while, however she has worn a pixie trimmed previously! It's a decent search for the Big Little Lies star, and keeping in mind that she doesn't say a thing regarding it being associated with her Catwoman look, it must be… isn't that so? Selina Kyle has had huge amounts of various looks and hairdos throughout the years, both in the funnies and on the big screen. Be that as it may, her latest well known look incorporates a similar pixie cut Zoë Kravitz has at the present time! It's useful for the character's feline ears and goggles to not be disturbed by long hair. She can shroud her personality better, and the less hair to haul out of one's face while battling, the better. Simply look at her celebrated look beneath: Pixie-cut Catwoman has become a fan-most loved throughout the years, and the idea of Zoë Kravitz getting the chance to adjust her look is inconceivably energizing! It's additionally very not quite the same as past big screen Catwomen, Batman Returns' Michelle Pfeiffer and The Dark Knight Rises' Anne Hathaway. It will enable the entertainer to separate herself from what preceded and furthermore do some fan support also! Alongside Robert Pattinson and Zoe Kravitz featuring together in The Batman, the motion picture will star Paul Dano as Riddler, Jeffrey Wright as Commissioner Gordon, Andy Serkis as Alfred Pennyworth and John Turturro as Carmine Falcone. The motion picture unmistakably has a pressed cast and a huge amount of marvelous scalawags to reintroduce come June 25, 2021. Be that as it may, before we see The Batman, there's a couple of more DC motion pictures going to the big screen. In 2020, Margot Robbie's Harley Quinn returns for Birds of Prey and Gal Gadot will repeat Diana of Themyscira for Wonder Woman 1984. Look at what else is coming to theaters one year from now with our 2020 discharge schedule! What's your opinion of Zoe Kravitz's new hair style? Might you want to see her wear in The Batman. Sound off in the remarks underneath! Read the full article