#System Recovery

[littlest-bugz]

Was I supposed to know that???

[a non-definitive list of things I wish I had known in early CDD system discovery]

When you are first discovering your system, or are just finding out you have some form of CDD [complex dissociative disorder], things can be really confusing and scary. Memories and Alters may surface, you might get more dissociative symptoms [or become aware of them], and just a bunch more that adds to a feeling of disorientation with your own life and identity. Things are uncertain and stressful, but I assure you, everything is okay and you will come out on top of things safely!

In the beginning of rediscovering my own system in 2021, I was really lost because I didn't turn to the internet for resources or go to professionals for help. I was almost entirely in the blind when I was getting to know my system! I didn't interact with any other systems or seek out CDD specific advice and care until December of 2023. That's all to say I was in a similar position as you may be. I was quite lost, confused, and scared as I was coming to terms with the fact that I, as an alter, did not have full control over the body and what we did, and that my memory could, and had, fail me. It was just an uncertain time, but now that I'm into recovery, I know that there are things that would've helped me going into system discovery...

If you're an already discovered system [i.e. you already know and have established contact], maybe you will learn something new or maybe you will come out with a new outlook on something! Or it might not help at all! Which is okay because everyone is different!

That being said... Strap in! this post is EXTREMELY long! [this is not an understatement- this post is criminally long]

Notes : Before I jump into the numerous points of this post, I have to preface this post with the fact of this post may be discouraging at times. I'm being so serious, but in my opinion, this post has important points. The only issue is that what I'm saying can come across as negative or fakeclaim-y, but I am not fake claiming anyone in this post! Do not take what I say personally!! I don't know who's reading this! You could be my best friend or a stranger from across the world! So you have to remember to take things with a grain of salt because, as you'll see immediately in the first point you know you better than anyone else does. I do not know you personally, nor do I know your system or situation. Take what resonates with you, and leave the rest, if that makes sense? Just hear me out before you dismiss this post as not worth your time.

Now we can actually get into the post!

-> DO NOT LET SOCIAL MEDIA WARP YOUR PERCEPTION OF CDDS OR YOUR SYSTEM

This is more a warning than the rest of this post because this is THE MOST important part of early system discovery. While I did not personally engage in most social medias during my own system discovery, this is a point I know will be important for others, especially those in early system discovery... But what do I mean by this?

Well, for starters, this is the main reason why a lot of systems struggle with validating themselves and their system. It is not healthy to compare your system to other systems. It is not healthy to look at other systems, not relate, and think that somehow means you're not a 'real system'. While sharing experiences and discussing your system, as well as listening to the experiences of other systems, is beneficial, comparing yourself to other systems will make you feel like shit. This is where a majority of posts dealing with invalidity come from. You let the internet and misinformation to shape how you view systemhood as a whole.

The notion that a large alter count is invalid is from social media.

The notion that a system is 'too complex' is from social media.

The notion that there is such a thing as too many introjects is from social media.

Seriously, I could go on. These do not matter at all, and those are not the only examples I have seen [just the most common]. Having a complex system, being introject heavy, and/or having a large system are all seen in scientific material, so the notion that it somehow makes you invalid is based in comparison and social media misinformation. You need to keep your head on your shoulders when interacting with social media, or you will damage your relationship with systemhood. Not to mention, you may internalize misinformation!

For some, not comparing themselves to others is MUCH easier said than done. I used to be one of those people! And I still am sometimes! but that's something I am working on. Which... For the sake of not only you as an alter, but also your system, I am seriously suggesting you to work on validating yourself via self help or a therapist. From one system to another, working on this will limit your denial phases and imposter syndrome. Like I said before, I'm a chronic compare-er, but when I learned to validate myself and my system, I no longer go through denial phases as a collective. Self Validation is the biggest key to flourishing as not only as a system, but also a key to thriving in life. Obviously validation from other's isn't harmful in any capacity and is very much required to flourish as a person too, but you seriously shouldn't give a fuck about people online who try to invalidate your system or system structure. Let me repeat that in a more direct way...

YOU KNOW YOU BETTER THAN SOME ASSHOLE ON THE INTERNET.

You know you even better than me too! Obviously!

With self validation, I will not leave you empty handed because simply saying "do this" is not enough for this point. I'll give you a few links and resources that will help kickstart your journey into self validation while discovering your system.

Here's my self-help link masterlist for self validation [this is a link]

-> POINT ONE ALSO INCLUDES AVOIDING SYSCOURSE.

I cannot stress how bad syscourse is for you, especially in early system discovery. From what I have seen from the very few syscourse blogs I follow, as well as mutuals and friends i talk to, it is draining and harmful for your mental health. I don't personally believe in engaging with syscourse, so I avoid it when I can- maybe I'll read a post or two, but I don't throw myself or system into it. I can imagine debating can be fun, but most syscourse is not real debating. Emphasis on *most* because I have seen real debate in syscourse spaces. Sadly though, the majority of posts I see within syscourse tags are either riddled with misinformation- from both of the sides of syscourse- or are filled with unwarranted vitriol [again, from both sides]. Not to mention the MANY posts of well researched systems just tiredly correcting the same things over and over and over again. My advice? Ignore it! Just stick to the silly memes, text posts, ask games, and informational posts. If later, when you feel more secure in your system and you want to engage with it, I support that! Just avoid it in the beginning.

-> Trauma is the response to the event, NOT the event

Thankfully, I've seen this talked about more than once in the system community, but I think it's important to talk about this here too. In order to explain this point properly, we have to discuss what trauma is. So... what is trauma?

" [Psychological] Trauma is the unique individual experience of an event or enduring conditions, in which: 1. The individual's ability to integrate his/her emotional experience is overwhelmed, or 2. The individual experiences (subjectively) a threat to life, bodily integrity, or sanity. (Pearlman & Saakvitne, 1995, p. 60) " [source]

What does this mean in the context of CDDs?

For one, a lot of systems have a hard time seeing certain traumas as traumatic for whatever reason, and for two, it's important to be reminded of this fact when going through system discovery. It's very common to be dissociated from all or most of your trauma in some fashion, whether it be emotional amnesia or black out amnesia. That means it doesn't 'feel' traumatic or there just isn't anything there. As you go through system discovery, its very highly likely that you, or your alters, will uncover trauma of some kind. Whether it be examples of emotional neglect or specific traumas, but sometimes it can be hard to accept that it was trauma or that you went through whatever. It's also common for people to misconstrue that trauma is a specific type of event when it just. is not. A lot of things can be traumatic, and someone's reaction to the same trauma will even be different.

TW: Car Crash talk, but nothing graphic.

I'll give you an example. Imagine four people got into a car crash together. Each person will have a unique response to that event. The driver becomes deeply traumatized and can never step foot in a car, the front passenger finds a weird thrill in it and seeks out similar experiences, back passenger one is traumatized but able to work through it, and the final passenger walks out fine, with no trauma. This is an example of that fact- that everyone reacts differently to the same or a similar event. One person can be deeply traumatized by, let's say, bullying, but another person may learn how to not care about what people think.

Trauma is unique to you, and you alone. What you find traumatic will not be exactly the same as another person.

I will say there are exceptions I can think of where it is always traumatic for a child, but it applies there too. Each child's response to a certain trauma is unique. This point kind of lines up perfectly with the next point because the very common misconception that trauma IS the event is built in misinformation and social media comparison [there it is again].

-> You should do your own research, but keep in mind some of the information you will find about CDDs may be outdated or filled with misinformation.

This is also important when you're getting to know your system because the first step to system discovery is doing research on your diagnosis or suspected disorder. It can help with validation because it is an external source of it! Seeing a medical paper or article that describes symptoms that align with yours is super validating! Not to mention seeing more than just one? It's amazing how much it truly helps with validation! HOWEVER. I would also extend your research into other dissociative disorders [such as DR/DP, P-DID, OSDD etc], as well as Maladaptive Daydreaming, since you may find co-morbidities or that your experience lines up better with another disorder. This is not to say you AREN'T a system, but it is an important point to bring up. It can just be that you have a different type of system than you thought! For example, believing you're an OSDD system, only to discover with research that your experience aligns more with DID.

This leads into the fact that when you're doing research on DID or any other of the CDDs that exist, you are likely to encounter misinformation, whether it be outdated information in articles or reading something on tumblr that just isn't factual! This can be confusing and mess up your ideas on what a system might look like or present as. It can even affect how you view your own system! That's why you have to do your own research! Researching can even bring validation to your experience when you research CDDs!

I will provide a few cursory resources that you may want to read as you begin researching! Keep in mind that these links do NOT account for full, proper research. This is just your kickstart!

Here's the masterlist of cursory DID research links [this is a link]

I will also add that looking into other's experience with CDDs is also a part of research! It's important to look into the experiences of other systems, but keep in mind the first point regarding self validation and comparison.

-> Identity, even in CDDs, is fluid.

A very basic and simple sum up of what DID is:

DID is the result of an inability to integrate the facets of an individuals personality during early childhood, usually due to multiple trauma-based reactions [such as neglect, abuse, natural disaster, war and other adverse experiences]. (Thank u Circ for ur help!!)

... and why do I bring this up?

Within a person who has integrated, and therefor does not have a CDD, those facets all still exist. The only difference is that they are more cohesive and as one, but all the facets are are still there. Identity within EVERYONE is fluid. Things change for even singlets! As you grow as a person, your identity shifts to reflect what you have learned. Like someone might find a gender identity they hadn't heard of that feels just right or they come across a new term that fits them better than the previous one- or they use it for a while and feel it doesn't fit them in the end. Things like this happen to everyone, including individual alters. This means you may have an alter that identifies as one gender, one sexuality, and it may change- that can be REALLY confusing as you're discovering your system because you may assume that it's a new alter all together, when it isn't.

Why I wish I knew this in early system discovery is because it would've saved me A LOT of headache when trying to log and keep track of alters. It can get really draining when you assume that every little identity shift is a new alter when it just simply is not. Sometimes it is, especially in systems where the alters present as very similar to each other, but I would stick to assuming they are not an alter until proven otherwise. This really only applies when you think you are a new alter, and not when it is through internal communication because, in my opinion, internal communication is more reliable when you're tracking alters. It's good to have an alter to 'back you up' so to speak, but it won't always be like that, especially in the beginning. This kind of leads me into my next point of this point [haha... point-ception].

-> System Discovery, and systemhood, in general, is a lot of guesstimations [guess work].

I just recently saw a post about this in the CDD tags. I actually think it's by the same author of the tumblr post I linked, but I wanted to elaborate and go into it in my own perspective. A lot of discovering your system is guess work and reading 'vibes'. This applies to a lot of aspects of systemhood- from an alter's identity to you're headcount [which I will get to later in this point]. It makes everything extremely confusing, meaning it can cause you to feel confused and discouraged, and memories that surface may seem unreal. When it comes to validating yourself and your system, you need to keep in mind that, once again, you know you better than someone else. Sometimes, there won't be external validation for things that come up with your system, such as memories that seem to have 'no evidence', but my therapist gave me some advice for this; if it's affecting you as if it's real, it's best to treat it like it is. This applies to things like body and other flashbacks. Maybe even extending to you thinking you may have a system! You have to learn to validate from the inside to know that, regardless of if it's ""real"" or not, it affects you. Does that make sense? If not I can make a follow up post to better clarify.

I mentioned headcount, and I do want to elaborate on that especially. Your Alter count is a huge amount of guess work, and is never really "concrete". You will never know cut and dry the amount of alters in your system because things fluctuate and identity is fluid. You will likely see people with a listed, exact alter count, and while that is there lived experience, things even change with people you see on the internet.

-> Alters can lie

This one is possibly the most discouraging part of this post, but a very important point to bring up. Alters, despite being the result of a failure to integrate as a child, are very much like their own people [at least, when differentiated], and people can, and do, lie. This is not to say you can’t trust your alters, but rather a reminder to be mindful when interacting with your alters, especially if you’re working with a persecutor of some kind. This is one of the ways your brain defends itself within CDDs, and isn’t any sort of moral failing on you or your alters. Alters lying can look like lying about your trauma [either exaggerating or hiding it], lying about themself, lying about aspects of the system, or other different ways.

For my fellow OCD havers ;

This is something that still messes me up with my OCD. Here is my advice to you ; if there is an alter you trust more than the others, ask for their help to be a rationalizer when you're talking to alters you feel you may not trust as much as the others. This works best if it's a gatekeeper, but it's not a necessity for the alter to be one. This is not meant to be an interrogation. It's meant to help with cross referencing. One alter might say one thing to that alter, but tell you another thing. Otherwise, my advice is to remember that if it's affecting you as if it's real, it's best to treat it like it is.

-> Start keeping a nightly journal.

Whether this be in the notes app or in a physical journal, trust me, this is a good one. Not only will it help you keep a good grasp on what your days look like, but it can also encourage external communication, which is one of the most reliable ways to communicate as a system. Sometimes it can be hard to get everyone to get on board with journaling, but I encourage you to try. I would say that you try to subconciously try to build up the idea of doing things even when you don't want to- its a hard thing to do, but if I can do it, I have confidence in the majority of people who read this post... Keep the journal in a noticeable place, or if it's on your phone, make sure that it is easily accessible. There are plenty of apps that can be used to journal as a system.

What to do if journaling is not accessible ;

If for, whatever reason, you can not write in a physical journal, or type on your phone or computer, I suggest taking voice recorded journal entries. An audio log! Not only will it make you feel cool and like you're from a detective movie [or maybe that's just me lol], but it also accomplishes the same exact purpose as having a physical journal. It can even make it easier for you if you have struggles reading. HOWEVER, if you don't feel safe enough to keep an audio log, I would go towards an app that you can use [but if it's not accessible, negate this whole point].

-> Communication is hard, but once you learn the basics, it only goes up from there.

In the system community, you're mainly interacting with other systems who have already established some form of communication within their system. It can be discouraging to see so many systems who have a grasp on communication, but you don't have any.

Learning any form of system communication, external or internal, is a learning curve. HOWEVER. When you learn the basics of any communication, it only gets easier.

Here's a link to a post full of links aimed at building communication between systems [this is a link]

With that, I'm going to end the post here! I could honestly make more points, and if there's really a need, I'll reblog with additions, but I think this is good start! I hope you learned something from this long post, and feel free to send in asks if you need any clarification! I might not be speedy to answer, but I'll do my best.

And your final reminder that I'm not a medical professional, just a system trying to help other systems.

Thank you for reading my post, and I hope you have a good day/afternoon/evening!

[antiarasaka]

Removing yourself from source is so fucking hard, so here's a shout out to everyone who's working on it. I see you and hear you, and you're doing good work. It takes a lot of self awareness and active work to get there.

And if you aren't there yet? Don't stress too much about getting there, it's not a race. Your brain uses these coping mechanisms for a reason, and it's not a moral failing to be in a different stage of recovery than someone else.

I know the minutia of source separation can get thorny, and it means different things for different people, and isn't always the best option for an alter, but for those who are actively seeking it, or plan on seeking it, I wish you the best of luck.

[system-hottakes]

TW : mentioning we are a programmed system (without any other detail)

Other systems should NOT criticize how different systems manage their own recovery.

We are 6 years into therapy been diagnosed for C-DID and a lot more stuffs but like.. Therapy for Dissociative Identity Disorders just don’t exist in our country. We are way too late on psychiatry, and even getting a CDD diagnosis is a battlefield here. Finding the right therapy is just so rare it basically never happens or you have tons of years to pass on a waiting list.

So yes, we are digging into our own traumas by ourselves (still we go to therapy and never stay alone but with closed ones) because we don’t have a choice and we want to heal ! Yes even if we are a programmed system ! We know this is highly dangerous, we know more than you can ever imagine ! But we don’t have a choice and healing’s not an option, it’s mandatory ! Yes our healing process will be much more complicated and instable, but is this truly worse than doing absolutely nothing ‘till the end of your life ?

If therapy for CDD doesn’t exist here, therapy for programmed system less exist. Basically health professionals don’t even know that’s actually a thing. Neither does our whole country population (only those involved and/or closed ones of survivors).

Stop telling us how we should heal when basically we don’t have many options and you know nothing about our situation here. A lot of countries are factually privileged when it comes to access therapy and health in general.

Stop telling people how they should act on their recovery. You don’t know anything about random people on the internet, you don’t know what they’ve been through and you don’t know what they have to go through in order to access therapy and how they need to manage their OWN recovery.

It depends on where you live, it depends on every individual. Everyone is different, not everyone got the same chances in life. And you should not assume the opposite.

^^ we don't have much to add here, but this is very correct. Do not criticise people for how they chose to recover, don't try to tell them they're doing it wrong, everyone is different and everyone needs different things to recover

[dyketoevsky]

I should ask does anyone have any worksheets or online resources for system communication and/or just any DID recovery stuff? We've been removed from therapy and the mental health team are neglecting us really badly so literally anything will do.

[the-moonjay-forest-system]

How our system has changed since leaving school (An incredibly stressful, borderline traumatic place for us)

A lot less discovery/splitting of alters. I'm still not certain which alters from that time are actually real alters, it's hard for us to tell if some have split, went dormant, were actually another alter all along or straight up didn't exist in the first place. But yeah we'd used to be constantly find new alters and now there'll be a good couple of months between discovering new parts.

A lot less switches and triggers. We'd use to switch around five times a day and now on an ordinary day we may switch once or twice but there's plenty of days where we won't switch at all.

The switches themselves are different, before almost every switch included very heavy long lasting dissociation and would often yank the previous alters out of front they'd be unbearable. Now they're a lot quicker and harder to notice and are either gradual instead of completely kicking the alter out of front or will only result in co-consciousness

A lot of it has been positive changes but there's been some downsides too such as:

Less communication. We have two journals that we'd bring to school and would write in throughout the day. One was for talking to eachover and the other was more of a traditional diary where we'd be able to write whatever we felt like including vents, poetry, tips and advice for other alters etc. We still have those journals but never really use them anymore I'm not completely sure why. But yeah that was our main form of communication and now we barely communicate at all.

Alters have more freedom, sounds like a good thing and it definitely can be not being stuck in lessons and being forced to do work can definitely be great. But without a proper routine, and not being stuck in a place where you can't just walk off or do whatever you want well uh some alters will do just that. Alters will sometimes just wander off or do risky, impulsive things that the rest of the syste might not agree with. This happened before too but it occurs a lot more often now we're not stuck in places where we have to mask all day.

There's probably quite a lot more that I've either forgotten about or haven't even noticed but yeah just a small list of changes in our system since leaving that environment.

[neuroticbutsymbolic]

Well hey there, I’m Nueroticbutsymbolic.

I’ve been amateurly writing poetry in a variety of styles since 2014.

My whole entire life I’ve fought. To eat. To be loved. To be seen. To be heard. To be accepted and to fit in. I’ve fought for those who couldn’t fight, and I stood right beside those who could.

After years of fighting, it turned to silence and the silence, well, it turned into poetry- poetry I read now and think how? Why? How did this young, damaged, and hopeless teenager not only survive, but also manage to create beauty within an absolutely blackened environment?

The answer to both the how and the why is simply survival.

Finding comfort in that chaos allowed me to accept what I was and remind myself of what I wasn’t- and what I am not, is apologetic.

What I am though, is unapologetically neurotic.

Here, I’ll be anonymously posting some of my neuroticism as I compile all my work into a manuscript of sorts. Follow along for the official publish date drop.

*ALL POETRY RIGHTS AND ANYTHING WRITTEN ON THIS BLOG BELONG TO NEUROTICBUTSYMBLOIC AND IS SUBJECT TO COPYRIGHT*

[unwelcome-ozian]

[filehulk]

ReiBoot for Android

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[covalensedigitalsblog]

Covalensedigital Helps Singapore MVNO Achieve Faster System Recovery

Initially, Covalensedigital helped the client digitally revolutionize the global multi-trillion-dollar telecom sector.

We facilitated the client's transformation into Asia’s fully digital telecom and consumer company in Singapore.

Having successfully completed the digitalization, the pleased client selected us for a second digital initiative.

In this subsequent project, we implemented a disaster recovery solution for our loyal client.

The solution comprised a data guard for zero data loss and synchronized billing, pricing, and charging data.

[littlest-bugz]

Uhhhh,,,, Fellow Systems,,,

What should I include in my “Our Life” section in my system journal,,,, this is what I have so far ;

- Collective identity

- Medications

- PT exercises

- Routines and how to keep them

We also have a section specifically for symptom and habit trackers so it’s not required to be in the “our life” section. No clue on what else to add! I had the idea of trusted people and emergency contacts, but I have not finished it yet.

[edible-emerald]

saw this on pinterest and thought it might be something traumagenic systems who struggle with thinking their trauma isn't enough need to see

[orbitposting]

DID but not as in presence of "evil murderer alter", DID as in buying two drinks instead of one because someone came to front after seeing a blue raspberry slushie and DEMANDED to have it, but the alter who walked all the way to the gas station refused to leave without getting what they wanted to get initially.

[sysboxes]

[Text: This user will still love you even if you never get better.]

[Text: This user will still love you even if you get worse.]

[Text: This system will still love you even if you never get better.]

[Text: This system will still love you even if you get worse.]

[Text: This collective will still love you even if you never get better.]

[Text: This collective will still love you even if you get worse.]

Original artwork (link) made by @carnage-cathedral Full artwork under the cut :D Like/Reblog if you save or use! Show some love to the original, too!

Cropped and uncropped :]

[diaryofanenchantedprincess]

[hollowandcoldanddark]

i hate shoutout posts, so this is like... a whisper to every single fucking system who can't be in therapy. who arent safe. live with abusers. who dont have the money, dont have the location, cant find a therapist. who cant do this shit.

i think that most advice from the internet is like... if you have did go to therapy and i bet thats useful if u can have it but if you cant, its so isolationg. especially with an individualistic (every man for himself) culture, people often tell u to just... go to therapy bro. dont bother me about it.

here are fr some tips as someone who has a lot of problems and is not in therapy:

prioritise staying alive. it can never get better once you are dead.

take your time with it. you dont need to post alter intros or have a plural kit. you dont need to have a journal. take time to be comfortable as you can even if the circumstances are very bad

depending on your amount of control and interaction with your system, introduce people who don't have a lot of life experience to new things like food, new colours and textures and places. this especially applies if you have a bunch of alters who only really know the environment of their abuse

build community. its really really really hard but do try. having friends kept me alive. it still keeps me alive.

learn about healthy relationships - we all have internet access. learn about boundaries and triggers and talking to others healthily. a lot of people with did will struggle with healthy relationships even if they make them. learn and do your best to act with it

treat your body like a rental or a pot plant or an animal if needed - even if it doesnt seem like yours, you gotta feed and water and walk it bro. u need the sun. you need enrichment and interaction.

ignore the discourse if youre struggling - it actually doesnt matter and will make you more sick. thinkning about endo vs trauma or like.... idk... labels discourse can be a major stressor that can lead to warping your sustem presentation or repressing and harming bits that arent conforming well

engage in things that are irl like building mini legos or clay - it can help make outside a better environment and shit, aklso can help ground.

find your own triggers and talk about it with ur system. write notes or yap.

find joy in being alive and being a system. despite what reddit or youtube or whatever will tell you, as things improve they will get better. and u should look for joy and funnies when you can

dont give up

LISTEN TO YOUR SYSTEM. THEY'RE NOT ALWAYS GOING TO BE RIGHT. THEY LIKELY ARE ASSHOLES OR INSANE JUST LIKE YOU. BUT YOU LIVE TOGETHER.

healing is easier as a team.

i believe in you

[bah-pearl-cookie]

By the way, PTSD flashbacks aren't always "suddenly you're in the moment again". They can be of course but emotional flashbacks are a kind of flashback too (remembering the event and suddenly feeling the emotions you felt in the event) just in case someone needed to hear it