#oh :'3 they are absolutely soft healing comfort just as you said~

[mooshywrites]

Echoes of Love and Loss ~ Pt 3

Fem!Reader x Halsin

Masterlist

Art Commissions

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A/N - Y’all this one is sad alright. But stick with it, there’s a happy ending coming. Pinkie swearsies

Word count - 3.4K

Warnings - Angst, Major spoilers, Pregnancy, violence from in game situations, “Death”, purposeful miscommunication

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Part 1

Part 2 ~ NSFW

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“I think you might be pregnant.”

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Your heart dropped in disbelief as you stared at Shadowheart. Pregnant? How could that even be possible? You’d only been intimate with Halsin once, and while you’d never count that as a mistake, something so earth shattering couldn’t be discussed so easily in a romance so new.

But as Shadowheart’s face remained deadly serious, her expression unreadable, you knew she was telling the truth.

You swallowed hard, the thoughts racing through your mind as you tried to process what she had said. This had to be a mistake. The road ahead of you was going to be hard enough. Fighting Orin and Gortash, the threat of the Elder Brain, all of that was dangerous enough even without a pregnancy to think of.

“What do I do?” You whispered, your voice faint and tainted with fear.

“To start, you should probably tell Halsin. Discuss the options with him.” Shadowheart offered.

“I can’t tell him.” You hissed, your eyes shooting up to look her in the eye.

“And why not?” She questioned, her eyebrows raised.

“You know how he is.” You responded, wrapping your arms around yourself tightly. “He’s protective enough as it is. I didn’t want to get too serious because I was worried he’d be too busy making sure I was safe to focus on The Absolute. Add a baby into all of that?”

As you hugged yourself for comfort, anxiety continued to rise in your throat. You felt so conflicted. In different circumstances, you would’ve tripped over yourself to start a family with Halsin. But in these times…

“No. I can’t tell him.” You finished decisively.

Shadowheart sighed and rested a hand against your arm. She rubbed soft, comforting circles with her thumb as the two of you sat in tense silence.

“I won’t tell anyone else then. And I’ll check on you every so often to help with the sickness.” Shadowheart muttered in begrudging agreement.

“Thank you.” You whispered, thankful to not be completely alone in this situation.

Your eyes flitted across camp to where Halsin sat on a log, laughing at whatever Gale was saying. Your heart clenched painfully. It felt like you were lying to him, just by keeping this a secret. But you knew you had no other choice. If you told him, he probably wouldn’t even let you out of camp, let alone let you fight your way through Baldur’s Gate.

As if drawn by your thoughts, Halsin’s gaze met your own. He gave you a gentle smile, oblivious to your raging inner conflict. You did your best to give a convincing smile back.

Halsin lumbered over, giving a grin to Shadowheart before sitting down before you.

“I believe I’ll leave you two love-birds.” Shadowheart quipped, standing up quickly to walk away.

You couldn’t blame her for leaving in a hurry. It’s probably difficult to keep a secret when the situation is staring at you right in the face.

As soon as she was out of sight, you turned to Halsin, still smiling.

“So, what did I miss in your girl’s tea party?” He asked, a playful grin on his face.

You forced yourself to laugh, “Oh, just Shadowheart trying to cure my cold. She offered to heal my stomach too, but she seems to have trouble with healing magical ailments.”

“Ah, well, sometimes a cold can be more stubborn than you think.” Halsin chuckled.

“I think I can handle it.” You replied, trying to sound convincing. But with every passing moment, the truth gnawed at you.

How you hoped time would pass quickly, that the road ahead would be short, and most of all… that the two of you along with the new little life you had created would be safe.

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It had been almost two months since Shadowheart had told you about the pregnancy.

Two very exhausting months.

You spent those months trying to keep up with your responsibilities as the assigned leader , while also hiding the truth about the baby growing inside you. You found yourself skipping meals, feeling nauseous most of the time, and constantly fatigued. Halsin and the others noticed these changes, but they mostly chalked it up to the stress of the journey.

Despite your attempts to hide it, the baby continued to grow, and your bump became ever so slightly more noticeable with each passing day. It more or less looked like you were especially bloated, but still, the change made you nervous. You found yourself more and more attracted loose fitting clothing, not only because they offered a better fit for your changing body but also because you didn't want anyone to suspect the real reason behind your new wardrobe.

As the days went on, you had less and less contact with Halsin, retreating to your tent or hiding behind the group when he was nearby. He expressed concern over your increasingly distant behavior, but you found it harder and harder to explain your emotions and the truth that kept you in such turmoil.

Luckily, the constant fight with the remaining members of the Dead Three kept you all busy. Or they did. Before you had the pleasure of crushing them.

At last, the day came when the group arrived at the outskirts of Baldur's Gate. You were relieved, knowing that the difficult journey was finally nearing its end. But you also knew that the challenges would only grow as you and the group entered the city.

You could feel the weight of your secret pressing down on you, the enormity of it, and your heart raced at the thought of what was to come. Your hand absentmindedly fell to your stomach, almost trying to comfort your growing unease. Something felt wrong today. Like a deep sense of dread etched in your bones. You tried to push those thoughts to the back of your mind, knowing that now, more than ever, you needed to focus on the task at hand.

As the group started to make their way into the city, and stopped at a building along it’s edge, you took a deep breath and reminded yourself that you were not alone. Every friend you had made along the journey was up in arms against the Elder Brain.

You couldn’t have imagined having more allies if you tried.

You gave a quick speech once everyone had gathered, the words passing your lips though your mind was a million miles away. The acrid smell of smoke floated through the air and you had to raise your voice over the sound of distant fighting.

You fought the bile that rose in your throat as your panic rose, trying hard to maintain composure.

The speech finally ended and everyone seemed as ready as they could be to walk into what very well could be their deaths.

You were about to make your way out of the small building before Halsin caught you.

“My heart.” He murmured, his voice almost pained. “I know not what has troubled you lately, or if you’ve decided that us together was a mistake. But I can’t let you go out there without telling you how much I care.”

“Halsin…” You started, casting your eyes to the ground.

The Druid reached out, gently tilting your gaze back to him by your chin. His eyes were full of emotion. Your heart cracked at how much hurt he had been holding back from how distant you had become. You wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms and sob, to tell him everything you had been holding back.

But you bit your tongue, willing your weary soul to be quiet.

“I love you.” Halsin whispered, his voice breaking slightly.

As you looked into his watery eyes, you knew even more how important it would be to keep the pregnancy from him. If he knew… it would shatter him.

You took a breath to steel yourself, giving him the most genuine smile you could manage.

“Don’t say that like you’re saying goodbye.” You choked out a laugh. “Tell me how much you love me when we’re on the other side of this mess.”

Halsin hesitated for a moment, sensing the conflict in your eyes but not understanding the reason behind it. A part of him knew that something was wrong, but he couldn't put his finger on it. As he looked into your eyes, he couldn't help but feel a strange sense of longing and sadness.

“I promise, my heart.” he replied softly, squeezing your hand gently. You both stood there for a moment, the weight of what was to come hanging heavily between you.

As the group began to make their way towards the source of the fighting, you were suddenly unable to focus. The dread and fear that had been building within you up until this point now seemed to morph into a molten lava of anxiety and pure terror. Your heart raced as the smoke-filled air made it difficult to breathe.

You stumbled slightly, your eyes darting around, searching for support. Halsin was there, his hand reaching out to steady you, a look of concern on his face. You gripped his hand tightly, needing the comfort and strength you knew you could rely on from him. You knew that you had made the right decision in keeping the truth from him, but it was becoming increasingly harder to maintain the facade of bravery.

He helped you to your feet, and together you made your way into the fray. You were determined to face whatever lay ahead and protect your unborn child, even if it meant doing so on your own.

As spells whizzed past and explosions ricocheted through the air, you found yourself relying on your party more than ever. Despite the smoke and chaos around you, there was something profoundly comforting about the fact that you were not alone.

You fought alongside your friends, doing everything in your power to ensure that each and every one of them made it out of Baldur's Gate alive.

You tried your best to delegate your allies where you needed them, fighting tooth and nail to the top of the tower and the Elder Brain. You weren’t even completely sure how you were going to defeat it, but the battle had you running on full instinct.

By the time you had reached the top of the tower, your muscles burned, your eyes stung from the fumes in the air, and your breathing was labored. Without another thought, you and your companions ascended the Elder Brain spinal chord, floating atop dizzying heights. You let your training take over, your voice yelling out hoarse commands to your allies.

Everything was happening so quickly and yet so slowly all at once. The dread contined to rise in your chest, becoming ever more present and painful by the moment. You found yourself searching for Halsin, searching for the comfort of knowing he was there beside you. He was further ahead, trying to make his way to the portal that had opened up once Gale had touched the Brain’s crown.

You began to fight your way towards him, a part of you hoping the unease would die down if you could just have him in close range. The clashing of steel and the yells of your allies filled the air around you, making your head spin as you moved.

It didn’t take long for you to reach Halsin, the Druid spinning around to see you approach.

Your heart beat faster as he locked eyes with you, the panic not dying in any way. In that moment, he looked scared but resolute, his determination to defend you shining through. You wanted nothing more than to tell him everything right then and there. Tell him how much he meant to you and how much you wanted to start a life with him and the piece of him growing in you, but the enormity of the situation and the fear that gripped you wouldn't let you utter a word.

Nearby, the Elder Brain let out a roar, its own allies lashing violently out at you and your friends. You could hear the cries of pain as your allies were struck , and you knew you had to act fast. Halsin's eyes flicked between you and the portal, his expression hardening.

“Stay close.” He growled, grabbing your hand and pulling you to him. You could feel his grip tighten, his strength a comforting presence amidst the chaos.

In that moment, a flick of movement caught your eye. You looked over Halsin’s shoulder to see the tell tale glow of a mind flayed readying an attack.

"Look out!" You cried and shoved Halsin out of the way just as the spell struck. The force knocked him backwards, sending him stumbling over the edge of the Brain.

Your heart pounded in your chest as you watched him stumble, the smoke obscuring your vision as you blindly reached out to him. You felt his hand catch your own, the weight of the Druid yanking you further to the edge. You coughed harshly, waiting for the smoke to clear to see Halsin’s face. But as the fog cleared, you saw Halsin hanging over the edge, the sweat from your hand making his start to slip.

You inched further towards the edge, trying to hold onto his wrist with your other hand. As soon as you reached out your free hand, your balance teetered and you realized the action would tumble the both of you to the sea below. At this height, you didn’t know if you would survive the fall. Even if it was into water.

Your eyes filled with tears as you desperately clung on, your gaze meeting Halsin’s.

Instead of panic, he had a serene smile, his mouth moving with words you couldn’t hear over the chaos around you. His smile was comforting, it almost pulled you from the feeling of his grip loosening from your hand.

With a final word, Halsin let go, plummeting down into the ocean below.

A deafening silence filled your ears as you watched him fall, too stunned to even process what had just happened. Numbly, you wondered why your throat suddenly ached so much, a moment passing before finally realized that you were screaming. That you had been screaming for more than that split second.

Harsh sobs wracked your body as you clutched your stomach tightly. The sounds and smells of the world drowned out, replaced only by the desperate pleas of your own cries.

Distantly, you felt your body ripped from the edge of the Brain, arms wrapping around you as they dragged you further away. You clawed at them, thrashing against the idea from being taken further away from your Druid.

Time seemed to spin around you, vaguely, you were aware of the fighting growing distant, the battle moving into the portal. Your cries had turned into quiet whimpers, your fighting had all but weakened completely in what you now knew were Karlach’s arms.

She held you tightly, running a hand over your hair.

“Shht sht, now love. It’s almost over. They’ve almost beaten it.” She cooed.

You couldn’t care less in that moment. You knew you should be afraid, be in that portal fighting along with your allies, but all you could think about is the moment Halsin had dropped. the feeling of his hand leaving your own.

You sobbed into Karlach’s arms, hoping desperately that you would just wake up to this being some sort of sick demented dream.

It was as if the world around you had stopped in that moment. The fighting and the chaos, the smoke and the roars—all of it was muted in your ears, replaced by the sound of your own sobs echoing in your mind. Your breaths came in ragged gasps, and you clung to Karlach, needing her warmth and her embrace to help ground you to reality.

As if on cue, the roar of the Elder Brain subsided, replaced by triumphant cheers from your allies. The sound of victory filled the air, and you knew that your friends had succeeded in their quest. But as soon as they had, you felt as if your stomach was floating through your throat.

You looked up, your cries stifled for a second. The sky spun above you, the buildings in the distance seeming to get… taller?

You furrowed your eyebrows, not hearing Karlach’s tense voice in your ear.

Suddenly, you realized with a jolt. The building’s weren’t getting taller.

You were falling.

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When the darkness finally cleared from your vision and your mind returned to full consciousness, you sat up with a cough. For a moment, you couldn’t remember where you were. you couldn’t remember what you were doing that would leave you sprawled out next to an ocean pier.

Your muscles felt tight and exhausted, your bones aching with every movement.

Reality came back to you in flashes. The Elder Brain, the fight, the mind flayers. Halsin.

Halsin.

You felt the sensation of your eyes welling up with tears, but no droplets fell. Your body was too tired to even weep, the sadness settling within you like a poison.

You tentatively placed your hand on your stomach, a harsher grief filling you.

You had never gotten to tell him about the baby. He would never know that a piece of him was growing inside of you.

Footsteps approached you and you looked up to see Shadowheart kneeling in front of you.

“We did it.” She smiled softly, her words gentle and cautious. “Are you hurt? It was a rough fall, but I think the Brain softened the landing”

“No.” You choked out, averting your gaze.

“He could’ve survived the fall too.” Shadowheart whispered, her hand resting on your cheek.

“Could he have?” You snapped, pushing her hand away. Her pity felt like knives. Sharp reminders of the situation you found yourself in.

She stayed silent for a moment before her hand rested upon yours, right above your belly.

“What will you do?” She asked.

“Leave here.” You answered, voice still thick with unshed tears. “Leave here tonight.”

“What about the others?” Shadowheart started before being cut off by your ragged tone.

“Tell them I died in the crash.”

“W-What?” Shadowheart stuttered, yanking her hand away.

“Tell them I died in the crash.” You repeated simply. “I want to do this alone.”

You met Shadowheart’s gaze again, trying to show your determination in the idea. You couldn’t look the others in the eyes. Couldn’t take their pitying stares and sympathy. Couldn’t take their reactions to the idea that you would be a widowed mother.

“Swear it.” You demanded.

Shadowheart’s eyes were filled with compassion, her features softening at your expression. She gave a slight nod, standing up and throwing you one last look.

“You’ll be alright on your own? What about when the baby comes?” She prodded.

“You can find me in the woods near where we met. If you’re still worried.” You quipped, standing up as well. You winced at the movement, sharp pains shooting through your legs.

“Then I suppose this is goodbye. At least for now.” Shadowheart whispered.

You gave her a curt nod, too emotionally exhausted for any more emotional goodbyes.

You put one foot in front of the other, moving like a zombie with no place to go. If it weren’t for the baby in your womb, the last piece of Halsin you had, you’d have no will to live whatsoever. But that little speck of light held you together, moving you. One foot in front of the other.

Over the next weeks, you trudged your way to Halsin’s grove. You knew if he had known about the baby, he’d want it raised there. A part of you longed to feel closer to him and you couldn’t think of anywhere else to go. The nights were long and lonely, the days of travel hard. Even if you felt completely numbed, you knew what you were living for, so you kept going.

All the while, having no idea what was happening on the sands of Baldur’s Gate.

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Halsin winced as he was carried closer to the shore’s edge. He was too groggy, too hurt to even pay attention to what was dragging him closer to the beach. He knew that he shouldv’e been long gone. If the impact hadn’t killed him, the deep murky waters absolutely should’ve.

However, it seemed Silvanus had other plans.

Whatever was tugging Halsin finally released him into shallow waters, shallow enough for the Druid to hold himself up. With a groan, he tried to crawl further onto the shore, every part of his body screaming out in pain. He tried his best to summon what was left of his magic, a faint green glow sputtering from his hands.

With the healing spell, he felt a bit better. Enough to sit up and gather his bearings. As he looked around at the empty beach, he realized the fighting had long since been over. He absentmindedly wondered how long he had been unconscious in the water for. Or how long the sea creatures had been dragging him back to land.

The thought quickly left his mind as Halsin stood up, determination flooding his senses. As he walked further into the city of Baldur’s Gate, he had only one thought.

I have to find her.

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Part 4

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[subskz]

ʚïɞ butterfly bandage - 02

note: this is part 2 of a series (part 1, part 3, part 4, part 5)

content: bang chan/reader, university au, reader is female and referred to with she/her pronouns, themes of soulmates, slight angst, slight hurt/comfort, themes of death/grief over a friend, mentions of past unhealthy relationships, nsfw scenes

18+ content: sub chan, dom reader, soft smut, unprotected sex (no condom, but reader is on contraceptives), praise, body worship, riding, light choking, under-discussed kinks (both parties are consenting), light possessiveness, biting, teasing, lots of begging, aftercare

word count: 15.8k

You didn’t want to go home.

Final exams were just a week away, and summer break would follow soon after. For anyone else, it would bring about a much-needed relief, a moment to breathe after the grueling interim leading up to the end of the semester. For you, however, all that awaited was a looming, unshakeable sense of dread.

You hadn’t returned to your hometown for nearly six months now, choosing instead to spend all of your vacation time on campus, pouring yourself into assignments and studies far sooner and far more vigorously than required. But summer break would be an exception to this new, comfortably avoidant routine of yours. The excuse that you were busy became significantly less convincing when you had no classes to attend to, and you were certain that your parents wouldn’t let you get away with not visiting home for at least a week or two, especially when the trip was less than an hour by train.

It would be the one year anniversary soon, of the loss of your closest friend. The memory was still too fresh in your mind, the wound was still wide open and festering. You hadn’t given it proper time to heal—or, any time to heal, for that matter—instead having grown accustomed to slapping on a temporary fix and replacing it only when deemed absolutely necessary. Just enough to get by, to keep yourself together.

It wouldn’t be that easy to ignore once you returned home, though. Not even close. Every flickering streetlight, every newly blossomed tree, every crack in the sidewalk that had once been so reassuring in its familiarity, was laced with memories of her. They were memories that used to make your life brighter, warmer; like a glowing ball of light you carried around in your chest wherever you went. Now, they only stung.

The sound of your phone vibrating against the nightstand snapped you out of your brooding. You reached out aimlessly for it through the darkness of your bedroom, squinting as the harsh screen light nearly blinded you in the process.

A familiar flash of gray was all you needed to see to open the notification with embarrassing haste.

chan 🐺 (3:08 a.m.) let’s go here!

For a brief moment, you were at a loss, then, the link to a nearby bungeoppang shop followed.

chan 🐺 (3:09 a.m.) their custard is so sooo sooooooo good

chan 🐺 (3:10 a.m.) akskdnsnsksjsjsk

You were grinning before you even finished reading his messages, fondness flooding your chest in place of the heavy, melancholic fog that had been occupying it all night.

you (3:11 a.m.) yummy~ we can go during finals week as a pick me up!

chan 🐺 (3:11 a.m.) yuo’re awake,??

you (3:11 a.m.) that’s my line!

Just as you were typing out another response, your screen changed to signal Chan’s incoming call, making you scramble upright in bed. You should’ve come to expect it by now, but even so, it still felt just as new and exhilarating as the first time that wolf emoji had popped up out of the blue. Predictably unpredictable.

His greeting came the instant you picked up, oddly cheerful considering how late into the night it was.

“Hey!”

“Hi, Channie,” you said softly. “Y’know, I think I’ve got you all figured out.”

“Oh?” Chan sounded taken aback. “What do you mean?”

“You’re only a phone guy when you should be asleep.”

Confusion melted into amusement, and you could hear the grin in his voice when he replied. “Hm…maybe you’re right,” he agreed. “But what’s your excuse, then?”

You paused. “I guess I’m only a good texter when it comes to you.”

The shy giggles that filled your ears didn’t disappoint. They made you feel light, carefree; like everything that had been responsible for keeping you wide awake for the past three hours was suddenly so trivial in the face of his laughter.

“So, what are you up to?” you asked.

“Trying to trick myself to fall asleep,” he said it like a joke, but you could feel the weariness behind his words. It tugged at your emotions in a way that you knew all too well. The urge to help him, to take care of him.

Your heart welcomed it, but your mind rejected it, and you were more keen on letting the latter call the shots these days. So, as naturally as it came, you pushed it away.

“By thinking about bungeoppang?”

Another giggle. “Well, more like thinking about things I wanna do with you.”

You held your breath to avoid letting a reaction slip out, but there was no way to repress the butterflies that fluttered to life in your stomach. Thankfully, Chan didn’t seem to notice. It was the one thing about you he could never quite catch, like his obliviousness to his own charm stood in the way of an otherwise razor-sharp intuition.

“How about you? What’s got you awake?”

You could clearly envision the attentive eyes and curious head tilt accompanying his question. It almost made you want to answer without restraint, to share all the thoughts that you’d been needlessly torturing yourself with for days now, rotating over and over in your head until they snowballed into something out of your control.

You stopped yourself just in time. He didn’t need to hear something like that at this hour—or, ever, really.

“Just thinking about the summer.” It wasn’t entirely a lie, and you hoped it’d be enough to get past his scrutiny.

“Oh!” he chirped. “Are you excited?”

Absolutely not. “Kinda,” you were grateful he couldn’t see your expression. “More excited about it than finals, anyway.”

“It’ll be fine!” he said confidently. “Just two more weeks, and we’re free, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you smiled. “I’m gonna miss our study sessions.”

Chan had switched from the astrophysics track after his spring semester of senior year—cutting it close was an understatement—so any classes you’d be taking for your final term in the fall would be completely new territory for him. You didn’t doubt for a second that he might try to continue tutoring you and Changbin regardless, but after finding out how hard he’d been pushing himself to help you with subjects that he already had experience with, you couldn’t in good conscience allow him to do that to himself again.

Not that you needed the study sessions as an excuse to see him anymore, but still, you felt strangely wistful about it.

“Me too,” he hummed, as if his mind had drifted to the same place. “That reminds me, you left your sweater here the other day.”

“Oh! I didn’t even notice.”

“You must’ve been distracted by something,” he sang.

You let your chuckle slip out this time, more than ready to indulge him. “Well, there was this really cute boy there. Do you think he’d be willing to give it back to me?”

“Ah…” his attempt at teasing you backfired so spectacularly that he went silent for a moment. “He was cute? I don’t believe you.”

“Cute enough to kiss,” you confirmed.

You registered a sudden rustling sound on the other line, followed by the faintest squeak, as if he were physically unable to contain his giddiness. The thought of it nearly had you burying your face in your pillow yourself. You wished you could see him.

“Then,” he swallowed. “He might give it back to you, for a kiss.”

The memory of his lips on yours washed over you all at once, so vividly that you could even recall how his soft cheeks had felt cupped in your palms and how his shaky breath had fanned over your skin.

“Is that a promise?” You held out your pinky in the darkness. It buzzed with warmth, and you wondered briefly if he was mirroring your action on his end, or if it was just the lingering heat that he’d left on you.

“Promise,” he breathed.

。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。

The final lecture of PHYS 408: Thermodynamics and Statistical Mechanics, more or less went exactly as you had predicted. No review for the final exam, no rundown of what to expect, and certainly no heartfelt announcement from Dr. Choi, letting you all know what a joy of a section you’d been to teach. If it weren't for the date and time of the exam scribbled on the whiteboard behind him, you might’ve thought he’d forgotten about it altogether.

He’d droned on for the first hour of class, delivering your last lesson of the semester with the same perpetual stiffness as day one, then had so generously granted the remaining 15 minutes as free time for studying amongst yourselves. Changbin appeared ready to bolt the moment the words left your professor’s mouth, but you’d stubbornly convinced him to stay just a bit longer and study with you. It was more for his sake than anything else, considering he’d only attended one of the two final exam reviews with Chan.

Changbin, it seemed, had other plans, as he hadn’t let a minute pass by without getting distracted from the task at hand and trying to start a conversation with you.

“By the way, you'll be at the get-together won’t you? Before the summer ends.”

You looked up from your notes, already sensing some kind of trap being set up.

“And by get-together you mean…?”

Changbin’s lips curved into a sheepish half-smile; caught, even with his careful phrasing.

“Well, I guess it’s more of a party.”

You made a face. You’d been to a handful of parties the past three years of your university experience, each one having been more unpleasant and suffocating than the last.

“I’m not sure, Bin. Not really my scene, y’know?”

“It’ll be your scene if I'm there, trust me.” Changbin lifted his head with a grin, and you might have rolled your eyes if his overblown confidence wasn’t so endearing.

“Uh-huh,” you played along. “Now I'm just itching to go.”

“Doesn’t the bond we’ve built these past months mean anything to you?” he whined. “It could be our last chance to really hang out!”

“It’s not like we’re dying, Seo Changbin,” you said, unimpressed. “I know for a fact that you’re taking the same Experimental Physics section as me next semester because we both put it off.”

Changbin clicked his tongue, shutting his book dramatically—which made no difference, really, considering he hadn’t read a single line of text from it. “Alright, fine. You’ve made it clear how little you value our friendship today.”

Just when you thought he’d accepted defeat, he continued.

“And of course,” a devious glint crossed his eyes. “It wouldn’t change your mind if I told you a certain friend of mine was coming?”

Ah. Despite your vigilance, it appeared you’d fallen right into his trap anyway.

“A certain friend?” you echoed. It came casual, but inside, your mind was swarming with countless possibilities. You hadn’t yet told Changbin about everything that had transpired between you and Chan, and you weren’t sure if Chan had mentioned anything to him either. The issue wasn’t so much that you were afraid of how Changbin would react, it was more about preparing yourself to deal with the theatrics of it all, the internal battle between horror and smugness that was sure to ensue inside him; because, on one hand, he’d been right, but on the other hand, he’d been right.

You could already picture it: scolding and teasing all at once, “I leave you alone with my best friend for one night and you kiss him!?”

You would never hear the end of it.

“A certain Bang Chan,” he elaborated, looking a bit disappointed when you didn’t give him the reaction he’d hoped for.

Knowing that Chan would be there admittedly piqued your interest, but not in the way Changbin seemed to think. You were more so curious as to what would draw him into such an environment—if he would be in his element, or awkwardly out of place. He was a social butterfly, sure, with a friends list that could probably fill up your entire Theoretical Methods notebook, but even so, a college party just wasn’t the kind of pastime you’d imagined him to indulge in all that much.

Still, you could be wrong. You simultaneously felt like you knew so much about Chan, yet so little. It was like you could envision the completed puzzle of him in your mind, but still didn’t quite have all the pieces in your hand.

With a start, you realized that Changbin might mistake your silence for something else, and you forced out a response before he could get too suspicious.

“Chan’s going?” you asked. “Is that his kind of thing?”

“Hm…not usually,” he tapped your pencil against the tabletop, as if it required deep thought. “At least, he’s not big on drinking and all that.”

The surge of satisfaction you felt in being correct came so strong that you were almost taken aback. It went hand in hand with that ever-present desire to know him, every part of him, better than anyone else.

“So, what’s the occasion, then? Because I know you’re not exactly a party animal yourself, Mr. Principles.”

“I’m the life of any party I go to.” He said it so seriously that you couldn’t help but snort, earning you a defensive swat to the shoulder.

“But, you do have a point,” he admitted once your giggles had died down. “It is sort of a special occasion.”

You leaned in, fully immersed now. He was being uncharacteristically roundabout today, and when that signature, shy smirk crept up on his face, you knew there was definitely something else brewing under the surface.

“It’s an event for the student music organization here on campus, so we get to do a little showcase.”

Your eyes widened. “We? As in 3RACHA?”

He simply beamed, the look of pride on his face speaking for itself.

“Bin! Are you serious!?”

For once, you were the one turning heads in you and Changbin’s direction, but you couldn’t find it in you to feel self-conscious about your outburst. “Like, a live performance?”

He wiggled in his spot, clearly basking in your excitement. “Just one song, but, yeah.”

“Still, that’s amazing!” you piped. “You should’ve just said that from the beginning, you know I’ll go if it means seeing you perform.”

“I know,” he scrunched up his nose, the embarrassment finally starting to get to him. “But I didn’t wanna flaunt. Modesty is key, after all.”

You shot him an amused look. “Is that one of your principles?”

“The most important one,” he said proudly.

Though you were less than enthused about attending a party of that magnitude, in that moment you felt nothing but delight bubbling up in your chest; for Changbin, for yourself, for Chan. You wondered what his reaction to the news had been like, if he’d broken out into that thousand-watt smile of barely-contained glee, or if the prospect of sharing his music in front of so many people had reduced him to a panicked mess, scrambling to get everything in order to put on the best performance possible.

The clock struck 9:15 a.m. to signal the end of your final lecture period. Naturally, you and Changbin hadn’t gotten any studying done, with his little announcement serving as the nail in the coffin for your motivation to work. As you gathered up your belongings and rose from your chair, an unexpected wave of nostalgia overtook you. It was likely the last time you’d be sitting in it, given that even the most absent of students would be showing up on the day of the final and taking any spot they could find. In a weird way, you were going to miss it. Some of your most miserable recollections from the semester were associated with it—stress, exhaustion, confusion, pressure—but it had brought about some of your most cherished moments as well; some of your most cherished people.

Changbin seemed to notice the sentimental expression on your face, and he gave you a gentle nudge as you strolled together out of the classroom.

“A lot has changed since that first day, huh?”

“Yeah,” you let your shoulder bump against his. “It has.”

You hoped, desperately, that it was the start of something better.

。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。

In the end, you and Chan hadn’t been able to line your schedules up even once throughout finals week to make room for your bungeoppang date. Amidst the storm of projects, presentations, exams, and papers, the two of you barely found time in the day to fulfill basic necessities, let alone to hang out with one another. You were particularly worried about the self-care situation on his end, already well-acquainted with his tendency to neglect his health whenever he was swamped. All you could do was send short, uplifting messages every few days, encouraging him to get some rest before the sun came up.

The dangling promise of fish-shaped bread (and, of course, the boy that came with it) had carried you through the week more than you’d like to admit, and by the time your last exam of the semester came around, your patience was on its last legs. You turned in your Astronomical Techniques test with plenty of time to spare, scurrying out of the lecture hall and making your way to the campus gym as quickly as your feet would allow.

Pushing open the doors to the natatorium where you and Chan had agreed to meet, you were immediately hit with the stinging scent of chlorine and thunderous sound of overlapping splashes. You scanned over the area in search of his familiar face, overwhelmed by the sea of identical swim caps. When you spotted him at last, he wasn’t emerging from the locker room like you’d expected him to be—freshly showered and, most importantly, clothed. No, instead, your eyes landed on him just in time to witness him rising from the pool, muscular arms hoisting his body up the ledge and sending streams of water cascading down his broad shoulders and back.

You froze, too mesmerized by the sight to even think about looking away before he could notice you. He pulled his swim cap off along with his goggles, shaking his wet curls free and confirming that it was, in fact, Bang Christopher Chan standing shirtless before you.

It was almost laughable, how your heartbeat picked up to an alarming speed, hammering faster in your chest the more you studied his figure. The full curve of his pecs, the toned ridges of his abdomen, the lean dip in his waist, disappearing into his swim trunks. His skin was glistening and almost annoyingly untouched. You wanted to sully it, to leave it marked up and littered with traces of you.

A sudden squeak of your name snapped you back to your senses. With how intensely you’d been staring, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise to you that Chan’s head would whip around in your direction, as if he could physically feel the holes your gaze had been burning into his skin.

“Y-you’re here!” he stammered. A part of you wondered if he might’ve done this on purpose, secretly hoping for you to find him like this when he’d suggested that you meet up with him after practice. But, judging by the way he shrank into himself, arms flying up to cross over his chest at the speed of light, he was just as mortified as you were.

You took a breath, forcing yourself to get it together. “I guess I finished my exam earlier than I thought,” your voice sounded steady, at least. “Sorry for sneaking up on you.”

Chan shifted his weight from side to side, eyes darting between you and the floor. “No worries,” he chuckled awkwardly. You made a point to avoid looking anywhere but his face for the sake of his comfort, but the way his ears had flushed a very obvious shade of red was just as distracting, if not more.

He cleared his throat. “Uh, we’re done for the day, anyway. I just gotta shower, then I’m all yours!”

You wished he hadn’t phrased it like that. “Sure, take your time.”

You managed a quick smile, turning towards the bench on the far end of the pool so he could walk to the locker rooms without worrying about covering himself up.

As if that whole altercation hadn’t been embarrassing enough already, it took the entirety of the ten minutes he spent in the shower for the adrenaline rushing through your veins to finally ebb.

。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。

“I can’t believe you just did that.”

It was the first time you’d ever really heard Chan whine—childish and pouty in a way that could give even Changbin a run for his money.

You giggled triumphantly, waving the bungeoppang in his face to really rub it in.

Chan had made the grave mistake of offhandedly telling you what he planned to order as the two of you chatted on the way to the shop, and when he’d whispered to you that he was going to run to the bathroom as you were studying the menu, the opportunity that presented itself was just too perfect for you to pass up.

Instead of waiting, you’d lined up on your own, praying that you would make it before he returned. In the end, you’d succeeded, ordering for him and yourself and paying for both portions just in the nick of time, much to his horror.

“This upset over my first win?” you taunted. “I didn’t know you were so competitive, Channie.”

He huffed, pressing his lips together in a way that made his cheeks swell. The good-natured twinkle in his eyes remained, however, and he eventually accepted the pastry in defeat. “Still, thank you.”

You softened. “Of course. It’s the least I could do.”

The two of you slipped into the nearest booth, settling in across from each other. Chan looked ready to devour his order within seconds of sitting down, but before he could, you reached out, bungeoppang in hand, as if proposing a toast.

“Here’s to getting through finals alive,” you declared.

He grinned, tapping his bread against yours. “Cheers!”

You bit into your share, the light crispness of the crust blending perfectly with its filling. Chan had been right about this place’s custard; the way its flavor flooded your tongue was nothing short of heavenly.

“Oh my God,” you mumbled. “This is so good.”

He let out a blissful hum of agreement. You glanced up to find him already halfway done with his share, cheeks stuffed and lips puckered as he chewed happily away. A stray drop of custard had stuck to the corner of his mouth, right next to the curve of his dimple, and it took everything in you not to lean in and kiss him right then and there.

Chan’s eyes fluttered open as he swallowed his massive mouthful, and you straightened up in your spot, trying to pretend like you hadn’t just been daydreaming about eating custard off of his face.

“By the way,” you began. “Changbin told me you guys are performing at the end of the summer?”

“Ah…” he brought his bungeoppang up to his nose, like he hoped to disappear behind it. “Yeah, seems like it. It’s not a big deal, though, really.”

“It is! I wish you’d told me, I definitely don’t wanna miss it.”

His gaze peeked up above the half-eaten bread, and you might’ve thought he was just playing coy if the look in his eyes wasn’t so adorably hopeful, searching your expression for a sincere show of interest.

“Really?”

“Of course,” you said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Plus, Bin would never let me live it down if I did.”

“True,” he grinned. “Would you believe me if I said I wanted to tell you?”

“Oh?”

“I was just kinda embarrassed about it,” he chuckled. “Dunno if I’d be able to face you after.”

Something about the way he said it nearly made you melt. How very like him, to feel self-conscious about performing in front of you before it’d even happened. Unable to help yourself any longer, you reached forward and brushed your thumb along the edge of his lips, scooping up the drop of custard—though, really, it was just an excuse to touch him.

Chan looked caught off guard for a moment, fingers flexing around the pastry in his hand. Then, the smile was back on his face, even wider this time.

“You’re so cute,” you murmured. “If you say that, it just makes me wanna see you more, y’know.”

He reached up to fiddle with his piercing, both dimples now on full display. “Will you be back in town by then?”

“I’m gonna be here for most of the break, actually,” you confessed.

His eyes lit up. “You serious?”

You nodded, praying he wouldn’t ask you to elaborate.

“So am I!” he beamed. “I’m doing an independent study, so I won’t have the chance to go home.”

It dawned on you for the first time that Chan’s family was, in fact, still living in Australia while he attended university. You hadn’t even considered the possibility that he might not be visiting them over the summer. That same, familiar ache touched your heart again—it must get lonely for him. Here you were, purposely avoiding your hometown at all costs, when he was likely longing for his.

“Oh no,” you frowned. “Not even for a short trip?”

“Nah.” He waved his hand, seemingly unaffected. “But it’s alright. I’ve got you, and my buddy Felix will be here for a while, too.”

Felix. Another name you’d heard thrown around by Chan and Changbin on more than one occasion. He was yet another junior that Chan had managed to befriend somehow, and, just like him, he’d grown up in Australia. It eased your mind a bit, knowing that he and Chan at least had each other when everyone else was home for the holidays.

“But what about you?” He cocked his head. “Any reason you’re staying?”

The dreaded question. This time, you couldn’t depend on the safety of a phone call to keep him from gauging your reaction.

“I just prefer it here, I guess.” You picked at the paper wrapping of your bread, hoping to sound nonchalant. “There’s some stuff I don’t wanna deal with back home. But, knowing my parents, I’ll probably still go for a week or so.”

Suddenly, the look on his face wasn’t quite so bright. It was subtle, just a fleeting crack in his typically bubbly demeanor, but not lost on you. Whether it was the mention of your parents or your vaguely cynical response that had brought about such a strange reaction, you weren’t sure, but you berated yourself for being responsible for dampening his mood, even if it was short-lived.

“I get that,” he said softly. “Let’s have a good time here together, yeah?”

Chan didn’t speak any further on the topic, but somehow, you couldn’t shake the feeling that he resonated with what you’d said more than he was letting on.

。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。

Three days into your visit back home, you came to fully accept the fact that you were in way over your head.

From the moment you’d stepped off the train, hit with that warm, familiar air, tinged with the scent of pine, you could already feel it picking away at you. The trip from the station to your house, which you’d stubbornly chosen to make by foot, was full of bittersweet sights, sounds, and smells that had shaped you growing up, with each one tugging your seams loose just a little bit more. It felt akin to whiplash, a harsh dive into the deep end of reality after the past month you’d spent with Chan, stuck in a giddy haze.

Thanks to him, the harsh sting of summer had become more of a dull ache, not quite fading altogether, but soothed into something more manageable, at least. With Iseul, Changbin, and all your other friends returning home for vacation, you’d breezed through the entirety of June almost exclusively in Chan’s company. More often than not, Felix would join in as well, making for an unexpectedly pleasant dynamic among the three of you. You’d taken a liking to the boy in no time—it was impossible not to, when he had a smile like the sun and an infectious sort of vitality that brought joy to even the simplest of activities. He was a bit more reserved than Chan, at least around you, but he had a similar kind of warmth, the kind that was sure to enamor anyone he crossed paths with.

Between movie nights (more superhero movies than you’d ever thought existed), day trips to the beach (with Chan, thankfully, taking your sanity into account and wearing a tank top at all times), and far too many baking sessions (some successful, most failed), what you’d initially feared to be a month of nothing but heat and misery had turned out to be some of the best weeks of your life.

It was only natural, of course, that the universe would follow them up with a week that was carefully crafted to send all that happiness you’d built toppling unceremoniously to the ground.

The pit of guilt you’d felt in your stomach about avoiding home for so long increased tenfold with every comment from your parents and relatives, joking about how you were too busy, too good for your family to waste time on them anymore. You almost wanted to be upset, because you knew they knew. But you also knew that they meant well. In their minds, they were doing you a favor by not addressing it, not daring to so much as utter your friend’s name around you. It was much easier to pretend like everything was okay. That was what you’d been doing for the past year, after all.

Still, no matter how hard you wished you could ignore it, the pesky, human desire for seeking solace in others persisted. You needed to release, to lift the top off the pressure cooker you’d kept so tightly sealed for so long.

You needed to talk to someone. But the only person in the world who you could’ve opened up to about losing her, was her.

Your thumb lingered over Chan’s contact, now on your fourth minute of debating whether or not you should throw caution to the wind and call him. You wanted to hear his voice rambling on, his absent-minded humming of whichever song was stuck in his head that day, his laughter.

With a deep inhale, you swiped out of your phone app, opening up your messages instead.

you (8:13 a.m.) hey it’s been a minute! how are u?

A response, almost immediately.

iseul 🪷 (8:13 a.m.) awful horrible miserable

you (8:14 a.m.) hello??? what’s going on?

iseul 🪷 (8:14 a.m.) family is driving me crazy and i hate men i also might be fired???? idk yet

You frowned, trying to process the unfortunate string of messages unfolding on your screen. You didn’t think it was possible for anyone to be having a worse time than you right now. It brought you back to your senses, reminded you of your place. Self-pity never suited you, anyway. Your sympathy was much better off reserved for others.

you (8:15 a.m.) oh my god? do you want to talk?

iseul 🪷 (8:15 a.m.) ugh yes i’ll ft you later at a family gathering rn 🤢 hate it here

you (8:16 a.m.) we’re in the same boat remember the right answer to every question is that ur focusing on ur studies

iseul 🪷 (8:16 a.m.) literally gonna be using that one all day ugh literally kill me

you (8:17 a.m.) being nosey is just how they show their love~

iseul 🪷 (8:17 a.m.) they should show their love a little less

you (8:18 a.m.) lmaoo

you (8:19 a.m.) btw do you still want me to look over that paper for your grad school app?

iseul 🪷 (8:19 a.m.) omg….. omfg yes i totally forgot omfg i’ll send it to u when i’m free pls read it fix it make me sound smarter

With the way Iseul was typing a mile a minute, you were certain you’d be in for an earful when you talked to her later. Strangely enough, it lifted a bit of weight off your shoulders. Maybe you could focus on reviewing her essay and offering her advice on the many, many issues she seemed to be facing as a way to take your mind off the growing itch in your skin.

That was all you had to do, really. Make yourself useful, keep yourself preoccupied with something at all times until you could return to campus and restart the process of tucking away every memory associated with the previous summer from scratch.

It was just a matter of holding yourself together. Just one more week.

。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。

In the back of your mind, you couldn’t help but think that a day like this one shouldn’t be quite so sunny.

The sky was bright and spotless, an endless expanse of soft blue without so much as a single cloud daring to interfere. Some might say it was a good omen, a sign that you were being watched over with a smile, but to you, it almost felt like a taunt.

Still, the nice weather at least meant that your walk to the cemetery wouldn’t be met with any unexpected rain. Your mother had offered—or demanded, rather—to drive you if you weren’t going to drive yourself, so as not to keep your friends waiting; but much to her exasperation, you’d refused. You had an important stop to make along the way, anyway, one that both fueled your apprehension, and eased it.

It had officially been a year now. A year since you’d lost your best friend, a year since you’d ended your relationship, a year since your sense of self had become muddled. Nothing in the city felt like home, anymore. It had belonged to the both of you, and with her gone, there was nothing left for you.

A sudden call of your name nearly made you jump out of your skin. You looked up from the concrete, shocked to find that you’d zoned out long enough to have reached your destination without even processing it. Your eyes raked over the worn-down stand, once a pure, striking white, now chipped and rusted with age. Still, it brought a smile to your face, the first real one since you’d arrived home.

“Is that really you, kid?”

Steeling yourself, you lifted your head fully to face the man before you. He looked the same as ever, albeit with a bit less hair on his head, but his kind eyes and jovial smile hadn’t changed one bit, they never did.

“Hello, Uncle Geun,” you greeted. “How have you been?”

Gruff, booming laughter met your ears, and you were pulled into a bone-crushing hug before you knew it. The smell of his colorful apron, musky from the heat, but not unpleasant, sent a wave of sentimentality crashing over you. It took everything in you not to tear up the moment it touched your senses.

He was a man that had watched you grow up, in the truest sense of the words. Over a decade ago, on this very street, you’d rounded the corner with a bit too much energy on your way to school, slamming into another little girl and sending you both toppling onto the unforgiving sidewalk. You’d managed to come out of it with just a skidded palm, but she, on the other hand, was bawling the instant she’d recovered from the initial impact.

Even as a child, you’d gotten the feeling that she was being a bit too dramatic about it all, sobbing about how her knees hurt and how her new jumper was ruined. Regardless, your stomach twisted with guilt, and when you saw that your apologies weren’t getting through to her, you’d done the first thing your little mind could think of, scurrying over to the nearby flower vendor and asking if he could spare you a gift for her. His smile had been just as grand back then as it was now, his laughter just as boisterous as he picked a chrysanthemum from his stock and handed it to you.

The second you’d shoved the round, yellow flower in her face, her crying came to an immediate halt, tears drying up and sniffles dying down, as if on cue. She accepted it with a smile as bright as the flower itself, pulling off a few petals for you when she noticed the scrapes on your hand.

You’d continued the walk to school side by side, and by the end of the day, the two of you had come to a mutual agreement that you were now, officially, best friends.

You blinked rapidly, hoping your expression wouldn't betray you when Uncle Geun finally pulled away from the hug.

“It’s good to see you,” he beamed. “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?”

“That’s all you, Uncle. Even the flowers are jealous.”

Another raspy burst of laughter. “Clever as always.”

“Maybe that college education is worth something,” you joked.

His grin grew impossibly wider, silver tooth gleaming in the sunlight. “We’ve all missed you,” he said. “Doesn’t really feel like the summertime without the sight of you walking around the city with—”

He cut himself off at just the right instant. You felt a light pang in your chest, but you forced yourself to keep smiling.

“Well,” he cleared his throat. “You girls were always a joy.”

“We had a lot of great memories because of you,” you replied quietly.

An uncharacteristically somber look crossed his face, and your eyes fell back to the ground.

“So, what’ll it be, today?” he began, trying to put the pep back in his voice. “Don’t tell me you’re just here to give the old man a visit.”

“Chrysanthemums, please,” you requested. “They’re for her.”

You unzipped your bag, reaching in to pull out your wallet. Before you could even prepare your payment, however, his calloused hand rested over yours, shooing it away.

“This one’s on the house.”

。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。

You never made it to the cemetery.

However necessary it had felt for you to visit the flower stand and see Uncle Geun, the toll it took on your state of mind was far heavier than you’d ever anticipated—and you’d anticipated. Your conversation with him had left you disoriented, a strange ache pulsing through your body. Whether grief or nostalgia was at its core, you weren’t sure.

With blurry vision, you’d texted your friends that you wouldn’t be able to make it and returned home, clutching the bouquet of flowers close to your chest. In a matter of twenty minutes, you gathered up all your belongings, tossed them into your hardly unpacked suitcase, and arranged to take the first train back home. Your new home, the one that felt right for all the wrong reasons.

Despite your parents’ adamant protests, you stood by your decision to leave. You promised to make it up to them with another visit, and after almost an hour of arguing, the hollowness of your voice finally seemed to get through to them. Disapproving but ultimately understanding, they’d quietly allowed you to go.

The train ride was a blur. You didn’t remember much of it, and only when you approached the front door of your apartment at last did you feel the fog in your head begin to clear just a bit. As you dug around for your keys, you realized for the first time how stiff your hand had become. You’d kept it wrapped tightly around the chrysanthemums for the entire trip home, not loosening your death grip even once.

The heavy sigh of relief you let out as you stepped into your apartment was cut short when you registered an unexpected figure standing near the window. Even in all your shock, you didn’t have the energy to call out louder than your usual volume.

“Chan?”

His reaction was priceless, yelping in fear and spinning around at a breakneck speed. You were lucky that he at least managed to avoid dropping the watering can in his hand and send it crashing to the floor.

“Y-you’re here!?”

The fact that it sounded like a genuine question when you were standing right in front of him shouldn’t have endeared you so much. You placed down your bags, praying that your exhaustion wasn’t as obvious as it felt.

“Surprise,” you nearly cringed at how weak it came out.

In all your turmoil, you’d completely forgotten that Chan had offered to water your plants for you while you were gone. Though, to be fair, even if you had remembered, you wouldn’t have expected to stumble in on him doing so at near midnight.

“Welcome back!” His face broke out into a radiant smile. It felt more like home than anything you’d experienced the past week. “Are those new flowers for me to water?”

Despite everything, you smiled back at him, placing the bouquet on your countertop and padding over to him. He opened his arms in an instant, and you fell into them, squeezing him tighter than was probably necessary and earning a cute, tiny grunt.

“Thank you, Channie,” you simply said. His warmth enveloped you and his scent wafted over you, freshly-washed laundry and the fading, sweet citrus of his cologne. “It’s good to see you.”

“I missed you,” he sucked in hesitantly through his teeth before continuing. “But, is everything alright? I thought you still had another few days.”

“Yeah. Just a little change of plans,” hoping to lighten the mood, you added, “Guess I can’t be kept away from you for too long.”

You knew he wouldn’t buy the excuse, but he giggled anyway, shoulders vibrating against you as the melodic sound graced your ears. A part of you had initially been horrified by the prospect of Chan catching you like this, but now, all you felt was an overwhelming sense of calm.

Reluctantly, you pulled back to face him. His eyes were drowsy—nothing new there—but there was a healthy complexion to his skin. He looked just a bit tanner than the last time you’d seen him; he must’ve spent a lot of his free time at the beach.

“Well, I’m glad you’re here,” he didn’t let go of you, even after the hug had ended. “Felix will be, too. Pretty sure he secretly thinks you’re a better baking assistant than me.”

You let out a hum of amusement. “Can’t say I blame him when you steal all the chocolate chips.”

He puckered his lips into a pout. Not truly upset, but enough for you to lean in and press an apologetic kiss to them. You would’ve taken any opportunity to do so, anyway.

His breath caught in his throat—you’d quickly learned that it was inevitable, no matter how many times you kissed him—but he returned it instantly, melting into you like he’d been itching to do from the second you’d arrived. It was something you hadn’t fully adjusted to yet, how impossibly soft his lips were. They demanded all of your attention in their fullness, moving against yours with a timid sort of vigor.

You hadn’t expected it to be more than just a light peck, but once you’d gotten a taste of him, of his warmth, you couldn’t help yourself. It was his fault, you decided, for diving into you with such unabashed eagerness. Your teeth grazed delicately along his lower lip, and he opened his mouth to let out a sweet, airy sigh.

The feeling that you’d so narrowly escaped on the night you’d first kissed him took hold of you yet again, so strong in its grip that you worried you may not be able to ignore it this time. Your hands roamed down to his abdomen, brushing over it just enough to feel the outline of his muscles beneath his clothes. You remembered the sight of him in the natatorium that day—toned stomach and soft hips, smooth, irresistible skin that looked like it hadn’t been marked a day in his life. You wanted all of it, all of him.

Chan angled his head to further deepen the kiss, nose bumping against yours in the process. You felt his lips curve into a shy smile, and another sound escaped him, almost like a squeak.

You weren’t sure how much time had passed when you finally found it in you to break the kiss. When his eyes blinked open, he looked adorably lost, gaze falling right back down to your lips as if to ask why you’d stopped. He swayed just barely under your hands, and you strengthened your hold on his waist to steady him.

“You look like you’re about to fall over, Channie,” you teased.

“Sorry,” he chuckled breathlessly. “My heart’s kinda racing.”

It was such a sincere admission, so simple and honest. Even if you couldn’t already tell what he was thinking on your own, he wore his heart on his sleeve. Or rather, he held it out in his hands, offering it up to you.

You let go of his waist to lock your fingers with his. You’d grown used to the heat by now, but everything else you were feeling in that moment made it burn just as much as the first time you’d touched him. With just a light tug at his arm, he was following you to your bedroom, clutching your hand a little tighter.

“Is this better?” you asked, settling down on the bed with him.

He ducked his head, too flustered to respond. Playfully, you lifted two fingers and placed them on his neck, as if to check his pulse. You pressed down into his skin, and he nearly gasped. If it hadn’t been racing before, it certainly was now.

“I-it’s been a while,” he meekly tried to explain.

Given how his body reacted to your every little touch, you had no trouble believing it. You couldn’t deny how much it excited you, too. He was such a sweet boy; you felt a need, a hunger, to see the most intimate parts of him, to see what pleasure and vulnerability and desperation might look like on such an angelic face. You wanted to make him a part of you, to engulf him and protect him, to take on his emotions and forget about yours.

Driven by a newfound urgency, you all but crashed back into him. He met your fire with equal enthusiasm, parting his lips to let your tongue slide against his—hot and wet in a way that made the both of you shiver. Your hands began roaming again, feeling up the broad expanse of his shoulders, his chest, his arms. You palmed and squeezed at them to your heart’s content, as if to make sure the moment was real, to make sure he was real. It was still hard to fathom, that the man you’d been dreaming about for almost three months now was here in your bed.

You trailed further down in your touch, fingers sliding under his loose shirt and palms flattening against his skin. Suddenly, Chan tensed, retreating from the kiss just enough to speak, but still close enough that his lips brushed against yours with every word.

“W-wait,” he stuttered out. “I don’t…I didn’t…”

You paused, fearing for a moment that you’d misread the situation. He had said it’d been a while, after all. Maybe he wasn’t ready. Maybe he wasn’t used to moving this fast; you certainly weren’t.

“Is something wrong?”

“I don’t have protection,” he warned quietly. “I-I didn’t think…”

Despite every cell in your body crying out in protest, you pulled back to get a proper look at him. His eyes were dark, pupils blown wide and putting his longing on full display for you to see.

He seemed to be struggling with getting his sentence out, so you guessed for him. “You didn’t think this would happen?”

He averted his eyes. “Just…didn’t wanna assume anything.”

Cute, cute, cute. He was so painfully cute.

“I’m protected,” you reassured him. “You don’t have to worry.”

Even if he had brought contraceptives, against your better judgment, you weren’t quite sure if you’d be content with using them. You wanted all of him, skin on skin, every inch. Nothing else would satisfy the burn, the ache that had been burgeoning inside you since the day you’d first met him.

���You don’t have to worry about a thing,” you pressed your forehead against his. “Let me take care of you, Channie.”

The sound he made in response, low and needy in his throat, set something off in you. Miraculously, you managed to prevent yourself from digging your nails into his stomach, just to relieve some of the tension that was consuming your body at an alarming rate.

Instead, you took his chin between your fingers, tilting it up. “Is that okay with you?”

Chan swallowed, so hard that you could see his adam’s apple bob in his throat. “Yeah,” he breathed. “I c-can pull out. Just tell me when, please, and I’ll listen.”

He said it so earnestly that you pressed your thighs together. You had no plans to tell him, and you got the feeling he understood that from the look in your eyes alone.

“You’re good at listening, aren’t you?” you cooed.

He nodded, eyes squeezing shut when your hand came to cradle his head. “I’ll be good for you,” he mustered up the courage to say it, grateful for the lack of eye contact. “Whatever you want, I’ll do it.”

Good for you. The words made your heart sing. He was already so good for you just existing. He was perfect for you.

“Whatever I want?” you brushed your thumb up and down his cheek. “Everything I want is already right in front of me.”

A blush crept up on his face, dusting it that unmistakable rosy shade that was so Chan. You felt his skin heating up as he nuzzled into your palm with a flustered laugh, and you took the opportunity to gently guide him down, resting his back against the bed. With bated breath, he watched you come to hover above him, his hands bunching nervously at the bedsheets. You slipped your fingers back under his shirt and began tugging it up his torso. He stiffened, but still raised himself slightly off the mattress to allow you to pull off the garment.

The moment your eyes landed on his bare upper body, he was looking away again, chest rising and falling rapidly in anticipation. You rested a hand over his left pec, feeling up the defined muscle and his heartbeat along with it.

“Beautiful,” you murmured.

Chan stammered out something that sounded vaguely like a protest, but he didn’t have the chance to finish before you were leaning down and pressing a kiss to his neck. His response was immediate, tilting his head and baring his skin to you. Your mouth traveled along his jawline and down the column of his throat, sucking and nibbling at every spot you touched. By the time you reached his collarbones, he was already squirming in barely-concealed want beneath you, and you stole a glance at him to find him biting down hard on his lip in restraint.

“You’re so beautiful, Channie,” you dragged your teeth along the curve of his chest, and his hips shot up into you. “I can’t believe I get to see you like this.”

“Please,” he buried his face in his hands. It was adorable, but not as adorable as the sight of embarrassment and pleasure twisting his features. So, you rested your hands over his and pulled them away, pinning his muscular arms above his head and rendering them powerless.

“You said you’d do whatever I want, right?” you began. “So, no hiding.”

His eyes glazed over with lust, so taken by how exposed he felt below you that he almost forgot to nod.

“And,” you continued, lowering yourself to speak right into his ear. “No holding back, okay? I know you have a pretty voice, let me hear it.”

“I…” for a second, he appeared at a loss for words. “O-okay.”

“Good boy,” you let go of his hands, dragging your fingers lightly down his biceps and watching him shudder. You readjusted your position to resume your earlier ministrations, kissing down the valley of his chest and fighting the temptation to sink your teeth into it—hard. You wanted nothing more than to leave his skin red and bruised and blossoming with love bites, but you knew you probably shouldn’t when any marks you made would be clear as day to his teammates during swim practice. Instead, you settled for pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses along his body, grazing his skin with your teeth just enough to appease yourself without leaving a lasting trace. The softness of your lips pressed against the lean ridges of his abs, making for a contrast that neither of you could get enough of.

“Such a pretty baby,” you mumbled, licking a stripe down his stomach and feeling his muscles contract under your tongue. “My pretty baby boy.”

It slipped out like an instinct, and before you could stop to wonder if it may be too much for Chan, a long, shaky moan met your ears.

Oh. He was loud.

Suddenly, his frantic attempts to suppress himself made perfect sense. You had a feeling that he hadn’t let completely loose yet, either. Heat pooled in your stomach at the thought of what kind of noises you could draw out of him. You couldn’t wait much longer.

“Do you like that? Baby boy?” you asked sweetly. Chan raised his hips off the mattress as your fingers danced delicately along his sides, soothing and exciting him all at once.

“M-mhm.” It was all he could get out without making another mortifying sound.

“Tell me what you like,” you swirled your tongue around his belly button, slowly approaching his v-line. “Tell me what feels good.”

“All of it,” he gasped. “All of you.”

You smiled against his skin, and your lips found the waistband of his shorts, allowing you to see for the first time just how much he meant it. You’d been so focused on attending to his upper half that you hadn’t even thought about the state of him down there. He was hard, fully hard. You wouldn’t be surprised if he was leaking in his underwear by now. It almost made you feel a tinge of guilt, leaving him neglected for so long; but his building desire was palpable, and it fed into your arousal like nothing else.

Mischievously, you gave his bulge a kittenish lick. Chan all but jolted, hand flying over his mouth a moment too late to mask his hiccup.

“I’m gonna make you feel so good, angel,” you promised, fingers dipping under the elastic of his waistband. “So good, you won’t be able to think about anything else.”

“Oh, God,” he whimpered. “Need you.”

“I’m right here, Channie,” you pulled his shorts down in one go, removing his underwear along with them. He hissed through his teeth as the air hit his exposed length, cooling the drops of precum that had dribbled from his tip. Carefully, you took him into your hand, licking your lips when you felt him throb at the contact.

“Poor thing,” you feigned sympathy. “You’re so worked up.”

You knew it took everything in Chan not to bury his face in the sheets. Instead, he bucked up into your grasp as a wordless plea, struggling to gain some kind of friction. His body was just as honest as he was with his words. Every subtle shift in his expression, every sensitive twitch of his body, every poorly concealed sound—they made it so easy to understand what he was feeling. He made himself so easy for you to take apart.

Gently, you gestured for him to sit up. It took him a moment to process the command, and you couldn’t help but think he looked akin to a lost puppy, blinking his foggy eyes in confusion before clumsily willing himself upright. You ushered him back until he was resting against the headboard, slipping off your own shorts and underwear and settling into his lap in one fell swoop.

“You’re not the only one, though,” you drawled, taking his cock back into your hand. You pressed his tip just barely against your heat, allowing your wetness to mix with his precum. “Do you feel it?”

A desperate groan rumbled in his chest, going straight to your core. “Y-yes. Please, let me feel you. Wanna make you feel good, too.”

You hummed playfully, circling the head of his dick around your entrance and gathering up more of your essence. His thighs jerked up against yours, a weak apology immediately following it. Just to tease him further, you stopped what you were doing and turned your attention to your own shirt, taking your sweet time in slipping it off your torso and discarding it.

The ache between your legs was almost unbearable at this point, but the way Chan’s breathing picked up when he realized what you were doing made it all worth it. You unclasped your bra from behind, letting it slip off your shoulders and exposing your bare body to him.

His stare dropped, locking on the sight of your chest with a shaky inhale. A mere few inches separated you, but he gazed at you like you were untouchable, like he could only admire you from afar. It made you giggle—even now, he was still so shy.

“Are you ready, Channie?”

He looked back up at you with a nod, and you almost wished he hadn’t, because the pure adoration swimming in his eyes effectively sent the last of your self-control crumbling.

You lined him up with your entrance and sank down on his cock all at once. The gasp you let out was only rivaled by the sound of his own cry, loud and shameless, like he himself didn’t even realize it was coming from him.

Heat rippled throughout your entire body, stronger than you’d ever felt it before. It held the exhilaration of something new, yet the intimacy of something familiar, and it set every one of your nerve endings ablaze. You clenched around Chan the moment you connected with his base, taking in his size and shape, wrapping yourself around him; all of him, just like you’d wanted.

He surged forward with another strained noise, head falling into your chest and nestling into its softness. You rested a hand on the back of his head, tangling your fingers in his curls and placing your other hand on his shoulder.

“Mine,” you whispered.

Vaguely, you heard it, timid and breathless, mumbled into your skin. “Yours. ‘M yours.”

There was no way to hide how the words affected you, not when your walls tightened around his cock in a way that made him tremble. It almost made you wonder if he knew about the burn, about the inexplicable need to make him a part of you—or, rather, to take him back as a missing part of you. Did he feel it too?

You took a few moments to calm yourself and adjust to the feeling of him buried inside you. It felt right, like he was made for you. Like you were made for each other.

Every twitch of his length tested your patience more and more, and you knew that he himself must be hanging on by a thread by now. His hands hovered awkwardly above your hips, fingers flexing as he tried to decide what to do with them.

“You wanna touch, Channie?” you urged. “Go ahead.”

He peeked up at you from where his face was burrowed, as if to ask for the permission you’d already granted. You gave him an encouraging smile, and he took hold of your waist at last, squeezing tentatively.

“Th-thank you,” he stuttered.

He was thanking you. You didn’t think you could conjure up a more endearing, a more devastating detail if you tried. It made your heart melt and your arousal skyrocket. You needed to ruin him.

“You’re so cute,” you purred. “Hold on tight, okay?”

He pressed the pads of his fingers a bit deeper into your flesh. Using your grip on his shoulders for leverage, you lifted yourself off his cock bit by bit, relishing in the feeling of it dragging slowly along your walls. Without missing a beat, you snapped your hips back down, both to elicit a response in Chan, and to satisfy the immediate need to be full of him again. You succeeded in both, engulfing every inch of him even tighter than before, as if your body didn’t want to let him go a second time.

“A-ah, fuck!”

It sounded so strange coming from him, sweet voice cracking with a whimper, but so, so delicious.

“Is it good, Channie?”

You repeated the action, gliding up and down with ease thanks to the arousal that was all but dripping down your thighs at this point. Each bounce coated his length with slickness, creating messy, wet sounds that were sure to make his ears burn.

“Feels like I’m on fire,” he threw his head back, mouth falling open to give you a breathtaking view. “So—ah—good. You feel so good, so warm.”

You puffed out a giggle, unable to get a word in amidst his babbling. Instead, you picked up your pace, fueled on by his reactions as the pleasure steadily overwhelmed him.

“So beautiful, I—” he gasped. “Need you.”

Your heart swelled with affection; he was already so far gone. “I’ve got you,” you ran your fingers through his hair and he practically keened. “You’re doing so well for me, Channie. You’re perfect for me.”

Half-lidded eyes blinked up at you, and he subconsciously tugged at your hips, trying to pull you closer.

“I’ll be good,” he repeated his earlier vow. “You can even be m-mean to me, I’ll be good.”

The words caught you by surprise. Still, you kept your expression calm, something to ease his mind amidst the slew of sensations clouding it. You slowed down to trace your thumb along his cheek, so delicately that if he didn’t focus hard enough, your touch would be lost on him.

“Do you want me to?”

Remembering how he’d reacted earlier, you let your hands slide down to his neck, resting them there experimentally without pressing down just yet. Chan let out a whine, the vibrations of it making your palms tingle.

“There, please,” he tilted his head even further back, bumping it against the headboard. “Wanna feel you everywhere.”

Your stomach flipped, adrenaline coursing through your veins as you wrapped your fingers completely around his throat. It was thick, pumping with life. You had to use both hands. Chan bit his lower lip in anticipation, another low whine spilling out of him.

Taking great care in your movements, you began riding him again, lifting yourself on his cock, then sliding back down just as you squeezed at the sides of his throat. You didn’t want to hurt him—not really. You just wanted to toy with him a bit, watch him squirm under your fingertips. You wanted to push him to his limit, then guide him safely right back to you.

“Let me know if it’s too much, okay?”

“Y-yes,” he managed. “I will. Promise.”

The response was so immediate, so desperate, like he was afraid you might change your mind and stop. He throbbed inside you when you applied more force to your grip, almost sounding relieved in the airy moan that escaped him. You watched, fascinated, as his face flushed a shade deeper, whether from arousal or shortness of breath, you weren’t quite sure.

To better control your grip on his neck, you halted your bouncing to switch to a slower, deliberate grinding of your hips instead. Chan jerked up beneath you, the newfound rhythm pressing your walls against his cock and making him dizzy.

You contracted your fingers around his throat repeatedly, adding and removing the slightest bit of pressure to match the rocking of your hips. His tip brushed against your sweet spot, and you let out a soft moan that only seemed to bring him closer to his breaking point.

“Oh, God,” he groaned. “W-wait…slow down, please. ‘M getting close.”

“Slow down?” you tilted your head. “Why? Don’t you wanna cum, baby boy?”

He squeezed his eyes shut, and you loosened your hold on his neck so he could speak properly.

“Wanna finish with you,” he slurred. “Wanna make you feel good, too.”

You should’ve expected it. Of course he would have such an earnest, such an adorable reason to ask something of you—it was Chan. Even at the height of his pleasure, he was still thinking of yours, making sure you were enjoying yourself as much as he was. It spread an unbelievable warmth in your chest, different from the intense, sultry heat brewing between your bodies.

It also made you want to mess with him.

“Don’t worry, Channie,” you dragged your nails along his neck, not enough to draw blood, but enough to scratch, to make him shudder beneath you. “I feel good just watching you fall apart like this.”

His hands stayed latched to your hips, following them with every tortuous rock, but making no attempt to try and stop your movements. Despite that, his pleas didn’t let up, demanding in the sweetest, most polite of ways.

“Please,” his voice grew more frantic. “I’m really not gonna last, please, please.”

His whines chipped away at your resolve more than you let show; each one buzzing his vocal chords beneath your hands. He sounded so helpless, like he might burst into tears if he didn’t bring you to a climax with him.

“You sound so cute when you beg,” you marveled, sinking the pads of your fingers into his skin to feel his hammering heartbeat. “Maybe if you keep it up, I’ll change my mind.”

Much to Chan’s dismay, you continued your grinding, and you could see the concentration written all over his face as he fought to hold himself together. His hair had grown damp with sweat, face flushed and glistening from all his efforts. He looked so wrecked already; you could only imagine what it’d be like to see him cum.

You leaned in and kissed him. His lips were puffy and glossy and right there. It earned a cute mewl of surprise from the man, and it turned up in pitch when you took his lower lip between your teeth and nibbled. He let go of your hips to wrap his arms fully around your waist, trapping you as close as your bodies would allow.

“So—mmph—close.” His tongue slid against yours, jumbling his speech even further. “Please, please, please!”

You tugged at his plush lips one last time before breaking the kiss. “Gonna cum, angel?” You clenched around him, encouraging him to let go. “Don’t hold back. Empty inside me like a good boy.”

“Oh my God.” Chan’s whole body tensed beneath you, head dropping right back into your chest with a choked sob. You felt his cock pulse wildly inside you, and soon after, the flood of his release. Coupled with the moan that spilled out of him, drawn-out and broken and still so loud despite being muffled by your flesh, you were almost sent over the edge yourself.

“That’s it, Channie,” you played with his hair as his climax rippled through him. “Look at you, filling me up so well. Good boy, good boy.”

It was almost devious, the way you stopped moving like he’d so hopelessly been begging for, only once he’d come down from his high. He slumped against you, his pants gradually dying down into cute, content sighs. When he finally found a strong enough grip on his consciousness to speak, it came whiny, sulky.

“Not fair,” he mumbled into you. “Wanted to finish together.”

He lifted his head, and you broke out into gentle giggles. The expression on his face would’ve been one of pure bliss if it weren’t for his very prominent, very effective pout.

“Can I count this as my second win?” You tapped his nose.

He huffed, but the beginnings of a smile tugged at his features, betraying him. “Please, let me do something for you.” He glanced down at the spot you were connected, wetting his lips. It made your core clench in a way that you knew he couldn’t miss. “Let me make you feel good.”

“I do feel good, Channie,” you insisted, and you meant it. “Better than ever, actually.”

Though the guilt didn’t fade from his pleading stare and furrowed brows, he at least seemed to believe you. He studied your face for a split second longer before leaning in, nudging his nose against yours to ask for another kiss.

You could’ve easily stayed that way for the rest of the night, savoring his warmth, the fullness, the wholeness that you felt when nestled into each other in every possible way. But judging by how sensitive Chan was, you knew there was a very real chance of him getting hard again, and regardless of how much you wanted it, neither of you had the energy to go again. Reluctantly, you hoisted yourself off of his length, sharing a flustered exhale with him when some of his seed trickled out of you and dripped on to his thigh.

Ten minutes later, the two of you were laid side by side in your bed, staring at the ceiling with your hands brushing delicately against each other.

“This…” Chan spoke up suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence. “This isn’t a usual thing for me.”

You couldn’t deny the relief you felt upon hearing it. The answer to a question that had been floating in the back of your mind without you even realizing. It was selfish—meaningless, too—but you felt it all the same.

You were well past the point of pretending like your relationship with Chan was something ordinary, anyway. Whatever existed between you, it was magnetic and burning and inevitable, almost like you had no choice in the matter. In fact, that had to be the case, because if you’d had a choice, you certainly wouldn’t have let yourself fall into him so hard, or so fast.

“Me neither,” you admitted.

You heard the sheets rustle next to you. “Really?”

“Really.”

There was the faintest smile in his voice as he continued, and it made you wonder if he was indulging in the same, selfish satisfaction as you. It wouldn’t be a surprise, considering the way he seemed to mirror even the most intimate parts of you— parts that you barely even knew of until you saw them reflected in him.

“Yeah,” he breathed. “I…I’m never so…quick?” You could tell he was trying to choose his words carefully, but there was only so much he could do when his emotions were still running high and his head was still in a haze. “It can take months, e-even longer sometimes, for me to—”

“I don't think you’re easy, Channie,” you teased. “If that’s what you’re worried about.”

You turned your head, just in time to see that rosy tint spread across his cheeks, still visible even in the dim light. It was a sight you might get addicted to.

“I just want you to know that this means something to me,” he said softly.

Something gripped you, dropped a pebble in the calm surface of your lake. You didn’t have much time to think about it though, to worry about finding a window to break out of before you were past the point of no return. For tonight, you let yourself lean fully into that persistent flame.

“It means something to me too,” you murmured. “I wouldn’t have done this with anyone but you.”

Chan let out a shy hum, going quiet for a bit before stroking your pinky finger with his.

“So,” he began. “Are you ready to tell me what happened?”

You tensed slightly in your spot. You’d hoped he would’ve forgotten about it by now, or, at least, been too busy basking in the afterglow to bring it up again so soon. The endorphins that had been flooding through your system ebbed just a bit. This moment was too precious to sully by thinking about it—about him.

Suddenly, it felt all too reminiscent of what had transpired exactly one year ago; the first and last time you’d ever tried talking to anyone about the loss of your friend. It had been with someone you’d thought you loved, someone you’d thought loved you. And maybe, he really had believed that he loved you, too. You’d never know, now.

Imbalanced didn’t even begin to describe it. Imbalance was the balance of your relationship; you’d provide everything, and he’d take it all. The roles had come so naturally to the both of you that you’d never once questioned them, or where they might lead you.

He needed comfort, you liked comforting him. He needed support, you liked supporting him. He needed someone to depend on, you liked being depended on. Equal exchange, the perfect dynamic on paper, and—for the most part—it had worked. You didn’t really have the chance to notice how thin you were stretching yourself, because he was happy, and that made you happy.

One simple question was enough to shake that foundation, however, enough to expose how fragile it all really was and send it toppling to the ground in the ugliest of ways. A question that, in all its simplicity, hadn’t crossed your mind until you were all but forced to confront it last summer.

If your relationship was built solely on your ability to accommodate him, what happened when you couldn’t accommodate him anymore?

You were always encouraged with the most deceptively sweet words to open up to him, to share your thoughts and feelings and troubles the same way he did with you. But every single time without fail, his reaction made you want to seal your mouth shut, never to have the audacity to utter a single word about yourself again.

“I regret asking” or, “Well, now I’m just depressed” or, “Let’s talk about something else” or, sometimes, even nothing at all. You soon came to find that the role you had taken on wasn’t just to his benefit, it was to your detriment. You were a mere footnote in his happiness, and nothing could ever break that mold.

“My best friend died.”

“Oh,” he’d said. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s horrible.”

You’d nodded, sensing instantly that you would’ve felt better if you’d kept quiet.

“I don’t really know what to say.”

You shut your eyes, unsure of what you’d expected from him in the first place. It was pathetic, anyway, to hope for words of comfort that you knew would be hollow. Nothing could’ve made it okay, especially not anything he could offer you.

“That’s okay,” you replied. “You don’t have to say anything.”

A deep breath, and then, a glimpse of weakness.

“Just…stay with me, please.”

The request had sounded so unnatural coming out of your mouth, like it was a phrase you were learning to say in a foreign tongue for the first time. You winced at yourself, but it was already too late to take back.

“Oh, yeah. Sure.”

The two of you had sat in silence for some time. It could’ve been seconds or hours, and you wouldn’t have known the difference. His hand rested on your back for part of it, running up and down in a motion that you used to calm him down when he was upset. Eventually, though, he seemed to have decided it was a lost cause and awkwardly removed it.

You still weren’t quite sure how you’d managed to hold back your tears that day. But your sniffling and sobbing being the only sound echoing throughout the deathly silent room had been the last thing you’d wanted; you already felt vulnerable enough just letting him see you like that. You didn’t want to break in front of him, and you were certain he didn’t want you to either. A crack in you meant the absolute shattering of him.

After shifting around uncomfortably in his spot for a few moments, he finally spoke up.

“Maybe this isn’t the best time, but does that mean tomorrow’s off?”

It took several seconds for you to process the question. You wondered, briefly, if you’d imagined it at first, or if he really was just that horribly out of touch with reality—with you as a human being.

You wanted to glare at him, to ask him why that would even be something to consider right now, let alone ask about, but miraculously, you’d restrained yourself.

“Yeah. I might need a few days.”

More silence, and then you felt his weight lift from the cushions next to you. He avoided eye contact as you raised your head to look at him.

“I should probably go.”

A pang in your chest. “Why?”

Please don’t. You’d desperately wanted to add.

“I feel bad. Like, I shouldn't be here,” he mumbled. “Just…let me know when you’re feeling better, alright? Love you.”

And then he left.

A few days later, he’d texted you like he always did. No question of how you were, no condolences, and most definitely no apology. He’d said he missed you—which, you’d come to learn long ago, was never just an honest expression of attachment when it came to him. It was a signal, a sort of code to let you know there was something he needed from you. He didn’t just miss you, he missed what you could do for him.

Another week passed, and you’d broken up with him. It was unusually cold of you, doing something so drastic through text, but you couldn’t find it in you to even leave your apartment, let alone face the maelstrom of emotions that were sure to unleash if you’d met him in person. You’d experienced it once before, the first time you’d tried to end things. Crying, begging, apologizing, all so profuse yet so hollow.

The second time, his guilting and false assurances hadn’t worked, or rather, they might have if it weren’t for the distance between you. If you’d tested your conviction in front of his distraught, teary face, swearing that he wouldn’t be able to live without you, you weren’t so sure you could’ve gone through with it. He looked so innocent, so harmless, you’d never guess that he’d be the one to suck the life out of you without a care in the world.

When the usual tactics didn’t work, he’d resorted to anger. In a way, you understood—he was hurt, and no matter how hard you tried to spell it out for him, he simply couldn’t comprehend all the ways he’d hurt you first. He hadn’t done anything, but that was exactly the problem.

As much as you wished you could’ve brushed it off, it had stuck with you. The accusations that you were a liar, a manipulator who promised him boundless love and care only to rip it away with cruel indifference once he’d come to rely on it. Even now, you weren’t entirely sure if he’d been wrong, and that in itself was enough to make you want to lock away your heart and toss out the key for good.

But here, you had Chan. The boy who could be carrying the entire world on his shoulders, and still offer to take some of the weight off of yours. The boy who could be struggling to keep his own head afloat, and still pass you his life preserver without a second thought. The more time you’d spent around him, the more you’d come to witness firsthand just how much he did for everyone, even people he wasn’t particularly close with—from small, thoughtful acts that might go unnoticed, to favors so arduous that they left him physically and mentally drained. All with the sweetest of smiles on his face.

You wanted to be the reason for his smile, not for his weariness.

“I told you,” you said lightly. “I just wanted to see you.”

“C’mon,” Chan giggled. “I know it’s more than that.”

You wondered just how much he knew. You wondered if he knew better than anyone else. Despite the complicated thoughts unfolding within you, you grinned, turning on your side to look at him. “I promise I’ll tell you later, okay?” You held out your pinky for good measure. “Right now, I don’t wanna focus on anything but this.”

Chan curled his finger around yours, the glow in his eyes rivaling the moonlight peeking through your blinds. You must’ve thought about how beautiful he looked a million times throughout the night, but now, faced with his tousled curls and his puffy lips—still reddened from all your kissing and biting—and his gaze that was watching you like you’d put the stars in the sky, it was all you could think about. He made it so easy, you mused, to focus on nothing on him.

You tried to snap yourself out of it. He was sweaty, he was sticky, most importantly, he was exhausted. He must be uncomfortable, laying in all the heat and perspiration that had accumulated in those sheets—thirsty, too. You unhooked your pinky from his and rolled off the bed with a bit too much haste, catching his attention.

His expression changed as he watched you rise to full standing, taking some time to stretch your spent muscles before searching around for your discarded top.

“Oh. Should I get going?”

It came quiet, demure, and it made you whip your head around.

“What?”

Chan paused, uncertain. “I-I mean…do you want me to leave?”

“Of course not,” you said instantly, just short of sharp. You were almost afraid to, but regardless, you asked, “Unless…you want to?”

“No,” his reply came just as fast. “Not at all.”

You had half a mind to ask him why he would even think you’d want him gone, especially given the conversation you’d just had, but you were too distracted by the look of pure bewilderment on his face. You didn’t understand it, nor did you like it.

“I’m just getting a washcloth and some water,” your voice softened, and it seemed to get through to him, at least.

“Oh,” he repeated. “Okay.”

It was followed by a small, bashful nod that eased your concerns just a bit. You padded to your bathroom and shut the door behind you, trying not to keep him waiting for too long as you cleaned yourself up and prepared a towel for him. His eyes followed you curiously when you stepped out and passed him on your way to the kitchen, retrieving two water bottles before finally joining him on your bed once more.

There was a short delay when you offered the water bottle to Chan. He blinked at it, as if it were some kind of unknown object, before thanking you quietly and accepting it from your hands. You told yourself he was probably still just a bit dazed, but it was hard to ignore the tinge of worry that pricked your mind.

As he tilted his head back to drink, your eyes fell down to his neck, admiring the way his throat bobbed with every gulp of water. The skin around it was blooming with noticeable, red marks along the lines you’d dragged your fingernails. It made you cringe slightly at yourself. You must've been more lost in the heat of the moment than you’d thought.

“How do you feel?” you checked once he’d downed half the bottle. “Does it hurt?”

You gestured to his neck, and he raised a hand to brush his fingers over the tender skin. “It doesn’t hurt,” he gave you a reassuring half-smile before adding, “I like it.”

You tried not to let the words affect you, to make you pounce at him and take him all over again. Instead, you took hold of the washcloth you’d prepared and pressed it to his neck. The water you’d soaked it in was warm, but it still felt cool to the touch when pressed against his burning flesh. He sighed contently, eyes drooping as you rubbed the reddened areas, taking great care not to irritate them further.

“Wanna lie down for me, Channie?”

“Ah…” He looked away, already leaning back despite the hesitance in his voice. “I-it’s okay, you really don’t have to.”

“I want to,” you said simply.

Chan seemed to sense the sincerity behind it, as he laid himself out the mattress without any further objections. Sheepish, but willing. Carefully, you began dabbing the towel at his face, wiping away the sweat from his forehead and making his eyes flutter shut. His muscles visibly relaxed as you moved further down his body, rubbing his neck, his shoulders, his chest, his stomach, his hips—you left no inch unaccounted for. The warm water you’d soaked the washcloth in calmed his every nerve-ending, so soothing, it almost distracted from how hyperaware he was of your every touch. 

His breath caught in his throat when you brushed over his thigh to clean up the mix of fluids that had begun to dry up on his skin, legs threatening to squeeze shut.

“You’re so sensitive,” you remarked.

He shifted slightly, an awkward chuckle escaping him. “Sorry.”

“It’s cute,” you gave him one last once-over before removing your hand, satisfied. “How are you feeling?”

“Good. Really good.” he blinked up at you lazily, a silent invitation for you to stop fussing over him and settle down next to him in the sheets at last.

You placed the washcloth on your nightstand, collapsing into the plush pillows with a sigh of your own. Chan scooted closer to you within seconds and, chest swelling with fondness, you opened your arms for him to nestle into. Even in all your intimacy, the two of you still couldn’t get enough of each other, filling every curve and gap between your bodies and interlocking your legs. You pressed a kiss to the top of his head before wrapping your arms around him, leaving no room for doubt that you wanted him there.

“Good night, Channie.”

“G’night,” it was barely audible, but even so, you could still hear the faint tremor in his voice. “I…thank you.”

Your eyes flickered down to him one last time before sleep overtook you. For a fleeting moment, you could’ve sworn you saw a wet gleam brimming in the corners of his eyes.

。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。⋆。˚ ʚïɞ ˚。⋆。

In retrospect, going out to buy groceries on a Sunday afternoon probably wasn’t your smartest move.

After you and Chan had awoken the morning prior—or, just you, you weren’t sure how much sleep he had really gotten—groggy and ravenous only to find an alarming lack of food in your apartment, you wanted to restock as soon as possible. In your defense, you hadn’t been home for over a week, and even before that, you’d been spending a considerable amount of your time out and about with Chan or at his apartment. Still, it was embarrassing enough for you to not want a repeat of the situation, especially given how often you’d make a point to scold him and Changbin for not eating substantial meals.

You’d trudged to the nearest convenience store with a list of basic necessities typed out in the notes of your phone, only to soon discover that you’d be lucky to find anything you were looking for judging by how packed the place was. The state of most shelves was enough to make you think people must be preparing for some kind of apocalypse unbeknownst to you. Frowning, you made your way over to the prepared meals section, hoping to at least find something to get you through the next few days. As you maneuvered past the suffocating amounts of people, the sight of a familiar face across one of the aisles stopped you in your tracks.

A sharp, sculpted nose bridge, eyelashes swooping out like a ski slope, and a slight lean in his posture. Lee Minho. You hadn't expected him to even be back in town yet, let alone to be running the same foolish errand as you at this hour (all for the sake of cola, apparently, if the ridiculously large stash in his basket was any indication).

He seemed to have noticed you just a split second before you did him, fixing you with a stare so sharp that you had to blink a few times to make sure you weren’t imagining it.

You weren’t.

His eyes were dark and unwavering, boring into you with an intensity that made you feel as if you were the only two people in the store—and not in the romantic, heart-fluttering kind of way. It was more like everyone else had scattered the instant they’d sensed the tension, leaving you to fend for yourself under a glare that singled you out with an almost predatory accuracy. You waited for the reveal, the cheeky smirk that always followed, but it never came.

Oh.

Minho didn’t like you.

He really, really didn’t like you.

You felt stupid for not realizing it sooner. At the same time, however, he’d never really given you a reason to, and you liked to think you weren’t dense enough to completely miss it if he had. Suddenly, you found yourself re-evaluating every interaction you’d ever had with the guy, scanning and analyzing your conversations down to the most minute of details to try and recall if that same coldness he was emitting now had ever been present before. You thought back to the last time you’d spoken to him, just a week into summer break before he’d gone home. The two of you had started up a short, innocuous chat about the current anime he was watching, and outside of his very serious claims that it was undoubtedly the best of the season, nothing else about it really stood out to you.

You’d even taken his suggestion and watched it in your free time—one of the many, many distractions implemented in your visit home—and you’d planned on sharing your thoughts with him when you saw each other again. With the look he was giving you now, though, like he hoped you might spontaneously combust if he focused hard enough, you got the feeling he wasn’t exactly interested in hearing what you had to say.

Minho turned his head, preparing to leave the aisle without acknowledging you any further. Despite every one of your instincts telling you not to, you followed him, too consumed by curiosity to ignore whatever kind of message he’d been trying to send with just his eyes. You needed to test things out, to be absolutely sure. You needed to know what had changed since the last time you’d spoken to him.

Well, realistically, you knew what had changed. One very major, very undeniable thing had changed. But that couldn’t be it—could it?

“Hey, Minho!”

He might not have bothered stopping if it weren’t for an older woman passing in front of him with an overloaded cart. You squeezed past the rows of people as quickly and respectfully as you could, managing to catch up with him just in time.

It was a bit harder, you noted right away, to mitigate the effects of his stone-faced expression up close. He gave you a terse nod.

“Hey.”

“You’re back in town?”

His face changed just barely, trading out stoicism for something a bit more amused. “Very observant.”

You forced out a light laugh for the sake of extending the conversation, just long enough to get a proper read on him. “How was your vacation?”

“Fine,” he shrugged, adjusting his grip on his basket. “Not long enough.”

“I feel that,” you made a noise of sympathy, as if you hadn’t spent the past two months counting down the days until the fall semester began.

“How about you?” he was at least polite enough to return your question, but for some reason, it didn't really sound like he was asking. “Had fun?”

You barely caught it—a sneer. He definitely knew. It made your stomach flip a bit, if you were being honest, but you managed to keep a straight face.

“Yeah,” you replied evenly. “Me, Chan, and Felix made the most of it.”

“I’m sure.”

In your efforts to talk to him, you seemed to have accidentally stumbled into some kind of one-sided staring contest with this guy, because he hadn’t broken eye contact even once from the moment you’d strided up to him.

“It’s a shame,” he continued casually. “That you won’t be coming over anymore.”

You paused. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t tell me you’re planning on using Chan as a tutor this semester, too?”

Something about the way he said it, the way he phrased it, made it difficult for you to keep up your composed front.

“Of course not. He’s done enough for me already.”

“Good,” Minho hummed, and though it appeared to be in agreement, it only put you further on edge. “He’s graduating after this term—you know that, right? So, playing hero for you is the last thing he needs.”

You narrowed your eyes. For a brief moment, you wondered if he might actually be jealous of you, if he somehow saw you as some kind of threat. But you dismissed the idea almost as soon as it came—the look Minho was giving you wasn’t of someone who was threatened, it was the look of someone who was threatening you.

“Why are you talking to me like that?”

“Like what?” he cocked his head innocently.

“Like I’ve done something wrong.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” he dismissed. “Maybe it’s just your guilty conscience?”

You wanted to be annoyed, to call him out for how he was behaving in a way that he couldn’t twist. The problem was, he was being so fucking weird. You couldn’t even fully understand what he was trying to get at, or what his angle was. You weren’t even sure if he had an angle outside of just trying to get a rise out of you.

The corner of his lips curved up into a smirk. Just like the day you’d first met him, it was pure trouble, only now, it was missing the playfulness you’d come to know.

“What’s with that face?” he chuckled. “I’m only joking.”

Whatever this situation was, you decided you’d had enough of it.

“You’re usually funnier than that,” you said curtly.

At that, you dipped your head, stepped to the side, and walked past him, determined not to let the strange feeling bubbling up inside you reach the surface.

Minho’s stare followed you as you stalked off, piercing into your back. Even after you’d rounded the corner into another aisle, the chill of it lingered on your skin.

[belovedmusings]

“I’m not going anywhere.”

+ MAJOR MANGA SPOILERS +

Explicit Smut 18+ 🚫Minors DNI🚫

Satoru survived being severed in half thanks to Yuuta’s Reversed Curse Technique and subsequently claimed victory, but you keep reliving the moment you saw him die before your eyes. You wake up beside him one night crying from a nightmare of it, and wanting to make you feel better and remind you that he’s okay and he’s not going anywhere, he lets you take him any way you need him.

Relevant tags: AFAB reader with minimal gendered language, reader insert without using “y/n”, graphic nightmare at the beginning but it’s quick, fix-it, hurt/comfort, soft and emotional sex, handjob, fingering, Satoru’s 6-inch fingers, slow sex, praises and declarations of love, lots of kissing, love bites, riding, unprotected sex, creampie, cockwarming, Satoru’s big cock :’) <3

Music recommended while reading: My Love (Sia), positions (Ariana Grande), Souvenir (Selena Gomez), Religion (Lana Del Rey)

A/N: no I’m absolutely not over wtf happened in ch 236 and yes I’m 100% crazy enough to still believe him when he said he’d win. He’ll win and I trust him. I have to or I’ll go crazy. Here’s this emotional smut to cope.

Read below cut:

He was winning. He was fine, he was smiling and now—

He’s not. He’s not moving, he’s not doing anything but he’s in half he’s in fucking half and there’s so much blood—

You scream. You scream but it sounds like it’s underwater and you can’t breathe, you can’t feel anything but despair and pain and dread and anger and disbelief and fucking devastation. Satoru is— he’s— oh god, he’s—

“Hey.”

You’re sobbing. Tears stream from your eyes but you can’t feel, you can’t see anything, you can’t hear, you can’t exist without him—

“Hey. Hey, hey, hey.”

That voice snaps you back to consciousness, a deep gasp from you following. Warm hands are on your shoulders, and you look up at the source, eyes landing upon Satoru’s concerned face. His beautiful, alive face. What? How?

“Hey,” he murmurs again softly, brows furrowed in worry as he rubs up and down your arm soothingly. “Shh, shh, shh…you’re okay. It was just a bad dream.”

A dream?

“No it wasn’t,” you shake your head, voice broken. The lump in your throat won’t go away as you continue to cry. “You were…you were gone and I—”

“I’m right here,” he cuts him firmly, squeezing your arm. “Look at me. I’m talking to you, aren’t I? I’m fine. Promise.”

Your eyes search his face, his body, and blindly you reach out, touching his clothed abdomen, feeling over it to make absolutely sure he’s not lying. When you feel nothing but solid, warm flesh underneath, even when you touch down to his thigh, you relax, sniffling. He’s completely intact. He’s okay.

You remember then what had happened after he had fallen. You’d gone into a panic, threw up, and blacked out after sobbing uncontrollably after tearing your eyes from the screen that displayed his lifeless body.

When you woke up, you were lying against a wall, Shoko watching over you, telling you that Yuuta managed to get ahold of him while Yuuji and Higuruma were fighting Sukuna. He’d used his Reversed Curse Technique to heal him, and he was up and fighting again, this time facing off with Kenjaku.

It was jarring to see him back alive, like you were seeing the resurrection of a god. But it was okay. He was even stronger than before, and along with the others, he was capable of defeating both of the threats.

His victory had restored balance once more.

He’d come off of that battlefield on his own two feet, sweaty, heavily banged up and exhausted, but he had a brilliant smile on his face that said everything is fine now, and he’d welcomed you into his arms without hesitation.

“Oh god,” you breathe out, “It was a dream. Thank god.”

He wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you in, planting a kiss on your temple.

“I told you I’d win, didn’t I?” He asks, “You gotta trust me, silly. M’ not going anywhere.”

You huff, nuzzling into his chest. “Don’t call me silly because I’m worried about you.”

He sighs softly, rubbing your back. “Fine, fine. But seriously, I’m fine. So no need to worry, okay? I’m right here, however you need me.”

He is. You can feel him in your arms, you can feel him holding you, and yet in your sleep-fogged mind, you can’t help but still retain some anxiety that you’ll wake up again and he’ll be gone for good. That you imagined all of those victories in order to cope. You need to feel more of him to confirm he’s real.

“However I need you?” You ask, drawing back to meet his eyes, gleaming in the dim lighting of the moon. He nods.

“Of course. What kind of boyfriend would I be otherwise? I’m yours to do with as you please.”

You can’t help it; his tone always brings out a special playfulness in you. “As I please? You sound so easy.”

“Easy for you,” he grins wolfishly, and you roll your eyes fondly before sobering up.

“I need more reassurance,” you tell him. “I want to feel you.”

He eyes you curiously, nodding. “Sure thing. What do you have in mind?”

You reach up to touch his face, brushing your thumb between his eyebrows to work out the furrow, then dancing it over his brow bone, then his cheekbone, and finally his lips. You pad it over the soft skin there before leaning up and kissing him, relaxing at the familiar taste of his mouth. He doesn’t hesitate to return the gesture, lips moving with yours in a combination of slow and sensual.

The hand that was resting on his jaw slowly travels down over his neck, where your thumb runs over the column gently, grazing his Adam’s apple a few times before moving on to his collarbone. You explore that spot for a few moments and then massage down his shoulder, over his pec, flattening your palm to feel the beat of his heart.

It calms you to feel that strong thump thump thump against your touch, impassioning you enough to make you deepen the kiss and slip your tongue into his protestless mouth. A soft groan sounds at the back of his throat, and that spurs you on to continue touching him, running your palm over his muscles that were once lithe, but after time spent preparing for battle while he was sealed away to occupy himself, have turned thick and solid. You ghost over the ridges of his abdomen and shiver, feeling each contour through his shirt.

It sends a wave of heat through you and your ministrations turn heavy with desire, finding the hem of his shirt, sliding your hand underneath it and massaging over the hot skin of his naked chest. He groans and guides his own hand from your waist to your ass, clad only in underwear for comfort to sleep, giving it a generous knead.

“Mmh,” you breathe into his mouth, letting him go further to grab your thigh, hooking his hand under your knee and hiking your leg up around his hip.

His tongue runs over yours dirtily as his hand slides back up to the apex of your legs, reaching around to cup your mound through the thin garment over it. His middle and ring fingers massage over that little sensitive pearl just begging to be touched, making you moan softly.

Your lust is deepening by the second and it makes you grow bolder, palm on his abdomen lowering to the front of his boxers and caressing the sizable hardness it finds there. Subconsciously you start to move your hips with his touches, kiss turning sloppy the more you pleasure each other.

The drags of his fingertips get a little too difficult when the fabric over your core gets soaked through, so he easily amends it by slipping his fingers beneath the edge of the article, touching you without any barriers.

“Satoru,” you moan louder as he teases the swollen pearl beneath his digits. He hums in his throat, and wanting to even things out, your hand dips below his boxers, wrapping around the hard and hot erection he’s been sporting since you started kissing him.

A bead of precum at his tip makes the slide a little easier and you feel him start rocking into your hand, meeting your strokes, a breathy groan sounding from him.

He wants the upperhand, of course, so he elects to push two of his lengthy fingers into your entrance, causing you to gasp, spreading your legs wider to accommodate. The man’s digits are long enough to reach your cervix without even trying and he presses pointedly against it, wriggling the tips of his fingers against that sensitive spot teasingly.

“God, Satoru,” you mewl, touching him with more purpose, circling your thumb over his tip.

“Ngh,” he groans in response, moving his hand so that he starts finger-fucking you at a pace, the wet sounds reaching your ears along with the heavy pants from the both of you. You clench around him and he speeds up, abusing that part deep inside of you just with his hand.

You love it when he fingers you but it’s not what you want right now—not truly.

You look up at him, shuddering at the look of unbridled lust pooling in his cerulean eyes. He always gets this certain wild look that gives you goosebumps.

“Satoru,” you manage breathlessly.

“Yeah?” He asks, just as winded.

“I want you inside me. I need to feel you.”

He sucks in a breath and nods, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek before pulling his fingers out of you. He rolls to lay on his back, raising his hand up to his mouth and running his long tongue over the digits coated in your essence, a deep groan sounding after. It invigorates your desire for him and hurriedly, you remove your soaked underwear, freeing him of his own boxers afterward.

He sits up for a moment to get his shirt off, tossing it off the bed and then grabbing your hips, making you straddle his thighs. His hands hook under your shirt and you raise your arms so that he can remove it, the two of you now bare as the day you were born.

He wastes no time in kissing you again, this time more desperately, using one hand to guide your hips over his large cock, the other holding it still. He slides inside as you lower yourself, girth forcing you to stretch generously.

“Fuck,” you breathe into his mouth. You’re familiar with his impressive size by now but it never ceases to light a fire with your nerve-endings, length stuffing you full even before he’s bottomed out. You shudder and push him down to lay out on the bed, following him, breaking the kiss to bury your face in the crook of his neck. His palms grip the tops of your thighs as you lay on his chest, your skin touching everywhere. He’s so warm and sturdy beneath you, you feel like you could stay like this forever, tucked into him, split open on his dick, nestled deep inside you without any effort. You breathe in and get hit with the scent of his skin, musky and sweet in a way that’s unique only to him and completely intoxicating to you.

You push your nose more greedily into the column of his neck, moaning as he starts rolling both of your hips together slowly. Like this, his abdomen provides the perfect firm muscle to grind your swollen pearl on, heightening your pleasure.

He bends his legs to provide himself with a little barrier so that when he pushes your hips down, they don’t have anywhere to go, forcing you to take his cock deeper. It prods at your cervix and forces hot chills over your body, your hands bracing on his shoulders helplessly as he does all of the work.

You inhale deeply as he grinds up into you, walls fluttering around him, eliciting a groan from his syrupy voice.

It sends a shiver through you and wanting to chase it, you flick your tongue out over his collarbone, licking along the flesh to taste him.

“Oh,” he grunts, sucking air through his teeth as you feel him twitch inside of you. Encouraged from his response, you do it again, closing your lips around the spot and sucking. A stuttered breath is pulled from him, your hold on his arms tightening.

Like this, you just feel so safe, so content. He’s all you could ever need. Sure, he’s insufferable sometimes and his personality goes overboard naturally, but he’s never too much for you. He’s serious when he needs to be and so sincere in his sweetness, in his affection—you don’t know what you’d do without him. You thank any god that might exist along with the stars that he survived, that he prevailed and that everything is fine now. Your chest swells with all of the gratitude in the world and it spills over.

“Satoru,” you breathe, feeling tears prick at your eyes, “I love you so much.”

You feel him swallow thickly as his hands rub comfortingly up and down the expanse of your back, kisses being pressed to the top of your head.

“Me too, baby,” he replies softly, voice slightly strained with the distraction of heat around his cock. “I feel the exact same way about you.”

You sigh shakily, littering sloppy, wet kisses over his neck, starting to roll your hips in time with his.

“I’m always gonna be here,” he continues between labored pants, “You…you can’t get rid of me. Mmh—you’re stuck with me for life.”

Your kisses begin to be accompanied by involuntary whimpers, the sensation of him locked inside of you along with his smooth skin rubbing against your sensitive bud starting to overwhelm you.

“I’m gonna…h-hah…love you so much you’ll be annoyed with me,” he continues, sucking air through his teeth, “oh fuck…so glad I have you. I really am.”

You sniffle, a watery smile spreading over your lips. A few tears escape your eyes but this time they’re of joy.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” you say with your entire soul.

“Nothing can keep me down for long,” he assures you, “I promise, okay? I promise.”

You nod against his neck, moaning when he speeds up, hands controlling your movements to meet him thrust for thrust.

“Sh-shit, Satoru,” you mewl, feeling your climax start to approach. His breathing gets heavier and more ragged, chest rising and falling so prominently that it jostles you on top of him, indicating that he’s just as wrecked as you are.

“Fuck, I’m close,” he exhales thinly, “Oh shit, shit, god you’re so tight…I’m gonna…”

You choke on a gasp, eyes squeezing shut. He always rambles when he’s nearing his finish, control on his words slipping, and you think it’s the hottest thing in the world.

“Ngh,” he gasps out, guiding you faster on top of him. You clench at the feeling, nearing the peak—“oh fuck, it’s gonna, it’s—a-ah, ah, fuck…”

You feel exactly when he cums, cock twitching hard as he spills against the entrance to your womb. The feeling of release pouring coupled with his incessant grinding on your mound pushes you to climax, a full body shudder taking over you as you tighten around his member.

He groans at the feeling, giving you another spurt of release, hands moving up to hug you close, pressing his cheek to your forehead.

“That was so good,” he breathes.

You nod in agreement, kissing his neck once more.

You know this is the part where you get off of him so you can clean up to get back to sleep, but you don’t want to move at all. You’re completely sated now, and the feeling of his softening cock inside of you is comforting. Undeniable proof that he’s right here with you in the form of a dull stretch in your core.

“Let’s stay like this,” you tell him, and he chuckles softly.

“It’s just that good, isn’t it?”

You snort softly, raising up to meet his eyes. “You’re such a little shit.”

His smile is lazy and mirthful. “Ah, but I’m your little shit. By law you have to deal with me forever, sorry.”

He shrugs in a way that indicates he’s not sorry at all, and your grin widens.

“I’m happy to deal with you forever.”

His beautiful face is radiant with the next smile he gives you, and when your lips meet in a soft kiss, you realize that all of the anxiety and fear that nightmare had left you with has been melted away.

Satoru is real, and he’s okay. He really isn’t going anywhere. He’s safe and warm and set to live a long and happy life by your side.

When the kiss ends you lay back down on his chest, and he takes to drawing invisible circles over your back with his fingertips, the steadiness of his breath, the sureness of his heartbeat, and his comforting scent all lulling you to a peaceful sleep with the promise of his presence tomorrow.

___

A/N: I actually miss him so much to the point where it’s debilitating. I’m literally a widow at this point I might as well put a picture of him in a fuckin locket and wear it like he sent it in his last letter to me, like Gege u bitch that was our husband

Please don’t repost my work but feel free to reblog/share. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed :)

[dorabledewdroop]

The White Healer Chapter 8

Chapter Warning: Smut, fingering, cunnilingus, multiple orgasms, edging (blink and you'll miss it), mention of blood.

Author's note: Sorry it took me so long to post this. Still not used to writing detailed smut. I hope you enjoy!

Series Masterlist

X--X--X--X--X

“We require your help healing All-father and bringing peace to the nine realms”

All eyes shifted to you.

What the fuck???

It took you less the a minute to come to your decision.

“Nope. Not happening” you said, not bothering to look at anyone as you walked straight towards the fridge.

Thor paused, concerned. He was under the impression that you’d jump at the opportunity to help people.

“I- I do not understand” he said confused.

You sighed, shutting the fridge door. You turned around and walked towards the kitchen island. Looking straight into Thor’s eyes you asked him gently.

“Is your dad in pain?”

“No..” Came the reply

“Okay, perfect. Give me 2-3 days to recover and then we can see” you said decidedly.

“So.. you will help us?” He asked uncertainly.

“Yes, I will. I just need 3 days to recover. I wont be any help if I just pass out in the middle of battle or anything.” You said picking up your phone.

“Now, if you need me. I will be in my room with my two.. um.. best friends. Hanging out. Yep hanging out”

Wanda turned completely red the moment she heard that. Natasha did her utmost best to hold back her laughter. Pietro merely fake gagged and walked away, muttering about how he absolutely doesn’t need to hear that shit.

Not waiting for anyone else, you walked out of the kitchen. Followed by a very red Wanda and a grinning Natasha. 

It took all of you barely 10 minutes to shower and get ready in your respective rooms.

When the two women entered your room, you barely waited a moment before pulling Natasha into a deep kiss. She let out a surprised moan but immediately kissed you back. Her hands roamed your arms and your hair. Wanda made her way around you and started kissing down Natasha’s neck. Nat started letting out soft moans into your kiss, her grip in your hair tightening. When the two of you pulled back for some air, Wanda took this as an opportunity to smash her lips against yours. Smiling into the kiss you slowly made your way towards the bed. Wanda let out a giggle as you pushed her onto the bed, she repositioned herself to sit up against the headboard. You pulled Natasha on top of you as you sat down on the bed, allowing her to straddle you. The moment she was comfortable, you started kissing her jaw. Nibbling on her earlobe and leaving wet open mouth kisses down her neck. Nat let out a low moan, which Wanda echoed. Frowning you turned around to see Wanda’s hand in her pants, teasing her clit. Her face was flushed as she was breathing slightly heavy. You raised your eyebrow making her pause.

“Oh don’t stop on my account” you said sardonically.

She let out a sheepish giggle. You look at her hand being hidden by her pants and smirked.

“Those pants seem to be restricting you a little too much. I think it’d be better if you got rid of them entirely.”

Wanda did not hesitate to do so, before you could see her remove it Natasha grabbed your face and made you look at her.

“Don’t forget about my reward, detka” She whispered seductively.

You kissed down her neck and nipped at her collarbone as far as the t-shirt let you.

“All of this needs to come off.” you growled, grabbing her t-shirt.

She stood back and slowly removed her top and bra. Natasha swore she heard you whimper. Smirking she removed her shorts and panties next.

“Dear lord” you breathed.

Natasha was… absolutely stunning. You felt like a teenager due to the way you just couldn’t take your eyes off her body. She went to straddle you once again and you groaned at the feeling of her heat against your thigh. Grabbing her butt, you flipped the both of you so her back was against the bed. Your breath got caught in your throat as this angle gave you the perfect view of a very naked Natasha and an equally naked Wanda. Wanda was lazily rubbing her clit, watching you and Nat interact with hooded eyes. You brought your eyes back to the goddess lying underneath you.

“Can I touch you?” You whispered, looking straight into Nat’s eyes.

Her breath hitched at the genuineness in your gaze. She realised then that if she had said no even now, you would not be upset or disappointed. The care and adoration you showed her caused a lump to form in her throat. It hit her that her feelings for you were far deeper than she realised.

“Ruin me.. please” Nat pleaded.

Wanda’s eyes widened at the sight of her girlfriend begging. Unable to bear the heat between her thighs she slowly inserted one finger in her, wanting to tease herself until you or nat touched her.

You maintained eye contact with Nat as you slowly kissed down her chest, leaving open mouth kissed around her breasts. Being careful not to touch her nipple.

“Please” Nat begged, “I need you so bad”.

You nibbled your way to her nipple and flicked your tongue against it. Nat’s reaction was immediate, back arching and a gasp. Her nipples hardened even further.

Unable to hold yourself back any further you took her nipple in your mouth and flicked it with your tongue, while simultaneously massaging her other breast with your hand. 

Nat let out a loud moan. Her hands went to grab your back. You froze for a brief moment, enough for her to notice, she looked at you concerned. You merely grabbed her hands and pinned them above her head.

“Keep your hands to yourself, darling. Trust me it’ll feel better” you promised

Nodding, she leaned her head back against the bed and keeping her hands above her head even after you released them. 

“Good girl” you praised. 

Natasha blushed at the praise, then let out a yelp as you tugged her nipple with your teeth. 

You proceeded to give it gentle licks in apology. You moved on to the next nipple, giving it the same treatment; gentle tugs proceeded by licks. 

You slowly left a trail of bites down her body, making your way to her thighs. You reached her inner thigh and bit hard, strings of curses left Nat’s mouth as you left a deep red hickey against her pale skin. You stayed there for a moment, appreciating the sight of these two goddesses panting with pleasure, both of their eyes on you.

“Please let me touch you, Y/n. Please.” Natasha begged, gripping the bed sheet so tightly you expected it to tear. 

You hummed in approval against her thigh, leaving a trail of hickeys around her intoxicating heat. Immediately Nat laced her fingers in your hair, gently urging you towards where she needed you most. She felt as though she was going to combust if you didn’t touch her soon. She had never experienced this level of desperation but it felt so good. 

Finally, you licked her slit. Sending a shiver up her spine cause her to arch it reflexively. Unable to control yourself any further you took her clit into your mouth and sucked, licking it simultaneously.

“Oh my god.”  She cried out, her grip in your hair tightening to a painful degree. 

She canted her hips up, attempting to use your face to rub herself against but you were having none of it. You clamped your arms around her legs and held her hips in place, continuing your assault on her clit. Her moans got progressively louder, chanting yours and Wanda’s name. 

You continued to taste her while you slowly inserted a finger inside her. You moaned when you felt her clench around your finger, her chest heaving as moans continue to spill out of her mouth. 

“More” she gasped, “please”. 

You oblige by adding two more fingers, Nat freezes and lets out a loud groan. 

“So fucking full” she whispered, her hands move from your hair to grip the sheets. 

Once she indicated that you can move, you begin to hammer your fingers into her stealing her breath away. Natasha lets out a scream as you begin to lick her clit rapidly. The coil in her belly tightened, her entire body tensing. 

“Please please please let me cum” she begged, feeling herself about to hurtle towards what was sure to be one of the strongest orgasms of her life. You hum in approval, not stopping your movements. Nat lets out the loudest scream of the night, her pussy clenching so hard around your fingers it was almost impossible to move them. Her eyes rolled back, body spasming, unable to do anything except feel the overwhelming pleasure coursing through her body. She waited for you to slow down and withdraw your fingers from her but you did none of that. It hit her that you had no intention of stopping.

“Breathe, baby” she head Wanda’s voice in her head. 

That’s when Nat inhaled sharply, gasping for breath. Her head spun as she could feel the pleasure start to build up again, faster this time. Tears sprung from Nat’s eyes at the overwhelming pleasure. She let out a silent scream as she came again, her vision turned white. You watched in amazement as cum gushed out of her. You cleaned up the entire mess with your tongue until you felt Nat weakly push your head away from her core. 

You pulled back to admire an absolute fucked out Natasha. Tears ran her face, her chest heaving and her entire body trembling. 

“Done already?” You teased, gently caressing her arm with your fingers. 

“Give me.. a sec- a second.” She panted, the baby hairs stuck to her forehead in sweat. 

You and Wanda let out a laugh.

“I’m just teasing, darling” you said, pecking her lips, followed by Wanda pecking her lips.

You turned to Wanda, who had an incredibly mischievous smile.

She crawled up to you and grabbed the collar of your sweatshirt.

“Please make me feel good, I’ve been edging myself all this time cause I wanted you to make me cum” She said, slight desperation in her voice.

Your eyebrows raised in surprise.

“You didn’t cum this entire time?” You asked, partially confused but mostly impressed.

She merely nodded and slowly pulled you in by your neck. You obliged and kissed her until you both needed air. She let out a surprised gasp when you gently flicked her nipple. 

“Please don’t tease me draga” she begged, eyes blown with lust.

You slowly trailed your hand down her body, groaning when you felt her wetness.

“You’re absolutely soaked, baby” you whispered into her ear.

She merely whimpered as your fingers slowly collected her wetness. It was at this moment that Nat had decided she’d recovered enough. Without anyone noticing, she’d rolled over to Wanda’s side and started kissing down the other side of her neck. Wanda sighed in pleasure at the feeling. Deeming your fingers were wet enough, you slowly rubbed circles around her clit. Wanda let out a pleased hum, gasping when Nat latched onto her nipple.

“Fuck” Wanda groaned.

You took that as a signal to go faster, her eyebrows scrunched together as her mouth opened in pleasure. Short gasps and moans left her freely. Her one hand grabbed the back of your head while the other interlocked with Nat’s free hand. 

“Please” Wanda gasped, “Inside.”

You immediately thrust two fingers into her, your palm rubbing against her clit deliciously.

“Yes. Yes” She chanted, getting closer and closer.

Nat had decided it was the perfect moment to kiss Wanda senseless. The feeling of Nat kissing her and your fingers in her were too much for Wanda, she came with a loud moan. Nat greedily swallowed it all.

You slowly removed your fingers from Wanda and brought them to your mouth. Both Wanda’s and Nat’s eyes darkened as you let out a moan.

“God the both of you taste exquisite” You said hungrily.

Wanda’s breath hitched as you made your way down her body, desperate to taste her from the source.

You licked her slit, parting it with your tongue. Wanda let out whimper at the feeling. You slowly inserted your tongue in her vagina, causing Wanda to let out a low ‘fuck me’.

“I believe that’s exactly what we’re doing, kotenok” Nat replied huskily.

Wanda let out a choked moan instead of replying when your nose bumped against her clit. God the two of you were driving Wanda crazy, Nat’s nails digging into Wanda’s sides while your mouth was doing.. that. She knew she wasn’t going to last long with the way things were going, instinctively her hand grabbed the back of your head as she started grinding against your face. What was surprising was that you let her, keeping your face still while Wanda got off on it. Her moans got higher in pitch as she neared her climax, her glossy eyes drifted to Natasha. Nat immediately understood what her girlfriend was searching for. 

“You can cum for us, kotenok” she said, pulling Wanda into a deep kiss.

Wanda saw stars as she came, back arching and loud muffled moans leaving her mouth. You gradually slowed tongue-fucking her, letting Wanda set the pace. Eventually Wanda came to a stop, she looked at you and felt her core clench. The sight of you, hooded eyes and mouth glistening with her cum.

Fear gripped Wanda as you stood up and started walking away from the bed.

“You’re not leaving, right?” She said, feeling especially vulnerable.

You paused, turning back to her with a reassuring smile.

“I’m just getting a cloth to clean you both” you said softly.

“This also happens to be my room, darling” you added teasingly.

Wanda blushed and nodded meekly, slapping Natasha when she laughed. Nat looked at her with a raised eyebrow, Wanda merely gulped and looked away.

You returned a moment later with two washcloths, you kneeled beside Wanda and cleaned her up. She let out a slight hiss from the sensitivity to which you kissed her stomach in apology.

Nat didn’t say anything as you moved to her once you finished with Wanda, she wouldn’t admit it but she enjoyed the intimacy of the moment. Once they were all cleaned up, you gave them some shorts and oversized t-shirts to sleep in. 

Nat frowned as you gave them water bottles and started to prepare for bed. 

“We didn’t get to do anything for you..” She said out loud.

Wanda, too, looked back at you. You merely shook your head slightly.

“Tonight was about the two of you. We can focus on me some other time” you said with a slightly sad smile.

Neither said anything as they didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. 

The three of you eventually cuddled up in bed and slowly drifted off to sleep, you being the last one to go to sleep.

Natasha woke covered in sweat, her heart pounding, and her chest heaving. Nightmares of the red room plagued her sleep. She got up with a quiet sigh, she looked over to see you sleeping on your back and Wanda’s leg over yours, quiet snores escaping the witch. Nat allowed herself to soak in the feeling of completeness before getting up and going to the common room. Thankfully Tony had installed a coffee machine and a kettle in every common room so she didn’t have to go to the kitchen just to make herself some tea. She sat with her mug and looked at the stars, tears falling down her face as the memories of that place washed over her.

Nat’s body stiffened when she heard footsteps make their way to common room only to relax when she realised it was you. She smiled, knowing you were making your footsteps heavy on purpose so she would know someone was coming. She would’ve known regardless, but she definitely appreciated the gesture. 

Soon you popped your head in and knocked softly against the wall.

“Can I join you?” You asked softly.

Nat nodded, her heart warming at your thoughtfulness.

You sat beside her in comfortable silence, gazing at the stars and leaning against each other.

Eventually you broke the silence.

“Do you feel like talking about what happened?” You asked gently.

Nat merely shrugged.

“I had a nightmare about my graduation ceremony at the red room” she said sadly.

You looked at her slightly confused. You weren’t be surprised that someone as smart and worldly as Nat had a college degree, you were, however, confused at the name of the institution.

“The red room is where Natasha was forced to train as an assassin, detka” Wanda said.

You flinched at her voice, not having heard her enter. Natasha obviously had but since it was Wanda she didn’t mind it. Wanda walked and sat on Nat’s other side, intertwining their hands.

“They trained me to be a monster” Nat muttered.

You frowned.

“You’re not a monster N-“ you began

“You don’t know that.” She interrupted exasperated. She got up and started pacing around.

“You don’t know me. The things they did to me, the things that I’ve done. The people I have killed. My ledger is dripping red. I try my hardest to help people but it never makes up for the fact that I’ve killed people in cold blood. When a widow graduates the red room, they make sure that the widows.. can’t have kids..”

Nat’s eyes make contact with your teary ones.

Before Natasha could continue, she was engulfed by a hug from her front and back. Unable to hold back any longer, Nat let her tears flow freely. The three of you slowly sit on the ground hugging each other. When the tears stopped, you pulled back a little bit.

“You’re not a monster, darling” you reassured her.

“But I’ve killed people. Not just bad people but innocent people.” Nat said weakly.

“I know, sweetie. But something tells me that the innocents you killed weren’t by choice. And I’m well aware that you’ve killed people. It doesn’t bother me when you kill bad people. Like that Hydra guy yesterday” you told them.

Their heads snapped up in surprise.

“You knew?” Wanda asked slowly.

“I thought you had passed out?” Natasha asked, frowning.

You chuckled.

“I had” you admitted, “but I could feel it when he died.”

Natasha gaped at you, “You can do that?”

“Kind of but that’s not the point.”

“What do you mea-“

“Anyway” you said sternly.

Both Nat and Wanda grumbled about how they were definitely going to have this conversation with you. You seemed to have a habit of not divulging your abilities forthright even with them.

You continued, “You were right about one thing, Nat.. I don’t know you.. Either of you. I think we’ve jumped into this head first. Maybe we should spend some time getting to know each other..”

The other two agreed. Five minutes later, the three of you sat on the ground facing each other next to the coffee table. Each holding a cup of coffee since no one was planning on sleeping.

You took turns asking each other questions. 

Natasha spoke about the red room; how they would force the girls to fight until one emerged victorious. She spoke about her younger sister Yelena, how Nat and Clint fought to destroy the Red Room. 

Wanda spoke about her and Pietro volunteering for the program, how she was frequently overwhelmed by everyone’s thoughts at the time. She spoke about how her parents used to make the family watch sitcoms to learn speaking in English, and how the Stark missile killed her parents and how they waited in the rubble for two days, unable to move as the final bomb continued to beep but didn’t explode.

You spoke about how after waking up from the entire soul stone ordeal, you walked to another city, unable to handle the memories of your sister at the orphanage. You slowly discovered you powers when you saw a sick cat on the street, in attempt to comfort her you stroked her head and wished you could help her somehow. To your surprise the cats body started glowing white and soon it had run off completely healthy, unfortunately you had spent the rest of the day in an alley unable to move. When they asked you how you knew the hydra goon died, you told them that souls passing into the afterlife was similar to Wanda hearing people’s thoughts. You just get a feeling and the closer they are to you the stronger it gets. Since time works a little differently with souls, a large amount of souls passing into the afterlife at once fills you with overwhelming panic. It wasn’t always before the event occurred, sometimes during, while sometimes a little later. As for all your abilities, you said you weren’t entirely sure of them as you were still discovering them. Wanda agreed as her powers also seemed to grow gradually, scaring her sometimes. 

Eventually the conversation became lighter, less emotionally taxing. The three of you spoke of your likes and dislikes. You then asked the question; if you could have a ‘thing’ with any other avenger, who would it be.

Natasha admitted how she flirted with Steve a while back, and how she briefly had feelings for Bruce.

Wanda remembered how she had a brief moment with Vision during the battle of Sokovia, how she felt a special connection with him because of the mind stone. Nat’s response was to grumble about how Wanda could ever have feelings about a damn toaster to which you just  laughed.

You told them how you were a raging homosexual. The mere thought of being intimate with a boy made you shudder. They laughed at your expression, but froze when you said you’d never actually been with anyone.

“Um detka.. we literally had sex a few hours ago?” Wanda said frowning.

“I know” came the reply, “I merely meant um.. I’ve never let someone.. you know.. touch me”

Both of their eyes widened at the implication, you suddenly found the floor incredibly interesting.

“Is it because of your scars?” Natasha asked gently.

Your head shot up in surprise.

“How did you..”

“We didn’t see the entire thing. It’s just that your sweatshirt practically shredded after the mission. That’s why I draped my jacket over you.” Wanda reassured you.

“So everyone saw it? Why didn’t anyone say something?” You breathed, your chest started to feel tighter and breathing was became more of an issue.

Noticing this, both women immediately came to your side. Wanda gently stroked your arm while Nat softly told you to follow her breaths. 

Once you calmed down you attempted to explain yourself but they just kissed you.

“You don’t have to explain yourself. Ever. You can always talk to us about it but we would never force you to talk or explain.” Wanda promised.

Your stomach grumbled loudly. Your face burned, whereas Wanda merely smiled.

“Is our little detka hungry?” She cooed.

“I’m bigger than both of you” you grumbled

Nat snorted in response.

Wanda gave you an affectionate kiss on your forehead, then to Natasha who just pulled her in for a kiss. Wanda pulled back after a bit and told the both of you to come to the kitchen in the next fifteen minutes while she prepares an early breakfast.

After she left, you just sat with Natasha.

“By the way..” You began, “about your graduation ceremony-“

“No.” Nat cut you off.

You looked confused.

“But I could help you-“ 

“No y/n. I don’t want you to feel that pain. Absolutely not. It’s something that happened to me and I have to live with it.” She said sternly, standing up.

You stood up with her, holding her hands.

“Nat from what you’ve told us, you were under anaesthesia. If you didn’t feel the pain, then I won’t either.” You tried to reassure her.

She looked at you in the eye.

“Have you ever healed a surgery before? Can you promise me it wont hurt you? I- I can’t have you go through that. It would break me. Please” she whispered.

“Sweetheart” you said as you pulled her into a hug, “I would never force you to do anything. Those… fuckers took away your choice. I’m merely giving it back. Of course I won’t do it if you don’t want to. I just want to give you the option so it doesn’t have to affect you like it does.” You said rubbing her back gently.

Nat nodded, but didn’t say anything. She leaned in to kiss you, which you readily reciprocated. You found yourself guiding her to the sofa, you pinned her arms above her out of habit.

“What if someone comes in?” Nat whispered, looking at the door.

You looked up to see the sun had risen, but it was still pretty early.

“We won’t do anything extreme” you promised.

When Nat nodded, you leaned in to kiss her. Before you could, your body was wrenched from on top of hers and Nat watched in horror as you fell back and hit the wall, hard. A small splatter of blood against the wall where your head hit it made Nat’s heart drop. She remembered how you’d said that head injuries were the worst.. She looked to see who did it only to find Bruce glaring at you, breathing heavy. His veins had a faint green shade which was growing stronger by the second.

Bruce was on the verge of hulk-ing out.. because of you.

X--X--X--X--X

Taglist: @marvelwomen-simp @nothanksbye07 @jono723 @luadyjcmd @alexawynters

Pls comment your thoughts!!!

Edit: if anyone is wondering how Bruce was able to throw reader against the wall without turning into the hulk, I unfortunately have witnessed firsthand how easy it is for a fully grown skinny man to throw someone like me (I’m not exactly small 5’8” 75kgs) against the wall with relative ease..

[elliesmainhoe]

Ellie Williams Headcanons: Tattooist!Ellie Part2

Part 1 here

PUH-LEASE-

She's so babygirl 🤭

Imagine her tattooing you- and she keeps checking up on how your doing <3

It had been about ten minutes. Ten continuous minutes of the buzz of a tattoo pen- the continuous scratching on your thigh, ink imprinting itself permanently onto your skin and the soft hum of your favourite music filling the comfortable silence throughout the empty studio.

"How you doin' baby?" The gravely voice belonging to your girlfriend pulled you out of your zoned out state.

"You need a break?" Ellie asked, worry etched into her voice as her pen left your skin.

"nah- I'm good Els" you hummed softly in reply, tapping Ellie's nose lightly with a smile.

Her voice is so gentle- always making sure ur okay, and kissing your forehead every once in a while

Saying shit like 'Oh your doin' so well babygirl', 'm so proud doll' 🧎🏼‍♀️

So so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so fucking hot omg.

Her arms all inked up, her tongue, nose, nipples and lip pierced BrO-!?#

Loves when you colour in her patch work tattoos.

Like girl has some gory ass gothic tattoos and you colour them in with sparkly rainbow glitter pens 💕

Your relationship is the poster child for opposites attract.

She's smothered head to toe in chains, ink, black and eyeliner.

YOU on the other hand are always dressed up in pastels. A ray of fucking sunshine.

Ellie absolutely loves it.

Fun Fact!!!! Tattooist!Ellie can also pierce people.

So that's why when you ask Ellie to pierce your nipples- girlie is extatic.

"Hey Ells~"

"Sup baby?" She replies to your usual chirpy voice, not looking up from her appointment book, checking over tomorrows schedule.

"I have a question~" you sing, smiling mischievously at her.

Ellies eyes met yours "shoot."

"Could you pierce my nipples?"

Her jaw is dislocated from how far it dropped

She's shocked, not expecting you to ask that, especially in such an innocent tone

She of course said yes- pierced you with so much care, looked after all your aftercare until you were healed.

And let's just say those piercings were definitely.... Beneficial

----------

Taglist: @aunslie @lonelyfooryouonly @strawberrysmoochesxo @daryldixonh0e @kittynnie @lovelyyevelyn @randomhoex @moonlightdivine @haerinwho @mufflaa @mial1l @sarahsmileslikesarahd0esntcare @moonlighting87 @escaping-reality8 @hejdevkdbdjsd @dergy @half-of-a-gay @ellieismami @cyberlainn @gollumsmygel @sseorii @kyleeservopoulos @taloulalila @ellieluhme @kiiyoooo @delusionalvioleht

Join my taglist here!

NOT PROOFREAD

[gilmore-angel]

Aemond Targaryen NSFW alphabet

summary ♱ what aemond likes in bed.

warnings/contains ♱ fem!reader, smut, mentions of kinks, mentions of his first time.

note ♱ okay I realize I imagine aemond a lot more soft and a lot less kinky than most people lol. I hope you like this regardless!!

important ♱ if you like this fic please reblog! it is at the end of the day the only way to truly help out tumblr writers. likes are appreciated, but this app runs on reblogs<3

boundaries ♱ as I have stated many times, I AM A MINOR. I am fully comfortable with adults following me and reading, liking and reblogging my posts, but if your account is 18+ only (as in only adults can interact with you) you should not be on my blog. respect your own boundaries by checking peoples bios/navigations before reading.

navigation ♱ library account @baysfics ♱

A - Alone time (how do they get off when they’re all by themselves? do they watch porn, is it all in their imagination, do they jerk off, do they use toys?) 

before he became betrothed to you, he rarely ever even thought of touching himself. he viewed sex as a duty, and didn't understand why anyone would want to do it besides having heirs.

once he met you tho???? baby boy definitely had some thoughts👀. he still rarely did it, but he would be lying if he said his mind and hands didn't wonder once or twice or like ten times

once he's married however he goes back to barely doing it cause he has you♡

B - Bondage (do they like it? do they not? do they prefer to be the one being tied or the one doing the tying?) 

at first I think sex with aemond would be very vanilla, good, but vanilla.

as time goes on however aemonds kinky side definitely comes through. I think he would prefer to tie you up. it would take a long long time until he felt comfortable enough to give up the control to be tied up.

C - Crying (is it a turn on? a turn off? do they cry during sex? have they cried during sex? what was the reason?) 

crying out of pain? absolutely not. crying out of so much pleasure? absolutely yes.

just the idea of you crying out because he's making you feel that good is enough to make him cum in his trousers.

D - Dominance (do they prefer to dominate, or be dominated? do they have experience as a Dom? Do they have a Dom that they trust already? What kind of things do they enjoy as/with their Dominant partner?) 

okay so I'm very conflicted about this. on one hand dom aemond makes me so 😵‍💫 but sub aemond makes me 😵‍💫

I think though he's a switch with a heavy dom lean. I think he's most comfortable with being a dom due to his past, the idea of not being in control is really intimidating.

I think he's a soft!strict!dom and a shy!obedient!sub 🤭

E - Extra info (any other fetishes? feet? leather? role playing? blood? fantasies that they might want to experience not on this list?)

okay DEFINITELY overstimulation r u kidding me!!! man loves to have you shaking and crying out of pleasure. also thigh riding!!!!!!!

F - Food play (do they like using food in the bedroom? are there any foods they prefer to use during sex or foreplay? any they’d like to try?)

I honestly can't imagine him wanting food to be in the bedroom, but I think seeing you eat certain things would turn him on.

like if you're eating a strawberry and the juice runs down your chin???? oh he is blushing and making excuses for you two to go somewhere private....

G - Group sex (would they have a threeway? four? an orgy? do they put on a show for spectators? or do they like to keep it just between them and their partner?) 

absolutely not my baby is possessive!!

he likes to be the only one to ever see his wife in such a way.

H - Humiliation (does degradation and insults get them hot? do they get off on humiliating someone else? what kind of humiliation is good for them?) 

I don't think he likes it at all :(

due to his first time being not good, he's very nervous about feeling or making you feel how he did. he's still healing and needs sex to be more loving than humiliating.

I - Impact play (here’s where talking about things like spanking, paddles, canes, floggers and the like.) 

would be VERY hesitant to do anything close to spanking. he hates hurting you and is terrified of scaring you. the best you'll get is a few light spanks when he's hitting it from the back

J - Jelly (what kind of lube are they using? is it flavored? have they tasted it? do they prefer to use something other than real lube during sex?) 

all natural baby!

K - Kissing (what parts of their body do they like having kissed? what parts of their partner do they enjoy kissing? do they like leaving marks / having marks left on them?) 

lips obvi. on him I think his neck, hands, scar, and thighs!

on you literally everything. legs, belly, tits, neck, hands, face!!! he wants to kiss and touch and feel all of you

L - Lighting (are the lights on? off? do they have some kind of mood lighting set up?) 

prefers dim lighting but not completely dark bc baby boy wants to see you!!

either a few candles or moonlight<3

M - Masochism (do they like pain? scratching? biting? being bossed around? spoken down to? choked?) 

the only kind of pain he's into is having you scratch his back and biting. other than that no

N - Not yet (orgasm delay? orgasm denial? do they tell their partner not to touch themselves for a certain amount of time or under certain circumstances? do they delay or deny other things like bathroom usage or food? do they need to beg first? do they like being denied / delayed?)

doesn't like not letting you cum but (secretly) loves being edged!

he will whine and pout and moan when you deny him but can't help but love the feeling

O - Outdoor sex (have they ever done it in public? would they? where?)

the closest thing you'll get to public is having sex in a random closet or something like that. again he likes his privacy so full on public is a no

P - Photography (are cameras allowed in the bedroom? do they send nudes? do they ask for nudes? would they ever record themselves having sex / being caught up in a sexual act?) 

.... they don't have cameras so no...

Q - Quiet please (what’s the volume like in the bedroom? are they quiet? do they scream? do they like a loud partner? do they prefer if their partner is more soft spoken?)

at first he was extremely quiet. like only makes soft grunts.

once you've been having sex for a while he gets more vocal. he moans softly, groans, whimpers, all that jazz.

he LOVES having a vocal partner. he's so unsure of himself sexually and likes knowing he's making you feel good

R - Routine (do they have a routine when it comes to picking up one night stands? do they have scheduled sex with their partner? are things spontaneous or planned ahead of time?) 

spontaneous for sure! this man is unpredictable to others and himself. he randomly gets horny and need you :(

plus with the pressure of having heirs, sex would probably be a every day thing

S - Sleepy sex (do they give oral to wake their partner up? do they like receiving oral to wake up? do they like fucking their partner awake? being fucked awake? how about being fucked to sleep at night? do they have lazy morning sex?)

oh em gee does this man love cozy, sleepy, soft sex!!!!!!!!

he loves to wake his partner up by being between their thighs. he loves lazy kisses and sloppy sex<3

it would take a long time before he would be okay with being fucked in his sleep, but he would try it out for sure!!

T - Top or bottom (self explanatory…) 

top most of the time, only when he's truly fully comfortable will he be on the bottom

U - Underwear (what kind of underwear do they put on in the morning, if any at all… do they own any sexy underwear or lingerie?) 

just normal boxers for this boy!! but he loves seeing his wife in pretty and revealing nightgowns and small clothes.

V - Voyeurism (do they like to watch, or are they more hands on? are they more of an exhibitionist?) 

hands on kind of man. you're his and he wants to be the one making you feel good >:(

W - Water (pool sex? bath / shower sex? are they into watersports at all?)

bath sex would be a regular thing me thinks. he loves after a long stressful day to relax in the warm water with his wife! only after his long haircare tho...

X - X-dressing (do they crossdress as a part of teasing / foreplay? does crossdressing turn them on? turn their partner on? do they prefer to do it or watch their partner crossdress instead? do they use other costumes? cat ears, tails, etc?) 

again given the hotd universe crossdressing wouldn't be a normal thing so no

but he would look very pretty in a skirt<3

Y - Yes, Master (what kinds of names are used during sex? do they like being called master / mistress, daddy, etc…? what names do they call their partner?) 

being called: aemond, husband, my dragon, king.

calling: (your name), wife, grevie, my ember, good girl, sweet girl.

Z - Zones (what are their erogenous zones? what spots on their body should be touched, bitten, kissed, when someone wants to get them in the mood?) 

his neck, hands, and thighs being touched turn this boy into a slut!!!!

sucking slowly on his fingers, kissing and biting his neck, drawing patterns with your fingers on his thighs, all make him loose his mind!!

[chris-continues]

uhhh hi! so gonna indulge you with livio rq, but dates with livio? (any au of your choice, go nuts)

Dates w/ Livio

He’s the lead singer <3

NOTES: so because I’m biased I’m doing band au Livio (he has been on my brain a lot lately) thank you for the ask! Also I made the header on my own lmao, I couldn’t find any exactly how I wanted. If you note the pictures there are HC’s for each one hehe <3

TAGS: @linkdedruid @macncherries @captaintweet @h4venpha @millionsvash @beanibon @vashfantasy

-a date w/ Livio most of the time means a chill hangout, preferably inside. He’s a pretty introverted guy and wants to have you to himself for a bit! The band is nice but he does like alone time with you and your shared other partners.

-I think he had the idea of a band and shyly spoke up with lyric ideas- of which he jots down in a cute mini notebook (he uses his notes app when he’s in a rush)

-in said notebook, he may or may not have done the little heart with both of your guys’ initials. Seeing your names so close makes his chest tighten and his mouth dry. Razlo teases him about this, and when Wolfwood discovers it he just simply cackles at how enamored Livio is with you.

-shyly pressing closer to you, until you’re side to side. You share headphones while he tries to compose lyrics with the sample music sent to him, tapping his thigh in thought. Ever since the band started, he’s been studying what works with what- he’s got a sense for it, practiced and cultivated.

-If you have a creative outlet yourself, dates with him where you’re body doubling and doing your own thing is absolutely amazing <3

-although if you ever want to go out, he isn’t opposed. Although he will prefer somewhere quiet- cafe dates are something you both enjoy. Shyly sharing pastries- despite his edgy appearance he’s so very soft.

-I think one thing he’d like is doing those cute couple pottery classes <3 he’s got large hands but they’re oh so gentle- making tableware for you. Later, if you’d like, he’d love to have you over at his place or go over to yours and cook with you, putting your new creations to use.

-The tableware is cute, the rim of the bowl is a bit wobbly but there are small cute designs with a lot of care put into it, or a mug, or a plate… (this becomes a new favorite date idea)

-that evolves into a cooking date^^, sometimes you just skip the pottery and cook though. Livio does order takeout from time to time, however to ensure Nico didn’t end up living off of pizza pockets and frozen garlic bread (call it an Italian special, if you will) he had to learn to cook. Which he does pretty well >:)

-a usual: pasta is something simple. He likes pesto with his pasta, but it’s fine if you don’t! Whatever you like, he will do anything to please you. He loves cooking with you, however on days where he’s noticed you look a little tired or your week has been rough (or if he just plain wants to treat you) he will suggest you sit down while he takes care of dinner.

-some dates, you end with dessert! Sometimes, he’ll make something. A personal favorite you both like is mini chocolate chip pie cookies in a ramekin with ice cream <3

-he often wears jewelry he gets from Nico, which if you’d like to wear some of his pieces he most definitely isn’t opposed to it. On some dates, you’ll thrift and he’ll shyly see something he likes for you, double check with Nico, etc. he has your sizes for clothes somewhere in his notes app <3

-overall, a date with Livio is a comforting, healing experience and never fails to disappoint. He’s so soft and gentle that he’s never unpleasant or tiring, and always cares for you and your needs- whether it be supporting your creative efforts, gifting you something small, or cooking with him/him cooking for you, it’s absolutely wonderful.

[damianbugs]

hi <3 since ive already obsessively reread your works i dont know how many times i think it's time for me to branch out and find some other batfam stuff too (im still a loyal reader tho dw bestie) i was wondering if you had any batfam authors you personally love and / or are inspired by! or maybe your top 5 batfam fics? if you don't mind sharing it ofc! thank u have a swag day and thank u for putting out such amazing amazing work into the world that offers me (personally) so much comfort :)

hello !! thank you so much for reading my works and i hope you will continue to enjoy them <3 i am so glad they bring you as much comfort reading as they do for me when writing !! and YES OF COURSE there is simply nothing i love more than recommending batfam fics that have me going absolutely crazy insane.

i previously did a top 5 batfam fic recs, and so here are my, uh, other top 5 batfam fics? everything is at the top of my list at this point.

+ these are in no particular order !!

MY TOP 5 BATFAM FICS (AGAIN) ON AO3 !

Cold Hard Want by AudreyCritter

“Are you happy?”

“I...I’m getting there.”

A follow-up to DC Rebirth Batman #35, in which Bruce recovers from being stabbed in the back and Damian considers the elusive nature of happiness.

MY NOTES: i might have read this fic a dozen times and everytime i do i am always so amazed by it. i have a soft spot for fics that move alongside actual comic canon, and so this was a lovely follow up to that original story (though you do not need to be familiar with it to enjoy this fic). damian is such a complicated character but at the end of the day, he is a child — and i think this handled his tumultuous relationship with bruce, dick and selina(!!) really well.

White Christmas by LemonadeGarden

Jason's been in the manor for a few months now. Bruce is a pretty cool guy, sure, but he's not exactly sure what to expect from him.

And then they go to Siberia in the winter on a case. It goes horribly wrong, and then pretty well.

MY NOTES: personally i think it is always the perfect time of year for a christmas fic that isn't actually about christmas. now, not only do all the best tropes meet in this fic (cuddling for warmth, sick fic, comfort after nightmares - to name a few) BUT this is also about robin jason todd. the little boy of all time. wonderful fic.

all the other rooms are a party tonight (and you never got an invitation) by irnan

(You will need an ao3 account to access this fic)!

The major difference between Gotham before Bruce left to set up Batman, Inc and Gotham after he comes back is that his children are grown-ups. Well, except for Damian.

Still, four out of five's an overwhelming majority.

MY NOTES: there is something so healing about this fic. bruce is rather pathetic (said fondly) in the way troubled middle aged men become when they finally realise their life is only in consequence of the people who exist around them. the dynamic between cass and bruce and dick and bruce in this is one of my favourites. the latter is very carefully weaved into the entire story, even when pertaining the other characters. a great take on bruce!

Have I Told You About Minnie? by Hinn_Raven

After you’ve known Matches Malone long enough, you get used to him telling you about his kids. Not that his kids know about it.

MY NOTES: oh this is such a fun one!! stephanie and bruce is such a wonderful dynamic and something about bruce creating an entirely new persona as a subconscious excuse to gloat about his children is just too funny. really sweet!

i want you to remember me by zxrysky

Bruce really needs to get rid of his saviour complex. Not all of them are the same as that poor boy who had to watch his parents get murdered in a dark alleyway; not all of them need to be saved.

Jason is perfectly fine where he is. Some capital would be great, but otherwise, he’s fine. He’s fine.

He doesn’t need to be saved again.

“No thanks,” Jason mutters, and pushes the papers away.

MY NOTES: this one hits you when you least expect it. it is so funny, so sweet and it hurts. jason todd you are so ridiculously complicated and tragic. also my favourite kind of time travel, kind-of-time-travel! little jason receives all of older jason's memories and his meeting with bruce and journey to robin is different, but some things are just destiny i suppose. so lovely.

as for inspirations or favourite authors, i have to say it might just be everyone i have ever read a fic from so i can not pick out anyone right now. the writers featured on this list are also phenomenal and some have written other amazing and loved batfam fics you should definitely check out!

hope you enjoy these anon and thank you again <3

[annawayne]

Heeeeey Anna!

Ok for the director's cut game!

From Bury Me in the Shadows of Spring. Chapter 3, where Annie's drawing Armin.

From My Yellow Light in Your Soft Whispers. The scene where Annie wakes up from the nightmare remembering the shooting and Armin follows her to comfort her.

And Golden hour of out forever, the closing scene with them in the meadows!!

-Clouds

Hi, Clouds, and, OH MY, thank you for asking so much from different fics, I'm so happy T_T

So, okay, let's go!

From Bury Me in the Shadows of Spring. Chapter 3, where Annie's drawing Armin.

If I could say it in a few words, it's - just the tip of the iceberg. We will have the FULL scene of her drawing him a bit later from her perspective, and in chapter 3 we witness only the aftermath of this said process, that for now is even more impactful and has more meaning than the factual process. At this point in time, Annie dissociates herself from her drawings, hence her whole inability to draw for the whole 3 months. It's not "just" lack of inspiration or "muse", it's not even a burnout, it's a complete void. So when she draws him for the first time - she just hopes it will be different, but she already had so many disappointments that Annie didn't allow herself to think about it more. She just hopes. And draws. Dissociating in the process, almost by habit. That's why at the end, Armin notices her gaze, "she looks like she doesn't believe he has drawn it". And at that moment - she truly doesn't believe it. Only then, when Armin finally left, Annie starts to realize, bit by bit, all the consequences, and when she sees the result - it changed, she believes she did it, but she doesn't understand how. This is the drastic difference in her state, and that's why I choose to make the second time posing-drawing session from her POV. Not only for the mirror scene but more to take a look into her mind, this time a bit firmer and understanding her true capacity. Now, it's a long process of healing, but she already has something. And it's something that drives her to move forward.

From My Yellow Light in Your Soft Whispers. The scene where Annie wakes up from the nightmare remembering the shooting and Armin follows her to comfort her.

Oh... Well, it's not just a scene to confuse the reader and to play with the narration. It's all about how reality could be scarier than a nightmare, how the aftermath of tragedy affects you not just going under the skin - it practically seeps into the bones. This part from the start to the end - it's all about sound, primarily because it's one of the strongest senses and this is what she heard the most in the shooting scene (her own scream, the creak of the bones, the screams of the crowd, GUNSHOTS etc).

The whole scene opening with the "inhale-exhale" by the new paragraph works like lets the reader repeat the motion - with her, finding the ground and the reality. But also the moment when she puts her hand over his heart, three times "it's beating" imitates the heartbeat as well. Just read it quickly, all these letters like "it's BeaTinG" - it's really like a heartbeat.

Even the whole passage just to the kitchen - screaks and then, thuds. Well, his thuds are also like a heartbeat, another sign that he really is here.

But when Armin comes to her and hugs her - there's no sound. It's also early in the morning, when "even birds are not so signing yet". No words. They stay absolutely silent. They feel each other, but they don't hear each other. Remember their silent conversations just by the body language and their gazes? They really spoke without words - and...even by chapter 2, there are inner conversations. But without an answer from another one.

There are some things between them, that will be revealed a bit later, that provoke such an attitude. The sound comes back only later, with the absolutely ordinary line from Armin about to spend a little more time in bed, and then - all the sounds resume. The creaks, the thuds, and the mirror scene from the start with the final line - "Outside, it’s finally heard the first chirps of the birds." The sounds come back. But did they come back for them? Who knows.

And Golden hour of out forever, the closing scene with them in the meadows!

Oh, it was an unexpected question but I'm glad you asked about it!

The idea to put them in the golden hour works like the symbolism of their time together, cramped between work, responsibilities etc. Golden hour, as they say, is the magic hour, the time when everything goes like a miracle. Being with Annie, practically at the edge of the world, it's a miracle for him, for them. It's already ~8,5 years after the Rumbling, but the memories of how his and her life were sentenced to death in that particular time still linger in his thoughts. Golden hour is also limited, but this time Armin knows - tomorrow, they will witness this miracle again. Together.

His question "Will you marry me?", practically, on their anniversary, and not even the first one, not just a question under the sensitivity of the moment. It's more about how magical and sometimes surreal it feels to be with her, loving her, to be married to her, and that's why this question appears - he wants to do it all his life, to cherish, to protect what they have - a life together, a love, that they shared despite everything and all problems. It's quite angsty if remember that "Golden hour of our forever" is a prequel to "My yellow light in your soft whispers", and, heh, this desire is now threatened.

[seraphicsentences]

canvas of comfort: when tattoos mend hearts in the dark <3

ellie williams x cat 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

AN: lol. i don’t know how to write but i never see ellie x cat stories so i thought i’d give it a shot. this is not edited. why did i try writing. let me know what you think!! xx

tags: ellie williams x cat, tlou universe, first kiss kinda, soft ellie, baby ellie, jackson’s resident tattoo artist cat, the story we never got but deserved, background joel + ellie <33

After turning over the idea numerous times in her head, Ellie gave in. The bite mark was, for the most part, hidden. Ridges and indents from the remnants of her old self-instilled chemical burn perfectly blended the curved marks of infected teeth— not exactly pretty, but it did the job. She received a real scolding from Joel when he found out what she had done.

~~ flashback ~~

Ellie didn’t know what to do once she rinsed off the chemical mixture with water. Her skin flamed a bright red, and the shirt stuffed in her mouth was entirely soaked through with saliva. She was dizzy with pain, and the air against her forearm felt like needles. The burn didn’t seem to be getting better the more she rinsed.

Ellie heaved a sigh, “Well fuck me.” She knew what she had to do… or more, who she had to face. Joel was going to absolutely murder her.

She loosely wrapped her arm in the softest shirt she could find, and used her good arm to pat her face with water- hopefully reducing the hot pink flush across her cheeks. Feeling this was the most normal she was gonna look, Ellie quickly snuck her way towards the main house, praying to God she wouldn’t run into anyone.

It’d be hard to explain exactly why she decided to melt off a layer of her skin in the middle of the night.

~~

“Are you crazy? Ellie, you could have been seriously injured! What if it burned off more than just your skin?”

“I’m fine Joel! It’s not a big deal! You said we needed to figure a way to hide it from the others, so I found us a way.”

“This is not what I meant when I said that! We don’t have doctors here in Jackson.. let alone the right supplies at the moment to let this properly heal. We’ll have to keep this bandaged for now. You’re lucky I have patrol in Teton tomorrow morning, I’ll stop by that pharmacy there first thing. You were scheduled for patrol in Wilson, correct?”

“Yes… I can still g-“

“Absolutely not. You’re staying here until I get back tomorrow. Don’t go putting anything else on it. I mean it. I’ll tell Maria you’re not feeling well, you hear me?”

“Yeees, Joooeel. What you say goes.”

“Thank you, Joel?”

“Thank you, Joel.”

~ flash-forward ~

Ellie finds her way to Cat’s place, a small old back-house on the far edge of Jackson. Cat had agreed to do the tattoo, after much convincing that it would be perfectly fine to do over her old injury. Ellie had brought her notebook with her, several pages with sketches dedicated to potential designs.

She knocks on the door, shifting with anticipation. “Hey Cat. It’s me, Ellie, here for, uh, you know,” she calls through the wood.

The door opens, Cat’s face peeking through. Her dark eyes slide down to meet Ellie’s as she smiles. “Oh hey Els, come on in,” she beckons, widening the space between the door frame to let Ellie slide in under her arm. “Sorry ‘bout the mess, it’s from last night’s whole fiasco. You should’ve come!”

Ellie chuckles, scratching behind her ear out of nerves. “Yeah yeah, next time. Joel and I were having a movie night.”

She follows Cat towards her room, stepping over bunches of paper and books, before finally entering the dimly lit space.

“You guys and your movies. Cute. I don’t have like a tattoo chair or anything so you can just sit on my bed by that table. It’ll be more comfortable anyways.” Cat motions.

She goes around the room, picking up a few materials and such before dragging a small stool to the edge of the bed.

She sits down, straddling it, as Ellie, wide-eyed, watches. “You coming or what?” Cat laughs, head tilted over her shoulder to peek at her.

“Yeah, sorry”, Ellie mumbles, ears blushing, as she moved her way onto the foot of the bed. She shuffles backwards to lean against the wall and hands Cat the sketchbook, already flipped open to one of her drawings.

“I was thinking something like this, just around here,” Ellie points to her scabbed forearm.

“I like it. You’re quite the artist aren’t you,” Cat teases.

“Ha- ha. Shut up,” Ellie says, rolling her eyes.

Cat grins, eyes glinting with laughter before pulling Ellie’s arm off her lap and onto the table.

“Let me know if it hurts, okay? This’ll take a couple sessions, so we can take breaks whenever, just let me know.”

Ellie hums an okay, and Cat moves to get started.

~~

After a painful 2 hours, Cat decides they’ve made enough progress, and scribbles down a couple of dates for Ellie’s next sessions. The afternoon had been filled with slow chatter, warm smiles, and soft touches. Ellie was completely unable to tear her eyes away from Cat as she worked.

Everything about her was hypnotizing: the way strands of her jet-black hair fell out of her loose bun, framing her sharp olive cheekbones, how the veins on her hands pronounced with every motion, the way Cat peeked through her eyelashes at Ellie to make sure she was okay to keep going…

Ellie hoped she didn’t notice the raised goosebumps on her skin. She had never felt so nervous around another person here at Jackson, but there was just something about Cat that had Ellie’s heart in hummingbird mode.

Her piercing appearance contrasted greatly with her gentle mannerisms, and Ellie felt entirely succumbed to her.

~~

It was just about afternoon and her final session at Cat’s, and Ellie couldn’t help but feel disappointed, knowing she wouldn’t have any more excuses to spend hours alone at Cat’s, pressed close together hovering over her arm.

“Hey Els,” Cat greets, her eyebrow raised. “You ready to finish this up?”

“Hi Cat,” Ellie smiles, “Thanks for doing this.”

“Sure thing,” Cat says, as they trail into the bedroom.

Ellie settles in her typical spot, fingers drumming on the table as Cat preps her station with all her tools. By now they’ve fallen into an easy routine, actions on autopilot, Cat humming some 80s tune under her breath as she inks.

An hour or so passes before Cat looks up, meeting Ellie’s enamored green eyes, and says, “Well… I’m all done here. You like it?”

Ellie tears her eyes away, stumbling over her words as she gawks at Cat’s beautiful work etched onto her skin. “That’s crazy good, I-what do I owe you?”

Cat laughs as if Ellie’s just told her one of her pocketbook jokes. She moves onto the bed as her laughter fades, pushing aside Ellie to make room to sit. Her gaze slowly traces up from Ellie’s forearm to her lips- then her eyes.

Cat’s hooded expression grows darker, and she asks just above a whisper, “What can you give me?” She sounds absolutely carnal, her head turned just enough for their noses to hover not even a centimeter away from one another.

Mind-fogged and pupils blown, Ellie breathes out the only word that comes to mind, “Anything.”

She blinks and Cat’s moved on top of her, straddling her thighs, core hovered just above Ellie’s hips and lips crashing to meet her own. It’s filled with passion, but so soft at the same time, just like Cat. She tastes like soda and cigarettes, and Ellie lifts her hands to rest on Cat’s waist, when her freshly done tattoo brushes against the bedsheet.

It’s as if she’s just been dumped with a bucket of ice water, and instinctively, Ellie throws Cat off of her onto the other side of the bed. “What the fuck, Cat?”, she yells.

Her fingers meet her lips as she touches them, face paled, and her heart in her stomach. Cat’s expression matches her own.

“Shit. Sorry, it’s just-“ She’s infected. I just infected her, was all Ellie could think. What came out of her mouth was, “Let’s go for a walk.”

Cat pauses, her hair now tousled as she tucks in her lips. Looking down, she quietly responds, “Yeah, okay.”

~~

The pair paints quite the picture, a rather buff woman covered in tattoos following after a shorter blushing brunette (redhead?? how does one classify auburn 😭) through the greenery filled outdoors.

Cat is the first to break the silence. Clearing her throat, she says, “Hey Ellie I’m s-“.

“No, no, listen,” Ellie cuts her off. She turns around to face Cat, eyebrows scrunched together as she looks up. “I- I, uh,” Ellie stumbles over her words. She doesn’t know how to break the news, how to explain her past, how Cat will react if she tells her she might turn because of their kiss.

Cat’s head falls to the side, a soft, pained smile gracing her pink lips as she murmurs, “You don’t have to explain yourself. I totally misread the vibe.”

Shaking her head Ellie tries to explain, “Cat-“

“I’m sor-“, Cat apologizes.

“I’ve never kissed anyone! I was nervous!” Ellie blurts out.

Cat’s eyebrows jump up as her mouth gapes open, trying to make feel for the words she wants to say. She lands upon the word, “Oh”, a laugh bursting from her chest as a heartwarming smile spreads across her face.

Ellie, knowing the truth and finding the situation a whole lot less amusing, groans, “Caaaat. Stop it, it’s not funny!” I mean, there was a chance she wouldn’t turn, right?

Cat ignores Ellie’s arguments, still laughing and grabs her hand, pulling her back towards the house, teasing, “C’mon, Els, no need to get all scared of me. I don’t bite.”

You might in a couple of hours, Ellie thinks.

~~

It’s half past 3 in the morning, and Ellie is anything but tired. The garage- turned room is filled with sounds of Cat’s sleepy snores, and Ellie watches (creep 🙄) as her chest rises and falls with her breathing.

The movie is long over, Cat not staying awake to see the ending, and Ellie quietly thanks the heavens for Cat’s exhaustion. She hasn’t shown any signs of infection yet, luckily, but Ellie isn’t going to take any chances.

In the meantime, she takes in Cat’s seraphic features. Her lips are just barely parted, slightly cracking due to the dry air. Ellie wants to wet them with her own. Strands of Cat’s short, black hair fall across the bridge of her nose as she shifts onto her side. Ellie reaches out to tuck them behind her ear, ever so gently, so as not to disturb her slumber.

The night passes and the morning comes, and Ellie stays, her face rested on the crook of her arm, eyes peeking over to watch Cat’s face. Soon enough, Cat inhales deeply and her eyes flutter open to meet Ellie’s stare. “Hey, stalker.” she whispers. The rasp in Cat’s voice pulls at Ellie’s heartstrings and she blushes a scarlet red, feeling caught. Her embarrassment is quickly overturned by the surging relief of Cat’s normal condition. “How do you feel?” tone hopeful, she can’t help but ask.

Cat lifts herself to lean on one arm before smoothly responding, “Like I want to kiss you again.”

Ellie lets her relief crash over as she smiles, still blushing, and leans in to press it into Cat’s matching grin. She can’t help but sigh into the kiss, before moving her lips more fervently, more hungrily, scrambling to take in as much of Cat as she can.

Finally Ellie leans away, falling back into the mattress, bouncing when she lands. Cat chuckles, “Not so nervous anymore, are we?”

Ellie doesn’t even complain about her teasing. She tucks her smile into the pillow, saying, “Just kiss me.”

AN: they’re so cute 😭😭. pov me blushing and kicking my feet at my own writing. i just needed this so bad.

[coffeewhisker]

SO. let‘s hope tumblr doesn‘t black out on me while i‘m typing all this up lol

! i was very excited this morning lol, but being faced with the magnitude of my ao3 bookmarks… it‘s so hard to choose, i just threw a bunch of stuff together lol, so! yeah, here are fics that i‘ve really liked

light up by KBstories

- not all that much about krbk, but about the squad making bakugou smile. included it anyway bc fuck oh my god this is so soft and made me so happy <3

Manly Pet Names 101 by domeeneec

- recently downloaded. don‘t remember specifics right now but it was about kiri‘s habit of “bro”ing people, and i really really (really) liked it

come @ me bro by SportsAnimeRuinedMyLife (NoodleFriend)

- also not super krbk-focused lol, but a fun read anyway sooo. bakugou-centric, he tries to make friends with uraraka among other things, i‘m fond of their little story in this fic

help me get out of my head by popcap

- hurt/comfort which i bookmarked with ALL the compliments. like all of them. the bookmark is huge lol

No Secrets to Success by kingdoms

- bakugou & kiri meet outside of yuuei, while bakugou‘s already in and kiri will join in a couple weeks— they become friends & i loved the fuck outta this one

outside looking in by bbuggs

- i remember this one very fondly. mido pov of kiribaku <3

renegades by KBstories

- while we‘re talking about mido— this one is 20 something k but i love. love midoriya & bakugou in this so much. honestly i don‘t think you would go wrong in any way if you started with this one. it‘s just awesome, like, woah. WOAH

come home to me by aloera

- absolute classic. you could also very much start with this, it’s SUCH a fun read, kiribaku get hit by a thoughts-sharing-mutual-mind-reading idk lol quirk and it‘s such a good time lol. very sweet, very fun, all around an amazing time, absolute classic, every krbk will tell you this (i believe vanilla cookies (?) is also by this author? also remember having so much fun listening to that)

thank you for thinking of me by hiyah

- also recently downloaded. bakugou gets injured and has to control himself to allow himself to heal. kiri makes it easier. loved it

easy now, with my heart (careful now, with my head) by multiclassmaps

- multi pov kiribaku h/c fic. a new class training trip into the woods is difficult for katsuki to handle because of what happened last time. they make it work together <3

to plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow by Insomniac_with_dreams

- ‘s got it all! also downloaded, heart bookmarked n everything. yeah idk this one‘s really really good

love letters by cutiekirishima

- fluffiest cutest stuff. past me screamed at me to reread this any time i‘m yearning for krbk fluff in my bookmark

What We Deserve by Moomybeam

- kiribaku are now dating officially— and everyone doubts that bakugou can be a good enough partner for someone like kiri. a story about bakugou coming out of his shell, and letting his love for kiri show.

The Best Medicine by chezka

- a story about kiri feeling many things whenever he manages to make bakugou laugh <3 kiri‘s Very poetic lol. i love this one, it‘s so wholesome (tiny kiri angst feelings towards the end but alll good)

love me like you loved me by Ellieb3an

- i remember that this fic wrecked me. fantasy au. prepare to be Moved

under the sheets with you by sourscarlets

- just a tiny sweet one. bakugou does something to cheer kiri up and struggles not to feel silly about it

then i remembered you said friends to lovers, so under that tag specifically: (they might be kinda long)

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder (FALSE) by dragontrappedinhumanskin

- quirk accident! they have to stick close to each other, ohhhh nooooooo

Just You, Me, and the Breaths between Us by haha_gay

- don‘t remember the exact plot but i know that i loved it

You Get Red When You‘re Embarrassed by kiribakuhappiness

- bakugou invites himself over to kiri‘s during the summer holidays. they felt hmmm a little different to my personal characterization but i recall really liking this fic anyway. it captures the awkwardness really well haha, but it‘s goood. it was kinda like reading different characters but they were really well-established, so it wasn‘t ooc, it was just different. and obvs that is only my personal character lens, you might just think differently

one to ten by crunchrapsupreme

- a story about kiri making it his mission to climb the ladder of friendship with bakugou— except he kind of forgets about it, because it just builds so naturally <3

A Dragon‘s Hoard by chezka

- . i‘ve looked through so many that i‘ve kinda forgotten what this one was, but i THINK it‘s a quirk accident fic that i loved very very much <33 (kiri gets turned into a dragon :o bakugou finds him and, naturally, takes him to class to brag about this cool lizard he found)

point of view by aloera

- kirishima gets hit by a quirk, and suddenly he‘s a kid again. bakugou turns out to not be so bad with kids after all. it‘s very, very sweet. very genuine. i‘m very soft for this fic

Together across Time and Space by Scarlet_Traveler

- a huge kiribaku month ficlet collection that i really enjoyed! i haven‘t read all of them, but many, and yeah, they filled me with soft happy feelings

and one last unfinished little project i am so so soft for.

Check your Snaps by chiroptology

- a collection of moments shared through mina‘s snapchat story. it‘s so sweet it‘s such slice of life it‘s so natural i love it so much. favorite little underappreciated gem. love it

titles might be capitalized a little differently to how i did it ahfjsj. yeah! i hope you can enjoy at least like, one of these lol, as i enjoyed them all very much. there are so so many that i really struggled when deciding which to put and even now in the back of my mind i‘m like but this one how could i ever not include that but boy this is long enough already, and these are all really good reads. imo. so! yeah, bye have a nice day lol

(also check out SleuthPuffin if you want! didn‘t know which one to include, but i‘ve loved a lot of their oneshots. very good fluff)

OMG!!! This list is amazing!! I'm really excited to start reading these, your summaries are fantastic and totally lit my candle for these two. Thank you so much!!

This must have taken forever to put together, you have my deepest gratitude. I'm not sure if there's anything I can do to balance the scale, I totally owe you for this kindness. The thoroughness of the list is fantastically impressive.

[leoluved]

furry friends (b.w)

summary: i saw this interview where rob thinks bruce would be in love with a cat so.. i wrote this. 

battinson!bruce wayne x reader 

warnings: none, maybe my sloppy writing <3 

     gotham had felt oddly quiet tonight, rain drops tap on the window of the castle like tower you had come to call home. bundled up in the white colored silk sheets, a meow peaks through sounds of rain. you stir slightly until another meow- louder this time. fully wakes you up. 

     eyes fluttering you sit yourself up in the bed. stretching your arms upwardly you grab your phone. 4:47 am. squinting at the brightness of your phone you set it back down to it’s spot on the bedside table you plucked it from. reluctantly getting up and scooping the soft gray feline into your arms you quietly make your exit out of the bedroom and retreat down the stairs. 

     somehow, as if on cue, the sound of a familiar roaring engine was ripping through the lower half of the tower. in reaction the cat, so affectionately named kurt ran towards the sound. you smirked and followed along down towards the dark cave, you wished they would install better lights in here, but bruce always said the dimness helped him focus. although you knew he liked the dimness to listen to grungy music while working. you always teased him about his ‘batcave’. bruce hated when you added the word bat to things he would use on the daily, especially when he was out of suit.

     “oh, mr. batman~, i hope there aren’t any criminals here to hurt me.” the sarcastic tone in your voice came out more loving than you wanted it too, but you couldn’t help it. you watched him as he removed the cowl off of his eyeshadow dusted face and set it down onto the metal desk. he immediately bent down to pick up kurt. placing soft kisses onto his soft gray fur. you could hear him purring from where you were standing, but you couldn’t tell if it was bruce or the cat. “you can’t just come in here and start making out with the criminal!” bruce let out a small chuckle that you cherished every time you heard it. over time it would become less rare, but you couldn’t help but still feel butterflies each time. once kurt decided he had enough touching he softly swatted bruce’s hand away and jumped down to the ground. coming around to rub up onto your legs. 

“your times up, lover boy. he loves me.” 

     you smile cheekily. picking up kurt in order to give him the much deserved attention he was asking for from you. you watch as bruce’s lips turn upwards slightly at your quip, though he turns his back towards you and begins to remove the pieces of his suit. 

     once he’s finally stripped down your eyes can’t help but track down at all the new cuts and bruises that littered his chest and arms, some bruises purple and healing, others fresh and red. you walk over to him and place your hand onto his shoulder. “how was tonight? you got anything worse than these cuts?” your voice is soft and lulling. he grunts, then parts his lips but doesn’t speak. after a brief pause he finally does. “no. i’m alright.” if you had so much as blinked too loud you would’ve missed it. relieved he spoke something you press your lips to his, starting to drag him by his arm upstairs to the bathroom. kurt following swiftly behind when he noticed the two of you moving. 

     you open the bathroom door and start the water, you both remove the last of your clothes before entering. neither of you had said a word. however neither of felt the need to, deciding to sit in the comforting silence, except for the sounds water and slight groans when you massaged a spot that had bruce feeling sore. accompanied by the concert you had gotten of meows when kurt couldn’t join the two of you. once you had settled back into the silky sheets you can feel yourself absolutely melt into, you feel bruce’s arms snake around you. pulling you to his chest he sighs. kurt made a soft trill and jumped onto the bed, sitting in his usual spot on the side of bruce’s leg. it’s barely above a whisper when he says something into your ear.

 “i’ve missed you. just missed kurt a little bit more.” 

[alycosworld]

Tainted

Scaramouche X Reader

WARNING: mentions of (nearly) sexual assault

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A/N: I seem to have more angst/comfort ideas for genshin but I'm not sure why...also, I'm on holiday in a foreign country! I have no work and I'll probably spend all my nights on Tumblr after exploring the city in the day, so please please please send in some requests! I'm bored and although they might take some time, they might help me get back into writing more regularly. I'm pretty sure this is gender neutral but if I made a mistake, feel free to tell me. This has NOT been checked for any errors (I'll get around to it at some point).

I'm not sure if Scaramouche is ooc, since he doesn't say anything that nice in the game or in any official works, but I definitely think he has the capacity for it. And I like soft Scar <3.

If at any point you feel uncomfortable, PLEASE DO NOT READ ON. I felt a little icky after writing the assault bit so do not force yourself to read any further or read at all. I do not want to make anyone reading this unhappy. Any victims of sexual assault or harassment, I hope you heal

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Keep walking. Just keep walking. Get home as fast as possible.

Avoid dark spots, avoid all people, avoid secluded areas. Just get home now.

That's what you told yourself after it happened. Archons, you didn't even know how you should feel. Ashamed? Angry? Disgusted? Upset? Confused? Afraid? The amalgamation of these emotions just made everything worse. You felt sick to your stomach. You wanted to cry and scream and vomit and disappear all at the same time.

You felt like you were covered in grime and you don't even know how you managed to get away. You should've done something, anything! But in the moment, you couldn't.

Your day had started normally. You went to the Adventurer's Guild in Inazuma, doing your commissions and taking up a few extra quests to help people out. Even though you were walking home later than normal, you didn't think much of it. Until somehow, you lost your way. In the dark, things became a little more vague and confusing, so you ended up taking a left and ending up in a dark alleyway between two dimly lit buildings.

You walked through, lost in your own thoughts, until you heard some chuckling and some incoherent remarks made by someone exiting one of the buildings out a back door and into the alleyway.

Glancing up, you saw that the person was a man - quite tall and well built with flushed cheeks: he was clearly not sober. You paid him no mind, staring at the ground as you continue to walk, determined to get home to see your boyfriend, Scaramouche. Though he wasn't one to worry, knowing that you could handle yourself, you did want to see him as soon as possible.

"Well, what do we have here?" The man asked, and you looked up at him again, tilting your head in confusion but staying silent.

"What's a pretty thing like you doing out here all alone?" He asked, a suspicious smirk on his face.

"I'm going home." You said firmly, not wanting to give him any ideas.

"Oh? A handsome young thing like you, going home all by themselves? Let me walk you, I promise I don't bite." He continued, clearly not getting the hint.

"I'm alright, but thank you for the off--"

"Stop being such a fucking tease! Wearing an outfit like that, you're begging for it." He pinned you against the wall despite your attempt to politely refuse any moves he tried to make. He caught your arms above your head and harshly shoved one of his legs between yours.

"Don't like to me, hon, you know you want this." He whispered huskily. You had fought countless hilichurls, abyss mages and monsters far more intimidating and dangerous than that man that day, but you couldn't seem to move. All you could manage was a fearful 'please, don't do this'. Struggling was futile, for some reason you couldn't escape his grasp. You had fought beasts ten times this man's size but violating you like this? It made you break.

He gripped you harshly and even managed to kiss your neck a couple times, making the tears stream down your face uncontrollably, until he heard some voices. You recognised them immediately: members of the Adventurer's Guild. He must be known it too because he stopped as soon as he heard, offering you a sickening grin and scuttling away before you could react.

"We'll finish this some other time, sweetheart. I promise."

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You didn't get any help from the Adventurer's Guild members who you heard, instead opting to rush home as soon as possible, trying to figure out what to do next.

The only solution in your mind was to crawl into your lover's arms and tell him what had happened. You didn't want anyone else to know - you know you could trust Scaramouche and you knew he would help you.

But he didn't.

You got home and wiped your tears before entering the house, hoping to look somewhat presentable despite having experienced such an impactful event. You dropped your belongings carelessly, not flinging at the loud sound they made as they hit the floor. You immediately made your way to the guest room Scaramouche had turned into an office of sorts, for him to work on Fatui business. The bedroom door was open and empty and he was nowhere to be found on the first floor, so that was the only other place he could've been. You were relieved to see him sitting at the desk, deep in thought with some maps and other sheets of paper laid out in front of him.

"Scar, I--"

"Not now, (Y/N), I'm busy." He said hot even bothering to look up at your frazzled and shattered state.

"I know but, please, Scar. While I was--"

"If you know that I'm busy, why enter in the first place? I'm working. Leave me alone." He said harshly. You didn't say anything, instead opting to nod silently and close the door. Since this was the first time you had experienced this pain and discomfort from being touched and defiled in such a way, you decided that maybe you should put it aside. After all, maybe it was something so jarring. Maybe it didn't matter. Maybe Scaramouche's nonchalance was justified. In a twisted way, you blamed yourself for overreacting and decided to just forget about the incident. If it didn't mean enough for Scaramouche to even look at you, it clearly wasn't something worth fretting over. You were just exaggerating, right?

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You tried you absolute hardest not to let the incident bother you, but you unknowingly started changing your habits to prevent what had occurred from happening to you again.

"Wearing an outfit like that, you're begging for it..."

You started wearing less revealing clothing, going as far as wearing gloves at some point and covering your neck with collars and scarves through the hot weather.

"We'll finish this some other time, sweetheart. I promise."

Initially, you just avoided dark or secluded places, even when you were with other people, but eventually, you were too scared to leave home at all. You didn't leave the confines of your small garden and if someone passed by, you would quickly hide yourself away. When Scaramouche had unknown guests and colleagues over, you would hide in your bedroom and make him promise not to mention you or acknowledge your existence in the slightest.

You even started taking longer showers and refused to bathe with Scaramouche, confusing him since you used to enjoy it so much. But you wouldn't let him see you in such a vulnerable state now that you were contaminated. You didn't want him to know that you had been tarnished in such a vulgar way, and you spent long moments scrubbing at the parts the stranger had touched. You were worried that Scaramouche would blame you for being assaulted - because in a sick way you thought it was your fault, despite having been nothing wrong. You had twisted the story in your mind to make it seem like you were responsible for the crime committed against you.

Eventually, Childe had to visit for business purposes, but you had become good friends with the eleventh Fatui Harbinger since he was friends with-- well, he and Scaramouche had a relationship, to say the least.

"So where's (Y/N)? Normally they're all over you and making you as embarrassed at possible." Childs grinned, and Scaramouche just frowned and narrowed his eyes.

"They're in our room. They don't really want to see anyone right now." Scaramouche said. Even though you told him not to mention you anymore, since you were so hellbent on avoiding all human interaction, he thought it would be okay to tell Childe. He was your friend too, after all.

"Is something wrong? What happened?" Childe asked, concern in his eyes.

"I don't know. They've been avoiding everyone, including me. They barely talk to me and insist on sleeping downstairs." Scaramouche confessed.

"Let me talk to them."

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Childe exited your room after hearing what to had to say, and he was disturbed and sympathetic, at the very least. Scaramouche saw his wide-eyed, grim expression when he exited the room and immediately had questions.

"What?" Scaramouche asked.

"I'll come back tomorrow to continue our work." Childs said, referring to the business he originally came for.

"But we have to--"

"Scar?" Scaramouche stopped all his trains of thought and turned to the sound of your voice. It was hoarse but still as beautiful as ever. He knew you had been crying from your puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

"I think you have other matters to take care of." Childe winked, before giving Scaramouche an informal two-fingered salute and showing himself out.

As soon as the door closed, Scaramouche turned his attention to you, not coming too close in case you didn't want to be near him.

"Yes, Love?" He asked, more concerned than you had ever seen him.

"Can I talk to you? If you're busy, that's okay, it's not that impor--"

"I'm not busy." He shook his head, and you offered him a sad and grateful smile before sitting on the edge of the bed while he took a seat on a nearby chair.

"So, uhm, a couple of days ago I was walking home and I kind of got lost...so I tried taking this alleyway and--" You stopped yourself, meeting Scaramouche's attentive gaze before continuing.

"There was a guy. And he-- he t-touched me. I-- I didn't know what to do. I could've easily fought back but I just got scared and froze up because that's never happened to me before and he kept saying that I wanted him-- but I didn't! I swear, I didn't. I know it sounds bad since I didn't stop him but I really tried, I just couldn't. And he started k-kissing me...here," You gestured to the spots on your neck that you could still feel being violated.

"And I felt so horrible and he didn't go any further because some people were coming, so I ran home. I-I...I didn't know what to do but I felt like I should tell you because I thought you would help me, but you said you were busy so I just-- It-tried to brush it off but I just couldn't get it out of my head! And before I got away, he told me that he'd come back and finish me off and so I didn't want to go outside anymore in case I ran into him. And I started to cover up since he said I was asking for it because of what I was wearing and then I just got scared and I felt dirty. I tried so hard to forget and clean myself but it kept coming back-- I can still feel him on me! I hated it, I still hated it! You have to believe me, I wasn't trying to get him to notice me, I just..." You broke down after finishing what you had to say. You had already been crying since you told Childe, but now you were choking out sobs and your face was drenched. Scaramouche stood up from his chair and sat next to you on the bed, a safe distance away just in case you still weren't comfortable with being touched.

"I believe you. I know you're not like that." Scarsmocuhe started calmly. In all honesty, he wanted to interrupt you as soon as you said that this man approached you. His blood was boiling and he was ready to murder this man for you but kept himself in check because you didn't need senseless violence or revenge right now, you needed comfort. What hurt him the most was that you were blaming yourself because he didn't bother listening to what you had to say on what was probably the worst day of your life.

"It's not your fault you were touched like that. You are not to blame, at all. I-- I should've listened to you when you came to me - as soon as I turned you say I thought something was wrong but I didn't bother asking about it. That's entirely my fault." He admitted, which surprised you. It took Scaramouche a lot to admit his mistakes, but for you? He didn't care. You constantly put up with his sour attitude, he can definitely listen to you and admit he was wrong.

"You sure? Because I still--"

"I'm sure." He said simply.

"But why did you start avoiding me?" He asked, wanting to understand the situation entirely.

"Well, because..." You started, unsure if he would get angry if you told him. While you were contemplating, he offered you an encouraging expression. It wasn't a smile, but it was more than enough to put you at ease.

"I didn't want you to think I was tainted. Of course, you wouldn't want to be near me after that had happened." You sighed, wiping up the last of your tears.

"You really are an idiot, you know?" He said, but after seeing the clueless and almost hurt look on your face, he immediately wanted to take it back. He didn't mean to be insensitive, he just...well, he often explained positive emotions with his very wide negative vocabulary.

"No, I didn't-- uhm..." He mentally cursed himself for not knowing what to say, but you didn't interrupt him and made a small gesture for him to keep going.

"What I mean to say was, I don't think that you're tainted or anything like that. And I still...want to be...near you-- eugh!" He pretended to be grossed out at his own words in true Scaramouche fashion, but he knew you knew he didn't really mean it and was beyond delighted when he saw you giggle at his facial expression.

He sighed and acted angry as he opened his arms ever so slightly. You noticed the movement and quirked an eyebrow when he hesitated.

"Is it okay if I come closer?" Scaramouche asked, unsure if you wanted to be touched after the incident.

Your heart swelled at his care and then you slowly watched as he stiffly wrapped his arms around you comfortingly. Although you had hugged and cuddled on countless occasions, he still wouldn't stop being so robotic unless you did something. It made you laugh and he pulled away slightly to glare at you, so you decided to just pull him back in and hug back.

And when you relished in the touch of another human being, the touch of the person you love, you began to cry. The last time anyone willingly touched you was in that alleyway, and so to have someone be so gentle with you and have no bad intentions, you were overwhelmed with emotion.

Scaramouche must've felt your tears staining his clothing and skin, and quickly pulled away with poorly hidden concern in his eyes.

"Are you okay?" He asked, but you just continued to sob and nod.

"I love you!" You choked out. He sighed and gently patted your back.

"I...love you too." He said, before making another expression of mock disgust. He slowly moved to hold both your wrists in his hand and kiss down to your neck, pulling you into his lap with your legs straddling one of his.

You soon realised that he was covering up the placed the stranger had touched you with his own ministrations, effectively replacing the grime you felt you gained after the incident. After you came to that conclusion and Scaramouche was done, he didn't meet your eye, blushing profusely. It was justified since he didn't usually initiate any kind of affection acts, but you just cupped his jaw and kissed his cheek, smiiling at him with purity and a newfound confidence in the both of you.

"Thank you, Scar."

[arguablysomaya]

batfam fanfics that don't have enough fucking attention

alright i'm finally doing it gents listen up

1. Bang, bang by @Ididloveyou_once

Summary: ‘You shot me!’ Jason gasped, stunned, ‘Holy shit, you actually shot me.’

Tim’s eyes widened and he froze. They stared at each other for a second, dumbstruck and then-

‘Don’t tell Bruce.’

Or: The family enjoy a normal movie night. Except Jason has a gunshot wound and Tim’s the only one who knows and oh- that’s because Tim’s the one who shot him and they really, really need to find a way to leave before anyone finds out.

This fic is fucking hilarious and the characterization + banter is on point. i have a bit of a soft spot for schemes <3

2. four brothers, one crush, and absolutely zero braincells to be found by @Ms_Trickster

Summary: Tim: i need to know what’s the best way to a boy’s heart

Damian: Easy. The best way to someone’s heart is through their ribcage. Everyone knows that.

Damian: Come on Timothy, I expected better from you.

Dick: I-

Dick: Try again

Tim is having boy troubles.

Tim goes to his brothers for help.

Tim...did not think that plan of action through.

(In which the batbros give Tim advice on relationships, told entirely through texts.)

Again, fucking hilarious. the chat titles are SUCH a nice touch and it really feels like authentic sibling silliness

3. Night at the (National) Museum by @collectivefandomstuff

Summary: Tim finds himself having, once again, been dragged into the social event of the season. As he slowly dies of boredom and the physical exertion of not rolling his eyes, he bumps into his fellow prisoners brothers and they decide to do something about Bruce’s tendency to trick them into going to these things. More specifically, they decide to cause as much trouble as possible in the hopes that Bruce will just straight up stop inviting them. [cue mission impossible theme]

“We could call in a bomb threat?”

“That’s imaginative.”

“Ok, then we get paintball guns and go to town.”

“Also unhelpful.”

“No, wait! That’s actually a good idea!”

“Really Dick? You don’t think people are going to ask questions if the Waynes start literally hunting socialites for sport?”

I. Love. Schemes. also the writing style is so good omg if i could write like this i'd literally die happy lmao

4. Cingulomania (Sometimes, Dad Needs a Hug) by @charleswaterloo

Summary: ‘Right,’ Tim said, in the voice he used on missions, ‘we’re going to have to call in an expert.’

*

‘Hey guys!’ Dick said, voice slightly crackly over Tim’s phone speakers. ‘What’s up? I’m not supposed to visit until tomorrow - is something wrong?’

-

Something is seriously not right with Bruce. They’re a family of detectives and no one can figure it out. It’s kind of embarrassing.

They’re all starting to get worried.

-

(Sometimes, Bruce needs a hug.)

ok this fic is just really fucking sweet and sometimes a bitch is soft okay?

5. After the Fall of Olympus by @/killthespare

Summary: The League has fallen. The team is dead. All that’s left is for Dick Grayson to pick up the pieces and move forward.

Easier said than done.

this fic is literally a must-read in the dc fandom it's not done yet but holy shit. basically goes through young justice and other arcs if the league had died while dick was robin. perfect if you liked young justice and convoluted plotlines, and this fucking fic kicked my emotional ass SO hard

6. And The World Came Crashing Down by @One_annoying_bird

Summary: When Dick and three of his siblings find themselves within the wreckage of a collapsed building, Dick makes the executive decision for himself to be rescued last.

Even if his injuries really demand for him to be first.

Not that he'll let anyone know that last bit.

Fuck me dude. i'm always a sucker for whump

7. Asimov's Integral by @sElkieNight60

Summary: Tim is an unwanted android, a Robo-Child. After being sent back by his parents, his last and only hope rests in the hands of a man still grieving the loss of his own son.

“I didn’t ask for a replacement,” Bruce barked. “I don’t want a replacement! You can go back and tell the RCO I don’t need a replacement.”

Bruce Wayne didn’t want him. If Bruce Wayne didn’t want him, he’d be sent back and dismantled.

this one hurt me <3 android AU, tw for tim absolutely abysmal mental state and attempted suicide

8. Midnight Book Club by @badwolf36

Summary: “Dick is a lying liar who lies,” Jason declares, drawing his knees up to his chest. His ribs are screaming in that very special way that lets him know at least one or more is bruised (or, more likely, cracked).

“Dick wasn’t the only one who turned you in.” Cass says, now tracing ‘moron’ onto his forehead. “Also, Alfred.”

___________

Cass and Jason discuss books as they wait for Jason to be able to stand up after taking a brutal hit.

this one's a really sweet, quiet piece about jason and cass's relationship (which i absolutely love) and cass's characterization is spot on perfect

9. You fuck with them, you fuck with me by @oclark1226

Summary: When Batman's out of the country for Justice League business, it falls on Dick to find his missing brothers. Once he does, however, he nearly loses control fighting their kidnapper. He has to deal with both the mental and physical consequences of that fight while helping his brothers heal. Includes some soft Bruce tending to both of his eldest boys because they need some hugs and they support him in return.

now this one is simply criminally underrated. hella protective dick, which is my lifeblood, and some of the most well-written hurt/comfort i've read

10. Conflict Resolution by @anicomicqueen

Summary: It started off as a quiet Sunday morning, until Timothy and Damian decided to take their argument outside.

who would i be if i didn't end off with some fluff?? this fic is literally catharsis and i cherish it so much plus its hilarious

[bottoms-movie]

SAMBUCKY FIC RECS

so a lot of people seemed interested this so here it is! if ya’ll like this, i can make more parts! this is split into three categories: based on tfatws, canon divergence, and au. all fics are on ao3. all of the fics are complete. some fics do include smut, but i included the ratings, so make sure to check for that based on preferences!

also, feel free to send me asks on your thoughts on any fics or if you’re interested in another sambucky fic rec post!

BASED ON TFATWS

Fill the Hole in my Heart | Not Rated | 4,848 words

Bucky dives into the world of online dating. The girls are nice, but there seems to be something missing. When he goes to Louisiana to meet Sam and his family, he realizes what that something was.

Skip, Reverse | Explicit | 7,945 words

Sam stood in the middle of their local Target with a throw pillow in each hand. The one in his left hand was butter-soft and matched the drapes in the living room, but Bucky had walked by five seconds ago and declared the one on the right “absolutely fucking hideous,” and so now Sam kind of wanted it more than he had ever wanted anything.

Sometimes romance is just bickering with your superhero partner/roommate at several different Target locations.

just won’t do right | General | 7,524 words

Sam's eyebrows go up, impressed, and he reaches over to squeeze Torres' shoulder, "This is amazing, kid. Thanks, really."

Bucky sits and watches in utter horror as the pink darkens on Torres' cheeks.

Oh, he realizes. Oh. Fuck.

body language will do the trick | Explicit | 12,598 words

“There’s no way you’re going to win this,” Bucky tells Sam. “I am going to love language the shit out of you.”

Sam gives him a considering look. “You do seem like you’d be really good at that.”

Bucky’s cheeks flush with heat. “Thanks, pal, I—”

Sam smirks, and Bucky’s eyes narrow. He shoves his elbow into Sam’s side and stalks off, leaving Sam cackling behind him.

“Your ass looks great today!” Sam yells.

Bucky reaches up to flip Sam the bird, and he definitely does not feel grateful that he wore his good jeans today. Bucky’s ass looks great every day.

checklist | General | 4,716 words

Bucky Barnes keeps a mental checklist of things he knows to be true at any given moment. Sometimes the checklist changes, because he's learned something else about himself. It changes, for example, when he starts realizing that maybe he would like to kiss Sam Wilson. Maybe.

best laid plans | 3 parts | 26,808 words

part 1: baby you’re the wave and I’m ready for the crash | Explicit | 6,616 words

Nah, my plan’s better,” Sam declares, before clapping Bucky on the shoulder.

“I’m sorry, what plan? Was that a plan? It didn’t sound like a plan to me, it sounded like a vague intention,” says Bucky, still scowling, and Sam grins.

“We’re winging it, the plan is a work in progress! Now c’mon, we gotta make some wardrobe adjustments if we’re gonna get into that club.”

Sam and Bucky have some unorthodox methods of going undercover in a club.

He Doesn’t Deserve You! | Teen | 5,154 words

Sam and Bucky have an argument that results in Bucky being left at the bar. A group of drunk strangers assumes Bucky just got dumped and quickly adopt him for the night to make him feel better.

Reconstitution | Not Rated | 10,228 words

“I didn’t back Steve on the Sokovia Accords,” Sam says unprompted one day. They’re so close to apprehending the Flagsmashers and wrapping up this ridiculous saga.

“I don’t follow,” Bucky says.

“I was the one who refused to sign it first. Not Steve.”

Sam says it so softly that Bucky has to strain to hear him. Sam is loud and chatty and half the time he keeps up a constant stream of chatter just to get on Bucky’s nerves, but Bucky’s coming to realize that when he really wants to make himself heard, he’s soft spoken and mild. Bucky doesn’t entirely follow his train of thought, though.

Or: a breaking down, remaking, and coming back stronger than ever before

Stuck On You (You Suez, You Luez) | Explicit | 10,136 words

Sam and Bucky’s mission was simple: stowaway on a ship suspected of weapons-smuggling in the Suez, gather enough intel to report back, and hop off again in Port Said. Something gets in the way, and a day-long recon session turns into a week of chess, bickering, semi-successful movie references, and trying not to go slowly insane.

His Touch | Mature | 1,006 words

When Baron Zemo touched Bucky’s face, Sam Wilson saw red.

Bucky just wants Sam to comfort him.

rusted | Teen | 2,358 words

Bucky doesn’t grace him with a sound of acknowledgement. He’s been quiet, ever since that night with Zemo. Well. Quieter. It’s almost like. Every time he opens his mouth, he’s half-expecting the Winter Soldier to come out.

He hasn’t, yet. Won’t, ever again. Not unbidden. Sam’s sure of that. Bucky, not so much.

‘You busy?’

‘’m scouring the—’

‘Good,’ Sam cuts the idiot off, ‘I need you to help me shave.’

advanced therapy methods for large adult men | 2 parts | 11,717 words

part 1: The Gottman Method for Dealing with Conflict | Mature | 4,187 words

Bucky and Dr. Raynor have a follow-up session and two entirely different conversations about his relationship status.

Or: Let's do more couples therapy, James.

it’s always Bucky’s Fault | 3 parts | 20,089 words

part 1: Did you see it? | Explicit | 3,905 words

In which there's supposedly a viral video of the Winter Soldier on his knees sucking off Captain America.

Everything is, like always, completely Bucky's fault.

CANON DIVERGENCE

Even in the Present (I Am Living in the Past) | Teen | 16,977 words

Sometimes Sam still questions everything about his ability to shoulder the 80-year legacy he now bears. His history, and the history of his loss, sticks with him and even in healing he doubts whether or not he is able to fulfil his purpose, and whether he may find lasting peace and happiness.

Told in fluid-fragments, the story moves between his therapy sessions after his return from active duty and the post-Endgame present.

You never forget your first | Teen | 3,650 words

The story of Bucky and Sam getting together in a series of firsts.

leftovers | Mature | 19,249 words

With the New Avengers up and running, Sam finally has time to start dating again. Unfortunately, it's not going as well as he'd hoped.

Partners | Explicit | 7,235 words

Sam's not sure if he can be Captain America. He's not a supersoldier. He can't throw the shield. He's just a dude.

And Bucky Barnes is just a nuisance, albeit a pretty good-looking one.

I’ll explain everything to the geese | Explicit | 50,949 words

Bucky is so competent that it hurts my feelings is not a rational complaint to have about a person, and yet, after a year of being Captain America and partnering up with Bucky for the new and improved, post-Blip Avengers, that’s kinda how Sam’s feeling.

It’s not great. It maybe leads to Sam making some rash, ill-advised decisions like claiming he has a previously undisclosed superpower, and then getting caught in a web of lies when he ends up actually developing that surprisingly inconvenient superpower. Talking to birds had seemed like a harmless superpower, but it turns out that birds have a lot of opinions, and they don’t hesitate to tell Sam about them, especially when it comes to his supposedly subpar courting skills. Which is ridiculous, because Sam isn’t courting Bucky. Right?

Night Swimming | Teen | 2,056 words

“Come on. The princess has a new arm for you and I gotta see if there’s a barber around here willing to tackle your…” Sam waved a hand at Bucky’s face.

“I don’t want a new arm,” Bucky immediately bit out.

And then -

“I can cut my own damn hair.”

Sam just raised both eyebrows. Crossed his arms over his chest again.

Dared Bucky to prove him wrong.

AU

Cpvert Coffee & Flirtation Specialist | General | 5,542 words

The reporter says "—for Captain America to—"

And Bucky rolls his eyes. "Oh, here we go."

Sam looks at him then tips his head sideways, got a weird grin on his face. "Not a fan?"

"Not that. Just… the guy seems too good to be true, right? Wings and a shield?? Come on."

"Uh, is that why your eyes are like glued to the screen whenever he's on?" Kate says. "Is that why you call him Captain Tight Ass?"

"He's a goddamn show-off, and you know it. Tight ass or not."

Just then Sam snorts, real loud, grabs his coffee and suffers a horribly controlled laugh on his way out the door.

Stolen Moments | Teen | 98,767 words

“No,” Sam said, chuckling. “I don’t cheat,” he swept his gaze up and down James’ body, “even with guys who look like you. But, I’m bored and a little pissed, so if you wanna sit here and shoot the shit ‘til my man shows back up, I’m game.”

Never one to back to back down from a challenge - especially a challenge who looked like Sam Wilson - Bucky took another swig from his bottle and replied, “Sure, doll. I’ve got nothing but time.”

Steve has Sam. Bucky wants Sam. Sam wasn’t expecting any of this.

Such a Whirlwind Since I Saw You | Teen | 10,871 words

The Men of Letters turned Bucky Barnes into a weapon. Hunters Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanov are determined to save him, but they're going to need Sam Wilson's help.

“So you want me to ditch work, drive across America with you until you find your friend, who you thought was dead - all while avoiding some high-tech hunters who are out for blood?” Sam is asking.

Steve shrugs a shoulder, looking a little sheepish. Natasha almost laughs at the dry tone of Sam’s voice, but he's not wrong.

You Got What I Need? | Explicit | 37,588 words

Sam and Bucky are both in a bind, professionally. Nat points out a solution that neither men like. To save their careers they play along or rather, stop playing all together.

[aziraphales-library]

hi hi! thank you for all your work with this blog. i was wondering if i might could ask for some fics that would brighten one’s day? soft, comforty type things with a/c and if possible maybe g or t rating if you know of anything? sending all of you little forehead kisses and good vibes. <3

Hello hello! You’re welcome. I have some lovely soft warm fics for you, which are hopefully as nice as forehead kisses and good vibes...

A Better Place For Us To Be by Mackem (T)

A smile spreads across Aziraphale’s face. “You’re not speaking hypothetically, are you?” he asks softly, because he needs to be sure. Because they spent millennia not saying how they felt, and he would prefer never to face that uncertainty again. “Do you really mean it, Crowley? You’d like to move somewhere else? Together?”

“Of course together. There’s no me without you,” Crowley says immediately, his voice low and tender. Aziraphale reaches out to him instinctively with a soft noise, and Crowley lets himself be reeled closer when Aziraphale fastens a hand around his wrist. He chuckles affectionately when Aziraphale nuzzles briefly into his lean stomach, overcome for just a moment by the warmth in Crowley’s voice.

Sometimes he wonders how on Earth he managed to persuade himself that Crowley had ever felt anything other than love for him, when the sheer force of it is like a tidal wave crashing over him, washing away millennia of doubt.

Safe In Your Arms by AppleSeeds (T)

After moving out of his flat following a fire, Aziraphale moves in with Crowley, who turns out to be very lovely and seems determined to do anything he can to comfort Aziraphale when he finds out about the nightmares he's been having.

How You Remind Me Of Some Spring by ineffablefool (G)

Pure plotless ace fat-positive fluff about an angel and a demon who love each other very much. Part of the Do It With Style Reverse Bang, inspired by and featuring artwork by kerkusa! Welcome to the Soft Zone(TM), please enjoy your visit.

How Two Hands Touch by thefoxandtherose (T)

Aziraphale didn't believe in reiki, or healing energies, or crystals, despite the thinly veiled implications and upsell offerings of this particular spa. But he believed in love. He believed in loving the people around him, and he believed in channeling that care into his work. --- Crowley seeks out a new massage therapist when his old injury starts giving him hell.

a picnic plan for you and me by theappleppielifestyle (G)

“It’s angel food cake,” he said. He waited. When Aziraphale did nothing but nod politely: “It’s funny, see, ‘cause-”

“No, no, I get it.” Aziraphale nodded again. “Very funny.”

“Oh, shut up, it is-”

“May I ask what brought this on?”

Crowley paused. “Can’t a guy just want to try baking?”

(Or, Crowley makes Aziraphale food after the world doesn't end. It has absolutely nothing to do with how much he wants to make Aziraphale smile.)

Cables and Argyle by EnchantressEmily (G)

Crowley knows he isn't the usual sort of knitter, and he can't see himself fitting into a knitting group. But the group that meets at the Shangri-La Yarn Shoppe is nothing like what he expects - especially the fussy, charming man in charge of it.

(AKA: the knitting group AU no one asked for.)

- Mod D