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halsteadlover · 1 year

Text

Haunted

*Gif not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Female!Reader.

• Requested by @lelaartt: So reader and Jay are engaged, her working as a nurse in the ICU. She gets followed by a stranger on her way home for couple of occasions (She doesn't tell anyone) as the stranger becames a main suspect in case that intelligence is dealing with. Jay completelly worried about her safety and she tells him about the stranger following her for couple of weeks.

• Warnings: stalking, cursing, blood, description of violence, brief mention of killing and rape. (Let me know if I missed something).

• Word count: 9530.

• A/N: I know this is a long ass fic and I’m so sorry please don’t come at me 😭. I’m kinda nervous because I really don’t vibe with the fic but I really hope it turned out okay. Let me know what you think and reblog, comment and like if you want. ❤️ thank you again for your support, forever grateful for it. Sending lots of love to you all xx

Your hospital shift was nothing short of exhausting.

That day there were three hospitalizations in the ICU due to a terrible accident that happened in the afternoon. Three patients, all of them brain dead. The ward was short-staffed and it was just you and another nurse, Amanda, on that shift so dealing with these three new patients, along with the other ones, was really exhausting.

After closing your locker, you removed the necklace where you hung the ring and slipped it onto the ring finger of your left hand, which you did at the end of each shift. You didn't want to risk losing it during work, you’d never forgive yourself for it so you just carried it around your neck during the shifts. You looked at it for a moment with a smile on your lips thinking back to the day Jay asked you to marry him.

You took your cell phone from the pocket of your uniform and, as you walked towards the exit, bag on your shoulders, you noticed various texts from Jay, the last one dating back to a couple of minutes prior.

From Fiancée 💍, 7:17 pm

Baby we're still dealing with a difficult case, I think I'll be late tonight. Please let me know when you get home. I love you endlessly. Be careful.

From Fiancée 💍, 7:55 pm

Baby? Are you okay?

From Fiancée 💍, 8.21 pm

Should I send a patrol to the hospital? You know I'll do it love.

You chuckled not doubting about that, you knew he would. Jay had always been very protective of you, which you wouldn't admit but loved it madly. You loved he cared about you, so much he’d leave everything and everyone to come to you if you asked him to.

From you, 8.27 pm

I'm sorry love, it's been a hard shift and I just picked up my cell phone. I'm going home now. How are you? When will you finish? You’ll come home soon, right?

You left the hospital and started walking home. It was late spring and the temperatures were finally starting to warm up a bit, allowing you to finally breathe fresh air. You really needed it after a whole day of smelling the hospital and disinfectants.

Your cell phone started ringing following a call.

“Hi baby! You really miss me that much, don’t you?” You begin, bringing your cell phone to your ear, a smile on your lips.

“I always miss you, you know that,” your fiancée answered on the other end of the phone. “Are you walking home?”.

“Yes, it's a beautiful evening and I felt like walking.”

Jay sighed. “Baby you know I don't like the idea of you walking alone in the dark, you could’ve taken a taxi or waited for me to pick you up.”

“Oh come on Jay, what’s gonna happen. I'll be home in twenty minutes,” you retorted “Where are you?”.

“I'm still in the district baby, I have to finish writing a case report and then I'm finally leaving,” you heard some noise in the background but you couldn't figure out what he was doing.

Jay continued to keep you company on the phone, refusing to leave you completely alone even though you'd insisted that he finish work so he'd get back to you soon.

You asked him about his day and he started telling you what he had done as you listened to him carefully, asking him a few questions from time to time when you didn't quite understand something. You bumped into a person and quickly mumbled an apology before walking on, quickly glancing at the man who reassured you not to worry.

“Everything okay baby?” Jay asked.

“Yeah, yeah, I got distracted and bumped into a guy, no big deal. What were you saying?”.

Suddenly an unease feeling went through your body. You tried to let it go, thinking it was just a figment of your imagination.

You clasped your hand around your purse, quickly picking up your pace when you began to hear footsteps behind you.

They were so loud you seemed to hear them only a few feet away from you.

You turned around and stopped in your tracks, looking around for a few seconds before letting out a sigh of relief.

There was no one walking behind you.

Your heart was pounding and anxiety was eating up your stomach and you forgot for a moment you were on the phone with Jay.

Stay calm, you're just tired.

“Baby? You still there?” Jay's voice brought you back to reality. “Oh yeah, sorry, I couldn’t hear you anymore.” You answered. You didn't want to make him worry about your simple and stupid feeling, you knew if you told him you had the impression someone was following you he would’ve rushed to you and acted like the world was about to end.

You were sure it was just the fatigue speaking, but your senses remained alert until you got to your apartment. You took a shower while you waited for Jay to come back home, ordering food since you knew neither of you would feel like cooking.

You were about to lower the blinds in your bedroom window when, glancing outside, you noticed a figure standing on the sidewalk in front of you.

It was too dark for you to make out who it was and for a few moments you stood paralyzed, your eyes fixed on that dark figure, trying to figure out if it was just a hallucination.

The noise of the front door opening and closing made you jump in place, nearly giving you a heart attack.

You took your eyes off that figure for just a second.

Just for a moment.

And it was no longer there.

You ran your hands over your face in frustration, letting out a deep sigh at the same time before walking over to Jay, deciding you were going to ignore it and just needed a good night's sleep.

The following days went on quietly and the strange episode that happened a few nights before passed into oblivion. But that was before something else weird made your skin crawl.

“Are you sure you don't want me to drive you to work babe?” Jay asked you as he planted numerous kisses on your lips, making you smile between them. It was morning and you were both in the doorway, your arms around his chest as you both struggled to pull away.

“I'm positive baby, just think about resting okay? I’ll see you tonight.”

He cupped his hands over your face, giving you one last long, sweet kiss on your lips. “I'll have dinner ready for you. You be careful. I love you so much.”

“I love you more.“

The day went on peacefully. You had to work a double shift in the hospital as the nurse on the afternoon shift was sick and had to take over her place.

You loved your job, you really did. There was nothing else you would’ve done in your life but sometimes you couldn't deny how difficult and tiring it was.

“Y/N, sweetie!” You heard the voice of your colleague, Becca, calling you from a patient’s room you'd just passed. You sighed, recognizing the tone she used when she needed something.

You took a few steps back, looking into the room and noticing Becca intent on changing the unconscious patient's dressing.

“Becca I was about to leave, why do you still want to torture me?” You whined and she rolled her eyes. “Please help me change these dressings. Pretty please, I can't wait to leave too.”

She put on the sweetest puppy face she was capable of and for the second time you sighed and rolled your eyes. You ended up disinfecting your hands, putting on a pair of gloves and helping her to change the patient’s dressings.

By the time you finished you were dead tired and couldn't wait to get back to Jay and sleep, you probably would’ve just run away if anyone else had asked you any other favor. For this reason, you practically flew out of the hospital after saying goodbye to your colleagues.

It was particularly cold that evening and you found yourself rubbing your hands on your arms in an attempt to get some warmth. Thank God you took the car that day.

You walked over to your car and grabbed the keys from your bag. Before unlocking it, you noticed an object resting on the windshield, held on it by the wiper. You furrowed your eyebrows when you realized it was a rose.

A black rose.

What the fuck?

There was no card attached to it, just the rose.

Your heartbeat began to accelerate and anxiety took over you. You tried to keep calm and not freak out since there was definitely an explanation why someone had to put a damn black rose on your car.

Maybe they were wrong, maybe it was for another person and they got mixed up with the cars.

Who the hell gives a black rose though?

Your eyes scanned the parking lot around you but you didn't notice anyone suspicious or anyone nearby watching you, before dropping the rose on the asphalt, trying not to think about it. There was definitely a mistake.

The car ride was strange.

You couldn't shake the feeling something was wrong. You kept looking in the rear view mirror to notice if there were any cars following you, you were probably just getting paranoid but you couldn't keep yourself calm.

When you parked in your usual spot once you got back home, that feeling of discomfort hadn't disappeared, on the contrary, it had increased.

The streetlights hadn't been turned on yet and it was dark enough outside so distinguishing objects or people was pretty hard.

After locking the car you were about to enter the apartment building when your gaze fell on the sidewalk in front of you.

You didn't know if it was just your imagination, but you swore there was someone standing, exactly in front of you and, despite the darkness, you were sure they were watching you.

You couldn't figure out who that person was, only that he was a man.

Your breath caught in your chest as you realized it was the same figure you'd spotted a few days earlier from your bedroom window.

The silence was almost deafening, making everything more frightening and suggestive.

Your muscles were paralyzed as your eyes seemed to be glued to that man.

Suddenly he moved and your heart almost stopped beating.

But when you saw him go away, that was the last thing you expected.

He did nothing, just walked away.

You tried to explain what was happening in your mind. Maybe it was just a coincidence, that man was there for another reason and you had nothing to do with it.

You let out a sigh you didn't realize you were holding and quickly entered the apartment building, rushing to your home where you found Jay on the couch watching a show.

That rose left you with a feeling of anxiety that you couldn't get rid of easily, also caused by that figure you saw standing in front of you. You didn't immediately tell Jay, you didn't want to worry him since you already knew how he’d react and he’d worry to death and go crazy about it.

You just wanted to be sure that something’s happening before alarming him.

But, knowing you like the back of his hand, he immediately sensed there was something strange, that something was bothering you. You tried to convince him otherwise, that you were just awfully tired after working a double shift at the hospital.

“Baby, really, I'm fine. I'm just dead tired,” you said for the hundredth time since you'd set foot inside the house.

“Are you sure? You know you can talk to me. Did someone upset you? Did something happen at work?” He kept going, thumb and forefinger under your chin to keep your head up and make you look into his eyes. Your hands slid under his shirt, caressing his chest as you placed your lips on his, trying to distract him.

“No baby, nobody did anything. Seriously, nothing happened,” you muttered against his lips, “I just missed my fiancé like hell.” You bit his bottom lip and he hissed, his breathing suddenly heavy. “Do you want to take a shower with me?”.

“Fuck yeah,” Jay had said before crashing his mouth on yours and kissing your breath away. His tongue explored every corner of your mouth as his lips moved masterfully with yours. His hands went down your body and he bent slightly before reaching your thighs, pressing his fingers against your skin and urging you to jump into his arms.

You wrapped your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck meanwhile he carried you to the bathroom, never letting go of you. As he kicked the door open, you found yourself completely lost in him, the rest of the world vanishing and all negative thoughts forgotten.

However this sensation of bliss was destined to vanish.

In the following days the feeling that was tormenting you didn’t disappear, instead it only got worse.

You started to sense someone was constantly following you and watching you, that every time you walked in the middle of the street there was someone behind you even if every time you turned around there was no one.

After finding that rose on your car, this kept happening and almost every night for two weeks a rose would appear on your windshield.

Jay knew something was wrong, you weren't acting normally anymore.

You were always jumpy, any sudden noise made you almost have a heart attack, even if you were cooking and he suddenly hugged you from behind you’d be scared to death.

Needless to say Jay asked you a million times what was going on, what was it that was bothering you so much but you didn't want to bother him. You didn't want to upset him, make him worry about some stupid feeling of yours, not when his work was already haunting him enough.

Maybe deep down you were hoping whoever was leaving you those roses would stop and eventually leave you alone.

One evening you went out with your friends, on one of your rare days off, to try to keep your mind occupied and to catch up with them since you didn't always have the opportunity because of your hectic job.

Between laughter, jokes, chatting and various cocktails, the evening went on normally and by 1:00 am each one of you went back home. You headed towards your car, parked not far from the bar where you had all met together, calm and happy for the first time in weeks.

However, this feeling of calmness faded the instant your gaze fell on a damn black rose sitting on your windshield, again.

A wave of anger took over you.

You were tired, so damn tired of this little game that whoever it was was playing against you.

Who the hell was this person? What the fuck did they want from you? Why were they targeting you?

Whoever that person was they following you, they knew what you were doing, who you were with, and it scared the shit out of you as well as infuriating you.

You tore all the petals off that rose that would haunt you forever before throwing it angrily on the asphalt and getting into the car. You started it and quickly drove away from there, intending to go home immediately.

You wanted Jay, you wanted your fiancée. You wanted to hug him, feeling safe again in his arms and forget about all that shit that was going on.

As soon as you got home, however, your heart skipped a beat when you saw Jay laying on the sofa, asleep. The TV was on and he had his cell phone resting on his stomach, holding it close in case you called him. A smile was born on your lips and for an instant all negative thoughts flew away as your attention focused on the sleeping figure on the couch.

You leaned towards him, leaving a sweet little kiss on his forehead, also gently stroking his hair with your left hand. He stirred in his sleep and opened his eyes at the same instant, looking around before looking at you, a sigh of relief to see you were back home safe and sound.

“I’m sorry I woke you up baby,” you whispered, kissing his forehead again “Let's go to bed so you can sleep again.”

He mumbled something you couldn’t catch and rubbed his eyes before flashing a smile that nearly made your knees buckle. He nodded and then stood up, stretching his arms before pulling you into a hug. “How are you my love? Did you have fun?”.

The memory of that rose returned to your mind but for some reason, seeing his eyes so red and tired, you decided not to worry him about it and you’d talk to him about it the following morning.

“Mmh,” you muttered nodding your head “I really had fun, we needed this girls night out even though I missed you a lot.”

He chuckled, placing his hands on your face and giving you a kiss on the lips. “I’m glad darling, you deserved it since you’re working so hard lately. And I missed you so much more,” he kissed you again “Come on, let's go to sleep now.”

But that night you couldn't sleep given the thousands of thoughts that were going through your head. You couldn't help but think who would do something like that, what the hell those roses meant. Was there anyone who had it in for you? Did you do something to someone? Maybe an angry patient?

You thought again and again about who could be doing this but none occurred to you. Jay told you about his cases so many times you knew that whoever did this was doing it to torture you, to keep you on your toes, to make you live in fear.

And the fact they were succeeding was infuriating you.

Fear turned into pure terror when, while checking your cell phone, you noticed a text from an unknown number.

So pretty. Can’t wait to meet you.

How did they get your number?

You were so immersed in your thoughts you didn't notice it was morning and that Jay had woken up in the meantime. He literally jumped out of bed when you told him the time after he asked you, realizing he was late. You had the afternoon shift so you didn't have to worry about getting ready for quite a while longer.

“Baby can I talk to you about something?” You had asked him, not being able to hold it in anymore even though you knew you picked up the worst time to do it.

How smart were you for wanting to talk to him about something so delicate as he was hurring to get dressed and going to work? Not much.

“Can you tell me about it later? I'm so sorry, but I'm super late…” he replied frantically as he ran from one part of the room to another looking for the keys. He stopped for a moment in front of you, placing his hands on your face, analyzing your features. “Is it something important though? If…”

You shook his head, placing your hands on his chest and giving him a reassuring smile even if anxiety was making you nauseous. “No, it's not urgent baby. I'll tell you tonight. Now go.”

He smiled at you and made sure to leave you a long, sweet kiss on your lips before saying goodbye and literally flying out of the front door.

It could wait, right?

You tried to keep yourself busy all morning, cleaning every corner of your apartment and keeping your mind from the negative thoughts.

You couldn't deny the slightest noise made you jump, even when you accidentally dropped something on the floor. You hated this feeling, you hated having to be afraid in your own home, you hated whoever was doing this to you, you hated them so fucking much.

You nearly jumped for joy when you realized it was time to get ready for work, the thought that for few hours you'd be safe made you especially happy to go to the hospital.

You took a shower before quickly putting on your uniform and packing your bag. You checked that everything you needed was there, house and car keys and hospital locker keys, a bottle of water, tissues, tampons, some snacks, pepper spray and a small knife. Jay had forced you to carry them around constantly, asserting you could never be too safe and he’d be comfortable with the thought you had something to protect you in case of need, and never as then as then you were grateful to him.

Once you left the apartment, you made sure you locked the door at least three times. The anxiety that had been living with you for weeks was now gripping your stomach, forcing you to constantly look around and keeping you alert to any individual passing by you.

You forcefully clutched your purse to you, walking briskly to your car and unlocking before climbing in and locking yourself inside. You let out a breath you didn't realize you were even holding as your eyes continued to scan the perimeter for any type of threat.

Did you already mention how much you hated this?

“It's okay Y/N, it's okay, just take it easy,” you whispered to yourself, taking a deep breath before putting on your seat belt and starting the car.

As you drove to the hospital you couldn't help but constantly look at the rear view mirror, almost as if you expected someone to be following you but they weren't, there was no car that you repeatedly noticed behind you.

Your cell phone started ringing and you took it from inside your bag, not taking your eyes off the road. Without even looking who it was, imagining for a moment it was Jay, you answered.

“Hello?”.

The smile on your lips instantly disappeared when instead of a voice you started to hear a heavy sigh, almost a pant.

“Hello?”.

You took the phone away from your ear and glanced at the screen, noting that it wasn't Jay, or anyone else you knew, but an unknown ID.

“Who is this?” You continued, hoping whoever it was would answer and maybe you'd recognize the voice. The person on the other end of the phone just kept sighing heavily, making your heart beat so hard you thought you were about to have a heart attack at any moment.

“What the fuck do you want from me?! Leave me alone!” You screamed, in the grip of fear, anxiety and anger that this person was forcing you to suffer. You closed the call and threw the cell phone on the passenger seat, not caring if it had bumped into something or was broken.

Your vision began to blur with tears fearing for your safety. They had your number. They knew where you lived. What kept them from taking you and killing you?

Your hands were shaking on the wheel as you parked at the hospital, palms sweaty. Your heart was still pounding and there wasn't a muscle in your body that didn't shake like your hands.

You took a few minutes to compose yourself, not wanting to cause questions from colleagues about the reason of your emotional state.

You took a few deep breaths and wiped your tears away, constantly telling yourself that everything was fine, that you'd be fine, that no one could hurt you in the hospital.

You never felt the need to have Jay with you like then. God you were stupid, so fucking stupid for not telling him about all of this before, for keeping everything inside you and hoping it’d eventually just go away, for underestimating what was happening. You were being stalked.

You texted him, telling him you'd arrived at the hospital and asking how his day was going, determined to tell him about the person who was stalking you as soon as you got off work.

You never thought you'd say it but you were never as glad you had a hard shift as you were that afternoon. Four patients arrived, one after suffering a stroke, two from a car accident and another after falling from the roof of his house.

The entire shift consisted of you and your colleagues running back and forth across the ward, treating patients, resuscitating them after one of them went into cardiac arrest twice. Your mind was focused on nothing but your patients and in treating them, everything else was left out of the hospital. You wouldn't let whoever was stalking you ruin your job, ever.

At the end of the shift there was no need to say you were dead tired and couldn't wait to go to sleep and although it was only 8:00 pm, the lack of sleep of the night before starting to take a toll on you.

As you placed your stethoscope in the locker and grabbed your bag, you removed your engagement ring from the chain around your neck and putted it on your finger. Your cell phone rang following a text notification and your heart skipped a beat for an instant.

The anxiety, which you managed to not to think about during the afternoon, returned stronger than ever to grip your stomach and for a moment you considered to throw the phone away.

But you thought it’d Jay and when you realized that it was indeed him, you breathed a sigh of relief. He said he'd be late that night because of a particularly difficult case and to let him know when you'd be done and went back home.

You tried to hide your sorrow, not wanting to be alone, especially in that situation.

You quickly typed a text back, asking him what he’d like for dinner, and put your cell phone in your bag. You said goodbye to your colleagues and walked towards the hospital exit.

You took a deep breath, praying to God to go home safe and sound.

Although spring had arrived it was particularly cold that evening due to the wind blowing and you cursed yourself for not bringing a jacket with you.

You walked, actually, almost ran to your car.

Anxiety was eating you alive and your heart was pounding, fear flowing like a river through your veins.

After taking the keys from your bag and unlocked the car, you quickly looked around, a sigh of relief leaving your lips when you saw no one was around you.

But suddenly the keys fell out of your hands as a slimy hand placed over your mouth and an arm around your hips.

Your bag fell to the ground as you began to squirm in an attempt to free yourself from whoever grabbed you.

Adrenaline coursed through your veins as the fear of dying made you fight like never before.

You screamed, your throat burning, even though because of the hand your scream came out muffled.

“Stop fighting it, it had to happen sooner or later, you knew it was going to happen sweetie,” A man's voice came hoarsely to your ears and you suppressed a gag.

You managed to hit his side with your elbow, hard enough to loosen his grip on you and you tried to push him away with all the strength you had in your body.

“You fucking whore!”.

You threw yourself to get the car keys on the asphalt but the man was faster than you and grabbed your arm, pressing his fingers into your skin with such force you were sure they’d leave a mark.

A searing, stinging pain radiated up your face as his fist hit you full-on, knocking you to the ground. You put your hands forward to try to cushion the fall, but it caused you scratches and minor lacerations on both your forearms.

“We're meant to be. I know you want it. I saw it.”

You glanced at him and almost fainted when after few seconds your recognized him.

You had already met him. He was the guy you bumped into two weeks ago.

What the fuck?!

He tried to grab your wrists but before forcing you to get up, you managed to kick him in his genital area, using all the strength you had in your body. A sound of pure pain escaped his mouth and he backed away, leaning forward and gripping the sore area with his hands.

You took advantage of that moment of weakness to get off the asphalt. You weren't going to let him hurt you, not anymore.

You grabbed his black hair in two fists and you didn't care about the damage you would’ve caused him, you didn't care you were a nurse, that you were supposed to be the one to treat people and not hurt them, but you kneed him in his face and the horrible noise his bones made, suggested you most likely broke his nose.

You pushed him to the ground, ignoring the way he grunted in pain and the blood pouring profusely from his nose, kicking him in the stomach with such force that even you were stunned.

You never fought in your entire life, never kicked anyone or punched someone, you hated the idea of hurting people but at that very moment your life was on the line and you had to protect yourself.

The man was laying on the asphalt grunting and muttering some curse word and you took advantage of it. You had to run away, that was your only chance.

You quickly grabbed your car keys and purse off the ground before opening the door and getting in. You locked yourself in before you started fumbling to get the vehicle going.

Your hands were shaking and your vision was still blurry from the punch he had thrown at you.

You gave him a quick look, terrified he’d get up and kill you on the spot.

You didn't know how but you managed to start the car and without even looking back you drove away from that parking lot. You knew you couldn't drive in those conditions but you just wanted to get away from that monster.

You didn't know where to go, you didn't want to go home, the terror of being attacked there would’ve killed you so you went to the place where there was the only person you wanted to see, the only one who could make you feel better, safe.

The journey to the district was awful.

Your body was driving but it was as if you were experiencing everything from the outside, as if your soul had left your body and was looking at you from afar.

You didn't know how you managed to drive and not run over anyone or crash yourself.

Your breathing was still quickening, your chest rose and fell as if you'd run a marathon, your trembling hands struggling to hold onto the steering wheel. Your vision was blurred due to copious tears flowing from your eyes and streaming down your face, not even realizing you were crying desperately.

Your face was in pain and you were sure a huge bruise would appear on your cheek, although you didn't care, grateful you were still alive, that you managed to escape.

When you arrived at the district, you didn’t care about parking your car properly, or to take your bag or lock it after getting off. You just wanted Jay.

A smile appeared on Sergeant Platt's face the moment she saw you walking up the stairs, but when she noticed the way you were running, it immediately disappeared.

“Oh my God Y/N!” she exclaimed as soon as she saw you up close. Your face was streaked with tears, an expression of pure terror and fear contouring your features, your uniform stained with dust. She ran towards you, placing her hands on your arms. “What happened to you?” She took a look at your body looking for any other injury. “Oh dear. It's okay, whatever happened you're safe here.”

You kept breathing hard and your eyes were so full of tears you could barely see her.

“Shh it's okay. Come on, let's go sit down.”

She put her arm around your shoulders as she took your hand with her free one as a sign of support. She led you into one of the break rooms, making you sit on the couch and sitting next to you.

Her hand kept squeezing yours meanwhile the other stroked your back, trying to calm you down.

“Do you want some water?” She asked and you nodded, not being able to speak at the moment. Trudy got up and ran to get a bottle of water.

She handed it to you after opening the cap and it broke her heart to see the way you were shaking. “T-thanks,” you stammered, your chest shaking with sobs. “J-Jay.”

“I'm going to call him right away, don't move from here,” she said, seeing the way you needed him. She got up and ran upstairs, where Intelligence was still busy working on the case.

Everyone turned to the sergeant, who was at the top of the stairs with an expression that did not bode well. “Trudy, did something happen?” Voight asked as soon as he saw her but her gaze fell on Jay, who was standing by the whiteboard, arms folded across his chest.

“Jay… It's Y/N…” She spoke, saying nothing else. “She's downstairs now…”

Jay's eyes widened at the sergeant's words, his eyebrows furrowed in an expression of worry and fear. He knew something was up, by the way Platt looked at him and a wave of anxiety hit him, his mind now focused only on you.

Without even letting her finish the sentence, he quickly moved away from the others, running down the stairs, almost tripping on his feet. Trudy followed him, giving no explanation to the rest of the team who just exchanged a worried look.

“Where's she?” he asked hurriedly and Trudy pointed him to the room you were in.

He burst into the room and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw you sitting on the sofa but immediately worrying when he saw the state you were in. Trudy closed the door behind him, leaving you two alone and not giving any other cops a chance to snoop.

You had your elbows resting on your knees, your hands on your face as your leg bounced up and down almost obsessively.

“Baby!”.

His voice made you snap your head to him and before you knew it, you were rushing into his arms, squeezing yours around his torso with so much force you were almost afraid he’d disappear.

Jay was surprised for a moment but immediately returned that hug, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and hugging you like he never did. He had no idea what had happened, but whatever it was he knew it was serious and that was enough to make his heart race.

“I'm here baby, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. It's okay,” he whispered, placing a kiss on your head, stroking your hair. You cried in his arms, with relief because he was finally there with you.

His heart sank as he heard you cry like that, feeling helpless like never before. You kept shaking and, without even knowing anything, Jay promised himself whoever had done this to you was a dead person.

“Baby you're making me worry to death. Please talk to me,” his voice coming out desperately. You broke away from his embrace, but still remained very close to him. “Darling, look at me. What happened?”.

His hands rested on your face and inevitably on the bruised cheek. You winched in pain and this didn't escape Jay, who was on the verge of losing his mind by then. “Y/N. Look at me,” he urged and you did as he said, lifting your head and making eye contact with him.

His breath caught in his chest as his gaze fell on the clear purple bruise on your cheek.

“What the fuck? Y/N…” he stammered, an incredulous and horrified look on his face as he looked at you. He took his hand away from your wounded cheek, placing two fingers under your chin and turning your head to inspect it better. “Shit baby… What happened? Who did this to you?”.

His heart was pounding in his chest and as his eyes looked at every single inch of that bruise that lined your cheek, every single cell in his body lit up with rage. Seeing the desperation on your face, the look of pure terror with which you were looking at him, the way your eyes were so full of tears, Jay felt as if he had stabbed and someone had twisted the knife over and over again.

“I-I… H-he…” you stammered meaninglessly, sobbing between words clearly still unable to speak.

“Oh baby come here,” he hugged you again, this time even harder than he had before. “My beautiful princess. It's okay, it's okay, you're safe now do you hear me? You're safe.” He tried to comfort you “I'm here now, I'm here. You’re not alone anymore and I will never let anyone hurt you again. You’re safe with me my love.”

“I-I was…” another sob “So… S-so scared…” you cried into his shirt, wetting it with your tears.

“I know, my baby, I know,” he whispered, placing lots of little kisses on your head. “I'm so sorry. It wasn't supposed to happen, not to you. But you're safe now, I'm here with you, you’re safe with me.” He kept repeating to you.

You both sat on the couch and he continued to hug you indefinitely, holding you and cradling you in his arms until you calmed down. “Sorry,” you muttered, your voice weak as you pulled away from his embrace, gesturing at his tear-stained t-shirt.

“Don’t even say it,” he replied. He raised his hand and stroked your hair, tucking it behind your ears as you kept your gaze on your hands. He was about to continue speaking when his eyes fell on the bruises on your arm, visible outside of your uniform.

His fingers lifted the sleeve to take a better look of the bruises on your skin. He immediately understood they were finger markers, a sign that someone had violently grabbed your arm.

“Oh darling,” he whispered, shattered at the sight of those horrible marks on your beautiful skin “What have they done to you?” His fingers caressed you gently, being careful not to hurt you further.

He was furious, like he had been a few other times in his life, and he still hadn't heard the story.

“Tell me what happened, please.”

You sighed and with still trembling voice, started talking. You told him about everything, about the roses, about the feeling of being followed, about the text, about the call and about the man who attacked you, the fact you already saw him for few seconds weeks prior, how he hit you and how you defended yourself.

“Why the hell didn't you tell me about it sooner?!” Jay snapped, when you finished speaking “This was never going to happen dammit! I would’ve killed that fucking son of a bitch.”

He leapt to his feet, running his hands over his face and pacing around the room. He didn't want to pick on you, it wasn't your fault and he knew it, but he was so damn angry, so angry you had to go through this, that he wasn't there to protect you.

His eyes landed on you noticing how yours quickly filled with tears again at his words and the tone of voice he used. “No, no, no baby, don't cry,” he rushed over to you, kneeling in front of you and wiping away the tears with his thumbs. “I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to blame you. It's not your fault, please don't cry.”

His hands rested on your knees as you looked at him with sad, broken eyes, making his heart break over and over again. “You’re right I should have told you about it…”

“No, baby, don't get this into your head okay? It's not your fault, I’m so sorry for snapping like that I’m just so fucking furious for what that piece of shit did to you. It’s his fault, he hurt you and make you go through all of this. I hate you had to go through this alone and I wasn’t there to help you,” He sighed “I knew something wasn't right, I should have…” Jay stopped his eyes suddenly widening as you looked at him confused.

“Oh my god, that's… That's what you wanted to tell me this morning, isn't it?”. You didn't answer, effectively giving him the answer he needed.

Jay scrambled to his feet again, as if he'd just been given an electric shock. “Fuck!” He tried to keep control but you jumped as he kicked a chair in anger before placing his hands on the table and bowing his head, his back towards you.

“Jay…” you mumbled, standing up and walking towards him. You placed a hand on his back even though he didn't move from that position.

“It's my fault, this…�� he choked on his own words “If I had stopped and listened to you this morning… Shit… It shouldn't have happened… I’m so sorry…”

“Hey, hey, no baby,” you interrupted him “Don't be hypocritical and tell me to not blame me and then do the same.”

He turned his head to you and it broke your heart to see his eyes full of tears. “I was late Y/N… I… This happened to you because I didn't stop for five fucking minutes to listen to you!”.

“Jay, listen to me,” you spoke to him softly. You lightly pulled his arm, causing him to straighten his back. You cupped your hands over his face, stroking his cheeks. “It's that crazy bastard's fault okay? Not yours, not mine.”

“If something happened to you… God…”

“No. Let's not do this. No ifs and buts. I'm here and I'm fine, I was scared shitless, I'm still scared shitless, but I'll be fine. You’re here with me and you’re all I need baby. These are just bruises and they'll be gone in a couple days,” you croaked “You should’ve seen how he looked then.”

He sighed before letting out a chuckle though the tears, hugging you for the third time, his hand stroking your hair. “We'll get him okay? And I'll fucking make him pay for what he did to you.”

You and Jay went upstairs, not wanting to let you disappear from his sight for even a second, after reassuring Trudy and telling her what had happened. Needless to say, she threatened to kill the bastard herself if Jay didn't. The way he answered told you that there was no need and that he’d certainly sort it out.

“I'll get you some ice for the bruise,” Kim had offered. The rest of the team didn't take it quite well either and Voight promised you they’d catch the bastard who hurt you. You and Jay had been together for a long time and you were part of the group now, an attack on one of them was an attack on all of them.

“Thank you,” you thanked her with a warm smile, placing the bag of ice on your face. The cold sent a rush of shivers up your spine.

“Come on baby, let's go in the break room,” Jay had said, his hand resting on your lower back. However, your gaze fell on the white board on which various photos and sentences were hung.

At first you didn't notice, but when your eyes saw a particular photo, you did a double take, stopping in your tracks and lowering the hand that was holding the ice.

“Baby? Are you okay?” Jay immediately asked alarmed, then following the direction of your gaze. “Oh. That's the case we're investigating.”

The photo just on the blackboard wasn't clear enough, it was a frame taken from a surveillance video but you could distinguish the features of the man it portrayed.

You stopped breathing for a second and your mind retraced in those brief moments your aggression, still fresh and imprinted in your memory.

“Y/N?” Jay pressed, worried about your reaction as his hand caressed your back.

“It-it… Jay…” you breathed out “It's him…”

“What?!” Jay's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets and everyone in the unit couldn't mask their surprise.

“It was him… H-he attacked me… Oh god…”

Your hands start shaking again and you thanked that Jay was there to hold you or you would’ve probably collapsed on the floor.

Your eyes moved from that frame to the other hanging photos. There were four photos depicting four different women, more or less your age and similar in appearance to yours. Alongside these were other photos portraying instead what were unmistakably the victims’ bodies.

You were in complete shock.

What were the odds that the man stalking you was the same Jay was investigating on?

“C’mon let’s go,” Jay put his arm around your shoulders, leading you to the break room and closing the door behind him.

You weren't even crying. You were just completely shocked.

“Jay… He…” you stammered as if you were having trouble coordinating your thoughts. He put both of his hands on your shoulders.

“Baby, just breathe okay? Do it with me, take a deep breath.”

You shook yourself out of his grip, now in a panic. How could you calm down?

“He was… He would’ve killed me Jay, like… Like those women… Holy shit…” you continued to babble. You couldn't believe it. You understood that bastard was to be locked up somewhere, but you never, ever imagined he was a serial killer, that he’d done that before to those poor women. What if you didn't fight? What if he managed to overpower you?

Jay closed his hands into a fist, pressing his nails into his palms in an attempt to let out even a tiny bit of the anger, rage and fear he was feeling at the moment.

He didn't even want to imagine it, the thought was enough to make him sick. He didn't want to imagine what could happen to you. He run the risk of losing you forever without even realizing it.

Jay couldn't exist in a world where you weren't there. He couldn't even pass the idea of not having you next to him, the pain from this thought alone was unbearable and it was enough to make his heart shatter to pieces. Damn it, he asked you to marry him, you were his fiancée, his soon to be wife, the future mother of his children. You had to start a family together, buy a bigger house to raise your children and you’d live and grow old together, forever.

He couldn't accept some son of a bitch threatened to take you away from him, the most beautiful person he'd ever met, the love of his life, his anchor and his salvation.

“What happened to those women?” You asked, afraid to hear the answer.

“Baby…”

“No Jay, please, just… Just tell me. What happened to them?”.

Jay took a deep breath, knowing that telling you would only make you feel worse. “No, love. Listen to me now,” he walked over to you, placing a hand on your healthy cheek and stroking your skin with his thumb. “Don't torture yourself like this, it won't do you any good to know, please trust me. You were so brave and you managed to knock out that son of a bitch and now you're here with me, safe, so just think about this okay? I beg you. I don't even want to think about what happened to those poor women, I don't want to think something like that could’ve happened to you and I don't want you to think about it either.”

He was right. You didn't want to know, sometimes it was better to live in the unknown.

“I'm so proud of you,” he whispered, kissing your forehead as his fingers wiped away your tears with excruciating delicacy. “I would’ve died if anything had happened to you baby, I love you so, so fucking much. I couldn't have survived without you.”

“I love you so much Jay,” you too replied in a whisper before sharing a soft, sweet kiss, your nerves starting to finally calm down. “What happens now?”.

“You’ll stay here and we’ll continue to work non-stop until we catch that bastard.”

“Are you sure I can stay here?”.

“Is this even a question?” He looked at you as if you were an alien “Yes baby, of course you can. You have stay here. I need to know you're safe or I won't be able to think of anything else and I know nothing can happen to you if you’re here. If you need anything call me and I’ll be here okay? Try to get some rest, and put ice on your cheek.”

You nodded, knowing that even you wouldn't feel safe anywhere else but there in the district.

After sitting on the small sofa in the break room you eventually fell asleep, tired and worn out from the shift, the day's events and the lack of sleep from the previous night.

Jay and the rest of the team worked nonstop to try and locate the suspect whose name was still unknown. After learning you had hit his nose and you had probably broken it, they called the hospitals in the area and within a radius of about 20km – deducing he wouldn’t be so stupid to go to the hospital where you worked – with the hope that he’d go to get treated.

This hope turned out to be a reality when Kevin was told by a hospital just outside the city that there was a patient matching the description who was still there waiting to be treated for his broken nose.

When Jay went into the break room to warn you they'd found a lead, his heart skipping a beat seeing you asleep. Your head was resting on the back of the couch, your arms folded across your abdomen as your chest slowly rose and fell.

A sad smile spread across his face as he approached you with silent steps, his chest tightening at the sight of that horrible bruise on your cheek. As his eyes roamed on your body, he then noticed some scratches on your forearms and his stomach dropped again for the thousand time that night. He’d never forgive himself for not being able to help you, for failing to realize sooner what was happening, allowing someone to hurt you, he was hating himself for not being there to protect you.

He decided not to wake you up and he leaned over you, gently stroking your hair and tucking a strand behind your ear that had fallen in front of your face. He kissed your forehead, taking an extra second to savor the moment, grateful to still being able to do it.

“I love you so much my baby,” he whispered, “Everything will be okay, I promise you.”

After telling Trudy to stay by your side and never leave you alone, he headed towards the hospital where the suspect was supposed to be, his blood boiling with anger, his hands shaking with the frenzy of being able to have that son in his hands.

The stalker, however, after seeing the cops coming, didn't hesitate for a second to run away. Jay chased after him, determined not to let him get away.

“Chicago PD! Stop now!” Jay shouted as he quickly descended the emergency stairs and followed the man, skipping a few steps at a time in an attempt to reach him first. The fact the man was injured went to his advantage as Jay took the opportunity to jump on his back, causing both of them to fall heavily to the ground.

Jay's vision immediately blurred with anger.

He punched him in the face, using all the strength he had in his body to hurt him. “Son of a bitch!” He exclaimed through clenched teeth, punching him again and again. He didn't care about anything, he didn't care about the consequences there could be. He just wanted to see him suffer, to see him writhe in pain and fear, just the way you did.

“You made a fucking mistake tonight,” Jay spat, standing up and grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, lifting him up like a sack of potatoes before slamming him heavily against the wall. The man coughed, letting out sounds of pain even if Jay couldn't care less. “You'll wish you’d never met her when I'm done with you, you worthless piece of shit.”

He hit him in the face with another punch, not caring about the blood splattered on him after each blow.

He didn't even realize he wasn't alone anymore. Voight was there and watched the scene without batting an eyelid. He deserved it, he deserved everything Jay would do to him, not just for you but also for those poor women who weren’t lucky enough to survive. He knew there was no way to stop him, even if he wanted to, especially since you were involved.

Jay hit the man's head against the wall, then pushing him to the ground. He approached him and without any mercy and without even acknowledging the man's suffering, he kicked him in the stomach.

“Fuck…” the man murmured weakly.

“Look at me you son of a bitch!” Jay cursed, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt again and punching him in the face. “You thought it was fucking fun to hurt my fiancée?!”.

Another strong punch.

“Answer me!” He shouted, knowing he’d not receive a response.

Jay had completely lost control.

His mind was only picturing your wounded and tear-stained face, your terrified expression, your eyes full of tears, the bruises on your arm, on your face, the scratches, the way you hugged him so tightly because of the terror you felt, the fear you must have felt in those weeks.

“You thought you’d get away with it huh?! Making my future wife's life a fucking hell?!” He growled again, kicking this time the man’s face. “Making her scared of her own fucking shadow?!”.

Another kick in the stomach.

He was about to kill him and he didn’t give a fuck.

He bent over the man who was then barely breathing. “Did you like putting your useless dirty hands on my girl, huh?” he hissed as his foot stepped on one of the man’s hand with so much force until he heard his screams and his bones cracking.

He didn't move anymore, now unconscious and covered in his own blood.

Voight intervened at that point, not even knowing if he was alive or not. “That's okay Jay, calm down now.” He placed his hands on his shoulders, pulling him away from the unconscious man. Jay was breathing heavily, as if he had just run a marathon, his angry eyes still focused on the bastard lying on the ground.

“Now get away from here. Go out from the emergency exit and drive back to your fiancée, you were always there with her okay? I’m sure she needs you now.” Voight had ordered him but Jay didn't respond at first. “Halstead.”

At that point Jay focused his gaze on his boss and nodded feebly, casting one last glance at the stalker before walking away.

He wiped his face and hands with a handkerchief he had found in the car, trying to ignore the pain in his swelled hand, his knuckles red.

He never regretted what he did.

He had always condemned the brutal ways some cops used, like his own boss did sometimes, but in that moment he didn't stop to think about how he’d not hesitate even a second to do it again and make suffer anyone who’d hurt you.

When it came to you he’d lose his mind, his judgment clouded. You were the most important person in his life, the most precious of treasures, and he’d protect you with his own life if he could, if it meant keep you safe forever. It may have seemed an exaggeration, it may have seemed crazy, but he didn't care, God, he would’ve burn the entire city to the ground if it meant protecting you.

And as he drove to the district, eager to see you again, only one thought ran through his mind: how much he regretted not making that piece of shit suffer more.

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barcaatthemoon · 7 months

Text

together again || alanna kennedy x reader ||

you and alanna get a chance to be together after being separated by your leagues.

minors dni, 18+, smut ahead

it was hard playing in a different league than your girlfriend. alanna was such a tease that it didn't help anything at all. sometimes it was subtle things like post-workout pictures. you could handle those, but it was the private pictures that she liked sending which drove you crazy. it was hard to focus knowing that alanna had sent you something that you couldn't open around any of your teammates.

"hey baby," alanna greeted you with a kiss. at first, the excitement of getting to see each other after nearly two months apart overshadowed the sexual frustration that had been building up. however, once you felt the strap through alanna's sweatpants, you were reminded of what you had been missing for so long.

"lan," you breathed out. she didn't say anything, but both of you knew what was up. alanna put her arm around your shoulders as she ushered you further into her house. you didn't have time to stop and look around at anything because alanna is pushing you towards her bedroom.

"shh," alanna shushes you quickly. just to make sure that you'll actually stay quiet, she presses her lips to yours. your lips part just enough for her tongue to dart past your lips, licking teasingly at the tip of your own tongue. she coaxed you into pushing further into the kiss so that the two of you could engage in a little fight for dominance. alanna would win like she always did, but there was something that she loved about you pushing along with her.

"fuck, lan," you moaned as she nipped at your neck. there would be marks littering the skin there later, you were sure of it. that would make your little stay with your girlfriend even better, knowing how she got whenever she saw hickeys later on. you swore that sometimes, alanna did it because she knew it'd drive herself crazy for you over the next few days.

"don't rush me," alanna teased as she pulled your hips forward to grind against her. you bit your lip to keep an absolutely filthy sound in, which immediately earned you a harsh nip to your collarbone. "i want to hear you. don't make me make you scream."

while the idea of being fucked into oblivion sounded nice, you didn't want things to start that way. alanna getting rough with you was great whenever you had a long stretch of rest ahead of you, but alanna would want this to be an no expense spared kind of weekend. you were certain that she was dying to fuck you so that she could tell you all of the things you'd be doing together afterwards.

"can we take this to the bed now?" you asked as you glanced longingly at alanna's bed over her shoulder. she nodded and scooped you up into her arms to carry you over there. alanna set you down onto the bed, partially having tossed you down. she knew the little rush that you got from being manhandled like that. if it was anybody else you'd have a problem, but you trusted alanna to pull it off without getting you hurt in the process.

alanna was practically clawing at your clothes as she tried to remove them from your body. you gave her a bit of help, but also knew what she liked to do herself. alanna pressed open mouth kisses all over your breasts before she took a nipple in between her teeth. your back arched as her teeth sank in a little, just enough for the pain to be pleasurable. alanna knew exactly how you liked things, even if you had never actually told her. she knew the things about you that you were too ashamed to admit to yourself.

"lani, please," you whined as you felt one of alanna's hands fall between your legs. there was no fabric separating fingers from the slickness of your cunt. you ground down against them, and despite not being touched where you wanted her the most, it still felt amazing. you let out a little whine of frustration when alanna pulled her fingers away. she pushed her fingers past her own lips, tasting you before she put her fingers right back where they had been.

"don't worry, i'd never leave you wanting like that," alanna assured you. it was a false statement, alanna was just a little too needy today to edge you. truthfully, alanna loved teasing you to the point where you were on the verge of tears. she usually did let you finish, but you remembered when alanna had discovered the fun of ruining your orgasms.

alanna stayed true to her word and brushed her fingers over your clit. her fingers moved in quick swipes, but it was enough to have you dripping down your own thighs. alanna licked her lips as she glanced down between your legs. you thought for a moment that she'd lean down and start eating you out, but instead you were met with the feeling of her fingers sliding inside of you.

"oh my god!" you gasped. it felt like the air was being pushed out of your body as she started to fuck you. alanna knew that you could handle more than her fingers, so she started fast and rough. you felt the familiar ache of frustration settle in as your body began to fiend for more. you opened your mouth to tell alanna when you noticed her starting to switch positions.

she pinned your legs down and apart as she put her body weight onto you. the slow slide of the dildo inside of you was torturous, but the stretch sent a surge of arousal through your core. alanna knew exactly what she was doing with the slow and shallow thrusts. you grabbed onto her arms with a vice grip as alanna started to pick up the pace.

"you're taking it so well," alanna praised as she started to snap her hips into you. she'd pull out until just the head was inside of you before forcefully thrusting herself back into you. alanna moved like the dildo was a natural extension of her body. you didn't think it would ever be possible for anything to feel as good as her fucking you like that. there would never be anybody who satisfied you so well physically. alanna just had a certain way about her whenever it came to fucking you.

"please, make me cum," you started to beg. alanna listened to the request being thrown out again and again with broken moans and loud cries. every noise out of you only egged alanna on as she fucked you straight through your orgasm. you teetered on the edge of a second when she finally started to slow down a little. alanna knew how easily you went into an overstimiluated state and wanted to avoid that.

"are you okay?" alanna asked as she leaned down to press a kiss to your forehead. you nodded and mumbled out your confirmation, prompting alanna to pull out. she didn't completely withdraw from touching you as her hand remained between your legs. she was careful about not actively touching you, just tracing little patterns on the upper part of your inner thigh. "you did so good for me. get a little rest and let me know if you want to go again."

"i will," you promised. you closed your eyes and shifted further into her arms. alanna pressed a soft kiss to your lips before she moved her hand away to make sure that you actually did get some rest. alanna knew how much travel took out of you, and the reunion had definitely taken a toll on your energy as well.

#woso fanfics #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso smut #alanna kennedy x reader #alanna kennedy imagine #alanna kennedy smut

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thebestsetter · 28 days

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Thinking about Inumaki Toge being insecure about his speech (or the lack of thereof).

I feel like if he could trade a year of his life for sixty seconds without his cursed speech, he would. Without second thought. And specially because of you.

He's had a crush on you for a while (ever since your first encounter), but he'd never admit it. Not because he's scared of rejection, but because he's scared you'll reciprocate his feelings. Because he thinks you deserve better. Actually, scratch that: he knows you deserve better. You deserve someone so much better than him.

"And then you won't believe what he said! He said: 'I can't date you, cause I'm actually your brother!'"

"No way! That's the plot of the movie? How shitty!"

You deserve someone like Yuta. Someone who can make you laugh with their own words, someone who you don't need to strugle to understand what they're saying. Right now, you and Okkotsu are talking about some bad movie he watched. And you're laughing so hard and your laugh is so pretty it makes him wanna laugh too. He wants to engage on the conversation. He wants to say: "That's one of the worst plots I've ever seen! I can take you to the movies to see a real good movie if you'd like to"

But he can't. He can't, but Yuta can. He should let you go so you can be with someone who deserves you. He has no right to be this selfish, making you a slave of a love without any words of affection.

It feels like everytime he looks at you, there's a nagging voice in the back of his head, painfully reminding him that he can't be with you, and there's nothing he can do about it. It's an impossible love.

Hell, even Panda is making him feel envious and jealous. Even though he's literally a panda, at least he can talk to you. Sing your favorites songs with you. And he can't. At least not without cursing someone (and, God forbid, maybe even you. You're the last person he wants to harm)

He wanted you to confide in him just like how you confide in Maki. You always tell her everything. He wishes he, too, could be a source of relief. A shoulder you can rely on. But he can't. He can't, cause the best he could say in that situation is "Salmon", "Caviar" and other stupid onigiri ingredients that have nothing to do with the actual topic of the conversation. Honestly, he would be tired of himself if he was his friend. You don't have the obligation to understand his dialogue. Nobody does.

So, he comes to the conclusion that he should just avoid you. He should give up on loving you, because he doesn't want you to suffer.

"Toge, please! We haven't talked in days! Why did you suddenly stop talking to me?"

He stays silent. That's the only thing he can do, after all. He can't speak. He can't. But he wishes he could. He wishes he could tell you everything that's going through his head, tell you about how he feels like dying when he sees you playing a game with Itadori and Nobara because he knows he'll never be capable of doing that with you normally. If he speaks now, everything that'll come out of his mouth are foods. Speaking now would only remind him about the drift that exists between you both (and there's two options to avoid anyone's fall: you either close the gap or you widen it. He chose the latter)

"..."

"Inumaki, talk to me" (how sad. You want him to do exactly the only thing he can't do. That just makes him remember that he'll never be enough for you. Never)

Also, wow. You're using his last name. He got in a really bad situation, huh? How will he get out of this? How will he stop your (and also his) suffering?

There's only one way. And even though he swore that he'd never use his spell against you, he finds himself lowering his scarf with trembling hands.

"Leave. And don't look back."

~A/N: This is the fic I wrote that I mentioned on my last post!! I know a lot of people have writen abt this b4, so this is inspired by other stories I've read (if you've written something like this and want me to credit you, feel free to send me an ask!!). IT JUST FITS INUMAKI CHARACTER SO MUCHHH!! Like, I can totally imagine him being insecure about not being able to speak. I just thought I should give it a try cause I CAN'T FIND INUMAKI STUFF, so I took matters into my own hands. I don't realy like this, but I thought it would be a waste to not post it anyway

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hanasnx · 9 months

Text

Something about DADDY!JASON TODD just makes you wanna sit in his lap and babble while he basically ignores you until he registers you as a hole to fuck. You're yapping to him and he's pinching the hem of your skirt to lift it for a peek.

"Uh-huh," he replies absentmindedly, complete devoid of care to hear whatever you're talking his ear off about. He tucks his hands under your arms to pick you up and readjust you so you're straddling him, you still haven't taken a breath. "Yeah," he tells you, poorly feigned interest, and you eat it up, adding to your enthusiasm. You don't even notice how you stand on your knees over him, and he's keeping his eyes on his crotch. Tonguing his lower lip, he shifts his hips forward, and the sound of his belt unbuckling alerts you.

Innocently quizzical, you ask, "Daddy, what are you doing?"

He has yet to meet your gaze, giving you one shake of his head, a clear indicator to pay him no mind. "Nothing, princess, keep talking." A subtle crease in his brow forms, and a soft expel of air from his pursed lips sound as he tugs down his waistband. You do as he asks, and continue on with your little monologue complete with endearing anecdotes lost on your audience because he's too busy roughly handling you. Yanking you closer to him, you're used to it and undeterred. Your skirt fans out around his crotch, and his massive hand on your thigh draws you forward as he cranes his neck to peer over you. He fists his cock, now free and standing at attention.

He lines it up, and he locks eyes with you while you're still talking. The reward of his eye contact shoots you up with an impulse to engage him, "Can you believe that?" Mistaking his attention for interest. There's a little curl to his lips because as endearing as your mistake is, the only reason he's holding your gaze is to see your eyes light up when his swollen tip starts clumsily thumbing your cunt. You gasp at the sensation, you're not allowed to wear panties around him for this very reason: to stay accessible. You shouldn't be surprised, but the pleasant sensation of how it nudges you makes you freeze to let it roam.

Jason rolls his tongue between his lips, a sense of pride blooming in his chest and on his expression as he squeezes your thigh in affirmation. Painfully, his brutish head bats against your clit, and he controls your squirming with a harsh hand on your arm at the crook of your elbow. Once you get it through your head he wants you still, he flips up your skirt so he can glance down, tilting his head to see yours and his parts playing with each other. He admires it, biting down on the skin past his lip. Only then does he recognize you've quieted. "What's wrong, babygirl, why'd you stop?"

“It... hurts, Jay."

“D'aw, won’t hurt forever.” he says in an upbeat manner, encouraging you to push through it. It barely constitutes as fake sympathy as he raises his hips to sink further in you and you wince, a little whimper emitting. As he hollows you out, a wetter sound each time he pulls out and plunges a few inches in, your eyes squeeze shut. A huge hand cups the back of your neck, commanding your attention with a sore pinch. He looks into your gaze again, carefully and deliberately choosing when to do it, like he's choosing when to make you feel like a human instead of a sex object. “Where’s my brave girl, huh? Can you be brave for me?” winded from effort, he's husky voice sends a shiver down your spine. Eager to please him, you give him a little pitiful nod, and he bucks his hips again. “So fucking tight, baby. How old are you again? Swear I took your virginity already.” He’s fucking with you. He’s fucked you every which way to Sunday but you still stupidly play along.

"You did, Jay, you did!" you insist, and he's more than halfway in now.

"Yeah? I did, didn't I? Only 'cause you do dumb shit like this. Isn't that right?" With every thrust, a grunt spills from his nose, and you resist the urge to grind down on him and introduce yourself to too much.

"I don't mean to, daddy, m'sorry." you weep, eyes downcast as he fucks up into you. He finally sheathes, and you cry out, clutching onto his arms to brace.

"Running your little mouth in a skirt like this, bare pussy sittin' on me. The fuck is up with that? Sex dolls can't speak."

#tw daddy kink #indy: drabbles #ch: daddy!jason #jason todd drabble #jason todd smut #jason todd x reader #jason todd x fem!reader #jason todd x you #jason todd x y/n #jason todd imagine #jason todd fic #jason todd fanfiction #arkham knight smut #arkham knight x reader #red hood smut #red hood x reader #reader insert

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adventuringblind · 9 months

Text

Make Me Yours

Oscar Piastri x Reader

Genre: chaotic smut (I'm a slut for this man)

Summary: Daniel mentions something to Oscar and he takes a shot in the dark.

Warnings: KNIFE PLAY, blood, intensive aftercare, Max and Daniel being big brothers, Oscar is a dork and we love him for it, enemies to lovers if you squint, soft dom Oscar, Reader is a mess for Oscar and he loves it.

Notes: This was an anonymous request! I hope you like it!! Please remember to communicate and take care of yourselves if you engage in a kink like this!! Reader is a Redbull rookie which I know is ridiculous but it's fiction.

Masterlist // Request Form // My Website // buy me a Ko-Fi

She wouldn't say her sex life is vanilla. Definitely the opposite, actually. Most people would look at Oscar and assume he is the most boring human on the planet.

They are all wrong.

Most the drivers, including herself, teased him about how he knows two positions maximum. He'd gotten fed up with it and showed her exactly why everyone is wrong.

Turns out pent up tension from being rivals from F3 and F2 leads to these situations. The situation being mind-blowing sex with the one guy who you didn't want to admit feelings for.

Formula 1 is an unforgiving world. She didn't need feelings getting in the way. Until Oscar came along and ruined it all.

Until that night, at least. Now they are stuck together like glue. It drives Max and Daniel insane with how much he's around the Redbul garage.

She tried to use the 'best friends' excuse until Daniel caught them in her driver's room.

"It's always the rookies."

That being said, her problem isn't the sex, or Oscar, or her relationship at all. The problem is how to bring up something she would like to try.

Both of them like trying new things and have been very clear on boundaries and keep open communication about the subject. He's never judged her for anything she's brought up. So why can't she just ask him?

"Something on your mind?" Daniel appears from thin air, and she slams her phone down out of view. She prays he didn't see the pictures of the silver blades and thinks she a psycho.

"Nope," she squeaks. A terrible recovery on her end.

"Watching porn? Looking at Mr. Piartri's nudes? Come one, you can tell me!"

Max pokes his head out from around the corner. "Are we talking about sex?" Here she thought the secluded space would be far away enough for them to come bother her. Then again, Daniel could help her out. He's good at talking to people.

"Pretty sure you and Charles talked about it last night." She quips without looking at him.

She's blushing and embarrassed. Her brain is yelling at her to run as far away as possible before she does something stupid-

"Hey Daniel, you know about sex stuff right?" Wow, that doesn't sound awkward at all.

"Yes?" He quirks his eyebrow at her. "But if you're looking for a threesome I'm going to have to decline. For now, at least," he winks.

She chokes at the notion. She's going to explode at this rate. Time to bail out. "Never mind, it's not that, but it's dumb."

Max appears fully in her line of sight. "You can't leave us hanging now! Oscar not performing well anymore?" His expression suddenly goes dark. "Or if he hurt you, I won't hesitate to send him into the barriers."

"No! no, it's not him it's me. I don't know how to ask him about something."

Both the males soften. It eases the anxiety a tiny bit, but she'd still rather not be here.

"Hmm, can I ask what it is?"

"A kink," she whispers away from him.

Daniel hears it anyway. "Yours or his?"

"Mine."

Daniel, now seeing he's not going to get anywhere like this, tries a new approach. "Look, this is a no judgment zone, right? Max talks about Charles and their sex life any chance he gets. I am an open book. No laughing or cringing, okay?"

It still feels weird having this conversation. But Daniel isn't going to let it sit now. Curse her impulsive mouth. "Knives. I want him to use a knife on me."

~~~~~

Oscar is sitting in wait around the Redbull motorhome. His girlfriend had said she'd meet him out here and he hasn't seen her all day, so he came early.

Media days are usually difficult for her. The journalists manage to find some new sexist thing to point out every race weekend. It drives all the drivers insane. They can't just let it go and move on to something new.

"Hiya mate!" Daniel appears around the corner and Oscar manages (just barely) to not jump out of his skin. "You waiting for your girl?"

"Yeah, I'm early though. Do I need to go?"

"Nah, you're fine." Daniel throws him a grin. "I'm curious how you keep the marks on her hidden. Been wondering for a while now."

Oscar blinks. His brain is trying to process the last Statement. "You mean... like a hickey?"

"No! The scars." Daniel looks like he's just said the most obvious thing. Oscar is still trying to remain neutral in what is definitely an odd conversation.

Scars? What scars is he talking about? "I-"

"Don't tell me you don't see it! That girl totally has some kind of knife kink."

Knife kink?! Where is this coming from? He tries to think back to any hint of it on her end. It's not like he's opposed to trying new things and he wouldn't be shocked if she felt weird about bringing it up.

"I'd ask her about it mate." Daniel winks and disappears into the crowd of people.

Oscar tries not to think too hard on it. It's just a weird comment made by Daniel in passing.

At least, that's what it started as.

Oscar then finds himself doing research on it. A deep rabbit hole that now occupies far too much space in his brain.

The idea of her permanently some kind of mark he puts there drives him wild. Which is odd, because it hasn't before. A visible hickey every now and then does the trick. Satisfies him when they go out places.

After the first 'I don't see your boyfriend,' he started putting one on her collar bone. Not visible unless she deems it so amd fresh enough to ward off any suspicious characters.

Curse Daniel for giving him this stupid idea. Something more permanent than a hickey sounds appealing.

If it were up to him, he'd keep her in his pocket. It's funny, really, how she thought he didn't know about her feelings. Oscar had played the game for two years. Then he couldn't take it anymore and he snapped.

Yes, she's snarky and moody, and as picky as Lando, until you get past the hard exterior and see she's all soft and squishy. Most of the time, anyway.

He asks her about it after Silverstone. He's coming down off his high and drunk on the adrenaline paired with a shot of success. The confidence boost is really what he needs to put the idea out there. As outrageous as it seems, Daniel might have a point.

"I was thinking about something." He starts off with. She flops onto her bed. Not his since Lando manages to get into his room at the worst times.

"Something good I hope?"

"Depends." Oscar adjusts their position so he can cradle her. The way she snuggles into him like an affectionate cat makes him melt. "It's kinky."

"The best kind of thoughts to have!" She taps his nose with her index finger to accentuate each word.

Oscar steels himself for the possible outcomes. "What if we tried knives."

There is an unmatched look of pure shock on her face. Oscar is prepared to reassure that she doesn't have to, until he notices the glint.

"Yes! I mean - yeah, we should give it a try."

Huh, so Daniel was right. Oscar will have to thank him later for the tip. "We need to talk about it first. I'm thinking either talk now and do it or we save it for a later date."

"How about we talk now, then see?"

"Sounds lovely."

~~~~~

The more Oscar talks, the more she wants it. It's ridiculous what he does to her with merely his voice. Or maybe it's the constant regard for her wants, needs, and safety.

Yeah, it's true what they say: consent really is sexy.

"Love? Did you hear what I was saying?" His voice has they soft mellowness about it that calms the raging see of her emotions.

"No..."

"Stay with me, yeah? I'll put this off if you aren't coherent enough to truly consent to anything." Yep, sexy. No doubt about it.

"I'm here, promise! Just got distracting... thinking."

"About?"

She waits a beat to see if he's willing g to drop it. He makes no indication he'll be moving on, however, making her forced to answer. "Your voice..."

She is going to combust at this rate. It's embarrassing how wrecked she is already. Oscar hasn't even touched her, but the sight of him with the glinting silver blade in his hands has her going feral. The crazy eyed, drooling kind that makes her seem like she should be locked up.

The fact Oscar spent over two hours in discussion and has research to back up every point her makes drivers her wild. She would happily spend the rest of her life with him even after a measly two years together.

He's ruined her. Oscar has made it so she will never be able to leave. So what if she's dramatic? Can you really blame her when she has Oscar Piastri standing in front of her looking ready to devour her?

Oscar takes his time. It's slow and gentle kisses, nimble fingers finding their way around the canvas he knows so well. "Fucking hell you're gorgeous."

She takes a mental note of the way she's in no clothes and he's got all his own. It's unfair and she tugs at his sleeve to signal she wants it off. Oscar complies and pulls the fabric off.

He goes back to licking his way around the inside of her mouth. Her hands relax around his body, taking comfort in the warmth and closeness of the skin-on-skin contact.

His fingers slip through her folds and like muscle memory locate her clit. It's pathetic the sounds he's getting her to make. Specifically, while holding the pocketknife, unopened, in his free hand.

"So pretty for me love. I would cut you up and put you in my pocket if I could. Carry your cute ass around with me like a good luck charm."

She's so far down the rabbit hole of her favorite headspace. Oscar's words are just swimming around her, until the sound of the black clicking open pulls her back into reality.

He presses the flat part of the blade against her arm. The cold of the metal sends a shiver running down her spine.

Oscar is looking deep in the eyes, mapping out every emotion and physical reaction she's having to the sensation. "Color?"

"Green, very green, the brightest of greens-" Oscar shuts her up with a kiss to her temple. It's gentle and meaningful. Enough to turn her right into a blushing mess.

Oscar checks in frequently every time the blade moves. The masochist is jumping for joy when the tip barely rests against her shoulder blade. "Are you ready? Want me to mark you? Shall I make you bleed for me?"

"Please," She whines.

"Keep your eyes on me yeah? You say red and I stop."

She signals that she understands and would like to continue. Oscar traces the line he wants to make.

She hisses when the knife presses downwards. Oscar panics, but he watches her eyes roll back and knows to continue. "Eyes on me, love. I want to see how pretty you look."

The cold stinging sensation makes her whimper in pain and moan in ecstasy all at the same time. He's still talking to her. Voice still calm and gentle. He's watching her intently, tracking every shift until he's done.

He keeps a hand on her to let her know he's still present as he tucks the, now closed knife, safely onto the bedside table. Despite looking so composed to everyone else, she notices the small thing about Oscar's shift in demeanor. Like how his pupils are staring at her, just the slightest bit tinged with the desire tor take her in the next ten seconds.

He resists and makes sure she is ready for that first. "Color?"

She slurs through an ungodly number of praises and words resembling 'green'. Oscar basks in it. He sits and caresses her skin as he watches the cut to make sure he really did go light enough.

Small beads of red appear at the surface, but not enough that he's concerned with first aid at the Moment. He breathes a sigh of relief.

"Osc? Are you still green?"

Oscar softens again. "Yeah, I'm green, just taking in the sight and - happy I didn't stab you." He's breathless and panting. His jeans straining and her hands aching to get her hands on him.

There is so much love and kindness leading up to him finally getting inside of her. The towel underneath her shoulder catches the run-off red. It falls away with every thrust of his hips and rock of her body.

They hit the edge to quickly. Falling over it in white hot pleasure and moans of joy.

"You're such a good girl for me. You did such a good job." Oscar whispers in her ear as he wipes the cut with disinfectant.

Oscar carries her blissed out body to the bathroom and lets her look at the wound before bandaging it. A perfect heart now rests on the peak of her shoulder. Not massive, but enough to be seen without looking to close.

"I love it."

"Yeah? You ready to bandage it?"

"Do we have to?"

She doesn't get her way. Oscar bandages the heart and gets them cleaned up. Then it's water and snacks in bed.

"I never thought you'd be into it."

"I wasn't until Daniel brought it up."

Her entire being stills. Maybe even goes pale and Oscar looks at her in confused worry.

"I might have asked him for advice on how to ask you... about this."

Once again, his face softens. "You know you never have to be afraid of asking me." A gentle smile appears on his face. "I do think we'll have to thank him for this later."

"You're just going to inflate his ego."

"Maybe it's worth it if he keeps giving me advice." Oscar winks at her and smirks.

Yeah, maybe Daniel's pestering isn't to bad.

~~~~~

Oscar stands waiting for the drivers parade the next race weekend with all the other drivers. He's waiting patiently for his favorite rookie to come and join him.

Instead, he is once again jumping out of his skin because Danile is grabbing his shoulders from out of nowhere. "Could you not, like, scare me? Please?"

"But this is more fun! Certainly not as much fun as you had, I'm sure. I saw the scar." Daniel wiggles his eyebrows.

Oscar is blushing, he can feel it in his face. The words he wants to say are not coming out like he intends. "yep, I - um... thanks."

"Let me know if you need any other advice." Daniel smirks and claps him on the shoulder, Leaving Oscar a mess.

This is why I get teased; he thinks.

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joelmillerisapunk · 7 months

Text

Without Warning

Dbf!Joel Miller x f!reader

Masterlist

Wordcount: 959

Summary: You find yourself in an unexpected situation with Joel, your family's friend, and longtime acquaintance. But when the dust settles, you're left wondering if things will ever be the same between you two again. Will you be able to move past this moment, or will it forever change your relationship with Joel?

Warnings: 18+, creepyish!Joel, non/dub-con but reader agrees, implied age gap (but make it your own), Joel manipulating you, m!handjob, no physical reader description, use of baby and babygirl, I wrote this so fast this morning so it's only been quickly glanced over.

Notes: I saw a show once with a similar part with two grown men that left me thinking about writing this for a long time. DONT LOOK AT ME 🫣 but I hope you enjoyyyy

Joel's truck pulls up to the parking spot, and you eagerly hop in. He's been so helpful since your family moved in next door, picking you up from and dropping you off to your college classes.

Joel has a certain charisma about him, even if his cockiness sometimes grates on your nerves. Nevertheless, his companionship is usually always welcome.

As always, you find yourself engaging in casual banter before taking off for home when the mood suddenly shifts and Joel's expression turns solemn, his gaze fixed ahead. "You know, I've been feelin' pretty lonely lately," he confesses.

Curious, you arch an eyebrow. "Lonely? Why's that?"

Joel's shoulders lift in a nonchalant shrug, but his eyes betray a hint of vulnerability. "It's been a while since I've had any - female companionship, you could say."

A heat creeps up your neck as you process his words. "Oh. I see."

Joel glances at you. "Huh, you know, I never thought about it, but you're all grown up now darlin’. Maybe you could help me out.”

Your heart races, caught off guard by the unexpected turn in the conversation. "What... what do you mean?"

Leaning closer, Joel's hand finds its way to your thigh, his touch sends a jolt of electricity through you. "I mean, maybe you could, you know, help me out," he murmurs, his breath warm against your ear.

Swallowing hard, you struggle to find your voice amidst the rush of emotions swirling inside you. "Joel, I don't know if that's a good idea."

But Joel merely chuckles, and his confidence is unshakeable. "Come on. I won't tell anyone, babygirl. And it's not like you don't find me attractive, right?"

You can't deny it - Joel is handsome, in a rugged, grizzled way. And he's always been so kind to you and your family. But this is a big step.

Joel's hand is still resting on your thigh, and he gives it a gentle squeeze as he looks at you with pleading eyes. "Please, babygirl. I really need this. And I promise, it'll just be this one time. I won't ask for anything else, I swear."

You can feel the weight of his gaze on you, and you know that he's not going to take no for an answer. You hesitate for a moment, your mind racing with thoughts and doubts. But then you take a deep breath and nod. "Okay. But, just this once."

Joel grins, then reaches down and unzips his pants. You swallow hard as his hand guides yours and wraps it around his stiff length.

As you start to stroke him, Joel lets out a low moan. "Yeah, that's it. Just like that."

You continue to stroke his growing cock, feeling a strange mix of excitement and disbelief. This is really happening. You're really jerking off Joel Miller.

“Fuck babygirl, you ever done this before?”

All you can do is shake your head. You can't seem to find the words for anything right now.

"Goddamn, you're so good at this," Joel groans, his hips thrusting upward as you continue to stroke him. "Can't believe this is your first time. You're a natural."

Suddenly, Joel reaches down and places his hand over yours, guiding your movements. "Yeah, just like that, baby. S'good," he groans, his hips thrusting upward in time with your strokes. "Goddamn you're so fuckin' hot."

You do your best to follow his instructions, tightening your grip and stroking him faster. Joel lets out a loud moan of pleasure, his body tensing as he gets closer to his release.

"You like that? You like making me feel good, dont'cha?" Joel murmurs.

You nod, feeling a mix of excitement and embarrassment at his words.

“You're so fucking sexy. I could come just from lookin at you," Joel groans. "Fuck, m'gonna come, babygirl. Are you ready for it?" Joel asks, his voice tight with pleasure.

You nod again, feeling nervous as you anticipate his climax.

"Oh, here it comes. Fuck!" Joel groans, his body shaking with the force of his release. You try to pull your hand away but Joel holds it tight around his weeping cock, guiding your slowed strokes as he lets his warm seed trickle down your hand. When he's content you quickly withdraw your hand, feeling a mix of relief and guilt as you watch him come down from his high.

Joel leans back in his seat, panting heavily, his eyes fixated on you. "Mmm, that was amazing, babygirl. You have such a talented hand."

There's something about the way he's looking at you, like he's undressing you with his eyes. "I knew you'd be good at that," Joel continues, his voice low and sultry. "You're such a quick learner, just like I thought you'd be."

His words send a chill down your spine, and you can't shake the feeling that something isn't quite right. You try to brush it off, reminding yourself that Joel is your family's friend and that he would never do anything to hurt you.

You feel embarrassed. "I, I'm glad you enjoyed it."

Joel reaches over and squeezes your hand. "I mean it. You're somethin' special darlin."

Joel tucks himself back in and starts the truck, driving you home in silence.

When you finally arrive at your house, you can't get out of the truck fast enough. Joel's gaze lingers on you for a moment too long.

"Thanks for the ride, Joel," you say, your voice tight with unease.

"Anytime, babygirl," Joel replies, his voice still low and sultry. "I'll see you around."

As you walk away, Joel calls after you. "Hey. Don't forget to wash your hands!"

#joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #dark!joel miller #tlou fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfiction #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller #pedro pascal #joel miller x you

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wingsofachampion · 4 months

Text

OOC

I'm going to preface this by saying that I'm not mad at anyone. I love the Pokemon IRL community, and I'm so so happy to be a part of it. And I don't plan on leaving for good anytime soon.

But. Look.

This is getting out of hand.

I've been here since November of 2022, and I haven't seen things being this bad in the community since The Incident.

I'm trying as hard as I can to hold things together, even when it seems like everything's falling apart. But it's getting really exhausting.

So that's why I'm making this post.

There's a lot of problems happening in this community, and I'm going to try to address at least a few of them in this post.

So, here we go.

Part 1: Anon Hate & Other Harassment

There's unfortunately a lot of this in the community. I've been a victim of it myself.

Anon hate is a serious problem that has led several pokebloggers to completely disable anon asks or even leave the community entirely.

I'm not sure how to combat this, unfortunately, other than blocking them as they come, but that's an imperfect solution.

There's also been direct harassment, too, not just through anon asks. I'm unsure how to tackle that either, but I'm spreading awareness just in case.

Part 2: Lack of Engagement

There's a ton of blogs that get little to no engagement, and not for a lack of trying. Pixelated made a great post on this already, so I won't rehash it much.

My main advice is to send asks. That goes both ways. If you see someone struggling to get engagement, send them an ask, brighten their day!

And if you're struggling to get engagement, send asks to as many blogs as you feel comfortable. That way, you put your name out there.

I know it can be scary to send asks, but if it helps, you can send one to me! I won't bite!

Part 3: "Cliques"

There's a lot of subcommunities in the Pokemon IRL community. Eebydeebies, Fallers, Blueberry Academy, and so on. And that's great! What's not so great, though, is how some of these can be rather cliquey.

Sometimes, it's hard to join a subcommunity. Sometimes they push you away, are just difficult to fit in a new blog, or something else.

I've been trying to remedy this in the eebydeeby subcommunity by having Gen send asks to every new eeby blog I can find, but I'm not in every subcommunity, so I can't do this for all of them.

What I suggest to remedy this is, those in subcommunities, reach out! If you see someone trying to join, reach out and welcome them in! Send them asks! Tell other people in the subcommunity about them! Let them know that they're welcome there.

Part 4: Lack of Warnings During MMM

This one is something that mostly just affects me personally, but Muse Mixup Madness has been extremely stressful for me because people keep completely changing up their blogs with little to no warning.

One of my worst triggers is post-apocalypse, and I've been jumpscared by this several times during Muse Mixup Madness by blogs that were previously safe.

Please warn what your Muse Mixup Madness stuff will contain, and please use content warnings, too.

Part 5: New Blogs Dying

This is one of the ones I'm saddest about. Almost every day, there's at least one new person trying to join Pokemon IRL, but 75% of the time their blog dies within a week.

I recommend supporting newcomers as much as you can. If you see a newcomer, send them an ask! Interact with them! Boost them if you feel comfortable with it! Don't let them feel so discouraged that they leave so soon.

I recommend checking the reblogs on realpokemon's pinned post every so often. It's a fantastic way to find new blogs.

Part 6: Exhaustion & A Call for Help

I've been trying very very hard to fix things, but I'm only human (as much as I wish I was a Meganium). I can't do everything by myself.

So I'm asking for help.

I have two blogs primarily made for boosting. @pkmnirlblogboosting and @tacklrnews. Former is OOC, while the latter is IC.

Pkmnirlblogboosting is for boosting blogs that either have less than 75 followers, or are less than a month old. If anyone wants to help me run it and boost blogs, feel free to send me a message asking if you can be added to pkmnirlblogboosting.

Tacklrnews is for reporting on events that are happening in-character. Its primary purpose is to boost stuff happening on people's blogs that they want more people to see and interact with. If anyone wants to help me with this, feel free to send me a message asking if you can be added to tacklrnews.

A caveat with tacklrnews: It's fully in-character, so you'll need to create a character for it to be a part of Pelipper's little news agency. It also writes articles on Pokemon RPC and Pokeask blogs, so to people in those communities, this offer is open to you all, too.

I hope these will both be helpful in revitalizing the Pokemon IRL community.

Part 7: Moving Forward

So, how do we move forward?

I think we should be more supportive towards others in this community. Less OOC anon hate and harassment, more engagement and boosting. Tell your fellow blogrunners how much you appreciate their blogs! Let them know they have people who care about them.

I love this community so, so much. I don't want it to fall apart and die. I'm doing everything in my power to keep it standing, but I'm just one person. I need your help, too.

Together, we can make this community better.

That's about all I had to say.

If you've read this far, thank you. I really appreciate you taking the time to read through this.

I'd appreciate any reblogs to spread this around, but don't feel pressured to if you don't want to.

I hope you all have a wonderful Pride Month.

-Bench

#ooc

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604to647 · 1 month

Text

Safest with You (Ch. 21 - The Way to Get Over Someone, Part 2)

11.3K / Modern AU Retired Mob Enforcer!Din Djarin x fem!reader

Summary: Despite Din's attempts to be evasive, you learn the truth about your break-up, and make some decisions about what you are and are not willing to accept going forward.

Warnings: 18+ Content (MDNI please). Angst, pining, longing. Nicknames as usual (pretty bird, baby). Some smuttiness but won't spoil.

A/N: Well, we're here: the penultimate chapter (if you don't count the epilogue) - sorry for the word count! 😱 Thank you to everyone who's read up to here - I can't tell you how much it means to me! I know some of you have some strong feelings about Din's actions/dumbdumbness and that's okay!! If you feel like regardless of his intentions, he shouldn't be forgiven/can't be redeemed, I invite you to read up until the paragraph that ends with the blue heart dividers 💙💙💙. I hope that where it ends provides a satisfying conclusion for the series for you and thank you, thank you, thank you again!

All dividers by @saradika-graphics / Series Masterlist

You don’t know how you get through dinner; you must have gone on some kind of small talk auto-pilot because if Mark knew just how much your mind was preoccupied by another man while he was being nothing but genuine and engaging, he probably would have thrown a glass of wine in your face.

Outside of the restaurant, Mark gives you a shy look and asks if you want to get ice cream for second dessert. Oh man, he really is good guy.

“Oh Mark, I really cannot believe I’m turning down ice cream, but I have something to confess to you,” you look apologetic and hope he’ll let you say what you think he deserves to hear.

“Honestly, Mark – you’re a dream date. You’re smart and funny and Jen was so right, you’re a fucking catch. I can’t tell you how guilty I’ve been feeling because I don’t think I’ve been reciprocating the energy and effort that you deserve. I don’t know if Jen told you, but I got out of a relationship a while ago and I thought I was ready to date again – but being with you tonight… I realize I’m completely out of my element. I don’t have any business going out with a great guy like you – not right now anyways. I’m so sorry.”

Mark looks surprised, but his tone is understanding, “Oh! Wow. Jen did say something about that – I’m sorry about your last relationship. It sounds like it really did a number on you. If it makes you feel better – I had a great time. I didn’t in anyway feel like I was carrying the date or anything. And if tonight was you not feeling like you’re up to dating again, then I can’t quite imagine what it would be like to date you when it’s something you’re ready to put your all into. Thanks for being honest. When you feel like you’re ready to give dating another shot – think of me?”

It’s a generous and gentlemanly response; you really couldn’t ask for anything more. The two of you part ways with a light hug outside the restaurant; Mark offers to call you a cab, but you let him know you’ll be fine, and wave appreciatively as he drives away in the car the valet brings him.

Sighing a heavy sigh, you’re just thinking it might be best if you send Jen a message to let her know how the date went before Mark does when you hear a crash coming from the alleyway next to the restaurant.

Curiosity getting the best of you, you walk over to the side of the building and peek around the corner; there in the alley is the occupier of all your current thoughts, Din, kicking garbage cans in frustration. When you see him punch the brick wall of the building and shake out his fist, your legs carry you to him as if on instinct – unable to see Din hurt without the urge rising to comfort and soothe him.

Din has both of his palms up against the wall when you close in on him, leaning his weight against his hands with his eyes closed, breathing heavy.

“Din? Are you okay?” you ask softly, not wanting to startle him.

He looks up, surprised at your appearance – eyes stormy, the rich browns of his irises full of emotion, “I’m okay, pretty bird.”

Pretty bird. Your heart swells at the familiar term of endearment that you thought you’d never hear again. It’s like music to your ears.

“This doesn’t look okay,” you gently pull the hand that you saw him shake in pain away from the wall, turning it over and cradling it in your hands - gasping a little when you see his knuckles scraped and bleeding. Din watches your pretty face cloud with concern as you take a handkerchief from your purse and delicately wrap it around his wounded hand; tying it snugly against his palm before turning his hand over and bringing his knuckles to your lips, pressing a tender kiss against the makeshift bandage.

“Thank you, baby.”

You’re looking at him with such a sweet expression that Din’s heart starts to ache again; he has to remind himself that your concern isn’t really for him particularly – it’s just your kind nature, “Where’s your date? Did he go and get the car or something?”

You shrug good naturedly, “I sent him home. Would you mind putting me in a cab, Din?”

“Of course.” As Din walks with you back towards the street, his injured hand rests protectively on your lower back and the gesture causes a chill to run up your spine.

It’s not in uncomfortable silence that the two of you wait on the curb, but Din is afraid that if he doesn’t engage you in some type of conversation, you and this moment will disappear before his mind registers it as being real, “Why did you send your date home? Did he try something?” His eyes darken.

You shake your head lightly; Din’s protective nature is exactly as you remember - you’ve missed it, “No, nothing like that. He was fine, really.” You can’t deny it any longer, you’ve missed him, “He just wasn’t… you.” With this admission you look up at Din and search his eyes – does he miss you too?

“Oh, pretty bird,” Din manages to breathe out before he descends on your mouth, kissing you fully and so full of longing and desperation he’s afraid he might actually break you. Your arms fly up of their own accord and wrap around Din’s neck, pulling him closer, closer, closer; your fingers thread and tug at the loose curls at the nape of his neck and you long to run your hands through his hair again - you refrain, not wanting to mess up his hairstyle. He’s yours and you’re his again in this kiss – every brush of your lips, every step in the dance of your tongues a testament to how much you’ve missed each other.

You’re melting. Melting into Din’s strong arms and the safety of his hold, reveling in the warmth of his affections. It’s like you’ve never left, his body molds to yours, fitting so right – pressed flushed against Din, you dare anything to try and get between the two of you right now.

Parting reluctantly when you hear the slow crunch of tires coming to a stop next to you, Din kisses your forehead gently before seeing you into the backseat of the cab. When you see him open the passenger side door and speak to the driver, you recall with a surge of affection that cab ride after Katie’s birthday when you and Din reconnected after your brief separation. Once again, Din tells the driver your address and emphasizes the importance of getting you home safely, punctuating his point with an overly generous tip. Your heart swells at the memory – the déjà vu driving home how everything about your relationship had been real.

When Din comes back to see you in the backseat, your eyes are bright and full of feeling – he’s here, the sweet man who always takes care of everyone, who only every wanted to take care of you; he’s right here in front of you again. Bringing your hand up to Din’s cheek, your heart soars when he leans into your palm with a smile; the soft feel and weight of his face familiar and comforting.

“Din, I know you didn’t sleep with Vanessa,” you say simply with no room for argument – a simple fact. Now that you’ve said it out loud, it seems so fucking obvious. How could you have ever believed that this man could have been capable of such a betrayal?

Simplicity and truth are all that Din can afford as well, “Of course not. How could I ever want anyone else when I had you? The perfect woman. You’re the love of my life, pretty bird. Would never cheat on you.”

The sincerity of his words brings tears to your eyes, “Then why, Din? Why would you want me to think that you had?”

You look so confused and sad; for the billionth time, Din chastises his past self for his dumb decisions, “Needed you to hate me, pretty bird. Needed you to stay away from me. It’s the only way to keep you safe.”

Though this answer is vague, your response is relayed with certainty; hands cupping Din’s face, “I’m safest with you, Din.”

The kiss that Din presses to your lips at this declaration is achingly desperate, as if he’s trying to brush away all his past mistakes and wipe clean the hurt he’s caused. He loves you. You can feel it in every stroke of his tongue over yours, and in the way his teeth nip and nibble at your lower lip.

You’ve missed his mouth, his touch, and everything Din – and judging by the way his hands cradle your face and the deep emotions swirling in the richness of brown eyes, Din’s missed you just as much. The two of you hold each other, foreheads pressed together for closeness, breathing in the other’s air as you soak in this togetherness that neither of you ever thought you’d experience again.

Finally, remembering what that last cab ride led to, you whisper, “Din, will you come over tonight?”

There’s a pause as Din’s brows furrow and his eyes squeeze shut. This moment of tenderness with you, one where you don’t hate him, has been more than he deserves. But it’s a fantasy, a mirage – the reports of escalating violence he listened to during tonight’s meeting still fresh in his mind, Din shakes his head in frustration. Based on what had been disclosed in the meeting, he can’t help but think that it’s working – everything he’s done to remove the target on your back is working; he can’t throw away your safety just so he can have this feeling again. That would be too risky. Selfish.

“Pretty bird, I can’t do that. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t understand, Din,” your voice breaks at his latest rejection and the sound tears Din in two.

He lifts your chin with his fingers so that you’ll look at him though the tears that are already starting to form in your beautiful eyes, “Baby, please understand. We can’t. We can’t be together – you deserve better than this, than me. Being with me puts you in unnecessary danger. My deepest fear is that you get hurt and I can’t… I won’t let that happen.”

“You’re hurting me right now, Din,” your voice small, sad.

Din knows he is, but he has to stay strong and resolved for your sake, even if this short respite from the dull ache of his everyday existence has been a heaven beyond his imagination, “I’m sorry, pretty bird. I really am. I love you, I love you. But you deserve better.”

You say nothing but the few tears that roll down your cheeks speak volumes. With great difficulty, Din says a wordless goodbye with kisses to your hair, then both of your hands before letting them and you go. He knocks on the top of the cab to let the driver know he can leave; as the taxi drives away, he sees your hurt face looking back at him and it nearly brings him to his knees.

Pressing the heels of his palm to his eyes, Din lets out a loud growl of frustration. Taking several deep breaths before going back in to rejoin the Family meeting, he repeats to himself a mantra that he has to believe – This is the right thing. The most important thing is that she’s safe. Staying away from her keeps her safe.

---

Din’s resolve lasts exactly two days.

---

It takes you only the duration of the cab ride home to get over the sting of Din’s rejection. Yes, the emotional whiplash of having him tell you that he loves you only for him say that it doesn’t change anything between the two of you hurt, but by the time you’ve taken Al out and finished getting ready for bed, your hurt feelings have been replaced by fresh purpose and determination.

You finally have some answers. Somehow Din has convinced himself that being apart from him is for your benefit and he’s willing to sacrifice his own happiness for it. The problem for you is that he’s also willing to sacrifice yours.

There’s a part of you that is livid about this, but you’re keeping this particular emotion at bay for the present moment with your newfound conviction to get to the bottom of what’s going on; you’ll get the answers you seek before you decide how you’re going to feel about it all.

You spend most of the weekend turning over the events of the last five months in your head, looking at them with a new perspective after the revelations from the past four days; mentally preparing a list of things that Din owes you explanations for and talking yourself in and out of how you’ll demand them of him.

By some twist of fate, your regular Sunday brunch has been cancelled for the first time in forever, with several of your friends unable to make it – you can’t decide if this is in your favour or not.

On one hand, you could really use their opinions and a sounding board for your rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions; on the other hand, you suspect that Din is currently not your friends’ favourite person and you could probably do without the barrage of insults that would inevitably be thrown about as a reaction to his and Vanessa’s confessions from this past week. Not that Din didn’t deserve them, but rather they wouldn’t help you work out what you need to do next.

By Sunday afternoon you’re sure of a few things:

Din loves you.

He has always loved you and he never stopped.

You love him, too.

He truly believed that being with him put you in danger.

What you didn’t know:

How could it be that he loved you so deeply but could so readily leave you? Not just initially five months ago, but again, not two days earlier?

What gave him the right to decide what was best for you?

Did he really think it acceptable to keep you in the dark about things that he clearly believed impacted your life so significantly?

The details of what prompted Din to act the way he did don’t interest you as much as why it led him to behave so unsympathetically for the past five months. The more you think about it, the harder it is for you sit still and wait out the indetermined amount of time needed before you get your answers.

On Sunday night, you make the decision to head down to Mando’s yourself after work one day this week. Feeling confident in your decided course of action, you’re as satisfied as you can be with the situation when you hear a knock on your door.

---

This is too easy.

Din mutters to himself as he walks through the parking garage beneath your apartment building undetected. It was entirely too easy for him to gain entry into the garage and avoid the security cameras on his way to the internal stairwell. He makes a mental note to talk to Paz about this gap in security as he’s taking the stairs two at a time up to your floor.

He had tried to stay away, he really had. But just as Din had always known, without the deterrent of you hating him and the surety that you would push him away, he had only his own self control to keep him from seeking you out, and that had crumbled under your loving touch outside the restaurant on Friday.

It had been too long since Din had gone without the feel of your soft lips pressed to his or basked in the warmth of your soft gaze and he had positively melted from both when he saw you after your date. Like an addict in recovery, the high from his relapse was too intense to ignore; he simply could not be kept from you any longer.

He barely recalls what happened after going back into the restaurant on Friday and finishing the Family meeting. Or how he got through Saturday at the gym, trying to slog through this month’s invoicing and attempting (unsuccessfully) to concentrate on Jimmy’s training. Don’t even ask him what he did today. All he knows is that after nightfall, his body drove his truck over to your neighbourhood and his feet carried him straight to your door.

Unsure of what type of reception he’ll receive if you open the door, Din doesn’t even know what he expects, only what he wants: you.

Your door opens with you already ready for bed, blinking at him with an unreadable expression. Din thinks he should speak first and lets Al buy him some time when he noses out, nuzzling his snoot into Din’s large hands. After giving your happy pup a few head rubs to show him how much he’s been missed, Din straightens up to look at you again; he opens his mouth to say something, though he doesn’t know what - and he never finds out because you kiss him.

You hadn’t expected to see Din before your planned confrontation, and you certainly didn’t think you’d see him at your door looking so soft and vulnerable. After he had dispensed some love to Al, the expression in Din’s eyes when he raised himself back up to his impressive height was that of a much smaller man. One who was unsure, ashamed.

To see Din like this takes all the wind out of the proverbial sails you had hoisted high over the last two days, the ones you had readied in anticipation of the fight you were bringing to his doorstep this week. And just like before, when faced with seeing Din in distress, your mind, heart and body ache to soothe and calm him - so you do what comes naturally and press your lips to his.

Din’s lips never leave yours. Not when you walk him inside your apartment and close the door, and not when he familiarly navigates the layout of your living room to sit on the couch and pull you down onto his lap. He won’t stop brushing his desperate mouth against your perfectly plush pout, the one he dreams about regularly, even as he murmurs the only two phrases he needs to know you understand:

I’m sorry, baby.

I love you, pretty bird.

You match Din kiss for kiss, “I know. I know, Din” as you undress first yourself, then the man whose touch you’ve been yearning for for nearly half a year and whose weight you long to be under again. Your body cries out, remembering the feel of the corded muscles of his strong arms and the comfort of his hard chest; your hands molds to Din’s body as they roam and explore, afraid if you release him he’ll be ripped away from you again. On Din’s part, even as his mouth becomes more insistent, his touch on your body remains gentle, reverent – where you’re urgent and possessive, he is worshipful. And still, he recites:

I’m sorry, baby.

I love you, pretty bird.

With Din owning your mouth, your moans of I know, I know, I know are swallowed and vibrate down into his chest - setting his heart on fire and quickening his pulse even as he kisses deeper and steals all your air.

Feeling him lick into your mouth, you whimper ‘Din, please’ and the sound of his name once again on your lips makes Din’s dick jump. He grabs you tight around the waist, holding you to him to continue fully exploring the open, moaning cavern of your mouth, conveying his devotion with each caress and massage of his tongue. How could he have ever let you go? You show Din that you don’t want him to do so ever again by meeting his every touch, every kiss, every guttural needy noise with a hungrier one of your own.

It’s been too long and your hearts and bodies have missed each other too much; Din is already hard and throbbing against where you’re wet and wanting. Everything is hurried, messy, and inelegant. You need each other and that’s all there is to it.

Overcome with your own greediness, you murmur, “Need you inside, baby.”

As Din’s entire body melts into a puddle at your words, every muscle in his broad frame relaxes and all his power and control evaporate in the face of his one and only fantasy coming to life; only snapped out of his euphoric state by the sensation of you smearing his leaking precum over his length with your soft hands - Din thinks he might come from this alone. He’s craved your touch every moment since that fateful night outside his apartment, but he holds back for the heaven he knows is to come when you line him up to your entrance and slowly sink down.

It’s really has been too long – Din’s too big and you’re too tight and there hasn’t been enough prep; it hurts. But somehow it’s welcomed - both of you needing it to hurt, wanting it to hurt, so you know it’s real.

“Nggghhhh – fuck, Din, so big,” you whine as he stretches you out - he’s bigger than you remember. He feels better than you remember.

“I know, pretty bird. But it’ll fit,” Din hums, “because you’re made for me.”

His sweet words belie the sting to your tight channel, but the joy that overflows from your heart straight to you core soon drowns out the pain; this is how it was always meant to be: you trusting your body to Din, and Din taking care of you. Slowly, slowly, your sheath yourself onto Din’s cock – fitted so close that you feel every thick vein and groove along your warm walls.

Din’s kisses are gentler now, tender and reassuring like his words, “Doing so good for me, pretty girl,” “You feel so perfect around me,” “Love this tight cunt, missed her so much.”

His praise causes your pussy to gush and your hands card through his soft curls appreciatively. Gazing into Din’s eyes lovingly, you coo back your own song, “Feels so good, daddy,” “God, I’m so full,” “Noone wrecks this pussy like you, baby.”

When you’re finally fully seated, with Din bottomed out inside you, his balls nestled perfectly under your ass, the two of you simply just rest. Countless minutes go by so you can relearn to breathe and Din thanks his lucky stars for the privilege of praying at your altar once more.

Fully blissed out and body trembling upon remembering its rightful place on Din’s cock, you whisper, “Din, please move.” And move he does.

Slowly and with the restraint of a saint, Din thrusts up to meet your tentative downward movements, dragging his cock deliciously in and out of your tight cunt, letting her suck him back in of her own volition. You wrap your arms around his neck and feel Din’s sensual kisses on your lips, down your neck, and at the hollows of your throat; the wet trail his mouth leaves behind causes an electric chill to run throughout your entire body, your hips bucking a little harder, a little more ambitious in response.

There’s no rush, the two of you have all the time in the world to enjoy your reunion, and yet there’s an urgency - a hunger to devour as much of one another as you can, both starved from your time apart. The need to make up for lost time takes over; every kiss of skin on skin is an apology and a promise, your declarations of love becoming louder and more unabashed, movements more fervent, frantic.

Din groans into your skin, “Pretty bird, not going to last. Missed you too much,” as he starts to punch up with an impressive force, driving his cock deeper into your cunt and reaching that spot that only he’s ever been able to find.

“Give it to me, daddy,” you mewl, barrelling towards to your own orgasm faster than you had expected, “Need it. Need you. I love you, I love you, I love you.” This is the first time you’ve said it back tonight, and the only time Din’s heard these sweet words in the musical lilt of your voice in last five mouths – this alone sends him on the fast track to the edge.

He snakes one hand between your bodies to find your already pulsating clit and starts to pen a long overdue love letter with his thumb. Din’s other arm pulls your body as close to his as possible, so you’re now pressed flushed against his warm chest, moving with him as one.

I’m sorry, baby. I love you, pretty bird. I love you.

I love you, Din. Missed you so much. I love you.

You come - teary eyes locked onto Din’s as he signs over his fate with an elegant signature on your clit. Your slippery nub kisses his thumb back just as hard, crying and begging for relief as you clench down from the onslaught of pleasure that only Din can give you. Din spills deep into you as your pussy chokes him, milking the euphoria of his release for all it’s worth. He’s in heaven. You’re his heaven.

Wordlessly, you and Din exchange soft smiles and besotted looks as you clean-up after; a string of never-ending tender kisses lead the two of you back to the couch where you lay down in Din’s arms, sated and pliant, soaking in the strength and sureness with which he holds you, “Din, we need to talk.”

“I know, pretty bird,” he’s ready to tell you everything, lay it all bare for you.

Propping yourself up on your elbow so you can look Din in the eye, you implore him to be honest with you, “You said you needed me to hate you. That it was the only way to keep me safe. What were you talking about?”

Din tells you about the photos that the Family received which had been received as threats and the various confrontations and incidents of harassment in the months following that confirmed them as such. He tells you how scared he’s been for you, and how guilty and sorry he is that you were ever caught up in his world in this terrifying way.

Forcing himself not to look away from your pretty face when he sees it line with fear, Din tells you that he never wanted you to feel frightened or for your life to be interrupted, “You’re safe, pretty bird, I promise. You’re well protected - the entire Fett Family is looking out for you. They love you as much as I do. The Family would never abandon you.”

“Just you then?” It wasn’t meant as a sarcastic or passive aggressive comment, but you just honestly can’t see what this had to do with why Din left you. If anything, wouldn’t it have made more sense for him to stay by your side?

Regardless of your meaning, Din looks pained at your question and averts his eyes in shame.

“I understand that you were afraid for me because of the threats, but if the Family was willing to protect me, I still don’t understand why you would need me to hate you to be safe?”

“You should never have been in danger at all, baby. The reason you’re a target is because of me. Whoever issued the threats only targeted you because… because, they knew how much you mean to me. How much I love you. It wasn’t enough just to protect you from the threat, I didn’t want you to be under threat at all. That’s the only way to guarantee you would be safe.”

You stroke Din’s face with your hand, and he leans in to your comforting touch and closes his eyes.

“If you hated me, then you would no longer be a worthy target. The person they really want to hurt is me, and if we weren’t together anymore, they can’t do that through you.” Din sighs, “But I’m so sorry, pretty bird. The way I went out about it was all wrong - hurting you like I did is inexcusable and it shattered my heart to do so. You didn’t deserve to think I cheated on you.”

Your heart softens and you lean in to lay gentle, sympathetic kisses to Din’s soft lips. Finally, finally you understand. Though you don’t excuse the hurt he caused, you can understand Din’s fallacious reasoning; in an odd way, it’s a relief to see him so unchanged – his actions ever consistent with his self-sacrificing nature and his conviction to take care of those he loves, to keep them safe. The only thing is, his was not the only heart he had sacrificed.

“I thought you never loved me,” you say in a small voice, “when I thought you had cheated on me, it made me question our entire relationship.”

“Oh, fuck, baby,” Din’s shame and self-anger triple upon hearing your words. He had expected you to be angry, to hate him for the lie he had you believe, but he never considered that you would have doubted what he felt for you prior to that horrible night. Secure in the depth of his own devotion and the truth of just how in love with you he was, Din had thought what was unshakeable to him would be the same for you; but of course, now that you’ve said it, it makes complete sense and he adds this egregious transgression against you to his long list of regrets, “I’m so fucking sorry. I never thought- oh, fuck. It never crossed my mind that you might ever doubt how so completely in love with you I’ve always been. From the moment I met you it was over for me, baby – you became the single most important person in my life. I live for you, pretty bird. I’m so sorry I ever made you feel any differently.”

Din looks at you with so much sincerity and desperation, you heart is unable to do anything but believe him. You know without a shadow of a doubt that Din loves you and moreover, that everything he’s done has been in the name of that love. And though you trust in his pure intentions, they’re misguided in a way that you have to make him understand. If the two of you are to have a chance again, you need honesty and openness, and Din has to have faith in that same love when things get tough.

You’re lightly scratching Din’s facial scruff the way you know he loves, wanting to just enjoy this affectionate moment a little longer before you dive into the more serious things you need to talk about when you both hear Din’s phone start to buzz incessantly.

Din reaches his long arm off the couch and easily finds his discarded pants and pulls out his phone, frowning when he sees the multiple notifications on his lock screen.

His entire body tenses as he reads Paz’s messages.

Hutt movement three blocks away from Lil’ Lady’s.

Woves confirms the group is growing.

Mods say traffic cams show more on the way.

Din feels a stab of fear tear through his chest before the horror of what he’s done settles like a boulder in his stomach.

For the five months that Din had left you alone, there hadn’t even been a hint of suspicious activity anywhere near you. No appearance of shady characters or any incidents of malfeasance, not a single one. You had been safe.

What had changed tonight? What could have possibly happened to incite a flurry of rival gang activity so close to your home when it had never previously been an issue?

It was him. What had changed is he had been weak. He had given in to his need for you, selfishly putting you in harm’s way. Din realizes he had been right: staying away from you had been keeping you safe. He gets up suddenly, the need to rectify his mistake overwhelming.

“Din?”

Din’s hurrying putting on his clothes and doesn’t answer you. He doesn’t hear you get up from the couch after him and grab a house cardigan from the back of one of the dining room chairs to throw over yourself, watching as he carries on to leave without saying a word.

“STOP!!”

You hardly ever yell. And you never slam your hand down on your dining table so hard and loud it hurts, but you need to get Din’s attention somehow. It works - Din’s shocked out of his automated movements and turns to face you.

“What are you doing, Din?” you look distressed, confused, but most of all, frightened by what you think you already know is happening.

“This was a mistake, pretty bird.”

His words cause you to recoil; your voice comes out tight, bordering on bitter, “What was a mistake, Din? Telling me you loved me, that you lived for me? Or sleeping with me? Tell me, which mistake do you mean?”

Din rushes forward; he’s fucking up all over, he can tell, and hurting you again is the very last thing he ever wanted to do, “No, baby – none of that was a mistake. Being with you tonight has been a happiness I never thought I’d feel again. Honestly, I didn’t think I deserved it and still don’t think I do. The mistake was me somehow thinking that everything was behind us. That I wouldn’t be putting your safety at risk by coming over here.”

He can’t possibly be doing this again, you’re incredulous, “You’re doing this again? You’re going to leave? And I don’t get a say in it?”

“Pretty bird, you don’t understand.”

“Make me understand, Din.”

“There’s something happening right now, a danger that’s closer to you than should ever be allowed. And it’s because I’m here. This is proof that I’m no good for you baby.”

“Din, how can you say that? I love you.”

“And I have to keep you safe because I love you, too.”

“What you’re doing is breaking my heart, Din. This isn’t the only way - you have to trust me.”

“This isn’t about trust, pretty bird, it’s about your safety.”

“Of course it’s about trust, Din! You don’t trust me to be able to handle some of the things in your life – things that you think I’m too delicate or ‘good’ for, whatever the fuck that means. You don’t trust me so you don’t tell me anything or let me make any decisions, and that’s really fucking condescending and hurtful. You have to trust me, Din! You have to trust that you can show me parts of yourself and your world that maybe aren’t perfect or you aren’t that proud of and that I’m not going to leave! You have to trust that I love you enough!”

The silence between the two of you is punctuated only by your shallow breathing from finishing your speech and the electric tension that now hums in the air. Something in Din’s brain is awakening, yelling at him that there’s a truth in your words that he hasn’t had the courage to face – that other than your safety, he’s been worried that bringing you fully into his world and telling you everything, sharing in all the fears and dark parts, would scare you away. That he’s been afraid that you would walk away, so he did it first.

Din doesn’t know if he’s ready to face this realization or its implications out loud, not when you’re looking at him with so much disappointment and anger. Not when the phone in his pocket continues to buzz non-stop.

You’re at your wit’s end and throw out ludicrously, “So, what? We stay apart until you deem it safe again? Then what, we’re allowed to date until the next time you think it’s safer for me if you leave? And then we just repeat this pattern forever?”

Din’s exasperated too, frustrated with the unexpected turn this evening has taken – at himself. He throws his hands up in the air, “I don’t know, okay? I just know it’s not safe for you to be my girl right now. And as for later? May not then either? Maybe you just don’t wait for me.”

You freeze, the retort on the tip of your tongue that you’re supposed to be a team and that Din doesn’t get to choose for the both of you, dissipates from your shock at his last words, “Wait. What do you mean ‘don’t wait for you’?”

Din doesn’t immediately clarify so you press on, “You would be okay with that? If I moved on with someone else? Is that what you want?”

Din wants to reassure you; it’s not what he meant, of course. His heart would shatter if you were with someone else; he had only meant that he knew it was terribly unfair for you to have to wait for this situation to resolve itself, and he didn’t want to force you to be or assume that you were okay with it – but it had come out wrong. He stops himself from explaining though; realizing with a punch to the gut that he could use this to give you a clean slate, a clean break from him. You would hate him again – but it would remove the temptation to come see you in secret like tonight, endangering your safety every time he was too weak to stay away from you. So, he says nothing.

You take his silence the way he intends, as confirmation that Din doesn’t want you anymore and your tears come fast and threaten to overflow. You’re angry, confused, and hurt. Again.

The barrier you had put up earlier when you so logically decided to figure out your feelings once you figured out the truth comes crashing down and you think you’re going to drown in the tidal wave of emotions that swell and rise with being so casually tossed away again. You feel like a fool, letting Din toy with your feelings (and your body) over and over.

“Din. Is that what you want? Do you just want us to be over?” you choke out.

Din’s expression is unreadable and he won’t make eye contact with you - but when he sighs, it’s the most devasting sound you’ve ever heard in your life.

Your cheeks are wet and you feel yourself shaking. The words that are blabbering out now hardly make sense and you don’t think you even mean half of them, but you aren’t thinking straight - you just know these words will sting and make Din feel as bad as you do right now, “Why did you come tonight, Din? For an easy fuck? You knew you would find guaranteed pussy here, didn’t you? I can’t blame you, I guess. I mean, if you know you always have a desperate slut you can use, someone who’s stupid enough to buy whatever lies you tell her to get her to give it up, why not, right?”

Suddenly aware of how exposed you are, you pull your cardigan tighter over your body and shrink away from Din.

Din reaches for you - this, he cannot have. He cannot have you reducing yourself to just a worthless fuck when you’re his sun. He loves you more than anything, would hang the moon for you; you’re the most incredible and precious thing in his life, “No, no… that’s not it. Please, pretty bird, don’t…”

You pull away from his outreaching hand and say in a flat, dead tone, “I’m not your pretty bird anymore.”

Even Din can see that he’s hit your limit - hurt you beyond repair and now you’ve shut down. Shut him out. Fighting ever fibre in his body to go to you, soothe you and try to reassure you of his love, he hangs his head, “No. You’re right… you’re not.”

The two of you stand in silence, facing each other but worlds apart, for what is probably only a minute but feels like forever. Finally, Din turns to the front door to leave; pausing just after turning the handle, he whispers, “I’m sorry”, before exiting your apartment and closing the door behind him.

Once in the hallway, Din hears the lock turn immediately, followed by the most devastating sound he’s ever heard. You’re sobbing, loud enough that he can hear it through the door and he wants more than anything to kick down the door and sweep you into his arms, take it all back - comfort you with kisses and lightly chastise you for even considering for a moment that he could ever stop loving you.

But he doesn’t. It’s better this way, Din tells himself.

The sound of your sobs follows Din as he races down the stairs, towards the danger that lurks too closer for comfort. He’s more than ready to take out his distress on the bastards who had deigned to look upon you as someone to threaten, to hurt - or just some unfortunate Hutts who found themselves in the wrong neighbourhood tonight. Din doesn’t much care. Blinking back his tears and steeling his resolve with clenched fists, all Din knows is you won’t be the only person he hurts tonight – you’re just the only one who doesn’t deserve it.

Exactly one week later, you storm into brunch still angry, exhausted and hurt from your altercation with Din the Sunday before; hot tears brim along your lash line from the humiliation of having slept with Din only for him to leave you again, and your frustration at his dismissal of any attempt to talk out your issues. The only sure-fire thing you’ve decided is that there will be no more secrets - no more half truths, no more protecting people from hard and ugly realities. Sure, you would have much preferred if this was the road upon which you and Din were embarking, but in lieu of that, you decide that you can come clean with your friends. You tell them about the Fett Family and Din’s old role, and what he seems to still do for the Family. You tell your friends about Poe, Boba, Cass, the Hutts and the Pykes, and the Mandos and the Mods. You tell them about all the security incidents from earlier in the year and the threats you only just learned of and about Din’s and your place in it all. You tell them about your run-in with Vanessa and how your date with Mark went and about sleeping with Din last week. You tell them everything that’s yours to tell and even somethings that aren’t because you’re done with pretending that these secrets are worth keeping and somehow worth your happiness.

Your friends are speechless; all the food, and shockingly the drinks, are untouched as you talk and only after you indicate you’re done with your recollection of how Din left you crying in your foyer, do they descend on you to offer their kind supportive words and loving hugs. Once everyone is settled back in their seats and people’s emotions have leveled out a bit, Rory asks,

“Do you still love him?”

It’s not the question you expected from her, or from any of your friends really, and it truly deflates you as you lean back in your chair to contemplate your response. The last week saw you primarily cataloguing Din’s transgressions against your heart; it’s a long list and it had kept your mind and heart fairly preoccupied. You’re furious at him… but did his foolhardy actions change the man you believed he was? The man you had loved? You answer only what you’re sure of,

“It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t seem to matter to him what I think or feel. Din just does what he thinks is best.”

Your friends nod sympathetically, understanding you’re already fighting a seemingly endless battle between your head and your heart. They thoughtfully put forth their opinions in between bites of their now cold dishes:

“No matter what his reasoning is, it doesn’t give him the right to jerk you around in the name of ‘your safety’.”

“Does he have a point though? Is it dangerous to be with him? Are you scared?”

“Won’t the Family protect you? Why is he acting like he’s the only one who cares about you?”

“I don’t like that he hurt you on purpose with that Vanessa nonsense. That lie was so elaborate.”

“How many times does he think he can do this to you?”

“You deserve someone who is honest with you. Someone who will treat you like an equal partner in everything.”

“He loves you so much. It’s always been clear to us that you’re his whole world, babe.”

You agree with it all – these same thoughts have been running laps in your mind since the night Din closed your door behind him. Din’s martyr-like approach to your safety did not sit well with you, especially when it sacrificed the wellbeing of your heart without so much as a consultation of your feelings; it’s crystal clear to you now that entirely too many lies and secrets had been justified and tolerated in the last several months and even your relationship prior. Yes, you know how you feel about what Din did.

But how do you feel about him? To a certain degree, you know you still love Din, but things just aren’t that simple anymore. Given everything that’s happened, how can you feel about him? You don’t know.

6 months ATN

Waiting until there’s a break in the traffic, you cross the street quickly, heading straight for the bookstore across from your office building. Right away, you spot the display you’re looking for: the centre table for “Current Hot Reads” with Bea’s book right in the middle - you can’t help but grin widely. Picking up four copies, you busy yourself for a few minutes straightening up the display - strategically stacking and propping up copies of your friend’s book so it stands out in a pleasing manner amongst the other titles. When you stand back, satisfied, to review your work, a kind voice behind you says, “Are you the author, dear?” You turn to see an older woman in a delightfully ostentatious fur coat smiling at you.

Unable to keep the pride out of your voice, you beam, “Ha ha ha! No, one of my best friends is! I’m actually buying these as gifts to give out to our mutual girlfriends at dinner tonight!”

“Oh, that’s so lovely dear! What a good friend you are!” the lady smiles, “What is the book about?”

“It’s a modern romance, childhood best friends turned lovers. The first in her series!” you gush, ready to talk Bea up to the high heavens.

“Oh lovely! My granddaughter loves romance novels, maybe I should get it for her?”

For a moment you simply imagine what the granddaughter might think when reading the smut her sweet nana bought her and you do your best to hold in your chuckle, “Tell you what. I’m going to buy an extra copy and leave it at the cashier for you. If you decide you don’t want it or prefer to buy a copy, just tell the cashier to pass it on to the next person who’s interested.”

“Oh dear, you don’t have to do that!”

“I know! But I want to! I can’t tell you how much it delights me to support my friend. Please ask your granddaughter to help spread the word about the book and the author. I know she’ll love it, it really is just that good,” you enthuse.

The older woman squeezes your hand in thanks as you pick up a fifth copy of Bea’s book; leaving her to read the jacket summary as you head to the cashier. After giving the cashier the instructions for the last copy, you give the display another quick once over before leaving the bookstore, heading directly to dinner with a spring in your step.

---

Din sees you the moment you walk in. For some reason, maybe a sixth sense, he had looked up at the bookstore front door before it opened, and there you were. He hasn’t seen you since the night he left you crying in your apartment, the same night he sent half of the Hutt enforcements to the hospital; when he accepted this surveillance post for the day, he had half hoped he would see you. You’re just as stunning and bright as the you he keeps in his memories, if not more so.

He had also seen the display of Bea’s books when he walked in and already picked up a copy to buy in support; he figured he would give it to Lisa. Din watches you rearrange the display from behind the shelves, trying not to be a creep but unable to take his eyes off of you – wistfully, he recalls seeing you do the same thing on the day you first met; it’s no less charming now than it was then. Listening with a smile as you talk excitedly to the older lady about Bea’s book, Din’s heart swells when he hears you offer to buy her granddaughter a copy. You’re still you. Sweet, generous, unassuming, and unflinchingly kind.

God, he misses you.

He’s been trying to put you out of his mind, of course; positive that he’s eradicated not only any goodwill or affectionate feeling you may have held for him a few months ago, but also any chance he had of ever being with you again. Whereas before he kept away for your safety and his own self punishment, he does so now out of self preservation. To steel himself for his future without you.

Din does, however, allow himself one photo of you. It’s one that Paz took the night of the fight with Rotta Hutt. Taken right after he’s scooped you up ringside, the shot shows only the back of Din’s head, but your face is on full display, filled with joy and adoration. He looks at it everyday; trying not to long for you more than he already does, Din comes to regard it as motivation of sorts – this is what makes all his misery worth it, he thinks to himself. You. Happy.

And while he can’t bring himself to delete his photos of you off his phone, or even erase your old messages, Din never looks at them either. He doesn’t deserve to. Especially not the dirty texts and photos; he doesn’t have a right to see you that way anymore - as much as he misses you, Din won’t violate your privacy. But on the days when the pressure, stress and Din’s own loneliness lead him to release his frustration while in the shower, he imagines a soft hand touching him and knows it’s yours. The voice that he hears telling him how good it feels, he knows is yours. The moans that ring in his ears as he furiously fucks his fist can only be yours. And when he comes, choking out broken pants of I love you, I love you, I fucking loving you so much, those words are for you and you only.

Seven months ATN

Opening your guest room closet, you sigh to yourself.

It’s time.

You’ve been avoiding doing this, but not only is it long overdue, you’re also embarrassed at how anxious you’ve been to attempt this task. It’s been two months since Din left you crying on your knees in the front foyer of your apartment and seven since you fled his apartment after believing he had cheated on you. In that hazy first week, you had gone around the apartment grabbing anything that belonged to him and stuffed it into what ended up being an overflowing bin that you then shoved into the back of the guest room closet. Out of sight, out of mind.

But you have guests coming to stay next week, and moreover, it bothers you how rude it is to have kept these belongings that aren’t yours. It was one thing when Din had been a lying cheating bastard; but now that you know he hadn’t had any ill intent and was as much of a victim of his poor decisions as you are, it doesn’t feel right to hang on to these items. Bringing home some flat packing boxes from the work mailroom, you assemble them first, trying to prolong actually having to go through your ex’s things.

Stop being a chicken shit, you chide yourself, it’s been months. Get over it and get it over with. You pull the bin out of the closet and his smell, Din’s smell, immediately hits you when you when you start to take out the clothes. You close your eyes and let yourself breathe in the familiar scent. It’s as inviting as you remember and immediately brings his handsome visage to your mind. When you open your eyes, they’re filled with tears. Dammit.

You force yourself to work through your tears. Fighting it at first but eventually allowing yourself to recall memories associated with Din’s items, you feel and expunge all the emotions you had hidden away like you had these belongings. It’s cathartic and freeing, and once you’ve shed the tears you need, you make quick work of the task. When you’ve filled the last box, you write a short note apologizing how long it’s taken to return these items and quickly tape up the boxes so that the contents are once again out of your sight.

---

The following weekend, you and Katie take a cab with the boxes to Din’s neighbourhood. You don’t think you’re ready to see Din in person, but you think you can handle dropping off the boxes… at Peli’s. Katie helps you carry the boxes from the taxi into the drycleaner’s and you ring the little bell Peli leaves out when she’s in the back working with the machines. You see her bushy crown of curls before you do her inviting face, the smile she smiles when she sees you is brighter than the sun. You feel warmed just seeing her again.

“Well, look who it is,” Peli grins, eyes full of genuine cheer and relief, “long time no see.”

Nodding, your heart feels a tug with how much you’ve missed Peli and all the other friends you made through Din who you haven’t seen in months, “Too long, Peli!”

“Glad you can admit you missed me,” she teases, holding absolutely nothing against you, “what can I do for you? Don’t tell me those boxes are full of drycleaning?”

“Oh… no. Could I ask you for a favour?” sheepish that the very first time you see Peli after such a long absence, you’re asking something her.

Peli’s good nature isn’t phased for even a second, “Of course! Anything for you, love.”

Then as if some higher being heard your request before you had a chance to speak it, Paz walks through the front door of the drycleaners. He’s just as surprised to see you as you are him, but readily leans in to give you and Katie welcoming hugs.

“Hi Lil’ Lady. Whatcha doing here?”

You gesture to the boxes and look between Peli and Paz, “Just wanted to drop off Din’s things but… I didn’t feel up to going to Mando’s. Do you think I could trouble you to get these boxes to him?”

Peli looks shocked, and for a moment you wonder if it’s possible that she didn’t know that you and Din haven’t been together for over half a year now. Paz saves you from the potentially long and awkward explanation by nodding with some sympathy, “No problem, I’ll carry them over.”

“Thank you, Paz.”

“No problem, Lil’ Lady,” Paz gives you a smile that looks regretful, maybe even sad.

You turn to go, but suddenly feel compelled to make one last request, “Please don’t tell Din you saw me? I don’t want him thinking about me anymore.” You say this without any malice or bitterness, though you’re not convinced it comes out that way.

When going through Din’s belongings, you were initially hard hit by the waves of sadness and grief from the loss of your relationship; but after letting the ache of your heart dull, you had surprising found comfort in a barrage of happy memories:

Din’s favourite basketball team shirt you slept in. You had teased him mercilessly for how often he wore it, but showered him in compliments at how good he looked in those loud team colours every time. When you explained to him what Pima cotton was and delighted in a sports shirt feeling so luxuriously soft, you noticed that Din started leaving it for you to wear for sleep – first only at his apartment, but before long, he “allowed” the shirt to migrate to your place.

That lime green sweater he wore the first time he was invited to girl’s Sunday brunch. Bea had wanted to introduce the new guy she was dating and thought that having another boy at the table might make it less intimidating. Din had gone and immediately clocked Gideon to be an asshole, but somehow managed to convey a polite, yet protective vibe throughout the meal. When Bea broke up with that odious man a few weeks later, Din, invited back to brunch and coincidentally wearing the same sweater had been so supportive (“You deserve better than that self-absorbed blow hard”), even offering to “take care of him” for her. You had quickly refused on Bea’s behalf, knowing what “take care” might actually mean, but it had cheered her up so much nonetheless.

His cozy oversized patterned jacquard cardigan that Din wore whenever it was nippier out than usual. Large enough that it could envelope you while being worn, Din took every opportunity to do so - pressing you against his hard chest while wrapping the front around you to keep the chill away when you were out at the farmers’ market, waiting for the subway, or just standing on the sidewalk while Al finished sniffing his favourite spots.

And more – all the clothes and items you packed away had at least one memory associated with Din where he had made you feel warm, cared for, cherished.

How grateful and lucky you were that Din had loved you the way he did.

Yes, he had broken your heart, but you know that he himself didn’t get away unscathed – Din had also been destroyed by your breakup. Having long since recognized the immature and empty things said during your last fight as your own emotional lashing out, you saw with more clarity how your own hurt and pain had sliced through Din’s already battle damage armour. To be honest, you regret your words and how you left things with Din; though the way he did it was all wrong, Din had only ever loved you, cared for you and put you first in the way that he believed matter the most. And he did so without fanfare, pomp or circumstance - expecting neither accolades nor acknowledgment, or even a hint of self satisfaction.

Your heart truly goes out to Din. He so willingly carries the weight of the responsibility to take care of others, to put their well being over his own wants and desires; he sees it only as his duty and a mark of his honour to put himself last. Din never gives himself leave to be selfish, despite being the most deserving for exactly that reason; as long as others are well taken care of, you know that Din would never complain or wish for more for himself. And while your heart has done its share of mourning for yourself, it also breaks for Din – you know with certainty that he’s as devastated as you are, and yet, he also bears the guilt of having been the cause of your respective heartbreak; likely believing himself undeserving of any sympathy or comfort.

You remember what Boba had once said of Din, that he’s a caretaker through and through. He attends to the needs of those around him and always has – thinking of the betterment of others, sometimes, and possibly even often, at the expense of his own. But Din’s always done so happily - it was his duty and he performed it consistently, admirably. And you remember that you had promised Boba that you would take care of Din right back.

Refusing to add to Din’s already heavy burden when it came to your breakup, you don’t want him to think about you more than he has to when he gets his belongings back; you know he will only spiral into more self blame wondering if you’re still mad or how much you hate him. He will undoubtedly think about how you might be hurting, and then feel regret and guilt, disappointment or whatever else that eats at him.

So, you make Paz promise not to tell Din that he saw you, to say that Peli had called him over to get the boxes and you were already gone when he arrived. The fierce look in your eyes tells Paz that you won’t relent and he acquiesces – you were prepared to fight him if necessary, the urge to protect Din where you still can burning brightly within your heart.

Quiet and heartfelt goodbyes are said and longer than needed hugs are dispensed before you and Katie leave Peli’s, arms now empty. As the cab pulls away, you wave what you sadly think might be your last goodbye to two people you’ve also come to love and will miss terribly.

9 months ATN

Seeing Peli and Paz at the drycleaner’s is the last contact you have with Din’s world.

After nearly the better part of a year, it no longer feels strange that there are facets of a life you had come to embrace, that are no longer familiar - like bringing baked goods down to Mando’s, or being part of the celebratory group when a Mando’s boxer wins a title. Making a normal portion size of garlic knots is once again the norm.

Periodically, it might feel unsettling when you remember that you are or were, at least at one time, under threat, and that there are unseen eyes on you, both friendly and unfriendly. But you never see anyone or any actual evidence of this so there’s not much you can dwell on. Who’s to say the circumstances of the situation haven’t changed or if you’re even on anyone’s radar anymore? It’s likely you’ve been forgotten by now and you leave these thoughts at that.

With time, you go from thinking of Din constantly, to less frequently, and now only periodically. You don’t think you’ll ever quite forget Din. He had loved you fiercely, of that you were certain, and in turn, you had loved him back just as hard. He was undoubtedly, a great love of your life. You don’t think that type of connection is easy to find, nor would you attempt to try and do so again – the way Din had seen you so completely and how you had felt being his was not a feeling you think you’ll let go of any time soon.

But the price for that type of love was one that you hadn’t been prepared to pay – adherence to some creed or code of honour that was willing to sacrifice your heart wasn’t something you could open yourself up to again. Not even for that kind of love. But it didn’t mean you couldn’t look back on it with fondness and remember Din as a man you admired adamantly and would continue to hold up as one of the best men you’ve ever known.

He was kind. Protective. Caring and loyal.

The strength of his character and his generous nature live on in your grateful heart.

Some of your happiest memories will always be ones that you shared with Din. He had, as was his highest priority, made you feel safe and cherished; despite how it all ended, you knew his motivations and the intentions of his heart to be pure - he had only ever wanted the best for you. Din’s easy way of making you laugh, supporting you in all your endeavors and of lightening your mental and physical load, all while making you feel like the most special person in any room, were not easily forgotten. Nor his integrity, considerate nature and the gentleness of his touch. A lover and a fighter – Din was a rare combo indeed.

You think you’ll love Din until your dying day, but you can’t pine for him anymore.

Had you forgiven him? Hardly. But forgiveness wasn’t necessary.

Forgiveness implied that you needed something to change, to be acknowledged, in order to move forward, and that just simply wasn’t the case. You neither forgave him or were looking to forgive Din; you didn’t expect there to be a continuation of your story and so, as far as you were concerned, neither of you owed anything further to the other, including forgiveness. You’re at peace with where the pages of your love story have permanently fallen open; having reread those finally passages a million times, you’ve worked through your grief of having to put Din and your relationship behind you - what remains is only a nostalgic sort of affection and maybe wistfulness.

Your life has gone on without him, but it had always been full before you met Din and it remains so after him: full of friends, hobbies, Alfredo, accomplishment and pride in your work, and everything else your undoubtedly privileged life has to offer. That’s probably the best word to describe it. These days, when you do think of Din, it can be without bitterness or disappointment, because you do so only with genuine gratitude; not everyone will have the good fortune of being loved so wholly, so generously and so fearsomely, albeit it had only been for a little while. Yes, it takes no great effort to admit: it had been a privilege to be loved by Din Djarin.

It’s been a good day. Great even. All your meetings finish on time (!), and no one on your team, yourself included, had extra work assigned at the last minute – you’re all able to leave ON TIME.

Stepping out of your office building, you can’t quite believe it – you haven’t seen this side of 5:30 since… you were a junior? No, that’s an exaggeration, but it’s been a long time for sure.

You and your colleagues exchange excited hugs, marveling at your luck; a few even joke that you should all prepare to pay for this tomorrow before laughing and each going in your separate directions.

Pausing for a moment where you stand, you contemplate maybe popping into the bookstore across the street before heading home when your eyes are drawn to a hulking figure that sits on one of the courtyard benches directly facing your office. Despite his size and striking profile, the man’s presence isn’t terribly imposing, but it is a wonder that you hadn’t notice him until now.

You lock eyes with the man, not ready to believe he’s really there, when he gives you a tentative smile along with a small wave of the bouquet of peonies that he holds in his hand.

Din.

Thanks so much again to anyone who has read this far in the series with me - I love you all so much! Your kind words and encouragement really motivated me to finish this chapter a bit earlier than I had anticipated! I'm still on the cruise, so I'm just posting this when the ship's wifi is strong 🤣 so adding a few tags for those who have expressed an interest in the story (if you don't want to be tagged, please tell me!):

@tuquoquebrute @furiousmushroom @cheekychaos28 @72scsuze @nerdieforpedro

@toobsessedsstuff @whirlwindrider29 @inept-the-magnificent @mellymbee @that1nerd-20

@hipabbster23 @bitccchmood @bigbutchenergee @rainbowcat164 @the-strawberrythief

@johnssherlock221 @misstokyo7love @vivian-pascal @florxdexcerezo @fanficlover1414

@rarachelchel @heartbrokenlilbitch-nef @jeewrites @sunnytuliptime @kulekehe

@bebsjo @yopossum @cartonkid1200 @rav3n-pascal22

#din djarin #modern!din djarin #din djarin fanfiction #din djarin fic #din djarin x reader #din djarin x f!reader #din djarin x you #pedro pascal characters fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #modern au

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rhadamanthes · 6 months

Text

Shared Custody. Sukuna x reader x Toji

Part 2 from this work !

Word count : 3k

Warnings : established relationship,threesome, double penetration, hate sex (kinda), oral sex female receiving, creampie, overstimulation, praise, bit of fluff and bit of angst

The weight on your lap is slowly lifting and you tighten your grasp as a reflex. Opening your eyes you see Toji trying to take little megumi in his arms. You blink the sleep out of your eyes and relax your arms.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't waiting for you this early" you say standing on your feet. He scoffs, securing megumi on his hips

"I was gone for two hours, you two slept the whole time?"

Ever since you moved in, a lot of things have happened. Your boyfriend befriending the teasing neighbour is one of them. And the more you get to know him the more it makes sense they're a lot alike in more ways than one. They often go to the gym together, and can talk for hours about cars and UFC that you don't really care about, but you're glad they do. Sukuna with his gruff nature doesn't have a lot of friends, even if he'll never admit you know that this is what they are for each other.

When Toji learned that you worked from home he asked you if it was ok for you to keep his 6 year old son from time to time. You gladly accepted, thinking it'll bring you some company and you're already used to babysitting thanks to Yuuji : Sukuna's little brother who is the same age as Megumi. Needless to say Megumi is a spitting image of his father both physically and personality wise. He slowly warmed up to you and is now fully comfortable in your presence. As a proof Toji dropped him off earlier and just a few minutes in he climbed on your lap asking you to draw with him. Megumi ended up falling asleep and you followed him.

Snapping out of your reverie you reach on the coffee table for the drawing Megumi did for his dad. you show it to him smiling at the fact that he drew a wolf with a scar on his lips. Toji smiles at the sight too before meeting your eyes

"You did this for me?" he asks with one of his signature smirk. You roll your eyes before pushing him to the door. He turns around thanking you for keeping megumi this afternoon before planting a kiss on your cheek and leaving. You freeze at his gesture, he's never been physical with you like you've never been with him. It makes you uncomfortable and you feel a pit in your stomach.

"Do you want me to kill him ?" you gasp putting your hands over Sukuna's mouth

"Shhhhh! he can probably hear us!" You debated the whole night to Tell Sukuna or not about the kiss incident as it made you feel like you were hiding something from him. Now that you two were in bed you decided it was the right time but he doesn't seem to take it seriously.

"Want me to kill Toji Fushiguro ?" he repeated louder this time. You hit his arm and give him a hard stare.

"I'm being serious, I'm telling you this because it makes me feel weird." He covers your hand with his own petting you lightly.

"I understand, maybe it's just his way to thank you you've been helping him out a lot this days with the brat" you raise your eyebrows at his answer

"You're taking this very chill, if it was Satoru you'd be fuming"

"Because i think that this idiot is not really gay"

"Oh please he is engaged to Suguru and we're literally invited to the wedding" you scoff

"All i'm saying is until one of them get pregnant i'll not believe it" You chuckle at his words

"So we're good i just wanted to tell you to avoid an awkward situation" you say caressing his hair.

"All good baby, go to sleep," he adds, kissing your lips. As always he holds you close to his chest, hands on your tits before he drifts to sleep. You can't shake the weird feeling you have about his reaction.

A few days pass. Toji seems to have noticed your attitude change and he's been teasing you even more, sending wink your way anytime he gets a chance. He is infuriating you; he knows you're trying to set boundaries and he's just laughing at your face. You think about this while laying flat on your bed, eyes closed. A long sigh escapes your mouth, tonight is the weekend and you want to do something with Sukuna, he should be coming home anytime now. You hear the front door opening but you don't move, eyes still closed, a soft smile playing on your lips, the mattress dip next to you, rubbing his back softly as you tell him your plans.

"Baby~ I was thinking tomorrow we could go to the funfair and then the movies after what do you think?"

"I think you should ask your boyfriend when he gets home" Your eyes snap open and you straighten your back. Toji is seating on your bed looking at you like he owns the place, you can even process what's happening you're just staring at him dumbfounded

"What the fuck are you doing here?!" you snap "What the hell is wrong with you? Get out of here!" you yell pushing his back trying to get him off the bed. He doesn't even budge, you were about to drag him by his hair when Sukuna's voice echoes in the room

"Hey, what's happening here ?" he asks in his nonchalant voice. You instantly walk to him grabbing his shirt in your fist.

"What in god's name is your problem" you say on the verge of a breakdown

"Calm down" he says attempting to unclench your fists. Losing all of your patience you grab his jaw digging your nails in his skin in the process.

"One thing you are not going to do is tell me to calm down when you know damn well it's your fault you think i'm stupid ? you think i don't know what's happening?"

The thing is Sukuna has always been vocal about his needs and fantasies. He's been telling you for a long time now that he would like to have a threeesome not with a woman like most men want but with another man, because he likes to see you struggle. The weird gut feeling you had the night you confessed to him slowly came to this conclusion: he doesn't mind because he wants this to happen with Toji. He is a handsome man, that's for sure but the fact that Sukuna is going behind your back makes you want to pull the hair out of your scalp.

A long sigh escapes his lips. You feel his hands on each of your cheeks. He crouches down so your eyes are on the same level as his, but you keep your gaze on the ground not wanting to give him this satisfaction.

"Baby, I didn't tell you anything because I know that you would catch up on it" he says in a sweet voice. You scoff in disbelief meeting his gaze

"So you and your friend had fun toying with me all week long ? Well I'll leave you to it, go on and explore each other's bodies" you spat rushing past him. Before you can reach the doorknob his arms are wrapped around your waist, your back flush against his chest. You try to wiggle out of his grasp but there's no use. His head is right on top of yours

"Now now it's not a way to behave when we have a guest" he coos, you feel him move back until he sits on the bed, you on his lap.

"I have a feeling the funfair won't happen tomorrow" you hear Toji say from his side of the bed. You don't even look his way at the remark. He probably just wants to rile you up more, but your whole body is buzzing you want to slap him so badly. Sukuna pet you thigh, proud that you don't let your anger control you.

"Good girl" he murmurs, kissing the back of your head. You tense at his gesture still not at peace with his whole plan

"You look like a puppy on his master lap you know" Toji taunts You dig your nails in Sukuna's arms about to lose your patience

"Toji have some respect for my girlfriend will you ? Or else we can have fun without you." Your body relaxes a bit at his words; he's not willing to let any transgression for the sake of his fantasy.

"I would like to apologize but pup is not even looking me in the eyes". you huff through your nose in anger.

Sukuna moves your body sideways so you're facing Toji . You're only taking a good look at him now he's wearing a black compression shirt with a loose sweatpant and his signature flip flop. You roll your eyes at his ease, a smirk crosses his lips at your reaction. He's holding his hand in front of yours.

"That's your apology?" you ask incredulously.He withdraws his hands rolling his eyes.

Sukuna has the feeling of watching two children argue and he is getting impatient

"Toji why don't you show her how sorry you are instead of using your words" he raises his voice. He then gets you off his lap.

You turn to him searching for an answer in his eyes but he's ignoring you, taking off his jacket with a smile on his lips. Toji is kneeling in front of you, parting your thighs. Even though he's infuriating, you have to admit that seeing him on his knees for you makes you feel hot inside. He bites at your skin until he reaches your underwear, closing his eyes he takes a long sniff. What a damn pervert you think.He starts licking at your covered clit, emerald eyes never leaving yours. You're starting to get flustered, heat rushing to your cheek. Sukuna places himself behind you and you lean on his torso in an attempt to cool off a bit. His hands snake under your shirt to grab your tits, his indexes are teasing your naked nipples.The contrast of Toji hot tongue on your fold and the coldness of Sukuna fingertips makes you quiver. Your underwear has been long discarded, Toji is eating your pussy like a starved man, alternating between swirling his tongue around your clit and slobbering on it, leaving your arousal all over his lower face not even caring to look you in the eyes anymore, his grunts and the obscene sound of your wetness meeting his skin fills the room. At this pace you're going to unravel at any given moment. you grab a lock of his hair to get his attention

"Toji i'm going to cum" you manage to croak, and you hate how weak your voice sounds like you were not fighting him just five minutes ago. He groans in response, picking up his pace.

Sukuna grabs you jaw turning your face to his, you reach for a kiss desperate to feel more of him. His hand slides down to your throat keeping you in place while the other is still toying with your sensitive tits. Soon enough you lose yourself in pleasure cumming all over Toji's face. Sukuna absorbs your moans pressing his lips deeper on your own. Out of breath you break the kiss. Toji stands up and you notice the obvious tent in his pants. He makes a quickwork of his sweatpant standing in his underwear in front of you. Looking down on you, his face still glistening with your arousal, you want to satisfy him back. Before you can reach for his underwear he plops on the bed, hands behind his head looking at you with a big smile. He takes joy in your frustration

"Don't be so eager i want the real deal you can suck me off later " he coos spreading his legs wide.

"Do you ever just shut up" you groan annoyed with his antics once again.

"Why don't you make me?" he says, fluffing the pillow behind his head, making himself comfortable once again.

Filled with confidence you straddle him ducking his face into the pillow, he chuckles at your roughness but you quickly stuff his mouth with your index and middle finger. He groans, closing his teeth around your flesh sucking your fingertips in his wet mouth.

"Careful now don't break him" you hear Sukuna behind your back. He places a kiss on your naked shoulder before he slides both Toji's and his underwear down.

They're fully hard, your mouth salivating at the thought of them filing you at the same time. You retrieve your finger from Toji's mouth, kissing him hungrily. The kiss has nothing to do with the one you share with your boyfriend. This is a battle for dominance. He bites at your lips, licks your teeth and pulls you impossibly closer as he digs his hands on your sides. From behind Sukuna can't help but laugh at the sight, you were never an angry person and seeing you taking it out on Toji like that amuses him. He takes his length along with Toji's stroking them a few times before he prodds them at your entrance. You gasp at the unfamiliar size, clenching Toji's shoulders. Looking back at Sukuna you whimper a little.

"Relax baby" he says tapping your ass.You lay your head flat on Toji's chest trying to unwind. The stretch is nothing you ever felt before, you bite on his pec as they slide more and more of themselves inside, until they're fully stretching you out

"Oh my god, fuck" you blurt at your fullness. You slowly straighten your back scare to make any sudden move.

"Go on doll, go at your own pace" Toji says he's out of breath like he just ran a marathon. Fuck you want to see him crumble.

Using his body as an anchor you start to move your hips slowly the three of you groan in unison at the new feeling. the more you move the more you start to feel pleasure flooding your body it's like electricity in your fingertips. Sukuna locks his beefy arms around your middle part, thrusting slowly inside you. His breath is erratic and you wonder what it feels like for him to be both inside of you and flushed against Toji's member.

" Shit you're wetting my balls," Toji says, his voice faltering. Both of them sound so spent at the moment, it makes you gain a confidence you never knew you could have. Your moans fill the room as they're both hitting your g-spot.

"It feels so good " you gasp biting Sukuna's cheek. Toji grips your hips to thrust up inside of you and it drives you mad. You don't have time to feel empty as their cock bullies your soft spot one after the other.

Sukuna pins you against Toji's chest, bending one of your arms against your back. With your free limb you claw at his skin

"You're so big" you cry against his chest, tears filling your eyes as the pleasure escalates quickly. You feel his large hand grab your jaw before he melts on your lips.

The kiss is not as hungry as before, it's messy and leaves drool on your chin. "Fuck me" He groan against your lips and you know he's close. You grind your hips as best as you can, maintaining eye contact. Soon his pretty jade orbs roll on the back of his head filling your womb with his seeds. You chuckle a bit leaning your back against Sukuna's body now that you're satisfied with his release. Sukuna sticks his head against yours looking at your victim

"Look at what you did baby, you're proud ? " he asks in his deep voice. You nod your head, a mischievous smile playing on your lips as you intended to make him endure the same fate. Toji's face contorts in both pleasure and pain as his sensitive tip is still inside of you. Reducing him to a moaning mess after he's been teasing you so long makes you proud. Continuing his ministrations Sukuna brings you closer to the edge until you feel your whole body spasm with bliss while he fills you up. You collapse on Toji's chest not feeling strong enough to stand another second. Sukuna is hovering you, you can tell by the heat you feel in your back. He pulls out slowly of your cunt grunting at the sight of his and Toji's spunk leaking out of your hole. You feel so sinful thinking about it.

Lifting your body from Toji's he places you on the bed right next to him. He then leans on you as he peppers kisses all over your face and neck.

"I'm sorry if I let you get worked up all week hmm?" he coos placing another kiss on your face. Still hazy from your high you just nod , caressing his hair.

"But you did so good for us today, pretty girl, I'm so proud" he says, hiding his face in your neck and chewing on it. You giggle at the tickling sensation spreading in your skin.

From his side of the bed Toji feels a pit form in his stomach being the spectator of such an intimate scene reminds him that he has no one to go home to. Sure there is megumi, and the little guy had helped to keep him on track without even knowing it but Sharing your life with someone else is different. Getting up from the bed he hurriedly put his clothes back on, desiring to go back to his apartment as fast as he could. Your soft voice stops him in his tracks. turning around he sees your hand extended to him,your tired eyes urging him closer. He closes the gap between the two of you, taking your hand in his.

"Tomorrow let's meet for ice cream. You will buy me plan B after hmm ?" you say squeezing his hands. He chuckles at your request but agrees nevertheless. He places a soft kiss on the back of your hand before taking his leave, a warm feeling spreading in his chest.

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