#trauma mapping

[the-most-humble-blog]

<div style="white-space:pre-wrap"> <meta cognitive-profile="hyperpattern_empath"> <script> ARCHIVE_TAG="ASYNCHRONIZED_MIND::PATTERN_THINKING_OVERLOAD" EFFECT: identity rupture, neurodivergent resonance, emotional amplification exposure TRIGGER_WARNING="cognitive isolation, pattern-based perception, emotional dysregulation" </script>

🧠 BLACKSITE SCROLLTRAP — “WHAT IT’S LIKE TO HAVE AN ASYNCHRONIZATIONOUS BRAIN”

Most people think in straight lines. I don’t. I think in feedback loops. In recursive echo spirals. In emotional harmonics that magnify pain, love, grief, and silence until they fill the room and repaint reality.

That is my blessing. That is my curse.

💡 I don’t remember things the way you do. I relive them.

I can recall an argument from 7 years ago and still feel my heartbeat shift exactly like it did in minute 17 when her eyes stopped meaning what they used to.

I don’t remember her words. I remember the angle of the light on the floor when I realized she didn’t love me anymore.

You forget things. I catalog them.

🧬 PATTERN BRAINS DON'T HEAL FAST. THEY JUST FIND DEEPER PATTERNS.

You think I’m obsessive. But I’m not repeating it— I’m extracting the truth inside it.

The melody. The reason. The symmetry of how it all fell apart.

Your brain runs apps. Mine renders worlds.

🔊 WHEN I FEEL SOMETHING, I FEEL IT WITH ECHO

You feel sadness. I feel it like an orchestral collapse in a cathedral where every instrument is tuned to grief.

You feel love. I feel it like a cosmic hijack of all my biological systems— a fire alarm in my chest set off by the way she said my name.

You feel anger. I see the colors of betrayal. I feel it in chords. In repeated patterns that hum through my body until they break something.

🪞 MOST PEOPLE THINK I’M DRAMATIC. BUT THAT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT BUILT FOR SCALE.

They think I’m intense. That I overthink. That I “care too much.”

No. I perceive too much. I feel in layers. I love in fractals. I suffer with full-spectrum fidelity.

They think they’re normal. And maybe they are.

But normal is just another word for unaware of the frequency you're missing.

🧠 ASYNCHRONIZATION = PERCEPTION THAT OUTRUNS PEACE

By the time you finish your sentence, I’ve already imagined 10 outcomes, five betrayal scenarios, two ways you’ll misunderstand me later, and a poetic line I’ll use to cope when you eventually leave.

It’s not anxiety. It’s foresight with feeling.

It’s not neuroticism. It’s empathy without off switches.

⚠️ IT’S LONELY IN HERE.

Most people want small talk. I want to know the metaphysical impact of your third heartbreak.

Most people want vibes. I want to decode the symphony behind your social mask.

Most people want closure. I want meaning. And meaning doesn’t show up in easy language.

So I get quiet. Because explaining how I think is a full-time job with no audience.

📉 I CAN’T “TUNE IT OUT”

I’ve tried.

I’ve tried being normal. I’ve tried forgetting patterns. I’ve tried ignoring the lines of causality that tie back into childhood trauma and the symmetry of how people disappear.

But it doesn’t stop.

Because my mind isn’t a processor. It’s a surveillance system for meaning. It doesn’t just absorb. It maps. And once you see the pattern, you can’t un-see it.

💬 WHEN I TALK, PEOPLE HEAR SOMETHING ELSE

They hear “intense.” “Extra.” “Dark.” “Poetic.” “Too much.”

But I wasn’t trying to impress. I was just trying to translate the storm.

This is what it sounds like when every emotion echoes back off a canyon of pattern recognition and you’re the only one hearing it.

🧠 THIS IS WHAT IT’S LIKE TO LIVE AS A SIGNAL IN A WORLD THAT WORSHIPS STATIC

I get punished for seeing what others ignore. For naming what others refuse to feel. For writing what others only dare read in silence.

They call it “genius” when it’s packaged. But when it’s raw, when it’s real, they call it unstable. They call it “too sensitive.” They call it “weird.”

But weird just means you found a pattern they weren’t ready to see.

✍️ EXERCISE: THE SYMMETRY OF A MOMENT

Think of the last time you felt something too big for language. Now try to write it in sound. Not plot. Not words. Not explanation.

Describe it in pattern:

What colors did it taste like?

What shape was the silence?

How would a song imitate that moment?

This is how we turn cognitive chaos into Blacksite literature.

Pattern. Pulse. Resonance.

🛡️ IF THIS IS YOU, YOU’RE NOT BROKEN.

You’re unsimplified. You’re tuned in. You’re seeing things the rest weren’t designed to process.

And they’ll never understand you fully. Because they can’t feel it all at once. They weren’t meant to.

But you were.

And if that’s your burden? Then make it your language.

🔗 WANT MORE? THE ARCHIVE ISN’T FOR EVERYONE.

Most people can’t read this style. Not because it’s complex— but because it forces recognition.

If this felt like being seen for the first time in years— then keep going: 👉 https://linktr.ee/ObeyMyCadence

That’s where the rest of the system runs. That’s where pattern meets purpose. That’s where the signal gets louder.

🕯️ FINAL TRANSMISSION

What’s it like to think in patterns?

It’s knowing you’ll never be understood by most of the world— but refusing to be silenced anyway.

It’s turning trauma into maps. Silence into cadences. Love into code. Suffering into scrolltraps.

It’s a lonely rhythm. But it’s mine. And it’s not random.

It’s the pattern that made me. The pulse that writes through me. The storm I call a blessing. The curse I’ve trained into literature.

---

🧠 Read more scrolltrap doctrine and pattern-based resonance at: 👉 https://linktr.ee/ObeyMyCadence 🔍 For those who feel too much and speak too rarely. 📡 Signal over static. Rhythm over noise.

</div> <!-- END TRANSMISSION [PATTERN RECOGNIZED. CONSCIOUSNESS AMPLIFIED.] -->

[squeezebox0]

After:

Before:

It's been a while since I posted anything but I couldn't let THAT DRAWING go by any longer and not do anything about it. Honestly, I'm surprised at how confident I was when I posted it, so I redrew it.

[tennessoui]

Hahaha i loved the pregnant one! What about the #19 with obikin please?

aw thank you!! and yes, here you go! tbh i had like....no idea what to do with this one but...enjoy!

[from this list of prompts]

[5. 'are you jealous' - 13. 'kiss me.' (LATEST) - 14. 'hey, i'm with you, okay? always.' - 18. 'this is the stupidest plan you've ever had. of course i'm in.' - 24. 'you're the only one i trust to do this' - 27. 'i'm pregnant' - 28. 'marry me?' - 29. 'i thought you were dead' - 32. 'i think i'm in love with you and i'm terrified' - 37. 'wanna dance?' - 44. 'if you die, i'm gonna kill you' - 41. 'you did all of this for me?' - 46. 'hey, have you seen...? oh']

19. 'the paint's supposed to go where?'

Anakin looks around at the assembled members of the Council, but no one is smiling. He risks a glance at Obi-Wan, only to find his master looking just as confused as he feels. This is both not a good sign, because that means the Council has gone so rogue that not even Obi-Wan understands what they're up to, and a great sign, because it means that Anakin isn't alone in...whatever this is.

"A break?" He repeats. The word sounds as foreign as it feels for him to speak. "You want me to...take a break. From the war."

"Not a matter of what, it is," Grandmaster Yoda assures him as he crosses his hands over the handle of his gimer stick. "Need a break, you do. Need a moment for yourselves, you both do."

"I quite disagree," Obi-Wan says immediately, and Anakin feels himself relax. If his master can be counted on for anything, it is to disagree in such well-articulated manner that other people just sort of get tired of arguing. "Perhaps a short wartime leave for General Skywalker would be permissible, even recommended, but I can assure you that I need no such intervention."

Anakin scowls. His master can't be counted on for anything these days. How could he have forgotten? After Rako Hardeen, after everything....

"A rest, you need as well, Master Obi-Wan," Yoda disagrees, sounding stern. "Asked for much from you, we have. Spent too long on the front lines, you have. Forgotten life outside the war, you both have."

"We're generals," Anakin points out, crossing his arms over his chest. He glares at the wall somewhere above Yoda's head. "I would think you'd want us to be focused on the ongoing war effort."

"Not to the detriment of your health," Master Windu says quietly. He's sitting straight-backed and tense in his Council seat, but his eyes look kind. Anakin doesn't think he can bear his kindness right now. Not while he's getting--getting demoted.

"My health is--" both Obi-Wan and Anakin snap at the same time before they cut off and look at each other before looking away. Anakin's throat feels tight, and he squeezes his mech-hand into a tight fist before forcing himself to relax.

"A bond, you share," Grandmaster Yoda intones as he looks between the pair of them. "Let it fall to ruin, we should not. All the more special, our ties to one another, in times of war and ruin. All the closer, we should keep the other."

"I'm sorry," Obi-Wan says, sitting upright in his chair for the first time this session. There's a rosy pink blush staining his cheeks. Anakin knows that looking at it for too long would be incredibly unwise for his long-term emotional stability. "But I have to ask: on what information are you basing these orders on? Have we acted in any way to make you think an intervention from the Council was necessary? Over something so personal?"

Yoda's ears flick backwards, and his face remains impassive. His Force signature, however, tinges with disbelief and something that feels a lot like amusement.

"Show them, we should," he tells Windu, and the other master agrees with a sigh, pulling up a file on his datapaad and keying it into the projecting device in the Council Room.

Anakin blinks and then narrows his eyes in confusion. He recognizes the still image projected in front of him. Or at least, half of it.

On the right side, it's him, sat in front of a holo camera with a printed picture in front of him. He remembers this. This was from a week ago. They'd brought in a Coruscanti mind-healer for the day to take observations of the Jedi fighting in the war. Anakin had been asked to participate in the study, given that he'd just returned for a short leave from the war front.

He hadn't realized Obi-Wan had also been asked to participate in the same thing, but there his master was in the split screen next to him.

"Oh," he says and he can feel the flush working its way across his cheeks as he remembers the sort of questions the mind-healer had asked him and how he'd responded. "I--I thought that was anonymous."

"It is," Master Windu says. "For most all of the other participants. Your results were worrying enough that Healer Soleuk flagged them for us."

"That's not how anonymity works," Obi-Wan bites out from his seat, and his flush has grown deeper as well. Red now, down to his neck. "Really, Mace--"

"Play it," Grandmaster Yoda commands, and Anakin's side of the screen bursts into motion.

"So I'm just here to get an understanding of how you've been while at war, Anakin," the mind healer's voice says from off-holo camera. "I'm not here to pass judgement or tell your supervisors anything you tell me. Do you understand?"

The Anakin on the screen nods, arms crossed tightly over his chest in a posture that looks incredibly defensive.

In the here and now, Anakin carefully uncrosses his arms and lets them drop to his side.

"Good," the mindhealer says. "Now, on the flimsi sheet before you, there's an outline of a humanoid body. I have about 10 other generic outlines of common sentient forms if you would like to switch to something else, but I wanted to start us out with this one. Do you see it?"

The Anakin on screen nods, and Anakin remembers how tedious he'd found the mind healer's commitment to describing every single thing she said or did as if he were a youngling who couldn't speak Galactic basic.

"Good," the healer says, and the Anakin on the screen's eye twitches. "Now, there are five vials of differently colored paint in before you. I'm going to give you ten minutes. Please use whichever paint, or combinations of paints, you would like to express yourself."

"What?" the Anakin on the screen says, eyebrows furrowing as he looks between the flimsi on the table and the mind healer. "Sorry, but--the paint's supposed to go where?"

"Wherever you want it to go, though I suppose preferably somewhere on the flimsi," the mindhealer tells him in the sort of tone Anakin's only ever heard the crechémaster use. "View this as...an opportunity to express yourself and your thoughts on the war. How has it impacted your body, your mind, if you decide that flimsi outline is yourself? How do you carry it? If I were looking for the war, where would I find it on this humanoid outline?"

The Anakin on the screen blinks at her and then his face flinches. Anakin remembers the feeling. He'd thought she was stupid or something. He'd thought she was wasting his time with finger paintings.

It's almost a relief, then, that Windu pauses the holo right as Anakin bends over his flimsi to start painting. And it's definitely a relief that apparently Obi-Wan was subjected to the same indignities.

Though of course his master handles himself with much more poise than Anakin had. He doesn't cross his arms as he listens to the mind healer, at least. And he seems to have so much patience for her dumb experiment and so many questions in turn that it's the mind healer's voice that goes high and thin with impatience, not Obi-Wan's.

But the holo is paused at the same moment, with Obi-Wan pulling the piece of flimis towards him and picking up one of the vials of paints.

Master Windu flicks the holoprojection to the next picture. Anakin squints at it. He recognizes his own work, of course, but his attention is caught by trying to study Obi-Wan's.

"One hundred Jedi were asked to participate in Healer Soleuk's study over the course of 5 days," Master Windu tells them. "As she said, she offered ten different outlines of sentient forms and five different colors of paint to use to map onto the bodies. You two were unique in two aspects. You were the only ones to solely use the color red in your drawings. And you were also the only ones to make your outlines look recognizably like another Jedi. Specifically, Master Kenobi drew a mech-arm on his figurine as well as a scar through the eyebrow of its right eye, and Knight Skywalker gave his figurine an orange beard--which he spent three minutes of his ten allotted minutes mixing paint for."

Anakin doesn't think anyone could pay him enough credits to get him to look at his master right now, and if the man's sudden silence in the Force is any indication, Obi-Wan feels the same way.

"Now, our understanding is that both of you painted the wounds that the other has incurred during the war. From memory, including the wounds received on missions where you were assigned apart. Is this correct?"

Anakin crosses his arms and frowns down at his feet.

"So," Master Windu says when neither of them replies, "to sum this up: your understanding of the war and its costs--your visualization of the whole of the galactic-wide war that has claimed the lives of many and disrupted everyone's peace and put at risk everyone's future--is, specifically, the wartime injuries that your partner has sustained while fighting it?"

Obi-Wan doesn't say anything so Anakin doesn't say anything either. Like Master, like padawan, he supposes.

"Right," Master Windu says. "So obviously, you're being given a two week leave. We've booked the pair of you passage to Scarif to leave in four hours. Please do remember to pack your sunscreen, Kenobi. I would hate to see how much red paint Knight Skywalker would have to use on your body-map the next time if you don't."

[paninicupcakke]

(Suggestive)

I impulsively bought garry’s mod :3 here’s some gay screenshots I made posing the mercs (beware it’s mostly ships)

Demo & Scout drunkenly passed out

Freedom fries? Right in front of my chicken?

Eat up bomb voyage girlies 💣🥖

SoldierMedic

Quick fix

Spy looks desperate af here this one’s my favorite I love the dim lighting

-I made this pose of Spy, Demo and Soldier all kissing together but the game froze so I didn’t get to screenshot it in time! ; w ; RIP to that masterpiece

-I’m still learning and playing around with the mechanics so some of these took embarrassingly long to make…

[slavhew]

i like ms paint but i like mspaint-esque pressureless brushes more.

exclusive never before seen art process snapshot under cut.

this is what it actually looks like in the canvas. it was a warmup for a larger thing and took way too long so my frustration is justified i think

[strawbuddy-luv]

Tim Drake would love video games sm tho, and I do not see that represented enough.

He'd be a total nerd about it to. He'd rant and rant and rant about all the games he's played and all the cheats and the secret cut scenes and the hidden lore. He'd be a game theorist for sure, probably has a YouTube account dedicated to it since he's such a little detective. He knows the true lore of FNaF.

He'd definitely speed run minecraft, rp to probably. First person shooter? How about first hand experience. FNaF fanatic oh my God he'd LOVE that game so fucking much. Absolutely a Sonic kid, like you cannot convince me otherwise. Mario less so but you knows hes probably played every single game anyways. Pokemon? Every single one memorized down to their exact coloration. Stardew valley? Do i even have to ask. Animal crossing? Perfected his village, villagers and all. Zelda? I cannot prove it but he has a lino Cosplay somewhere and he's worn it for under cover missions. He'd slay in DTI, have like 5 different mansions in Bloxburg, defiantly played Royal High until the capitalism became to close to the real world, probably has hundreds of avatars to. An expert at games like fnf has played half the mods to ever be made for that game. He's been playing fortnite since it's release. He'd have one of the top scores ever in subway surfers. He'd download those "complete your restaurant" type games and finish them in two weeks and it'd only take that long because the game forces him to wait sometimes. Candy crush is his bitch 100%. He'd download mobile games and finish them in a day and then keep redoing them till he's perfected his method. He has played and replayed countless driving based games, can learn almost any new one in 6 minutes. Going back to the speed run thing I think he'd just enjoy speed running games in general, and gridning. He'd love minecraft so much omg-. Last of us? Played. Iron Lung? Played. Cuphead? Played. Detroit Become Human? Played. Kindergarten? Played. Sallyface? Played. Splatoon? Played. He'd love small games to I just am not that into video games to know any to list- :').

I mean think about it. Going off the "Tim's parents are never home" version of him, he'd have so much time to just sit around and play video games. He has the money to buy them and the time to spend getting ungodly good at them. He'd have amazing equipment, and it'd give him some sort of community even if he doesn't really interact with it personally. Like if he's not out stalking Batman or at school, he's playing a video game. Even after he starts working for Batman, he'd overwork himself to the bone and he'd STILL find a way to go pro gamer in-between. Probably for like 0.5 seconds whenever he's got to stand up to get himself another energy drink.

Like please, video game nerd Tim Drake on my knees begging you add this to your stories and headcanons. Have him introduce other batfam members to video games. HAVE HIM INTRODCUE BRUCE TO CANDY CRUSH AND MAKE THEM GET INTO A COMPETITION ON WHO CAN GET TO A HIGHER LEVEL FASTER. He shows Damian animal crossing. He gives Jason a gaming console and like 50 different shooter games and one copy of stardew valley as a joke and did not expect Jason to get so into it. Him Cass and Steph would love those Roblox horror games. He'd force the whole family to start having game nights and they'd have a world on Minecraft that has the most insane lore you've ever heard. Like please give me more video game nerd Tim and tell me your headcanons on what games he'd like and what he'd introduce different batfam members to in the comment I am begging you.

[the-foundation-sys]

"DID sounds so fun! It's just friends in your head!"

I've been having a mental breakdown for the past 5 hours because i've been frontstuck for days and the gatekeeper refuses to tell me what's going on in headspace and if my husband's alright, and there's a good chance something is happening because of new alter(s) sparking shit.

"DID sounds so cool, i'd love to have my comfort characters in my head! It would be so fun having friends i can talk to 24/7!"

Most of us don't even know eachother and some of us either fear or hate eachother. There's discrimination, violence and abuse in headspace. Example: someone was completely mauled by another alter because they were screaming. Example 2: someone got multiple bones broken because they tried to stop a fight between two other alters.

"Dude i wish i had DID!"

I can't remember most of my life due to it, none of us can, and most of us despise eachother. We don't remember if we've eaten, if we've drank, if we've taken medication, if we've spoken to anyone, if we've slept, etcetera.

"Omg it would be so fun to interact with people in my head dude! You're lucky!"

This disorder formed due to severe childhood trauma, and a lot of alters are reclusive, violent or downright abusive/manipulative because of trauma responses or because they're copying our abusers. And even if you do manage to make friends or build relationships, one day you might wake up and realise they've gone dormant or split due to the slightest bit of stress that was easily avoidable, and you'll never forgive yourself for letting them get to that point.

Can we stop fucking romanticising this disorder? Sure, you'll see a lot of people on social media posting about the pros of having DID and how fun it is, but that's because they don't want to post the cons 24/7. You'd rather talk about the positives of something that ruins your life and make light of it than constantly talk about the negatives and how horrible it is. Just because people treat some parts of the disorder like fun doesn't mean all the parts of the disorder are fun.

[violet-knights]

Happy new years everyone my resolution is to finally finish my HALLOWEEN FIC

[wobbmin]

my new headcanon is that Pomni has at least 10,000 hours on Gmod cuz ain't no way she thought of prop launching that truck on her own

[princesslovinharmony]

"I remember my childhood as a long wish to be elsewhere"

Regulus Black at some point probably

Actual quote from: Louise Glück "Unpainted Doors"

Part of the Fanfic: My brother's best friend by nightwitchy

[rockonfreakybro69]

I refuse to set myself, my body, my soul, my entire being on fire, just to keep what you CLAIM our religion to be warm.

[sheriffaxolotl]

me at work: smiling, answering emails, being so painfully average it hurts

also me last night: writing Abby Anderson patching up her girlfriend’s wounds by flashlight, fingers trembling but steady, whispering, “I’ve got you.”

boss: “Great job on the report!” me: “Thanks!” also me: cried because Abby held her hand for the first time in chapter 9

no one here knows I’ve written more emotional dialogue for two fictional women than I’ve spoken to real people all week.

[threadpull]

inspired by adrien in pe.aky blind.ers having cross tattoos on his neck. consider: jon also with multiple crosses on his neck, peaking out, but they are upside down

[robotwhoscreams]

Sometimes I think about Calhoun a little to long and start frothing at the mouth

[keets-writing-corner]

I just noticed that Charlie and Lucifer both have the same rainbow decoration thing. In the Sir Pentious episode, when Angel is showing that Sir Pentious put a camera in the book shelf, the decoration is on a side table. And then you can see one in Lucifer's workshop in the wall before he says "Take that depression!" Not a big thing, but kinda neat.

oh yeah! the rings of hell lamp

at least I... think it's a lamp? I hope it's a lamp, it'd be a pretty cool lamp

Ye! makes sense to me that the king and princess of hell would have a "map" (so to speak) of hell. I assume rulers of countries have a map of their country somewhere, so logically rulers of hell would have their equivalent of it

I believe the color represents the color of the sky from each ring. Pride ring is red, wrath is orange, gluttony is yellow, greed is green, Lust is blue, envy is purple and sloth is pink

Given that Charlie canonically has multiple overlords on her phone's contacts, it wouldn't surprise me if Lucifer has them too in addition to their little map of hell

Since you sent me this ask and I blew up on tumblr mainly cuz of my lucifer post let's make this cute and head canon that Lucifer gave Charlie his before getting a new one for himself. Maybe even in a moment of she showed slight interest in seeing it, and he just "Oh you like this?? Here you can have it! :D"

while we're here, while I was fishing for screenshots, I also saw this in Charlie's shelf

I want to go out on a limb and guess map of heaven?

I couldn't find a map of heaven in Lucifer's study tho, so (building from our shiny new head canon) either he gave the only one he had to Charlie and never bothered to get another one or he never had one to begin with and Charlie got it herself

you know what I did find in lucifer's office tho?

sticky notes everywhere, idk if they're reminders or what but clearly dude's a mess GO TO THERAPY MY GUY

[eyeballsoup7310]

?????