dead-sane-stuff - Tumblr blog

[dead-sane-stuff]

* Damian telling some story*

Jason: That is such bullshit

Damian: NO IT IS NOT

Y/n: Jason, if Damian says it's true then who are we to believe otherwise

Jason: Oh Okay, but no one believes me when I say I beat the last level of Mortal Kombat.

Y/n: Because that's just ridiculous Jason, no one beats Sub-Zero or Kronika

[dead-sane-stuff]

Please dog, I'm counting on you🥺

[dead-sane-stuff]

Batsis: you guys, I just bumped into Damian's Mom on the way over here.

Damian: WHAT!? Are you Insane?

Batsis: nah, Bruce had me tested.

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Just Batfam tingz pt 2 ft: batsis. Or bro 🤷

Jason: I dont wanna talk about it

Dick: You sure? I'm a pretty good listener

Jason: Then why didn't you hear me say I don't wanna talk about it

Source: Young Sheldon

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*On a mission*

Tim : if this works then this will be the best day of my entire life

Y/n : damn, your life must really suck.

Source : regular show

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Bruce: Wait you all read (Y/n)'s diary?

Tim : Yeah

Jason: Uh huh

Damian: *Tsk*, what I can stomach

Dick: Oh I just skim through it, to make sure they're not on drugs.

Bruce: W-What does it say?

Dick: It's says "I am not on drugs"

Source: Bob's burgers

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Bruce : (Y/n) sometimes life is hard

Y/n : Bruce sometimes you're a piece of shit.

Source: trailer park boys

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*Red Hood on the News *

Red hood: Yep it was tough, but I can't take all the credit I had a little help from two others.

*Nightwing and (Y/n) in the background*: 😀

Red hood: from my left gun and my right gun 🥰

*Nightwing and (Y/n) in the background*: 😑

Source: bob's burgers

_______

[dead-sane-stuff]

Earth-199999 Peter: I bring a sort of Destruction vibe to the Multiverse that Kang the conqueror doesn't seem to like

Mf ain’t done nothing wrong, he’s just a silly goose

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*Peter doing anything remotely life threatning*

Tony: What has gotten into that child? I'm telling you, he gets it from your side of the family!

Pepper *sighing*: Tony, Peter isn't our biological child

Tony *sniffling back tears*: I know 😢

[dead-sane-stuff]

Knock knock, let your new big brother in.

Chapter Warning: , anxiety ( reader is about 12-14 ) , and language

Summary: New to the manor and the real world, (Y/N) meets a tall stranger with a some white strands of hair.

Part 1

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'This place is big' (Y/n) thinks. Oh wait not big. HUGE. Their heart beats rapidly just thinking of getting lost in this place. Even though this place is a Total upgrade from a bunker underground with nothing to do but sketch on the walls , it's scary. The bright lights from the glass candles make (Y/n) want to pass out. The long walking space makes them dizzy and standing at the top of the 'stairs' make their heart beat like scary fast.

It's scary to even look down from the top of the 'stairs'. The bunker didn't have stairs. Or bright lights, or big spaces with 'doors' big spaces away from each other. This is all new to (Y/n) and they're trying to adapt to a world they weren't sure was a thing untill like not to long ago.

It's was honestly a surprise to (Y/n) when someone wanted to 'adopt' them. They new nothing about the real world for one, they have never been to school, heck! , They didn't even know that many words!!!

If that wasn't enough, they stayed with a bad man for a week because they told (Y/N) they could 'trust' them. (Y/n) really needed a dictionary. And reading classes because they believed them. In that week (Y/n) ended up shooting 3 men in the red and blue machine. Yeah probably not (Y/n)s best moment. But at least they didn't stop breathing!!

Now it's dark and (Y/n) is still awake for specific reasons and is now thirsty. They debate drinking out of the sink faucet like last time but Mr Wayne's Butler (Alfred?) caught them and scolded them to drink the water out of a cup? " What's a cup?" (Y/n) question aloud. Then Alfred widened his eyes and guided them to the table gave them a plastic thing with the water in it and gave them a square this with scribbles in it. But alas, (Y/n) couldn't read.

So (Y/n) decided to get out of their bed and go down to the faucet in the 'kitchen' and get a 'cup' and pour themselves some water.

It's was dark so they didn't have to stare up as they walked down the steps. Though as dark as it was, walking down and up stairs were harder then a ladder in the dark so (Y/n) almost missed the first stair.

They walked down into the kitchen and turned the faucet on and grabbed a cup to get some water , poured it under the water and it filled it untill it was enough and put it to their "lower breather" (mouth) to drink. But when it goes in it burns. BAD

They scream and drop the cup.

And it breaks.

On their feet.

And they scream.

Even louder

(Y/n) tries to back up but the pain in their foot hurts too much they slip in the hot water and land on their butt with their feet lying in hot blood and even hotter water

Apparently (Y/n) wasn't the only one on that floor because someone else speaks which makes the scoot back into the wall

__

If Jason was correct no one should be at this shit house beside Alfred.

Dickhead was at Bluvhaven, Big Bat was out for patrol, replacement was with Duke visiting family, cass was In Hong Kong since he doesn't remember, and the demon spawn was with the titans....or superboy.. or his mother till next week.

He doesn't know honestly. He wasn't paying attention. But he knows this manor should be almost empty.

That's kinda the whole reason he's even here.

Good thing he snatched the Demon's spare keys to the door while he wasn't in the room. Bad things is next week he'll probably get stabbed. He's willing to take that chance.

He unlocks the door and walks in .

Lights off . Check ,

Alfred's apron folded neatly on the couch. Also check.

Jason walks over to the couch plops down and relaxes. He releases a breath he didn't even know he was holding.

Now Jason didn't wanna fall asleep right on the comfortable couch for various reasons. But he did anyway.

It's about an hour later when he jolts up mentally cursing to himself for falling asleep on the couch. He should really go to sleep in of the many guest rooms so Bruce doesn't bitch at him when he gets back. But he's to relaxed so he drifts off again.

He's about to go off to Dreamland when he hears someone scream and glass shattering. Fuck.

Get quickly but quietly gets up. Luckily he just got back from his own patrol so he's got his baby's still loaded and on his. He grabs one of his guns, cocks it and makes his way to the kitchen and stops by the doorway. God fucking damnit. Hes pretty sure he locked the door thank fuck. How'd they get over the gate. Plus the over the top security.

Jason sighs annoyed at being woken up for this shit "look, I don't know who the hells out there , but I better hear your footsteps leave or so help me this bullets gotta be in your brain fast , the flash is gonna be jealous of it. Jason shouts.

No response. "Fine" he grumbles "have it your way" he enter the kitchen. right away he spots glass. He smirks

He walks in the kitchen and points his gun "GOTCHA" he shouts. What he sees almost makes him pass out.

That phony 'criminal' break in just happens to be some fucking little kid , feet covered in blood and water that must have accidentally broken ..... A glass cup, staring back at Jason like he just put the fear of God into him.

"Fuck." Jason mutters

He is so screwed

Wadiya think should I do part two 😏🕺

[dead-sane-stuff]

Y/N: just remember this Deathstroke, what comes around, is ALL around !!!

Dick and Damian: ...

Slade: Dont you mean what goes around comes around?

Y/N : .... YOUR NOT GETTING THE LAST WORD IN.

[dead-sane-stuff]

Just Batfam tingz ft. Batsis part 1

Damian: your ugly when you lie Tim

Tim: I'm not lying

Damian: then why are you ugly

Source: invader Zim

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Jason: Never stop believing Y/N, and all your dreams will come true!

Young!batsis: even them scary ones 🥺?

Jason: Hahahaha!😅

Jason: yes

Source: the misadventures of flapjack

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*explaining to Bruce how they lost/can't find Jason after a mission*

Y/N: And after that, we haven't seen jason since

Tim: We also didn't look that hard

Source: the grim adventures of Billy and Mandy

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Y/N: After all, 'unstoppable' is just another kind of 'stoppable'

Tim: No, that's not really right

Y/N: yeah, it made more sense in my head

Source: the dragon prince

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Batman: Spoiler , do you remember what I told you at the batcave?

Spoiler: probably not , I'm not to good with history.

Y/N: I'm good with history but I have trouble in math

Source: bob's burgers

_________________

Y/n: Dinosaurs aren't extinct. I mean your Grandfather just entered the room!

Talia: ......

Ra's: ....

Damian: .....I'm going to exit this room now.

Source: unknown

[dead-sane-stuff]

Peter: people these days, they call anything "mental illness"

Peter: like, sometimes, I'll lie in bed all weekend , because I no longer take pleasure in things I used to enjoy

Peter: but does that make me 'quote on quote' "depressed"

Shang chi: ...yes

Yelena: ...It does

America: ..pretty much

Kate: ...Yeah dude

Peter:

Peter: what?

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*spying on Tim trying to flirt with Bernard*

Jason: Replacement is dying out there

Dick: I think Tim should just be himself

Batsis: No no. He should pretend to be someone else

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Peter: is it just me , or do all of your plans involve some horrible Web of thwarted lies ?

Deathstroke: it's just you

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Tim: peter why would you ask me for peppermint gum..IF YOUR ALLERGIC TO PEPPERMINT?!?!

Peter: I thought if I chewed it fast enough I wouldn't notice 😵‍💫

[dead-sane-stuff]

Sirius after making the same joke about his name for the 10000000th time

Sirius: .... Why aren't you laughing

Potter!Y/n: .....

Potter!Y/n: I've heard this joke before