#incorrect batsis quotes

[dead-sane-stuff]

Just Batfam tingz pt 2 ft: batsis. Or bro 🤷

Jason: I dont wanna talk about it

Dick: You sure? I'm a pretty good listener

Jason: Then why didn't you hear me say I don't wanna talk about it

Source: Young Sheldon

______

*On a mission*

Tim : if this works then this will be the best day of my entire life

Y/n : damn, your life must really suck.

Source : regular show

______

Bruce: Wait you all read (Y/n)'s diary?

Tim : Yeah

Jason: Uh huh

Damian: *Tsk*, what I can stomach

Dick: Oh I just skim through it, to make sure they're not on drugs.

Bruce: W-What does it say?

Dick: It's says "I am not on drugs"

Source: Bob's burgers

____

Bruce : (Y/n) sometimes life is hard

Y/n : Bruce sometimes you're a piece of shit.

Source: trailer park boys

____

*Red Hood on the News *

Red hood: Yep it was tough, but I can't take all the credit I had a little help from two others.

*Nightwing and (Y/n) in the background*: 😀

Red hood: from my left gun and my right gun 🥰

*Nightwing and (Y/n) in the background*: 😑

Source: bob's burgers

_______

[e-nonsense]

Batsis!Y/n: I have a lot of nemesiseses. I just don't have time to nemesis them all back.

Bruce, thinking to himself: what have i raised

[book-place-incorrect-quotes]

Damian: I could kill you if I wanted to

Tim: Yeah? So could another human

Jason: So could a dog

Y/N: So could a dedicated duck

Y/N: You’re not special, Dami

[rainnyydaysworld]

Reader: *coughs blood*

Dick: Don't die, Y/N!

Reader: Don't tell me what to do!

—

Bruce: And have you learnt anything this Christmas, Y/N?

Reader: …Not really.

Bruce: Nothing?

Reader: Tell you one thing I have learnt—Christmas; ultimately, commercial holiday. Who's the real winner at Christmas? Amazon. they have drones now! Tiny little dystopian slaves delivering iPads and headphones. I ordered a toaster; It was on the doorstep five hours later! Do we need that? It was 4.99! For a toaster! I mean, someone's being exploited there.

—

Steph: You know guys, sometimes I feel like Reader doesn't take me seriously enough.

Bruce: "Sometimes"?

Jason: "Enough"?

Steph:

Jason: Change that to 'at all' and we'll talk.

—

Damian: Who wants to go out of the country on a road trip?

Reader: Yea, I could drink legally!

Tim: I could hang out with the boys!

Jason: I could hide from the consequences of my actions.

—

Damian & Dick: *accidentally set the kitchen on fire*

Dick: We need an adult!

Damian: Grayson, you are an adult!

Dick: We need an adultier adult! Get Jason!

—

Reader: Hey Jason, I’ve got an idea for how to solve this.

Jason, pulling out a shotgun: Yeah?

Reader: Wh- No! That’s not the idea, Jason!

[batsis-reader]

Batsis, peeling a banana: May I take your jacket, sir? Hahahaha.

Damian: Do you think other people can’t hear you?

[damianwaynewife]

Bruce: How could you fail your test? I swear I really gonna give up for adoption.

Bruce: Simple questions. Look at this. If Amy had twelve cupcakes, where is her sister Anna?

Y/n: Reread the question

Bruce: If Amy had twelve cupcakes, where is her sister Anna? ....What the fuck Amy's sister got to do with the twelve cupcakes?

Y/n: .... Still gonna give me up for adoption or....

[vodrae]

Barbara: TIMOTHY JACKSON DRAKE WAYNE, DID YOU ORDER URANIUM ??

Tim: Yes

Barbara: You think "yes" is self explanory ?!

Tim: Y'all alway say I need to eat more. Uranium is 12 billions calories a gram.

Barbara: Oh my...Can I get some support here ?!

Bruce, Dick, Jason, Steph, Harper, Cass, Duke, Helena: Well...

Barbara: You are grounded ! All of you !

[yu-huuuu]

Damian: why isn’t the statue smirking at me?

Y/N: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it.

Bruce: Actually, three of us saw it, Y/N. How do you explain that?

Y/N: *points at Tim* Sleep deprivation. *points at Bruce* Paranoia. *points at Harley Quinn* Delusional personality disorder. *points at Damian* you're okey, hon.

[punkiebuttons]

Roy: Please bring home PURIFIED water with NO minerals added for taste

Y/N: We got spring water

Roy: NO.

Jason: with EXTRA minerals

Y/N: it's like licking a stalagmite

Roy: DON'T COME HOME.

Jason: Mmmmm cave water

Roy: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness.

Y/N: Next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex’s house down. You can do it. I believe in you.

Jason: There were so many mixed messages in that I can’t-

Roy: Y/N and I don’t use pet names.

Jason: I see. Hey, what do bees make?

Roy: Honey?

Y/N: Yes, dear?

Roy:

Jason: Don't ever lie to my face again.

[blackbirdi]

Game Night (Not a Good Idea)

Brief Description: Things heard during Wayne family game night.

Point of View: 3rd Person

Word Count: 1334

Character: Batfam x platonic!Reader

Every Sunday Bruce tries to get all his kids (whether adopted or not) back to the manor for supper and a game night. And while some of the time the games are fun and a bonding moment for everyone, most of the time it's a battleground.

Things said playing: Super Smash Bros

A very pissed off Timothy Drake: DAMIAN! I AM ON YOUR TEAM; STOP PUSHING ME OFF!

–––––––––––

A frustrated Stephanie Brown: DODGE IT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?

Y/n L/n: *Playing the game for the first time in years* I don't know the controls...

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Jason Todd throwing his controller against the wall after his team lost for the seventh time in a row: THIS IS BULLSHIT!

***

Things said playing: Twister

A defeated before the game even begins Duke Thomas: No. Straight up, no. We all know Dick's going to win; what's the point in even playing?

–––––––––––

A very flexible and cocky Dick Grayson: What do you mean you can't reach the green circle? It's literally so easy!

Jason: *His eye twitching* Kill yourself.

–––––––––––

A tired of the complaining, Bruce Wayne: Dick, you're not playing this round.

Dick, heartbroken: What? Why?

The rest of the Batkids: *Cheering*

***

Things said playing: Jenga

Damian Wayne, who just knocked the tower over: DRAKE BUMPED INTO ME! HE MADE ME KNOCK IT OVER JUST SO I WOULD LOSE!

Tim, who is sitting over ten feet from him: What? No, I didn't.

Damian: YES, YOU DID!

–––––––––––

A very confused and slightly disappointed Barbara Gordon: Why did you choose that one?

Y/n, who chose the most difficult one to remove: *Practically in tears* I DON'T KNOW!

–––––––––––

Anyone after knocking the tower over: I fucking hate this game.

***

Things said playing: Among Us

*While they're waiting in the lobby (the game hasn't even begun)*

Tim: It's Damian.

Damian: Fuck you.

–––––––––––

Bruce, after being the first killed for the fifth time in a row: Do you hate me that much?

Steph (a crewmate): *Walking past Bruce's body and not reporting it* Yes.

Babs (a crewmate), who people are now suspecting: You're not supposed to give any hints that you got killed, Bruce.

–––––––––––

*Y/n and Cass being revealed as the imposters*

The Batfamily after being positive that Y/n and Cass were the only ones who weren't the imposters (other than those murdered): WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WERE THE IMPOSTER?

Y/n and Cass: *Cackling*

***

Things said playing: Charades

Jason, after they ran out of time and didn't guess it: *Looking at the card* What you acted out was not fucking Ratatouille.

Damian, who was very much not doing anything to hint towards Ratatouille: YES, IT WAS!

–––––––––––

Babs after picking up the most complicated things possible to act out: What the fuck is this?

–––––––––––

Bruce: I burned the zombie card by the way.

Jason, Tim, Steph, Damian, and Y/n: *Groaning in disappointment*

***

Things said playing: Just Dance

Cass: *Doing everything perfectly*

Everyone else: How the fuck are you doing that?

–––––––––––

Cass: *Giggling* What are you doing?

Y/n: I don't fucking know.

–––––––––––

Tim: HOW DID DUKE GET SECOND!?

Duke: I am the epitome of a graceful dancer, Tim. *Proceeds to trip over the coffee table and land flat on his face*

***

Things said playing: Any game involving riddles

Any of the Batkids: I CALL DUKE/STEPH!

–––––––––––

Bruce: *Reading a riddle that was writing in Shakespearean (ye old English)*

All of the Batkids: w h a t

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Duke/Steph: I'm telling you, it's *correct answer*

Jason: No, it's not. It's *very much the wrong answer*

Duke/Steph, feeling petty: Fine, we'll go with *Jason's answer*

Bruce: It's *the answer Duke/Steph originally had*

Duke/Steph: *Waiting for Jason to admit they were right*

Jason:

Jason, who refuses to take the blame: Jeez, you're terrible at this game.

***

Things said playing: Spoons

(if you don't know what Spoons is, search it up because I don't know how to describe it, but it is the most fun game ever and you're missing out.)

Y/n: *Holding onto the spoon like her life depends on it* YOU CAN'T GRAB IT FROM ME! IT'S ALREADY IN MY HAND!

Steph: *Clawing at Y/n's hand* GIVE IT HERE!

–––––––––––

Dick: *Cradling his hand* I think Jason broke my hand.

Jason, with the most "I don't give a shit" voice ever: Damn. That sucks.

–––––––––––

All the Batkids at one point: *Quite literally throwing themselves across the table to grab the last spoon*

Bruce: *Tired Dad SighTM*

***

Things said playing: Monopoly

Jason, who owns all but one railroad: I swear to God, Tim, if you land on the last railroad and buy it...

Tim, lands on the last rail road: *Buys it*

Jason: *Lunges across the table to strangle him*

–––––––––––

Y/n, after buying Park Place a while ago: *Lands on Boardwalk* You bitches are about to be financially murdered.

–––––––––––

*After red hotels have been added to over half the board, and there are at least two green houses on every spot*

Duke: Can I just stay in jail?

***

Things said playing: Uno

Cass: Uno!

Steph: *Places Pick Up 4 card*

Tim: *Places Pick Up 4 card*

Y/n: *Places Pick Up 4 card*

Jason: *Places Pick Up 4 card*

Duke: *Places Pick Up 4 card*

Dick: *Places Pick Up 4 card*

Damian: *Places Pick Up 4 card*

Babs: Sorry, Cass *Places Pick Up 4 card*

Cass:

Cass, trying not to fucking snap: You guys fucking suck.

(I'm sobbing. She's picking up 28 cards. NOOO, CASS)

–––––––––––

*It's down to just Tim and Damian; the others have all gotten rid of their cards*

Tim, after being skipped for the fifth time in a row: *Near tears* HOW MANY FUCKING SKIP CARDS DO YOU HAVE?

Damian: *Placing another one down* Yes.

–––––––––––

*Whenever someone wins*

The rest of the Batkids: *Starts a fist fight*

*Cue Uno getting banned from being played at a Game Night.*

***

Things said playing: Mario Kart

Babs, throwing a green shell: *Bounces off the wall and hits her instead of the person ahead of her* I'm going to kill someone.

–––––––––––

Dick: *Picks Rainbow Road*

The rest of the Batkids: Fuck you.

–––––––––––

Cass, before they start playing: Oh, I suck at this game.

Cass: *Wins over half the races*

–––––––––––

Jason: DID YOU JUST FUCKING BLUE SHELL ME!?

Y/n: Yup.

Jason: YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! I WAS JUST ABOUT TO WIN!

Y/n: That's why I did it.

–––––––––––

Steph: *Getting pissed that she got 2nd*

Bruce: *Trying to console her* It's fine, Steph. It's just a game.

Steph: JUST A GAME!? JUST A GAME, HUH!? THEN YOU FUCKING PLAY IT, BRUCE!

Bruce: *Too scared to play with his kids because of how angry he's been seeing them getting* No.

Steph: That's what I fucking thought.

–––––––––––

Y/n, after being hit by Jason's red shell for the third time in a row: *Throwing the controller at Jason* I'M DONE! I'M FUCKING DONE!

Jason: *Cackles*

–––––––––––

Tim: *Looking at someone else's screen and not realizing it* I am so good at this.

*His character is actually continuously hitting a wall*

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Duke: *Gets a blue shell* It's over for you, Cass!

Damian: *Uses Thunderbolt, thus getting rid of Duke's blue shell before he can use it*

*Duke, trying to stop himself from attacking Damian*

–––––––––––

Damian: *About to get first place* And victory is–

Duke: *Blue shells him* That's what you get, you little bastard.

*Damian proceeds to literally bite Duke*

––––––––––

*Bruce, trying to ban Mario Kart from Game Night*

All the Batkids: BOO! I'm not coming back if you do.

*Mario Kart has not been banned*

***

Bonus! (Involves only Babs, Dick, Jason, Steph, Cass, Tim, and Y/n)

Things said playing: Cards Against Humanity

Y/n, holding the prompt for this round: *Looking at the responses the rest gave her* You all are fucking terrible human beings.

Babs: It's a damn game, Y/n. No one actually meant it.

Dick: Hey! My card was not that bad!

Cass: Come on, it's funny!

Jason: Yes.

Steph: Thank you.

Tim: You're one to talk.

[dead-sane-stuff]

Just Batfam tingz ft. Batsis part 1

Damian: your ugly when you lie Tim

Tim: I'm not lying

Damian: then why are you ugly

Source: invader Zim

_________________

Jason: Never stop believing Y/N, and all your dreams will come true!

Young!batsis: even them scary ones 🥺?

Jason: Hahahaha!😅

Jason: yes

Source: the misadventures of flapjack

_________________

*explaining to Bruce how they lost/can't find Jason after a mission*

Y/N: And after that, we haven't seen jason since

Tim: We also didn't look that hard

Source: the grim adventures of Billy and Mandy

________________

Y/N: After all, 'unstoppable' is just another kind of 'stoppable'

Tim: No, that's not really right

Y/N: yeah, it made more sense in my head

Source: the dragon prince

__________________

Batman: Spoiler , do you remember what I told you at the batcave?

Spoiler: probably not , I'm not to good with history.

Y/N: I'm good with history but I have trouble in math

Source: bob's burgers

_________________

Y/n: Dinosaurs aren't extinct. I mean your Grandfather just entered the room!

Talia: ......

Ra's: ....

Damian: .....I'm going to exit this room now.

Source: unknown

[mylifeingotham]

[book-place-incorrect-quotes]

Jason: Why are you looking at me?

Y/N: Why are you looking at me?

Dick: Why isn’t anyone looking at me?

[rainnyydaysworld]

Reader: Am I going to far?

Jason: No, no, no. You went too far about 7 hours ago. Now you’re going to prison.

Damian: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective?

Tim: *crouches down*

Reader: *kneels down*

Cassandra: *sits on the floor*

Damian:

Damian: I hate all of you.

Reader, dramatically: They called me a fool.

Tim, sick of reader’s shit: They weren’t wrong.

Reader: Why is Damian crying on the floor?

Cassandra: They took one of those 'what person are you?' quizzes.

Reader: And?

Cassandra: They got Tim.

[batsis-reader]

Dick: A good romance starts with a good friendship!

Batsis:...And a bad romance starts with Rah-Rah Ah Ah Ah! Roma Roma-ma! Gaga, Ooh la la!

[damianwaynewife]

Y/n: You know, people treat me like a god.

Damian: How?

Y/n: They ignore my existence unless they need something.

Tim who have been ignoring her all day: Y/n can I borrow your charger? My phone is gonna die.

Damian: ...That's more fucked up than when Bruce said he was gonna abort you.