#WAYNE I WANT TO TALK I HAVE QUESTIONS

[loveforskekgra]

Thoughts on ‘UniVerse a dark crystal odyssey’ (LONG POST AHEAD):

The dancers were talented. Let’s get that first- they were good dancers and clearly had put a lot of work into what they were doing so that, at least, I appreciate. I think they were let down by the repetitive and meandering choreography and strange costume and soundtrack choices. Given better material to work with I’m sure they could shine. The soundtrack was weird and droning (and at times downright harsh and unpleasant, ow my ears) and lacking any beat or rhythm so I wonder how the dancers were managing to keep in time. Costumes, incredibly unimpressive, literally just printed morph suits and occasionally a black hoodie and track pants (yes, really.)

Little to no references to the dark crystal at all. Aughra’s eye was a recurring image but it was just sort of floating there projected onto the mesh screen in front of and behind the dancers, not really doing much. There were some symbols and a single image of a Skeksis that I recognised from the ‘world of the dark crystal’ book. There was a scene I think (?) they were referencing the image of the mystics walking to the castle from the movie and a headdress that vaguely resembles a Skeksis. Other than that, there’s nothing of the dark crystal to be found.

The ‘message’ of the show was all over the place and felt very unclear. Wayne McGregor certainly had something to say, but I’m not sure I understand what it is, and I don’t really think he does either. Strange slam poetry (?) sections in between some of the dance parts where the topic shifted all over the place from the environment to race to gender politics, and none of it was really explored properly or handled well. He sort of like mentioned each thing then instantly went on to something else without really expanding on what he was previously saying. The imagery on the projections was very on the nose (the segment with a picture of what appeared to be a drawing of a dead bird that then gets covered with black goop- presumably meant to represent an oil spill- springs to mind) and seemed uninspired. At times it felt like they’d just taken pictures of videos or unrelated things to project onto the mesh screen to distract you while the dancers were backstage changing their costumes. And they continued to be distracting while the dancers were onstage. I missed whole segments of dance because I was busy looking at the projections wondering what exactly I was looking at or why there was a goldfish there.

Nothing of the environmental and political themes he was trying to touch on were anything that hadn’t been said a million times before (in much clearer and easier to understand ways). There was nothing that really struck me as being particularly thought provoking or new. The themes of oppression, overuse of natural resources and the importance of nature and caring for each other are all already present in the original dark crystal story- a proper adaptation would’ve touched on these themes, and in a way that is understandable and accessible. There was no need for all the strange modern dance trappings.

It felt at times like it was trying too hard to be artsy and highbrow and modern, almost as if there was the intention of looking down on the source material (and audience!!). It felt obnoxious and boring in its attempts to be abstract and artsy. The hour and ten minutes of the performance dragged. I was incredibly, incredibly bored and thinking how much i would rather be at home watching my dark crystal dvd and eating popcorn with my friend.

Ultimately, I think what makes me sad is that I feel Wayne McGregor has entirely missed what it is that makes people like the dark crystal. I don’t believe he is a fan and I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s never actually seen the dark crystal. The removal of anything that gives the movie its charm and memorability is a huge shame. We love the characters and creatures and whimsical fantasy world of the movie! It’s our love of them that really drives the films message of caring for the planet and each other- if we didn’t love them and identify with them then we wouldn’t care what happened to Thra, and then be able to learn from the story and be able to view what’s happening in our world with Thra in mind. The movie presented the message in a way that was clear, easy to understand and accessible for its audience (notably, children. Despite the darker tone and large amount of adults in the fandom, it’s a childrens movie. An exceptionally good one). There were quite a lot of people that I saw who had brought their kids with them. We got about 1/3 of the way through before I noticed people with kids leaving. Imagine the disappointment of being a kid going to see what you think is going to be a fun fantasy romp with charming gelflings and scary Skeksis, only to be met with some strange modern dance with an awful soundtrack. Wayne McGregor has succeeded in completely alienating the source material’s primary audience.

And finally, I feel the advertising was deceptive- on purpose. I really do think that the dark crystal name was just put onto an unrelated modern dance piece in order to get fans of the movie to see it. There was notably little in the way of promotional material or photos- besides one video that shows precisely nothing- after the show was first announced and the summary that we were given for it was extremely vague. The ‘in association with Jim Hensons puppet company’ gave the idea that there were going to be puppets and it was all very much made out to be something that it absolutely isn’t. It feels like it was all a ploy to trick people into going to see something that they otherwise would’ve never even had an interest in. It’s not the dark crystal. It’s nothing to do with it. I think they should remove the name from the title to be honest. And it makes me worry for potential dark crystal projects in the future. Are we just fated for more failures and disappointments?

If I had to choose one word to describe this performance it would definitely be ‘disappointment’. If I were to choose two more they would be ‘confusing’ and ‘strange’.

[flowercrowngods]

oh no now i’m thinking about a follow-up to this :/

[sentientstump]

maybe, idk

also look at this ]-]C wayne; >[}oж somsnosa; 3(-( dedusmuln and >-[£ pongorma! I'm very smart as you can see, yes (。_°)

[alotinone]

bruce is somehow both the loudest and quietest muse i have bc he will 100% have an option on anything and everything and when i ask him to talk he just goes .... " no."

[kalicofox]

Tim Summons the Ghost King

Tim sighed, looking down at the sigils and circles chalked onto the floor in one of the unused bedrooms. Alfred was going to kill them, but if it made Dick believe him, then it'd be worth it.

"Tim, this isn't necess—" "Yes it is." Tim interrupted, glancing up from the book he was referencing to glare at Dick.

The man looked tired, and drawn. Grief had carved lines into his face that weren't there before.

"Dick. If you won't believe me, then maybe you'll believe this."

And he started to read, the unfamiliar words tripping heavily off of his tongue.

At first, nothing happened, and Dick opened his mouth to say something, only for Tim to glare him into silence.

Any hint of wanting to speak vanished when the sigils lit up, one by one, in a bright, eerie green.

Ice-blue fire flared up around the circle itself, and Tim finished the chant with the being's Name. This was it. His last hope.

If the Ghost King couldn't tell him that Bruce wasn't dead, then…

He shook the thought away, glaring stubbornly past flames and into the circle where a dark form was slowly fading into sight.

Black hair. He noticed that first, followed by blue eyes, and he couldn't help his knee jerk snort of amusement. Adoption bait.

But… this ritual was supposed to summon the ghost king. This was some random kid. What the hell'd he done wrong?!

But… maybe it was some kind of trick…? Maybe ghosts were like fae, and it was a trick to get him to let it out of the circle…

Tim's eyes narrowed, and he took one half step forward, staying carefully clear of the lines.

"What the hell?" The kid muttered, looking around a little wildly at the circle and the sigils. "What is this, some kinda seance type thing? I thought Sam said those were bullshit…?"

"Ghost King." Tim said, and bright blue eyes snapped to his, and the kid paled sharply.

"Ah hah hah hah… I don't know what you're talking about?" The reply was weak, and Tim scoffed internally.

"Ghost King, I have summoned you for a question. In return, I will owe you a favor that will not involve the deaths of anyone currently living."

The kid blinked. "Um… cool? I don't know what you're talking about, but I can try to answer a question, I guess…"

Tim nodded sharply as the flames flared a little higher. "Is Bruce Wayne dead?"

The kid's eyes flashed green, and the word seemed to slip out of his mouth before he could think. "No."

Tim's eyes flicked over to Dick, triumph on his face.

Dick was staring, pale faced and wide-eyed at the kid, then at Tim.

"How in the hell did I know that?" the kid muttered to himself, looking confused. "Who the hell is Bruce Wayne?"

"He could be lying." Dick croaked, and the kid's head snapped up, and he scowled.

"I'm not lying! I don't know who the hell you're talking about, but whoever it is, he's not dead! Go on, ask me someone else, someone you know is dead for sure!"

"Fine." Dick snapped. "Is Elvis dead?"

"No."

[nightingale-prompts]

Batboy Meets Batfam

First | Previous | Next

"Relax Batty, it's just one dinner." Dick parked the car inside the Wayne family manor's garage.

"But I hate billionaires. Can't we just go to Batburger and go home." Danny whined slumping in his seat.

"What's so bad about it? He's your grandfather now." Dick asked.

"The last billionaire I met was the only other of my kind. And he was awful. Tried to kill me, clone me, marry my mom, kill my dad, ruined my life. That last one was something he achieved." Danny's wings materilized and wrapped around him as he sulked.

"I know it's hard Danny and I can't promise no one will ever try to hurt you like that again but I can promise I'll stick by you. I can also promise to kick the butt of anyone who tries messing with you." Dick said ruffing Danny's black hair that popped out from under his leathery wings.

"Still don't wanna go." As Danny said this he began to shrink.

Dick sighed, he had learned recently that Danny was a shifter of some kind. It was useful to hide his identity but he would also use it to get out of doing things. When Dick told Danny to clean his room or study Danny would shrink to the size of a toddler and say "Im baby" to get out of it. Dick is ashamed to admit that he's let Danny get away with it because baby bat pictures are precious and worth their weight in gold. He has a wallet full of pictures now.

But Dick has to put his foot down this time.

"Danny being little won't get you out of this. Do you really want to meet your new family like this?" Dick asked.

Danny huffed and turned in his now ill-fitting hoddie the size of a 6 year old.

"Alright come on." Dick gave up scooping the toddler-sized teen under one arm and walking into the manor. "Alfred still has Bruce's old baby clothes somewhere."

"Ahh!"Danny yelped.

"What? Don't want that? If you show up as a baby, they will think you are one. You know Tim Drake is going to be there. He's going to be in the same school as you. Do you want him to think you're a baby?" Dick said holding the kid at eye level.

In surrender, Danny grew back to his normal size.

Dinner was oddly quite as everyone studied Danny closely.

Barbara was the least concerned as he talked about work with Dick and pushed Danny a bowl of strawberry salad. She wanted good aunt points. Danny would love her the most.

Cassie studied Danny's features. It was almost creepy how much he looked like Dick. She'd believe it if Dick was his biological father. Except for the eyes. Danny had a very particular eye color they were blue in the center but kind of had a green ring on the iris. The condition was called central heterochromia and it's rare.

Damian wasn't glaring like he usually would. He looked almost wide-eyed at Danny but remained silent.

Jason was absent as always apparently he was moved by Dick's announcement.

Then again Danny was supposed to be a surprise.

Tim and Danny seem to strike a cord immediately. Danny despite how silly he was the teen was very intelligent. Tim wasn't as subtle as he wish, mostly because Danny cornered him in conversation.

"So you're more used to living in a small town?" Tim smiled politely.

"Hmm? I didn't say that exactly. I said Im just new to the city." Danny responded.

"So you're from a different city? Metro or Star?"

"Neither, It's nowhere you'd know. Not really notable."

"You're going to be family soon, of course i want to know."

They went back and forth for a while. Tim was probably irritated after finding nothing about Danny's identity. And that meant Bruce was probably suspicious as well. Dick had to bet that Bruce's overactive paternal instincts would overwrite his need to investigate.

"So Danny, have you heard of the new vigilante in Bludhaven? The one they call Batboy?"Bruce asked wiping his mouth with a napkin as he ate.

This was the question Danny was waiting for.

"Of course! Have you seen the pictures on social media! Everyone is talking about him. Like, he has wings like a bat. Do you know what I'd do to get that power?! I mean he's not Superman but come on its so cool. We don't have metas-Is that what you call them? Yeah, metas. We don't have them where I'm from so I didn't think I'd ever met one. Dick said he met him the last time he saw Nightwing and promised to get me a picture but he didn't and he said he forgot." Danny put on a pretty convincing fanboy routine.

"I see. So Dick told you he's friends with Nightwing?" Bruce probed.

"He didn't need to tell me. Nightwing found me after I ended up in Bludhaven. I was pretty banged up and he parched me up and took me to the police station. I tried to leave but he told me that Detective Grayson would look out for me." Danny said digging through his salad to pick out the fruit and nuts.

"What about your parents?" Bruce asked softly.

"Bruce," Dick said in warning.

"Its fine...my parents didn't want me anymore. I can't go back. They'd probably kill me. But it doesn't matter anymore, they aren't here." Danny said stiffly feeling uncomfortable for saying a bit of truth.

They say the best way to lie is to have a bit of truth. Danny disagreed. The base way to lie is to have no truth, so they can't tell the difference.

Dick pulled the teen closer as Danny pulled his hands inside this hoodie hiding one of the burn scars on his arm but just enough to show that they were there.

Bruce didn't say another word.

Damian seemed to make his mind up at some point and joined in the conversation.

"Do you eat meat, Nightingale? I've noticed you haven't touched anything with it." Damian sounded oldly cordial.

"Ew, no. I don't eat meat. My friend always said meat was murder and taught me about how evil slaughterhouses were. We once raided a local farm to-oop. I forgot there are detectives at the table. I promise I'm a law-abiding citizen and not an eco-terrorist...anymore." Danny smiled too innocently.

Damian nodded in understanding. They had found common ground. That still doesn't mean he liked Nightingale. But he couldn't fight him since he didn't seem to know anything about their vigilante lifestyle.

Damian had to begrudgingly admit that Danny's presence was welcome. Soothing even.

It didn't matter. He and Drake still had bigger plans. Finding out who this "Batboy" was. They just needed Dick five up some information about the bat metahuman.

Tim had his suspicions that it was Danny but Batboy had stark white hair with black streaks and green eyes. Not to mention wings.

They would have to agree to disagree.

"Danny you have to eat something other than fruit. Eat the rest of the salad." Dick tried to sound stern but caved almost immediately when Danny pretended he didn't hear that.

Bruce internally sighed. Does he step in and help or let Dick figure it out. How does one be a grandpa to a non-vigilante who you can't threaten with no patrols?

*Bonus*

Danny when he see fruit.

[totally-here]

dpxdc twins au except it's no-pulse flavored

Bart’s new roommate looks a lot like Tim. 

Like, suspiciously like Tim. 

Danny’s the same height, has the same shape of nose, same shade of hair, and even frowns like him. He would have been a perfect copy if he acted more like Tim, but Danny definitely holds himself looser than Bart’s ever seen Tim. 

But he still has his face. So, obviously, Bart has to investigate. Maybe he’s a clone, or a shapeshifter, or maybe one of the Gotham rogues decided to get facial reconstruction surgery to look like him, and this was all a ploy. 

Okay, probably not that last one. Bart doesn’t think Tim’s enemies know his identity. 

Anyway, investigation! Bart’ll figure this out himself, and deal with it if Danny needs to be dealt with. And the investigation will start right after he comes up with an excuse as to why he’s back in their third floor apartment when he passed Danny in the hallway a few seconds before. 

Danny stares at him, and Bart stares back. 

“Must’ve been a doppelganger!” Bart blurts out. 

Danny’s silent for a second before nodding enthusiastically and noting that everyone's supposed to have like seven in the world anyway and wow what a wild coincidence that there’s one in their building. 

Bart extends the same courtesy when a week later he walks in on Danny with an iced over pan on the stove. Danny says they should really get their freezer checked out and Bart agrees and asks if he can use the ice for a painting study. 

(They never get their freezer checked.)

Bart finds that Danny’s great at setting up fun things for him to draw, whether he knows it or not. Like the ice, or his collection of rocks, his astronomy textbooks with the pretty covers, his gestures as he rants about his classes, the excited glint in his eyes when he’s talking about his next repair project and how his eyes almost look like they glow in the right light. 

Hm. A good portion of his sketchbook is drawings of Danny, and yet he’s still having trouble with getting the right blue for his eyes. At first glance they’re Tim’s shade of blue, but when he keeps looking they seem to get lighter. Maybe greener?

He should probably stop staring into his friend’s eyes. 

Well, maybe not. Danny doesn’t seem to mind. 

Just like he doesn’t mind when they started regularly sitting very close on the couch, or falling asleep together, or Bart borrowing some of his jackets, or-

Okay, Bart’s kinda seeing a pattern. He and Danny should really have a conversation about if this is platonic behavior or not. 

But not right now, because Bart brought Danny across the river to raid Wally’s board game closet in Keystone. 

And Wally, who’s used to this, just passes by them with a, “Hey Bart, hey Tim.”

“Danny, not Tim,” Danny replies almost absent mindedly, then looks back at Wally, who’s also staring at him now. “Wait, you know Tim?”

“OhmyGod I was supposed to investigate!” Bart says, face palming. It just slipped his mind! And Danny was distracting him with his pretty face that he totally wears better than Tim!

“You know him too?” Danny asks. But he doesn’t look suspicious of them, more amused. 

“How do you know him?” Wally squints at Danny, eyes briefly catching Bart’s in question. 

“He’s my twin,” Danny answers easily. “The Drakes only wanted one kid, so they gave me to their friends the Fentons, who wanted a second one.” He shrugs and goes back to digging around the closet. “Tim and I were always in contact, though. Letters and phone calls and texting, you know?” 

He says it all so casually while Wally and Bart are sharing increasingly concerned looks behind his back. 

Do the Waynes know about Danny? Has Tim never brought him up? Why? Does Danny know about Red Robin? Does Tim-

“Holy shit does this mean Tim has ice powers too!?” 

Or: Tim and Danny are twins. Through a series of coincidences, the first people to find out that aren’t Fentons or Drakes are the flashes.

(This post was brought to you by me recently finishing the 1995 Impulse run, and wanting an excuse to share this panel:

Look they both got called twinks clearly they're soulmates)

[corkinavoid]

DPxDC More Shit Fae!Danny Has Said While Living With Waynes

Dick, opening his arms wide and going for a hug: hey, Danny!

Danny, looking him in the eyes without blinking: did you know that centuries ago fae really liked to crawl inside human bodies and use them as nests? I heard human insides are really warm and squishy.

Dick, sweating, frozen in place: ...no?..

Danny, smiling and cheerfully jumping to hug Dick: I didn't either!

Jason, because he is feeling adventurous today: I have a question. Where do Fae come from?

Danny: Ah, so B hadn't had the Talk with you yet, what a shame. So when a woman and a man love each other very much-

Damian: Enough of your foolish jokes, I do not wish to hear the sex talk from you. To answer your question, Todd, Fae come from the dreams.

Jason, deadpan: ...really?

Danny, very awkwardly: Um. Dami. Brother to my soul. I'm so sorry.

Damian: What?

Danny: I told you we come from dreams only because you were four. That's not actually how it works. We just fuck.

Duke, narrowing his eyes at Danny suspiciously: So, for the past week and a half, I've been having this recurring dream about you eating my brain with a fork like spaghetti. I was wondering, is it, like, a you thing or a me thing?

Danny, very offended: Duke! Not every weird thing that happens in this house is my fault! That is very rude of you!

Cass, after Duke had apologized profusely and left: You.

Danny, rolling his eyes: Yeah, okay, I did do that. In my defense, his fear tastes like the perfect greasy cheeseburger, and I have to get my fair share of junk food somehow.

Cass: >:(

Danny: Okay, I'll stop. Eventually.

Bruce, in his nth attempt at gaining information from Danny: How do you know if someone is a Fae or not?

Danny: Throw a fish at them.

Bruce: ????

Danny, not even looking up from his phone: Fish are scared of the Fae. So if you throw a fish at someone and the fish gets scared, they are Fae.

Gotham Rogues a week later: We have no idea why Batman keeps throwing guppies at us, but we collectively suspect his new child is to blame.

Danny: Oh, I'm forbidden to enjoy caraoke nights.

Steph, who suggested he join: What? Why? Is it some kind of punishment for the pizza incident?

Tim: No, it's because if he starts singing, we all lose our grip on reality.

Damian: And our dignity.

Danny: They mean they start dancing whether they want it or not, and I have videos to prove it. Wanna see Jason twerking? Or I have one with Tim and Bruce waltzing through the manor.

Steph, as everyone else bemoans their fate: With great pleasure.

| <- prev | next ? |

@violet-foxe

[radiance1]

Ghosts are dragons.

However.

Danny uses this to his advantage by making his human form look like a meta so that he would be protected by the Meta-human rights act (or wtv its called I can't remember). Which works splendidly actually. He just gave himself the tail, the horns, teeth, eyes and a few scales here and there and wouldn't cha know it works splendidly.

The GIW trying to call him a ghost? Nah, he's just a meta dude. Wes trying to pin him as Phantom? Does Phantom have horns and a tail? No? Yea he thought so.

Then Vlad takes a look at Danny and goes: "Oh shit that's actually a surprisingly good idea." And then just copies him without asking basically. Would people question this? Shhh, no they won't (hands you a slip of money), why would they question anything?

The bats would question it. Obviously. Because of course they would, why wouldn't they, sticking their noses into everything. Why are they investigating? Because they were invited to a Gala held by Vlad Masters and Danny had to attend, both of which they knew didn't have any meta features with a quick background check so they think something fishy is going on there.

Then the GIW raid the place like a bunch of idiots because they think Vlad and Danny are obviously ghosts (they're only half right because Halfa you know lawl) and they need to be taken into the government's custody. Except for the fact that they're doing this in a room full of rich people, with the Wayne Family in attendance, and people who do business with Vlad.

So.

You know.

Vlad is talking so calmly and rationally and acting like this is expected, which leads everyone present to believe this to be such a common occurrence that he can't even be surprised at this anymore. Which leads to even more suspicion.

Where is Danny through all of this? He's not doing much actually since he was outside playing with Cujo, since he only had to be there for a bit and then free to do whatever he wanted after that. Funnily enough, a few GIW agents are also trying to take him and Cujo into custody with none other than Damian Wayne at his side.

Damian was just concerned about Cujo and wanted to make sure nothing was going on there. Didn't really expect this.

[2tcs]

DPxDC prompt (?)

Okay I'm thinking Danny, with a de-aged Dan and Ellie, move to Gotham while being hunted by the GIW. What's the first thing he does after securing a place to stay? Why, contact the local revenant of course. This is kinda how I see it going.

“Ay boss, is someun er ta see ya.” Bob said while peeking through the open office door. Everyone knows that when Red Hood has his door open it was okay to pop in. No one has made the mistake of interrupting the Hood when the doors closed a second time.

“Who is it?” Jason asked, not even looking up from his papers.

“Says he goes by ‘Danny’.” Bob said while stepping fully into office.

“Who the fuck is Danny? Don't think I know anyone by that name. What's he look like?” Jason asked, signing off on something before putting it aside.

“Not sommun from round er. Skinny fella. He’s one a them twinks is wha I think they called em. He’s Wayne bait. Thas fo cerain.” Bob saids with a shrug.

With a sigh Jason stands up and moves the rest of his papers into one of his desk’s drawers.

“Fine. Let him in. Probably Replacement with that description.” Jason says. Grumbling the last part.

A few minutes later a young man. Maybe a year younger than Jason walked in. Wayne bait was definitely an understatement. Like I had all the physical characteristics and was marking the exits.

“So Danny, what can the great Red Hood do for you?” Jason asked while spreading his arms wide.

“Me and my kids need to lay low. Crime Alley seemed like the best place for that.” Danny said before shifting his eyes to look a little to the right of Jason's helmeted head.

“A lot of people come here when they have nowhere else to go. But few come talk to me about it.” Jason said while leaning back in his chair.

Danny looked back at Jason with a considering look before sighing and pulling out a flash drive from one of his pockets.

“Look. The only reason why I'm approaching you is because this might affect some of the people in Gotham. And now that I've gotten a good look at you I guarantee it will affect you specifically if the people who are after me come here. It wouldn't sit right with me if I didn't give you some sort of heads up.” He said while placing the USB on the desk and stepping back.

“What's on it?” Jason asked nodding towards the USB.

“Laws that make it legal for people like us to be captured, experimented on, and ended. If you want to know more you just have to plug in the USB and read through the files.” Danny said. “As for me I just want to keep my kids safe. Do you have any questions for me while I'm here or am I good to go?”

“Yeah. What made you decide that here was the best place to lay low?”

“What better place to hide than one of the most cursed cities in America?” Danny said before offering a half hearted salute and walking out of the office.

[cloakedsparrow]

‘Bruce is Tim’s Biological Parent’ AU Idea #4

The fact that Bruce was Tim’s biological father was something of an open secret in the Drake household. Both Jack and Janet knew it. They both passed away before Tim ever met Bruce, but Janet’s parents had known as well. However, they never openly acknowledged it. Jack alluded to it the most often (usually when he feeling pissy about something or other) but but even then, he never outright said it.

Tim caught on early enough to subtly make comments here and there that Janet could confirm or deny (or ask what he was talking about). She confirmed while also making it clear that it was a family secret without ever explicitly stating that Jack wasn’t Tim’s father.

Once he started spending time at Wayne Manor, Tim figured out that Bruce was his biological father (based mainly on some comments Jack made when he heard his parents arguing about whether to let him continue to do so). Since he was used to it being a shared but unspoken secret, and since Bruce was supposed to be the world’s greatest detective, Tim figured Bruce knew, too. He made similar comments alluding to it early on and Bruce, not in the state of mind to truly pay attention to Tim, just didn’t catch on to ask questions or realize what the boy was saying. Tim took his responses as confirmation that Bruce was aware of the situation and it would just be more of the same (don’t ever say it aloud) at Wayne Manor.

So Tim never said anything.

Until Damian came along. Because Damian obviously wouldn’t know and his whole ‘trying to murder Tim’ issue was rooted in the belief that he was the only blood son who needed to eliminate the interloper. Therefore, Tim figured that telling Damian would be the first step to them coming together as a family (and him no longer having to watch that the little jerk wasn’t trying another attempt against his life).

“I think we need to tell Damian the family secret.”

“He already knows.”

“He does? Since when?”

“Talia told him I’m Batman from the beginning.”

“No, I know that. I meant the other family secret.”

“Which one?”

“The one we don’t talk about.”

“Hng?”

“Look, I know it’s gonna be weird ‘cause of the whole thing where we never talk about it, but he needs to know.”

“Needs to know what? What are you talking about?”

Which is how Tim realized that Bruce had no clue the whole time and how Bruce learned that he had two biological sons.

One of which he let live with an asshole and then a hired actor before he legally adopted him because he hadn’t figured out that the boy was already his. The other of which his ex managed to hide from him for ten years.

Dick and (later) Jason will never let him live it down.

Alfred will be so disappointed to learn they could have kept Tim like he'd wanted, after Jack woke from his coma.

[captain-sirius-stark]

I want to see a fic where all of the Batkids end up in Gotham during the early Batman and Dick!Robin days and eventually end up in the cave with a much younger Batman and kid Dick. There is the disbelief and ensuing genetic test to confirm there really are two Dicks, but Bruce is still questioning who the others are.

One of the batkids says something like “We’re all your kids” and Dick replies “Well almost all of us”

Jason ribs at him “This before Bats actually adopted you? Still just a ward?”

Dick just stares at him confused “What?… You do know he never adopted me right??”

Jason glances over at Tim, not believing what was said, who looks up from his laptop and just slowly nods, intimately aware of the complexities of the early Batman and Robin situation.

And Jason gets Mad. Rips into Bruce for adopting the rest but never the first, for not hesitating with him but apparently never bothering with the one he’s called his brother all this time. He’s not even sure why he’s so angry about this but it rubs him really wrong. Dick is so confused by this sudden anger on his behalf, still having a rocky relationship with Jay on a good day. Though he would never show it, it gets to Bruce even though he’s still reeling from the idea that he will adopt these several children.

This could lead into a heartfelt conversation between Jason and Dick a la “How could you stand it when he adopted me?” “We talked about it a little when he first decided to do it. I asked him why he never adopted me. Sometimes his answer is enough for me; sometimes I want to punch him off a rooftop when I think about it… I hated it back then, the title ‘ward,’ that he accepted you like that after he threw me out, that he gave you my name, my suit… But I never hated you, not really.” Or to an introspective reevaluation of everything Jason ‘knows’ about Dick ‘Golden Boy’ Grayson-Wayne, the favorite son who was never even a son. There could also be some angsty interaction between big Dick and little Dick (I had to), trying not to reveal too much but also trying to prepare his younger self a little for the upheaval his life will go through when Bruce decides to take in another kid (and then another and another).

(Bonus points if somehow they get Damian in the original Robin suit and then never let him live it down. Maybe even the extra angst of Dick putting on the batsuit to fight a modern rogue in the past without debuting Nightwing early, taking Dami with him. Tim gets plenty of stalker like photos for blackmail purposes)

[ashwhowrites]

Around her finger

Even though Eddie is older than his girlfriend, he's wrapped around her finger

⚠️smut

Eddie wasn't getting any younger and his lack of serious relationships was starting to freak him out. He didn't want to live alone and grow old with no one by his side. He didn't want to end up like Wayne.

Eddie didn't think he would find the girl of his dreams in a bar. He met many girls from bars, but not the same one twice. He never saw the girl who made his heart race and his palms sweat.

Until she started to work there.

Y/N, his amazing and young girlfriend. He was initially nervous about the age gap, but years proved it was not an issue. Their love had nothing to do with their age. She was twenty-five, ten years younger than him. But that's how she liked it. She liked men, men with experience. And she liked men who kneeled down to her.

Eddie was used to having the upper hand, and he figured he would be in this relationship at his age. But he lost count of how many times she had him begging for her touch. She loved having Eddie wrapped around her finger and he loved obeying her.

With her being attractive, young, and a bartender Eddie grew used to the jealousy. But she came home to him every night so he learned to shrug it off.

Eddie was playing pool with his friends, determined to beat Steve. Y/N was working at the bar, sneaking glances at her boyfriend. Eddie would look back, throwing her a wink before he smashed balls into the nets.

Steve groaned as Eddie made another shot.

"Yikes Harrington, looks like the next round is on you," Eddie said smugly, landing a slap to his shoulder.

"Yeah yeah," Steve mumbled, shrugging off Steve's hand. Eddie looked over at the bar, his eyebrows clenched together. Steve followed his look, smirking as he saw a young guy talking to Y/N.

"Uh oh, gonna step in?" Steve said, edging Eddie on.

"Nah, she can handle it," Eddie said, he trusted her, and plus she was just doing her job.

~

"What can I get for you?" Y/N asked, talking loudly as the sound of the bar raised.

"Anything for birthdays?" He asked, leaning forward.

Y/N eyed the boy, he looked young. She tried to guess what age this boy was celebrating, but he honestly looked like a teenager. He had curly brown hair, much shorter than Eddie's. He had dark eyes and tan skin. She could smell his cologne when he leaned in, and it was a husky scent. She hummed at the smell, it was a good one she had to admit.

"Shots," she said with a smirk, "how old are you turning?"

"Twenty-one," the boy said with a smile.

"Fresh blood," she joked with a wink, "Happy birthday, hun." She handed him the list of shots and went to help another customer.

"Any interest you?" Another bartender asked, the boy bit his lip as he looked up. A bit bummed it wasn't the girl he saw first.

"The BS, and could I request it from her?" He nodded his head in the direction of the cute girl.

"Let me ask her," the girl said as she walked over.

"Want to do a BS?"

Y/N looked to see Lauren standing there.

"I don't know, my boyfriend is here and I feel like that's wrong," Y/N admitted as she shrugged her shoulders.

"He's here so just ask him," Lauren said, Y/N nodded and slipped out from the bar as she walked to Eddie.

"There's my girl," Eddie smiled, opening his arms. She rolled her eyes but walked into his arms.

"Question for you," she said as she looked up at him.

"Hm?" Eddie hummed, leaning down to kiss her red lips.

"Kid ordered a BS, but wants it from me. Felt like I should talk to you about it."

Eddie laughed and pecked her lips again, "You don't need my permission for nothing. I trust you, baby girl." He whispered as she gripped her ass. She held back a moan and pushed Eddie away with a smirk.

She walked back to the bar and prepared the shot

~

"What is a BS anyway?" Eddie laughed, preparing to hit his ball

"Seems to be a boob shot," Steve said, his eyes on the bar

"A what?" Eddie said, snapping up straight. He turned around to see Steve so shocked. Eddie turned around and instantly felt his jaw snap shut.

That twig from earlier was taking a shot from his girl's boobs. The crowd cheered and hollered, pissing Eddie off more. But he took a deep breath, it was part of her job and he paid for the shot.

But then the boy went too far. He threw back the shot and then smashed his lips on Y/N. After that, all Eddie saw was red.

Y/N didn't have time to react when the young boy was ripped away from her. She watched as Eddie slammed the boy against the bar.

"Eddie!" She warned, but all he could hear was his heart pounding.

"Apologize," Eddie demanded

"For what? It was on the menu," the boy argued

That seems to piss Eddie off more, causing him to slam the boy against the bar again.

"Disrespecting my girl and kissing her was not what you paid for," Eddie snarled. The boy seemed to get more scared as he connected the dots.

"Eddie, let the boy go," Y/N demanded

Eddie wanted to ignore her but then she snapped her fingers. He turned his head to the sound, letting the boy drop to the floor when he saw the demanding look on her face.

She grabbed his hand and yanked him to the back room. The crowd oo'ed like he was getting dragged to the principal office.

"I'm sor-" but Y/N cut him off

"That was so fucking hot," Y/N moaned, her hands already going for Eddie's pants.

Eddie was shocked but smirked at the switch in gears.

"Yeah?" Eddie asked

She answered by shoving her hand into his pants. He immediately moaned, his eyes clenched in pleasure. Then she dropped down to her knees

"Fuck baby," he moaned, he opened his eyes to look down at her. She was already looking up at him, her mouth stuffed full of his cock. He moaned at the sight and placed his hands in her hair. He bunched her hair into one grip and began to fuck her throat.

His thighs shook in pleasure as he hit the back of her throat. He held it there until she started to gag. The sound sent a shiver right down his spine.

She popped off him, replacing her mouth with her hand. She jerked him off as she cleaned off her lips.

"Oh, Eddie, always so delicious," she purred, knowing the effect of her words.

Eddie felt his stomach tighten as the words went straight to his cock in her hands.

"Showing that boy who I belong to, huh? I can't tell you how many times I wanted to do that when those sluts eye fuck you." She growled, moving her hand faster around him.

"Always think about shoving you right against that pool table and making everyone watch you cry for me," she taunted. Eddie whimpered at the thought. He loved the image his brain was creating.

"Feels so good," he moaned, bucking up his hips to add more pleasure. He looked down at her, watching her mouth move as she continued to tease him with her words as her hand moved fast around him.

"Yeah? Who's making you feel good?" She edged. "Who's little bitch are you?'

Eddie felt tightness building in his stomach as the nickname left her lips. He bucked his hips faster as he felt his orgasm approaching.

"Your bitch," he whined. "Need-" he cut himself off with a loud moan.

Y/N smiled as his cock released spurts of cum all over her hand. She rubbed him through it.

He panted as he finished all over himself. A fucked out smile on his face as she stood up. She washed off her hands before she helped him clean up.

"I love you," she said, softly pecking his lips.

"God, I love you" he whispered against her lips.

Tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunsonmain @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93 @gretavankleep37 @bellaisswagger @arlxt @ineedmentalhelp123

[hailsatanacab]

A Persuasive Argument - dpxdc

"Great!" Danny says, clapping his hands together to get everyone's attention. The dinner table falls silent as everyone looks towards him. It's a full house today and, honestly, Danny's a little nervous. "I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today."

"It's dinnertime. In our house." Duke mutters, while doing a very bad job of concealing his yawn. He holds his fork poised over the braised beef, but, just like everyone else, still looks towards Danny before tucking in. It's intriguing enough to wait.

"Yeah, no one misses Alfie's dinner." Dick says, with a brilliant smile that Danny can't help but return.

"Precisely! What better time to talk to you all than when you're all actually here!"

"Wait, I thought you came round to work on our English essays?" Tim asks, blinking owlishly.

"I'm afraid I've lured you here under false pretences, Tim."

"This is where I live."

"I would still really appreciate help on that essay though, I mean, what the hell is Hamlet even about? I just don't get that old time-y language, like 'Hark! A ghost hath killed me!' - absolute rubbish, what does that even mean?"

"The ghost never kills anyone in Hamlet, he's there to tell Hamlet that he was murdered. Have you actually read it?"

"No, but it sounds like you have. Tim, I want this guy to help me with my essay instead. I know for a fact that you haven't read Hamlet, either."

"So? We don't need Jason, I've read the Sparknotes."

"Hi Jason, I'm Danny, pleasure to meet you, summarise Hamlet in three sentences or less."

"Am I auditioning to help you write your essays? I can't believe you’ve gone through your whole school life without reading it, it’s good!"

"Hamlet, along with a number of other classics, was banned in our house because it portrayed ghosts as intelligent and sympathetic beings rather than evil, animalistic beasts. I didn’t even get to see The Muppet's Christmas Carol until last year with Tim! It was surprisingly good, and I hate Christmas because everyone always argued and it sucked. But we're getting off topic. I—"

"No, no, please go back to that, because what the fu—"

"Boys, please." Bruce interrupts, looking to the world as if he wants to hang his head in his hands. "Danny, you were about to say something?"

"Oh, yeah, Mr. Wayne! Thanks!"

"Please, call me Bruce."

"Well, that very succinctly brings me to my point, because I'd actually really like to call you dad."

Nobody says a word. Nobody even blinks, all as shocked as the other, watching open-mouthed as Danny pulls his laptop out from beside his chair. Bruce can definitely feel a headache coming on.

"Before you say anything, I've prepared a 69 slide PowerPoint presentation on why you, Bruce Wayne, should adopt me, Danny Last-Name-Pending. Please save your questions, comments, and verdict until the end, thank you."

[emo-batboy]

Battinson and the JL ft. His Eventual Identity Reveal

(If you’re just here for the cutesy bits, skip to Attempt #2. Otherwise, STRAP IN CUZ IT’S A LOT)

Bruce Wayne of Matt Reeves’ The Batman is not the founder type.

He wouldn’t voluntarily join a book club, much less join a league of super powered vigilantes whom he does not know personally.

So in this universe, you probably wouldn’t call him one of the three Founding members.

But he’s still integral to the formation of the Justice League

It starts out with a friendly visit :)

Bruce is patrolling on a random night in Gotham when he notices a weird thing in the sky. It’s floating just far enough behind him that a less vigilant person wouldn’t have noticed, but Bruce is always watching his own back, and he takes it as a threat.

He strays from his usual path and then heads to a warehouse roof before turning to face the threat.

It’s Superman. All smiley and dressed in primary colors. The strongest, most powerful being on Earth just floating over like he wasn’t stalking Batman a second ago. Bruce does not like that.

“What do you want with Gotham?” He asks. “I don’t,” Superman says. “I wanted to talk to The Batman.” So this is some kind of fight? An intervention? A warning? Then Superman frowns. “You…are The Batman, right?”

Bruce only nods as he considers his options, but he can’t really do that when Superman has super speed, super sight, super strength, super breath, super lots-of-things-that-Batman-probably-doesn’t-know-of.

Then Superman surprises him by landing on the roof and giving him this pitch about a superhero group.

Superman and a few other vigilantes have been bouncing around the idea of teaming up together so they can help one another protect their cities. And The Batman was a “perfect candidate.”

“I’m not joining your club.” “It’s not a club. It’s a league.” “What’s your mission statement, then?” “A what?” Bruce fights the urge to roll his eyes. He still doesn’t trust this guy. “Take your league idea back to the drawing board then we can talk.” He does not intend on talking.

But two months later, Superman is back. This time, he brings another super powered vigilante named Wonder Woman.

She smiles, politely approaches him, and says “Superman tells me you want to learn more about our league.” That is not what he said, but he doesn’t bite.

Bruce can’t decide which they remind him of more: college recruiters or cult leaders. But because Wonder Woman genuinely seems to care about seeing this project through, and the roster she has of current like-minded vigilantes is impressive, he lets her talk.

And to give her credit, she definitely thought out the logistics more. It almost makes up for the time they’re wasting.

Okay, fine. They’re still way behind on concept, and it’s pitiful. He actually feels bad.

They obviously care! They just have no idea how to run a business like he does. Is it a bit cynical to think of this league of Justice as a business? Yes, but that’s the only way he can even conceive this happening and working.

Bruce asks about their organization’s leadership structure, and that’s when Wonder Woman falters a bit. “We want to work with each other, not for.” Bruce bites his tongue on that subject.

He asks about their scope of work. “We want to help as many people as we can, but that can be ironed out later.” Bruce bites his tongue on that subject.

He asks “Who’s funding this?” She answers, “We have a few members willing to pitch in, but the majority will have to come from generous citizens.” And that’s when he just stops asking questions. Because what?

If he could cry the grease paint off, he would.

They can’t just think every super-powered vigilante is going to sing Kumbaya and braid each other’s hair. There needs to be checks and balances within the organization to avoid tyranny and corruption. They need a reliable source of donations (that doesn’t immediately out Bruce.) They need a proper chain of command. They need to map out their area of responsibility. They need to design a VERY strict vetting process. It’s not sunshine and rainbows. It’s hard work!

So he says he’ll think about it again and complains to Alfred about the weird super stalkers.

But for SOME reason, Alfred doesn’t see the problem

Alfred encourages him to join so he can “make some friends.” But how can he trust these people if they can’t even make a half-decent pitch? It’s like a bad episode of Shark Tank.

And “make friends?” They’re all masked

But after a week of gentle nudging (read: very firm lectures), Bruce agrees. ONLY to keep tabs on the rest of the vigilante world and possible threats to Gotham

(And without his help, they’ll probably butt-dial Lex Luthor the nuclear codes or something)

And he is damn well going to figure out who these people really are before he helps them make a Super Organization.

Alfred figures out about half of their secret identities purely as a brain exercise while Bruce is out fighting crime and collecting head injuries like Pokémon cards. They figure out the rest together.

They also develop contingency plans for every single member. Just in case.

And after months of Batman being visited by random vigilantes, whom he has several choice words for about personal space—“This is my city. Go away.”—he accepts. On several conditions.

Not all of them are appreciated.

Attempt #1: “Making Friends”

After several scheduling conflicts, a lot of prep work, and a really good hype session in front of the mirror, Bruce heads on over to the first official meeting.

Batman arrives with a long list of things they need to do before going public. The first thing on the list?

Write A Mission Statement

What the fuck are they actually trying to do? Bruce thinks this is a great starting point.

And you’d think (you’d think) this Justice League thing would be easier to tolerate than the drawn-out exec meetings he has to sit through with boring, old businessmen who keep delaying things so they can hash out every little detail.

To Bruce’s absolute horror, he BECOMES the boring businessman who’s delaying things so they can hash out every little detail. He misses the boring, old businessmen. At least they knew what they were doing.

Every turn, he is argued with.

“Why do we need a mission statement?” “‘Power Structure’ feels authoritarian. Can’t we just share leadership duties?” “Do we really need this much paperwork?”

Bruce has the audacity to say, “We need to develop some sort of protocol that helps us analyze any possible threat.” But no. “Why can’t I just jump in? I have eyes.” “Jumping in without studying an opponent’s behavior could cause more harm than good,” he insists. “So what? I’m going to watch an alien monster go on a rampage through my city instead of fighting it?” “Yes. You don’t know what it’s capable of.”

Bruce already regrets joining.

All he hears is the others gossiping. “Is this guy really telling us how to be heroes?” “He’s got a major stick up his ass.” “I knew we shouldn’t have let him join.” And if that doesn’t dissuade him, he doesn’t know what will.

“How was the first meeting?” Alfred asks. Bruce scowls. “I’m not making friends.”

Nonetheless, Bruce sticks it out for weeks until they have some semblance of an organization. And, to his shock and amazement, it…kind of works.

The Justice League makes its debut, and Wayne Enterprises generously donates some money “out of spite” after Lex Luthor publicly denounces the league. (Honestly, Bruce would too if he hadn’t personally duct-taped it together himself.)

But the league starts small, just like he told them, they respond to natural disasters and public safety threats first (as per the outreach initiative) and focus on protecting communities in need (as per the mission statement.)

Yes, they still think Batman has a stick up his ass because he’s a stickler for writing incident reports, but no one else reads them so he has the right to be pissed.

He’s almost kind of sort of content with how it’s going. Even his reputation as a vigilante is improving.

That’s when another glaring difference between him and the other members appears.

Despite looking the same age as the rest of the team, Bruce is actually much younger?? Even excluding the aliens, gods, etc.

Most of his teammates are in their late 30’s, early 40’s. Meanwhile, Bruce is at the ripe age of 29 and a half.

He is the youngest by ten years.

Everyone kind of just assumes he’s the same age, though, so they make references to 80’s kids stuff that he only vaguely understands through Alfred and his business partners. He just sits there in silence like a child who snuck over to the adult table and is waiting to get caught.

So on top of the rift he (accidentally) created when they started the organization, it’s even harder to connect through similar interests. Other than punching people together.

And Bruce Wayne has a bad case of imposter syndrome when it comes to their superpowers.

He’s always in the corner brooding, and everyone’s like ummm antisocial much?

But 50% of the time, it’s because he’s thinking “I’ll never amount to the incredible heroic feats everyone else has accomplished. How can I possibly make a difference to the world if I’m already struggling to save Gotham?” Like a little emo freak 🖤

(Meanwhile, you couldn’t pay those mf’s to step foot in Gotham. This Bat guy’s crazy and he’s human apparently?! No way. Nuh uh.)

The OTHER 50% of his “brooding” is Bruce standing to the side with a mixture of concern and judgment because his teammates’ competency in certain areas is…alarmingly low sometimes.

One week, he finds himself thinking, “How do these grown-ass adults not know their way around a digital map? They’re 40, not geriatric.”

Then like a week later, it’s “These fucking war fossils don’t even know Morse code. I gotta do everything around here.”

One of the final straws is when he says, “Did they just break another fucking Keurig? Who does that, Alfred? It’s the fifth one.”

Suffice it to say, he’s not very personable. But is it his fault? Well yeah, a little bit. Like……..65% his fault.

(The remaining 35% is their moaning and groaning whenever Batman calls a meeting.)

Bruce’s irritation is totally justified.

God, he just wants to go home.

Why is he doing this again?

Attempt #2: Actually Making Friends

The first JL member to break through his cold, black exterior is Wonder Woman. She needs help with search and rescue after a sinkhole opens up near an elementary school, but no one’s available until Batman responds to her call.

He’s on the scene in less than an hour and makes quick work in securing the area. Thankfully, she catches him once it’s over. (He always runs off without saying goodbye.)

“Thanks for helping. Everyone else was just so busy. I’m glad you could fly over.” Batman mumbles something that she can’t quite hear. “What was that?” she asks. “I was busy too,” he repeats. She gives him a weird look, and he freezes up for a second as he realizes that probably wasn’t appropriate to say. “I mean…this was more important. There were kids in danger so it didn’t…matter if I was busy.”

Wonder Woman considers how awkward The Batman looks for a moment then smiles. So he really is human. “Well, thank you. The help was very much appreciated.”

Since then, several small acts of kindness and solidarity earn Batman some respect from the rest of the team.

One day, Flash complains about how boring their meetings are so Batman brings a massive bin of fidget toys. After placing them in front of the Flash, he mumbles, “These are for ADHD. They’re useful.” Flash almost cries with relief. He is very touched.

Another day, Green Arrow is severely injured in battle. Without a word, Batman leaves the fight, takes him to a safe location, stops the bleeding, and does it all while repeatedly making sure he’s awake and asking permission to remove certain pieces of clothing.

In another fight, Plastic Man’s mask is thrown off, and Batman sees his face. In a second, Batman tosses a smoke bomb, picks up the mask, and hands it back before anyone else can look. It costs them time and the element of surprise, and Plastic Man knows it, but Batman did it anyway.

A JL member’s stomach grumbles during one too many meetings. Suddenly, their little break room becomes a fully stocked kitchen with shelf-stable meal items and all the basic necessities. There’s a nut-free section, a gluten-free section, everything. The only reason they know it’s him is because anyone else would have admitted to it.

(He renovated the whole fucking thing. In one night. By himself.)

And they all see how gentle he is with children. Countless times, The Batman is spotted prioritizing young civilians at any given moment.

He has lollipops in his belt. And Bluey bandaids too.

It’s the little things that make them feel closer to him :)

And okay maybe his goddamn Mission Statement lecture wasn’t so bad

So they stop moaning and groaning

Okay, now it’s bonding time WOOHOO!!

Attempt #3: Kinda? Friends??

One day, Superman says he isn’t too fond of billionaires (because of Lex, obviously) and goes on a rant about capitalism. Bruce doesn’t dare contribute because 1) he’s the richest man in the world and 2) every other billionaire he’s met is insufferable.

(Including Oliver Queen who Bruce refuses to look at while Green Arrow “defends his city’s billionaire.”)

(And while we’re on the topic of Green Arrow, Bruce cannot forget the disappointing almost-fling two summers ago. He still holds a grudge.)

Green Arrow: “You’re all fashion nightmares. Who wears a cape in the 21st century?” Batman: “At least my facial hair isn’t longer than my dick.” GA: “What was that, Batman?” B: “What?”

Also Bruce is very attracted to Superman.

(He likes older men.)

(Yes, I am referring to Henry Cavill’s Superman.)

(Sue me.)

(But don’t get your hopes up. He does literally nothing about it.)

(Coward.)

One of the JL members complains about how sore they are after a few missions so Bruce cashes in his Monthly Attempt to Socialize and says, “Try yoga. It helps me.” “…Batman, you do yoga?” “Yes. My son got me into it….It’s good for you.” “You have a son?!” He is never socializing again.

They also learn that Batman has the smallest frame on the team. (Like yeah, he’s tall, but he’s also lanky, and everyone else is either an alien or a human dorito.)

One night, they need to sneak through the vents of some building so Bruce offers to do it. Someone says, “It’s a tight squeeze. Are you sure you can fit?” Then he just takes his cape and pauldrons and shoulder pads off and is suddenly like a foot skinnier

“Wait…is this why you’re so good at hiding in the shadows?” Bruce just glares at the Flash for a second before climbing into the vents.

(The answer is yes.)

A betting pool is started over whether or not Batman is part Bat.

In fact, several betting pools begin because no one knows anything about the guy??

Aquaman and Plastic Man go to great lengths to figure out what his hair color is.

They lose their shit once Bruce tells them he’s vegetarian.

Green Lantern: “Every time he opens his mouth, we learn something new. Next, he’s going to tell me he speaks Swahili!” Batman: “I do.” GL: “Oh, come on!”

Superman: “We need someone on the inside for this international operation to work, but that’ll take at least three months undercover.” Batman: “Don’t worry. I have connections.” S: “…In Shanghai?” B: “Yes.”

The Flash adds SHANGHAI?? to his conspiracy board

Bruce needs to stop trying to socialize. It’s better for everyone’s cardiovascular health.

A year or two in, they’re all introduced to Captain Marvel. Bruce is the first and only person to learn his true identity (kid Billy Batson) because Bruce is the only one with a kid. That way, he understands the weird Gen-Alpha humor and references.

Millennia-old deities don’t use the term Flop Era.

And, of course, they play FMK at some point.

(I mean, come on. There are like TWO mature adults on this team, but Martian Manhunter doesn’t know what’s going on until it’s too late, and Wonder Woman is busy at her day job.)

During that particular round, the celebrities are Bruce Wayne, Lex Luthor, and Kylie Jenner. Bruce does, in fact, want to kill himself, but he chooses Fuck instead because of this exact conversation:

Green Lantern: Come on, Bats. It’s just a game! Choose already. Batman: No. I’m against killing. GL: Oh, go fuck yourself. This situation is completely hypothetical, and you know it. B: Fine! Fuck Bruce, Marry Kylie, Kill Lex. GL: See? That wasn’t so hard :) Bruce:

He tried

Attempt #4: Ah shit, FRIEND?

The identity reveal comes about three years after he joins. He’s 32, has three kids, he’s been on hundreds of missions with them, the team’s over twice its original size, and there are domestic terrorists overtaking Manhattan.

Superman, Wonder Woman, The Flash, Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter, and The Batman try to extract as many civilians as possible, but now they’re being hunted. After hiding in a warehouse and considering their options, MM finally suggests that they pose as civilians, which immediately creates uproar.

Bruce, however, realizes this is the only way out.

But it’s not dramatic or badass like that one JL episode. No, instead, he thinks about it, swallows the regret, and just—

Takes off his cowl.

And the whole room falls dead fucking quiet.

Then, “Oh fuck.”

(That was Green Lantern.)

Bruce just shrugs and mumbles, “Martian is right. It’s the only way.” And really fucking hopes the grease paint hides his red face because he is not having a good time right now.

He would rather die, actually, but they need to get somewhere safe and Fast.

The others look him up and down then nod slowly. “Uh yeah.” “Okay, sure.” “This is fine.” “We’ll do that.”

The others begin slowly taking off their suits and changing into something more casual. Bruce takes his off, revealing the skin-tight compression suit underneath, and stuffs his armor in the roll-up duffel bag that’s kept in his belt.

He changes into his drifter outfit, wipes his face clean, and suddenly, The Batman’s just a normal guy. (A very pretty normal guy, mind you. His teammates have eyes.)

“We can head to my place,” Bruce says. “It’s closer, and I know the train system pretty well.” And yes, he’s pretty soft-spoken outside of the suit, but now it feels even more obvious.

Meanwhile, the others are like—

Oh. My. God.

Oh my god, he’s fucking shy. Batman is acting shy in front of us. Dear fucking god. Batman is Bruce Wayne. And Bruce is shy so Batman is fucking shy?? Bruce is pretty too. Holy fuck. He is very pretty.

And he’s so young?? Oh my god, he’s a BABY wtf?! He’s like four inches shorter. Four inches tall! They’re all towering over him without his massive boots and armor, and he just hunches over with the big duffel bag like he wants to sink into the floor, and he’s so small.

Wonder Woman wants to put him in her pocket.

Sue her.

They end up taking the train back. Bruce has on the mask and cap that hides his face (poor Superman, he really likes his jawline) and they all follow Bruce as he gets off and on several trains at seemingly random stops. THEN when they’re finally in Gotham, they head into an abandoned-looking subway station that leads them into a…cave?? WTF

And in the middle of the cave is an elderly man with a cane and a three-piece suit just lounging on a recliner. (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK—)

He looks up from his crossword puzzle and says, “Ah! You’ve finally made friends, I see?” Bruce rolls his eyes. “This is not a sleepover,” he gripes. “Shame. I was about to grab your footie pajamas for you.”

The man smiles at them. “A pleasure to meet Master Wayne’s work friends in person. Would you like some coffee? Tea? If you’re like him, this is going to be a long night.”

No one dares to question why this man recognizes them in their civvies

They also can’t tell if the footie pajamas line was a joke or not. After tonight, nothing is off the table.

(This is a minefield of information. Barry is having flashbacks to his conspiracy board. No one is going to fucking believe him.)

They all settle into one corner of the cave. Bruce leaves to change and comes back looking like this:

(Goddamnit, Clark is having a meltdown. His hair looks so good wet.)

At one point while they’re plotting, Wonder Woman glances over his shoulder to see Bruce checking some sort of security camera. A boy, maybe nine or ten, is sleeping in bed. “Is that your son?” Bruce clearly doesn’t want to answer, but Alfred gives him a look, and Bruce sighs. “One of them. Yes.”

Later, they have to analyze some explosive samples in the cave, and Barry, forensic scientist extraordinaire, has some choice words about the non-sterile environment.

Barry: This doesn’t look safe. Bruce: My lab is perfectly clean and functional. *bat screeches* Don’t worry about that.

For the rest of the night, they use the evidence they have to track down the organization while the rest of the JL suits up and saves NYC.

After a few hours, they’re safe to return to NYC for damage control. But Alfred refuses to let Bruce go with them. “Your sons are worried. Drive them to school, then you’re coming home and sleeping.”

Bruce clearly wants to argue, but the mention of his kids stops him. He sighs and turns to the others who are already changed. “Let me know if you need anything. I can be there in ten minutes.”

They all nod, knowing full well they will not be doing that. The guy clearly needs rest.

(Also, he is a single father of three and still goes out every night to punch robbers and crime bosses? Is he doing okay?)

Then they head back to NYC with so many questions.

But a lot of it makes sense too, actually. Maybe they just weren’t thinking about the man behind the mask enough to see it.

They learned a lot about their friend that night.

And they have a lot of bets to cash in.

FIN

Okay :D that was a lot! If you enjoyed it, please let me know. This has been simmering in the back of my head for months <3 Have a great day and drink some water :)

Hey bestie @bruciemilf

[irishvampireboy]

"Do you think Eddie likes me?" The question leaves Steve's mouth absently, like an afterthought. Wayne watches his shoulders tense as he holds the cabnet door up. His eyes are on the floor. His cheeks going red. Wayne hums genlty, trying not to laugh in Steve's face. If he only knew.

Instead he sits with the question for a moment, keeps working, tightening the screws till they're snug. He nods at Steve, he lets go. Wayne swings the door back and forth a few times. No squeaks. And it doesn't fall off into his hands. He and Steve both nod at the same time, satisfied, Steve's hands dropping to his hips.

"Does he bite you?" Wayne asks, trying to sound as thoughtful as Steve had with his question. Steve stares at him. Wayne raises his eyebrows.

"Eddie. Does he ever bite you?" He repeats, giving Steve a pointed look.

"Oh! Um.. he... yeah? S-sometimes." Steve stammers a bit, his brow furrowing as he rubs at the back of his neck. And then his hand falls to his shoulder. And then drops by his side and clenches. Wayne smiles.

"You ever heard'a cuteness aggression?" Wayne asks, putting his tools back into their box and stashing it on top of the fridge. Steve shakes his head and frowns again. Wayne nods, motions for the small table and sits, Steve following him and sitting across from him.

"Well what I understand of it, and I'm getting this information from Eddie so... take it as you will." Steve smiles, a knowing look passing his face as he nods, and yeah, this kid has it bad for his boy.

"It's when someone thinks something is so cute it makes them violent. And Ed's got it bad. Took him ages to get it under control. What do you think happened to Gilberts ear?" Wayne nods toward the couch where their chunky brown tabby cat is napping. He looks up at the mention of his name and meows inquisitively.

"Oh my god what?!" Steve gasps, his hand jumping to cover his mouth. Wayne snorts.

"I'm just messin with ya kid. He was like that when Ed found him." Wayne smiles. Steve looks at him, straight faced, unimpressed. One of Eddie's favorite looks to wax poetic about.

"Very funny." He says dryly. Wayne chuckles, taps his hand on the table and says,

"I thought so. Anyway, point is. If that boy's teeth have sunk into you at some point. Odds are he likes ya just fine." Wayne smiles warmly, watches the gears turning in Steve's head, his brow furrowing and then relaxing as his mouth drops open in a little "O".

"So he'd say yes. If I- I mean if I wanted to-" he watches Steve swallow nervously.

"If you asked him out. Yes. I believe he would say yes." Wayne just watches Steve, takes a sip of his coffee. Steve nods to himself.

"Okay. Okay cool. I can do this. Awesome. Thank you!" He'd stood, hands wiping at his thighs, patting down his pockets, looking for his keys, before startling and turning back to Wayne to thank him.

"They're on the table by the door. And you're welcome son." He took another sip.

"And Steve?" He calls as Steve's hand hits the door, the boy turns to look at him, wide eyed.

"Yeah?"

"He can be a little... dense. When it comes to these things. Best to be forward. To the point." Wayne nods again, gives Steve a knowing look. Watches as his head tilts like a puppy as he processes.

"Forward. To the point. Okay. I got this." Steve said, nodding, to himself really, before darting out the door.

Wayne shakes his head, smiles as he cleans out his coffee cup and hopes that he'd done right by his boy. He couldn't take much more of Eddie's love sick puppy eyes. And Steve had been doing them for a few months now as well, and it was all too much. It had to be done.

~*~

Three hours later the trailer door slams open and Eddie rushes in. Steve hot on his heels, hand locked in Eddie's as he drags him down the hall.

"Evening boys." Wayne says, nonchalant, from his place near the stove, leaning against the counter.

"Hi Wayne!" Steve calls, happy and polite.

"No!" Eddie says, points at Steve aggressively and then to Wayne.

"No more talking! You two have talked enough today!" He half yells, and then drags Steve into his room, both of them laughing. His door slams shut. And then promptly opens again. Eddie bounds into the little kitchen, right into Wayne's space, and nearly tackles him in a tight hug.

Wayne squeezes him back, feels Eddie's lips press gently against his shoulder and then he's gone. Twirling away from his uncle's hold.

"Thanks Wayne." He says, his eyes bright and shining, his cheeks dimpled with happiness, and, right along his jaw, the imprint of teeth. A bitemark. Right on his face.

Wayne nods, and smiles as Eddie disappears into his room again. He can hear them talking and laughing through the wall as he makes dinner. Dinner for three now. As it has been for months.

He cooks. And he thinks. Three hours later and Steve still had to bite him to get his point across. Wayne shakes his head, smiling as he breaks the noodles and tosses them into the water, happy that his boys were finally happy.