#Why does it have to be so difficult... usually my animals...

[secretmellowblog]

Jean Valjean's Canon Toxic Unhealthiness around Romantic Love

( alternate titles: “Does Jean Valjean is Gay?”, or “Does Jean Valjean is Asexual?” Or: “Why is it so difficult to slap an identity/sexuality label onto Jean Valjean?” Or “LGBTPTSD+”)

I was looking at the responses to this poll about whether people interpret Jean Valjean as gay/asexual/straight or something else….and it got me thinking again about Jean Valjean’s canonical intense, complex, awful, toxic, and overwrought emotions around identity/ romantic love. I want to talk about that for a bit because I think it often gets overlooked in fandom!

I've noticed that Les Mis fandom/analysis often tends to interpret Jean Valjean as being far more content, more "at peace with himself," and more "comfortable in his own skin" than he ever is within the novel. This is also a common change in adaptations. The musical's version of Jean Valjean is great-- but he also seems a lot more self-actualized, more like he's gotten himself completely "figured out" by the end of the story. Other, bad, Les Mis adaptations — the adaptations that generally portray Jean Valjean a worse more violent person — also usually make Jean Valjean more confident in himself, more confident in his own feelings/desires, more certain that he’s entitled to certain things, and more willing to demand or take what he wants.

But one major aspect of book Jean Valjean's personality is that he does not have a healthy relationship with anything about himself. He has a tortured broken relationship with his own identity. He repeatedly thinks about “Jean Valjean” as a person outside of himself, a person who he finds frightening, repulsive, savage, and horrible— like a wild animal he needs to sedate, or beat into submission. He is obsessed with self-denial and self-repression. He is fixated on the idea that he is subhuman, that he is not allowed to want things or to pursue having any kinds of relationships with other people-- and that the most heroic thing he can do is "grab himself by the collar” and violently force himself to stay away from the things he wants. He is desperate to be loved and fixated on being unworthy of love and on denying himself love. He is absolutely not at peace with his identity: to paraphrase Jean Valjean in one of the later chapters, he believes he can only gain inner peace by “eviscerating his own entrails.”

He is never truly content with who he is, what he wants, or what kind of love he wants— and he never learns to be. The novel ends with him cutting himself off from his only family, breaking ties with the only person who loves him, and essentially slowly killing himself out of self-loathing.

There are other characters in Les Mis who seem very content with who they are and what they want. Enjolras is self-assured in his identity, and doesn’t appear to feel like there is any kind of love that is missing from his life. Whether you interpret him as gay or ace or trans or w/e, book!Enjolras is written as someone who is extremely self-assured and has a loving support system that is enough to keep him happy. But I don’t think that’s true for Jean Valjean at all XD.

And that’s why it's hard to apply labels like “aromantic” or “ace” or gay/straight/etc to Jean Valjean, when talking about his canon characterization. Those labels imply the person has a basic level of comfort with acknowledging their own desires/lack of desire/identity. And Jean Valjean never achieves that level of comfort. What “label” do you give to someone whose relationship with their identity is “I do not belong in a family, I have no right to want things, I have no right to be happy, I am outside of life, and I will never be at peace until I eviscerate my own entrails?” Is there a “self-disembowelment" pride flag? XD I've seen a lot of interpretations that go "Jean Valjean never expresses any interest in romance, he's perfectly content just to have his relationship with his daughter" but I honestly don't think that's true. Jean Valjean tries to content himself with having only Cosette. But part of why everything explodes so catastrophically in the end of the novel is because he needs more than just a paternal relationship. He doesn’t try to have a “normal” father-daughter relationship with Cosette, he tries to force his relationship with Cosette to be literally everything and everyone to him, for her to be his entire world: and it doesn’t work.

There’s a passage in the novel that talks about how all the love Valjean is capable of ends up being suppressed/sublimated into his relationship with Cosette. The love of a brother, of a friend, of a father, of a husband, the love of everything he is capable of, gets repressed so that he can throw every part of himself into being a father. There are Bad les mis adaptations that incorrectly misinterpret that passage to mean that Jean Valjean is incestuous/grooming Cosette. But in context, that’s not what the passage means at all.

The passage specifies very explicitly that Jean Valjean “did not love Cosette otherwise than as a father,” that “no marriage was possible between them,” that his feelings for her are absolutely paternal. But the passage does show how Jean Valjean is doing a very different unhealthy thing: he’s relying on Cosette to fill every single emotional void in his life.

He’s relying on parenthood to fill the grief/emptiness left behind by all the other kinds of love that he has wanted, but never been given.

To quote a bit of that passage:

Jean Valjean did not love Cosette otherwise than as a father (…) Let the reader recall the situation of heart which we have already indicated. No marriage was possible between them; not even that of souls; and yet, it is certain that their destinies were wedded. With the exception of Cosette, that is to say, with the exception of a childhood, Jean Valjean had never, in the whole of his long life, known anything of that which may be loved. The passions and loves which succeed each other had not produced in him those successive green growths, tender green or dark green, which can be seen in foliage which passes through the winter and in men who pass fifty. In short, and we have insisted on it more than once, all this interior fusion, all this whole, of which the sum total was a lofty virtue, ended in rendering Jean Valjean a father to Cosette. A strange father, forged from the grandfather, the son, the brother, and the husband, that existed in Jean Valjean; a father in whom there was included even a mother; a father who loved Cosette and adored her, and who held that child as his light, his home, his family, his country, his paradise.

Jean Valjean reminds me of a Failmode I’ve seen in a lot of different real-life parents? There are parents who cope with their own hard lives by telling themselves that parenthood is their sole reason for being alive, and who obsess over their child’s success as their only source of purpose, meaning, love, happiness, community, and validation. But it’s a bad idea to rely on one child to provide the emotional support that should be shared by friends, parents, siblings, every possible loved one, etc etc—- One child can’t actually heal you from your trauma, be a replacement for your broken relationships, pull you out of your grief, save you from your adult loneliness, etc etc etc etc.

When I see the common interpretation that Jean Valjean is perfectly content just to be the father of Cosette, I think of this line:

Thus when he saw that the end had absolutely come, that she was escaping from him, that she was slipping from his hands, that she was gliding from him, like a cloud, like water, when he had before his eyes this crushing proof: “another is the goal of her heart, another is the wish of her life; there is a dearest one, I am no longer anything but her father, I no longer exist”; when he could no longer doubt, when he said to himself: “She is going away from me!” the grief which he felt surpassed the bounds of possibility. To have done all that he had done for the purpose of ending like this! And the very idea of being nothing!

On one hand, the terrible Les mis adaptations that portray Valjean as Incest Creep are incorrect and wrong. On the other hand, though, Jean Valjean IS unhealthy about Cosette— just in a different and actually sympathetic way.

He has made fatherhood his only purpose, to replace every other purpose he could have in life. So he can’t be “just Cosette’s father.” He can’t imagine her becoming an adult and leaving the nest, like children do. What does he have if he’s not taking care of her? What is his purpose in life if she doesn’t need him to be her parent? He's not just being her father, he's relying on her to be his entire reason to exist. He hasn't been allowing himself to have things outside of her.

And speaking of things outside of Cosette: segue time. This post was supposed to be about Jean Valjean and romance, so let's switch gears and talk about his canon 'romantic experiences' more:

We’re told that in his youth he “never had a sweetheart” because he “never had time to be in love.” There is no indication that Jean Valjean never wanted to be in love. The opposite is implied. Hugo frames it as a tragedy that Jean Valjean’s does not experience young love; it’s the horror of poverty taking yet another thing from him.

Within prison, Valjean is “gloomy” and “chaste;” when he traumadumps to Montparnasse about it, he talks about women looking on galley slaves with horror and disgust. Romance, at least “normal” heterosexual romance, is no longer something that is permitted for him. Jean Valjean knows very little about romance/love/sex and it repeatedly messes up his life. He spends 19 years in the all-male environment of prison, then about a decade in the almost-all-female environment of the convent. He has very little experience with how men and women are supposed to interact. The oppression Fantine faces as a sex worker, and Cosette's relationship with Marius, are both two big 'blind spots' that he struggles with.

At one point romantic love is described as “The only misery Jean Valjean had not yet experienced, and the only one that is sweet.”

In his massive confession to Marius, he agonizes over how he is not allowed to be part of a family, and is incapable of being part of a home. He compares himself to someone sick and diseased, that poisons good and normal people with his presence, and cannot be allowed to make himself part of their families.

So Jean Valjean doesn’t frame Romance as “a thing he doesn’t want:” it’s a thing “he is not allowed to want,” it is one of the many things he is banned from wanting. It's impossible to tell what kind of things he would want, if he were allowed to want them.

One of the most interesting things to me, however, is his general attitude towards Marius/Cosette.

Obviously his first reaction to Marius snooping around is fear and resentment— he doesn’t know to interact with romance, having never experienced it, and immediately begins catastrophizing. He views Marius as a privileged booby ruining his life for something as frivolous as a love affair: it reads to me as partially envy, envy of the fact that Marius lives the kind of safe comfortable life that allows him to experience young love.

Jean Valjean added: “What does he want? A love affair! A love affair! And I? What! I have been first, the most wretched of men, and then the most unhappy, and I have traversed sixty years of life on my knees, I have suffered everything that man can suffer, I have grown old without having been young, I have lived without a family, without relatives, without friends, without life, without children, I have left my blood on every stone, on every bramble, on every mile-post, along every wall, I have been gentle, though others have been hard to me, and kind, although others have been malicious, I have become an honest man once more, in spite of everything, I have repented of the evil that I have done and have forgiven the evil that has been done to me, and at the moment when I receive my recompense, at the moment when it is all over, at the moment when I am just touching the goal, at the moment when I have what I desire, it is well, it is good, I have paid, I have earned it, all this is to take flight, all this will vanish, and I shall lose Cosette, and I shall lose my life, my joy, my soul, because it has pleased a great booby to come and lounge at the Luxembourg.”

But, even though Jean Valjean views romance as something he isn’t allowed or have or to want, views it as a threat and catastrophizes over how it will ruin his life……he seems to also put heterosexual romance on a pedestal.

The way Jean Valjean idealizes marriage is one of his weirdest character notes for me.

He views marriage as Cosette’s “happy ending.” It’s her “happily ever after” point where she won’t need him anymore, where she won’t need anyone outside of her husband. A Man And a Woman Are Meant to Get Married, It's Fate, and It Means They Will Live Happily Together Forever. Marius is “the goal of her heart, the wish of her life; her dearest one.” Nothing outside of that matters anymore.

He treats her marriage as if romantic love is inherently always more important than any kind of platonic relationships, and always takes priority over them. He later dismisses the unconventional family structure he has with Cosette, saying that despite his love for her he was only a "passerby" and was not actually her real father, because they were not biologically related.

There's a moment where Jean Valjean is described as someone whose ideal is to be angel on the inside and a bourgeois on the outside. Jean Valjean's worship of bourgeois social norms, norms he can never truly be a part of, is one of his character flaws. He has a similar "guard dog" energy as Eponine does when she defends Rue Plumet from her parents.....Eponine and Jean Valjean both become the guard dogs of a kind of romantic relationship they believe they are banned from having. Jean Valjean believes that getting Happily Straight Married in a Middle-Class Home with a Picket Fence(tm) is the ideal path for life....but believes himself broken/incapable of ever following that path. And so he instead throws his entire life into securing that future for Marius and Cosette.

In what manner was Jean Valjean to behave in relation to the happiness of Cosette and Marius? It was he who had willed that happiness, it was he who had brought it about; he had, himself, buried it in his entrails, and at that moment, when he reflected on it, he was able to enjoy the sort of satisfaction which an armorer would experience on recognizing his factory mark on a knife, on withdrawing it, all smoking, from his own breast. Cosette had Marius, Marius possessed Cosette. They had everything, even riches. And this was his doing.

TL: DR:

Jean Valjean's gender/sexuality label is “idk but he’s super fucked up about it.”

[divinerapturesys]

Welcome to my Ted Talk about AsPD, or Antisocial Personality Disorder, which the internet likes to coin as sociopath 👌🏻 if you don’t like long infodumps about stigmatized mental disorders from someone who is diagnosed, move on.

Quick toxic rundown: People with AsPD are generally characterized as emotionless, violent, manipulative abusers who kill animals and like to make other people their bitches. The biggest pet peeve we have is the emotionless, sadistic and abusive generalization.

Personally, we are highly neurotic, with highs and lows of: depression, frantic drive, self abuse tactics, chronic fear, lapses of rejection, overwhelming over-analyzation, grey area thinking, false goods and false bads, ultimatums, obsessive compulsive behavior, harsh self demands, and irritability.

AsPD is a disorder that is caused primarily (according to current research) by trauma and abuse in childhood; most notably being emotional neglect and absent caregivers that cause a child to have emotional shutdowns and repression episodes in an attempt to self soothe. Primary caregivers who do not bond with their children are also a factor. Children learn how to behave from those around them. If a primary caregiver is emotionally distant and unavailable, children will learn that is normal behavior and that’s how people are. If a primary caregiver does not provide empathy and sympathy during moments of distress and fear, children will learn that aloofness and disregard of others feelings is normal behavior. If a primary caregiver does not keep a child safe, children will learn that they should not prioritize their own safety or the safety of others. You can find my follow up post regarding this here.

Neglected and abused children often act out trying to get attention and help, often acting out in bad ways because they lack the ability to articulate what they’re feeling and what is happening to them. The pipeline for AsPD typically is: Oppositional Defiance Disorder as a child, Conduct Disorder as a teen, AsPD as an adult. There are a lot of warning signs cueing that AsPD is becoming a risk for development, but often kids do not have a support system to help negate it as it’s their support system that is usually a factor in its creation.

Being AsPD is like being an emotional La Croix 70% of the time. If you’re depressed, then it’s like someone in the other room has depression and is telling you about it. The other 30% of the time, if you’re depressed, your brain doesn’t understand how to handle it so it’s an ultimatum between doing something drastic to remove the Trigger or ignoring and dissociating for days on end.

People with AsPD are very good at ignoring things. Honestly it’s problematic as fuck but it’s not hard to ignore major issues when you just, don’t care. It’s not in the terms of being cruel or making ourselves not care, but the fact that finding the emotional willpower is so far out of our feasible reach we don’t do it. This causes us to piss people off because we don’t have the capacity to care as much as they want us to, even if we can and do to an extent.

Think of it this way: empathy/sympathy is a deep tub of water that everyone has. They can easily fill their measuring cup for the needed amount of empathy without any issues and it’s easy for them. People with AsPD don’t have a tub of water. We have shallow skillet. When we try to dip our cup to fill it, we can’t, it always comes up short and it is difficult to get any water in it as there is no room for the cup to dive. Our ability to care is limited because we do not have the same emotional resources everyone else does.

❌ False Positives & False Negatives ❌

I operate on what I’ve learned are called false positives and false negatives. These are things that are trained into the brain from an early age based off of childhood trauma and other factors. False positives are a distorted version of why we do something to help ourself and for our own good, meanwhile a false negative is something we do because it’s a threat, or based out of fear.

❌ Some of my false positives:

- It is good to be afraid of nothing

- It is good to adapt to someone’s personality if they are stronger than you

- It is good to isolate yourself

- It is good to be a silver tongue because you can get into any place you want

- It is good to become a social chameleon and shape yourself to whatever those around you need/want most, because then you have no chance of being abandoned

❌ Some of my false negatives, which can explain the false positives as well as core beliefs:

- it is bad to be afraid, if I am afraid then I am vulnerable and it can be used against me

- It is bad to be emotional or show concern for others emotions because they do not care for mine

- It is bad to be able to be exploited, because I believe it is everywhere

- It is bad to allow myself to be bored, because boredom begets bad thoughts and no one can or wants to help me when I spiral

- It is bad to not shape yourself to the social circle, because people quickly grow tired of those who do not match them perfectly and being discarded means I failed

My core beliefs can be viewed as the root for the false positives and negatives, because they are based on the core of trauma, abuse and neglect. They come from patterns and instances that make someone with AsPD become the opposite of what they experienced:

- eat or be eaten

- If I don’t show that my bite is worse than my bark, I will be taken advantage of and I must remain on top because the ones on top are safe

- I must look out for myself because nobody will do it for me

- It doesn’t matter what happens to me, therefore it doesn’t matter what people think of me

- If I cannot do something well, then I should not do it at all

- If you are dependent on others for emotional and mental well being, you are weak, therefore I must isolate myself to avoid becoming codependent and a burden and useless

- If I can handle the stress of a situation better than everyone else, therefore I will keep the problem (financial, emotional, mental, etc) to myself to reduce chances of being abandoned due to failure of perfection

People with AsPD are hard to get along with. We often:

- are always anticipating a fight

- lack respect for authority

- ignore social structures to an extent

- tendency to lie if it’ll lessen punishment or if we feel the lie is more acceptable than our actions

- limit social support because it’s wrong to be dependent on others

- have an inflated view of our own importance — which turns into a self ridicule for believing someome like me could be found important to others —

- can be rude and inconsiderate of others feelings somewhat unintentionally

- are unable to read the correct social cues in relation to empathy towards people and animals

- am constantly confused by others dependence upon empathy and inability to make desicions from logic based standpoints

We can’t speak for everyone who has AsPD, nor are we saying that no one with AsPD is capable of being a murderer/abuser etc. but we are saying that y’all need to stop automatically classifying someone as a certain “type” as soon as you know about their disorder.

One last thing I do want to point out is that it is not uncommon for people with AsPD to derive some sort of enjoyment in causing harm, doing something illegal, hurting someone or animals, etc. This entirely stems from lack of environmental control as a child. Being able to control what happens to others or being able to control the things you say or do that hurts someone else is a hefty high to get addicted to; it soothes the underlying itch of not being able to control your own trauma and abuse, so in turn you push these behaviors onto others and enjoy it because it gives you a sense of power and control. Some people with AsPD do genuinely love hurting others, and some enjoy hurting others when they believe it’s deserved or their ire has been stoked. Some enjoy causing pain to those they think deserve it, and others don’t care who they hurt as long as they feel like they’re in control of the situation.

Hope this have some insight into AsPD 🤙🏻 if y’all have any questions, shoot.

[buckys-little-belle]

Hi!! I love your story’s and am always looking for little and daddy Bucky story’s!! I was wondering if you could do insecure reader who’s bigger. She has bigger thighs a bigger tummy and face. Could you do reader is scared to sit on buckys lap or for him to pick her up and carry her around the house. She’s too scared she’s heavy and will crush him and his legs. or that he will drop her because she’s too big. She also never cuddles and sleeps with him in his room always sleeping in her room after he puts her to bed because she’s scared about her breathing or how she sleeps.

Bucky gets her to tell him why and then comfort. Just fluff fluff fluff. If your not comfortable writing this I totally understand!!! If you do could you ad paci use? Thank you!!! Sorry for the rambling…

Strongest Man Alive

Bucky Barnes x Plus Sized!Little!Reader (She/Her Pronouns Used)

Notes - This is not my best work, and has been in my drafts for MONTHS, it's something cute, and a little angsty at the beginning, but it does get super fluffy at the end. It's a little bit different than my usual writting style, so I apologize for that, but I do hope you like it and if not I'm so sorry! I hope I did this ask justice, and I hope everyone is having a good week!!! <3

Warnings - Talks of reader being self conscious for being 'bigger', kept very vague as she uses the words "heavy" and "squishy" to describe her body type instead of more concrete descriptions, the use of a pacifier is very brief as it's something I'm not used to writing, though I would be willing to continue, mentions of reader eating food "snacks" and "sandwich" though never specified, FLUFF at the end, but there is a moment of angst, I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS A COHEARANT STORY, it's from the drafts and I gave it a once over and I think it's 'good enough' so I apologize if it's terrible <3

SFW - Please keep all interactions with this post, and this blog, SFW.

. ☾ . ☆ . ☽ . ☆ . ☾ . ☆ . ☽ . ☆ . ☾ . ☆ . ☽ .

Y/n often spent their time at the Avengers tower sitting, standing, lingering around Bucky Barnes. It wasn't on purpose, the man just seemed to be the other half of some magnet imbedded deep in Y/n's heart. He just had some ability to pull her towards him.

Maybe it was the way he cut her sandwiches into perfect triangles, or the way his hand always found hers when she got scared. Maybe it was the way he seemed to be reserved around anyone but her that made her feel so connected to him.

He never sulked but always seemed to walk around with a frown stuck on his face, only ever changing it to a smile when she walked by his office or stopped by his room.

As much as Y/n felt like she was pulled to him, Bucky felt it multiplied by 100. His hands always aching to hold hers, his chest always feeling heavy when he began to think about her needing something and him not being around to help her.

The whole tower knew about Y/n's regression. Wanda and Peter often joined in, hanging out in little space and colouring in books Tony had provided, watching whatever new animated movie had just come out and sleeping over in makeshift tents in the living room.

Often other Avengers would help supervise activities, Steve loved playing action fighters in the common areas, Nat loved cuddle puddle on the couch, and Thor was always ready for a park day. Bucky on the other hand liked to stay in the shadows, buying stickers for the group of littles, making them lunch and dropping it off.

Bucky only stuck around if Y/n asked him to hang out with her. "Bucky can you hold my hand?" She had asked him when at the park, he of course grabbed her hand and helped her up the jungle gym.

"Bucky can you open this please?" She had whispered during a movie, her baggie full of snacks too difficult to manage on her own. He opened the baggie and held it in his own grasp, handing her a piece of candy anytime she had finished the previous one.

"Bucky will you colour with me?" She had yelled her ask one day when he was passing by the kitchen, Y/n sat at the island with markers scattered across the marble. He silently sat down and diligently coloured the page she had given him, helping her chase markers that had fallen.

He knew she was comfortable asking for what she wanted, and he knew she wasn't afraid of him ... so, it made his chest tighten every time she asked him to grab something from the top shelf instead of asking to be lifted like Wanda and Peter often asked.

He also felt off every time a little would come running out of their room after a nightmare, rushing into someone's room for a cuddle, yet Y/n's door never opened and neither did his.

Bucky was sure it was his fault she didn't seek him out for cuddles, he thought he had done something wrong when she never asked for a hug. Was it his arm? Was she scared he would turn on her? He couldn't figure it out.

That is until he realised she never asked anyone for a cuddle, or a hug. Nat, Wanda, and Peter would be all comfy on the couch and Y/n would be sat on the chair, a small frown on her face yet she never tried to find a spot next to her friends. And when she scraped her knee on the playground she declined Thor's offer of a "healing" hug.

"Y/n?" His voice was quiet but direct as he called out into the playroom, Y/n sat on the softly coloured rug, her stuffed animals scattered about.

"Hi Bucky!" She smiled, her pacifier tumbling out of her mouth and onto the ground.

"Hi." He sat down across from her, quickly pocketing the fallen pacifier before sought out the, now, dirty thing. "What are you playing?" His hands brushed a stuffed teddy, Y/n tilting her head in confusion as she looked around her.

"'m just dressen 'm up." She smiled at him, grabbing a stuffed unicorn and brushing it's fur back into place, shuffling closer to Bucky as she gathered a few other stuffed animals.

The moment her knees hit his she shifted back, so Bucky shifted his towards her again. Like clockwork she moved and left a small gap between them. "Y/n?"

"Mhm." She looked back at him, her smile one he could easily read through.

"Am I scary?" He asked calmly, not once loosing eye contact as she shook her head 'no'. "Do I smell?" He asked, this time with a laugh.

"No!" She giggled.

"Then why do you run every time I touch you." Instead of answering she bowed her head, hands running over the stuffed animal anxiously. "Why don't you hug Wanda or Peter?" He was worried that all the questions would make her want to run, but as she huffed and leaned into his space slightly he continued. "I know Thor was pretty sad when you declined his hug the other day." That one wasn't a lie, the man had gone on a rant about how he thought he had done something wrong, how he was sure Y/n hated him.

"I jus', I don' want them t' be mad." She admitted, huffing at the end of her sentence. "'m jus', 'm heavy, an' squishy. Wanda and Pete aren't heavy an' squishy." She admitted, eyes locked on the wall, the stuffed unicorn held a little closer to her body.

"What do you mean Baby?" Bucky asked, confused as to what she was alluding to.

"It's harder t' pick me up." She finally looked back at him, tears beginning to gather along her waterline. "And cuddling wif me wouldn' be th' same." She shrugged, trying to play it off like she wasn't bothered by her own words.

The tightness in Bucky's chest didn't ease up with his answer, his worry only growing. He had hoped it was an easy thing to fix, yet knowing Y/n didn't hug her friends, or him, because she felt too big made him hurt. "Baby," He began, not giving Y/n a second to doubt him, he picked her up and sat her in his lap. "you aren't 'too heavy' to pick up." He hated how quickly she curled into his chest, how clear it was that she was missing human connection. "I'm the strongest man alive, and you saying that you're too heavy is going to bruise my ego a bit, Baby." They both laughed, a few of Y/n's tears hitting the fabric of Bucky's shirt.

"I thought Steve was th' strongest man alive?"

"I let him win when we arm wrestle." Bucky admitted, causing Y/n to break out into a fit of giggles.

"'m gonna tell him!" She stood up, bolting for the door.

"Oh no you don't!" Bucky ran after her, lifting her off her feet in the middle of the hallway, Y/n pausing with a gasp, bracing for the two of them to fall, yet laughing along with Bucky as jostled her around, threatening to take her new colouring page off the fridge if she told anyone his secret.

After a pinky promise and some juice Y/n began to trust Bucky a little bit more. She let him pick her up at the playground, and gave him a hug before bed every night. She still worried her hugs were 'bad', that maybe no one would want to hug her because she wasn't 'little' but Bucky never once complained, instead asking for hugs in the morning too.

It took her a while to truly trust that Bucky wasn't lying when he said his back didn't hurt after picking her up, but eventually she became comfortable enough to run and jump into his arms, something she had always dreamed of doing.

It wasn't until a month later that Bucky woke up at 4 am to the sound of Y/n's hurried footsteps rushing to his door. Light creeping in from the opened door she didn't close as she ran to his bed. The sound of soft cries and whispers of "Nightmare" filling the usually quiet space.

Instead of letting her think too much about how she 'should' be cuddling, Bucky just scooped her up and tucked her into his bed, letting her know he'd protect her, and her stuffed animal. He liked having her in his room, it made him feel at ease knowing she was close.

After a few months of staying in Bucky's room, Y/n began to get out of her shell a bit more, hugging Wanda and Peter, and eventually accepting Thor's 'healing' hugs. She finally joined in during the weekly cuddle puddle, laughing along side Nat and her friends as they all got cozy on the couch. And for the first time ever she let someone else, the second strongest man alive, Steve Rogers pick her up. A pride filled movement the man would never forget.

Even though it took her a little longer than everyone else to be comfortable hugging and snuggling, she was happy to finally be apart of the group in ways she wasn't before. Bucky, the man who still often stayed in the shadows, helping from a distance, couldn't help but feel a little lighter every time he saw his girl get over her worries, knowing if anything got to be 'too much' she'd come running to him.

[sinfulpanda16]

Smile for me Pretty Baby

Bakugou x fem reader

Bakugou is not one to comfort others if they're sad. It's a waste of his time but when it's his pretty baby, mans would do anything and everything to see you smile.

You don’t know when you’ve reached this point. You’re lying in bed with your blanket wrapped around you, holding one of your stuffed (f/a) plush while your other stuffed animals are around you and tears in your eyes.

You don’t like existing.

You think to yourself life is great, you go to a good school, you have awesome friends, a nice family, and a boyfriend that loves you. So why are you feeling like this? There should be no reason for you to be sad. 

Right?

Maybe existing would be nice if you were the you of your dreams.

You sniff and before you know it you start to cry again.

“Oi Shitty hair!" Bakugou calls for the redhead.

Kirishima turns around “Baku-” before Kirishima can finish Bakugou interrupts him. “Where the hell is Y/N?”

Kirishima thinks for a second "Y/N? I think she's in her dorm room. I haven't seen her all day." and neither has Bakugou which is why he's asked that stupid nerd Deku and all the other extras of Class 1-A for you. It's not like you to stay in your dorm room all day. You're usually hanging out with the rest of the class. The others have also noticed your absence which is concerning. What the hell could be going on with you?

"Tch. Yeah, fine or whatever" Bakugou states and wastes no time heading towards your room.

Bakugou slams your door open. You sit up in shock and turn to look at your door. You've gone comfortable with letting your boyfriend come into your room without notice. You didn't mind except for today when you're not feeling good and not in the mood for his sarcasm. You make direct eye contact with him. His red orbs... they're wide. Bakugou is shocked to see you in such a state.

"Oi! What hell is up with you!?" he asks in a distressed tone.

You frown "If you came to be angry with me then turn around and close my damn door. I don't have time for this." you say with a shaky voice. The tears running down your cheeks and dropping onto your covers. Bakugou has never seen this side of you, when did his beautiful girlfriend talk with a tone like his.

He walks in your room and closes the door behind him. He's not sure what to do, he doesn't know why you're acting this way but he does know he hates the fact that you do not want to see him. He looks at you "Look. I'm not here to bother you. I'm... sorry." he looks away and curses under his breath when he apologizes but continues to talk. "I haven't seen you all day. What's wrong?" What else is he supposed to say? He's never gone out his way to comfort anyone, this is his first time ok.

You wipe your tears away. You really don't want to be a burden with your emotions, so you say, "I don't know". Bakugou grows irritated. This is difficult for him, but he doesn't care. He's going to help you feel better if it's the last thing he does.

He walks over to your bed and sits down next to you. You turn away from him. You're embarrassed, you didn't want him to see you like this. Which is why you could've sworn you locked the door. A hand reaches for your cheek, and you turn around to look at Bakugou. The two of you hold eye contact for a few seconds until he finally asks, "Pretty baby what's wrong?" with his worried eyes. In the five months you two have dated he's never called you by any pet names. He's always said they're for losers and not for him, the future number one hero.

Pretty Baby. You like it.

You sigh "I feel like life would be better if I was just better. I feel like me being better is impossible. I feel like I could never truly be happy because me being better isn't possible" You sniff and wipe your nose with your blanket. Bakugou helps wipe your tears with his thumb and lets you continue. "I just... maybe I am just not meant to ever be what I want to be. Maybe I was born to be my trashass self. Maybe I was just never meant to exist. Maybe life would've been better if I had never existed."

What the fuck did he just hear. Did those words seriously just come out of your pretty mouth. You never existing to begin with, that would kill Bakugou. YOU being in HIS life was the best thing that has ever happened to him. The thought of you not existing makes him so mad. So sad. Why is baby having these thoughts? You're probably one of the best people there are. It's why all of Class-1A love you. It's why he loves you so much he often thinks you deserve to be someone better than him. You deserve to be with one of the best people like yourself.

You continue shedding tears and Bakugou says your name. "Y/N". You look at him and he seems genuinely hurt by what you said about yourself. With his free hand he grabs your other cheek and begins to talk with a tint of anger in his voice "I don't know who the fuck told you, you need to be better or what the fuck made you feel that you need to be but trust me when I say, you are one of the best people in this world." What? He looks deep in your (e/c) eyes "A world without you sounds like hell. Don't you realize, you're a bit of the reason why this world is so nice. It's because of people like you. You, to me, are already the better version you want to be."

You are speechless. Bakugou has never acted like this before. It's a completely different side of him. A few more tears fall but not for the reason they were falling before. You love him. God you love him so much. He wipes your tears away for you and says, "I love you, Y/N". Thats the first time he's said it without seeming annoyed of having to. You're so speechless you don't even realize it.

"Smile for me pretty baby." He speaks.

There it is again. You smile and giggle as well, to which Bakugou responds with a smirk. He did it. He was able to comfort you.

You lose him in his thoughts when you say "Since when did you become such a softie?"

"Shut up! You think I actually like doing this?!" Yes, he does.

You kiss him and he kisses you back and when you pull away you thank him. Your boyfriend helped you get rid of those thoughts and that feeling for good.

You like existing.

And your Katsuki is a reason why.

[ryin-silverfish]

Could you tell us more about fox spirits? or what you know about them? Since the Kitsune is the fox spirit that people popularize the most, information on the Huli Jing is difficult to search for.

*Deep Breath*

Man, oh man. On one hand, I am fascinated by fox spirits, on the other hand, entire books have been written on them (in Chinese), and there are a staggering amount of Qing dynasty fox tales in Yuewei Caotang Biji (阅微草堂笔记) and Liaozhai Zhiyi,(聊斋志异) it's hard to know where to start.

[Previous ask about nine-tailed foxes, the duality of auspicious and demonic, and Su Daji]

Fox spirits, like any other yaoguais, is an animal that has lived long enough and absorbed enough Qi to gain sentience. Through cultivation, they can eventually gain a human form.

According to Tang folklore, they need to wear a human skull on their head while bowing to the Dipper stars/moon, without the skull falling off, in order to transform into a human.

However, foxes are also talented shapeshifters and tricksters who have this reputation for seducing humans, male and female alike.

In earlier legends, that's just their nature, but Ming and Qing tales expanded on that, stating foxes have sex with human to drain their Qi or life force, because they need those to form an Inner Core——an orb of solidified Qi that contains all of their cultivation and life force.

(Usually, it's female foxes seducing human men, because they need some of that sweet, sweet Yang force to compliment their Yin.)

(But some Ming folklore collection said that male foxes also go after guys in the guise of women, while in others, male foxes are just seducers of women.)

(Oh, and there are actual lesbian foxes in Qing legends. Like Feng Sanniang from Liaozhai Zhiyi.)

But one must keep in mind that foxes, like all yaoguais, are not inherently good or evil. For every sexual predator and Daji-like temptress, there exists a graceful scholar, a chill friend, or a lovestruck girl (Liaozhai is full of human-fox romances).

Like, there is a tale in Yuewei Caotang Biji that's just a guy chatting with his 50-60 looking fox associate about how foxes cultivate. When asked why he's so candid about this stuff, he really sums up it best:

"There are good and bad ones among our kind, just like humans. If you humans don't shy away from speaking of human evil, why should I?"

He then proceeds to talk about how legit fox cultivators collect the essence of sun and moon like any regular Daoists, while the ones that seduce human and suck away their life forces are taking a shortcut and inviting heavenly retribution in the form of thunderbolts.

Other Qing legends introduce the hilarious concept that all aspiring foxes must pass an exam organized by the Lady of Mt. Tai, to, well, earn their cultivation permit. Not even foxes are free from the clutches of imperial examinations, it seems!

Still, their old auspicious association does give rise to the archetype of "cultivator/sorcerer foxes", as well as a higher chance of recruitment into the Celestial Bureaucracy.

Which might explain why foxes were so frequently venerated in popular religion. Like, northern China has this thing called the "Five Great Immortals" (五大仙), five species of cultivated animals that people worship:

Hu (胡), Foxes

Huang (黄), Weasels

Bai (白), Hedgehogs

Liu (柳), Snakes

Hui (灰), Rats

When I travelled to the city of Pingyao, Shanxi last summer, one of the sites I visited had a Yuan dynasty building, and its second level is a shrine dedicated to the "Fox Immortal", guardian of the imperial official's seal.

Fun fact: fox spirits have a habit of impersonating Buddhas and Bodhisattvas in Tang dynasty legends. Manjusri and Maitreya seems to be the most popular choice, and in 三遂平妖传, a Ming dynasty novel, "Sagely Old Lady"(圣姑姑) the heavenly fox also impersonates Bodhisattva Samantabhadra.

So imagine my surprise when I actually encountered some foxes next to a highway during the same trip, while visiting Mt. Wutai, Manjusri's sacred mountain!

[tiredfox64]

So like,,,,,

Imagine if Bi-han and readsr went on a mission, oh yeah things r going very well, but then they stumble on a place that has like woah magic potion, the reader just "hey wld it b funny if I dr-" "no", but then Bi-han wasnt looking and somehow they end up with a reader thats just, the size of his palm

The rest is up to u!

Love ur writings!!!

Pipsqueak

Prior notes: This would be something that would happen to me cause I keep trying to eat inedible things. I've been told to stop trying to eat my DND dice.

Pairing: Bi-Han x Gn reader

Warnings: Hehe you're so small

“Don’t touch anything.”

Bi-Han tells you that every time you go on a mission together. If he can’t have his brothers by his side then he usually picks you to come with him on a mission. Though you have a problem with being serious. You have a habit of making things comedic during serious moments like missions and briefings. You also have a weird habit of touching things that aren’t yours and putting them near your mouth. No one knows why you do it, neither do you. You must be lacking vitamins or something.

Whatever it is, it’s a hazard when you’re on missions. That’s why Bi-Han is always warning you about doing something stupid. It’s for your own good. You don’t know what could happen to you if you touched the wrong item or ingested something you shouldn’t have. The world you live in is a strange one, you never know.

So far, you’re acting right. Liu Kang sent you and Bi-Han out on a mission to investigate a possible rat in Earthrealm, aka a sorcerer. He warned you both to be careful which Bi-Han emphasized that point. He was right to do so.

When you both arrived at the suspected location there were walls filled with strange ingredients and hanging animal carcasses. Creepy. There were rows upon rows of colorful looking potions in wacky bottles. There was one potion in particular that caught your eye. It rested on a wooden desk with different ingredients surrounding it. It looked like whoever was brewing it was making more of a cocktail instead of a magical potion. Citrus peels, brown sugar, and finger lime caviar. It confused you so much that you didn’t take notice of the other potions that were being mixed into the strange concoction. You grabbed the potion that caught your eye, sniffing it and getting hit with that strong citrus smell. Its aroma was tempting you.

“Hey Bi-Han, wouldn’t it be funny if I dr-”

“No!” Bi-Han glared at you.

He motioned for you to put it back where you found it. You did as he said until he turned his back towards you. He started going off about how he wanted this mission to be over and he can’t risk any delays. You weren’t paying attention since your attention was on the potion. It just looked so pretty and smells as sweet as lemonade. It couldn’t hurt to take at least a lick of it. You placed your mouth near the bottle before leaning it up, the liquid flowed slowly to your tongue. You licked it up quickly. Hmm, it does taste like lemona-

Bi-Han heard a poof behind him. He swiftly turned around and saw a cloud of smoke that matched the color of the potion. Once the smoke cleared he tried his best to look for you. But when he looked down all he saw was you with the bottle trapping you inside. Ah geez, you’re small.

He stared in disbelief. It was clear what just happened. You didn’t obey your grandmaster.

“What did I tell you!” He yelled which sounded much louder to you since you were so tiny now.

You looked very guilty. Your head was lowered in shame. You looked up at Bi-Han with pleading eyes, begging him to get you out of the bottle. He has no choice, he has to. He picks up the bottle and begins to dump you out onto the palm of his hand.

You’re putting him in a difficult position right now. One wrong move and he could accidentally crush you. Or worse, even freeze you. You didn’t like this outcome. You look like you were on the verge of tears even though you were warned. He groaned as he contemplated what to do now. Should he abandon the mission and bring you back safely? Or should he march forward and try his best to keep you safe? He didn’t realize it but he was so lost in thought he didn’t hear you yelling at him.

“Please, have mercy!”

When he looked down he saw he was gripping you tightly. His thumb was rubbing the top of your head which messed with your hair. He opened his hands, allowing you to breathe. This situation was already sucking. This can’t go on; he has to bring you back. Maybe Lord Liu Kang can reverse this mess.

Bi-Han didn’t want to keep you in his hands just in case he needed to fight. The problem is he has nowhere else to put you. Each possible area he could put you in would possibly squeeze you. The only spot he could think of was…sigh. He raised you up before placing you at the top of his head.

“Just hold on tightly please.”

You listened this time. Too well actually. Your impulsive thoughts won and you ended up yanking a strand of his hair on the left side of his hair. You had your Ratatouille moment. He actually raised his arm just like the movie taught you! But he might have been doing it just to smack you for yanking.

“NOT THAT TIGHT!”

══💤══╡°˖✧🦊✧˖°╞══💤══

Getting a hold of Liu Kang was difficult. No one knew where he was or what he was doing. Not a good time for him to be MIA.

Believe it or not, Bi-Han was getting very worried about this situation. Having you as small as a rat made him worried about losing you. He was keeping you close to him at all times, not even allowing Tomas or Kuai Liang to poke you. In his eyes, you were as fragile as a glass animal now.

He kept you with him until someone could get a hold of Liu Kang. He kept you on his desk to keep a close eye on you. It felt like you were being treated like a child. Every time you moved close to the edge; Bi-Han would tense up before blocking you with his hands. He would drag you back by pinching the back of your uniform.

“Stay still. Are you trying to get yourself killed?” He asked.

Then he tried keeping you in a birdcage he so conveniently had. You wouldn’t stop moving! You were put in little creature jail for little creature crimes. Yup, you still wouldn’t listen. You would try climbing the sides before trying to squeeze yourself through. You thought you succeeded until your hips hit the bars. Bi-Han was about to lose it on you but if he yelled he might burst your eardrums. He tried pushing you back in but every time he would poke your face you would bite him because it was uncomfortable. He did not want to try your backside. He eventually had to break the cage a little to allow you to crawl out.

That didn’t work out in his favor, what else he got?

He placed you right in front of him with his arms surrounding you. It allowed him to continue doing his paperwork while keeping you in one place. If you tried to run past his hands he would smack you back. Try climbing up his arms and he would twitch his muscles to make you fall. Like a horse trying to get a fly off. Front is no good, sides are no good, you went with the back. You started climbing up his clothes. This was the last straw for Bi-Han. You were like a devious rat that couldn’t listen to its master.

He snatched you up before shoving you into his top. The multiple layers of his uniform were usually tight against his body but there was enough space to shove you into it. Your back was pressed up against his chest area which felt like a brick wall. You tried to scramble out of there but the clothes were pressing you tight like a weighted blanket. You were tucked in nicely against your will. You struggled and struggled until you tired yourself out. You don’t have much fight left in you which was fine by Bi-Han. It was a long day already and that little fight you put up drained you out. You started to succumb to the comfort that enveloped you. It was no use, you were falling asleep.

After a while, Bi-Han noticed you weren’t saying a peep. When he looked down he saw you were knocked out. It was night and still no Liu Kang. Hopefully he will have better luck tomorrow. He should find a better place for you to sleep where you will be safe. He took you out and placed you on your stomach in the palm of his hand. He petted your back with one finger to prevent you from waking up. He kind of likes you this way. So punny and pathetic, it’s so adorable. You would have no choice but to depend on him for everything. Ah, he shouldn’t be thinking that way. He should focus on you getting back to normal. Still can’t help that he finds this situation a bit entertaining. Maybe he’ll drag this out a little longer just to see what else he could do with you.

After notes: All I could think of was Marc Anthony and Pussyfoot when writing this. That was the energy I was getting. I just saw a drawing that was like this idea which included Bi-Han. Strange. Adiós!

[jakeyp]

Hey guys!! Here's a tutorial on how to create those little animated doodles for your gifs so that you don't have to look for the exact overlay you want for hours 👍 This tutorial was requested by @fabines :) It's a long process but it's not too difficult, you just need to know the very basics of gif making! The steps are below the cut :)

1.

First we're going to have our gif ready, and make sure you know how many frames it is!! It should preferrably be an even number! (or a divisible number)

2.

Now we're going to make another gif, which will be the lil animated doodle. Go to file > new or press ctrl+n. Create a new document that's going to be 300x300 px, and we'll make the background black:

3.

Now we're going to use a brush to paint the doodle! We're gonna set the size to 4px-7px depending on how thick you want it to be (here i used a 4px brush) and the hardness to 100%, and we're going to trace our doodle on a new layer:

It does not have to be perfect!! It took me a while to get that crown and it looks half assed 😭 if you can use something other than your mouse like a tablet or something i definitely recommend you do it :)

Now we're going to click on "Create Video Timeline":

Now the bottom of our workspace is gonna look like this:

We're going to click on those three little boxes on the bottom left to convert to frame animation:

And there's that! Now for the slightly tricky part.

4.

We're going to set the layer where we drew the doodle to 40% opacity:

And on a new layer, we're going to trace the same doodle:

As you can see it doesn't look the same and it's because it doesnt have to be, that's how we're going to make it look animated!

We're going to repeat that process a few times! What i do to not get confused is that for examples when i'm going to draw layer 3 i first make layer 2 invisble, and then for layer 4 i also make layer 3 invisible and so on

My gif here:

is 40 frames, which means i can make 8 different variations of my doodle and duplicate each 4 times. This is why it's important that you know how many frames your gif is! And it's even much easier if it's an even number.

But what are we going to do to make it look animated? Well, it's all about using the timeline! First, make sure that the frame delay is set to the same as your base gif. I usually set it to 0,05:

Now our first layer can go back to 100% opacity, since we're going to use it too:

So this is what we have so far:

Only layer 1 is visible. So what we're gonna do is click this little plus icon:

It duplicates our frame. And on our layer section we're going to make layer 1 invisible and instead make layer 2 visible, and you'll notice that now our first two frames correspond to our first two layers:

And we're going to do the same thing for each layer! Add a new frame, make layer a invisible, make layer b visible, and so on! Here's what my crown looks like after doing this process with my 8 layers:

As you can see it's too fast, so that's why i'm going to duplicate each frame 4 times, so each variation has 5 frames on the timeline, and that's how we're going to get the same amount of frames as our base gif:

So once we have our animated doodle it's very easy from here! We're going to click on the bottom left again to convert our frame animation to a video timeline:

And we're going to select all of our layers (ctrl+alt+a in windows or just go to select > all layers) and convert them to a smart object (right click > convert to smart object):

So we're going to select our doodle and copy + paste it on top of your base gif, and we're going to set it to lighten or screen, whichever you prefer:

So now we place our doodle where we want it, make it whatever size we want, rotate it... and we're freaking done!

I hope at least half of this made sense akdhsk if you have any questions feel free to send an ask! 💙

[l-in-the-light]

The most embarrassing series of posts about Lawlu you will ever read: edition Punk Hazard (part 2)

We're still not done with the Punk Hazard! There's way too many interactions with them there and posts have apparently a restriction of 30 images, geez. Anyway, let's follow the tale further!

Law: Hey, I can hear that.

It's hilarious, because it turned out to be true in the end. Law wouldn't betray Luffy (as in backstab him), but he would finish the alliance early if that means keeping Luffy safe. But would it count as betrayal actually?

And then Luffy brags again. Wait, or doesn't he? It sounds kinda correct to me though lol. Also of course there's nothing to worry about, after all it will be Law's job from now on!

Law (thinking): Those people... how did they survive so long on their own?! They have no sense of danger!

Probably a moment later: Wait, so it will be my job to worry for them all the time?!

Law (thinking): It's nice of them to have brought the kids here, but they're pirates, I can't really expect Strawhats to actually want to help them, right? Damn, if I have to choose between keeping Mugiwara-ya safe and keeping the children safe, I guess the choice is only one to make...

Law (thinking): They actually want to help the children?... but why? They're not friends with them like with that fishman and mermaid on Sabaody... are they saying this just on a whim? Anyway, I can't lose the main goal from sight, keeping Mugiwara-ya safe is the priority.

To understand Law's odd reaction here we need to go back to his flashback:

Because when he told the nun and the children that he doesn't want to leave without Lammy, they just told him they will leave him behind on his own (but will return for him later on). That's why he expects that Nami wants to stay behind by herself. But Luffy's isn't having any of that, Luffy's like "no one is getting left behind on my watch". And no wonder really, because Luffy also knows how it's like. After all didn't Garp and Dragon leave him behind on his own as well, choosing to pursue their jobs instead? But Luffy does not want others to feel the same way he did.

Law's shocked "?!" there really says volumes. He probably didn't expect that option of "not leaving anyone behind" as even possible. We will see him struggling to accept it later on as well in this arc.

Law (thinking): Wait a second... How did that turn out this way?!

Because let's rewind a bit. Law's just reached his inner peace with the dificult decision that he's gonna sacrifice the children's fate in favour of keeping Strawhats safe. But here Luffy makes a 180 turn on him and tells him "Actually, we're saving the kids and there is this funny samurai as well, we also want to reassemble him". And Law is like TrafalgarLaw.exe stopped functioning, please reboot. He thought he made it clear this is not the time to be altruistic and has a difficult time to process this illogical conclusion. You were too lost in your own thoughts, that's why you missed it, Law.

Law (thinking): Friends?! What?! Whatever, put that thought aside for now, more importantly... those conditions for the alliance are ridiculous! Also it would totally be something I would want to do and make it a condition, if not for the fact I think it's impossible to pull that all off.

Usopp (thinking, surprised): Luffy was right, he's actually a good guy!

Luffy (thinking): I knew you would help us!

Law (thinking): You must be kidding me, what kind of pirates are so altruistic. Great, now I have even more troubles to deal with. And yet I can't refuse them.

Law (thinking): No, anything but this...!

I'm so sorry for him in this one, tbh. Can't make it look funny anymore, I'm sorry! (but if you really want to, then the classic "Am I a joke to you?" commentary is usually spot-on) At least it was Chopper and I think Law is okay with touching animals and minks.

Luffy (thinking): Torao, you come up with the best ideas! This sounds so fun!

Law (thinking): I'm actually not gonna allow you to rethink. You need to stick with me so I can keep you safe.

(my god Torao)

Luffy: No chance! Good luck getting rid of me now after you offered friendship to me!

(those two, I swear...)

Fun fact: he didn't, lol. Law trusted him with this, but Luffy told them all only after they boarded the Sunny lol. Ouch, Luffy!

Luffy's safety is constantly on his mind, isn't it... and he's taking the most work on himself as well. Also can you try to think of anything else for a change, Trafalgar Law?! I know you're super duper worried but, come on...

Yeah, I know Law, right? You try so hard to keep him safe, and he goes and does some ridiculous shit again. And so the neverending spiral of worrying and suffering because of it continues for Law, lol.

Luffy (thinking): I will make you proud, Torao! Just watch me kidnap that guy in a few secs!!

Robin (thinking): Luffy is so excited, not sure if it's because of the plan or that Trafalgar. Probably the latter, actually, he just ignored the plan after all...

He's adorable but omg, they miss the marks all the time when it comes to each other, don't they. It's pure romantic comedy!

The end result is to be expected haha. Law's eyes are like constantly on Luffy lol. At least Law's not so anxious and worried anymore, because fake cuffs are part of his backup plan, so things are going okay for now.

Luffy is instantly interested in Torao's connection to Joker. He just wants to know more about Law, circumenstances be damned, because who cares they're locked up, right.

Law (thinking): Really? You ask about it now?! Fine, whatever, I will tell you... it's not like I can hide it from you forever.

He's not really that great at lying to Luffy, is he? Unless he just sold him a half-truth, but it doesn't appear to be this way. Alliance is all about trust after all, right? (Law says that in Wano) And Law is a bit uncomfortable sharing his connection to Doflamingo, but he does it anyway.

Luffy is so easily impressed with Torao, and it makes it even funnier that it's for all the wrong things really lol. Though it's understandable because when Ace died he got a big hole in his chest and couldn't survive, so in Luffy's mind anyone who can actually live despite that might be like the strongest person ever in his mind (stronger than Ace even?!). It's ridiculous, cute and actually a bit touching. I doubt Law understood it right lol, he's just lying there in disgrace.

Law (thinking): You will pay for this! Especially for making me look so pathetic in front of Mugiwara-ya!

Also Luffy please stop staring at Law like this all the time and close your mouth. He's so infatuated with him.

Law's face here is kinda hilarious, listening to Robin's and Luffy's talk about Kinemon's legs. Is he thinking something like "Interesting, you like it that much? I could do it for you all the time actually... I can do so much more, in fact"

Please someone shut them up.

Change of tone. As soon as Luffy's so worried and stressed, Law becomes all serious and worried as well. You can't make this shit up.

Showing off in front of Luffy lol. You actually want him to think you're cool, don't you, Law?

Luffy: Omg you're so cool Torao! I thought we're goners fr!

And guess what, it's working like a charm. Oh, Luffy!

Luffy adoring Law again, his eyes are almost sparkling here :D he tries to show off a little as well there heh. It's like "Torao, I'm so impressed with you, so be impressed with me and my crew as well!!"

Law, when not ordering people around: "is there anyone in here who can do x or y?". He's really not used to this "equal alliance" thing either, isn't he? Because that's such an awkward thing to say. Is this first ever alliance for him as well? Perhaps all other arrangements he had was just Law giving people orders.

That would mean this is first alliance both for Luffy AND Law awww. Oda, stop, I'm cringing! There's no way Law did it just for Luffy, right?...

Law making Luffy laugh on purpose will never stop having a special place in my heart <3 because you know he said this just for that. He doesn't yet care much about the others, but he sure af cares for Luffy. Perhaps he joked a bit because he didn't want to see Luffy so anxious like before when worrying about his crew geezas stop.

Someone's showing off again and it works like a charm. Can you stop making it such a show ffs, Law. No you can't, you're just having too much fun seeing Luffy so obviously impressed.

I mean... anyone still doubting Law loves Luffy after this image would have to also doubt Law ever loved his little sister, you know?

Also he's really not very honest, is he. Still not gonna admit it openly, acting cold and keeping his distance, despite the fact Luffy is already holding a dear spot in his heart. I know Law has predisposition for being serious and secretive, like that's just legit part of his personality, but he also clearly doesn't want Luffy to know how he actually feels about him.

Damn, Punk Hazard is long. I wonder if I can finish it with the next post haha. To be continued!

[queermentaldisaster]

Shifter!Au.

(this is stemming from my own need to learn more about animals plus an obsession with shifter AUs)

Okay, so Price, he's a little difficult. I wanted to give him a strong animal, one who typically leads the pack...but then I did a little research and decided he's an ✨️Emperor Penguin Shifter✨️, hence why he NEVER shifts in the field. The base has a freezer area to accommodate for arctic animal shifters, and Price literally built a slide to slide around in there. When he finds the others shifted when they didn't want to be, he'll shift and kinda corral them into a safe and comfortable space? If that makes sense.

Gaz. Wild Water Buffalo shifter. Just like the actual Wild Water Buffalo, these types are RARE. They're also endangered. They have a 'pack' mentality, although these are called clans among both shifters and the actual Buffalos themselves. Him and his family are all Wild Water Buffalo shifters as well. They're all scattered across the world, so it's rare to see them. He's got the largest bloodline of Wild Water Buffalo shifters. He often wrestles with Price when he's shifted and Price isn't. Also he gives Price bull-back rides. He tends to shift when mass destruction is needed in battle, because Wild Water Buffalos are like fuckin tanks. They're fast, tough, and can deal mass amounts of damage.

Soap. He's a Red Fox shifter! They're playful, quick, stealthy, territorial, but also really friendly! A perfect match for our silly Scot! He's also the one who shifts the most, because he's the most comfortable in his animal form. He's got two packs. His family and the Force. He doesn't shift in the field unless he's needed to complete stealth missions or get out of a situation really fast. When shifted on base, he'll often tear up the spare punching bags, leading Price to have ordered more than the usual amount, just in case. He also likes using the other three as a jungle gym.

Ghost. He's a Black Panther shifter, originating from the Jaguar shifter line. His mother was a shifter, his father was not. Tommy was also a shifter, as children of shifters tend to take after their mother. The whole shifter thing contributed to both his abuse from his dad and the torture from Roba. He really doesn't shift unless absolutely necessary, so most people think he's not even a shifter. When he does shift in battle, it's often for the increased agility and claws. Ghost suppresses his shifting which is damaging and dangerous. This leads to increased irritability. Soap is the one who eventually gets Ghost to start shifting more.

Tags: @bringinsexybackk69 (if you wanna be added to the Shifter!Taglist, lemme know!)

I'm still figuring out what everyone else is, but I figured I'd bring out the main four first!

[ask-whitepearl-and-steven]

Do you ever struggle not sharing details of your story / spoiling people? It's one of the hardest parts of writing for me! I always want to just divulge all of my ideas immediately!

The answer, weirdly enough... is no!

And a part of that is definitely due to me being a giant, secret-hoarding dragon in disguise. But another part of that is the fact that I largely suspect that...

Keeping secrets and avoiding spoilers is the reason this comic is still alive and updating.

Now, that may sound odd. Why would keeping secrets help me post? Sharing work is kind of the life-blood of a lot of creative endeavors. Storytelling is an inherently social activity. All humans, even the most introverted ones, thrive on peer recognition and feedback.

But over the years, I've come to realize something about myself. And this realization may be mostly stemming from me, but I suspect it's actually a pretty common factor for other creatives as well. So maybe I should talk about it (again).

Let me introduce you to something I call...

The Emperor's New Accomplishment.

Here's the thing. I'm an extremely introverted, non-social person. I can go for months without talking to friends easily, even if I love them a whole lot. That all being said, I'm still a human being, and my brain derives happy-social-animal chemicals from being recognized as A Person With Traits. Humans are built that way! We can't avoid it.

So what you gotta understand is - at all times, our brain is seeking social/peer recognition like it seeks out high-calorie foods. And it (largely) does not care what we have to do to get it.

Herein lies the problem.

Usually, creating stuff and thinking about stories and then sharing what we wrote with friends is a great way to get that happy chemical.

But it's time consuming. And difficult. And there's a shortcut.

What we seek when we create Scenarios and Characters and Conflicts is not hard work toiling away writing/drawing/constructing stuff. Many artists actively enjoy this process, but it's grueling.

And just telling our friends about our ideas actually accomplishes the end goal, as far as our brain is concerned! We made up ideas! We told people about it! We got the Good Feelings!

So when I tell people about my Plans to Write A Comic or Ideas To Make a Story, what I'm actually doing is tricking my brain into thinking 'wow, this feels great! We have accomplished the task we set out to do! No more effort necessary!'

And that motivation to actually draw/write/create?

It goes directly into the trashcan.

Now I'm not saying this to suggest people who do this/fall prey to this are lazy. They're not!

But our brains are. They're lazy, and they want to save energy. And they don't care if you WANTED to actually make the story. They will gladly rip the Motivation energy out of our grubby little hands when they no longer deem it necessary to the process.

So - why do I keep so many secrets? How do I stop myself from talking about what happens next in the story?

I'm doing it to keep my actual comic alive.

Disclaimer: Not everyone functions like this, obviously. Everyone has a different creative process. But this is how I've realized MY brain works, so I now take steps to trick my brain back into working. Ha! Take that, brain! Two can play at this--waitaminute.

[petday]

whats little magic?

It is a puzzle game for the Super Famicom and Game Boy Color video game systems. I like the Game Boy Color game much more for its art direction, and it's also just more fun for me to play with the 'bubble magic' mechanic in that version. I wrote more about my enjoyment below, in case anyone is curious.

The game’s box art is very beautiful, right? It caught my eye right away. The in-game 'cutscene' artwork appears to be carefully-made pixel art versions of the same artist's illustrations and they are similarly beautiful. (Sorry in advance if my photograph quality is not great.)

But the actual levels themselves look very haphazard. Clashing colors and tiles. It's easy enough to guess that a blue tile next to a white tile represents water and snow, respectively, but what does the yellow cluster-of-boxes tile represent? Yellow bricks of a tower…? How about the spike-y objects in the snow-water levels? I guessed they were underwater mines, but then there's the same tile in a later level too, just palette-swapped to be red… The two monochrome tiles in the third picture above teleports your character, but it has a two-frame animation that made me think of an ‘industrial grinder’ and ‘static noise’, so I assumed it was dangerous at first. Was it intended to be nondescript ‘sparkly magic’? Where are all of these levels taking place, anyway? No other humans are in these areas, just various animals and vague environmental indicators. There are cute snakes in some ‘yellow brick’ levels that end your life upon touching them. Seems irresponsible for a teacher to allow her student into perilous areas, no matter how eager she is to pass her final exam at magic school and become a magician.

Oh, I should explain the story. (None of the above photos are in sequence, just wanted to show more of the game.) The story is about a girl who attends magic school, and aims to pass a series of tests to become a full-fledged magician. Her teacher encourages her. The lack of explanation in the story is another fun point for me. Her magic teacher doesn't explain why 'learning magic' consists of pushing a heart into a heart-shaped hole that triggers a staircase to appear, which is what you need to do to complete each level. (It’s a beating heart – is it alive?) No explanation as to why snakes end your life instantly upon touching them. The context of 'because you want to pass your exams, a teacher is putting you through trials to help you become a master of magic’ isn’t an adequate explanation, because the teacher also tells you that she has not passed the final exam - why is a teacher putting a student through something that is too difficult even for herself? Who is in control of all of the strange areas you need to ‘complete’ in order to become a real magician, then? (After you complete the game with the student, you can play a different set of levels as the teacher, but even the usual sparse context-giving ‘cutscenes’ are not there… Mysterious…)

So, all of that is why my drawing about ‘Little Magic’ is about ‘confusion’, ‘going along with something that makes sense at first, but quickly unravels to not make sense any longer’, ‘growing distrust of authoritative figures’, and ‘frustration from stagnation.’ https://petday.tumblr.com/post/730315736066768896

Maybe the instruction booklet explains everything; I did not have access to that while playing, and I like that feeling. ‘Renting a game from a video game rental store that did not come with an instruction booklet, and being perplexed by it, forced to create your own context because you have nothing else’ feeling. Randomly selecting games to play that do not have much documentation online is enjoyable to me, because of that feeling.

A fan translation group translated the Game Boy Color game from Japanese to English in 2018. There wasn't a lot of dialogue in the first place, though. I like games where there is little to no dialogue because one can imagine a story/context besides what is shown. Up until 2022, I could not find a solution for the teacher’s final puzzle, so I interpreted the ending of the game’s story as, ‘The magic teacher thought she could harness a type of magic far stronger than what she could handle, accidentally designed an impossible puzzle for herself and is trapped for eternity.’ Of course, the puzzle has a solution, but I wanted to honour my strange interpretation regardless. When I play games and have weird interpretations of them, I am definitely not saying, 'I bet this is what the people who worked on this game were thinking!' I dislike that attitude. It's just imaginative interpretation, and working with the odd way I interact with things in order to maximize fun for myself…

A part about old games that I also love, is that they can never be updated; they had one chance to release a finished game, and maybe another chance to fix glitches in a re-release if they sold very many copies the first time. I greatly enjoyed the ‘imperfect’ tilesets and abrupt feeling of this game, which might have been ‘improved’ in a patch if it had been released in recent years instead of 1999.

(I wasn’t sure where to include this point, but I must also say, my favourite YouTube comments are about someone’s unusual interpretations of a game, when they did not have access to a guide at the time. I read one recently – the comment author and their brother rented ‘Final Fantasy IV’ from a rental store, and they did not know about the ‘Poison’ status effect that depletes the characters health. There is a strange pixelation effect and a ringing sound when you walk around the overworld while poisoned. Because the save file they were playing from was during a point of the game where you visit the moon, and because of the unfamiliar visual and sound effect, they interpreted the ‘Poison’ status effect as, “The moon must be running out of air.” Things like that are beautiful to me.)

(I also wasn’t sure where to put this point, but the main character, May, from ‘Little Magic’, is stylized differently in some ‘cutscenes’. She resembles a dragon to me. It’s cute.)

[tswhiisftteedr]

Gamer ‘Friend’ ☆ Chapter 1: Panty Incident(s)

☆ Pervy!Dom!Idia Shroud x Fem!Reader : On a Thursday night, Ignihyde’s dorm leader, Idia Shroud bumps into a fellow gamer, and that happens to be you, someone that had become infamous on campus. Being new to this world, and having the headmaster stingy with money, you had yet to experience this world’s gaming. But not to worry, after all Idia Shroud the professional gamer that he is, is here to help, in more ways than attended…

(In this version reader eats breakfast alone not with her friends, lol)

Warnings : Mature content, Non-Con, Dub-Con, Somnophilia, Panty Stealing, Masturbating(male), Cumplay(Idia cumming in readers panties), Degenerate Fantasies, mentions of; Choking, Tying up, Spanking, Slapping, Denigration, Humilation, but no actually action. (It’s mention in a book the reader has.) (Okay, it’s my first fic so sorry if tag this wrong). Reader is said to be curvy about twice. IDIA IS CANONICAL 18.

Note: Reader is; a heavy sleeper(or maybe not👀), shorter than Idia, a masochistic degradee, an airhead, fucked up, unhinged pervert. And Idia gets horny very easily around the reader, since they are the first girl he’s ever seen in real life, besides from his family and the S.T.Y.X employees. Things move really fast because Idia is loke an obsessive pervert. Also when y/n is written it only refers to the first name. Idia is a bit/lot occ, not proofread.

Chapter 1 | Next Chapter |

☆ More under the cut. ☆

Idia was walking through the halls of Night Raven College, avidly trying to avoid unnecessary attention. His flame-like hair glowed a light blue, and his yellow eyes darted around the halls. He hoped to reach his dorm room without any issues.

However, that was not the case when he accidentally bumped into you. With his scrawny physique, he was almost knocked over by the collision.

“O-oh, I’m so so sorry! Are you alright? Sorry again I wasn’t paying attention!” You tell him, Idia's eyes widened as he nearly fell over. His hands went out to catch himself on you, grabbing hold of your wrist, leaving faint marks of his presence behind. He quickly let’s go when he realizes he is making contact with you. "Y-Yes, I'm fine..." He muttered softly, trying hard not to sound annoyed. Finally, he gathered enough courage and turned around to face you properly.

"Um- So.. h-hello?" He stammered nervously, unable to meet your gaze directly.

He noticed how small and curvy you were compared to him. Your soft and smooth hair was like a magnet pulling him in, making it difficult for him to tear his eyes away from your features. The way your hips swayed with each step had an odd effect on him; one that made him extremely horny.

“Uh, hi?” You reply, questioning the interaction.

"Umm... uh..." Idia stuttered, unsure of what to say next. His hands fidgeted nervously with his his tablet case. "I-I'm Idia Shroud, the Housewarden of Ignihyde." He managed to croak out finally, offering a weak smile that barely reached his eyes, still unsure of why he was introducing himself. But his brain told him to continue.

"And you are?" He asked tentatively, hoping he hadn't crossed any lines by asking such ‘personal information’ so soon after meeting you. Of course to an antisocial guy like himself, such question was considered personal.

“Oh, I’m f/n l/n, and I guess I’m the prefect of the Ramshackle.” You tell him, with a bright smile. He then remembered the whole story behind the girl who had been summon from another world, apparently she had stop 2 Overblots already, he usually didn’t pay attention to normies so he didn’t look into her. But he does remember commenting to himself how she was like an anime protagonist, getting isekaid into a reverse harem type of world….

“Oh, nice to meet you f/n l/n." Idia said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. He shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other, feeling heat rise in his cheeks at the mention of being associated with someone so currently relevant, well at least on campus that is.

"So... uh, what brings you here?" He asked awkwardly, hoping it would steer the conversation away from himself and onto something else entirely.

"I was heading towards the library to get some reading material. You would be surprised how many of the books there are not school-related.” You informed him,

Idia blinked a few times, trying to process your words. "R-Reading? That's... nice," he muttered, clearing his throat awkwardly.

"Well, I guess I should get going too then." He mumbled quickly, turning around and speeding away down the hallway, hoping you wouldn't follow him.

“Bye Idia, I hope to see you soon!” You speak up for him to hear,

"Y-Yeah... see you later..." Iida called out softly after you, his voice trailing off as he rushed towards the exit door of the school building. He wanted to arrive at the mirror chamber and reach Ignihyde as soon as possible, in order to return safely to his dormitory. Once alone in his room, he leaned against the door, panting heavily. His heart raced wildly inside his chest, and sweat formed on his palms.

He closed the door behind him, locking it tightly before collapsing onto his bed, burying his face into the pillow. What did you mean when you said ‘You hoped to see him soon’. How could someone like you—so beautiful and confident—possibly find anything interesting about a loser like him? He berated himself internally, feeling more worthless than ever.

Meanwhile, you went to the library and found what you were looking for: smut books. You picked up two books, one with a vanilla and soft theme called 'The White Lily', and another one that was right up your alley - a dark romance novel that contained all hardcore explicit content in its plot. It was called 'The Trap of Mr. Sota'.

Here’s a summary of both of the books.

Title: The White Lily

‘"The White Lily" is an adult romance novel that tells the story of Ella, a successful businesswoman who has everything she could ever want, except for one thing: true love. Ella has never felt a real connection to anyone she's dated, and she's starting to think she's destined to be alone. That is, until she meets Michael, a charming and handsome stranger who shakes up her world in the most unexpected way.

As Ella and Michael start spending more time together, they discover that they have a deep and meaningful connection, and they can't resist the attraction that grows between them. But just as their relationship begins to blossom, past secrets and old wounds from Michael's past threaten to tear them apart. Will Ella and Michael be able to overcome their differences and find their happy ending? Or will their love be doomed to never be fulfilled?’

Title: The trap of Mr. Sota

‘"The Trap of Mr. Sota" is an alluring adult romance novel that delves into the depths of human desires. This captivating story follows Sakura, a young woman on a journey of self-exploration and sexual awakening.

As Sakura explores BDSM, she discovers her masochistic tendencies and finds comfort in the hands of Mr. Sota, a dominant figure who pushes her boundaries.

Sakura willingly surrenders to the degrading words and experiences pleasure through being tied up, spanked, slapped, and choked by Mr. Sota.

But Sakura's desires go beyond that. She enjoys being provocative and being disciplined by Mr. Sota.

In "The Trap of Mr. Sota," Sakura explores her submissive desires, becoming an object of pleasure. As pain and pleasure intertwine, Sakura and Mr. Sota embark on a journey of self-discovery, testing their limits and forming a deep connection.’

As you signed out the books, the elderly librarian gave you a knowing look, ‘they must have read them before-‘.

Afterwards, you left the school building, returning to your dorm, the ramshackle, and followed your nightly routine. This included cooking dinner for you and your magical beast roommate, Grim, taking a shower, doing your skincare routine, completing a bit of school work, and now, the newly added activity before falling asleep, reading a couple of chapters of 'The Trap of Mr. Sora’. And commenting on the books chapters using some sticky notes, after all it was still school property.

The next day..

Idia woke up late, or more exactly, on time, his alarm having failed to go off. He hade made habit of waking up early to avoid interacting with other students at breakfast. Groaning, he rolled out of bed and stretched his stiff muscles before getting dressed in his usual attire: a black t-shirt and his NCR school uniform pants paired with his signature hoodie and shoes. The bayou blue hoodie featured a zippered pocket on the front and a white triangle design on the sleeve, adding a unique touch to its appearance. Its lightweight and breathable material ensures comfort and dryness in various weather conditions and occasions. The shoes, designed with a unique combination of white and blue colors, feature a white sole and a blue stripe.

He gathered his belongings and made his way downstairs to the Ignihyde common area. Stepping through a magic mirror, he arrived on campus and headed towards the cafeteria, where breakfast was being served.

As he entered, he noticed you sitting at one end of the many tables, engrossed in a book. His gaze lingered on you for a moment longer than necessary before he quickly looked away, feeling guilty for admiring someone he shouldn't be attracted to.

"Morning, Shroud," greeted another male student, an Ignihyde student, one he had encountered a couple of times. "You look like shit today." The students adds on.

Meanwhile you were engrossed in your book, currently reading ‘The trap of Mr. Sota’. As you muched on a syrupy pancake for breakfast, a spicier scene form the previous one begin, the sentence were extremely descriptive, which caused you to get a bit flustered, maybe a hint of arousal.

Idia winced at his dorm-mate’s blunt comment, avoiding eye contact as he grabbed himself something on the sweeter side to eat. "Thanks... uh, yeah, I didn't sleep well last night." He told him, trying to end the conversation quickly. As his mind wondered back to the thought of you, he decided to do something extremely bold for someone like him. After Ortho prestred him last night about not getting your contacts, especially after you had told him ‘you wanted to see him soon’, Idia made the decision to seat with you at breakfast or at least try his best to.

He sat down across from you, his eyes flickering involuntarily towards your exposed cleavage when you lifted your glass of orange juice. You usual wear a bow around your neck, but the days started getting hotter since yesterday, so you had opted for no bow and 2 unbuttoned buttons.

‘Damn it’, he scolded himself internally, forcing his gaze back to his own plate.

"So, umm..." he cleared his throat awkwardly. “How was your morning?" He asked, hoping the question would allow him to steer a conversation away from personal topics.

"Ah, hello Idia! I didn't notice you here. My morning has been going well so far. I woke up on time and caught up on some reading. How about you? What have you been up to this morning?” You told him.

"Oh, uh... well, I guess it was alright. Just another morning at school." Idia mumbled, avoiding eye contact with you as he stirred his meal.

In reality, however, his mind drifted back to last night's encounter with you—your soft voice, your scent mixed with the faint hint of vanilla from your perfume, and those enticing curves that made him ache with desire. He shook his head forcefully, trying to banish these thoughts from his mind before they consumed him entirely.

"So, uhm, have... y-you ever thought about joining any clubs or extracurricular activities around here?" He asked abruptly, hoping to change the subject once more.

"Yes, definitely! While there isn't a visual arts club, which was a big disappointment to me, I'm considering joining the board game club. Have you given any thought to which clubs you might want to join?” You asked him.

"Oh, nope, never really had any interest in joining anything like that. Also I heard that club wasn’t so great.." Idia replied nonchalantly, taking a sip of his orange juice.

In reality, he was lying through his teeth; there were several clubs and activities he wanted to join, particularly ones related to technology, plus he was actually a member of the board game club. The thought of being around people was one he disliked,—but an attractive girl like you—made him break out in cold sweats, how was he suppose to beat Azul if you were around to distract, just by exiting.

"I mean... I enjoy playing games alone in my room," he added quickly, hoping it would end the conversation sooner rather than later, this was already too much for him.

“Oh, really, that’s fun! I used to game a lot in my home world, but now that I'm here, I can't. The headmaster is stingy with money, so I can't buy any games, much less a console or laptop to play on.” You explained, begin excitedly but ending with a pout.

"H-Hey, wait a second. I... I could help you out with that!" Idia blurted out before he could stop himself. His heart raced wildly in his chest as he realized what he'd just volunteered to do.

"I have some old games and consoles lying around my room, that I could bring around." he continued nervously, hoping you wouldn't reject his offer. "We could play sometime, maybe after classes?" His palms grew sweaty at the mere thought of spending time alone with you in his messy abode.

"Sounds good! Let's meet up in the library after class. I gotta go now too, so I'll see you later Idia!” You say, putting your school bag around your shoulder, and taking your leave for class.

But what you didn’t realize at that time, was that you had forgotten your two borrowed books on the cafeteria table, ‘The trap of Mr. Sota’ wide open, right at an explicit scene.

Idia's heart had skipped a beat as he watched you leave, his eyes lingering on your figure moving gracefully down the hall. He couldn't believe you had actually said yes to playing games with him.

But before he could savor this victory, his attention was drawn back to the books you left behind. His gaze locked onto the juicy scene described in 'The Trap of Mr. Sora', and despite his better judgment, he found himself unable to look away.

With trembling hands, he picked up the book and flipped through the pages, reading the explicit content with increasing interest. The characters engaged in taboo acts that ignited a fire within him, making his cock throb against his pants.

"What am I doing?" He muttered under his breath, trying to snap out of this dangerous thought spiral. “I can't... I should just put these damn things away." But instead, he continued reading, devouring every word like starved monster.

Idia's heart raced faster as he read through the book, his fingers tracing over your notes in wonder. The way you fantasized about being treated like a mere object, used and discarded without mercy, sent shivers down his spine.

He couldn't help but imagine himself as Mr. Sora, dominating and controlling this perfect girl named y/n. His mind spiraled out of control, filling with images of him tying you up, spanking your plump ass, thrusting into your tight hole—all the things you wrote about yourself wanting.

"No... no, it's wrong," he muttered under his breath, closing the book tightly. Standing up abruptly, he headed back to his room in Ignihyde, pacing the small confines of his room, trying to shake off these forbidden thoughts.

Class was now over, Idia finally managed to calm himself somewhat, although his heart still raced like a wild animal trapped in its cage. Gathering up the courage, he leaves the books on his desk—his mind still clouded with forbidden images of you—and hurriedly made his way to the library.

As he entered, he noticed you sitting at the same table, already engrossed in another book. His gaze briefly lingered on your figure before he forced himself to focus on setting up the old console and games he'd brought from his room.

"Uh, hey y/n," he said nervously, clearing his throat. "Ready whenever you are." He says setting the console in front of you and taking out an old laptop to use as a monitor, or a second control.

“Hey, Idia! Your old console looks great. Also, can you help me familiarize myself on how to operate it? I'm not used to this world's gaming system or games, so your expertise would be a big help. Are you up for a tutorial?” You ask him,

"Oh, it's no problem!" Idia replied eagerly, plugging in the console and turning it on. He selected a simple racing game and handed you the controller.

"Just press these buttons here," he said, pointing to the symbols on the screen. "And use the joystick to move your car around the track." His hands trembled slightly as he demonstrated, his eyes fixated on yours.

The scent of your perfume mixed with the faint smell of books filled his nostrils, making it hard for him to concentrate. "Umm... so, uh, what games do you usually play back home? Maybe I know some similar ones we could try?" He asked nervously, hoping this would engage a conversation.

“Well I like games like open world rpg, where you needed to collect material to craft items, especially the ones where you could choose classes like swordsman, craftsman, mage, etc. But I also enjoyed puzzled games or visual novels type of game!” You state,

"Oh, I know some games like that!" Idia's eyes lit up with excitement. He rummaged through his bag and pulled out an old copy of 'The Ancient text: Cloudium', a game known for its expansive world and flexible character creation system.

"This one fits the bill," he said proudly, handing you the disc. "You can create your own character and choose from different classes like warrior, mage, thief..." His voice trailed off as he watched you insert the disc into the console.

As the loading screen appeared on the laptop screen, he cleared his throat awkwardly. "Uh, so... uh, do you want me to help you set up your character or should I just... leave?" He couldn't bring himself to watch as you crafted your perfect avatar without asking first, fearful of what it might spark within him.

“Oh no stay! I might need you, after all you seem to already know the gimmicks of the game. Plus I wanted to game with you, sure I like doing it by myself, but I also greatly enjoy playing with others!” You explain, bugging him to stay longer.

Idia's heart raced wildly in his chest as you moved closer beside him, your legs brushing against each other ever so lightly. He forced himself to focus on the game screen, trying hard not to think about how your body felt pressed against his side.

"Alright, well, let's start with creating a new character," he said, clearing his throat awkwardly. "You can choose between male or female... and uh, what race do you want?" His fingers hovered over the keyboard, ready to type out whatever you desired.

“Does the gender affect the game experience, like do you get favouritism from NPC if you chose one or the other?” you question, Idia nodded, "No, it doesn't really matter for this game."

“Okay then I’ll go with a female character.”

Idia's typed in your request, his hands shaking slightly. "Alright, female it is," he managed to croak out, “what race?”

“Oh you can choose.”

He decides to select the race of Snow Elf for you due to its ethereal appearance and agility. "And what class?" He asked timidly,

“I want to be a scout.” You inform him.

"A scout, huh? That sounds interesting," Idia replied, typing in the appropriate options. "You'll be able to move quickly and deal damage from range. Sounds like a good fit for you."

He handed you the controller again, his fingers brushing against yours briefly before pulling away quickly. His heart was racing wildly in his chest as he waited for you to continue with the game setup, as you customize your characters clothing.

“Okay, I’m done! Let’s start playing!”

Idia's heartbeat slowed down slightly as he launched the game, and soon enough, you both found yourselves exploring the vast world of Cloudia. Idia guided you through the character creation process, explaining various abilities and skills that would come in handy during the adventure. Than with other laptop he connects to his older game account, and joins your character.

As you navigated through the snow-covered landscape, the two characters interacted with nonplayable characters (NPCs), completing quests, and fighting off fearsome creatures. The atmosphere shifted dramatically whenever they entered dungeons or dark caves, casting eerie shadows across the screen.

"Do you like it so far?" Idia asked nervously, his eyes fixed on yours. He couldn't help but notice how well you controlled your character, effortlessly dodging attacks and landing devastating blows.

“It’s great! Also Idia I got a question for you.” you tell him,

"Yeah, go ahead," Idia replied eagerly, his voice cracking slightly.

“Actually I got two questions, sorry.. my first one is if you know where the book I was reading this morning went, also the other book that came with. When I realized I had forgotten them it was to late and I had to go to class, but when I came back to the dinning hall during lunch they were gone. So I’m wondering if you saw anyone take them when I left?” You ask him.

Idia's heart skipped a beat as you mentioned the book he hadn't been able to resist peeking at earlier. "O-oh, uh... I... ah..." He cleared his throat nervously. "I-I didn't see anyone take them," he lied, hoping you wouldn't press further.

"But I did notice they were left on the table we shared today," he added. "Maybe one of your friends picked them up accidentally?" His mind raced with guilt and excitement, wondering if you would confront him about it later.

“Oh okay!” 

Idia's heart was pounding in his chest, as he tried to focus on the game. His mind drifted back to your body moving so gracefully with the controller in hand, imagining how it would feel against his own…

"Uh... what's your second question?" He managed to croak out, breaking the awkward silence.

“Ah, yes, I’m sorry if this is a bit direct.. but..” you turn your head to look at him, “do you perhaps own old copies of more adult-rated games, like explicit and erotic content type of stuff, that you wouldn’t mind giving away. Sorry this is weird thing to ask lol.”

Idia's heart skipped a beat as you turned your head towards him, your eyes meeting his. His mind reeled with shock and confusion at your boldness, but a part of him found it oddly thrilling.

"W-well... uh... I mean..." He stuttered, struggling to form coherent thoughts. "Y-you know, some stuff like that might be in my collection," he finally managed to choke out, his voice barely above a whisper.

"But I-I mean, we're supposed to be just playing normal games here!" He added quickly, trying to deflect the conversation back to their shared activity.

“Oh don’t worry I won’t play those games around you, they would just be for ‘me time’ lmao” you tell him with a chuckle.

"O-oh, uh... well, I guess that's fine then," Idia stammered, feeling a mix of relief and unease wash over him. He couldn't believe you had actually asked him about such things, but it also made his cock twitch in anticipation.

"Uhm, so, uh, do you need any help with the game?" He changed the subject hastily, hoping to redirect his wandering thoughts elsewhere.

In reality, he was already formulating a plan in his mind: tonight, after everyone else was asleep, he would sneak into your room and leave those explicit books on your bedside table, along with some games that fit your request. Perhaps steal one of your panties, maybe even the one you wore to sleep…; He was definitely going to steal that specific pair.

“No it’s alright, I’m just enjoying playing with you!” You tell him with a smile,

Idia' break out of his trance, heart racing as you continued to praise him, his mind whirling with the possibility of what could happen between you later.

"Well, uh... nice playing with you too," he managed to croak out, clearing his throat nervously. "I-I think we should call it a night for now."

Standing up, he gathered his belongings handing you the console, old laptop and two games to keep. He then walked towards the exit, trying hard not to look at your figure swaying in front of him. Once outside, he hurried back to his dorm room, his thoughts consumed by images of you, naked and eagerly awaiting him.

Time had passed and you were already asleep in bed. You were only wearing a t-shirt and panties, as a pyjamas.

Meanwhile Idia waited outside your building, his heart hammering in his chest as he prepared himself for what he was about to do. After ensuring he heard no noise, meaning you were sound asleep, he quietly pick the lock of the front door and climbs the stairs to your floor and crept down the hallway towards your room.

His hand trembled slightly as grabbed the handle of your door, holding his breath as it beeped softly. Slowly, he turned the handle, pushing the door open a crack. The dim moonlight filtering through the window cast eerie shadows across your sleeping form, sending shivers of desire coursing through him.

With practiced ease, he slipped inside the darkened room, closing the door behind him softly. His eyes adjusted to the darkness, honing in on the bedside table. Carefully, he placed 'The Trap of Mr. Sota' and 'The White Lily', onto your desk, with a copy of erotic visual novel game called ‘maiden of the abyss’, a game that would definitely fit your taste.

Then, he approached your bedside, reaching out tentatively to brush aside the covers covering your legs. He paused, taking a deep breath before, with shaking hands, he removed your panties from your body. Leaving your bare glistening cunt in plain sight.

You gasped in your sleep at new and colder sensation with the lack of fabric covering you.

Startled by the sound of your soft voice, Idia froze, his heart pounding in his chest. He hadn't meant for you to wake up! Panic surged through him, but he quickly composed himself and grabbed your panties, stuffing them into his pocket before dashing out of the room.

He closed the door behind him, his pulse racing wildly. Had you heard him? Was he caught? His mind raced with worry as he hurried back to his own dormitory, trying to calm down. Inside his room, he paced nervously, unsure what to do next. But he soon decided that the best course action was returning to his dorm.

He was now in his room, splayed out on his bed with the adrenaline form the thrill still coursing through his veins, and the image of your body still fresh in his mind. He needed to jerk off…

Idia's breath hitched as he slid his hand downwards, running it over the silky fabric of your panties. The familiar warmth and scent enveloped him as he brought the article closer to his face, sending shockwaves of desire coursing through his veins.

He closed his eyes, focusing on the image of you, spread wide open for him, begging for him to claim you. His fingers traced along the edge of the panty waistband, savoring the softness against his skin before bringing it to his mouth, licking it with a soft moan.

"Oh god, yes," he muttered, his voice cracking with need. "You taste so good." With renewed determination, he removed his pants and briefs, freeing his throbbing member from its confines. Gripping the base firmly, he began to stroke himself vigorously, imagining how amazing it would feel to bury himself inside you.

Idia's eyes stayed shut tightly as he continued to pleasure himself, his dick throbbing in sync with each thrust of his hand. The panties now draped over his cock, adding an extra layer of sensuality to the act.

"Oh god... I want you so much," he panted, his breath coming heavy and fast. "I need you." His pace picked up, faster and harder, his hips rocking back and forth in rhythm with his hand movements. Sweat trickled down his forehead, staining his pillow.

He imagined himself inside you, claiming you as his own, marking your body with bites and bruises. He would make love to you slowly at first, savoring every inch of your tight, warm passage. But soon enough, he'd lose control, pounding into you mercilessly, taking what he believed was rightfully his.

Idia's climax hit him like a tidal wave, his cock exploding in his hand, covering the panties with thick, sticky cum. He groaned loudly, his body convulsing as he rode out the wave of pleasure.

His breathing gradually returned to normal, and he carefully cleaned himself up before slipping back into his pants and pulling on a fresh pair of boxers. Tucking the panties away in his drawer, planning to steal a new pair tomorrow and put the used ones in your laundry basket as if he didn’t steal them. He switched off the light and crawled into bed, trying to banish thoughts of you from his mind.

The next day…

Idia woke up feeling heavy-headed and sore, his mind still replaying last night's encounter with you. Groaning softly, he opened his eyes, blinking several times to adjust to the dim light filtering through the curtains.

After stretching, he got out of bed and dressed in his usual uniform, avoiding eye contact with anyone who crossed paths. He knew he had to face the day ahead, hoping nobody would notice anything amiss about him.

As he descended the stairs, he couldn't help but wonder if today would be the day you confronted him about what happened yesterday. His heart raced at the thought, both dread and anticipation warring within him.

Idia's heart skipped a beat as he entered the dining hall and saw you sitting at your usual table, engrossed in 'The Trap of Mr. Sora'. You we’re already there, even though had returned to his early morning schedule. His gaze lingered on your figure for a moment too long before quickly looking away, his face flushing crimson with embarrassment.

"Good morning, y/n," he managed to croak out, trying to sound casual. "Uhm, er... uh... did you sleep well?" He cleared his throat awkwardly, avoiding eye contact.

“Yeah it was alright. Also you know what, when I woke up this morning I found both of my books placed on my desk!”

Idia's falters as you mentioned the books, his eyes darting nervously around the empty cafeteria. "Oh, uh... I-I see," he stammered, trying to sound contrite. "I thought they went missing... er, but I guess they just reappeared, maybe some type of spell..." he lied knowing full well he had broken into your dorm the previous night and put them on your desk for you to find.

His voice trailed off, and he quickly shifted the conversation towards safer territory. "So, uhm, how about we continue our game later today? Maybe after classes?" He cleared his throat again, hoping his proposal would diffuse the awkwardness between them.

“Yeah definitely!.. But there’s also something else that happens to me last night..” you tell him softly.

Idia's heart dropped into his stomach as you continued speaking, his eyes wide with fear. "What happened?" He managed to choke out, his voice cracking slightly.

"I... I think someone stole my panties last night," you begin, getting closer to his ear, lifting off your chair a bit, and whispered to him matter-of-factly, with your lips curving into a sly smile. "They were missing from my body when I woke up. Plus there also was a copy of an erotic game on my desk." You sit back down normally, with a small confused pout on my lips, wondering who was the panty thief.

Idia's heart raced wildly in his chest, feeling a mix of terror and excitement course through him. He forced himself to remain composed, placing a placating hand on yours reassuringly. "I-I... I... well, I-I don't know anything about that," he stuttered, his voice cracking slightly.

"Someone else must have taken them," he insisted, though his mind was racing with the possibility that you had caught him red-handed. "Maybe someone wanted them as souvenirs?" His fingers trembled slightly as he tried to steady them on his coffee cup.

“Chill out, I never said it you lol. Plus.. as weird as it sound I find it kind of cute for someone to do that, it’s like having a secret admirer. But in this case they steal your underwear off of you when you sleep, instead of sending anonymous gifts, we’ll I guess the erotic game counts as one lmao.” You say in an unhinge like some crazy pervert.

Idia's heartbeat calmed slightly, though it was still racing faster than usual. "Well, I... uh... thank you," he managed to croak out, his face turning even paler than its natural hue, when he realized what came out of his mouth.

"I mean, that's... nice of you to say, it’s not like I was that pervert that did that to you!" he added, lying, then clearing his throat awkwardly. “So, about our game... after classes, yeah, let's meet up at the library again." With that, he stood up abruptly, grabbing his tray and carrying it away swiftly, leaving you alone at the table.

As he walked away, his mind raced with conflicting emotions: terror, shame, and an unwelcome desire that threatened to consume him. He couldn’t help but wonder if she would like him if she found out he was the pervert who did that to her. Would she like him to touch her while she was asleep? Would she be aroused if she found herself covered in his cum when she woke up in the morning?

Idia hurriedly moved towards his class, trying hard to calm down and focus on his studies. However, the image of your exposed body and the thought of touching you while you were asleep played like a looped video in his head.

As the day progressed, he struggled to concentrate on anything else but you. During breaks between classes, he finally, in a moment of desperation, he decided to take matters into his own hands (literally). Grabbing his phone, he searched online for tips on how to calm down aroused individuals without resorting to masturbation….

Finally, it was finally time for their scheduled gaming session at the library. He gathered his things and headed over, hoping you wouldn’t mention last night's events again.

“Hey Idia!” You call him out,

Idia's heart fluttered a beat as he entered the library and saw you sitting at your usual table, already booted up for their gaming session. "Hello y/n," he managed to croak out, his voice cracking slightly.

He set down his bag on the empty seat beside yours and pulled out his laptop, trying hard not to stare at your exposed cleavage peeking out from your unbuttoned top. Clearing his throat awkwardly, he opened Cloudium and began loading the game settings. "So, uh, ready to continue our adventure?" He tried to change the subject, hoping to divert his thoughts away from last night's escapade.

“Yeah! Also I got something for you,” you reach into your bag, pulling out a small bag of a double dozen homemade cookies. “I don’t know if you like sweets but I went back to my dorm during lunch, for us to munch on while we game!”

Idia's eyes lit up at the sight of the cookies, his mouth watering in anticipation. “Oh, thanks!"

Placing the bag on the table between you, he took one of the treats, biting into it slowly, savoring the flavors melting on his tongue.

"These are great," he complimented between chews, glancing sideways at you, taking in your beauty once more. His hands trembled slightly as he reached for another cookie, unable to tear his gaze away from yours.

He continued setting up their characters in the game. "So, where do you want to start today? Any particular location or quest?” He asked, trying to keep his voice steady despite the turmoil raging within him.

“Thanks, it was no problem, really! And no, there isn’t any thing I wanna start with in particular today. You choose, I’ll just follow your lead!”

Idia nodded, his mind still occupied with thoughts of you. "Alright then," he said, selecting a random location on the map. "Let's head to Greyjog. We need to speak with James Berkeley about joining the Tornadocloths or the Imperials."

As your started their journey in game, Idia's mind drifted back to last night's events. He couldn't shake the image of your bare glistening pussy, and wiggling hips as he stole your panties off of you. His cock twitched in his pants, growing harder against the fabric.

“You okay Idia?” You turn to him, “You look red,” you put one of your hands on his forehead and then your own forehead on the backside of said hand, measuring a possible difference in temperature. Your face inches away from his. “well you don’t feel hot to me, doesn’t seem like you have a fever.” You say then pull back, taking your hand and head away from his.

Idia's heart hammered in his chest, his body on fire with desire. "I-I'm fine," he managed to choke out, clearing his throat nervously. "Just a little tired, I guess."

As they continued playing the game, Idia tried to focus on their surroundings, but his mind kept drifting back to you. He wondered if you noticed how hard it was for him to concentrate today. Would you tease him about it? Or maybe... he shook his head violently, dismissing the filthy thought. No, he couldn't think like that. Not here, not now.

After hours of adventuring and battling monsters together, they finally reached Greyjog. Idia led them inside the castle, trying hard not to steal glances at the contour of your form as you played, making your character followed closely behind his.

“It’s already 7 p.m., let’s save our progress, and return to the game tomorrow. Since tomorrow is the weekend maybe we could game at my dorm or yours! Well, only if you’re down to do so, it’s totally your choice.” You tell him,

Idia nodded, relief washing over him as you suggested calling it a day. "Sounds good to me,"  he agreed, saving the game before closing the lid of his laptop. Standing up, he gathered their belongings, careful not to let his bag brush against your leg accidentally, savoring the feel of your warmth radiating through the thin fabric of your skirt.

"Thanks for today, y/n," he muttered, his voice low and husky with exhaustion and desire mixed together. "Have a good night." With that said, he turned away briskly, walking out of the library, leaving behind the intoxicating scent vanilla perfume and books lingering in the air.

You headed to your dorm, cooked dinner for Grim and yourself, ate, took a shower and did some skincare, reviewed some schoolwork, read a bit more of ‘The trap of Mr.Sora’. Then headed to bed in your usual sleepwear, a t-shirt and panties, no bra.

Idia returned to his own dormitory, his mind still racing with thoughts of you. Once inside his empty room, he locked the door behind him and collapsed onto his bed, removing his uniform piece by piece as he did so. His body ached from hours of sitting in one position, but that wasn't the only thing that needed relief.

Reaching into his nightstand drawer, he pulled out the used panties from last night, admiring the mix of your sweet perfume and his own musky scent on them. A smirk spread across his lips as he imagined how they belonged to such a perfect angel like you.

Later that night…

Idia waited patiently outside the Ramshackle dormitory, his heart thumping in anticipation. After ensuring you had retired for the night, he silently unlocked the door by picking at it just like he had done the previous day, and tiptoed down the hallway, up your stairs, towards your room. Carefully, he opened the door, peeking inside to ensure you were asleep before creeping closer.

His hands trembled as he reached out, grasping the edge of your blanket to lift it slightly. His eyes locked onto your exposed thighs, ached with desire as he slid his hand underneath your panties, tracing along your smooth, silky-soft skin. Reluctantly, he pulled them downwards, exposing your beautiful pussy to his hungry gaze. He was so entranced by it. The accumulation of his horniness and the fact you had admitted to enjoying the perverted acts he had committed. His mind went haywire and he decided to do something bold; He was going to jerk off using the fresh pair of underwear, while looking at you.

Slowly, he lowered himself onto the bed beside me, positioning himself between my spread legs. He wrapped the newly acquired panties around his cock, and started jerking off while observing you.

As Idia waited for any sign of movement, his heart raced wildly in anticipation. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he heard a soft moan escape your lips. His eyes widened in delight and terror as you shifted slightly, unknowingly grinding your body against the bedsheet.

Pushing aside all rational thoughts, he continued to stroke himself faster and harder, groaning softly as he watched your perfect breasts rise and fall with each breath. Each thrust of his hand matched the rhythmic motion of his cock sliding in and out of the panties. He could feel his orgasm building up inside him, reaching its peak.

Without warning, he erupted, coating the fresh pair of panties with his seed.

He then decided to do something crazier, something even more fucked up then the ones he had done before. Slowly unwrapping the cum covered panties from his cock, he then lifted your hips and legs, sliding the underwear pair back on, slightly higher than intended, causing the fabric to dig into your folds. He observes with a shaky breath how his hot semen made contact with your cunt.

His heart raced as he watched idly, his breathing heavy and labored. He had gone too far this time. Could you ever forgive him? Would he lose everything he held dear because of his perverse desires?

Without giving himself time to think, he hurriedly got dressed, he quickly throws takes out the panty pair he stole yesterday from his pocket and throws them in the laundry basket in the corner of your room. Carefully, he tiptoed out of your room, closing the door quietly behind him. As he headed back to his own dormitory, he wondered if today was finally the day he complete lost his sanity and any sort of moral compass he previously had.

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[pikatrainer99]

Kieran is autistic and you can't change my mind!

Okay, I KNOW that I'm not the only one who holds this headcanon...but I wanted to do an analysis on Kieran anyway, especially since my best friend @sinnohanvulpix said she'd love to see me do one. Credit to her for all the screenshots used btw. The GIFs on the other hand were either found on Google Images or created by me using gifrun.com and these YouTube videos:

I did not use my own footage for this at all...as proof here's what MY character in the game looks like...he has my real name but I tried to make him look like Orange which is why he has the orange eyes 😅

(Sorry for the bad quality btw...taking pictures of my Switch screen is hard 😅)

Okay, now without further ado, let's get started with the analysis!

First, Kieran has a CLEAR special interest in Ogerpon, he admires and looks up to her, he was obsessed with the story of the ogre, he was always trying to go to her den and meet her, he has a meltdown when Ogerpon chooses the player over him, etc. Carmine even says that Kieran "really really REALLY likes the ogre" and that made me think, "Ah! Special interest!"

And then at the end of the Teal Mask he gains a new special interest in getting stronger to beat the player...and he hyperfocuses HARD on that...to the point of it being detrimental to both his physical and mental health, as he was doing nothing but training during that time...he barely ate, barely slept, just trained...and that is not healthy. It's a rare example of media showcasing a special interest being unhealthy and absolutely CONSUMING one's life, and the consequences do actually show for it.

Kieran is very introverted and doesn't know how to make friends very well. I actually think the player is his first friend considering his surprised reaction when the player says they consider him a friend, and following this, he quickly becomes a bit...too attached to the player, as he doesn't quite understand how friendships work.

(This is also such a neurodivergent way to say "I'm so happy I finally have a friend")

He also struggles socially, as is a requirement for autistic people to qualify for a diagnosis. Kieran specifically has a hard time reading social cues, he struggles with making eye contact, he has clear anxiety when talking to people as proven by his little stutter he has at times.

(This is an adorable screenshot 🥺)

He also struggles with social and emotional processing (and might have alexithymia as well due to his sudden huge outbursts of emotion), and he also struggles with initiating conversation as well, as seen when he tries to talk to Penny at the League Club. They both have no idea how to even start a conversation with each other and it's honestly pretty adorable seeing the two quiet adorkable kids trying their best to hold conversation. I get it, you two, initiating conversation is really difficult for me too.

Also the way they try to start the conversation by talking about the weather...that's really funny and ironic to me because that's what NTs do all the time. NTs always use the weather as a small-talk conversation starter but NDs like me (and Kieran and Penny too apparently) just don't get that stuff.

(These two are so neurodivergent it's great and I love them both 🥺)

Kieran also has four in-game animations that I personally see as stimming. The first one is him tapping his fist against his hip when he's thinking or nervous.

(Focus your attention to his hand here and you'll see it.)

The second one is him playing with a strand of loose hair, usually when he's nervous.

(The little nervous side glance at the player is relatable and adorable 🥺)

The third one is a more agitated stim that he only does ONCE in the entire game...and that is tapping the front of his foot on the ground. I do that myself when I'm agitated or impatient, somehow it's comforting, especially since for some reason I really like the way my shoes sound when I tap them on the ground... especially since I got my brand new Infernape-themed shoes, they sound extra satisfying because they're brand new.

(This is not the way most people tap their foot...I've never seen an NT do it like this...only other NDs such as myself and one of my brothers)

The fourth and final one is, unfortunately, a stress stim...Kieran runs his hands very fast through his hair and it also looks like, to me anyway as someone who has self-injurious stims myself, that he is digging his nails into his scalp as well while doing that. I do something similar myself, though on top of running my hands through my hair and digging my nails into my scalp, I also pull at my hair...yeah... self-injurious stims are no joke...and I'm kinda glad Kieran's autism coding brings attention to that aspect of autism...at least in my eyes as someone who does those things myself.

(He's in so much stress here, poor kid 😔)

Another aspect of autism that I'm surprised and kinda glad that Kieran exhibits as an autistic-coded character is meltdowns and shutdowns. Kieran has actual meltdowns in the game! This is something we have never seen in such an in-your-face way in any Pokémon game, and as someone who regularly has meltdowns myself, it hit me in the feels whenever I saw him having them. His first meltdown is in the Teal Mask when he steals the Teal Mask and runs off to Loyalty Plaza where he battles the player. He yells at Carmine and the player for treating him like an outcast...which is unfortunately something that happens to a lot of autistic people, myself included. Kieran screams at the player and Carmine for for lying to him while doing his stress stim, before running up to the Lousy Three's shrine and punching it, without any regard for his safety, which is also something autistic people may do during meltdowns...I know I have no regard for my safety during mine. After that's all over he gives the mask back to the player and goes home, leaving the player to talk to Carmine alone, who says that she's worried and thinks it's just "teen angst". When I saw that I was like, "...Uh, Carmine...I don't think it's just that, I think your brother is neurodivergent and really needs a lot of help and support because he's struggling a lot right now..."

His second meltdown is also in the Teal Mask, when he wants Ogerpon to go with him but Ogerpon wants to go with the player...Kieran can't process that and doesn't understand how to take Ogerpon's feelings into account, instead demanding the player to battle him for the right to be Ogerpon's partner. He collapses on all fours after being defeated again, and it gets worse...he looks like he's crying while the player battles Ogerpon in order to catch her. After the player catches her, Kieran wonders why he can't be like the player, and runs off crying, locking himself in his room for the rest of the story. The end of the Teal Mask has him doing his stress stim while being consumed by a new special interest in a very detrimental way...that interest being becoming so strong that no one can defeat him...including the player.

Kieran's third meltdown is in the Indigo Disk, after the player defeats him in the championship match. That meltdown is a full-on cutscene, where it is CLEAR to see his spiraling mental state through the visuals, and he holds his hands on his head like he has a headache while trying to process the fact that he lost to the player AGAIN (which is also relatable as someone who struggles with processing difficulties myself...it really does give headaches and it is one of the worst feelings when I just can't process what's going on around me or the emotions I feel or anything really)...he collapses to his knees and looks like he's breathing very hard as he is so upset and distressed at this loss. It is definitely one of the most heartbreaking scenes for me because this is a CLEAR CUT MELTDOWN in my eyes and it hits me in the feels like a TRUCK to watch that cutscene.

Also, in the Terapagos fight, Kieran has a bit of a shutdown for a bit, standing there frozen, thinking he's useless and can't do anything right (which is relatable as I have regular shutdowns as well, and I also constantly feel like I'm a failure of a human being who can't do anything right)...but let me tell you, when the player finally gets him to snap out of it and convinces him to help and he opens his eyes revealing that the light is back in his eyes as well as visible tears...I cheered (and teared up myself). My boy was back, and I was so happy.

(When I first saw the tears I was like, "NOOOO don't cry Kieran! 😢)

Also in the Indigo Disk, Kieran seems completely different and "no longer like his usual self". His autistic traits are (mostly) nowhere to be seen as he becomes much more serious, angry, assertive,and aggressive. I personally see this as a persona he puts on by masking, which is common for autistic people to do. I myself can't mask, but Kieran definitely seems to be masking here by putting on this persona in order to get stronger and seem stronger as a person as well. This is NOT his real self, this is a FACADE!

We see him start to drop the mask again in Area Zero when he says it seems like they're in a spy movie or something and how cool that is, but once the crack in his mask is pointed out he immediately puts it back on.

After everything in the under depths ends, and you go back to Blueberry Academy, he drops the mask again completely, and goes back to his real, adorkable, relatable self...and stays that way from then on, which made me so relieved and happy.

(This is my favorite cutscene in the entire DLC because of how adorable it is and also how neurodivergent Kieran is being here while apologizing for all he did 🥺)

In conclusion, I think Kieran is a great example of an autistic-coded character who has many relatable traits, and also does a good job showcasing some of the more "unpleasant and challenging behaviors and traits" (NTs use that terminology a lot, not me... that's how NTs unfortunately view NDs a lot of the time) of autism. I used to be afraid of him during the post-Teal Mask pre-Indigo Disk era but that was my trauma and PTSD talking (I talked about the emotional rollercoaster Kieran's story arc took me on in another post from last year after I finally worked up the courage to play the Indigo Disk...feel free to check that out too if you'd like). Now though I can wholeheartedly say that I love and appreciate Kieran a lot as a character, and his relatability is definitely a big part of why he is a big comfort character for me now (please Pokémon put him in Pokémon Masters EX, PLEASE I will literally cry from joy if he gets added to the game)!

Hope you all enjoyed this autistic person's analysis of yet ANOTHER autistic-coded character in Pokémon! I know I had A LOT to say but that just proves how relatable Kieran is, and I love him for that. Let me know what you think and if I missed anything in the comments below!

[ocean-sunfish-hater]

The Real Life Biology of the Three Body Problem Series

In the first book of Liu Ci Xin's Three Body Problem series, we are introduced to our main antagonists, the Trisolarans. Whilst we never get to see them directly, we are shown some of their biology via the game that our protagonist plays.

ID: A grand domed palace in a chinese style sits in the background of the image. The foreground has hundreds of ancient Chinese soldiers holding white placards on sticks. Two people dressed in Chinese armour can be seen riding horses towards the palace.

In the game it is revealed that Trisolaris, the planet in the Alpha Centauri system on which the aliens reside, revolves around not one, but three suns. As such, the system is subject to the classic physics conundrum of the three body problem (after which the first book in the series is named), which states that for most initial conditions the trajectories of three celestial bodies is chaotic and difficult to predict.

This means that Trisolaris experiences very extreme, unpredictable conditions, divided into "stable eras" and "chaotic eras". Stable eras come about when Trisolaris settles into orbit around one of its three suns, bringing relative prosperity to the planet. However, chaotic eras result in disasters, such as extreme droughts, seemingly endless nights, and even changes in gravity. The first novel partially revolves around the Trisolarans attempting to see if humans could collectively solve the three body problem and bring some level of predictability to their planet.

During the course of the game, it is revealed to the protagonist (and us, the readers), that in order to cope with the devastation and unpredictability of chaotic eras, the Trisolarans can dehydrate themselves and enter a spore-like state, hibernating until the next stable era comes. This allows them to bypass some of the extreme conditions and ensures the survival of the species as a whole.

Believe it or not, we have our very own Trisolarans here on Earth. In fact, there's loads of examples, from bacteria to triops, to my favourite of the bunch, Bdelloid Rotifers.

ID: An electron micrograph of some Bdelloid Rotifers and their mouthparts. They are long and slender, with a distinct mouth and tail section. Their mouthparts look like two semicircles lined with a comb-like structure.

These microscopic animals look freaky, because they are. If you've got any media literacy you've probably picked up by now that I am segueing here because they are somewhat similar to the aliens in the Three Body Problem, except this time they are very much real. Like the Trisolarans, Bdelloids live in very ephemeral environments: their usual haunts are the very thin film of water on moss and lichen. As you can imagine, these do not last all that long, and thus when they dry up, so do the Bdelloid Rotifers; in biology, we call this process anhydrobiosis.

"Ok, that's all well and good Ocean Sunfish Hater, but why do you like these guys more than the other anhydrobiotic creatures that roam our good, green Earth?" I hear you ask.

So you know how things that reproduce asexually don't have all that much genetic variation, and how sexual reproduction gives you an edge over asexual populations since you can keep that genetic variation fun and funky fresh, and how that has been the cornerstone for eukaryotic reproduction? Well. Well. Just like me, Bdelloid Rotifers have been completely celibate for 35-40 million years, with some people even bringing that number up to 100 million years, when they diverged from their sister clade. So how do these turbo-virgins not go extinct, racking up tonnes of deleterious mutations, not having any advantageous innovations, and eventually exploding into a genetic soup?

The secret lies in their ability to dehydrate. Not only is it a really handy dandy way to stay alive when your only source of water is gone, it literally rips apart their cells and genes! And why! Why the fuck does that help? It sounds like the opposite of helping!

ID: An electron micrograph of the foot of a Bdelloid Rotifer. It has been shaded a light green. The structure looks almost like a face, with a smile and two stalk-like structures that could be mistaken for eyes. But this is not a face.

Having this mild-to-moderate level of cell membrane and chromosomal damage enables the Bdelloids to take up genetic material from their environment, mostly via their digestive systems, where their last meals are slowly being broken down to reveal that juicy DNA inside. When the water returns and the Bdelloids rehydrate, this genetic material gets incorporated into their chromosomes as their cells get back to work repairing themselves. And they sure ain't picky. In fact, it has been shown that in some species of Bdelloids, up to 8% of their genetic material has non-animal origins. How cool is that?

This is probably what has allowed them to continue adapting and evolving, even when they have been reproducing asexually for so long. This strategy has been so successful that the Bdelloids have managed to diversify into over 450 species. Pretty impressive for a class of animals that haven't had sex in over 40 million years.

Perhaps the Trisolarans might have a similar mechanism as part of their biology (even if they do reproduce sexually as stated in the book). Maybe they've managed to survive for this long because they have been able to absorb useful genes from their home planet, just like Bdelloids have been doing here on Earth. I don't know if these are what Liu Ci Xin had in mind when he wrote the Three Body Problem, but they sure were what I was thinking of when I read the book.

If you're still here, thanks for reading! I know this was a bit of a longer post, but I just wanted to use the new Netflix show to talk about one of my favourite books and one of the weirdest, most underappreciated animals.

[thisgirlnamedblusy]

If you’re comfortable with it could you possibly write something about touch starved Donna starting to become depressed/lonely so Mother Miranda sends villager Reader to keep her company. And they end up on doing like skin to skin contact cuddling for Donna’s comfort? (I know it’s a bit vague but I think what you come up with to fill I the gaps will be perfect!) Basically just a dusting of angst then just a lot of fluff. And if you aren’t comfortable thank you for even considering!!!

Yess!!!! Thank you for your request!!! I hope you like it, and sorry about the language mistakes!!!! :))))

Comforting you

Pairing: Donna Beneviento x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Angst, mental health issues, fluff, Donna being Donna

Word count: 6,813

Summary: Mother Miranda have a difficult task for you...

N/A: Sorry about the language mistakes!!! Requests are open!!! I'm waiting yours!!! I love you all!!! :))

“Have you call me, Mother Miranda?” You said, peeking out of the door of the church, where the priestess was waiting.

It might seem like you were just another villager, that you had nothing special, but in reality you weren't just anyone.

Of all the girls your age who were dedicated to surviving and pleasing the leader of the place, you had been chosen for a different task than farming or raising animals. You were Miranda's assistant. Well, assistant, more or less. She always asked you for help and she entrusted you with small tasks that made you the envy of the village.

The blonde looked up from her desk and smiled kindly at you. You certainly had a hard time understanding why some of your friends feared her. She may have been stern and strict, but you had blind faith in her, even more so after spending entire afternoons with her.

“Sit down, (Y/N),” Miranda whispered, indicating a nearby chair and stopping writing. You bowed elegantly and obeyed, your face shining. “First of all, I have to congratulate you again for your cupcakes.”

You laughed amused, blushing at the compliment.

“You don’t have to, Mother Miranda,” you said with a smile, bowing your head as a sign of respect.

The witch nodded with that fake smile that told you she wanted something from you, as always.

“I have to ask you for a slightly unusual favor, (Y/N), I hope you're willing to do it,” she explained in a tired voice.

You shifted in your chair, and your smile faded. You were no stranger to the experiments she did with some villagers. You didn't want to be one of them.

“Of, of course,” you stammered, your breathing more labored. Seeing your scared face, Miranda stopped for a moment, studying your gestures and getting up from her desk.

“In the village they say that you are kind, gentle,” she whispered, walking around you, as if she were looking for something in you that you didn't know.

“Well, I try to do good things, Mother Miranda,” you said, with a confused tone. She nodded, blinking repeatedly, as if she was surprised or annoyed by your modesty.

“I see. Well, I need that kindness of yours to help one of my children,” she finally said.

“Your children?” You asked, perhaps less respectfully, which made the priestess raise an eyebrow.

Yes, Miranda didn't scare you, but... The Lords were something different.

She nodded, staying leaning on the table, crossing her arms.

“My youngest daughter, Donna, has been having problems lately,” she explained, making you sigh in relief. You didn't want to go to the castle, or the reservoir.

“What kind of problems?” You wanted to know, with curiosity. What could happen to that mysterious woman?

Miranda laughed in a contemptuous way, as if you had said something strange.

“What problems she doesn’t have?” She said amused. “Well, poor Donna has never been right in the head but… In the last month I think it has become more evident. It seems she feels lonely, or depressed, I mean, more than usual.”

You took a breath, sensing what your task was going to be, but not being completely sure.

“Excuse me, Mother Miranda, but what does that have to do with me?” You asked more directly.

Her smile widened.

“Your task will be to spend some time with her. You know, keep her company, lift her spirits,” she finally said, playing with her priestess clothes. “I know it may seem difficult but… Well, I know you. I think you may be the most suitable girl for that job.”

“It is, it is an honor, Mother Miranda.”

At first you didn't really understand why you were the best one for something like that. Yes, you were kind. The smile always adorned your face. You were always trying to help others, but that didn't mean you could do your job properly. The doll maker, Donna Beneviento, had always been a mystery to everyone.

Without being very sure, you accepted, and the next day, you accompanied the priestess through that dark forest, carrying a small suitcase and with your nerves threatening to force you to run away.

“Donna, open the door,” Miranda said, banging her fist on the wood impatiently. Then she looked at you and rolled her eyes. “Do you see what I'm telling you? Oh, this woman...”

Soon, slow footsteps approached your position and the door opened slowly, with an ominous creak.

A mourning figure appeared on the other side, accompanied by that sinister doll that always accompanied the lady in black. Ignoring Miranda, her head turned towards you, you assumed with fear, or curiosity.

“Mother Miranda,” the doll said, with a more formal tone than usual, different from her shrill screams during sermons.

“This is, (Y/N), she's going to spend some time with you,” Miranda said, bluntly. When the lady shifted nervously, shaking her head, the priestess placed a hand in front of her body to indicate that there was no possible discussion. “No complaints, Donna.”

“No, no! I want to be alone!” the doll screamed, with that different tone, but equally upset.

“Yes, yes, and yes. You’re worrying me, dear. I think some company could be great for you,” the priestess said, pushing you into the house in a slightly unpleasant way. “Do us all a favor and behave, mm? And remember, she is not your playmate. I want her alive.”

Those words made your hair stand on end, even more so when you took a look around you, inside that gloomy and dilapidated mansion.

Before you could say anything to protest, the door closed behind you with a loud bang. Miranda was already gone, leaving you alone in the face of danger.

The moment of silence that existed only served to scare you even more. The lady in black was watching you. You could hear her heavy breathing behind that black veil. The doll moved impatiently in her arms, perhaps thinking about what would be the best way to finish you off. You hoped it wouldn't be like that.

“I... Well... I'm, (Y/N),” you said kindly, extending a hand towards the lady, who stepped back, thus showing her rejection.

“Do you think I'm deaf? I already know,” the Angie doll protested. “Listen to me, you pathetic villager, I don't want you to be here, I don't want to see you, I don't even want to know that you exist, is that clear?”

“But, but my job is to help you,” you said confused, wanting to open the door and disappear from that place.

“I don’t need help!” the puppet shrieked, accelerating the breathing of the lady who was holding it even more and making her turn her back on you, quickly disappearing from the hall.

“Okay... We started so well...” You said to yourself, looking at the portrait that hung on the stairs, the portrait of a beautiful woman that immediately caught your attention.

The first hours in that house were strange.

You had nothing to do, the lady had locked herself in her solitude and why deceive you, you were afraid of annoying her, more than she already was. Contemplating that gloomy atmosphere, you decided to start with something simple, removing the enormous layers of dust from the mansion. It wasn't just any mansion, it wasn't just any woman.

The mess that was between those walls confirmed Miranda's suspicions. Lady Beneviento was not having a good time. You doubted, in fact, that there had ever been a good time in her life.

“You!” A shrill voice startled you while you were cleaning one of the windows. The Angie doll entered the room with a comical stride, reaching out to you and tugging at your dress.

“Ah! What?” You said scared, dropping the rag and with your legs shaking from fright.

“You said you were going to help my Donna?” The puppet asked. You nodded confused. “Well, help her, stupid!

“I just...” You murmured, scratching the back of your neck at that inappropriate and out-of-context accusation.

“Donna got nervous, very nervous, she hurt herself again,” Angie said, indicating for you to follow her.

You shook your head, horrified by that statement.

“Has she hurt herself?” You asked, breathing fast, following the puppet towards that old elevator.

“She hit her head, because of you. Stupid!” The doll yelled, walking through the labyrinthine basement until you reached a room similar to a workshop.

“I don't... Oh, Gods...” You sighed when you entered the room, seeing how the lady in black was sitting against a wall, sobbing uncontrollably.

You ran and crouched next to her, who barely paid any attention to you, with your knees resting on her chest. Without invading her personal space, you looked at her carefully, searching for the source of Angie's concern. It didn't take you long to see a small wet spot on the top of her veil. The doll wasn't lying and that made a knot to form in your stomach.

“Hey, hey, Donna... Gods, what have you done?” You asked, with a friendly, informal tone, trying to show off the empathy that characterizes you. “How did you do that?”

There was no response, only an erratic movement from the lady in black, which served to push you by the shoulders, knocking you to the ground.

“Come on, calm down, nothing's wrong... Everything, everything is fine, I'm here to help you. Can you hear me?” You said, fighting against the movements of her arms as you tried to give her some comfort.

Struggling, you achieved your goal, to hug her, to make her feel affection to try to calm her movements, to prevent her from hurting herself again. After a few more sobs, dissolved in tears in your arms, she calmed down.

“That's it... Don't worry... I'm not going to hurt you,” you said, rubbing her arms affectionately, using a tender voice, hiding your own fear. “I’m here for you”

Donna held on to you tighter, almost making you hiss in pain, but feeling like you were over your first crisis.

“See, Donna? I told you, she's not evil,” Angie said, with a cocky tone, making the lady in black look at you again, not wanting to move away, but holding you less tightly.

“Angie, where...” You murmured, ignoring the strange fact that you were talking to a doll. “Do you have a first aid kit?”

“This way, here,” the puppet indicated, while you helped the woman to stand up, something that was easy for you due to the circumstances.

You followed the doll into an adjoining room and sat Donna in a nearby chair, grabbing the small box you had requested.

“Okay, let's heal that for you,” you whispered, bringing your trembling hands to the veil of her face, something she prevented you with a strong grip on your arms, making you wince again in pain. “Donna, come on, let me… I have, I have to heal you.”

The fighting was even worse. Her hands avoided any approach you could make to her face, making you almost desperate.

“Donna, stop it,” you said in a stern tone, keeping her wrists down, but controlling your own breathing. “You are going to stay still, and you are going to let me heal you, or would you prefer that I call Mother Miranda and tell her how badly you are behaving?”

It was an empty threat and you knew it, but you trusted that she didn't.

Sure enough, her attempts to prevent you from revealing her face ceased and her hands fell on her body. You sighed in relief and slowly removed the black cloth from her head, thus discovering that beautiful woman in the portrait, marked for life with a horrible scar on her right eye, one that made you shudder, but that didn’t change your opinion about her at all, her hidden beauty.

She looked at you with hatred, with tears in her eyes and her lips pressed together. No, it was not the time to be surprised, or to make any kind of comment.

“Okay, let's see...” You said cautiously, bringing your hand closer to her forehead, where a small wound made the red color match with her pale skin. You shook your head, searching for a disinfectant in that small box. “It's nothing serious,” you murmured to yourself.

Actually, Miranda wasn't going to do anything to help, that was your job, you had to take care of Donna, if you failed, well, you knew the consequences wouldn't be good to you.

“Mother Miranda says you're feeling sad,” you commented quietly, cleaning the wound with a cotton ball, forgetting about the incident for a moment and focusing on your task. Donna didn't move, she continued without taking her gaze from yours, frowning. “She cares about you, you know?”

Nothing, not even a sign of response.

“There's nothing wrong with having a bad day, we all have them,” you continued talking while you continued healing that wound. “But if that discomfort lasts over time, well, then it’s something bad for you.”

Donna blinked, but she continued to stare at you coldly, hatred shining in her eye.

“Listen, I don't... I don't mean to annoy you. You want to be alone, and I understand it but…” You murmured, putting a small adhesive on the now clean wound. “Hey, maybe some company would feel good to you, don't you think?”

“You don't know me, you're an intruder,” Angie said, making you turn your head towards the puppet, who was swinging her legs on the table. No, it wasn't Angie who had spoken.

“Yes, well, you're right, I don't know you, but I guess that's going to change from now on,” you said with a tender smile, caressing her cheek affectionately.

Maybe it was your imagination, but you thought you saw the brunette nod slowly, resigned.

“Well, it’s done,” you said with a wider smile, making Donna put on a strange face when your hand left her face. “Are you hungry? It's almost time for dinner.”

The lady shook her head, looking away from you.

“Yes, she is hungry,” Angie said, giving away her owner, who made her look furious. You sighed, moved by what you were encountering and nodded.

“Okay, I'll make you something delicious for you, right? You just… Relax,” you murmured, putting a hand on her shoulder and getting up from the chair.

Donna made an effort to reach for the black veil in your hand, but you just dodged it with a quick movement.

“No, Donna. It has blood, let me clean it first, okay? I promise I'll give it back to you as soon as possible.”

Your first day wasn't wonderful, not at all. That first meeting made you consider the idea that you were not safe, that you were not the right person for this. With great difficulty, you managed to get the lady to eat. She was Always with that intense look, always looking at you as if you were a threat, a stranger who disturbed her lonely sadness.

But everything changed when night came and it was time to sleep. Your room was small, but cozy, at least it had windows. Shaking your head, you crawled into bed, asking yourself a million questions about the depressed and disturbed Donna Beneviento.

Before fatigue took hold of you, the sound of the door made you alert, immediately sitting up and trying to distinguish the black shadow that had invaded your room. It didn't take you long to do it.

“Donna?” You asked worried, watching as the doll maker got closer and closer to you. “Is anything wrong?”

Silence was, again, her response.

Breathing heavily, without doing or saying anything to indicate her intentions, Donna got into the sheets next to you, hugging you, putting her arms around your body, laying you down on the bed and resting her head on your chest.

As strange as it seemed to you, you decided that not to talk was the best thing to do, not to say anything. Donna wanted affection, your affection, even if she didn't dare ask for it, even if she didn't say a word. The trembling of her body and her hands clinging to yours said it all.

Confused, but moved, you ran your hand through her hair, caressing her sad figure, making her feel protected, safe in your arms. She shifted, looking for a comfortable sleeping position, one that was in contact with you all the time.

The lavender perfume filled your senses and her warm body soothed your soul. It was a desperate hug, a cry for help, an attempt to make her loneliness disappear. At least it was something, an advance, a gesture of weakness that you didn't think was possible in someone like her. You couldn't do anything but to hug her body, keeping it very close to yours. You fell asleep soon.

It might seem like an isolated event, something that would not happen again. Quite the opposite. It didn't matter how elusive Lady Beneviento was during the day, her hateful glances or her sharp words through her doll. At night, everything changed, she let herself melt into a warm hug, into your arms. During the day, nothing had happened. You woke up with an empty space, with the lack of her heat in your body.

You wanted to ask, to know why, but you didn't.

The house stopped being so sinister thanks to your efforts. A thorough cleaning made that mansion shine again. Donna was still running away from you, but she seemed calmer. It could be because she no longer considered you a threat, or it could be because of your warm late night hugs. You didn't know, and you weren't sure you wanted to know.

One afternoon, with no tasks and Donna working in her workshop, you started baking some cupcakes. Your grandmother said they would cheer up even the saddest person in the world. You hoped that was true.

While you were kneading, humming a song, you felt heels approaching. You looked at your watch with a frown. Normally Donna would be in her workshop until dinner time. That was strange. She seemed like a woman with very exact routines, which had not changed in the couple of weeks you had been there.

“Oh, Donna, do you need something?” You asked with a kind smile. She shook her head, no longer using that horrible veil. Her arm extended toward the counter, where the dough was being worked by your hands. “Oh, that? I'm making some cupcakes.”

She looked at you confused, but not upset, coming closer, with a timid step.

“It's a family recipe. Mother Miranda loves them, I guess you might do it too,” you explained with a low voice, trying not to seem upset. “Well, as long as you don't mind to have an overdose of butter, of course,” you joked, getting something unusual, something you hadn't seen in all that time, a smile.

“Do you also add cinnamon to them?” She asked, making you stop kneading instantly.

You had been in that house for a long time now and you had never, ever heard her real voice, a hoarse and soft voice that made your heart beat faster and  to be completely speechless.

“Well, yes,” you said nervously, scared by that sudden change, and that soft and melodic voice, adorned with a beautiful accent. “And, and a bit of vanilla.”

She smiled again, looking over your shoulder, making your eyes meet in a slightly strange way.

“Has someone ever told you how beautiful you look when you smile?” You asked affectionately, taking advantage of this unusual situation. Donna shook her head again, laughing sheepishly. “You should do it more often.”

“Can I help you?” She asked, ignoring your compliment with her words, but not with her expression, which made her blush when she heard your compliments. You nodded with an even wider smile.

“Of course, besides, a little bird told me that you really like to cook,” you said, moving aside so that she could also work on the counter.

“A little porcelain bird,” she said with a slightly more serious tone, taking some dough in her hands.

“Don't blame Angie, she cares about you,” you said murmuring, working on that dough together. “We all do it.”

“That's not true,” she whispered, looking at you out of the corner of her eye, smearing her hands in flour.

“Of course it's true,” you said, beginning to be cautious with your tone and your words.

“You are here because Miranda forced you to do it. Don't pretend it's for a different reason,” she hissed, stopping kneading to stab you with her gaze.

Yes, Donna was right, but little by little you began to forget about the assignment. You always wanted to help, you were always happy to see a person smile. Donna was no exception.

“I like to see you happy, no matter the reasons,” you said, making your smile fade. She laughed mockingly, shaking her head.

“Why would you like that?”

Unfortunately, you didn't have an answer to that question, but you had something in your mind that woke up at that moment, something strange, an unknown sensation that made you say those words without knowing exactly why you had said them.

“Look at you dress,” you said amused, diverting attention to the white flour stains on her dress and shaking it comically, making her look at you confused, with a half smile. “That's why an apron is usually worn.”

Your hands were stopped by hers, which held them tightly, but gently. You stayed completely still, noticing how your breathing betrayed your nervousness.

“(Y/N), I...” Donna murmured, caressing your hands in a delicate, pleasant way, making the contact with your skin start to almost burn. “I like you being here with me.”

You nodded, with a tender look, also caressing her hands. It would be a strange gesture if it weren't for those nocturnal affections, if it weren't for those hugs, those desperate caresses.

That small change, that small conversation unleashed a new stage in your stay at the estate. There was no longer silence, now there were small voices, small whispers, compliments, smiles... It seemed that the lady in black was feeling much better. She barely let her sadness be seen. You couldn't help but feel proud of yourself, of having managed to rescue a soul plunged into the deepest darkness.

The hugs, the nightly caresses continued. As if in cruel irony, those were the only times when Donna didn't want to talk, when what you said, or what you did didn't matter. She would never speak, she would just snuggle into your body and she would drift off to sleep, just like you.

Little by little you began to really know Lady Beneviento. Donna, yes, just Donna. She was a strange and disturbed woman, but she was also passionate about reading, cooking and art. Her words, the small pieces of information that she gave you, revealed a facet that was not very credible for a Lord like her.

She could be dangerous, yes, she could be sensitive, she could suffer horrible panic attacks, but, still, she had nothing to do with the rest of her siblings. She was kind, she was sweet in her own way, shy, quiet but always ready to give you a smile, to make you not tremble with fear when she was near you.

As the days passed, those tremors came, but not in the way you expected.

“Look, Donna, there are a lot of stars tonight,” you said whispering, while you cradled the woman in your arms like every night. She opened her eye to look at the window and looked at you consciously, something unusual during the night.

Your hand gently caressed her hair while your breaths matched each other.

“When I was a little girl, I dreamed of reaching them,” she murmured, making you look at her confused. It was the first time she spoke during those hugs.

“Really?” You asked, controlling your surprise at hearing her voice while you comforted her with caresses.

Donna nodded, getting more comfortable on your body, letting your hands calm her demons.

“I thought that if I could catch one, I could stop being afraid of the dark, that it would always be there to enlighten me,” she explained, making you smile tenderly at that innocent confession.

“Yes, I also imagined something like that, but I wasn't afraid of the dark,” you said amused, making her move away a bit and look at you curiously.

“What were you afraid of?” She asked with a slightly higher tone, far from those tender whispers.

“Mm, let's see... I was afraid of the castle, to be kidnapped by Moreau, to get lost in the fog, to the Lycans, to that old factory on the outskirts...” You said amused, listing each of your fears.

“You were afraid of me too,” she said, sighing sadly. It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

“No, the truth is that... Well, I didn't know you as well as the others,” you explained honestly.

“Are you afraid of me now?” She asked worried, moving away from your hug with a scared look.

“Of course I’m not, Donna,” you said, cupping her face in your hands and moving her head back to your chest, calming what seemed like an imminent crisis.

“You know what? I think you are my star,” she whispered in an almost inaudible tone, but it didn’t go unnoticed by you, making your grip on her body suffer and making those feelings, that you had been trying to hide for a long time, become stronger.

No, you couldn't have feelings for her, you shouldn't have. She was a Lord, you were Miranda's assistant.

Avoiding saying anything that would betray those feelings, you lay down on the bed, staying next to her, with the hand that was playing with her hair now caressing her face erratically. Her eye remained open, looking at you in the moonlight. She looked at you, you looked at her, searching in your mind for a way to avoid getting a little closer.

Luckily, or unfortunately, she moved first, caressing your face in the same way, bringing her body closer to yours, searching for something in your gaze, something that would tell her that she wasn't doing something wrong.

It was just a moment, a second, an instant. Her lips landed on yours with overwhelming slowness. You didn't stop it, you let her do it. It was a brief, but tender, clumsy kiss.

That sensation made you close your eyes, insist on kissing her lips again, feeling the softness of her skin on yours, that love that you refused to feel so much. Yes, you were attracted to Donna, a lot. What you thought was a hopeless case, a hopelessly mentally ill person, became almost a dream, a fantasy. No, Donna was not like everyone said. She was not like Miranda claimed. Everyone was wrong, no one knew her, only you.

The lack of affection, the loneliness, everything worsened her delicate mind, but it had no effect on her way of being, of behaving when she had someone next to her. Even if they were casual gestures of affection, even if your arms were a refuge for her problems, Donna was not a dangerous crazy person. She was just a lonely woman, sad because she believed that no one could ever love her. Nobody but you.

Love was a word that you thought was exaggerated, but that became the only thing you could think about while her lips kissed you, while her lips returned the gesture, tasting her skin on yours, caressing her body. It was just a kiss, nothing else.

At least that's what you told yourself. No, you couldn't love her, you didn't know how much longer you could be with her. It would only cause you pain, the pain of losing what your heart already believed was its place.

Donna moved away from slowly, gasping for that new and pleasant sensation for her, searching your gaze for some sign of rejection, something that she was not able to find. As a reflex action, the smile occupied her face, that smile that you believed was not comparable to any other. You did the same, wrapping your arms around her, returning to her comfortable position on your chest.

You didn’t say anything else that night. That kiss spoke for you, for a love that would surely be painful and impossible.

But what was not impossible was to continue enjoying those kisses, which replaced the nighttime hugs, more and more frequently, further and further away from the night.

“You see? And now you just have to make sure the seam doesn't tear,” the lady in black explained, as she showed you the curious art of doll making. You listened to her patiently, with curiosity, sitting next to her, where you wanted to be, where you wanted to be forever.

“It seems complicated,” you commented amused, looking at the doll that Donna let you look at, nodding at the perfection of that underrated art.

“No, well, when you make 500 it stops being that way,” she said, amused, with that beautiful smile. “You would like to learn?”

You nodded excitedly.

“Of course, I would love to,” you whispered, letting her hand return to yours to pick up that porcelain object again, taking the opportunity to caress your skin, to send shivers throughout your body, as was customary.

Unfortunately, the wall clock in the workshop distracted you from that moment. It was time to start cooking.

“Well, duty calls me,” you said jokingly, losing contact with her, making her unable to avoid a look of disappointment. “The food will be ready right away.”

“Wait, wait, (Y/N),” Donna said, hurriedly standing up, grabbing your hand to turn you around. You did it with a slightly sad smile. It was not normal to see her in that attitude.

You nodded for her to speak, but instead what she did was to kiss your lips softly, like a small goodbye, breaking out of the nightly routine. The truth was that it was becoming more and more common for you to kiss, but on this occasion, something seemed different.

“(Y/N), I... I'm in love with you,” she confessed on your lips, with her forehead resting on yours and her hands moving a lock of hair away from your face. Her breathing was nervous, but her words were sincere, terribly sincere.

“Donna...” You sighed, moving away.

No, you couldn't confess, you didn't want to, even if your heart screamed. You loved her, you had already admitted it, but what exactly did that mean? At any moment Miranda would call, noticing Donna's great improvement, and you would have to get out of there.

Without having anything to say, but really wanting to do it, your response materialized in the form of a sweet kiss on her lips. She looked at you confused, sad because it wasn't the answer she expected. Your hand went down her cheek, and you decided to run away before your tears gave you away.

“I'll let you know when it's ready, okay?” You said with a broken voice, leaving a stunned and disappointed Donna behind you.

That night, despite your silence, the routine of kisses and hugs returned to your small bed. Donna was distant, but luckily, she had forgotten about that awkward moment, your kisses always made her forget about her problems.

“I want to feel you more, please...” She asked you with a heartbreaking plea, putting her hands to the buttons of her night dress. “I want to feel your skin with mine.”

Knowing that her proposal was innocent, and recognizing what an act of carnal love would mean to your heart, your instincts spoke for themselves, discarding your own nightgown.

The moon once again illuminated your now naked, embraced bodies. There were no caresses, no inappropriate gestures in inappropriate areas. Just a hug, an intense, hot hug, that made you feel closer to her, her closer to you. Her breathing was calm, due to the comfort that your naked embrace brought her. Her gaze was innocent, more than yours that was dedicated to memorizing every corner of her body, of her exposed and pale skin, hungry for the contact, for the affection of your caresses, your kisses...

But that almost erotic moment, but which could only reflect pure love, was the prelude to a nightmare, a nightmare that you already knew was going to happen.

The next day Miranda called, congratulating you on your progress. Apparently, Donna was better than ever, something you already knew, but that you hoped the witch didn't notice at that meeting of Lords.

Your work was done, Miranda needed you. It was the most horrible moment of your life.

“No, you can't,” Donna said grabbing your hands tightly when she heard you say “I have to go.”

“I’m sorry, Donna, I…” You stammered, your voice choked with sobs. “I have, I have to do it…”

“No, you can't leave. You have to stay here with me,” she said, with an even more broken voice, with a look that made your whole body tremble with sadness.

“I can't,” you sighed, letting the tears fall, making Donna let your hands go when you picked up the small suitcase.

“Why?! Why, (Y/N)?! You came into my darkness to illuminate it with your light and now you take it away from me?!” She screamed angrily, grabbing the collar of your dress and roughly pushing you against a wall. You hissed in pain, but not just physical. Your heart hurt, a lot.

“I have no choice, Donna,” you said trembling, a bit afraid. “It's what Miranda has ordered me.”

“Sure it is. Now I understand,” she said with an evil smile, letting you go, luckily. “You did all of this for her, right? You’ve never loved me! Tell me, would you have fucked me if she had asked you to do it?”

She was crazy, out of her mind, and so are you. Your feelings tearing at your soul caused even more crying and anger because of that accusation. She had no way of knowing that you were fake, you had never told her that you loved her, you had avoided it.

Out of confusion and nervousness, your hand traveled to her cheek, slapping her spitefully, causing her to freeze, her hand in the mark left by your blow.

“You don't understand, Donna,” you hissed, regretting your gesture. “Nothing would make me happier than being with you. But I can't, you understand? I can't!”

She shook her head, frowning at your attitude, but tears adding more sadness to her face.

“Please, don't go...” Donna whispered, crying when you picked up the suitcase from the floor again, reaching out her hand towards your wrist, which made you close your eyes and turn around, slowly.

You didn't respond. You simply cupped her face in your hands, bringing it closer to yours, giving her a loving kiss, which contained all your feelings. A salty, humid and warm kiss.

“Donna, I will always remember you, always... You were my star too,” you whispered, painfully turning away from her.

That infernal farewell was interrupted by some impatient knocking on the door.

“Open the door, Donna,” Miranda's unmistakable voice alerted you making you walk away from Donna, releasing her hand as slowly as you could, until the cold of your skin indicated the loss of contact.

The lady in black winced in pain and she fell to the floor, leaning her back against the wall, desperate, crying uncontrollably.

Broken by the scene, you approached to open the priestess, who was knocking on the door with her golden nails, impatient, insensitive as always.

“I called you hours ago, (Y/N), what the hell are you doing?” She asked with contempt, making her way through the hall, where the destroyed figure of the lady in black caught her attention. “What have you done?”

The question was directed at you, but you were speechless, hurt, heartbroken.

“Ti odio...” Donna whispered when the priestess bent down to check her condition.

“What have you just said?” The blonde hissed, her expression hardening.

“Ti odio... Ti odio, ti odio, ti odio, ti odio!” She screamed, pushing the witch in a similar way to what she did with you on the first day.

“What the hell is wrong with you, huh? Have you gone completely crazy?” Miranda asked, shaking her clothes and pulling the arm of the lady in black, lifting her abruptly. “You were supposed to help her, (Y/N)...”

“No, no, let her go, please, Mother Miranda,” you begged, putting your hand on the priestess's arm, making her look at you furiously. “Don't hurt her, please…”

“You have taken her away from me! I don’t want to live anymore!” Donna screeched, making your eyes open quickly, pushing the woman away from Miranda's clutches.

“Can you explain to me what is happening here?” The witch hissed, demanding an answer to that confusion.

You shook your head, hugging Donna with all your might, letting her tears soak your dress and her nails scratch your back.

“I love her...” Donna spoke for you, buried in your shoulder, clinging to the fabric of your dress.

Miranda opened her eyes in surprise and rolled them unpleasantly.

“Oh, Donna, please...” She sighed, putting a hand on her back. “That’s not true and you know it.”

Those words made you grimace in disgust.

“It's true,” Donna said again, with a more heartbreaking tone. At that moment you wanted the intervention of Angie, a witness to your romance, but you had no luck.

“No, it is not, dear,” Miranda repeated, pushing the lady away from you, pretending to comfort her. “That's what you think. You don't really love her, Donna, you've just spent a lot of time alone and...”

“She loves me too!” The doll maker screamed angrily, pushing the blonde away again, who growled in annoyance, looking at you curiously.

“Please, don't be ridiculous,” the priestess murmured, making anger and disappointment to settle in your eyes. “She kept you company because I asked her to, not because she had feelings for you.”

“No, (Y/N) loves me,” the lady in black repeated, stamping her feet on the floor childishly.

“Oh does she? Has she told you?” Miranda asked, with a softer tone. Donna thought for a moment and shook her head, making the priestess laugh contentedly.

“You see, honey?” The witch said smugly, lifting her chin. “Come on, calm down. We all love you, Donna, but not in the way you think, mm? Would you like to have one of Alcina's maids with you? I'm sure she could give you all the love you need...”

That idea disgusted you. It disgusted you that much you couldn't take it anymore.

“Enough! Shut up now!” You squealed, making those gray eyes land on yours. Miranda let the brunette go and walked slowly towards you.

“You're starting to wear out my patience, (Y/N)... Do you know how many girls in the village want to be my assistants? You are not as essential as you think,” she whispered, with a threatening look, but with a sinister joy.

“Well, then, go ahead, call them, keep them all if you want. I'm staying here, with Donna,” you said, crossing your arms, beginning to fear for your life.

“Here? Why would you want to do that?” Miranda asked with her voice becoming more and more somber.

“Because I... I love her,” you said whispering, looking at the lady in black, who gave an enlightened look, relieved by your words, by knowing that your actions were not forced, that those kisses, those caresses, came from your heart.

“Do you?” The priestess mocked. You nodded.

It was a hard, heated argument, but that confession you had wanted to make for a long time was what ended the dispute. Contrary to what you thought, you were able to fulfill your wish, you were able to stay with Donna.

Lady Beneviento's reaction was... As expected, jumping for joy, devouring you with kisses. You were no longer afraid to feel what you felt. You no longer had to hide your love for her. Now you just needed to adapt to that inexperienced love of hers, to her insecurities, to her tender caresses and her beautiful smiles.

From that moment on, you stopped sleeping in that room, to curl up next to her in her bed, with clothes, without clothes, it didn't matter. You also didn't care about the lack of stars, of a light that illuminated her pale skin. You didn't want it. You didn't need to see the stars. Just like you were for her, Donna was your only light.

[escespace]

Merthur prompt

Or rather, a long concept that has been going around in my head since I saw a tiktok but that I don't have the energy or time to write:

BUT LISTEN TO ME, I HAVE NOT FOUND ANYTHING LIKE THAT:

The king who seeks his warlock, the warlock who seeks his king. Two halves trying to become a whole again through two parallel growth journeys and a convergence between duty and hope.

So...

Merlin pretends to be heading for Camelot but he definitely isn't going there. I mean, IT'S THE KINGDOM KNOWN FOR ROAST BUNNY ON FIRE SEASONED WITH SORCERERS (he loved his mother but is that woman out of her mind?!)... However, he understands why she came up with the idea and agrees that his magical outbursts are becoming harder to conceal, so he wants to seek help (other than that of an ex-sorcerer who remains under the command of the chief butcher of his kind). He wants to find druids but he knows it will be a difficult journey, druids never stay in one place long enough and they distrust outsiders. Either way, he's already made up his mind and he never backs down when he does that.

Meanwhile Arthur's taking Morris to Gaius because the idiot moved at the last minute while he was practicing throwing knives.And it's totally his fault and not Arthur's. How dare him doubt the ability of his prince? Ha! As if Arthur could fail.

He knows he's going to be late for the banquet and his father will look at him in that way he does and well, it better not be that late, right? So he takes other routes and somehow ends up near where that magnificent entertainment is staying, that Morgana kept talking about but that he didn't listen to at all...

He hears the commotion in one of the rooms and ends up stopping a crime and finds evidence of a possible assassination attempt on the royal family. More or less, Arthur stops the whole fiasco with Lady Helen before it happens.

While they take her to the dungeons to burn her the next morning, she growls, attacks and curses the Pendragon ancestors... Above all, that night Arthur does not stop listening to her again and again claiming for the life of her son, burned that same morning :

«It wasn't Him, it was my magic, it wasn't Him »

And for the first time in his life Arthur asked himself a question related to magic...

Weeks go by and for Merlin things may not be going the way he thought they would. He has been living on just one meal a day and sometimes manages to pick up work in passing villages in exchange for lodging for a couple of nights; but mostly he tries to stay in the woods. It's not that he know much about living off the wild, but He has been through tough times before, not big deal, and for some reason there's something very comforting about being constantly surrounded by nature too.

Almost any discomfort would be acceptable if it weren't for the freaking unicorn that never stops following him. And aren't they supposed to be a sign of good fortune or something? Then why has it been the cause of all his calamities so far? First the overestimated horse tore one of his shirts while dragging him across the grass, and it's not like he's in a position to lack of anything without having money and with the cold nights he usually faces. Then the animal he fought with him until push him into a river whose watercourse rolled him around like a lady's garment during the wash. The last encounter ended when I lead Merlin towards some bandits Merlin did what he could. He knocked most of them down, causing branches to fall on them and their feet to get caught in roots. But one managed to get close enough to knock him until leaving him confounded, then the others who were not so bruised joined in the beating and Merlin could do nothing.

Intense emotions, deep reflections on his identity and self-worth until he is finally saved by an blonde woman. The lady said at most three words and all the bandits fell asleep.

An exchange of words that I can't come up with but ends with the woman telling him that she didn't do it for free, that he should pay with her neckerchief. Merlin doesn't understand but he's hurt and tired so he no protest

(Pause to say that in defense of the unicorn, he was just looking to steer Merlin in the direction of his destiny coughcoughArthurcoughcough, and Merlin didn't make it easy for him)

Days later the thing with Valiant and nobody suspects anything, nobody is there to save the ass of our favorite brat. But a Old lady follows him around like a duck all morning treating him like a adorable and helpful young man (much as a grandma style) until he bends to accept a ☆favor☆, yes that one... You and I know where she got it, Arthur doesn't and he doesn't know how unique and special that little piece of cloth can be.

No one sees anything strange in this favor because the old woman gave it to him in a very public place and everyone assumes that the prince is just being chivalrous

But the scarf ends up being what protects Arthur from Valiant's shield just because I say so and the magic of fiction stories and Merlin and his neckerchiefs have a special connection so its essence or whatever is still there

The story would extend to the first encounters between Merlin and the druids, Merlin and his father (a meeting before time to give them their due quality time and badass moments). He having the opportunity to forge his own identity and an independent path. On the other hand, Arthur discovering aspects of magic on his own to create his own criteria and value system. HE COULD EVEN BE THE FIRST TO TALK TO THE GREAT DEAGON!!!!

Forget that, Arthur is definitely the first to talk to the great dragon and learn of the prophecy. And listening to how it sounds, without many details and as critical as only Kilgharrah can be, plus the fact that he is only told about a certain Emrys and not about if is a wizard or witch or sorcerer or him or her...he comes to the same conclusion as us: That Emrys is his other half, "SHE" IS HIS SOULMATE... Oh man when they meet...