#jason is a little shit

[nelkcats]

Wrong Date

After years of Val trying to kill him as Phantom, Danny finally got fed up and took Sam's advice, arranged a whole package full of flowers, chocolates, and even stuffed ghosts and apologized for being a jerk, asking if wanted to talk and confessing that he was Phantom, he wasn't being particularly romantic but he supposed all those package would soften the blow.

The problem arose when the mailman took his package and saw "addressed to Red H." Danny's luck was really bad because the poor man got confused and sent the package to Gotham, towards Red Hood's lair.

You can imagine Jason's surprise when he found the whole reveal of a secret identity in a package full of flowers and ghost bears. It didn't come with a photo, but the creator was very obvious, he didn't even need the Batcomputer to search the boy's social media and realize he was cute, but absent-minded or stupid.

In the end, Val meet Danny in a fight to the death, both were tired when the halfa told her the whole story, and although his ex understood the situation, she admitted not having received any packages.

Danny panicked when a week later Red Hood sent him a picture winking at him that said "Wrong receiver Phantom, but if you want to talk I'll take a date."

[betterthanbatman1]

THEYRE SIBLINGS YOUR  HONOR

[1-8oo-wtfbro]

Jason sending Tim pictures of cardinals with the caption “this u” after he becomes red robin. like, every time he sees a cardinal (which is surprisingly often) he takes a pic and sends it to him.

One day Tim gets sick of the spamming so he just sends a video of a trash can exploding and goes “this u”

[nenehyuuchiha]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Batman - All Media Types, Nightwing (Comics) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Dick Grayson & Jason Todd Characters: Dick Grayson, Jason Todd Additional Tags: Canon Compliant, mostly - Freeform, Gotham's Lowkey Bloodfeud with Bludhaven, They're not Happy Nightwing left, Jason's a Craftmom, Jason-typical Death Jokes Summary:

He's not sure where the banners came from. They just slowly started creeping up on various balconies and now... Well, he's not sure what to make of Jason's living room...

[awzominator]

Have a tiky toky of Jason being an annoying lil brother

[adeva-eira]

Happy Halloween from our Angel and our Demon!

Dick: Come on Baby bat...you look great!

Damian: This is humiliating...

Marinette: No it's cute. Come on....for me?

Damian:....TT...fine...

And that's how we got this pic. Legends say Jason, after laughing about Damian for hours and getting chased with a katana by said boy, was never seen again. Bruce put the picture in his Office AND in the batcave.

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

May i ask for a Jason whose love language is touch and a reader who doesnt like to be touched, so he spends time annoying her by constantly touching her.

For Jason's family, it feels almost voyeuristic watching Jason casually touch you. Because The Redhood does not do that.

He never has.

But when he does, it says so much.

I'm sorry.

Be safe.

I'm glad you're alive.

I missed you.

I love you.

He says those things even while slinging casual barbs with a smirk and eyes he thinks look disinterested. But if you know him well, you can see the worry in the tightness at the corners. And in the little frown lines of his forehead. And the downturn of his mouth that doesn't look as sour as it should- despite the hard words.

And at first, when he touches you and you pull away, pushed to your limits by being constantly touched. They assume Jay's feelings are one-sided. Or that yours don't run deep.

Until they see you take a deep breath to bite back before you snap at him. To try and relax so he can keep rubbing your elbow despite the fact that it feels so fucking weird when he does it.

Until they see him smirk sometimes when he just starts stroking your arm.

One by one, hiding smiles, they realize what's happening. Jason Todd knows exactly what he's doing. He's telling you he loves you, sure. But he's also making sure you're annoyed- which is, as everyone knows, his lesser known love language.

[tesalicious2]

I have a scene in my head that i have to put somewhere.

It starts off with Red Robin, Blue Beetle, and Lagaan on a mission in Gotham. (I just like this team of characters and like them together).

I’ll be using names now.

So, in Gotham, they are busting someone for whatever reason. But it ends with them being cut off from their group and beaten.

Jaime and Lagaan are freaking out bc Gotham is a scary place. Tim is thinking how to get in touch with the batcave when he remembers where they are. Only two minutes out of Red Hood’s territory.

Now, since Jason ‘rejoined’ the bat family, still on shaky terms (there is not a lot of trust right now), Jason is more open about what going on. He doesn’t allow them in the area yet.

Tim thanked every god bc Jason was patrolling tonight.

There is a fight (there are several injuries) that somehow ends up with Red Hood saving the three of them and taking them to a safe house to treat them.

All in all, some scenes of this big scary looking dude treating these three teenagers, two of whom are scared as hell. Jason absolutely knows this and takes advantage of it.

Keep in mind, no one else knows what going on.

It’s late and Jason gets them all to sleep. He ends up texting a photo of a sleeping Tim to Dick, saying ‘I didn’t have to give him sleeping pills this time :)’. Dick was not amused.

When they wake up, Jason leaves a note to pick up the place and a fixed communicator.

[scaryscarecrows]

“--telling me that it’s yours,” the little fucker says politely, like he’s working at the call center for Goddamn Gotham Bank rather than robbing his betters. “I keep telling you that I don’t care.”

Li gives him a worried look over his glasses. Li doesn’t know shit.

(And also, Li may have had a teeny tiny point about this new player, but like Hell will Roman admit that.)

“What do you want,” he says tiredly. There’s a rhythmic thwup-thwup-thwup that says something heavy is being tossed up and down. Fools would say it was a baseball. Roman, who knows better, seethes at the idea of this young upstart rummaging through that crate.

“Fifty million dollars,” he says, still in that irritatingly polite tone. That sorry little–

“You trying to budget a movie?!” he hollers down the line. Li sucks his teeth and hisses, “Fifty? Liquid? Is he insane?”

Eh, this is Gotham. Everyone’s a little crazy here.

He flaps a hand at Li to shut him up, counts to five, and grinds out, “I don’t have that kind of cash.”

“Do a wire transfer.” ‘Do a wire transfer’, like it’s just that easy, for the love of– “Whoops, dropped that harder than your delivery doctor.”

Roman’s vision goes red. Counting to ten doesn’t help. On the bright side, he’s so pissed that he flies straight past ‘spitting rage’ and right back around to ‘calm and collected’. He’s been told many times that his ‘calm and collected’ has caused soiled pants.

“What did you say.”

Silence. He’s just feeling smug when the Hood comes back on the line, a little out of breath.

“Sorry, I dropped it and it rolled. Anyways, I said to do a wire transfer. I know you’re old, but that’s not exactly new technology–”

“After that,” he grinds out.

“After…what…oh! When I dropped it. I said I dropped it harder than your delivery doctor. Surely that’s not a too-soon thing, it’s been years. And you didn’t roll, right? Babies usually don’t roll. I’ve never seen that…but I’ve never dropped one, either, so what do I know, I guess…did you roll? Do you know?”

His hand fumbles for his stress ball and squeezes until his fingertips dig into his palm. Let it go, let it go, just don’t engage.

“I can’t do a wire transfer that big,” he snarls, “without the damn police coming down on me like flies on shit, do you understand that? I can get you five million today, cash, and a transfer of ten tomorrow.”

The Hood makes a bored noise.

“I’m sure I can get buyers to meet my price.”

“And I’m sure there’s hippos that can paint houses, but I ain’t seen one.”

Silence. Roman’s breathing is just starting to get under control when, “Raccoons, too.”

No.

No, no, no, no, they are not–

“Fine. Five mil. And Roman…” Gone is the customer service voice. “Don’t try to be cute. You’ll regret it if you do.”

Click.

He has to die. He knows too much, he has no manners, he is a problem and he has to die.

“Mr. Li,” he says, voice shaking with rage, “Get Mr. Freeze and five of my best men. I want this issue dealt with now.”

[comment-exchange]

264. i see red (your blood on my hands, your flowers in my hair) (Percy Jackson)

Title: i see red (your blood on my hands, your flowers in my hair) Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/41631873 Platform: ao3 Creator: trash_for_peter_parker Work Type: fanfiction Fandom: percy jackson Rating: teen and up audiences Pairing: jason/percy Word count: 2053 Warnings: no archive warnings apply Number of comments: 4 Completion Status: complete Short summary/description: percy and jason go to the beach and have some fun.

[phoneduk]

[Jason panic searching his room]

Jason: "WHERE IS IT?!"

Tim : "what is *it*?

Jason: "You would know if saw it! Just help me look!"

Dick: "Hey, let's just calm down. What are we looking for?"

Jason: "I bought home an injured snake yesterday on patrol and I was planning on dropping it off at the vet today."

Dick: "that's not so bad."

Jason: "If Damian finds it we're going to have a pet snake. And you're the only one he would trust to feed it."

[Jason, Dick and Tim frantically searching the manor.]

Meanwhile

[Damian in the cave full Robin costume with snake around his shoulders - Maniacal laughter.]

Bruce suddenly sits straight up in his seat in the watch tower, a full body shiver taking over him.

Bruce: "Somethings wrong"

[deadsetobsessions]

Damian Wayne was like a duckling. A violent, stab-happy, danger-prone duckling, yes, but a duckling all the same. Which means when Danny almost got stabbed by a sleepy, instinct driven Damian, he was able to wave it off with a laugh. Damian, on the other hand, stared in horror at the butter knife firmly lodged in Danny’s arm.

“PENNYWORTH!” Danny jerked back at Damian’s scream. “RICHARD! FATHER!”

God damn, the kid had a pair of lungs on him. Danny’s wince was interpreted as pain to Damian, who gently grabbed his injured arm and started to pull him towards the kitchen’s marble island.

Danny blinked, non plussed as his hearing picked up a thundering of feet as the present family members scrambled towards Damian’s distress call.

“Wait, Damian, I’m fine. It’s-”

“You have been impaled, you imbecile! Had it been any of the other simpletons, they would have-!”

“Ouch.” Danny put his other hand in mock hurt over his slow-beating heart. He literally doesn’t care about the butter knife. He’s just impressed there was enough force in there to impale him. “Are you calling me names now? After- gasp- stabbing me?”

Before Damian could reply, the beginnings of regret, remorse, and guilt on his face, Alfred, Dick, and Bruce burst into the kitchen.

“What happened?!”

“My word, master Danny!”

“What is it?!”

“I’m fine. It’s like a small stab. Not even a big stab. I’m good.”

Dick paled, seeing Danny’s arm clutched in Damian’s hand.

“That’s- that’s a knife. In your arm. How is that ‘fine’?!”

“What happened.” Bruce asked Damian, gently removing Danny’s arm from Damian’s death clutch.

“I- I did not mean to,” Damian starts, guilt coloring his voice.

“He didn’t,” Danny cuts in. “I startled him and got stabbed for being dumb. I won’t fault him for having a defense mechanism like that, ancient knows what I might do if you guys startled me.”

The awkward silence that settled at his words made Danny twitch awkwardly.

“Uh, so, can I add this knife to my collection? Even if I didn’t get mugged?”

“Danny.”

“Bruce.” Danny stared stubbornly back. With his uninsured hand, he patted Damian on the head. He was going to enjoy the fluffiness before Damian’s guilt was no longer enough to hold him back from snapping at Danny’s hand like a grumpy alligator. Bruce loses, obviously. He’s a teenager who was also an ex-vigilante. Batman’s got nothing on a determined halfa.

“Master Danny, I must insist you refrain from getting stabbed. There is only so much gauze and antiseptic cream in the house.” Alfred returned- huh, when did he leave?- with a med kit.

Danny called bullshit because he knows there’s a whole ass medical bay beneath the manor.

“Sorry.”

“No need to apologize.” Alfred said, promptly beginning the extraction of the butter knife.

“Are you okay?” Dick asked, hovering worriedly. “He- are you…?”

Damian was allowing Danny to ruffle his hair, so…

“Yep, I’m good. This isn’t even on my top thirty most painful stabbings,” and it really wasn’t. That honor was given to the GIW and that one time Jazz accidentally stabbed him with her earrings. “That was pretty impressive, actually. It’s like, a butter knife. The other ones had pointy ends.”

“Do not clump me with those pathetic wastes of spaces. I am naturally superior and would… would never harm you on purpose.” Damian said, getting quiet at the end like he was trying to plead to Danny to believe him.

“Of course not. But- if you want help me keep the knife, you can hit me with a mug, it would technically be a mugging.”

The pun got the desired effect. Damian leaned away with a disgruntled look and Dick stopped hovering as close in order to let out a small cackle.

“Done.”

“You should go get changed, kiddo. We’re going to see Tim’s photography at the Gotham Gallery today.”

“Oh, for real?” Danny patted Damian’s fluffy hair one last time, pushing away from the counter. “Oh, I’ll clean up here first and-”

“That will not be necessary,” Alfred scolded, a mop somehow already in his hands. “Please see to it you are prepared for the day.”

“Thanks, Alfred. Can I keep the knife.”

“Very well.”

“Sweet. See you guys later?” Danny pranced off after seeing the nods.

——

“He’s… he got stabbed a lot. Before us, I mean.” Dick tapped a furious rhythm onto the counter. “Not that we’ve stabbed him until now but even once is concerning for a civilian.”

“He was used to it.” Bruce replied.

“Perhaps we should join Todd in his endeavor and ensure that his worthless tormentors are permanently out of the picture.”

“God, he said top thirty. He was counting.”

Damian silently withdrew a kitchen knife.

“No murder with my quality chef’s knives, Master Damian.”

“Tt.”

“Master Jason follows the same rules. Now, out of the kitchen. I may be old, but I remember the last time master Bruce and master Dick stepped foot in here and I will not have a repeat.”

[undertheredhood]

jason 'perfect poker face' todd: and that is the story of how i got myself permenantly banned from three countries in the span of two months!

tim 'know it all' drake: *immediately picking up his stalking hobby because he doesn't know if jason is telling the truth or not*

[spicy-apple-pie]

Jason brings up the fact that he's changed Damian's diapers as often as possible.

[ahfrickenfrick]

jason: ur just a pretender and a fraud

tim: idc that you died kys again

jason: …

jason: this kid’s a riot

[ghost-bxrd]

Prompt:

It’s not that Jason forgot, per se.

But between smuggling a toddler out of the League of Assassins, trekking halfway across the world, and finding a suitable hiding place that’s also child friendly… well, it kind of slipped his mind that he’s supposed to be… dead.

Something that comes back to bite him in the ass when he takes Dami out for some ice cream and just so happens to run into non other than Brucie-fucking-Wayne