#tim: for you or for him?
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Do you think Bruce ever gets mad over the fact that his old cave footage of Dick and Alfred isn't HD quality and is grainy as hell. Cuz I feel like he would go back and watch those just to remember the good ole days. Dick would say something but it would be all muffled because the mic on the camera wasn't as good back then, and Bruce would replay it 20 times to try and make it out.
#tim: what's got you so stressed?#bruce: i'm trying to restore this tape of dick#tim: what for?#bruce: this is dick's version of a baby scrapbook. i need to preserve it.#tim: for you or for him?#bruce: it's not For anybody#tim: which means it's for you. don't worry big guy--i won't say anything to dick about how you love and miss him.#bruce: tim?#tim: yeah?#bruce: go away#Bruce Wayne#Dick Grayson
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Hc all the batkids decide to give Bruce Happy Mothers day as a prank
. Dick comes up with the idea and gets everyone to sign a Happy Mother's Day card that he made
. Jason buys him a watch with a small card saying "Happy Mother's day, loser"
. Cass buys him a mug that says "Best Mother in the world" (Shiva will later find out and fistfight Bruce because of it)
. Tim makes a gadget that Bruce had projected but had no time to actually build, and leaves it on his desk in a small gift box
. Duke has No Idea how other people are going about the prank and decides to buy him flowers
. Damian paints Martha Wayne (Tim helps by finding him several reference pictures)
They all think they're going to make Bruce Very Uncomfortable. Because well, he's not a mother. He's their father. Guys, Bruce starts sobbing by the end of the day. He hugs them and won't let go. Plan sucessfully backfired.
#dick and jason visit the graves of mary grayson and catherine todd#damian and tim send talia and dana flowers#do you guys remember that time Tim said Alfred was like a mother no but do you He buys Alfred a gift too#duke visits his parents#Cass writes Barbara a card and Bruce visits Marthas grave to thank her#shes the one who taugh him after all#tim drake wayne#tim drake#damian wayne#damian al ghul#dick grayson#dick grayson wayne#jason todd#jason todd wayne#cassandra wayne#cassandra cain#duke thomas#bruce wayne#batman family#batfamily#batman comics#batman and robin#robin dc#batfam headcanons#dc comics#batman
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Batsiblings convince Jason to get himself a cooking Tiktok account, and he gives in. To his surprise, he quickly gains millions of followers and a loyal auditory. The only problem? Jason has no idea that these people came here not necessary for recipes.
Jason: Geez, my followers had been pissing me off lately.
Dick, confused: Huh? Why?
Jason: They keep commenting ATE. Like, dude? Fucking where? I am not eating in my cooking videos. What is the fucking point?
Tim, choking: Oh my fucking God-
Jason, making an angry text post for his followers: YOU ALL. STOP COMMENTING "RAW". MY MEAT IS NOT RAW. I AM A PROPER COOK. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???
Cassandra: Maybe it is time to tell him...
Tim, Steph, Duke, in unison: NO
Bruce, awkwardly trying to have a conversation with Jason: Hey, lad, how is your cooking blog is going?
Jason: Uh, people keep commenting cryptid messages. Like, the last time I was showing the right way to tenderise meat for chops because apparently it wasn't clear and someone requested the whole video? Anyway, I did it, and the whole comment section was writing me "in bed, on the floor, on the couch, on a chair, against the wall, against the window, against the door"... Like, why would I do that, not in the kitchen?
Bruce, no less clueless: Maybe it some kind of challenge. Kids love trying new stuff in extreme places nowadays.
Jason: Huh. Maybe. Thanks.
Bruce, just proud to have a proper conversation and somehow a help: Anytime, Jaylad!
Damian, who was unblissfully educated on the slang matter by Tim (because it was his responsibility as a big brother to traumatise him), with his eye twitching: ...None of these words were in Quran
#Damian gets pissed off does a fake acc and starts arguring w Jason's simps#like how DARE YOU to DISRESPECT this POOR lad#Dick stops laughing when he sees Roy in comments under Jason's videos#Dick *sobbing*: that's the worst day of my life. Roy commented SMASH on Jason's video.#Tim: lmaoooooooo#Tim: *pause*#Tim: ...fuck IS THAT KON COMMENTING “UNTIL BATMAN KICKS ME OUT OF TOWN” UNDER HIS VIDEO?#sorry but kon def looks like a type of friend who has crush on tim's big brothers#...you all remember when he flirted with an older woman and when she asked him how old is he even he told her “old enough. bye babe”#like sorry thirsting in public comms? a likely place for him to be#Tim Hates It#jason todd#red hood#batman#dcu#dcu comics#dc universe#batfamily#bruce wayne#batfam#dick grayson#tim drake#cassandra cain#stephanie brown#duke thomas#damian wayne
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Damian giving people the nastiest reads ever for no reason at all, is so fucking funny. He's just that friend that takes it to far...
Bruce: This case at Wayne orphanage–
Damian: You know, it's disconcerting you own a building full of potential back-up Robins
Bruce:...
Stephanie: Union makes strength, Damian, we are better together
Damian: Is that why you and Tim are breaking up?
Tim:...
Bruce: I'd like you to have friends you have more in common with than killing
Damian: We have more in common than that, we all have poor relationships with our fathers too
Dick: I've been doing high-wire acts all my life, I'm the fastest in the air
Damian: You sure you're not scared of heights, Ric?
Dick: That's just mean...
Bruce: You are acting like a 10 year old heartless brat
Damian: And you were easier to look up to when you weren't around
#Like oh my god dude why are you bringing up their trauma and issues out of nowhere?!#He graduated Alfred's school of calling shit out with honors#I love him#damian wayne#dc robin#batman and robin#dick grayson#stephanie brown#tim drake#bruce wayne#dc comics
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The vigilante dating world is, perhaps, a bit too small
#kon and steph are somewhere far far away not looking at each other until kon goes ‘soooo cass huh. you want to exhange any tips’#and then steph tells him to never speak to her again#when the messy family gets even messier hashtag i love family drama#timkon#stephcass#dc#tim drake#cassandra cain#matinart
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Bruce Wayne except he texts like an ominous boomer
wdym you can't tell if he's threatening them?
Based on this post by @mysterycitrus :)
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Bonus:

Happy birthday, Tim 🥰
#duke thought for a minute he was gonna become the protagonist of get out#u can interpret this as bruce suddenly deciding to text like this#or his children just never getting used to it even after 10+ years of knowing him#bruce: i dont understand why my children are so paranoid#clark: last night you texted me ''see you soon...'' and i wasnt sure if you were threatening me or not#social media au#batfam#batfamily#dc comics#bruce wayne#dick grayson#cassandra cain#jason todd#stephanie brown#tim drake#duke thomas#damian wayne#incorrect quotes#tweets#texts#twitter#batdad#batkids#batman#fanatical posting#crack
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conner kent has INCREDIBLE self control, cause if i came back from being dead to find out Tim Drake tried to clone me 99 times because he missed me so much, i’d immediately make him my bride
#and all his parents were dead at that point so no need to ask for their blessings#QUICK MARRY HIM WHILE HIS INSANE FAMILY IS DISTRACTED OR DEAD#like take the win when it’s handed to you#red robin#batman#tim drake#dc#robin#timkon#conner kent#superboy
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Buck: *Speaks* Bobby : 👀😒🤨
#911#911edit#911verse#tvedit#911 abc#mine#evanbuckleyedit#evan buckley#peter krause#tw flashing#911 spoilers#spoilers#they are father and son#bobby's like who raised you#tim bring him back i am no longer asking
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guys TIM is a smooth talker. JASON has his foot in his mouth 24/7. know the difference
#tim drake is pulling left and right#jason just lets the awkwardness flare up until someone kisses him#thank you for reading#freakspeaks#dc#dc comics#tim drake#jason Todd#batfam#robin#red hood#red robin
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Another reason why I’m a firm believer in letting Bruce get old is because the idea of him looking and his dark haired children without his glasses on and genuinely not being able to tell them apart is unparalleled
#i can clearly see him staring at one of the kids and deciding to just play roulette#bruce internally while not wearing glasses: dick?cassie?jay?tim?damian?dick?cassie?jay?tim?damian?dick?cassie?jay?#bruce finally making a choice: tim can you grab that file#jason: i’m disowning myself again#dc comics#batfamily#batfam#batman#nightwing#orphan#black bat#red hood#red robin#robin#bruce wayne#dick grayson#cassandra cain#jason todd#tim drake#damian wayne
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Finally read Robins!
I have a lot of thoughts, but I just want to say this panel is the funniest thing I've ever seen:

#addressing Bruce as Batman is such a tell too#hilarious and fucked up#tim drake#bruce wayne#batfam#i continue to maintain that tim being a champion liar while looking like that has given him such an unfair advantage in life#no one suspects this awkward twink with survival skill-level excellence in lying to parental figures is lying to them#not even bruce#my dude this is why you are no longer the world's greatest detective#anyway#I fuckin' love tim drake#robin#robins (2022)
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Give me Bruce and Jason, who are not on the war path anymore, but they are still awkward and absolutely clueless on how to make things up, so they pretend that they need something from each other in order to spend some time together. Even if these things are absolutely simple, and both of them could handle it themselves, if they wanted to.
Bruce, calling Jason in the random Friday night: So, Alfred left for a week. And I promised kids to do a homemade cake for them. And you know how useless I am in the kitchen. So.
Jason, who knows that Bruce is, in fact, not useless in the kitchen, but low-key misses cooking with him, because the last time they did it, it was Alfred's birthday before his death, and they did the cake together: Theoretically, I agree.
Bruce, sighing in relief: Theoretically, I will need you in Manor tomorrow in the morning. And I theoretically will pay for that.
Jason: Theoretically, see you tomorrow.
Bruce: Theoretically, thank you.
Jason, dealing Bruce in the middle of the night: Old man. Bail me out of the prison. I am in CGDP's building.
Bruce, knowing well that Jason wouldn't be caught in the first place, if he didn't want all of this to happen, and even if he did, he would easily escape without him, getting involved, but also knowing that today is anniversary of the day Bruce adopted Jason, and it is his way to spend time together: ...Okay. May I ask what did you do?
Jason: ...Stole Gordon's tires.
Bruce, stifling his laughter: I see. I will be here in a few minutes.
#Tim: don't you just love when your dad&bro can't communicate so you help your father to break the Batmobile so he could call Jason for help#Dick: yeah also a big fan of that one thing when you literally witness your lil bro feigning an injury to come home for a checkup#Damian: ...we were suppoused to pretend that he is truly injured? i just stabbed him the last time so he could come home#jason todd#red hood#dcu comics#dc universe#dcu#batman#batfamily#bruce wayne#batfam
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I love the idea of all the robins kinda being clones of each other with just a few differences and a concussed Bruce not being able to tell who he’s squinting at so he just says generic statements and avoids saying any names
Bruce (sitting at the breakfast table): so… how’s the weather… dick?
Jason (grinning): you do know I’m gonna hold this against you for like, the next 2 months right
Bruce: (groans into his hands)
Bruce (walking into the living room): hey have you read through the files I gave you yesterday?
Dick: (confused cause he took a day off to surprise Bruce) ?
Bruce: so?
Dick: er… no?
Bruce: Dick?? What are you doing here?
Bruce (walks into the kitchen with a fresh concussion): Jason? I thought you were on a mission with the outlaws?
Tim: (frozen through mid fridge raid, having assumed they were past Bruce calling him Jason since yk. He’s a shit brickhouse now and Tim is, well, obviously not): uh?
Bruce: *turns around and leaves*
Bruce: Oh hey Cass, when did you arrive from Babs’?
Damian: (slowly turns around in the black hoodie he’s wearing) we’re not even the same gender
Bruce: (under his breath) yeah but the same height
#batman#dc comics#dcu#batfam#dc robin#jason todd#batfamily#bruce wayne#dick grayson#nightwing#cassandra cain#batgirl#orphan#red hood#Tim Drake#red Robin#damian wayne#Robin#Bruce Wayne is a good father#but a perpetually confused one#read that tag on a fic once and haven’t forgotten it since#honestly bruce is the embodiment of your mom calling all of your siblings’ names before yours while trying to call for you#the batkids never let him live it down#they actually start calling each other by different names just to confuse him further#he draws the line when he hears dick referring to Jason as Cassandra
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Tucker: We're married.
Danny: What?
Tucker: If anyone asks you and I are married. We've been married for two years. Not platonic roommates. Understand?
Danny: I'm always down for marriage fraud, but can I ask why?
Tucker: *Sigh* We had a big company meeting today with every level employee at the event center the Wayne rent out. Tammy from accounts was assigned to my table-
Danny: Your mortal enemy.
Tucker: Exactly. So she started giving me grief in the middle of our team exercise project. The other four random employees are looking at me all wide eye and I'm getting tired so I say "Is it because I'm gay Tammy?" To shut her up. But at that time, Timothy Drake Wayne was walking behind me and heard me say it. He jumped in to ask what was going on, and I hate Tammy for being so annoying, but I am not about to accuse her of discrimination for no reason. So I said "Oh it was just a joke. Like on the internet." And then when Mr.Drake-Wayne face didn't relax, I blurted out."My husband thinks my jokes are dumb too"
Danny: Tucker....that's not good
Tucker: I know! I started panicking!
Danny: You ramble when you panic.
Tucker: I do, and I did. Before I realized it, I told Mr. Drake-Wayne, this whole made up childhood friends to lover romance between you and I. It was so good he told me to invite you to the office. So we're married. Please go along with it. If I can get Mr. Drake-Wayne's support I can rise in the company so fast.
Danny: Promotions are 50% networking. Alright, sure, what's the worst that can happen?
Five months later
Steph: What's the big emergency?
Tim sobbing:. I'm in love with the husband of one of my employees.
Steph: Tim....that's not good
#dcxdpdabbles#dcxdp crossover#from a fic i never wrote#dead tired#fake marriage#Tim falls for Danny kver the course of knowing him#Tucker brings Danny around to network#Neither Danny or Tucker know about Tim's feelings#he is a really good liar#Tammy you did this
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next thing you're gonna tell me is that the butts match 🙄
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#the batkids collectively: yeah bruce WISHES he were batman lol what a loser#bruce probably isnt on sns often so bro's completely oblivious to his children bullying him online#jason to dick later: ok but bruce had a point. why DIDNT you wanna put pants on the robin uniform#dick: you literally wore that same uniform after me i dont wanna hear it#batfamily#batfam#social media au#batkids#dick grayson#jason todd#cassandra cain#tim drake#stephanie brown#duke thomas#damian wayne#barbara gordon#bruce wayne#batman#dc comics#incorrect quotes#crack#texts#tweets#fanatical posting
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Little star's favorite
It all started when Talia came to Gotham with a gift.
The gift in question was a twelve year old boy.
Bruce stared at the boy who was almost the exact replica of Damian if not for the blue eyes and longer hair. He looked utterly perplexed at the sight of Bruce, tilting his head before frowning at his mother with a visibly displeased look.
"Beloved, may I introduce you to Danyal, our Damian's twin brother. He was... Away... On a mission until recently." Talia hummed, a hand on Danyal's back.
"You... You didn't think to tell me about him when you told me about Damian?" Shutting his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. He looked down at the boy who looked a little more like him than Talia and felt himself softening. "Hello Danyal."
"Hello."
Talia smiled, before her expression fell. "A little warning, beloved. The twins do not get along. Damian is quite the competitive child and Danyal... Well, he's the nicer one if I must say." She shrugged, running her fingers through her son's hair before pressing a kiss to his forehead. "Go on now, Najmi As-Sagheer (my little star)."
"Ummi... Must I join them? I am perfectly fine with remaining in the league." Danyal muttered, eye twitching but his expression was quickly schooled into neutrality.
"Yes, Danyal." She sighed, "I have no intention of letting father keep you."
Bruce raised a brow at her words.
"That is a conversation for another time, habibi." Talia lazily insisted, gently pushing Danyal towards Bruce.
Bruce, for all he's lived, immediately recognized a feral cat in the form a child. Yep. Another Damian. That was seemingly the nicer one.
But he was scruffy little thing who was being called little star by his mother. Bruce blinked, offering his hand to Danyal (like how a person would do by letting a cat sniff his hand to see if they were safe).
Danyal, more twitchy and annoyed than his brother, looked at the hand like it had personally offended him.
And that is how Batman brought home another child while holding him by the scruff.
(Danny hated everyone except for Alfred—both cat and butler)
Danyal was a much quieter person compared to Damian. Unlike his brother who had practically came into their lives guns blazing and declaring that he was the rightful heir to the bat, Danyal mainly ignored them. He would glare, snarl, and scowl, but not in the way Damian did. The kid was obviously threatened by them, but more for his own safety rather than inheritance.
He avoided them like the plague, only welcoming the company of Alfred and occasionally Cass.
He didn't join in on the vigilante business, opting to stay back with Oracle and just quietly direct them on their missions. It was strange in all honesty.
They didn't know much about Danyal, aside from the fact that his mother called him little star for his natural love of space. That he liked to tinker with gadgets and make his own weapons. That he really liked fudge.
Aside from that, the kid was quiet and was usually hiding out in his room.
Tim wasn't particularly thrilled to have another demon brat in the family. He avoided Danyal as much as possible expecting for the boy to be just like his brother and attack him.
But apparently not.
It's one of those unfortunate times that Tim's sleep deprivation and overload on energy drinks gets him benched by Alfred and not Bruce. No one particularly wanted to argue with their beloved butler/grandpa so Tim was stuck in place. It was a much quieter night than usual, almost peaceful (as much as Gotham can get).
Babs was relieved of her duties to have a night off, rest and relax and such, while Tim manned the bat computer in Oracle's place. He almost didn't notice the mop of black hair that suddenly appeared beside him.
Tim didn't want to admit it, but he flinched at Danyal's presence and how he was quietly standing there with a tray of coffee and cookies. Blue eyes blinked at him, silently pushing the tray forward to offer Tim the lone cup (most likely for him) and the plate of cookies.
Suspicious, Tim narrowed his eyes. "Alfred wouldn't make me coffee after benching me for this kind of thing."
Danyal shrugged, "Made it myself. Thought you'd need it since the others will be gone for a while."
"That's poisoned."
"It's not." Danyal frowned, immediately taking the cup and taking a couple sips himself before once again offering it to Tim.
Now, Tim wasn't stupid enough to ignore the possibility of Danyal having some tolerance to poison. But Tim was also tolerant to a lot of poisons so might as well.
When taking one sip, he was already feeling weird. One, there was no poison. Two, it was actually pretty good.
Danyal just sat there and stared at the screen, munching on cookies and pointing at the screen whenever Robin started to stray from the patrol route. Tim had a lot of fun reportingtattling to Bruce about it.
Eventually, it became a routine.
Danyal always sat beside Tim. Quiet and just offering random stuff, either food, some little gadget he made, or just the most bizarre stuff he found while at school.
Tim learned many things about his weird little brother. How cameras go crazy around him. How he had his reasons for not being touched. How Danyal was more silent than Cass. How Danyal vanished and reappeared at times.
(The glowing green eyes were the most concerning.)
He never really took notice of how Danyal started to gravitate to him. Always with him, barely without.
(Tim refused to admit that he was just the same.)
"Can I go on patrol with you?" Danyal asked, tugging at his Red Robin suit with a curious look. "I wanna meet Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn."
And Tim didn't really see much of a problem with that. Danyal was a highly trained assassin that Ra's apparently trusted to go on a solo mission while Damian had to be whisked away from the league. It wasn't too absurd for Tim to just shrug and let his kid brother tag along.
He was also very sure that his baby brother was an eldritch being with how the shadows seemed to rise around him. Yeah, the baby was a cryptid amongst a family of supposed cryptids. Very fitting.
It's a nice night. With Danny running amok with Tim, clearly having fun. But that one looks of sadness didn't escape Tim when Danny paused and looked to the sky with longing.
Tim remembers how Danny rambled about the stars in their shared moments, where it's just them.
Tim remembers how Danny would describe the sky in Nanda Parbar and how he often snuck out just to see it.
Tim remembers how much his little brother likes space and turns to the cloudy sky of Gotham that hides the stars.
Tim remembers how he was often depraved of the brotherly love he wanted. How he didn't get the full experience of having an older brother.
"You okay, little star?"
Danyal snapped his head towards Tim, eyes blown wide and flashing green (he knows that wasn't normal but he ignores that in favor to the way Danyal visibly softens at the nickname).
"'m okay, akhi." Danyal muttered, following after Tim after adjusting his own hood.
And it's like his heart stops.
Yep.
Tim has had Danyal for barely a year and he was willing to throw hands with Ra's, Talia, and Bruce for him.
"C'mon, qalbi(my heart). Batburger's still open."
He barely noticed the shift after that. But others think it's a glaring change that often made them stop and stare.
Danyal went to Tim whenever he needed anything.
If Danyal wasn't in bed, you'd find him snuggled up to Tim.
Danyal hated it when people touched him... Except for Tim.
Danyal liked Tim the most.
The day Dick thought it was a good idea to call Danyal 'Danny' (a nickname that was only used by Tim and Alfred), he almost got stabbed. Well, that's where all the stabbiness went to.
Safe to say, Tim was Danny's favorite.
And Danny was Tim's.
"Drake! What have you done to my brother?!" Damian pointed a katana at Tim, who lazily glanced his way before turning back to Danny who was comfortably snuggled up to him and watching Blue while Tim scrolled on Tiktok.
"I haven't done anything to Danny, demon brat. Now shoo!" Tim's irritation could be heard from a mile away, shamelessly shooing Damian away with a flick of his wrist. Then the next second, he was combing his fingers through Danny's hair and listening to his younger brother make a purring noise.
(Another point of investigation because that is not fucking normal, Tim. Cute though!)
"I refuse to believe that Danyal would prefer you over me!"
"You're just salty that he stabs you like you stab me." Tim waved him off again, watching as Danny yawned and continued to ignore everyone else.
The click of a camera immediately alerts him and he's tugging Danny down before the much younger boy lunges at Dick.
"Woah! What's up with him?" Dick nervously asked, instinctively raising his phone above his head.
"Delete that!" Tim snarled, pulling Danny closer and guiding his brothers face to his shoulder. "You know he hates it when people take pictures without consent!"
(Tim doesn't tell them that something goes every wrong with the footage if Danny was ever in the picture.)
"Dick." Tim warned, effortlessly picking up Danny, because yes, his seemingly cryptid baby brother could become weightless, and snatched Dick's phone. Yep. Instead of Danny, there was a very strange figure, a glitching silhouette of black and green. He deletes it immediately.
Dick was pouring, "I don't have any pics of Danny—"
"Don't call me that, Richard." Danny scowled, clinging to Tim like a koala. He was strangely more child-like than Damian, muttering about annoying people who interrupted bonding time. (Dick was just forced to pout.)
"Danyal." Damian crossed his arms, scowling at Danny who was still comfortably cuddled up to Tim. "It is not appropriate to cling to Drake in such a way! You will embarrass our mother and father if you are seen acting like a petulant child!"
Tim wanted to argue that no, he wouldn't embarrass Talia and Bruce by being a kid, but Danny just grabbed a cookie from nowhere (note to self, add possible teleportation powers to cryptid baby) and shoved it into his mouth.
Danny just yawned, fixing Damian with a lazy glare.
"Tuhali, can you shut up?"
Damian stood stock still, while Jason and Bruce choked on their own spit. Jason slapping a hand over his mouth and Bruce just staring at his twins like the apocalypse was about to return.
"What did you just call me?"
Danny yawne again, "My spleen."
Tim knew what Tuhali meant. Of course he fucking knew Arabic! But to think that his cryptid baby brother was straight up calling Damian his spleen?
The spleen that Tim doesn't have.
The spleen that's important to the immune system but you can survive without it?
Tim grinned, grabbing his cryptid baby and made a run for it.
Yep.
Danny was definitely his favorite.
Credits to: @strangergraphics for the dividers used.
#good mom talia al ghul#dpxdc#dc x dp#danny phantom#Little star's favorite#damian and danny are twins#Danny still died in this au and the lazarus pits brought him back Phantom style#Tim and Danny being good bros to each other#its them against the world#how danny died is up to you guys#damian could have killed him though since they dont like each other in this au#danny fenton#tim drake#red robin#the mission is up to you guys#Tim heard his most cryptid kinda eldritch horror baby brother call him akhi and said “MINE”
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