#unhinged batman

[batfambrainrotbeloved]

I just bought the original boy wonder comic aka Dicks debute and Oh my fucking god i'm cackling

The entire fucking plot is

Dick: "My parents were just murdered but I know whose responsible, Im going to do the good thing and tell the police"!! Batman: "Lets... not do that"? Batman" Im going to hide you in my home for a while" Dick"???" Batman: "Oh dont worry my parents were also murdered, and I want to ERRADICATE the ones responsible" Dick: "Oh in that case count me in"!!!

[TRAINING MONTAGE]

Dick: "What now that i'm trained"? Batman: "Do you have any experience as a... paper boy"? Dick: "Nope! Why"? Batman "I want you to become a gang target." [FIGHTING GANGS EXTORTING MONEY FOR ZUCCO MONTAGE} Zucco + his gang "Lets show Batman whose da boss eh"? Dick with a sling shot: ":DD" Gang member: "Oh-oh shoot"

Batman pulls a man up from certian death: "You wanna confess"? Blade, the goon: "Yes yes please, it was all Zucco" Zucco not about to let that slide,: "Oh you dirty squealer" Zucco throws him off the fucking crane Batman: "ROBIN TAKE THE PICURE"!!! Dick: "I GOT IT :DD"!! Zucco: "THE FUCK"??? Batman: "Haha- with this sent to the govenor, your boss will be the electric chair"!!

Exposition-

Bruce: "So now your parents death is avenged you ready to go back to the circus"?? Dick: "No, Mother and Dad would like if I continued the crime fighting life, and as for me well- I love adventure :DD"

[koraesrambles]

Me: Don't read Gotham War until it's completed, don't start a comic series that isn't already written and done. Don't do it. It's a bad idea.

Tumblr: Hey you wanna see these panels of batman literally kidnapping Red Hood in some kind of absolutely unhinged overprotective rage?

Me: . . . Well shit.

Anyway, the entire world might hate Gotham Wars but my angsty heart is absolutely thrilled so far XD

Also also Bruce saying, "I will NOT lose him." and "I wouldn't LET YOU DIE. . . ever again." Feels so threatening and full of love this man is so broken, I can't even. I've reread those panels alone like, 70 times. I want them imprinted on my brain.

[excarow]

The joke that the bats see their contingency plans as a form of love is super fucking funny, don't get me wrong but honestly they probably do see it as that cause they just forget to say the second part out loud.

"after I've taken you down, obviously I'd find whatever made you like this and then find the cure."

They come from gotham where mind altering substances are basically everywhere. One of the most profound ways a gothamite could say 'i care about you' is admitting to having a plan to disarm/capture you in the case you go off the deep end, so that they could then get you a cure.

Unfortunately for the bats, no one else thinks like that cause what the actual fucks guys

[everwalldigan]

Bruce being a toxic boy mom when it comes to nightwing will never not be funny as fuck he is literally the biggest nightwing defender one bad word against him and the next day he’ll show up at ur house

Bonus:

[spacedace]

You ever think Dick overhears someone say Jason was the most violent Robin and just gets so mad about it?

And it's not even about like, defending Jason's honor or anything. It's purely because he's just so incredibly insulted that people somehow forgot how much of an unhinged ball of rage he was as a child.

Like I'm imagining him storming into the cave and yanking on his now way too small Robin costume and muttering angrily about I'll show you the angriest Robin

Barbara is facepalming about all the nonsense that's about to pop off that inevitably she's gonna have to clean up. Bruce just starts sweating profusely and desperately trying to talk Dick down because he suddenly remembers that time Dick kicked a criminal so hard they ended up in a coma for a week and smiled so brightly while doing it that the other goons there at the time just chose to jump off a three story building into the suspect sludge that filled Gotham harbor rather than face the unhinged ten year old on bright colors and pixie boots.

Duke: But wasn't Dick the nice one?

Tim, who idolized Dick Grayson's Robin like his own chaotic god: Don't ever insult my favorite Robin that way again. Here are my top thirty photos of him reigning deranged chaotic violence upon his enemies. I'd show you more but this album just has the photos from the first month I started following him and Batman around.

Jason: The hundreds of dead assassins and all the shit I've heard about you and Young Justice suddenly make a lot more sense

[timblrdrake]

calling dick grayson a millennial will be my favourite thing forever. i feel like the god of all language, he looks at me like i have his throat in my hands every time he uses slang and whether he uses it correctly decides if i crush his windpipe.

“I just yeeted that,” CRINGE. 100 YEARS OF MILLENNIAL JAIL.

“You um, served..” ACCEPTABLE. one crumb of relevancy.

[yjcorefourenjoyer]

Jason: *sees Tim come into the kitchen with a different coffee cup then he left with*

Jason: “dude, how many do you have?”

Tim: “huh?”

Jason: “coffee cups. every time I see you, you have a different one I’ve seen like 14 just today.”

Tim: “well actually I’ve had 23”

Jason: “why do you have so many!? Are you Losing them!? Do they just break or something!?”

*Tim who has been purposely breaking his favorite cups when he feels angry to show himself that when he’s mad things he love disappears*

“Uh……..”

[rorimoon9597]

Jason lay on the ground with Dick and Tim in a circle, their heads in the center. A bag of Skittles was passed around, and it took a small amount of effort to not choke on the candy.

"What if I started my own drug empire?" Jason asked randomly.

"I'd use the basement in Drake manor for that," Tim replied in equal serious measures.

"Why?" Dick asked, genuinely curious.

"It's dark, and large. No one has a reason to go down there, either. You could make and store a lot of drugs in there. Then I'd hand them out to the socialites of Gotham because hen I can over price the drugs and get more money."

"Would that even work?"

"The rich haven't been subjected to many good dealers. If you can get them the drugs they want, then they won't sell you out, and you can scam them without making it seem like a scam."

"You've thought this out, haven't you?" Dick asked.

"I consistently walk a tightrope of Hero and criminal. I could easily fall into the criminal side of things if I wished."

"You're unhinged," Jason commented off-handedly. He grinned. "I like that."

"Thank you." Dick made a noise of concern. "You literally killed the Joker because he boasted about killing Jason then threatened to kill me, Dick. Don't act like you're normal either."

"He became Robin to get revenge on his parent's murderer," Bruce said as he passed by his three sons.

"And you're a fucking furry," Jason muttered under his breath, just loud enough for his siblings to hear.

They promptly broke into laughter.

[arrowheadedbitch]

Dick: Okay, now we can begin

Damian: Wait, where is father?

Tim: Is he making out with Catwoman again?

Dick: Wh- no-

Jason: I am NOT calling her mom

Dick: Guys-

Tim: You don't even call Bruce dad!

Dick: Guys, let's focus-

Jason: My point still stands.

Damian: IMBECILES! Grayson is trying to speak

Dick: Yes, thank you damian. Bruce isn't here because he has league business

Tim: Oh, so he's fucking wonder woman

Jason: NO!

[rxbin-iii]

[brucewaynehater101]

Mafia AU with the batfamily, but it starts when Jason comes back as the Red Hood.

In this AU, Dick is the first one to find out about Jason being a crime lord. He finds out that his little brother is alive and running a gang and says "fuck it."

Is Dick currently a police officer and vigilante? Yes. Does he also immediately quit his day job to join Red Hood's gang as soon as finds out? Also yes.

Dick has a second chance with his brother. Is this brother a little murderous? Sure. Dick's tried to kill people too, though. Also, Dick is 83% sure Tim's got a kill count. It's fine.

So Jason is confused why Dick is willing to join a gang. The oldest brother says some cringe worthy stuff about family and Jason takes the action as the proof of love and loyalty it is (also, somehow Dick is just as terrifying to their enemies as Red Hood, but Dick doesn't kill them).

Tim, upon seeing Dick join a gang, instantly researches the hell out of this group. He finds out it's Jason, runs the stats for how crime has dropped in Crime Alley, and instantly starts working behind the scenes to create a smoother path for them. Without meaning to, Tim becomes the shadow boss for Jason's gang. The brothers are not aware that the other gangs, mobs, and rogues are wary of whomever it is that's smoothly guiding Red Hood's gang to success.

Red Hood is the face, Nightwing (though maybe a different moniker) is his right-hand man, and there's someone steering them to victory.

The startling efficiency of the gang and quick ascent drives Bruce into a paranoid bender. The man also has no clue where Dick wandered off to and why he's ignorning Bruce. Tim, as Robin, pretends to try to help Batman take down this group. This causes mass amounts of confusion because no one is aware that Tim is helping Hood besides Tim himself.

When Damian first appears in Gotham, he doesn't immediately go to Wayne Manor. He stalks it first. And what does he find? Tim is apparently shadow controlling a major mafia in Gotham.

As some convulted plan to dethrone Tim from Robin (and also because Damian is not aware that shadow controlling a gang is against Bruce's rules [like how he doesn't know murder is a big no no]), Damian decides to infiltrate Jason's gang. At first it's rocky cause Jason doesn't want kids in that line of work, but Damian being Talia's kid (and the chance to provide Damian a better childhood) has Jason and Dick adopting the child. They try to keep the runt out of the work as much as possible.

They all (minus Tim) grow closer until one night Damian overhears Jason lamenting to Dick about how the Joker is still alive. Jason hates that his father never avenged him.

Damian decides to fix that by killing the Joker.

When Dick and Jason confront Damian about this, he reveals Tim is controlling their entire mafia from the shadows.

[lizardpersonyknow]

It's so incredibly funny to me that somehow some people think Tim is a boring straightlace and Jason is deranged and unhinged

Like Jason at his worst is a murderous crime lord who also has a moral conscience, protects children and sex workers, works to make the worst parts of Gotham safer and wants to know that his dad cares

Tim at his worst on the other hand.... Rampant murder with NO morals, becomes Batman and uses the gun that killed Bruce's parents, dictator, takes over like half of America, goes back in time like a couple times to tell his younger self that this is their inevitable end just to fuck with HIMSELF

Jason at his best is the happy robin, loves school, cares for sex workers becomes a crime lord to help make sure the people who are addicted aren't being given toxic shit

Tim at his best is entirely unhinged, stalking Batman and Robin through the streets, blackmailing Batman, all the young justice shenanigans, creating a fake uncle to avoid adoption, beefing with a like 9 year old (deserved imo 9 year olds are MEAN), lies to everyone including batman and take pride in it

Like besties one is exponentially more of a black sheep and it isn't the drug lord, it's the heroic sidekick of batman

Yes Jason is still out on the streets wildin and feral but I don't think people give enough credit to how normal he is for his background

Yes Tim is CEO but he's also been 17 for years and probably has taken cocaine to see what it felt like

[methoughtsphantom]

Danny fake guardian angel au

You know how sometimes it’s highlighted how you have to be very careful on what you say in the presence of a spirit because they can twist your words and end up bidding yourself to it?? well uno-reverse-card the spirit also has to be careful on what he says because when Danny had said he owed the dude one for coming to his rescue in a gala Vlad had dragged him to, he didn’t expect that to be taken literally.

danny: wait seriously?? i literally say that all the time!

cw: not after being crowned ghost king, you haven’t

danny: but—but I was also human when I said it. doesn’t that protect me or smth

cw: *shakes his head*

danny:

danny: omg this is a nightmare

cue timmy’s brucequest period (cuz he’s the guy) being so high strung and tired, he just wants some company, which is a so low stakes thing to want the deal Danny unintentionally goes sure we can do that and pulls him towards the guy, despite Timmy never outright saying he wants company. (tim always speaks in the sanctity of his own mind, not out loud)

So. random spirit manifesting. Tim going all who the fuck are u

and Danny panicking and saying your guardian angel

Tim not being impressed while Danny promptly blushes like a moron because that did not come off as he wanted it to.

Yes accidental dead tired where the dynamic goes from Tim trying to shake this probably demon that somehow latched to him being all like ??? dude leave me alone, and Danny being there like bitch i’m trying

to

huh. im actually being protected by a spirit like he said he would. he’s strangely an idiot but also he’s overpowered and just never leaves my side which he says it’s an angel obligation but I think it’s bullshit but also hoping it’s not because it appeals to my crippling fear of abandonment (anyways he really seems to take after those little cartoon angels that poof into your shoulder to keep from me doing wrong decisions) translate into my future boyfriend seems increasingly appalled to what i am up to

meanwhile danny

Bitch you better thank your god I’m dead because otherwise I would already been killed. I did not sign up for a assassins what the fuck I thought you were a normal civilian not a literal superhero and omg that is a fruitloop. no no back off you wrinkly raisin this is my emotional support idiot you can’t have him and what do you mean you’re messing with time whatever this way I can get back to clockwork—

[onnahu]

Ok, so is it only me who finds Tim's rise to heroing hillarious?

Bc consider: everyone have their traumatic original story, especially in batfam (Cass's whole life, Dami's upbringing, Jay's street life, Dick's parents, Steph's father, Duke's parent. Actually everyone's parents wtv), and then there is Tim. He's rich white boy that canonically was not abused by his parents, only in fanon, that is weirdly obsessed with Dick Grayson. Not even Robin or Nightwing. Dick Grayson and his motherfucking summersault. He didn't plan on becoming Robin, it just happend bc heis sense of duty didn't let him just turn his back on Batman's villain origin storry. And then it was supposed to be Dick back as Robin, but he said 'oh fuck no' and that was it. So Tim was like 'welp, I guess it's only me' and got himself a job without any profit. And then it was just like 'it's actually fun, i'm gonna blow shit up and mess with ppl' and that was it, he was gone for heroism forever.

And then as Robin and later Red Robin he's got a shittone of trauma, but it's after. He literally don't have any deeply rooted motive for becoming a vigilante, just that he was only one that figured out who Batman was and was to nosy to just turn his back on it.

So yeh. Tim is just funny like that.

And it's all actually even funnier when you realise that he's one of the most unhinged one of Batfam. I mean they all are, but he's the one that went on crazy andventure looking for Bruce, got Ra's obsessed with him, destroyed LoA, lost his spleen and tried to clone his dead bf 99 times.

[violent138]

I feel like the Robins probably watched horror movies to really up their game, taking notes on the gestures and body language that would creep you out. "Criminals are a superstitious lot", so yeah the guy in full body armour that could beat you up would suck, but a small child, somewhere in the dark, with an echoing laugh all around you as you fire off a hail of bullets, somehow dodging everything and gleefully messing you up. That's psychological warfare.

[hyperfixatinator]

Here's a fun idea:

The Batfam's body counts get revealed, ranging from 0 to the hundreds.

But there are only question marks next to Tim's.