#*steph

[tmmyhug]

rating batfamily members by what they would do if you gave them a gun

bruce: refuses to use it. takes it apart with a faintly disgusted & offended air. repurposes the pieces. 2/10

dick: doesn’t load it but pretends to threaten goons with it. imagine fighting happy flippy nightwing and suddenly he’s got a gun. excellent shock value. thinks he’s hilarious. 8/10

jason: already has one. already has too many. where does he get them. take them away. -5/10

tim: loads it with tranquilizer darts. shoots bruce. 7/10

cass: leaves it in random places around the cave to startle the others. always gets away with it because everyone blames jason. 7/10

damian: stashes it in his room like a little murder squirrel. has an internal crisis about whether to tell bruce. forgets about it. 4/10

alfred: already has one. give him another. let him dual wield. i trust him. 12/10

[iimpressiveindi]

@biggestplusbaddest 💗

[nightwingsgypsyrep]

*taps microphone* is this thing on? Okay…

🎤 THIS IS A REMINDER THAT ALL OF THE ROBINS ARE SMART, GENIUSES IN FACT. THEY ARE IN A FAMILY OF DETECTIVES. THATS LIKE THEIR WHOLE THING. ALL OF THE ROBINS (AND THE REST OF THE BATFAM TOO) ARE CLEVER, STRATEGIC, AND CAPABLE, NOT JUST TIM. (No hate to my boy Tim, though. I love Tim.) YES, EVEN THAT ONE. Thank you. 🎤

[secretlystephaniebrown]

When I was a kid I thought there were so many more swear words than there are. But in actuality we get like. ten before it just turns into slurs. Deep down, I’m still disappointed.

[n0tsketchyy]

Jason started a side business as Gotham's most feared mediator. His success rate is 100%, mostly because people are too terrified to continue arguing.

Random Gotham Citizen: ranting My neighbor keeps playing music too loud—

Jason: What kind of music?

Citizen: Does it matter?

Jason: If it's good music, I'll ask them to turn it down. If it's bad music, I'll make sure they never play music again.

Citizen: ...it's country pop?

Jason: cracks knuckles Oh, we're gonna have a conversation about their taste AND their volume.

———

Steph: I heard you mediated a custody dispute between two villains over who gets to keep the hyena.

Jason: Harley won. Obviously. But now the hyena is trained to growl every time it hears Pitbull music.

Cass: Scary. But effective.

Jason: Put that on my business card.

———

Bruce: reading an official letter from the GCPD “Red Hood has resolved 34 neighbor disputes, de-escalated 11 road rage incidents, and mediated a PTA meeting that was about to turn into a fistfight over bake sale proceeds.” Jason. What are you doing?

Jason: kicking his boots off They weren’t resolving it themselves. I’m empowering the community.

Dick: By threatening to shove subwoofers up their—

Jason: Allegedly.

Tim: To be fair, noise complaints in Crime Alley are down.

Jason: Thank you, runt. See? Tim gets it. 

Tim: I didn't say it was legal. 

Jason: Details, Timmy. Details.

Damian: Fear is a valid deterrent. I approve. But next time, invite me. I wish to deliver an informed lecture on dubstep.

[matimatti]

The vigilante dating world is, perhaps, a bit too small

[fckbatmanhiskidsareminenow]

multilingual batkids. they learn each others languages so they can mix and match. for example:

tim in french: have you figured out how we’re gonna tell b we’re not going to that gala yet?

damian in arabic: no i thought that was thomas’ job?

duke french: me? no jason said he’d do something

jason in arabic: hey don’t drag me into this!

dick in romani: i’m gonna kill him i really i am

steph in russian: who are we killing?

dick in english: ah! nobody! wait i didn’t know you spoke romani

tim in greek: you’re an asshole

jason in english: wait my greek is rusty say it again slowly

tim in greek: you’re an asshole

jason: …. you motherfucker

cass signing: nice drawing

damian in chinese: thank you

dick yelling at bruce about something he did

jason in spanish: what language is he speaking right now?

tim also in spanish: uh all of them i think

jason: does bruce even know-

tim: no he doesn’t

[pneumaticshift]

Robins with robins with robins or something like that

[ashoss]

batman…..

[plagueislost]

there is a voice inside my head that whispers “wing au” every time i join a new fandom. it is currently winning.

EDIT: made an update to bruce’s design!

[dickgraysonmybeloved]

Bruce, High on pain killers: I hate to tell you this, but one of you is adopted

The Batfam: …

Dick: .. only one?

[disastertwins9000]

bat-shenanigans

they’re the hero’s gothem deserves…?? maybe??

[versasfanficwastedump]

and while i’m on a self indulgent thing? i think that any of the kids calling Bruce “dad” changes his whole demeanor. it helps him know that whatever they’re talking about is serious.

hearing his name shouted across the house does nothing for him. a hundred people say his name all day, including his kids. whatever the situation is can be fixed.

but hearing “Dad!”, cried out in battle or screamed from the other room, has him rushing to their side. what is it love and i’m here you’re alright and shh i’ve got you

“Bruce, I need help” = can’t open this large jar, have a question about math homework, need someone to look at this case file for me

“Dad, I need help” = I am hurt. I am scared. I am in danger. I need you to make things better. I need you to protect me.

[smxlegxrl]

your brain is in your pussy. that's right, brain in pussy. your pussy is your brain. you do all your thinking with your pussy, anyway. your pussy is the smartest part of your body. your pussy knows what you need. you need to listen to your pussy. your pussy tells you what to do, when to rub, who to fuck. your brain is your pussy. you are pussy.

[batfam-stuff-posts-0]

Tim: Want to play a game?

Jason: *war flashbacks to knife monopoly* ...okay...?

Tim: It's called 'Jon or katana'. I give you actual quotes from Damian, and you guess if he was talking to his sword or his boyfriend.

Jason:

Jason: Awesome.