#Batman stuff!

[fatgumsurpremacy-remastered]

im trying to imagine if batman the animated series characters had social media- but specifically pertaining to the question: who would post thirst traps on insta or get caught being horny on main or smthn like that. i could sincerely see bruce wayne having a patrick bateman-like social media presence, but i feel like two face would too? for some reason? i feel like he would love the attention.

Oh Bruce and Harvey definitely have similar posts but Harv has those moments where he’s like - “kicking your grandma down the stairs, whatchu doin?” Posts where he then posts a picture of a box of raisins spilled on the floor. Random shit like that.

I feel like joker would post horny shit about Batman that everyone thinks is a gimmick until he says something majorly eyebrow raising and he has to pull out the, “you thought it was a joke???” He also posts those bad dad jokes and one really poor taste joke that no one actually thinks is funny.

Jervis would have a blog that everyone thinks is a misogynist page until they realize it’s just a kink side page and his main is an account of theatre posts and animals, reposts of like- baking channels and tea pages.

Harley, and Ivy have a couples page and their own page where they post about common signs of health, mental health issues, plant maintenance and where they’re going to see their favourite bands. But Ivy does chaotic story times with a straight face.

Clay face doesn’t have much of a social media prescience but when he does he says weird stuff or posts about the good old days of cinema, and pushes out like- three guys he thinks were stupid hot when they worked in silent films. Constantly has to post about allegations that he’s dating his manager and say they’re not true when they are

Scarface probably has a Facebook page where he posts very obvious mob activity, but people think it’s a joke until they find he’s been arrested.

I struggle with Mr. Freeze, but I imagine he makes really bittersweet posts about the time with Nora, followed by a bunch of reposts of motivational advice and baby care stuff. Then the occasional science video.

Crane makes very controversial science opinions and lives to troll several safety boards. He’s been blocked by half of them and has been warned against on several of their pages. Those that friend him are mailed a crow feather so he knows where they live so he has very few mutuals. Has a tumble account dedicated to pseudoscience and the frequent Elvira rant. Really sweet and offers actual advice to people who reach out in private to ask for help with their psychology work or diagnosis.

I know this is supposed to be a thirst trap thing but I feel like it’s devolved so I’ll just put in these next two

Penguin posts pictures of him and his wife on excellent dates, and is generally perveived well until someone (read: Edward) decides to insult one or call out his blatant abuse of power where he’s then met with several threads of how he’s so awful for abusing an old man… followed by an accidental admission to crime.

Edward mostly fact checks posts, and videos, offers help on game production and offers critique and beta testing. He runs at least two side blogs, one for how to protect your financial assets from big businesses (aided by Harvey) and one on the riddle of the day. When people get mad they harp on him and the then puts their approximate location in their inbox. He’s gone on one rant, ONCE in front of people about how Batman is stupid and got grilled but later was defended and brought back into popular public opinion. People frequently thirst over pictures of him when he was involved in projects or when he was in community theatre but he never indulges them, because he likes to keep them waiting. He’s made a couple of suggestive remarks his very small set of fangirls squeak over but only to stroke his own ego. Very short very blurred images of himself because he doesn’t know how to angle the camera and is almost always walking somewhere in his house to get a snack before walking around and talking with his hands.

His tumblr has multiple image boards of horror movies like reanimator or other science themes even though hes an engineering major. Which he reminds people of when they ask him about movie logic.

@virginstoner666

[thebat-musicman]

9 year old Dick: If you’re a friendless loser and you know it, clap your hands!

Bruce:

Dick: Clap. Your. Hands.

Bruce: *clap clap*

———

12 year old Jason: HEY YOU!

Jason: HEEEEEY YOU!

Jason: HEY! YOU!

Bruce: It’s not polite to not call people by their names, Robin.

Jason: Nice try, Hey You. I know my mentor’s name.

———

13 year old Tim: You see this coffee, Bruce?

Bruce: Thank you for making this for m-

Tim: This is my coffee. You are having water. Only people who don’t break mugger’s fingers get coffee.

———

Clark: Batman, your Robins are so polite. They must have been a joy to raise.

Bruce, through clenched teeth: Such a joy.

[neuro-psyche]

I think Dick and Jason would have multiple “what the actual fuck are you saying right now” with Tim and Damian when it comes to quality of life/monetary differences. Sure, Dick and Jason got used to Bruce’s “is $100 a good enough tip on a $30 bill?” shit, but hearing Tim talking about a new laptop he bought for $5000 literally is like a punch in the gut.

If they ever went on a cruise (which they totally wouldn’t because cruises are floating death traps), Jason and Dick would be in awe of the fancy amenities, where as Damian would be unsatisfied with the quality, since he grew up with every single amenity known to man. Tim would just feel like it’s all normal since the Drake’s were extravagant and travelled all over the planet.

Jason : My bedroom is bigger than my fucking apartment.

Dick : I could do a full gymnastics routine with the space in my room.

Tim :

Dick :

Tim : My room is normal sized…

Jason : You grew up in a mega mansion. I hardly think you’re the benchmark of a normal room-

Damian : I must agree with Drake. This room is frankly underwhelming.

Dick, staring wildly at him : What do you mean underwhelming- Dames there’s an aquarium wall in your room.

Damian : Yes. Underwhelming.

Jason :

Dick :

Jason : Do you want to-

Dick : Jump off the boat? Yes.

[reineydraws]

jason is a grandpa's boy and u cant take this away from me!!! they cook together, they discuss literature together, and when jay comes back, they clean their guns together haha. ofc they celebrate their birthday together too! 😌

✨️🎂 hbd jay & alfie 🎂✨️

[sagaduwyrm]

The reason I love the Red Hood being a crime lord instead of a vigilante is that Crime Alley, functionally, doesn't have the same problems as the rest of Gotham. Their main problem isn't the mad Rogues running around, it's the cycle of poverty, violence, and crime that they're all stuck in. And you know what one of the main ways to combat this is? Community. Organizing. Working together.

Except Crime Alley can't just choose to do that. Who would choose to join such a risky proposition instead of a gang that you know can help protect your family? So the Red Hood comes in and he looks like he's just creating another gang, the same as all the others.

Except he's serious about not selling drugs to kids or people in danger of overdosing. Except he protects the working girls fiercely, even if it loses him money. Except all the money he does make goes straight into the community if it's not making sure his employees are alright.

Working within the system is often a necessary measure to fix the system. Except the system in the case of Crime Alley isn't the government that abandoned them, it's the volatile, terrible gang set up. So Red Hood didn't just work within the system, he took it over and made it work for him instead.

Is this perfect? No. The other bats have valid disagreements with Jason's way of doing things. But he is doing so much good.

[ochibrochi]

🐣 ok we are so back………..

[heylosers06]

Saw this picture of a Puma cub looking at its mother and said “omg it’s so them.” So I decided to draw the cuties

[varpusvaras]

Bruce, for the record, is absolutely stoked when Jason brings Roy around.

Because this now means that he is a grandpa. He is so ready to be a grandpa. Let him be a grandpa. Please please please please-

(finally, he gets to just give things to someone. anything they want. (finally, he gets to give Jason so much money and things and Jason can't say no because they are for Lian too))

The thing is, now he is in a very deep and serious rivalry with Oliver, who will not be replaced as the number one grandpa. Absolutely not. So now they are waging war on each other for Lian's affections.

It's messy and it's bloody.

One day, during a JLA meeting, Green Arrow notices something peeking from underneath Batman's suit. It's colorful, so it stands starkly against the dark suit. It looks very familiar.

Green Arrow looks down on his hands. At the friendship bracelet Lian had made for him. He looks back up at Batman and the very familiar colorful thing he has on him.

"What is that?" He asks.

Batman turns to look at him. He follows Green Arrow's gaze, and looks at the colorful thing on him, and then at the bracelet on Green Arrow's wrist.

"What is that?" Batman asks, nodding at the bracelet.

"I asked you first."

"I asked you second."

Green Arrow glares at Batman.

"It's a friendship bracelet my granddaughter made for me", he says.

Batman glares at Green Arrow.

"And this is a friendship bracelet my granddaughter made for me", he says.

They glare at each other. The meeting room has become several degrees colder. No one dares to utter a word.

Then they both pull out their phones and make a call.

"Jason-"

"Roy-"

Jason and Roy, in their bed, both realising that their dad's are calling them at the same time: fuck whatever it is, we're going back to sleep

[secretidentie]

Honestly it would be hilarious if Clark and Bruce started dating and Clark was unaware that Bruce was batman or knew his identity.

At some point Bruce kisses him as superman after a rescue and Clark is emotionally going through it coz his boyfriend kissed another guy. Even if that guy is technically him he's still mad and jealous of himself somehow coz even superman can't compete with Superman. He's not even sure whether or not to confronted Bruce about his affair since it keeps happening.

While he's trying to figure all this out Batman,of all people, kisses him. And he does it so casually. Sure, Clark had a crush on him for a while but he's over it now and he's in a committed relationship that he thought batman knew about. Now he's extra scared of confronting Bruce because he doesn't want it to look like he's just starting a fight so he can be with batman. And he's still hoping there's a way to work through this and for them to be together. He's being haunted by his moral code to just talk about this and get it over with but he's still afraid of losing Bruce and living in the shadow of the idolized version of himself again.

*Meanwhile in the batcave*

La la la Bruce, twirling around liking a fairy princess living his best life: my boyfriend's the best and every thing is perfect. Maybe world peace is real. Is this what happiness feels like?

The bat kids have tried giving him several rabies shots and an exorcism.

[delicatedarknight]

Tim: so why should we select you?

Guy A: I'm rich and handsome

Dick: Bruce is literally a billionaire. are you saying you are more rich than him?

Jason: and handsome? Don't make me laugh you look worse than our family dog.

Guy A: ex-xcuse me??

Damian: you are excused. Now get out

Tim: and what about you?

Guy b: I can protect him

Damian: protect?? dad??

Dick: [scoffs] It's like saying you can protect Batman.

Guy b: but he ain't Batman though

Jason: bitch he might be

Damian: where did you even find these people Tim?

Jason: seriously? imagine saying u can protect Batman

Dick: nah bruh imagine flexing money and looks on Bruce

Tim: ok guys this is the last candidate for the day

Tim: so what makes you special?

Clark: I can cook for him

Jason:[snorts] What if you can cook for him? How can it help our Bruce?

Clark: I'm sorry I'm not as rich as him but I can cook, clean, and care for him

Dick: have you brought anything to claim your statement.

Clark:[places the pie] I brought this Kansas special apple pie-

Damian:[already on his second slice] ae-ets gsoo ghuuud

Jason, Tim, and Dick fighting for the last piece

Clark: uh..soo

Damian:[clears his throat] You are selected.

Dick: Definitely

Jason: prepare your vows

Tim: btw who recommended you? Because you have a really ordinary background

Clark: oh it was Bruce

[collective HUH from batkids]

Clark: [snickering] It was to get approved by you guys

[collective even louder HA]

Clark: [laughing] That's because we are already dating

[collectively yelling WHAT]

Clark: [changing into Superman] hate to leave like this on our first meet but Metropolis needs me

[collective screaming]

[ashoss]

pierced jason: a saga

text under cut bc i feel like my handwriting is messy lol

in the batcave medbay

stephanie: i've only pierced ears before so you can't blame me if i fuck up, jason.

jason: its fine - can't be worse than an exploding building

bruce: jason, remember to take your piercings out before you go on patrol.

jason: fuck you, b! i have a helmet for a reason

bruce: what did i tell you jason?

jason: yeah, yeah. whatever.

arrow pointing to bruce: had the same thing happen to him when he was younger

arrows pointing to jason: had an earring ripped out. angry his dad was right

[arrowheadedbitch]

Steph: Who was the best kid? Like, when you got them, who was best at, uh, being a..good kid?

Bruce, immediately: Jason.

Tim, traumatized: Let's not do this right now.

[vinnie-cha]

duality of man

—

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[the-b1ah]

Part 6 of You can’t bench me!

I loved every second animating that hug and I’m very proud of how it turned out! Hope all y’all feel the same!! I’ve watched it like a thousand times now so cute!

I’m also free from school! And have most of this comic finished now!

Context:

The batfam are trying to pick their jaws off the floor. What do you mean no screaming match, no “your not my real father”, no “your benched until your 30”??? How did this end with permission to patrol? And a HUG?? And a “thanks dad”??????? That doesn’t happen, someone an imposter or mind controlled because there is no way.

Apparently (ha! A-parent-ly) there is a way when both parties have a crumb of emotional intelligence and go to therapy. Absolutely shocking. To be fair Red Hood wasn’t expecting the hug either (but he is starting to get used to them).

———————————————————

Phantom&Red Hood hugging:

💖 💖 💖

Their helmets:

*clunk*

———————————————————

Red Hood: what.

RR: you can parent?????

Red Hood: --

Batman *grabbing RH shoulders desperately *: how.

Red Hood: … you have no idea how many parenting books I’ve read

———————————————————

Jason *later*: if he tries to hug you and you reject him imma make Ethiopia look like an all expenses paid spa vacation. *Cocks gun*

Batfam *in tears*: he’s going to hug us too??? :D

———————————————————

Masterlist! | Origin | part 5 | Ice cream | intermission | part 7

[t00thpasteface]

tone deaf

[allthegothihopgirls]

when the batboys get broken bones or other things that can't be fixed in the batcave, and have to go to an actual hospital, they make up the most outlandish sounding excuses for their injuries:

dick (with a broken leg): "well you see, i was actually trying to jump over a river on a pair of rollerskates"

jason (with broken ribs): "i was volunteering at the zoo... feeding the alligators. i fell backwards with the meat in my hands, and one pounced on me. funny how much damage they can do."

tim (with the worst concussion man has ever seen): "oh that? i was walking outside.. and my brothers were playing basketball on the top floor of the house, and one of them accidentally threw the ball out the window, and it landed on my head"

(bruce hears that one and has to reconsider whether or not the version of the story tim told him (getting hit by condiment king's mustard launcher) was the truth or not)

damian (with fingers twisted in every direction): "i play the piano... very violently"