#Chaotic Dick Grayson

[random-sparks-98]

Divorced. Beheaded. Died. Divorced. Beheaded. Survived. Tonight, Gotham, We Are LIVE! (3905 words) by Sparky441 Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Batman - All Media Types Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Dick Grayson, Barbara Gordon, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown, Cassandra Cain, Duke Thomas, Damian Wayne, Harleen Quinzel, Pamela Isley, Edward Nygma, Jonathan Crane, Oswald Cobblepot, Harvey Dent, Selina Kyle, Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth Additional Tags: Chaotic Batfamily (DCU), Tired Parent Bruce Wayne, Crazy Gotham City, Inspired by Six the musical, Crack Treated Seriously, Life in Gotham City (DCU), Gotham City Rogues, It's Halloween Folks, Dick and Harley are on the same wavelength, Chaotic Harleen Quinzel, Chaotic Dick Grayson, Jason Todd Being a Little Shit, bat kids being little shits, Dick Grayson Being a Little Shit, Stephanie Brown Being a Little Shit, Tim Drake Being a Little Shit, Duke Thomas is a Batfamily Member, Duke Thomas Being a Little Shit, Damian Wayne is a Little Shit, Cassandra Cain Being a Little Shit, BAMF Barbara Gordon, chaotic selina kyle, I'd love to say, no beta we die like robins, but there was actually some beta so-, some beta we come back like robins

Summary: Dick bursts into the room. “I’ve just had the Greatest Idea for a group costume this year!!!”

Jason glances over from where he’s holding Damian’s katana out of reach. “Will it fuck with Bruce?”

Dick grins widely. “Of course!”

The assembled bat kids all share a maniacal grin. ”Say no more. We’re in.”

–🦇–

Meanwhile, across Gotham:

Harley bursts into the room. “I’ve just had the Greatest Idea for a group costume this year!!!”

Ivy looks up from the plant she was tending to. “Will it fuck with the bat?”

Harley grins widely. “Of course!”

The assembled rouges all share a maniacal grin. “Say no more. We’re in.”

–🦇–

Meanwhile, in the Batcave:

Bruce shudders as a sudden chill runs down his spine. He brushes it off and turns back to the case file he’s working on. It must be the normal coldness of the cave.

Surely not something else.

Summary:

Dick bursts into the room.

“I’ve just had the Greatest Idea for a group costume this year!!!”

Jason glances over from where he’s holding Damian’s katana out of reach. “Will it fuck with Bruce?”

Dick grins widely. “Of course!”

The assembled bat kids all share a maniacal grin. ”Say no more. We’re in.”

–🦇–

Meanwhile, across Gotham:

Harley bursts into the room.

“I’ve just had the Greatest Idea for a group costume this year!!!”

Ivy looks up from the plant she was tending to. “Will it fuck with the bat?”

Harley grins widely. “Of course!”

The assembled rouges all share a maniacal grin. “Say no more. We’re in.”

–🦇–

Meanwhile, in the Batcave.

Bruce shudders as a sudden chill runs down his spine. He brushes it off and turns back to the case file he’s working on. It must be the normal coldness of the cave. 

Surely not something else.

[arrowheadedbitch]

Dick: Let's play two truths and a lie!

Tim: Okay, I have a higher kill count than Damian and Jason combined, I'm pansexual, and I'm toying with the idea of becoming a supervillain when Bruce dies for real.

Dick:

Dick: I don't like this game anymore

[sodamnbored]

Damian, entering the living room: Oh, Drake. I didn’t realise you were here too.

Tim, distracted on his phone on the couch: Yeah, best WiFi around. Keeping busy?

Damian, looking in cupboards and chandeliers for acrobatic older brothers: Looking for Dick.

Tim absently, not looking up from Grindr: Mm, me too.

[thief-of-eggs]

Damian: *storming into the den* Faaaather, Drake called me a rude word-

Tim: For the hundredth time, I said you were acting like Dick, not acting like a dick!

Jason: *not even glancing up from his book* That’s debatably worse

Dick: *exaggeratedly wounded gasp*

Damian: *pulling a knife* You take that back Todd-

Bruce: *as chaos ensues* …I’m out

[kartsie]

Sometimes everyone dusts off or throws together their Robin costume for a hijinks filled patrol

((Yes I’m behind but it’s been a rough week))

[devotedtomyfandoms]

Every time I think about how public the Waynes are. I get the urge to make a Tabloid front-page.

Today. I gave into those urges. So, here it is!

[bruciemilf]

bruce's publicist just gets so fed up with him that the next time he causes a scandal and he's just like "my bad sorry" they just go "kys"

I imagine Bruce’s publicist as this tiny old lady who reeks of cigarettes, laughs like a fire alarm, and can bury you 10 feet under with a single look. She’s been managing the Waynes before Bruce got his first diaper. She has this shit handled. But GOOD LORD.

Bruce’s primary excuse is “ok but my dad did worse tho” (which is very true. Thomas gave her so many gray hairs she could audition for Santa Claus)

and her go to response is, “follow his exemple. In the grave”. Still. She loves the kid. Wished he didn’t get into tussles with every single socialite who’s being a cunt to his children, but, she loves him.

The real PR nightmare of the family?

Dick “No, I WILL swing on the chandelier and smoke weed in the White House” Grayson

[snakeredbirdbatkatana]

Tim Drake is usually called the smart Robin which I like don't get me wrong but all of the bats are smart and I do love my Tim but my Tim is just a bit different.

I want Tim drake half out of his mind fucking with Lex Luthor while he chugs 6 monsters. I want baby stalker who was heavy breathing putting together a red string murder board at 3:00 am with very sketchy stalker pictures of the Wayne's.

I want titans tower where Tim knew it was Jason and is about to home alone that shit. While also internally fanboying and giving Jason tips on how to murder the joker.

Tim Drake who doesn't get disturbed by Ra on Tuesday cause he knows Tim has plans with young Justice and Tim will destroy all of his bases again if he is bothered.

Tim who thought Damian was adorable and everytime he makes an attempt on his life gets a new paint set because that is the Drake way and no little brother of his isn't gonna understand premeditated murder.

TIM Drake who owns up to the clones and the boy who Kon knows is a little murdery gremlin and loves that about his boyfriend.

My Tim drake need to be balls to the wall fucking insane or I don't want that shit.

[sepia-stained-sunset]

Bruce, in denial: I'm so proud of you, my three most well behaved children

Dick, Duke and Tim, busy tying an anchor to Joker to dump him into Gotham Bay: Mmhmm

[p1nkshield]

More of what happened to one Richard Grayson after teaching his siblings the art of weaponized cuteness.

Tim: Hey Dick? Bruce locked me out of the computer again what’s the password?

Dick: I’m sorry Timbers I can’t tell you.

Tim: *inexplicably resembles a sad sickly victorian boy despite being able to take down multiple criminals at once* okay…

Dick: -_-… the password is souperMaN123

Tim: Thank you!

Damian: Grayson! I am in need of the Batmobile.

Dick: No driving! You are a baby.

Damian: Richard.. may I please drive the Batmobile?

Dick: *handing over keys* what have I done?

Jason: Hey, can I-

Dick: No! You cannot make a flamethrower machine gun!

Jason: Spoil sport! What kind of big brother are you?

Dick:

Dick sits despondent as Damian drives a lap around the bat cave, Tim hacks into lex’s database and Jason’s sixth prototype explodes.

Dick: this may have been a mistake.

[hanihazeljade]

Disgustingly Green

Tim got de-aged at the age of 8. The age where he is the exact carbon copy of his parents ruthlessness. Can Batman, Nightwing and Robin can handle him?

(CW: verbal abuse, wrong parenting)

Part 2: Skill Issue

Part 3: Forced Playdate

Timothy doesn't know where he is. He knows that he fall asleep on his bed and not on some clinics. He slowly rise up to look around his surroundings.

His vision is still hazy and he rubbed his eyes with his fist as he yawns. He heard someone cooed before him. It is a grown up man that he doesn't know.

With that in his mind, he shook away all of his sleepiness. Was he kidnapped? Again? Oh no, his parents wouldn't like it.

"Hi Little Timmy, how you feeling?" The man asked him but he just looked at the man. He has blue eyes and black hair and also really really handsome. Maybe he wasn't kidnap?

"I am fine, thank you for asking." he politely replied, on reflex.

"Do you know who I am?" the man smiled at him and he just shook his head. "I'm Dick, your brother." the man, Dick, introduced himself. His face must be formed some confusion when the man chuckled, "My parents doesn't know that there is a double meaning with that, if that really bothers you, you can call me Richard."

"How about we go up? the man—Richard, said. He nodded, he doesn't always like hospital beds.

He was about to jumped out of the bed when Richard just grabbed him and carry him. He let it be, after all he likes it, noone touched him for weeks now and he missed having skin contact.

Going up the stairs and coming out of a grandfather's clock, weird, he look out of the window and he knows where he is. There is only one place like this that he could possibly be. He is still in Gotham, in Bristol still but he doesn't know which house.

The man— Richard— carry him till they end up in a long table, probably the dining room. In there, they're some people seating and he knows the man who is seating on the head seat, it's Bruce Wayne. He knows his face because his mother always pointed out his stupid behaviour but good thing is that he has some good looks.

"Is that Tim?" Bruce Wayne knows his name, holy cupcakes.

"Yep. As cute and light as ever." Richard said as he keep on cooing to him and Timothy doesn't appreciate that.

Richard put him down in a chair and a butler comes and bring him some cookies. "He wants to eat because it seems like he didn't eat for so long. "Go on, dig in Master Tim."

"Is there walnuts here?" he asked and the butler agreed.

"Yes there is a walnuts in there."

Tim pouted, he is allergic to walnuts. "I am sorry, Mister Butler, but I am allergic to walnuts."

The butler seems shocked at his claimed but quickly dissolved his shocked and gave him a chocolate chip cookie. "I hope this one is not something you are allergic with."

"Thank you, Mister Butler." he said as he take a bite. The cookie is delicious.

After the snack, Richard bring him to the room that he apparently has been using here. But he doesn't remember that. But hey, his parents won't be back till Thanksgiving and they have cookies here, he will escaped the week before Thanksgiving.

++++++++

Tim was watching a documentary about the alps and different flora that has been keeping up with the extreme weather of it, when a kid, definitely more older than he is starts bothering him.

"Tt. Of course Drake will be incompetent enough to be a hindrance in his night life." the kid said, behind him is Richard and Mister Wayne.

Timothy Jackson Drake knows that is a jab to him, and all he could remember is that his father kept on saying, "If they hit you as Drake, you hit them back twice." and her mother added, "Not physically, Timothy but rather used highly intelligent words that may hurt them. Unless they do it first." and those words were imprinted on him.

Timothy paused the documentary, and then walked closer to the boy that was insulting him, and when they are foot apart he stopped.

"Mister, you have such a vibrant green eyes." he said, "But my mother said to me that green is the colour of disgust, that's why she gave birth to a blue eyed kid. Is your mother disgusted of you?" he asked. The room was silent, no one decided to say anything after that, the kid who insulted him has a hurt in his face, but Timothy is not done yet.

"But green is also a colour of evil in Disney, like when Ursula is trying to steal Ariel's voice or when Scar pushed Mufasa in the cliff and also the green poison apple in Snow White, so is that why your Mother left you because you are evil and disgusting like them, or you are evil and mean like them because you are disgusting and left by your Mother?" he said. He strike back twice and that is his goal. His mother would be so proud.

"Tim!" a voice behind him yelled, it was Mister Wayne.

"Yes, Mister Wayne?" he smiled at the man.

"We don't insult people here, okay? Apologise to Damian, now." Mister Wayne demanded, making Tim to frowned. He is not in the wrong though?

"I am not insulting anyone, Mister Wayne. I am merely saying my observations of him." he said while looking at the adult that is so much larger than him, but Mister Wayne is a dumb man, he always broke his bones and spills wine to other people so maybe he wouldn't get it.

"However, if it really bothers you..." Tim said and he looked at Damian, "I am sorry that your mother hates you because you are disgusting and mean and evil." he added as he looked back to the stunned Bruce Wayne.

"If you excuse me, I am exhausted to talk to anyone here. You should know better Mister Wayne, you are an adult." he said and then he walked towards to his room, leaving the three stunned. Well at least he made his point.

[arrowheadedbitch]

Joker: Just one bad day.

Tim: That's ridiculous

Joker: That's all it tak-

Tim: A whole day???

Joker: What?

Dick: what?

...

...

..

Joker: The day thing is supposed to be really short, like its- its supposed to surprise you, your supposed to say Just One Day!!?? 'o' surely not!

Jason: Wha, how did you say that?

Tim: Dude, I'd only need like 5 minutes

Dick: FIVE??

Joker: W- I-

Tim: They don't even have to be bad

Joker: I dont-

Tim: Like, 5 really annoying minutes

Dick: Tim-

Tim: I'd kill all of you.

[wondersinwaynemanor]

ONE of the rare times Bruce has used the distress signal was

First: when Jason finally came home and Bruce didn't know how to face his son because he sucks at expressing his feelings.

Second: when his four sons got de aged because of magic. Zatanna and Constantine were in some other dimension and he didn't know who to contact.

You're asking where the signal leads to? To Alfred ofc.

Bruce - I'm positive I'm not gonna use the signal from now on, Alfred. I got this.

Alfred - It's not bad to ask for help, Master Bruce.

SO when four of his sons show up to his study, Bruce is getting quite nervous because they don't usually show up together unless it was very, very serious. His finger is already close to his watch where the signal is.

Bruce - Boys, something wrong?

Dick is smiling apologetically, scratching the back of his head.

Jason - Get ready, B, it's gonna be intense.

Tim - Sorry, Bruce, there was nothing we can do.

Bruce - Just tell me. *finger so close to the signal*

Damian - She's pregnant, Father.

Bruce - ((getting a heart attack???)) WHO GOT PREGNANT? *walks to the boys* Boys, I swear to God, how many times have I told you about that, *covers Damian's ears* you should learn to use protection!!!

Jason - I mean.. Damian exists and you didn't use one, Bruce. >:D

Dick - At least we got a baby brother! :3

Tim rolls his eyes and thinks of getting another round of coffee for the night. zzzz

Damian - Father, relax, it's the stray rabbit you brought home from the Justice League mission. She's pregnant. Jon was the one who knew.

Bruce - What? *stares at the three other boys* Why did you make it sound like it's a big deal?

Damian - It's a big deal, Father, because there's going to be a baby rabbit and I'm not sure how I can raise such innocence.

Tim - It was Jason's idea to rattle you.

Jason - Just some teasing, B. >:D

Dick - Just to prepare you for the future. O:)

Bruce - ((his heart must have stopped at this point???)) Christ Almighty-

Once the boys leave the room, Bruce uses the distress signal and Alfred brings him a cup of tea.

Alfred - Not bad to ask for help, Sir.

Bruce - *sighs*

[thief-of-eggs]

You know that younger sibling / older siblings thing where the older ones simply refuse to acknowledge that the younger one is aging up?

So that- but with Damian and his whole family.

Boy could turn 15 and Jason’s still like “Oh, my baby brother Damian? Yeah he’s 11.”

He could go out and legally get his license at 16, and on instinct, Tim still never lets him drive. “wait until you’re 16-“ “I AM SIXTEEN”

He turns 18 and Dick is scandalized when he suggests that they watch an R rated movie. Who cares about all the blood and gore he’s already witnessed- “Damian you’re too young for R rated movies!!”

He finally turns 21 and Bruce still makes sure to tell the servers at the galas to not serve any drinks to Damian because “he’s too young.” Meanwhile Damian is just seething in the background, clenching his glass of apple juice so hard that it shatters.

[galacticrainbowsaz]

Tim, running on 34 hours of no sleep: Do you think it's called a dick because someone was really angry at a guy nicknamed Dick and got his words mixed up?

Dick, horrified: Tim nO. That's not-

Jason, running on 2 weeks no sleep: Close, but no

Tim and Dick: *confused glance*

Jason: It was actually a guy called Richard who wanted to show off to a girl

Dick: Jay...

Jason, in a dramatic voice: He doth declared "I am your Dick, and this is mine!"

Dick: Jay, stop

Jason: Then another Richard heard the tale and did the same thing to his wife. And then another, until it spread like wildfire.

Dick: JASON!

Jason: We call this "The Crowning of the Dick" *pointed smirk to Dick*

Tim: *wheezing* Is that... Pfff, is that what you say to Babs?

*5 minutes later, Bruce is in the bath with his Batman™ Rubber Ducky when he hears muffled screaming, laughing and cursing in the distance. He chooses to ignore it*

[trashmakerarticle]

Things that Tim Drake has definitely said

—

Tim: god let me live to see another day, but that will be a choice he will soon regret

—

Tim: okay but what about the canons I had planned?

—

Tim: okay why am in trouble? Because im up at 8AM? Really? Why is that so weird? No I didn’t sleep why would I do that ??

—

Tim: I think I deserve a medal for being this awesome

—

Tim: me? Dying? That’s just cringe, you won’t see me lacking

—

Tim: when was the last time I slept? When was the last you said ‘I love you’ to your kids? Mm?